All language subtitles for Bobs.Burgers.S03E12.HDTV.x264-LOL

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

Lookie, lookie.

My green blazer
from when I had

jury duty on
Saint Patrick's Day.

What's the
blazer for?

Tina's gonna wear it at her
audition tomorrow

for the school
news channel.

I want to be
serious newswoman,

like Holly Hunter
in Broadcast News.

"It must be great being
right all the time.

No, it's terrible."

Aw.

I need to practice being
a television journalist.

Dad, can I
interview you?

Um, okay.

Don't look directly
into the camera, Dad.

I got it.

So, tell me,
why burgers?

Well, my dad got
me started...

Do you see this
as a stepping stone

- to a real restaurant?
- It... is a real restaurant.

Mm, slop shop.

Can you cook anything
other than burgers?

Yes, lots of things.

- Like?
- Like, um...

like, paella.

Paella... tell me
how you make that.

Well, I'd have to look
up the recipe, but, uh...

So you don't know
how to make paella?

No, I could make...

Okay, I'm confused,
because a minute ago

you were an expert.

Dad needs media
coaching.

Look, I randomly
said "paella."

I didn't mean to.

Ah, I'm going
in tight.

Bob, get off paella.

All right,
interview's over.

Get that camera
out of my face.

I think we got
what we need.

You look
amazing, sweetie.

And you're gonna look
even better on camera.

You inherited
my strong chin.

Where's your
strong chin, Mom?

I can't see it.

Keep looking,
you'll find it.

What did I inherit
from you, Mom?

You got my
zest for life.

And my extra
long pinky toe.

And I got your
birthing hips.

Actually, Gene, you take
more after your father.

No, hips don't lie.

Look at this.

I forgot that I went
through a Judd Nelson phase.

That's your father
when he was your age.

He looked just
like you.

Wait, does that mean
when I'm his age,

I'm gonna look
just like him?

Spoiler alert!

No!

Hey, you could do worse.

I don't see how!

At least you know your
shoulders won't go bald.

Gene, it's starting.

I found this
on your pillow!

Ah! Oh, my God!

Quick, come me over!
Trump me!

- Louise...
- What?

You're not going
bald, Gene.

Apologize, Louise.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

It's okay.

What's the point
of clinging to this,

if I'm doomed
to be that?

- Huh. I don't know.
- Lin.

Why wait?
Let's do it now.

I want the whole Bob.

- Male-pattern baldness.
- Hmm.

- Stoop shoulders.
- Stop.

- Paunch.
- Please.

And the push broom
on my lip.

This is
incredibly insulting.

Think about
how I feel.

You really let
myself go.

Go to school.

- We're going.
- Bye.

Remember, kids, this is just
the student news, no pressure.

I'll only be going
back frame by frame

and critiquing
you on eye contact,

presentation and
how cool you are.

You really want
to do this?

Okay, first up
to the green screen,

Zeke with sports.

Comin' at ya,
Mr. Grant!

That game was tighter than
a tater in a tailpipe.

It was like two babies climbin'
on the same boob.

Then we lost.

Wow, Zeke, I feel
like I was there.

Next up, auditioning
for field reporters,

Andy and Ollie.

Back to you, Andy.

Back to you, Ollie.

- Back to you, Andy.
- Back to you, Ollie.

If only you two
were Siamese twins.

We can do that.

Oh, great!

That'd be super helpful
if you could figure that out.

It looks like
it's working.

We did it!

So sweet.

And, next up, for
the coveted anchor spot, Tammy.

Good luck, Tammy.

Uh, I was born
lucky, Tina.

'Cause I was born me
and not you.

And I'm a blonde now,
so I'm better than you.

I don't like what you say,
but I admire the way you say it.

Wow, it's Tammy with the news!

Whoo! ♪ News...

News.

Tam, slam, thank you, ma'am.

Next up, Tina.

Oh, hey, Tina,
little tip:

You're a super fast talker,
so talk really slow.

Thanks, Tammy.

Whoa!

That's still
way too fast.

Mr. Grant, I'm here because
I have a nose for news.

Great. Now about
that green jacket...

I'm Tina with...

Tina.
- ... with... the...

Paranormal activity!

Oh, my God, I'm anchor!
Yes! Yes!

♪ Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪

Whoo!

I am anchor!

I'm staff intern?

But I already
had a sign-off.

"Good-bye, audience."

Well, maybe you
could change it to

"Does anyone need juice?"

Does anyone
need juice?

Hmm. Maybe it'll work better
when you have some juice.

So, what does the
staff intern do?

Besides go on
juice box runs?

Yeah.
Oh, lots of things.

You know,
hand out the juice,

make sure people are
happy with their juice,

clean up
all the empty juice boxes.

Okay. Isn't there
any other important

behind-the-scenes stuff
I could do to help?

Well, there's editing
music, effects.

That stuff is a blast.
Great.

But I do those.

I mean, if you did them,
what would I do?

Be the teacher?

Yeah, right, Tina,
that sounds great.

I'll just teach.

Little more off the top.

Sprinkle on the back
and the ears.

A little more glue.

♪ Buh, buh, buh, buh

Show me, show me!

VoilÃ!

It's perfect!

I've been tarred
and Bobbed.

I don't know how
I got that arm hair

to look so sad,
but I did it.

Can I get in here?
I need to...

Oh, my God!

It's like looking
in a mirror!

No, it isn't, Gene.
Who's Gene?

I already can't
tell who's who.

Take that stuff off.

Lin, get in here
and settle this!

Don't call
your mother Lin.

What? Oh!

Wha... h-hey!
Whoa, travel-size Bob.

Aw.

Linda, you're
encouraging him.

I need the bathroom.

Oh. Wow, this
is confusing.

No, it's not.

You're my family
and I love you,

but you're terrible.
You're all terrible.

- I don't say that.
- Well, that's all you say.

You do.
You kind of do.

Unbelievable.

- Gene.
- Bob.

All right, enough.
Enough.

I'm not doing this.
Yes, you are.

No, I'm... oh, my God.
Oh, God.

He's really good.
He's good.

- He's not good, Lin. He's not good, Lin.
- He's good.

- Gene!
- What, Bob?!

Lin!
Lin!

- What?
- Gene!

Lin!
Lin!

- Gene!
- I'm leaving!

Aw, he's so cute.

Stop following me!

Stop following me
in front!

Hi, Mr. Branca.

Careful, Tina.
Slippery.

Did Mrs.
Persky's water break?

I may have won
the baby pool.

Worse. Someone dragged in
a dog turd.

And this isn't
the first time, either.

You have great stories,
Mr. Branca.

I ever tell you
you're, like, my best friend?

Oh. Thank you.

Look, this news show competes
for students' attention

with cell phones, gossip
and bathroom graffiti.

We need to be faster, meaner,
and graffiti-er!

So, what I'm...

I have a cran-apple,
two grapes and a bunch

of kiwi-strawberry.

Here's the crazy straw
you asked for, Zeke.

Extra crazy,
just how you like it.

Could be crazier.

Now, who knows
the five W's of school news?

Oh, "who, what, where,
when and sometimes why."

Or, is that vowels?

No! They're "wow, woo-hoo,

way hot, weird
and what the mmm."

Every story we do
should have all five.

New kid nip slips!

Way hot, Zeke!

Oh, whose parents
are poor?

Woo-hoo, Tammy!
I've got one.

The custodian says someone
is tracking in dog poo.

What the huh?

Less caca,
more gaga, Tina.

Anyone else?

I hear there's
a 45-year-old fourth grader

with a mustache
walking around school.

Now that's pretty
"what the ah"!

Go with that.

This is WSN,
the news you need

from the students you like.

In your face!

I'm Tammy Larson and these are
the breaking stories.

What's up with Brenda?

I mean, right?

Jimmy Pesto Junior
previews dance moves

the principal won't allow
at winter prom.

This one's out.

Can't do this.

Forget about this one.

I love it,
but it's not news.

Now, to our top story:

Lenny Destefano... is there
enough of him to go around,

and how can we ration
our passion?

Jocelyn, who's Lenny

going to the
winter prom with?

No one knows.
He's going out with Julie,

but he's been texting

the entire
drill team and me.

- And me, also.
- Oh.

Now to Zeke with
dodgeball highlights.

Thanks, Tammy!

Here's a kid getting it
in the muchachos. Ooh!

Here's another dude,
right in the Easter eggs.

Boing!

Watch this geezer
with a 'stache get his.

It's okay,
I've had my kids.

Hey, Tina,
I saw the news.

Is that true about Lenny
and the drill team?

Julie deserves better.

The school deserves
better news.

Well, I just got
back from the library.

More shoe poopy got
dragged in up there.

All the way to the
reference section.

Talk about Encyclopedia Brown.

I... I don't get it.

Wait, that's a pretty
long way to track

something in on a shoe.

I'm gonna
poke around.

Something doesn't
smell right.

That's this.

Oh, yeah.

So it is applesauce,
but try to find it

in the sauce aisle
at the supermarket.

You'll be sorely
disappointed.

Anyway, I was
looking for chutney.

Uh, is this a long
story, Teddy?

I mean, it has been
long, but is it longer?

I haven't gotten to
the story part yet.

Gene, I need you
behind the counter.

Just stand here and
I'll be right back.

I'm not sure
I appreciate

being foisted off
like this, Bob.

So, anyway, I end up

in the ethnic food section.
Mm-hmm.

- It was like a whole new world opened up.
- Mm-hmm.

I bought baby food
from India.

Those babies are tough.

No joke on those slices.

That's fascinating,
Teddy.

Little Bob is great.

Yeah, I guess
I'll keep him.

Lin, stop.

You stop.
No, stop, Lin.

No, you stop,
little Bobby.

Mm-hmm, stop.
Bobby, stop.

Look at you two, you're like
an old married couple.

We put up
with each other.

All right, enough, Gene.

Gene, get back to the kitchen.

How could dog poop
make it all the way

up two flights of
stairs and into the library

on a shoe without
being wiped off?

Tele-poop-tation?

Let's experiment.

We need something

the exact same size
and texture as poop.

How about Dad's burger?

It's even the same color!

Great idea.

What the hell
are you kids doing?

Walking on one
of Dad's burgers

to see how much
like dog doo it is.

Oh, science.

It's clean. That can mean
only one thing:

The poos must have come from
inside the school.

Which means,
they're probably human!

I knew there was
a story there.

We're looking at
a serial pooper.

Oh, my God.

Is it you, Louise?

I've dabbled
in the area,

but I don't get enough
food to be a serial pooper.

I, uh, probably only
poop once a week.

I think I'll call the culprit
the Mad Pooper.

Ooh, I got a better one.

The Butt-ler.
Get it?

I get it.
It's got "butt" in it.

Butt.

Whatever we call him or her,
it's definitely news.

That's toilet
journalism, Tina.

We do gutter journalism.

But there's a Mad Pooper
loose in the school.

It's the job of the news
to inform the public.

It's worth it, even if
we save just one shoe.

Yuck.

Well said, Tammy.

The Mad Pooper story
is ten times bigger

than Lenny Destefano's
love life.

And less disgusting.

He'll put his lips on
anything with pom-poms.

But I can't get
it out there.

WSN has a news monopoly.

So do your
own newscast.

My own newscast?

You think I
could do that?

Who's the one yammering
about her nose for news?

Me?
Yeah, this nose right here!

Ow!

Get it sniffing!
Snort some news up there!

I can't snort
'cause you're holding my nose.

There's gonna be
lots of things

holding you back!

- Okay.
- Snort it up!

Come on,
Cronkite, snort!

It's for the good
of the people!

Let me know when
you got something.

My diorama...
got diarrheaed.

I think I just
snorted a story.

Dad's old camcorder,
a VCR and a videotape?

Say hello to your
state-of-the-art studio.

But, this is Gene's birth.

There's a lot of
crowning stuff

that can just be
taped over.

Looks like an
angry softball

trying to get
out of a coin purse.

Hmm, okay.

Listen, princess,

I don't even know what
you're talking about,

but you can do anything
you set your mind to.

And, no matter what,

your mother and I will
always love you.

He's good.

That kid just fathered
the crap out of you.

He did... okay.

I did great.

Little preachy.

You got a lot of
shine on you, Tina.

How did you get equal time
on the school network?

I told Principal
Spoors I had

incriminating
pictures of him.

Because I drew
some incriminating

pictures of him.

Great, let's do this.

These halls are calm now.

But on Wednesday,
it was a different story.

I left my shoebox
diorama for a minute

and someone
pooped in it.

It was about the
Industrial Revolution.

Some call him the Mad Pooper.

My mom calls him the Butt-ler.

By any name,
these brown thumbtacks

tell a tale of terror.

Excuse me, can I
go get my medicine

at the nurse's office?

Shh. I'm watching this.

Oh. Oh, no.

Who would do such a thing?

We turn to an expert,
Mr. Frond.

It's someone
trying to communicate.

Likely, a foreign-
exchange student.

He or she has something
inside them

they desperately
want to get out.

- Rage?
- Poo.

And what do Wagstaff
students think?

My message to the
Mad Pooper is:

Grow up! I did.

Whoever the Mad Pooper is,
he or she

is probably not finished.

And if they're not, I'm not.

In the hall,
I'm Tina Belcher.

And we're clear.

Yes, I did it.

Take that, Tammy.

And Holly Hunter.

I lied, we're not clear.

Okay, now we're clear.

I'll just edit
that part out.

Oh, okay, good.

Ah, damn it,
we got poop-scooped!

Tina's story is all
anyone's talking about.

Tammy, what happened?

Well, you said gaga, not caca.

This caca is gaga!

Now get me that story.

I don't know how.

Do it, or I'll replace
you with the weird twins.

Back to you, Andy!
Back to you, Ollie!

Whoa, okay, no, no, no!
Forget it.

Hey, Tina, great
Mad Pooper reporting.

Thanks.

Can I copy you like
I do in math class?

Real news isn't
about copying.

And you shouldn't
copy me in math.

Yeah, well, you
should get a tutor,

'cause I got a "C."

You got a "C"?
Wait, I got a "D."

You know what?
I'll do my own story.

And it'll be way better
than yours, you lame-pon.

Good, I hope it is.
It will be.

Because then we'll have
more information

about the Mad Pooper...

Tina, we're trash-talking;
Stop turning it into

a normal conversation.

Oh. Sorry.
Um, skank?

That's much better!

Uh, I hate
your new hair color.

Give it to me!

Your eye shadow
is a little much.

In the face!
My face!

Is Tina the Mad Pooper?

What if actual
surveillance footage existed

showing Tina in the act?

Let's go to a reenactment
of what that footage

might look like.

She was always so quiet.
Yeah, she kept to herself.

Yeah, she did.
She did.

So, did Tina create
the very story she reported on?

Mr. Grant is here to comment.

When Tina auditioned,
frankly,

I was physically
afraid of her ambition.

She would've done
anything to get on TV.

And now, apparently,
she has.

Ah. And what if WSN had
an exclusive video confession?

Me... Tina... are... Mad... Pooper.

You don't believe that

just because it was
on TV, right?

Got it. Tina?

Principal's office, now.

I didn't do it.

Follow the money.

I'll take a poop
detector test.

Poop on me once,
shame on you.

Poop on me twice, we're
not best friends anymore!

It's not me, it was
a reenactment.

If it didn't happen,
then how could they reenact it?

Huh. Uh, yeah.

Oh, you should be a teacher
instead of secretary,

Ms. Schnur.
I know.

Louise, why are you here?

Tammy didn't frame you.

Unrelated charge.

And now we wait.

At least you're
guilty of something.

I got framed.

Cry to Principal Spoors
when he gets back

from the anti-smoking assembly.

Oh, my God, the assembly!

The whole school
is there.

Can you think of
a better place

for the Mad Pooper
to strike?

The Super Bowl,
American Idol,

Westminster Dog Show,
upside-down roller coaster,

International
Space Station,

yoga retreat, inside
a T-shirt gun...

If I could just
get out of here,

I could clear
my name.

I'll take care
of Ms. Schnur.

Oh, no, look, they're towing
a high-mileage, smallish car

with a bumper sticker

about a personal
passion maybe?

"My other car's a cat"?

That's the one!

No!

I hope Ms. Schnur's
car's okay.

Go, Tina!

Oh, yeah.

All right, missy,
this better be good.

Louise, where's
your sister?

Tina's not here, Gene.
Don't you sass me!

Hey, I don't even let Dad
talk to me like that.

We got here
as soon as we could.

Gene, what are
you doing here?

They called me!
No, they called me.

I can't believe my daughter
is the Butt-ler.

I have no daughter!

Oh, don't say that, Gene.

Yes, he should
say that.

Come on,
she's down at the assembly

trying to
clear her name.

Our lives were so much
simpler before the rug rats.

We use to see movies...

Lin!

Sorry, but
it's true.

Cigarettes are the real
devil sticks.

Nicotine is a bad scene.

You're here somewhere,
Mad Pooper.

Let's stay focused;
We got to find Tin...

Ooh, jugglers!

Hey, can I get a light?

Sure, smoke 'em
if you got 'em.

This is kind of
a weird message.

I really want
a cigarette.

I really want
to juggle.

- No sign?
- Nothing.

Oh, my God, look.
The Pooper.

I need to get up there.
But how?

You could use that

hydraulic scissor lift.

Perfect.
I'll sneak up on him.

I'll be as quiet
as a mouse.

Kelly Mathis and Jocelyn are
wearing the same scrunchie.

But Jocelyn is definitely
wearing it better.

Mr. Grant, look.

It's Tina.

What's she doing
up there?

Maybe she is
the Mad Pooper.

Hey, we're better
than we thought.

Let's get that camera.

Yeah, catch her
in the act.

On the big screen!

That's a big load
of news.

Look, everyone!

It's the Mad Pooper!

Ah, it's Tina!

Tina, what are you doing?
Get down!

Oh, my God!

Come out of the shadows,
Mad Pooper.

- Zeke?
- Surprised?

Zeke's the Butt-ler!

Why'd you do it, Zeke?

Well, the first time
was an accident.

But the second time
was for fun.

Then accident, fun, fun,

another accident,
three funs in a row,

then after that,
I was doing it for you, Tina.

- Aw.
- Aw.

But now it's over.

It's not over.

I got one left!
Zeke, no.

Poop! Poop! Poop!

Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop!

Stupid kids, listen to them.
Poop's not funny.

I mean, it is a little, but
what sort of message are we...

I can't stand it!
I want to see him poop!

I want to be a kid again!

Poop! Poop! Poop!

Oh, thank God.
He's back.

Aw, I'll miss my
Muppet Baby Bobby.

You don't have
to do this.

Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop!

Here we go.

This isn't an accident!

No, it is, it is.

Oh, God. Oh, boy.

It's taking a long time.

It's a girl!

Uh, no, it's a boy!

I guess we're really
watching this.

Bobby, hold my hand.

Get out of there!

No!

Tammy, look out!

No...!

The Mad Pooper
almost nails me.

I'm joined by the girl
who saved my hair.

Louise, it was
so close.

I thought
it was going to be

a lot closer, Tammy,
to be honest.

But I miscalculated.

Wind, maybe.

I was scared there was gonna
be poop right into my mouth.

Let's go to
the Mad Pooper himself, Zeke,

who, incredibly,
is not in trouble.

Let's find out why.

My family moves around a lot.

His family moves around a lot.

Uh, WSN would like
to apologize for any

inadvertent suggestion
that Tina Belcher

was the Mad Pooper.

Our bad.

The Tina Table.

Is it getting hot in here?

One study shows
the school nurse's thermometer

is off by one degree.

She's here to
discuss it.

Later, I'll talk to students
about trading snacks at lunch.

Is it insider trading?

No, it isn't.

Look at my news girl,

her pretty head floating
like a balloon.

Is it just me, or does Tina
look great without a torso?

Wonder how'd she look with
a mustache and a bald spot?

Oh, I just remembered
how to make paella.

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/