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1
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,480
Hey, man. Are you a ninja?
2
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:47,920
-No, no.
3
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,800
Torsten, Michel.
Michel, Torsten.
4
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:50,840
That's great.
5
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,640
-Wow!
-What I can do for you, man?
6
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,240
What can you do for me?
Good question.
7
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:56,920
I'm coming with these big...
8
00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,840
Oh, my God. Is that for me?
9
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,480
From me, for you.
10
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:03,960
Thank you so much.
11
00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,320
Dude, you don't even know what
that means, that one's a keeper.
12
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:08,960
-Yeah.
-You should really, wow.
13
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,080
That's so sweet.
14
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,120
Okay, what are you doing here,
man?
15
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:15,520
-So?
-Oh, yeah.
16
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:16,960
I've come
with special instructions
17
00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:18,520
from Ingeborg
for the presentation.
18
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,840
Okay. What are Ingeborg's
instructions?
19
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,320
Right.
20
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,080
"That presentation is crucial.
21
00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:26,960
No mistakes. No second chances."
22
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,680
-What are you doing?
-She gave me these precise
23
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:33,640
-instructions for eye contact.
-Oh, okay.
24
00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:36,040
"If you fuck it up,
I'll send you to fucking hell.
25
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:37,800
Except if I'm in a bad mood,
26
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,200
then I'll have you appointed
in Luxembourg."
27
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:41,640
Honestly, I think that's cruel.
28
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,240
So, you came here
to threaten me?
29
00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:44,560
-Yeah.
-And that's it?
30
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:45,640
Yeah.
31
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,360
No, wait, sorry.
There's another bullet point.
32
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,360
She says, "Do not mention
the finning part in the speech."
33
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,640
What? Why?
34
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,200
It's gonna piss off
the Spaniards. You know,
35
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:57,520
they're fishermen, they make
millions out of finning.
36
00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:58,800
So, don't mention the sharks.
37
00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:00,080
No talking
about contentious issues.
38
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,960
That's rule number one here
at the Parliament.
39
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:12,560
Okay, what should we talk
40
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,320
about then? There's nothing else
and it's in ten minutes.
41
00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:17,760
Oh, yeah, sure. I get that.
That's a fair point.
42
00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:22,760
There's nothing about that,
sorry.
43
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:24,440
Great, Okay.
Good luck, guys. Yeah?
44
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,200
It's been a pleasure
to meet you. Tschüss.
45
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:28,200
Tschüss, yes.
46
00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:33,560
You speak German. This
is incredible. He speaks German.
47
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,120
-Thank you.
48
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,080
Is he recovering from a stroke
49
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,120
or something?
50
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,360
No, he's in full capacity
right there.
51
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:22,960
Rafael Caral,
52
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,240
for a point of order.
53
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,880
-What's going on here?
-It's a point of order.
54
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,360
MEPs can intervene
by clapping whenever.
55
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:31,800
Oh. Weird.
56
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,640
The member from
the Catalan Independence Party
57
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,880
is again speaking in Catalan,
58
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,120
not an official language
of the EU!
59
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:47,240
What the member representing the
oppressed Catalan minority...
60
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,320
Regional identity, it's called.
61
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,560
I'm gonna go hide
62
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:27,760
for a while, Okay?
63
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:52,960
Can you stop following me, man?
64
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,440
I have to.
Ingeborg is now tracking you
65
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,680
through my phone GPS.
There we go.
66
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,120
"The Spanish
are going to strike back hard.
67
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,520
If you fuck up
the compromise meeting,
68
00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,560
I will terminate you
and your MEP."
69
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,680
Yeah, I know.
I just like taking on
70
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,560
that robot voice
when she makes me do things.
71
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,200
And also it worked well
with the word 'terminate'.
72
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:16,800
What's a compromise meeting?
73
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,560
Oh, come on, man, like...
74
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:25,080
How am I supposed to know
that you don't know that I know,
75
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,520
I mean, that's
a very confused situation.
76
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,440
Okay, all I'm asking is that
77
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,720
you help me with
the first steps, that's all.
78
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:37,960
Is that your boss?
79
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:40,200
She looks very different now.
80
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,800
It was ten years ago when
she was a soft Eurosceptic Tory.
81
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,280
-What happened?
-I don't know.
82
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:45,320
It happened so fast.
83
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,200
She just spent more
and more time on the Internet,
84
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,440
surfing weird websites
and reading articles written
85
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,200
by Boris Johnson
about condom sizes
86
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,560
and banana shapes.
I didn't react at first,
87
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:54,960
because it all sounded
so ridiculous,
88
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:58,040
but then when I finally realized
what was happening,
89
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:02,800
it was too late...
She was too far gone.
90
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,320
She even radicalized online.
91
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:07,600
I'm sorry.
92
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:12,080
Okay. So, could you just tell me
what the first thing
93
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,080
I need to do is
and I'll leave you alone?
94
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,440
When do you meet
the other groups?
95
00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:17,560
Tomorrow morning.
96
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,920
First thing to do is get
your political adviser on board.
97
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,320
Yeah,
Ingeborg asked me to do it.
98
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,600
Ingeborg is very not
from your group.
99
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,080
Okay, yeah, of course,
she's not...
100
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,480
And, out of curiosity,
101
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,400
where would I find
my political adviser?
102
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,080
Rose?
103
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:44,200
Okay, I'll let you do
your good work.
104
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:45,280
Thank you very much.
105
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:52,320
It's okay, I'm fine. I'm really,
106
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:56,680
She told me that I had to have
my political adviser on board.
107
00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:57,960
But, apparently,
108
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,200
Ingeborg is not the political
adviser for my group.
109
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,440
Yeah, I know. She's not.
110
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:03,840
You knew that too?
111
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:05,720
Thanks, man.
112
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,320
That's awful.
I'll have two more.
113
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:09,440
No, I'm fine.
114
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:10,480
They're for me.
115
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:13,080
So, you're sure
that my political adviser
116
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,280
is gonna show up here?
117
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,560
Maurice? Free wine.
118
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,680
Did Michael Jackson ever miss a
kids' Xmas party at the office?
119
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,800
I don't think Michael Jackson
had an office.
120
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:26,320
-What?
-This girl. This girl.
121
00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:29,040
-She's checking you out.
-I think I know her.
122
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:30,840
Why is she staring at me
like that?
123
00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:33,080
Nordic girls
can be pretty aggressive.
124
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,960
Oh, Okay.
125
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:36,400
What should I do?
126
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:38,320
She's coming over.
127
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,960
Oh, fuck, man. I feel like
an object. It feels bad.
128
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,680
-Hi.
-Oh, hey!
129
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,200
Do you want some white?
130
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,080
Are there two Polish guys
waiting to kill me
131
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,320
and steal my genitals
132
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,960
once you've got me drunk?
133
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,560
No.
134
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,600
That's what you would say
if there were.
135
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,320
Okay. I'm just gonna leave you
with your friend.
136
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,040
-No.
-No, it's Okay.
137
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,280
Samy.
138
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,400
Swedes are into
that consent thing big time.
139
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,800
You forgot your bottle.
140
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,680
I think you're a funny guy.
141
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,800
You don't need
to feel threatened by me
142
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:17,080
because I'm homosexual.
143
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,560
I don't feel threatened by you.
144
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:23,680
Well, I'm not totally sure yet.
I might not be gay.
145
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:26,920
Still not threatened.
146
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:31,200
I'm also thinking of, like,
having a sex change this summer.
147
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,440
Wow. That's very cool.
148
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:35,440
The restaurant
I told you about...
149
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,200
Do you have painful periods?
150
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,320
-I'm sorry, I just...
-No,
151
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:41,920
I'm just gonna see you later.
152
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:45,080
That was a pleasant moment
for everyone, man.
153
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,920
Maurice! Maurice!
154
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,680
This is your political adviser.
155
00:12:58,560 --> 00:12:59,720
He hates me, man.
156
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,080
Oh, shit.
157
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:03,080
It's bad, right?
158
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,480
They're packing up, man.
Just wait.
159
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:04,680
So...
160
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,680
You really traded an innocent
girl for some political support.
161
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,200
That's wild.
162
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,320
I didn't trade anyone.
163
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,320
I just left a party
because I was tired
164
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,480
and I have an important meeting.
165
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,560
That's not the way
I'll recount it in my memoirs.
166
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,040
No one is gonna buy
your memoirs anyway.
167
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,920
That's some serious
hand-washing, Pontius Pilate.
168
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:48,800
-Hey!
-Hey!
169
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,560
You forgot something.
170
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,960
-Is this really happening?
-Yes.
171
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,400
Don't tell anyone, Okay?
172
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,440
You said I had forgotten
something?
173
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:12,960
-The kiss!
-Oh, the kiss!
174
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:27,080
-I think I need another drink.
-I think I need another job.
175
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:32,320
Can you put the smile away,
176
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,920
please? It's a ghastly sight
this early in the morning.
177
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,840
Whoa. Okay.
Sorry, I think I found love.
178
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,200
The Swedish girl?
179
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:40,920
You told her?
180
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,040
-No.
-He did.
181
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,840
What's the secret anyway?
No one cares.
182
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,680
-Why are you so angry, then?
-I'm not angry.
183
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,440
Really? I can't tell
if it's your angry face
184
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:55,440
or if it's your normal face that
always looks angry.
185
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,560
-Did you have wild sex?
-No.
186
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:58,960
Which party is she from?
187
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,800
The Democrats of Sweden
or something.
188
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:03,840
Why didn't you have sex?
189
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,040
Because I am staying in a dorm
at a youth hostel
190
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,880
and her mom
was sleeping at hers.
191
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,880
Plus, it's not about that.
192
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,960
We talked all night.
193
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,840
She's so nice, she's funny...
194
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:16,200
She's a Nazi.
195
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:17,280
What?
196
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,720
The Democrats of Sweden
are Nazis.
197
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:23,960
They cannot be Nazis because
Nazis don't exist anymore.
198
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,000
Nazis aren't like dodos
or polar bears.
199
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,120
They can disappear
and come back again.
200
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,680
They're democrats and Swedish,
two things everybody loves.
201
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,960
Yeah. That's because everything
is the opposite
202
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,040
of what it's named here.
203
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:38,160
What?
204
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,760
The Ocean Preserver Association,
from which you copied
205
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:44,200
amendments, is the lobby
of the fat polluters
206
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,120
riding big boats
and using electric fishing.
207
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,360
The Democrats of Sweden
208
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,960
who sit in the Nations
and Freedom for Europe Group
209
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,760
are Nazis who hate freedom,
Europe and other nations.
210
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:57,520
Your group is the Direct
Democracy for Freedom in Europe
211
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,680
so, you're Nazis too.
212
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:03,040
No, we're not Nazis. We're
confused, it's very different.
213
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:06,680
She cannot be a Nazi,
because she is the kindest girl.
214
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:10,200
She strokes my hair. She
loves it when I talk in French.
215
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,120
-Did you try German?
216
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,200
That's offensive.
217
00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:14,520
But it's funny.
218
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,000
Because it's mean.
219
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,160
Since when are you two friends?
220
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,920
-We're not.
-We're best friends.
221
00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,760
Anyway. I have an important
compromise meeting
222
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,920
to attend and sharks to save,
so if you'll excuse me.
223
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:27,960
Maurice!
224
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,680
What are we gonna do now,
best friend?
225
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,360
Absolutely not.
226
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:34,880
Maurice.
15476
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