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♪♪
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♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,gonna have myself a time ♪
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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
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♪ Humble folkswithout temptation ♪
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♪ Goin' down to South Park,gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
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♪ People spouting,"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
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♪ Heading on up to South Park,gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
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♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
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♪ Come on down to South Parkand meet some friends of mine ♪
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{\an7}[ Bell rings ]
12
00:00:38,167 --> 00:00:41,596
{\an7}\h\h\hOkay, children,
let’s take our seats.
13
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{\an7}I know there’s a lot of things
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hgoing on
14
00:00:45,332 --> 00:00:46,827
{\an7}and we’re all a little bit
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hworried.
15
00:00:46,827 --> 00:00:49,926
{\an7}I’ve heard some of you express
\hconcern over current events,
16
00:00:49,926 --> 00:00:53,233
{\an7}\h\hso I think we should
discuss what’s happening.
17
00:00:53,233 --> 00:00:54,200
{\an7}It is true --
18
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{\an7}Rick and I did get into a fight
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hover the weekend.
19
00:00:58,035 --> 00:01:00,827
{\an7}Now, I don’t know what you’ve
\hheard and what you haven’t,
20
00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:04,827
{\an7}but Rick was wrong, okay?
21
00:01:04,827 --> 00:01:08,431
{\an7}He’s the one that needs
\h\h\h\h\hto apologize.
22
00:01:08,629 --> 00:01:11,827
{\an7}We’re not worried about that.
We’re all worried about Putin.
23
00:01:11,827 --> 00:01:15,827
{\an7}Putin? It was just a little
\hnoise when I pulled out.
24
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{\an7}Nobody was "pootin," okay?
25
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,959
{\an7}And anyway, you kids shouldn’t
\hbe talking about that stuff!
26
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{\an7}Geez!
27
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{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\hUh, kids,
I need your attention!
28
00:01:22,761 --> 00:01:26,728
{\an7}We’re doing an emergency drill
\h\h\h\h\hthis morning, m’kay.
29
00:01:26,728 --> 00:01:27,497
{\an7}A drill?
30
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{\an7}M’kay, now, we haven’t done
\h\h\hthese in a long time,
31
00:01:29,761 --> 00:01:34,233
{\an7}\hbut we need to be prepared if
the Russians decide to nuke us.
32
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{\an7}\h\h\hNow, when you
hear this sound...
33
00:01:37,134 --> 00:01:39,200
{\an7}The Russians are nuking us.
34
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,992
{\an7}\h\h\h...then you need to quickly
and calmly get out of your seats
35
00:01:42,992 --> 00:01:46,596
{\an7}and get to the gymnasium, m’kay?
36
00:01:46,596 --> 00:01:49,827
{\an7}The Russians are nuking us.
37
00:01:52,332 --> 00:01:54,992
{\an7}\h\h\hThe Russians are
[bleep] nuking us! Go!
38
00:01:54,992 --> 00:01:57,266
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\hGo, go, go!
We’re all gonna die!
39
00:01:57,266 --> 00:02:00,101
{\an7}\h\h\h\hCome on! Come on!
The missiles are coming!
40
00:02:00,101 --> 00:02:01,299
{\an7}They’ve lost their minds!
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hRun!
41
00:02:01,299 --> 00:02:04,101
{\an7}Get to the gym!
Get to the gym!
42
00:02:04,101 --> 00:02:04,992
{\an7}Come on!
43
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:07,827
{\an7}Come on, we’re getting nuked!
\h\h\h\hEveryone to the gym!
44
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{\an7}It’s our only chance!
45
00:02:09,299 --> 00:02:10,629
{\an7}[ Children screaming ]
46
00:02:10,629 --> 00:02:11,596
{\an7}Under the bleachers! Go!
47
00:02:11,596 --> 00:02:14,530
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\hCome on, move!
Everyone’s going to die!
48
00:02:14,530 --> 00:02:16,596
{\an7}[ Screaming continues ]
49
00:02:16,596 --> 00:02:18,563
{\an7}[ Screaming stops ]
50
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{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hM’kay.
That was...22 seconds.
51
00:02:23,827 --> 00:02:25,761
{\an7}That’s not bad, m’kay.
52
00:02:25,761 --> 00:02:29,728
{\an7}\h\hNow, if this were real,
we would just all stay here
53
00:02:29,728 --> 00:02:32,464
{\an7}\h\hand wait to hear from
our government and maybe,
54
00:02:32,464 --> 00:02:34,992
{\an7}\h\h\h\hmaybe listen to
some appropriate music,
55
00:02:34,992 --> 00:02:36,893
{\an7}like we did back in the ’80s.
56
00:02:36,893 --> 00:02:40,497
{\an7}♪ Take your baby by the hand ♪
57
00:02:41,398 --> 00:02:45,233
{\an7}♪ Do the next thing
\h\hthat you feel ♪
58
00:02:45,662 --> 00:02:47,992
{\an7}♪ I said... ♪
59
00:02:48,992 --> 00:02:51,134
{\an7}Narrator: Starring...
60
00:02:55,794 --> 00:02:58,860
{\an7}...and the comedy of...
61
00:02:59,068 --> 00:03:01,728
{\an7}♪ Dancehall days, love ♪
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{\an7}Hi, Katie!
63
00:03:08,761 --> 00:03:09,596
{\an7}Hi, Kelly!
64
00:03:09,596 --> 00:03:12,035
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hOh, my gosh.
Pixie looks so pretty today.
65
00:03:12,035 --> 00:03:15,233
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\hThanks!
I braided my pony’s tail.
66
00:03:15,959 --> 00:03:18,596
{\an7}\hHi, Josslyn!
Hi, Staci Mae!
67
00:03:18,596 --> 00:03:20,464
{\an7}Girls: Hi, Butters.
68
00:03:20,464 --> 00:03:21,431
{\an7}Alright, pony riders.
69
00:03:21,431 --> 00:03:23,101
{\an7}We’ve got a big competition
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthis weekend,
70
00:03:23,101 --> 00:03:25,860
{\an7}so let’s line up
and do our rails.
71
00:03:27,464 --> 00:03:28,860
{\an7}Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!
72
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{\an7}Don’t wave at us,
\h\h\h\hButters!
73
00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:33,299
{\an7}Judges hate when they wave.
He needs to not do that.
74
00:03:33,299 --> 00:03:37,860
{\an7}Okay, Staci Mae, nice trot.
\h\h\hHere comes the jump.
75
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:41,596
{\an7}Good. Very nice.
\h\h\hOkay, next.
76
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:44,101
{\an7}Good, Heather.
77
00:03:44,101 --> 00:03:46,497
{\an7}That’s good control of Sunshine.
Good.
78
00:03:46,497 --> 00:03:49,728
{\an7}Okay, Butters, come on.
\h\h\h\h\hYou’re next.
79
00:03:50,233 --> 00:03:53,068
{\an7}Come on, Butters.
\h\h\h\hCome on!
80
00:03:54,728 --> 00:03:55,926
{\an7}[ Pole clunks ]
81
00:03:55,926 --> 00:03:57,629
{\an7}Oh! He clunked it!
82
00:03:57,629 --> 00:03:58,959
{\an7}It’s okay.
It’s okay.
83
00:03:58,959 --> 00:04:00,827
{\an7}Good job, Butters.
\h\h\h\h\hGood job.
84
00:04:00,827 --> 00:04:01,596
{\an7}[Bleep]!
85
00:04:01,596 --> 00:04:03,992
{\an7}We should just pull Butters
out of dressage.
86
00:04:03,992 --> 00:04:04,926
{\an7}He sucks at this.
87
00:04:04,926 --> 00:04:06,926
{\an7}Oh, we can’t pull him out.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHe loves it.
88
00:04:06,926 --> 00:04:09,662
{\an7}Don’t you understand, Linda?
I’m scared.
89
00:04:09,662 --> 00:04:11,662
{\an7}The big competition
\his this weekend.
90
00:04:11,662 --> 00:04:15,068
{\an7}Butters will be going up
against the Russians.
91
00:04:15,068 --> 00:04:18,398
{\an7}Oh, look, here comes
\h\hthe Russian now.
92
00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,134
{\an7}-Boo!
-Boo!
93
00:04:21,134 --> 00:04:23,167
{\an7}Boo, Russia!
\h\h\hBooooo!
94
00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:25,365
{\an7}Hey, what are you booing
a little kid for?
95
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,134
{\an7}Don’t you know
\hwho that is?
96
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,497
{\an7}That’s Dan Solokov’s kid!
97
00:04:28,497 --> 00:04:32,992
{\an7}\h\h\h\hDan Solokov who works at
the Ace Hardware over in Meeker?
98
00:04:32,992 --> 00:04:36,761
{\an7}\h\hEven the kid’s pony
is a Russian Etruscan!
99
00:04:36,761 --> 00:04:38,233
{\an7}You piece-a-shit communist!
100
00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:42,035
{\an7}You won’t take our freedoms
\h\h\h\haway! Boo, Russia!
101
00:04:42,035 --> 00:04:44,332
{\an7}♪ Games without frontiers ♪
102
00:04:44,332 --> 00:04:46,761
{\an7}\h\h[ Singing along ]
♪ War without tears ♪
103
00:04:46,761 --> 00:04:51,101
{\an7}♪ Jeux sans frontieres ♪
[ Knock on door ]
104
00:04:51,101 --> 00:04:51,761
{\an7}Yeah?
105
00:04:51,761 --> 00:04:54,563
{\an7}Mr. Mackey, I’d like to
\h\hhave a word with you.
106
00:04:54,563 --> 00:04:56,662
{\an7}Oh, yeah, yes, of course,
PC Principal.
107
00:04:56,662 --> 00:04:58,728
{\an7}I see that you’ve, uh,
\h\h\hcalled for another
108
00:04:58,728 --> 00:05:00,860
{\an7}nuclear emergency drill
\h\h\h\h\h\hthis afternoon?
109
00:05:00,860 --> 00:05:04,431
{\an7}\hYes, that’s right.
We are going to be prepared.
110
00:05:04,431 --> 00:05:07,167
{\an7}Well, Mr. Mackey, this is
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthe seventh drill
111
00:05:07,167 --> 00:05:08,431
{\an7}that we’ve done
\hin two days.
112
00:05:08,431 --> 00:05:11,695
{\an7}And I see that you also put in
\hthe budget for a bomb shelter
113
00:05:11,695 --> 00:05:13,794
{\an7}and 20 VHS copies
\hof "Red Dawn."
114
00:05:13,794 --> 00:05:17,299
{\an7}VHS is still really the best
format when you think about it.
115
00:05:17,299 --> 00:05:21,662
{\an7}\h\hMr. Mackey, I’m starting to
worry that this is sort of...
116
00:05:21,662 --> 00:05:22,860
{\an7}nostalgic for you,
117
00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:25,695
{\an7}like you’re kind of
\h\henjoying this.
118
00:05:26,365 --> 00:05:27,332
{\an7}Enjoying it?
119
00:05:27,332 --> 00:05:29,662
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hMy job is
to have this school ready.
120
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:33,497
{\an7}Kids need to know what Russia
is capable of.
121
00:05:33,497 --> 00:05:38,101
{\an7}Ah-staff meen-ya
\h\hif pahk-oye.
122
00:05:38,101 --> 00:05:39,629
{\an7}You speak Russian?
123
00:05:39,629 --> 00:05:42,101
{\an7}\h\hNo, but I watched
"Hunt For Red October"
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00:05:42,101 --> 00:05:43,464
{\an7}like 200 times.
125
00:05:43,464 --> 00:05:45,629
{\an7}\h\h\h\hMr. Mackey,
I’m not asking you.
126
00:05:45,629 --> 00:05:47,695
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\hI’m telling you --
stop with all the drills
127
00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:50,464
{\an7}\h\h\hand stop putting ideas
into our students’ heads.
128
00:05:50,464 --> 00:05:52,365
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\hNo, you --
you’re right, of course.
129
00:05:52,365 --> 00:05:55,563
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hI’m --
I’m over-reacting.
130
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:56,794
{\an7}Okay.
131
00:05:56,794 --> 00:05:58,992
{\an7}M’kay.
132
00:06:21,959 --> 00:06:24,662
{\an7}[ Camera shutter clicking ]
133
00:06:27,266 --> 00:06:29,992
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hAlright, Butters,
you’ve just got two more days
134
00:06:29,992 --> 00:06:32,233
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hbefore
the dressage competition.
135
00:06:32,233 --> 00:06:33,332
{\an7}I’ll do my best, Dad.
136
00:06:33,332 --> 00:06:36,167
{\an7}You’re gonna have to do better
\h\h\h\h\h\hthan that, Butters.
137
00:06:36,167 --> 00:06:39,233
{\an7}You see that little Russian kid
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hover there?
138
00:06:39,596 --> 00:06:41,959
{\an7}\h\h\hThat kid doesn’t
give a shit about you.
139
00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:42,992
{\an7}He just wants to win
140
00:06:42,992 --> 00:06:46,827
{\an7}and take what little patriotism
\h\h\h\h\hour country has left.
141
00:06:46,827 --> 00:06:47,761
{\an7}That kid?
142
00:06:47,761 --> 00:06:50,167
{\an7}\h\hYou didn’t live through the
Cold War, Butters, but we did.
143
00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:51,662
{\an7}\hThis tournament is
gonna be turned into
144
00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:55,464
{\an7}a political spectacle,
\hand you have to win.
145
00:06:55,464 --> 00:06:58,398
{\an7}Otherwise, I’m afraid we’ll
have to give your pony away
146
00:06:58,398 --> 00:07:01,332
{\an7}to communists who slaughter
\h\h\h\hponies and donkeys
147
00:07:01,332 --> 00:07:02,299
{\an7}to make skin cream.
148
00:07:02,299 --> 00:07:04,959
{\an7}That’s mostly the Chinese,
\hbut a commie’s a commie.
149
00:07:04,959 --> 00:07:06,596
{\an7}Better dead than red,
Butters.
150
00:07:06,596 --> 00:07:08,134
{\an7}\h\hOh, Jesus!
Not Melancholy!
151
00:07:08,134 --> 00:07:11,530
{\an7}\h\h\hNow, that little prick
is trying to intimidate you.
152
00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:17,101
{\an7}\hI want you to go in there and
show him how an American rides.
153
00:07:17,662 --> 00:07:20,332
{\an7}[ Clicks tongue ]
\h\hCome on, boy!
154
00:07:26,695 --> 00:07:30,563
{\an7}Butters! Butters, what the hell
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hare you doing?!
155
00:07:30,563 --> 00:07:31,398
{\an7}Well, I dunno!
156
00:07:31,398 --> 00:07:33,134
{\an7}\h\hYou have to
learn control!
157
00:07:33,134 --> 00:07:35,497
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h[ Clicks tongue ]
Come on, Melancholy, come on!
158
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,134
{\an7}[ Slide whistle blows ]
159
00:07:37,134 --> 00:07:37,926
{\an7}Girls: Ewwww!
160
00:07:37,926 --> 00:07:40,101
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hButters,
what the hell is that?!
161
00:07:40,101 --> 00:07:42,068
{\an7}What is what?
\h\hOh, geez!
162
00:07:42,068 --> 00:07:43,926
{\an7}Put that thing away,
\h\h\h\h\hMelancholy!
163
00:07:43,926 --> 00:07:46,926
{\an7}\h\h\h\hJesus, Linda,
what are we gonna do?
164
00:07:46,926 --> 00:07:49,662
{\an7}[ Microfiche whirring
\h\h\hand clicking ]
165
00:08:04,068 --> 00:08:07,893
{\an7}What are you up to,
you piece of shit?
166
00:08:07,893 --> 00:08:10,200
{\an7}[ Buzzer ]
167
00:08:10,695 --> 00:08:11,530
{\an7}Hello, sir.
168
00:08:11,530 --> 00:08:13,332
{\an7}I just needed to
talk to somebody.
169
00:08:13,332 --> 00:08:15,827
{\an7}\h\hI’ve been having
some problems at home.
170
00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:18,200
{\an7}Uh-huh, m’kay, that’s nice.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hThat’s good to hear.
171
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:21,761
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hWhy don’t you just, uh,
sit there and tell me about it?
172
00:08:21,761 --> 00:08:24,035
{\an7}Well, it’s just my parents.
173
00:08:24,035 --> 00:08:26,365
{\an7}You see, a few months ago,
I saw this little girl
174
00:08:26,365 --> 00:08:30,299
{\an7}riding a pony and I said,
"Whoa! I wanna do that!"
175
00:08:30,299 --> 00:08:31,134
{\an7}Uh-huh.
176
00:08:31,134 --> 00:08:33,365
{\an7}So we found a stable
and a trainer,
177
00:08:33,365 --> 00:08:35,233
{\an7}and I started to
\hlearn dressage.
178
00:08:35,233 --> 00:08:39,134
{\an7}And I got to lease a pony,
and his name is Melancholy.
179
00:08:39,134 --> 00:08:41,101
{\an7}\h\h\h\hYeah, yeah,
that must be tough.
180
00:08:41,101 --> 00:08:43,068
{\an7}I’m sorry to hear that,
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hm’kay.
181
00:08:43,068 --> 00:08:45,068
{\an7}\h\h\hWell, I love
to ride Melancholy.
182
00:08:45,068 --> 00:08:47,827
{\an7}\hBut now I’m feeling
all this pressure to win.
183
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:49,266
{\an7}My parents said
\hI have to win
184
00:08:49,266 --> 00:08:51,563
{\an7}because it’s against
the Russians.
185
00:08:51,563 --> 00:08:53,233
{\an7}M’kay, we--
186
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,530
{\an7}The what?
187
00:08:54,530 --> 00:08:55,563
{\an7}It’s the Russians.
188
00:08:55,563 --> 00:08:57,695
{\an7}I mean, I guess they’re just
really good at dressage,
189
00:08:57,695 --> 00:09:01,794
{\an7}But now my dad says it’s
a matter of national security.
190
00:09:02,662 --> 00:09:04,893
{\an7}M’kay. Butters.
191
00:09:04,893 --> 00:09:06,827
{\an7}Don’t move your head.
192
00:09:06,827 --> 00:09:08,035
{\an7}Don’t move my head?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hI --
193
00:09:08,035 --> 00:09:10,266
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hUh, uh!
They’re probably watching us,
194
00:09:10,266 --> 00:09:13,134
{\an7}\hso keep acting like
you’re asking me for help.
195
00:09:13,134 --> 00:09:16,365
{\an7}Well, o-okay, but I kind of am
\hasking you for help, ya know,
196
00:09:16,365 --> 00:09:18,728
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\hbecause I’m feeling
really lost and miserable.
197
00:09:18,728 --> 00:09:21,332
{\an7}\h\h\h\hThat’s good.
Now listen carefully.
198
00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:23,992
{\an7}What did your parents
tell you?
199
00:09:23,992 --> 00:09:25,992
{\an7}Well, they said if I don’t
\h\h\h\h\h\hdo well at dressage,
200
00:09:25,992 --> 00:09:28,662
{\an7}\h\hit could mean the end
of all of our freedoms.
201
00:09:28,662 --> 00:09:30,332
{\an7}Jesus Christ.
202
00:09:30,332 --> 00:09:32,431
{\an7}M’kay, well, Butters,
you know,
203
00:09:32,431 --> 00:09:36,860
{\an7}sometimes troubles at home
can be bad, m’kay.
204
00:09:37,068 --> 00:09:40,398
{\an7}[ Softly ] I need you
to tell me everything you know
205
00:09:40,398 --> 00:09:43,200
{\an7}about dressage.
206
00:09:49,362 --> 00:09:51,631
We need to have a serious talk,Melancholy,
207
00:09:51,631 --> 00:09:53,967
and I need you to listen.
208
00:09:53,967 --> 00:09:57,203
There's a time to poop,and there's a time to work.
209
00:09:57,203 --> 00:10:00,273
And the best thing is to poopwhen your work is done.
210
00:10:00,273 --> 00:10:01,908
I-It's like whenI'm in the classroom,
211
00:10:01,908 --> 00:10:03,309
sometimes I have to poop,
212
00:10:03,309 --> 00:10:05,144
but I have to waituntil lunch break.
213
00:10:05,144 --> 00:10:07,380
If I really have to go, I canraise my hand to ask politely.
214
00:10:07,380 --> 00:10:09,816
But if you stop and poopwhile we're competin',
215
00:10:09,816 --> 00:10:11,484
the judges are gonnadeduct points.
216
00:10:11,484 --> 00:10:13,086
And then the Russianswill beat us,
217
00:10:13,086 --> 00:10:15,922
and then you're gonna get turnedinto Chinese skin cream!
218
00:10:15,922 --> 00:10:17,790
We have to do this, Melancholy.
219
00:10:17,790 --> 00:10:20,226
You and me have to focuslike never before.
220
00:10:20,226 --> 00:10:22,295
Now, let's go show themwhat we can do!
221
00:10:24,497 --> 00:10:26,733
Let's go![ Clicks tongue ]
222
00:10:26,733 --> 00:10:28,568
[ Epic music plays ]
223
00:10:28,568 --> 00:10:30,570
That's it!You got it, boy!
224
00:10:30,570 --> 00:10:34,474
♪♪
225
00:10:34,474 --> 00:10:37,443
Nope! Nope! Melancholy!
226
00:10:37,443 --> 00:10:38,845
Over the jump, boy!
227
00:10:38,845 --> 00:10:40,179
Come on, Melancholy!
228
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,149
What?W-Where are you going?
229
00:10:43,149 --> 00:10:44,851
Melancholy, back to the jump!
230
00:10:46,519 --> 00:10:48,021
Whoa, Melancholy! Whoa!
231
00:10:48,021 --> 00:10:49,122
W-What are you doing now?!
232
00:10:49,122 --> 00:10:50,957
[ Slide whistle blows ]
233
00:10:50,957 --> 00:10:52,792
Now I'm not surewhat's goin' on here.[ Screaming ]
234
00:10:52,792 --> 00:10:55,628
No! No! No!Melancholy! Bad pony!
235
00:10:55,628 --> 00:10:57,830
I'm sorry, ma'am!Melancholy, to the jump!
236
00:10:57,830 --> 00:11:01,634
♪♪
237
00:11:01,634 --> 00:11:04,637
[ Chorus singing in Russian ]
238
00:11:04,637 --> 00:11:13,379
♪♪
239
00:11:13,379 --> 00:11:22,155
♪♪
240
00:11:22,155 --> 00:11:30,897
♪♪
241
00:11:30,897 --> 00:11:39,706
♪♪
242
00:11:39,706 --> 00:11:48,514
♪♪
243
00:11:48,514 --> 00:11:57,256
♪♪
244
00:12:12,939 --> 00:12:15,408
[ Gun clicks ]Voice:What are you doing here?
245
00:12:15,408 --> 00:12:16,776
Don't shoot...
246
00:12:16,776 --> 00:12:19,579
I-I'm just the schoolcounselor...
247
00:12:20,413 --> 00:12:22,281
Mr. Stotch?
248
00:12:22,281 --> 00:12:24,083
Mr. Mackey?
249
00:12:24,083 --> 00:12:26,285
What the hellare you doing here?!
250
00:12:26,285 --> 00:12:28,354
What the hell are youdoing here?
251
00:12:28,354 --> 00:12:30,590
I'll ask the questions,I've got the gun!
252
00:12:30,590 --> 00:12:32,458
We were just...having a look around...
253
00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:34,627
We weren't going to mess withthe Russian pony.
254
00:12:34,627 --> 00:12:36,062
I-I promise.
255
00:12:36,062 --> 00:12:37,563
Shut up, Linda.
256
00:12:37,563 --> 00:12:39,399
Mr. and Mrs. Stotch,you know --
257
00:12:39,399 --> 00:12:41,301
your son has beenhaving some problems
258
00:12:41,301 --> 00:12:43,202
on the playgroundat school.
259
00:12:43,202 --> 00:12:44,504
What kind of problems?
260
00:12:44,504 --> 00:12:47,140
Well, you know,bullies, and, uh,
261
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:49,575
pressure for marijuana,you know, with --
262
00:12:49,575 --> 00:12:50,777
Don't [bleep] move!
263
00:12:50,777 --> 00:12:52,045
Ahhhh!
264
00:12:52,045 --> 00:12:54,314
Now I want someGoddamn answers.
265
00:12:54,314 --> 00:12:57,250
So you want them to win, huh?You're a traitor.
266
00:12:57,250 --> 00:12:59,419
I'm not the traitor.Yeah, right...
267
00:12:59,419 --> 00:13:01,254
Since when do you careabout dressage?
268
00:13:01,254 --> 00:13:05,058
Since I found out the principalis a Russian spy.
269
00:13:05,058 --> 00:13:06,526
A what?!
270
00:13:06,526 --> 00:13:08,795
There's something very biggoing on here,
271
00:13:08,795 --> 00:13:11,130
and I think it involvesyour son.
272
00:13:11,130 --> 00:13:14,100
Mr. Mackey...we were just here to try
273
00:13:14,100 --> 00:13:17,637
and give that pony diarrheaby feeding it Erewhon.
274
00:13:17,637 --> 00:13:19,439
It's the truth.
275
00:13:19,439 --> 00:13:21,808
We're on your side.
276
00:13:25,745 --> 00:13:28,982
I think I understandwhat's going on now...
277
00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:33,453
The Communists are gonna use thepony show as justification...
278
00:13:33,453 --> 00:13:37,323
to fire the missiles.
279
00:13:37,323 --> 00:13:39,559
[ Cheers and applause ]
280
00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:44,163
Welcome, everyone, to the 10and under pony dressage finals.
281
00:13:44,163 --> 00:13:46,099
We want to thank everyonefor coming out today
282
00:13:46,099 --> 00:13:47,867
to support these little riders.
283
00:13:47,867 --> 00:13:50,269
[ Cheers and applause ]
284
00:13:50,269 --> 00:13:52,038
This is it,Melancholy.
285
00:13:52,038 --> 00:13:54,040
We have to do this.
286
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,610
We have to be classy.We're not gonna poop.
287
00:13:57,610 --> 00:13:59,879
We're not gonna get a boner,and we're certainly not gonna
288
00:13:59,879 --> 00:14:01,881
have unwarranted sexwith the ladies.
289
00:14:01,881 --> 00:14:05,685
Please, boy...We have got to get this right.
290
00:14:10,289 --> 00:14:11,658
Hi, Mom.
291
00:14:11,658 --> 00:14:15,895
Well, hi, junior!What a surprise, m'kay!
292
00:14:15,895 --> 00:14:18,798
Mom...I need to use somethingin my old room.
293
00:14:18,798 --> 00:14:21,567
Well, sure, come on in!
294
00:14:21,567 --> 00:14:25,271
Everything is stilljust as you left it, son.
295
00:14:29,309 --> 00:14:32,879
Mom, I think World War 3is about to start.
296
00:14:32,879 --> 00:14:35,648
I'm gonna do what I canto protect our country!
297
00:14:35,648 --> 00:14:38,217
Oh, uh, m'kay, honey,I'll make you a snack.
298
00:14:43,589 --> 00:14:46,259
[ Computer whirring ]
299
00:14:46,259 --> 00:14:48,394
Hello, Mr. Mackey.
300
00:14:51,864 --> 00:14:54,901
[ Modem connecting ]
301
00:15:04,410 --> 00:15:06,846
[ Static, powers down ]
302
00:15:06,846 --> 00:15:09,248
The Russians are nuking us.
303
00:15:09,248 --> 00:15:11,217
What the hell was that?
304
00:15:11,217 --> 00:15:12,719
Someone from the outsideis logged into
305
00:15:12,719 --> 00:15:14,053
the missile defense system!
306
00:15:14,053 --> 00:15:16,522
Well, kick them out!Shut off the Wi-Fi!
307
00:15:16,522 --> 00:15:18,257
It's not coming inon Wi-Fi!
308
00:15:18,257 --> 00:15:20,893
It's some old,archaic technology!
309
00:15:22,095 --> 00:15:25,531
X = "The Russiansare nuking us."
310
00:15:25,531 --> 00:15:29,369
Print X, goto 10.
311
00:15:29,369 --> 00:15:30,436
Run.
312
00:15:30,436 --> 00:15:34,874
[ Beeping ]
313
00:15:34,874 --> 00:15:36,309
[ All gasp ]
314
00:15:36,309 --> 00:15:37,877
What are theytrying to do?!
315
00:15:37,877 --> 00:15:39,979
It's just repeating the sameline over and over.
316
00:15:39,979 --> 00:15:41,547
How did theyget it to do that?!
317
00:15:41,547 --> 00:15:44,951
Sir! The computers aretaking us to DEFCON 3!
318
00:15:44,951 --> 00:15:46,586
[ Klaxon blaring ]
319
00:15:46,586 --> 00:15:48,287
[ All gasp ]
320
00:15:53,493 --> 00:15:57,030
Jesus Christ...It's dressage.
321
00:16:03,477 --> 00:16:05,512
[ Speaking Russian ]
322
00:16:09,116 --> 00:16:11,151
[ Speaking Russian ]
323
00:16:24,998 --> 00:16:27,167
President Putin!
324
00:16:29,569 --> 00:16:31,838
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
325
00:16:31,838 --> 00:16:35,509
♪ A point is allthat you can score ♪
326
00:16:35,509 --> 00:16:37,244
♪ Score them all,score them all ♪
327
00:16:37,244 --> 00:16:39,413
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
328
00:16:39,413 --> 00:16:42,682
♪ A point is allthat you can score ♪
329
00:16:42,682 --> 00:16:44,684
♪ Working for the black gas ♪
330
00:16:44,684 --> 00:16:46,486
♪ Cowboy number one ♪
331
00:16:46,486 --> 00:16:50,257
♪ A born-again poor man's son ♪
332
00:16:50,257 --> 00:16:52,159
♪ Poor man's son ♪
333
00:16:52,159 --> 00:16:53,827
♪ On the air America ♪
334
00:16:53,827 --> 00:16:57,631
♪ I modeled shirtsby Van Heusen ♪
335
00:16:57,631 --> 00:17:00,267
♪ Working for the black gas ♪
336
00:17:00,267 --> 00:17:05,305
♪ Yeah ♪-Oooh, no! No!
337
00:17:05,305 --> 00:17:08,675
♪♪
338
00:17:08,675 --> 00:17:10,377
♪ You know ♪
339
00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:12,312
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
340
00:17:12,312 --> 00:17:15,949
♪ A point is allthat you can score ♪
341
00:17:15,949 --> 00:17:17,784
♪ Score them all,score them all ♪
342
00:17:17,784 --> 00:17:19,786
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
343
00:17:19,786 --> 00:17:23,557
♪ A point is all you can score ♪
344
00:17:23,557 --> 00:17:25,792
♪ Working for the black gas ♪
345
00:17:25,792 --> 00:17:27,294
♪♪
346
00:17:27,294 --> 00:17:30,797
♪ Switch off your shield ♪
347
00:17:30,797 --> 00:17:33,567
♪ Switch off and feel ♪-We're running out of time!
348
00:17:33,567 --> 00:17:37,471
Take missiles to DEFCON 2!
349
00:17:37,471 --> 00:17:40,807
Here's your Sunny Delightand Steak-umms, honey.
350
00:17:40,807 --> 00:17:43,210
Get outta my room,Mom, God!
351
00:17:43,210 --> 00:17:45,312
Get outta my room.
352
00:17:45,312 --> 00:17:49,416
Sweetheart...are you m'kay?
353
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:51,251
'Course I'm not m'kay --
354
00:17:51,251 --> 00:17:53,820
but you wouldn't understand'cause you're a grown-up.
355
00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:56,656
Honey...as your mother,
356
00:17:56,656 --> 00:17:58,425
I want you to knowyou can talk to me
357
00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:00,260
about whatever you want.
358
00:18:00,260 --> 00:18:04,364
Even if it's about being scaredof gettin' old.
359
00:18:10,103 --> 00:18:13,373
Things used to beso much simpler, Mama.
360
00:18:14,775 --> 00:18:17,511
There was a good guy and a --and a bad guy.
361
00:18:17,511 --> 00:18:20,080
And we all...sort of came together
362
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,416
and loved our country...
363
00:18:22,416 --> 00:18:24,951
Not like it is now.
364
00:18:24,951 --> 00:18:28,255
Ohhh, junior.
365
00:18:28,255 --> 00:18:32,359
I know that gettin' oldisn't so much fun, is it?
366
00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:36,563
We all wanna go back to a timewhen we were younger.
367
00:18:36,563 --> 00:18:39,699
You're getting to bearound 55.
368
00:18:39,699 --> 00:18:42,536
Your pee-pee doesn't workso good, does it?
369
00:18:42,536 --> 00:18:45,038
How'd you know about that,Mom?
370
00:18:45,038 --> 00:18:46,640
Well, I'm your mom, honey.
371
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,975
When a man gets to a pointwhere his pee-pee
372
00:18:48,975 --> 00:18:51,478
doesn't work the way it used to,he starts to...
373
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:54,981
well, sit in his room and playwar games again, you know?
374
00:18:54,981 --> 00:18:58,318
But, honey,those times weren't better.
375
00:18:58,318 --> 00:19:00,487
We were all scared.
376
00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:02,723
People died.
377
00:19:02,723 --> 00:19:06,727
That's not somethingto strive to get back to.
378
00:19:06,727 --> 00:19:09,062
You're right, mama...
379
00:19:09,062 --> 00:19:10,330
I've been bad.
380
00:19:10,330 --> 00:19:11,565
Oh, you're not bad --
381
00:19:11,565 --> 00:19:12,833
No, I'm bad --
382
00:19:12,833 --> 00:19:14,401
No, nom sweetheart.
383
00:19:14,401 --> 00:19:17,738
It -- It just felt good'cause it was familiar.
384
00:19:17,738 --> 00:19:21,341
That's just sort ofwhat us old people do.
385
00:19:23,677 --> 00:19:26,246
Announcer:It all comes down to this.
386
00:19:26,246 --> 00:19:31,318
#823 Davey Solokovand his Russian Etruscan.
387
00:19:31,318 --> 00:19:35,355
If he completes this last rail,he will be the winner.
388
00:19:35,355 --> 00:19:37,190
We're all dead,Linda.
389
00:19:37,190 --> 00:19:40,026
Rider...please demonstrateyour trot.
390
00:19:45,999 --> 00:19:48,969
It's Okay, Melancholy...We did our best...
391
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:52,105
Whoa...Where you goin', Melancholy?
392
00:19:52,105 --> 00:19:54,041
Announcer:And here is the rail.
393
00:19:54,041 --> 00:19:57,310
Wait a minute -- we have anotherpony in the ring!
394
00:19:57,310 --> 00:19:59,012
[ Slide whistle blows ][ Horse whinnies ]
395
00:19:59,012 --> 00:20:00,147
[ All gasp ]
396
00:20:00,147 --> 00:20:01,615
What's he doing?
397
00:20:01,615 --> 00:20:03,984
What's he doing?!He's fighting for democracy!
398
00:20:03,984 --> 00:20:05,452
Go, Butters!
399
00:20:05,452 --> 00:20:07,521
All: [ Chanting ]Butters! Butters!
400
00:20:07,521 --> 00:20:08,922
Melancholy! Bad!
401
00:20:08,922 --> 00:20:10,690
Ahghg!
402
00:20:10,690 --> 00:20:12,559
[ Horse whinnies ]
403
00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:15,062
10...9...8...
404
00:20:15,062 --> 00:20:16,129
He's got 'em!
405
00:20:16,129 --> 00:20:18,165
[ Cheers and applause ]
406
00:20:18,165 --> 00:20:21,334
3...2..1...You're out!
407
00:20:21,334 --> 00:20:23,270
[ Cheers and applause ]
408
00:20:29,142 --> 00:20:30,577
Ahghghghghg!
409
00:20:30,577 --> 00:20:32,512
[ Cheers and applause ]
410
00:20:36,249 --> 00:20:40,654
Mr. Mackey: Let me --Let me though! Let me through!
411
00:20:40,654 --> 00:20:42,189
Mackey, we did it!
412
00:20:42,189 --> 00:20:44,958
I know!It's amazing!
413
00:20:44,958 --> 00:20:48,662
This is alla dream come true!
414
00:20:48,662 --> 00:20:54,167
You know...the past few days,I've been re-living the past.
415
00:20:54,167 --> 00:20:58,271
But during this tournament,I started to change.
416
00:20:58,271 --> 00:21:01,541
And I just wanna sayto the Russians --
417
00:21:01,541 --> 00:21:03,377
that if I can change,
418
00:21:03,377 --> 00:21:05,045
then yous can change!
419
00:21:05,045 --> 00:21:08,348
I know how it is whenyou're gettin' old, you know,
420
00:21:08,348 --> 00:21:10,350
and you start getting aggressive
421
00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:13,420
because your dick doesn't workthe way it used to.
422
00:21:13,420 --> 00:21:15,756
Da...
423
00:21:15,756 --> 00:21:17,257
Da...
424
00:21:17,257 --> 00:21:19,626
But just becauseour dicks don't work
425
00:21:19,626 --> 00:21:23,130
doesn't mean we should go backto the way things were.
426
00:21:23,130 --> 00:21:26,366
In the immortal wordsof Sting --
427
00:21:26,366 --> 00:21:29,269
we all share the same biology.
428
00:21:29,269 --> 00:21:31,471
Regardless of ideology.
429
00:21:31,471 --> 00:21:33,940
[ Cheers and applause ]
430
00:21:34,307 --> 00:21:40,947
♪ I wonder if Russians getdiarrhea from Erewhon too ♪
431
00:21:40,947 --> 00:21:44,684
♪♪
432
00:21:44,926 --> 00:21:53,487
{\an7}♪
433
00:21:53,487 --> 00:22:02,388
{\an7}♪
434
00:22:02,388 --> 00:22:11,652
{\an7}♪
42362
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