All language subtitles for Gordita.Chronicles.S01E08.720p.WEB.h264-KOGi

- When we first
got to the U.S.,

like many immigrant families,

we had to get around
in a hand-me-down.

Doradito, which
means "Little Goldy,"

had been handed down through
my extended family for years,

and his good-as-gold days
were in the rearview mirror.

Mami, not to be
rude or anything,

but can you step on it?

Today's the day we get
our school photos back,

and the suspense is killing me.

- Yeah, mami, since when
did you start driving

like a viejita?

I'm gonna be late for drama.

- Girls, leave
your mother alone.

Since her driving
test, she's reformed.

If she wants to drive
Doradito like a parade float,

that's her business.

But, seriously, is
everything okay?

Is there something wrong
with your right foot?

- I-I don't know what's
wrong. I have it floored.

- But as we discovered our
first months in America,

life as an immigrant
was a bumpy ride,

and being new
continually forced us

to change gears.

Doradito sounds like
Mamalin walking up a hill.

- Oh, no.
- What is wrong?

- Come on, baby,
don't do this to me.

- What's that smell?

- I'm no mechanic,
but I think...

- Before Instagram, school
pictures were all we had.

And they were a huge deal.

You traded them. You
wrote notes on them.

They were the ultimate
social currency.

You didn't peek, did you?

- Please, we're
honorable people.

Also, I'm very nervous.

- Okay, on three.

One, two, three.

- No!

both: Oh.

- Uh, it's not that bad.
- Yeah, you look...

O-okay, I'm not gonna lie to
you... this is a travesty.

- That photographer
must've been blind

or drunk or both.

I'm way cuter than this.

Let me see yours.

Stunning!

Breathtaking!

How did he mess mine up,

especially when he had
all this to work with?

- Wait, let me see.

Portrait size, wallet size,
locket size, calendar?

You got the deluxe package?

- Yeah, I have, like,
1,000 relatives,

and they all need to see how
great I'm doing in America.

I can't give this to people,

and this definitely isn't
going in the yearbook.

- Don't worry, Cucu.

You have another chance.
Tomorrow's retake day.

It's for kids who had a zit

or a bad hair day or
other natural disasters.

- A second chance!

If I'm gonna save
my school photo

and my international reputation,

I'm gonna need...

$25.

- You made it. I was
so worried about you.

- What are you talking about?

- Wasn't that you
on Hialeah Drive,

next to that sad,
broken-down, old car?

I would have stopped,

but I didn't want to
get smoke in my hair.

- What?

No, no, no. That was not me.

- But I saw Cucu, and I
heard your dad saying,

"Emilia María Castelli,

por Dios, it is not
the end of the world!"

- There's a lot
of people who look

and sound like us in Hialeah...

Lots.

- Anyways, I'm glad you're okay.

Besitos!

- Hey. Missed you
in class today.

- Yeah, our car broke down.

- Oh, so that was you
crying on Hialeah Drive.

Walk you to class?

We're performing a new play...

"Merchant of
Venice" by the Bard.

- More Shakespeare?

Why can't we do a
play from this century

that we can actually relate to?

- Okay, so don't hate me,

but I signed you
up to play Portia.

She's the lead.

- Great. My day just keeps

getting better and better.

- Eh, right, so I know
you're being sarcastic,

but, you know, I really
felt your happiness.

Your acting's getting
better and better.

- America's so expensive.

How are we supposed
to build a nest egg

when these eggs are $1.15?

- What do eggs
cost in the D.R.?

- Nothing! You say
gracias to the chicken,

and you get on with your omelet.

It's been so hard
to save money here.

Every month, there's
a surprise expense...

Parking tickets,
Cucu has 12 cavities.

This month it's our car.
- 12 cavities?

- Oh, she sleeps
with her mouth open.

- Oh.
- When we moved here,

I promised our girls a house

and a street to
ride bikes with ET.

Now we can't even afford to
phone home unless it's collect.

- Saving takes time.
Just be patient.

- Why is this lady
taking so long?

Who is she, the queen of Publix?

- Nope. She's a
coupon clipper.

- A cou-qué? What's that?

- They're those little cutout
squares that save you money.

Look, 35 cents off Life cereal.

- Pero, that's not fair.

My Life shouldn't
cost more than yours.

- Eh, excuse me, please.

Where do you get
the cutout squares?

- Toilet paper is in aisle six.

- No, no, no. The...
the... the Life savings.

The... the... the Cucu-pon.

- Oh.
- That one.

- In the paper.

We have extras.

- We didn't have
coupons in the D.R.,

so mami felt like her
prayers had been answered

50 cents at a time.

- I love you.

- Well, I heard
from the mechanic.

Doradito's surgery
will cost $5,000.

- And how much would it
cost to have him killed?

- The mechanic?
- Doradito.

I know he was our
first American car,

and we love him, pero, ya, krr!

May he rest in peace
in the junkyard.

- Indeed.

For that price, we can get
our second American car.

- Really? We're
getting a new car?

- A brand-new, used, salvaged,
or seized-in-a-drug-bust car.

Uh, we dipped into our
savings for the fridge,

the exterminator, and
the second exterminator.

All we have left is $1,800.

- Amor, be careful with
those used car dealers.

You remember Cousin Alberto?

He bought a used
car for 50% off,

and that's exactly
what they gave him...

The back seat of a Buick.

We used it as a couch.

- That was in San Cristóbal.

This is America.
People are honest here.

They even have a little
book that tells you

exactly what a car's worth.

I guarantee
I'll find us a fair price

on a dependable family sedan.
- Can I go with you?

- You don't want to go to
the mall with your friends

and roll your eyes at things?

- That can wait. This
car might be passed down

from family to family
just like Doradito was.

I want to be sure it's
safe and reliable.

- Emilia, aren't you tired

of lying to the
people who feed us?

You just want a cool
car to show off.

Meanwhile, I have a
real-life emergency.

- Oh!
- Oh.

That's, um...

- They butchered me, and these
are my first American photos.

I can't send these
back to the D.R.

You know our family.

They're ruthless. They
make fun of everything.

- No, nobody will
make fun of you.

- No.
- Oh, yeah?

- What about Cousin Ervin?

You call him "Espanto Ervin"

'cause it looks like he
saw a ghost in his photo.

- But it's not
mean if it's funny.

- This is no laughing matter!

This photo could ruin me.

I need $25 for the
retakes tomorrow.

- Um, I'm sorry, Cucu.

We need every dollar
we have for a new car.

- And a new house.

I'm sorry, mi vida,
but we're on a budget.

Besides, your... Your
picture's not that bad.

I could only think of two
nicknames that I won't say...

in front of your face.

- So unfair.

- Ooh, amor, I need that.

I circled a bunch of car
ads in the classifieds.

- El periódico is for more

than just cars
and local murders.

Here in America, it's
for free money, too.

Look, your favorite hot sauce
and 75 cents off of dog food...

- But we don't have a dog.

- At these prices,
maybe we should, huh?

These babies are our
ticket to home ownership.

- Oh, hi, Álvaro.

- Is your beautiful
sister around?

I wrote her a love song,
and it's not about pompis.

I think I'm maturing
as an artist.

- That's nice, but
I'm not in the mood

to talk about how
great my sister is.

- What's wrong?

Lay it on me, Castelli.

- Well, the school
photos came back, and...

- Would you like a hug?

- That would actually be nice.

Thanks.

They're so embarrassing.

I want to burn them so even
the garbage men don't see them.

- Why don't you
just retake them?

- I want to, but
I don't have $25.

- I could give you a loan...

with just a little
bit of interest.

- Are you kidding me?
I'm very interested!

But how do you have $25?
You're a little kid.

- I'm a little businessman,

and I can't say no
to an angel in need.

Take the cash and
get those photos

that beautiful face deserves.

- You've got a deal.

With the loan from Álvaro,
I took my new pictures.

I don't want to brag,
but this gordita

looked fabulous.

The retakes were amazing...

Perfect hair, perfect smile.

My cousins are
gonna be so jealous.

Álvaro? What are
you doing here?

You don't go to school here.

- No, but my money does.

Oh, hi, Nicky.

I see you.

- What was that about?

- Kid's a deadbeat.

I gave him a loan, and he
still hasn't paid me back.

You wouldn't do
that to me, right?

- Of course not.

My birthday's in
a couple months.

I'll pay you back then.

- I'm gonna need that sooner

'cause a sweet new
Casio just came out,

and I got to buy it
before it sells out.

And every day you don't
pay me, I'm charging $5.

- $5 a day?

- So you better
pay me back quick.

In the meantime, I'm gonna
repo this chocolate milk

as a deposit.

Ciao, preciosa.

- Psst. Is he gone?

- Yeah. Why are you scared?

- I borrowed $15 to fix my bike,

and when I didn't pay it back...

- He snuck into my room

and shaved my eyebrows
while I was sleeping.

- He's a monster!

But you look fine.

- I think I made a deal with
a devil in a tiny tracksuit.

- Now, the best combination
of safety and value

is the 1979 Chevy Nova.

- More like a combination
of sad and ugly.

What about that red one?

That one would keep me
safe from embarrassment.

- Emilia, that's a two-seater.

We'd have no room for Cucu.
- I like it even more.

- Hello, friends!

I'm Walter. You see
anything you like?

Both: Yes.

- Emilia, please. We're
interested in the Nova.

The Nova is a
dependable family car.

- Dependably boring.

Don't you want people
to think you're cool?

- They already do.
Right, Walter?

- Well, actually, I thought
you were with the IRS,

judging from the
papers and the haircut.

- These
papers are my research.

The Nova's an American classic,
but it's not worth $3,995.

- Well, I mean, if y'all are
looking for something cheaper...

- Oh, no, I want this car.

But given the
mileage, I'd pay...

Oh, I don't know... 1,800.

- Oh, boy. That's a
pretty big discount.

- Too big, if you ask me.
He's trying to rip you off.

- Whose side are you on?
- The red car's side.

- I'm just not
really in a position

to authorize that
kind of a price cut.

- Walter...

we're businessmen.

Kelley Blue Book prices
this car at 2,500

in good condition.

The tires are worn.
The paint is chipped.

And don't even get me started
on the stain in the back seat.

- Ew.
- No, if you can't bring

the price down to 1,800,

we'll have to go...
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I can't argue with
books and data.

You got
yourself a deal.

- Fantastic!

Pleasure doing business.

Let this be a lesson to you.

First, do your homework.

Then you go shopping.

- I'm never going shopping again

if I have to get
dropped off in that.

It looks like a loaf
of bread with tires.

- Ah...

- Oh, no. I'm gonna owe Álvaro

hundreds of dollars,
maybe millions!

- I wish I could help,
but I spent all my money

on mail-order magic lessons.

They made my savings disappear.

- I got to come
up with that cash.

Álvaro's gonna repo my photos,
my milk, and my eyebrows!

- Why don't we grab
the classifieds

and find you a job?
- Great idea.

Time to pull myself
out by my bra straps!

- It's "bootstraps,"
but I like your spirit.

- Okay, your total is $28.75.

- No, it's not.

I love doing that.

Let me do it
again. Okay, ready?

- You know it's
double coupon day.

- Double qué qué?

- Each of these coupons
is worth double,

and if you combine
these and these,

you can get, like, eight
ketchups for the price of one.

- But that's...

an 87.5% savings.

Why don't people
do that every day?

- Double coupons are only on
Wednesdays on select items.

Plus, who needs
that much ketchup?

- For 87.5%, I will
eat it like a soup

and put it in my coffee.

I'm gonna need a bigger cart.

- Ugh. Can you believe it?

The lady at the arcade
said she won't hire me

because I'm "not 14"

and because I don't
have a "work permit."

- Talk about
government overreach.

Reagan is right.

- My cousins back at home

started working in
a T-shirt factory

when they were 5.

They got paid in candy.

- Well, if we can't
get you a real job,

we just have to get creative.

Time to go under the table.

- We didn't only go
under, we moved up...

Picked up...

Stinks.

- Ma'am, for your convenience...

And served up.

Thank you.

Anything to make some fast cash.

$5.50.

I guess it's hard making a
buck if you're an immigrant.

- What are you gonna
do when Álvaro comes by

for his money tonight?

- Something I should've
done a long time ago.

- You're gonna
return your photos

to get your money
back and pay him?

- God, no! I'm gonna hide.

I need my eyebrows.

They're one of my
favorite parts of my face.

- Cucu, help me unpack.

¿Cucu, qué te pasa?

- Mami, do you think we'll
be moving anytime soon?

- Very soon, especially now

that I discovered the
magic discount squares.

Oh! Well?

Did you buy the car?

- Yep!

We are now the proud owners

of a well-priced sedan.

- Ah!

- Who wants to take a
joyride in the new car?

- I do!

A nice long, "past a third
grader's bedtime" joyride.

Maybe we can continue
driving. Mexico, anyone?

- Amor, what is all this?

- This?

This was practically free.

Double coupon day, huh?

Mouthwash, three for two.

Deodorant, two for one.

Little tiny raviolis,
seven for five.

They're so cute.
- Uh, last time I checked,

we each had one mouth
and two armpits, so...

- Sí, pero I couldn't pass
up on all the savings.

We pay a little extra now,
and in the long running,

we pay less.

- In the long run.

- That's what I said.

And we saved so much
that before long,

we'll be able to
buy our new house.

- Let's discuss this
in the new old car...

as we drive.
- Oh, okay.

- Far, far, far away from here.

- Yandra's gonna be so jealous.

I say we park in
front of her window

and give it a little beep-beep!

- Ugh, is there an ejector seat?

- I love this car...

such comfy cushions.

Maybe
I'll sleep in here

with the doors locked.

- Ooh, listen to this baby purr!

That's what research and
smart shopping sounds like.

Hmm?

- Oh.

Oh, uh...
- What's going on?

- What's wrong with Cremita?

I named her that.
I'm already attached.

- He caught the
same disease as Doradito.

- Oh, no, I guess
we'll have to go back

and get the red one!

- There's no more money.

We're
gonna have to leave

the car here and take...
- No! Don't say it.

- Sí.

- What is that?

Thank God.
He didn't get them.

- Emilia, wake up,

and tell your little
boyfriend to go away.

Emilia.

"Dear diary, pay up or else."

Oh, God, oh, God.

Come on. Come on. Where is it?

- Looking for this?
- My diary!

- You got 24 hours

till I wallpaper
your entire school

with all of your secrets.

Tick-tock, preciosa.

- I'm sorry, but a
mistake has been made.

Uh, you sold us a limón.

- It's actually
pronounced No-va.

- I'm saying you
sold us a lemon.

The No-va barely
made it ten miles.

- Wow. Wow, wow.

Well, you know,
it might have had

a rusted-out engine
block or somethin'.

That's a damn shame.

- You knew?

This whole thing was an act?

Have you no honor, sir?

- And have you never been to
a used car lot before, sir?

- I thought you
were a businessman.

- I am.

A better one than
you. One second.

Welcome to Tranelli
Motors, y'all!

- Oh, no, no, no.
- How are you?

Oh, that's a
good-looking car there.

- He took my diary.

You don't understand
what's in there...

23 ways I'd torture Safi,

my pro wrestler names,

a list of boys I want turned
into chocolate sculptures!

I got to get it back.
- What are you gonna do?

- And, more importantly, what
are those wrestler names?

- I'll
tell you later.

First, I got to
come up with $35 by tonight.

The interest is getting higher,
and Álvaro's getting scarier.

- Okay, I-I didn't
want to tell you this,

but I found a My
Little Pony head

in my locker this morning.

- Okay, last night,

someone broke in and
ate my abuela's flan.

I'm scared, Cucu. I'm scared.

- Now he's messing
with my friends?

I got to put a stop to this.

Maybe I can sell
one of my kidneys.

- Actually, it's more like here.

- Here?
- Yeah.

- Well, if you're willing

to make a sacrifice,

remember that Gloria
Estefan impersonator?

- How could I forget?

Dr. Juan Julio is an icon
of the dental community.

- True, and he's always looking

for natural and curly hair...

for his wigs...

- Are you suggesting that she...
- I'm in.

While I was concocting
a hair-brained scheme,

Emilia was struggling to connect

to a famous Shakespearean one.

- To do a great right,
to do a little wrong...

and curb this devil
of his cruel will.

- It must not be. There
is no power in Venice.

Can alter...
- Emilia.

I know you can do better.

- It's
just... it's so dull.

- Dull?

Try playing Godot in
"Waiting for Godot,"

which I did.

No, this scene is gold.

Portia is taking matters
into her own hands,

impersonating a lawyer
to right a wrong,

acting to avenge a
terrible business deal.

Think, Emilia.

When have you felt

the sting of injustice?

- Actually, yesterday.
- Yes!

- I had to take the bus!

- Aha!

She had to take the bus!

- I think I get it now.
- Yes.

- Oh, so you don't think
that a car breaking down

the night it was purchased
constitutes fraud?

Well, I, for one, would expect
the Better Business Bureau

to be... better.

- What's going on?

- I called the
police, the newspaper,

the mayor's office.

Do you know what they did?

- Nothing?

- Nothing would have been nice.

They laughed at me.

No one seems to care that
this man's entire business

is based on lying.

- Well, you want to know what
a fancy word for lying is?

Acting.

I think I know how we can
beat him at his own game.

- Emilia, we must never
stoop to that man's level.

However, I am listening.

- Ah, Valerie, what a surprise.

- A surprise? Adela,
we had a date.

Remember we were gonna
sneak wine coolers

into aquarobics class?

- Yeah, yeah. I'm so
sorry I missed out

on booze-arobics,
but the supermarket

took a little longer
than I thought.

- Oh. Another
crazy coupon lady?

- Yeah, that's what it was.
- Oh...

- She was crazy.

- What's going on?

It's me.

I'm the crazy coupon lady.

I spent our entire
month's grocery budget

in just three days!

But the more I spent,
the more I saved.

Look, deodorant, salad dressing,

fish chili, little
tiny raviolis!

- I've seen this before.

- You have?
- Not with coupons.

This is Miami. Mm-hmm.

Adela, you're addicted.

- I'm a...

I'm a "yunkie"?

- I know that the
savings are tempting,

but you need to be practical.

- I know. I know.

I wanted to give the
girls the American dream,

and instead, I'm giving them...

- Fish chili?
- Fish chili.

Ay. What do I do?

- I have an idea.

- Ah!
- I know this is hard,

but you need to go cold turkey.

- Oh, but I just flushed
a coupon for cold turkey.

- Listen, I know how you feel.

Before I got my
real estate license,

I was a single mom
trying to make ends meet.

I tangled with that
coupon lifestyle.

Then I remembered

what my meemaw used to say:

"If you buy a
three-legged pig on sale,

get ready to pay full price."

- ¿Qué qué?

- It just means paying less
ends up costing you more, so...

- Oh, how beautiful the
English language is.

Well, I guess I have no choice.

Goodbye, old friend.
- Okay.

- Can we just throw
this one in the trash?

I'm a little concerned
about breaking the toilet,

and after a month of fish chili,

we're gonna need it.

- And, see, this here model...

Now, it's got enough room for...

well, for all the
tots you can pop.

- Excuse me, Walter.

Castelli and Associates
is ready for your session.

- Excuse me?

- Oh, I'm your new
defense counsel,

and she's my clerk.

We're here to prepare you

for your upcoming
lawsuit for defrauding

a nice immigrant family.
- And the tax evasion.

- And possessing
stolen property.

- Now, wait just a minute here.

Don't listen to
them. They're loco.

- Oh, no, Walter.

You're the one pleading insanity

for the lemon law class action.

- He wasn't in his right mind

when he sold a
van with no brakes

to Everglades Kindergarten.

- We got the whole firm working
on Tranelli Motor cases.

Heck, they're our only client!

- You happy now?

- We will be happy when
you take back your lemon

and return our money.

- That's not happening.
All sales are final.

- Look, papi, more customers.

Let's tell them about
the embezzlement!

- Okay, okay, you win.

I'll take back your car,

and we'll trade it for
one that, uh, works.

Just stop scaring my
customers away, okay?

- Deal.

And make it red.
- You heard the lady.

- Emilia's acting
skills had paid off,

and I was hoping
my God-given gifts

would do the same.

- I still remember
that September day

when you bounced into my life

at the dance committee meeting.

- And I'll never forget

how you glistened with sweat

during our English boot camp.

- Enjoy your new life
as a cool dentist's wig.

- And live on to see
a million conga lines.

Adiós, curls.

- I'm gonna look like
Mr. T's cute baby sister.

But I have to do what's right.

- Guess who got a new car.

What are you doing?

- Don't tell mami.

He threw a brick
through our window,

threatened me in rhyme,
and stole my diary.

I think Álvaro might
be the Antichrist.

- I never thought I'd say
this, but you're right.

- Do you mean we're
on the same page?

- Ugh.
- Ew.

- You shouldn't have
borrowed money from him

in the first place.

- Duh! I'm obviously
bad at finances.

I'm 12!

You got to help me.
- I don't have the money.

But I have another idea.

- right here.

- I said on the cheek.

And Cucu pays you
back when she can.

- And I want my diary back.

- How does it feel to
kiss

- Go home, Álvaro.
It's past your bedtime.

- Thanks, Emelia.
I owe you one.

- Yes, you do...
with interest.

- That week, we discovered
that in America,

you shouldn't buy anything
if you can't foot the bill.

Mami learned that
being penny-wise

can make you pound-foolish.

She also learned some
pretty unique recipes.

And papi and Emilia found
out that to get a good deal,

sometimes you have
to make a scene.

- I love this car.

I can feel the
horsepower under my foot.

- Ooh, be gentle, mi amor.

We just met him.

- We have
to give him a name!

What about Rojito?

- Or Portia, like my
character in the play.

- How about Car-los?

You
get it? You get it?

- Papi, I thought you
worked in marketing.

- In the end, the
Castellis found a way

to go with the cash flow,

and we were left

with some pretty cute souvenirs.

Okay, maybe I got carried away.