All language subtitles for Divorce.S02E02.WEBRip.x264-ION10

I'm officially divorced.
Now what?

Y'know, it's like
one minute you're married,

and the next minute it's like,
"Yeah, bye-bye, see ya.

Nice knowin' ya."

I have to go.
I have a client emergency.

I'm not your biggest emergency?

Oh, not by far.

Robert gets the children
for dinners.

Ellie gets the walls
on the bathroom.

They do not spend the night.

I know you're against it
with money right now.

I need some expert hands.
Pays 20 bucks an hour.

I want to live with you,
not her.

I am the one that always
has to say no to her.

You're the good guy.
You're the fun one.

-You shaved your mustache.
-I did.

Your face looks less...

Is that a compliment?

FRANCES DUFRESNE:
I need to move on.

Clear out all the old shit
and just start fresh.

- Frances: Oh, okay!

- On your left,
on your left!
- I see him, I see him!

- You're making me nervous.

- Calm down.
- Oh, my God.

- Sorry.

Oh, hey, Lila,
I got a reminder about
the family culture thing,

- you know,
at school on Friday.

Who is that, Ava?

No.

Well, I've never been able
to go to that event,

and I want us to make
a super impression.

So, um, what do you think
we should we make?

They say that you're
supposed to bring something

that represents
your heritage.

- I know very little
about our family's heritage.

I think we come
from a long line
of very white people.

You're not going to work
like that, are you?

You look freaky.

Of course not.

Dad always makes
Irish soda bread.

It's not a big deal,
you don't even have to come.

Frances:
Slow?

I'd kill for slow.

Oh.

Hey!

Hey, guys,
you're taking up
the whole lane.

Can we, um--
can we, you know,
make way for ducklings?

Huh.

Well, that was
hostile.

Did you see that?

Hey, sir, can you
cut me a break?

I'm trying to get
my children to school!

- Mom, stop!
- I'm not a child.

- Craig: Back car's
moving, Robert!

Watch your back!

Wow, I guess that's--
I guess that's your Dad's
new job.

Yeah.
Are you happy now?

What's that
supposed to mean, Lila?

What is that
supposed to mean?

Stop arguing with me!

Just-- okay, great.
You're good!

Don't forget,
I'm picking you up at 4:00,

but I'll be on
this side of the street.

Thanks, Tom.

Okay-- ooh-- bye, honey!
Have a good day!

- We'll think of something good
to make for Friday, okay?

- And good luck with
your math quiz, sweetie!
- Oh, um, Mom.

Mom, this one's
falling out.

Oh. Oh, jeez.

Honey, thanks.

What would I do
without you?

Ah.

A hug?
Hug, hug

- Later!
- Houdini!

Little Houdini!
Bye!

And she was like,
"Daddy, if we're not allowed
to eat in the living room,

then why do I find crumbs
in the couch every morning?"

And I'm like,
"'Cause we eat dessert

every fucking night out there
after you're asleep!"

Yeah.

Yeah, now that
I'm divorced,

I can pretty much
eat dessert wherever I want.

Even on the toilet,
nobody cares.

I could pretty much
die in my sleep

and nobody
would find me for days

unless it was
on a Wednesday evening
or alternating weekend.

Then my kids
would find me.

Guys, you wanna get a beer
sometime after work?

- Sure dude, we'll go.

- Mm-hmm, yeah.
- Oh, cool, yeah.

You know, now that I have
this much free time
on my hands,

maybe I should take
a Spanish class.

That'd be good.

That way, we can...

yeah?

Frances:
Yet again,
I'm the bad guy.

He's the noble one,
sweeping the road.

I feel like
I got sole custody
of Lila's inner bitch.

It's really
unpleasant.

Well, if it makes you
feel better,

she'd probably
hate your guts just as much
even without the divorce.

- That does.

I mean, you can't
take it personally.

- It's not about you,

but, no, I mean,
it is about you,

but, yeah,
you're fucked.

I keep trying
to pick my battles.

You know, I'm afraid
I'm gonna be in
a grocery store

and I'm gonna be forced,
you know, to wring her neck,

and Child Services
is gonna come and
take me away.

Well, technically,
they would take Lila away.

Oh, really?
Well, then I'll leave
that option on the table.

It's just-- did I ever
tell you about this woman--

um, we affectionately
call her Crazy Courtney--

who ripped into her
daughter at drop

I mean, it's--
it's legendary.

Anyway, she cannot step foot
on school property.

This poor woman
has to drop her kid off,

like,
across the street.

No idea, no, thanks.

Tony's voice:
I'm sitting here,
jerking off,

thinking about your tight,
fat, wet, pink pussy...

Oh, my lord,
who is that?

- ...wrapped around
my massive cock--
- Ah.

- Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Who talks like that?

Who is that?!

- Three's company.
!

- Fuck!

- Oh, my God!

I just saw his penis!
Oh, my God!

Okay, I don't--
I don't know what to say.

- I...
- You're...

- No, you're freaking out.
- ...you're...

- I can tell
you're freaking out.

Yeah, of course
I'm freaking out.

My God, Dallas.

We're talking about
Tony Silvercreek,

who's sole purpose was
to rip me limb from limb.

I mean you're the one
that called him
a Neanderthal.

You're the one that told me
he would eviscerate
his own mother

if there was
a billable hour in it.

You're right,
I stand by that.

He is a vile human being.
I cannot defend it, okay?

I am so sorry.

It's over.
It's over.

Can you just--
could you please

Preferably in
the next two minutes
because my train is coming

and I cannot handle it
if you're mad at me.

You know I had
a very withholding mother.

Really?
Did you sleep with
her archenemy, too?

- Just go get
your train.

Frances.

Frances, I'm gonna call you
from the train, all right?

- Please don't.
- Answer your phone!

Um, Nick?

Honey, did we buy
a fish tank?

This duck
has been vacuum-sealed

to ensure
it will cook evenly
and to perfection

in the next 36 hours
at 180 degrees.

It will literally
melt in your mouth.

Aw, honey,
look at you.

You're in love
with your bunny boiler.

I am.

I am in love with it.

I should've retired
10 years ago.

I realized I'm not
a stressed-out guy.

I'm not the problem,
banking was the problem.

Here, taste this.

This is truffle oil
and Gruyère and chives.

Mmm!

- Delicious!

I gotta run,
Frances needs me
at the gallery.

Here, one more bite.
One more bite!

Big bite!
Come on, here we go.

There, that'll get you
through the day!

Right? Okay!

- Come back
with an appetite!
I will!

Hmm.

Ah, perfect timing,
Mrs. DuFresne.

- Oh, thanks, Charlie.
- You got it.

Hi, um, I'm just
starting the process

- of changing my name.
- M'kay, congratulations.

Thank you.

Fill out... this form

and this one
and this one.

Okay, do I
use my old name
or my new name?

Your old name up here,
your married name down here.

Ah, okay, okay,

but wait,
my-- my old name
is my married name.

I'm going back
to my maiden name.

I just got divorced.

Oh, bummer.

- Not really.
- No, it's just
a lot more paperwork.

- Oh.
- Then you'll have to apply for
a new social security card.

And then
when that comes,

you have to change
your driver's license,

your passport,
your credit card,
your checkbook,

voter registration,
email address, social media,

whatever your
online presence is,
if you have one.

Take this pamphlet.

Boy, sure is hard getting
your old self back, huh?

Yeah, might not
be worth the trouble.

Diane:
Hey, I am with you,

I share your outrage.

But, you know,
even if you take you
out of the equation,

Dallas
and Tony Silvercreek?

She usually goes for
more feminine guys.

Honestly,
if I hadn't seen it
with my own eyes--

which I deeply
regret...

- ...I wouldn't
believe it either.

Oh, I'm starving.
You wanna take a lunch break
after I finish this letter?

Sure, but I'm not
eating anything.

What, are you on
another cleanse?

No, it's actually
the exact opposite.

Basically,
since last Tuesday
when Nick retired,

he's now become
a gourmet chef.

He's force-feeding me
seven-course meals
every night.

Well, that is
deeply offensive.
How dare he.

Hey, would you
wanna come over for
dinner tomorrow night?

Could you?

- Yeah, I'm onto you.

You're just
trying to get me

to finish all your
fatty meals for you,
aren't you?

And I still need
some window treatments
and a coffee table,

but other than that,
it's a decent place.

Forget about the coffee table,
do you have a bed?

- Yeah.
- That's all you need.

You're single.
You're a free man.

Oh, so that would be implying
that I'm getting laid a lot.

No, that's
not happening.

No.

Well,
there was this--

this one mom from
my daughter's school.

- She was pretty sweet.
- All right, that's a start.

I mean, you gotta
get a base hit

before you go
on a hot streak, huh?

Yeah, here comes
your next at bat.

Highlander
sampler platter.

Ah, thank you.
Hey, you know,
my friend just got a divorce.

We're not allowed
to date the customers.

Eh, she's not
that hot.

- She shouldn't be
wearing that cross.
- No.

That's disrespectful.

Hmm.

- Morning, Leonard.
- Hi.

( train horn blaring
in distance )

Are you kidding me?

Well, maybe I should just
change my name legally
to Frances DuFuck.

Who does that
in this little hamlet?

Well, I think it's great
that you're changing
your name back.

I would paid my ex
a tidy sum to do that.

I hate that she's still
running around out there
as Mrs. Clavowen.

- Yeah, I'm Mrs. Clavowen!
- Yes, you are.

- Thanks for the Irish
soda bread recipe.
- Mm-hmm.

I can't bake at all,
so I'm not gonna hold you
responsible.

- But thank you.
- Hello! Hi, I'm sorry
I'm late.

- Andrew!
- Hey, nice to see you!

- Oh, I'm so happy you're here!
- Andrew: I bought that
for you.

I can't vouch for it,
but the guy in the store
was extremely passionate,

- so, I hope it's drinkable.

This is
my friend Frances.

Frances,
I would like you
to meet Andrew.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- Good to see you.

Nick:
Good to see you.
Glad you're here.

- Well, Frances,

Andrew and I
actually met

at a benefit for
juvenile diabetes
last year.

- It was a blast.
- Nick couldn't go,

and I was seated at
the world's most
boring table.

Literally no one had a pulse,
the average age was,
like, deceased,

and then there was Andrew,
who saved my life.

Are you kidding?
You saved mine.

This woman knows how
to sneak out of a party.

- Oh, I'm a pro.
- I know.

Oh! Oh,
he's welding.

- Smells amazing,
whatever it is.
- It's incredible.

- Et voila!
- Andrew: Oh, yeah, that's...

Oh, my God.
Oh, it's gorgeous.

- Ah, it smells so good.

You don't eat duck?

Uh, no, not really.

I mean I love duck, but I--
I'm not supposed to eat it.

- My cholesterol's sky-high.
- Oh, well, that's too bad.

- But I can eat
all the other sides...
- Diane.

...which look amazing.

I-I'm very sorry,
honey.

You know what, it's--
fuck my cholesterol.

I will have a few bites.
That's what Crestor
is for, right?

Yeah, definitely.
And, Nick, I love duck,
so I can eat both--

- I'll eat both breasts.
- That's not the point.

The point is that Diane
was supposed to ask
our dinner guests

if anyone had
any dietary issues.

- It's fine, really.
It's so fine.
- It's not fine!

I enjoy cooking.
I want my guests to eat
and enjoy what I cook.

I could've just as easily
made my black cod!

I could've made Arctic char,
I was just at the fish place.

I could've
made branzino,

I could've made
Dover sole,

I could've made
a fucking trout!

- Fluke!
- Thank you.

- Sure.
- Skate!

- Let's get out of here,
hot in there.
- Crappie!

Oh, you had to go
and have high cholesterol.

Seriously.
But for the record,
I've never had a cavity.

- Bragger.

So, uh,
what's your story?

Diane
didn't really say.

- Yeah.

Hmm, uh, let's see.

Well, I got married
when I was young--

I mean,
not crazy-young,
I was 28.

- Um...

...and we were
kind of opposites.
I mean, I don't know.

I thought at the time
it was a good thing,
you know,

like we would
complement one another.

- Mm-hmm.
- But it turns out,

um, no,
not complementary.

- So, you're divorced.
- Yes.

- Thanks, yes.
- God, I remember
that time so well.

I hated having to
go through the saga of it
every time I ran into somebody.

I ended up sending
a mass email to
everyone I know.

- Efficient.

Maybe.
Truth is
the beginning is rough,

there's no way
around it.

But here's what
you're in for--

everyone you know
is gonna be setting you up

with totally random
individuals.

- Apparently.

Uh, did you
know about this tonight?

Full disclosure,
you are not the first person
that Diane has set me up with.

Got it.

So, now that you're single,
are you

Oh, swiping.
The dating, swiping.

No, no, no, no,
I haven't taken
the plunge yet, no.

It's sort of
like Disneyland,

like, I'm putting it off
as long as possible.

Well don't start
because you're clearly
a mess, I can tell.

- Yeah.

Yeah, a walking
disaster, I'd say.

Wow, if I wanted to suffer
this kind of abuse,

I could've stayed home
with my teenage daughter.

Diane:
What about
your cholesterol?

This is my one
red meat night
of the month.

I would like
to enjoy it.

Is that asking
too much?

I know the night's
all about you, Diane.

It was all about you
and your...

Ever wonder why
they're still married

and we're divorced?

Nick:
...fucking duck!

Are you questioning
my devotion to the Mets?

I don't know, should I be?
You seem very touchy about it.

I'm starting to think
that's only reason
why you texted me.

Actually, Tony,
I texted you for
a real reason.

- I'll bet you did.
- Uh-huh, oh.

- Wait for it.
- No, you're not-- oh, boy.

- Wait for it.
- Um, okay.

Can I-- could we--
can I get the check,
please?

- Janice: Your new
apartment is nice!
- Robert: Thanks.

So, what do you
wanna do, Robert?

Oh...

- In life, I would like
to pursue--
- To me.

You are so shy,
it is fucking hot.

You know, I was surprised
to hear from you.

It's been so long,
I just assumed that

you and Frances were
giving it another shot.

No, no,
that's over.

She's getting smaller
in the rear view by the day.

Mm, okay, then.

So, you must have
some fantasies, hmm?

Well, I've seen
some stuff online

that wasn't completely
uninteresting.

Yeah, like what?

You want me
to pee on you?

Get you all wet, hmm?

No, thank you, but...

Well, how about
foot sex?

I got really
fat toes.

Yeah, you do.
How would that work?

Oh, I could put
my big toe in your ass.

Or any toe,
whatever.

That is a generous
offer, Janice...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...but I'm gonna pass.

- Okay.
- But let me ask you
about something else.

I've never been
involved in a threesome.

Oh, really?
Okay.

Well, we can
fix that.

You know, I have
some gals in the area

and they love
to party.

- Mm-hmm.
- You just,
"Hey, you wanna drop by

and bone a dude
together?"

You know, I'm gonna
start with Cindy.

- She's the best.

Oh, shit,
she's in court.
That's right.

Man, I've been living
in a fucking birdcage.

I'm getting on
that 7:58 train,
just so you know.

Yeah, yeah, quick and dirty,
just the way you like it.

- Come on!

- Holy fucking shit!

- Ow!
- Holy shit!
Oh, my God!

- Ow, ow, ow!
- Fuck!

- I'm fine, thanks.
- Fuck! No, look at me.

Ah! No, you're
far from fine.

- You need to go to a hospital.
- No, I'm fine, I'm fine.

I'll figure it out.
No, I'll figure it out!

You know what, you go on,
you have a nice evening.

There's no way that
you're gonna get a cab

with your face all
fucked-up like that.

- Oh, God!
- Ah, just stop.

Taxi!

Oh, Germany!

Yeah, Guten Tag.
Looks yummy.

- Girl: Hi, Mrs. DuFresne!
- Frances: Hi.

Oh, family trees.

Oh, Henry W.,
Henry T.

Lila!

"My family tree."

Grandma DuFresne,

Dad, Tom, Lila...

Lila:
Yeah, I think so.

Lila!

Come here!

I'll just talk
to you later.

Girl:
It's cool.
I'll see you later.

Why am I not
on your family tree?

Oh.

I didn't have
a picture of you.

You didn't have
a picture of me?

Okay, is that how
we're gonna play this?

What? I don't.

Really?
'Cause just-- just off
the top of my head,

I can think of
three right now.

There is the one
of the four of us
on the dock in Cape Cod.

There's the one
of me and Grandpa
on the fridge.

And there's the one
of me holding you

when you were a tiny baby,
on your bureau.

It's always
about you.

Been there!
You gotta pick
your battles.

Yeah, I just did.
This is the battle
I picked.

- Yeah.

Okay, thanks.
I'll give it
right back.

- So you go
into settings...
- Mm-hmm.

...then you
hit general,

you hit display,
then you hit text size.

And you can make it
as big or as small
as you want.

Oh, my God,
you're saving my life.

- Oh! Okay, this is it.

This is the one,
I can feel it.

Ah, nope.
I am really
striking out.

Um, you wouldn't
do a dude, would you?

- No.
- Just checking.

- Ugh, another "no can do"
from Olivia's mom.

Uh, oh!

They must all be
at that stupid
school event.

I forgot
about that.

- Family Culture Night.

Thank God my kid's
on the chorus trip;
I am off the hook.

- Holy shit,
Family Culture Night.
- Mm-hmm.

That's the best.
Have you ever had
the Garcia's flautas

or the Reifschneiders'
schnitzel?

- That's fucking good eating.

Uh, it's
Frances's night.

Oh, see, my ex and I agreed
that school events are
neutral territory.

Really?

Well, he seems like a decent,
not-at-all-controlling dude.

Well, when it's
about your kid,
fair is fair, right?

Yeah.

And then there was
another time, right,

when I took a fastball
right across the kisser.

Chris Arons was pitching.
I think the little fucker

was doing, like,
I don't know,
85, 90 mph.

See right here,
these two teeth?

- These babies are fake.

- Ah.

- I underestimated you.

You saying you're surprised
I'm not a total fucking dick?

Well, yeah.

The truth is...

the truth is
the reason I wanted
to get together tonight

was to, you know,
just end this,

you know,
whatever this is.

- Come on,
let's be honest,

we were never
gonna be a thing.

Whoa, whoa,
hold on a second,
wait, wait, wait a second,

are you--
are you telling me that
you're breaking up with me?

Do you have any idea
how much snatch I get?
Whenever I want it.

And you know what,
sometimes when I don't.

Do you think I wanna
be here right now
with you?

I could be at the fucking
Rainbow Boom-Boom Room

getting bottle service
off of some Latvian

Victoria's Secret
mid-level sky hostess,

but instead,
I chose to be here.

I chose
to be a gentleman

and to escort
your aging ass
to the fucking E.R.!

- Wow.
- Yeah, wow.

Could you just pull over
to the next corner, please?

- You have some major
fucking anger issues.

I think you might wanna
look into that.

She's breaking up
with me?

I got the fucking
door, all right?

- Go!
- Ungrateful,
fucking bitch.

- See ya never!
- You're lucky I even
showed up tonight.

- I had Knicks tickets.
- Boring!

You suck in bed.

I would avoid
57th Street, if you can.

Oh, this one's
a little stuck.

Hey, I hear
we have to talk.

Oh, hey, Courtney,
how are you?

Ugh, fine now,
so much better,

but that first year
after the divorce

kicked my ass
from here to Timbuktu.

Gosh, really?
Well, I-- I didn't--
I had no idea.

You know what,
no one knows this,

but things got so bad
with fuckface last year,

I freaked out on Ashley,
and now the school won't even

let me drop her off
on school property anymore.

That's...

- Yeah, seriously!
- ...yeah.

I got an exception
for tonight

as long as we keep
a 50-yard distance.

I'm like,
"Thank you very much!
No problem there."

Well, I'm glad
that, you know--
that you got a furlough.

We should
have drinks sometime.

I can save you
a lot of drama,

a lot of
wasted energy.

Plus, we'd have fun.

Yeah, that's--
thank you.

Fortunately,
Robert and I parted
on very civil terms...

- Mm.
- ...which I'm
grateful for.

Motherfucker!

Hey.

Hi. What are you
doing here?

School is a neutral zone,
and Lila my daughter.

Oh, no,
that I know because
you're on the family tree.

We have
a schedule.

I'm aware
of the schedule.

Doesn't mean that
we have to punish her.

We're not punishing her,
we're establishing a system.

You know, it's for her,
and we have to stick to it
or she's not gonna feel secure.

- She's always gonna wonder--
- Oh hey, Mr. DuFresne!

- Both: Hey, Mr. Glaper.
- Would you and your wife

like to join us
for the presentation?

Both:
We're divorced.

- Okay.
- That's it.

You know what,
forget it, I'll leave.
It doesn't matter.

- She doesn't want me
here, anyway.
- No, nope.

You don't
get to be the martyr.

I'll leave.
I'll be the one leaving.

By the way,
why would you even consider

making my Irish
soda bread recipe
without consulting me?

- You wanted me to
consult you on the...?
- Yeah.

These are not even
real "curronts."

'Cause we only
had "raisons."

Mm-hmm.

I'll have you know
something.

I left a threesome
to come to this.

- Yeah.

There could be
anywhere between
zero and two women

waiting for me
at my apartment.

Maybe even a dude.

- Hey, honey.
- Hey!

See you later.

Why is Daddy
leaving?

Come here, honey.

Daddy knew
it wasn't his night,

he just wanted to come
just for a second,

poke his head in,
and see your family tree.

You'll be with him
all day on Saturday, okay?

So let's go back in,
let's have fun,

get some pirogi,
or the, you know--
the Russian stuff.

No! I didn't even
want you here,

but you
wanted to come.

- You're so selfish.
- Okay, I get that

you don't like me
very much right now.

You've made that
very clear.

I, too, was
a teenager once.
I hated my mother.

I'm sorry, I'm it.
We're stuck with each other.

You're not sorry.

You do
whatever you want

and you're always
embarrassing me.

You're either
in your pajamas

or wearing
too much makeup.

Why can't you
just be normal?

Can you just--
can you lower
your voice?

And were you ever
going to tell us that
you're changing your name?

I saw those forms
on your desk.

You don't even wanna be
in this family.

- That's not true--
Lila, that's just not--
- You're so full of shit!

- Watch your language.
- Fuck you!

Don't you dare
speak to me like that.

Fuck you.

Fuck you!

- Oh, God.

I'm sorry.

- Girl: Okay!

Have a good day.

I packed
the dried figs
you like.

- Hey.
- Morning.

Bye!

Bye!

- Yeah, you
really gotta be loud.
- You gotta project, yeah.

Yeah.

♪ No matter
what you are ♪

♪ I will always
be with you ♪

♪ Doesn't matter
what you do, girl ♪

♪ Ooh, girl, with you ♪

♪ No matter
what you do ♪

♪ I will always
be around ♪

♪ Won't you tell me
what you found, girl? ♪

♪ Ooh, girl, want you ♪

♪ Knock down
the old, gray wall ♪

♪ Be a part of it all ♪

♪ Nothing to say,
nothing to see,
nothing to do ♪

♪ If you would
give me all ♪

♪ As I would
give it to you ♪

♪ Nothing would be,
nothing would be ♪

♪ Nothing would be ♪

♪ No matter
where you go ♪

♪ There will always
be a place ♪

♪ Can't you see it
in my face, girl? ♪

Do you wanna get dinner with me?

Do you mean like a date?

The thing that you said
I shouldn't be doing?

-Mm-hm.

DIANE: We need to talk
this place up tomorrow night.

Make it like a destination.

This is my partner
in our new gallery.

-Hastings.

Is it, like,
folk art kind of stuff?

-Sylvia McDonald.
-I'm trying to find her.

Y'know, maybe she has
some other work.

Are you Sylvia McDonald?

I'm Jackie. My dad and I are
moving into the neighborhood.

ROBERT DUFRESNE:
I'm only gonna sell it

to somebody that's absolutely
crazy about it.

Like, "I have got to have sex
with this house."

I don't wanna have sex
with your house.

Well, I was being figurative.