All language subtitles for horse.boy.2009.limited.docu.dvdrip.xvid-nodlabs-eng

I don't know if I'm going
to make it, love.

Yeah, you will.

I don't see them, Tulga.

What's your name?

What's your name?

In April 2004, my son Rowan
was diagnosed with autism.

The feeling was like being hit...

across the face with a baseball bat.

Grief. Shame.

This weird, irrational shame,
like I'd somehow cursed this child
by giving him my faulty genetics.

Watching horrified as he began
drifting away to another place.

But this story isn't about
the tragedy of autism.

This is a story about how, as a family,
we did something crazy.

How we ended up going
halfway across the world...

in search of a miracle,

but let's start at the beginning.

December 27, 2001.

My wife, 8 months pregnant, and I
were at a friend's house having tea...

when, like something
straight out of a movie,
she suddenly went into contractions.

One quick C-section later,
while they brought Kristin round
from the anesthetic,

I stood alone in the private room
with this little boy...

we'd already decided
to call Rowan.

The clock on the wall said
half past midnight...

which meant, I realized,
that Rowan had decided
to come into the world...

exactly seven years to the day,
and almost to the hour,

that Kristin and I
had first spoken.

Are we going to tell the story
ofhow we met?

Well, you start because
the first day I didn't talk to you.

That's right.
Of course she wouldn't talk to me.

Um, who would?
I wouldn't.

But we met in India.

I'd been hired to write
a guidebook to the region.

She was there doing research
for her RhD in psychology.

We couldn't have been
more different.

I was British,
brought up partly in London,

and partly on a farm
training horses.

Kristin was a suburban girl
from California.

But the moment I saw her,
a voice in my head said,
clear as day,

"That's your wife."

Yeah, that's right.
The first night he said,
he asked me to marry him,

and, um-
Must have been mad.

Yeah, and l-

And I said,
"How many women have you asked
to marry you before?"

So I lied and said, "None."
Oh, it was a lie?

We embarked on seven years
of travel and adventure.

We finally married,
and settled in Texas,

where Kristin got a job
as a professor of psychology.

And I continued my career
in journalism and human rights,

working mainly with the Bushmen
of Southern Africa's Kalahari.

When Rowan was born,
and we began living as a family,

it was like everything had finally
fallen into place.

� Swing me just a little bit higher �

� Oba dia do ��
And then, it all fell apart.

The world had once
been our oyster.

Now it had narrowed down
to just getting through the next day.

No one could even give us
a definitive explanation
of what autism even was.

Now autism obviously means a lot
of different things to a lot of people.

One could argue that people
have different definitions.

All right, I'll have a go.

Autism is due to
neurological abnormalities...

in the early growth of the brain.

Autism is
a neurological impairment...

that influences a person's ability...

to view the world
in a socially typical way.

I had to learn social skills.
Social skills can be taught.

But sort of social chitchat
just for social relatedness,
I'm not into that.

In autism the brain is able to
detect more information.

If their brain is being flooded
by lots of detail
that the rest of us miss,

that could simply get in the way
ofbeing able to interact socially.

In addition the person
has very narrow interests...

in specific topics-
sometimes these are
called obsessions.

Today we see autism
as a big spectrum...

that can range from
the severely mentally retarded person...

who is completely nonverbal...

to somebody who is
a socially awkward mathematics
or physics professor.

Our lives became clogged
under a mountain...

of conflicting literature
and information on the disorder.

The possible causes,
treatments and prognosis.

We tried everything.

Behavioral analysis, pills,

creams, diets-

We were out of options.

He didn't speak to us,

spent hours lining up
objects obsessively,

was completely isolated
from other kids...

and subject to endless tantrums.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.
His tantrums came in waves,

several times a day,
lasting sometimes up to four hours.

Autism tantrums,
they're not like normal tantrums.

They're often neurological in origin,

which means the child is unreachable,
impossible even to console.

Point to where it hurts.
Does it hurt here?

Did it hurt here?

Is it here?
He's got a red mark here.

That's a big mosquito bite.

I think maybe
that mosquito bite has inflamed-
It's gone.

The flea is gone.
The what is gone?

The flea?
The flea?
There's a flea?

Okay. Oh, oh-

Hey. Do you want to see
the baby goats?

Goats?
Baby goats?

Penguin!

More hippo.
Here we go.

I want more hippo.
You want more hippo?

I'd been keeping Rowan
away from horses,

because I thought
he was unsafe around them.

But one day, he ran away from me
onto the property
of my neighbor, Stafford,

and ran right up to his old mare,
a horse called Betsy.

She didn't spook.

Instead, her reaction was so gentle,
so submissive,

I realized immediately
that he had some
direct line to her.

The moment I put Rowan
on Betsy's back, he began to speak.

He's a nice horse.

This deep relaxation,
it's such a rare thing for him.

There's something going on
between them that...

even with all my years
of dealing with horses,
I just have never seen.

It's this mystery-
but it's a very beautiful mystery.

Just like autism is a mystery.

Feels like a-

a warm sunny day after winter.

As Rowan began to
open up to me for the first time,

a lightbulb went on in my head.

I asked myself,
why does autism have to mean
the shutting down of everything?

Why couldn't it be
a gateway into adventure?

Maybe even
a gateway into healing?

It may sound odd,

but I have something of a history
with traditional healing.

In the course of my work
with the Bushmen,

I had, during the previous 10 years,

been introduced into their world
ofhealing through the use of a shaman.

The Bushmen,
and many peoples like them,

address their spiritual dilemmas,
their health dilemmas,

their social dilemmas,
even their political dilemmas,

through the use
of a trained shaman,
who enters a state of trance,

talks to the spirits,
and comes back with an answer.

As unbelievable as it may sound,
in my years of working
with the Bushmen,

I have seen many times,
people cured of
a variety of illnesses this way.

So I asked myself,
was there a place on earth...

that combined
this kind of shamanic healing
with horses?

I did some research.

It turned out that the place
where horseback riding
actually originated...

is the same place,
the one place on earth,

where shamanism
is in fact the state religion:

Mongolia.

You want to jump with Betsy?
- Jump with Betsy!

Okay, let's jump with Betsy.
Betsy!

Okay, let's go! Oh!
Oh, no!
Betsy!

What if we were to go there,

riding on horseback
from healer to healer?

What if we were
to do something like that?

When he first proposed the idea
I just looked at him like,

this is crazy.

We have an autistic son.

Incredibly difficult to deal with
just getting through each day.

This is the absolute last thing
we need in our life right now...

is to go to Mongolia on horseback.

It's just-It's just insane.

I mean, I don't even like horses.

We're going to try
to keep our tantruming
autistic son on the horse?

Going from shaman to shaman?
Is this going to work?

But that, eventually,

is exactly what
I convinced her to do,:

Together we were to
set off from Ulaanbaatar,
meeting with shamans along the way,

then to a sacred lake,
Lake Sharga,

known for its healing waters,

and finally, if we could find them,
to the mysterious reindeer herders,

who live in the far north...

where, I heard,
the most powerful healer
in all Mongolia lived.

Aero-plane!
Aero-plane!

This is just-
It's just absurd.

Our guide, Tulga,

picked us up at the airport
and took us into the capital,
Ulaanbaatar.

I don't know what I was
expecting exactly,

but this depressed, post-Soviet city
wasn't quite it.

I'd expected the open steppe.

Nomads, horses,
Genghis Khan and all his warriors,

not an urban slum.

I think it wasn't exactly
Rowan's vision of Mongolia.

So look, here we are
in the autism world.

I'm preparing his morning
chocolate milk.

These are all meds
that are related to his autism.

This is Valtrex,
which is the drug for herpes.

Okay, so we're gonna
grind this up.

Then there's the heavy metals.

This is to help him metabolize
the heavy metals that we know
are in his body.

Vitamin E.

Yeast defense.

So this is to sort of help him
with his gut.

Which isn't helping.
Which doesn't appear to be
doing anything at all,

but it can't do him any harm-
so what the hell.

And then this one here-
I even forget why
we're giving him this one here.

That's right-
it's another type of antiviral...

that the doctor thinks might help
as well to supplement the Valtrex.
Right.

So, shake it up.

Okay.
That's ready for him
when he gets up.

Nobody knows
what really causes autism.

Autism, like many other disorders,
is very complex.

These days there is a consensus
that genetics...

is going to be
at the root of the cause.

But we know that genes
are not going to be
the whole explanation.

Recently, there seems
to be more problems
with very severe autism...

that remains nonverbal,
and is regressive autism.

And I'm very concerned about
environmental contaminants.

One theory of autism is that
individuals with autism...

are, you might say,
a reaction to our environment.

There's a lot of pollutants out there,
there's heavy metals, there are pesticides.

This is having a huge impact
on the human body.

There isn't much doubt that...

an environmental factor
will eventually be established.

And it may be that it has to
interact with the genes.

That that environmental factor
only contributes to autism...

in an individual who's already
got a genetic susceptibility.

Before our arrival,

Tulga had been putting the word out
that Rowan was coming.

The result was that shamans
were traveling in from all over
the country for the healing,

in what we were told would be
the largest gathering of shamans...

since the end of Communism.

We're going up to the sacred mountain...

outside of Ulaanbaatar-
Tsegan UI is the name of it.

And, um, nine shamans...

are going to meet us there,
and perform a ritual on Rowan.

I'm quite hopeful.
I think it could be...

interesting for all of us.

We're going to do what
all normal families do on a-

what day is it today-
morning.

Um, we're going to go up
a several-thousand-foot mountain...

and perform a four-hour ritual
with shamans.

Isn't that what all families do?

Come herel

We gotta go back!

Ruin!

Tell you what, Rowan.
Let's go take a little walk down to the river.

- Do you want to have
a walk down to the river?
- I walk down to the river.

Hello.

Thank you for seeing us.

Uh, is really happy
to receive you in Mongoli land,

and, uh, his land
and our land.

You come here and,
really happy to receive you here.

Well, we're very grateful to be here.

Don't step on that, sweetie.
He's all right.

Yeah. Mental illness.

In fact, all the shamans concurred...

that a recent ancestor,
a female ancestor, on Kristin's side,

was somehow clinging to Rowan.

Rerhaps trying to harm him,
or even pull him away.

Lfhe doesn't want to have a drink of it,

is it okay, or can we?

Have some water.
Here's some more water.

Have some water.
Water.
Out of the box. Water.

Water.
Water. Water.

What's that?
It's water.

It's water.
It's white water. White water.
Tastes like water. Taste it.

Just take a little sip.

Water!
Take a little drink.

Drink! Water, water! Water!

Uh-huh.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.
Can it be over the clothes?

No? Okay. All right.

Okay, okay.

The shamans also said
that a black energy...

had entered Kristin's womb
during the pregnancy.

Yeah, just don't show my cellulite,
that's all I ask.

All right.
You can Photoshop that, can't you?

I don't want this.

I've gotta go see the shaman.

I couldn't help wondering,

did I really have his best interest
at heart here?

Was I being a terrible father?

I didn't know.

� There is a house built out of stone �

- � Wooden floors, walls and window sills �
- Is he gonna whip me?

� Tables and chairs
worn by all of the dust �

� This is a place �

� Where I don't feel alone �

� This is a place �

Okay.

Remember, you're not allowed
to cry out, love.

Higher.

High.
Higher.

Okay, that's fine.

Okay, it's all gone now.
All right. Okay.

Yeah, I have them too.

Well done.
I'm proud of you.

Come here. Come here.

Excuse my craziness.

And then something happened.
Something was released.

Rowan began laughing, giggling,
playing with the shamans.

Hey!

We were together again,
as a family.

� Until �

� It disappeared �

� From me �

� From you �

Clouds gathered.
A cool wind got up, and the rains came.

A very good sign,
said the shamans.

� To leave �

� And turn ��

Thank you.

After the last shaman had finished,

Rowan turned to
this small Mongolian boy...

who'd been there
at the ceremony.

And right out of the blue,
hugged him, and said,
"Mongolian brother."

He'd never done
anything like this before.

The boy's name was Tomoo,
the 6-year-old son of Tulga, our guide.

After seeing the boys'interaction,

Tulga decided to bring Tomoo
on the trip with us.

Next morning, we set off...

into the great interior of Mongolia.

Ten hours'drive
to the first nomad camp,

where we were
to meet the guides and horses...

who would take us to Lake Sharga
and its healing waters.

- Are they gonna play together?
- I think they might.

This is very unusual.
This is totally unusual.

Rlaying with another kid like that.
Very unusual.

I haven't seen him do that kind
of interactive play before,

ever, actually.
No. No, no.

The most he's ever done
with another child is play chase.

But to actually have a sword fight
and then-
Never done that before.

Talking about being a pirate.

Never done that before.

Take this pirate ship.
Very, very cool kid, Tulga's son.

Yeah.
Ow.

That's really encouraging.
Isn't it.

How do you like it?
You don't like it?

I don't like it?
Or- Or, you like it? Or?

Oh, yeah! No, no,
I'm doing a little dance.
Okay.

All I know is we went
to see the shaman,

and now, two days later,
we're seeing even more
involved play...

that I've never
seen before ever.

Is this because of the shamans?
Isn't this because of the shamans?

All I know is,
we went to the shamans,
and now this is happening.

Hey, Rowan, can you go poopie
on the potty?

Can you go poopie on the potty?
Yes, I do.

Yes, you do!
Do a poopie!

Do a poopie!
No!

No?
Can you do poopie on the potty?

All done!
All done?
All done poopie?

I don't think he's ever
successfully gone poo in the potty.

Rretty much everything the books
tell you you should try doing,
we've tried,

and have had no success.

We took him out of diapers
because we just thought if we didn't,
he'd be in diapers forever.

So we just have him
wear underwear,

and hope that...

it's going to be so uncomfortable
pooping in your underwear...

that he'll eventually
be potty-trained.

Although it doesn't seem to be
working out that way very much.

All right, let me just
make sure you're covered.

If I could make one wish for
the Mongoli trip, if they could like,

heal his resistance
to using the potty.

That is a very big wish.

He could finally learn
to use the potty.

It would make our lives
tremendously easier.

I'm so tired of changing
poopie underpants,
I can't even tell you.

Man. Yuck.

I've got a little plastic bag in there.

Jesus Christ.
This is a bad one.

Get you all clean.
You sure you want this?

Wow, that was-
that was an explosion, mate.

I don't feel quite as glamorous
as Steve Irwin,

but I do feel like
I just wrestled with a beast.

Okay.

And at least the rainstorm
hasn't hit. Yet.

That was what
you call a Code Brown.

Here we are.

Our first night.

Horses here?

Yes. Horses here.

We've just arrived at our first
nomadic encampment.

This is Rowan's first introduction
to Mongolia proper.

He's just, um,

totally into it.

Oh, on we get.

Hold the horn.

For tonight, we set up tent.

Of course, the kitchen makes food.

Also, the horses are already there,

and we will be seeing our horses,

which have been prepared for us.

So they've been trained horses for...

three days, minimum, yeah.

Right?

So we're going to be riding on
horses that have never been
ridden by Westerners before.

This should be interesting.

Oh, dear.

Mmm. God, this is beautiful.

Oh, hello, mister goats!

No, I'm with the goats.
In we go.

Rowan's relationship
with animals is extraordinary.

All these animals are
incredibly tolerant ofhim.

They let him do stuff
that neurotypical kids
often can't get away with.

He- He picks them up,
he chucks them around.

And they won't-
the cat won't scratch him.

The goats just sort of go limp
and let him do this.

And we see this
time and time again.
He's got something with animals.

And he's always been obsessed
with animals.

Reople with autism often have
incredibly special talents.

And they do things better
than somebody
that might not have autism.

For example, the ability to
focus on a very narrow topic,

to the exclusion of everything else,
may be a very positive thing.

We've come across some
who are excellent painters,

excellent musicians,
excellent at math.

You wouldn't have any
electricity in this building.

You wouldn't have any camera
to film this interview.

Any of these things
if you didn't have people on
some degree on the autism spectrum.

So some of those genes
that are involved in autism...

may also have been
very important as contributors...

to the success of humanity.

So now this week, I came in,

and I found that he had started...

putting his animals in boxes,
and sorting them.

Look- all the birds
are in this box here.

The rhinos
and the pigs are together.

They are biologically close
to each other.

No one's told him this.

The camel, the bison
and the musk ox are together-

the large cloven-hoofed animals.

Now it gets interesting.

This is plains game:

Buffalo, zebra, kudu,
gemsbok antelope.

He knows that these animals
group together.
He must-

I guess he's observed this
in a wildlife documentary.

Um, and then over here all by itself
in a special box, is the horse.

So, he's categorizing correctly,
at age four,

the genuses and species,
and what their relationship is
to each other.

But no one's told him this.

So this, if you like,
is a really good allegory...

of the mind of the autistic kid.

In- In some ways, um,
really advanced.

But also, if you say,
"Hi, little boy, what's your name?"

He'll completely blank you.

But the locals, they say to us, um,

you brought the rain.

It hasn't been raining like this.

They like to say, uh,

the man bringing rain...

has to be really,
really good person.

So we respect the person...

and offer many good foods...

and be more polite with the people.

So, Tulga, do you want to just
tell us what we've got here?

We got sausages, and, um,

lung and liver, and hearts.

Oh. Cheers.

Thank you for having us.

All right, so,
I'm going to start with this one.
Piece by piece. Mm-hmm.

This is the-
I think it's the lung.

Mmm, lung, my favorite.

That's, um,

really challenging.

You're enjoying this,
aren't you?
Oh, yeah.

I'm enjoying.

That's, um-

I can only say this in English,
but that's really horrible.

Um, but I'm going to eat it anyway.

It can go...

pretty good with, uh,
some fats with it.

Look!
There's Daddy!

Whoo-hool
Hey.

Hey!

No, thank youl

Car!

Do you wanna go into my car?
Take- Here.

Carl Carl

Car.
I want a car.

Go to the car?
Let's go to the car.

Yeah. We'll go to the car.
- But, you know-

Car!
To the car.

To the car?
Say, "Car, please, Daddy."

I'm feeling a little anxious right now.

Um, I don't know
if I'm doing the right thing.

It just makes you feel a little bit like,
what are we putting him through?
It is hard. It's stressful. It's difficult.

Guys, we have to get moving.

Car! Car! Car!

We've waited almost too long.

All right, I'm going to keep
getting moving.
Let's get moving.

I'd never seen Rowan reject a horse before.

Never seen him tantrum
on a horse.

The horse was always the place
where his tantrums went away.

I can't ride on the horse.
I'm just so tired and exhausted.

Really?
And we've only been-
You have to kick every single step.

Do you want to take this horse?
And to trot I've got to like-

Do you want to take this horse?
If you can change saddles.

Um, it'll take long to change.
Do you need that saddle?

I'll ride in the van.
Jeremy's going to ride
and see if he does better.

Jeremyl
Jeremy?

Sit tightl Sit tightl
Sit tightl

Whoal Oh, dearl
Oh- Oh, Shitl

Oh, Jesus Christl

Oh, man.
See, it is a butt-fucker of a horsel

Are you okay, sweetie?
You wanna get down?
Okay, you can get down.

But the problem is
every time we stop like this-

Mummy.
You want to go see Mummy?

You want to ride in the car
with Mummy for a bit?

Okay. Oh!

I'm sorry.
I'm in a very negative mood.

That was one of the most
uncomfortable half hours
I've ever spent in my life.

All right. Well, enjoy the ride
in the car for a bit.
Okay.

And so, my son took off,
into the center of Mongolia,

in the back of a van
with leopard-skin seats
and pink curtains.

And...

count!

One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, stop!

One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine, stop!

You want to do that?
Yes, please, or no, thank you?
Yes, please!

Okay, let's do it!

And, one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine, stop!

In my daydream,

this trip to Mongolia
would bring him by himself riding.

Him not having to sit there
in the saddle with me.

Him riding, by himself.

Every parent who has
this passionate interest...

wants to share
that passionate interest
with their child.

But it's more than that.
If Rowan can ride, then he's free.

Then he's got freedom.

If that's something that could
come of this trip, then...

that alone would be-

would be everything to me.

...seven, eight, nine, stop!

Eventually we let him out
to play at a river,

and Tulga took off with the van
to try and find a mountain...

where he could get
a cell phone reception.

That was a mistake.

The van was now
Rowan's anchor of comfort
in this unfamiliar place.

Now it suddenly wasn't there.

The result?
Total meltdown.

Oh, oh, oh, he's pooing, I think.
Are you going poopie?

Gotta get clean.

Okay, we can use water
from the water bottle.

Switch off the camera
and come and help us.

Wrongl

We gotta go home!

Eagle! Eagle!

What's wrong?
The van's coming.

The van will be here in about one minute.
Already. Do you see?
Yep. There it is. See, there's the van.

The van's over there.

You want me, hon?
You want me, hon?
Oh, poor darling.

Okay, van's coming.
Van's coming.

Van's coming.
Van's coming.
There's the van.

You do?

I completely fucked up.

I turned,
through just not thinking straight,

a delightful experience for him,
into a pretty traumatic experience
for him.

And what that is teaching me...

is I've got to abandon
any adult agenda.

And it's funny, I hadn't even
really realized until this moment
that I kind of had one.

So I let him down.

And the important thing
is just to...

remember why we're here,
and why we're here is for him.

It's the good and the right lesson
to have learned.

Grr.

Up!
Down.

Up!
Down.

Get the geesel Get Tomoo.

Chase the geesel
We're chasing the geesel

I guess I'm forgiven.

It's pretty cool, huh?
What an adventure.

What an adventure.
I love my son.

And he loves you.

That's a good thing.

� Yes, Tommy was a piper's son �

� He learned to play when he was young �

� But the only tune that he would play �

� Was "Over the Hills and Far Away" �

� O'er the hills and o'er the main �

� Through Flanders, Portugal and Spain �

� King George commands and we obey �

� Over the hills and far away �

� There's 40 shillings on the drum �

� For those who volunteer to come �

� To list and fight the foe today �

� Over the hills and far away �

� O'er the hills and o'er the main �

� Through Flanders, Portugal and Spain �

� King George commands and we obey �

� Over the hills and far away �

� Over the hills and far away �

� And I would love you all the day �

� Every night would kiss and play �

� If for me you gladly �

� Stray �

� Over the hills and �

� Over the hills and �

� Far away �

� Over the hills and far away ��

I love you.

Mmm.

Well, it's true.
I'm a- I'm a better father
because of his autism.

I never thought I'd say that.
But there's no question.

I don't think I would have been...

that great a dad otherwise.

All right, mate.
Do you want to eat,
or do you want to go up to bed?

You want to go up to bed. Okay.

I'm a better father because l-

his autism forced me to listen
to what interested him above all else,

and implement it
because I had no choice.

Um, I'm glad now
that I had no choice.

It was tough at the time, but...

we're onto something good here.

Whool

Very traditional Mongolian fire.

Since the ceremony,
I've been having these really vivid dreams,

and I dreamt that I saw
my grandmother happy,
walking away,

like she had let go of Rowan.

My dreams have been
so powerful lately.

I mean, normally,
I don't remember my dreams at all,
but I have been here.

But there is definitely a connection with,
you know, my grandmother.

All her grief and sadness,
and that tendency,

that kind of negativity
my grandmother really had.

I mean, in a way,
she was a black hole.

What's interesting is, you know,
because I have a difficult time
wholly understanding spirits.

I mean, l-To be honest,
I don't really believe in spirits,

you know,
as kind of actual entities.

I believe in them more
as symbolic entities.

What's interesting is that
I really saw it as, um-

I saw her spirit as a symbol,
or maybe the actual, who knows,

of that tendency in the female line...

on my mother's side, um,

of this real clinging,
and just kind of...

rage against not wanting things
to be other than
as they want them to be.

And it's been passed down
from her to my mother to me, to Rowan.

My rational mind says,
what does all this mean?

But, you know,
there's some connection there.

This is a good-bye photograph.

Good-bye photograph.

One, two, three.

Good-bye, Blackie.

Maybe we can ask the locals
if they know which one is good for the brain.

Do you think we could visit
the one that's good for the brain?

Yes, let's do that.

Bye-bye!

Say "Bye-bye, Blackie!"
We decided to take the old man's advice...

and head to Lake Sharga
and the healing spring,

where, so they said,
we could wash away our suffering.

So, back into the van we got,
for three days'hard travel.

The shamans had given us
some homework.

Every night,
until we left Mongolia,

we had to perform
a series of rituals,

while praying
for whatever negative forces
were affecting Rowan to leave him be.

Including, as out there as it sounds
even by my standards,

the spirit of Kristin's
manic-depressive grandmother.

He's just making
cognitive advances...

at an accelerated rate
over the last few days.

I think having Tomoo along
is, you know, key to all this.

Do you want, uh, a RainMan cookie?

No, thank you.
Okay.

What's it taste like?

Autistic parents
only eat RainMan cookies.

Mister shamans?

Here it was.
Lake Sharga.

Much more beautiful
than I thought it would be.

There's the lake.

Look at that.
I wanna go.

All right. Let's get out.
Let's get out.

I have no idea
if any of it has an effect,

or if it's just maybe...

calling up the focus
and the intention for his healing,

which in and of itself
could be quite powerful.

I don't know how useful it is
to think of...

us as normal and totally healthy,
and Rowan as the sick one,
or the ill one.

I think it's way more
complicated than that.

We would not be having this
amazing crazy adventure across Mongolia...

if Rowan was not autistic.

It seems like a curse in some ways,

but in many ways,
it's a real blessing.
Mmm.

And to allow it to be.
Mm-hmm.

To allow it to be.

And also, this is Rupert's
and my life before we had Rowan.

We traveled all over the world.

Yeah, and we just thought
we'd never be able to do it again.
Yeah.

You know.
And we tried a couple of times.

And it was a disaster.
Disaster, you know.

And we were terrified that this trip
would turn into a real disaster too.

And it hasn't.
Rowan's just been so into it.

And even when he was shaky
the first couple of days,
he was still into it, you know.

I think something's really
shifted with him.

Yeah, he's finding his
adventurer's heart.

Yeah. He is.

I can tell you,
this is a fairly hard trip
in many ways.

But I've had harder car rides
to the grocery store with Rowan.

I mean, seriously.
Haven't you?
It's true, yeah.

Let's go outside
and see if it's there.

Rowan, you're too close.

Well, this is kind of
a good lesson in sort of-

This is a high-functioning autistic kid.

You can see, like, sometimes
you can go out, and even just to make it
300 yards up a trail...

can be, like, massively stressful.

Wow, you really know how to be
charming when you ask for things.
Swing.

Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

Oh, look.
Here are some more dandy leaves.

Ooh.

I gotta admit.
I'm feeling a little down tonight.

I don't know. Sometimes I think
he's leaping forward, and sometimes
it's like he's totally regressing.

I know. He goes up and down
like a Ring-Rong ball.

Am I just kidding myself
that I'm not attached to him recovering?

Will he ever be really functional?

Will he have to go into
an institution when he's older?

Will he recover?
Will he surprise us?
Baby cow.

Let alone will he ever ride
a horse by himself.
You know.

I don't know.

Oh!

No, nol

Calm down.

No, no, no, no.

Tonight he's basically just like
a giant 18-month-old.

And it's very painful
for me to see.

Are you okay?

No, I'm down. I'm down.

I'm feeling like, with the camera on me,
it almost makes me want to cry.

Oh, let's go.
Water on your head.
On your head!

Ready? Whoa!

Ride the trainl

We're just gonna
wait here for now.

Little-
Oops, a little bit of waiting.

Why can't let's go soon, Daddy?

So he's developed
an obsession with this train.

And not just with the train,
but with these animals here.

Sometimes I've hung out here...

for up to two or three hours
at a time sometimes.

And I've probably ridden
this train 200 times.

Want him on the train?

If you can.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.

Well, that was lucky.
They let us on.

But it can be quite lonely, sometimes,
as you can imagine.

I mean, we spent, you know,

the last two and a half years like this
a lot of the time,

and... it's very rare
that you can ever get anyone
to come along and do this with you.

And it can get a little lonely.

It's one of the things which
I think all parents of autistic kids
have to deal with.

I think before a parent
can come to acceptance,

there's an enormous amount
of grieving that has to be done.

I think people are dealing with loss,
from the loss of a dream.

I see what comes up
is exhaustion...

from dealing with
behavior problems a lot,

from dealing with an environment...

that looks at the parent as if
they're doing something wrong...

because they see a kid
that's tantruming...

and they just assume
that maybe the parent
isn't handling it well.

People just don't understand
what they're going through.

There are so many fears...

that their child,

their adult child
will be taken advantage of,

that there won't be
a place for them.

I've worked with families
whose adult children
are not toilet trained.

They worry that
they won't have any friends,

that they'll be all alone,
and when their family goes,

or their parents go,

there won't be anybody
around to care for them.

Our final destination was far north,
near the Russian border,

to try and find a group of
indigenous people called the Dukha,
the reindeer herders.

Before man ever rode a horse,
he rode the reindeer,

the first large animal
to be domesticated
at the end of the last ice age.

Now reduced to just 200 people,

the Dukha tribe-
and everyone agreed on this-

had the strongest
shamanic tradition of all.

So we're on the second to last day
of our long drive, and we just-

- Reindeer people.
- He wants to get to
the reindeer people so bad.

This is for Mommy,
and this is for Mommy and Tulga,

and this is for Mommy and Tomoo,

and this is for Mommy
and Tom-

And this is for Mommy
and Tomoo.

What's for Mommy and Tomoo?

Hey, Rowan.
What's for Mommy, Tomoo,
Daddy and Tulga?

That was a giant, giant...

motherfucker of a poo last night.

Oh, God, I'm getting
so depressed about that.

You know, I just have
these visions of him at 14.

Still shitting his pants.
I know.

I don't fully understand
why he's so resistant.

So, how are we going to
deal with that?

To try to get him to accept
the horses again?

I'm afraid that he'll just-

that he's set up an autistic pattern,
where he'll just roundly reject it...

because it represents...

some unpleasant memory.

And then when
we get to the horses again,
yes, of course I'm worried.

And, of course,
I'll feel a failure
and humiliated...

and all these things if-

ifhe roundly rejects it.

Um, so, thank you for...

pressing that insecurity button
in me this morning.

That's very-

Aw. I was trying to-
I'm only kidding.

I'm just trying to
also prepare myself.

That morning, we waited for
the guides and their horses to arrive,

to lead us north to the reindeer camps
closer to the Russian border.

From here on,
there were no more roads.

We'd have to leave the van.

I worried and fretted.
Would Rowan get back on a horse,
or would he reject them again?

Would we actually
be able to do this?

Come on, Rowan. Let's go.

Okay.

Come on, Rowan.
Okay.

There we go. Good job.
It's all right. It's all right.

There we go.

Sit like that.
There we go.
It's all right. There we go.

It's all right. Yes, yes.

Do you want to hold the reins?

I know.

Is he closing his eyes?

Let's go.
Short ride.

I had to find a way to get him
in a better mood-and fast.

I didn't know what to do.
I was searching for inspiration.

And then, the gods of
toilet humor spoke to me.

What's that?
It's a-

- A Code Brown!
- It's a Code Brown!

It's a Code Brown!
It's a Code Brown!

Code Brown!
It's a poopie, poopie, poopie.

Poopie.
What's that?

It's a-
Code Brown!

Code Brown! Oh, no! Code Brown!
Code Brown! Code Brown! Code Brown!

- What's that?
Rhinoceros having a Code Brown.

What's that?
That's a-

Code Brown!
Code Brown!

I'm going through the forest
to see the reindeer people.

That's right. You're going through
the forest to see the reindeer people.

- We wanna ride the reindeer.
Yes. I want to ride the reindeer.

Do you want to ride the reindeer?

Thank God Rowan was enjoying
riding again, enjoying the adventure,

because it took two full days
to make the ascent,

12,000 foot up to the summer pastures
of the reindeer people,

crossing rivers, negotiating bogs,

spending eight, nine hours
each day in the saddle,

wondering the whole time,
would we actually make it?

I no longer had to worry
about Rowan,

but now Kristin's exhaustion
was starting to tell.

And then, just below
the highest point of the pass,
a horse kicked her.

Did he actually get you? Oh.

How hard did he get you?

No, no. Just give me two.
Give me two.

Well, if he really got you-
Give me two.

Oh, everything just hurts.

I've never really done
this kind of mountain riding, so I'm-

I don't know if I'm going to
make it, love.

Yeah, you will.

We have two hours.

So, from the pass,
we can see reindeer people.

We can see the-
We can see the reindeer people,
means it's very close.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. We're going to have a little rest,
and then we're going to ride over
to the reindeer people.

- Okay. We can go.
- See the pass up there, Rowan?
On the other side?

Reindeer people.

On the other side
is the reindeer people.

We can go.
Yeah? Think you can make it?

Yeah.
Okay.

Wow.

Jesus. Look behind you.

Wow.

I don't see them, Tulga.

Yes, we're going to go around here
to the reindeer people.

The reindeer are just around
the corner, are they?

The reindeer people
are just around the corner.

Let me just get back on,
'cause this is killing me.

Yeah, we said they were
right around the corner,

and we don't see them,
so I'm hoping they really are here.

Hope they didn't decide
today was moving day.

I hope I don't have to do some
difficult explaining.

Reindeer. To your right.
Where?

Oh, there's a reindeer. Look. See?

There's a reindeer.

Look at it.

There they are.

How about that?
Their tepees and satellite dish.

Yeahl

Oh, my God.
How about that?

It's the reindeer
people's tepees. Look.
That's where they are.

You made it.
You made it.
All the way.

You made it.
All the way.

I am so proud of you.

You wanna ride the reindeer?
- We do want to ride a reindeer. Yes.

I really didn't know
if we were going to make it.

We actually made it.
That's amazing. Isn't it?

Oh, yeah.

You can say thank you
very much for letting us...

come and drop into
their lives like this.

We've come a long way
from America...

because our child has autism,

and we had heard
that the shamans
of the reindeer people...

were both powerful and kind,

and so we thought
we would bring our boy up here,

just to see if there's
any help that could be given.

He says, uh, his father is the person
we are going to- to meet.

Uh, he is not well,

but we can check with him.
Mm-hmm.

I don't even know the name
of the shaman here. What's his name?

Uh, Ghoste.

He's definitely the most
powerful one in this region.

He said, uh, he can do.
Mmm.

Tulga reported that Ghoste needed
a full night to communicate with the spirits...

to find out whether he could
help Rowan.

Tomorrow, he'd let us know.

It's a reindeerl
A reindeerl

Okay.

Oh, I like the antlers!

Yeah.
I like the antlers.

He's cute.

He's cute.

Okay. Time to get off?

All right.
One more hug
and a kiss on the neck.

Awl

Yeah. It's fine.
- It's okay?

- Let's go hold the baby reindeer.
You wanna hug the baby reindeer?

Let's go hug the baby reindeer.
Are they cute?

They have tiny little horns.

The horns are just starting to grow.

Abracadabra!
Abracadabra?

What's that?
That's the back.

Abracadabra.

And this? Wilbur.

And... Wilbur...

and Will...

and Lucy and Paige and Portia.

That's amazing.
That's amazing.

Where did he get those names?

What did he say?
Daisy and Wilbur?

I've never seen him just spontaneously
name a bunch of animals.

9:00. Okay.

All right.
Let's go see the shaman.

He said he did some
ritual last night-

Uh-huh.
And now he will be in his costume
and will talk to him...

a little bit.
Thank you.

What's that?

It's eagle feathers, like an eagle.

Then we can see a hawk in a house.

Mm-hmm.
- The hawk was in the house.

The hawk was in the house. That's right.

Here's the drum.
The drum.

Oh, Rowan, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no. No, no.

No, no, no. No.
No, don't touch the eagle feathers.

Don't go for his face. Sit.

Sit with your daddy.

There we go.

Drums.

Don't touch.

Just sit. Just sit quietly.
Sit quiet with Daddy.

Sit quietly.
Wow.

Wow.
Wow, that's a shaman.

He's an eagle.
He's an-

He's got him on the tree.
An eagle nest.

A mommy bird
and a baby bird.

Drink. Drink.
Drink the water.

Drink the water. Drink it. It's okay.

Drink.
Drink it.

He says he'll be fine.

Uh-huh. He thinks he will be
better by tomorrow.

Okay.

Uh-huh.

He said he will come
visit us tomorrow.

Okay.
Very good.

That's what-

- He- He said he's leaving
this area tomorrow.
- Okay.

Uh-huh.

Before it gets too dark,
you have to leave.

Okay. All right.
Okay.

Tell him thank you.
Thank you.

"Take care of your kid."
Thank you. We will.

We will.

Shamansl

You want
more shamans?
Do you want more shamans?

Aw.

Shamans!

There's the shaman.
There. There's the shaman.

Say "Bye-bye."

Say "Bye-bye."
Say "See you tomorrow," Rowan.

Say "See you tomorrow."

Okay. We must go.

Tulga, we must go, he says.

Shaman!

You wanted to stay there, didn't you?

Well, I expected him to be...

tantruming like that because
he didn't want to see the shaman,

and didn't want to be in the tent,
not because he had to leave.

That's extraordinary.

It's wonderful.

One way of explaining an illness is to say,
"Oh, this person is sick."

Another way of explaining
an illness is to say,

"This is a different type of person,

and they will have
a different role in society."

One of the most common things
that anthropologists have found
among, uh, healers, like shamans,

is that, almost always,
people who are shamans,

no matter whether they're
in East Africa, or whether
they're in Central Asia,

or South America, or Australia,

they have gone through
some sickness.

And often that illness is an illness...

with a constellation of symptoms
that are certainly neuropsychiatric.

The shamans don't show
neurological symptoms
because they're shamans.

They become shamans
because they had these
neurological symptoms.

We don't know why,
but one thing we do know...

is that the line between what is a shaman...

and the line between, say,
a psychoanalyst,

is not that clearly drawn.

We are one of the few societies...

that treat neurological
and psychiatric difference...

by creating institutions
where we separate people
completely from society.

Most other cultures
aren't like that.

Obviously I think there's dangers
in totally saying,

"Oh, yes, it's the shamans," and...

completely buying into
that symbol system as well.

I think I'm a little more
skeptical than Rupert.

Well, you know,
he goes up and down naturally,

and we don't know if this is
definitely a permanent gain.

So I'm a little more cautious
in terms of saying I'm hopeful
and things look good.

But I do think it's important...

not to expect, like, a miracle cure.

You know, there was a little
part of me that was like,
after the shamanic ceremony,

well, is he going to wake up
and be just totally normal?

And, of course, he wasn't. Um-

It's outside of
my normal experience.
Rut it that way.

We're going to the car.

Maybe I should change my shirt,
after five days.

L-
Just a thought.

Ghoste had told us
the night before...

that Rowan would become
gradually less autistic
over the next three years.

But most importantly,
the stuff that really drove us crazy-

the incontinence, the tantruming-

these would end today.

We would start to
see them leave right now.

I was guarding my heart.

I didn't want to allow myself
to be disappointed.

There we go.
Say good-bye to shaman.

Say good-bye.
Good-bye.

Are you doing a taste test?

Now it's time to-
He is leaving.

It's time to take Rowan.
Say good-bye to the shaman.

Good-bye to the shaman.

Thank you for the healing.

And with that,

it was finally time to go home.

As we rode away,
and down the mountain,

just as Ghoste had said,

that indeed...

was when everything
began to change.

Ahl

Echo!

Oh, my God. I can't believe it.
He's doing an intentional pool

He just totally did it.
He did it.

That's the first stage to the potty.

That is success.
That is success right there.

Excellent!

Outdoor squatting pool
Whoo-hool

That's incredible.
Incredible.

Brilliant.
You are brilliant.

Brilliant!
Brilliant!
Rowan poopied on the potty!

You're brilliant!
You're brilliantl

You're brilliant!

Okay, to pooping in the toilet.

This is the start of something new.

Yea!

He's wanting to play with
the other kids, and not with us.

Like most normal little kids,
they wanna play with each other,
not with their parents.

This has never happened before
where he's just totally involved
with them and totally ignoring us.

It's amazing.
And he's one of them, you know?

Do I think it was the shamans?

My honest answer is, yeah,
of course, I do.

I'm open to the possibility
that there is...

something happening
with the shamanic way
of understanding things.

But on the other hand,
I'm open to the idea...

that just when you take a kid,
and you take him to Mongolia,
and you push him to their limits,

they have to confront challenges
they wouldn't otherwise,
and that may be the cause of it.

What does it matter?
What matters is that he's leapt forward,

and that we came here,
and it happened.

That's what matters.

Now I'll say a little prayer
for all of us that
live with autism,

whether we're autistic,

or whether we're the parents
of autistic kids,

or whether we know people
who have autistic kids,

whether it's our grandson,
our granddaughter,

or our nephew, or our niece,
or our kid, or our sibling.

I hope-This is my prayer-

that we find a way...

to understand and integrate
this enigma...

into the best of our society,

and the best of who we are,

and that it helps to bring out
the best in us all.

That's my prayer.

Anyway, I'm grateful.

Thank you.

All right. So what I want you to do
is I want you to take the reins.

Take the reins, like that,
in your hands and turn Betsy.

Say "Come on, Betsy."
Can you say "Come on, Betsy"?

Come on, Betsy.
And hold- Lift your hand
and push across like that.

Say "Come on, Betsy."
That's right.
Turn her by yourself.

Say "Come on, Betsy.
Let's go to the barn. "
Let's go to the barn.

All right. Now turn Betsy this way,
push your hand like this.

There you go.
There you go. Yeah!

Give her a little kick.

Yes. And away she goes.

Excellent! You're riding.

Pull. Give the reins a pull.

Yes!

You just rode.

You just rode.

You just rode.

You just rode, you little-
You just rode.

Thank you, Betsy.

I don't think I can
even speak right now.

You push first.
Rush the poopie out.

Oh, good jobl

Do you have another one in there?

Flush, flush.
- Flush.

Let's wash our hands.

I think it's very important that...

we do learn to live with autism,

in the sense that
there's a lot of adjustments
our society can make...

to become more autism-friendly.

I really hope that as people
learn more about autism,

they will see autism
as a form of diversity.

You know, I think we need to
figure out a way to prevent some of
the most severe forms of autism,

but you certainly do not want to
get rid of autism genetics,

and I get asked,
if I could snap my fingers,
would I want to be not autistic?

No, I wouldn't,
because I like the clarity
of thought that I have.

I think the thing
that's so remarkable...

is how much our lives
have changed since coming back.

It's just- It's night and day.

I can't even tell you-
I can't even tell you
how different it is.

What's your name?
Rowan!

How are you doing?

I'm fine.

He's just charming.

He's a brilliant kid.
He is.

And his kind of quirky way
of looking at all of this...

is precisely what makes him
so charming and interesting-
Exactly.

And fun and funny.

And that I've got
no interest in trying to change.
None at all. No.

Quite the opposite, actually.
It's what makes him so wonderful.
No.

This is Curious George.

He lives in the zoo.

He was a good little monkey.

Ratty and Atalina
are babysitting Rowan tonight.

And Rowan has said
he's happy to have them do that.

And Rupert and I are going to
go to a movie and have dinner.

You know, I'm really
starting to taste freedom.

Freedom like we haven't had
for the last six years.

And it's pretty nice.

Good-bye!
Have a fun night!

� When the gusts came around �

� To blow me down ��

I think that the family influences...

how a child views themselves.

So if the family comes to a place...

where they can accept
that their child has autism,

and love the child,
and develop a relationship,

their life is going to be much better.

� Happy birthday to you �

� Happy birthday, dear Rowan �

� Happy birthday to you ��

Did Rowan get cured ofhis autism?

No. Rowan is still autistic.

Did Rowan get healed
of the dysfunctions
that went along with his autism-

the physical
and emotional incontinence,

the inconsolable tantrums,
the isolation from his peers?

Yes.

For us, this healing
was frankly miraculous.

But perhaps the real miracle...

was that we went to Mongolia
with a child suffering,

and a family suffering,

and we found healing
through whatever means.

The bottom line is that
we took the adventure,
and through that adventure,

we found a way,
both as individuals,
and as a family,

to break free.

� Where the doors �

� Are moaning all day long �

� Where the stairs are leaning �

� Dusk till dawn �

� Where the windows �

� Are breathing in the light �

� Where the rooms are �

� A collection of our lives �

� This is a place �

� Where I don't feel alone �

� This is a place �

� That I call my home ��

So, this is
the New Trail Center,

and we have
founded...

an equestrian
and autism
learning facility...

in central Texas,
near Elgin, Texas,
where we live.

Good.
Now we're walking.
That's a walk.

The schoolhouse
here is all set up...

for teaching
special needs.

We have a number
of good qualified
therapists now...

coming in and working
with us on
the non-horse side.

As you can see,
there's a lot of
happy kids here now.

One. Good. And?
One. Two.

And? One.
One and two.

And what?
And one.

Yeah!
And two.

- And one?
- One.

� Love is �

� Letting �

� Go �

� How many times �

� We've had to die �

� Be broken down �

� And yet rise �

� And we fought �

� And we've flown �

� We have faltered �

� And we've grown �

� Are we �

� Finding �

� Love �

� Does love mean �

� Letting �

� Go �

� And I'll climb �

� That mountain one day �

� This is �

� A moment �

� Of grace ��