All language subtitles for Jon.Stewart.The.Kennedy.Center.Mark.Twain.Prize.2022

- How you been, man?

Looks great.

- ♪ Here come old flat top

♪ He come grooving up slowly

♪ He got juju eyeball

♪ He one holy roller

♪ He got hair down

♪ To his knee

♪ Got to be a joker

♪ He just do
what he please, yeah ♪

- ♪ He wear no shoeshine,
he got toe-jam football ♪

♪ He got monkey fingers

♪ He shoot Coca-Cola

♪ He say, "I know you

♪ You know me"

♪ One thing I can tell you

♪ Is you got to be free

- ♪ Come together

both: ♪ Right now

♪ Over me

[indistinct chatter]

♪

♪ He roller coaster

♪ He got early warning

♪ He got muddy water

♪ He one mojo filter

♪ He say one and one
and one is three ♪

- Ha.

both: ♪ Got to be good-looking
'cause he's so hard to see ♪

- Come on.
Both: ♪ Come together

♪ Right now

♪ Over me

♪

- Sing it if you want.

both: ♪ Come together

- ♪ Yeah
both: ♪ Right now

♪ Come together

- ♪ Yeah
both: ♪ Right now

♪ Over me

- Please welcome the recipient

of the 23rd Mark Twain Prize
for American Humor,

Jon Stewart, y'all.

[cheers and applause]

♪

- Thank you very much.

That's our show.

♪

[music ends,
cheers and applause]

Thank you very much. Thank you.

[cheers and applause continue]

- Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Jon Stewart!

- My grandmother...

It's embarrassing,
to be honest with you.

We go into restaurants,
and she's like,

"Hello?

Reservations
for the chosen ones."

Hey, I'm Jon Stewart,

and welcome to
"You Wrote It, You Watch It."

- He's always been the same guy.

As long as I've known him,
he's exactly the same.

[upbeat music]

- Welcome to "The Daily Show,"
ladies and gentlemen.

Are you eating it with a fork?

A [bleep] fork?
Oh,

marone!

- He doesn't take himself
seriously.

He takes what he does seriously.

- Gitmo, it's true.

President Obama's already
started closing Guantanamo.

He's even put an end

to those enhanced-interrogation
techniques.

- Then why Gitmo still have
hand up his [bleep]?

- America didn't create
all the corruption

that cripples
Middle Eastern governments.

You know what?
♪ We didn't start the fire

- He became a cornerstone

for what political comedy

and news comedy is

and political satire is,

not just in the United States,
but everywhere else.

- What Jon's really great at
is, when there's something

so negative,
he always finds the positive.

Even if it's
the [bleep] smallest thing,

he always knows how to bring
people together

in a very kind and, like,
effortlessly genuine way.

And there's not a lot
of people in this business

that can do that.

- We hear how fragile
our country is,

torn by polarizing hate,

and how it's a shame
that we can't work together

to get things done.

But the truth is we do.

We work together
to get things done

every damn day.

[cheers and applause]

- He's, like, fearless.

Like, he doesn't care
about what other people think.

He's always been instrumental

in just, like, sharing
your truth

and being, like, fearless.

- The impact can be seen
around the world.

But for me, specifically,

I just feel
like both Dave and Jon

have freed me to be
the comedian I need to me.

- I think Jon Stewart might be
the single best person

I've ever met in comedy.

He's a great, great, great man.

announcer: Please welcome
the 2019 recipient

of the Mark Twain Prize,
Dave Chappelle.

[cheers and applause]

- You know, this might come
as a surprise to many of you.

I didn't prepare a speech.

[chuckles] But that's not
because I didn't care.

In fact, it's because
I cared so much.

If you could imagine
sitting down

and trying to write something

about someone
that you feel so much about,

the way I feel about Jon,
it's very difficult.

I won this prize two years ago,

and I imagine, Jon,
this is a surreal experience.

I imagine you probably
didn't even give a [bleep]

till last night.

And then last night you saw
all your friends gathering,

you saw everyone dressed nice,

and you realized you were
still alive to see this.

It's like getting a preview
to your funeral.

In our line of work,
context is everything.

And me and Jon have
a very unlikely friendship.

The context of that friendship
happened in a comedy club

in New York City...

Jon being ten years my senior.

I was 17 the first time
I saw Jon Stewart.

Right before
he walked in the door,

I heard two waitresses
at the club

talking about
how handsome he was.

And then they go,
"Oh, my God, there he goes."

And I looked over, and I said,
"Eh, he's all right."

- So, what happened
was at night,

I would go to the Comedy Cellar,

and they'd put me on
as the last guy every night.

There's six billion people
in the world.

You can't make six billion
anything

without some of them
being very [bleep] up.

Open up a bag of potato chips.
What are there, 40 in there?

At least five of them
are [bleep] burnt and bent over

and [bleep]...

It's the slot
that they give someone

that, for some reason,
they think,

"Let's just see
what happens to this guy."

- The thing I remember,
being 17 in an adult world

trying to make something
of myself, is how kind he was.

People like Jon
made me feel safer.

He's a friendly guy.

Now, the early part
of any comedian's career

is embarrassing in hindsight

because so many of us
imitate our influences

or try on different
personalities

to see what works.

But Jon has been...

he's been the same

since the very first time
I met him...

nice and present.

[sighs] In 1999,
he got "The Daily Show."

That show languished for
three years before he got it.

No disrespect to Craig Kilborn,
but you know what I mean?

Yuck.

It was like the body
of the show was there,

but when Jon got the show,
it had a soul.

It made people take notice.

And in 2002, suddenly, somehow,

he became the most popular
news show on television.

Actually, I know how.

He had a good lead-in
with "Chappelle's Show."

[cheers and applause]

And in that context,
it was post-9/11.

In my career,
it was the first time

that I can really remember

that there was a stove
too hot to touch.

No comedian was allowed
to talk about the war

or Janet Jackson's [bleep]
coming out at the Super Bowl.

You remember that?

You remember that memo
that went around?

[chuckles]

As we've all learned
in our lives,

war time is crazy in America.

They do what Noam Chomsky
called "manufacture consent."

And the news was off the chain,
and Jon was the only voice

that helped people
decipher that madness.

It was a really remarkable
thing to watch.

- We told you that
it wasn't gonna go so well.

Yes, we called it Shock and Awe,

but we meant that in the way of,

you'll be shocked
at how it doesn't go so well.

And that
will make you say, "Aw."

- He's been a great friend
to me.

I'm not here
because I love Jon Stewart.

I'm here because he loves me.

'Cause there's never been
a time that I called on him

and asked him for his help

that he wasn't
the first responder.

When it was "Half Baked"
and I was doing my first movie

and I needed a celebrity lift,

Jon was the first one to say,
"Ah, [bleep] it, I'll do it."

I didn't even know
if he smoked weed.

He seemed like a coke guy.

And a few years back,

the city close to where I live,
Dayton, Ohio,

had a terrible mass shooting.

Nine people were killed.

And I called my friends,
and they all pulled up.

But, Jon, you were
the first one that said,

"Oh, I'll be there."

And just days
after that massacre,

we took that neighborhood

and made a much better memory
for them.

They saw love and support
from voices that they trust.

When we were on Comedy Central,

I picked the brand
of irreverence.

I said, "I'll touch everything
they say I can't touch."

But Jon's voice became one
that was synonymous with trust.

And he left right before
the Trump administration,

the most cynical time
in American politics...

a time when nobody
trusts our media,

when a guy like Donald Trump
can just say "fake news,"

and you say, "[bleep] it.

I just believe
this orange-haired guy."

And we miss you very much.

[applause]

During the pandemic,
when my town was dying

and I needed to help raise money

to get the economy
of the town straight,

Jon was the first responder.

He was terrified of COVID,
and he got on a plane anyway.

After his friends had died
and he lost loved ones,

he had the courage
to get on a plane.

He came out and met me,

and we did shows
that whole weekend.

And every comic who came
out there had been off

for at least 100 nights.

They were all nervous,
and they were all scared,

except for Jon.

Jon did 25 minutes off the rip

because he had something to say,

because he actually means
what he says,

because he actually thinks
about what he says.

A lot of comics
will take this job for granted.

The younger comics,
they do what I call wokes.

They're not jokes.

They don't know the difference
between a good point

and a good joke.

Jon is very true to the muse.

He takes a good point,

and he makes a good joke of it.

Jon, it's a miracle

to watch you work.

You are a cure

to what ails our culture.

You're a voice that people
consistently trust.

I wish that you'd run
for president.

[cheers and applause]

But I imagine that would be hard

for a coke guy to do.

When you started your career,
you never imagined

that you would reach
a point like this.

And the Mark Twain Prize
might feel like a finish line

or an end to a movie.

It's not.
It is a starter gun.

You are still young.

You are still strong.
You are still funny.

And I do not have
the words to say

in front of these people
how much I love you

and how much I respect you,

but just know,
whenever you call on me,

I will come,

because you have been
one of the greatest friends

that I've made in 35 years.

Congratulations.

I'm honored
that you got this award.

[applause]
- Thank you.

Thank you.

- I'm sorry I got it before you.

But I'm your lucky lead-in.

Jon Stewart,
ladies and gentlemen.

[cheers and applause]

- Thank you, David.
I can't thank you enough.

I love you, my man.
Thank you.

- I love you, too.

[rock music playing]

♪

- You crushed that, man.
You really crushed that.

- For comedians, it's kind of
a solitary existence.

You're a bit
of a traveling salesman,

and you've got
these group of people

that you kind of grew up with
in the New York clubs,

but when you graduate,

you're sort of sent out
on your own postal route.

To get a chance
to get back together

and just remember how much

you really loved their company...

they're just some of
the funniest, smartest people

I know in my life.

It's wonderful to get a chance
to just be with them

in an environment without smoke.

- He's my Knicks buddy.

We go to watch them lose

at least, like, you know,
twice a month.

He's just such a good dude.

And, you know,
he's just, like, a comic icon.

So, like, never would I think,
in a million years,

I'd be homeys with him,
you know?

It's cool.

We met, like,
maybe four years ago

when he was touring
with Chappelle.

And I would come and, you know,
bomb and open for them.

And we exchanged numbers.

And he always looks out for me.

I think people know
how good of a guy he is.

I've been at the Garden
tons of times.

I've never seen
a reaction bigger

than when they throw
Jon Stewart up on the screen.

It's like, Nas, Jay-Z,

[bleep] this guy, that guy...
You know, big.

Jon Stewart goes up there,

it's like everybody loses
their [bleep] mind.

And I think that speaks true
to the person he is.

Let me just say
how amazing it is

to be here tonight
honoring Jon Stewart

in front of the largest
audience he's had in years.

I can't believe I'm here.

Like, look
at all these respected giants

of political satire
and Ed Helms.

Jon is the voice of reason
for a generation,

and I'm the reason
you stopped watching "SNL."

I think the only thing
we all have in common

is we all keep losing Emmys
to "Last Week Tonight."

And don't worry, Trevor...

Jon can explain what an Emmy
is after the show.

[laughter and groans]

Ah, come on.

It's not the Oscars.

Oh, all right. There you go.
[cheers and applause]

There you go.
Thank you.

The reason we're all here
to honor Jon Stewart

is because he's just
so universally respected.

I mean, like,
who couldn't love this guy?

Seriously, I mean,
the most controversial thing

he's ever done
is, like, be friends with me.

And that really means
a lot to me, Jon,

'cause, like,
I have other famous friends,

but they're, like,
kind of in the closet

about our friendship.

I'm kind of, like,
Hollywood's side chick.

And that's why I love Jon,

'cause Jon isn't afraid
to [bleep] me in public.

Jon is loyal.

You know, friendship isn't
something he half-[bleep],

like acting.

- [laughs]

You know, or gives up
on quickly, like directing.

I...

I'm sorry.
What?

It is really crazy to me,
though, that he's my buddy.

Like, I seriously don't know
if we're really friends

or this is, like,
a Make-A-Wish type thing.

You know?

Like, are you, like, my boy or
just, like, kind of concerned?

Jon is really such
an exceptional person

that, you know, he really
could be president tomorrow,

and he's smart enough
to not want the job.

Seriously, but he is a leader.

In 2019, he testified
before Congress

about our government's
shameful lack of health care

for the men and women

who responded to the events
of September 11th.

Yeah, you know,
people like my dad,

who ran
into the towers that day,

but instead of, you know,
giving their lives in a moment,

they walked away with
a lifetime of illness and pain.

And Jon sat there with those
responders behind him

and Congress before him

and gave the least funny speech
he's ever made.

- They did their jobs

with courage, grace...

[voice breaking]
Tenacity, humility.

18 years later, do yours!

- He got them to reauthorize

the 9/11
Victim Compensation Bill.

[cheers and applause]

And I know if my dad were here...

well, let's face it, I'd be
working at a Denny's somewhere,

but if he was,
I know he'd be happy

that you're looking out for him

and his friends
after all these years.

So thank you.

Yeah.

Jon Stewart is a hero
and a true man of the people.

And I'm so blessed and lucky

to be able to call him
my friend,

and I appreciate you as much

as whoever this [bleep]
Mark Twain guy is.

Thank you very much.
I love you so much, Jon.

- Love you.
- Thanks for having me.

[cheers and applause]

- That was funny.
That was funny.

[applause]
- Thank you. Thank you.

- Pete, you did great.
You did really great.

- It's so scary,
but it's awesome.

- Oh, my God. Thanks.
Oh, man.

- I mean, people call him
a kingmaker of...

But rather than just looking
at it that way,

I think it's more
that he built a whole family

of performers and writers,

people all with the same vision.

- Senator, how to you reconcile
the fact

that you were one
of the most vocal critics

of pork barrel politics,

and yet, while you were Chairman

of the Commerce Committee,
that committee set a record

for unauthorized appropriations?

[laughs] I'm just kidding.

No, I don't even know
what that means.

He just wanted it to be good,

and he wanted you
to be good on the show.

And I think
he inspired everybody

to try to do their best work.

And he's a nut. He would
basically try anything.

And I always thought of him
as a collaborator.

- Jon would pop
into the edit room and sit,

watch it down with us,

and then just give some quick
off-the-cuff notes,

and those notes were so...

so consistently perfect.

What if I told you that
I'm wearing Speedo right now?

- Uh...

You see?

- I am Seamus Murphy,
a simple, lazy dad

who drinks the Shamrock Shakes

and roots
for the Dames of Notre.

- Was that your Russian accent?

Oh, uh, no, that was actually
my Irish accent.

Announcer:
Please welcome Olivia Munn.

[applause]

- Hey, Jon.
[cheers and applause]

- Hello.

- So Jon Stewart
changed my life.

In 2010, I was cohosting a show
on a video game network,

when I got a call

that Jon Stewart
wanted to interview me.

So I went to "The Daily Show"
studio

located in the heart
of New York City...

52nd and 11th.

It was technically
in the river, if you remember.

I met Jon in his office
that day, and I was amazed.

His office, no exaggeration...

was a garbage can.

It was a mess.
There was actual trash in it.

Like, anything free
he had ever been given,

he just put on his desk.

And then there was a treadmill
in the corner of his office,

and the treadmill
had clothes on it.

I could describe it more,

but then
I would just be naming garbage.

So I start getting nervous.

I'm like, "Oh, is this why
he wants to hire

an Asian-American woman...
To help organize?"

But, honestly, we had an
amazing conversation that day,

the first of many.

And then he offered me a job
as a correspondent,

and it was incredible.

So, on my way out of his office,

I see this gold, glowing light
coming from behind the door.

And then I see, on the ground,

there's this cardboard box
filled with Emmy Awards.

They were just, like,
haphazardly thrown in there.

So I said, "Are these
your actual Emmy Awards?"

And he said, "Yeah,
that's where I keep them."

Look, some people
might put their Emmys

on a shelf or behind glass.

But not Jon Stewart.

His are in a cardboard box
shoved behind a door...

because that's who he is...

lazy and vaguely disrespectful.

[applause]

Jon, you know this,

but you are
like a small big brother to me.

You have given me so much wisdom

to navigate so much in my life.

You gave me advice
during the MeToo movement,

and more recently during
the Stop Asian Hate movement,

and I will always, always be
grateful for your friendship.

So, in 2015, Jon announced he
was leaving "The Daily Show."

He walked away from the desk
and the suits by Canali

in order to pursue his dream

of dressing
like a maintenance worker

for the rest of his life.

Jon, I know that you left
the show for many reasons,

but a big part of it

was to spend more time
with your family

and experience
more that life has to offer.

But then last year,
Jon decided to go back to work.

Yeah, as it turns out,

after spending more time
with his family,

Jon decided to spend less time
with his family.

- Oh, she's kidding.
Come on. Come on.

- It's too late.
It's too late.

Look, Jon, whether you
acknowledge it or not,

you changed the way
my generation saw the news

and saw public policy.

You made each issue relatable
and funny and human,

and you always,
in the most hilarious way,

placed the news of the day
in a larger historical context.

Jon actually made it cool
to be informed

and have an opinion on the news.

And that's why today,
every [bleep]damn person

has an opinion
on every [bleep]damn thing

that happens
every [bleep]damn second.

Well done, Jon.
Well done.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Jon, I am so honored
to be here,

and I hope you're enjoying
this night

because you really deserve it.

And I really can't wait to see
what filthy cardboard box

you dump this award into.

I love you, buddy.
[smooches]

- Ah, Olivia!

[applause]

- Aw, thanks, guys.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Aw, I did it. Thanks.
Thanks for your help.

- We all... all the people
who are pictured,

we gave so much of ourselves
to the show,

and so did he, just in terms
of molding your point of view

and molding kind of the way
you approach your work.

It was like going
to comedy college, really.

So let's talk about race.

- If you scared, say you scared.

- [laughing]
Why would I be scared?

I'm so happy to be here.
It feels very full circle.

It is so great to be together

for this event
after a two-year hiatus.

You know,
I haven't been to D.C.

since January 6th.

No. No. No.

Not for the reasons you think.

I had a lunch planned
with Ginni Thomas.

I don't know.
She stood me up.

She must have been busy
with something else.

No.

I first met Jon

when he rescued me
from obscurity

to work at "The Daily Show"
in 2003.

And when I arrived,

I was ready to give up
on the entertainment industry.

When I learned that I was even
gonna have a chance

to audition
for "The Daily Show," I cried.

My husband said, "Babe, this is
just the audition.

Cry if you get the job."

And then I actually got
the job, so I cried a lot more.

I will never forget how stunned
I was

that Jon actually...

he saw something in me,
and he took me seriously,

and he believed in me

maybe when I didn't even
believe in myself.

Truly, if it weren't for Jon,

I'd probably be one
of those Disney princesses

who comes
to children's birthday parties

and introduces them
to the hard truth about aging.

Look, it is no secret
that in the early days,

"The Daily Show"
was a place where...

men could finally be free
to do comedy,

just all together
in a sea of plaid

and, for some reason,
mainly shoeless.

There I was,
plowing through scripts

that required multiple stopover
economy flights

to places where Ed Helms
couldn't safely pack his banjo.

But I knew that I was lucky.

Back in the early days,

"The Daily Show"
felt like a startup.

We were all just kind of
figuring it out as we worked.

And what we learned...

is that satire solves
the world's problems.

Don't believe me?

Look at all the satirical shows
we now have

and how amazing
the world is doing.

Yes.

Jon taught me what it looks like

to stand behind the values
you espouse,

and he's taught me

that there's no such thing
as "it's perfect,"

which was so infuriating

when I came back with something
that was so perfect.

But perhaps most importantly,

he taught me how to have
a holiday party

and that I should never,
ever show up at it.

Like, shake some hands
and pretend to do a shot,

and get the hell out.

I literally cannot believe

he hasn't done
an Irish exit tonight already.

Thank you so much, Jon.

I love you.

[applause]

[rock music]

♪

- I got to say... I think the
kids are having a good time

and not just because they were
doing shots in a wine bar.

I love this boy.
- Yeah, I can tell.

- He's my favorite boy.

The best decision I ever made
was taking "The Daily Show."

And the other best decision
I ever made

was leaving "The Daily Show,"

because I got to spend
their years as teenagers

just being with them.

He's a bully.
He's a bully.

Being present in their lives
was such a great joy,

and something I know I...

That's something
you can't get back.

When they were little,
in my office,

we got, like, "Blue's Clues"
tiny furniture.

- Oh, yeah.
- And he...

Hey! What are you guys doing?

- Coming to see you.
- Get in here.

♪

Announcer:
Please welcome Steve Carell.

[cheers and applause]

- A humorist is a comedian
who has been dead

for over 100 years.

But in the case of Jon Stewart,
we are making an exception.

I first met Jon, or Bulldog,

as all of his good friends
call him,

in 1999 when I became
a correspondent

on "The Daily Show."

It was a dream job.

I shared an office
with my friend Stephen Colbert.

I traveled the country
doing field reports

about interesting
and eccentric people.

I worked with an incredibly
talented production team.

And above all else,
I had front-row seats

to witness
the magic of Jon Stewart.

It is impossible to exaggerate

the amount of physical
and mental effort

that went in
to making "The Daily Show."

And Jon carried the bulk
of that work

on his sinewy, narrow shoulders.

He was our leader,

and we would do
anything for him.

One of my first assignments
was an interview

with a man who ran a venom
research facility in Nebraska.

When I got there,
the research facility

was actually a mobile home
full of snakes...

some in cages, some free-range.

The "scientist"
who ran the facility

had been bitten by his snakes
so many times

that the hospital
wouldn't send an ambulance

all the way out
to his home anymore.

It was terrifying,

as I have a phobia
of things that can kill me.

Fortunately, I managed
to not get bitten

or squeezed to death.

Jon loved the interview.

As he watched it,
he jokingly said over and over

that it would have been great

if I'd actually been bitten
by a snake.

I remember him saying,

"That would have been great

"if you'd been bitten
by one of those snakes.

"I would have loved that.

That would have been so funny."

Do you remember that, Jon?

- I do.

- Another time,

Jon sent Stephen and I out
to do a report

about the effects of alcohol
on motor skills.

In a loosely controlled
experiment,

I drank 6 Long Island Iced Teas

in the course
of about 45 minutes

while Stephen tested
my cognitive abilities.

On the way home, I threw up

out the window of Stephen's car.

Unfortunately,
the window was closed.

Jon loved that I had pushed
the envelope,

that I had jeopardized my
personal health and well-being

for the sake
of a two-minute comedy sketch.

He asked if there was
any extended footage

of the vomiting.

There wasn't.

He also reiterated

that he'd like to see me bitten
by a snake at some point.

- You have to stop.

- Jon was always supporting us,
always cheering us on

from the comfort
and safety of his office.

He once had me
eat Crisco on camera.

It could have been
vanilla frosting,

because that looks
exactly the same,

and I told him so, but Jon,
Jon is a perfectionist

and would have none of it.

"Go big or go home,"
Jon used to say.

He loved that phrase.

He also liked, "I'm getting
too old for this [bleep]."

And also, "Did I do that?"

[snickers]

My years of working with Jon
were wonderful,

full of excitement, fear,

physical distress, and laughter.

And as much as pains me
to do this,

I have to be earnest
for a minute.

Jon, you are a great writer
and performer.

You are articulate
and thoughtful.

You are funny and kind,
and you care deeply.

As most of you know,

"The Daily Show"
was shot in New York City,

and, naturally, the show
stopped filming after 9/11.

Production was shut down,

and the city
struggled to recover.

We didn't know when
we would go back on the air

because it was hard to imagine
trying to be funny again.

When Jon finally decided
to resume the show,

his first night back,
he delivered a commentary.

Speaking from the heart,

he took on
the immensely difficult job

of finding some context,
some hope

in the wake
of such a devastating tragedy.

- Any fool can destroy.
[sniffles]

But to see these guys,
these firefighters,

these policemen, and people
from all over the country,

literally with buckets...

rebuilding...

[sniffles] That, that is...

that's extraordinary.

- In that moment,

he encapsulated, at least to me,

why the show existed
and what sets him apart.

He strives to make sense
out of the insane

and to find joy within darkness.

Jon, your intellect,
sense of humor,

and fearlessness are
an inspiration to me.

I thank you for that.

We thank you for that.

Congratulations, Bulldog!

Thank you.

[applause]

- One of the biggest things
that I ever did

when I was younger in my career
was I got to interview Carlin

for his 40th anniversary show
for HBO.

It was like talking

to the old, wizened sage
of comedy.

You know, he was my hero.

Do you feel your place
in comedy now?

- I think, you know, longevity
is a wonderful thing.

Sometimes you get applause
just for not being dead,

when you say... It's true.

- Tonight I was thinking
for a second...

I was like, "That's so funny
that we're doing"...

And then I'm like,
"Oh, wait a minute.

I'm him now.
I'm the old man."

- 55, 58, whatever now
versus then is different.

Like, "The Golden Girls"
were 55.

Betty White was, like, 50.
- Except for Estelle Getty,

who was, like, 80.

- No, actually, she wasn't.
- She was the youngest one.

- She was the youngest.
She was in makeup.

- It's pathetic
that we know this.

- Yeah.
- It is sad.

- Like, No!
Getty was the...

- [bleep] you, man!
- Bea Arthur!

It was Bea Arthur!

- No!
- Flips table.

- What are you doing?

- Jon Stewart is as good
an interviewer as there is.

- You're here to fire me,
aren't you?

- Yes.

- We've longed for this moment.

I mean, you are
enormously popular

among the right sort of people.

- Yeah.

- He brought his humor
to serious issues...

- How's the world?

- And focused
people's attention with that.

- I believe
that there is no difference

between a man and a woman.

I even believe that a woman
is more powerful than men.

- Wait. Whoa. Wait. What?

What?

Malala...
- [laughing]

- This was going so well.

- Stewart's known not just
for doing good interviews

but doing
very knowledgeable interviews.

- With all
the financial shenanigans

that have gone over the years,

the only person
we've really brought to heel

is Martha Stewart,
and that's got to tell you

something about just how tilted
this thing is.

- You've forgotten a little bit
about Bernie Madoff.

- Speaking of Bernie Madoff,

who came up with payment
for order flow?

- We have done things that some
folks don't even know about.

Four million kids...

- What have you done
that we don't know about?

- Well...

- Are you...
- No, no, no, no, no.

- Are you planning
a surprise party for us...

filled with jobs
and health care?

announcer:
Please welcome Jimmy Kimmel.

- Jimmy Kimmel!
[applause]

- Thank you, thank you,
thank you.

Hey, how great is it
that we're here?

Right?
[cheers and applause]

Some of the funniest people
in the world are here.

At the end of this night,

Marjorie Taylor Greene
will have us all in handcuffs.

I've never worked for Jon,

so I can't talk about
what a kind and generous boss

or how brilliant
he was in the room, but...

So I have to go
with what I know.

And what I know is that, Jon,

when you wear
your tiny sweaters,

you look like Stuart Little.

This is a big deal.

Jon doesn't go out much.

I wouldn't say he's a shut-in,
but his office at home...

on the shelf behind his desk,

there are more jars of urine
than Emmys.

And he has a lot of Emmys.

I think he has
all of the Emmys there are.

In fact, Jon, they didn't
want me to tell you,

but this award tonight,
they didn't make a new trophy.

We're giving you
Bill Cosby's old one.

It's better
for your beloved "environment."

Before Jon, we had no idea
you could make a TV show

where you played clips
of another TV show

and then said, "Boy,
that other TV show sucked."

Jon took on Fox News
every night.

He exposed their hypocrisy,
their cynicism, their lies.

And thanks to his heroic work,

they were never
heard from again.

I've known Jon since 1995,

back in the days when Jon
would wear a leather jacket

to...

to get his headshot.

This was his headshot.

He looks like
an even more Jewish Fonzie.

This is...

Sylvester Shalom, if you will.

And I hesitate to share this

because it doesn't
reflect well on me...

but I'm gonna do it
for Gilbert Gottfried

because I know he wouldn't
hesitate to share this story.

[cheers and applause]

So...

when Jon was doing
"The Daily Show"

on Comedy Central,

I was doing "The Man Show"
on Comedy Central.

Please don't tell anyone.
We'll keep that between us.

But we're doing "The Man Show,"

and for a while, Jon's show
came on right after ours

on Wednesday nights,
and I had this idea.

And, again, I'm not proud of
this, all right? So...

But at the time, I thought
it was a really good idea.

I was with Jon in New York.

And I said,
"What I want to do is...

"fart into a Ziploc bag...

and mail it to you
to open on your show."

So, at the end of our show,

as we're saying our good nights,

my plan was I would fart
into the bag, sandwich size,

and put it in a box,
and mail it to Jon in New York.

And then Jon, the thought was,
would open it

and see if there was still
anything in the bag...

to teach people
about science, you know?

But...

Jon very nicely said,
"No, I'm not gonna do that."

And that is why Jon Stewart

is getting
the Mark Twain Prize...

and I'm not.

- I don't think, like,
many people here

in the United States
realize the impact

that he has outside
of the United States.

- Jon Stewart leaves a legacy
of inspiring comedians

across the globe.

- His witty style
has inspired...

- Most comedians...
- Inspired by Jon Stewart.

- It's all you, Jon. We're
getting everything from you.

You're the prophet.
- No. Yeah.

- You're the prophet.
- Prophet!

- Here he is... a man so hateful,

his hands won't even make
the heart symbol.

- [speaking German]

- Here.

- The only show that we look
up to is "Daily Show," man.

- Do they know I'm Jewish?
- [laughing wildly]

- [speaking native language]

- Mm...

- Does satire get you
into trouble?

- It doesn't get me
into the kind of trouble

it gets you into.

[Red Hot Chili Peppers'
"Around the World"]

- Political satire is banned
in their country.

- ♪ That life is beautiful
around the world ♪

- Hello.
This is Baghdad calling.

- Satire has never been as
popular in Iraq as it is now,

even though it's an extremely
dangerous game to play.

- We do it just like
"The Daily Show."

The government want our program
to disappear.

- [speaking native language]

- Ladies and gentlemen,
Jon Stewart!

[cheers and applause]

- Cairo, Egypt, 2003.

Yes.

That was the first time
I ever saw Jon Stewart

on something called
a television.

We didn't have
Comedy Central there,

and YouTube
was not even invented.

But every Arab home had CNN.

You see,
after the first Iraq war,

CNN functioned
as an early warning system

to know where America
will strike us next.

And it was CNN
when I first saw Jon Stewart.

It was the once-a-week global
edition of "The Daily Show."

And, honestly, I didn't
really understand his jokes.

And for someone like me,
living in the Middle East,

I didn't understand,
who are Democrats?

What is a Republican?

And why is he
so pissed at Fox News?

But because of Jon, I became
aware of political satire

and American messed-up politics.

I had a dream to have
a similar show in Egypt.

But at that time,
it was almost impossible.

We had a president for 30 years,

and in the Middle East,

that is a very short first term.

But Cairo, Egypt, 2011,
the Arab Spring happened,

and we had an opportunity.

I made a couple
of YouTube videos

channeling
a very cheap knockoff version

of "The Daily Show,"
and it went viral.

And before I knew it,
I was on television

with a very small show.

On that day, I left medicine,
and because of that decision,

many more patients
are alive today.

People in Egypt loved the show.

Authority, not so much.

And then during my show,

there was a warrant
for my arrest.

I was interrogated
for six hours.

And they asked me, straight up,

"Does Jon Stewart sponsor you?"

I said, "That's ridiculous.

Everybody knows
he's a cheap [bleep]," so...

He keep Emmys
in a box behind the door.

I went on his show in 2012,

and after the show, I told him,

"I'm gonna make you a promise.

"I'm going to create the
biggest political satire show

": in the Middle East,

"with the first-ever show
with live audience.

And I would love you to come."

And he made me a promise.
He's like, "I will come."

I had the most popular show
in the Middle East,

but there were also riots
in the streets.

There were teargas.

We had to smell it in every day

when we were doing
the show in the theater.

And even the State Department
issued a warning

telling Americans
not to go to Egypt.

But you came.
You fulfilled your promise.

[applause]

Two weeks after that,
the military seized power

from the Islamists.

I called Jon.
I said, "I'm scared.

"I don't know what to do.

"The new authority
is too popular, too loved.

"I'm scared people
will turn against me

and I would lose
my popularity."

So he said, "Well, you
need to ask yourself,

"do you want to do comedy,

or do you want to do something
that would last forever?"

So I went all the way.

I pushed the envelope.
I spoke up.

And as expected,
my show was canceled.

People turned against me.

I faced lawsuits and defamation,

and I had to escape from Egypt.

So [bleep] you, Jon!

Seriously, man!
- I don't...

- Thanks for nothing, buddy!
- I don't know what happened!

- I could have stayed and be
a sellout, a very rich sellout.

You had to be an "inspiration."

But I'm glad I'm here
to tell you I love you, man.

You all talk about his impact
in America,

but you don't understand
the impact that he has

outside of America.

Even in my region,

people learned about
American politics from you,

which I find it really pathetic.

But it's...

Like, you don't understand
the impact that you have

on so many people
all around the world.

You are the source
of everything.

You are the origin story
of every one of us.

I am forever grateful for CNN

because they introduced me
to you.

Thank you, man.

[cheers and applause]

- Hello, there, Kennedy Center.

I'm so sorry
I couldn't be there tonight,

but thank you so much
for having me on

for this very sad evening...

or at least I presume it's sad,

because when I heard
that Jon Stewart

was getting
the Mark Twain Award,

I knew immediately
something was very wrong.

There is just no way
that the Jon Stewart I knew

would voluntarily put himself
in a situation

where he was publicly celebrated

and had to sit in a room
with people

as they offered him
sincere compliments.

There is just no way
that he would let that happen.

Therefore, the only conclusion
that I come to

is that Jon Stewart died.

He's dead.
He's no longer with us.

And you're giving him
this award posthumously.

That is just literally

the only scenario
that makes sense.

And, honestly, actually makes
me feel a lot more comfortable

saying what I'm about to say.

So, if you could just layer
in Sarah McLachlan's

"In the Arms of an Angel"
under this, that'd be great.

I know it might be a rights
and clearances issue for you.

So, really, any sad song,
but ideally...

the sad dog one.

And try and remember,
even if it is expensive,

it is what Jon
would have wanted.

And he is, after all, dead.

So play it now.
[music starts]

Perfect. Thanks.
[clears throat]

Jon Stewart's death
is a blow to all of us.

He was one of the most
important comedic minds

of his generation,
and he will be sadly missed.

I know it seems like
he hasn't died, doesn't it?

That he's still here with us.

And I think that speaks to just
what a huge figure he was

and how long his influence
will be felt.

And I know that you might be
thinking, "No, no, no.

"Jon is here.

He's in this room
with us right now."

And I understand that feeling.

I really do.

He's in this room, too,
isn't he?

He's in all of our rooms
in spirit.

But he's, of course,
definitely dead.

He just has to be,

otherwise this evening
makes no sense to me.

He just would not put himself
in the position

where he's spending two hours...
Conservatively, two hours...

Squirming in his seat

as he hears how much
he means to people.

He would rather be dead
than let that happen,

which is why I'm so glad
that he is.

He must be.

There are so many things

that I wish I could have said
to him when he was still alive.

I wish I could have told him

just how much
he changed my life,

how much so many people
owe to him,

and how important a figure
he's been to so many of us.

Also, if I got that chance,
I'd probably tell him

that some of those field pieces
that he sent us on

as "Daily Show" correspondents
were an absolute nightmare.

I don't think he ever fully
understood how bad that was.

But I can't tell him any
of that, can I, frustratingly?

Because, of course,
he's so definitely dead.

So, from the bottom of my heart,

thank you for everything, Jon,
wherever you are.

And thank you
to Sarah McLachlan as well.

I presume you got that.

[music ends, applause]

announcer: And now, everyone,

it's time for
the seventh-inning stretch.

[upbeat organ music playing]

- ♪ Take me out
to the ball game ♪

♪ Take me out to the crowd

♪ Buy me some peanuts
and Cracker Jack ♪

♪ I don't care
if I ever get back ♪

♪ 'Cause it's root, root, root
for Jon Stewart ♪

♪ If he doesn't win,
it will be awkward ♪

♪ 'Cause it's one, two,
three strikes you're out ♪

♪ At the old Mark Twain

[2 Unlimited's "Get Ready"
playing]

- Oh! What is happening?

- ♪ Y'all ready for this?

♪

[music ends,
cheers and applause]

- Wow. Oh.

True story... that was actually
Mark Twain's T-shirt cannon.

It's on loan from
the Smithsonian.

Pretty cool.

Of course, Jon's love
of the game is legendary,

but did you know
he's also an amazing player?

It's true...
Jon was actually invited

to throw out the first pitch
at a Mets game.

- Oh, no.

- And it kind of
blew people away.

I actually have the clip here.
- No, no, don't do it, Ed.

- Can we take a look?
- Ed! Don't...

No! Ed!

I love you, Ed!

No!

[indistinct chatter
over PA system]

[scattered cheers and shouting]

[crowd groans, booing]

- Ladies and gentlemen,
Jon Stewart.

- If you put a comedian
on a pitcher's mound,

you expect it to go badly.

But Jon, being who he is,

he exceeded
those expectations, right?

Anyone can throw a baseball
well or accurately

or most of the way
to where it's supposed to go.

But Jon plays sports
on his own terms,

unencumbered
by the burdens of athleticism

and coordination.

As I stand here dressed like
Ned Flanders at a Trump rally,

I just...

I feel so lucky to be here,

because I finally have a chance
to tell you

what you have meant to me
over all these years.

I owe you so much, Jon.

I really do.

Honestly, if it wasn't
for Jon Stewart,

I don't even think
I would be here tonight

honoring Jon Stewart.

In all seriousness,

and I do say that
knowing that I'm dressed

like Orville Redenbacher
at a Pride Parade,

I just... I want to say...

of course, you are outrageously
and ridiculously funny.

Everyone knows that.

And that makes you very special.

But your passion, generosity,
and integrity

are what make you great.

Congratulations.

- [mouths words]

[applause]

[Gary Clark Jr.'s
"Low Down Rolling Stone" plays]

♪

I haven't been talked about
enough tonight,

so we're just gonna...

- Well, I want you
to know two things.

I mean, first of all,
I love you dearly,

and I think you are...

I mean, I have a lot
of respect...

I don't know if you've read
the work of Mark Twain.

- Not that funny,
to be honest with you.

- Well, that's why I think
you guys are very much alike.

No, but, Jon, besides
you being the funniest,

you are the best guy,
and a toast to you.

- Thank you.

- And I'm sorry to put you
on the spot again.

- Thank you.
[cheers and applause]

♪

- Oh, look at this!

Jon Meacham? What?

What?

- President Kennedy
once remarked

that there are only
three things in life

that are truly real...

God, human folly, and laughter.

"The first two,"
the president said,

"Are beyond our comprehension,

so we must do
what we can with the third."

- Jon Stewart!
[cheers and applause]

- And few Americans
in the history of the republic

have done quite as much
with laughter as Jon Stewart.

He likes to say
that he's not an activist,

not a player in the arena,
but only an observer.

Well, Jon, we love you,

but you're really wrong
about that.

Lincoln was right when he said,

"In this age, in this country,

public sentiment
is everything."

And Jon is an architect
of that public sentiment.

- What am I
at my highest aspiration?

Who am I?
Am I Edward R. Murrow?

Or am I Mark Twain?
- Of those two? Mark Twain.

- So has that existed?

- Mark Twain had a lot
of political impact.

- The country's 24-hour
politico pundit

perpetual panic conflictinator

did not cause our problems,

but its existence makes
solving them that much harder.

- It has taken an entertainer
to show us

that news and politics must be
more than entertainment,

more than show business
starring the bow-tied

and the bombastic.

- When you talk about, you're
holding politicians' feet

to the fire,
I think that's disingenuous.

No, this is theater.
I mean, how old are you?

- 35.
- And you wear a bow tie.

- Yeah, I do.

- News organizations
are being criticized...

- Who would criticize the news?

Who would do such a thing?

- Night after night, Jon,
you gave a divided America

a chance
to get its moral bearings.

Then and now,

you've loved America enough
to tell it the truth.

[applause]

- We know,
instinctively as a people,

that if we are
to get through the darkness

and back into the light,

we have to work together.

And the truth is,
there will always be darkness.

And sometimes the light
at the end of the tunnel

isn't the promised land.

Sometimes it's just New Jersey.

[laughter, cheers, and applause]

[cheers and applause
grow louder]

- Good evening!
Congratulations, Jon.

From the days of his stewardship

of "The Daily Show" to now,

Jon's been one of the few voices

that have kept me
and many other Americans sane.

His humor always carried
with it the undercurrent

of the deep respect
and the love of country

and the democratic values
for which we stand.

Jon, you're
an American treasure.

I play this tonight for you
as a proud American

but, more importantly,
as a proud New Jerseyan.

Tramps like us, pal...

[strumming chords]

[Bruce Springsteen's
"Born to Run" plays]

♪

♪ In the day, we sweat it out
on the streets ♪

♪ Of a runaway American dream

♪ At night, we ride
through mansions of glory ♪

♪ In suicide machines

♪ Yeah, sprung from cages
on Highway 9 ♪

♪ Chrome-wheeled,
fuel-injected ♪

♪ And stepping out
over the line ♪

♪ Baby, this town rips
the bones from your back ♪

♪ It's a death trap,
suicide rap ♪

♪ We got to get out
while we're young ♪

♪

♪ 'Cause tramps like us

♪ Baby, we were born to run

♪ Wendy, let me in

♪ I want to be your friend

♪ I want to guard
your dreams and visions ♪

♪ Yeah, just wrap your legs
round these velvet rims ♪

♪ And strap your hands
across my engines ♪

♪ And together
we could break this trap ♪

♪ We'll run till we drop

♪ And never go back

♪ Walk with me
out on the wire ♪

♪ I'm just a scared
and lonely rider ♪

♪ I want to find out
how it feels ♪

♪ I want to know
if love is wild ♪

♪ I want to know
if love is real ♪

♪

♪ Oh, beyond the palace

♪ Hemi-powered drones

♪ Scream down the boulevard

♪ The girls comb their hair

♪ In rearview mirrors

♪ And the boys try
to look so hard ♪

♪

♪ The amusement park
rises bold and stark ♪

♪ Kids are huddled
on the beach in the mist ♪

♪ I want to die
with you, Wendy ♪

♪ On the streets tonight

♪ In an everlasting kiss

♪

♪ Well, the highway's jammed

♪ With broken heroes

♪ On a last-chance
power drive ♪

♪ Everybody's out
on the run tonight ♪

♪ But there's no place
left to hide ♪

♪ Well, together, Wendy

♪ We'll live with the sadness

♪ I'll love you
with all the madness ♪

♪ In my soul

♪ Someday, I don't know when

♪ We're gonna get
to that place ♪

♪ We really want to go

♪ And we'll walk in the sun

♪

♪ Till then, tramps like us

♪ Baby, we were born to run

♪ Tramps like us

♪ Baby, we were born to run

[vocalizing]

♪

[music ends,
cheers and applause]

- Thanks, man. Thank you.
Thank you so much.

I'm just so delighted

that we are in
the lowest-ceilinged wine bar

in all of D.C...

during a pandemic, obviously.

Cheers to whatever variant
comes out of this get-together.

- Yeah!

- And thank you all very much
for coming out.

This has been...

The best part about this
is to catch up with people

that I haven't seen
in so many years

and who I love dearly.

So this has been lovely.

And by the way, my mother
is incredibly proud of me.

- She is!

- Said you're gonna
get the award,

and then like a month later,
my wife said to me,

"We should tell your mom."

[cheers and applause]

[Gary Clark Jr.'s
"When My Train Pulls in" plays]

- Good evening.

I'm Stephen Colbert,

coming to you love
from my secret mountain lair.

I really wish
I could be there tonight,

but, unfortunately,
Anthony Fauci is standing

just outside my door
with a Taser.

I am honored to celebrate
my friend Jon Stewart

receiving the Mark Twain Prize
for American Humor,

sponsored by America's funniest

corporate financial service
institution...

Capital One.

What's in your wallet?

Tonight...

it's laughter.

First, entirely fitting that Jon

is receiving the Twain Prize.

In fact, I think Mark Twain

would be lucky to get
the Jon Stewart Prize.

- Boom! Boom!

- They have a lot in common.

Yeah.

They're both brilliant
satirical writers.

Both called out
the hypocrisies of their times.

And like Mark Twain,

Jon also appears
to have been born in 1835.

Jon's not only a comedian.

He's also a prophet.

Years before anyone
had heard of COVID-19,

Jon wore nothing
but stained sweatpants

and avoided all human contact.

He tried to warn us,
but we didn't listen.

Now, it has been said
that "a genius"

is one who's work changes
their art form forever.

And Jon certainly changed
late night.

All of us who do topical humor
on a daily basis

are standing on his shoulders,

which reminds me, I do hope
you're taking the Boniva, Jon.

It looks like you drank
out of the wrong chalice

in an Indiana Jones movie.

Fun fact... I was already
working at "The Daily Show"

when Jon took over.

I had been there
with the first host,

Craig Kilborn...
God rest his soul.

Before Jon changed
the focus of "The Daily,"

it was my job as a correspondent

to interview unmedicated
conspiracy theorists

who believe in Bigfoot

and aliens
who put babies in your butt.

But today those people
are in Congress.

[cheers and applause]

Now, in addition to being
a legend of late night,

Jon is one
of my dearest friends.

One of my dearest work friends.

And...

So few people
understand the work

that we late-night hosts do.

So how blessed am I
that I can have a friend

who can just check in with me,
or I can check in with him?

Do you have any idea how rare
a friendship like that is

in show business?

Rarer still, we didn't turn it
into a podcast.

Of course, all of us here know

that Jon is
a brilliant comedian.

But his close friends know
that Jon's true passion

is recreational anxiety.

It's...
- [chuckles]

It's his superpower.

Instead of a radioactive spider,

Jon was bitten by a clinically
depressed squirrel.

But that, that is why
he's the perfect person

to publicly worry about
the future of our democracy,

why so many people think
he should run for president.

And I get it.
[cheers and applause]

Yeah.

He's got a lot in common
with Bill Clinton...

A keen intelligence,
the veganism,

the rapid aging.

And...

those early days
of "The Daily Show"

were a special time

that really had nothing to do
with the success of the show.

No one was really watching.

It was all about the fun
we had with each other

and about how much we cared

about getting the jokes right
every day.

And that spirit of adventure,

that feeling that we were
a band of happy pirates,

that all started from the top,

with our fearless
and ridiculous leader.

And the show really came into
its own in the 2000 election.

I remember the night
that Al Gore conceded,

after 32 days of indecision
and legal wrangling.

We finally got to perform
all these pieces

we had been sitting on
for a month.

And it was a really great night.

And I remember, I was sitting
at the desk with Jon,

and as we went into
the last commercial break,

I turned to him,
and I don't know

if you remember this, Jon,
but this is true.

Under the applause, I said
to you what was in my heart,

what I knew to be true.

I said, "This is the best job
on television."

And as well as the show had
gone that night... and it did...

I know now that what
I was really saying to you

was the best job on television
was working for you.

I meant that
when I said it in 2000.

And 22 years later,
I no longer mean that.

I have a way better job now.

Okay?

I make a lot more money.

I have a much bigger audience.

People chant my name.

CBS has a plane
I can sometimes use.

It's really nice.

You can get up
and get your own Diet Coke

or peanuts or whatever.

But...

I couldn't do my job,

I wouldn't have my career

if it wasn't
for those years with Jon,

if I hadn't seen his example
of working with intention,

of staying silly
while giving a damn,

of always doing his best
to lead with clarity

and treat people
with respect along the way.

He is the kindest,
most thoughtful friend,

the fastest mind,
the stupidest doofus,

and most passionate patriot

for whom his love of country
is no joke.

So, ladies and gentlemen,
join me in congratulating

the most fitting recipient
of the Mark Twain Prize

I could imagine,

my brother Jon Stewart.

[cheers and applause]
- Stephen!

Thank you!

[rock music plays]

The sum of your work

isn't necessarily
a critic's reflection on it

or an audience's response to it,

but the people that
touched you and you touched

and the grace
that they've shown you

and the just incredible
moments of creation.

It's those moments in the room

where somebody lights a match
of inspiration,

and that leads to a bit
that really satisfies

the itch
that you wanted to express.

Look at all the things
and pictures and people

and places you got
to put in your book

just 'cause you wanted
to tell some jokes

in a [bleep]-hole basement
in Greenwich Village.

Announcer:
And now please welcome

the chairman
of the John F. Kennedy Center

for the Performing Arts,
David Rubenstein.

[music ends,
cheers and applause]

- There are many ways
that individuals

can give back to their country...

military service, other types
of government service,

volunteering, philanthropy,
to name just a few.

And serving your country
and helping to make it better

is surely one
of the most ennobling

and fulfilling things
that anyone can do.

That is what patriotism
is really all about.

So it is altogether fitting,

as we think about Mark Twain
and his legacy,

that we honor someone who
is also more than a humorist,

someone who is also
a social commentator

and someone who takes actions
designed to see

that his social concerns
are actually addressed

by governments
in a timely and humane way.

Tonight we thought it'd be
more appropriate

for two men who have benefitted

from Jon Stewart's persistence
and passion

and commitment to right
what he has seen as wrong

to actually present
the Mark Twain Prize

to Jon Stewart.

Those individuals have directly
had their lives made better

by the patriotic acts
of Jon Stewart

and represent all
their brothers and sisters...

- Who is this?
- Across the nation.

Coming to the stage on behalf

of America's 9/11
first responders, John Feal...

- Oh, my God.
- And American hero, veteran,

and wounded warrior
Israel "DT" Del Toro.

[applause]

- Are you kidding me?

[applause continues]

- It is our greatest honor
to present

the 23rd Mark Twain Prize
for American Humor

to Jon Stewart.

[cheers and applause]

[bluesy rock music playing]

♪

- Unbelievable.

♪

Thank you so much.

You know, that's
a wonderful surprise.

You know, this night...

Is that it?

I just... you know,
I've been in this 35 years.

I just... you know,
was that, like, 8 people?

I don't know. I just...

I guess I expected more.

This is incredible.

You know,
you're [bleep] amazing.

Gary Clark, Jr. and the
whole band just is amazing.

What an amazing night.

When I first got the call
from the Kennedy Center,

I would receive the Twain Prize,

I said to my wife,

"Don't give them any of
our credit card information."

"'The Kennedys'
want to give you "the Twain.'"

[stammers]
"And it can be yours.

Just... there's
some shipping costs."

But I Googled it...

And it's real.

It's a real award.
It's incredible.

And to see you all here,
masked, is so [bleep] weird.

I can't even tell you.

It does feel
like a dystopian movie

or like
a weird O. Henry story,

where, at the end,
they say to the comedian,

"You know, you can perform,
but no mouths.

There can be"...

You know, and backstage, I'm
sure the comedians are like,

"Yo, did you see
those eye crinkles?

"I was [bleep] killing it.

Oh, my God,
they were squinting."

"It was amazing."

This is a Faustian bargain.

But I'm so glad

for us to finally be getting
back to normal

and finally getting back
to honoring

the nonessential worker.

That's really...

You're welcome.

I think the pandemic
taught us one thing.

It's that, really, you don't
need any of us, do you?

You just... you need
the grocery-store guy to...

This is a wonderful award.

To see all my friends here

and all the people I've worked
with through the years,

it remind me of...

of just how many people
I carried...

for so long.

There were a lot of jokes
about how I look.

Touché.

I am a Jew.

This is what happens.

[chuckles]

Black don't crack,

but Jews...

We age like avocados.

I have so many people to thank,
really, for all this.

First and foremost, my mother
is here, who is right there.

She is gonna be 90.

[cheers and applause]

There you go!

Come on, woman!

This year she is gonna be 90,

or as that's known
in the U.S. Senate, a freshman.

You know, everybody
talked about work ethic.

That's where I learned it.
When...

1971 or 1972,

my father left the family,
and we had tough times.

It was tough.

And she could have rolled over,
but she didn't.

She got up, and she showed me

that you're not
your circumstances.

You're not what happens to you.

You're what you make of it.

And she got up, and she got
her [bleep] in gear,

and she gave us a good life.

And I can never repay her
for that.

And the punchline...

my father died ten years ago.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
That's what I'm saying.

Yeah!

Who's laughing now?

Yeah, I still have issues.

I want to thank my brother,
who is here.

My brother, who was
so academically gifted

that I knew I would have to go
in a different direction.

So...

I thank him for that.

My family is here.

That is my boy.

I can't tell you...
And this is advice for anybody.

If you like to do dumb [bleep],

which is something
I like very much to do,

I cannot recommend more

creating a small child...

Who also likes to do
dumb [bleep]...

Because then...

you can do the dumb [bleep]

and say,
"That's what he want... What?"

Little Maggie is also here.

Nothing's better than
when little Maggie says to me,

"You want to go
for a drive?"

And we get in the car,
and we go for a drive.

And if any of you want to have
a transcendent experience,

get in the car
with your daughter

and drive down the Jersey Shore,

and listen to J. Cole
"She's Mine, Parts 1 and 2"

as the sun is setting,
and it's beautiful.

And I can't be prouder
of the both of you,

and I love you both so much.

And my wife, who...

I met my wife
on a blind date in 1995.

And our first date...
I had it all picked out.

We went to a little
hole-in-the-wall place

called
Lupe's East L.A. Kitchen

on Sixth Avenue and Watts
in New York.

And we went there because
I am a [bleep] baller.

But it was
a really interesting date

because she didn't say
anything...

the whole time.

So, afterwards,

I thought, "Well, I'll take
one last shot."

I was walking her back.
She lived on Mulberry Street.

I said, "You want to just duck
into a bar real quick

and just have a quick drink?"

Well...

one Scotch and soda...

and it was on.

[imitating
high-pitched chattering]

And I was hooked.

And I have to say,

again, a lesson for all of you,

if you're gonna go on a date,

make sure the place
has a liquor license...

Because if it doesn't,

you could miss out

on your favorite person
in the world.

[crowd aws, applause]

Love you.

Still the best laugh
I ever earned.

And to all the people that came
here tonight to see this,

I can't thank you enough.

It's ironic...
I carry around always

a quote by Twain.

It just so happens...

that I'm never without it.

And it's about ideas,
and the quote is...

"The radical invents the views.

"But when he has worn them out,

the conservative adopts them."

And I keep that with me
as a reminder

that even for Twain,

they're not all [bleep] gems.

Even the most celebrated artist
amongst us

[bleep] the bed.

But the point is this...

What we do
is an iterative business.

It's a grind.
It's work.

The best amongst us
just keep at it.

I began in 1987,

and my journey began...
It's the weirdest thing.

I walked into a basement
in Greenwich Village

called the Comedy Cellar.

And when you're a comic,
you look in a room,

and 200 seats
are facing one way.

And there's one stool,

and it has a light
shining on it.

And you walk
into that room and go,

"That's gonna be my chair.
I'm gonna sit in that one."

And you spend
the rest of your career

trying to earn that stool.

And some nights, man, you don't
even belong in the club.

You don't even belong
on the street.

But you get back at it
because...

there isn't any fixed point
in comedy

where you make it
or you don't make it.

It's the journey
with the greatest friends

I could ever possibly have made.

And the terrible nights
and the great nights

and the fun we have
sitting at the table,

that's what this weekend's
been about for me...

Is catching up
with great friends

and sitting at the table

and laughing our [bleep] off
and us all going, like,

"Oh, God, what time do we have
to be there tonight?"

Not that you're not great.

And there's a lot of talk
right now

about what's gonna happen
to comedy.

You know, there was The Slap.

And what does The Slap
say about comedy?

And is comedy gonna survive
in this new moment?

I've got news for you.
Comedy survives every moment.

And having Bassem here
is a really great example

of the true threat to comedy.

[applause]

It's not the woke police

that are gonna be an
existential threat to comedy.

It's not the Fresh Prince,
it's the Crown Prince.

It's not the fragility
of audiences,

it's the fragility of leaders.

You don't owe us anything
as an audience.

If we say [bleep] you don't
like, say [bleep] back.

Do whatever you got to do.
Don't get up and hit us.

But that's just
the game we're in.

We talk [bleep] for a living,
you talk [bleep] back,

and we've just got to be
better than you,

and we've got to find a way
to entertain you.

But the threat to comedy...

Comedy doesn't change the world,

but it's a bellwether.

We're the banana peel
in the coal mine.

When a society is under threat,

comedians are the ones
who get sent away first.

It's just a reminder
to people that...

democracy is under threat.

Authoritarians are the threat
to comedy, to art,

to music, to thought, to poetry,

to progress,
to all those things.

It's never been...

All that [bleep]
is a red herring.

It ain't the pronoun police,
it's the secret police.

It always has been,
and it always will be.

And this man's
decapitated visage...

Is a reminder to all of us

that what we have
is fragile and precious.

And the way to guard against it

isn't to change
how audiences think.

It's to change how leaders lead.

And so I thank you so much
for your support tonight

and for this award.

[applause]

Thank you.

Good night.

[applause]

Unbelievable.

[Gary Clark Jr.'s
"Bright Lights" playing]

♪

Thank you.

♪

announcer: Missed a moment?

Watch this online and learn
more about the Twain Prize

by visiting
pbs.org/twainprize.

And join the conversation online

with #TwainPrizePBS.

- ♪ Going to my head

♪ Bright lights, big city

♪ Going to my head

♪ Bright lights, big city

♪ Going to my head

♪ I don't care now

♪ 'Cause you don't care

♪

[cheers and applause]