Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,951
Whoa, whoa. That's far enough.
2
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:45,151
- Ah! Get off! Get off! You're strangling me!
- Sorry! Sorry.
3
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,831
Oh... It's no good.
I'll have to get a proper horse's collar.
4
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,679
- Or a proper horse.
- Now, don't start that again.
5
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:59,953
- We are not getting a horse. It's not practical.
- No. I suppose this is.
6
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,716
You're quite right. You're quite right.
7
00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,276
I've tried repairing it,
but I'm inclined to think this model has had it.
8
00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:10,278
I've been inclined to think that
for the past two weeks.
9
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,880
Do you think the British Transport Museum
would like it?
10
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,191
(Rattling)
11
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,351
Do you see what I see?
12
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,631
Good lord. It's Jerry mowing his own lawn.
13
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:34,711
Has the world gone mad?
14
00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:45,434
- That's the stuff, Jerry.
- Come on, Jerry. You can do it.
15
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,595
- Go away!
16
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,598
We're in our own garden.
We can stand in our garden if we want.
17
00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,551
Don't talk to me.
18
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,989
- Jerry...
- What?
19
00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,433
Hello.
20
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,156
You're er...
You're supposed to mow round those.
21
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,277
We're going!
22
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,151
Right, say, "Aah!"
23
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,151
Aah!
24
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,678
Did you see Jeanette MacDonald
and Nelson Eddy in Rose-Marie?
25
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,711
No. I don't remember silent films.
26
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,196
You can't have a silent musical, can you?
27
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,231
Oh, no. So?
28
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,031
- They had one, I think.
- One what?
29
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,071
A log-burning stove.
30
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,271
Makes you think, doesn't it?
31
00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,311
Of what?
32
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,271
Nothing.
33
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,438
I'll just pop upstairs
and get your restraint harness.
34
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,471
(Knock at the door)
35
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,479
- Hello, Margo.
- Barbara, I'm sorry. I have a crisis.
36
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,433
- I wondered if Tom could help.
- For you, Margo, anything.
37
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,994
Please, don't be silly, Tom. This is serious.
38
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:23,475
My vacuum cleaner won't stop whistling.
39
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:28,314
Yes, I see. Any particular tune?
40
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,954
- Good morning.
- No, Margo, wait!
41
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,991
I'll have a look at it.
42
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,031
- It's probably the motor.
- The bag's full.
43
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,071
- Is it picking up at all?
- No, nothing.
44
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:40,033
- The bag's full.
- I'll take off the cowling and have a look at it.
45
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,071
I'll just get my screwdriver.
46
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,596
There you are, Margo.
You see, the bag was full.
47
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,309
Yes, that was the trouble. The bag was full.
48
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,351
And the whistling was the signal.
49
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,756
Oh, yes. I remember. There was something
in the brochure about whistling.
50
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,791
Have you never changed the bag before?
51
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:06,676
Certainly not. Mrs Pierson is my cleaner
and that is her province.
52
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:10,236
Except when she decides to let me down
by going away on holiday.
53
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,396
Ah... Hence Jerry mowing his own lawn.
54
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:16,115
Mr Pierson, the gardener,
must have gone on holiday with his wife.
55
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:19,357
- Yes. For a month, if you please.
- A month?!
56
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,391
- Yes.
- How appalling.
57
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:26,037
Servants going on holiday, leaving the gentry
to fend for themselves? It's disgusting.
58
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:29,914
Well, I wouldn't mind if the Piersons
had arranged their own replacements,
59
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,952
but no, it was simply,
"isn't it wonderful, Mrs Leadbetter?
60
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:37,073
The chance of a lifetime to see our
grandchildren in Canada," and off they went.
61
00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,509
Couldn't you go to an agency
for temporary help?
62
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,676
In this day and age? You can't get them.
63
00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,155
They've all been listening to that Clive Jenkins.
64
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:50,231
People seem to think that cleaning a house
or tending a garden is beneath their dignity.
65
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,954
- Like you and Jerry?
- No, not like me and Jerry.
66
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:57,119
We are employers.
We equate with the CBI in this situation.
67
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:03,394
I mean, you would think some little couple would
welcome £20 a week for light part-time work.
68
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,000
- People are too well off.
- Yes, they are.
69
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,634
- Know where the next penny's coming from.
- Yes, they do.
70
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,752
- A bit of insecurity, that's what they need.
- I couldn't agree...
71
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:18,160
I just realised that once again,
lam the butt of your childish humour.
72
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:22,592
And so you deserve to be. What's so tragic
about doing your own housework for a month?
73
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,154
These. They're beginning to look like yours.
74
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,476
I'll poke you in the eye in a minute.
75
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,830
No, I'm sorry, Barbara,
but you know what I mean.
76
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,269
I am not one of nature's little housewives,
77
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:36,836
and for that matter,
Jerry is not one of nature's little gardeners.
78
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,474
- Well, there's a simple solution, you know.
- What?
79
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,319
Jerry does the housework
and you do the garden.
80
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,990
I really must get you a cap and bells, Tom.
81
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:53,509
What a fuss about nothing. She should try
coping with our transport problem.
82
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:57,554
- Oh, our trolley, you mean.
- Well, I suppose we'd better make a new one.
83
00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,399
Better roll up our trousers and get up the pond.
84
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:04,153
- Why?
- Start dredging for some old pram wheels.
85
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,874
- That's where I found the last lot.
- No, no, no.
86
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,914
I've been thinking. Whatever sort of trolley
we made, we'd still have to push it.
87
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,998
Even with your strength,
there's a limit to how much we can haul.
88
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,953
We must make ten trips a week
just to feed that thing.
89
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,913
Yes. That's not counting
carting stuff from the allotments.
90
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,759
I did have thoughts
of building a land yacht once,
91
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,996
but tacking in traffic's not really on.
92
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:28,715
Of course, if you had half a brain,
you'd invent an engine that runs on water.
93
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,956
Yeah. I'm just thick, I suppose.
94
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,911
Engine! Why didn't I think of it before'?
95
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,349
We've already got an engine.
The rotary cultivator.
96
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,791
We only use it a few weeks of the year.
It just sits there the rest of the time.
97
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:44,834
The rotary cultivator's no good.
We can't belt along, ploughing up the pavement.
98
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,871
No. Wait a minute. Wait a minute...
99
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,911
Where are they? Ah!
100
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,076
Now, let's see... Look, look, look...
101
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,590
Now, then,
bad drawing of rotary cultivator, right?
102
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,392
Al right? Right.
103
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:59,353
Now, I take the working head off, right?
104
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,471
I add a sort of cart on the back, right?
105
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:05,113
Put a seat on it, couple it up...
106
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,151
It would work. I'm sure it will work.
107
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:10,318
You couldn't knock up a press
while you're at it, could you?
108
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,079
- What for?
- To print the money for the extra petrol.
109
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,111
Wait a minute, though...
110
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,549
Look. It wouldn't be that expensive. Now, look...
111
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,716
What would you get
out of a rotary cultivator?
112
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,956
100mpg? Well, perhaps less with a load.
113
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:33,995
Right, now... All right, now, two-star petrol
at, what, about 77p a gallon?
114
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,031
52 weeks in the year...
115
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,071
Ah, plus oil.
116
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,111
Right, now, two.. five...
117
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,151
Carry one... So...
118
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:47,039
There. Ah, now, if we don't do
more than 50 miles a week,
119
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,594
we could run this thing for 20 or 30 quid a year.
120
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,631
Now, that's not a lot of money, is it?
121
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,671
- No, that's not.
- Right, now...
122
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,519
How much actual cash have we got
at the moment?
123
00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,433
£1.28.
124
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,551
Quite warm out, isn't it?
125
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,473
- Yes, very pleasant.
- Pleasanter than yesterday.
126
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,636
Swapsies. We could swap something for petrol.
127
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:21,071
No. All our swapsies are earmarked,
including the piglets.
128
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:26,157
- Well, I suppose there's always...
- No, no, no, no.
129
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,111
I'm saving your body for a rainy day.
130
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,471
It's so annoying, though, isn't it?
131
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,990
30 measly quid standing between us
and efficient transport!
132
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,076
- Tom...
- Yeah?
133
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,957
Have you ever thought of going into service?
134
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,393
Why don't you just throw
a bucket of mud on the floor?
135
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,913
Look, I've just cut my finger,
clipping your blasted hedge!
136
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:20,840
Don't swear, Jerry.
And don't bleed in the sink. I've just cleaned it.
137
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,872
- I'm sorry.
- And don't throw rubbish in the rubbish bin.
138
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,516
- Why on earth not?
- I've just emptied it.
139
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,997
- It will fill up again sooner or later.
- It'll do that without your help.
140
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,640
Is it all right if I sit down
in my own chair in my own house?
141
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,671
No, it is not.
142
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:42,189
- You are coming to the bedroom with me.
- Oh.
143
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,793
And you can forget that sort of thing
for the next month, Jerry.
144
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,990
I shall be too exhausted
with this housework.
145
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:55,677
- Now, you tuck sides, and I tuck corners.
- What are you talking about, woman?
146
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:59,600
Beds do not make themselves, Jerry.
And don't "woman" me.
147
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,756
I wish I'd gone on holiday with the Piersons.
148
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,918
- And leave me with the gardening too!
- For heaven's sake, the ga...
149
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:09,750
- Er... Ah... Voices raised... Bad time?
- No, no. Come in.
150
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,031
Yes, come in.
Why don't you bring all your pigs with you?
151
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:18,553
Let's have filthy footprints all over the place!
Let's make the place really filthy! Yes, let's!
152
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,991
Housework getting you down, Margo?
153
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,556
Yes, it is. I've just been on my hands and knees
cleaning that floor.
154
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,591
Now, look, calm down, Margo.
155
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,598
We've found you a couple
to stand in for the Piersons.
156
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,870
- You have? Who?
- Us.
157
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,357
- You?
- Yes.
158
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,233
- Why?
- We need some money and you've got it.
159
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,669
You're on. A month of this
and she'll drive me mad.
160
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,872
She? First it's "woman", now it's "she"!
3
161
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,639
Will you kindly use my name, Jerry?
162
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:52,560
And kindly consult me before making decisions
about our domestic arrangements.
163
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,591
- What's to decide?
- Right.
164
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,712
We're godsends, Margo.
We're hard-working, clean, English.
165
00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,752
And we won't pinch the silver.
Not the good stuff anyway.
166
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,711
That's exactly what I mean.
167
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:06,913
Flippancy from friends is just bearable.
From domestics, it's intolerable.
168
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,151
OK, OK. Flippancy is out.
169
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:14,114
We won't speak until we're spoken to
and we'll tug our forelocks left, right and centre.
170
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,755
I don't know.
It could be such an ambiguous relationship.
171
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:21,953
Well, try it. After all, you don't want to end up
with hands like mine, do you?
172
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,991
True.
173
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:28,318
But the very idea of giving
one's friends orders is terribly embarrassing.
174
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,671
- I don't think I could do it.
- A month can seem a long time.
175
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,711
Yes...
176
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:39,394
Very well. Clean that mess up, will you,
and polish the floor.
177
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,795
You might as well do the windows
whilst you're at it,
178
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,831
the oven, of course, the bed's to be made,
179
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,269
oh, and don't forget
the littlest room in the house.
180
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,311
I'm going to lie down.
181
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,631
- Come on, Tweeny. We're on.
- Right.
182
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:57,671
Well, I'll see you later.
183
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,231
Hmm... Saucy little minx.
184
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,631
Hello, love.
185
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,350
Hello.
186
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,030
Margo?
187
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:39,872
If she tells me once more that I don't hoover
into the corners like Mrs Pierson,
188
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,911
I will kill her.
189
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,430
- Well, you know Margo.
- Not this Margo, I don't.
190
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,630
It's like being under surveillance by the CIA.
191
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,149
Everywhere I go, there are eyes peering at me,
192
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,760
over furniture, round the door
and through the keyhole.
193
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,713
She probably believed
that crack about pinching the silver.
194
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,274
Rubbish. She's just a pathological supervisor.
195
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,709
Well, she doesn't bother me in the garden much.
196
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,229
Just comes out when I turn up,
does a bit of tsk-tsk-tsk
197
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,271
and goes back in the house again.
198
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,312
It could have something to do with
my dangerous animal presence.
199
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,352
Don't you believe it.
She just wants to follow me about the house.
200
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:16,473
She's afraid if she leaves me alone,
I might put an ornament back an inch off centre.
201
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:20,639
Never mind. It's only for a month.
We've done a week already and it's worth it.
202
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:25,117
- This could be the hit at this year's motor show.
- If British Rail don't take their trolley back.
203
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,879
They didn't want it
when it was rusting on that embankment.
204
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,038
- I think Will Hay was the last person to use this.
- Who's Will Hay?
205
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,199
- Child.
- Tom.
206
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,111
Yep?
207
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:42,994
When it's finished, can we run Margo over in it?
208
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,792
(Laughs)
209
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,037
- You've really got your knife into your employer.
- She's impossible!
210
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,435
I don't think Mrs Pierson went on holiday at all.
211
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,040
I think she went to a clinic
with a nervous breakdown.
212
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,550
- Can't you laugh the whole thing off?
- Only hysterically!
213
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,319
- Don't lose your sense of humour.
- Oh, you are impossible!
214
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:03,479
It's a waste of time talking to you.
You're in one of your "life is a cabaret" moods!
215
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,399
Well it is, isn't it?
Us working for Margo is funny, isn't it?
216
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:11,116
We know she's bossy, pernickety.
Because we know it it's funny, just funny.
217
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,151
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk...
218
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,273
For your information, Tom, it is 2:37.
219
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:20,199
Mr Pierson always started work
at 2:15 on Fridays,
220
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,231
and I expect you to do the same.
221
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,271
Now, come along.
222
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,755
Who the hell does she think she is?
223
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,791
I'll smash her face in.
224
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,551
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk...
225
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,511
Tsk!
226
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:00,591
Hello, darling.
227
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,200
That Friday night traffic on London Bridge
is the worst.
228
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,231
Best part of an hour tonight.
229
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,477
To crown it all, some pimply police cadet
was trying to direct traffic.
230
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:13,594
If a police cadet were the total of my troubles,
I'd be a happy woman. Good evening, Jerry.
231
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,916
- Why? What's the matter?
- Tom and Barbara.
232
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,554
- What have they been up to now?
- Nothing much.
233
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:23,520
They just humiliated me in front of the
Surbiton Ladies Conservative Association.
234
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,551
- All of them?
- Yes.
235
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:31,357
They turned Mrs Hornsby's lecture on The
Curse Of Socialism On The Algarve into a farce.
236
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,472
- That can't have been difficult.
- It was most interesting, Jerry.
237
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,716
Mrs Hornsby had us in the palm of her hand
238
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,195
until Barbara came in with the canapés.
239
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,277
- Did she throw them at someone?
- No.
240
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:45,917
Under the guise of passing plates, she
made silly silhouettes on the projector screen.
241
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,951
(Laughs)
242
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,276
- Good old Barbara.
- Itis not good old Barbara.
243
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,073
It is silly, silly Barbara! And as for Tom...
244
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,111
- Silly?
- Obscene.
245
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:57,439
I had to draw the curtains.
246
00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:01,075
- What was he doing?
- Leering at Mrs Hornsby from the garden.
247
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,199
And making gestures towards the shrubbery
with his head.
248
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,356
(Guffaws)
249
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,155
- Trust you to laugh.
- You know them. You know what they're like.
250
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,318
Yes, but I do not expect them to be like it
when they're in my employ.
251
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,637
- They'll have to change their tune.
- Well, here they are.
252
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,671
- You'd better tell them.
- You tell them.
253
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,473
- You're the master of the house.
- Am[? Oh.
254
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:27,231
Now, see here, you snivelling menials,
you'd better buck your ideas up
255
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,271
or I'll take a crop to the pair of you.
256
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,311
Ooh, sorry, sir. Beg pardon, sir.
257
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:35,638
Forgive us, sir, for coming up to the big house
without going through the sheep-dip first.
258
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:39,913
Stand in the corner and don't speak
or I'll set the dogs on you. What do you want?
259
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:44,397
Well, sir, we were wondering, sir, if you could
see your way clear to giving us a bit of wages?
260
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,558
You see, sir,
because we haven't had any wages for ages.
261
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,436
We wouldn't ask; sir,
only we've had to sell eight children already.
262
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,198
- Oh, really!
- Oh, I beg pardon ma'am. I didn't see you there.
263
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:59,231
Curtsy, girl, curtsy.
264
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,199
Oh, I'm ever so sorry, ma'am,
for standing on the carpet.
265
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,391
Don't you think it's wearing rather thin?
266
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,874
No. It's a lovely bit of carpet, that.
267
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:15,038
Oh, shut up! Do! You're like a pair of hyenas!
268
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,431
(Slams door)
269
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,073
(Both splutter)
270
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,511
(Knocking)
271
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,711
- That looks nice.
- Does it?
272
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,870
Now, look, Margo,
I mean, we were only playing about.
273
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,911
Don't touch me.
274
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,711
Margo, we are sorry, really, but...
275
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,674
you've got to keep things
in proportion, haven't you?
276
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,439
Don't lecture me on keeping things
in proportion, Barbara.
277
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,632
My life was in perfect proportion
until you replaced the Piersons.
278
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,876
They knew their station and I knew mine.
279
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:09,595
And if you say Charing Cross, Tom,
I shall throw this salad at you.
280
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,994
- I wasn't going to say Charing Cross.
- Hmph!
281
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,229
- I was going to say St Pancras.
- There you are! You see?
282
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:23,989
You take nothing seriously! You two are
a microcosm of what is wrong with society.
283
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:28,159
Nobody takes anything seriously and we wonder
why this country can't produce a decent car.
284
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,875
- I'd go easy with that Tabasco if I were you.
- I'll do what I like with my Tabasco!
285
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:35,551
Now, look, Margo...
286
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:39,878
I know we made a joke of the situation,
but it's just our way, isn't it?
287
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,800
- Well, it isn't mine.
- All right, then, let's look for a compromise.
288
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,911
There's no need. I have the solution.
289
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:49,157
- Well, good. What is it?
- You're both sacked.
290
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,631
(Sobs)
291
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,591
Oh, Barbara, don't cry, love.
292
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,431
I'm laughing!
293
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,516
- Why?
- Margo giving us the sack.
294
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,551
Yeah. It is a bit bizarre, isn't it?
295
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,877
Not too many people can say
they've been sacked by their neighbours.
296
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,116
I think she's wonderful. She really is.
297
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,356
- I'd never have the nerve.
- Quite! Oh, quite!
298
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,710
None of your,
"Let's get both sides round a table."
299
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:33,640
None of your independent tribunals,
just "Get out! You're fired!" Wallop.
300
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,913
- I wonder how she'd get on with Hugh Scanlon.
- Yeah, well, it could be the fight of the century.
301
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,076
I tell you what, let's cover up the Mk1.
302
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:43,511
We don't want
those spies from Ferrari pinching our design.
303
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,551
No. Right.
304
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,399
Mind you, it's not really a laughing matter, is it?
305
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,671
I mean, after all,
the whole point was to get this on the road.
306
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,633
Don't worry.
We're owed £2250 for the week's work.
307
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,479
- That will run this for ten months.
- That's true.
308
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,229
- Are you tired?
- No.
309
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,396
Good. Let's go to bed, then.
310
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,431
Right.
311
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,238
- Hello, gooseberry.
- What?
312
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:14,797
- Never mind. What do you want?
- I'm a slave to my own good manners.
313
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,958
- I've come to apologise.
- Oh, Jerry, that's all right.
314
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,594
- We asked for it.
- We didn't expect it, but we got it.
315
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,758
- That's very noble of you.
- Even peasants can be noble.
316
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,633
Apart from burning haystacks,
there will be no reprisals.
317
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,593
- That's good. Good night, then.
- Oil What about our wages?
318
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,519
- Oh, yes, of course. Cheque all right?
- Sooner have cash.
319
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,551
Oh, very well.
320
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,591
How much was it? £307 £40?
321
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,716
It's like Monopoly money to you, isn't it? £22.50.
322
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,751
Hmm... You come cheap, don't you?
323
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,791
I'm the 22. He's the 50.
324
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:50,434
Well, I suppose that's about right.
I shall be very sorry to see you go.
325
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,472
I believe that's what one generally says
to departing domestics.
326
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,080
What puzzles me
is why you took the job in the first place.
327
00:20:56,120 --> 00:21:00,000
- Why?
- Working for somebody else for money.
328
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,670
It does rather smack of that crass
commercialism you purport to despise.
329
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,439
- Only when it's a permanent state.
- Like yours.
330
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:07,959
Thank you.
331
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,038
When we need something,
we can't buy it, so we swap for it.
332
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,799
What we swapped this time
was our manpower and womanpower.
333
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:17,879
Yeah. By the way, you never did tell me
why you wanted that money.
334
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,911
Oh, yeah.
Er... shall we show him?
335
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,429
- He's got an honest face.
- I suppose so.
336
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,593
- Ta-dal
- Good God!
337
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,517
And the £22.50 will run it.
338
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,552
I didn't realise
elastic bands came that expensive.
339
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,272
I might tell you
that NASA are very interested in this.
340
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:43,995
- It could double as a moon buggy.
- The moon's the best place for it.
341
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,077
You're just jealous.
342
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:50,159
We're going to be the envy of Surbiton in this,
back and forth to our allotments.
343
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,669
How much did they rush you for the insurance?
344
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:55,831
- What?
- And the road tax?
345
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:58,951
- What?
- You haven't got any, have you?
346
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,479
- I have.
- You haven't.
347
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,079
- I have!
- Has he?
348
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,317
Jerry, you don't think Tom would blunder
into a thing like this
349
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,113
without considering road tax
and insurance, do you?
350
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,151
Ask him.
351
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:14,351
Did you?
352
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:17,111
Haven't you got a home to go to, Leadbetter?
353
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:21,111
(Chuckles)
354
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,391
(Knocking)
355
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,829
Are you talking to us today, Margo?
356
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,110
Barbara, Tom, how nice to see you.
357
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,151
Do come in.
358
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,111
We thought you might still be angry with us.
359
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:52,791
I was only angry with you yesterday as servants.
Today, you're friends and I'm glad to see you.
360
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,631
You still don't understand, do you, Tom?
361
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,799
You see, life, for me, is a series of pigeon holes.
362
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:03,435
Ah, and today, we are the right pigeons
in the right pigeon hole.
363
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:04,470
Exactly.
364
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,239
That's a shame,
because we want to change holes.
365
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,669
We want to become domestics again.
366
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,917
- Not in my house.
- We can't in our house, because we live there.
367
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:16,719
No. I'm sorry.
If it's a question of references...
368
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:20,435
Oh, Margo, we're not thinking
of going into service as a career.
369
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,040
It's a short-term arrangement
for our mutual benefit.
370
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,356
Mutual, Barbara? I think not.
371
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,755
Oh, come on! We did the jobs properly.
372
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,872
I grant you that,
but you also behaved like the Marx Brothers.
373
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,272
- We didn't.
- You did.
374
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,311
- We didn't.
- You did!
375
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:39,671
Tom!
Margo, we are reformed characters.
376
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,109
- Truly, we are.
- I don't believe it for a moment.
377
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,151
All right, then, we will be.
378
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:48,876
I admit we did muck about but take us back
and we'll do our duties as po-faced as you like.
379
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:53,790
"Po" you see? You couldn't use
a sensible word like "sensibly", could you?
380
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,992
- It had to be po.
- All right, as sensibly-faced as you like.
381
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:57,871
(Chortles)
382
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,356
There you go again.
You're hopeless. It just wouldn't work.
383
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,789
Look, Margo,
I'd be out in the garden most of the time.
384
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,480
If any of your ladies turn up,
I'll lock myself in the shed.
385
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:10,309
No, no, no. I'd sooner do the housework myself
than go through last week again.
386
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,310
- You wouldn't.
- [ would.
387
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:15,351
But it's such a big house, Margo.
388
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:18,392
It wouldn't leave you any time
for social functions,
389
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:22,320
and it would only be for three weeks,
till the Piersons got back.
390
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,831
This is the trouble with housework.
391
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,996
When you hate it, it never seems to end.
392
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:32,910
I mean, there's the floors to clean
and the windows to polish and beds to make...
393
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,315
Well, it just goes on and on and on...
394
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,351
- Oh, all right!
- Thanks, Margo.
395
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:41,473
- Can we have three weeks' money in advance?
- For sheer nerve, Tom, you take the prize.
396
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,512
- In cash.
- First prize.
397
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,957
- Now, listen to me, Tom.
- Yes, Margo?
398
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,709
I have Mrs Dooms-Paterson
coming to tea on Tuesday.
399
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,549
If you do to her what you did to Mrs Hornsby
through my French window,
400
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,070
I shall feel perfectly justified
in asking for this money back.
401
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:05,440
Yes, Margo.
402
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,632
That goes for you too, Barbara,
when you're serving gingerbread men.
403
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,671
- Yes, Margo.
- Very well.
404
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:12,711
Sherry, I think.
405
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:20,358
I suppose there's no hope of this money going
towards buying you new clothes, Barbara?
406
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:22,391
- No chance.
- I thought not.
407
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:26,479
- It's for our vehicle. Didn't Jerry tell you about it?
- No. A car?
408
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:30,559
- Well kind of.
- At least that's a step in the right direction.
409
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,591
You take precious few of those these days.
410
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:35,671
Now, a toast, I think.
411
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:40,794
Here's to relationships being kept in their proper
pigeon holes for the next three weeks.
412
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,992
And no droppings of any ornaments
when you do the housework, Barbara.
413
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:48,193
Mmm. Well, half past two.
I'm off to the garden. I'll mow the lawn.
414
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,870
- I'd sooner you pruned my Ena Harkness.
- I'll prune your Ena Harkness.
415
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:53,991
- Thank you, Tom.
- Not at all, Margo.
416
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,271
Now, Margo, where would you like me to start?
417
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,392
I can't tell you what music that is
to my ears, Barbara.
418
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,034
- Polishing, I think.
- Right.
419
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:07,071
Polishing it is.
420
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,869
- Shall we ask Tom and Barbara?
- Good idea.
421
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:50,436
- Care for a lunchtime drink, you two?
- We've discovered a super pub.
422
00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:53,236
- Right. Lovely!
- Smashing!
423
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,830
- Good. Come on.
- Its all right. We'll come in our own car.
424
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,789
- You don't know the way.
- OK. We'll follow you.
425
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:05,596
- I still haven't seen this new car of theirs, Jerry.
- Haven't you, darling?
426
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:12,111
(Rotovator engine starts)
427
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,271
(Backfires)
428
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:23,916
Oh, my God!
Drive on, Jerry!
429
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,917
- But they don't know the way to the pub.
- I know. Drive on!
430
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,836
Hey! Wait for us! I can only do 7%2mph!
37379
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.