All language subtitles for The.Outlaws.2021.S02E01.720p.HDTV.x264-ORGANiC

by working the number of hours
mandated by the court.

We found it, we're
entitled to it.

Are you citing the
legal precedent

"finders keeper,
losers weepers"?

Don't worry, ma'am. I've got
eyes in the back of my head.

I have this cupboard in my office.
I call it the Cupboard of Chaos.

I gave your cupboard
a little spring clean.

You pissed my company down the
drain! I didn't piss anything, OK?

I'm saving it!

I love you, Dad.

I spent 18 months
in a prison cell.

I'm not spending my last
few years in another one!

PC Colin Denison
died in that fire.

The guilt won't go away.

Find my money and
whoever took it,

because now I have to kill either
them or you just to make a point.

I'm in trouble.
I need your help.

Please.

Esme...

we've got something to tell you.

Oh, my God. Did you
get her pregnant?

No. No!

We're friends. Yeah, pals.

Anyway, erm, Rani's going to
be staying with us for a bit.

Are the feds after
you? No, I...

I just got into a massive
fight with my parents.

I told them I didn't want
to go to Oxford and I left.

Oh. So, your first
thought was to come here

cos we've got so much space?
Come on, Es. We owe her.

Maybe. But she's
not having MY bed.

Don't worry, you can... you
can take my bed. No, no,

I can't throw you
out of your own bed.

Or you two could share.

No. No, I'm...

I'm... No. I'm going
to stay in here. Right.

Er, make yourself comfy.
Mm-hm. I'm making food.

Do you want some? Love some.

I see you.

Sorry, you see me?

Trying to get in my brother's
Ninja Turtle boxers.

I'm not trying to
get into your brother's anything.

I left home, Es.

Hey, Ran. Yep.

Are you ready to try this, yeah?

Oh, God. It's my grandma's
recipe. OK. Are you ready? Yeah.

Oh, my God, that's amazing!

Yeah? Mm. You sure? Yeah.

God, you should open a restaurant
or something. That is so yummy.

Yeah, maybe I will. Maybe
you should eat in one first.

I've eaten in restaurants.

Only ones with
photos on the menu.

Ain't you got something
else to be doing?

"Oh, that's amazing! You
should open a restaurant!"

I didn't say it like that.

You definitely said it like that.
No, I didn't! You did. I didn't.

You did. No, I
didn't. You did. No.

Hello, Your Ladyship. We're
here to film the commercial.

For social media.

I thought that was on Wednesday.

It IS Wednesday.

Great.

What?

It was... someone's birthday.

Steve, sorry. Erm,
this is Lesley.

I know you spoke
on the phone. Hi.

Do you think I'm stupid enough to
hide the money in my bedroom, Frank?

I mean, come on.
Would you do that?

You made your point, Tommy,
but let's stop playing.

What's a teenage boy going
to spend all that money on?

Pornography? Why would I pay for
porn? It's free on the internet.

It is?

You shouldn't have hidden the
money back in the attic, Frank.

It was lazy. So, to
teach you a lesson,

I'm going to use it to
pay off Mum's mortgage.

You know, you can't just walk into
your mom's bank and hand it over.

You have to wash it first. What,
like, clean off the fingerprints?

You must have heard of washing
money, laundering money,

to make it look like you
earned it legitimately.

What do they teach
at that school?

How do you wash money?

Smurfing. Offshore shell
companies. Casinos are good.

Why?

You walk into a casino, you
buy chips with the cash.

You play for a while,
you cash in the chips,

you get paid by cheque.

Now, your money looks
like legitimate winnings.

Fine, I'll take it to a casino.

Great. You just have to wait till
you turn '8 in two years' time.

Or we could split
the money fairly.

Say, 80-20.

You're not getting
the money back.

But, uh, here's your
plane ticket to Rio.

We both know you don't love
Mum, you don't love me or Holly.

Your tag comes off
tomorrow, so...

take it and go.

I loved making my own
fizzy drinks as a kid,

and this new deluxe, at-home soda
maker takes me right back to being

just eight years old.

Just choose a flavour
of your choice...

and voila!

Oh.

Fizzy... OK.

Was that OK, darling? Erm,
I'm not sure the client

will be totally happy with you
calling their product the C word.

Do you want to call and check?

Could we just go one more time?

Really?

This new, deluxe, at-home
soda maker takes me right back

to being eight years old.

Mm, delicious!

I think we got it.
Er, we did, but

there was a naked man in the
shot. So, could we just go again?

No, that was a really
good one. Yeah, it was,

but, uh, I'm not sure
the client will be happy

with a commercial aimed at kids
featuring an actual man's penis.

Well, just take it out with GCl.
We don't have the budget for CGI.

This is for Instagram.

One more time, please? I mean,
who even buys these things?

Who has ever drunk a can of Coke and
thought, "Ooh, yeah, I like that,

"but damn, I wish I
was more involved in

"the manufacturing process"?

One more time, for luck?

I loved making my own
fizzy drinks as a kid,

and this new, deluxe, at-home
soda maker takes me right back

to being six years old,

the year my mother
killed herself.

Get in, you bastard!

I think you've got
it in the wrong way.

I think we've got it.

From my analysis, your production
model is the weak link.

It's old -fashioned. Now,

I've identified ways to
ramp up profitability,

but it will involve
a radical overhaul

of how things are done here.
How things are done here

is how they've been
done for 40 years.

Your son tells me he's
negotiated a possible partnership

with a competitor, uh,
Hilgard Auto Frictions.

My son knows I'll
be six foot under

before I do any business
with Graham Hilgard.

Given the state
of your finances,

it's an idea that needs
serious consideration.

Lesley, is it?

Can I speak privately
with my son for a moment?

Trouble-shooters, huh?

Another one of your masterplans.

Like taking stolen money.

She's a business
enhancement specialist, Dad,

and she says that a company
like ours that isn't progressing

is regressing.

She's right.

There is a weak link here...

but it's not the
production model.

They're refusing to
pay me for the advert!

Well, yes, because
as brand ambassador,

your contract states that you will
refrain from offensive remarks

or conduct. I did. You
smashed up their soda maker,

then called it a C
bomb! It was faulty.

Hold the lift, please!

That's the lady
I told you about.

The one you like?
Yeah, what do I do?

Be yourself.

Thanks, Greg. Oh, no problem,
Anne-Marie. Which floor?

We work on the same floor.

Oh!

Good for you for cycling to
work. That's very healthy.

No, no, it's a bad idea.

I'm sweating so much, I
need another shower now.

Oh. Oh, yeah. You don't want
to get a yeast infection. No.

I just mean from wearing the
same sweaty clothes all day.

You know, can create
humid crotch conditions...

leading to a build-up of
fungus in your... vaginal cavity.

See you
later. See YOU later.

Smooth.

Really smooth.

Ah, thanking you, Greg
-a-leg -a-ding -dong.

That's so sweet. You collect
his dry cleaning for him?

Yeah, we have a little quid
pro quo. He scratches my back

and I don't send him to prison.
He's a joker. Ignore him.

Come on, then, Greg,
when are you going to ask

Anne-Marie out? Sh! Anne-Marie? You
absolute horndog. I'm not asking

anybody out, all right? It's against
company policy. I don't care, Greg.

I can smell office romance. Er, no,
you can smell Greg's aftershave.

"Lonely, by Paco Rabanne."

Hey, I think it's romantic

that a woman you work with
might be your next wife. No, no,

his next wife is a Latvian conman,
posing as a swimwear model!

What about the commercial,
all right? You need a payday.

Let's sue them. You can't
afford to sue them, all right?

Your father's frozen your
allowance. What? Since when?

Since you ruined his
lawn with your car!

Oh, for God's sake! It's
only grass, it'll grow back.

The Bank of Daddy is closed, Your
Ladyship, all right? You need to

cut down on your outgoings. Why?

Why? Cos you're spending
like a crazy person!

Look at this - bar
bills, restaurant bills.

You've been buying
clothes and bags and...

a Tempur-Pedic cat
bed! A Gucci skateboard?

You've bought two wet suits!

One of them is formal.

Six grand on Uber Eats!
For a year, that's fine!

That was August! £580
on tarot readings!

I am not cutting out Madame
Orion. She sees things.

Has she seen that you'll
be bankrupt by Christmas?

No, she bloody hasn't!

All right, fine,
ditch the bitch.

I will try and cut back on
my spending. But meanwhile...

what's your next
move? To the kitchen,

to make me tea and toast.

Oh, and spread the jam right
to the edges this time.

I can't believe he does that
for you. What a sweet guy.

Isn't he?

This is called a beep test.

It is used to test

the aerobic capacity

of trainee pCSOs like myself.

What's a PCSO? A police
Community Support Officer.

Uniformed civilians.

Like a supply teacher, but with
less authority and respect.

Not true. We provide a
reassuring presence on the street

and tackle the scourge
of antisocial behaviour,

working alongside the
police. The real police.

Can you arrest someone?

No. Do you carry handcuffs?

No. Can you investigate a crime?

No. Can you Taser someone?

Look, if you've got
questions, Google'em.

Oh, shit!

You're barely out
of short trousers,

where does a teenager hide something
they don't want a parent to find?

Well, my mum's an addict,

so she was the one
hiding stuff from me.

First time I stole anything,

I was so paranoid my
parents would find out,

I didn't even bring it home.

So, where'd you stash it?

My locker. At school.

Oh. Hmm.

Notice how the beeps...

are getting closer and closer

[

but my pace has
not slowed.

So, do I need to
be buying a hat?

Do you need a hat? I mean...

for your wedding.

What? No! We're just friends.
Who are living together.

Uh... What, as lovers?

No. As roommates.
It's temporary.

Yeah, well, my mum moved her
boyfriend in temporarily,

so she said, and Trevor has
been stinking out the bathroom

for months now.

Ah. Ah!

Ah! Oh!

Right. Who wants a
go at the beep test?

I'm fine. I'm good for
beep testing, thank you.

All right, fine. Good luck
with all your heart disease.

OK, back to it. You still all
have lots of hours to work off.

Oi, you two. Come here.

So, as trainee pCSO,

that business with your
sister is the last time I turn

any more blind eyes. Any more
trouble from the two of you,

and it's no more Mrs Nice
Guy. If you feel yourself

being pulled to the dark side,

talk to me. Yeah?
Believe it or not,

I used to be a bad girl, with
a hot boyfriend, like you.

He's not my boyfriend. Massimo
was the hot'est boy in school.

Everyone was jealous.
They were like,

"Diane, how did you bag that
smoking - hot piece of tail?"

Three words -
charisma and cider.

Massimo had a mantra -

"Live fast, die young,

"leave a good -
looking corpse."

Which he did.

Massimo died? Yeah. He
was driving a stolen car,

being chased by police,
crashed into a building site.

Scaffolding pole went
right through his brain.

To be honest, he did not
leave a good - looking corpse.

But that woke me up and I turned
my life around 360 degrees.

Doesn't that leave you where
you started? No, not me.

I'm paying it forward,

giving you both a
second chance, yeah?

So the rest of your
life starts right here,

right now. Yeah?

Right after you pick
up that dog shit.

Greg, what are you doing?!
He's threatening to kill us!

I thought he was flirting.

Do you reckon he's
after that money?

What money?

When I stole the line, I also
stole some money. Why didn't you

tell me this? The less you
know, the less you're involved.

I was chased
by men with machetes.

I'm already involved. Wait,

you stole the money? I
thought it was yours.

Why would I have that much money?
Because you're a drug dealer?

Why is he automatically a drug
dealer? What, because he's black?

Because he had hundreds of
thousands of pounds in a bag!

Plus, he threatened me.
Right? With a real gun.

Not just his fingers. I 'm not
saying he's not a criminal,

but why does he have to be a drug
dealer? Why can't he be doing

tax evasion, or... art fraud?
Hmm. You've been painting

fake Vermeers, have you?

Where did you get hundreds
of thousands of pounds from?

A drug dealer. You fucking fuck!
You stole money from a drug dealer?!

Now we'll wind up in the
desert, digging our own graves!

There are no deserts in England.
Well, then, Minehead Beach.

I told you that it
was dirty money.

You still took it, though,
didn't you? You took it?

Not just me. Them too. So,
just return the money, then.

What? We, uh, we spent it.

You've already spent hundreds
of thousands of pounds?

I didn't. OK, at least one
of us isn't a total idiot.

My grandson stole my cut.

I withdraw my last remark.

Did... Did you spend yours too?
They didn't give me any money.

They just blackmailed me into
washing it for them. What does

that mean? Is that getting
the fingerprints off?

It means you launder it, so it
looks like it was earned legally.

Don't kids in Britain learn
this stuff? I can't believe

I'm the only person who didn't know
about this. You're not the only one.

Hey, guys, what are
we talking about?

Laundry.

Cool. So...

I don't know how familiar you guys
are with the movement of the Sun,

but tomorrow night
is the Solstice.

So, I am heading to Ergo,
and I want you all there,

OK? Diane is in. Not
to be missed, then.

Drinks are on me, no excuses.

Come on. Let's get ancient.

What are we going to do?!

We could pop down for one drink.
Not the club, the drug dealer!

Have you heard of a con
called The Sasquatch Patsy?

No. What do they
teach in your schools?

Ah!

My keys are gone.

Have you looked in your bag?

They're not in there.

My man. What about your pockets?

Why are things always in
the last place you look?

Thank you. Because you stop
looking after you find them.

Grandpa is going to take
you to school today,

so just give me a hug.

Or don't. And learn lots. Mwah!

Bye. Bye.

Bye.

Thank you. Learn lots. Yeah.

Lesley. Did we
arrange a meeting?

Please sit down, Mr Halloran.

Bye-bye, Grandpa.
Have a wonderful day.

Your father has decided
that Hall or an & Son

will sell a minority share
to Hilgard Auto Friction.

Well, hallelujah. You've
finally seen the light, Dad.

Your father will remain as CEO,

but there will be some
workforce optimisation.

I'm here to tell you that this
is your final day of employment.

What?

What did she say?
Are you firing me?

Your father feels it's in everyone's
best interests for you to...

step away from Hall or an & Son.
Step away from Hall or an & Son?!

I'm the Son!

It's vital you don't make
this personal. Is it? OK.

That's fine, because I'm
also company director,

so you can't do this.

The power to remove a director is
granted to the majority shareholders

under the company's
Articles of Association.

I hired you!

I'm employed by the company.

What's... What are you doing?

What's going...? This is crazy.

What are you doing?
I'm your son!

You're making this personal.

Shut up! Don't raise
your voice to a woman.

I'm s-sorry. Sorry.

I...

Why are you doing this?

I forced you into
the family trade...

but you're out of your depth.

I blame myself.

Don't take it personally.

It's just business.

Sir. Hi. Um...

could I ask you a question?

Yeah?

How do you pay off a mortgage?

You put this in
the recycling bin?

Yeah. How fucking dumb are you?!

This can't be recycled.

Bro, it's cardboard. Murked
in grease and cheese.

Did you not watch the YouTube video
I pinged out to you about this?

Tramps like you are the
reason the planet is dying.

And why didn't you wash my
car like I done told you?

Fam, I'm not your PA. For real.

A PA would have initiative
and at least one GCSE.

Go put this in the proper bin.

And the door opens inwards,

so remember to not hit
yourself in the face this time.

What the fuck are you doing here?
I'm bringing you a peace offering.

Is it that fat stack
of cash you took? No.

It's him.

Hiya!

It's nice to... see you again.
Why are you bringing this

googly-eyed plank to my
house?! Bit rude, innit?

He's a lawyer. I've got a lawyer.
Yes, but I suspect your lawyer

probably costs about £'50 an hour,
which means by the time you go

to court for having sent him to do
your community service, you could be

looking at a ten-grand bill. Whereas
his services will be free of charge,

if we stop this beef and we start
working together. And do what?

Get the Dean off our backs.
What's stopping me from taking you

to the Dean right now? Um, if I
could take that one? If anything

happens to either of us, then
my associates will make contact

with the Dean and explain
to him how you tried to...

Um, what was it again?

How you tried to fuck
him with his own dick.

Which, uh... I don't
imagine he will like.

Guess who's back.

Man, not again!

How do I contact the Dean?

How do I contact him?!

You've got a set of
balls on you, mate,

I 'll tell you that for
nothing. Yeah? Thanks.

Means a lot, coming from you.

Yes? Someone wants
to talk to you.

He's got a gun to my head, man!

Who's this? Are you the Dean?

Who wants to know?

The arsehole that
stole his money.

You've got some big balls.

Yeah? So I keep hearing.

You're the worst thing to happen
to my business since Covid.

What do you want?

I'm just telling you to
call off your attack dogs.

Isn't he in on this with you?

Nah. Nah, I work alone.

You know, I will find you. You
never heard what happened to

a Brook Hill soldier
called Spider?

I heard he got heartburn that put
him in the hospital. Was that you?

Yeah, man, that was me. And the
same goes for anyone you send

that tries to look for me.
But as a show of good faith,

I'm going to leave
your line here.

Yeah? For you to collect
at your own convenience.

Tell him it's there. Tell him
it's there. Yeah, it's there,

he's telling the truth. You'll
get no more trouble from me

if I get no more
trouble from you.

Do we have a deal?

We do.

Thank you.

Close your eyes.

What? Close your
fucking eyes! Wait!

There's no need
for you to do this!

I haven't done anything wrong
! They just came here, man!

I didn't ask for it, mate!
Come on, I've just got a dog!

Please, man, don't do...

Thank you.

You're a free man
now, Frank. Yep.

You can leave any time you want.
Yeah, but Grandpa is going to stay

right here with us, aren't you,
Dad? That's right. Forever and ever!

How would you like to spend your
first night of freedom, Dad?

Would you like meatloaf?
That's your favourite, right?

Meatloaf, that
would be wonderful,

but I've been dreaming
of sitting in a bar

with a cool glass of beer.

How would you feel if I
stepped out and, you know,

wet my tonsils? I'd feel fine,

I don't know how to make
meatloaf. THEY LAUGH

Goodbye.

Got it.

Mum. What are you doing here?

You forgot Mr Snuggles.

You know you can't
sleep without him.

Yes, I can.

So, this is where you live now?

Yep.

I thought you were
living with a boy.

I'm not living with a boy,
I'm just staying here until...

Until what?

Look, we all said things
that we didn't mean,

but your father and I, we
are willing to draw a line

under everything. So why
don't you just come back home?

You can finish your studies, you
can take your place at Oxford.

How many times do I have to say,
I don't want to go to Oxford?

I don't understand why not!
Because it's YOUR dream.

It's not my dream, Mum. So what
are you going to do with your life?

You going to go out
and get some crappy job

and come home every night
to, what, this dump?!

This used to be our
thing. Every Friday night,

get a takeaway and
watch Graham Norton.

Come home.

Thanks for bringing Mr Snuggles.

How did it go?

Yeah. We're all good now.

Really?

10O%

Thank God.

What are you doing here?

I thought I'd come in the club.

Yeah? Yeah. It's a
Friday night, baby!

What else am I going to do, stay
inside and watch Graham Norton?

Stop the press! You came! Hi!

Oh, come on, let's go in.

Look after her, yeah? It's
her first time in a club.

You're late. I got here at 7pm.

People don't normally come to
nightclubs that early. Yeah, I know,

so I discovered. I just
spent an hour watching them

scrape gum off the dance
floor. Oh, no, thank you,

I don't drink alcohol. Why?
Is it because you're a Muslim?

I'm not Muslim. No? Why
don't you drink alcohol?

Uh... Babe, no friend of mine

is going to their grave having
not tried champagne. Drink.

Mm.

It's, like, bubbly.

That's its nickname. Thanks.

I think I like
champagne. Oh, woo!

- Dog!

Champagne?

Oh, cheers. Woo!

Well, cheers, everyone.

Cheers!

Place your bets.

14.18.11.

Hi.

Thank you.

Whoa! No, sweetie. Ha!

You've just had your first drink,
let's not run before we can walk.

Can we? Oh, yeah, just... just
whatever you want, put it on my tab.

You promised you were going
to cut down on your spending.

They're my friends.

Greg, isn't that your lady
from work? It is, yeah.

Oh, hello, she's coming
over. What do I do?

Be cool and say hi.

Hey, you. Hi! Oh...

That's fine.

What are you doing here?

Erm, hen do. Oh, yeah. No...

It's hot in here, isn't it? It
is hot. It is a bit hot, yeah.

I hope it doesn't create
humid crotch conditions that

could lead to a build - up of
fungus in my vaginal cavity.

Oh!

Right, yeah,
do you remember when we

were in the lift and I was talking
about her fanny, her...? Um...

Can I ask you something that's,
er, sort of embarrassing? OK, sure.

Could we get a picture
with Lady Gabby?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, hang on.

Is it all right if Anne-Marie and
her friends have a photo with you,

please? Also, she probably
thinks you and me are dating.

I don't think she does,
sweetie. She probably does,

so can you make it clear
that we're not an item?

Hi, I'm Gabby, I'm a lesbian.

OK. Hello again. Hi. So, I'm
happy to have a picture with you,

but would you do me a favour in
return? Oh, sure, w-w-what's that?

Would you go on a date with
my platonic friend Greg here?

You don't need to do
that, if you don't want.

Oh!

Come on.

Look who's here! She's coming!

Hi! Hi, Gabby!

All right, everyone, smile!

Oh, he's here at last.

Where have you been?
Everyone's here.

Would you excuse me
for just one minute?

I expect he's gone
to wash his hands.

What do I do instead of Oxford?

Like, in theory, you
know, I can do anything,

but, you know, man is nothing
without which he makes himself.

Jean-Paul Sartre.

With great power comes
great responsibility.

Spider-Man.

Exactly. There's so much I
haven't done or... experienced.

Don't tell anyone, but...

I'm still a virgin.

Understood.

No, no, no. I don't
need one of those.

Yeah, I used to
have that attitude,

and then I got super gonorrhoea.

Front and back.

No, I mean I'm not
having sex tonight.

Oh. Why? Cos you're Muslim?

I'm not a Muslim. No?

Well, what are you
waiting for, then?

I don't know. Well,
a lot of guys here.

Any of them making your
fanny fairies flutter?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
He's kind of cute.

Yeah? Yeah, not bad, yeah...

Do you like sexual
intercourse with women? Yeah.

Good. I want to notify you that we
are both available sexually, OK?

I don't do tea -
bagging, golden showers,

or reverse anal, but anything
else is up for grabs.

My friend here, however,
is new to the market,

so I want her to be treated with
care and respect, all right?

And I've got the direct line for
Detective Sergeant Lucy Haines,

of the Bristol and
Avon Constabulary,

so any funny business
- ANY funny business -

and you will be prosecuted to
the full extent of the law.

Understood?

Understood? Yes, ma'am.

Good.

We'll be sat here, if
you want to get some.

Go.

Didn't picture you
two as club rats.

Just needed to get out of the house.
Just needed to get out of my flat.

Gabby, can I throw these on your
tab? Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Perfect.

Brilliant. Um, can I
grab two more of those?

Do you know all these people
you're buying drinks for? Greg,

I told you, they're my
friends. What's his name?

James. No, Jason.

Jeremy?

Definitely begins with a J.
Julian. His name's Julian.

Excuse me, mate,
what's your name? Roy.

What's your point? Is it
possible that they're not

your actual friends?
Why are they here, then?

Because they're moochers.
Sucking on the Gabby teat.

If any of my friends
are sucking on my teats,

it's you, Mr £150 An Hour.

I'm not your friend, I'm
your lawyer. It's different.

You're not my friend? Well,
no, of course I'm your friend,

I just mean... I was fixing you up
with Anne-Marie because I thought

you WERE my friend. I don't
normally help my employees get laid.

I didn't ask you to do that.

Well, fine, let's make a cost
saving now, shall we? You're fired!

Gabby, come on! One less
mooch sucking on my teat.

Happy now?

You're not serious?
Deadly serious!

Go on, get out of here, mooch!

I don't need your
money! Go on, mooch!

Thank you and goodnight!

Shit.

How did it go? Yeah, I did what
you said and he seemed to buy it.

Will it work? Sasquatch
Patsy never fails.

Going somewhere?

I'm on the early flight to Rio.

Huh? De janeiro.

Oh, you're leaving?

Yep. Got a few hours to kill,

then cabbing direct
to Heathrow Airport.

Could you let me know
when my ride arrives?

Yeah, sure. One more favour.

Deliver this to my daughter.

What is that? It's £1, 000, huh?

50 for your trouble.

I mean, you could've given that
to her yourself before you left.

I prefer what they call
the Dignitas farewell.

Slip away, no fuss.

It's none of my business, but if
you take off without saying goodbye,

aren't you worried your daughter's
going to hate you for it?

Yeah, you're right.

It's none of your business.

Frank!

Hi! Come and dance with me!

Are you drunk?
Yeah, and I love it.

Gabs, I told you to look
after her. She's wasted!

Didn't you hear her?
She loves it! I love it!

Oh!

Diane!

Look at you, Diane! Woo!

Uh, can you settle up the tab?

Yeah, sure. Hang on.

Thank you.

Oh, it's been declined. What?

It didn't work either.

Uh, guys... Ha!

I think my dad has
cancelled my credit cards.

Has anyone got any money?
Oh, sorry, babe. No.

No. Sorry. Are
you certain, mate?

Fuck.

Shit. My dad is
such an arsehole.

Let me get this. Thank you.

Oh, Frank, you absolute angel!

Thank you.

God, I wish you were my dad.
Who leaves their only daughter

high and dry at one
in the morning? God!

Dick!

Which one is ours?

This way. Oh, OK.

This way. Go on. I'm
focused on the car.

Right, whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's all right. No need to argue.

We're all going to get a turn. We
just need to rock-paper-scissors

who goes first, all right?
And we need a safe word, yeah?

I've got you down for Heathrow
Airport. Is that right, mate?

Mate?

Where do you want to go?

Whoa...!

Kind sir, I... I do like you.

Relax. Woo!

Oh, God.

I think you should be going to
sleep alone, Rani. I don't think so.

I think we should
sleep together.

Goodnight, Rani.
Look. So much room.

Come back.

Dad! You utter scumbucket,

piece of shit, wanker,

bastard, arsehole...

shit!

Where's the money, Frank?

I know you found it, but
what have you done with it?

Dad, are you just getting home?

Margie, I'm sorry, I
lost track of time.

Well, I'll be honest, I did,
erm, start worrying that

you'd left us again. No, Margie,
I'm here for the long haul.

In fact, around here, it's
about time I contributed.

How about I start by
paying off your mortgage?

Sorry, that is...

That's really sweet but, I mean,

you can't even pay a
parking ticket. Yeah?

Where did you get all this
money? For once in my life,

I'm going to come clean.

I won it.

Casino.

Oh, Frank!

You're drunk. No, I'm not.

That's what drunk people say.

No, I'm sober. I promise.

Is that...

Raphael or Donatello...?

Yeah, that's my guy Donnie.

Ninja Turtles.

What? OK.

What's...? What? Don't judge me.

No. It's all good.
You know they're wavy.

Yep. Very wavy.

Wait.

Are you sure you
want to do this?

Yeah. No, are you sure?

Yes. Where did you get that?

Diane. Please don't talk
about Diane right now!

♪ You know I 'm happy
to be your friend

♪ Till the leaves
or the stars descend

♪ But I'm there, I'm here

♪ And I'm 16, standing

♪ Holding two cans of beer... ♪

Ugh, so my dad has
changed all the locks

and I don't have anywhere to sleep
tonight. Look, I know you've got

that spare room... No, I did not
nearly burn down the flat last time!

I lit some tea candles,
then went to Ibiza!

Hi, is this Izzy's phone?

Oh, my God! Why is
she in hospital?

Gallstones?

So you're saying that you're not
happy sharing your flat, but you are

happy sharing my cocaine all
night? So, if Izzy's in hospital,

does that mean her
flat's empty tonight?

Hey, you. It's Gabby Penrose-Howe.
We slept together on New Year's Eve.

Listen, look, I know I said
I 'd call and I didn't,

but I'm calling now.

Fancy sleeping
together again tonight?

Give me a call
when you get this.

Ciao!

Hi, this is Lady
Gabriella Penrose-Howe.

We met at the club earlier. I
don't suppose you've got a sofa,

or anything that I
could crash on tonight?

Oh, no, I got your
name from the receipt.

Yeah, it's just under
"suggested gratuity"

which, you may recall, I did
give you in full, in cash.

You OK? Yeah.

Now I'm a woman of the world.

You're wondering what
all the fuss was about?

Actually, I'm thinking
it was worth waiting for.

Thank you... for being...

It's... Thank you.

OK, fuck, fuck, fuck...!

Esme... What were you
doing out so late?

It's four in the morning.

Esme, it's four...

No!

Hi. You were right.

I have no real friends.

I don't have
anywhere else to go.

You better come in, then.

Thank you.

I've had a gun pointed
in my face twice, yeah?

Well, not again. I
want to get clean, man.

I want you to put me in
rehab and witness protection.

Tell us what you know. I ain't
saying nothing till I get

full immunity and rehoused,

and I want to go somewhere
nice, in the countryside,

with fields and cows... and shit.

We can't ask our boss for
fields and cows and shit

unless you give us something.

Like the men who were serving
up from your house. Oh...

Have you head of
someone called The Dean?

Oh, bloody hell. I thought
you was detectives.

Hey!

Tell us about The Dean.

The Dean runs county
lines into Bristol.

For years, he's been grooming
local kids to work for him.

Well, from what I've
heard, he's a savage.

And I mean proper psycho.

Tea, anyone?

You're Ben,

nightclub doorman.

And you're Rani,

a brainbox, with a
scholarship to Oxford.

I know who you are.

I know where you live.

I know everything about you.

Do you know who I am?

No?

I'm the person you stole that
impossible amount of money from.

And somehow, you assumed
I wouldn't find out.

We never stole anything.

He's right.

Well, instead of me accusing
you and then you denying,

why don't I bring my star
witness to the stand?

What are you do...? You
sold me out, you prick!

What did you expect?

You treat me like dirt.

You show man no respect. Is
this about the pizza box?

I told you, you can't recycle
them when they're dirty, bruv.

It's not just that,
bro. You're small fry.

There's no career
progression with you.

I 've hit a ceiling.

Yeah? You hit a ceiling with
your head when you flew out of

your mum's gaping vagina. That's
why you're so fucking dumb!

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, relax. All right?

Take a seat. Sit down.

Put your feet up.

Biscuit?

I hate thieves. Do you know why?

Because they're lazy.

A businessman like myself
works hard for years,

building a nest egg,
and then some wanker,

who'd rather sit on his arse
that do a decent day's work,

thinks he can just breeze
in and take it all.

Hmm?

The only thing I hate
more than thieves...

are snitches.

Snitches are like whores.

They'll open their mouths to
anyone for the right price.

You broke my leg,
man! Yeah, I know.

You broke my fucking
leg! I know!

I need a hospital, man! Yeah. Mile
End Hospital is a 20-minute walk.

How am I meant to walk with a
broken leg?! Very slowly, I imagine.

Fuck off, snitch!

Now, just so there are no
surprises, let me just make myself

very, very clear.

One of you is not
leaving here alive.

Ain't no need for all that, bro.

But there IS a need for that, bro,
cos I need to set a fucking example.

Stop! We'll give
you the money back!

We'll pay the money back!

It's too late for that. We'll pay it
back and more! More? Please. .. More?

Please, just, you
can't kill him, please!

No. Not interested.

We'll... What? We'll wash it
for you. Wash it? Wash it.

How are you going to do
that? I, erm, know someone,

a dodgy lawyer. A dodgy lawyer?
Please... Have you soiled yourself,

cos I smell bullshit? No, it's not
bullshit! Please, please, give us,

er, eight weeks.
Eight weeks? please!

How are you going to make that
kind of bread in eight weeks?

Because I'm a brainbox,

with a scholarship to Oxford.

Gingernut?

♪ She twines her
spines up slowly

♪ Towards the boiling sun

♪ And when I touched her skin

♪ My fingers ran with blood. ♪