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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,110 --> 00:00:15,180 - Is that you, Mark? - 'Yeah, Mum, it's me. 2 00:00:15,210 --> 00:00:18,220 'You're not gonna believe this. I'm sitting next to Dad!' 3 00:00:18,740 --> 00:00:20,020 He's alive! 4 00:00:20,510 --> 00:00:24,530 Mark, you have your father back. I'm so happy for you. 5 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:27,890 Would you mind? It's just a thing we do with our clients. 6 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,760 John Darwin? I'm arresting you on suspicion of fraud. 7 00:00:32,790 --> 00:00:34,500 This is ridiculous. 8 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,220 'Since our dad was arrested, 9 00:00:36,250 --> 00:00:40,320 'we are very much in an angry and confused state of mind.' 10 00:00:40,350 --> 00:00:43,850 The front cover of today's Daily Mirror simply reads: 11 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:46,770 "John never had amnesia." 12 00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:49,750 Firstly, I think you're a good person who, 13 00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:51,910 for reasons that are probably very complicated, 14 00:00:51,940 --> 00:00:53,090 did a truly dreadful thing. 15 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,540 Second, tell the police the truth 16 00:00:54,570 --> 00:00:57,180 and start rebuilding your relationship with your boys. 17 00:00:57,210 --> 00:00:59,980 Anne Darwin? I'm arresting you on suspicion of fraud. 18 00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:02,480 We've not spoken to either of our parents... 19 00:01:02,770 --> 00:01:04,300 ...And at this present time, 20 00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:07,530 we want no further contact with them. 21 00:01:12,730 --> 00:01:15,160 'We've not spoken to either of our parents, 22 00:01:15,770 --> 00:01:17,420 and at this present time, 23 00:01:17,910 --> 00:01:21,130 'we want no further contact with them.' 24 00:01:43,060 --> 00:01:44,490 - Anne. - Hello. 25 00:01:45,660 --> 00:01:48,200 Hello, I'm Nicola. 26 00:01:48,540 --> 00:01:51,440 - Hello, nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you too. 27 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:53,680 How long will I get? 28 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,270 Do you think, in prison? How long might I get? 29 00:01:59,170 --> 00:02:00,690 So, it's very simple. 30 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,040 We stick her in one room, stick him in another, 31 00:02:03,070 --> 00:02:04,690 and we play them off. 32 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,270 Bottom line, Anne, the more honest you are with us, 33 00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,840 the more information you can give us about 34 00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:13,070 what actually happened here, 35 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,970 the quicker we'll have all this sorted. OK? 36 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,120 - Yes. - Good. 37 00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:20,060 And so we are interviewing her 38 00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:21,440 at the same time as speaking to you, 39 00:02:21,470 --> 00:02:24,850 which means any answers you give us, we'll be checking with her 40 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,990 to see if they tally up and vice versa, 41 00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:28,020 does that make sense? 42 00:02:28,050 --> 00:02:29,400 - Yes. - Good... 43 00:02:29,430 --> 00:02:31,830 Although do bear in mind that Anne does not have 44 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:35,110 a very sophisticated grasp of financial matters. 45 00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:38,230 - Right. - Just the one brain cell, you see. 46 00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:40,440 Your wife of 34 years. 47 00:02:40,470 --> 00:02:41,740 Tell me about it. 48 00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:44,490 Would you like me to repeat the question, Anne? 49 00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:47,300 No, I heard the question. 50 00:02:52,610 --> 00:02:54,430 When I started the insurance claim, 51 00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:56,490 I still believed him to be dead. 52 00:02:57,180 --> 00:02:59,290 You took quite a long time to answer that. 53 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,060 But she did. 54 00:03:00,090 --> 00:03:01,950 I'm just wondering why you hesitated? 55 00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:03,800 She's answered the question. Can you move on, please? 56 00:03:03,830 --> 00:03:06,260 Just remember, Anne, this is your interview. 57 00:03:06,290 --> 00:03:09,600 This is your chance to tell us your side of things. 58 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,720 He turned up half way through. 59 00:03:15,750 --> 00:03:16,690 'It's not true.' 60 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,880 I turned up after they'd been paid out. 61 00:03:18,910 --> 00:03:21,020 I thought you said you couldn't remember when you turned up. 62 00:03:21,050 --> 00:03:23,050 The specific month, I said. 63 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,230 But you can specifically remember 64 00:03:25,260 --> 00:03:27,210 that it was after the claim was settled? 65 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,280 Yes. 66 00:03:30,550 --> 00:03:32,430 Which month was the claim settled, then? 67 00:03:36,530 --> 00:03:38,620 Nice try. I don't remember. 68 00:03:38,650 --> 00:03:40,630 This isn't the "Yes, no" game, John. 69 00:03:40,870 --> 00:03:43,720 Your wife has already told us that you never had amnesia. 70 00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:46,590 She's mistaken. Perhaps she's forgotten. 71 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,520 Yes, he told me he'd faked the whole thing. 72 00:03:49,950 --> 00:03:51,930 - His disappearance? - Yes. 73 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:55,210 - For financial reasons? - Yeah. 74 00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,570 Did he tell you where he'd been? 75 00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:02,210 No. "Around and about," He said. 76 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:06,160 - For over a year? - Y-Yes. 77 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:08,610 Ok. 78 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,540 But why didn't you go straight to the police at that point? 79 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,880 He said if we went to the police... 80 00:04:17,330 --> 00:04:20,340 ...We'd have to pay the insurance money back immediately, 81 00:04:20,370 --> 00:04:22,840 and then we'd be back where we'd started. 82 00:04:22,870 --> 00:04:25,410 - Facing bankruptcy? - Yes. 83 00:04:27,460 --> 00:04:30,330 So what was his plan at this point? 84 00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:34,350 For me to sell all the other houses, and then hand himself in 85 00:04:34,380 --> 00:04:36,460 when we were in a position to pay the money back. 86 00:04:36,490 --> 00:04:41,000 - OK. And how's that plan going? - Well, I'm here, aren't I? 87 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,610 - I'm not with you. - Why else do you think I returned? 88 00:04:45,460 --> 00:04:47,450 - I don't know, why did you? - To pay the money back. 89 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,930 Oh, so you've made contact with the insurance companies, then? 90 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,780 Well, I would have, if you hadn't arrested me. 91 00:04:52,930 --> 00:04:55,180 So it's our fault. We spoilt your plan? 92 00:04:55,210 --> 00:04:56,300 You and the press. 93 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:59,080 - Ah, well, apologies. - Accepted. 94 00:05:01,450 --> 00:05:03,500 Can I just ask, though, John, 95 00:05:03,710 --> 00:05:06,270 if your plan was to sell all the properties, 96 00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,500 with the intention of paying the money back 97 00:05:08,530 --> 00:05:10,070 when you got straight... 98 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,700 ...Why did you move to Panama? 99 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,680 No comment. 100 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,240 And buy a flat there? 101 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:21,800 No comment. 102 00:05:21,830 --> 00:05:23,150 And a plot of land? 103 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:25,660 No comment. 104 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,630 Well, Anne, why did you just go along with it? 105 00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:32,480 Why didn't you tell him it was wrong and dishonest? 106 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,820 I should have and... 107 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,760 ...I should have told the boys at that point, 108 00:05:37,790 --> 00:05:39,800 but he said if I went to the police, 109 00:05:39,830 --> 00:05:42,130 he'd tell them I was in it from the start. 110 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,290 You were an adult. You could've refused. 111 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,530 And I bitterly regret my decision, but... 112 00:05:49,590 --> 00:05:52,280 ...He was hard to resist - John was very forceful. 113 00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:58,530 Anne. 114 00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:00,370 Why... 115 00:06:02,290 --> 00:06:04,540 Why don't you just tell us the truth? 116 00:06:07,970 --> 00:06:10,580 You were in on it from the start, weren't you? 117 00:06:10,610 --> 00:06:13,730 She's answered the question. Can you move on, please? 118 00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:20,230 So the, er, life insurance policies that you took out 119 00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:22,340 just three months before you went missing, 120 00:06:22,370 --> 00:06:24,370 is that date relevant, John? 121 00:06:24,780 --> 00:06:25,990 You tell me. 122 00:06:26,020 --> 00:06:28,120 No, you tell me. That's how this works. 123 00:06:28,150 --> 00:06:29,900 - Is that date relevant? - No. 124 00:06:29,930 --> 00:06:32,680 No? So it's pure coincidence 125 00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:37,320 that you took out a life insurance policy in December 2001, 126 00:06:37,350 --> 00:06:39,760 which then allowed your wife to make a very large claim 127 00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:41,750 - just 12 weeks later? - Yes. 128 00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:44,350 Is it also a coincidence that on a computer hard drive, 129 00:06:44,380 --> 00:06:46,840 taken from your house soon after your disappearance, 130 00:06:46,870 --> 00:06:49,010 we've since found a downloaded file 131 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:52,580 titled "Missing Persons and Police Investigations"? 132 00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:56,790 One of the boys must have downloaded that. 133 00:06:56,820 --> 00:07:00,880 It was dated a month before you went missing, John. 134 00:07:03,650 --> 00:07:04,850 Fair play. 135 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,390 That's a tricky one. 136 00:07:08,310 --> 00:07:11,680 OK, I'm now showing Anne Exhibit AB01, 137 00:07:11,710 --> 00:07:13,660 which is a copy of a library card, 138 00:07:13,690 --> 00:07:16,080 registered at Hartlepool library, 139 00:07:16,110 --> 00:07:19,670 in the name of "John Jones". 140 00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:23,180 Anne, can you tell me who you see... 141 00:07:23,590 --> 00:07:24,950 on that photo? 142 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:27,200 It's John. 143 00:07:27,470 --> 00:07:29,990 Except this fella has a beard. 144 00:07:30,020 --> 00:07:32,850 - I presume you can grow a beard? - Yes. 145 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:36,670 OK, so is that you, but with a beard? 146 00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:39,040 Maybe. 147 00:07:39,070 --> 00:07:41,480 John, I'm asking if you can identify yourself. 148 00:07:41,510 --> 00:07:43,850 - No comment. - OK, well... 149 00:07:44,170 --> 00:07:46,590 perhaps you could read two things out for me, then. 150 00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:49,330 The date it was issued and the address. 151 00:07:51,250 --> 00:07:54,280 22nd of April 2002. 152 00:07:54,310 --> 00:07:56,470 Address, Number Four, 153 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,410 The Cliff, Seaton Carew. 154 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:00,440 OK. 155 00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:04,180 So just four weeks after you went missing, 156 00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:06,700 a man who looked very much like you... 157 00:08:06,730 --> 00:08:08,600 Ah, yeah, but with a beard, yeah, 158 00:08:08,630 --> 00:08:12,320 applies for a library card and gives your home address. 159 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,120 But this man's called John Jones! 160 00:08:17,190 --> 00:08:18,190 Come on, Anne, 161 00:08:18,220 --> 00:08:21,080 he was living at number four from day one, wasn't he? 162 00:08:21,110 --> 00:08:23,490 - No. - And you knew from day one. 163 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:24,800 I didn't. 164 00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:28,370 - Were your boys in on it, too? - No, absolutely not. 165 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,780 Cos our economic crime unit is finding all sorts of things. 166 00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:34,480 - What things? - Money transfers to Mark and Anthony, 167 00:08:34,510 --> 00:08:36,900 fake property sales to Mark. 168 00:08:37,210 --> 00:08:40,280 Basically money laundering, very serious offence. 169 00:08:40,310 --> 00:08:42,100 That was just an inheritance tax thing. 170 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:45,880 Please, they never knew anything about any of this, please. 171 00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:51,830 It's interesting how upset you're getting... 172 00:08:52,670 --> 00:08:56,310 ...And I tell you, I do not wanna have to bring your lads in. 173 00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:57,050 Please don't. 174 00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:01,280 The best way to head that off is for you tell us the whole truth. 175 00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:03,780 You were in on it from the start, weren't you? 176 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:04,510 No. 177 00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:08,030 And you knew John was perfectly fine when you dialled 999 178 00:09:08,060 --> 00:09:08,890 and said he was missing. 179 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:12,350 In fact, I'm surprised the attending officer didn't see 180 00:09:12,380 --> 00:09:15,010 wet footprints going up the stairs. 181 00:09:16,510 --> 00:09:17,770 Am I right? 182 00:09:21,980 --> 00:09:23,350 No comment. 183 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,440 'Have a seat.' 184 00:09:31,510 --> 00:09:34,250 So, we need to have a talk about bail. 185 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:35,690 No. No bail. 186 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,260 You do understand what happens now, don't you, Anne? 187 00:09:40,290 --> 00:09:44,390 Anyone not released on bail is kept in a prison, 188 00:09:44,420 --> 00:09:47,050 on remand, until their trial. 189 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,900 Where would I even go? 190 00:09:52,570 --> 00:09:56,580 I only have one friend, and she won't speak to me now. 191 00:09:56,950 --> 00:09:58,740 Obviously none of my family would want me, 192 00:09:58,770 --> 00:10:00,370 so where would I even go? 193 00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:10,190 Mind the step. 194 00:10:11,170 --> 00:10:12,750 Take a seat here, please. 195 00:10:37,090 --> 00:10:38,950 - Heya. - Hey. 196 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,210 It's all good, no-one's followed me. 197 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,630 I know you think I'm overreacting but last night... 198 00:10:45,860 --> 00:10:48,290 ...There were about 50 of them outside the house. 199 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:49,920 Lou's had to go stay with her parents. 200 00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,490 I've had to check in here. 201 00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:54,790 - So I just spoke to the police again. - And? 202 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,990 They'll want to interview us at some point. 203 00:10:57,270 --> 00:10:59,220 As "Witnesses", apparently, now. 204 00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:01,740 Well, we don't do anything without a solicitor. 205 00:11:01,770 --> 00:11:03,620 I'll call my lawyer, shall I? 206 00:11:03,770 --> 00:11:05,780 Uncle Michael's sorting us out with one. 207 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,200 How is he? 208 00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:10,320 Same as all of us. 209 00:11:12,370 --> 00:11:14,460 I just can't stop thinking about the... 210 00:11:15,730 --> 00:11:20,140 ...Literally hundreds of times we went up there, Mark... 211 00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:23,130 ...To keep her spirits up 212 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,350 whilst we were dying inside. 213 00:11:25,930 --> 00:11:28,080 'D'you know how it makes me feel, mate?' 214 00:11:28,190 --> 00:11:30,140 Makes me really hate her. 215 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,430 I'm raging about them both, 216 00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:35,320 but at least he only told one lie. 217 00:11:36,970 --> 00:11:38,770 An evil, horrible one... 218 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,190 ...But it was just one. 219 00:11:41,220 --> 00:11:42,510 'Anne Darwin?' 220 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:47,720 'She lied to us every day for five-and-a-half years. 221 00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:49,850 'Every single day.' 222 00:11:50,340 --> 00:11:51,180 You start thinking, 223 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:54,300 "Well, if she could lie so easily about that, 224 00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:56,750 "About our actual dad being dead... 225 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,600 "...What else could she have lied about?" 226 00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:02,680 Clothes in here. 227 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,480 Put your wedding ring in here. 228 00:12:09,740 --> 00:12:13,900 And then I think, "Wow, is it all just some... 229 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,460 "...Fucked-up lie?" 230 00:12:18,420 --> 00:12:19,750 Our family... 231 00:12:21,390 --> 00:12:22,890 ...Our childhood... 232 00:12:25,950 --> 00:12:27,650 ...Our whole life with them? 233 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,860 Did either of them ever even genuinely love us? 234 00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:44,050 So that's me. 235 00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:47,370 That's where I am, mate. 236 00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:51,520 'And here I was. 237 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,930 'Where I'd feared ending up all my life. 238 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,840 'Utterly alone.' 239 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:24,030 'It's from John.' 240 00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:29,860 "Dear Dad, just to let you know, please don't worry." 241 00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:32,710 Carry on. 242 00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:38,210 Sorry. That's it. 243 00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:44,380 'I really don't think you've given any thought 244 00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:46,010 'as to what it's like for me. 245 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,800 'An ex-prison officer in prison. 246 00:13:48,830 --> 00:13:52,240 'I've had my food spat in, I've been punched, abused verbally. 247 00:13:52,270 --> 00:13:53,990 Whatever you think it's like for you, 248 00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:56,800 'it's so much worse for me.' 249 00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,700 'Except it wasn't. 250 00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:01,030 'John had already given up his boys once, 251 00:14:01,060 --> 00:14:03,170 'without a second thought, really. 252 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:07,590 'For me, it felt like my heart had been ripped out. 253 00:14:09,030 --> 00:14:12,600 'My darling son, I wanted to write you again 254 00:14:12,630 --> 00:14:16,370 'to tell you how profoundly sorry I am for what I have done. 255 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,170 'I will never be able to explain my actions, 256 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,990 'because what I did was as inexplicable 257 00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:24,160 'as it was unforgiveable. 258 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:29,630 'But what I can say is that I love you so much. 259 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:34,450 'I always have loved you, and I always will love you, 260 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,010 'even if you never want to see me again, 261 00:14:37,340 --> 00:14:40,540 'which I fully expect to be the case.' 262 00:14:56,510 --> 00:15:00,090 'And indeed, despite the dozens of letters I wrote to them 263 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:04,210 'over the next few months, neither replied. 264 00:15:05,190 --> 00:15:07,410 'How could I possibly blame them? 265 00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:09,730 'And so, finally... 266 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:14,370 '...Finally, I realised there was only one way forward 267 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,740 'if I ever wanted to see them again.' 268 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:20,760 'I lied.' 269 00:15:20,850 --> 00:15:23,450 I was in on it from the very start. 270 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:29,780 So you knew, before he went out in the canoe, 271 00:15:29,850 --> 00:15:32,320 that he intended to fake his own death? 272 00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:35,150 Yes, I did. 273 00:15:35,230 --> 00:15:38,400 - And when you reported him missing? - I knew he was fine. 274 00:15:38,430 --> 00:15:40,520 In fact, I'd picked him up from North Gare beach 275 00:15:40,550 --> 00:15:41,700 about two hours before 276 00:15:41,730 --> 00:15:43,890 and then driven him to Durham station, 277 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,410 where he got the train to the lakes 278 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,400 and camped by a stream for the next three weeks. 279 00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:50,580 He then came back to Seaton 280 00:15:50,610 --> 00:15:54,950 and lived between number three and four for the next five years. 281 00:15:55,890 --> 00:15:58,160 I never wanted to do any of it. 282 00:15:59,070 --> 00:16:03,090 And I tried constantly to persuade him not to. 283 00:16:05,900 --> 00:16:07,660 But I did do it. 284 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:10,720 I was in on it... 285 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,100 ...From the very beginning. 286 00:16:16,260 --> 00:16:18,420 And I'm very, very sorry. 287 00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:45,090 Ok. 288 00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:47,620 Yes. 289 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,870 I faked it all. 290 00:17:09,030 --> 00:17:10,560 Oh, my God. John. 291 00:17:19,510 --> 00:17:22,520 - They said I could see you for two minutes. - Who did? 292 00:17:22,550 --> 00:17:23,990 J... please... 293 00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:26,550 Cos we're all we have now, love. Each other... 294 00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:30,050 - John, someone could walk in... - We just have to stick together. 295 00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:31,730 That's enough, fella. 296 00:17:32,340 --> 00:17:34,360 Right, out, now! 297 00:17:39,150 --> 00:17:41,510 I also wanted to tell you... 298 00:17:42,790 --> 00:17:44,850 ...That I forgive you, Anne. 299 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:46,840 I do. 300 00:17:56,730 --> 00:17:58,330 Call me, Anne! 301 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,970 'Even harder than confessing to the police 302 00:18:15,190 --> 00:18:19,300 'was telling my parents that the daughter they had always adored 303 00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:23,680 'had betrayed every single principle they had ever believed in. 304 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,500 'I fully expected them to disown me.' 305 00:18:36,390 --> 00:18:38,020 'But I am guilty.' 306 00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:40,300 Well, that's what I'm saying, 307 00:18:40,330 --> 00:18:42,230 if we can prove that you were coerced, 308 00:18:42,260 --> 00:18:43,860 then no, you're not. 309 00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:46,550 I didn't have to do anything. 310 00:18:46,770 --> 00:18:48,670 I was an adult, I made my own choices. 311 00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:50,390 He never threatened me or hurt me. 312 00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:53,000 Physically, no, but emotionally? 313 00:18:53,470 --> 00:18:55,720 Every day of your life together, as I understand it, 314 00:18:55,750 --> 00:18:58,390 and I think I can argue that that wears a person down, 315 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:00,860 day after day year after year, 316 00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,440 till they no longer have the strength to resist. 317 00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:07,870 So what would I get? For a guilty plea, I mean. 318 00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:11,200 Maybe... three years? 319 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:18,540 Four, four-and-a-half if you go not guilty and lose, 320 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,080 which I should stress is entirely possible. 321 00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:22,970 It's a tough defence to prove. 322 00:19:24,210 --> 00:19:26,180 But if it succeeded? 323 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,350 Well, then you'd walk free. 324 00:19:33,270 --> 00:19:36,010 'It was a horrible decision to have to make. 325 00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:37,750 'And for many weeks, 326 00:19:37,780 --> 00:19:42,740 'I had absolutely no idea what the right thing to do was.' 327 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,300 'Officers requested in rec area three. 328 00:19:51,330 --> 00:19:53,570 'Please report to Officer Crenshaw.' 329 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,370 'And then a few days before my first hearing, 330 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,770 'my parents came to see me. 331 00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:02,280 'These good, good people, 332 00:20:02,430 --> 00:20:06,520 'my flesh and blood who had been so shamed and let down, 333 00:20:06,550 --> 00:20:10,620 'told me whatever I'd done, they still loved me. 334 00:20:10,820 --> 00:20:13,400 'That they would always love me.' 335 00:20:15,030 --> 00:20:18,760 I'm so scared my parents will die before I get out. 336 00:20:20,580 --> 00:20:24,040 And I think, if I could just see my boys... 337 00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:27,260 ...Talk to them, maybe I could... 338 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,310 And he did make me do it, he really did. 339 00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:35,170 I... I tried to stop him so many times. 340 00:20:35,650 --> 00:20:39,910 OK, well, the pre-trial hearing is in three weeks. 341 00:20:40,430 --> 00:20:44,110 - How do you want to plead? - I want to go not guilty. 342 00:20:56,730 --> 00:20:59,230 'And then, finally, the day arrived. 343 00:20:59,370 --> 00:21:02,120 'I'm not sure what I was more scared of - 344 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:06,720 'the trial itself or seeing my boys in court, 345 00:21:07,020 --> 00:21:11,100 'a torment John had avoided by already pleading guilty. 346 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,130 'I was on my own.' 347 00:21:15,570 --> 00:21:17,500 OK, Anne, it's time. 348 00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:21,380 'Members of the jury, the defendant stands before you, 349 00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:24,910 'charged with 15 counts of deception 350 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:26,580 'and money laundering. 351 00:21:26,610 --> 00:21:30,530 'Mrs Darwin's defence is one of marital coercion, 352 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,930 'but, for this to succeed, it must be shown 353 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:38,420 'that her husband was present each time an offence was committed. 354 00:21:38,450 --> 00:21:39,700 'It is the Crown's submission 355 00:21:39,730 --> 00:21:43,180 'that not only was her husband very often not present, 356 00:21:43,210 --> 00:21:46,080 'but that over a period of five-and-a-half years, 357 00:21:46,110 --> 00:21:50,280 'and with multiple opportunities to end the deceit, 358 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:54,040 'she in fact repeatedly offended... 359 00:21:54,390 --> 00:21:59,230 'willingly, individually and actively.' 360 00:22:00,490 --> 00:22:01,780 'We will furthermore show 361 00:22:01,810 --> 00:22:06,050 'that, far from being a submissive and coerced wife, 362 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:10,610 'Mrs Darwin was in fact a clever and ingenious liar 363 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,080 'who was able to effortlessly deceive 364 00:22:13,110 --> 00:22:15,210 'on an almost industrial scale. 365 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,090 'To the police, to the Coroner's Court, 366 00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:20,360 'to her work friends and colleagues 367 00:22:20,390 --> 00:22:23,990 'and, perhaps most shamefully, to her own children.' 368 00:22:24,020 --> 00:22:24,960 All rise. 369 00:22:24,990 --> 00:22:26,530 And lastly, members of the jury, 370 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:30,140 as sons, daughters, mothers yourself, 371 00:22:30,170 --> 00:22:33,510 I will ask you, when you look at that infamous photo 372 00:22:33,540 --> 00:22:35,630 in a Panamanian estate agent, 373 00:22:35,660 --> 00:22:38,400 if you see a terrified woman, 374 00:22:38,430 --> 00:22:42,090 coerced in to telling her children their father was dead, 375 00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:46,350 or if you see a devious and wily woman, 376 00:22:46,590 --> 00:22:49,660 smiling at the prospect of a new life 377 00:22:49,690 --> 00:22:51,290 in a tropical paradise, 378 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:55,500 paid for with the fruits of her dreadful fraud. 379 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:57,880 It crushed my world. 380 00:22:58,910 --> 00:23:00,180 Of course it did. 381 00:23:00,890 --> 00:23:03,610 I loved him. He was... He was a great dad. 382 00:23:05,330 --> 00:23:06,740 Crushed my entire world. 383 00:23:07,370 --> 00:23:09,220 'It might have appeared like I took control, 384 00:23:09,250 --> 00:23:10,450 but I didn't really.' 385 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:14,580 It was only ever within the confines of what he ultimately wanted. 386 00:23:16,090 --> 00:23:18,300 Are you a good liar, Mrs Darwin? 387 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,540 - I hope not. - Well, did you convince your sons 388 00:23:20,570 --> 00:23:23,220 for five-and-a-half years their father was dead? 389 00:23:24,290 --> 00:23:26,340 - Yes. - And the police? 390 00:23:27,250 --> 00:23:28,580 - Yes. - And the coroner? 391 00:23:28,610 --> 00:23:31,130 So, you are telling the court, on oath, 392 00:23:31,250 --> 00:23:33,340 that he forged your signature? 393 00:23:34,290 --> 00:23:37,780 He made a footer template of it on his computer. 394 00:23:37,810 --> 00:23:42,460 So any letter, any instruction to a bank or lawyer or whoever, 395 00:23:42,810 --> 00:23:43,890 he could write it 396 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,460 - and it would appear to be from you? - Yes. 397 00:23:46,850 --> 00:23:48,500 So, you had no idea at all? 398 00:23:48,530 --> 00:23:50,780 She told me it was to do with inheritance tax. 399 00:23:51,010 --> 00:23:52,260 And you believed her? 400 00:23:54,530 --> 00:23:55,700 She was my mother. 401 00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,500 - And was money important to him? - Yes. 402 00:23:59,530 --> 00:24:01,650 - And the appearance of it? - Maybe. 403 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:02,740 And your mother? 404 00:24:04,220 --> 00:24:05,780 I'd always thought the opposite. 405 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,740 "I cannot wait to join you, my darling. 406 00:24:09,890 --> 00:24:12,100 "Missing you so much. 407 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,100 "All my love. 408 00:24:14,370 --> 00:24:17,220 "Kiss, kiss, kiss." 409 00:24:17,770 --> 00:24:18,980 Who wrote that? 410 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,300 I did. 411 00:24:24,890 --> 00:24:28,220 "Generally, I only ever take her out to vote." 412 00:24:28,250 --> 00:24:30,300 - He actually said that? - Yes. 413 00:24:30,330 --> 00:24:32,500 To a friend of his in front of you? 414 00:24:32,530 --> 00:24:34,780 Yes. I think he thought it was funny. 415 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,460 Angry, betrayed... 416 00:24:40,250 --> 00:24:41,260 ...stupid. 417 00:24:42,050 --> 00:24:43,170 I felt all of that. 418 00:24:44,050 --> 00:24:48,410 I still do. Every single day, I... still have very negative... 419 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:51,220 Where was John when you roped your unwitting children 420 00:24:51,250 --> 00:24:52,980 into laundering money for you? 421 00:24:53,010 --> 00:24:54,410 He was in Panama. 422 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:58,540 My point is that he wasn't standing over you 423 00:24:58,570 --> 00:24:59,740 as you spoke to the bank, 424 00:24:59,770 --> 00:25:02,620 forcing you to commit a criminal act, was he? 425 00:25:02,650 --> 00:25:05,220 He didn't need to actually be in the room. 426 00:25:06,250 --> 00:25:08,650 He was on the end of an email, or phone, 427 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,170 or just in my head. 428 00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:12,890 You can fight your corner, can't you? 429 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:13,860 I can now. 430 00:25:13,890 --> 00:25:15,930 Under immense pressure, in a public trial. 431 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:20,780 But not, apparently, at home with your non-violent husband. 432 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:23,370 You don't know what to think. 433 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:24,780 I mean, it took me a long time 434 00:25:24,810 --> 00:25:26,540 to even believe the photo was real, 435 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,890 that any parent could have done such a thing. 436 00:25:29,810 --> 00:25:31,650 It took me a long time to accept that. 437 00:25:32,610 --> 00:25:34,940 I'm not even sure I have. Maybe I never will. 438 00:25:36,530 --> 00:25:39,340 Can I ask, why didn't you just leave him? 439 00:25:39,370 --> 00:25:43,060 This man you claim was an oppressive bully. 440 00:25:44,570 --> 00:25:47,130 I wanted to keep the family together. 441 00:25:48,490 --> 00:25:50,820 You "wanted to keep the family together"? 442 00:25:50,890 --> 00:25:53,300 Oh, the irony, Mrs Darwin. 443 00:25:54,810 --> 00:25:56,100 And let me ask you this. 444 00:25:56,130 --> 00:25:59,690 If you hadn't have picked John up from North Gare, 445 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:01,610 if you'd have said to him on the phone, 446 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:02,820 "Oh, I can't go through with this," 447 00:26:02,850 --> 00:26:04,930 or, "I'm not doing this to my boys," 448 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,930 what were you frightened was going to happen to you 449 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:09,650 for disobeying his request? 450 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:11,690 - Was he going to beat you up? - No. 451 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,340 Were you scared that when he got home, 452 00:26:14,370 --> 00:26:17,610 he might manipulate you a bit? 453 00:26:21,810 --> 00:26:24,500 I was frightened that he might leave me. 454 00:26:28,850 --> 00:26:32,980 'The jury took less than four hours to reach a verdict.' 455 00:26:34,090 --> 00:26:36,500 I accept that your husband, John Darwin, 456 00:26:36,530 --> 00:26:38,890 was the driving force behind this deceit, 457 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:42,620 but you, Anne, although perhaps initially unconvinced, 458 00:26:42,650 --> 00:26:45,060 went on to contribute to its success 459 00:26:45,090 --> 00:26:47,460 and play your part very efficiently. 460 00:26:47,490 --> 00:26:50,370 In my judgment, you operated as a team, 461 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,300 each adding something to the joint venture. 462 00:26:53,490 --> 00:26:55,740 And it is the duration of the offending, 463 00:26:55,770 --> 00:26:57,460 its multi-faceted nature, 464 00:26:57,490 --> 00:27:01,460 and, in particular, the grief inflicted over the years 465 00:27:01,490 --> 00:27:04,740 to the real victims, your own children, 466 00:27:04,770 --> 00:27:09,540 that make this a case that merits a particularly severe sentence. 467 00:27:09,610 --> 00:27:11,370 Anne Catherine Darwin, 468 00:27:11,570 --> 00:27:16,060 I sentence you to a term of six years and six months. 469 00:27:16,090 --> 00:27:17,130 Take her down. 470 00:27:22,610 --> 00:27:25,020 'It was three months longer than John got... 471 00:27:26,050 --> 00:27:27,700 'but then I was their mother. 472 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,980 'I think most people felt I'd got what I deserved.' 473 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,370 'And so it began. 474 00:27:43,010 --> 00:27:46,580 'Six years and six months, minus parole. 475 00:27:47,370 --> 00:27:48,940 'I tried to keep busy. 476 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:51,300 'Keep myself distracted. 477 00:27:52,530 --> 00:27:54,780 'I continued to write to the boys, 478 00:27:55,090 --> 00:27:57,580 never really expecting a reply. 479 00:27:58,490 --> 00:28:01,740 'And John continued to write and call.' 480 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,260 Look, money's not going to be an issue, love. 481 00:28:04,290 --> 00:28:07,300 Trust me. Our story sells. 482 00:28:07,330 --> 00:28:11,170 'And I wanted to cut him off, I really did, but it was hard. 483 00:28:12,370 --> 00:28:15,890 After 35 years, and with nothing else in my life, 484 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:19,890 even about a bad future felt better than none whatsoever. 485 00:28:20,250 --> 00:28:21,370 Fear not. 486 00:28:21,610 --> 00:28:26,540 We play our cards right, we are going to be sitting pretty. 487 00:28:32,290 --> 00:28:35,300 And then eight months into my time inside, 488 00:28:35,330 --> 00:28:38,610 the prison chaplain suggested I speak to a counsellor 489 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,170 because I could not rid myself of thoughts of death. 490 00:28:46,770 --> 00:28:48,850 What would you like to get from these sessions? 491 00:28:49,530 --> 00:28:50,890 I suppose to wake up every day 492 00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:53,100 not hating myself would be a start. 493 00:28:54,090 --> 00:28:56,340 And how do you think you could get to that place? 494 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:01,260 Through my family. 495 00:29:02,610 --> 00:29:03,890 My children. 496 00:29:05,890 --> 00:29:08,980 By somehow showing them that this is not who I am, 497 00:29:09,010 --> 00:29:12,220 that I did a terrible, terrible thing, but... 498 00:29:12,810 --> 00:29:16,260 I don't think that I'm a terrible person. 499 00:29:19,810 --> 00:29:21,540 I don't expect forgiveness. 500 00:29:21,570 --> 00:29:25,460 I never expected to be forgiven. I just ask for second chance. 501 00:29:26,130 --> 00:29:30,410 To show them that... I could be a good mother again. 502 00:29:31,130 --> 00:29:34,820 Be the person I used to be, or should have been. 503 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,340 Could may be even still. 504 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:39,980 And who was that? 505 00:29:42,330 --> 00:29:44,410 She was kind, I think. 506 00:29:46,530 --> 00:29:47,780 And loving. 507 00:29:50,010 --> 00:29:53,780 With conscience. She knew right from wrong. 508 00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:59,650 And she didn't want much. 509 00:30:01,010 --> 00:30:04,540 A happy family, enough money to pay the bills. 510 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:08,540 A simple life. 511 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:12,890 So, how do you get back to her? 512 00:30:17,050 --> 00:30:18,130 I don't know. 513 00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:21,580 OK, mate. You take care. 514 00:30:24,010 --> 00:30:25,020 How is he? 515 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:27,260 Angry. 516 00:30:29,530 --> 00:30:30,540 Sad. 517 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:36,130 Laughing about it, and then... crying. 518 00:30:38,490 --> 00:30:40,130 Fucked up, basically. 519 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:44,700 And you? 520 00:30:46,570 --> 00:30:48,740 It just feels like they're both dead. 521 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:55,890 I'm not sure I can bear that. 522 00:30:56,770 --> 00:30:58,980 I was never a confident person. 523 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:04,370 When I look back... my first encounter with him, 524 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:08,410 John... was when I was 14 on the bus. 525 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:11,980 And he knocked my school hat off. 526 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,170 It was just a silly joke, and... 527 00:31:21,250 --> 00:31:25,740 ...I'm sure he didn't mean to, but... he made me feel stupid. 528 00:31:27,610 --> 00:31:29,260 More stupid. 529 00:31:30,890 --> 00:31:34,460 I was already very aware I wasn't academic, like him. 530 00:31:35,610 --> 00:31:36,650 But... 531 00:31:37,570 --> 00:31:42,780 maybe that set the tone, as it were. 532 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,740 Because he was the only boy I ever... 533 00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:53,740 And I went straight from my parents' house 534 00:31:53,770 --> 00:31:56,740 to living with him after we got married, so... 535 00:31:57,850 --> 00:32:00,100 ...I never knew anything but him. 536 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:04,780 How he spoke to me... how he regarded me. 537 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:10,130 And I think that's been quite a thing... 538 00:32:13,370 --> 00:32:15,650 ...for the last 35 years. 539 00:32:29,370 --> 00:32:30,370 Anne? 540 00:32:31,890 --> 00:32:33,220 Hope it's good news. 541 00:32:33,610 --> 00:32:34,610 Thank you. 542 00:32:44,290 --> 00:32:46,700 Dear Mum, I hope you are well 543 00:32:46,730 --> 00:32:49,220 and not finding things too difficult. 544 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:52,700 We are all still trying to adjust to what has happened, 545 00:32:52,730 --> 00:32:54,180 which has not been easy. 546 00:32:54,850 --> 00:32:56,820 But I would like to come and see you, 547 00:32:57,010 --> 00:32:59,220 so I'll send a request today. 548 00:32:59,610 --> 00:33:02,180 Take care of yourself. Mark. 549 00:33:07,250 --> 00:33:08,740 I'm just not there. 550 00:33:09,890 --> 00:33:11,650 You don't have to apologise. 551 00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:17,890 Maybe it's the baby, just... 552 00:33:19,370 --> 00:33:21,370 ...knowing I could never do anything to hurt him. 553 00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:27,300 But either way, I'm just not there. 554 00:34:12,490 --> 00:34:13,540 Mum? 555 00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:36,770 We didn't even know until the trial 556 00:34:37,570 --> 00:34:39,380 that you'd been in on it from the start. 557 00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,290 That when you hugged me... 558 00:34:43,410 --> 00:34:45,380 ...that first night I came up... 559 00:34:46,370 --> 00:34:47,540 ...you knew! 560 00:34:47,570 --> 00:34:48,940 I'm so sorry. 561 00:34:50,570 --> 00:34:51,540 Everything we found out, 562 00:34:51,570 --> 00:34:53,130 you made us find out in public. 563 00:34:54,130 --> 00:34:56,580 Online, newspapers. 564 00:34:56,610 --> 00:34:58,730 In a bloody court room, Mam! 565 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:00,860 And there is no excuse. 566 00:35:00,890 --> 00:35:02,210 A reason'd help. 567 00:35:02,720 --> 00:35:04,770 Why, after everything you'd done, you still kept lying. 568 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:08,250 For the same reason I ever did, Mark, just the shame. 569 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,650 The terrible, terrible guilt and shame I felt. 570 00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:12,620 So it was about you, is it? 571 00:35:12,650 --> 00:35:14,690 H-How telling the truth would make YOU feel? 572 00:35:14,720 --> 00:35:17,210 I knew it would break your hearts, love. 573 00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:19,690 No, no, no, no. No! No! You don't... 574 00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,380 - Don't you dare cry! - I'm sorry. 575 00:35:23,890 --> 00:35:27,510 And I just kept thinking, hoping, praying, all along that 576 00:35:27,540 --> 00:35:28,900 there would be some way I could fix it 577 00:35:28,930 --> 00:35:31,340 before that had to happen, but there just never was. 578 00:35:31,370 --> 00:35:33,690 No, you were probably too preoccupied... 579 00:35:33,720 --> 00:35:35,690 drinking pina coladas on the beach! 580 00:35:56,050 --> 00:35:58,730 What did you expect? 581 00:35:59,490 --> 00:36:01,380 No more than what I got. 582 00:36:02,450 --> 00:36:04,020 But I suppose... 583 00:36:04,970 --> 00:36:08,420 I thought I might be left feeling a tiny scrap of hope. 584 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:12,060 And again, I know I don't deserve that, but... 585 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,610 it doesn't stop me yearning for it. 586 00:36:17,530 --> 00:36:19,580 It's been so long. 587 00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,130 Am I sorry? 588 00:36:24,570 --> 00:36:27,730 Well, that I got caught, yes. Very! 589 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:36,900 But seriously, of course, if what I did... 590 00:36:37,650 --> 00:36:39,650 ...upset you, then yes. 591 00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,420 Of course I'm sorry. 592 00:36:44,970 --> 00:36:46,860 Tell me about the American woman. 593 00:36:48,490 --> 00:36:49,460 And all the others you've been writing 594 00:36:49,490 --> 00:36:51,300 your shabby little letters to. 595 00:37:02,410 --> 00:37:04,340 I know what should be the first step. 596 00:37:04,490 --> 00:37:05,490 "Should"? 597 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:09,170 Well, because whether I could actually do it not, I don't know. 598 00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,460 And what are we talking about? 599 00:37:13,370 --> 00:37:14,690 Leaving him. 600 00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:17,250 OK. 601 00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:21,540 And why might you not be able to do that? 602 00:37:21,570 --> 00:37:23,580 I find the idea petrifying. 603 00:37:25,890 --> 00:37:28,900 Despite all the wrongs you feel he's done you? 604 00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:30,320 Yes. 605 00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:35,610 And what specifically is it that you're scared of? 606 00:37:36,370 --> 00:37:37,580 Everything. 607 00:37:40,490 --> 00:37:43,420 I've never lived any part of my life on my own. 608 00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:48,170 I wouldn't know how to even be, who I even am. I mean... 609 00:37:49,610 --> 00:37:51,540 ...for my entire adult life, 610 00:37:51,570 --> 00:37:54,500 I've just been an extension of him, really. 611 00:37:55,410 --> 00:37:57,900 Or not even that, just a nothing. 612 00:37:58,650 --> 00:37:59,820 Invisible. 613 00:38:00,650 --> 00:38:03,770 And so starting again, from scratch... 614 00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:09,610 ...trying to create a new me at the age of nearly 60... 615 00:38:10,410 --> 00:38:12,820 ...it makes me sick with fear, Grace. 616 00:38:14,570 --> 00:38:17,420 Slightly different tack. Does John make you happy? 617 00:38:17,450 --> 00:38:19,380 He has done at times in our life. 618 00:38:19,410 --> 00:38:20,980 I'm not happy now, obviously, 619 00:38:21,010 --> 00:38:23,290 and haven't been much in the last ten years or so, 620 00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:24,900 but before that, yes. 621 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:29,170 But on balance? Would you say he's been good for you? 622 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:37,580 He gave me two beautiful sons. 623 00:38:38,850 --> 00:38:41,020 'I knew what she wanted me to say, 624 00:38:41,090 --> 00:38:43,420 'but ridiculous as it might seem... 625 00:38:44,050 --> 00:38:47,130 '...I just didn't feel strong enough to be on my own.' 626 00:38:50,850 --> 00:38:53,900 He's beautiful, mate. Must have Lou's genes. 627 00:38:54,570 --> 00:38:56,170 Well, I bloody hope so. 628 00:38:56,930 --> 00:38:59,060 Wouldn't want too many of our side in there. 629 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,580 No, fair enough. 630 00:39:06,410 --> 00:39:08,820 Flick was just saying you saw her again last week. 631 00:39:10,450 --> 00:39:11,450 Yeah. 632 00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:15,460 And how was it? 633 00:39:17,850 --> 00:39:19,300 It's still hard. 634 00:39:20,930 --> 00:39:23,020 I'm not quite sure what I'm hoping for. 635 00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:25,860 I think... 636 00:39:28,410 --> 00:39:30,060 I think I've just come to the conclusion 637 00:39:30,090 --> 00:39:32,300 that I'd prefer to have her in my life than not. 638 00:39:36,970 --> 00:39:37,980 Dad? 639 00:39:40,370 --> 00:39:41,540 Harder. 640 00:39:44,010 --> 00:39:45,940 I'm not sure he really gets it. 641 00:39:46,850 --> 00:39:48,100 Or ever will. 642 00:39:52,130 --> 00:39:54,650 So, I wrote to her yesterday. 643 00:39:58,200 --> 00:39:59,730 Requested a visit. 644 00:40:01,530 --> 00:40:02,530 Ok. 645 00:40:05,850 --> 00:40:08,900 So... all I'll say... 646 00:40:12,970 --> 00:40:17,130 ...just don't expect any... blinding moment of forgiveness. 647 00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,210 Cos my guess is that ain't gonna happen. 648 00:40:21,610 --> 00:40:24,420 I think it's just gonna be this very long, slow... 649 00:40:27,530 --> 00:40:28,940 ...accommodation. 650 00:40:58,200 --> 00:40:59,060 Hello, Mam. 651 00:40:59,090 --> 00:41:00,500 Hello, love. Thank you so much coming. 652 00:41:00,530 --> 00:41:02,100 I'm so pleased to see you. 653 00:41:02,570 --> 00:41:05,500 Well, I couldn't not let you meet this little fella, could I? 654 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:14,460 I don't know what to say. How old is he? 655 00:41:14,490 --> 00:41:16,060 He's four months now. 656 00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:18,170 He's beautiful. 657 00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:20,020 He takes after his mother. 658 00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,130 Who asked me to say hello and that she sends you her love. 659 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:25,130 That's incredibly kind of her. 660 00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:28,300 Please send her my love and huge congratulations. 661 00:41:31,450 --> 00:41:32,610 Would you like to hold him? 662 00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:34,820 I would, very much. 663 00:41:57,650 --> 00:42:00,690 'It was an extraordinary act of generosity... 664 00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:03,460 '...that I didn't deserve. 665 00:42:03,850 --> 00:42:05,730 'And it finally gave me the strength 666 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:09,730 'to do what I had needed to do for so long.' 667 00:42:17,930 --> 00:42:18,580 Hello? 668 00:42:18,610 --> 00:42:19,980 What the hell's going on? 669 00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,900 You've stopped writing. Haven't been taking my calls. 670 00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:24,680 Why? 671 00:42:25,090 --> 00:42:26,900 You don't make me happy, John. 672 00:42:27,890 --> 00:42:30,060 I think you haven't for many years. 673 00:42:30,970 --> 00:42:32,460 You don't hear me. 674 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:35,130 - 'You don't listen to me...' - That is total rubbish, Anne. 675 00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:37,420 - 'You don't know what you're...' - You're not listening now. 676 00:42:37,450 --> 00:42:41,650 Just stop talking, please. Just stop always talking and listen. 677 00:42:42,240 --> 00:42:45,290 But much more important than any of that, 678 00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,610 I don't think you love me, John. 679 00:42:48,240 --> 00:42:49,240 I do. 680 00:42:50,010 --> 00:42:52,460 I do love you, Anne, very much. 681 00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,500 Or why would I have stayed with you for all these years? 682 00:42:58,680 --> 00:42:59,980 'Don't do this.' 683 00:43:00,570 --> 00:43:04,650 Don't throw 36 years and two smashing boys away. 684 00:43:05,130 --> 00:43:06,900 'We can be happy again.' 685 00:43:07,410 --> 00:43:08,940 I promise we can. 686 00:43:10,010 --> 00:43:11,060 No. 687 00:43:11,650 --> 00:43:13,500 I don't think you do love me. 688 00:43:14,610 --> 00:43:17,900 Or maybe you just don't know what proper love is. 689 00:43:18,410 --> 00:43:19,460 Please. 690 00:43:19,720 --> 00:43:23,690 And either way... I don't love you any more. 691 00:43:23,890 --> 00:43:25,650 You've hurt me too much. 692 00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,100 - You do love me. - 'No.' 693 00:43:31,010 --> 00:43:34,460 No, I don't. And I want a divorce. 694 00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:57,380 'About eight months before my release, 695 00:43:57,610 --> 00:44:00,170 'I was transferred to an open prison 696 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:03,580 'to help prepare me for my return to normal life. 697 00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:11,100 'And then in March 2011, a few days shy of nine years 698 00:44:11,130 --> 00:44:13,540 'since John had paddled out to sea, 699 00:44:14,490 --> 00:44:17,580 'I was released to a halfway house in Leeds. 700 00:44:23,090 --> 00:44:25,020 'I was finally free. 701 00:44:32,410 --> 00:44:35,290 'I'm not sure I'll ever truly understand 702 00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:37,980 'why I made the choices I did. 703 00:44:38,010 --> 00:44:42,420 'It was, as my counsellor said, complicated. 704 00:44:43,970 --> 00:44:45,770 'My children still struggle 705 00:44:45,890 --> 00:44:48,980 'and will certainly never be able to forget what I did to them, 706 00:44:49,010 --> 00:44:50,340 'nor should they. 707 00:44:51,930 --> 00:44:53,730 'We all know we're on a journey 708 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,130 'that will last the rest of our lives... 709 00:44:57,890 --> 00:45:00,300 '...but we are at least on that journey. 710 00:45:01,410 --> 00:45:03,170 'And for that gift, 711 00:45:03,450 --> 00:45:06,170 'I remain more grateful to them 712 00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:09,300 'than it will ever be possible to express. 713 00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:20,940 'They say the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference, 714 00:45:21,010 --> 00:45:24,060 'which is what I now feel for my ex-husband. 715 00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:30,100 'But I wish him well 716 00:45:30,450 --> 00:45:33,770 'and sincerely hope that he finds happiness. 717 00:45:34,890 --> 00:45:36,860 'I will try to do the same. 718 00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:43,170 'I will also keep trying to find me.' 53729

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