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1
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# Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile? #
3
00:00:31,773 --> 00:00:33,649
# Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty? #
4
00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:36,568
# Do I like what you like?
Why don't you like me? #
5
00:00:36,653 --> 00:00:39,446
# Why don't you like me
Without making me try? #
6
00:00:39,614 --> 00:00:42,032
# I try to be like Grace Kelly #
7
00:00:43,535 --> 00:00:45,953
# But all her looks were too sad #
8
00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:49,832
# So I try a little Freddie #
9
00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:54,753
# I've gone identity mad! #
10
00:00:55,255 --> 00:00:57,381
# I could be brown
I could be blue #
11
00:00:57,465 --> 00:00:59,091
# Gotta be everything more #
12
00:00:59,175 --> 00:01:01,176
# Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me? #
13
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:03,012
# Why don't you walk out the door? #
14
00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:04,680
- Here you go, sweetie.
- Oh, thanks.
15
00:01:04,764 --> 00:01:06,849
I tried banana nut sprout this morning.
16
00:01:07,475 --> 00:01:09,018
Thought, you know,
a little change of pace,
17
00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:12,396
thought somebody deserves
something special for his birthday.
18
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:13,522
Yeah. It's good.
19
00:01:13,606 --> 00:01:16,400
Okay, so I made
reservations tonight at Babbo at 8:30.
20
00:01:16,484 --> 00:01:20,195
I thought maybe we could talk about,
you know, setting a date?
21
00:01:21,156 --> 00:01:23,741
Did you just make a plan to make a plan?
22
00:01:23,825 --> 00:01:25,701
- Did I just do that again?
- Yeah, you did.
23
00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:27,828
- Sorry.
- It's all right.
24
00:01:28,163 --> 00:01:29,997
All right, I'll see you later, okay?
25
00:01:30,081 --> 00:01:32,666
- Hey, hey, hey! Love you.
- Love you, too.
26
00:01:33,001 --> 00:01:34,543
- Bye.
- Bye.
27
00:01:34,669 --> 00:01:36,712
- Happy birthday!
- You, too!
28
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:44,511
Hello, sir.
Would you like to buy some cookies?
29
00:01:44,763 --> 00:01:48,223
I would. I really would. I just...
30
00:01:49,726 --> 00:01:51,060
Unfortunately, I don't have any money.
31
00:01:51,561 --> 00:01:53,562
I don't have any cookies.
32
00:01:56,608 --> 00:01:57,608
Jack?
33
00:01:59,110 --> 00:02:00,736
I need a key.
34
00:02:07,035 --> 00:02:08,035
Wow.
35
00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:11,121
Wow. That...
36
00:02:12,582 --> 00:02:13,582
A key?
37
00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:15,751
What? No! I want a key.
38
00:02:15,835 --> 00:02:18,504
Like an actual key to your apartment
so I don't have to wait outside
39
00:02:18,588 --> 00:02:20,756
when I'm dressed
in these little slutty outfits.
40
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,008
I don't want to live with you.
41
00:02:23,093 --> 00:02:24,927
No offense.
42
00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:27,554
And you know I mean this
in the nicest possible way.
43
00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:31,100
You're not exactly
serious boyfriend/marriage material.
44
00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:33,435
And I pride myself on that.
45
00:02:34,395 --> 00:02:36,814
I gotta go. I'll see you next week.
What're we doing?
46
00:02:36,898 --> 00:02:40,984
Mother of the baby saved from the fire
and the sexy shirtless fireman?
47
00:02:42,028 --> 00:02:43,904
# I could be brown
I could be blue #
48
00:02:43,988 --> 00:02:45,864
# I could be violet sky #
49
00:02:45,949 --> 00:02:47,866
# I could be hurtful
I could be purple #
50
00:02:47,951 --> 00:02:49,785
# I could be anything you like #
51
00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:51,787
# Gotta be green
Gotta be mean #
52
00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:53,747
# Gotta be everything more #
53
00:02:53,832 --> 00:02:55,707
# Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me? #
54
00:02:55,792 --> 00:02:57,626
# Why don't you walk out the door? #
55
00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,628
# I could be brown
I could be blue #
56
00:02:59,712 --> 00:03:01,588
# Gotta be everything more #
57
00:03:01,673 --> 00:03:03,799
# Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me? #
58
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:06,009
# Why don't you walk out the door? #
59
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:12,015
- McNally.
- Chong.
60
00:03:24,195 --> 00:03:25,195
Not now.
61
00:03:25,446 --> 00:03:29,491
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey! Here we go! Yeah!
That's looking good! All right!
62
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:32,536
That's good form right there.
Let's keep that up, huh?
63
00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:35,998
That's a beautiful veneer. Just throw that
on the edge-band and we're set.
64
00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:38,000
- All right!
- Hey, Jack?
65
00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:41,670
- Do you know what time it is?
- What? I can't hear you over the saw.
66
00:03:41,754 --> 00:03:43,255
We're in the zone over here.
I don't want to lose focus.
67
00:03:43,339 --> 00:03:45,048
That's how people lose fingers, huh?
68
00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:48,343
- You're fired.
- All right. We are fired up, boys!
69
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:50,429
You are fired!
70
00:03:52,724 --> 00:03:53,807
All right.
71
00:03:54,475 --> 00:03:57,102
I'll play you for it. You win, I'm out.
72
00:03:57,770 --> 00:04:00,314
I win. I get a second chance.
73
00:04:00,398 --> 00:04:03,650
It's not a second chance
when you've had a hundred of them.
74
00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:15,787
Oh! Nine-seven! Keeping my job! Yeah!
75
00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:21,627
Okay. All right.
76
00:04:21,711 --> 00:04:24,129
- I'll give you one.
- Do you know what?
77
00:04:24,214 --> 00:04:25,505
You're supposed to be the future boss,
78
00:04:25,590 --> 00:04:28,300
but you're too busy
being the life of the party.
79
00:04:28,426 --> 00:04:31,220
At some point, you're gonna have
to step up and be a man.
80
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:40,103
- Eight-nine! Unemployment!
- Okay, man. You want to play?
81
00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:45,609
Nine-nine! Food stamps! Tastes so good.
82
00:04:50,823 --> 00:04:54,701
- Okay, that's not even a shot.
- The boss got game! The boss got game!
83
00:04:55,453 --> 00:04:57,579
Ten-nine. This is it, Jack.
84
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:06,296
- You know what? This is ridiculous.
- You know what? That's your problem.
85
00:05:06,381 --> 00:05:10,842
You can't handle the pressure. As soon
as you think you're going to lose, you quit.
86
00:05:14,222 --> 00:05:15,597
Game over, Jack.
87
00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:18,058
Don't get me wrong.
You're like a son to me.
88
00:05:18,142 --> 00:05:23,981
- Dad, I am your son.
- Yeah, and it's time to cut the cord.
89
00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:26,441
Let's go clean out your desk.
90
00:05:30,863 --> 00:05:33,031
Mason has no idea, not an idea at all.
91
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:36,910
- That you're pathetic, or...
- What, do you think I went overboard?
92
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:40,872
No. No, I think it's the exact
right amount of board.
93
00:05:40,957 --> 00:05:43,166
Which is what I am right now.
Can we start drinking?
94
00:05:43,251 --> 00:05:45,627
Of course. Okay, lookit!
These are for Mason.
95
00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:46,878
What's that?
96
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:49,047
Vegas? I thought you hated Vegas.
97
00:05:49,132 --> 00:05:51,258
I do, but, you know,
that's why they call it a gift tip,
98
00:05:51,342 --> 00:05:55,053
- because it truly is selfless.
- Oh, thanks.
99
00:05:57,724 --> 00:06:00,017
Okay, everyone listen!
I'm going to bring him in,
100
00:06:00,101 --> 00:06:03,270
I'm gonna turn on the lights, and that's
when you yell, "Surprise!"
101
00:06:03,354 --> 00:06:05,814
Oh, that's how a surprise party works!
I'm totally gonna write that down.
102
00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:08,608
Okay. Everyone, hide! Hide, hide, hide!
103
00:06:14,198 --> 00:06:15,532
- Hi, sweetie!
- Hey!
104
00:06:15,616 --> 00:06:18,702
Welcome home. Happy birthday.
Okay, come inside...
105
00:06:18,786 --> 00:06:21,997
- Listen, Joy. We need to talk.
- Okay. Well, let's do it inside. Okay?
106
00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:24,416
No, no, no. I can't, or I'll never do this.
107
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:25,876
Look, there's no easy way to say this.
108
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,794
Okay, then don't. Okay? Just think it,
109
00:06:27,879 --> 00:06:30,172
and then later, I'll try to figure out
what it was you were thinking.
110
00:06:30,256 --> 00:06:31,465
Okay? Let's just go inside.
111
00:06:31,549 --> 00:06:34,301
No, no, no, no, no, no!
This can't wait, Joy.
112
00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:36,762
You know I have a really important job.
113
00:06:36,846 --> 00:06:37,888
- Right?
- Yeah.
114
00:06:37,972 --> 00:06:41,016
So when I come home,
I want this place to be an escape.
115
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:44,311
And as of late, it's not.
116
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:48,940
Yes, the sex is great, okay?
I mean, that's fantastic,
117
00:06:49,025 --> 00:06:53,153
and I can't tell you how much I appreciate
all the things you've been trying
118
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:54,237
with my balls.
119
00:06:55,406 --> 00:06:57,783
But the rest is so exhausting.
120
00:06:58,701 --> 00:07:02,788
You're so on all the time, with all the
scheduling and planning, it's just...
121
00:07:03,414 --> 00:07:05,624
I don't want to marry you, Joy.
122
00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:08,668
I'm leaving you.
123
00:07:10,004 --> 00:07:12,923
Well, I mean, this is my place, so
technically, you would be the one
124
00:07:13,007 --> 00:07:15,842
that has to leave, but... Are you crying?
125
00:07:18,888 --> 00:07:20,472
Surprise.
126
00:07:20,890 --> 00:07:24,142
- Oh, shitballs.
- Yeah.
127
00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:25,477
Hey!
128
00:07:25,937 --> 00:07:27,646
Hey. Here...
129
00:07:29,065 --> 00:07:30,565
Do you have any idea
how much money I've made him?
130
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:33,402
You're my lawyer.
Can I sue him for something?
131
00:07:33,694 --> 00:07:36,738
Well, the problem with suing your father
is that he's your dad.
132
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:38,573
He'd love it. He'd think we were bonding.
133
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:43,328
Maybe he would be! You don't know.
Take him to court. It might be nice.
134
00:07:43,413 --> 00:07:47,040
- What am I gonna do about money?
- You're just realizing that right now?
135
00:07:47,125 --> 00:07:49,876
- Fascinating.
- I could do a lot of things for money.
136
00:07:49,961 --> 00:07:51,294
I'm good at stuff.
137
00:07:51,379 --> 00:07:54,339
I'll bet you $5
I can finish this beer faster than you.
138
00:07:54,424 --> 00:07:57,008
Really? You're on.
139
00:07:59,804 --> 00:08:01,430
He doesn't even deserve me.
140
00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:03,598
Here's my thought on what we should do
with this whole Mason thing.
141
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:04,766
- Okay.
- Once a week,
142
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,476
we get some of my brother's
loser-ass friends
143
00:08:06,561 --> 00:08:09,271
to go over to Mason's house,
ring his doorbell,
144
00:08:09,355 --> 00:08:12,149
and when he answers,
they're just gonna, bang,
145
00:08:12,233 --> 00:08:14,693
junkpunch him
right up in his man business
146
00:08:14,777 --> 00:08:15,944
and then he's gonna keel over.
147
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:19,072
While he's writhing on the ground
screaming, "Why?"
148
00:08:19,157 --> 00:08:21,283
they'll go, "You know why!"
149
00:08:22,243 --> 00:08:24,703
Wow! Did you just think of that?
150
00:08:24,787 --> 00:08:26,496
No, I was thinking about it a lot
on the way over.
151
00:08:28,249 --> 00:08:29,249
You are a child!
152
00:08:30,418 --> 00:08:33,462
- What is that? What is that?
- Double or nothing.
153
00:08:33,546 --> 00:08:35,172
Joy, you're gonna need
to take off this ring.
154
00:08:35,256 --> 00:08:37,841
No, I... I'm just... I'm just gonna...
155
00:08:37,925 --> 00:08:40,469
I'm just going to wear it
on the other hand.
156
00:08:40,970 --> 00:08:42,596
You're on fire. Man, you are on fire.
157
00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:44,639
This is like... I mean, you're lucky.
158
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:47,100
- I don't feel good.
- We need to capitalize on this.
159
00:08:47,185 --> 00:08:48,185
You know what's gonna
make you feel better?
160
00:08:48,269 --> 00:08:49,311
What?
161
00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:52,606
Where's the one place where
you can step up and be a man?
162
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:53,815
Community college?
163
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:57,486
Where can you go where
you can forget all your troubles
164
00:08:57,570 --> 00:08:59,529
and act like a total idiot?
165
00:08:59,614 --> 00:09:03,783
I am talking about one place
and one place only, my friend.
166
00:09:03,951 --> 00:09:05,118
Do not say Vegas.
167
00:09:05,286 --> 00:09:06,286
Please say Vegas.
168
00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:08,121
- Vegas, baby.
- Vegas?
169
00:09:08,289 --> 00:09:09,623
- Las Vegas?
- What?
170
00:09:09,707 --> 00:09:11,583
Swish it around in your mouth a little bit.
Think about it.
171
00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:13,335
- Vegas!
- Vegas.
172
00:09:13,419 --> 00:09:15,337
- Carefree.
- Say it like you mean it.
173
00:09:15,421 --> 00:09:17,172
- Spontaneous.
- I can't hear you!
174
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:18,840
- Vegas!
- Vegas?
175
00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:24,387
- Vegas!
- Vegas!
176
00:09:29,727 --> 00:09:31,645
Hello, Las Vegas!
177
00:09:36,192 --> 00:09:37,192
Wow.
178
00:09:38,236 --> 00:09:39,277
Vegas.
179
00:09:41,447 --> 00:09:44,407
Everyone, I'm so sorry,
but our computers are down right now,
180
00:09:44,492 --> 00:09:47,244
so just bear with us, please.
I'm sorry. I know.
181
00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,792
Okay, your fianc is one lucky guy.
182
00:09:54,168 --> 00:09:55,210
I love Vegas!
183
00:09:58,464 --> 00:10:00,340
Time to get a big-boy drink.
184
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:05,595
I'll have a vodka and a Scotch.
185
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:17,399
This is where I'm passing out.
Pants, you're out of here.
186
00:10:32,164 --> 00:10:34,332
Did we ever tell you
you scream like a girl?
187
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:39,963
My eyes! It burns!
188
00:10:42,258 --> 00:10:45,010
My head!
My head and my eyes are burning!
189
00:10:45,553 --> 00:10:46,553
My back!
190
00:10:49,432 --> 00:10:51,516
My nose! My nose now!
191
00:10:59,650 --> 00:11:02,027
Whoa! Whoa! Take it easy!
192
00:11:11,746 --> 00:11:15,665
It's okay! It's okay! They're gay!
193
00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:17,375
- What?
- They're gay!
194
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:23,298
This... No, no, this is not
what it looks like.
195
00:11:23,382 --> 00:11:25,133
We just...
We all got booked in the same room.
196
00:11:25,217 --> 00:11:29,220
Let's just go downstairs.
I smell an upgrade!
197
00:11:30,181 --> 00:11:32,766
- You guys aren't gay?
- No.
198
00:11:39,398 --> 00:11:41,232
- I got this.
- No.
199
00:11:41,609 --> 00:11:43,693
Just let me handle it, okay?
200
00:11:44,945 --> 00:11:45,945
Okay.
201
00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:48,865
Curtis. You and I have a problem.
202
00:11:49,158 --> 00:11:50,659
I think we both know
how this game works.
203
00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:53,161
I complain, and you tell me
there's nothing you can do,
204
00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:55,580
but we both know that's a big, fat lie,
205
00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:57,791
so why don't you just
save us both the trouble
206
00:11:57,875 --> 00:11:59,250
and type in those special codes
207
00:11:59,335 --> 00:12:01,211
that you know
you're gonna type in eventually
208
00:12:01,295 --> 00:12:05,215
and find me two rooms that are so nice
209
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,051
that it turns my night right back around?
210
00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:11,429
She's awfully hostile for a girl named Joy.
211
00:12:13,182 --> 00:12:16,434
I'm going to do exactly
what you're telling me to do, because
212
00:12:17,311 --> 00:12:18,687
I'm a little frightened of you.
213
00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:19,938
These are penthouse suites.
214
00:12:20,022 --> 00:12:22,440
You can't get any higher than that
without going on the roof,
215
00:12:22,525 --> 00:12:26,361
and you're not allowed on the roof,
because people jump.
216
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:33,368
Penthouse suites.
217
00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:34,828
- Nice!
- No!
218
00:12:34,912 --> 00:12:36,788
- Yeah.
- That's not bad.
219
00:12:36,872 --> 00:12:38,623
Well, you're welcome.
220
00:12:39,417 --> 00:12:40,750
Now watch and learn.
221
00:12:42,253 --> 00:12:43,878
- Hey, buddy.
- Oh, hi. How are you?
222
00:12:43,963 --> 00:12:46,881
I think you just met my friend back there.
223
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:48,383
Kind of a scary person.
224
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:50,051
Oh, Egyptian cotton. That's nice.
225
00:12:50,678 --> 00:12:52,721
I want to apologize for her.
For three weeks out of the month,
226
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:54,723
we get to enjoy
God's most precious creation,
227
00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:56,558
and on week four, the bill arrives.
228
00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:59,227
I know what you mean.
A period, right?
229
00:13:01,313 --> 00:13:03,565
Look, I don't want to push here,
230
00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:07,402
but I know that a man in your position
is capable of producing certain amenities.
231
00:13:10,239 --> 00:13:12,240
Planet Hollywood. Yeah.
232
00:13:13,451 --> 00:13:14,492
VIP!
233
00:13:22,710 --> 00:13:26,629
Hey. So, you're from New York,
we're from New York.
234
00:13:27,965 --> 00:13:31,176
- We're going to Le Cirque, please!
- Come on.
235
00:13:32,470 --> 00:13:35,722
Look, I didn't bring my buddy
all the way out to Vegas
236
00:13:35,890 --> 00:13:37,432
so he could get his ass kicked. Right?
237
00:13:37,516 --> 00:13:39,267
So the least you could do is help me
show him a good time.
238
00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:42,437
Your buddy wouldn't know a good time
if it sat on his face.
239
00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:46,775
Okay, you know what, Stripper?
You are kind of a disgusting skank.
240
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:48,902
Driver, we'll get out here! Thank you!
241
00:13:48,986 --> 00:13:50,069
- Okay, bye!
- Thank you.
242
00:13:50,154 --> 00:13:52,864
- Use a condom, boys.
- Bye-bye. Bye. Just go!
243
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:58,286
Oh, come on. One drink.
244
00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:00,872
I'm a pretty fun guy. You can ask around.
245
00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:04,083
Thanks, but we have dinner reservations.
246
00:14:04,168 --> 00:14:07,212
And we have to map out our assault
on the Strip.
247
00:14:07,755 --> 00:14:10,590
You have a plan to make plans?
248
00:14:16,013 --> 00:14:17,305
Excuse me?
249
00:14:18,098 --> 00:14:20,642
I bet you look really good
with your hair down.
250
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:22,894
- My hair is down.
- One drink!
251
00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:25,772
I dare you!
252
00:14:33,823 --> 00:14:36,866
Did I invent hip-hop? No. But I was there.
253
00:14:37,368 --> 00:14:39,744
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
254
00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:41,788
- So, Joy.
- Yeah?
255
00:14:41,872 --> 00:14:43,665
What brings you to Sin City?
256
00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:46,668
You know, just being spontaneous,
257
00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:49,128
cutting loose, like everyone else.
How about yourself?
258
00:14:49,213 --> 00:14:52,382
Yeah. Me? Oh, I'm here on business.
259
00:14:52,466 --> 00:14:55,343
Big business, actually. I'm...
260
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:56,970
I'm a pretty important guy
261
00:14:57,137 --> 00:14:58,680
in my field.
262
00:14:59,348 --> 00:15:00,515
Really?
263
00:15:01,475 --> 00:15:02,475
No.
264
00:15:03,352 --> 00:15:04,602
Actually,
265
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:11,276
I just got fired. So, cheers to that.
266
00:15:15,030 --> 00:15:18,616
I just got dumped, so, salud.
267
00:15:19,743 --> 00:15:22,704
Did I mention that I got fired
by my boss-slash-father?
268
00:15:22,788 --> 00:15:26,291
Did I mention that I threw
a surprise birthday party for my fianc
269
00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:29,460
and the surprise was that he dumped me
in front of all of our closest friends
270
00:15:29,545 --> 00:15:31,754
while they hid in the closet?
271
00:15:32,089 --> 00:15:33,882
Wow. Okay, you win.
272
00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:36,467
Excuse me.
We're gonna need a whole bottle.
273
00:15:36,552 --> 00:15:39,554
I saved a baby today.
I'm not a hero, though.
274
00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:42,473
- You know what I mean? I'm not a...
- He's married.
275
00:15:42,558 --> 00:15:45,977
This is my lesbian sister.
Tell her about your softball game.
276
00:15:46,061 --> 00:15:47,645
Tell her about your softball team.
277
00:15:49,565 --> 00:15:53,067
What do you say we bet 10-to-1,
with $125 on the hard eight?
278
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:55,570
- Bets are right there.
- All right. Roll them out.
279
00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:59,407
No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't...
I wouldn't bet on me winning.
280
00:15:59,950 --> 00:16:02,076
You roll, princess.
281
00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:06,331
All right. Go, 44! 44!
282
00:16:10,669 --> 00:16:12,754
This is my party trick. Here it goes.
283
00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:14,672
What are you gonna do?
Are you going to cut...
284
00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:18,927
You know, you were right about me.
285
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:20,136
You just cut it off!
286
00:16:20,220 --> 00:16:23,765
It's like you're trying to come in first
but it's somebody else's race.
287
00:16:25,476 --> 00:16:28,144
- It's like Egypt!
- It's amazing!
288
00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:31,481
You never felt good enough,
so you took yourself out of the game.
289
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:35,860
To everyone who's ever been dumped
290
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:39,364
and to everyone who has ever been fired,
291
00:16:40,616 --> 00:16:43,576
when I say, "Screw!" you say, "You!"
292
00:16:43,702 --> 00:16:46,829
- Screw!
- You!
293
00:16:47,998 --> 00:16:49,082
Yes!
294
00:16:57,216 --> 00:17:00,051
I think I just got to the point
where I wasn't even trying.
295
00:17:00,135 --> 00:17:01,678
Why should you try?
296
00:17:01,762 --> 00:17:05,098
I work 80 hours a week
and I don't even know why.
297
00:17:05,933 --> 00:17:07,642
I've been so naughty!
298
00:17:07,726 --> 00:17:09,936
Out of my way! Out of my way!
299
00:17:10,604 --> 00:17:12,188
I'm not usually this honest.
300
00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:14,232
I'm usually not this fun.
301
00:17:25,703 --> 00:17:26,786
The best part is...
302
00:17:26,870 --> 00:17:28,955
- We can really talk.
- Really connect.
303
00:17:29,039 --> 00:17:32,667
Yeah, 'cause you're like the last person
on the planet I'd ever sleep with!
304
00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:34,544
Ever! Ever! Ever!
305
00:17:37,381 --> 00:17:39,298
This is gonna be fun!
306
00:18:06,076 --> 00:18:08,786
Oh, God. Please be fake. Please be fake.
307
00:18:11,415 --> 00:18:13,124
Oh, God.
308
00:18:35,355 --> 00:18:39,025
No, no, please, please, please!
Oh, please, please, no!
309
00:18:39,109 --> 00:18:41,694
You can't get divorced here, okay?
You gotta do it where you live.
310
00:18:41,779 --> 00:18:44,447
Besides, you don't want a divorce,
all right? You want an annulment.
311
00:18:44,531 --> 00:18:47,784
See, what happens in Vegas, you pay for
when you get back home.
312
00:18:47,868 --> 00:18:48,993
That's what the thing is.
313
00:18:49,870 --> 00:18:51,788
What if she's a clinger?
314
00:18:51,872 --> 00:18:54,791
What if she's a crier?
What if she's, like, a clinging crier?
315
00:18:54,875 --> 00:18:57,418
You murder her. Problem solved.
316
00:18:59,963 --> 00:19:01,672
You don't have to yell.
317
00:19:01,799 --> 00:19:03,174
Was there any part of the night,
318
00:19:03,258 --> 00:19:06,260
I don't know, maybe, say, the part where
I was about to marry the rebound guy,
319
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:07,804
that you thought, "Hey, oh my God!
320
00:19:07,888 --> 00:19:10,348
"This is a really good time
for an intervention"?
321
00:19:10,432 --> 00:19:11,432
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
322
00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:14,227
I, like, threw up in my own purse, so...
323
00:19:15,395 --> 00:19:18,272
This is a city built on excess
and bad decisions.
324
00:19:18,357 --> 00:19:20,483
Vegas should be the only place on Earth
where you can't get married.
325
00:19:20,567 --> 00:19:22,110
Pull it together, dude.
326
00:19:22,569 --> 00:19:24,612
You got to charm that ring
off her finger, okay?
327
00:19:32,746 --> 00:19:34,956
- You all right?
- Yeah.
328
00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:39,877
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
329
00:19:42,256 --> 00:19:43,923
- Hi!
- Good morning.
330
00:19:44,007 --> 00:19:45,466
- Morning.
- Good morning.
331
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:47,301
Morning, morning, morning.
332
00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:50,763
I could use some coffee.
333
00:19:51,348 --> 00:19:52,640
Oh, God, yeah.
334
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:55,935
Well, what's mine is yours.
335
00:19:57,855 --> 00:20:00,064
Here, well, you want to, uh...
336
00:20:00,566 --> 00:20:02,733
Mi coffee es su coffee.
337
00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:11,492
- This is good orange juice.
- Yeah. It's very good.
338
00:20:11,577 --> 00:20:13,411
It's ridiculously good.
The orange juice is good.
339
00:20:13,495 --> 00:20:16,372
- I don't usually like pulp. You a fan?
- Not really.
340
00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:19,584
- Jack?
- Yes.
341
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:22,920
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Yep.
342
00:20:23,755 --> 00:20:25,840
Yes. Yep. Talk. Sure.
343
00:20:26,884 --> 00:20:28,176
They're so cute together!
344
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:31,971
If I could make someone dead
with my mind, it would be you.
345
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:45,943
- Yo.
- Hey.
346
00:20:49,198 --> 00:20:50,239
So!
347
00:20:53,243 --> 00:20:55,286
- Great night, huh?
- Yeah!
348
00:20:55,370 --> 00:20:58,456
I mean, you are a lot of fun, Joy.
349
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:01,751
- I am?
- Yeah!
350
00:21:01,835 --> 00:21:04,378
A lot of fun. That... I mean, last night was
351
00:21:06,340 --> 00:21:07,340
so
352
00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:09,467
great.
353
00:21:10,344 --> 00:21:13,846
Actually, you know, there was like...
Maybe there was one tiny little thing...
354
00:21:13,931 --> 00:21:16,265
I think I know what you mean.
355
00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:19,268
Okay, this...
356
00:21:19,353 --> 00:21:21,812
There's no easy way to say this,
so I'm just going to...
357
00:21:21,897 --> 00:21:24,148
Whoa, whoa. Wait. Are...
358
00:21:24,816 --> 00:21:25,983
Are you
359
00:21:26,985 --> 00:21:28,653
- dumping me?
- You didn't...
360
00:21:28,737 --> 00:21:30,738
No! I was coming down here to dump you!
361
00:21:30,822 --> 00:21:32,657
- Oh! Jeez... Okay, so we're good!
- Yeah!
362
00:21:32,741 --> 00:21:35,076
- Okay, disaster averted!
- You said it!
363
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,536
- Yeah, no. Bullet dodged!
- You betcha!
364
00:21:37,621 --> 00:21:39,664
I mean, pooch unscrewed! Free at last!
365
00:21:39,748 --> 00:21:42,416
- Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last.
- Okay. I got it, okay?
366
00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:44,919
- Got it.
- Okay. I'm sorry. I...
367
00:21:45,170 --> 00:21:48,005
You just seem like the type of girl
who's looking for a serious relationship,
368
00:21:48,090 --> 00:21:49,966
and I'm not that... I mean, you... Like...
369
00:21:50,050 --> 00:21:52,593
No offense,
but you seem like a lot of work.
370
00:21:52,678 --> 00:21:55,846
Like it would take, like,
a team of guys, and I'm not...
371
00:21:57,015 --> 00:22:00,726
Marriages are an outdated concept...
372
00:22:00,852 --> 00:22:02,603
Are you dumping me again?
373
00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:05,940
- I'm in a really weird place right now...
- Where's that, Jack? The starting line?
374
00:22:06,024 --> 00:22:10,403
Because I have news for you, buddy.
The gun went off a long time ago.
375
00:22:10,696 --> 00:22:12,863
Okay! Look at that!
Good luck with the job, huh?
376
00:22:12,948 --> 00:22:15,491
"Employee handles criticism poorly!"
377
00:22:16,535 --> 00:22:18,494
Well, then maybe
you should teach a seminar, Jack,
378
00:22:18,578 --> 00:22:20,955
considering you can't even keep a job
with your own father!
379
00:22:21,039 --> 00:22:24,333
You know, the one person who's
biologically programmed to love you,
380
00:22:24,418 --> 00:22:26,711
and even he can't stand you!
381
00:22:26,878 --> 00:22:30,464
Look at that. You had to come all the way
to Vegas and marry a complete stranger
382
00:22:30,549 --> 00:22:34,427
just to prove that you're not a robot.
Congratulations, Joy! That was a feeling!
383
00:22:34,511 --> 00:22:36,971
Oh, I have a feeling, all right!
It's called nausea!
384
00:22:37,055 --> 00:22:38,806
Yeah?
"Oh, I have a feeling, all right!
385
00:22:38,890 --> 00:22:39,974
"It's called nausea!"
386
00:22:40,058 --> 00:22:42,852
- How old are you, five?
- Six, actually. I'm six.
387
00:22:42,936 --> 00:22:44,145
You know, this is why we'd never work.
388
00:22:44,229 --> 00:22:48,399
'Cause I could never, ever be with
someone that's so completely broken!
389
00:22:48,567 --> 00:22:49,859
- Broken?
- Broken!
390
00:22:49,943 --> 00:22:52,153
Broken. You know what?
You don't even know me, mister!
391
00:22:52,237 --> 00:22:54,905
No, I don't know you,
and I got a feeling that neither do you.
392
00:22:54,990 --> 00:22:56,574
You know what?
I'll call you about the annulment.
393
00:22:56,658 --> 00:22:59,952
How about this?
Why don't you just e-mail me?
394
00:23:01,747 --> 00:23:02,872
Hey. Hey, hey, hey!
395
00:23:02,956 --> 00:23:05,708
- We'll always have Vegas!
- Hey! That's my quarter!
396
00:23:26,605 --> 00:23:27,980
What the...
397
00:23:28,065 --> 00:23:31,442
# We are the champions, my friends #
398
00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:36,864
# And we'll keep on fighting
till the end #
399
00:23:36,948 --> 00:23:40,284
I'm really, really rich!
I'm really, really rich!
400
00:23:40,786 --> 00:23:41,827
# We are the champions #
401
00:23:41,912 --> 00:23:43,788
That was my quarter!
402
00:23:44,790 --> 00:23:47,458
# We are the champions #
403
00:23:47,542 --> 00:23:50,211
- We did it!
- Richest man in the world!
404
00:23:50,295 --> 00:23:52,296
# No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions #
405
00:23:52,381 --> 00:23:55,841
A big giant check! I'm so happy!
I've never been...
406
00:23:56,635 --> 00:23:58,302
I'm really happy!
407
00:23:58,762 --> 00:24:00,888
Oh, my God! That was my quarter!
408
00:24:03,308 --> 00:24:05,434
Congratulations!
You just quadrupled your investment!
409
00:24:05,519 --> 00:24:07,269
What, you think this is all yours? God!
410
00:24:07,354 --> 00:24:11,440
Yes, it's mine. I put the quarter
in the machine and I pulled the lever.
411
00:24:11,525 --> 00:24:15,820
My quarter on the machine that I was
using, the one I loosened up for you!
412
00:24:16,321 --> 00:24:18,155
That's right! Now if you'll excuse me,
413
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:21,158
I have a giant colorful check to deposit!
414
00:24:22,035 --> 00:24:25,246
Whatever happened to
"What's mine is yours, baby"?
415
00:24:26,248 --> 00:24:29,291
We're married now, remember?
416
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:38,467
More importantly, Your Honor, my client
only knew Miss McNally for four hours
417
00:24:38,552 --> 00:24:40,136
before they "got married,"
418
00:24:40,220 --> 00:24:43,013
three and a half of which were spent
in a state of
419
00:24:43,098 --> 00:24:44,765
total inebriation.
420
00:24:45,517 --> 00:24:46,517
Mmm-hmm.
421
00:24:46,726 --> 00:24:48,978
You. Other one.
422
00:24:49,062 --> 00:24:52,356
You have any evidence that you both
knowingly entered into this marriage,
423
00:24:52,441 --> 00:24:53,941
that it's not just a sham?
424
00:24:54,025 --> 00:24:55,359
Let me see.
425
00:24:56,403 --> 00:24:58,988
Would a note do?
426
00:25:00,198 --> 00:25:01,657
It's a start.
427
00:25:06,163 --> 00:25:09,039
And then there's a photo.
428
00:25:10,917 --> 00:25:12,042
Nice.
429
00:25:13,712 --> 00:25:15,087
I didn't know anything about that.
430
00:25:15,172 --> 00:25:16,672
There's also
431
00:25:18,758 --> 00:25:21,927
- a video.
- And I am going to provide for her,
432
00:25:22,012 --> 00:25:23,888
I'm gonna love her,
433
00:25:24,598 --> 00:25:26,724
and I'm going to provide for her,
434
00:25:26,808 --> 00:25:29,143
- 'cause we're married!
- Married!
435
00:25:30,395 --> 00:25:32,396
We're all gonna get laid!
436
00:25:34,107 --> 00:25:36,567
Was that you, Cueball? His lawyer?
437
00:25:37,319 --> 00:25:39,904
I didn't... I don't have my glasses on.
438
00:25:45,076 --> 00:25:46,827
I don't like you.
439
00:25:46,912 --> 00:25:48,662
I don't like any of you.
440
00:25:48,747 --> 00:25:52,291
Your generation,
with your Vegas and your Internet
441
00:25:52,375 --> 00:25:54,585
and your "I want it right now."
442
00:25:54,669 --> 00:25:57,630
You know, gay people aren't destroying
the sanctity of marriage,
443
00:25:57,714 --> 00:25:59,048
you people are.
444
00:25:59,132 --> 00:26:01,759
Marriage is about love and commitment.
445
00:26:01,843 --> 00:26:07,389
Listen, I've been married for 25 years
to the same wonderful, infuriating woman,
446
00:26:07,474 --> 00:26:10,100
and granted, there are days
when I want to light her on fire,
447
00:26:10,185 --> 00:26:12,770
but I don't, because I love her,
448
00:26:12,854 --> 00:26:14,271
and that would be illegal.
449
00:26:14,356 --> 00:26:16,232
And you know something?
I might be old-fashioned,
450
00:26:16,316 --> 00:26:20,528
but when I said those vows out loud,
I meant them.
451
00:26:20,612 --> 00:26:22,530
This guy is such a douche.
452
00:26:22,614 --> 00:26:25,324
Before, or should I say if
453
00:26:25,408 --> 00:26:27,826
I ever allow either of you
out of this marriage,
454
00:26:27,911 --> 00:26:29,870
I'm going to make sure
that you try everything,
455
00:26:29,955 --> 00:26:33,207
and I do mean everything, first
to make it work.
456
00:26:33,291 --> 00:26:35,251
- Objection, Your Honor. You can't do that.
- Objection!
457
00:26:35,335 --> 00:26:38,254
Watch me. Now, do either one of you
have a place to live?
458
00:26:38,338 --> 00:26:40,756
I don't at the moment, Your Honor,
but I will.
459
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:42,633
You see, I...
460
00:26:42,717 --> 00:26:44,885
My ex-fianc and I broke up, and...
461
00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:48,639
You know, Mrs. Fuller, you're not helping
make your case here, okay?
462
00:26:49,349 --> 00:26:52,309
What about you, pretty boy?
You got a crash pad?
463
00:26:52,811 --> 00:26:55,813
- Yes.
- Okay, great! We have a hearth!
464
00:26:55,897 --> 00:26:59,316
I am freezing the $3 million
for the next six months
465
00:26:59,442 --> 00:27:03,153
and sentencing you two
to six months hard marriage.
466
00:27:03,238 --> 00:27:04,863
And so I can keep an eye on you,
467
00:27:04,948 --> 00:27:08,200
I'm ordering you both
into weekly marital counseling.
468
00:27:08,285 --> 00:27:10,202
I want you two to listen to me.
469
00:27:10,287 --> 00:27:15,457
You better play by my rules on this,
or I'm gonna tie this money up in litigation
470
00:27:15,542 --> 00:27:18,252
that is so long,
so protracted, so expensive
471
00:27:18,336 --> 00:27:22,298
that neither one of you
will ever see a dime of it.
472
00:27:23,008 --> 00:27:25,884
All right. Anything...
Oh, yeah! One more thing.
473
00:27:26,011 --> 00:27:28,512
I now pronounce you man and wife!
474
00:27:33,435 --> 00:27:35,060
Can he do that?
475
00:27:35,145 --> 00:27:36,979
Yeah, he's the judge.
He can do whatever he wants.
476
00:27:37,063 --> 00:27:38,939
And he clearly wants to make an example
out of you both.
477
00:27:39,024 --> 00:27:40,899
If you just do what the guy says,
478
00:27:40,984 --> 00:27:42,943
he's gonna be forced
to grant you a divorce.
479
00:27:43,028 --> 00:27:44,403
- In which case...
- You would probably...
480
00:27:44,487 --> 00:27:45,487
- ...split...
- ...the money...
481
00:27:45,572 --> 00:27:47,156
...equally as marital property.
482
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:48,949
You didn't do anything in there!
483
00:27:49,034 --> 00:27:50,284
- What?
- You didn't do anything!
484
00:27:50,368 --> 00:27:53,329
I called her a vixen! I called her a vixen!
485
00:27:54,873 --> 00:27:55,914
- So?
- So.
486
00:27:55,999 --> 00:27:57,291
I can do anything for six months.
487
00:27:57,375 --> 00:28:00,669
I can not wear pants for six months.
So if you aren't up to it...
488
00:28:00,754 --> 00:28:02,421
Oh, I am so up to it.
489
00:28:02,505 --> 00:28:04,923
And if you're trying to insinuate
that I'm the one that can't do this,
490
00:28:05,008 --> 00:28:07,509
then you are sorely mistaken, short bus.
491
00:28:07,594 --> 00:28:09,470
Whoa! Okay! So it's settled, then.
492
00:28:09,554 --> 00:28:11,847
All right. Think of it
as a business arrangement.
493
00:28:11,931 --> 00:28:14,892
Be married for six months,
get $1.5 million.
494
00:28:15,810 --> 00:28:18,896
- How hard can it be?
- I know how hard it isn't.
495
00:28:20,857 --> 00:28:22,107
Excuse me. Out of my way.
496
00:28:22,442 --> 00:28:23,442
Thank you.
497
00:28:25,945 --> 00:28:28,364
- Oh, Jesus. Here.
- Great.
498
00:28:33,244 --> 00:28:34,244
Smile for the camera.
499
00:28:34,329 --> 00:28:36,830
Hi, hubby, it's me. Open up.
500
00:28:36,915 --> 00:28:38,165
Hiya!
501
00:28:38,583 --> 00:28:39,625
It's all the way at the top.
502
00:28:40,377 --> 00:28:41,377
She's here.
503
00:28:42,587 --> 00:28:43,712
Okay, don't overdo it, though.
504
00:28:46,716 --> 00:28:50,803
Hey! Look what I brought my new hubby!
505
00:28:50,887 --> 00:28:54,181
'Cause I want to please him,
and men, they like the beer.
506
00:28:54,265 --> 00:28:58,519
Hey, look who's being a good wifey,
really trying to make her marriage work.
507
00:28:58,603 --> 00:29:00,688
Oh, muffin pants, what a wonderful gift.
508
00:29:00,772 --> 00:29:04,358
I'm going to buy you a big box of Tampax
just so I can thank you,
509
00:29:04,442 --> 00:29:07,027
'cause that's what good husbands do.
510
00:29:12,367 --> 00:29:14,076
Sorry, I can't control myself
when I'm around you,
511
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,203
I just love you so much!
512
00:29:16,287 --> 00:29:17,454
Not as much as I love you!
513
00:29:20,458 --> 00:29:22,334
Shall we, Mrs. Fuller?
514
00:29:23,294 --> 00:29:25,045
Oh. Here. Let me get this.
515
00:29:25,130 --> 00:29:26,630
- Let me get that. Oh!
- Wait a sec.
516
00:29:28,133 --> 00:29:29,925
Slippery. Slippery.
517
00:29:34,472 --> 00:29:35,472
What?
518
00:29:39,394 --> 00:29:41,979
Sorry, baby,
just you're a little on the heavy side.
519
00:29:42,063 --> 00:29:44,106
Welcome home, sweetheart.
520
00:29:45,984 --> 00:29:48,569
You literally have a bar
in the middle of your living room.
521
00:29:48,653 --> 00:29:49,903
It's not so bad.
522
00:29:49,988 --> 00:29:52,948
I mean, I would never live here, ever, but...
523
00:29:53,032 --> 00:29:55,868
What? I ran
the New York City Marathon, okay?
524
00:29:55,952 --> 00:29:58,662
I can do this. I can totally do this.
525
00:30:01,541 --> 00:30:02,875
Oh, my God.
526
00:30:03,668 --> 00:30:05,252
I can't do this!
527
00:30:05,336 --> 00:30:06,837
Don't throw any
of that hair away, okay?
528
00:30:06,921 --> 00:30:09,339
I'm saving it up
to make you something special,
529
00:30:09,424 --> 00:30:11,925
like a hat or a sweater.
530
00:30:12,010 --> 00:30:14,052
I still haven't decided yet.
531
00:30:14,596 --> 00:30:16,346
Do you train monkeys in here?
532
00:30:16,723 --> 00:30:20,809
Seriously! It's one thing if you like a guy,
you put up with disgusting stuff like this,
533
00:30:20,894 --> 00:30:24,271
but you I don't care for, so clean it up.
534
00:30:24,355 --> 00:30:27,858
I'm not here under court order,
so I'm going to take off.
535
00:30:27,942 --> 00:30:29,485
- Later, buddy.
- Bye.
536
00:30:30,403 --> 00:30:31,737
$1.5 million.
537
00:30:32,614 --> 00:30:36,033
Here. These are antibacterial. Get to work.
538
00:30:44,375 --> 00:30:46,627
That looks like it's gonna be
comfortable for you.
539
00:30:46,711 --> 00:30:48,504
Where's the bedroom?
540
00:30:49,547 --> 00:30:53,509
- Uh... It's in there.
- Sweet dreams.
541
00:30:53,593 --> 00:30:54,718
Yeah.
542
00:30:57,347 --> 00:30:58,806
What is this?
543
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:04,728
Ooh. That was close.
544
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:09,817
- That stinks.
- Just a little bit of me.
545
00:31:09,901 --> 00:31:13,237
- Oh, God!
- And some other people. Whatever.
546
00:31:33,591 --> 00:31:36,552
- Do you need some help?
- Yeah, I do, as a matter of fact.
547
00:31:36,636 --> 00:31:38,512
You should probably call somebody.
548
00:31:38,888 --> 00:31:40,764
- What?
- To help you.
549
00:31:43,184 --> 00:31:45,227
Hey, could you do that thing
where you turn around on the bed
550
00:31:45,311 --> 00:31:46,687
and fix the top side again?
551
00:31:46,771 --> 00:31:48,355
Okay, can I sleep on the couch?
552
00:31:48,439 --> 00:31:49,481
No.
553
00:32:06,708 --> 00:32:08,250
Smoothies!
554
00:32:13,673 --> 00:32:15,257
- Hon?
- Yeah.
555
00:32:15,341 --> 00:32:16,925
If I could just get in there for a sec.
556
00:32:17,135 --> 00:32:18,427
I'm almost done. I'll be right out.
557
00:32:18,511 --> 00:32:20,262
No, no. "Be right out"
is not really gonna work.
558
00:32:20,346 --> 00:32:22,264
Like, be right out right now.
559
00:32:23,099 --> 00:32:24,391
I'm almost done!
560
00:32:35,445 --> 00:32:36,612
Okay...
561
00:32:39,324 --> 00:32:41,700
Oh, yeah, this is happening.
562
00:32:42,452 --> 00:32:44,536
You only have yourself to blame.
563
00:32:44,621 --> 00:32:47,164
By the way, it's your day on dishes.
564
00:32:58,843 --> 00:32:59,843
Freak.
565
00:32:59,928 --> 00:33:01,219
Where do you get your underwear?
The hospital?
566
00:33:01,304 --> 00:33:04,014
- What?
- Seriously, what's up with the P. E. bra?
567
00:33:04,098 --> 00:33:07,893
Well, it's comfy and supportive,
like a man should be.
568
00:33:07,977 --> 00:33:12,105
You women. In the beginning it's all, like,
laces and rainbows and trapdoors.
569
00:33:12,190 --> 00:33:15,776
As soon as you get married, it's nothing
but these flesh tones and PMS pants.
570
00:33:15,860 --> 00:33:17,361
You might as well wear a placard
around your neck
571
00:33:17,445 --> 00:33:19,780
- that says, "We're not having sex, ever."
- Ever!
572
00:33:19,864 --> 00:33:20,989
- Ever.
- Ever!
573
00:33:21,074 --> 00:33:23,784
What happened to the purple bra
from Vegas? That was nice.
574
00:33:23,868 --> 00:33:27,162
I'm going to save that
for my non-retarded husband.
575
00:33:28,873 --> 00:33:31,792
Well, the grownups have to go
to work today.
576
00:33:32,543 --> 00:33:35,545
- What are you going to do all day?
- I don't know yet.
577
00:33:35,630 --> 00:33:39,132
I'd rather do nothing and be happy
than do something I know I don't love.
578
00:33:39,217 --> 00:33:41,051
Words to live by, Yanni.
579
00:33:41,135 --> 00:33:43,136
Beat it, worker drone.
Tell the man I say hi.
580
00:33:43,221 --> 00:33:46,223
- Whatever, loser.
- Hey, don't get hit by a bus.
581
00:33:46,307 --> 00:33:47,599
Or do. Whatever.
582
00:33:48,726 --> 00:33:50,560
# I beIieve in miracIes #
583
00:33:51,521 --> 00:33:54,898
# Where you from
You sexy thing #
584
00:33:56,734 --> 00:33:58,652
# I beIieve in miracIes #
585
00:34:00,363 --> 00:34:04,324
# Since you came along
You sexy thing #
586
00:34:16,879 --> 00:34:18,463
- McNally.
- What are you wearing, baby?
587
00:34:18,548 --> 00:34:20,549
- Who is this?
- Your boss.
588
00:34:21,676 --> 00:34:23,176
Get the Chonger
and get up here right away.
589
00:34:23,261 --> 00:34:26,430
Coming right up! Okay.
Banger needs to see us upstairs.
590
00:34:26,514 --> 00:34:30,142
After 15 years of loyal service,
we're dumping Bob whatshisname,
591
00:34:30,226 --> 00:34:33,228
which means that this office
is gonna be up for grabs.
592
00:34:33,312 --> 00:34:35,522
So, I'm going to promote one of you skirts
out of the pit.
593
00:34:35,606 --> 00:34:38,525
And that's not sexual harassment.
Believe me, I've checked.
594
00:34:38,609 --> 00:34:40,986
You're my top guns, girls. Do me proud.
595
00:34:41,070 --> 00:34:42,612
Thank you, sir.
596
00:34:43,823 --> 00:34:46,366
So! I guess I'll be Maverick
and you can be Goose.
597
00:34:46,451 --> 00:34:49,536
Be whoever you want to be,
you'll still gonna be my subordinate.
598
00:34:49,620 --> 00:34:52,372
- Excuse me?
- It's from the Latin, meaning "my bitch."
599
00:34:52,457 --> 00:34:54,416
- What is wrong with you?
- I eat girls like you.
600
00:34:54,500 --> 00:34:56,543
- Oh, you eat girls!
- Not like that.
601
00:34:56,627 --> 00:34:57,627
- Makes total sense.
- It shouldn't.
602
00:34:57,795 --> 00:34:58,920
- No judgments.
- But I'm not...
603
00:34:59,047 --> 00:35:00,130
Just saying.
604
00:35:07,722 --> 00:35:08,889
Ready to do this?
605
00:35:08,973 --> 00:35:12,809
Pretend like you don't make me vomit
in my nose every time I look at you?
606
00:35:13,644 --> 00:35:14,811
Yes.
607
00:35:15,980 --> 00:35:19,941
So, Jack, tell me about yourself.
What are your hobbies?
608
00:35:20,902 --> 00:35:22,277
Hobbies.
609
00:35:23,071 --> 00:35:25,322
You mean, besides my marriage?
610
00:35:26,991 --> 00:35:28,241
My hobbies.
611
00:35:28,326 --> 00:35:30,410
Mostly, I just like loving her.
612
00:35:30,495 --> 00:35:32,329
It's just so easy.
613
00:35:34,832 --> 00:35:36,166
What else?
614
00:35:36,793 --> 00:35:42,339
Listening. I love listening
to what she has to say. It's just...
615
00:35:42,423 --> 00:35:45,759
In fact, actually,
I carry this notebook around with me,
616
00:35:45,843 --> 00:35:49,805
just so I can write it down,
because usually it's so important.
617
00:35:50,431 --> 00:35:54,643
What else?
I think just being there for her, in general.
618
00:35:56,145 --> 00:35:58,271
Loving her until it hurts.
619
00:35:59,148 --> 00:36:00,440
It hurts.
620
00:36:01,025 --> 00:36:04,820
That's... I don't know,
that's probably most of my interests.
621
00:36:07,532 --> 00:36:08,949
Joy?
622
00:36:09,033 --> 00:36:10,617
I'd have to agree.
623
00:36:10,701 --> 00:36:13,203
And I'd have to add, you know,
624
00:36:14,247 --> 00:36:15,664
staring at him.
625
00:36:15,748 --> 00:36:20,127
Yeah. I mean, I just love watching him be.
626
00:36:20,211 --> 00:36:21,545
I love everything about him.
627
00:36:21,629 --> 00:36:24,005
Most people would be repulsed,
628
00:36:24,090 --> 00:36:27,175
you know, to find his socks
and his dirty underwear
629
00:36:27,260 --> 00:36:30,053
sort of down shoved
in the bottom of the bed,
630
00:36:30,138 --> 00:36:31,805
touching them in the middle of the night.
631
00:36:31,889 --> 00:36:34,224
They might want to try
to, like, scrub and scrub and scrub
632
00:36:34,308 --> 00:36:38,270
and try to get the stains
and the scent off of them, but...
633
00:36:39,397 --> 00:36:43,233
Not me. I just... I love it!
634
00:36:43,317 --> 00:36:47,320
I just...
I kind of want to just roll around in it!
635
00:36:50,158 --> 00:36:52,200
Her candles smell awesome!
636
00:36:54,745 --> 00:36:57,122
You know, I do have a few degrees,
637
00:36:57,206 --> 00:37:00,834
and I went to a bunch
of really expensive schools.
638
00:37:00,918 --> 00:37:04,671
Anyway, I'm not buying any of the bullshit
you two are selling today.
639
00:37:04,755 --> 00:37:07,340
Now, if you want me to report back
to the court
640
00:37:07,425 --> 00:37:09,217
that you're both working
on your marriage,
641
00:37:09,302 --> 00:37:11,970
you're gonna actually have to do that.
642
00:37:15,433 --> 00:37:22,189
# And love
Such a silly game we play, oh! #
643
00:37:22,273 --> 00:37:26,902
# Like a summer's day in May
What is love, what is love? #
644
00:37:26,986 --> 00:37:31,531
# I just want it to be love
Oh! Oh! Oh! #
645
00:37:33,159 --> 00:37:39,289
# I, I, I, I, I
I can feel it in your kiss #
646
00:37:39,957 --> 00:37:44,377
# It just gives me tender bliss
What is love, what is love? #
647
00:37:44,462 --> 00:37:46,713
# I just want it to be love #
648
00:37:46,797 --> 00:37:50,300
Yes, that is the topping I wanted
on my popcorn.
649
00:37:50,384 --> 00:37:52,177
I know that the box said
"movie theater butter,"
650
00:37:52,261 --> 00:37:54,054
but, you guessed it,
651
00:37:54,138 --> 00:37:57,766
what I really wanted
was Jack's Sweaty Ballsack flavor.
652
00:37:57,850 --> 00:37:59,059
Thanks.
653
00:37:59,310 --> 00:38:02,145
# Uh! Uh! Uh! Love #
654
00:38:03,314 --> 00:38:08,109
# Who can tell me I am lost?
What is love, what is love? #
655
00:38:08,194 --> 00:38:10,987
I'm just giving you
what you wanted, baby.
656
00:38:13,282 --> 00:38:18,245
Pay attention.
See how it goes up and down. Okay?
657
00:38:18,329 --> 00:38:19,746
It goes up,
658
00:38:20,289 --> 00:38:22,958
and then it goes down. Like that.
659
00:38:23,042 --> 00:38:25,252
See that? Isn't that magical? Amazing.
660
00:38:25,336 --> 00:38:27,587
Watch one more time. One more time.
661
00:38:27,672 --> 00:38:32,342
It goes up, right? And then it goes down.
662
00:38:51,570 --> 00:38:54,406
No, no, no, no! Why?
663
00:38:56,242 --> 00:38:59,953
I really, really need to get in there!
664
00:39:00,037 --> 00:39:02,998
Why don't you just use
your special bathroom?
665
00:39:03,207 --> 00:39:04,499
There's no heavy side!
666
00:39:04,583 --> 00:39:06,835
- You got the window!
- No, that's actually the light side.
667
00:39:20,057 --> 00:39:22,517
- Where's the bathroom door?
- We got robbed.
668
00:39:22,601 --> 00:39:24,894
And all they took was the door.
669
00:39:26,564 --> 00:39:27,814
$1.5 million.
670
00:39:30,568 --> 00:39:33,111
Marriage is hard!
671
00:39:33,195 --> 00:39:35,905
I don't know how people do this.
It's unnatural.
672
00:39:35,990 --> 00:39:38,700
Men and women are not meant to coexist.
673
00:39:40,119 --> 00:39:43,163
And I haven't had sex in forever.
I mean, forever!
674
00:39:43,247 --> 00:39:45,248
And I need to have sex,
'cause I'm good at it!
675
00:39:45,333 --> 00:39:47,500
That's a self-esteem booster for me.
676
00:39:47,585 --> 00:39:50,545
- I don't know if I can do this, man.
- Oh, really?
677
00:39:50,629 --> 00:39:53,423
'Cause I haven't been sensing that at all.
678
00:39:53,507 --> 00:39:54,924
That's why I did a little research.
679
00:39:55,009 --> 00:39:56,634
I've been looking through some case law,
680
00:39:56,719 --> 00:39:58,678
you know, some precedent
to help us get around the ruling.
681
00:39:58,763 --> 00:40:01,765
And I think I found one. Lafferty v. Holden.
682
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,477
You know, Tip,
I don't know if I can do this.
683
00:40:06,187 --> 00:40:07,395
Then we go to plan B.
684
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:09,606
Mother's third marriage
was to this 20-year-old
685
00:40:09,690 --> 00:40:12,525
club-footed Cuban bartender
who came into a ton of money.
686
00:40:12,902 --> 00:40:14,694
The court said
that if they both wanted the money,
687
00:40:14,779 --> 00:40:17,530
they had to remain married and prove
they can make it work. Sound familiar?
688
00:40:17,615 --> 00:40:19,616
Mother wasn't going to see a cent of that,
689
00:40:19,700 --> 00:40:21,951
but then she proved
that he'd been unfaithful,
690
00:40:22,036 --> 00:40:24,079
and the judge ruled in her favor.
691
00:40:24,163 --> 00:40:26,247
And gave her all the money.
692
00:40:27,208 --> 00:40:30,168
See, the judge said that you had to prove
693
00:40:30,252 --> 00:40:31,961
that you were trying
to make the marriage work.
694
00:40:32,046 --> 00:40:34,464
But if we can make it seem like she isn't...
695
00:40:34,548 --> 00:40:36,257
I don't know
why I haven't thought of this before!
696
00:40:36,342 --> 00:40:38,051
- Because you're not a very good lawyer.
- Oh, my God.
697
00:40:38,135 --> 00:40:41,012
There should be a law
against how bad a lawyer I am.
698
00:40:41,097 --> 00:40:42,097
But then again, I wouldn't know about it!
699
00:40:42,181 --> 00:40:45,058
So if I can get Jack to end the marriage
by either leaving me
700
00:40:45,142 --> 00:40:47,519
or cheating on me...
701
00:40:47,603 --> 00:40:49,104
Not only would you get out
of the marriage...
702
00:40:49,188 --> 00:40:52,649
- You will also get the full $3 million.
- Oh, my God.
703
00:40:53,150 --> 00:40:55,819
- I love you! I want to kiss you.
- You want to kiss me?
704
00:40:55,903 --> 00:40:58,029
On your big, beautiful,
prematurely balding man dome.
705
00:40:58,114 --> 00:40:59,322
All right! All right. Okay.
706
00:40:59,740 --> 00:41:01,825
- Game on, sister!
- Game on!
707
00:41:02,034 --> 00:41:03,743
- Game on.
- Game on.
708
00:41:04,954 --> 00:41:07,372
Destroy it. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus!
709
00:41:25,933 --> 00:41:28,101
There are some refinery problems
in the South,
710
00:41:28,185 --> 00:41:30,937
- so let's keep our eye on crude oil.
- Oh, that's too bad.
711
00:41:31,021 --> 00:41:32,272
And I just heard a rumor
712
00:41:32,356 --> 00:41:35,442
that the platinum futures
are gonna be very active today.
713
00:41:35,526 --> 00:41:36,609
Yes!
714
00:41:37,695 --> 00:41:38,820
Yeah!
715
00:41:40,156 --> 00:41:42,991
I mean, really, let's do this mother!
Oh, my God.
716
00:41:43,075 --> 00:41:46,369
Right, guys? I mean, let's buy shit!
Let's buy shit!
717
00:41:47,621 --> 00:41:49,581
Do you see that? Do you see that, people?
718
00:41:49,665 --> 00:41:52,959
That's exactly the kind of spirit
I'm talking about!
719
00:41:53,043 --> 00:41:54,794
- You go, girl!
- Yes!
720
00:41:56,547 --> 00:41:59,132
Oh, my God, seriously, you guys!
721
00:42:04,221 --> 00:42:06,848
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
What are we doing? What are we doing?
722
00:42:09,727 --> 00:42:11,561
What's happening? What's happening?
Oh, my God.
723
00:42:16,984 --> 00:42:19,319
Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch!
724
00:42:31,790 --> 00:42:32,832
- Hi.
- Hi.
725
00:42:32,917 --> 00:42:34,959
We got locked out of our apartment.
726
00:42:35,044 --> 00:42:38,379
Would you mind if we just waited in here
until the locksmith comes?
727
00:42:38,464 --> 00:42:41,090
He said it would only be a few hours.
728
00:42:42,301 --> 00:42:43,593
A few...
729
00:42:44,345 --> 00:42:45,512
Sure.
730
00:42:45,596 --> 00:42:46,721
- Thank you!
- Great!
731
00:42:46,805 --> 00:42:49,766
Also, we were supposed to have
some friends over tonight.
732
00:42:49,850 --> 00:42:52,602
Do you mind if they waited in here, too?
733
00:42:53,521 --> 00:42:56,022
I'll jump on that grenade, too, I suppose.
734
00:42:56,106 --> 00:42:57,524
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
735
00:42:57,608 --> 00:43:00,610
- Thank you so much.
- No, thank you. Thank you.
736
00:43:01,445 --> 00:43:03,530
Welcome to my humble abode.
737
00:43:05,824 --> 00:43:08,117
Those are probably my friends.
738
00:43:10,871 --> 00:43:12,372
- Hi.
- Hi.
739
00:43:12,456 --> 00:43:14,123
We're the friends.
740
00:43:14,458 --> 00:43:16,918
- You look like the friends. You do.
- Hi.
741
00:43:18,629 --> 00:43:20,838
- Hey.
- There is a hot girl party going on
742
00:43:20,923 --> 00:43:23,174
- in my living room.
- What are you talking about?
743
00:43:23,259 --> 00:43:26,886
I'm talking about the fact that there are
a buttload of beautiful women...
744
00:43:26,971 --> 00:43:30,306
Oh, my God. Okay, there's a pillow fight
about to break out.
745
00:43:30,391 --> 00:43:32,225
Oh, my God. Dude, it's a trap.
746
00:43:33,852 --> 00:43:36,145
No, it's not! No! This happens!
747
00:43:36,230 --> 00:43:37,814
No! It doesn't happen!
748
00:43:38,107 --> 00:43:40,525
Get out of the house!
Get out of the house right now!
749
00:43:40,609 --> 00:43:42,068
She must have figured out
the same thing we did.
750
00:43:42,653 --> 00:43:44,612
Okay, just because Joy sets a trap
751
00:43:44,697 --> 00:43:46,030
doesn't mean we can't play at
the same game.
752
00:43:46,115 --> 00:43:48,241
You call Bear,
you call every guy we know.
753
00:43:48,325 --> 00:43:49,993
And get some boring stockbroker
kind of guys,
754
00:43:50,077 --> 00:43:51,494
the kind of guys
you and me would beat up.
755
00:43:51,579 --> 00:43:52,745
The more boring, the better.
756
00:43:52,830 --> 00:43:54,956
She has no idea
what she's gotten herself into.
757
00:44:00,796 --> 00:44:02,046
You okay?
758
00:44:07,678 --> 00:44:10,430
In here, guys. Yo, Jack, what up?
759
00:44:18,147 --> 00:44:20,773
This chick's the reason
we're not spending our money right now.
760
00:44:20,858 --> 00:44:24,235
This chick is the reason
I'm not having a six-way right now!
761
00:44:24,695 --> 00:44:26,279
- Hey.
- Hey.
762
00:44:26,363 --> 00:44:29,782
So, look. This isn't working.
I think we need to call in some sluts.
763
00:44:29,867 --> 00:44:32,285
- Sluts? I know sluts.
- Make the call.
764
00:44:32,369 --> 00:44:35,705
Which one of these ugly losers
is ruining your life?
765
00:44:36,832 --> 00:44:39,334
That one. The pink parade over there.
766
00:44:39,668 --> 00:44:41,502
That's your wife?
767
00:44:42,212 --> 00:44:45,548
Oh, my God, she is so f-ing hot!
768
00:44:47,676 --> 00:44:49,552
What is wrong with you?
769
00:44:51,889 --> 00:44:54,223
Pick a team. Pick a team.
Pick a team! Right now! Pick a team.
770
00:44:54,308 --> 00:44:55,808
- Come on.
- Hers. Hers! Hers!
771
00:44:55,893 --> 00:45:00,396
Listen up, girls. Do whatever you need
to do to get into his pants.
772
00:45:00,481 --> 00:45:02,440
Ignore her.
Don't even make eye contact with her.
773
00:45:02,524 --> 00:45:05,276
Look at every girl in here except for her.
It'll drive her crazy.
774
00:45:05,361 --> 00:45:06,986
Get him drunk. It'll slip right out.
775
00:45:07,071 --> 00:45:08,112
Go!
776
00:45:15,954 --> 00:45:16,996
Hi.
777
00:45:23,462 --> 00:45:24,921
Oh, I get it.
778
00:45:25,464 --> 00:45:28,049
I get what you guys are doing. Okay.
779
00:45:28,676 --> 00:45:31,511
Well, I'm going to...
Thank you. Sorry. Excuse me.
780
00:45:31,595 --> 00:45:33,012
Oh, God!
781
00:45:33,931 --> 00:45:39,060
If you need anybody to talk to,
you know, just let me know.
782
00:45:43,023 --> 00:45:45,358
- Thanks.
- Get out of here. Get out of here.
783
00:45:45,442 --> 00:45:47,819
Get out of here!
Get out of here, both of you!
784
00:45:47,903 --> 00:45:48,861
I'll give her the money!
785
00:45:48,946 --> 00:45:50,405
- I'll give her the money!
- No, no, no, no, no.
786
00:45:51,615 --> 00:45:52,657
Oh, shit.
787
00:45:52,741 --> 00:45:54,242
I'm here about a noise complaint!
788
00:45:56,161 --> 00:46:00,081
Someone called to complain
that you're not making enough noise!
789
00:46:05,462 --> 00:46:09,340
- This is the best party ever!
- This is the greatest party ever!
790
00:46:16,056 --> 00:46:19,142
I'm arrested! You guys, I'm arrested!
791
00:46:22,646 --> 00:46:23,688
Hey.
792
00:46:23,772 --> 00:46:26,774
Sorry. I was just trying to find some quiet
793
00:46:26,859 --> 00:46:30,445
- from the craziness out there.
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm... Beer?
794
00:46:32,823 --> 00:46:33,906
Sure.
795
00:46:37,661 --> 00:46:40,079
Do you really think that I'm dumb enough
to cheat on you?
796
00:46:40,164 --> 00:46:41,581
I think it's only a matter of time,
797
00:46:41,665 --> 00:46:43,791
and, yeah, I think you're more
than dumb enough.
798
00:46:43,876 --> 00:46:45,793
Thank you for the vote of confidence.
799
00:46:45,878 --> 00:46:47,336
I appreciate that.
800
00:46:47,421 --> 00:46:50,339
This must be so hard for you.
801
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:55,011
- What?
- Being in a relationship.
802
00:46:56,930 --> 00:47:00,183
Okay. I've been in relationships before,
all right?
803
00:47:00,476 --> 00:47:02,101
Oh, come on, Jack.
804
00:47:02,186 --> 00:47:04,854
I know you.
Don't forget, I have been living with you.
805
00:47:04,938 --> 00:47:09,317
You're not exactly serious
boyfriend/husband material, okay?
806
00:47:11,403 --> 00:47:14,113
- Well, this must be hard for you, too.
- Really?
807
00:47:14,198 --> 00:47:18,451
Yeah, being married to me when
you're so clearly in love with your ex.
808
00:47:22,456 --> 00:47:23,915
- I'm not in love with him.
- Right.
809
00:47:23,999 --> 00:47:25,458
Then why are you still wearing the ring
on your finger?
810
00:47:25,542 --> 00:47:27,794
Because my current husband
bought me one
811
00:47:27,878 --> 00:47:30,004
out of a vending machine in Vegas.
812
00:47:30,088 --> 00:47:33,007
All I know is, if I get dumped on my ass,
813
00:47:33,091 --> 00:47:35,343
I'm not wearing the ring
unless I'm still in love with him.
814
00:47:35,427 --> 00:47:37,470
- I'm not in love with him, okay?
- Okay! Right.
815
00:47:37,554 --> 00:47:39,472
In fact, I'm happy
I'm not with him anymore.
816
00:47:39,556 --> 00:47:41,098
I spent the last four years of my life
817
00:47:41,183 --> 00:47:43,643
trying to be
somebody else's idea of perfect,
818
00:47:43,727 --> 00:47:47,396
and you know what?
I still don't feel good enough for him.
819
00:47:53,070 --> 00:47:56,572
Okay, that's not what I meant, okay?
I just...
820
00:47:56,657 --> 00:47:59,951
Hey! Don't worry!
Your secret's safe with me.
821
00:48:00,035 --> 00:48:01,828
Oh, you're such an ass.
822
00:48:01,912 --> 00:48:03,371
You know what? It's irrelevant now,
823
00:48:03,455 --> 00:48:06,415
because I don't care
if I ever see him again.
824
00:48:12,130 --> 00:48:14,090
Wow. Thank you, baby.
825
00:48:14,174 --> 00:48:17,593
- That makes me feel so, so, so special.
- You know what? It has nothing
826
00:48:17,678 --> 00:48:19,762
- to do with you, Jack.
- By the way, don't worry about me,
827
00:48:19,847 --> 00:48:21,097
- because I'm a married man.
- Yeah.
828
00:48:21,181 --> 00:48:23,683
We don't need to have sex.
And I'll tell you another thing.
829
00:48:23,767 --> 00:48:27,061
I'm not going anywhere,
'cause I am not screwing this thing up.
830
00:48:27,145 --> 00:48:30,481
Neither am I,
'cause I am in it for the long haul, Jack.
831
00:48:30,566 --> 00:48:33,943
- Till death do us part.
- Not unless I kill you first.
832
00:48:44,788 --> 00:48:47,415
- It's like she's always there!
- He doesn't do anything all day, okay?
833
00:48:47,499 --> 00:48:49,584
- Left, right, up, down!
- It's like he's not even a grownup, okay?
834
00:48:49,668 --> 00:48:51,294
- I don't have an ounce of space...
- He does nothing...
835
00:48:51,378 --> 00:48:53,004
- ...for just me! Just me!
- ...all day long!
836
00:48:53,088 --> 00:48:55,631
- And I swear to God...
- I think he's trying to drive me crazy!
837
00:48:55,716 --> 00:48:57,550
- The other night, we had this party...
- He peed in the sink!
838
00:48:57,634 --> 00:49:00,219
- ...and everywhere I look...
- I mean, what kind of man animal...
839
00:49:00,304 --> 00:49:02,179
- ...it's just hot tit and ass everywhere!
- ...pees in the sink?
840
00:49:02,264 --> 00:49:04,557
- It's like he doesn't even want...
- It's like she doesn't even want...
841
00:49:04,641 --> 00:49:06,767
- ...this marriage to work!
- ...this marriage to work!
842
00:49:07,978 --> 00:49:10,980
All right. You're arguing.
843
00:49:11,064 --> 00:49:14,317
Now that felt like a real married couple.
844
00:49:14,401 --> 00:49:16,319
You're making progress.
845
00:49:21,199 --> 00:49:23,034
What am I doing here?
846
00:49:33,211 --> 00:49:35,922
Oh, we could kidnap her
until after the hearing.
847
00:49:36,006 --> 00:49:38,674
- She could stay at my place.
- Oh, my God, I got it!
848
00:49:38,759 --> 00:49:41,344
We make it look
like she gave you some kind of disease!
849
00:49:41,428 --> 00:49:43,804
I can have a vial of crabs here
in 30 minutes.
850
00:49:43,889 --> 00:49:45,056
First, we give them to you,
851
00:49:45,140 --> 00:49:47,183
and then, you know,
we get somebody to give them to her
852
00:49:47,267 --> 00:49:49,936
so it looks like she gave them to you.
853
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:53,481
You really hadn't thought
that one through, had you?
854
00:49:53,565 --> 00:49:55,608
I'll give her the crabs, easily.
855
00:49:55,692 --> 00:49:58,402
- No more ideas from you.
- Oh, I've got it! It's perfect!
856
00:49:58,487 --> 00:49:59,987
This is great!
857
00:50:01,198 --> 00:50:02,198
Like that!
858
00:50:02,282 --> 00:50:03,532
- What are you doing?
- What?
859
00:50:03,617 --> 00:50:06,243
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Relax, relax, relax. Relax!
860
00:50:06,328 --> 00:50:08,412
Stay with me on this one.
861
00:50:09,081 --> 00:50:10,081
Huh?
862
00:50:10,874 --> 00:50:14,585
God damn it! No, you don't get it!
Dude, you don't get it!
863
00:50:31,812 --> 00:50:34,230
Jack, what happened to your face?
864
00:50:34,940 --> 00:50:37,108
- I fell.
- You fell?
865
00:50:38,068 --> 00:50:39,235
Yeah.
866
00:50:40,988 --> 00:50:43,072
I hit my head on a doorknob.
867
00:50:43,740 --> 00:50:45,241
A few times.
868
00:50:45,325 --> 00:50:47,368
I fall a lot these days. I'm just...
869
00:50:47,452 --> 00:50:49,036
I'm so clumsy.
870
00:50:49,121 --> 00:50:52,164
Jack, are you sure
that's what happened to you?
871
00:50:52,249 --> 00:50:55,001
Sure someone else didn't do this to you?
872
00:50:57,587 --> 00:50:59,088
I deserve it.
873
00:50:59,923 --> 00:51:01,424
I'm supposed...
874
00:51:02,676 --> 00:51:05,678
I'm supposed to line up the hand towels
just so, and I didn't...
875
00:51:05,762 --> 00:51:08,597
I didn't do it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
876
00:51:08,682 --> 00:51:10,891
Then she said,
"You put that toilet seat down,
877
00:51:10,976 --> 00:51:12,560
"or I will put you down!"
878
00:51:12,644 --> 00:51:17,398
And I forgot, and she said,
"I'll show you how to put it down!
879
00:51:17,482 --> 00:51:20,609
"I'll stick your head in there
and I will make it stay!" Oh, God!
880
00:51:20,694 --> 00:51:22,028
- ...look real, but don't, like...
- All right.
881
00:51:22,112 --> 00:51:24,030
- Oh, God!
- What?
882
00:51:24,614 --> 00:51:27,033
He's gotta make it look real
so it seems like she was beating you!
883
00:51:27,117 --> 00:51:28,617
Not that real!
884
00:51:30,245 --> 00:51:32,413
- Yeah!
- That sucker's gonna show, dude!
885
00:51:32,497 --> 00:51:33,873
Hey, come on. Come on.
886
00:51:33,957 --> 00:51:35,624
Can we get back to therapy now?
887
00:51:38,795 --> 00:51:39,879
Yes.
888
00:51:40,797 --> 00:51:42,173
Yes, we can.
889
00:51:53,477 --> 00:51:55,061
Hi, you've reached the happy couple.
890
00:51:55,145 --> 00:51:56,353
We can't come to the phone right now
891
00:51:56,438 --> 00:51:58,397
because we're busy loving each other.
892
00:51:58,482 --> 00:52:00,066
And making our marriage work.
893
00:52:00,150 --> 00:52:01,859
Leave a message!
Leave a message!
894
00:52:01,943 --> 00:52:03,194
Hi. This is Annette calling
895
00:52:03,278 --> 00:52:05,279
from Dr. Twitchell's office.
896
00:52:05,363 --> 00:52:06,739
Hello.
897
00:52:06,823 --> 00:52:08,824
- Yes, Mrs. Fuller?
- Yes.
898
00:52:09,117 --> 00:52:11,035
The doctor needed
to cancel today's session,
899
00:52:11,119 --> 00:52:13,079
and she was wondering
if you could do Friday?
900
00:52:13,163 --> 00:52:15,581
Do you have anything
after 3:00 p.m., possibly?
901
00:52:15,665 --> 00:52:19,085
- The doctor can do 4:00.
- Oh, perfect.
902
00:52:19,169 --> 00:52:20,836
- That works for me.
- We'll see you then.
903
00:52:20,921 --> 00:52:23,547
- Great, see you then.
- Thanks so much.
904
00:52:24,174 --> 00:52:27,176
- She totally bought it.
- Beautiful. Beautiful.
905
00:52:28,053 --> 00:52:30,012
- Beautiful.
- You owe me.
906
00:52:32,224 --> 00:52:36,227
Come on with your come on
You don't fight fair
907
00:52:36,311 --> 00:52:39,396
That's okay, see if I care
908
00:52:39,481 --> 00:52:42,608
Blah, blah, blah, blah...
909
00:52:42,692 --> 00:52:45,152
Hit me with your best shot
910
00:52:45,237 --> 00:52:47,279
Fire away
911
00:52:52,202 --> 00:52:53,786
Hello?
912
00:52:53,870 --> 00:52:54,995
Jack?
913
00:52:58,708 --> 00:52:59,834
Taxi!
914
00:53:01,002 --> 00:53:03,671
Come on, man! Hey!
915
00:53:06,716 --> 00:53:08,968
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Wait a minute.
916
00:53:09,553 --> 00:53:10,719
Oh, come on!
917
00:53:13,557 --> 00:53:15,808
Twitchell... Twitchell...
918
00:53:18,228 --> 00:53:19,645
Dr. Twitchell speaking.
919
00:53:19,729 --> 00:53:22,314
- Yes, hi, this is Joy Fuller.
- Mrs. Fuller.
920
00:53:22,399 --> 00:53:25,025
Yes. I got a phone call from Annette
921
00:53:25,110 --> 00:53:27,153
saying that our session
was canceled today.
922
00:53:27,237 --> 00:53:30,656
- I just wanted to double-check that.
- Your session is definitely still on.
923
00:53:30,740 --> 00:53:33,701
And any absence
is considered contempt of court.
924
00:53:33,785 --> 00:53:34,785
It is?
925
00:53:36,580 --> 00:53:39,415
Asshole! Trying to get me
to miss therapy!
926
00:53:40,208 --> 00:53:42,751
75th and Riverside, and step on it!
927
00:53:45,255 --> 00:53:46,380
Okay.
928
00:53:49,759 --> 00:53:51,552
- What?
- Hey!
929
00:53:51,636 --> 00:53:54,096
Good luck paying for that cab
without your wallet.
930
00:53:55,849 --> 00:53:57,683
Only five dollars?
931
00:53:57,767 --> 00:53:59,351
You stole my wallet?
932
00:54:01,104 --> 00:54:03,564
Lost your wallet, huh? Get out.
933
00:54:05,150 --> 00:54:06,859
Come on. What do you want?
We can work something out here.
934
00:54:06,943 --> 00:54:08,694
- Show me your breasts.
- What?
935
00:54:08,778 --> 00:54:11,572
You'd be surprised how often it happens.
936
00:54:13,033 --> 00:54:16,285
- Okay, one breast. That's all you get.
- All right.
937
00:54:20,290 --> 00:54:22,791
Nothing like a nice boob.
What is your problem?
938
00:54:22,876 --> 00:54:25,085
What? I like breasts. Sue me.
939
00:54:25,545 --> 00:54:26,754
Is there any way around this?
940
00:54:26,838 --> 00:54:29,798
Does it look
like there is a way around this?
941
00:54:33,220 --> 00:54:34,303
# Go! #
942
00:54:35,347 --> 00:54:37,389
# So 1, 2, 3, take my hand and come with me #
943
00:54:37,474 --> 00:54:40,226
Because you look so fine
And I really wanna make you mine
944
00:54:40,644 --> 00:54:42,561
- How many for 10 of these?
- Ten for $2.
945
00:54:42,646 --> 00:54:44,813
- Okay. Here, take five.
- Okay.
946
00:54:44,898 --> 00:54:47,149
# Now you don't need that money
when you look like that, do ya honey #
947
00:54:51,821 --> 00:54:55,574
# I know we
ain't got much to say #
948
00:54:56,284 --> 00:55:00,246
# Before I Iet you get away, yeah! #
949
00:55:02,707 --> 00:55:06,835
There's Brooklyn. Very exciting.
Everyone, back on the bus!
950
00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:08,003
What a day, huh?
951
00:55:16,012 --> 00:55:17,888
Is this seat taken?
952
00:55:19,015 --> 00:55:21,684
Pardon. Excuse me. Sorry.
953
00:55:21,768 --> 00:55:24,144
- You are so immature!
- Please, woman!
954
00:55:24,854 --> 00:55:26,105
Go away!
955
00:55:26,189 --> 00:55:28,649
- That really hurt!
- Oh, no! You're hurting me!
956
00:55:29,109 --> 00:55:31,443
And here we are,
Central Park.
957
00:55:31,528 --> 00:55:32,987
Yes, isn't it beautiful?
958
00:55:33,071 --> 00:55:37,408
Half an hour, people. That's 30 minutes
for those on the metric system.
959
00:55:40,704 --> 00:55:42,705
I'll take that! You mind?
960
00:55:45,458 --> 00:55:46,458
- What?
- Thank you!
961
00:55:46,543 --> 00:55:47,710
Hey!
962
00:55:49,296 --> 00:55:52,756
# Well I could see
You home with me #
963
00:55:53,675 --> 00:55:57,469
# But you were with another man, yeah! #
964
00:55:58,263 --> 00:56:01,265
# I know we
Ain't got much to say #
965
00:56:01,349 --> 00:56:02,516
Idiot!
966
00:56:02,892 --> 00:56:06,562
# Before I let you get away, yeah! #
967
00:56:11,359 --> 00:56:13,902
# I said are you gonna be my girl? #
968
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:39,261
No, you're wrong.
You can't remember anything.
969
00:56:39,346 --> 00:56:41,305
You're remembering your
first date with somebody else!
970
00:56:41,389 --> 00:56:42,598
No! It was not our first date!
971
00:56:42,682 --> 00:56:45,851
You keep thinking that. You always did.
You are demented!
972
00:56:46,102 --> 00:56:47,353
It was not!
It was!
973
00:56:47,437 --> 00:56:48,437
Your memory...
974
00:56:48,521 --> 00:56:49,897
Mine?
You can't remember the date!
975
00:56:49,981 --> 00:56:51,607
Yes, it's your...
976
00:56:51,983 --> 00:56:53,942
Hi, honey! Welcome home!
977
00:56:54,277 --> 00:56:55,652
Mom! Dad!
978
00:56:57,655 --> 00:56:59,031
What are you doing here?
979
00:56:59,115 --> 00:57:00,824
Well, I got a message from your parents,
980
00:57:00,909 --> 00:57:04,828
and I thought I'd surprise you
and invite them over for dinner.
981
00:57:07,415 --> 00:57:09,375
You know that I've never
been invited over here?
982
00:57:09,459 --> 00:57:11,460
No! Really?
983
00:57:11,795 --> 00:57:13,212
Why didn't you tell us
you got married?
984
00:57:13,296 --> 00:57:15,255
I know you're still mad at me
about the firing,
985
00:57:15,340 --> 00:57:17,633
but you get married and you don't tell us?
986
00:57:17,717 --> 00:57:19,885
That is very, very hurtful.
987
00:57:20,220 --> 00:57:21,303
- Especially...
- Dad, I...
988
00:57:21,388 --> 00:57:24,556
Especially when it's a catch like Joy here.
989
00:57:25,016 --> 00:57:26,225
- What?
- Well...
990
00:57:26,309 --> 00:57:28,644
We're so proud of you, Jack!
991
00:57:29,646 --> 00:57:31,355
We didn't think you'd ever settle down.
992
00:57:31,439 --> 00:57:35,526
But then we met this wonderful girl.
You couldn't have done better!
993
00:57:35,985 --> 00:57:37,403
We are very proud of you, Son.
994
00:57:37,487 --> 00:57:39,988
- Okay. Love biscuit?
- Yes, tinkle monkey?
995
00:57:40,073 --> 00:57:42,449
Can I speak to you for one second?
996
00:57:42,534 --> 00:57:43,826
Of course!
997
00:57:43,910 --> 00:57:45,744
He probably just wants
to give me a big smooch.
998
00:57:45,829 --> 00:57:47,037
We haven't seen each other all day!
999
00:57:48,373 --> 00:57:52,000
My God!
How weird is it going to be in court
1000
00:57:52,127 --> 00:57:55,087
when your parents are
character witnesses for me?
1001
00:57:55,171 --> 00:57:57,339
Well, obviously, you haven't
told them everything.
1002
00:57:57,424 --> 00:57:59,591
No, I was waiting for you to do that.
1003
00:57:59,676 --> 00:58:01,343
What if we didn't?
1004
00:58:02,971 --> 00:58:07,808
What would it take for you to just
keep this our little secret for a little bit?
1005
00:58:09,227 --> 00:58:11,311
I want the bathroom door back.
1006
00:58:11,396 --> 00:58:14,731
And I want the toilet seat left the F down.
1007
00:58:14,941 --> 00:58:15,983
No.
1008
00:58:16,234 --> 00:58:18,068
- One time up...
- I got it.
1009
00:58:18,153 --> 00:58:19,403
...and I make the call.
1010
00:58:19,487 --> 00:58:20,654
- Done.
- Okay.
1011
00:58:20,738 --> 00:58:24,116
Well, Jack, Sr., you know, it is just so nice
1012
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:27,870
to finally meet the man
who has taught Jack everything he knows.
1013
00:58:27,954 --> 00:58:29,997
- I tried.
- Well, something must've stuck.
1014
00:58:30,081 --> 00:58:31,832
Do you know he made this bar
we're sitting at?
1015
00:58:31,916 --> 00:58:34,334
Isn't it beautiful? I mean, look.
1016
00:58:34,544 --> 00:58:36,753
Dovetail's off on the corner.
1017
00:58:37,881 --> 00:58:39,173
It's off!
1018
00:58:40,216 --> 00:58:42,217
Well, I think it's great.
1019
00:58:42,886 --> 00:58:45,471
I actually think that Jack
could sell his furniture.
1020
00:58:45,555 --> 00:58:47,973
I don't know.
That would require actually finishing it.
1021
00:58:48,057 --> 00:58:50,434
Maybe you should try telling Jack
you don't want him to finish it,
1022
00:58:50,518 --> 00:58:52,978
then maybe he would actually do it.
1023
00:58:55,899 --> 00:58:57,441
What are you doing on Saturday?
1024
00:58:57,525 --> 00:59:00,027
You've got to come to Uncle Pat's
birthday in the park with us.
1025
00:59:00,111 --> 00:59:01,737
I would love to.
1026
00:59:02,739 --> 00:59:04,490
She went after my family!
1027
00:59:04,574 --> 00:59:06,658
Dude, you're letting this chick
get in your head.
1028
00:59:06,743 --> 00:59:08,202
Yeah, I know.
1029
00:59:09,454 --> 00:59:12,080
Now I'm going to figure out
how to get into hers.
1030
00:59:12,165 --> 00:59:14,041
You should never let a chick
get in your head.
1031
00:59:14,125 --> 00:59:17,252
That's why I prefer
not to even talk to my dates.
1032
00:59:22,592 --> 00:59:23,675
Yes!
1033
00:59:24,928 --> 00:59:27,930
Why didn't I think of this before?
If she's going to play dirty, so am I.
1034
00:59:32,352 --> 00:59:34,686
- Hi.
- Hey. Jameson, on the rocks.
1035
00:59:40,944 --> 00:59:43,028
- You're Mason, right?
- Yeah.
1036
00:59:43,279 --> 00:59:45,948
I'm Jack Fuller. I'm a friend of Joy's.
1037
00:59:46,282 --> 00:59:47,282
- Joy's?
- Yeah.
1038
00:59:47,367 --> 00:59:49,910
I just wanted to give you this back.
1039
00:59:50,828 --> 00:59:52,329
She threw it in the trash.
1040
00:59:52,413 --> 00:59:55,040
But, you know, guy code, I couldn't just
let it end up in the trash.
1041
00:59:55,124 --> 00:59:57,209
I mean, you spent, what, like,
five, six thousand on this thing.
1042
00:59:57,293 --> 00:59:59,211
Actually, thirty grand.
1043
01:00:00,880 --> 01:00:02,130
I got it.
1044
01:00:03,633 --> 01:00:05,592
All right. Well, thanks.
1045
01:00:07,095 --> 01:00:08,178
Okay.
1046
01:00:12,517 --> 01:00:14,309
Hey, how's she doing?
1047
01:00:17,689 --> 01:00:18,981
You know, she's good.
1048
01:00:19,065 --> 01:00:20,983
She's probably put on some weight,
though, right?
1049
01:00:21,067 --> 01:00:22,943
From all the emotional eating
due to the break-up?
1050
01:00:23,027 --> 01:00:25,195
You really lived up to the billing.
You know that?
1051
01:00:25,280 --> 01:00:27,656
Joy told me
what an impressive guy you are.
1052
01:00:27,740 --> 01:00:28,824
Oh! Yeah.
1053
01:00:28,908 --> 01:00:32,119
She said she was trying to be
so perfect, because
1054
01:00:32,829 --> 01:00:37,249
deep down, she never really felt
like she was good enough to be with you.
1055
01:00:37,834 --> 01:00:40,544
But those insecurities are long gone now.
1056
01:00:40,670 --> 01:00:43,630
She's really come into her own.
She's on fire!
1057
01:00:43,715 --> 01:00:46,466
I'll tell you what, she not gonna be
on the open market for very long.
1058
01:00:46,551 --> 01:00:49,094
- It's a feeding frenzy out there!
- A feeding frenzy, huh? Yeah.
1059
01:00:49,178 --> 01:00:51,138
Well, I gotta get going.
1060
01:00:51,806 --> 01:00:55,017
My Uncle Pat is having a birthday party
tomorrow in Grove Park.
1061
01:00:55,101 --> 01:00:56,226
Joy and I are going.
1062
01:00:56,311 --> 01:00:59,771
Anyway, I gotta go pick up the present
she got for him. Bag of weed!
1063
01:00:59,856 --> 01:01:01,315
- Her idea!
- Really?
1064
01:01:01,399 --> 01:01:03,108
- She's on fire!
- Wow.
1065
01:01:03,192 --> 01:01:04,443
On fire.
1066
01:01:06,279 --> 01:01:08,030
Well, thanks again.
1067
01:01:13,786 --> 01:01:15,495
Stripper! Hiya!
1068
01:01:15,580 --> 01:01:18,540
- I so want to junkpunch that guy.
- What's with you and junkpunching?
1069
01:01:18,791 --> 01:01:20,667
- Joy?
- Hi!
1070
01:01:20,752 --> 01:01:22,961
I'm so glad you could make it.
Hey, sweetie.
1071
01:01:23,046 --> 01:01:26,673
- Hi! This is my girlfriend, Tipper.
- Hi, Tipper. Judy.
1072
01:01:27,383 --> 01:01:28,759
- Thanks for calling.
- Where's Jack?
1073
01:01:28,843 --> 01:01:31,720
He's over there,
coaching the Little League.
1074
01:01:32,305 --> 01:01:35,223
Do you know what it's like
to fall on the floor?
1075
01:01:35,558 --> 01:01:37,976
And cry your guts out till you got no more
1076
01:01:38,061 --> 01:01:40,145
Come on, sweetheart.
I want my new daughter-in-law
1077
01:01:40,229 --> 01:01:42,773
- to meet the whole family.
- Smile!
1078
01:01:42,899 --> 01:01:44,149
One, two, three,
1079
01:01:44,233 --> 01:01:45,275
- Rockets!
- Rockets!
1080
01:01:45,360 --> 01:01:47,402
Who wants sugar? Let's go!
1081
01:01:47,737 --> 01:01:50,405
What is this, like a five-foot hoagie?
1082
01:01:51,324 --> 01:01:52,324
- Hi!
- Hi.
1083
01:01:52,408 --> 01:01:56,828
This is my niece, and BFF,
the great Sammy Sosa.
1084
01:01:56,913 --> 01:02:01,416
Sammy, this is your Aunt Joy.
1085
01:02:01,501 --> 01:02:03,502
- Nice to meet you, Sammy.
- Hi, Joy.
1086
01:02:03,586 --> 01:02:05,253
I didn't know you coached Little League.
1087
01:02:05,338 --> 01:02:08,340
Oh, there's a lot of things you don't know
about me. Isn't that right?
1088
01:02:08,424 --> 01:02:13,011
Jack wore a little fedora
and a leather jacket to school
1089
01:02:13,096 --> 01:02:14,596
every day for six months.
1090
01:02:14,681 --> 01:02:17,265
Who wouldn't want to be Indiana Jones?
1091
01:02:17,725 --> 01:02:18,892
I agree completely. I mean,
1092
01:02:18,976 --> 01:02:22,979
Raiders of the Lost Ark may be
the greatest movie ever made.
1093
01:02:27,110 --> 01:02:31,405
- I don't think I like what's going on here.
- What, are we bonding now?
1094
01:02:34,033 --> 01:02:37,369
Hey man now you're really living
1095
01:02:39,288 --> 01:02:40,622
Yeah.
1096
01:02:40,915 --> 01:02:42,999
She doesn't seem so bad, Uncle Jack.
1097
01:02:43,459 --> 01:02:46,545
I think you guys should just
split the money and stay married.
1098
01:02:46,796 --> 01:02:49,089
Make a hundred pretty babies.
1099
01:02:50,925 --> 01:02:52,342
You told her?
1100
01:02:52,510 --> 01:02:56,054
Yeah, I don't have secrets from Sammy.
I tell her everything.
1101
01:02:56,139 --> 01:02:59,099
# Hey man now you're really Living #
1102
01:02:59,434 --> 01:03:05,188
# Well I just saw the sun rise over the hill
Never used to give me much of a thrill #
1103
01:03:05,481 --> 01:03:09,317
# But hey man now you're really living #
1104
01:03:09,402 --> 01:03:13,238
Well, ladies, I believe
this is where we go our separate ways.
1105
01:03:13,489 --> 01:03:14,990
Thank you.
1106
01:03:17,994 --> 01:03:20,996
# People sing #
1107
01:03:21,080 --> 01:03:23,999
# Do you know what it's like
to fall on the floor? #
1108
01:03:24,083 --> 01:03:26,752
# And cry your guts out till you got no more #
1109
01:03:26,836 --> 01:03:30,338
# Hey man now you're really living #
1110
01:03:30,423 --> 01:03:31,631
Joy!
1111
01:03:32,008 --> 01:03:33,258
Mason.
1112
01:03:33,634 --> 01:03:36,428
- What are you doing here?
- I was just visiting some friends.
1113
01:03:36,512 --> 01:03:39,139
- In Brooklyn?
- Well, yeah. Yeah.
1114
01:03:39,223 --> 01:03:41,683
Brooklyn. The B. K. Love it here.
1115
01:03:41,768 --> 01:03:43,351
Yeah, they're artists. Yeah.
1116
01:03:43,436 --> 01:03:46,188
Hey, you want to go grab a glass of vino?
Maybe chat up for a bit?
1117
01:03:46,314 --> 01:03:50,275
I can't right now. Sorry.
1118
01:03:50,359 --> 01:03:54,404
- Okay, all right. Well, maybe next week.
- I have my retreat.
1119
01:03:55,698 --> 01:03:56,698
Wow!
1120
01:03:58,201 --> 01:04:00,368
You seem fine.
1121
01:04:01,746 --> 01:04:05,373
No, I mean, you look great.
Doesn't she look great? You look great.
1122
01:04:05,708 --> 01:04:07,209
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
1123
01:04:07,668 --> 01:04:09,169
I... Yeah.
1124
01:04:10,671 --> 01:04:12,839
- I gotta go.
- Yeah, me, too. Me, too.
1125
01:04:13,007 --> 01:04:15,759
- All right, well, maybe some other time.
- Yeah.
1126
01:04:15,843 --> 01:04:17,594
Good seeing you.
Good bumping into you like that. Weird.
1127
01:04:18,721 --> 01:04:20,055
Take care.
1128
01:04:25,728 --> 01:04:27,896
- Oh, my God. You're falling for her.
- What?
1129
01:04:28,064 --> 01:04:31,066
- You're falling for your wife! You idiot!
- What are you talking about?
1130
01:04:31,150 --> 01:04:33,777
- She's a wily temptress.
- "A wily temptress."
1131
01:04:33,861 --> 01:04:35,237
- Yes!
- You just said "wily temptress."
1132
01:04:35,321 --> 01:04:37,197
Yes, I did, because that is what she is.
1133
01:04:37,740 --> 01:04:40,075
And what do wily temptresses do, Jack?
1134
01:04:40,243 --> 01:04:44,287
They tempt in a wily fashion.
And then they play you.
1135
01:04:44,956 --> 01:04:49,167
Tempt, play, tempt, play.
And she's playing you, my friend.
1136
01:04:49,252 --> 01:04:52,420
Don't let her play you
out of what is rightfully yours.
1137
01:04:52,505 --> 01:04:56,591
Keep your eyes on the prize, Jack!
Eyes on the prize.
1138
01:05:05,685 --> 01:05:08,645
Hey, McNally.
What'd you do, take the weekend off?
1139
01:05:08,729 --> 01:05:09,855
- Oh...
- Have fun?
1140
01:05:09,939 --> 01:05:12,107
No, I remember when I didn't care
about my career, either.
1141
01:05:12,191 --> 01:05:16,194
I'm sorry, I just had this thing
this weekend with my husband's family...
1142
01:05:16,279 --> 01:05:18,113
Your husband? You got married?
1143
01:05:18,239 --> 01:05:20,448
Well, thanks for the invite.
I didn't even know you had a boyfriend.
1144
01:05:20,616 --> 01:05:22,826
Yeah, no, I'm married.
I didn't tell you that?
1145
01:05:22,952 --> 01:05:25,912
No, you didn't.
I guess you're not a big sharer.
1146
01:05:25,997 --> 01:05:28,248
Now, listen, Joy,
I've been in this business for a long time.
1147
01:05:28,332 --> 01:05:31,418
And the thing that I value most
in my employees is honesty.
1148
01:05:31,502 --> 01:05:34,963
So I'm gonna be honest with you.
Right now, you and Chong are tied.
1149
01:05:35,047 --> 01:05:37,966
Now, Chonger is bringing her husband
to the retreat.
1150
01:05:38,050 --> 01:05:41,636
- I think you should bring yours, too.
- He will be there.
1151
01:05:42,471 --> 01:05:44,764
- You can count on it, sir.
- Good.
1152
01:05:50,605 --> 01:05:51,605
No?
1153
01:05:53,524 --> 01:05:55,984
No. I have a lot of stuff
to do this weekend,
1154
01:05:56,068 --> 01:05:57,944
and while the idea of hanging out
with you and playing house
1155
01:05:58,029 --> 01:06:02,198
in front of all your boring co-workers
sounds not fun at all,
1156
01:06:02,533 --> 01:06:04,367
I'm going to have to pass.
1157
01:06:06,495 --> 01:06:09,873
This is really important for my promotion.
You see,
1158
01:06:10,499 --> 01:06:13,835
my boss said that he wants
to meet my husband
1159
01:06:15,254 --> 01:06:17,464
so I just promised him
that you would be there.
1160
01:06:17,548 --> 01:06:19,883
Maybe you should have asked me first.
1161
01:06:20,927 --> 01:06:22,135
Okay.
1162
01:06:23,346 --> 01:06:26,348
- I need this, Jack.
- I need a lot of things, Joy.
1163
01:06:31,520 --> 01:06:32,729
So let me get this straight.
1164
01:06:32,813 --> 01:06:36,399
She asked you
to come to a retreat for her job.
1165
01:06:36,484 --> 01:06:37,776
Yeah.
1166
01:06:37,860 --> 01:06:40,820
The most important thing
to her in the world.
1167
01:06:41,948 --> 01:06:44,574
Do you believe that? I was like, "No!"
1168
01:06:46,577 --> 01:06:52,457
'Cause I'm like... I'm like,
"Hey, what are you still doing here?"
1169
01:06:53,334 --> 01:06:56,294
Jack! You have got
to get your ass down there,
1170
01:06:56,379 --> 01:06:59,005
pretend to be the perfect husband,
charm them all, and then,
1171
01:06:59,090 --> 01:07:01,883
when you have them eating
out of the palm of your hand,
1172
01:07:01,968 --> 01:07:03,885
you make her sign this.
1173
01:07:05,262 --> 01:07:07,555
- What's this?
- This is a document, okay,
1174
01:07:08,349 --> 01:07:11,142
relinquishing all the rights to the money.
1175
01:07:11,602 --> 01:07:16,815
Right? You tell her if she doesn't sign it,
you're gonna out her in front of everybody.
1176
01:07:19,235 --> 01:07:20,360
Yeah.
1177
01:07:22,279 --> 01:07:23,822
I mean, that's not, you know...
1178
01:07:23,906 --> 01:07:26,032
It's not pretty, but we can...
1179
01:07:26,617 --> 01:07:28,284
I can laminate it.
1180
01:07:31,872 --> 01:07:35,750
- I don't know.
- Okay, look, Jack, the hearing's in a week.
1181
01:07:35,835 --> 01:07:37,961
Okay? This is our last shot.
1182
01:07:58,816 --> 01:08:00,942
- Hey, McNally.
- Mr. Banger.
1183
01:08:01,277 --> 01:08:02,527
So, where's this husband of yours?
1184
01:08:02,611 --> 01:08:05,447
I just met Chonger's husband.
He's a very smart guy.
1185
01:08:05,531 --> 01:08:07,615
He's a tool, but he's smart.
1186
01:08:08,117 --> 01:08:09,451
He's...
1187
01:08:11,746 --> 01:08:15,415
So the spaceman says,
"I don't even have a vagina!"
1188
01:08:15,499 --> 01:08:16,875
He's there!
1189
01:08:18,461 --> 01:08:20,587
I'll just take this to him.
1190
01:08:22,923 --> 01:08:24,841
Mr. Banger, I just wanted
to take this moment
1191
01:08:24,925 --> 01:08:27,469
to express to you my gratitude.
1192
01:08:28,888 --> 01:08:30,680
I'll be seeing you at the...
1193
01:08:31,098 --> 01:08:32,307
The dining table.
1194
01:08:32,933 --> 01:08:34,309
- Hey, hey!
- Hey.
1195
01:08:36,979 --> 01:08:38,021
I'm so glad to see you.
1196
01:08:38,105 --> 01:08:39,773
Muffin, I've been looking
everywhere for you.
1197
01:08:39,857 --> 01:08:43,318
This is why everyone
should have their wife on LoJack.
1198
01:08:43,819 --> 01:08:46,821
Let me introduce you to my friends.
This is David Young, your CFO.
1199
01:08:46,906 --> 01:08:48,907
Mr. Young. An honor. Hi.
1200
01:08:49,158 --> 01:08:51,659
And this is the rest of your board, actually.
1201
01:08:51,952 --> 01:08:54,871
Great people. Wealthy people.
Sit down, sit down, sit down.
1202
01:08:57,124 --> 01:08:58,583
So you're the lucky guy.
1203
01:08:58,667 --> 01:09:01,294
- Hi. Jack Fuller.
- I'm Richard Banger.
1204
01:09:02,296 --> 01:09:04,005
You're in my seat.
1205
01:09:05,091 --> 01:09:07,550
Wait, your name is Richard Banger?
1206
01:09:08,010 --> 01:09:10,011
Your name is Dick Banger.
1207
01:09:10,137 --> 01:09:11,930
Dick Banger! Dick Banger?
1208
01:09:12,056 --> 01:09:16,059
You, sir, have just provided us with jokes
for the whole weekend!
1209
01:09:19,230 --> 01:09:22,774
Well, you must be Jack...off!
1210
01:09:22,858 --> 01:09:24,609
Jack-Off! Give it to me, baby!
1211
01:09:24,693 --> 01:09:26,903
- Jack-Off, buddy!
- He has a comeback!
1212
01:09:27,780 --> 01:09:29,739
McNally, where have you
been hiding this guy?
1213
01:09:29,824 --> 01:09:31,616
You know, I've just been
keeping him all to myself!
1214
01:09:31,700 --> 01:09:33,034
Well, you gotta learn how to share.
1215
01:09:33,119 --> 01:09:37,247
All right, everybody, let's sit down.
Brainiac, Chonger, move over.
1216
01:09:37,915 --> 01:09:41,334
"Jack-Off." How about it? Oh, boy.
1217
01:09:41,418 --> 01:09:45,630
I don't know what made you change
your mind, and I don't need to. I just...
1218
01:09:45,714 --> 01:09:47,048
Thank you.
1219
01:09:50,052 --> 01:09:53,012
- "Jack-Off." I love that.
- Yeah, I do, too.
1220
01:09:56,600 --> 01:10:00,186
I love that, that you said that.
Because it was...
1221
01:10:01,730 --> 01:10:03,064
For a moment there, I...
1222
01:10:03,149 --> 01:10:04,482
I'm so sorry.
1223
01:10:05,276 --> 01:10:06,985
Joy, come on over! Joy!
1224
01:10:08,404 --> 01:10:09,821
I'm on it!
1225
01:10:10,781 --> 01:10:12,991
- Yeah!
- I'm on it.
1226
01:10:15,786 --> 01:10:17,412
Yeah! Yeah!
1227
01:10:21,083 --> 01:10:25,086
# One looks for happiness
One longs to find a partner #
1228
01:10:25,337 --> 01:10:29,257
# One knows that nowadays
One love will be the answer #
1229
01:10:31,010 --> 01:10:33,678
# One sees a crazy world
One needs a fresh perspective #
1230
01:10:33,762 --> 01:10:35,471
- Hey.
- So what's up? She sign it yet?
1231
01:10:35,556 --> 01:10:37,849
- No, not yet.
- You better not be pussying out on me!
1232
01:10:37,933 --> 01:10:40,602
Don't get your panties in a bunch.
I'm just waiting for her to get down here.
1233
01:10:40,811 --> 01:10:42,687
Got to warm these people up, you know?
1234
01:10:42,771 --> 01:10:44,898
All right, well, call me
when it's done, okay?
1235
01:10:44,982 --> 01:10:46,191
I'm holding down the fort in the meantime.
1236
01:10:46,275 --> 01:10:47,317
- Yeah. All right.
- Bye.
1237
01:10:51,280 --> 01:10:52,572
Lavender.
1238
01:10:53,782 --> 01:10:55,491
You get on my head.
1239
01:10:59,163 --> 01:11:03,082
Oh, my God. That is slick.
That is something else.
1240
01:11:37,493 --> 01:11:39,869
- Can you believe this?
- No.
1241
01:11:42,039 --> 01:11:45,500
I guess I was wrong.
You do clean up pretty well.
1242
01:11:49,588 --> 01:11:50,713
What?
1243
01:11:52,299 --> 01:11:54,259
No, you just... You...
1244
01:11:55,010 --> 01:11:57,095
I like your hair like that.
1245
01:11:58,055 --> 01:11:59,305
Thanks.
1246
01:11:59,848 --> 01:12:01,641
Can I get two shots?
1247
01:12:02,017 --> 01:12:03,810
You know what? Make it three.
1248
01:12:03,894 --> 01:12:06,396
Hello, McNally.
Jack-Off, how are you doing?
1249
01:12:07,856 --> 01:12:09,065
- Hey, Mr. Banger.
- How are you?
1250
01:12:09,149 --> 01:12:10,191
Good.
1251
01:12:10,693 --> 01:12:11,859
Cheers.
1252
01:12:14,947 --> 01:12:18,116
"Hello, my name is Joy's Bitch."
1253
01:12:20,536 --> 01:12:23,496
How's it going tonight?
You guys having fun?
1254
01:12:24,623 --> 01:12:27,709
That's a good one, McNally.
I had no idea you were so much fun.
1255
01:12:27,793 --> 01:12:29,002
She's very serious at work.
1256
01:12:29,086 --> 01:12:31,462
You don't know her that well.
This one's a wildcat.
1257
01:12:31,547 --> 01:12:35,591
- I wouldn't lie to you, Big Dick.
- Well, if you did, I'd have to kill you.
1258
01:12:35,676 --> 01:12:37,802
- Seriously.
- There's nothing this woman loves
1259
01:12:37,886 --> 01:12:39,178
- more than a good dare.
- Really?
1260
01:12:39,263 --> 01:12:41,139
Yeah. You ever see what she can do
with a champagne bottle?
1261
01:12:41,223 --> 01:12:44,684
- Unbelievable. Shocking.
- No, it's just... It's a party trick. It's not...
1262
01:12:44,768 --> 01:12:46,144
I dare you.
1263
01:12:52,901 --> 01:12:54,902
- I hate you.
- You love me.
1264
01:12:57,865 --> 01:12:59,949
Very good! Very good!
1265
01:13:00,034 --> 01:13:02,910
Terrific! You know,
had I seen this side of you before,
1266
01:13:02,995 --> 01:13:06,247
I probably would have promoted you
a long time ago.
1267
01:13:10,544 --> 01:13:12,962
Get down on it
1268
01:13:13,047 --> 01:13:15,006
- That's a lot.
- Your turn.
1269
01:13:15,090 --> 01:13:17,383
How you gonna do it
If you really don't wanna dance
1270
01:13:17,760 --> 01:13:19,510
By standing on the wall?
1271
01:13:19,595 --> 01:13:21,721
You know what? You shouldn't do that.
1272
01:13:22,765 --> 01:13:24,599
You've got this, okay?
1273
01:13:25,642 --> 01:13:27,226
Throw the dice.
1274
01:13:28,103 --> 01:13:29,729
You've got this.
1275
01:13:31,774 --> 01:13:33,441
- We need what, a seven?
- A seven!
1276
01:13:33,567 --> 01:13:35,360
- Okay.
- Throw a seven!
1277
01:13:38,113 --> 01:13:39,238
Seven.
1278
01:13:39,323 --> 01:13:40,740
Oh, my God!
1279
01:13:41,033 --> 01:13:42,867
- Thank you. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
1280
01:13:42,951 --> 01:13:45,244
We're done. Can we quit?
Can we quit? We're... Okay.
1281
01:13:45,329 --> 01:13:46,496
Throw it in there.
1282
01:13:46,580 --> 01:13:50,333
Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen,
would you please gather round?
1283
01:13:51,460 --> 01:13:55,713
Come on. Don't be afraid.
This year's Golden Handshake Award
1284
01:13:55,798 --> 01:13:59,133
for best team spirit goes to a new face,
1285
01:13:59,760 --> 01:14:04,013
and one of the funniest son of a bitches
I've ever had the pleasure to know.
1286
01:14:04,098 --> 01:14:06,307
And I think you know
who I'm talking about.
1287
01:14:06,392 --> 01:14:11,479
- Jack-Off! Jack-Off! Jack-Off!
- Jack-Off! Jack-Off! Jack-Off!
1288
01:14:11,563 --> 01:14:13,606
Get up here! Come on!
1289
01:14:15,234 --> 01:14:17,568
Congratulations, Jack-Off.
1290
01:14:19,488 --> 01:14:22,740
Well, thank you all
for an amazing weekend. I...
1291
01:14:24,952 --> 01:14:27,161
I have to thank my wife, Joy.
1292
01:14:32,251 --> 01:14:35,962
She probably never told you all
the story about how we met.
1293
01:14:41,510 --> 01:14:44,554
It might come as a surprise
to many of you
1294
01:14:45,264 --> 01:14:49,392
that we didn't know each other
for very long before we got hitched.
1295
01:14:56,191 --> 01:14:58,901
What can I say? You know?
When you know, you know.
1296
01:15:00,988 --> 01:15:05,241
On our wedding night, we were so busy
running back to the honeymoon suite
1297
01:15:05,325 --> 01:15:09,996
that we never really got a chance
to have a first dance.
1298
01:15:10,622 --> 01:15:11,706
So...
1299
01:15:14,877 --> 01:15:16,169
Ladies and gentlemen,
1300
01:15:16,253 --> 01:15:19,464
for the first time,
Mr. and Mrs. Jack Fuller!
1301
01:15:26,763 --> 01:15:30,349
First, when there's nothing
1302
01:15:30,434 --> 01:15:34,854
but a slow glowing dream
1303
01:15:35,230 --> 01:15:37,815
That your fear seems to hide...
1304
01:15:39,026 --> 01:15:40,735
You hear that?
1305
01:15:40,819 --> 01:15:43,946
- They're clinking.
- Yeah. They are clinking.
1306
01:15:44,781 --> 01:15:47,533
I think that means they want us to kiss.
1307
01:15:47,743 --> 01:15:50,453
Well, if that's what the crowd wants...
1308
01:15:51,246 --> 01:15:54,624
Yeah, but if you're not up for it,
you don't have to. It's fine.
1309
01:15:54,708 --> 01:15:58,586
# In a world made of steel #
1310
01:15:58,670 --> 01:16:02,256
# Made of stone #
1311
01:16:06,428 --> 01:16:09,972
# Well, I hear the music #
1312
01:16:10,182 --> 01:16:13,768
# Close my eyes, feel the rhythm #
1313
01:16:14,269 --> 01:16:15,853
# Wrap around #
1314
01:16:15,938 --> 01:16:21,067
# Take a hold of my heart #
1315
01:16:21,944 --> 01:16:23,819
# What a feeling! #
1316
01:16:25,364 --> 01:16:28,241
# Being's believing #
1317
01:16:29,201 --> 01:16:35,706
# I can't have it all
Now I'm dancing for my life #
1318
01:16:36,875 --> 01:16:38,793
# Take your passion #
1319
01:16:40,254 --> 01:16:42,964
# And make it happen #
1320
01:16:45,968 --> 01:16:47,802
Go. Go.
1321
01:16:54,142 --> 01:16:57,645
Okay, people. Party like you mean it.
1322
01:16:57,771 --> 01:17:00,815
And what happens in Tujunga Falls
1323
01:17:01,525 --> 01:17:03,859
stays in Tujunga Falls!
1324
01:17:05,112 --> 01:17:07,822
We love it! We love it! We love it!
1325
01:17:08,115 --> 01:17:11,450
Now I hear the music
1326
01:17:11,785 --> 01:17:15,288
Close my eyes, I am rhythm
1327
01:17:15,831 --> 01:17:17,164
In a flash
1328
01:17:17,332 --> 01:17:18,916
It takes hold
1329
01:17:19,334 --> 01:17:23,170
of my heart
1330
01:17:23,922 --> 01:17:25,214
What a feeling
1331
01:17:25,299 --> 01:17:26,966
All right, look.
1332
01:17:27,509 --> 01:17:30,636
When's the last time
you were, like, really happy?
1333
01:17:30,721 --> 01:17:32,722
- Really happy?
- And don't say Vegas,
1334
01:17:32,806 --> 01:17:36,183
because if you do, I'll just... I'll have to cry.
1335
01:17:38,061 --> 01:17:39,186
Okay.
1336
01:17:40,939 --> 01:17:42,857
There was this one day,
1337
01:17:43,817 --> 01:17:46,235
before the Exchange, before Mason.
1338
01:17:48,030 --> 01:17:52,116
I was feeling really adventurous,
so I took the ferry
1339
01:17:52,200 --> 01:17:55,036
- about 30 miles east of the city.
- Mmm-hmm.
1340
01:17:55,579 --> 01:17:57,330
There was this great lighthouse.
1341
01:17:57,414 --> 01:18:01,042
I mean, it was just right on the beach,
off the boardwalk.
1342
01:18:01,460 --> 01:18:03,461
- You went there by yourself?
- Yeah.
1343
01:18:03,545 --> 01:18:06,339
You know, I just, like, sat on the beach,
1344
01:18:07,382 --> 01:18:10,760
listened to the waves,
watched the sunset.
1345
01:18:12,346 --> 01:18:16,807
God! I had no concerns, you know?
I had, like, no responsibilities,
1346
01:18:16,892 --> 01:18:18,684
no job stressing me out.
1347
01:18:18,769 --> 01:18:21,896
I had no one to please but myself.
1348
01:18:22,898 --> 01:18:25,358
- That's that photo you have.
- Yeah.
1349
01:18:26,652 --> 01:18:29,654
That was a great day.
1350
01:18:46,922 --> 01:18:49,340
I did take myself out of the game.
1351
01:18:55,263 --> 01:18:57,306
If you stop betting,
1352
01:18:58,392 --> 01:19:00,267
you never have to lose.
1353
01:19:13,699 --> 01:19:15,491
I'd bet on you, Jack.
1354
01:19:29,589 --> 01:19:32,133
So, long day, huh?
1355
01:19:32,718 --> 01:19:34,093
Yeah.
1356
01:19:36,972 --> 01:19:39,849
So, we should probably get to bed.
1357
01:19:41,977 --> 01:19:43,018
Yep.
1358
01:20:02,998 --> 01:20:05,332
Can you undo my zipper?
1359
01:20:05,959 --> 01:20:08,836
- It gets stuck.
- Yeah! Yeah.
1360
01:20:09,713 --> 01:20:11,088
Absolutely.
1361
01:20:16,261 --> 01:20:17,595
All right.
1362
01:20:31,443 --> 01:20:33,652
All right. Okay. There it is.
1363
01:20:38,575 --> 01:20:39,784
Thanks.
1364
01:21:08,355 --> 01:21:10,564
Hey, I... These...
1365
01:21:10,649 --> 01:21:14,235
- I wasn't in your things.
- It's okay. Just leave them right there.
1366
01:21:14,319 --> 01:21:16,070
I can put them back.
1367
01:21:22,077 --> 01:21:23,911
Good night, Mr. Fuller.
1368
01:21:24,496 --> 01:21:26,413
Good night, Mrs. Fuller.
1369
01:21:56,778 --> 01:21:58,237
# It's all right #
1370
01:22:00,615 --> 01:22:01,991
# It's okay #
1371
01:22:03,285 --> 01:22:04,410
# Everything's all right #
1372
01:22:08,456 --> 01:22:09,874
# It's all right #
1373
01:22:10,834 --> 01:22:13,127
# Everything's all right #
1374
01:22:19,676 --> 01:22:20,676
# It's okay #
1375
01:22:22,804 --> 01:22:26,056
Okay, I'm on my way. I know.
1376
01:22:26,141 --> 01:22:27,641
It's almost over.
I'm about to be a free woman.
1377
01:22:27,726 --> 01:22:30,352
- Joy. Joy!
- What?
1378
01:22:31,646 --> 01:22:33,105
I have to go.
1379
01:22:33,440 --> 01:22:34,899
- Mason?
- Yeah.
1380
01:22:37,319 --> 01:22:40,696
I can't talk right now. I'm sorry.
I have to get going. I just...
1381
01:22:40,780 --> 01:22:42,615
I want you back, Joy.
1382
01:22:44,159 --> 01:22:46,911
- What?
- I made a huge mistake letting you go.
1383
01:22:46,995 --> 01:22:48,662
I see that now.
1384
01:22:48,747 --> 01:22:51,957
Seeing you the other day,
you had this glow about you.
1385
01:22:52,042 --> 01:22:54,793
Not that you didn't before, it's just...
1386
01:22:54,878 --> 01:22:57,004
Sometimes it takes losing something
1387
01:22:57,088 --> 01:22:59,423
for you to realize what you had.
1388
01:23:00,133 --> 01:23:03,052
I want to make up
for the wrong I did to you.
1389
01:23:04,512 --> 01:23:06,013
This is yours.
1390
01:23:06,681 --> 01:23:09,558
I gave it to you, and I want you to have it.
1391
01:23:11,728 --> 01:23:14,104
- Where did you get this?
- And Joy,
1392
01:23:15,857 --> 01:23:18,067
you are good enough for me.
1393
01:23:30,288 --> 01:23:31,538
I mean that!
1394
01:23:48,098 --> 01:23:50,182
Court is called to order.
1395
01:23:51,017 --> 01:23:54,061
Well, lookie here, lookie here!
The happy couple!
1396
01:23:54,145 --> 01:23:57,898
Six months down the road.
Did you learn anything?
1397
01:23:58,483 --> 01:23:59,525
We'll see.
1398
01:23:59,609 --> 01:24:02,736
Now, Dr. Twitchell, in your opinion,
did the couple,
1399
01:24:02,821 --> 01:24:04,863
Jack Fuller and Joy McNally,
1400
01:24:04,948 --> 01:24:07,658
obey the court order
to live together as man and wife,
1401
01:24:07,742 --> 01:24:11,161
and do you believe they put
sufficient effort into the marriage?
1402
01:24:16,167 --> 01:24:17,668
These two have
1403
01:24:20,588 --> 01:24:22,214
a lot of issues.
1404
01:24:22,632 --> 01:24:26,260
A lot of deeply unsettling issues
1405
01:24:26,678 --> 01:24:30,055
that, as individuals,
they seriously need to work on.
1406
01:24:31,057 --> 01:24:32,391
Seriously.
1407
01:24:33,935 --> 01:24:36,770
But together, in my honest opinion,
1408
01:24:38,148 --> 01:24:40,441
they're perfect for each other.
1409
01:24:41,026 --> 01:24:42,276
It's the real thing.
1410
01:24:43,236 --> 01:24:44,570
Go figure.
1411
01:24:46,281 --> 01:24:49,116
Well, thank you, Doctor.
You may step down.
1412
01:24:51,953 --> 01:24:53,287
Tipper!
1413
01:25:00,462 --> 01:25:02,046
Hi, Your Honor.
1414
01:25:02,881 --> 01:25:04,465
Have you lost weight?
1415
01:25:06,551 --> 01:25:08,302
Gotcha. Let's begin.
1416
01:25:08,928 --> 01:25:14,016
Although Ms. McNally ran up $25,000
in credit card debt in my client's name,
1417
01:25:14,100 --> 01:25:16,769
my client recently spent the same amount
1418
01:25:16,853 --> 01:25:19,813
for materials
for his new furniture business.
1419
01:25:20,148 --> 01:25:23,192
Therefore, we propose
the following settlement, Your Honor.
1420
01:25:23,443 --> 01:25:25,819
The original $3 million,
deduct half for taxes
1421
01:25:25,904 --> 01:25:28,614
and $50,000 that's already been spent,
1422
01:25:28,698 --> 01:25:31,700
that leaves $1.45 million to be divided...
1423
01:25:36,664 --> 01:25:37,873
equally.
1424
01:25:37,957 --> 01:25:41,835
Now that's the spirit!
You've learned to share! Do you accept?
1425
01:25:48,510 --> 01:25:50,552
No, Your Honor, we do not.
1426
01:25:51,721 --> 01:25:53,472
Gold-digging whore.
1427
01:25:53,556 --> 01:25:57,518
My client has advised me that
she doesn't want any of the money.
1428
01:25:58,436 --> 01:26:00,395
She just wants a divorce.
1429
01:26:01,314 --> 01:26:03,440
Miss McNally, are you sure?
1430
01:26:06,402 --> 01:26:07,945
Yes, Your Honor, I am.
1431
01:26:08,029 --> 01:26:13,033
Well, then I hereby grant the divorce
and award all the monies to Mr. Fuller.
1432
01:26:13,535 --> 01:26:15,327
Court adjourned.
1433
01:26:20,875 --> 01:26:22,459
You win, Jack.
1434
01:26:22,544 --> 01:26:25,045
I officially want nothing from you.
1435
01:26:32,011 --> 01:26:33,554
Oh, my God.
1436
01:26:33,638 --> 01:26:36,682
I won a case! Jesus Christ!
1437
01:26:36,766 --> 01:26:38,809
Dude, we won!
1438
01:26:39,060 --> 01:26:40,310
I won!
1439
01:26:40,395 --> 01:26:43,147
Yeah! I'm the law, bitches!
1440
01:26:43,231 --> 01:26:44,815
I'm a lawyer!
1441
01:26:45,483 --> 01:26:46,733
To me!
1442
01:26:47,485 --> 01:26:49,319
Anybody need a lawyer?
1443
01:26:51,739 --> 01:26:53,866
# And tonight I have to leave it #
1444
01:26:54,159 --> 01:26:56,493
It's hard out there, isn't it?
1445
01:26:57,453 --> 01:26:59,329
Time heals all wounds.
1446
01:27:03,084 --> 01:27:07,921
Now that you guys are officially done,
is there any chance I can get her number.
1447
01:27:09,507 --> 01:27:10,924
E- mail is fine.
1448
01:27:12,635 --> 01:27:14,428
Go ahead, run it.
1449
01:27:18,141 --> 01:27:21,935
Have any idea what her plans
are going to be for the future?
1450
01:27:25,899 --> 01:27:27,274
Yeah, okay.
1451
01:27:27,692 --> 01:27:30,402
You don't have to answer that right now.
1452
01:27:34,490 --> 01:27:36,617
Hey, I have a question.
1453
01:27:37,785 --> 01:27:39,870
How much does an island cost?
1454
01:27:48,046 --> 01:27:51,131
Now we come to the final item
on our agenda.
1455
01:27:53,051 --> 01:27:55,052
Congratulations, McNally.
1456
01:27:57,805 --> 01:28:00,432
Thank you, sir. I won't let you down.
1457
01:28:06,356 --> 01:28:09,316
Okay, I think I'm gonna have to
let you down.
1458
01:28:09,400 --> 01:28:11,902
Why don't you just give it to Chong,
you know?
1459
01:28:11,986 --> 01:28:13,403
She's good, she deserves it,
1460
01:28:13,488 --> 01:28:15,948
and besides,
I think she just enjoys being miserable.
1461
01:28:16,324 --> 01:28:18,533
- Yes!
- You sure you know what you're doing?
1462
01:28:18,618 --> 01:28:21,578
No, I don't. But I think that's the point.
1463
01:28:22,872 --> 01:28:25,499
I would rather do nothing and be happy
1464
01:28:26,376 --> 01:28:28,961
than do something that I don't love.
1465
01:28:41,975 --> 01:28:43,767
Well, I lost her at happy.
1466
01:28:43,851 --> 01:28:45,602
I don't know what the hell
she was trying to say anyway.
1467
01:28:45,687 --> 01:28:48,188
Well done, Chonger. The job is yours.
1468
01:28:51,985 --> 01:28:53,277
Thank you.
1469
01:28:53,861 --> 01:28:55,946
So! Jack made a piece of furniture.
1470
01:28:56,948 --> 01:28:58,365
He finished it.
1471
01:28:58,449 --> 01:29:00,117
Okay. Go ahead, Dad.
What's wrong with it?
1472
01:29:00,201 --> 01:29:01,660
Nothing. It's good.
1473
01:29:01,744 --> 01:29:04,037
It's really good. I'm proud of you.
1474
01:29:07,208 --> 01:29:08,417
- Thank you.
- But...
1475
01:29:08,501 --> 01:29:09,459
Here we go.
1476
01:29:09,544 --> 01:29:11,128
...you royally screwed up
when it comes to that girl.
1477
01:29:11,212 --> 01:29:15,007
It was a big, stupid mistake. Okay?
The entire marriage was a lie!
1478
01:29:15,091 --> 01:29:17,634
The marriage might have been a mistake,
but it was not a lie.
1479
01:29:17,719 --> 01:29:20,512
And I think that anybody
who has spent time with you two recently
1480
01:29:20,596 --> 01:29:21,680
could tell you that.
1481
01:29:21,764 --> 01:29:24,975
So why don't you get your head
out of your ass
1482
01:29:25,059 --> 01:29:27,227
and go do something about it?
1483
01:29:27,854 --> 01:29:31,231
Or should I tell you not to,
and then maybe you will?
1484
01:29:34,527 --> 01:29:37,195
- She's gone, man.
- Gone? What do you mean, gone?
1485
01:29:37,280 --> 01:29:41,616
She, like, lost it. She quit her job,
shut off her phone. She took off.
1486
01:29:41,868 --> 01:29:43,869
Look, I don't really care much for you,
1487
01:29:43,953 --> 01:29:45,787
and I want to cut your friend Hater.
Seriously.
1488
01:29:45,872 --> 01:29:47,122
But for some reason,
1489
01:29:47,206 --> 01:29:50,167
you're, like, the only man
that Joy can actually be herself with,
1490
01:29:50,251 --> 01:29:54,212
so I wanna tell you where she is,
I really do. I just don't know.
1491
01:29:54,797 --> 01:29:56,798
- What do you know?
- I don't know. If you were miserable
1492
01:29:56,883 --> 01:30:00,385
and you wanted to get happy again,
where would you go?
1493
01:30:02,138 --> 01:30:03,263
What?
1494
01:30:04,974 --> 01:30:06,308
Thank you.
1495
01:30:09,562 --> 01:30:11,897
Okay, tell you what. We both go.
1496
01:30:12,190 --> 01:30:13,398
That way, when she sees us both,
1497
01:30:13,483 --> 01:30:16,026
she can make up her mind
on who she wants to be with.
1498
01:30:16,110 --> 01:30:19,988
I've loaned you my band saw,
I've loaned you my beer tap.
1499
01:30:20,073 --> 01:30:21,615
Do you even know
how to drive an automatic?
1500
01:30:21,699 --> 01:30:23,367
The keys. Give me the keys.
1501
01:30:23,451 --> 01:30:24,868
Here. Sorry.
1502
01:30:25,411 --> 01:30:27,788
Go get your future ex-ex-wife.
1503
01:30:37,423 --> 01:30:40,509
What're you doing later?
You like trance music?
1504
01:30:45,473 --> 01:30:49,309
# What a waste of time
The thought crossed my mind #
1505
01:30:49,394 --> 01:30:52,062
# But I never missed a beat #
1506
01:30:52,855 --> 01:30:56,942
# Can't explain the who or what I was #
1507
01:30:57,318 --> 01:30:59,694
# Trying to believe #
1508
01:31:00,238 --> 01:31:01,905
# What would you do? #
1509
01:31:03,825 --> 01:31:06,993
# What would you do?
Do you know? #
1510
01:31:07,328 --> 01:31:11,206
# I once had a grip on everything #
1511
01:31:11,290 --> 01:31:14,376
# It feels better to Iet go #
1512
01:31:14,460 --> 01:31:16,503
# I'm not over #
1513
01:31:18,339 --> 01:31:21,925
# I'm not over you just yet #
1514
01:31:22,009 --> 01:31:24,010
# Cannot hide it #
1515
01:31:25,680 --> 01:31:29,182
# You're not that easy to forget #
1516
01:31:29,559 --> 01:31:38,817
# I'm not over #
1517
01:32:02,508 --> 01:32:03,884
You found me.
1518
01:32:05,887 --> 01:32:07,679
You left this behind,
1519
01:32:08,890 --> 01:32:12,767
and I wanted to bring it back to you.
1520
01:32:18,232 --> 01:32:22,110
Do you know how many lighthouses
there are 30 miles east of the city?
1521
01:32:22,195 --> 01:32:23,945
- How many?
- Five.
1522
01:32:24,030 --> 01:32:26,907
- Really?
- Yeah, just in case you're wondering.
1523
01:32:26,991 --> 01:32:28,033
So.
1524
01:32:29,243 --> 01:32:34,789
Did you come all the way out here
just to give this back to me?
1525
01:32:35,750 --> 01:32:38,460
I did. So I'm going to get out of here.
1526
01:32:41,339 --> 01:32:43,173
All right. Here it is.
1527
01:32:44,133 --> 01:32:46,760
When we were married, I was horrible.
1528
01:32:47,553 --> 01:32:50,180
Sick. Just wrong.
1529
01:32:52,391 --> 01:32:54,976
And it's the best time I've ever had.
1530
01:32:58,648 --> 01:33:00,982
You bet on me, Joy,
1531
01:33:03,611 --> 01:33:06,238
and you made me want to bet on myself.
1532
01:33:06,656 --> 01:33:09,950
So don't think about anyone else
1533
01:33:10,451 --> 01:33:13,453
and just answer this for you.
1534
01:33:22,171 --> 01:33:24,506
Do you want to be married to me?
1535
01:33:25,591 --> 01:33:26,758
Again?
1536
01:33:29,345 --> 01:33:30,637
You know,
1537
01:33:31,973 --> 01:33:35,141
for so long, I've just...
I've tried to please everybody.
1538
01:33:35,643 --> 01:33:38,728
And by not trying to please you,
1539
01:33:41,357 --> 01:33:43,608
I think I became myself again.
1540
01:33:46,821 --> 01:33:47,862
I do
1541
01:33:48,990 --> 01:33:52,826
want to be married to you again.
1542
01:34:19,353 --> 01:34:20,812
I quit my job.
1543
01:34:22,023 --> 01:34:23,231
I heard.
1544
01:34:23,482 --> 01:34:26,901
I have absolutely no idea
what I'm going to do. No clue.
1545
01:34:27,028 --> 01:34:31,656
Well, it's a good thing that I have...
That we have a ton of money.
1546
01:34:31,741 --> 01:34:33,408
Oh, my God!
1547
01:34:35,161 --> 01:34:38,371
That's right. We hit the jackpot.
1548
01:34:39,123 --> 01:34:40,457
Yeah, I did.
1549
01:34:45,546 --> 01:34:48,465
Now, Joy, do you take this young man
1550
01:34:49,634 --> 01:34:54,220
to be your lawfully wedded husband,
in sickness and in health,
1551
01:34:54,555 --> 01:34:55,555
Uh-huh.
1552
01:34:55,681 --> 01:34:57,724
for richer or for poorer...
1553
01:34:58,726 --> 01:35:00,018
I do. I take him.
1554
01:35:00,102 --> 01:35:01,936
Naughty! Naughty!
1555
01:35:02,021 --> 01:35:04,939
Jack, would you put the ring
upon her finger?
1556
01:35:05,858 --> 01:35:08,318
- Was that the one?
- That was it! Oh, my God!
1557
01:35:08,402 --> 01:35:10,195
You may kiss the bride.
1558
01:35:12,198 --> 01:35:13,865
This is the greatest day of my life!
1559
01:35:14,325 --> 01:35:17,952
- This is the greatest day of my...
- What? What?
1560
01:35:19,830 --> 01:35:20,955
Oh, my...
1561
01:35:21,165 --> 01:35:22,666
This is marvelous, simply marvelous.
1562
01:35:22,750 --> 01:35:24,793
- Bye! Thank you!
- Bye-bye.
1563
01:35:24,919 --> 01:35:26,628
Have fun, you guys!
1564
01:35:26,712 --> 01:35:28,338
It's so much fun in there!
You guys are gonna love it!
1565
01:35:28,422 --> 01:35:30,507
- Woman!
- Holy shit.
1566
01:35:30,591 --> 01:35:32,634
- Woman!
- I'm coming!
1567
01:35:34,595 --> 01:35:35,762
Hey!
1568
01:35:40,142 --> 01:35:43,728
# No one here likes you
Go away get a clue #
1569
01:35:43,813 --> 01:35:45,772
# Go back to your...zoo #
1570
01:35:46,941 --> 01:35:48,733
# And now we're standing face to face #
1571
01:35:50,736 --> 01:35:55,031
# Isn't this world a crazy place #
1572
01:36:00,287 --> 01:36:01,287
Why?
1573
01:36:01,372 --> 01:36:09,045
You know why!
1574
01:36:10,256 --> 01:36:14,968
# No one here likes you
Go away, get a clue #
1575
01:36:15,136 --> 01:36:19,305
# Go back to your...zoo
or whatever it is you do #
1576
01:36:19,390 --> 01:36:23,685
# I don't know why
I don't like what's in your eyes #
1577
01:36:23,936 --> 01:36:26,229
# And I'd love to split them wide #
1578
01:36:27,982 --> 01:36:30,316
# I could pretend #
1579
01:36:30,693 --> 01:36:34,821
# Can't you understand
I hate you my friend #
1580
01:36:36,449 --> 01:36:39,159
# Some call it an obsession #
1581
01:36:40,703 --> 01:36:43,663
# And some call it a good hate #
1582
01:36:44,832 --> 01:36:47,792
# And I'll just call it pathetic #
1583
01:36:48,669 --> 01:36:51,629
# But some totally relate #
1584
01:36:53,674 --> 01:36:57,802
# I'd rather go to hell
than shake your hand or wish you well #
1585
01:36:58,345 --> 01:37:00,221
# In case you couldn't tell #
1586
01:37:02,349 --> 01:37:06,394
# Go ahead, boy, drink your drink
Go ahead, boy, do your thing #
1587
01:37:06,645 --> 01:37:10,315
# Can you learn the words
to every song I sing #
1588
01:37:10,941 --> 01:37:12,984
# I could pretend #
1589
01:37:13,611 --> 01:37:17,697
# Can't you understand
I hate you my friend #
1590
01:37:36,592 --> 01:37:39,219
# Some call it an obsession #
1591
01:37:40,721 --> 01:37:43,556
# And some call it a good hate #
1592
01:37:44,975 --> 01:37:47,894
# And I'll just call it pathetic #
1593
01:37:48,687 --> 01:37:51,731
# But some totally relate #
1594
01:37:53,275 --> 01:37:58,029
# No one here likes you
Go away, get a clue #
1595
01:37:58,113 --> 01:38:02,200
# Go back to your...zoo
or whatever it is you do #
1596
01:38:02,451 --> 01:38:04,452
# I could pretend #
1597
01:38:05,037 --> 01:38:09,249
# Can't you understand
I hate you my friend #
1598
01:38:11,293 --> 01:38:18,174
# I hate you my friend #
1599
01:40:42,236 --> 01:40:43,903
You like to party?
1600
01:40:44,305 --> 01:41:44,275
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