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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,483 --> 00:00:05,150 With us tonight is Pastor Jeff Difford 2 00:00:05,153 --> 00:00:07,715 from the First Baptist Church of Medford. 3 00:00:07,718 --> 00:00:09,656 Thank you for being here, Pastor. 4 00:00:09,658 --> 00:00:11,957 - My pleasure. - So it would appear 5 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:13,059 that your church's 6 00:00:13,061 --> 00:00:15,418 Halloween Hell House has stirred up 7 00:00:15,421 --> 00:00:17,700 quite a bit of controversy this year. 8 00:00:17,703 --> 00:00:19,299 Oh, I wouldn't call it 9 00:00:19,301 --> 00:00:20,492 controversy. 10 00:00:20,495 --> 00:00:21,734 What would you call it? 11 00:00:21,736 --> 00:00:22,855 A-As you know, 12 00:00:22,858 --> 00:00:24,325 the purpose of a Hell House 13 00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:26,723 is to demonstrate the wages of sin, 14 00:00:26,726 --> 00:00:29,075 so as to lead people back to God. 15 00:00:29,077 --> 00:00:30,450 That's wonderful. 16 00:00:30,453 --> 00:00:33,262 But doesn't it concern you that a lot 17 00:00:33,265 --> 00:00:35,098 of parents were alarmed 18 00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:37,650 at the gruesome scenes you portrayed? 19 00:00:37,652 --> 00:00:41,921 Once again, our intentions were pure. 20 00:00:41,923 --> 00:00:44,638 Why don't we take a look at just how pure they were. 21 00:00:44,641 --> 00:00:45,707 Let's roll the clip. 22 00:00:45,710 --> 00:00:47,093 Oh, boy. 23 00:00:47,095 --> 00:00:48,428 I need another beer. 24 00:00:48,430 --> 00:00:50,997 Oh, darling, don't you think you've had enough? 25 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,433 I'll tell you when I had enough! 26 00:00:53,436 --> 00:00:56,031 Whoa! Hey, cowboy, 27 00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:58,353 why don't you put that down and call it a night. 28 00:00:58,356 --> 00:00:59,622 Don't you tell me what to do. 29 00:01:05,213 --> 00:01:07,080 That's enough, Peg. 30 00:01:10,118 --> 00:01:11,551 Dear Lord. 31 00:01:11,553 --> 00:01:13,553 As you can see, our last attempt at a Hell House 32 00:01:13,555 --> 00:01:16,189 may have been a tad... traumatizing. 33 00:01:16,191 --> 00:01:17,700 I thought it was a hoot. 34 00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:20,226 Some of the little ones peed their pants. 35 00:01:20,228 --> 00:01:21,694 But that wasn't the goal. 36 00:01:21,696 --> 00:01:24,030 A nine-year-old crapped himself. 37 00:01:24,032 --> 00:01:26,132 Why are you showing me this? 38 00:01:26,134 --> 00:01:28,134 Well, Mary, this year, we'd like to go 39 00:01:28,136 --> 00:01:30,347 with a more family-friendly production. 40 00:01:30,350 --> 00:01:33,145 And I thought you'd be the perfect person to head that up. 41 00:01:33,148 --> 00:01:35,875 Really? Me? 42 00:01:35,877 --> 00:01:37,844 Yes, you. Absolutely. 43 00:01:37,846 --> 00:01:40,301 Gosh, I don't know. 44 00:01:40,304 --> 00:01:43,653 I always felt I had a flair for the creative arts, 45 00:01:43,656 --> 00:01:45,718 but putting on a big show like that... 46 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,090 You'll have a sizable budget and all the help you'll need 47 00:01:48,093 --> 00:01:50,090 constructing sets, building props, 48 00:01:50,093 --> 00:01:52,156 special effects, makeup. 49 00:01:52,159 --> 00:01:53,358 Does sound tempting. 50 00:01:53,361 --> 00:01:54,560 But, most importantly, 51 00:01:54,562 --> 00:01:57,567 you'll have an opportunity to bring people to God 52 00:01:57,570 --> 00:02:00,661 by vividly demonstrating the perils of sin. 53 00:02:00,664 --> 00:02:02,903 Be careful if you touch on adultery. 54 00:02:02,906 --> 00:02:05,500 Last year, one of the actors got pregnant. 55 00:02:05,503 --> 00:02:06,739 Thanks, Peg. 56 00:02:06,741 --> 00:02:08,608 So, what do you say? 57 00:02:08,610 --> 00:02:10,710 I already know the first change I'm gonna make. 58 00:02:10,712 --> 00:02:12,178 Instead of calling it "Hell House," 59 00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:13,812 which is a little off-putting, 60 00:02:13,815 --> 00:02:15,048 I'm gonna call it... 61 00:02:15,050 --> 00:02:16,883 "Heck House." 62 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:17,981 Isn't that great? 63 00:02:17,984 --> 00:02:19,052 That is great. 64 00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:20,575 You don't really mean that. 65 00:02:20,578 --> 00:02:22,188 Yes, I do. 66 00:02:23,072 --> 00:02:24,289 Oh, I get it. 67 00:02:24,292 --> 00:02:25,725 Happy wife, happy life. 68 00:02:25,727 --> 00:02:27,343 You need to stop talking. 69 00:02:27,346 --> 00:02:28,989 So it's not gonna be scary? 70 00:02:28,992 --> 00:02:31,698 It will, but without all the blood and gore. 71 00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:33,566 But I like blood and gore. 72 00:02:33,568 --> 00:02:35,568 Hang on, y'all are trying to scare people 73 00:02:35,570 --> 00:02:36,936 into joining the church? 74 00:02:36,938 --> 00:02:38,538 Yeah. But people like 75 00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:40,106 getting scared on Halloween anyway. 76 00:02:40,108 --> 00:02:42,679 Why not make 'em jump in the right direction? 77 00:02:42,682 --> 00:02:44,692 Actually, fear has been a recruiting tactic 78 00:02:44,695 --> 00:02:45,945 used by organized religion 79 00:02:45,947 --> 00:02:47,179 for centuries. 80 00:02:47,182 --> 00:02:49,137 When you add guilt to keep people in line, 81 00:02:49,140 --> 00:02:51,751 it's an extremely efficient form of crowd control. 82 00:02:51,753 --> 00:02:55,588 Our religion is based on love, Sheldon, not fear. 83 00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:57,824 So what happens when people don't follow the rules? 84 00:02:57,826 --> 00:02:59,025 They burn in hell. 85 00:03:01,496 --> 00:03:03,830 Because God loves 'em. 86 00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:24,483 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com -- 87 00:03:33,962 --> 00:03:35,495 Sheldon. 88 00:03:35,497 --> 00:03:37,163 Oh. Hi, Georgie. 89 00:03:37,165 --> 00:03:39,140 Why was Veronica Duncan hugging you? 90 00:03:39,143 --> 00:03:41,334 I'm tutoring her in trigonometry. 91 00:03:41,336 --> 00:03:43,169 And that gets you hugs? 92 00:03:43,171 --> 00:03:45,512 Thanks to me, she got her first C-minus. 93 00:03:45,515 --> 00:03:47,807 Just between us, she's a little slow. 94 00:03:47,809 --> 00:03:49,375 That's not what I heard. 95 00:03:49,377 --> 00:03:50,559 What did you hear? 96 00:03:50,562 --> 00:03:52,012 Is she secretly clever? 97 00:03:52,015 --> 00:03:54,447 Because if she is, I completely missed it. 98 00:03:54,449 --> 00:03:55,448 It doesn't matter. 99 00:03:55,450 --> 00:03:57,016 You just need to introduce me to her. 100 00:03:57,018 --> 00:03:58,184 Why? 101 00:03:58,186 --> 00:04:00,039 I want to be her friend. 102 00:04:00,042 --> 00:04:01,390 Well, you better take a number. 103 00:04:01,393 --> 00:04:03,356 She's friends with a lot of boys around here. 104 00:04:03,358 --> 00:04:06,114 Let me worry about that. You just need to introduce us. 105 00:04:06,117 --> 00:04:07,437 All right. 106 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,528 You know, she pays me two dollars for every one 107 00:04:09,531 --> 00:04:10,730 of our tutoring lessons. 108 00:04:10,732 --> 00:04:12,809 How much did it cost her to get a C-minus? 109 00:04:12,812 --> 00:04:14,145 $26. 110 00:04:14,148 --> 00:04:15,668 That's a good deal. 111 00:04:15,670 --> 00:04:17,870 Now, remember, next week, we start our work 112 00:04:17,872 --> 00:04:19,405 on Streetcar Named Desire. 113 00:04:19,407 --> 00:04:21,407 So please prepare a monologue 114 00:04:21,409 --> 00:04:23,434 for either Blanche or Stanley. 115 00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:26,379 Usually, the girls do Blanche and the boys do Stanley, 116 00:04:26,381 --> 00:04:29,382 but no judgment... You follow your heart. 117 00:04:31,853 --> 00:04:33,942 Thank you again 118 00:04:33,945 --> 00:04:35,973 for letting me come by to pick your brain. 119 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,765 Oh, please. Anything for the church. 120 00:04:37,768 --> 00:04:39,492 Are you a religious man? 121 00:04:39,495 --> 00:04:41,301 I'm an actor. 122 00:04:41,304 --> 00:04:43,726 I'm whatever you need me to be. 123 00:04:43,729 --> 00:04:44,864 All right. 124 00:04:44,866 --> 00:04:46,799 As I told you on the phone, 125 00:04:46,801 --> 00:04:48,278 I have been tasked 126 00:04:48,281 --> 00:04:50,982 with mounting this year's Halloween production. 127 00:04:50,985 --> 00:04:53,114 Oh, is that a haunted house kind of deal? 128 00:04:53,117 --> 00:04:55,848 Yes, but with the goal of bringing people to God. 129 00:04:55,851 --> 00:04:57,910 I do know something about that. 130 00:04:57,912 --> 00:05:01,247 When I played Puck in Midsummer, 131 00:05:01,249 --> 00:05:04,984 the Tulsa Herald called my performance heavenly. 132 00:05:04,986 --> 00:05:06,817 Wow! Good for you. 133 00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:08,955 Thank you, thank you. 134 00:05:08,957 --> 00:05:11,895 Okay. Um, I was hoping 135 00:05:11,898 --> 00:05:14,622 to put on a little play in each of the rooms 136 00:05:14,625 --> 00:05:17,164 that portrays one of the seven deadly sins. 137 00:05:17,167 --> 00:05:19,899 Pride, envy, gluttony, lust, sloth, wrath and greed! 138 00:05:19,901 --> 00:05:21,901 Wow, you know your sins! 139 00:05:21,903 --> 00:05:24,070 Well, again, I'm an actor. 140 00:05:24,072 --> 00:05:27,540 They are the tools in my box. 141 00:05:27,542 --> 00:05:30,690 Um, have you considered 142 00:05:30,693 --> 00:05:32,692 a narrator, you know, um, 143 00:05:32,695 --> 00:05:34,547 like, a tour guide kind of thing? 144 00:05:34,549 --> 00:05:36,418 Oh, that's interesting. 145 00:05:36,421 --> 00:05:37,917 But who would that be? 146 00:05:37,919 --> 00:05:39,919 Well, I'd have to think the big man himself. 147 00:05:39,921 --> 00:05:42,555 - God? - Satan. 148 00:05:42,558 --> 00:05:45,184 Oh! That's spooky. 149 00:05:45,187 --> 00:05:48,294 And he's trying to lure people toward sin. 150 00:05:48,296 --> 00:05:49,462 Exactly. 151 00:05:49,464 --> 00:05:51,228 That's a pretty big role. 152 00:05:51,231 --> 00:05:52,622 I wonder who could do it. 153 00:05:52,625 --> 00:05:53,933 Huh. 154 00:05:53,935 --> 00:05:55,735 Well, it would have to be someone 155 00:05:55,737 --> 00:06:00,403 with enough range to convey sincerity and charm, 156 00:06:00,406 --> 00:06:04,850 all the while, hiding a dark and corrupt soul! 157 00:06:04,853 --> 00:06:06,945 Good golly. 158 00:06:06,948 --> 00:06:10,483 If you were just a little taller, you'd be perfect. 159 00:06:10,485 --> 00:06:11,851 I have lifts. 160 00:06:15,256 --> 00:06:16,856 What are we doing here? 161 00:06:16,858 --> 00:06:18,585 Waiting for Veronica. 162 00:06:18,588 --> 00:06:19,959 How do you know she's in there? 163 00:06:19,961 --> 00:06:21,562 It's kind of her homeroom. 164 00:06:23,031 --> 00:06:24,130 Oh, hello again. 165 00:06:25,233 --> 00:06:26,732 Oh. 166 00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:27,934 Hey. What's up? 167 00:06:27,936 --> 00:06:31,343 This is my brother Georgie. He wanted to meet you. 168 00:06:32,073 --> 00:06:34,240 - Really? - Really. 169 00:06:35,343 --> 00:06:36,609 I like your hair. 170 00:06:36,611 --> 00:06:38,778 Uh, me, too. 171 00:06:45,687 --> 00:06:47,019 What do you think? 172 00:06:47,021 --> 00:06:48,554 Pretty great, huh? 173 00:06:48,556 --> 00:06:50,823 Realtor's letting us use it for free. 174 00:06:50,825 --> 00:06:53,025 Wow. How'd you swing that? 175 00:06:53,027 --> 00:06:54,093 Well, I promised 176 00:06:54,095 --> 00:06:55,394 Fred Murphy a lead role 177 00:06:55,396 --> 00:06:56,450 in the lust room. 178 00:06:56,453 --> 00:06:58,484 Ooh. 179 00:06:58,487 --> 00:07:00,700 Look at you, just wheeling and dealing 180 00:07:00,702 --> 00:07:03,433 like a big-time Hollywood producer. 181 00:07:03,436 --> 00:07:05,770 Maybe you're in the wrong business. 182 00:07:05,773 --> 00:07:06,934 Being a mother? 183 00:07:06,937 --> 00:07:08,641 - Being a Christian. - Ah. 184 00:07:08,643 --> 00:07:09,750 Greetings! 185 00:07:09,753 --> 00:07:12,177 Oh, good! Mr. Lundy, you made it. 186 00:07:12,180 --> 00:07:14,380 Oh, we're gonna be working together. You can call me Gene. 187 00:07:14,382 --> 00:07:17,016 - All right, Gene, this is my mother, Connie. - Hi. 188 00:07:17,018 --> 00:07:18,084 Hello. 189 00:07:18,086 --> 00:07:20,219 Now, I would've bet she was your big sister. 190 00:07:20,221 --> 00:07:22,822 I thought you said he was a good actor. 191 00:07:22,824 --> 00:07:24,156 Oh, now. 192 00:07:24,158 --> 00:07:25,758 So, what do you think? 193 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:28,591 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 194 00:07:28,594 --> 00:07:30,680 - Spiderwebs. - What? 195 00:07:30,683 --> 00:07:32,583 We're gonna need some spiderwebs and I think 196 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,399 maybe some fire effects on the left 197 00:07:34,402 --> 00:07:36,146 and right side of the portal. 198 00:07:36,149 --> 00:07:37,083 Portal? 199 00:07:37,086 --> 00:07:38,571 Portal to hell. 200 00:07:38,573 --> 00:07:40,406 Sure, sure. 201 00:07:40,408 --> 00:07:43,009 Now, the script calls for me to appear 202 00:07:43,011 --> 00:07:45,364 from beneath the house in a cloud of smoke. 203 00:07:45,367 --> 00:07:47,580 But I think that's gonna be ambitious. 204 00:07:47,582 --> 00:07:49,148 Script? What script? 205 00:07:49,150 --> 00:07:51,050 Oh, I wrote a script. Don't worry about it. 206 00:07:51,052 --> 00:07:53,219 I was gonna write the script. 207 00:07:53,221 --> 00:07:55,087 Well, now you don't have to. 208 00:08:00,261 --> 00:08:02,061 Do you believe this? 209 00:08:02,063 --> 00:08:03,489 Believe it, love it, 210 00:08:03,492 --> 00:08:05,531 glad I didn't wait in the car. 211 00:08:13,674 --> 00:08:15,670 I can't believe this. 212 00:08:15,673 --> 00:08:16,923 No good? 213 00:08:16,926 --> 00:08:18,107 It's awful. 214 00:08:18,110 --> 00:08:20,423 It makes sin seem like a good thing. 215 00:08:20,426 --> 00:08:21,852 Well, that's the problem, isn't it? 216 00:08:21,855 --> 00:08:23,521 I mean, if sin didn't seem like a good thing, 217 00:08:23,523 --> 00:08:24,579 nobody would do it. 218 00:08:24,582 --> 00:08:26,735 George, please, I'm in no mood. 219 00:08:26,738 --> 00:08:28,226 Hey. Wrath. 220 00:08:28,228 --> 00:08:30,025 That's one of the seven sins, right? 221 00:08:30,028 --> 00:08:31,728 Pastor Jeff gave me this project 222 00:08:31,731 --> 00:08:33,598 because he knew I'd be best at it. 223 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,696 Now Gene... Lundy is taking over. 224 00:08:36,699 --> 00:08:38,873 Oh, look, pride. And envy. 225 00:08:38,876 --> 00:08:41,139 Don't stop. Four sins to go. 226 00:08:43,777 --> 00:08:46,444 I'm guessing lust ain't happening tonight. 227 00:08:52,126 --> 00:08:53,908 You see a large red button. 228 00:08:53,911 --> 00:08:55,044 What do you do? 229 00:08:55,956 --> 00:08:57,622 I press it. 230 00:08:59,179 --> 00:09:02,893 The floor opens up and you plunge into a 60-foot pit. 231 00:09:02,896 --> 00:09:04,725 I fly out. 232 00:09:04,728 --> 00:09:06,831 Up, up, and away! 233 00:09:06,833 --> 00:09:09,567 Again, you're not Superman in this game; 234 00:09:09,569 --> 00:09:11,626 you're Superman for Halloween. 235 00:09:11,629 --> 00:09:13,438 Which isn't till next week. 236 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,839 So I'm in a pit. 237 00:09:14,841 --> 00:09:16,174 You're in a pit. 238 00:09:16,176 --> 00:09:20,183 Then I blast my way out with my super breath! 239 00:09:21,814 --> 00:09:23,448 Just let him do it. 240 00:09:23,450 --> 00:09:24,849 Dinner's ready. 241 00:09:24,851 --> 00:09:26,618 - Five more minutes. - Hey, Georgie. 242 00:09:26,620 --> 00:09:28,853 I saw you talking to Veronica Duncan. 243 00:09:28,855 --> 00:09:30,355 Yeah. So? 244 00:09:30,357 --> 00:09:31,556 How well do you know her? 245 00:09:31,558 --> 00:09:33,458 Not as well as I'm gonna. 246 00:09:33,460 --> 00:09:34,728 I introduced them. 247 00:09:34,731 --> 00:09:36,361 He math skills are dreadful. 248 00:09:36,363 --> 00:09:38,420 Did you know Superman has a dog? 249 00:09:38,423 --> 00:09:39,898 His name is Krypto. 250 00:09:40,577 --> 00:09:42,923 He plays fetch in space. 251 00:09:45,272 --> 00:09:49,541 Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. 252 00:09:49,543 --> 00:09:51,442 It's supposed to be wrath. 253 00:09:54,114 --> 00:09:55,213 Oh. 254 00:09:56,785 --> 00:09:58,711 Give him a little kick now that's he's down. 255 00:09:58,714 --> 00:10:00,084 Give him a little kick. 256 00:10:01,421 --> 00:10:03,588 That's right, that's good. 257 00:10:03,590 --> 00:10:05,201 Yes. Yeah. 258 00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:06,291 No, go for it. 259 00:10:06,293 --> 00:10:07,759 Yes. 260 00:10:17,904 --> 00:10:21,005 Kind of stomp down on him, stomp down on him. 261 00:10:21,007 --> 00:10:23,675 Yes. That's the way. Good. 262 00:10:23,677 --> 00:10:25,110 Now, Fred, remember, 263 00:10:25,113 --> 00:10:29,314 you are the personification of lust. 264 00:10:29,316 --> 00:10:33,818 Your sole reason for being is to try to satisfy 265 00:10:33,820 --> 00:10:38,089 this unquenchable thirst for physical pleasure. 266 00:10:38,091 --> 00:10:41,926 Great. Will there be kissing and touching? 267 00:10:41,928 --> 00:10:44,568 - Oh, you bet. - Mm. Mm. 268 00:10:44,571 --> 00:10:46,165 Now what? 269 00:10:46,168 --> 00:10:48,985 Pretend kissing. Pretend touching. 270 00:10:48,988 --> 00:10:50,301 Oh. 271 00:10:50,303 --> 00:10:53,438 Fred, would you just give me a moment? 272 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,939 Mary, I-I've tried to be patient, 273 00:10:56,942 --> 00:10:58,475 but if I'm gonna do this, 274 00:10:58,478 --> 00:11:00,778 put my reputation on the line, 275 00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:03,481 I'm gonna need you to back off just a little bit. 276 00:11:03,483 --> 00:11:06,517 Do I need to remind you that the purpose of Heck House 277 00:11:06,519 --> 00:11:08,820 is to show how sins destroy our lives? 278 00:11:08,822 --> 00:11:10,021 Yeah, so? 279 00:11:10,023 --> 00:11:12,690 You are making them into a good thing. 280 00:11:12,692 --> 00:11:14,696 Have you read the script? 281 00:11:15,528 --> 00:11:17,160 He's gonna get syphilis. 282 00:11:17,163 --> 00:11:18,796 He goes home, he gives it to his wife. 283 00:11:18,798 --> 00:11:20,157 She goes crazy. 284 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,533 She kills him and her entire family. 285 00:11:22,535 --> 00:11:24,032 What am I missing? 286 00:11:24,035 --> 00:11:25,576 Sorry I'm late. 287 00:11:25,579 --> 00:11:27,171 I couldn't find my keys, 288 00:11:27,173 --> 00:11:29,107 and then my car wouldn't start. 289 00:11:29,109 --> 00:11:30,475 Then I got lost. 290 00:11:30,477 --> 00:11:32,043 Holy smokes. 291 00:11:32,045 --> 00:11:34,509 Hi. Are you my make out partner? 292 00:11:36,019 --> 00:11:38,764 No. No. No one's making out. 293 00:11:38,767 --> 00:11:40,657 This all stops right now. 294 00:11:40,660 --> 00:11:42,369 You have got to calm down. 295 00:11:42,372 --> 00:11:44,888 I will not have innocent children walk through this house 296 00:11:44,891 --> 00:11:47,058 on Halloween and see a half-naked woman. 297 00:11:47,060 --> 00:11:49,761 A half-naked woman chock-full of syphilis. 298 00:11:49,763 --> 00:11:53,531 - What? - It's pretend syphilis. 299 00:11:53,533 --> 00:11:57,335 Mary, I am a trained theater professional. 300 00:11:57,337 --> 00:12:02,573 Why don't you just let me do what I do, while you, 301 00:12:02,575 --> 00:12:07,111 you know, go home and make a nice tuna casserole. 302 00:12:07,113 --> 00:12:08,846 Hmm? 303 00:12:08,848 --> 00:12:10,199 All right, Fred... 304 00:12:10,202 --> 00:12:11,973 I know what you're thinking: 305 00:12:11,976 --> 00:12:13,888 she's going to tear his throat out. 306 00:12:13,891 --> 00:12:16,043 But what in fact happened is she did 307 00:12:16,046 --> 00:12:17,855 what she thought Jesus would do. 308 00:12:17,858 --> 00:12:20,524 She went home and made that tuna casserole. 309 00:12:20,527 --> 00:12:21,726 It was a little salty 310 00:12:21,728 --> 00:12:24,090 but I ate it because she was in a mood. 311 00:12:24,935 --> 00:12:27,069 Trick or treat! 312 00:12:41,443 --> 00:12:45,378 Greetings. Pleased to meet you. 313 00:12:45,380 --> 00:12:49,245 I go by many names: Satan, Lucifer, 314 00:12:49,248 --> 00:12:52,518 Mephistopheles, Beelzebub. 315 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,287 Of course, when I make a dinner reservation, 316 00:12:54,289 --> 00:12:56,856 I-I go by "Eric." 317 00:12:56,858 --> 00:12:58,865 It's easier to spell. 318 00:12:58,868 --> 00:13:00,634 Before we begin 319 00:13:00,637 --> 00:13:03,296 tonight's descent into Heck, 320 00:13:03,298 --> 00:13:06,199 I'd like to tell you a little about myself. 321 00:13:06,201 --> 00:13:09,302 'Cause it's all about you, isn't it? 322 00:13:09,304 --> 00:13:12,038 I was God's chosen angel. 323 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,240 I was his favorite. 324 00:13:14,242 --> 00:13:16,409 We used to go camping together. 325 00:13:16,411 --> 00:13:20,126 But then, because I wanted to have a little bit of fun, 326 00:13:20,129 --> 00:13:22,815 I was cast from heaven. 327 00:13:22,817 --> 00:13:25,509 Tonight, you will bear witness to that fun. 328 00:13:25,512 --> 00:13:30,890 You will decide whether it is sinful... 329 00:13:30,892 --> 00:13:32,859 or just another Saturday night. 330 00:13:32,861 --> 00:13:37,263 Come with me... if you dare. 331 00:13:39,801 --> 00:13:41,401 Just watch your step right over here, 332 00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:43,403 'cause there's some electrical wires. 333 00:13:45,262 --> 00:13:47,079 Trick or treat. 334 00:13:47,082 --> 00:13:49,829 Oh, look how cute y'all are. 335 00:13:49,832 --> 00:13:53,051 Now, I know you are Superman. 336 00:13:53,054 --> 00:13:54,447 What about the rest of you? 337 00:13:54,449 --> 00:13:57,116 - I'm Cyndi Lauper. - I'm a wizard. 338 00:13:57,118 --> 00:13:58,251 Uh-huh. 339 00:13:58,253 --> 00:14:00,053 And I'm Carl Sagan. 340 00:14:00,055 --> 00:14:01,888 Who? 341 00:14:01,890 --> 00:14:03,456 Carl Sagan. 342 00:14:03,458 --> 00:14:05,458 He's the host of Cosmos. 343 00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:08,094 Well, isn't that something. 344 00:14:08,096 --> 00:14:10,063 Now, y'all be safe and have a fun night. 345 00:14:10,065 --> 00:14:11,331 I'm Super... 346 00:14:17,739 --> 00:14:19,138 You like Guns N' Roses? 347 00:14:19,140 --> 00:14:20,485 They're all right. 348 00:14:20,488 --> 00:14:22,613 Yeah, they're all right. 349 00:14:30,018 --> 00:14:31,484 You as smart as your brother? 350 00:14:31,486 --> 00:14:33,453 Nobody is. 351 00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:35,822 I got an older sister that's kind of a genius. 352 00:14:35,824 --> 00:14:37,323 Oh, yeah? 353 00:14:37,325 --> 00:14:38,618 Why didn't she tutor you? 354 00:14:38,621 --> 00:14:40,393 She's in jail. 355 00:14:40,395 --> 00:14:43,129 What'd she do? 356 00:14:43,131 --> 00:14:44,697 She sold a pi´┐Żata full of weed 357 00:14:44,699 --> 00:14:46,299 to an undercover cop. 358 00:14:46,301 --> 00:14:48,845 Doesn't sound like much of a genius. 359 00:14:48,848 --> 00:14:52,238 Oh, I don't know, she graduated high school. 360 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,040 Ooh, peanut butter cups! 361 00:14:54,042 --> 00:14:56,843 Superman loves peanut butter cups! 362 00:14:58,780 --> 00:15:01,547 So you see, the sin of greed. 363 00:15:01,549 --> 00:15:04,717 Very wealthy man, a beautiful house, 364 00:15:04,719 --> 00:15:07,220 swimming pool, several German cars, 365 00:15:07,222 --> 00:15:10,556 and a young wife who worshipped him. 366 00:15:10,558 --> 00:15:12,225 Excuse me, Mr. Satan. 367 00:15:12,227 --> 00:15:14,727 What? 368 00:15:14,729 --> 00:15:15,832 You kind of left out 369 00:15:15,835 --> 00:15:17,597 how greed is the root of all evil, 370 00:15:17,599 --> 00:15:19,065 and how it corrupts the soul. 371 00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:21,234 It's in there. It's called subtext. 372 00:15:21,236 --> 00:15:24,579 Why don't we take a gander at the eternal torment 373 00:15:24,582 --> 00:15:25,938 that is sloth. 374 00:15:25,941 --> 00:15:28,307 Eh! 375 00:15:28,309 --> 00:15:30,543 I can't believe no one in this town knows 376 00:15:30,545 --> 00:15:32,078 who Carl Sagan is. 377 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:33,813 Why even have a TV? 378 00:15:33,815 --> 00:15:37,016 Stupid Mrs. Gifford gave me a banana. 379 00:15:37,018 --> 00:15:38,951 Where's Billy? 380 00:15:38,953 --> 00:15:40,386 He had to go to the bathroom. 381 00:15:40,388 --> 00:15:42,255 - So he went home? - No. 382 00:15:42,257 --> 00:15:44,223 He's right behind that tree. 383 00:15:44,225 --> 00:15:46,269 Wait up, guys. 384 00:15:46,272 --> 00:15:49,028 Oh, I got a little on my cape. 385 00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:50,644 Ew. 386 00:15:58,039 --> 00:16:00,673 There's nobody at my house. You want to come over? 387 00:16:00,676 --> 00:16:01,774 Yes. 388 00:16:01,776 --> 00:16:03,443 Okay, let's go. 389 00:16:12,887 --> 00:16:14,220 Look at this. 390 00:16:14,222 --> 00:16:17,490 We threw a party for heaven and nobody came. 391 00:16:17,492 --> 00:16:20,793 Not one person chose to be saved. 392 00:16:20,795 --> 00:16:22,782 Well, did you tell 'em about the cupcakes? 393 00:16:22,785 --> 00:16:23,763 Where I think you went wrong 394 00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:25,298 is in your timing. 395 00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:28,634 If you'd done this deal during a war or a plague, 396 00:16:28,636 --> 00:16:30,636 then you'd have a boatload of converts. 397 00:16:30,638 --> 00:16:32,454 Famine. Famine would bring 'em in. 398 00:16:32,457 --> 00:16:34,207 What do you know about famine? 399 00:16:35,692 --> 00:16:37,258 Hola, amigos. 400 00:16:38,223 --> 00:16:39,545 Hey, Pastor Jeff. 401 00:16:39,547 --> 00:16:42,009 Why so glum? This is going great. 402 00:16:42,012 --> 00:16:44,317 Donations are through the roof. 403 00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:46,986 Nobody wants to be saved. 404 00:16:46,988 --> 00:16:50,923 Yeah, but donations are through the roof. 405 00:16:50,925 --> 00:16:53,392 Is that all this means to you, raising money? 406 00:16:53,394 --> 00:16:56,095 Hey, that money is gonna do a lot of good 407 00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,396 for a lot of people. 408 00:16:57,398 --> 00:16:59,198 Now, quit being such a fun sponge. 409 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,558 Here, have some grapes. 410 00:17:07,504 --> 00:17:09,304 What's that? 411 00:17:09,307 --> 00:17:10,907 Some stupid haunted house 412 00:17:10,910 --> 00:17:12,979 my mother's doing for the church. 413 00:17:12,981 --> 00:17:14,981 Let's check it out. 414 00:17:14,983 --> 00:17:17,617 But I-I thought we were going to your house. 415 00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:20,019 We are, let's just do this first. 416 00:17:20,021 --> 00:17:21,420 It'll be fun. 417 00:17:27,662 --> 00:17:29,102 Pleased to meet you. 418 00:17:29,105 --> 00:17:32,164 I go by many names: Satan... 419 00:17:32,166 --> 00:17:34,700 My mother's fears that no one would be saved 420 00:17:34,702 --> 00:17:37,238 that Halloween night were proven incorrect. 421 00:17:37,241 --> 00:17:39,907 As they kissed, she thought about the choices 422 00:17:39,910 --> 00:17:41,807 that led her to this moment. 423 00:17:41,809 --> 00:17:45,177 Mr. Lundy's scene about lust made a deep impact 424 00:17:45,179 --> 00:17:48,114 - on my brother's date. - Her youth was gone. 425 00:17:48,116 --> 00:17:50,043 She had traded her beauty for a few 426 00:17:50,046 --> 00:17:54,820 tawdry dollars, and now she had nothing left but shame... 427 00:17:56,691 --> 00:17:58,758 ...and venereal disease. 428 00:18:04,716 --> 00:18:07,183 She asked to be saved by Jesus. 429 00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,686 I don't want to live like this anymore. 430 00:18:10,972 --> 00:18:13,188 Oh, just repeat after me... 431 00:18:13,191 --> 00:18:15,048 And as it turns out, she was. 432 00:18:15,051 --> 00:18:17,743 She went on to live a life devoted to God, 433 00:18:17,746 --> 00:18:20,282 feeding the poor, even helping her sister 434 00:18:20,285 --> 00:18:23,115 start a literacy program for female prisoners. 435 00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,438 My brother, on the other hand, became a devout atheist 436 00:18:27,441 --> 00:18:29,422 after that night. 437 00:18:29,424 --> 00:18:30,832 We got one! 438 00:18:32,580 --> 00:18:34,209 Trick or treat. 439 00:18:34,212 --> 00:18:36,159 Aren't y'all precious. 440 00:18:36,162 --> 00:18:39,371 And you look like a little Carl Sagan. 441 00:18:39,374 --> 00:18:44,889 Vindication, the sweetest candy of all. 442 00:18:49,405 --> 00:18:53,966 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com -- 30458

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