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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:07,964 [GROWLS] 2 00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:27,636 [FAINT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 3 00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:09,895 [CAN RATTLES] 4 00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:07,301 ♪ WHAA! 5 00:02:07,344 --> 00:02:11,348 ♪ WHAA! 6 00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:18,703 SO I BOUGHT MY FIRST MICROWAVE THE OTHER DAY. 7 00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,444 IT'S PRETTY AMAZING, ACTUALLY. 8 00:02:20,488 --> 00:02:22,054 I HAD NO IDEA. 9 00:02:22,098 --> 00:02:25,971 I CAN COOK DINNER IN TWO MINUTES. 10 00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:29,192 I CRAWLED INSIDE WITH A COPY OF WAR AND PEACE 11 00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:30,454 AND READ IT IN EIGHT AND A HALF. 12 00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:32,630 [SCATTERED LAUGHTER] 13 00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:34,980 IT'S AN EASY READ. 14 00:02:35,024 --> 00:02:37,853 IS, UH, ANYBODY HERE CELEBRATING A BIRTHDAY? 15 00:02:37,896 --> 00:02:40,856 [SCATTERED CHEERS] 16 00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:45,252 IN THE LAST YEAR OR SO? 17 00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:46,775 ME TOO. 18 00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:51,171 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GUYS. 19 00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:53,347 I, UH... 20 00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:57,438 I RECENTLY SIGNED UP FOR THE ARMY. 21 00:02:57,481 --> 00:03:00,615 I DID NOT PASS THE INTERVIEW. 22 00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:03,357 THEY ASKED ME WHAT MY PHILOSOPHY ON LIFE WAS, 23 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,490 AND I SAID "IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM, JOIN 'EM." 24 00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:10,494 THEY DID NOT LIKE THAT. 25 00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:13,628 I GOT THIS NEPHEW. 26 00:03:13,671 --> 00:03:15,282 HE'S COOL, MAN. 27 00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:16,631 LITTLE FIVE-YEAR-OLD. 28 00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:18,154 RUNS AROUND THE HOUSE WITHOUT HIS SHIRT ON. 29 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:21,070 YOU SHOULD SEE THE PHYSIQUE ON THIS KID. 30 00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:25,379 MAN, I REMEMBER WHEN I HAD A PHYSIQUE LIKE THAT. 31 00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:27,903 I WAS ABOUT HIS AGE. 32 00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:31,472 ALL RIGHT. THAT ONE WASN'T SO FUNNY. 33 00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:32,864 I GET IT. 34 00:03:32,908 --> 00:03:35,302 UM...NEEDS SOME WORK. 35 00:03:35,345 --> 00:03:39,044 I LOVE EXERCISING. 36 00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:44,354 OKAY, THAT WAS THE JOKE. 37 00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:45,747 UH, WHEN I GO OUT JOGGING, 38 00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:50,665 I DON'T WEAR RUNNING SHOES OR EXERCISE CLOTHES. 39 00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:52,406 NO WAY. 40 00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:54,930 I WEAR A SUIT AND A TIE. 41 00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:59,021 THAT WAY, IF MY FRIENDS HAPPEN TO DRIVE BY, 42 00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:04,331 THEY DON'T SAY, "HEY LOOK, THERE'S TREVOR. OUT RUNNING. 43 00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:05,723 GOOD FOR HIM." 44 00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:10,467 THEY SAY, "HEY, THERE'S TREVOR, RUNNING. 45 00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:12,339 "HE MUST BE LATE. 46 00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:15,820 LET'S GIVE HIM A RIDE." 47 00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:21,478 ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. GOOD NIGHT, FOLKS. 48 00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:22,566 [SCATTERED RESPONSE] 49 00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:25,003 MAN, THAT SUCKED. 50 00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:26,091 ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 51 00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:27,354 THAT WAS TREVOR NEWANDYKE. 52 00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:31,314 BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE. ALL RIGHT. 53 00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:44,327 HEY, YOU'RE THAT GUY THAT WAS JUST ON STAGE. 54 00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,373 YUP, THAT WAS ME. 55 00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:48,070 YOU LOOKED PRETTY NERVOUS, MAN. 56 00:04:48,113 --> 00:04:51,595 IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME, OR SOMETHING? 57 00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:53,467 NO. NO. 58 00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:54,816 YUP. YEAH, IT SEEMED LIKE IT. 59 00:04:54,859 --> 00:05:00,125 BECAUSE YOU WERE REALLY NOT FUNNY. 60 00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,476 LET ME GIVE YOU ONE PIECE OF ADVICE. 61 00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:06,131 YOU SHOULD TELL FUNNY JOKES, OR TELL FUNNY STORIES, 62 00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:08,438 OR TALK ABOUT FUNNY SITUATIONS. 63 00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:10,919 YOU KNOW, LIKE, "I WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE THE OTHER DAY 64 00:05:10,962 --> 00:05:12,529 AND YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THE SIZE OF THE..." 65 00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:14,226 OKAY, I GET IT. 66 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,318 WELL, ALL RIGHT. WELL, UH, UP HIGH. 67 00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:20,450 YOU'LL GET THEM NEXT TIME. 68 00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,497 ALL RIGHT, MAN. 69 00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:25,542 NUT SHOT. 70 00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:41,950 CISCO, MAN, THIS IS, LIKE, 25 BUCKS SHORT. 71 00:05:41,993 --> 00:05:43,778 YOU DIDN'T BRING ONE PERSON IN TONIGHT. 72 00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:46,389 NOT ONE. 73 00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:49,392 IF ANYTHING, YOU SHOULD BE PAYING ME. 74 00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,829 PLACE WAS EMPTY. 75 00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:54,571 COME ON, MAN. YOU OWE ME MORE MONEY. 76 00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:58,358 18 BUCKS. THAT'S ALL I'M PAYING YOU. 77 00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:09,238 HERE, CAN I AT LEAST GET SOME QUARTERS FOR THE BUS? 78 00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:10,718 ASK BARB. 79 00:06:10,761 --> 00:06:12,241 RIGHT. 80 00:06:12,284 --> 00:06:14,722 BARB, CAN I GET SOME QUARTERS FOR THE BUS? 81 00:06:14,765 --> 00:06:17,507 CAN'T, TREV. I GOT NOTHING. 82 00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:23,818 BEAUTIFUL. BEAUTIFUL. 83 00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:34,394 [VOICES CHATTERING] 84 00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:26,576 [MAN YELLING, MUFFLED] 85 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:41,852 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 86 00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:45,029 [RINGS] 87 00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:50,165 YEAH. 88 00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:53,124 HI, THIS IS STEVE FROM... 89 00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:57,085 YES. YEAH, YES, IT IS. 90 00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:58,565 ...LOOKS LIKE IT'S OVERDUE AGAIN. 91 00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:02,656 NO, NO, I'LL MAIL YOU A CHECK OUT TUESDAY. 92 00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:04,092 IT'S TOO LATE. 93 00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:05,267 WHAT DAY IS IT TODAY? 94 00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:06,398 TODAY'S TUESDAY. 95 00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:10,577 TODAY'S TUESDAY? AGAIN? 96 00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:14,842 WELL, THURSDAY, MAYBE. 97 00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:16,278 YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME? 98 00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:17,888 I DON'T BELIEVE YOU. 99 00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:19,411 COME ON. 100 00:08:19,455 --> 00:08:22,763 WELL, YOU CAN'T TURN OFF MY TV, CAN YOU? 101 00:08:22,806 --> 00:08:24,025 YES, I CAN. 102 00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:27,376 OH, REALLY? YES. 103 00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:29,334 JEEZ. 104 00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:53,881 HEY, SPICER. IT'S TREVOR. 105 00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:55,186 HEY, LOOK, MAN, 106 00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:56,753 I NEED THAT $40 THAT YOU OWE ME. 107 00:08:56,797 --> 00:09:00,714 FOR THOSE JOKES THAT I SOLD YOU, MAN. 108 00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:03,717 I NEED IT, LIKE, TODAY. 109 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,633 OR TOMORROW, IF THAT WORKS BETTER. 110 00:09:06,676 --> 00:09:08,548 UM... 111 00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:11,333 I'M GONNA BE REALLY MAD IF I DON'T GET THAT MONEY. 112 00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:13,988 I MEAN, I AM REALLY MAD. 113 00:09:14,031 --> 00:09:17,948 BUT, I'M GONNA... CONTI-- 114 00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:25,260 JUST CALL ME BACK. 115 00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:27,784 THIS IS TREVOR, BY THE WAY. 116 00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:36,010 [SPITS] 117 00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:37,838 SO I BUILT A TIME MACHINE OUT OF MY BED. 118 00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:42,059 BUT THE PILLOWS DON'T WORK, AND MY NECK IS KILLING ME. 119 00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:54,855 NO, I BUILT A TIME MACHINE OUT OF MY BED. 120 00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:56,247 NO, FOR REAL. 121 00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:58,162 THE MATTRESS SMELLS LIKE THE '20s. 122 00:09:58,206 --> 00:10:01,078 IT'S HORRIBLE. 123 00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,875 NO, FOR REAL, THOUGH. 124 00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:17,181 I BUILT A TIME MACHINE OUT OF MY BED. 125 00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:19,140 IT'S NO JOKE. 126 00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:20,924 I CAN REALLY GO BACK 127 00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:23,797 AND CHANGE WHAT I DO EVERY DAY 128 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:27,670 TO MAKE SURE THAT I DON'T GET IN TROUBLE. 129 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,499 [ALARM BEEPING] 130 00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:17,154 OH. NO. 131 00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:21,506 [BEEPING STOPS] 132 00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:48,185 [LAUGHS] 133 00:11:54,975 --> 00:11:58,282 [LAUGHS] 134 00:11:58,326 --> 00:12:00,458 [MAN SPEAKING ON TELEVISION] 135 00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:09,729 OKAY, SMILE. YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA. 136 00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:12,775 [LAUGHS] ALL RIGHT. HEY, ALL RIGHT. 137 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,472 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 138 00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:16,648 MY DAY HAS COME. IT'S SHINING. 139 00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:18,215 I DOUBT IF I'LL EVER GET INTO TV, 140 00:12:18,259 --> 00:12:20,348 BUT HERE'S MY TRACK IN, YOU KNOW. 141 00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:22,263 HELLO, PEOPLE. HERE I AM. 142 00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:24,831 HELLO, UTAH. 143 00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,441 I SAYS, UH, I SAYS 144 00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:28,095 IF I MAKE SOMETHING, IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THIS, 145 00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:29,792 I DON'T KNOW IF IT WILL. 146 00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:32,447 I SAYS, "ME AND YOU ARE GONNA GO HAVE A STEAK DINNER." 147 00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:34,318 REALLY. BUT THAT'S OLIVIA. 148 00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:35,624 SEE, THIS IS OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN. 149 00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:38,845 ANOTHER GUY CARVED THAT OUT. 150 00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:41,586 [GUN FIRES] 151 00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:53,076 I'M DYIN'. EVERYTHING IS GETTING DARK. 152 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,905 MOE, LARRY... 153 00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:57,298 WHAT'S THE MATTER, KID? 154 00:12:57,341 --> 00:12:58,778 THEY GOT ME. 155 00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:01,563 TAKE IT EASY, KID. TAKE IT EASY. 156 00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:03,304 WE GOTTA GET A DOCTOR. 157 00:13:03,347 --> 00:13:05,697 WAIT A MINUTE. I STUDIED MEDICINE FOR THREE YEARS. 158 00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:07,917 GO AND SEE WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM, DOC. 159 00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:09,876 IS HE HURT? 160 00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:11,878 HE'S GONE. 161 00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:13,053 THE POOR KID. 162 00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:14,750 AND I OWE HIM FIVE BUCKS. 163 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,534 WAIT A MINUTE. I HEARD THAT... 164 00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:19,189 LAY DOWN. YOU WANNA MAKE A FOOL OUT OF THE DOCTOR? 165 00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:59,795 [FIRECRACKER POPS] 166 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,711 [FAINT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 167 00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:26,866 ♪♪ 168 00:14:36,136 --> 00:14:44,057 ♪♪ 169 00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:50,280 HEY, WHAT'S UP, BUM? 170 00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:53,109 HEY, DUDE, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION, MAN. 171 00:14:53,153 --> 00:14:56,808 UH, YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO HAVE, LIKE, 172 00:14:56,852 --> 00:14:59,202 TWO BUCKS I COULD BORROW, WOULD YOU? 173 00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,639 BORROW? REALLY? 174 00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:04,904 SERIOUSLY, MAN, I'VE BEEN OUT HERE ALL DAY. 175 00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:06,993 I JUST NEED SOMEBODY TO LEND ME TWO BUCKS. 176 00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:09,125 I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL PAY YOU BACK. 177 00:15:09,169 --> 00:15:13,869 WOW, THAT'S A NEW ONE. 178 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,524 WHAT, ARE YOU TRYING TO GET A BURRITO, OR SOMETHING? 179 00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:18,569 NO, MAN, TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST, 180 00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:21,529 I JUST WANT TO GET A HUGE CAN OF BEER. 181 00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:24,140 IT'S FREAKING HOT OUT HERE. 182 00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:25,968 LIKE, COME ON, HELP ME OUT. 183 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,665 OKAY, MAN. YOU GOT IT. 184 00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:29,363 I GOT, LIKE, A BUCK FOR YOU. 185 00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:31,495 DUDE, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 186 00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:33,019 I'LL HIT YOU BACK, DUDE. 187 00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:35,717 YEAH, WHATEVER, MAN. 188 00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:54,866 HEY, MAN! 189 00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:08,054 HEY, IT WAS YOU THAT I GAVE THAT TEN BUCKS TO, WASN'T IT? 190 00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:10,143 YEAH, SO? 191 00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:11,318 THAT WAS A MISTAKE. 192 00:16:11,361 --> 00:16:14,234 YOU THINK I'D REALLY GIVE YOU TEN DOLLARS? 193 00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:15,322 I GUESS SO. 194 00:16:15,365 --> 00:16:16,671 I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING FRIENDLY, MAN. 195 00:16:16,714 --> 00:16:19,195 I TOLD YOU I'D PAY YOU BACK. 196 00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:23,286 WELL, NOW I GOT NOTHING. 197 00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:25,027 DUDE. BUMMER, MAN. 198 00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:27,073 UH, WANT A BEER? 199 00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:29,031 NO. 200 00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:32,121 YOU OWE ME BIG TIME. 201 00:16:32,165 --> 00:16:33,557 WHATEVER. 202 00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:40,651 HEY, EXCUSE ME, MA'AM. 203 00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:42,088 I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY. 204 00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:44,133 NO, I'M NOT ASKING YOU FOR MONEY. 205 00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:45,439 THEN WHAT IS IT? 206 00:16:45,482 --> 00:16:48,703 WELL, I'M NOT BEGGING. 207 00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:50,661 I WANT TO SELL YOU A JOKE. 208 00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:52,707 HUH? ORIGINAL JOKE. 209 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:54,056 IT'S JUST FIFTY CENTS. 210 00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:57,016 I WILL NOT GIVE YOU MONEY FOR ALCOHOL. 211 00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:58,626 WHAT? NO, NO. 212 00:16:58,669 --> 00:16:59,801 I'M NOT BUYING ALCOHOL. 213 00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:01,846 THERE'S THIS OTHER GUY. 214 00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:03,674 HE GOT ALL OF MY MONEY. 215 00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:06,112 AND HE'S THE ONE THAT'S BUYING THE BOOZE. 216 00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:08,505 HEY, I--I REALLY-- I JUST WANT A SLURPEE. 217 00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:10,377 I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS. 218 00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:11,465 JUST TAKE IT. 219 00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:14,511 HEY, THANKS! 220 00:17:14,555 --> 00:17:17,645 JUST WALK OFF THEN. 221 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,481 HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO GRAPE? 222 00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:29,222 [MAN] I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. 223 00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:31,528 WE REPLACED IT WITH DEW. 224 00:17:31,572 --> 00:17:34,053 OH, MAN. 225 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,160 YOU BEEN GETTING A LOT OF COMPLAINTS ABOUT THAT GRAPE BEING OUT? 226 00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:55,378 NO. 227 00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:57,163 REALLY? 228 00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:59,730 THAT'S WEIRD, BECAUSE THIS CHERRY 229 00:17:59,774 --> 00:18:02,211 TASTES LIKE COUGH SYRUP. 230 00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:03,560 DOLLAR FOUR, MAN. 231 00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:06,520 OF COURSE, IT'S NOT REALLY COUGH SYRUP, IS IT? 232 00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:10,132 WOW. NO, IT'S NOT REALLY COUGH SYRUP. 233 00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:11,264 DOLLAR FOUR, MAN. 234 00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:13,527 DOLLAR FOUR? SINCE WHEN, MAN? 235 00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:15,137 THEY'RE USUALLY 89 CENTS. 236 00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:17,400 THEY'VE ALWAYS BEEN A DOLLAR FOUR. 237 00:18:17,444 --> 00:18:19,446 NO WAY. NO WAY. 238 00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:22,057 I COME IN HERE EVERY DAY. 239 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,798 YOU DON'T LOOK FAMILIAR TO ME. 240 00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:25,713 WHAT? COME ON, MAN. 241 00:18:25,756 --> 00:18:28,150 I KNOW YOU. YOU'RE TIM! 242 00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:29,369 WHATEVER. 243 00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:30,848 I SEE THOUSANDS OF YOU CUSTOMERS EVERY DAY. 244 00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:33,764 WHOA. THOUSANDS? DOUBT IT. 245 00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:36,027 HUNDREDS, MAYBE. 246 00:18:36,071 --> 00:18:39,466 YOU GONNA PAY FOR YOUR FREEZEE, OR WHAT? 247 00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:44,819 FREEZEE? 248 00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,560 WELL, I MEAN, THIS IS ALL I GOT. 249 00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:48,649 TEN CENTS SHORT. 250 00:18:48,692 --> 00:18:53,306 WELL, THEN YOU GET NO FREEZEE. 251 00:18:53,349 --> 00:18:55,177 AGAIN WITH THE FREEZEE. 252 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:58,006 THIS GUY. LOOK MAN, I'LL JUST-- 253 00:18:58,049 --> 00:19:00,139 I'LL BRING IN THE TEN CENTS TOMORROW. 254 00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:01,401 TOMORROW? 255 00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:02,402 YEAH. 256 00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:04,055 NO. 257 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,501 IT IS SO BOGUS YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME DO THIS. 258 00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:16,459 MM-HMM. 259 00:19:16,503 --> 00:19:19,332 ONE. TWO. 260 00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:23,205 THREE. FOUR. 261 00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:27,078 FIVE. SIX. 262 00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,645 SEVEN. 263 00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:31,518 EIGHT. NINE. 264 00:19:31,561 --> 00:19:35,261 AND WELL DONE. THANK YOU. 265 00:19:35,304 --> 00:19:38,394 VERY GOOD. ENJOY YOUR FREEZEE. 266 00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:56,195 [SIRENS WAILING, HORNS HONKING] 267 00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:10,296 [RAP MUSIC PLAYS] 268 00:20:10,339 --> 00:20:18,260 ♪♪ 269 00:21:36,599 --> 00:21:38,384 FUNNY STUFF. 270 00:21:38,427 --> 00:21:39,385 JUST UPSTAIRS. 271 00:21:39,428 --> 00:21:40,386 LAUGH SHACK. 272 00:21:40,429 --> 00:21:42,823 FIFTEEN MINUTES. 273 00:21:42,866 --> 00:21:47,349 FUNNY, FUNNY STUFF. 274 00:21:47,393 --> 00:21:49,873 LADIES... 275 00:21:49,917 --> 00:21:53,181 WE GOT A BIG SHOW TONIGHT. 276 00:21:53,224 --> 00:21:54,574 JUST TAKE ONE OF THESE FLYERS. 277 00:21:54,617 --> 00:21:56,402 IT'LL GET YOU FIVE DOLLARS OFF AT THE DOOR. 278 00:21:56,445 --> 00:21:58,882 FIVE DOLLARS? HOW MUCH IS THE SHOW? 279 00:21:58,926 --> 00:22:00,884 IT'S CHEAP. YOU CAN DRINK UP THERE. 280 00:22:00,928 --> 00:22:02,451 BUY A COUPLE DRINKS. 281 00:22:02,495 --> 00:22:05,280 IT'LL BE, LIKE, $15. 282 00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:08,152 $15! 283 00:22:08,196 --> 00:22:09,676 WELL, I'LL BE THERE TOO. 284 00:22:09,719 --> 00:22:11,330 SAYING LOTS OF FUNNY THINGS. 285 00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:14,507 YOU? YOU DON'T SEEM VERY FUNNY. 286 00:22:14,550 --> 00:22:16,378 ARE YOU A COMEDIAN? 287 00:22:16,422 --> 00:22:20,513 NO. YEAH. 288 00:22:20,556 --> 00:22:22,079 JUST TAKE ONE OF THESE. 289 00:22:22,123 --> 00:22:24,386 LOOK, THEY'RE GONNA ACT LIKE A COUPON. 290 00:22:24,430 --> 00:22:27,346 THEY'LL HELP YOU OUT. THEY'RE GONNA-- 291 00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:30,392 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT GOING, ARE YOU? 292 00:22:30,436 --> 00:22:31,828 NOPE. NO. 293 00:22:31,872 --> 00:22:33,047 THANKS. 294 00:22:33,090 --> 00:22:34,744 YEAH, THANKS FOR LISTENING ANYWAY. 295 00:22:34,788 --> 00:22:36,442 WE HAVE OTHER PLANS. 296 00:22:36,485 --> 00:22:37,573 NO, I UNDERSTAND. 297 00:22:37,617 --> 00:22:39,140 IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY ANYHOW. 298 00:22:39,183 --> 00:22:40,489 HI, LADIES. DENNIS SPICER. 299 00:22:40,533 --> 00:22:41,577 YOU ARE? 300 00:22:41,621 --> 00:22:42,926 SPICER, I ALREADY TALKED TO THEM. 301 00:22:42,970 --> 00:22:46,843 YEAH, I CAN TELL. THEY'RE LEAVING. 302 00:22:46,887 --> 00:22:49,063 UH, THEY'D KILL ME UPSTAIRS 303 00:22:49,106 --> 00:22:52,283 IF THEY KNEW I WAS GIVING ONE TO EACH OF YOU, BUT... 304 00:22:52,327 --> 00:22:55,678 THIS YOUNG MAN ALREADY GAVE US EACH ONE. 305 00:22:55,722 --> 00:22:58,464 OH, BUT LADIES, I'M GOING TO BE THERE. 306 00:22:58,507 --> 00:23:00,727 AND I'M A FUNNY GUY. 307 00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:02,468 HOW FUNNY? 308 00:23:02,511 --> 00:23:07,081 WELL, ACTUALLY, HE'S RIGHT. HE'S HILARIOUS. 309 00:23:07,124 --> 00:23:09,170 THANKS, TREVOR.YEAH, SURE. 310 00:23:09,213 --> 00:23:11,825 HEY, WHY DON'T YOU GO AND DO YOUR PETER O'TOOLE IMPRESSION FOR THEM. 311 00:23:11,868 --> 00:23:13,217 YOU'LL LOVE THIS. 312 00:23:13,261 --> 00:23:14,958 OH, I'D LOVE THAT. OH, PLEASE DO IT FOR US. 313 00:23:15,002 --> 00:23:16,351 THAT'D BE A KICK. 314 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:18,875 NO, I DON'T HAVE ONE. REALLY, I DON'T. 315 00:23:18,919 --> 00:23:20,834 OH, COME ON.HE'S JUST BEING NERVOUS. 316 00:23:20,877 --> 00:23:22,357 NO, REALLY, I DON'T HAVE ONE. 317 00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:23,445 TREVOR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 318 00:23:23,489 --> 00:23:24,707 COME ON! SHOW THEM, BUDDY. 319 00:23:24,751 --> 00:23:26,753 JUST GO FOR IT. 320 00:23:26,796 --> 00:23:28,711 WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? I DON'T HAVE ONE. 321 00:23:28,755 --> 00:23:30,234 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 322 00:23:30,278 --> 00:23:31,453 HE'S STILL NERVOUS. 323 00:23:31,497 --> 00:23:33,063 NO. I DON'T GET NERVOUS, OKAY? 324 00:23:33,107 --> 00:23:36,806 I'M ALWAYS CONFIDENT. ALWAYS. 325 00:23:36,850 --> 00:23:39,809 WELL, GOOD NIGHT, LADIES.THANKS. 326 00:23:39,853 --> 00:23:41,507 THANKS FOR LISTENING ANYWAY. 327 00:23:41,550 --> 00:23:43,857 I'M SORRY ABOUT MY BUDDY SPICER HERE. 328 00:23:43,900 --> 00:23:45,598 IT'S OKAY. 329 00:23:45,641 --> 00:23:48,470 OKAY.TAKE CARE. 330 00:23:52,953 --> 00:23:54,650 WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, MAN? 331 00:23:54,694 --> 00:23:55,912 O'TOOLE IMPRESSION? 332 00:23:55,956 --> 00:23:57,479 WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU DID ONE. 333 00:23:57,523 --> 00:23:59,699 NO. I DO AN AMAZING STALLONE, BUT NO O'TOOLE. 334 00:23:59,742 --> 00:24:01,875 OH, RIGHT, STALLONE. YEAH. 335 00:24:01,918 --> 00:24:04,660 I'M SORRY. I FORGOT, MAN. 336 00:24:04,704 --> 00:24:08,490 STALLONE. 337 00:24:08,534 --> 00:24:13,408 STALLONE... 338 00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:16,106 YEAH, I DO AN INCREDIBLE STALLONE. 339 00:24:16,150 --> 00:24:18,587 OH, I KNOW. YEAH. 340 00:24:18,631 --> 00:24:22,678 YOU KNOW, I HAD THESE LADIES IN THE DOOR, OKAY, AND YOU BLEW IT. 341 00:24:22,722 --> 00:24:27,988 YOU NEED TO LEARN TO SELL THE PRODUCT, TREVOR. 342 00:24:28,031 --> 00:24:30,164 HEY, MAN, DID YOU GET THAT MESSAGE I LEFT YOU? 343 00:24:30,207 --> 00:24:31,426 DIDN'T GET IT. 344 00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:33,515 WHAT? OH, COME ON, MAN. 345 00:24:33,559 --> 00:24:35,082 I NEED THAT MONEY YOU OWE ME. 346 00:24:35,125 --> 00:24:36,518 THEY'RE GOING TO TURN OFF MY CABLE. 347 00:24:36,562 --> 00:24:37,998 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. YOU HAVE A VCR. 348 00:24:38,041 --> 00:24:41,218 OH, WHAT? THE TAPES OF THE JERRY LEWIS TELETHON? 349 00:24:41,262 --> 00:24:44,265 NO WAY. I'M NOT DOING THAT AGAIN. 350 00:24:44,308 --> 00:24:45,875 COME ON, YOU OWE ME THAT MONEY, MAN. 351 00:24:45,919 --> 00:24:47,050 IT'S MINE. 352 00:24:47,094 --> 00:24:49,357 WHAT MONEY? I LITERALLY CANNOT WAIT 353 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:50,706 TO HEAR WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. 354 00:24:50,750 --> 00:24:51,881 WAIT, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 355 00:24:51,925 --> 00:24:53,622 I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR WHY I OWE YOU MONEY. 356 00:24:53,666 --> 00:24:56,407 NO, BUT YOU SAID YOU LITERALLY CAN'T WAIT. 357 00:24:56,451 --> 00:24:59,541 RIGHT. I REALLY CAN'T WAIT. 358 00:24:59,585 --> 00:25:01,021 WHATEVER, MAN. 359 00:25:01,064 --> 00:25:03,371 LOOK, YOU OWE ME MONEY FOR THAT JOKE BOOK I SOLD YOU. 360 00:25:03,414 --> 00:25:04,633 THAT WAS ALL ORIGINAL MATERIAL. 361 00:25:04,677 --> 00:25:06,461 AND I DON'T EVEN TELL THOSE JOKES ANYMORE, 362 00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:07,593 BECAUSE I SOLD THEM TO YOU. 363 00:25:07,636 --> 00:25:08,811 DUDE, THOSE JOKES, THEY STUNK, OKAY? 364 00:25:08,855 --> 00:25:10,334 I DON'T USE THEM. 365 00:25:10,378 --> 00:25:12,815 WHAT? THE CRANKING UP THE BASS FOR BOOKS ON TAPE? 366 00:25:12,859 --> 00:25:14,425 MAN, THAT BIT IS HILARIOUS. 367 00:25:14,469 --> 00:25:17,603 OH, I WOULD NEVER USE THAT ONE. SO DUMB. 368 00:25:17,646 --> 00:25:19,735 IT'S NOT DUMB. IT'S ALL IN DELIVERY. 369 00:25:19,779 --> 00:25:21,607 NO. DELIVERY AND MATERIAL. 370 00:25:21,650 --> 00:25:23,217 OKAY? IT CAN'T BE ONE OR THE OTHER. 371 00:25:23,260 --> 00:25:24,958 OH, THANK YOU. YEAH. 372 00:25:25,001 --> 00:25:27,047 DICK YOBA'S COMING FRIDAY NIGHT, YOU KNOW. 373 00:25:27,090 --> 00:25:28,439 REALLY? MM-HMM. 374 00:25:28,483 --> 00:25:31,573 YEAH, AND HE'S LOOKING TO SIGN SOMEBODY. 375 00:25:31,617 --> 00:25:34,620 I DON'T CARE. HE DOESN'T EVER LIKE ANYONE. 376 00:25:34,663 --> 00:25:35,969 YEAH, RIGHT! 377 00:25:36,012 --> 00:25:37,579 I'VE BEEN WORKING ON MY STUFF ALL MONTH. 378 00:25:37,623 --> 00:25:38,972 AND CISCO SAYS IF HE LIKES ME, 379 00:25:39,015 --> 00:25:42,323 HE'LL SIGN ME TO THE EAST COAST. 380 00:25:42,366 --> 00:25:43,890 IS HIS NAME REALLY DICK YOBA? 381 00:25:43,933 --> 00:25:46,240 YEAH, WHY? 382 00:25:46,283 --> 00:25:49,635 BECAUSE HE'S NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR ACT, IS WHAT I HEAR. 383 00:25:49,678 --> 00:25:53,073 I DON'T CARE. DUDE THINKS HE'S BIG TIME. 384 00:25:53,116 --> 00:25:55,641 HE IS. AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM. 385 00:25:55,684 --> 00:25:56,729 HOW SAD. 386 00:25:56,772 --> 00:25:58,948 NEITHER DO YOU! 387 00:25:58,992 --> 00:26:00,820 I'M GOING UPSTAIRS, OKAY? 388 00:26:00,863 --> 00:26:01,908 BE READY FOR FRIDAY NIGHT. 389 00:26:01,951 --> 00:26:03,344 IT'S THE BIG NIGHT. 390 00:26:03,387 --> 00:26:04,563 YOU KNOW, YOU STILL OWE ME. 391 00:26:04,606 --> 00:26:06,042 I DON'T OWE YOU A THING. OKAY? 392 00:26:06,086 --> 00:26:07,653 YOU'RE A LOUSE, SPICER. 393 00:26:07,696 --> 00:26:10,264 BE READY FOR FRIDAY NIGHT. ONE WEEK, BABY. 394 00:26:10,307 --> 00:26:12,788 YOBA'S COMING! 395 00:26:12,832 --> 00:26:15,530 STILL DON'T CARE. 396 00:26:18,141 --> 00:26:22,102 COMEDY! FUNNY STUFF! 397 00:26:22,145 --> 00:26:24,408 LAUGH SHACK! UPSTAIRS! 398 00:26:24,452 --> 00:26:26,846 SHOW STARTS IN FIVE MINUTES. 399 00:26:26,889 --> 00:26:29,283 FUNNY, FUNNY STUFF. 400 00:26:41,774 --> 00:26:45,647 OKAY. IT'S JUST... 401 00:26:45,691 --> 00:26:48,868 IT'S JUST LIKE BITTMAN SAYS. 402 00:26:48,911 --> 00:26:51,740 YOU ALWAYS CARE FOR THE HAIR. 403 00:26:51,784 --> 00:26:55,048 ALWAYS CARE FOR HAIR. 404 00:27:04,057 --> 00:27:06,668 OH, MAN, WHATEVER. 405 00:27:06,712 --> 00:27:08,148 [MAN] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 406 00:27:08,191 --> 00:27:10,454 LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR TREVOR NEWANDYKE! 407 00:27:10,498 --> 00:27:14,676 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 408 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,112 HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING TONIGHT? 409 00:27:16,156 --> 00:27:18,288 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 410 00:27:18,332 --> 00:27:21,727 YEAH? I, UH... 411 00:27:21,770 --> 00:27:24,425 I'M WORKING ON BUILDING A TIME MACHINE. 412 00:27:24,468 --> 00:27:27,689 IT SHOULD BE READY SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE. 413 00:27:27,733 --> 00:27:29,299 [SCATTERED LAUGHTER] 414 00:27:29,343 --> 00:27:33,695 I BOUGHT A TOTINO'S PARTY PIZZA LAST NIGHT. 415 00:27:33,739 --> 00:27:37,438 I WAS EXPECTING SO MUCH MORE. 416 00:27:37,481 --> 00:27:40,746 I MEAN, I WAS REALLY EXCITED. 417 00:27:40,789 --> 00:27:42,922 I INVITED SOME FRIENDS OVER, 418 00:27:42,965 --> 00:27:47,796 WE CRANKED UP THE MUSIC, GOT READY TO THROW DOWN. 419 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,973 TURNS OUT THAT A TOTINO'S PARTY PIZZA PARTY 420 00:27:51,017 --> 00:27:54,716 ISN'T THAT COOL. 421 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:59,416 I FORGOT MY GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY LAST WEEK. 422 00:27:59,460 --> 00:28:01,854 MAN, SHE WAS FURIOUS. 423 00:28:01,897 --> 00:28:06,772 SHE TOLD ME THAT I'D BE IN THE DOGHOUSE FOR A MONTH. 424 00:28:06,815 --> 00:28:08,774 I SAID, "WELL, HONEY, 425 00:28:08,817 --> 00:28:10,558 "IT'S A GOOD THING I BUILT THE DOG 426 00:28:10,601 --> 00:28:15,868 THAT THREE-BEDROOM CONDO IN THE BACKYARD." 427 00:28:15,911 --> 00:28:18,697 I'M JUST KIDDING. THAT WAS A JOKE. 428 00:28:18,740 --> 00:28:21,264 I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. 429 00:28:21,308 --> 00:28:24,790 IS ANYBODY HERE CELEBRATING A BIRTHDAY? 430 00:28:24,833 --> 00:28:27,836 [WOMEN CHEER] 431 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:31,840 WITHIN THE LAST YEAR OR SO? 432 00:28:31,884 --> 00:28:34,364 ALL RIGHT. ME TOO. 433 00:28:34,408 --> 00:28:36,932 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GUYS. 434 00:28:36,976 --> 00:28:39,892 MAN, YOU KNOW, I THINK ADAM AND EVE ARE COOL. 435 00:28:39,935 --> 00:28:43,765 YOU KNOW, MOST PEOPLE SEE A SNAKE AND THEY FREAK. 436 00:28:43,809 --> 00:28:46,072 BUT THEY JUST KIND OF SORT OF HUNG OUT WITH IT, 437 00:28:46,115 --> 00:28:49,989 AND LET IT TALK ITS SNAKE JIVE. 438 00:28:50,032 --> 00:28:52,818 I KNOW IF A SNAKE OFFERED ME A GOLDEN APPLE 439 00:28:52,861 --> 00:28:55,995 I'D BE OUT OF THERE. 440 00:28:56,038 --> 00:28:59,128 MAN, IF I FOUND OUT IT WAS THE DEVIL, I'D TELL HIM TO GET LOST. 441 00:28:59,172 --> 00:29:02,566 NO DEAL. 442 00:29:02,610 --> 00:29:04,830 ACTUALLY, I MIGHT EAT LUNCH WITH A SNAKE. 443 00:29:04,873 --> 00:29:06,832 MIGHT MAKE A DEAL WITH A SNAKE. 444 00:29:06,875 --> 00:29:11,097 ESPECIALLY IF HE HAD SOME COOL VHS TAPES OR SOMETHING. 445 00:29:11,140 --> 00:29:15,710 BUT, MAN, NO DEALS WITH THE DEVIL. 446 00:29:15,754 --> 00:29:20,584 UNLESS HE HAD SOME PRETTY COOL VHS TAPES. 447 00:29:20,628 --> 00:29:23,544 THEY'D HAVE TO BE REALLY GOOD VHS. 448 00:29:23,587 --> 00:29:28,288 I'M TALKING LIKE... CRITTERS 2. 449 00:29:28,331 --> 00:29:29,898 [RAP MUSIC] 450 00:29:29,942 --> 00:29:37,863 ♪♪ 451 00:29:46,175 --> 00:29:47,829 YEAH? 452 00:29:47,873 --> 00:29:48,612 WANT A CHIP? 453 00:29:48,656 --> 00:29:50,527 NO, THANKS. I'M SET. 454 00:29:50,571 --> 00:29:53,574 THEY'RE GOOD. 455 00:29:57,970 --> 00:30:01,190 THANK YOU. 456 00:30:04,324 --> 00:30:06,108 GOOD, HUH? 457 00:30:06,152 --> 00:30:09,720 YEAH, IT'S A DORITO. 458 00:30:39,141 --> 00:30:41,927 SO GROSS. 459 00:31:43,379 --> 00:31:45,077 YOU'RE LEAVING? 460 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,296 LOOK AT ALL THE CHEESE FLAVOR ON MY FINGERS. 461 00:31:59,221 --> 00:32:01,093 HEY. 462 00:32:01,136 --> 00:32:02,355 HELLO, MY FRIEND. 463 00:32:02,398 --> 00:32:06,881 WHAT'LL IT BE? 464 00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:09,971 WELL, THE SIGN SAYS "FRUIT," BUT I DON'T SEE ANY. 465 00:32:10,015 --> 00:32:13,018 WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE A LOOK AT MY ONIONS. 466 00:32:13,061 --> 00:32:14,584 GROSS. 467 00:32:14,628 --> 00:32:16,282 WHY IS THERE NO FRUIT? 468 00:32:16,325 --> 00:32:21,722 WELL, I HAD TO CHANGE MY BUSINESS MODEL. 469 00:32:21,765 --> 00:32:23,550 THIS ISN'T EVEN A FRUIT OR A VEGETABLE. 470 00:32:23,593 --> 00:32:25,204 IT'S, LIKE, A CHEWED-UP LITTLE FOOTBALL. 471 00:32:25,247 --> 00:32:30,035 SO WHAT? JUST LEAVE IT ALONE. 472 00:32:30,078 --> 00:32:31,340 SO THERE'S NO FRUIT? 473 00:32:31,384 --> 00:32:34,256 NO FRUIT. 474 00:32:34,300 --> 00:32:36,258 NOT EVEN AN APPLE? 475 00:32:36,302 --> 00:32:39,522 NOT FOR SALE. 476 00:32:39,566 --> 00:32:41,046 WAIT, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 477 00:32:41,089 --> 00:32:45,528 WELL, I HAVE THIS RARE GOLDEN DELICIOUS. 478 00:32:45,572 --> 00:32:47,400 BUT IT'S MINE. 479 00:32:47,443 --> 00:32:49,184 GOLDEN DELICIOUS. 480 00:32:49,228 --> 00:32:51,926 YEAH, THE APPLE. 481 00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:55,147 A GOLDEN APPLE, HUH? YEAH. 482 00:32:55,190 --> 00:32:56,670 REALLY? OH, REALLY. 483 00:32:56,713 --> 00:33:00,195 REALLY? UH-HUH. 484 00:33:00,239 --> 00:33:04,591 OKAY, I GET IT. 485 00:33:04,634 --> 00:33:06,593 I DON'T. 486 00:33:06,636 --> 00:33:09,161 AM I ON CAMERA HERE OR SOMETHING? 487 00:33:15,297 --> 00:33:16,385 CAN WE MAKE A DEAL? 488 00:33:16,429 --> 00:33:19,388 A DEAL? FOR THE APPLE? 489 00:33:19,432 --> 00:33:21,738 YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I WANT. 490 00:33:21,782 --> 00:33:24,263 WELL, HOW MUCH YOU GOT? 491 00:33:24,306 --> 00:33:25,351 I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY. 492 00:33:25,394 --> 00:33:29,616 WELL, THEN YOU HAVE NO APPLE. 493 00:33:29,659 --> 00:33:33,489 WHAT IF I--WHAT IF I GAVE YOU A JOKE? 494 00:33:33,533 --> 00:33:35,404 AN ORIGINAL JOKE FOR THE APPLE. 495 00:33:35,448 --> 00:33:37,450 WHAT, ARE YOU A COMEDIAN, OR SOMETHING? 496 00:33:37,493 --> 00:33:41,367 NO. YES. 497 00:33:41,410 --> 00:33:43,499 WELL, WHAT'S THE JOKE? 498 00:33:43,543 --> 00:33:46,024 NO, NO, DO WE HAVE A DEAL? 499 00:33:46,067 --> 00:33:48,504 OH, NO. NO, NOT UNTIL I HEAR THE JOKE. 500 00:33:48,548 --> 00:33:50,593 I MEAN, HEY, WHAT IF IT STINKS? 501 00:33:50,637 --> 00:33:52,073 IT'S NOT GOING TO STINK. 502 00:33:52,117 --> 00:33:54,206 YOU SURE? 503 00:33:54,249 --> 00:33:55,642 NO. 504 00:33:55,685 --> 00:33:56,860 COME ON, COME ON, COME ON. 505 00:33:56,904 --> 00:33:59,994 JUST TELL ME THE JOKE. COME ON. 506 00:34:00,038 --> 00:34:03,084 OKAY. OKAY. 507 00:34:03,128 --> 00:34:05,478 HOW ABOUT... 508 00:34:05,521 --> 00:34:09,786 WHAT'S FASTER? HOT OR COLD? 509 00:34:09,830 --> 00:34:11,440 COME ON. ARE YOU SERIOUS? 510 00:34:11,484 --> 00:34:15,401 COME ON. WHICH ONE? 511 00:34:15,444 --> 00:34:17,403 I DON'T KNOW. 512 00:34:17,446 --> 00:34:19,057 IT'S HOT. 513 00:34:19,100 --> 00:34:21,363 BECAUSE YOU CAN CATCH A COLD. 514 00:34:21,407 --> 00:34:25,454 [SCOFFS] 515 00:34:25,498 --> 00:34:26,716 THAT'S IT? 516 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:28,153 THAT'S IT? THAT'S ALL YOU GOT? 517 00:34:28,196 --> 00:34:28,936 THAT'S LOUSY. 518 00:34:28,979 --> 00:34:30,590 IT'S NOT THAT BAD. 519 00:34:30,633 --> 00:34:32,896 IT'S NOT ORIGINAL. 520 00:34:32,940 --> 00:34:36,944 I PUT MY OWN LITTLE SPIN ON IT. 521 00:34:36,987 --> 00:34:39,077 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT? 522 00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:41,209 HERE. TAKE IT. 523 00:34:41,253 --> 00:34:43,429 THE APPLE'S YOURS. 524 00:34:43,472 --> 00:34:44,647 I DON'T CARE. 525 00:34:44,691 --> 00:34:46,780 REALLY? OH, REALLY. 526 00:34:46,823 --> 00:34:48,782 SO IT'S A DEAL? 527 00:34:48,825 --> 00:34:54,309 OH, IT'S A DEAL. IT'S A DONE DEAL. 528 00:34:54,353 --> 00:34:56,224 THAT'S IT? 529 00:34:56,268 --> 00:34:59,227 THAT'S IT. 530 00:34:59,271 --> 00:35:00,272 YOU'RE SURE? 531 00:35:00,315 --> 00:35:02,100 GOOD DEAL. 532 00:35:02,143 --> 00:35:04,841 GOOD DAY! 533 00:35:13,372 --> 00:35:17,724 [MUFFLED YELLING] 534 00:35:17,767 --> 00:35:20,683 I GOT MY MEAT, I GOT MY VEGETABLES, 535 00:35:20,727 --> 00:35:24,296 AND I GOT MY DESSER-- 536 00:35:24,339 --> 00:35:26,341 NO DESSERT? 537 00:35:26,385 --> 00:35:29,866 [WOMAN WHIMPERING, MUFFLED] 538 00:35:41,226 --> 00:35:44,620 [STATIC] 539 00:35:50,409 --> 00:35:52,672 COME ON! 540 00:35:59,331 --> 00:36:00,854 I BOUGHT A MICROWAVE. 541 00:36:00,897 --> 00:36:02,638 IT CAN MAKE DINNER IN TWO MINUTES. 542 00:36:02,682 --> 00:36:04,249 IT'S CRAZY. 543 00:36:04,292 --> 00:36:09,819 SO I CRAWLED INSIDE, AND I READ A BOOK IN UNDER FIVE. 544 00:36:09,863 --> 00:36:12,474 I CRAWLED INSIDE AND I READ WAR AND PEACE. 545 00:36:12,518 --> 00:36:14,128 IT ONLY TOOK ME TEN MINUTES. 546 00:36:14,172 --> 00:36:16,522 PRETTY DECENT BOOK. PRETTY GOOD BOOK. 547 00:36:16,565 --> 00:36:19,351 PRETTY DECENT READ. NOT BAD. 548 00:36:19,394 --> 00:36:21,353 GOOD...GOOD BOOK. 549 00:36:21,396 --> 00:36:25,226 EASY READ. EASY READ. 550 00:36:25,270 --> 00:36:29,274 MY KID BROTHER, HE CRAWLED INSIDE AND CAME OUT AN OLD MAN. 551 00:36:34,061 --> 00:36:36,585 MY LITTLE BROTHER HOPPED INSIDE, POOR KID, 552 00:36:36,629 --> 00:36:38,805 CAME OUT AN OLD MAN. [GROANS] 553 00:36:52,297 --> 00:36:54,212 I BOUGHT A NEW MICROWAVE. 554 00:36:54,255 --> 00:36:57,432 I USE IT TO MAKE KOOL-AID OUT OF POPSICLES. 555 00:37:00,348 --> 00:37:01,523 IT'S NO GOOD? 556 00:37:01,567 --> 00:37:04,961 YOU DIDN'T LIKE THAT ONE? 557 00:37:14,362 --> 00:37:16,799 SO YOU GOING TO EAT IT, OR WHAT? 558 00:37:16,843 --> 00:37:18,888 NOT YET. 559 00:37:18,932 --> 00:37:21,717 I'M GOING TO KEEP IT. 560 00:37:21,761 --> 00:37:24,677 IT'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL. 561 00:37:24,720 --> 00:37:28,289 SO YEAH, I'M JUST GOING TO HOLD ONTO IT FOR A WHILE. 562 00:37:28,333 --> 00:37:32,206 SO YOU'RE THINKING IT'S SOME KIND OF A SIGN, THEN? 563 00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:34,382 COME ON, NO. 564 00:37:34,426 --> 00:37:36,558 I JUST THINK IT'S KIND OF COOL. 565 00:37:36,602 --> 00:37:38,430 IT'S AN APPLE, HON. 566 00:37:38,473 --> 00:37:39,605 YEAH. 567 00:37:39,648 --> 00:37:43,304 BUT IT'S STILL CRAZY. 568 00:37:43,348 --> 00:37:46,394 I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE IT IS MAGIC. 569 00:37:46,438 --> 00:37:50,137 AND IF I EAT IT, I'M GOING TO GET SPECIAL POWERS. 570 00:37:52,574 --> 00:37:55,360 OR MAYBE I'LL JUST DIE. 571 00:37:57,666 --> 00:37:59,451 WHATEVER. 572 00:37:59,494 --> 00:38:01,322 BARB! [WHISTLES] 573 00:38:02,845 --> 00:38:04,325 OKAY, BARB. I'M UP. 574 00:38:04,369 --> 00:38:06,371 GOOD LUCK, KID.THANKS. 575 00:38:06,414 --> 00:38:08,198 NOT TONIGHT. 576 00:38:08,242 --> 00:38:09,374 WHAT? 577 00:38:09,417 --> 00:38:10,375 I BUMPED YA. 578 00:38:10,418 --> 00:38:12,333 WHAT, I'M BUMPED? 579 00:38:12,377 --> 00:38:15,249 YOU DON'T BRING ANYONE IN. 580 00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:16,772 AND DICK YOBA'S COMING FRIDAY NIGHT 581 00:38:16,816 --> 00:38:19,079 TO CHECK OUT A COUPLE SETS. 582 00:38:19,122 --> 00:38:23,170 I NEED TO GET MY A-LISTERS UP ON STAGE. 583 00:38:23,213 --> 00:38:25,433 I'M ABOUT TO GO NUTS, I SWEAR. 584 00:38:25,477 --> 00:38:29,785 A-LISTERS. NICE SHIRT. 585 00:38:31,091 --> 00:38:32,788 UM, JUST A QUICK QUESTION. 586 00:38:32,832 --> 00:38:34,660 WHAT DO YOU THINK SYLVESTER STALLONE'S 587 00:38:34,703 --> 00:38:36,531 FAVORITE ICE CREAM IS? 588 00:38:36,575 --> 00:38:38,316 WHAT? 589 00:38:38,359 --> 00:38:42,189 ROCKY ROAD. 590 00:38:42,232 --> 00:38:43,799 [MAN] THAT JOKE AGAIN? 591 00:38:43,843 --> 00:38:46,411 YEAH. CAN YOU GET HIM OUT OF HERE? 592 00:38:46,454 --> 00:38:48,891 THANKS. 593 00:38:48,935 --> 00:38:50,458 SO WE'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME. 594 00:38:50,502 --> 00:38:52,721 OH, I GOT A NEW CAR. 595 00:38:52,765 --> 00:38:55,202 IT'S AN OMEGA. 596 00:38:55,245 --> 00:38:58,466 YEAH, IT'S A--I HAVE A NEW STEREO IN IT, TOO. 597 00:38:58,510 --> 00:39:01,904 AND, YOU KNOW, I'M INTO THOSE BOOKS ON TAPE. 598 00:39:01,948 --> 00:39:04,254 OH, MY GOSH, THOSE THINGS ARE AWESOME. 599 00:39:04,298 --> 00:39:07,301 YEAH, I LIKE TO CRANK THE BASS. 600 00:39:07,345 --> 00:39:09,738 BOOKS ON TAPE, CRANK THE BASS? 601 00:39:09,782 --> 00:39:10,913 PULL UP TO THE INTERSECTION. 602 00:39:10,957 --> 00:39:13,394 JUST LIKE-- 603 00:39:13,438 --> 00:39:14,830 GOOD STUFF. 604 00:39:14,874 --> 00:39:17,311 IT REALLY ANNOYS PEOPLE. 605 00:39:20,836 --> 00:39:23,186 TREVMEISTER! 606 00:39:23,230 --> 00:39:25,145 I KILLED IT OUT THERE. KILLED IT. 607 00:39:25,188 --> 00:39:27,539 THOUGHT YOU GOT BUMPED? 608 00:39:27,582 --> 00:39:29,715 YOU KNOW, I SAW YOUR SET TONIGHT. 609 00:39:29,758 --> 00:39:32,979 THAT BOOKS ON TAPE BIT, THAT'S MY JOKE. 610 00:39:33,022 --> 00:39:36,156 OH, NO. HEY, BUDDY, THAT'S MY JOKE, OKAY? 611 00:39:36,199 --> 00:39:37,592 IT'S NOT YOUR JOKE. 612 00:39:37,636 --> 00:39:39,028 I ENJOY CRANKING THE BASS 613 00:39:39,072 --> 00:39:41,727 WHEN LISTENING TO BOOKS ON TAPE. 614 00:39:41,770 --> 00:39:44,643 THAT'S A TRUE THING I LIKE. 615 00:39:44,686 --> 00:39:48,473 YOU KNOW THEY CUT MY CABLE OFF BECAUSE I COULDN'T PAY. 616 00:39:48,516 --> 00:39:51,824 YOU OWE ME FOR THOSE JOKES. 617 00:40:15,630 --> 00:40:16,762 OH, COME ON MAN. 618 00:40:16,805 --> 00:40:18,416 THIS IS, LIKE, THE LONGEST PEE EVER! 619 00:40:27,512 --> 00:40:32,255 [ALARM BEEPING] 620 00:40:35,041 --> 00:40:36,999 [RAP MUSIC PLAYING] 621 00:40:37,043 --> 00:40:42,396 ♪♪ 622 00:41:01,546 --> 00:41:04,505 [TAPE DISTORTING] 623 00:41:09,771 --> 00:41:12,339 OH, GOD. 624 00:41:20,826 --> 00:41:23,611 [CHANGING RADIO STATIONS] 625 00:41:46,721 --> 00:41:49,985 [STATIC, CHANGING STATIONS] 626 00:42:33,463 --> 00:42:36,554 [HOWLS] 627 00:42:37,729 --> 00:42:40,558 [HOWLS] 628 00:42:40,601 --> 00:42:44,649 [BARKING] 629 00:43:04,190 --> 00:43:06,148 [HEAVY METAL] 630 00:43:06,192 --> 00:43:14,548 ♪♪ 631 00:43:20,815 --> 00:43:21,860 OH, I'M SORRY. 632 00:43:21,903 --> 00:43:23,644 [MUSIC CONTINUES FAINTLY IN HEADPHONES] 633 00:43:23,688 --> 00:43:24,863 YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST READING, 634 00:43:24,906 --> 00:43:26,473 AND YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS, 635 00:43:26,516 --> 00:43:28,997 ABOUT A MAN WHO ATE SPOILED VENISON. 636 00:43:29,041 --> 00:43:32,435 THE DEER MEAT. I MEAN, LIKE, ROTTEN DEER MEAT. 637 00:43:32,479 --> 00:43:35,961 AND A WEEK LATER THEY FOUND ANTLERS GROWING FROM HIS HEAD. 638 00:43:36,004 --> 00:43:37,179 REALLY? 639 00:43:37,223 --> 00:43:39,486 OH, YEAH. LIKE THIS CRAZY DREAM I HAD. 640 00:43:39,529 --> 00:43:41,706 MY SISTER WAS WORKING IN A LIBRARY. 641 00:43:41,749 --> 00:43:43,577 IT WAS JUST SO BIZARRE. 642 00:43:43,621 --> 00:43:46,145 I DON'T THINK SHE EVER GOES TO THE LIBRARY. 643 00:43:46,188 --> 00:43:47,755 AND THERE SHE STOOD, 644 00:43:47,799 --> 00:43:52,978 JUST RE-SHELVING THESE BOOKS LIKE AN EXPERT. 645 00:43:53,021 --> 00:43:55,371 THAT'S IT? 646 00:43:55,415 --> 00:43:57,635 WELL, THAT'S VERY UNUSUAL TO ME 647 00:43:57,678 --> 00:44:00,681 TO DREAM OF YOUR SISTER WORKING IN A LIBRARY OF ALL PLACES. 648 00:44:07,732 --> 00:44:09,472 WHAT IS IT? 649 00:44:09,516 --> 00:44:10,735 LOOK. 650 00:44:10,778 --> 00:44:16,218 LOOKS LIKE THAT DUDE'S STEALING THAT BIKE. 651 00:44:16,262 --> 00:44:17,742 OH, NO. YOU'RE RIGHT. 652 00:44:17,785 --> 00:44:18,873 DON'T LOOK AT HIM. 653 00:44:18,917 --> 00:44:20,005 DUDE! 654 00:44:20,048 --> 00:44:22,050 SIT DOWN. HE'LL SEE US. 655 00:44:22,094 --> 00:44:23,835 HEY, MAN, THAT'S NOT YOUR BIKE! 656 00:44:23,878 --> 00:44:26,794 NO, NO. PLEASE DON'T! 657 00:44:26,838 --> 00:44:28,100 I GOT TO FIND A COP. 658 00:44:28,143 --> 00:44:29,710 JUST LOOK AROUND FOR A COP. 659 00:44:29,754 --> 00:44:31,712 NO. PLEASE DON'T, PLEASE DON'T, PLEASE DON'T. 660 00:44:53,778 --> 00:44:55,954 THERE'S NO COP. I'M GOING OVER THERE. 661 00:44:55,997 --> 00:44:58,608 OH, NO. 662 00:45:04,876 --> 00:45:07,748 HEY, MAN! 663 00:45:07,792 --> 00:45:11,752 NO, DON'T DO THAT. 664 00:45:11,796 --> 00:45:13,798 WHAT? 665 00:46:10,289 --> 00:46:12,813 4:00 a.m. 666 00:46:21,996 --> 00:46:24,390 STALLONE. 667 00:46:24,433 --> 00:46:27,132 STALLONE. 668 00:46:27,175 --> 00:46:30,396 STALLONE. 669 00:46:34,661 --> 00:46:37,098 WE GOT DRAMA HERE IN LOUISVILLE TONIGHT 670 00:46:37,142 --> 00:46:38,926 AS THE BASES ARE LOADED. 671 00:46:38,970 --> 00:46:42,147 IT'S THE BOTTOM OF THE NINTH, FULL COUNT. 672 00:46:42,190 --> 00:46:46,891 AT THE PLATE IS TREVOR NEWANDYKE. 673 00:46:46,934 --> 00:46:51,721 HERE'S THE WIND UP. THE PITCH, AND-- 674 00:46:51,765 --> 00:46:55,813 AW. TOO BAD. 675 00:46:55,856 --> 00:46:57,945 HE LETS HIS CITY DOWN AGAIN. 676 00:46:57,989 --> 00:47:05,039 STRIKE THREE. TREVOR IS OUT. 677 00:47:05,083 --> 00:47:08,869 I BUILT A TIME MACHINE. 678 00:47:08,913 --> 00:47:10,828 WORKING ON BUILDING A TIME MACHINE. 679 00:47:10,871 --> 00:47:12,394 IT SHOULD BE READY SOMETIME. 680 00:47:12,438 --> 00:47:16,224 IN THE FUTURE. 681 00:47:16,268 --> 00:47:17,835 I'M BUILDING A TIME MACHINE. 682 00:47:17,878 --> 00:47:20,359 IT SHOULD BE READY SOMETIME. IN THE FUTURE. 683 00:47:20,402 --> 00:47:27,192 IT SHOULD BE READY SOME TIME. IN THE FUTURE. 684 00:47:27,235 --> 00:47:30,586 I WENT BACK IN TIME LAST WEEK. 685 00:47:30,630 --> 00:47:32,980 I WENT BACK IN TIME ALL THE WAY TO LAST WEEK, 686 00:47:33,024 --> 00:47:37,245 AND IT WAS BORING! 687 00:47:37,289 --> 00:47:39,987 AND IT WAS BORING. 688 00:47:40,031 --> 00:47:42,860 IT WAS BORING. 689 00:47:46,037 --> 00:47:47,995 I BUY A LOT OF NON-DAIRY CREAMER, 690 00:47:48,039 --> 00:47:49,910 AND I DON'T EVEN DRINK COFFEE. 691 00:47:49,954 --> 00:47:52,608 BUT I GOT A TON OF THIS STUFF. 692 00:47:56,656 --> 00:48:01,661 OKAY, THAT'S NOT EVEN A JOKE. 693 00:48:01,704 --> 00:48:04,664 STEVE? IS THAT A JOKE? 694 00:48:04,707 --> 00:48:07,406 NO. YEAH, I DIDN'T THINK SO. 695 00:48:09,669 --> 00:48:11,889 SEE? 696 00:48:40,004 --> 00:48:41,962 TA-DA! 697 00:48:43,790 --> 00:48:49,927 [MAN] ♪ IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME BY NOW ♪ 698 00:48:49,970 --> 00:48:55,628 ♪ YOU WILL NEVER, NEVER, NEVER KNOW ME... ♪ 699 00:48:55,671 --> 00:48:58,196 ♪ KNOW ME 700 00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:00,459 ♪ NO, YOU WON'T 701 00:49:00,502 --> 00:49:07,553 ♪ IF YOU DON'T OWE ME BY NOW ♪ 702 00:49:07,596 --> 00:49:11,035 ♪ YOU WILL NEVER, EVER OWE ME ♪ 703 00:49:11,078 --> 00:49:12,732 ♪ NO, YOU WON'T 704 00:49:12,775 --> 00:49:16,083 YOU KNOW, THESE SHIRTS LOOK SO GOOD ON ME. 705 00:49:16,127 --> 00:49:17,998 IT'S, LIKE, WE SHOULD HAVE... 706 00:49:18,042 --> 00:49:23,047 LIKE, SPICER SHIRTS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 707 00:49:23,090 --> 00:49:28,139 SPICER. 708 00:49:28,182 --> 00:49:35,363 NO? OKAY. 709 00:49:35,407 --> 00:49:36,669 YOU KNOW, I GOTTA TELL YOU 710 00:49:36,712 --> 00:49:40,151 ABOUT THIS DREAM I HAD LAST NIGHT. 711 00:49:40,194 --> 00:49:43,110 OKAY. I LOVE HEARING ABOUT DREAMS. 712 00:49:43,154 --> 00:49:44,720 OH, THEN YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS ONE. 713 00:49:44,764 --> 00:49:46,505 YOU'RE LITERALLY GOING TO FLIP OUT. 714 00:49:46,548 --> 00:49:48,507 AGAIN, NOT SURE WHAT THAT MEANS. 715 00:49:48,550 --> 00:49:50,596 OKAY, I WAS IN THE ARMY, OKAY? 716 00:49:50,639 --> 00:49:52,380 GUNS GOING OFF EVERYWHERE. 717 00:49:52,424 --> 00:49:53,816 IT'S LIKE ME AND ALL MY FRIENDS 718 00:49:53,860 --> 00:49:55,122 WERE IN THIS HUGE WAR. 719 00:49:55,166 --> 00:49:57,124 I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHO WAS IN THE DREAM. 720 00:49:57,168 --> 00:49:58,952 BUT DID YOU EVER HAVE A DREAM LIKE THAT? 721 00:49:58,996 --> 00:50:00,823 WHEN YOU WERE IN THE ARMY?YEAH. 722 00:50:00,867 --> 00:50:02,173 LIAR. 723 00:50:02,216 --> 00:50:03,913 NO, ALL THE TIME. 724 00:50:03,957 --> 00:50:04,697 YEAH, RIGHT. 725 00:50:04,740 --> 00:50:07,091 WHAT ELSE HAPPENED? 726 00:50:07,134 --> 00:50:08,266 WHAT, IN THE DREAM? 727 00:50:08,309 --> 00:50:09,093 YEAH. 728 00:50:09,136 --> 00:50:11,399 I JUST TOLD YOU. 729 00:50:11,443 --> 00:50:14,054 THAT'S IT? THAT'S THE WHOLE DREAM? 730 00:50:14,098 --> 00:50:17,275 WELL, OBVIOUSLY IT WAS WAY COOLER THAN I CAN DESCRIBE HERE. 731 00:50:17,318 --> 00:50:18,928 OH, MY GOSH. 732 00:50:18,972 --> 00:50:21,235 IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW IN MOVIES WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT DREAMS, 733 00:50:21,279 --> 00:50:23,759 AND THEY CUT TO THE REENACTMENT OF THE DREAM? 734 00:50:23,803 --> 00:50:25,370 YEAH. 735 00:50:25,413 --> 00:50:27,981 YEAH, WELL, YOU'D FLIP OUT IF THAT HAPPENED, WOULDN'T YOU? 736 00:50:28,025 --> 00:50:30,070 SO, HERE'S WHAT I'M THINKING. 737 00:50:30,114 --> 00:50:32,029 I TAKE THE PART ABOUT THE ARMY, 738 00:50:32,072 --> 00:50:35,902 OKAY, AND I TURN IT INTO A DISCO INSTEAD. 739 00:50:35,945 --> 00:50:39,253 MAKE A BIT OUT OF IT. 740 00:50:39,297 --> 00:50:41,603 FUNNY. STUFF. 741 00:50:45,216 --> 00:50:48,828 I HEARD ABOUT THIS GUY IN TEXAS. 742 00:50:48,871 --> 00:50:52,136 HE ATE SO MUCH BARBEQUE SAUCE 743 00:50:52,179 --> 00:50:54,529 HIS SKIN LITERALLY BURST INTO FLAMES. 744 00:50:54,573 --> 00:50:57,010 LIKE-- 745 00:50:57,054 --> 00:50:59,143 NO JOKE. 746 00:50:59,186 --> 00:51:01,014 NO JOKE? 747 00:51:01,058 --> 00:51:02,929 WELL, I'M THINKING ABOUT A WAY 748 00:51:02,972 --> 00:51:05,105 TO TRY AND TURN IT INTO A JOKE. 749 00:51:05,149 --> 00:51:06,585 OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S IT, MAN. 750 00:51:06,628 --> 00:51:07,716 I'M OUT OF HERE. 751 00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:09,327 HEY, HEY. YOBA. 752 00:51:09,370 --> 00:51:10,371 TWO DAYS. 753 00:51:10,415 --> 00:51:13,157 YEAH, I STILL DON'T CARE. 754 00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:16,073 YOU HEAR BARB WAS FIRED? 755 00:51:16,116 --> 00:51:17,509 WHAT? 756 00:51:17,552 --> 00:51:20,120 YUP. YOU KNOW CISCO. 757 00:51:20,164 --> 00:51:22,862 HE'S CRAZY. 758 00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:29,173 THEN I HAVE THIS ROTTEN BOSS. 759 00:51:29,216 --> 00:51:35,353 I THINK I'M GONNA FIREBOMB HIS BACKYARD TOMORROW. 760 00:51:35,396 --> 00:51:37,398 [SCATTERED LAUGHTER] 761 00:51:37,442 --> 00:51:41,837 YEAH, I DON'T WANNA TELL JOKES. 762 00:51:41,881 --> 00:51:47,365 YOU KNOW WHAT? I, UH... 763 00:51:47,408 --> 00:51:54,198 I'VE BEEN HOLDING ON TO THIS APPLE FOR A WHILE NOW. 764 00:51:54,241 --> 00:52:00,204 I GUESS I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS MAGICAL, OR SOMETHING. 765 00:52:00,247 --> 00:52:04,425 THE DEVIL GAVE IT TO ME. 766 00:52:04,469 --> 00:52:05,992 WE MADE A DEAL. 767 00:52:06,035 --> 00:52:11,040 I KNOW. SNAKES, BUT NO DEVIL. 768 00:52:11,084 --> 00:52:14,131 OH, RIGHT. THAT WAS SOMETHING I TOLD THE LAST CROWD. 769 00:52:14,174 --> 00:52:16,481 UH... 770 00:52:16,524 --> 00:52:20,615 LOOK, I'M JUST GONNA EAT IT. 771 00:52:20,659 --> 00:52:23,140 JUST GONNA EAT IT. 772 00:52:26,882 --> 00:52:29,233 HERE GOES NOTHING. 773 00:52:45,684 --> 00:52:47,642 YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT THAT BAD, ACTUALLY. 774 00:52:47,686 --> 00:52:50,210 IT'S PRETTY GOOD. 775 00:52:57,304 --> 00:52:59,263 YOU KNOW, I STILL GOT THREE MINUTES. 776 00:52:59,306 --> 00:53:02,222 I'M JUST GONNA STAND HERE AND EAT THIS APPLE. 777 00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:14,843 WHAT IF I TOOK A BITE OUT OF THE CORE? 778 00:53:14,887 --> 00:53:16,584 THAT'D BE FUNNY, RIGHT? 779 00:53:16,628 --> 00:53:19,413 [LAUGHTER] 780 00:54:11,248 --> 00:54:13,424 [MAN CHUCKLES] 781 00:54:46,021 --> 00:54:47,632 [MAN] HEY, TAKE A BITE OF THIS! 782 00:54:47,675 --> 00:54:50,765 [MAN LAUGHS, MAN COUGHS] 783 00:54:54,552 --> 00:55:00,558 YOU KNOW, THAT'S ABOUT THE LOUSIEST THING ANYONE'S EVER YELLED AT ME. 784 00:55:00,601 --> 00:55:05,389 ANYTHING ELSE? 785 00:55:05,432 --> 00:55:08,740 NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING FUNNIER IF YOU WANT TO. 786 00:55:12,265 --> 00:55:15,834 YOU KNOW, THE NEXT TIME ANYBODY YELLS ANYTHING OUT AT ME, 787 00:55:15,877 --> 00:55:19,403 EVER AGAIN, I'M GONNA BUST THEM IN THE FACE. 788 00:55:19,446 --> 00:55:22,362 JUST SO YOU KNOW. 789 00:55:22,406 --> 00:55:25,539 SO HARD. 790 00:55:25,583 --> 00:55:28,325 SO HARD. 791 00:55:29,717 --> 00:55:32,416 IT'S GONNA BE HILARIOUS. 792 00:57:04,682 --> 00:57:08,642 [GATE RATTLES] 793 00:57:29,184 --> 00:57:33,450 ♪ WHAA! 794 00:57:33,493 --> 00:57:36,017 [HEAVY METAL] 795 00:57:36,061 --> 00:57:44,243 ♪♪ 796 00:57:55,384 --> 00:58:01,521 ♪ IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME BY NOW ♪ 797 00:58:01,565 --> 00:58:05,743 ♪ YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER KNOW ME ♪ 798 00:58:05,786 --> 00:58:08,006 [GLASS BREAKING] 799 00:58:31,812 --> 00:58:37,601 ♪ IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME BY NOW ♪ 800 00:58:37,644 --> 00:58:42,170 ♪ YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER OWE ♪ 801 00:58:42,214 --> 00:58:45,391 MM... NO, YOU WON'T! 802 00:58:45,434 --> 00:58:50,222 ♪ YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER OWE ME ♪ 803 00:58:50,265 --> 00:58:54,618 ♪ OH NO YOU WON'T 804 00:58:54,661 --> 00:58:59,971 ♪ IF YOU DON'T OWE ME BY NOW ♪ 805 00:59:00,014 --> 00:59:05,977 ♪ YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER OWE ME ♪ 806 00:59:06,020 --> 00:59:11,199 ♪ IF YOU DON'T OWE ME BY NOW ♪ 807 00:59:11,243 --> 00:59:16,596 ♪ YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER OWE ME ♪ 808 00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:22,080 ♪ MM-HMM 809 00:59:22,123 --> 00:59:26,388 ♪ OH, NO 810 00:59:26,432 --> 00:59:31,785 ♪ IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME BY NOW ♪ 811 00:59:31,829 --> 00:59:34,571 ♪ YOU WILL NEVER, EVER-- 812 00:59:40,794 --> 00:59:43,144 [GROANS] 813 00:59:43,188 --> 00:59:48,628 I TRIED TO JOIN THE ARMY THE OTHER DAY. 814 00:59:48,672 --> 00:59:52,110 I DIDN'T MAKE IT MUCH PAST THE INTERVIEW. 815 00:59:52,153 --> 00:59:54,765 SEE, THEY ASKED WHAT MY PHILOSOPHY IN LIFE WAS 816 00:59:54,808 --> 00:59:57,724 AND I SAID, "IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM, JOIN 'EM." 817 00:59:57,768 --> 00:59:59,204 THEY DIDN'T LIKE THAT. 818 00:59:59,247 --> 01:00:01,728 I DIDN'T GET THAT GIG. 819 01:00:01,772 --> 01:00:05,036 I, UH, I ACTUALLY-- 820 01:00:05,079 --> 01:00:07,691 I FAILED MY FIREFIGHTER'S EXAM AS WELL. 821 01:00:07,734 --> 01:00:11,695 I TOLD THEM MY PHILOSOPHY WAS FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE. 822 01:00:13,827 --> 01:00:16,003 THAT'S TRUE, ACTUALLY. THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. 823 01:00:16,047 --> 01:00:17,265 THAT'S NOT A JOKE. 824 01:00:17,309 --> 01:00:20,660 BOUGHT MY FIRST MICROWAVE THE OTHER DAY. 825 01:00:20,704 --> 01:00:23,837 IT'S PRETTY AMAZING. I HAD NO IDEA. 826 01:00:23,881 --> 01:00:27,232 I CAN COOK DINNER IN UNDER TWO MINUTES. 827 01:00:27,275 --> 01:00:30,278 I CRAWLED INSIDE WITH A COPY OF WAR AND PEACE, 828 01:00:30,322 --> 01:00:33,717 AND READ IT IN UNDER FIVE. 829 01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:36,633 IT'S AN EASY READ. 830 01:00:36,676 --> 01:00:40,332 MY KID BROTHER, HE CRAWLED INSIDE AFTER ME. 831 01:00:40,375 --> 01:00:42,377 HE WAS ONLY IN THERE FOR TEN MINUTES. 832 01:00:42,421 --> 01:00:44,684 CAME OUT AN OLD MAN. 833 01:00:44,728 --> 01:00:46,817 POOR KID. 834 01:00:46,860 --> 01:00:48,862 ALL RIGHT. 835 01:00:48,906 --> 01:00:54,825 I, UH, I COOKED A TOTINO'S PARTY PIZZA THE OTHER NIGHT. 836 01:00:54,868 --> 01:00:57,741 LAMEST PARTY IN TOWN. 837 01:00:57,784 --> 01:00:59,307 [WOMAN LAUGHS] 838 01:00:59,351 --> 01:01:01,135 [MAN] NOT FUNNY. 839 01:01:01,179 --> 01:01:05,357 OH, PERFECT. A COMEDIAN. 840 01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:08,360 WHY DON'T YOU COME ON UP HERE? 841 01:01:10,492 --> 01:01:14,235 COME ON UP. NOW, DUDE. 842 01:01:14,279 --> 01:01:15,715 [SCATTERED CHEERS, APPLAUSE] 843 01:01:15,759 --> 01:01:18,065 YEAH, HE CAN TAKE OVER. 844 01:01:22,983 --> 01:01:24,855 ALL RIGHT. 845 01:01:24,898 --> 01:01:27,814 WANTS TO BE A FUNNY GUY. 846 01:01:27,858 --> 01:01:29,033 STAGE IS YOURS. 847 01:01:29,076 --> 01:01:30,295 WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 848 01:01:30,338 --> 01:01:31,818 IT'S TODD. 849 01:01:31,862 --> 01:01:33,820 YEAH, YOU LOOK LIKE A TODD. 850 01:01:33,864 --> 01:01:39,913 ALL RIGHT. WELL, IT'S YOUR TIME TO SHINE, MY FRIEND. 851 01:01:39,957 --> 01:01:43,743 GO FOR IT. 852 01:01:43,787 --> 01:01:45,440 [APPLAUSE] 853 01:01:45,484 --> 01:01:46,833 WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S UP, DUDES? 854 01:01:46,877 --> 01:01:48,269 WHOO! HEY! 855 01:01:48,313 --> 01:01:50,794 WHO'S GETTING DRUNK TONIGHT? 856 01:01:50,837 --> 01:01:53,187 [SCATTERED CHEERS] 857 01:01:53,231 --> 01:01:54,449 OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, TODD? 858 01:01:54,493 --> 01:01:56,364 THAT'S NOT HOW I WORK. 859 01:01:56,408 --> 01:01:58,932 HOW ABOUT WE DO SOME PHYSICAL COMEDY. 860 01:01:58,976 --> 01:02:00,151 TODD? 861 01:02:00,194 --> 01:02:02,370 I'M NOT SURE. SURE. 862 01:02:02,414 --> 01:02:05,417 PHYSICAL COMEDY. HILARIOUS PHYSICAL COMEDY. 863 01:02:05,460 --> 01:02:09,769 COME ON. THEY LOVE IT, MAN. 864 01:02:09,813 --> 01:02:13,991 WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE, UH, THE THREE STOOGES, MAYBE? 865 01:02:14,034 --> 01:02:15,253 YEAH, SOUNDS GOOD. ALL RIGHT. 866 01:02:15,296 --> 01:02:16,820 SEE, WHAT I'M GONNA DO IS, 867 01:02:16,863 --> 01:02:21,476 I'M GONNA HIT TODD IN THE FACE WITH THIS MIC STAND. 868 01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:27,787 IT'S GONNA BE GREAT. IT'S GONNA BE HILARIOUS. 869 01:02:27,831 --> 01:02:30,834 OKAY, I WANT EVERYONE TO COUNT ALONG. 870 01:02:30,877 --> 01:02:32,923 ALL RIGHT? 871 01:02:32,966 --> 01:02:35,055 ONE... 872 01:02:35,099 --> 01:02:37,492 YOU KNOW, TODD, THIS IS-- 873 01:02:37,536 --> 01:02:40,844 THIS IS ALL JUST A JOKE, OKAY? 874 01:02:40,887 --> 01:02:44,543 FAKE AS THIS WALL. 875 01:02:44,586 --> 01:02:47,502 TWO... 876 01:02:47,546 --> 01:02:50,027 YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, YOU BETTER PUT THAT MIC DOWN. 877 01:02:50,070 --> 01:02:56,120 I DON'T WANNA BREAK IT. 878 01:02:56,163 --> 01:02:58,078 ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS. 879 01:02:58,122 --> 01:03:00,385 THREE. 880 01:03:04,041 --> 01:03:06,783 HO, HO. 881 01:03:13,746 --> 01:03:16,705 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A BIG HAND FOR TODD. 882 01:03:19,099 --> 01:03:21,754 NOW THAT'S FUNNY. 883 01:03:27,020 --> 01:03:28,892 OH, MAN. 884 01:04:11,935 --> 01:04:15,808 OH, MAN. I'M LOSING IT. 885 01:04:18,289 --> 01:04:21,727 [MAN] LIVE FROM CAESAR'S PALACE IN LAS VEGAS, 886 01:04:21,770 --> 01:04:25,078 IT'S THE 1985 JERRY LEWIS SUPER SHOW. 887 01:04:25,122 --> 01:04:28,038 TO BENEFIT THE MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY ASSOCIATION. 888 01:04:28,081 --> 01:04:29,082 HOT. 889 01:04:29,126 --> 01:04:34,131 [MUFFLED VOICES] 890 01:04:34,174 --> 01:04:35,349 JEEZ. 891 01:04:35,393 --> 01:04:38,787 [TV, MUFFLED VOICES CONTINUE] 892 01:04:41,355 --> 01:04:44,358 [MAN SPEAKING ANGRILY, WOMAN WHIMPERING] 893 01:04:54,455 --> 01:04:56,283 [THUD] 894 01:04:56,327 --> 01:04:59,156 [MAN CONTINUES YELLING] 895 01:05:02,986 --> 01:05:05,075 UH-UH. 896 01:05:07,642 --> 01:05:10,645 [TV, MUFFLED ARGUING CONTINUES] 897 01:06:18,104 --> 01:06:19,758 [WOMAN WHIMPERING] 898 01:06:19,801 --> 01:06:23,805 [MAN] DON'T--DON'T DO IT. DON'T! 899 01:06:27,113 --> 01:06:30,812 DON'T DO IT! DON'T! 900 01:06:30,856 --> 01:06:34,164 DON'T DO THAT AGAIN. 901 01:06:38,342 --> 01:06:40,039 NO! 902 01:06:43,564 --> 01:06:47,046 GOOD DAY. HAVE A GOOD DAY. 903 01:06:55,315 --> 01:06:57,056 HOW MANY TIMES? 904 01:06:57,100 --> 01:06:58,971 HOW MANY TIMES? 905 01:06:59,015 --> 01:07:01,974 DO I GOTTA KEEP DOING THIS? 906 01:07:13,551 --> 01:07:17,946 WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? 907 01:07:17,990 --> 01:07:22,212 THE--THE NEIGHBOR. TREVOR. 908 01:07:22,255 --> 01:07:24,170 FROM NEXT DOOR. 909 01:07:24,214 --> 01:07:27,739 OKAY. TREVOR. FROM NEXT DOOR. 910 01:07:32,135 --> 01:07:34,485 [GROANS] 911 01:07:44,321 --> 01:07:47,280 YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED OUT OF MY BUSINESS. 912 01:08:09,433 --> 01:08:11,522 OH-- 913 01:08:11,565 --> 01:08:14,264 [GROANING] 914 01:08:53,607 --> 01:08:56,610 HOLY COW. 915 01:09:03,791 --> 01:09:05,228 I'M SORRY. 916 01:09:05,271 --> 01:09:07,578 DON'T BE. 917 01:09:16,152 --> 01:09:18,893 ACTUALLY, IT FELT PRETTY GOOD. 918 01:09:24,072 --> 01:09:25,335 I SHOULD PROBABLY GET OUT OF HERE. 919 01:09:25,378 --> 01:09:27,989 YEAH. 920 01:09:37,303 --> 01:09:40,001 [HOWLS] 921 01:09:54,625 --> 01:09:56,322 COME ON, MAN. LET'S GO. 922 01:09:56,366 --> 01:09:57,584 YOU WANNA GO? LET'S DO IT. 923 01:09:57,628 --> 01:09:59,325 [CAN RATTLES] 924 01:10:06,506 --> 01:10:09,683 [HEAVY METAL] 925 01:10:09,727 --> 01:10:17,909 ♪♪ 926 01:11:36,901 --> 01:11:39,382 [FIRECRACKERS POPPING] 927 01:12:05,495 --> 01:12:09,020 [BOTTLE ROCKET FIRES, POPS] 928 01:12:26,254 --> 01:12:30,563 [BOTTLE ROCKET FIRES, POPS] 929 01:12:42,880 --> 01:12:45,404 [WHISTLES] 930 01:12:45,448 --> 01:12:47,928 DUDE, HOLD ON. 931 01:12:47,972 --> 01:12:49,539 YOU ALL RIGHT? 932 01:12:49,582 --> 01:12:52,455 YEAH, IT'S JUST-- IT'S JUST A STOMACH PROBLEM. 933 01:12:52,498 --> 01:12:56,241 YOU SHOULD GET SOME PEPTO ON THAT. 934 01:12:56,284 --> 01:12:59,853 HEY, HOLD ON A SECOND. 935 01:12:59,897 --> 01:13:02,943 HEY, MAN. THAT TEN I OWE YOU. 936 01:13:02,987 --> 01:13:05,598 I TOLD YOU I'D PAY YOU BACK. 937 01:13:05,642 --> 01:13:07,948 YEAH. YEAH. 938 01:13:07,992 --> 01:13:09,428 TAKE IT EASY, DUDE. 939 01:13:09,472 --> 01:13:10,560 ALL RIGHT. 940 01:13:10,603 --> 01:13:16,479 ♪ IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME... ♪ 941 01:13:16,522 --> 01:13:18,785 TIM. 942 01:13:20,047 --> 01:13:21,701 YEAH, THE DORITO GUY. 943 01:13:21,745 --> 01:13:24,574 HEY, YOU GUYS GET THIS GUY WHATEVER HE WANTS, ALL RIGHT? 944 01:13:24,617 --> 01:13:26,880 ALL RIGHT. 945 01:13:26,924 --> 01:13:29,492 HEY, GRAPE'S BACK. 946 01:13:29,535 --> 01:13:31,755 ALL RIGHT. 947 01:13:31,798 --> 01:13:33,713 [TIM] IT WAS NEVER OUT. 948 01:13:33,757 --> 01:13:37,761 NO, YOU'RE WRONG, TIM. 949 01:13:37,804 --> 01:13:40,938 KEEP THE CHANGE, TIM. 950 01:14:27,724 --> 01:14:30,378 SO GROSS. 951 01:15:02,759 --> 01:15:04,064 AAH! 952 01:15:04,108 --> 01:15:09,026 [GROANING] 953 01:15:46,150 --> 01:15:48,152 SO I'M BUMPED AGAIN? 954 01:15:48,195 --> 01:15:50,981 UH-HUH. I BUMPED YOU FOR SPICER. 955 01:15:51,024 --> 01:15:52,809 FOR SPICER? 956 01:15:52,852 --> 01:15:55,507 LOOK, DICK YOBA'S OUT THERE. 957 01:15:55,551 --> 01:15:57,944 I DON'T WANT HIM TO THINK I'M HIRING BUMS. 958 01:15:57,988 --> 01:16:00,556 SO GET LOST. 959 01:16:00,599 --> 01:16:02,514 [COUGHS] 960 01:16:02,558 --> 01:16:03,689 I'M GOING ON STAGE TONIGHT. 961 01:16:03,733 --> 01:16:06,213 KEEP IT DOWN. I'M WATCHING THE GAME. 962 01:16:06,257 --> 01:16:08,128 WELL, I'M GOING UPSTAIRS. 963 01:16:08,172 --> 01:16:11,828 I DON'T WANT YOU GOING UP THERE, BOMBING AGAIN. 964 01:16:11,871 --> 01:16:13,786 ME, BOMB? 965 01:16:13,830 --> 01:16:16,833 I'LL FIRE BOMB YOUR BACKYARD. 966 01:16:16,876 --> 01:16:18,399 EXCUSE ME? 967 01:16:18,443 --> 01:16:19,879 I DON'T TOLERATE BUMS LIKE YOU. 968 01:16:19,923 --> 01:16:21,794 I PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE. 969 01:16:21,838 --> 01:16:23,622 THAT'S MY POLICY. 970 01:16:23,666 --> 01:16:26,451 OH, THAT'S YOUR POLICY?YEAH. 971 01:16:26,494 --> 01:16:30,194 YEAH, WELL, HERE'S MY POLICY. 972 01:16:30,237 --> 01:16:35,721 WHAT DO YOU THINK SYLVESTER STALLONE'S FAVORITE ICE CREAM IS? 973 01:16:35,765 --> 01:16:39,290 ROCKY ROAD. 974 01:16:39,333 --> 01:16:41,205 YOU LIKE THAT ONE, HUH? 975 01:16:41,248 --> 01:16:42,859 UM, I'M ONE OF THOSE GUYS 976 01:16:42,902 --> 01:16:44,469 WHO LIKES TO LISTEN TO BOOKS ON TAPE. 977 01:16:44,512 --> 01:16:45,775 YOU'VE HEARD OF THESE? 978 01:16:45,818 --> 01:16:48,125 THERE'S NOTHING LIKE SITTING IN YOUR OMEGA, 979 01:16:48,168 --> 01:16:51,302 CRANKING THE BASS, LISTENING TO THE BOOKS ON TAPE. 980 01:16:51,345 --> 01:16:53,652 CHICKS DIG IT. 981 01:16:53,696 --> 01:16:55,872 GOOD STUFF. 982 01:16:55,915 --> 01:17:00,093 I, UH... 983 01:17:00,137 --> 01:17:01,660 TREVOR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 984 01:17:01,704 --> 01:17:04,707 GET OFF THE STAGE. 985 01:17:04,750 --> 01:17:06,709 FUNNY GUY. 986 01:17:06,752 --> 01:17:08,928 FUNNY TREVOR HERE. 987 01:17:08,972 --> 01:17:11,148 NO. LEAVE. 988 01:17:21,724 --> 01:17:23,769 HEY. 989 01:17:23,813 --> 01:17:26,206 I KNOW THAT GUY. 990 01:17:26,250 --> 01:17:29,166 YOU KNOW, I ATE THAT APPLE, MAN. 991 01:17:29,209 --> 01:17:31,864 GAVE ME A STOMACH ACHE. 992 01:17:31,908 --> 01:17:36,042 IT WAS A LOUSY DEAL. 993 01:17:36,086 --> 01:17:38,697 WHY ARE YOU STILL IN COSTUME? 994 01:17:38,741 --> 01:17:45,138 MAN, I GOTTA TELL YA, I, UH... 995 01:17:45,182 --> 01:17:47,706 I'M REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD FOR JOKES TONIGHT, 996 01:17:47,750 --> 01:17:52,276 SO, UH, HOW ABOUT I JUST TALK ABOUT MY DAY? 997 01:17:52,319 --> 01:17:53,799 [LAUGHTER] 998 01:17:53,843 --> 01:17:56,280 LET'S SEE, I, UH... 999 01:17:56,323 --> 01:17:59,936 I LIT OFF SOME FIRECRACKERS. 1000 01:17:59,979 --> 01:18:02,852 I, UH, SMASHED SOME BOTTLES. 1001 01:18:02,895 --> 01:18:05,376 I STARTED SOMETHING ON FIRE. 1002 01:18:05,419 --> 01:18:07,073 I DON'T REMEMBER. 1003 01:18:07,117 --> 01:18:08,814 LET'S SEE. I GOT IN-- 1004 01:18:08,858 --> 01:18:11,643 GOT INTO A FIGHT WITH A WOLFMAN. 1005 01:18:11,687 --> 01:18:14,124 HE WAS A HONUS. 1006 01:18:14,167 --> 01:18:15,647 IS IT "HONNIS"? 1007 01:18:15,691 --> 01:18:18,302 HONUS. WHATEVER. 1008 01:18:18,345 --> 01:18:21,958 UM, THEN I GOT THIS... 1009 01:18:22,001 --> 01:18:28,573 THIS NEIGHBOR THAT I MAY HAVE KILLED. 1010 01:18:28,616 --> 01:18:29,835 HE HAD IT COMING, THOUGH. 1011 01:18:29,879 --> 01:18:33,230 [LAUGHTER] 1012 01:18:33,273 --> 01:18:35,580 WHATEVER. 1013 01:18:35,623 --> 01:18:37,713 I'M NOT DOING JOKES TONIGHT. 1014 01:18:37,756 --> 01:18:40,411 NO, I COULDN'T STAND TO WATCH SPICER UP HERE. 1015 01:18:40,454 --> 01:18:42,761 MAN, 'CAUSE... 1016 01:18:42,805 --> 01:18:44,894 YOU GUYS DUG IT. 1017 01:18:44,937 --> 01:18:47,505 NOT ME. NO WAY. 1018 01:18:47,548 --> 01:18:51,378 GUY TELLS THE SAME JOKES EVERY NIGHT. 1019 01:18:51,422 --> 01:18:54,991 BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT JUST SPICER. 1020 01:18:55,034 --> 01:18:58,298 IT'S ALL OF US. 1021 01:18:58,342 --> 01:19:01,345 YOU KNOW, WE PRACTICE THIS JUNK IN FRONT OF A MIRROR. 1022 01:19:01,388 --> 01:19:03,347 CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? 1023 01:19:03,390 --> 01:19:08,526 JEEZ. WE TELL THE SAME, OLD, LOUSY JOKES EVERY NIGHT. 1024 01:19:08,569 --> 01:19:12,965 YOU KNOW, I WAS OUTSIDE TRYING TO BEG PEOPLE 1025 01:19:13,009 --> 01:19:15,446 TO COME INTO THIS COMEDY SHOW. 1026 01:19:15,489 --> 01:19:19,798 DID ANYBODY SEE ME OUT THERE EMBARRASSING MYSELF TONIGHT? 1027 01:19:19,842 --> 01:19:23,367 YEAH? OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 1028 01:19:23,410 --> 01:19:25,891 THERE YOU GO. 1029 01:19:25,935 --> 01:19:27,850 SEE, NOW, YOU WANT COMEDY, 1030 01:19:27,893 --> 01:19:29,808 YOU JUST STAND AND WATCH ME OUTSIDE 1031 01:19:29,852 --> 01:19:31,897 TRYING TO HAND PEOPLE A PIECE OF PAPER. 1032 01:19:31,941 --> 01:19:34,857 [LAUGHTER] 1033 01:19:34,900 --> 01:19:38,251 MM. 1034 01:19:45,998 --> 01:19:49,610 YEAH, IT'S--IT'S 15 BUCKS JUST TO GET THROUGH THE DOOR. 1035 01:19:49,654 --> 01:19:50,960 THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 1036 01:19:51,003 --> 01:19:53,353 I DON'T EVEN HAND OUT COUPONS. 1037 01:19:53,397 --> 01:19:55,094 I HAND OUT AN ADVERTISEMENT 1038 01:19:55,138 --> 01:19:58,402 THAT'S DISGUISED TO LOOK LIKE ONE. 1039 01:19:58,445 --> 01:20:00,752 CHECK THIS OUT. 1040 01:20:06,976 --> 01:20:10,762 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1041 01:20:20,250 --> 01:20:22,905 I DON'T EVEN HAVE A REAL JOB. 1042 01:20:22,948 --> 01:20:25,995 I DON'T WANT ONE. 1043 01:20:26,038 --> 01:20:27,213 SEE, I... 1044 01:20:27,257 --> 01:20:29,955 THINK THERE'S SOME PHONY, 1045 01:20:29,999 --> 01:20:33,872 HOT-SHOT BOOKING AGENT OUT THERE TONIGHT. 1046 01:20:33,916 --> 01:20:35,918 DICK YOBA? YOU HERE? 1047 01:20:35,961 --> 01:20:38,964 [LAUGHTER] 1048 01:20:39,008 --> 01:20:41,924 UH... THERE HE IS. 1049 01:20:41,967 --> 01:20:44,883 YES, I SEE HIM. 1050 01:20:44,927 --> 01:20:48,104 WHAT A NAME. DICK YOBA. 1051 01:20:48,147 --> 01:20:49,888 THE DUDE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW COMEDY. 1052 01:20:49,932 --> 01:20:51,934 HE PASSED ON BOBBY BITTMAN. 1053 01:20:51,977 --> 01:20:56,939 YOU BELIEVE THAT? 1054 01:20:56,982 --> 01:20:58,592 NOW DICK'S THE GUY 1055 01:20:58,636 --> 01:21:00,638 THAT BOOKED THE HEADLINING ACT HERE TONIGHT. 1056 01:21:00,681 --> 01:21:03,771 AND THAT GUY TELLS THE SAME JOKES NO MATTER WHERE HE IS. 1057 01:21:03,815 --> 01:21:07,950 WHETHER IT'S CLEVELAND, DES MOINES, SCHENECTADY, 1058 01:21:07,993 --> 01:21:09,908 WHEREVER, IT DOESN'T MATTER. 1059 01:21:09,952 --> 01:21:10,909 SAME STUFF. 1060 01:21:10,953 --> 01:21:12,955 AND MY LOUSY BOSS, CISCO, 1061 01:21:12,998 --> 01:21:15,566 SEE, HE SUPPLIES HIM WITH ALL THIS FLUFF MATERIAL. 1062 01:21:15,609 --> 01:21:18,656 SO IT'S GUARANTEED TO GET A LAUGH, YOU KNOW. 1063 01:21:18,699 --> 01:21:20,832 HE'LL PROBABLY TELL JOKES ABOUT THE NORTH SIDE. 1064 01:21:20,876 --> 01:21:22,921 DUDE'S NEVER EVEN BEEN TO THE NORTH SIDE. 1065 01:21:22,965 --> 01:21:26,272 HE'LL PROBABLY EVEN THROW IN THE OLD THREE-SEASONS BIT. 1066 01:21:26,316 --> 01:21:29,319 YOU KNOW, WINTER, SUMMER, CONSTRUCTION. 1067 01:21:29,362 --> 01:21:32,975 [LAUGHTER] 1068 01:21:33,018 --> 01:21:34,759 WHATEVER. 1069 01:21:34,802 --> 01:21:37,022 ANYWAY, THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO SAY. 1070 01:21:37,066 --> 01:21:39,982 BUT, UH, BEFORE I GO... 1071 01:21:40,025 --> 01:21:43,072 AND--YOU'LL KNOW THIS ONE. 1072 01:21:43,115 --> 01:21:45,465 BECAUSE I TRADED IT TO YOU. 1073 01:21:45,509 --> 01:21:51,080 YEAH, BUT I'M TAKING IT BACK. 1074 01:21:51,123 --> 01:21:53,952 WHAT'S FASTER, HOT OR COLD? 1075 01:21:53,996 --> 01:21:55,214 [MAN] I DON'T KNOW. 1076 01:21:55,258 --> 01:21:56,824 IT'S HOT. 1077 01:21:56,868 --> 01:21:59,001 BECAUSE YOU CAN CATCH A COLD. 1078 01:21:59,044 --> 01:22:02,874 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1079 01:22:18,455 --> 01:22:21,110 [GROANS] 1080 01:22:32,121 --> 01:22:34,862 [GROANS] 1081 01:22:37,039 --> 01:22:39,389 UGH. 1082 01:22:49,225 --> 01:22:51,618 AAH! 1083 01:23:09,941 --> 01:23:11,290 [HORN HONKS] 1084 01:23:11,334 --> 01:23:13,684 [MAN] YOU SUCK! 1085 01:23:23,259 --> 01:23:25,478 [FAINT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 1086 01:23:41,103 --> 01:23:46,064 [TIRES SCREECH, HORN HONKS] 1087 01:23:46,108 --> 01:23:54,029 ♪♪ 67271

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