Original subtitles

Skadoosh.

Oh, Lady Veruca.

Your Majesty. You grace me at quite the late hour.

Yes, um, you see,

I enjoyed a generous helping of royal cheese at supper.

And it seems I'm in need of a royal flush, if you will.

Oh. Right away, ma'am.

A bit of mugwort. A pinch of bladderwrack.

Thank you, ladies.

Whilst I have you,

I was thinking of appointing Sir Alfred as my new Master of War.

Hm. Interesting.

Do you not think it wise?

As your loyal advisor...

I only ever want what's best for you, my Queen.

Come on, you little blighter.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

No map, no leads.

I'm bleeding out and you're lagging behind!

Prison made you useless.

Keep moving. Or do I need to carry you...

Useless, eh?

Stealth.

Camouflage.

Sneak attack!

A good strategy for a sneak attack is to not yell "sneak attack."

Yeah, no, totally. I know. Just, like, practicing.

Sneak attack.

When we use that thumb,

Klaus and Veruca will be pulled right to us.

Oh, I got a plan.

And its name is Operation Ursa Major.

The gauntlet would mash you before you even got to the Ursa part.

We need to take that gauntlet out of the equation.

And we need a lot more than a belly bump.

Hey, you okay? You hungry?

I always get that faraway look when I'm looking for food.

Far away.

I just...

I've never been this close to capturing Klaus and Veruca before.

We have to get this absolutely right.

Do you understand?

I do. I won't let you down, Blade.

Then, Page,

it's time you have your next lesson in knighthood.

Oh, is it weird to bow? That's more of a kung fu thing.

What's the knight thing? Curtsy?

No, it's gotta be something tough.

Plan B is still Operation Ursa Major.

Klaus! Klaus.

Wake up! Wake up.

- Klaus! You hit your head again. Wake up! - What are you... Ow!

What's the matter with you?

You were once the Queen's archmage,

and now you're just nothing but a crazy animal.

♪ I am Changpu, la la la ♪

♪ I love mushrooms, la la la ♪

♪ Changpu mushrooms Changpu mushrooms, la la ♪

Shadow, stranger!

Hello, love.

Oh, my. Hello. Happy harvest to you.

Quite the harvest, indeed. Looks like enough for a whole village, eh?

I am forbidden from telling strangers about our secret village. I, uh...

Oh, dang it! Changpu.

And this village that you didn't tell me about, it's got a doctor?

Listen up, Po.

This training will be grueling, painful, and may push you to your absolute limit.

And should you excel, I will advance you to the level of squire.

Squire? Squire! That's just one step below knight!

Okay, so like, what am I learning?

How to disarm the enemy.

It's a simple maneuver.

The enemy charges at you.

Okay.

Alright, here I come. Whoo!

Uncle? Auntie? Grandma?

Second cousin twice removed?

And then, you simply remove the...

Ha! Nailed it. Now, what's the move to get the glove off?

That was the move. You ruined it.

Well, you said to give it all I've got, so I...

Let's reverse roles.

Remember, do exactly as I did. Ready?

Not bad. For a page.

But you see, I can still...

Ursa Major!

Was that right?

No! No, that was not right.

What's with the gut check?

That's not how the move works.

Well, your move didn't totally work, so I threw some mustard on it.

And a little belly bump, a little catchphrase, kapow!

Is that even a kung fu move?

If a kung fu master does it, then it's a kung fu move.

Will you please just do as I've asked?

Okay, okay. Whatever you say.

Give me the glove.

Let's go again, Page.

How much further? I'm getting tired.

Maybe i-if we both pulled...

A-Actually, this is great. I-I've been meaning to do more upper body.

If you don't get my brother fixed up soon, you won't have an upper body.

So very pretty and quaint.

I hate it.

The harvest arrives soon, sisters. Just as the Yaojing foretold.

- Changpu has returned. - Happy harvest.

- Happy harvest, Changpu. - Yay!

Harvest! Woohoo!

I'm back, sisters. And with traveler...

Hello, ladies and gentle... Mm...

Huh. No gentlemen. No matter.

Who's in charge here?

Why, we all are.

But I speak for the Yaojing, and she flows through me.

Like a gorgeous fresh mountain stream.

Ooh, the Yaojing demands you write that down, Changpu.

"Like a gorgeous fresh mountain stream." Perfect for this week's newsletter.

"Flows through me, like a stream."

- Mountain stream. - Mountain stream.

- Fresh. - Fresh.

Fresh mountain stream.

Uh, the Yaojing?

She is our great, unseen spirit.

This humble forest village maintains the mystic purity of all of her daughters,

and I am her high priestess.

- Our lady! - Our lady!

- She cares for us all. - Our lady. We love her.

Look here.

I need someone to patch my brother up. So take us to your doctor, now.

- Did you say "brother"? - He's here.

- He's here. - At last.

Ooh!

Shut it, everyone.

Happy to help.

Do you really need the knife?

It's my lucky cleaver.

Oh, lucky.

Hm, fair enough. Follow me.

Hey, you. Don't forget my brother.

What?

Where am I?

What are you?

Am I dead?

You wish, you wish.

Mm, smoky. Like sipping a campfire.

You call that tea?

Tastes like sock juice.

What are you doing?

Enjoying the fruits of my labor.

It's been months since the Yaojing sent a traveler.

We were starting to worry we'd angered her.

I mean, Changpu angers her so often.

Oh, it's true, I'm a lot.

Well...

I cannot thank the Yaojing enough.

Feels better already.

In fact, I don't feel much of anything.

Wait, what's in this stuff?

Well, you see,

usually we do not allow men into our secret village.

- No. Never. - They can't be trusted.

But you happen to have arrived just in time for...

the harvest.

Harvest? Oh, that sounds great.

Will there be any food?

Oi, what are you...

Say, I'll...

We don't usually care for a lady, but, who are we to refuse

the Yaojing's abundant harvest.

Everything I foretold.

Mm?

Where did they go?

When are we eating?

You idiot.

We're the harvest.

Po.

Okay. Lesson over. Lesson over.

What? No, no, no, I'm sorry.

I'll take the mustard off and do it exactly like you showed me.

It's not you, Po.

I've imagined this moment every day for 15 years.

The day they realize that there's no more running...

I have to be perfect in every swing of my sword.

Because if I am,

I may look them in the eyes and finally say,

"In the name of Her Majesty the Queen of England,

I place you under arrest for the murder of Sir Alfred of Landreth,

Son of the Saxon Guard, Knight of England."

What if I can't do it?

Let's go again.

Pretty.

I will not be locked up again.

I can't breathe. I can't think.

The room is spinning.

Spinny-spin the room...

Veruca, the moon's out.

You could use those powers of yours.

Don't you understand?

I used to feel connected to the Earth, like a thread in my hand.

But that thread's been cut.

I can reach out and feel for it all I want, but it's never there.

Not there...

Take him.

- Are we eating now? Oh! Ouch! - Klaus. Klaus. No, Klaus.

- Wait! - If anyone's gonna kill him, it's me.

- Wait, where are we going? Veruca! - No! Klausy!

Oh, fear not, sister. He goes to the Yaojing.

And you?

You will join us for dessert.

Veruca!

Veruca!

Seize the fugitive!

For the murder of Sir Alfred.

You can't arrest me, you dolt. I'm the Queen's mage.

We're here on her orders. You've been plotting to betray her.

Betrayal? Ha!

I did what I had to do, and I'd do it again.

Now, let me go! Lemme!

This isn't over.

Just you wait until nightfall.

Lemme out!

The moon...

No!

Veruca!

I found you.

After 15 years, I found you.

Klaus? Klausy?

Klaus. Klaus!

Where is everyone?

The other mages?

Gone.

It's up to us now.

Klaus.

The moon.

Wait, wait, wait.

You can't eat me. I'm very lean. And-And gamey.

Plus, I hear weasel's meat is very high in cholesterol.

Stop, please. Hot. Hot!

Be comforted knowing that the Yaojing has brought you for the harvest.

And besides, you're not my first weasel.

Oh no!

It's the Yaojing. Yaojing!

Veruca! She found it.

Oh, you're in for it now.

I-I don't understand. She's real?

Oh, she's real. Just, uh, just as I foretold.

And you, all of you angered her.

One more than the others.

You can't be the Yaojing, because I made her up.

You're right.

I'm far worse.

Oh.

How... How did you...

Threw my voice.

Ventriloquism lessons as a boy.

It's useless.

Hey.

Maybe you're just too in your head about it.

You've been planning it for 15 years, but nothing ever goes the way you plan it.

Sometimes you've just gotta bust a move and find a new way.

You might as well just catch them yourself.

The Archmage of England has returned.

You, you found the thread.

Thanks to you, brother. And the moon.

England will be ours.

And from there, we will build the empire we've always deserved!

Blade, we'll only bring them to us when you're ready.

But this village will have no place in it.

Or maybe now's good.

Um...

Hi?

Veruca!

Ursa Major!

The moon's gone.

In the name of Her Majesty the Queen of England,

I place you under arrest for the murder of Sir Alfred of Landreth,

Son of the Saxon Guard, Knight of England,

and my brother.

Good work.

Squire.

Squire? Squire? For real?

But you got the gauntlet.

Thanks to your lesson in kung fu.

Patience, little brother.

I was 15 years in darkness.

We need only wait for moonrise.