All language subtitles for Worst.Prom.Ever

Damn !

You a classy bitch.

You one of Tito's girls ?

I'm not a hooker.

Then why you dressed, like, for the oscars ?

It's prom night.

Sure.

You know, you ought to think
About giving Tito a call,

I mean, if you looking to
Trade up, you know, pimp-wise.

I'm so happy to see you guys.
let's get out of here.

You're not here to bail me out ?
- not exactly.

Hey, is this the, uh, girls' cell ?

Hey, you locked me in the girls' cell !

Rough night ?

Worst...prom...ever.

Anything could happen

as we make our way home from the club.

we could both be flattened
by a double-decker city bus.

otherwise a perfect night.

if we're not dead before it ends.

we could live forever.

but we'll Never be this young again.

don't you worry, don't think
About tomorrow morning.

what's your hurry ?
just focus on tonight.

don't you worry, don't think
About tomorrow morning.

just focus on tonight.

just focus on tonight.

i think you did.

got to admit it.

you're such a kid.

go tell your mama.

she had a squid.

super-size, systematic slippery slope.

go back to charm school.

you think you're so cool.

super salesmen would Never sell.

you'll get nothing but a big fat l.o.l.

a big l.o.l..

can you spell ?.

what a clown, you're such a clown.

you've got us laughing all around.

doing up a job, kicking us off the ground.

one more time, one more round.

for the sake of falling down.

I can't keep it together,
losing pound after pound.

what a clown, you're such a clown.

you've got us laughing all around.

doing up a job, keeping us off the ground.

one more time, one more round.

for the sake of falling down.

can't keep it together, losing pound after pound.

can you spell ?.

can you spell ?.

Look, we're good kids.

This night has just gotten completely out of hand.

None of this is even my fault.

Man, i'll tell you anything you want to know,

Just keep me out of that cell.

Look what one of those she-thugs
wrote on my chest.

You don't even want to know
Where she got the lipstick from.

It was her butt.

All right, fine.

You want to know the story ?
Here it is.

I have been dating my girlfriend, Sharon,

For all of senior year,

And i was planning the perfect prom night.

I just needed to rent the limo.

I had my dad's credit card number.

I just didn't have his permission.

Hello ? this is mr. Peterson.

Thank you for returning my call to my office.

I'm just here working on adult business.

Not--not adult business,

But, you know, business
As an adult, of which i am one.

Right, my--my call was pertaining--

The--the rental of--of a limo--

Limo for my son Clark for prom.

And it's safe to assume

That this limo will include a full bar ?

Sweet ! not that young Clark will be partaking

In any of your fine spirits,

But tonight is about Clark
and his girlfriend, Sharon.

I's going to be the perfect prom.

Sorry, my secretary is fooling around again.

What a kidder.

May i give you a credit card ?

Neve is Sharon's best friend.

She goes out with this guy Justin.

He's a jock, ut he's pretty cool

Big step up
from her ex-boyfriend, Trent.

What a douche.

You think i've waited too long
To have sex with Justin ?

Six months ? hells, Yeah.

The boy's a saint for sticking around.

Surprised his balls haven't exploded.

Sharon's really understanding.

She's just such a good person.

It's just after Trent,

I don't want to rush into anything.

I want to make sure Justin likes me for me.

Neve, Trent was a loser senior,

And you were young and stupid.

But that was last year.

You are so much more mature now.

Justin's a good guy.

But if you don't hit it, he will quit it.

Now that i've waited so long,
It's got to be, like, special.

It's prom night.

What can be more special than that ?

Now, go buy some sexy lingerie,

Some nasty sex oil, and tap that ass.

Hey, chin pubes.

Peep show's over. move it.

I don't think that guy's ever looked me in the eye.

Neve, you're gorgeous.
You have an unbelievable rack.

THey're like a superpower.
Just embrace it already.

- Who loves ya ?
- What the hell was that ?

Clark took it upon himself
to personalize my cell phone.

Who loves ya ?

That's what it says every time he textes me.

- Who loves ya ?
- That's really cute.

Maybe the first 400 times.

Who loves ya ?

Mrs. Holcum. I'm just here to make sure

That principal nutter is okay
with my graduation speech.

I'd hate to get up in front of the whole school

With my participle dangling.

I'm gonna go sit down now.

Heather runs Sharon's study group.

She's going to be valedictorian,

And she's devoted her entire life

To being perfect at everything.

I want this punk expelled.

He was making drugs in my classroom.

Got no proof, Wilkinson.

Really, O'Flaherty, what's this ?

Like I said, you got no proof.

Done at this school...

Done.

That kid is a criminal, he's dangerous.

Did you just swallow something
that you made in chem lab ?

Do you have any idea what that was ?

How can you just sit there like that ?

I mean, aren't you worried ?

About what ?

You could've swallowed something poisonous,

And you're gonna die, or...

Or you could get kicked out of school.

I could not live like that.

You know, you worry too much.

- Have you tried drugs ?
- Of course not.

You know, you should try some drugs.

Let's see here.

I think we're done talking now.

Come on, don't be like that.

You know, tHey can't kick you out of honor society

For talking to me.

But if anybody asks...

I'll just tell them you're using me for sex.

Like anyone would believe that.

But what if tHey did ?

I bet that would make front page
Of the school newspaper.

Not a chance.

I'm the editor.

Of course you are.

I want Sharon's senior prom to be memorable

The night she talks about
For the rest of her life.

She totally will.

You're the sweetest, Clark.

I just wish i kept my mouth shut around Nikki.

I wouldn't say "the sweetest,"

But, you know...

I try.

- Is that ?
- Bust out the drinks, ladies,

Because I brought the ice.

Don't say a word.

I want it to be a surprise.

I'm telling you, Neve,
Clark has lost his mind.

Ever since we got into different colleges,

He's become obsessed with making
every single moment magical.

Clark's a sweetheart.
- I don't know.

I'm starting to think
He's a little psychotic.

It's not just my cell phone.

He emails me quotes from
the works of nicholas sparks.

He even hijacked my ipod.

How can you fill 32 gigs with james blunt ?

The guy only has two albums.

Let's just see what it says this time.

Holla ! Clark got a limo for prom.

You and Justin should come with us.

We could hit Drew's party afterwards.

I don't want to ruin.

Clark's plans for your perfect night.

Neve, i'm begging you...

Come with us.

Your mom spoke to my mom and told her

That your prom dress is fuchsia.

So the tux shop is all out
of fuchsia cummerbunds.

So I was thinking maybe yellow ?

Something that says, like...

"pow, who's that guy ?"

It's kind of going to clash.

You know what ? Forget fuchsia.

I have a yellow dress i can wear.

That will perfectly match my cummerbund.

See you tonight.

Switching prom dresses at the last minute

This guy must be pretty special.

I barely know Glen.

Taking him to prom was my mom's idea.

Your mom picked your prom date ?

What, does she also pick your underwear ?

Wait a second. Let me guess.

Sensible, white...

Cotton.

You know what ?

I don't smoke drugs and get arrested on the weekend.

I guess i'm missing out

On the whole high-school experience.

Is that what you think ?
No, that's what you think.

Why do you care what i think ?

I don't.

You're so infuriating.

You know what your problem is ?

You don't know how to have fun.

Oh, I know how to have fun.

Heather, your speech is brilliant.

The part where you say,

"studying on a saturday night
feels like a party of one"--

I cried a little.

You are my greatest creation.

You, my office now.

You graduate in a few weeks.

You should do something crazy, huh ?

It may be your last chance.

I just asked Colin O'Flaherty to prom.

Colin ? Criminal Colin ?

The guy who used the french club as drug mules ?

How did that happen ?

I don't know. we were in the office,
and we were talking,

And he started making fun of my underwear.

I didn't want to believe him, but he's right.

I have squandered my entire
high-school experience.

I thought you knew that.

Maybe this was a mistake.

I mean, what about Glen ?
- come on, forget about Glen.

He goes to central high.
you'll Never see him again.

Just tell him you're under
a lot of pressure right now,

You're super emotional about graduation,

And you're on your period, so it's off.

Trust me, he'll be glad not to go.

I guess that could work.

Oh, my god, you and Colin
have to come with us.

Clark got a limo.
Neve and Justin are already in.

You're going.

I cannot wait to see
the look on everyone's faces

When you walk in with Colin O'Flaherty.

This is going to blow some minds.

She loves me.

Balls.

Balls.

So what if we have
A few extra people in the limo ?

Tonight's gonna be the best prom ever.

Where's Sharon ?

"Clark, prom's off. Need space.

See ya."

She broke up with you in a text ?

Dude, that sucks.

Clark, I'm sure she just freaked out.

She's probably waiting for you at prom, right ?

Clark...

You're killing my buzz, man.
Quit being such a bitch.

I mean, who is the girl
n this relationship anyway ?

Back off, Colin.

Make your move, pretty boy.

Dude, you're wasted. He's wasted.

Guys, come on.
Shut up, okay ?

Sharon and i are gonna work through this.

No, we will, all right ?

Couples hit rough patches all the time,

This doesn't mean that it's over.

We're through you hear me ? Through !

This is what i get for marrying a whore !

So prom, huh ?

Who's ready for the night of their lives ?

Ooh, starting early.

I'm the flyest thing walking.

I open up my mouth, and
I'm the flyest thing talking.

you know who i miss, you know who i miss.

Brand-new to this, 'cause,
baby, i'm not new to this.

I know and i know and.

You know who we are, you know who we are.

We are the stars.

Hangin' out the bar, ridin' fancy cars.

We are the stars.

We are the stars right now.

We run this town.

We shut it down.

we shut it down.

You know who we are.

You know who we are, we are the stars.

You look so freaking hot tonight.

I don't want to go in yet.

Then what do you want to do ?

Is my updo too tight, or did
Heather bring Colin to prom ?

you know, I was totally gonna blow prom off,

But, um, I'm really glad you asked me.

I'm gonna sell
an assload of weed tonight.

I'm sorry. Come again.

My good man, Wep in my office.

What the "h" ?

Can't wait to get the 8x10 of that one.

Wait here.

Just a second !

Justin, I...

I know I said I wanted to take things slow,

And you've been so amazing about it.

I guess after what Trent did to me, I was...

I was scared.

But I am ready now.

I want tonight to be special,

And I know it will be,
because I'm with you.

I can trust you.

So let's take us to the next level, baby.

Happy prom night, big boy.

Come on in.

Justin ?

Excuse me. Do you mind ?

I don't have a date either.

My girlfriend dumped me, like, an hour ago.

Pretty messed up, huh ?

You okay, dude ?
You look like you're gonna puke.

You got booze ?

Can I have some ?

Was--was she just... ?

Unbelievable.

Principal nutter, I'm looking for Colin.

What a coincidence, so am I.

- Why ?
- Some of our female students

Have reported their purses missing.

Principal nutter, you know me.

You know that I would Never
invite someone to prom

Without vetting him thoroughly.

Colin is a-a charming and witty escort.

Show the tape.

What's that ?

Hey, that's my purse.

This is not good.

Hey, Heather, thanks for inviting
O'Flaherty to prom.

He stole my purse.

My mom got that for me... in France !

For being a genius,

You're a freaking idiot.

Save it. I'm just here to pee.

I'm serious. I did not just get dumped.

I'm fine. Everything's fine.

It's a magical night.

What was with Justin leaving like that ?

Seriously, he was, like, really upset.

Oh, my god, and then stacy goes over to him,

And she's like, "are you okay" ?

And he's like, "i can't even
deal with this right now,"

And she was like, "whatever."

This is all about that girl Neve.

I mean, seriously, it's, like, hello,

You're not meant to be with Justin.

News flash, you're all drama all the time.

I am all drama...

All the time.

I know you're listening to this, stephanie !

Excuse me. I hate to bother.

But, uh, can I borrow some change ?

Look, i wouldn't bother you
if it wasn't an emergency.

You see, my phone was stolen by my date,

So if i could call him,
maybe i could convince him...

Oh, thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.

I won't run up your minutes or anything.

Hold on. I got to take this.

You're callin' Colin.

Cute. I need you to bring those purses back.

I'm not gonna do that.

Colin, I brought you to the prom.

You are my guest.

Your behavior is a direct reflection on me.

You have no idea how bad i look right now.

My classmates, tHey hate me.

Heather, why would you bring me

If you didn't want me to be me ?

Is that a real question ?

Am I actually supposed to answer that ?

What did you think would happen

That we'd slow dance, have a moment...

We'd kiss ?

Oh, you did !

No. i didn't.

I'm sorry to burst your bubble, sweetheart,

But, Hey, you have a good prom night, okay ?

Have a good prom night.

Here's your phone.

Thank you.

I'm just gonna put it right there.

How you holding up ?

How do i look ?

I hate prom.

Join the club.

Hello drama.

You Never say good-bye.

You're so conceited....

I just want to get out of here.

Good evening, Principal Nutter.

I got a call about a 4-8-4.

Oh, christ, tell me somebody
didn't make you a cop.

Sheriff's deputy. I'll be
orking lead on this case.

So, prom, huh ?

Remember mine like it was just last year.

It was last year.

Trent, can we talk about those stolen purses ?

We'll get to that, Nutter.

First I got to secure the scene.

Hey, Kubiak, how are your nuts ?

Oh ! real funny, Mikelshefski.

Listen, I don't know what kind
of school you run here,

But you need to get control
of your students.

Now I got to cordon off the area.

Nobody goes in,

Nobody goes out until I interrogate everyone.

- Why ?
- We know who did it.

Colin O'Flaherty stole the purses.

We have him on video.
- O'Flaherty ?

Guy's got a rap sheet

A mile long arson, drugs...

Keying my car that one time.

He's an animal.

We got to find him, nutter.
Let's go.

Shut it down !

Okay, people, there's been
a crime committed here,

And I know you're all scared,
but don't worry.

Sheriff's deputy Trent Kubiak is on the case.

Douche !

Hey, I get ass in this uniform, okay ?

You get nothing.

So who's the douche now, Caleb ?

I need a drink.

What was I thinking ?

Bringing Colin O'Flaherty to prom ?

My mom was right.
I should have taken Glen.

But, no, i had to do something
fun, and look what happened.

I'm an accomplice to a mass mugging.

What happened to all the booze in this joint ?

You think your prom night was bad ?

I tried to seduce my boyfriend,
and he ran away,

Like, left the prom.

I mean, i had this whole thing planned.

What am I suppose to do with these ?

Whoa. What were you gonna do with those ?

There's no way i'm going to Drew's after-party.

You know what ? I'm going to call it.

Prom night time of death

10:35.

Driver, take us home.

This was a full bottle of gin.

What kind of alcoholic drinks
a bottle of gin in one night ?

You guys have a good time tonight ?

This dude's wasted !

I'm barely even plastered.

I don't want to die tonight.

I want a...I want a sandwich.

I want a sandwich.

Clark, do not let go of the wheel.

I don't care that you're
a whore--I still love you.

Are you hurt ?

I don't think so.

Clark, are you dead ?

Kind of wish I was.

You okay, man ?

That...was...

Awesome !

Where are we ?

In the woods.

Look at this thing !

I'm so dead.

This is not your fault.

No, I rented the limo with my dad's credit card

Without his prior knowledge or consent.

You are so dead.

I'm dead.

Officer, this isn't what it looks like.

Trent !

Ah, what the hell, dude ?
You scared the piss out of me.

It's deputy Kubiak, ma'am.

You just... remind me of this guy

Who used to go to my high school, drove a camaro.

His name was deputy Trent Kubiak.

You want to go to jail tonight ?

No ? All right, then.

We're looking for O'Flaherty.
have you seen him ?

- Not since prom,
Where he stole my purse.

But he came in a limo
With Heather, Clark, and Neve.

- Neve ? my Neve ?

All due respect, "sir,"

But you can't take a girl's virginity,

Dump her the next day, and
Still refer to her as "my Neve."

You two going to a party tonight ?

Where's the party, Nikki ?

Don't know. Not going to one.

You see O'Flaherty,
You give me a call, all right ?

Sure won't.

- Clark,
I'm pretty sure it's stuck.

No service.

Is...is that even possible ?

What now ?

Don't worry. You know,
I've seen man versus wild.

I can get us out of this without
having to drink our own pee.

Let's make that the goal.

Wait, wait. Do you hear that ?

What do you hear ?

Shut up. Everybody, shut up.

Guys...guys, I've--
I've heard of this place.

Devil worshipers hang out down here.

Cool, maybe one of them
can give us a ride back to town.

Girls ! Stop playing around !
Come back inside !

Does anything about that seem odd to you ?

No, I mean, she's got my purse.

Colin's definitely been here.

Great ! We can notify the authorities.

THey can come down here
and take care of everything.

This is perfect.

I can get the purses back,
And i can fix everything.

W-whoa, whoa ! Neve ! Neve !
where are you going ?

She's gonna fix it. That's what she said.

Oh, come on, Clark,
We can't just let her go alone.

Okay ? Forget it !

I have a partial scholarship to state.

If I become a sacrifice to devil worshipers,

My parents are gonna be pissed.

Guys !

THey're just purses !

Did you see that ? It's Nikki's purse.

Did you know that her mom
got that for her...in France ?

She mentioned it.

I can't reach. Give me a boost.

Wait a second.

This isn't the school's after-prom party.

Boy, did i take a wrong turn somewhere ?

I'm just gonna let myself out here.

Excuse me.

I told you this was a bad idea !

We would have been out of here by now

If you hadn't thrown me through the window !

I was a little busy having
a gun shoved in my face !

I'm sorry to yell, gals.

I've been fighting a migraine all night.

My mom gets migraines.
You know what helps ?

A cool compress right on your temple.

Close your mouth !

Here I am, yelling.

We haven't even been introduced.

I'm dirty steve,

And you are the people

Who are trying to boost my merchandise.

Technically, Colin O'Flaherty.

Boosted those purses from our classmates.

So, actually, we're just here to get them back.

Oh, okay, so this whole thing is
Just one big misunderstanding !

A misunderstanding exactly.

I have to say,

I did not expect you to be
So rational about this, but...

Boy, what a pleasant surprise !

So we're just gonna take those purses

And leave you fine people to your night of...

Whatever.

Hold my couscous.

You know what ?

I'll give you those purses.

But you got to do something...

For me. Exactly quid pro quo.

I totally understand.

What do you want us to do ?

Kiss.

Kiss what ?

Each other.

I can't do this.

You think i'm happy about it
giving these pervs a show ?

Come on, it's kiss or die,
Heather, so pucker up !

You don't understand. I can't !

I've Never kissed.

What..a girl ?

Anyone.

It's not like i'm a prude or anything.

I've just been so busy with
school and extracurriculars

And...

Debate team takes up a lot of time, okay ?

I can't believe I'm about to be

your first kiss.

It's a lot of pressure.

So how do you want to do this..

Mouth open, mouth closed,

No tongue, a little bit of tongue ?

Well, that's above and beyond.

We kissed. Can we have the purses now ?

I don't think so.

- But you said...
- but...I lied !

If i had known taking those
purses off O'Flaherty's hands

Would lead to this,

I would have traded him
that weed he was asking for

Instead of giving him
a half pound of oregano !

Listen, you son of a "b" !

What are you doing ?

We've been screwed over enough tonight !

Hey, sweetie, put the gun down, okay ?

I got a better idea... you !

Bag up those purses, we're taking them.

You ! back off !
- this is crazy.

What are you doing, Heather ?
Please put the gun down.

Heather, put the gun down.

You want me to put the gun down ?

My mom wanted me to go to prom with Glen.

My guidance counselor

Wanted me to run for school president.

My hairdresser... she wants me to go blonde !

I am so sick

Of everybody telling me what to do !

Nobody ever asks me what I want !

- What do you want ?
- I want...

Those g.d. purses !

I peed.

Girls, now we're really gonna have some fun.

My merchandise !

The car is longer than it looks.

I'm just going to leave them
my insurance information.

Get in the car, Clark !

We should go.

Did you just see that ?

What...what's so funny ?

I cannot believe that place blew up !

I can't believe you pulled a gun on that guy !

- A gun ?
Where did you get a gun ?

I thought we were gonna die !

Never in a million years

Did i think that my first kiss
was going to be with a girl !

That was your first kiss !

Come on, that was a good kiss !
- really ?

Probably could have done without the tongue, but

I'm sorry I just got caught up in the moment.

You two french-kissed and i missed it ?

How could you let me miss that ?

You went to prom ?

You ?

What, are you, like, mr. high school now ?

I told you a million times, man

School is for bitches.
Selling weed is awesome.

Dropping out sophomore year

Best financial decision I've ever made.

Dude, I didn't go to prom to dance.

I went to work.

I sold so much, I had to go to dirty steve's

And get some more !

He says it's italian.
- Italian, huh ?

You know, weed is global now, man.

I told you that it was gonna happen.

It's oregano.
- it's oregano ?

Oh, that is classic steve, man.

Dirty steve.. you know how dirty steve is ?

- How dirty ?
- He had sex with my mom.

- maybe i can sell this
at Drew's party.

You know, high-school kids
tHey'll smoke anything.

Dude, you are a high-school kid !

You're thinking like a high-school kid.

You got to think like me,
like a businessman.

Forget Drew's party.

Take that stuff to the central high party.

Those rich kids will pay double

If you just throw in Ssme science when you sell it.

Say it's, like, a "hydrophonic" or, uh...

Digital.

You are the man !

Not a problem, man,

Hey, when you do wise up and you drop out,

You can crash at my place.

Still at your mom's ?
- Nah. stepdad's.

- Sweet !
- yes, it is.

- I'll catch you later, man.
- Later on.

I got it. I'm pourin' it out.

I'm pourin' it out. I know the drill.

- Hey, Kyle.
- Trent !

That was a perfectly good can of beer.

- I thought you were a cop.
- I am a cop.

- You're a cop.

All right, so, uh, what do you want..shrooms ?

I remember you being a shrooms guy.

Those days are behind me, Kyle.

I'm actually looking for Colin O'Flaherty.

You seen him tonight ?

Sorry, man, seeing you just really took me back

Back to the good old days.

- I like the 'stache !
- Yeah, ok !

- You're rocking it, man !
- Yeah.

You know what ?
Since I like the 'stache,

I'm gonna do you a favor.

Colin just headed straight down to Drew's party.

But, please, don't tell him i told you.

Kyle... still the man.

I know, I know.
Hey, good to see you.

Honestly.

Wait.
Where's the limo driver ?

He's fine.
I put him in the trunk.

I want to freakin' go home !

Why are we at Drew's party ?

Because I'm gonna go in there,

And i'm gonna give everyone
their purses back.

That way, no one will be mad at me

For taking stupid Colin to the stupid prom.

Are you guys coming or what ?

I'm just gonna wait in the car.

- what's wrong ?

- Drew is one of Justin's best friends,

- What if he's in there ?
- That's perfect !

You go in there, and you tell
him what an ass hole he was

For walking out on you.

He cannot treat you like "s"
and get away with it.

You know what I say ?
"f..." him.

That's right. I said it.

I think she's still running
on an adrenaline high,

And i don't think we should listen to her.

You know what, Clark ?
You can kiss my "a."

Language.

Neve, we cheated death tonight.

We're invincible. We can do anything.

Okay, do you see

that this is exactly how bad decisions are made ?

What do I say to him ?

You tell him to eat "s" and die.

Or can't I just ask him why he walked out ?

Whatever feels right.

I'm only coming because you guys
might make out again.

I got the purses back !

I was gonna go shotgun a beer,
you want to come ?

What the "h" ? Let's do it.

I've never done this before.

I can tell.

Hey, is that Drew ?

Make sure you sign him before you leave.

That's crazy about Clark
and Sharon. How's he doing ?

-It was kind of rough at first, but...

I think he's doing better now.

We've had kind of a crazy night.

I can't believe she's been cheating on him

- For three months.
- What ?

I just found out.

Sharon's been screwing
some guy from central.

He even took her to their prom tonight.

Poor Clark. He deserves
so much better than that.

What up, bitches ?
it's Sharon. Leave a message !

Sharon, it's me, Clark.

I really don't know what's going on, so...

Just let me fix it.

Please, just give me a chance, okay ?

Just call me. I love you.

Dumped on prom night.

That's harsh.

Sucks pretty bad.

Want a drink ?

This is good.

This is red ?

It's white.

That's what I thought I was gonna say white.

So, how do you know Drew ?

- He's my little brother.
- Oh. I'm sorry.

Not half as sorry as I am.

I believe you.

I'm hannah, by the way.

- I'm Clark.
- Well, Clark...

How would you like to keep me company

While the rest of your class
destroys my parents' house ?

I can do that.

Can i ask you something ?

You're a girl, right ?

Is that seriously what you wanted to ask me ?

I know you're a girl, obviously !

I mean, look at you.
You have boobs. I mean

Not that i'm looking at your boobs, just that...

They're there, you know.

I noticed that they were there,
and that's--that's...

All I wanted to say.

That's really not what I meant to say.

I think I really just want to know...

What do girls want ?

I mean, I'm thoughtful.
I'm sensitive.

I buy roses. I text just
to say I love you.

men's health had this list--

"eight dates guaranteed to blow her mind."

I took Sharon on seven of those dates,

And then she just dumps me !
Like, what is that ?

Like, what do you want, okay ?

What do you want ?

Did you ever think that maybe
you're trying too hard ?

Okay, hannah, this is love.

You can Never try too hard.

That's what it is.

I'm not trying hard enough.

Listen, Clark...

I'm gonna give it to you straight, okay ?

Girls like guys who...

Don't have to try.

That's ridiculous.

A romantic seaside picnic
doesn't just happen, okay ?

That's a solid eight hours of planning.

Listen to me.

You are adorable

And sweet and a little bit nuts,

But...

There is a girl out there who digs that, and...

When you meet her, you won't have to try

To make her like you.

She just will.

I don't know.

She just will.

Is she...

You ?

Sorry, Clark, I

I don't mess around with guys

Who are in love with other girls.

It's just kind of a rule.

Yeah, I know I have the same rule...

With girls, though.

- Neve !
- This is what you wanted ?

I spent this whole night

wondering what I did wrong.

I blamed myself, like

Like I screwed this relationship
up so bad that

That you didn't even want to have sex with me.

Every guy in school wants to have sex with me !

I bet even she would have sex with me.

I don't understand.

I make a guy wait, I get my heart broken.

I give it up too fast, I get my heart broken.

I thought you were different.

I should have told you

You should have.

Neve, Hey. I need to talk to you.

Not now.

What's wrong ? Are you okay ?

Did you find Justin ?
I just want to get out of here

before this night gets any worse.

I'm lookin' for Colin O'Flaherty !

You've got to be kidding me.

Never mind, it's just Trent.

Grow up, guys !

Neve ?

Hey, wait. where you going ?
Why are you runnin' off ?

Go away, Trent.

What, you're mad at me or something ?

- This is not good.
- Why isn't this good ?

That's Neve's ex-boyfriend.

He kind of took her virginity
and then Never called her again.

Last time I saw you in the back of my camaro,

It seemed like you were having
a pretty good time.

- are you insane ?

I regret every second I spent with you !

Respect the badge, Missy !

Respect the badge, guys !
Deputy dumbass is on the scene !

Oh, but careful.

Sometimes his gun goes off
before it leaves the holster.

That's not true !

You're a joke.

You're lucky, you have a nice rack,

'cause without it, you'd have nothing.

680 to 90, 10-4.

We have to bail Neve out of jail.

How much money can you get ?

I'm a little light right now,

'cause, see, i'm saving up to pay for a limo

That I fraudulently charged
on my dad's credit card.

We can't just leave her in there !

What the "f" ?

Clark, stop the car !

What do you think he's doing in here ?

I don't think he came here to play skee-ball.

Don't you freakin' move.

Everybody thinks,

"let's rob pizza pete's
fun time pizza parlor."

I bet no one there has a gun.

This is just perfect.

I should have known this is how tonight would go.

Shut up, Clark !

I'm ready.
Just put me out of my misery.

Oh, god, no ! I'm only 17 !
I don't want to die like this !

Yur buddy Colin sells me fake weed,

And then you two empty out my cash register.

You don't think i know oregano when I see it ?

I'm pizza pete !

Please, sir, just put the gun down.

I understand that you're upset.
I mean, I would be too.

You work in that ridiculous costume

In this depressing pizzeria.

My father built this depressing pizzeria

With his bare hands !

and the man was clearly a visionary.

Do I look stupid to you ?

Heather, please don't answer that.

Where's my money ?

He has it !

You think you can hide from me ?

I designed this maze !

I know every corner of this thing.

Why are we stopping ? He's gonna find us.

I'm in a laser-tag league.
This is the perfect hiding spot.

Trust me.

You think you can come in my house
and steal from me ?

This is my house !

I sleep here !

Now I got ya.

Thank god, officer.

I am fully prepared to press charges.

What are you doing ?
We didn't do anything.

Yep, that's a band-aid.

So, you see, we're just three innocent teenagers

Who learned a valuable lesson about responsibility.

Can I go now ?

They're, not letting us go.

No kidding.

I can't believe I'm in jail.

I've Never even had detention.

This is what I get.

I try to throw caution to the wind,

And it bites me in the "a."

I'm going to get kicked out of harvard

Before freshmen orientation.

I bet brown won't even take me.

I'll probably end up at some state school.

Hey, I'm going to state school.

Yeah, but you're not me.

Oh, okay, sorry.

- That was harsh.
- I don't mean it like that.

I just mean that people
have certain expectations of me.

Will you please give it a rest ?

Okay, we get it your life
is stressful, but guess what.

We're all under a lot of pressure.

I mean, I hit a cop tonight !

That's what I'm talkin' about !

We all made stupid choices,
and that is why we are in jail.

I didn't, okay ?

Okay, I didn't invite a criminal
to prom or punch Kubiak.

All I wanted was just a normal prom

With me and my girlfriend

Not with you, not with you,
just me and Sharon.

Clark, you and Sharon

Were never going to go to prom together.

What are you talking about ?
Of course we were.

I've been planning this for weeks.

What is it ?

What ?

Damn, don't hold back now, white girl.

Sharon's been cheating on you.

That Sharon.

She hasn't.

It's true. Nikki told me.

She's been dating a guy that goes to central.

You sure ?

She was at their prom tonight,
Clark, with him.

Clark, I'm sorry. That sucks.

That's it, baby.

Just let it all out.

- Spencer, Spirnak, Peterson,

Your parents are here to bail you out.

You gonna be okay, baby.

What the hell does she want ?

Did you just get this text ?

The last good-bye

is the hardest one.

the last good-bye.

is the hardest one.

a winter storm.

a sea of blue.

Charlie Chaplin singin' songs on second avenue.

Get in, Clark.

What are you guys doing here ?

We're going to the central after-party,

And you're coming with us.

My parents just bailed me out of jail.

I'm grounded until I leave for college.

I'm not going to another party, okay ?

You're coming to this one, okay ?

Get in the car.

Sharon's going to be there.

Sharon and I are done.

I really just want this night to be over.

Listen, Clark,

You only get one prom night.

This is ours, and they took it from us

Sharon, Justin, and Colin.

THey are at the central after-party.

So you can go back in your bedroom

And have a little masturbation party,

Or you can get in the car
and take your prom night back.

What is it gonna be ?

I'm gonna take my prom night back.

Hey, how'd you guys know

I was getting ready to jerk it back there ?

There they are.

They destroyed our home, Louis.

Wait. You said, let's go get 'em," right ?

Oh, we will.

We will !

Find a station that's good.

Find a classic-rock station.

This is an after-party.

Our school sucks.

I mean, I wouldn't say that.

Oh, my god, they have sushi.

Oh, Clark, look...

There's Sharon.

Wow, she looks busy.

- Can we go now ?
- what is wrong with you ?

She broke your heart.
Rip her a new one.

Clark, don't bitch out.

All right, i'm going.

What are you doing here, Clark ?

What am I doing here ?

What are you doing here ?

Sharon, we were supposed to go
to the prom together.

I had planned the most romantic evening

in the history of high school,

And ten minutes before it's supposed to go down,

You dump me

in a text message !

Clark , I'm sorry if I ruined your night, okay ?

I was gonna go to the prom with you.

I wasn't gonna meet up with doug until after.

That's, that's way better.

Do you not see how messed up that is ?

You don't have to be a jerk about it.

- no, i don't.

But you know what ?
I'm gonna be.

I don't know when this dawned on me.

It could have been while i was being shot at

by a giant rat.

It could have been while i was in prison.

Or, you know, it actually could
have been just two seconds ago

When I see you having the time of your life

Without even a thought of how i'm doing.

At some point tonight,

I just realized that you don't deserve me.

I deserve a normal, non-insane boyfriend,

Someone who's not gonna hack my cell phone

Or break into my locker.

It's an invasion of privacy.

Clark, you are way too intense.

You were smothering me.

I couldn't breathe.

You know, you could have at least said something

Before you went out and cheated on me.

and then there's the ring.

Yeah, Clark, I know about it.

What ring ?

The engagement ring.

You were gonna propose to me tonight.

I'm only in high school, Clark.

I'm not ready to get married.

I'm not looking for a commitment, just fun.

You mean the earrings

That I got for you as a graduation gift,

Those are nice.

While I was putting all
of myself into our relationship,

Some other dude was putting
all of himself into you.

And you know what that makes you ?

That makes you a bitch !

And you know what ?

I faked every orgasm !

It's true.

Clark, I am seriously so proud of you.

How does a guy fake an orgasm ?

What is Sharon doing with that guy ?

She doesn't even like muscles.

Clark, every girl likes muscles.

You know what ?

Who cares, you know ?

I'm done with her.

And--and, really, I'm really glad

You guys convinced me to come out tonight.

I needed this.

Would you take it down a notch !

Heather, how's it going ?

You're gay.

This explains so much.

I was gonna tell you, I swear.

I just...

I didn't want to ruin your prom,

But then I freaked out and I ruined your prom.

I am so...

Sorry.

Here I was thinking

That you weren't into me
and that you were cheating on me

With that emo chick at that party.

Marcy ?

Dude, you are way hotter than she is.

God, I know.

Why did your mom try to set us up if you're gay ?

She just thinks I haven't met the right girl yet.

But you're gay. The right girl is a guy.

That's what I keep telling her.

Are we gonna dance or what ?

You want to come with ?

No, I'm good. Go ahead.

We'll talk later, okay ?

How in the "h" did dirty steve find us ?

We need to leave.

We can't just leave. The guy's dangerous.

Yes, that is why we need to leave, okay ?

Because if he doesn't find us,

Then he'll go away, and then no one gets hurt.

Trust me, I've been a coward my whole life.

I know how to handle these situations.

Seriously, guys, pace yourselves, all right ?

This is the stuff that they give to monkeys

Before they send them into space.

Step into my office.

Smething about sneaking away
just doesn't feel right.

It'll feel right tomorrow, when we're alive.

Listen, I'm sorry that

That I called your girlfriend a bitch,

Although...

She was my girlfriend first.

So I'll tell you what
Why don't you step aside

And let us go, and we'll call it even ?

Cool ?

I'm looking for Clark Peterson

5'8", red hair, brown eyes,

136 pounds, lives at 42 maple hill road.

He's not talking about me.

He must be talking about someone else.

You don't want to do this.

I find that hard to believe,

That nobody knows Clark peterson.

Hey, man. What's up ?

Where are your girlfriends ?

they...just left.

That's too bad.

THey're gonna miss me shooting you.

Hey, wait.

Look, Steve, we swear, that whole

"blowing up your house" thing
was a total accident.

Srely, your homeowners policy
will cover the damage ?

Shut up.

This guy smells like hepatitis.

Hey, louis.

What, happened to Steve ?

It's kind of a long story,

And it all starts with you.

You ruined my prom night, O'Flaherty.

Did I ?

Or did you ruin your own prom night ?

You know what ? It doesn't matter.

I'm not mad at you.

You're not ?

No, actually, I should be thanking you.

Thanking me ?

Hey, do you want to dance ?

I mean, after all, it is prom night

And my date,

For better or for worse, so...

Yeah, you know, I really got to get goin'.

I'm fresh out of oregano joints.

Colin, after everything
that you put me through tonight,

The least you could do is dance with me.

Sure. Why not ?

¶.

You were right about me.

I was ?

I needed to loosen up,

Have some fun.

I didn't think it was fun at the time,

But I will Never forget tonight.

Great.

I'm glad i could help, but i really got to go.

I'm not the same kind of girl
That I was this morning.

I'm sorry. Did you need to go ?

No. I can stay for a minute.

Perfect.

What was that for ?

Just distracting you.

Don't resist me. I will tase you.

Take it easy there, Trent.

Oh, I got your ass, O'Flaherty.

Thanks for the tip, ma'am.

You set me up ?

I'm impressed.

And by the way,

My mom didn't pick my underwear tonight,

'cause i'm not wearing any.

Hey, girl !

Well, come on, it's time to shake that ass !

Are you drinking my wine again ?

Hannah, what are you doing here ?

- some douche bags from Drew's
party were headed this way,

So I decided to catch a ride.

And nice job back there.

I had no idea you were such a badass.

I guess I was kind of badass back there.

Did you ever patch things up with your girl ?

No, we broke up.

Cool.

So are you gonna kiss me or what ?

I can't believe Kubiak is gonna get credit

for busting Colin and dirty Steve.

Trent peaked in high school.

The rest of his life is going to suck.

Let him have his moment.

Hey, hannah seems nice.

She's okay.

And she's going to state too.

Like, how freaking perfect is that ?

Are you guys, like, a couple now ?

I don't know.

Just take it slow, Clark.

You know,

I was thinking of renting a hot-air balloon

And taking Hannah on a ride over campus,

Just to show her how much I dig her.

Hey, is that our limo ?

Nice parking job, O'Flaherty.

It's wrecked.

How--how am I gonna explain this ?

Relax, Clark. You worry too much.

Last night kicked ass.

What ?

It did, right ?

No, it--it kicked ass.

You know, I guess it did.

Best prom ever !

Whoo !

I want my lawyer.

We want my lawyer.

Who's my lawyer ?

The chick with the deer head on her head.

Yes, she went to law school.

I don't know her name deer-head girl.

You'll find her wandering the highway.

Bring her in. She's my lawyer.

I'm a pillar of the community.

I provide drugs

For people that want them

In exchange for cash.

Is that illegal ?

If anybody should go to jail, it should be...

Louis.

Louis. Where's your chain, honey ?

Did they take your chain ?
Did you take his chain ?

That's the only thing you took into evidence ?

You let him keep his mask on ?

He was wearing this in the mug shot.

How is this working ?

You're gonna have a mistrial.

When deer-head chick gets a hold of this,

We'll be walking free.