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1
00:00:13,110 --> 00:00:15,180
- Is that you, Mark?
- 'Yeah, Mum, it's me.
2
00:00:15,210 --> 00:00:18,220
'You're not gonna believe this.
I'm sitting next to Dad!'
3
00:00:18,740 --> 00:00:20,020
He's alive!
4
00:00:20,510 --> 00:00:24,530
Mark, you have your father back.
I'm so happy for you.
5
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:27,890
Would you mind? It's just
a thing we do with our clients.
6
00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,760
John Darwin? I'm arresting you
on suspicion of fraud.
7
00:00:32,790 --> 00:00:34,500
This is ridiculous.
8
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,220
'Since our dad was arrested,
9
00:00:36,250 --> 00:00:40,320
'we are very much in an angry
and confused state of mind.'
10
00:00:40,350 --> 00:00:43,850
The front cover of today's
Daily Mirror simply reads:
11
00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:46,770
"John never had amnesia."
12
00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:49,750
Firstly,
I think you're a good person who,
13
00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:51,910
for reasons that are
probably very complicated,
14
00:00:51,940 --> 00:00:53,090
did a truly dreadful thing.
15
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,540
Second, tell the police the truth
16
00:00:54,570 --> 00:00:57,180
and start rebuilding your
relationship with your boys.
17
00:00:57,210 --> 00:00:59,980
Anne Darwin? I'm arresting
you on suspicion of fraud.
18
00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:02,480
We've not spoken to
either of our parents...
19
00:01:02,770 --> 00:01:04,300
...And at this present time,
20
00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:07,530
we want no further
contact with them.
21
00:01:12,730 --> 00:01:15,160
'We've not spoken to
either of our parents,
22
00:01:15,770 --> 00:01:17,420
and at this present time,
23
00:01:17,910 --> 00:01:21,130
'we want no further
contact with them.'
24
00:01:43,060 --> 00:01:44,490
- Anne.
- Hello.
25
00:01:45,660 --> 00:01:48,200
Hello, I'm Nicola.
26
00:01:48,540 --> 00:01:51,440
- Hello, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.
27
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:53,680
How long will I get?
28
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,270
Do you think, in prison?
How long might I get?
29
00:01:59,170 --> 00:02:00,690
So, it's very simple.
30
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,040
We stick her in one room,
stick him in another,
31
00:02:03,070 --> 00:02:04,690
and we play them off.
32
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,270
Bottom line, Anne,
the more honest you are with us,
33
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,840
the more information
you can give us about
34
00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:13,070
what actually happened here,
35
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,970
the quicker we'll have
all this sorted. OK?
36
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,120
- Yes.
- Good.
37
00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:20,060
And so we are interviewing her
38
00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:21,440
at the same time
as speaking to you,
39
00:02:21,470 --> 00:02:24,850
which means any answers you give
us, we'll be checking with her
40
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,990
to see if they tally
up and vice versa,
41
00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:28,020
does that make sense?
42
00:02:28,050 --> 00:02:29,400
- Yes.
- Good...
43
00:02:29,430 --> 00:02:31,830
Although do bear in mind
that Anne does not have
44
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:35,110
a very sophisticated grasp
of financial matters.
45
00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:38,230
- Right.
- Just the one brain cell, you see.
46
00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:40,440
Your wife of 34 years.
47
00:02:40,470 --> 00:02:41,740
Tell me about it.
48
00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:44,490
Would you like me to
repeat the question, Anne?
49
00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:47,300
No, I heard the question.
50
00:02:52,610 --> 00:02:54,430
When I started the insurance claim,
51
00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:56,490
I still believed him to be dead.
52
00:02:57,180 --> 00:02:59,290
You took quite a long
time to answer that.
53
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,060
But she did.
54
00:03:00,090 --> 00:03:01,950
I'm just wondering
why you hesitated?
55
00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:03,800
She's answered the question.
Can you move on, please?
56
00:03:03,830 --> 00:03:06,260
Just remember, Anne,
this is your interview.
57
00:03:06,290 --> 00:03:09,600
This is your chance to tell
us your side of things.
58
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,720
He turned up half way through.
59
00:03:15,750 --> 00:03:16,690
'It's not true.'
60
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,880
I turned up after
they'd been paid out.
61
00:03:18,910 --> 00:03:21,020
I thought you said you couldn't
remember when you turned up.
62
00:03:21,050 --> 00:03:23,050
The specific month, I said.
63
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,230
But you can specifically remember
64
00:03:25,260 --> 00:03:27,210
that it was after the
claim was settled?
65
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,280
Yes.
66
00:03:30,550 --> 00:03:32,430
Which month was the claim settled,
then?
67
00:03:36,530 --> 00:03:38,620
Nice try. I don't remember.
68
00:03:38,650 --> 00:03:40,630
This isn't the "Yes,
no" game, John.
69
00:03:40,870 --> 00:03:43,720
Your wife has already told us
that you never had amnesia.
70
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:46,590
She's mistaken.
Perhaps she's forgotten.
71
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,520
Yes, he told me he'd
faked the whole thing.
72
00:03:49,950 --> 00:03:51,930
- His disappearance?
- Yes.
73
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:55,210
- For financial reasons?
- Yeah.
74
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,570
Did he tell you where he'd been?
75
00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:02,210
No. "Around and about," He said.
76
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:06,160
- For over a year?
- Y-Yes.
77
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:08,610
Ok.
78
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,540
But why didn't you go straight
to the police at that point?
79
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,880
He said if we went to the police...
80
00:04:17,330 --> 00:04:20,340
...We'd have to pay the insurance
money back immediately,
81
00:04:20,370 --> 00:04:22,840
and then we'd be back
where we'd started.
82
00:04:22,870 --> 00:04:25,410
- Facing bankruptcy?
- Yes.
83
00:04:27,460 --> 00:04:30,330
So what was his plan at this point?
84
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:34,350
For me to sell all the other
houses, and then hand himself in
85
00:04:34,380 --> 00:04:36,460
when we were in a position
to pay the money back.
86
00:04:36,490 --> 00:04:41,000
- OK. And how's that plan going?
- Well, I'm here, aren't I?
87
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,610
- I'm not with you.
- Why else do you think I returned?
88
00:04:45,460 --> 00:04:47,450
- I don't know, why did you?
- To pay the money back.
89
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,930
Oh, so you've made contact with
the insurance companies, then?
90
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,780
Well, I would have,
if you hadn't arrested me.
91
00:04:52,930 --> 00:04:55,180
So it's our fault.
We spoilt your plan?
92
00:04:55,210 --> 00:04:56,300
You and the press.
93
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:59,080
- Ah, well, apologies.
- Accepted.
94
00:05:01,450 --> 00:05:03,500
Can I just ask, though, John,
95
00:05:03,710 --> 00:05:06,270
if your plan was to
sell all the properties,
96
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,500
with the intention of
paying the money back
97
00:05:08,530 --> 00:05:10,070
when you got straight...
98
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,700
...Why did you move to Panama?
99
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,680
No comment.
100
00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,240
And buy a flat there?
101
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:21,800
No comment.
102
00:05:21,830 --> 00:05:23,150
And a plot of land?
103
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:25,660
No comment.
104
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,630
Well, Anne,
why did you just go along with it?
105
00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:32,480
Why didn't you tell him it
was wrong and dishonest?
106
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,820
I should have and...
107
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,760
...I should have told
the boys at that point,
108
00:05:37,790 --> 00:05:39,800
but he said if I
went to the police,
109
00:05:39,830 --> 00:05:42,130
he'd tell them I was
in it from the start.
110
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,290
You were an adult.
You could've refused.
111
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,530
And I bitterly regret my decision,
but...
112
00:05:49,590 --> 00:05:52,280
...He was hard to resist -
John was very forceful.
113
00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:58,530
Anne.
114
00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:00,370
Why...
115
00:06:02,290 --> 00:06:04,540
Why don't you just
tell us the truth?
116
00:06:07,970 --> 00:06:10,580
You were in on it from the start,
weren't you?
117
00:06:10,610 --> 00:06:13,730
She's answered the question.
Can you move on, please?
118
00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:20,230
So the, er, life insurance
policies that you took out
119
00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:22,340
just three months
before you went missing,
120
00:06:22,370 --> 00:06:24,370
is that date relevant, John?
121
00:06:24,780 --> 00:06:25,990
You tell me.
122
00:06:26,020 --> 00:06:28,120
No, you tell me.
That's how this works.
123
00:06:28,150 --> 00:06:29,900
- Is that date relevant?
- No.
124
00:06:29,930 --> 00:06:32,680
No? So it's pure coincidence
125
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:37,320
that you took out a life
insurance policy in December 2001,
126
00:06:37,350 --> 00:06:39,760
which then allowed your wife
to make a very large claim
127
00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:41,750
- just 12 weeks later?
- Yes.
128
00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:44,350
Is it also a coincidence that
on a computer hard drive,
129
00:06:44,380 --> 00:06:46,840
taken from your house soon
after your disappearance,
130
00:06:46,870 --> 00:06:49,010
we've since found a downloaded file
131
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:52,580
titled "Missing Persons
and Police Investigations"?
132
00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:56,790
One of the boys must
have downloaded that.
133
00:06:56,820 --> 00:07:00,880
It was dated a month before
you went missing, John.
134
00:07:03,650 --> 00:07:04,850
Fair play.
135
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,390
That's a tricky one.
136
00:07:08,310 --> 00:07:11,680
OK,
I'm now showing Anne Exhibit AB01,
137
00:07:11,710 --> 00:07:13,660
which is a copy of a library card,
138
00:07:13,690 --> 00:07:16,080
registered at Hartlepool library,
139
00:07:16,110 --> 00:07:19,670
in the name of "John Jones".
140
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:23,180
Anne,
can you tell me who you see...
141
00:07:23,590 --> 00:07:24,950
on that photo?
142
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:27,200
It's John.
143
00:07:27,470 --> 00:07:29,990
Except this fella has a beard.
144
00:07:30,020 --> 00:07:32,850
- I presume you can grow a beard?
- Yes.
145
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:36,670
OK, so is that you,
but with a beard?
146
00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:39,040
Maybe.
147
00:07:39,070 --> 00:07:41,480
John, I'm asking if you
can identify yourself.
148
00:07:41,510 --> 00:07:43,850
- No comment.
- OK, well...
149
00:07:44,170 --> 00:07:46,590
perhaps you could read two
things out for me, then.
150
00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:49,330
The date it was issued
and the address.
151
00:07:51,250 --> 00:07:54,280
22nd of April 2002.
152
00:07:54,310 --> 00:07:56,470
Address, Number Four,
153
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,410
The Cliff, Seaton Carew.
154
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:00,440
OK.
155
00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:04,180
So just four weeks
after you went missing,
156
00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:06,700
a man who looked
very much like you...
157
00:08:06,730 --> 00:08:08,600
Ah, yeah, but with a beard, yeah,
158
00:08:08,630 --> 00:08:12,320
applies for a library card
and gives your home address.
159
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,120
But this man's called John Jones!
160
00:08:17,190 --> 00:08:18,190
Come on, Anne,
161
00:08:18,220 --> 00:08:21,080
he was living at number four
from day one, wasn't he?
162
00:08:21,110 --> 00:08:23,490
- No.
- And you knew from day one.
163
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:24,800
I didn't.
164
00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:28,370
- Were your boys in on it, too?
- No, absolutely not.
165
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,780
Cos our economic crime unit is
finding all sorts of things.
166
00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:34,480
- What things?
- Money transfers to Mark and Anthony,
167
00:08:34,510 --> 00:08:36,900
fake property sales to Mark.
168
00:08:37,210 --> 00:08:40,280
Basically money laundering,
very serious offence.
169
00:08:40,310 --> 00:08:42,100
That was just an
inheritance tax thing.
170
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:45,880
Please, they never knew anything
about any of this, please.
171
00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:51,830
It's interesting how
upset you're getting...
172
00:08:52,670 --> 00:08:56,310
...And I tell you, I do not wanna
have to bring your lads in.
173
00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:57,050
Please don't.
174
00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:01,280
The best way to head that off is
for you tell us the whole truth.
175
00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:03,780
You were in on it from the start,
weren't you?
176
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:04,510
No.
177
00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:08,030
And you knew John was perfectly
fine when you dialled 999
178
00:09:08,060 --> 00:09:08,890
and said he was missing.
179
00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:12,350
In fact, I'm surprised the
attending officer didn't see
180
00:09:12,380 --> 00:09:15,010
wet footprints going up the stairs.
181
00:09:16,510 --> 00:09:17,770
Am I right?
182
00:09:21,980 --> 00:09:23,350
No comment.
183
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,440
'Have a seat.'
184
00:09:31,510 --> 00:09:34,250
So,
we need to have a talk about bail.
185
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:35,690
No. No bail.
186
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,260
You do understand what happens now,
don't you, Anne?
187
00:09:40,290 --> 00:09:44,390
Anyone not released on
bail is kept in a prison,
188
00:09:44,420 --> 00:09:47,050
on remand, until their trial.
189
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,900
Where would I even go?
190
00:09:52,570 --> 00:09:56,580
I only have one friend,
and she won't speak to me now.
191
00:09:56,950 --> 00:09:58,740
Obviously none of my
family would want me,
192
00:09:58,770 --> 00:10:00,370
so where would I even go?
193
00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:10,190
Mind the step.
194
00:10:11,170 --> 00:10:12,750
Take a seat here, please.
195
00:10:37,090 --> 00:10:38,950
- Heya.
- Hey.
196
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,210
It's all good,
no-one's followed me.
197
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,630
I know you think I'm
overreacting but last night...
198
00:10:45,860 --> 00:10:48,290
...There were about 50 of
them outside the house.
199
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:49,920
Lou's had to go stay
with her parents.
200
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,490
I've had to check in here.
201
00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:54,790
- So I just spoke to the police again.
- And?
202
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,990
They'll want to interview
us at some point.
203
00:10:57,270 --> 00:10:59,220
As "Witnesses", apparently, now.
204
00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:01,740
Well, we don't do anything
without a solicitor.
205
00:11:01,770 --> 00:11:03,620
I'll call my lawyer, shall I?
206
00:11:03,770 --> 00:11:05,780
Uncle Michael's sorting
us out with one.
207
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,200
How is he?
208
00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:10,320
Same as all of us.
209
00:11:12,370 --> 00:11:14,460
I just can't stop
thinking about the...
210
00:11:15,730 --> 00:11:20,140
...Literally hundreds of times
we went up there, Mark...
211
00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:23,130
...To keep her spirits up
212
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,350
whilst we were dying inside.
213
00:11:25,930 --> 00:11:28,080
'D'you know how it makes me feel,
mate?'
214
00:11:28,190 --> 00:11:30,140
Makes me really hate her.
215
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,430
I'm raging about them both,
216
00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:35,320
but at least he only told one lie.
217
00:11:36,970 --> 00:11:38,770
An evil, horrible one...
218
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,190
...But it was just one.
219
00:11:41,220 --> 00:11:42,510
'Anne Darwin?'
220
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:47,720
'She lied to us every day
for five-and-a-half years.
221
00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:49,850
'Every single day.'
222
00:11:50,340 --> 00:11:51,180
You start thinking,
223
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:54,300
"Well, if she could lie
so easily about that,
224
00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:56,750
"About our actual dad being dead...
225
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,600
"...What else could
she have lied about?"
226
00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:02,680
Clothes in here.
227
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,480
Put your wedding ring in here.
228
00:12:09,740 --> 00:12:13,900
And then I think, "Wow,
is it all just some...
229
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,460
"...Fucked-up lie?"
230
00:12:18,420 --> 00:12:19,750
Our family...
231
00:12:21,390 --> 00:12:22,890
...Our childhood...
232
00:12:25,950 --> 00:12:27,650
...Our whole life with them?
233
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,860
Did either of them ever
even genuinely love us?
234
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:44,050
So that's me.
235
00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:47,370
That's where I am, mate.
236
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:51,520
'And here I was.
237
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,930
'Where I'd feared
ending up all my life.
238
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,840
'Utterly alone.'
239
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:24,030
'It's from John.'
240
00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:29,860
"Dear Dad, just to let you know,
please don't worry."
241
00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:32,710
Carry on.
242
00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:38,210
Sorry. That's it.
243
00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:44,380
'I really don't think
you've given any thought
244
00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:46,010
'as to what it's like for me.
245
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,800
'An ex-prison officer in prison.
246
00:13:48,830 --> 00:13:52,240
'I've had my food spat in,
I've been punched, abused verbally.
247
00:13:52,270 --> 00:13:53,990
Whatever you think
it's like for you,
248
00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:56,800
'it's so much worse for me.'
249
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,700
'Except it wasn't.
250
00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:01,030
'John had already
given up his boys once,
251
00:14:01,060 --> 00:14:03,170
'without a second thought, really.
252
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:07,590
'For me, it felt like my
heart had been ripped out.
253
00:14:09,030 --> 00:14:12,600
'My darling son,
I wanted to write you again
254
00:14:12,630 --> 00:14:16,370
'to tell you how profoundly
sorry I am for what I have done.
255
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,170
'I will never be able
to explain my actions,
256
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,990
'because what I did
was as inexplicable
257
00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:24,160
'as it was unforgiveable.
258
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:29,630
'But what I can say is
that I love you so much.
259
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:34,450
'I always have loved you,
and I always will love you,
260
00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,010
'even if you never
want to see me again,
261
00:14:37,340 --> 00:14:40,540
'which I fully expect
to be the case.'
262
00:14:56,510 --> 00:15:00,090
'And indeed, despite the dozens
of letters I wrote to them
263
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:04,210
'over the next few months,
neither replied.
264
00:15:05,190 --> 00:15:07,410
'How could I possibly blame them?
265
00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:09,730
'And so, finally...
266
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:14,370
'...Finally, I realised there
was only one way forward
267
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,740
'if I ever wanted
to see them again.'
268
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:20,760
'I lied.'
269
00:15:20,850 --> 00:15:23,450
I was in on it from the very start.
270
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:29,780
So you knew,
before he went out in the canoe,
271
00:15:29,850 --> 00:15:32,320
that he intended to
fake his own death?
272
00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:35,150
Yes, I did.
273
00:15:35,230 --> 00:15:38,400
- And when you reported him missing?
- I knew he was fine.
274
00:15:38,430 --> 00:15:40,520
In fact, I'd picked him
up from North Gare beach
275
00:15:40,550 --> 00:15:41,700
about two hours before
276
00:15:41,730 --> 00:15:43,890
and then driven him
to Durham station,
277
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,410
where he got the train to the lakes
278
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,400
and camped by a stream
for the next three weeks.
279
00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:50,580
He then came back to Seaton
280
00:15:50,610 --> 00:15:54,950
and lived between number three
and four for the next five years.
281
00:15:55,890 --> 00:15:58,160
I never wanted to do any of it.
282
00:15:59,070 --> 00:16:03,090
And I tried constantly
to persuade him not to.
283
00:16:05,900 --> 00:16:07,660
But I did do it.
284
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:10,720
I was in on it...
285
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,100
...From the very beginning.
286
00:16:16,260 --> 00:16:18,420
And I'm very, very sorry.
287
00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:45,090
Ok.
288
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:47,620
Yes.
289
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,870
I faked it all.
290
00:17:09,030 --> 00:17:10,560
Oh, my God. John.
291
00:17:19,510 --> 00:17:22,520
- They said I could see you
for two minutes. - Who did?
292
00:17:22,550 --> 00:17:23,990
J... please...
293
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:26,550
Cos we're all we have now, love.
Each other...
294
00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:30,050
- John, someone could walk in...
- We just have to stick together.
295
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:31,730
That's enough, fella.
296
00:17:32,340 --> 00:17:34,360
Right, out, now!
297
00:17:39,150 --> 00:17:41,510
I also wanted to tell you...
298
00:17:42,790 --> 00:17:44,850
...That I forgive you, Anne.
299
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:46,840
I do.
300
00:17:56,730 --> 00:17:58,330
Call me, Anne!
301
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,970
'Even harder than
confessing to the police
302
00:18:15,190 --> 00:18:19,300
'was telling my parents that the
daughter they had always adored
303
00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:23,680
'had betrayed every single
principle they had ever believed in.
304
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,500
'I fully expected
them to disown me.'
305
00:18:36,390 --> 00:18:38,020
'But I am guilty.'
306
00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:40,300
Well, that's what I'm saying,
307
00:18:40,330 --> 00:18:42,230
if we can prove that
you were coerced,
308
00:18:42,260 --> 00:18:43,860
then no, you're not.
309
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:46,550
I didn't have to do anything.
310
00:18:46,770 --> 00:18:48,670
I was an adult,
I made my own choices.
311
00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:50,390
He never threatened me or hurt me.
312
00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:53,000
Physically, no, but emotionally?
313
00:18:53,470 --> 00:18:55,720
Every day of your life together,
as I understand it,
314
00:18:55,750 --> 00:18:58,390
and I think I can argue that
that wears a person down,
315
00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:00,860
day after day year after year,
316
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,440
till they no longer have
the strength to resist.
317
00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:07,870
So what would I get?
For a guilty plea, I mean.
318
00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:11,200
Maybe... three years?
319
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:18,540
Four, four-and-a-half if
you go not guilty and lose,
320
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,080
which I should stress
is entirely possible.
321
00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:22,970
It's a tough defence to prove.
322
00:19:24,210 --> 00:19:26,180
But if it succeeded?
323
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,350
Well, then you'd walk free.
324
00:19:33,270 --> 00:19:36,010
'It was a horrible
decision to have to make.
325
00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:37,750
'And for many weeks,
326
00:19:37,780 --> 00:19:42,740
'I had absolutely no idea what
the right thing to do was.'
327
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,300
'Officers requested
in rec area three.
328
00:19:51,330 --> 00:19:53,570
'Please report to
Officer Crenshaw.'
329
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,370
'And then a few days
before my first hearing,
330
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,770
'my parents came to see me.
331
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:02,280
'These good, good people,
332
00:20:02,430 --> 00:20:06,520
'my flesh and blood who had
been so shamed and let down,
333
00:20:06,550 --> 00:20:10,620
'told me whatever I'd done,
they still loved me.
334
00:20:10,820 --> 00:20:13,400
'That they would always love me.'
335
00:20:15,030 --> 00:20:18,760
I'm so scared my parents
will die before I get out.
336
00:20:20,580 --> 00:20:24,040
And I think,
if I could just see my boys...
337
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:27,260
...Talk to them, maybe I could...
338
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,310
And he did make me do it,
he really did.
339
00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:35,170
I...
I tried to stop him so many times.
340
00:20:35,650 --> 00:20:39,910
OK, well, the pre-trial
hearing is in three weeks.
341
00:20:40,430 --> 00:20:44,110
- How do you want to plead?
- I want to go not guilty.
342
00:20:56,730 --> 00:20:59,230
'And then, finally,
the day arrived.
343
00:20:59,370 --> 00:21:02,120
'I'm not sure what I
was more scared of -
344
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:06,720
'the trial itself or
seeing my boys in court,
345
00:21:07,020 --> 00:21:11,100
'a torment John had avoided
by already pleading guilty.
346
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,130
'I was on my own.'
347
00:21:15,570 --> 00:21:17,500
OK, Anne, it's time.
348
00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:21,380
'Members of the jury,
the defendant stands before you,
349
00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:24,910
'charged with 15
counts of deception
350
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:26,580
'and money laundering.
351
00:21:26,610 --> 00:21:30,530
'Mrs Darwin's defence is
one of marital coercion,
352
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,930
'but, for this to succeed,
it must be shown
353
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:38,420
'that her husband was present each
time an offence was committed.
354
00:21:38,450 --> 00:21:39,700
'It is the Crown's submission
355
00:21:39,730 --> 00:21:43,180
'that not only was her husband
very often not present,
356
00:21:43,210 --> 00:21:46,080
'but that over a period
of five-and-a-half years,
357
00:21:46,110 --> 00:21:50,280
'and with multiple
opportunities to end the deceit,
358
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:54,040
'she in fact repeatedly offended...
359
00:21:54,390 --> 00:21:59,230
'willingly,
individually and actively.'
360
00:22:00,490 --> 00:22:01,780
'We will furthermore show
361
00:22:01,810 --> 00:22:06,050
'that, far from being a
submissive and coerced wife,
362
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:10,610
'Mrs Darwin was in fact a
clever and ingenious liar
363
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,080
'who was able to
effortlessly deceive
364
00:22:13,110 --> 00:22:15,210
'on an almost industrial scale.
365
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,090
'To the police,
to the Coroner's Court,
366
00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:20,360
'to her work friends and colleagues
367
00:22:20,390 --> 00:22:23,990
'and, perhaps most shamefully,
to her own children.'
368
00:22:24,020 --> 00:22:24,960
All rise.
369
00:22:24,990 --> 00:22:26,530
And lastly, members of the jury,
370
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:30,140
as sons, daughters,
mothers yourself,
371
00:22:30,170 --> 00:22:33,510
I will ask you, when you
look at that infamous photo
372
00:22:33,540 --> 00:22:35,630
in a Panamanian estate agent,
373
00:22:35,660 --> 00:22:38,400
if you see a terrified woman,
374
00:22:38,430 --> 00:22:42,090
coerced in to telling her
children their father was dead,
375
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:46,350
or if you see a
devious and wily woman,
376
00:22:46,590 --> 00:22:49,660
smiling at the
prospect of a new life
377
00:22:49,690 --> 00:22:51,290
in a tropical paradise,
378
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:55,500
paid for with the fruits
of her dreadful fraud.
379
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:57,880
It crushed my world.
380
00:22:58,910 --> 00:23:00,180
Of course it did.
381
00:23:00,890 --> 00:23:03,610
I loved him.
He was... He was a great dad.
382
00:23:05,330 --> 00:23:06,740
Crushed my entire world.
383
00:23:07,370 --> 00:23:09,220
'It might have appeared
like I took control,
384
00:23:09,250 --> 00:23:10,450
but I didn't really.'
385
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:14,580
It was only ever within the confines
of what he ultimately wanted.
386
00:23:16,090 --> 00:23:18,300
Are you a good liar, Mrs Darwin?
387
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,540
- I hope not.
- Well, did you convince your sons
388
00:23:20,570 --> 00:23:23,220
for five-and-a-half years
their father was dead?
389
00:23:24,290 --> 00:23:26,340
- Yes.
- And the police?
390
00:23:27,250 --> 00:23:28,580
- Yes.
- And the coroner?
391
00:23:28,610 --> 00:23:31,130
So, you are telling the court,
on oath,
392
00:23:31,250 --> 00:23:33,340
that he forged your signature?
393
00:23:34,290 --> 00:23:37,780
He made a footer template
of it on his computer.
394
00:23:37,810 --> 00:23:42,460
So any letter, any instruction
to a bank or lawyer or whoever,
395
00:23:42,810 --> 00:23:43,890
he could write it
396
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,460
- and it would appear to be from you?
- Yes.
397
00:23:46,850 --> 00:23:48,500
So, you had no idea at all?
398
00:23:48,530 --> 00:23:50,780
She told me it was to
do with inheritance tax.
399
00:23:51,010 --> 00:23:52,260
And you believed her?
400
00:23:54,530 --> 00:23:55,700
She was my mother.
401
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,500
- And was money important to him?
- Yes.
402
00:23:59,530 --> 00:24:01,650
- And the appearance of it?
- Maybe.
403
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:02,740
And your mother?
404
00:24:04,220 --> 00:24:05,780
I'd always thought the opposite.
405
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,740
"I cannot wait to join you,
my darling.
406
00:24:09,890 --> 00:24:12,100
"Missing you so much.
407
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,100
"All my love.
408
00:24:14,370 --> 00:24:17,220
"Kiss, kiss, kiss."
409
00:24:17,770 --> 00:24:18,980
Who wrote that?
410
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,300
I did.
411
00:24:24,890 --> 00:24:28,220
"Generally,
I only ever take her out to vote."
412
00:24:28,250 --> 00:24:30,300
- He actually said that?
- Yes.
413
00:24:30,330 --> 00:24:32,500
To a friend of his in front of you?
414
00:24:32,530 --> 00:24:34,780
Yes. I think he
thought it was funny.
415
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,460
Angry, betrayed...
416
00:24:40,250 --> 00:24:41,260
...stupid.
417
00:24:42,050 --> 00:24:43,170
I felt all of that.
418
00:24:44,050 --> 00:24:48,410
I still do. Every single day, I...
still have very negative...
419
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:51,220
Where was John when you
roped your unwitting children
420
00:24:51,250 --> 00:24:52,980
into laundering money for you?
421
00:24:53,010 --> 00:24:54,410
He was in Panama.
422
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:58,540
My point is that he
wasn't standing over you
423
00:24:58,570 --> 00:24:59,740
as you spoke to the bank,
424
00:24:59,770 --> 00:25:02,620
forcing you to commit
a criminal act, was he?
425
00:25:02,650 --> 00:25:05,220
He didn't need to
actually be in the room.
426
00:25:06,250 --> 00:25:08,650
He was on the end of an email,
or phone,
427
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,170
or just in my head.
428
00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:12,890
You can fight your corner,
can't you?
429
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:13,860
I can now.
430
00:25:13,890 --> 00:25:15,930
Under immense pressure,
in a public trial.
431
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:20,780
But not, apparently, at home
with your non-violent husband.
432
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:23,370
You don't know what to think.
433
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:24,780
I mean, it took me a long time
434
00:25:24,810 --> 00:25:26,540
to even believe the photo was real,
435
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,890
that any parent could
have done such a thing.
436
00:25:29,810 --> 00:25:31,650
It took me a long
time to accept that.
437
00:25:32,610 --> 00:25:34,940
I'm not even sure I have.
Maybe I never will.
438
00:25:36,530 --> 00:25:39,340
Can I ask,
why didn't you just leave him?
439
00:25:39,370 --> 00:25:43,060
This man you claim was
an oppressive bully.
440
00:25:44,570 --> 00:25:47,130
I wanted to keep
the family together.
441
00:25:48,490 --> 00:25:50,820
You "wanted to keep
the family together"?
442
00:25:50,890 --> 00:25:53,300
Oh, the irony, Mrs Darwin.
443
00:25:54,810 --> 00:25:56,100
And let me ask you this.
444
00:25:56,130 --> 00:25:59,690
If you hadn't have picked
John up from North Gare,
445
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:01,610
if you'd have said
to him on the phone,
446
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:02,820
"Oh, I can't go through with this,"
447
00:26:02,850 --> 00:26:04,930
or,
"I'm not doing this to my boys,"
448
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,930
what were you frightened
was going to happen to you
449
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:09,650
for disobeying his request?
450
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:11,690
- Was he going to beat you up?
- No.
451
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,340
Were you scared that
when he got home,
452
00:26:14,370 --> 00:26:17,610
he might manipulate you a bit?
453
00:26:21,810 --> 00:26:24,500
I was frightened that
he might leave me.
454
00:26:28,850 --> 00:26:32,980
'The jury took less than four
hours to reach a verdict.'
455
00:26:34,090 --> 00:26:36,500
I accept that your husband,
John Darwin,
456
00:26:36,530 --> 00:26:38,890
was the driving force
behind this deceit,
457
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:42,620
but you, Anne, although
perhaps initially unconvinced,
458
00:26:42,650 --> 00:26:45,060
went on to contribute
to its success
459
00:26:45,090 --> 00:26:47,460
and play your part
very efficiently.
460
00:26:47,490 --> 00:26:50,370
In my judgment,
you operated as a team,
461
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,300
each adding something
to the joint venture.
462
00:26:53,490 --> 00:26:55,740
And it is the duration
of the offending,
463
00:26:55,770 --> 00:26:57,460
its multi-faceted nature,
464
00:26:57,490 --> 00:27:01,460
and, in particular,
the grief inflicted over the years
465
00:27:01,490 --> 00:27:04,740
to the real victims,
your own children,
466
00:27:04,770 --> 00:27:09,540
that make this a case that merits
a particularly severe sentence.
467
00:27:09,610 --> 00:27:11,370
Anne Catherine Darwin,
468
00:27:11,570 --> 00:27:16,060
I sentence you to a term of
six years and six months.
469
00:27:16,090 --> 00:27:17,130
Take her down.
470
00:27:22,610 --> 00:27:25,020
'It was three months
longer than John got...
471
00:27:26,050 --> 00:27:27,700
'but then I was their mother.
472
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,980
'I think most people felt
I'd got what I deserved.'
473
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,370
'And so it began.
474
00:27:43,010 --> 00:27:46,580
'Six years and six months,
minus parole.
475
00:27:47,370 --> 00:27:48,940
'I tried to keep busy.
476
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:51,300
'Keep myself distracted.
477
00:27:52,530 --> 00:27:54,780
'I continued to write to the boys,
478
00:27:55,090 --> 00:27:57,580
never really expecting a reply.
479
00:27:58,490 --> 00:28:01,740
'And John continued
to write and call.'
480
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,260
Look, money's not going
to be an issue, love.
481
00:28:04,290 --> 00:28:07,300
Trust me. Our story sells.
482
00:28:07,330 --> 00:28:11,170
'And I wanted to cut him off,
I really did, but it was hard.
483
00:28:12,370 --> 00:28:15,890
After 35 years,
and with nothing else in my life,
484
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:19,890
even about a bad future felt
better than none whatsoever.
485
00:28:20,250 --> 00:28:21,370
Fear not.
486
00:28:21,610 --> 00:28:26,540
We play our cards right,
we are going to be sitting pretty.
487
00:28:32,290 --> 00:28:35,300
And then eight months
into my time inside,
488
00:28:35,330 --> 00:28:38,610
the prison chaplain suggested
I speak to a counsellor
489
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,170
because I could not rid
myself of thoughts of death.
490
00:28:46,770 --> 00:28:48,850
What would you like to
get from these sessions?
491
00:28:49,530 --> 00:28:50,890
I suppose to wake up every day
492
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:53,100
not hating myself would be a start.
493
00:28:54,090 --> 00:28:56,340
And how do you think you
could get to that place?
494
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:01,260
Through my family.
495
00:29:02,610 --> 00:29:03,890
My children.
496
00:29:05,890 --> 00:29:08,980
By somehow showing them
that this is not who I am,
497
00:29:09,010 --> 00:29:12,220
that I did a terrible,
terrible thing, but...
498
00:29:12,810 --> 00:29:16,260
I don't think that
I'm a terrible person.
499
00:29:19,810 --> 00:29:21,540
I don't expect forgiveness.
500
00:29:21,570 --> 00:29:25,460
I never expected to be forgiven.
I just ask for second chance.
501
00:29:26,130 --> 00:29:30,410
To show them that...
I could be a good mother again.
502
00:29:31,130 --> 00:29:34,820
Be the person I used to be,
or should have been.
503
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,340
Could may be even still.
504
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:39,980
And who was that?
505
00:29:42,330 --> 00:29:44,410
She was kind, I think.
506
00:29:46,530 --> 00:29:47,780
And loving.
507
00:29:50,010 --> 00:29:53,780
With conscience.
She knew right from wrong.
508
00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:59,650
And she didn't want much.
509
00:30:01,010 --> 00:30:04,540
A happy family,
enough money to pay the bills.
510
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:08,540
A simple life.
511
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:12,890
So, how do you get back to her?
512
00:30:17,050 --> 00:30:18,130
I don't know.
513
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:21,580
OK, mate. You take care.
514
00:30:24,010 --> 00:30:25,020
How is he?
515
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:27,260
Angry.
516
00:30:29,530 --> 00:30:30,540
Sad.
517
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:36,130
Laughing about it, and then...
crying.
518
00:30:38,490 --> 00:30:40,130
Fucked up, basically.
519
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:44,700
And you?
520
00:30:46,570 --> 00:30:48,740
It just feels like
they're both dead.
521
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:55,890
I'm not sure I can bear that.
522
00:30:56,770 --> 00:30:58,980
I was never a confident person.
523
00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:04,370
When I look back...
my first encounter with him,
524
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:08,410
John...
was when I was 14 on the bus.
525
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:11,980
And he knocked my school hat off.
526
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,170
It was just a silly joke, and...
527
00:31:21,250 --> 00:31:25,740
...I'm sure he didn't mean to,
but... he made me feel stupid.
528
00:31:27,610 --> 00:31:29,260
More stupid.
529
00:31:30,890 --> 00:31:34,460
I was already very aware I
wasn't academic, like him.
530
00:31:35,610 --> 00:31:36,650
But...
531
00:31:37,570 --> 00:31:42,780
maybe that set the tone,
as it were.
532
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,740
Because he was the
only boy I ever...
533
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:53,740
And I went straight
from my parents' house
534
00:31:53,770 --> 00:31:56,740
to living with him after
we got married, so...
535
00:31:57,850 --> 00:32:00,100
...I never knew anything but him.
536
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:04,780
How he spoke to me...
how he regarded me.
537
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:10,130
And I think that's
been quite a thing...
538
00:32:13,370 --> 00:32:15,650
...for the last 35 years.
539
00:32:29,370 --> 00:32:30,370
Anne?
540
00:32:31,890 --> 00:32:33,220
Hope it's good news.
541
00:32:33,610 --> 00:32:34,610
Thank you.
542
00:32:44,290 --> 00:32:46,700
Dear Mum, I hope you are well
543
00:32:46,730 --> 00:32:49,220
and not finding
things too difficult.
544
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:52,700
We are all still trying to
adjust to what has happened,
545
00:32:52,730 --> 00:32:54,180
which has not been easy.
546
00:32:54,850 --> 00:32:56,820
But I would like to
come and see you,
547
00:32:57,010 --> 00:32:59,220
so I'll send a request today.
548
00:32:59,610 --> 00:33:02,180
Take care of yourself. Mark.
549
00:33:07,250 --> 00:33:08,740
I'm just not there.
550
00:33:09,890 --> 00:33:11,650
You don't have to apologise.
551
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:17,890
Maybe it's the baby, just...
552
00:33:19,370 --> 00:33:21,370
...knowing I could never
do anything to hurt him.
553
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:27,300
But either way, I'm just not there.
554
00:34:12,490 --> 00:34:13,540
Mum?
555
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:36,770
We didn't even know until the trial
556
00:34:37,570 --> 00:34:39,380
that you'd been in
on it from the start.
557
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,290
That when you hugged me...
558
00:34:43,410 --> 00:34:45,380
...that first night I came up...
559
00:34:46,370 --> 00:34:47,540
...you knew!
560
00:34:47,570 --> 00:34:48,940
I'm so sorry.
561
00:34:50,570 --> 00:34:51,540
Everything we found out,
562
00:34:51,570 --> 00:34:53,130
you made us find out in public.
563
00:34:54,130 --> 00:34:56,580
Online, newspapers.
564
00:34:56,610 --> 00:34:58,730
In a bloody court room, Mam!
565
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:00,860
And there is no excuse.
566
00:35:00,890 --> 00:35:02,210
A reason'd help.
567
00:35:02,720 --> 00:35:04,770
Why, after everything you'd done,
you still kept lying.
568
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:08,250
For the same reason I ever did,
Mark, just the shame.
569
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,650
The terrible,
terrible guilt and shame I felt.
570
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:12,620
So it was about you, is it?
571
00:35:12,650 --> 00:35:14,690
H-How telling the truth
would make YOU feel?
572
00:35:14,720 --> 00:35:17,210
I knew it would break your hearts,
love.
573
00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:19,690
No, no, no, no. No!
No! You don't...
574
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,380
- Don't you dare cry!
- I'm sorry.
575
00:35:23,890 --> 00:35:27,510
And I just kept thinking,
hoping, praying, all along that
576
00:35:27,540 --> 00:35:28,900
there would be some
way I could fix it
577
00:35:28,930 --> 00:35:31,340
before that had to happen,
but there just never was.
578
00:35:31,370 --> 00:35:33,690
No, you were probably
too preoccupied...
579
00:35:33,720 --> 00:35:35,690
drinking pina coladas on the beach!
580
00:35:56,050 --> 00:35:58,730
What did you expect?
581
00:35:59,490 --> 00:36:01,380
No more than what I got.
582
00:36:02,450 --> 00:36:04,020
But I suppose...
583
00:36:04,970 --> 00:36:08,420
I thought I might be left
feeling a tiny scrap of hope.
584
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:12,060
And again,
I know I don't deserve that, but...
585
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,610
it doesn't stop me yearning for it.
586
00:36:17,530 --> 00:36:19,580
It's been so long.
587
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,130
Am I sorry?
588
00:36:24,570 --> 00:36:27,730
Well, that I got caught, yes. Very!
589
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:36,900
But seriously, of course,
if what I did...
590
00:36:37,650 --> 00:36:39,650
...upset you, then yes.
591
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,420
Of course I'm sorry.
592
00:36:44,970 --> 00:36:46,860
Tell me about the American woman.
593
00:36:48,490 --> 00:36:49,460
And all the others
you've been writing
594
00:36:49,490 --> 00:36:51,300
your shabby little letters to.
595
00:37:02,410 --> 00:37:04,340
I know what should
be the first step.
596
00:37:04,490 --> 00:37:05,490
"Should"?
597
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:09,170
Well, because whether I could
actually do it not, I don't know.
598
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,460
And what are we talking about?
599
00:37:13,370 --> 00:37:14,690
Leaving him.
600
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:17,250
OK.
601
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:21,540
And why might you not
be able to do that?
602
00:37:21,570 --> 00:37:23,580
I find the idea petrifying.
603
00:37:25,890 --> 00:37:28,900
Despite all the wrongs
you feel he's done you?
604
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:30,320
Yes.
605
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:35,610
And what specifically is
it that you're scared of?
606
00:37:36,370 --> 00:37:37,580
Everything.
607
00:37:40,490 --> 00:37:43,420
I've never lived any part
of my life on my own.
608
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:48,170
I wouldn't know how to even be,
who I even am. I mean...
609
00:37:49,610 --> 00:37:51,540
...for my entire adult life,
610
00:37:51,570 --> 00:37:54,500
I've just been an extension of him,
really.
611
00:37:55,410 --> 00:37:57,900
Or not even that, just a nothing.
612
00:37:58,650 --> 00:37:59,820
Invisible.
613
00:38:00,650 --> 00:38:03,770
And so starting again,
from scratch...
614
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:09,610
...trying to create a new me
at the age of nearly 60...
615
00:38:10,410 --> 00:38:12,820
...it makes me sick with fear,
Grace.
616
00:38:14,570 --> 00:38:17,420
Slightly different tack.
Does John make you happy?
617
00:38:17,450 --> 00:38:19,380
He has done at times in our life.
618
00:38:19,410 --> 00:38:20,980
I'm not happy now, obviously,
619
00:38:21,010 --> 00:38:23,290
and haven't been much in
the last ten years or so,
620
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:24,900
but before that, yes.
621
00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:29,170
But on balance? Would you
say he's been good for you?
622
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:37,580
He gave me two beautiful sons.
623
00:38:38,850 --> 00:38:41,020
'I knew what she wanted me to say,
624
00:38:41,090 --> 00:38:43,420
'but ridiculous as it might seem...
625
00:38:44,050 --> 00:38:47,130
'...I just didn't feel strong
enough to be on my own.'
626
00:38:50,850 --> 00:38:53,900
He's beautiful, mate.
Must have Lou's genes.
627
00:38:54,570 --> 00:38:56,170
Well, I bloody hope so.
628
00:38:56,930 --> 00:38:59,060
Wouldn't want too many
of our side in there.
629
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,580
No, fair enough.
630
00:39:06,410 --> 00:39:08,820
Flick was just saying you
saw her again last week.
631
00:39:10,450 --> 00:39:11,450
Yeah.
632
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:15,460
And how was it?
633
00:39:17,850 --> 00:39:19,300
It's still hard.
634
00:39:20,930 --> 00:39:23,020
I'm not quite sure
what I'm hoping for.
635
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:25,860
I think...
636
00:39:28,410 --> 00:39:30,060
I think I've just
come to the conclusion
637
00:39:30,090 --> 00:39:32,300
that I'd prefer to have
her in my life than not.
638
00:39:36,970 --> 00:39:37,980
Dad?
639
00:39:40,370 --> 00:39:41,540
Harder.
640
00:39:44,010 --> 00:39:45,940
I'm not sure he really gets it.
641
00:39:46,850 --> 00:39:48,100
Or ever will.
642
00:39:52,130 --> 00:39:54,650
So, I wrote to her yesterday.
643
00:39:58,200 --> 00:39:59,730
Requested a visit.
644
00:40:01,530 --> 00:40:02,530
Ok.
645
00:40:05,850 --> 00:40:08,900
So... all I'll say...
646
00:40:12,970 --> 00:40:17,130
...just don't expect any...
blinding moment of forgiveness.
647
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,210
Cos my guess is that
ain't gonna happen.
648
00:40:21,610 --> 00:40:24,420
I think it's just gonna
be this very long, slow...
649
00:40:27,530 --> 00:40:28,940
...accommodation.
650
00:40:58,200 --> 00:40:59,060
Hello, Mam.
651
00:40:59,090 --> 00:41:00,500
Hello, love.
Thank you so much coming.
652
00:41:00,530 --> 00:41:02,100
I'm so pleased to see you.
653
00:41:02,570 --> 00:41:05,500
Well, I couldn't not let you
meet this little fella, could I?
654
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:14,460
I don't know what to say.
How old is he?
655
00:41:14,490 --> 00:41:16,060
He's four months now.
656
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:18,170
He's beautiful.
657
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:20,020
He takes after his mother.
658
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,130
Who asked me to say hello and
that she sends you her love.
659
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:25,130
That's incredibly kind of her.
660
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:28,300
Please send her my love
and huge congratulations.
661
00:41:31,450 --> 00:41:32,610
Would you like to hold him?
662
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:34,820
I would, very much.
663
00:41:57,650 --> 00:42:00,690
'It was an extraordinary
act of generosity...
664
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:03,460
'...that I didn't deserve.
665
00:42:03,850 --> 00:42:05,730
'And it finally
gave me the strength
666
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:09,730
'to do what I had needed
to do for so long.'
667
00:42:17,930 --> 00:42:18,580
Hello?
668
00:42:18,610 --> 00:42:19,980
What the hell's going on?
669
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,900
You've stopped writing.
Haven't been taking my calls.
670
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:24,680
Why?
671
00:42:25,090 --> 00:42:26,900
You don't make me happy, John.
672
00:42:27,890 --> 00:42:30,060
I think you haven't for many years.
673
00:42:30,970 --> 00:42:32,460
You don't hear me.
674
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:35,130
- 'You don't listen to me...'
- That is total rubbish, Anne.
675
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:37,420
- 'You don't know what you're...'
- You're not listening now.
676
00:42:37,450 --> 00:42:41,650
Just stop talking, please. Just
stop always talking and listen.
677
00:42:42,240 --> 00:42:45,290
But much more important
than any of that,
678
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,610
I don't think you love me, John.
679
00:42:48,240 --> 00:42:49,240
I do.
680
00:42:50,010 --> 00:42:52,460
I do love you, Anne, very much.
681
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,500
Or why would I have stayed
with you for all these years?
682
00:42:58,680 --> 00:42:59,980
'Don't do this.'
683
00:43:00,570 --> 00:43:04,650
Don't throw 36 years and
two smashing boys away.
684
00:43:05,130 --> 00:43:06,900
'We can be happy again.'
685
00:43:07,410 --> 00:43:08,940
I promise we can.
686
00:43:10,010 --> 00:43:11,060
No.
687
00:43:11,650 --> 00:43:13,500
I don't think you do love me.
688
00:43:14,610 --> 00:43:17,900
Or maybe you just don't
know what proper love is.
689
00:43:18,410 --> 00:43:19,460
Please.
690
00:43:19,720 --> 00:43:23,690
And either way...
I don't love you any more.
691
00:43:23,890 --> 00:43:25,650
You've hurt me too much.
692
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,100
- You do love me.
- 'No.'
693
00:43:31,010 --> 00:43:34,460
No, I don't. And I want a divorce.
694
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:57,380
'About eight months
before my release,
695
00:43:57,610 --> 00:44:00,170
'I was transferred
to an open prison
696
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:03,580
'to help prepare me for
my return to normal life.
697
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:11,100
'And then in March 2011,
a few days shy of nine years
698
00:44:11,130 --> 00:44:13,540
'since John had paddled out to sea,
699
00:44:14,490 --> 00:44:17,580
'I was released to a
halfway house in Leeds.
700
00:44:23,090 --> 00:44:25,020
'I was finally free.
701
00:44:32,410 --> 00:44:35,290
'I'm not sure I'll
ever truly understand
702
00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:37,980
'why I made the choices I did.
703
00:44:38,010 --> 00:44:42,420
'It was, as my counsellor said,
complicated.
704
00:44:43,970 --> 00:44:45,770
'My children still struggle
705
00:44:45,890 --> 00:44:48,980
'and will certainly never be able
to forget what I did to them,
706
00:44:49,010 --> 00:44:50,340
'nor should they.
707
00:44:51,930 --> 00:44:53,730
'We all know we're on a journey
708
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,130
'that will last the
rest of our lives...
709
00:44:57,890 --> 00:45:00,300
'...but we are at
least on that journey.
710
00:45:01,410 --> 00:45:03,170
'And for that gift,
711
00:45:03,450 --> 00:45:06,170
'I remain more grateful to them
712
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:09,300
'than it will ever be
possible to express.
713
00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:20,940
'They say the opposite of love
is not hate, but indifference,
714
00:45:21,010 --> 00:45:24,060
'which is what I now
feel for my ex-husband.
715
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:30,100
'But I wish him well
716
00:45:30,450 --> 00:45:33,770
'and sincerely hope
that he finds happiness.
717
00:45:34,890 --> 00:45:36,860
'I will try to do the same.
718
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:43,170
'I will also keep
trying to find me.'
53729
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