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1
00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:06,923
Welcome to Judycon --
no cameras, no phones.
2
00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:10,260
Welcome to Judycon --
no cameras, no phones.
3
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,470
Raffle tickets go in the box.
4
00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,431
Sharp objects
go back in your car.
5
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:17,434
Announcer: Enter now to win
lunch hosted by Birdcat
6
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:20,103
plus the JKS Inspira-Mirror.
7
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:23,189
Please make your way
to the Conestoga Room
8
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:27,068
for the JKS kickoff speech.
[ Techno dance music playing ]
9
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:30,530
This is great.
And I never say that.
No.
10
00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:32,991
Great would've been if you'd
cleared this with me
11
00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:35,410
before slapping my name
on a random event to make money.
12
00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:38,621
Random event? It's
the JKS Leadership Conference
13
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,123
Product Line Roll Out.
14
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:43,251
With Kerri Strug.
Who doesn't do
random events.
15
00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:45,712
Wow, this stuff is
almost perfectly...
16
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:48,089
Packaged?
Retrograde.
Who wrote this?
17
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,049
Guiltish.
I've got your voice down pat.
18
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,968
"Oh my God,
who wrote this?"
19
00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:53,636
she said with
a hint of disdain.
20
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,182
[ Music continues ]
21
00:00:57,265 --> 00:01:00,351
Jude, I know technically
we didn't ask your permission
22
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,395
but only because
we didn't have time
23
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:03,897
to pretend you have
any control over your life.
24
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:05,774
[ Cheers and applause ]
25
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,776
I feel like I'm being used.
26
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:09,861
And surprise!
I don't like feeling used.
27
00:01:09,944 --> 00:01:14,032
You are being used,
but you're still in control.
28
00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:16,326
Look, there's
a huge market out there
29
00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:18,161
for feel-good
inspirational crap
30
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:21,873
and your demo, single
working women ages 32 to 40
31
00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:23,833
with imaginary
gluten allergies,
32
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,336
are open for business.
33
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:28,546
I guess.
Now get out there
34
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,632
and do exactly
as you're told --
35
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:31,925
but as yourself.
36
00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:33,176
The way I'm telling you
to be.
37
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,678
Flying is just walking
with sparkle.
38
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:36,930
You taught me that.
39
00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:38,515
Blame him.
40
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:42,435
So when people say, "Judy,
what's your secret,"
41
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:47,732
I say: my JKS Power Planner with
color-coded affirmation inserts.
42
00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:48,858
[ Cheers and applause ]
43
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:49,984
Nailed it.
44
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,571
So,
is today the day you...?
45
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:58,535
[ Sighs ]
This isn't the real me.
46
00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:01,621
Oh, God, no,
that's her riffing face.
47
00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:03,373
The real me doesn't
talk like this.
48
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,835
The real me says I am who I am
49
00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:10,547
even if that me isn't who you
or even I want me to be!
50
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:11,714
Exactly!
51
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,299
Meredith:
Not now, Kerri Strug.
52
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,885
And this?
This was written for me!
53
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:19,806
The real me shoots
from the hip and...
54
00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:21,391
Trusts. Her.
55
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,643
Gut!
[ Woman screams, audience gasps,
glass shatters ]
56
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:26,229
[ Audience muttering ]
57
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:27,480
Ding!
58
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:32,151
[ Fire alarm beeping,
audience screaming ]
59
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,112
I'll take my 100
in cash.
60
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:35,738
♪ Hey! ♪
61
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,407
[ Rapping ] ♪ Who's the girl
that saves the world? ♪
62
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:38,741
♪ Hey! ♪
63
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,118
[ Rapping ] ♪ Oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God ♪
64
00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:41,953
[ Imitating fanfare ] Birdgirl!
65
00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:43,746
Now, that was great.
66
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,623
You just had to do it,
didn't you?
67
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,417
Just had to
whip out your dick.
68
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:48,960
-Fupa.
-Fupa?
69
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:52,547
The thing you just flicked with
your finger and went "ding!"
70
00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:54,048
What's with
the fire alarm?!
71
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,175
It soaked my swag stand!
72
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,011
Judy flashed her foop.
73
00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,304
Jesus Christ.
74
00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:02,181
Can't you keep it
in your pants for 24 hours?
75
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:06,269
I'm sorry. We've all seen your
pinkie pokin' out to say howdy!
76
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:07,687
That's involuntary!
77
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,731
Can you sign our fupas?
78
00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:13,151
I'd be delighted!
Somebody loved it.
79
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,111
Charley: Judy,
these are the Judettes.
80
00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:17,572
They're super fans.
There are three of them.
81
00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:20,617
They paid a lot of scroogie
for full access.
82
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,577
[ Cellphone ringing
and buzzing ]
83
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,037
I-I gotta take this.
84
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:27,123
That is the last time
you abuse my muse!
85
00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:28,458
Was it really that bad?
86
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:29,751
As your best friend,
87
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:32,795
I know I should lie
to make you feel better.
88
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:37,467
Aaannnd I guess that's the end
of that sentence, huh?
89
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,471
Nice one, gut. Ding!
90
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,473
Last time I trust you.
91
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:45,516
♪♪
92
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,102
"Find your power.
Find your self."
93
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:50,146
Hmph. Maybe I could see
94
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,607
what this "working out" fuss
is about.
95
00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:56,235
Giiiilllian!
Can you come install this?
96
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,196
"Only you can do the work!"
97
00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,031
Uch! Fine.
98
00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:01,741
[ Grunting ]
99
00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:06,329
Hi, I'm Gazela,your personal power guide.
100
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:08,164
[ Gasps ]
So pretttty!
101
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:10,249
It's time to let goof the old you.
102
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,709
No. I'm scared.
103
00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:13,670
It's okay.We'll do it together.
104
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:14,837
I'll start tomorrow.
105
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,840
Say helloto your future.
106
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:20,343
♪♪
107
00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:21,678
[ Beep, up-tempo music plays ]
108
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:24,013
No. No, no, no, no!
I'm not ready for music!
109
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,390
Go back!
110
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,350
Wax Judy: You can't maxyour potential
111
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:28,518
if you're yawning.
112
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:31,437
Try the JKS Sleep Assistant.
113
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:34,148
Nice save with Wax Judy.
Where was it anyway?
114
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:37,151
My passenger seat.
I use it for the HOV lane.
115
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,028
Oh, please,
no duck lips!
116
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,530
Or fish gapes.
117
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,490
Meredith.
Uh, you got a car, right?
118
00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,409
With an empty
passenger seat!
119
00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:45,618
Mnh.
120
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,412
Can you, uh,
run me across town?
121
00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:49,080
My Isuzu's at the shop.
122
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:51,874
Uh-huh.
Just, uh, take mine.
123
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,877
Actually, uh,
could you come with me?
124
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,880
I need someone with
your temperament for an...
125
00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,465
emotional situation.
126
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:02,343
Like an emotional
support animal?
127
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,345
Uh, more like a niece.
Uh...
128
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:06,723
Not a niece because
I hate my actual one.
129
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:09,225
Didn't you pinch my ass
at the harassment workshop
130
00:05:09,308 --> 00:05:10,351
like nine times?
131
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,562
I was roleplaying!
132
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:17,066
But, uh, I'm off the sauce now
and -- and struggling.
133
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,736
Ughhh. Okay.
I'll take you.
134
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,280
But no talking.
Music or podcast only.
135
00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,907
Yeah, yeah!
I'll grab my boombox.
136
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,869
Say your name, and I'll tailorfitness experiences
137
00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,954
based on your moodand vitals.
138
00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:31,581
Judy.
[Deep voice] Judy.
139
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,124
Judy.
[Squeaky voice] Judy.
140
00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:34,584
Judy.
[Deep voice] Judy.
141
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:35,752
Juddddddy.
142
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,420
[Distorted voice]Juddddddy.
143
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:39,881
Jeeeuuuuuudddyyyyyy.
144
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:42,800
Jeeeuuuuuudddyyyyyy.
145
00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,302
Who am I?!
146
00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:47,555
I'm detecting high variationsin your heart rate.
147
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:49,182
What's bothering you, Judy?
148
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,976
I feel like my employees
are whoring me out
149
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:54,103
and I don't have the courage
to tell them no.
150
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,481
Great!Let's get to work!
151
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:57,732
Breathe in.
152
00:05:57,815 --> 00:05:58,775
[ Inhales deeply ]
153
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,985
[ Grunting ]
154
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,445
[ Whirring ]
155
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:04,280
[ Cat purring ]
156
00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:05,990
You can exhale.
[ Exhales sharply ]
157
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,951
And let go of that feelingof "I'm not good enough."
158
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,286
It's still there!
159
00:06:10,369 --> 00:06:12,371
Let's sculpt some thighs!
160
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:14,791
I overcome.I prevail.
161
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,459
I strive. I win.
162
00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:20,171
I'm not. I can't.
I won't. I don't.
163
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:21,380
Just say no.
164
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:22,882
Uh...why?
165
00:06:22,965 --> 00:06:24,801
It's my catchphrase!
166
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,677
Uh, why?
167
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,805
[ Gulping ]
168
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:29,972
Ah.
169
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,225
Give it to me straight,
Dr. Andy.
170
00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,267
[ Belches ]
171
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,478
Well...it is a tumor.
172
00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:38,106
There's no way of telling yet
whether it's malignant.
173
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:40,650
We'll know more
after the biopsy.
174
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:43,903
Why?! Why?!
175
00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:45,363
I'm sorry.
176
00:06:45,446 --> 00:06:48,324
I got you
so you'd outlive me!
177
00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:50,159
Why, God?!
178
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,995
Why are you doing this
to Danny Zuko?!
179
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,998
[ Belches ]
Ugh...
180
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,584
You are a dangerous goddess
181
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,337
who isn't afraidof her own power!
182
00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:02,839
I am a dangerous goddess
183
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:06,050
who will have,
at some point, thighs!
184
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:09,053
You are sexy, hot,and smart as hell!
185
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,429
[ Grunts ]
186
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,515
We're gonna need
another ceiling bracket, Hank.
187
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,142
[ Cellphone rings ]
188
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:15,601
I'm sexy as hell!
189
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,311
[Whispering] You're late
for your meet-and-greet.
190
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,689
I need to focuson the me right now.
191
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,232
Screw those groupies!
192
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:22,984
Uh, she's still tied up.
193
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,862
Yeah, excuse me. Do I have time
to use the restroom?
194
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:26,988
No.
195
00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:28,906
[ Gasps ] You're Gillian,
aren't you?
196
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,408
Like, the Gillian.
197
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:31,784
You've heard of me?
198
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,537
Any true Judette
would die to meet you --
199
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,956
the keeper
of Judy's secrets!
200
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:39,500
[ Chuckles ]
I'm no hero, girls.
201
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:42,670
Just doing my job
like any other working stiff.
202
00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:44,380
But, yeah,
I know some stuff.
203
00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:47,133
May I ask -- Is Judy
really a black belt?
204
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:48,885
I heard she had
a photographic memory.
205
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:52,305
That's a dirty-ass lie
perpetuated by our enemies!
206
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:56,893
Say, if someone were to want
a hank of hair, Judy's hair,
207
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,394
where would they go
to get that?
208
00:07:58,477 --> 00:08:02,023
Ladies, in time, all your
questions will be answered.
209
00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:04,942
But first, who wants to hear
Judy's lunch orders?
210
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,528
Really?!
Oh, my God.
211
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:10,072
Monday --
Tuna melt, fruit cup.
212
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:13,117
Tuesday --
enchiladas Suizas, no beans.
213
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,870
Beans tear her ass up!
214
00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:18,581
♪ A long, long time ago ♪
215
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:22,627
Danny loves this song.
Especially the 47th verse.
216
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:26,589
Takes me back
to when we met.
217
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:29,091
Danny belonged
to my drinking buddy, Lotto,
218
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:32,845
so named because he, uh,
won the lotto once.
219
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,306
By the time I met him,
he'd pissed it all away
220
00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:37,558
and was hustling nickels
at the swap meet
221
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,435
with Danny
on the soft shoe.
222
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,771
Not a bad act,
and they were doing okay
223
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:44,774
until one day
Don McLean's people showed up
224
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,359
with a cease-and-desist.
225
00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:48,236
They tried to find
something else --
226
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:51,155
"Edmund Fitzgerald,"
"Alice's Restaurant" --
227
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:55,368
but they'd built their entire
act around that goddamn song.
228
00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:57,954
In the end,
Lotto couldn't take it.
229
00:08:58,037 --> 00:08:59,372
He died of heartbreak.
230
00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:02,124
Or he would've if the bear
attack hadn't got him first.
231
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,586
Since then, Danny and I
have been our own act.
232
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,713
Right, boy?
[ Danny grunts ]
233
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,257
AAAAAAAAAH!
234
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:10,716
Man on radio:
Today on "Planet Money,"
235
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,593
we're talkingall about Index Funds.
236
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,553
You think
there's a heaven?
237
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,305
After today? No.
238
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,974
They were invent--
[ Click ]
239
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,308
[ Somber piano music playing ]
240
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,685
[ Click ]
True story. When he inv--
241
00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:22,144
[ Rapid clicking,
channels changing ]
242
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,480
Ah, fuck it.
Might as well kill myself.
243
00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:27,024
[ Grunts ]
244
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:28,985
So where do we go
when we die?
245
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,236
"Planet Money."
246
00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:33,406
[ Dance music thumping ]
247
00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:35,116
[ Grunting ]
248
00:09:35,199 --> 00:09:41,580
♪♪
249
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:47,962
♪♪
250
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:49,922
She's always losing
her retainer,
251
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,424
so I hold onto it for her.
252
00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:54,302
It's a lot of responsibility
but I think I've proven worthy.
253
00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:56,012
-Spit.
-[ Spits ]
254
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,388
♪♪
255
00:09:57,471 --> 00:10:01,392
Excuse me. That -- S-She's
completely booked right now!
256
00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:04,020
♪♪
257
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,855
We need to practice
your keynote speech
258
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:08,691
so people can forget
your kickoff speech.
259
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:11,360
And we should --
nay, we must
260
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,989
use the gynecocratic
groundswell of businesswomen
261
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:17,158
to springboard a --
Alright!
262
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:19,243
None of that
will be in there.
263
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:20,494
I want to thank you.
264
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:22,371
For embarrassing me
in front of my peers,
265
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,541
for slapping my name on a bunch
of crap nobody wants or needs --
266
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,544
not you, Gazela --
and for proving me right.
267
00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:30,087
I gotta trust my foop.
268
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,006
And it says I need
to spend more time
269
00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:36,010
on JKS the person and less
on JKS the soulless shill.
270
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:39,138
Paul, can you get Judy a banana
and stuff it in her mouth?
271
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,599
Because from here, it looks like
she's pushing back on us.
272
00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:44,018
I am strong!
I am powerful!
273
00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:46,020
And I make
my own decisions!
274
00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:50,483
[ Gasps ] Your jawline!
It's flawless!
275
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:54,153
No. More than that.
It's...actualized.
276
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:56,864
God, I used to have a chin
that could core an apple
277
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,783
and, God damn it,
I'm gonna have it again!
278
00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:01,160
If we dream it,we become it.
279
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:03,120
Ugh!
Shut up, you stupid app.
280
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,872
Don't listen
to them, queen!
281
00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:06,791
It can't hear you!
282
00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:10,127
She hears me better
than anyone in this building.
283
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:11,587
[ Grunts ]
284
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:13,255
And you can
get the fuck out.
285
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,965
Ooooooooo, rusted!
286
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:18,594
Setting boundaries is a healthystep in the right direction.
287
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:21,222
You're lucky I did my
hyper-violent exercises
288
00:11:21,305 --> 00:11:23,265
this morning
and I can't fight back.
289
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,309
God, you both
need a banana.
290
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:29,980
Momma Sherry: Aww, I can tell
you really loved this one.
291
00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:32,775
Is he already dead or we just
planning for the future?
292
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:35,152
No. No, sir, you do not!
293
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,113
Stillllll with us.
294
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,657
Uh-huh. Well, now's
not the time to skimp.
295
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:42,576
Dog with Bucket Hat:
Why? Whyyy?!
296
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,371
Whyyyyy?! Why?!
297
00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:48,124
This feels wrong.
I need air.
298
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,000
Husbands, eh?
299
00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:53,337
So, uh, how long you two
been knockin' boots?
300
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:56,173
What?! [ Laughs ]
301
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,466
No, I-I -- [ Clears throat ]
302
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,802
No, he's more like
a pervy uncle to me,
303
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,304
you know, with, like,
a MeToo allegation?
304
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:05,474
So why have you had
one eye glued to his tuchus
305
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,518
the whole time
you been here?
306
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:10,604
Trust me -- he will
have you for his own.
307
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,982
Mm-hmm.
We'll take
the cheap one.
308
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:16,485
I got the mix options
for tonight's Party Ken Sebben.
309
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,028
We got a Judy problem.
310
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,739
I knew it.
She has been on a tear!
311
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:22,950
Huh.
She's early this month.
312
00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:25,536
We're going to ignore that
because I need you
313
00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:28,038
on standby in case
she's a no-show for her speech.
314
00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:29,623
Anyone wants
their money back,
315
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,500
there's no one for me
to pin it on.
316
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:32,918
I am in.
317
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,295
If there's one thing
I know,
318
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:37,298
it's how to prolong
pleasure for women.
319
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:38,507
I'm so sorry.
320
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,509
I act out whenever
I'm in the minority.
321
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:45,264
My therapist calls it
"propping up the male ego."
322
00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:47,183
You should
try it sometime.
323
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:51,896
We've strengthened your body.Now let's turn inward.
324
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:55,441
Let go of the thingsthat don't serve you, Judy.
325
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:58,235
You don't have any control
over your life.
326
00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:01,864
I pull the strings!
You're a trained monkey!
327
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,240
[ Laughs ]
328
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:04,617
You have food in your teeth.
329
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,368
You always have food
in your teeth,
330
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,078
and you always will,
331
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,372
and for some reason
it's always kale.
332
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,249
I want you to fail.
333
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,501
Judy:
Dinner time!
334
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,711
Birdcat:
Hate. Judy. Car. Car.
335
00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:17,421
Gazela:
Now think of those
336
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:20,174
who light you upfrom the inside.
337
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,510
Enchiladas Suizas!
338
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:25,346
Healthy lunch, healthy butt.
339
00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:28,641
One hank of hair.
It'll grow back.
340
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:32,061
You are strong.You are Judy.
341
00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:35,940
We are strong.We are Judy.
342
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:37,525
[ Whirring ]
343
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:41,362
Hank! I need to let go
of what does not serve me!
344
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:49,578
This is her wide tooth comb.
345
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,081
Oh, and here is her
fine tooth comb.
346
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:54,250
We used it last year
with a little tea tree oil
347
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:55,751
when she got lice.
348
00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:57,586
I used to love those
appointments at school
349
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,922
when they would massage
my head and look for lice.
350
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:02,716
Oh, and here's a birthday
card from her aunt.
351
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:03,842
Cursive writing.
352
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,261
Judy:
Look alive, Judettes!
353
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:08,472
Let's get you
your laminate's worth.
354
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:11,767
I need a team meeting
with you two in the Board Room.
355
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:13,394
NOW!
356
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,064
[ Clunk ]
357
00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:19,650
That's the end.
I undershot it.
358
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:23,445
I undershot it.
359
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,114
It's fine.
I can do this anywhere.
360
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,449
My power comes
from within.
361
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,952
Oop. If you're headed in,
you might want to give 'er
362
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:33,455
a couple of door swings
to air things out.
363
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,082
-Oh!
-Mnh-mnh-mnh.
364
00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:36,375
Thank you for admitting
365
00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:38,168
you've been acting
absolutely batshit.
366
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,920
We accept your apology.
367
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,672
[ Clang ]
368
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:45,634
I-I have a new team who wants
what's best for me, so...
369
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:49,179
I no longer need you.
370
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:51,473
Either of you. Two.
371
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:55,185
Wait.
Are you...firing us?
372
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,313
Hah! Judy's incapable
of firing anyone.
373
00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:59,273
You know how
it seems like you're done
374
00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:01,483
but you're not quite?
375
00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:06,447
Wait. She is.
She's firing us.
376
00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:07,823
She is.
I overcome.
377
00:15:07,906 --> 00:15:09,658
I prevail. I strive.
378
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,869
Whoa. That's some
good software.
379
00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:13,829
Brian: The originally scheduledkeynote address,
380
00:15:13,912 --> 00:15:16,248
"Follow Your Voice, Not Mine,"by Judy Ken Sebben,
381
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:18,083
has been canceled.
[ Audience murmurs ]
382
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:20,794
Please welcome Brian O'Brien"the Third" on...
383
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:23,672
"What We Can LearnFrom 400 Years of White Men."
384
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,925
[ "Heavy Action" plays ]
385
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:30,179
I'm about to blow your minds
with this take.
386
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,264
Penicillin.
The Philly Cheese Steak.
387
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,850
"Jumpin' Jack Flash,"
the song and the movie.
388
00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:37,853
Coolers with wheels.
Wars. Jam bands.
389
00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:40,856
What do all of these seemingly
disparate things have in common?
390
00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:44,485
They were brought to you
through the artistry
391
00:15:44,568 --> 00:15:47,237
and bold leadership
of the white male.
392
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:48,364
We are misunderstood.
393
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,199
Our ways, not so mysterious.
394
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,701
But over the next several hours,
I'll share with you
395
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,536
how we became so magnificent
396
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,247
and how you can be
just as good as us.
397
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,457
Almost.
398
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,209
She fucking fired us.
399
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,877
Gazela fired us.
400
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,338
Judy's a dehydrated
bystander.
401
00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:07,383
One big Powerade
makes this all go away.
402
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,552
You pushed her too far.
And I pushed you pushing her.
403
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,430
Look. It's my nature
to go too far.
404
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,224
People love that
about me.
405
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:16,934
[ Cellphone rings ]
406
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:18,686
Dog with Bucket Hat:
It occurred to me
407
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:21,355
I never told you how Dannyand I became friends.
408
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:22,940
Yes. You did.
409
00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:26,568
I was running a five stack gamein a chop shop downtown...
410
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,903
Augggggh!
411
00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:30,155
I was security.Danny ran the door.
412
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:31,865
There was an altercation.
[ Gunfire ]
413
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,742
By the timeI got to my backup piece,
414
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,745
the room was dead and Dannyhad taken one to the chest.
415
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:40,374
I ran him to my car thenaccidentally ran over him --
416
00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:42,584
don't ask --then I raced him to a doc
417
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,462
I heard took cash anddidn't ask a lotta questions.
418
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:49,341
Dr. Andy patched you upreal good, didn't he, Danny?
419
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,552
You were a good niece to me.
[ Line clicks ]
420
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:55,222
Oof. I am doing more
emotional labor today.
421
00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,599
♪♪
422
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,268
[ Danny grunting ]
423
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:01,979
See you in the void,
old friend.
424
00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:03,605
[ Tires squeal ]
425
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,023
[ Engine revs ]
426
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,150
[ Tires screech ]
427
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:09,611
I can't!
I got too much to live for!
428
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:10,946
You understand, don't you?
429
00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:12,281
[ Cellphone rings ]
430
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:16,076
Oh, hey, Dr. Andy.
Not a great time.
431
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,619
Dr. Andy.
432
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,121
Dr. Andy: Listen.I probably should've
433
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,123
thought of this earlier,but you know how iguanas
434
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:22,833
lose their tailsand then they grow back?
435
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:25,794
Well, what if we justlet this tail fall off
436
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,796
and then, boom,problem solved?
437
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,132
Oh, you're a horrible
fuckin' doctor.
438
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:32,301
Danny Boy,
you're gonna make it!
439
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:33,969
[ Wheels rolling ]
440
00:17:34,052 --> 00:17:35,304
[ Engine revs ]
441
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:37,347
[ Tires squealing ]
442
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,725
[ Drill whirring, horn honks ]
443
00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:42,144
Weird how every time we have
a drink you forget your wallet,
444
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,313
except for it's not weird
because you do it every time
445
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,565
so it's totally premeditated.
Ah ha ha!
446
00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:49,568
[ Horn blaring ]
Um, isn't that your car?
447
00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:52,613
[ Car alarm blaring ]
448
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:55,282
Something in my foop
doesn't feel right.
449
00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:57,910
Growing pains.Hey. Look at me.
450
00:17:57,993 --> 00:17:59,369
You did the right thing.
451
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:02,664
Those failures don't knowwhat's best for us.
452
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,041
For me, you mean.
453
00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:06,668
Okay, I know you're
programmed to sound like
454
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,921
we're actually talking,
but that was nuts.
455
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,130
We're so close.
456
00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:11,799
Don't let Meredithand Charley
457
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,634
claw their wayback into your life
458
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:16,512
just as we're about tocommence phase 3.
459
00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:18,096
You can see me!
460
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:21,350
Data capitalism
isn't tomorrow's problem!
461
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:23,352
[ Clang ]
462
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,354
♪♪
463
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:27,773
Don't let them clawtheir way back in.
464
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:31,235
Silence the naysayers.Follow your own voice.
465
00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:32,861
♪♪
466
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,239
Are you here
to save us?
467
00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:36,573
Yes!
468
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,534
You have kale
in your teeth.
469
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,118
You're welcome.
470
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,495
Ouch.
471
00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:44,623
That's right.It's me. And you.
472
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:47,167
Our best future self,together.
473
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:50,546
Birdcat:
Wake. The fuck.
474
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,339
You're a monster!
475
00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:54,383
Blame yourself.You're the CEO.
476
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,051
Look in a mirror!
477
00:18:56,134 --> 00:18:57,302
Oh, not -- not this one.
478
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,179
You weren't helping me
find my voice.
479
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:00,973
You were using me!
480
00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:04,059
I really, finally,
can trust my gut.
481
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:08,397
Yours, sculpted and rock hard,
is a liar!
482
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,899
[ Grunts ]
I'm nothing like you!
483
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:13,235
Oh, yes.Yes, you are!
484
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:16,864
I'm the part of youwho isn't afraid of success.
485
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,491
♪♪
486
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,702
[ Judy grunting ]
487
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:27,457
♪♪
488
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:29,751
This is bullshit!
489
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:32,963
Oh, my God. I might actually
have to get a real job.
490
00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:34,631
[ Grunting ]
Paa-shawww.
491
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:37,801
Shut up
and eat your muffin.
492
00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:40,262
Gazela:
Out of my way!
493
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,806
I have a keynote speech
to give.
494
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,349
Birdgirl:
Yeah, yeah, she escaped.
495
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:46,435
But before she did,
she showed me our future,
496
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,979
and it's, uh, probably best
if you help me stop her.
497
00:19:49,062 --> 00:19:51,231
Birdteam, go!
498
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:52,983
[Slurring] Joke's on you.
499
00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:55,277
I was about to
fall over anyway.
500
00:19:55,360 --> 00:20:02,576
♪♪
501
00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:06,288
Meredith: Oof. Why on Earth did
your dad build this devil's den?
502
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,457
Charley:
Whoa! Nine Birdgirls.
503
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:12,336
And one chin that can core
a goddamn apple slice!
504
00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:15,339
Shush! [ Sniffs ]
Scented soy candle.
505
00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:16,965
She's close.
506
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,592
You could've
had it all.
507
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:20,052
[ Zapping ]
508
00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:23,388
But unfortunately, you've
chosen a life of "can't"
509
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:25,641
with your flabby friends.
510
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:29,311
I'm just gonna have to
set a boundary with you.
511
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:31,813
A final boundary.
512
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,982
[ Grunting ]
513
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:41,406
♪♪
514
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:43,492
Come on!
515
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:45,994
I can't tell what's real.
516
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,330
If you accidentally shoot
something in the head,
517
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:50,123
make sure it's not me.
518
00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:54,836
Bringing us to the 14th century,
519
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,964
something I like to call
a renaissance.
520
00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:58,131
[ Gazela growls ]
521
00:20:58,215 --> 00:20:59,341
[ Audience gasps ]
522
00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:01,510
Ugh! [ Grunting ]
523
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:03,345
JKS fans...
524
00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:05,973
today we dominate!
525
00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:07,849
[ Cheers and applause ]
526
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,101
With my leadership,
527
00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:13,188
the world will fall to its knees
before us!
528
00:21:13,271 --> 00:21:14,648
Look at you.
529
00:21:14,731 --> 00:21:16,358
Repulsive, weak bodies.
530
00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:20,779
Weak minds looking to Jud--
to us -- for answers.
531
00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:22,239
Rise now!
532
00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:27,035
Get off your meaty haunches
and stand as one.
533
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,286
That's fat-shaming!
534
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,580
If you weren't so fat,
I wouldn't exist!
535
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:33,542
Eh, not so fast.
Cool your talons.
536
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,836
[ Audience jeering ]
537
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,718
You'll never be Judy!
538
00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:44,511
[ Audience jeering ]
539
00:21:44,594 --> 00:21:47,389
We should probably step in
before they kill her.
540
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:49,016
Eh, let 'em
have some fun.
541
00:21:49,099 --> 00:21:51,226
Now, those are
true fans.
542
00:21:51,309 --> 00:21:53,562
[ Monitor beeping ]
543
00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:55,313
Anyone else
love hospitals?
544
00:21:55,397 --> 00:21:59,234
-Oh, God. Is it bad?
-Danny's gonna be just fine!
545
00:21:59,317 --> 00:22:03,238
Dr. Andy,
you magnificent bastard!
546
00:22:03,321 --> 00:22:05,657
We're, uh -- We're gonna
need a ride home.
547
00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:07,492
[ Rapping ] ♪ Who is the girl
that saves the world? ♪
548
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:09,202
Hey! Birdgirl!
549
00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:10,746
♪ Wings of fire,
unique like pearls ♪
550
00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:12,414
Hey! Birdgirl!
551
00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:14,332
♪ Who's the one
they can't defeat? ♪
552
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:15,792
Hey! Birdgirl!
553
00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:17,544
♪ Ultra fierce,
and it's all you need ♪
554
00:22:17,627 --> 00:22:20,797
Hey! Birdgirl!
555
00:22:20,881 --> 00:22:22,758
Hey!
[ Imitating fanfare ]
556
00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:24,342
Birdgirl!
557
00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:28,555
Made in Georgia.
38564
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