All language subtitles for Brooklyn.Nine-Nine.S02E01.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

[tango music]

[glass clinking]

Excuse me!
Excuse me.

Hi.

I'm jake peralta.

[cheers and applause]
all right, all right.

So thrilled
to be here today.

As many of you may know,
I used to be a cop.

[crowd boos]

Hey, I was dirty!
I took tons of bribes.

[laughter]

But as a former detective,

Uh, I know a thing or two
about life sentences.

And, angie, marco,

You just got slapped with
the best life sentence there is:

Marriage.

[crowd awws]

To angie and marco.

Make us proud,
have a son.

Salud!

Salud!

♪ good times ♪

♪ these are the good times ♪

Hey, I love
the spray tan, joey.

Let me take
a picture of you.

I want to show this color
to the guy who stains my deck!

[laughter]

Congratulations, tony.

It's a beautiful night.

Hey, you're one of us now.

[chuckles]

You know how long
I've been waiting

For one of you old men
to kiss me?

He's a good kid.

♪ allow us,
we'll show you the way ♪

♪ aaahh freak out ♪

I gotta say,
out of the four of you,

I think vito's
the best kisser.

[laughter]

Ah, what a wedding, huh?

Although the meatballs
were a little dry.

Dry meatballs.

That's peralta's signal.
Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Come on!
Let's go!

Stay where you are!
Hands on your head!

Stay where you are!
Hands on your head!

[crowd screaming]

Whoa, whoa, hey!

Aghh!

[grunting]

Nobody say anything!
Nobody talk!

Get your hands off of me,

You piece of--

Hey, captain holt!

Long time no see.
How you doing?

This is not the time,
peralta.

Oh, yeah,
that's the stuff.

Ah!

I've missed us.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

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He's here.
He's here!

Jake's here!

Okay, let's do the prank

Where we don't even acknowledge
him when he comes in.

Okay?
Shh! Shh!

Everyone, shh.

Back in the nine-nine!

Whoo!
Hoo-hoo-hoo!

Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake!

Played to perfection,
charles.

God, I missed this place.

Let me just soak it in.

Oh, yeah, stale coffee,
fingerprinting ink,

Whatever charles is
fermenting in his desk.

Beans.

Beans.
It's like I never left.

All right, fill me in.
Tell me everything I missed.

Won't take long.
Only three things happened.

Terry chipped his tooth
and had a lisp for a week.

Lithen up, theeven.

I'm thorry, did I thay
thumthing amuthing to you?

Anther me,
you thun of a bitth!

Number two,
santiago and boyle

Wore the same outfit
to work one day.

How does it look better
on you?

And captain banned
headphones from the office,

Due to the gina incident.

[ice cream (milkshake) by
world music ensemble playing]

♪ and a man
and a milk shake ♪

Great recap.

(holt)
welcome back, peralta.

Captain.

Everyone has a lot of work.

So you have exactly two minutes
to share personal anecdotes.

And those two minutes
began when you entered.

You now have...

12 seconds left.

Challenge accepted.
Undercover highlights.

Fixed a boxing match,

Smoked a whole cigar
without vomiting,

Was once in a room
with ten guys named sal,

And missed you all
so very much.

Everyone back to work.
All right, jake.

Hey.

So...

Didn't get a chance
to say hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Can we talk in private
for a sec?

Okay.

So now that
we are alone,

I have to ask.

Did you arrest a perp
named joe uterus?

[sighs]

Oh, my god, yes.

I should have told you
immediately.

Perp name hall of fame,
right?

Oh, yeah.
First ballot.

I mean, it's right up there
with sylvester stools

And janet storkmuncher.

[both chuckle]

But also, I just--

I know we left things
kind of weird.

You know, me saying
that I liked you.

I'm still with teddy.

Romantic styles.

Oh.
Good, good.

'cause I was gonna say,

I know we left things weird,

Because I said
that I liked you,

But that was a mistake.

You know,
I was nervous

About going undercover,

And I think I just
kinda freaked out,

And you were nearby,
so...

I didn't mean it.

But that's great.

Good.

Hey, so, joe uterus,
what did he do?

Killed a bunch
of stray dogs.

Eh.

Name's funnier
than the story.

There's a confused
old woman here

Who wants to talk
to a detective.

Oh, come on!

Another drill?

Hello,
my name is adelaide.

I'd like to report a crime.

So we're just doing
one of these every day?

Oh, you got it.
I know you got it.

I want my money.

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

Tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick.

Why are we doing this?

It's captain's orders.

My name is adelaide van hoyt.

I'm 89 years old,

And I'm here
to report a crime.

Not a problem.
We can help you.

Adelaide van hoyt.

89 years old.

Goatee, 6'3".

290 pounds.

Hey!
This is a tight 240.

Show adelaide
some damn respect.

[sighs]

Hey, charles.

You pretty excited
about jake being back?

Yeah, it's like
when I was a kid

And my grandma came home
from the hospital,

Only better because
jake's not unresponsive.

Huh, every time you talk,

I heard that sound that plays
when pac-man dies.

Charles, I'm concerned
that you're gonna tell jake

About the incident.

[both scream]

Nobody can ever know
that we had sex, all right?

I have spent years
cultivating a reputation

As someone who sleeps
with bike messengers

Or better.

Look, I don't want people
finding out about it either.

I don't wanna be known
as the office slut.

Yeah, well,
jake's back,

And you tell him
everything.

No, I don't.

I got aroused last night

Watching a nature
documentary on bees.

I was fine until
they went inside the hive.

Oh, you're right.

I'm gonna tell him.

It might not be today,
it might not be tomorrow--

It definitely won't be
later than tomorrow.

So pretty much
today or tomorrow then.

Peralta, special agent marx
is here to make your transfer

Back to the nypd official.

And on behalf of the bureau

I wanted to personally
thank you for your service.

Bureau.

It's fbi lingo for..."fbi."

Yes, I've been a cop
for 30 years.

And I've seen movies.

Roger that.

You'll be happy to know

That the operation
turned out to be

One of the biggest
rico busts of all time.

"rico" stands for

"racketeering investigative
cop...Awesome."

I have to ask,
do you think "awesome"

Begins with an "o"?

Yes.

15 of 16 targets
are in custody.

Wait, who got away?

Freddy maliardi.

The tac team screwed up,
hit his apartment up

A couple of minutes late,
and he disappeared.

But freddy's, like,
the worst of all those guys.

Extortion,
terrible breath, murder.

I put "terrible breath"
too high on that list.

I should go back undercover,

See if any of my contacts
can tell me where he is.

No, they're looking
for a rat.

And as a former cop,

There's no way
they're gonna trust you.

I guarantee you they do.

Me and those guys went through
some pretty intense stuff.

All: ♪ sing us a song,
you're the piano man ♪

In the mafia,
once you joel together,

You're bonded for life.

Look, you know
those guys,

But I just think this is
too big of a risk.

There's nothing you can do.

Sometimes things are just
out of your control.

Not good enough.

[rock music]

Boyle,
we're going undercover.

You look amazing.

But you smell really bad.

That's my cologne.

Welcome to the mafia.

Okay, if freddy's
still in town,

Benny de conti
will know about it.

He owns the restaurant
they all eat at.

He knows everything
about everything.

Good. Hey, when you
were undercover,

Did you, like,
have a mafia best friend?

I'm not jealous.
I'm just wondering.

Uh, I don't know,
I guess I did a bunch of jobs

With a guy named derek.

Great.

Great.

Derek.
Sounds like a great guy.

Charles, don't do this
to yourself, all right?

Okay, fine.

All right, so we're
going to the restaurant.

What's my cover?
Am I in the mob?

Ooh, I've got
the perfect thing.

A sun hat?

Mafia!

No, just be yourself,
a cop.

Benny might think
I'm a rat,

So I'll go in
and talk to him.

Then you come in
a minute later

With your badge out,
pick a fight with me,

And punch me in the face.

No, I could never
hurt you, jake.

Well, you gotta
hit me somewhere.

Fine, it'll be
the balls then.

No!
Just hit me in the face.

Look, if it's so hard,
imagine I'm somebody you hate.

Derek.
I barely know him!

Fine.
Come on.

Captain.

We are done
with the drill.

The old lady confessed to
a 40-year-old unsolved murder

In rhode island.

We filled out
the interstate file request

And remanded her to the custody
of her daughter.

Adelaide has
successfully transformed

Back into
a giant man, sir.

Well done.
Thank you.

See?

Instead of resisting,

It's better
to just put your head down,

Get the job done,

And then you can
get on with your day.

Hi, my name is timmy,
and I'm lost.

Son of a bitch!

Captain!

I hate to be harsh,

But I think
that these drills

Are slightly unnecessary,
possibly.

Although you are the boss,

And your judgment
is impeccable.

And I guess what I am trying
to say is thank you.

I agree, with the stuff
about the drills,

Not the spineless
ass-kissing.

Sir, I think it would help

If we knew why we were
doing these drills.

Because I ordered you to.

Resume the drill, timmy.

And do not do
or say anything

That a seven-year-old boy
would not do or say.

Feel free to consult
the script I've prepared.

Okay, but, uh,
it's a little stilted.

"I am feeling trepidation
at the prospect

Of a parentless existence."

No kid talks like that.

Those lines were lifted verbatim
from my boyhood diary.

Resume the drill!

Hey.
What are you
doing here?

Not for nothing,
I heard you were arrested.

I made bail.
Ahh.

Look, I'm looking for freddy.
You seen him?

It's funny.
Lot of people are
looking for that guy.

Lot of cops especially.

Didn't you used to be
a cop, jake?

[laughs]
I'm just kidding, man.

I know you,
we sang piano man together.

This guy.
I got you.
You got me.

You got me.
Yes, you.
I got.

Yeah. Look, I can't
tell you where freddy is.

But I can tell you his girl,
bianca, just called in.

You know, freddy's regular
order delivered to her address.

Thank you
so much.

See ya.

Well, if it isn't
jake peralta.

Mafia crapbag.
Get out of here,
boyle.

I know that we used to be
friends, and during that time

We would do all kinds
of things together

Like make plans, but that
has changed, all right?

Ahh!
Ow!

Now the balls.
What?
Ohh!

What's going on?
You never eat with us.

I accidentally smiled at you
last week and you shined

A laser pointer into my eye
and screamed "perv."

Yeah, well, something's about
to be revealed

That's gonna change
my social standing forever.

I'm one of you now.

Prettier and different
and better, but I'm one of you.

This is great.

With three people we can have
a real massage train now.

[laughs]
ugh.

I am so sorry.
What the hell, boyle?

What the hell happened?

I-I-I was stressed
about hitting you,

And my mind disassociated
from my body.

I don't even know
what I did.

You punched me, kicked me,
spat on me, and then you said:

There's more
where that came from.

I got a real wet mouth.

You gotta admit,
it's a pretty tough line.

No, it's not.

It's weird and sexual,
and not in the good way.

The only good news is benny
couldn't possibly think

We planned that.
My cover's safe.

All right,
bianca lives here.

I'm gonna go in alone.

If I need backup, I will hit
the clicky button on my keys.

Copy that.
Time to get back
into character.

Cologne me, bro.

Okay, here we go.

Aww! It stings.
The cuts.

It stings. Stings!

I can't stop hurting you.
What is wrong with me?

[sharp breaths]

Okay, keep going.
Okay.

[groaning]
sorry, sorry,
sorry.

I miss my mommy.
This is boring.

Captain's not here, sarge.
You can drop the act.

You can drop your butt.

You can drop your butt!
It's okay, I got this.

How about we finish
building this tower?

The structure's done,
but we've barely

Started on the landscaping.

I wanna build a spaceship.
[gasps]

[screams]

I worked so hard on that.

There were stables.

These toys suck.

Okay.

Then I'll get you
some better toys...

Timmy.

[knocks on door]

Hello.
Hey, you're bianca, right?

Mm-hmm.
I'm jake.

I'm a friend
of freddy's from work.

I'm looking for him.

Well, which jake are you?

Are you jakey lady hands
or are you jakey the jew?

Well, it feels weird
saying this

But I hope jakey the jew?

Mm.
Jake peralta.

Freddy actually said
I should come by here

If I was ever in trouble.

Oh, okay.

Well, freddy was here,
but he left.

I got the address
somewhere. Hold on.

So did he say where
he was headin' or--

I heard about you,
peralta.

I know you were the rat.

Get 'em up,
get your hands up.

[laughs] yeah.
Lady hands.

Empty your pockets.
Okay, reaching in.

Pulling stuff out.

I don't have a gun.

Just a wallet and some keys.

Nothing strange
about it, okay?

This is just the clicker
for my car.

[car beeps]
jake!

[car beeping]

[groans]
come on.

It's not a weapon.

Nothing bad's gonna happen
if I just click this.

I know what a car key is.

Yeah, these are them.
I know!

[car continues beeping]

Oh, crap, my gun.

[car beeps]

Oh, come on!

Just get it down!
All right, don't shoot!

That's how people get shot.

Just shut up!
Shut up!

[bang on door]
nypd, drop your weapon.

[shrieks]

All right, bianca.

What do you know about
a guy named derek?

Charles, no.

[distant thudding]

[all laughing and cheering]

Jump, timmy, jump.
Woo!

Now you're having fun.

Sergeant!

Captain, we were
just, uh--
timmy was cranky.

We're just letting him
tire himself out.

Okay, everybody out!
[machine powers down]

(terry)
okay, it's just
kinda difficult.

Because of the deflating.

Out. Now!

Turn on the pump!

I'm very claustrophobic!

Just tell us
where freddy is.

I'm not gonna
sell out freddy.

We're in love.
He introduced me

To his children
as his favorite assistant.

Come on, he has a dozen
mistresses and six girlfriends.

Freddy loved me.
He implied that many times.

There's nobody else, okay.

I just wish
I could remember who.

So many people were sleeping
with each other.

It's kinda hard to keep track.

Well, I actually thought of
a song that helps me remember.

Let's see, it goes...
[in tune of dem bones]

♪ mario is doing it with
teresa ♪

♪ teresa is doing it with
paulie ♪

I knew that.

♪ paulie is doing it with
lisa ♪

♪ and lisa's doing it with
anthony ♪

I really like this song.
Did you come up with the melody?

I'm pretty sure I did.

♪ freddy is cheating with
bianca g. ♪

♪ but also with
her younger sister valerie ♪

No.
Oh, yeah.

I saw them together,
that's why it's in the song.

I knew it!

Ooh, that son of a bitch!

All right, fine.

He's going to
the teterboro airport.

Because freddy is going
to barbados.

Oh, well, well, well.

Good thing someone
came prepared.

We're not going
to barbados, charles.

We're gonna stop the plane.
Come on.

Right.
Let's go.

Oh, my god.
What is on your sweater?

As everyone knows,
my spirit animal

Is nature's greatest predator,
the wolf.

But I committed
a horrible sexual blunder

And I'm no longer
wolf-worthy.

My spirit animal
is now this:

The naked mole rat,

God's disgusting mistake.

Yeah, it's pretty ugly.

Hey! Only I get to talk about
my spirit animal that way.

You don't get to say that.

Come on, amy.

You're not gonna
apologize, sergeant?

No, I was trying
to lighten the mood.

The squad's been stressed
since these drills started.

Plus you ordered me to act
like a seven-year-old.

Seven-year-olds
like to have fun.

When I was seven
I used to sneak

Into my father's office
to see his collection

Of antique globes.

Sir, it's hard to
motivate the squad

When we don't even know why
we're doing these drills.

This hasn't been
announced yet, but...

There's gonna be a new
commissioner of the nypd.

We're all gonna be
under a microscope.

And I want us to be
prepared for anything.

You should have just
told us that.

I was trying
to shield you.

Do you know how much stress
I've been under lately?

My husband says he hasn't
seen me smile in weeks.

How much did you
smile before that?

Constantly.

I don't know what's going on
down at police headquarters.

And no one will
tell me anything.

So you're saying
that not knowing

What your bosses are up to is
driving you a little crazy.

You've used my logic
against me.

Well played, timmy.

Well played.
Thank you, sir.

Look at that.

You helped me
find my smile.

No, no, no, no, no, no, oh, no!
Dammit!

What do you think
you're doing?

Jake peralta, nypd.

I need you to shoot
down that plane.

I can't do that.
Look.

This man was on board.
I have to follow him,

So I need to commandeer
one of these planes.

What's the easiest one for
a complete beginner to fly?

He wasn't on that plane.

That guy's plane left
like an hour ago.
Great.

That's fantastic.

Charles, may I borrow
your hat please?
Sure.

[yells]

It's all right.
High tech rayon, it's fine.

Hey, buddy.
Whatcha doin'?

Oh, just cleaning
out my desk.

Trying not to think about
how freddy got away.

Oh, I didn't let anyone
touch anything

While you were gone.
And that was a mistake.

I left food everywhere.

This drawer is completely
full of maggots now.

Eww!
Wanna get a drink?

Nope, I think I'm just gonna
stay here

And stare into
the maggot drawer.

Hey, that's a good name
for a death metal song.

[metal singer voice]
♪ stare into
the maggot drawer ♪

You wanna talk about it?

My death metal album?
Sure.

I meant do you wanna
talk about what's wrong?

There's nothing to talk about.
The operation was a failure.

Jake, you put away
15 high-ranking mafia guys.

Yeah, and one of them
got away.

It's a disgrace.

You did everything
you could.

I mean sometimes there's stuff
you just can't control.

Why does everyone keep
saying that to me?

You should be proud.

You didn't hold
anything back.

Huh, I think I like
this new forthright

And confident
version of charles.

Let's go get that drink.

Because there's a surprise
party and it's my job

To get you to the bar.
What?

I mean it's my job to get
someone to the bar

For your surprise party.
Dammit!

There it is.

Aha, surprise!
What?

[all cheering]
no way.

I am floored by this.
Charles, you tricked me.

Boyle told you,
didn't he?

Without any prompting.
[chuckles]

Welcome to your party.

All right.
Whoo!

Does anyone have a few words
they'd like to say?

Bup-bup.
No one say anything.

I want him to say stuff.

Speech for jake.

Speech for jake.
Go.
Very well.

Your six-month absence
was noted.
Yes.

Drinks are on me.

There's a two-drink
maximum per person.
Ah, here he goes.

It is non-transferable.
Uh-huh.

Your guests will pay
their own tab.
Oh, yeah.

Valet parking
is not included.
Solid protocol.

Tomorrow's briefing will be
15 minutes earlier than usual.

Wonderful.
He's so bad at it.
And...

I'm very proud
of you, peralta.

We missed you.

Aww, you ruined it.

To jake.
[all cheer]

Hey, got you a drink.

Thanks.
What is this?

It's champagne mixed with
30-year-old scotch

And top-shelf tequila.

Captain said
a two-drink max.

But he did not set
a price limit.

Smort.
Hmm.

Oh, god.
It's horrible.

Yeah, I shouldn't have
added the olive juice.

Eww.

Hey, so listen,

The thing I said to you
before I went undercover,

About how I wished
something had happened

Between us romantically,

That wasn't nothing.
That was real.

What are you saying?

I know that you're
with teddy.

I'm not trying
to change that.

And I get there's stuff
I can't control.

But this morning I told you
that I didn't mean any of it,

And that was a lie.

I just don't want to
hold anything back.

Well, thank you
for saying that.

Just as long as we're clear
that I'm with someone

And nothing is gonna happen.

"I'm with someone,
nothing's gonna happen"--

Name of your sex tape.
He's back.

[chuckles]

Neat sweater.
Ugh.

Did you tell jake yet?
Nope.
Really?

You told him about
his own surprise party.

Mm-hmm,
first chance I got.

But I had tons of chances to
tell him about what happened

Six months ago,
and I didn't.
Why not?

I didn't want to hurt
your feelings.

Eww.
Pump the brakes, charles.

Because I'm terrified of you
and what you'll do to me.

Oh, that's sweet.

Well, then.

Sound like our nightmare
is finally over.

[both scream]

What?
[both groan]

Not a doctor.
Shh.

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