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I'm sorry, the company doesn't consider
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00:00:04,330 --> 00:00:05,436
pregnancy a disability.
3
00:00:05,437 --> 00:00:07,834
No, I'm not asking for disability.
4
00:00:07,835 --> 00:00:10,459
I just need to reduce my hours
5
00:00:10,460 --> 00:00:12,469
because my doctor says
I have to stay off my feet.
6
00:00:12,469 --> 00:00:14,770
Yeah, her feet are really swollen.
7
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You know when you open a can
of Pillsbury crescent rolls
8
00:00:17,842 --> 00:00:20,245
and the dough just
kind of bursts through?
9
00:00:20,267 --> 00:00:23,202
Well, it's like that
only with feet and toes.
10
00:00:23,220 --> 00:00:25,793
I can try getting you in with
a company-approved doctor.
11
00:00:25,794 --> 00:00:29,633
Have you been experiencing any bleeding,
spotting, or vaginal discharge?
12
00:00:29,634 --> 00:00:32,329
Okay, I am just gonna do some paperwork.
13
00:00:32,330 --> 00:00:35,658
Um, yes, there has been
some discharge...
14
00:00:35,692 --> 00:00:38,260
♪ Oh, this is the way
we stape the pape ♪
15
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♪ Stape the pape, stape the pape ♪
16
00:00:40,197 --> 00:00:41,464
But nothing to write home about.
17
00:00:41,498 --> 00:00:42,865
Alright, I can get you in
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00:00:42,899 --> 00:00:45,006
for an appointment as soon as...
19
00:00:45,007 --> 00:00:45,994
December 15th.
20
00:00:46,669 --> 00:00:49,530
December 15th?
That's like six weeks away.
21
00:00:49,531 --> 00:00:51,774
I will already have my baby by then.
22
00:00:51,808 --> 00:00:54,777
Oh, next time call us
farther in advance.
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00:00:54,811 --> 00:00:57,212
Is there anything else
I can help you with today?
24
00:00:57,212 --> 00:00:59,515
Well, actually, while we
have you on the line...
25
00:00:59,549 --> 00:01:01,663
Ah, here, do some paperwork.
26
00:01:03,117 --> 00:01:07,665
I accidentally swallowed a
watermelon seed the other day.
27
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,565
And corporate sent us
28
00:01:15,572 --> 00:01:19,043
some sort of newfangled
automatic cart collector.
29
00:01:19,044 --> 00:01:20,736
They say it's part of a...
30
00:01:20,771 --> 00:01:23,742
pilot program.
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I'm sorry, what are you supposed to be?
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The back of a horse.
33
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Jerry was supposed to be the front,
34
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but he's in Fort Lauderdale with Carol.
35
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Oh.
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00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:35,204
Hey, you two, you can
flirt on your own time.
37
00:01:35,205 --> 00:01:38,232
Next order of business,
we're going to be holding
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00:01:38,233 --> 00:01:41,101
an employee costume competition today.
39
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,871
Oh, in honor of Halloween?
40
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Yep, yep. Because of Halloween.
41
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Um, so at the end of
the day we'll all vote
42
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who wore it best, and the winner gets...
43
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A fully paid vacation day.
44
00:02:01,014 --> 00:02:03,149
- What?
- Ohh.
45
00:02:03,183 --> 00:02:04,517
- I want that.
- Yeah.
46
00:02:04,551 --> 00:02:06,085
There's a day off?
47
00:02:06,119 --> 00:02:07,856
Wait, why didn't you tell
us there was a day off?
48
00:02:07,857 --> 00:02:09,024
I would have dressed up.
49
00:02:09,059 --> 00:02:10,493
That's not a costume?
50
00:02:10,527 --> 00:02:12,195
I thought you were
a dirty pile of laundry.
51
00:02:12,229 --> 00:02:14,731
I'm sorry I was too
exhausted to get dressed.
52
00:02:14,765 --> 00:02:16,833
My feet are so swollen
I can barely stand.
53
00:02:16,867 --> 00:02:18,601
I'm more pregnant
than you and I'm doing great.
54
00:02:18,636 --> 00:02:21,271
Yeah, my hair is silkier,
my skin's glowing,
55
00:02:21,305 --> 00:02:23,172
I just grew a new tooth.
56
00:02:23,207 --> 00:02:24,556
I'm doing very well.
57
00:02:32,349 --> 00:02:34,050
I really wanna win this contest.
58
00:02:34,083 --> 00:02:35,784
People are gonna know
I'm Super Mario, right?
59
00:02:35,818 --> 00:02:38,179
Not just some fat plumber.
I think people will get it.
60
00:02:38,262 --> 00:02:39,757
And you should keep that mustache.
61
00:02:39,778 --> 00:02:40,820
It really works for you.
62
00:02:40,821 --> 00:02:42,490
Oh, yeah, I was thinking of growing one.
63
00:02:42,525 --> 00:02:43,958
You should, you should.
It brings out your eyes.
64
00:02:43,993 --> 00:02:45,293
Yeah, thank you.
65
00:02:45,327 --> 00:02:47,829
Do you think they're
gonna know what I am?
66
00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:50,231
Oh yeah. So great, so smart.
67
00:02:50,266 --> 00:02:52,634
You know what it is, right?
68
00:02:52,668 --> 00:02:53,655
Yeah, totally.
69
00:02:54,437 --> 00:02:55,737
I'm "Gerry Mander."
70
00:02:55,771 --> 00:02:57,745
These are all gerrymander districts.
71
00:02:57,752 --> 00:02:59,744
Yeah, no. I know that. Totally.
72
00:02:59,759 --> 00:03:01,896
It's very intelligent.
73
00:03:01,897 --> 00:03:03,445
Yeah, thanks.
74
00:03:06,196 --> 00:03:07,600
Woo! This follows you anywhere?
75
00:03:07,601 --> 00:03:09,098
As long as you're holding the fob.
76
00:03:09,133 --> 00:03:10,341
Okay, this is crazy.
77
00:03:10,342 --> 00:03:11,768
How do we have this but, like,
78
00:03:11,802 --> 00:03:13,249
have still never been to the sun.
79
00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:15,338
Hey, if you swallow the fob,
will the collector
80
00:03:15,372 --> 00:03:17,306
just follow you until you poop it out?
81
00:03:17,341 --> 00:03:19,722
That is such a good question.
82
00:03:19,722 --> 00:03:20,804
I'll reach out to the manufacturer.
83
00:03:20,805 --> 00:03:21,941
- Yeah.
- Dina!
84
00:03:21,942 --> 00:03:23,978
What do I do? Should I jump the railing?
85
00:03:23,979 --> 00:03:24,680
No, no, stay there.
86
00:03:24,681 --> 00:03:26,086
This will be a teachable moment.
87
00:03:26,087 --> 00:03:27,262
No!
88
00:03:27,263 --> 00:03:28,818
Happy Halloween.
89
00:03:28,819 --> 00:03:34,359
Check out our great deals
on batteries if you dare.
90
00:03:35,481 --> 00:03:38,449
I'll give you a hint,
it's slightly political.
91
00:03:39,159 --> 00:03:40,117
Gay Spiderman.
92
00:03:43,087 --> 00:03:46,456
This is like the fifth time
they've played this song today.
93
00:03:46,491 --> 00:03:48,292
I hate how they just keep looping
94
00:03:48,326 --> 00:03:51,161
the same Halloween music
over and over again.
95
00:03:51,195 --> 00:03:53,230
At this point I've learned
how to just block out
96
00:03:53,264 --> 00:03:54,631
the most annoying stuff around here.
97
00:03:54,666 --> 00:03:56,867
You're like one of those monks in Tibet.
98
00:03:56,901 --> 00:03:59,803
You know, they practice
this meditation technique
99
00:03:59,837 --> 00:04:00,971
called Tummo.
100
00:04:01,005 --> 00:04:02,806
Garret, are you...
101
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,946
Oh I get it. 'Cause I'm annoying.
102
00:04:05,947 --> 00:04:07,914
Yeah, all right.
103
00:04:07,949 --> 00:04:10,083
You made your point.
104
00:04:10,118 --> 00:04:12,953
Yeah, well, you know what?
You're annoying, so...
105
00:04:12,987 --> 00:04:15,222
I'm gonna ignore you.
106
00:04:17,492 --> 00:04:19,893
Doesn't feel so good, does it?
107
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,762
Toro, Toro.
108
00:04:24,165 --> 00:04:25,265
Yeah!
109
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:26,752
What are you doing?
110
00:04:26,754 --> 00:04:27,800
Playing matador.
111
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,988
This thing is so cool.
You wanna see how it works?
112
00:04:30,022 --> 00:04:33,057
No, I don't want to see how it works.
113
00:04:33,092 --> 00:04:34,492
While you guys
have been out here playing
114
00:04:34,527 --> 00:04:36,728
with this fart collector, you know,
115
00:04:36,762 --> 00:04:39,386
the costume aisle
has turned into a war zone.
116
00:04:39,387 --> 00:04:41,166
Can you please go back inside?
117
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,442
But I haven't had a turn yet at the...
118
00:04:44,336 --> 00:04:46,597
It's okay.
I'll just come early tomorrow.
119
00:04:46,894 --> 00:04:48,462
Please skedaddle.
120
00:05:01,641 --> 00:05:04,443
Oh, you changed costumes.
121
00:05:04,790 --> 00:05:06,660
So did you.
122
00:05:06,661 --> 00:05:08,878
Well, I guess we both need
that vacation day, huh?
123
00:05:08,879 --> 00:05:12,001
Yeah, well, my feet are
giant balloons full of blood
124
00:05:12,002 --> 00:05:14,342
and I have a little
monster inside of me.
125
00:05:14,343 --> 00:05:15,909
I wanna see that new
Johnny English movie.
126
00:05:15,910 --> 00:05:18,548
Man, Cheyenne really stepped it up.
127
00:05:18,549 --> 00:05:21,105
- Oh, mahalo.
- She changed too?
128
00:05:21,140 --> 00:05:22,223
It's so sad.
129
00:05:22,758 --> 00:05:24,530
She probably thinks that looking sexy
130
00:05:24,531 --> 00:05:26,447
is going to help her win
the contest or something.
131
00:05:26,448 --> 00:05:29,402
Well that's not gonna work, right?
132
00:05:29,403 --> 00:05:31,430
Are you kidding me?
133
00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:34,316
I think everybody else
can kiss that day off "aloha."
134
00:05:34,317 --> 00:05:35,546
The goodbye meaning.
135
00:05:35,547 --> 00:05:37,558
Cheyenne can kiss it "aloha,"
hello meaning.
136
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,700
What a kooky language.
137
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:47,592
Aloha, girl. That costume is amazing.
138
00:05:47,675 --> 00:05:49,176
Awh, thanks.
139
00:05:49,210 --> 00:05:52,025
The coconuts and the grass
140
00:05:52,026 --> 00:05:55,792
and the belly button that I can see.
141
00:05:55,793 --> 00:05:57,327
I'm literally obsessed with you.
142
00:05:57,328 --> 00:05:59,486
You're literally in danger.
143
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,643
I was wondering though,
do you think that maybe
144
00:06:02,644 --> 00:06:06,092
this costume might
be objectifying women?
145
00:06:06,127 --> 00:06:08,161
Huh. You know, I can see that.
146
00:06:08,195 --> 00:06:10,777
Like, do you really
want men gawking at you
147
00:06:10,778 --> 00:06:11,898
like you're some piece of meat?
148
00:06:11,899 --> 00:06:13,414
- Yeah.
- Kinda.
149
00:06:15,602 --> 00:06:16,300
Okay.
150
00:06:16,945 --> 00:06:18,356
And I was also thinking
151
00:06:18,820 --> 00:06:22,199
that maybe this costume is offensive
152
00:06:22,977 --> 00:06:25,512
to, um, Hawaiian people.
153
00:06:26,127 --> 00:06:27,561
Like Sandra. She's Hawaiian.
154
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:28,758
Oh, good call.
155
00:06:28,759 --> 00:06:31,470
Don't worry, Sandra saw it
and she didn't say anything.
156
00:06:31,471 --> 00:06:32,704
It's also just wasteful
157
00:06:32,737 --> 00:06:34,872
'cause that's not what coconuts...
158
00:06:35,412 --> 00:06:35,971
Yeah.
159
00:06:35,972 --> 00:06:37,991
People are starving
around the world and...
160
00:06:37,992 --> 00:06:39,910
Well, someone ate the coconut.
161
00:06:39,911 --> 00:06:41,654
I just put it on my boob.
162
00:06:42,179 --> 00:06:43,420
Who ate the coconut?
163
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:47,353
I don't know, someone at
a Thai restaurant or something.
164
00:06:51,180 --> 00:06:52,562
Hey man, why did you have to point out
165
00:06:52,596 --> 00:06:53,480
this stupid Halloween song?
166
00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:56,163
Now I can't tune it out.
It doesn't even make sense.
167
00:06:56,164 --> 00:06:58,635
"Dracula was putting
on moon tan lotion."
168
00:06:58,636 --> 00:07:00,288
Why is a Dracula at the beach?
169
00:07:00,289 --> 00:07:01,607
Yeah, it's not a good song.
170
00:07:01,608 --> 00:07:03,806
I'm just glad I'm not the only
one noticing it anymore.
171
00:07:03,807 --> 00:07:05,607
Okay, well next time,
keep it to yourself.
172
00:07:05,608 --> 00:07:07,654
Not everybody needs to notice
the same stuff.
173
00:07:07,655 --> 00:07:10,210
Why don't you just try
thinking of a different song?
174
00:07:10,211 --> 00:07:11,363
You know, like, um,
175
00:07:12,041 --> 00:07:13,073
you know...
176
00:07:16,076 --> 00:07:17,776
God, what are some songs?
177
00:07:19,093 --> 00:07:20,727
There she is.
178
00:07:20,762 --> 00:07:23,464
I thought someone might have
turned you into glue by now.
179
00:07:23,498 --> 00:07:24,298
Why?
180
00:07:24,332 --> 00:07:25,799
'Cause you're a horse.
181
00:07:26,461 --> 00:07:27,639
You know how they kill horses
182
00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:29,792
and turn their bones
and hooves into glue?
183
00:07:29,793 --> 00:07:30,536
They do?
184
00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:32,055
Nope, just being a goof.
185
00:07:32,056 --> 00:07:34,573
Hey, did you see Cheyenne's
hula costume?
186
00:07:34,635 --> 00:07:35,508
Yeah.
187
00:07:35,509 --> 00:07:38,057
That's not offensive to you
or anything, is it?
188
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,567
Why would it be offensive?
189
00:07:39,568 --> 00:07:42,995
Oh, no, just that, you know,
some people might call it
190
00:07:43,311 --> 00:07:44,767
cultural appropriation.
191
00:07:45,505 --> 00:07:47,730
Just because reducing
your entire heritage
192
00:07:47,731 --> 00:07:49,663
to some cartoony stereotype
193
00:07:49,664 --> 00:07:51,689
might be disrespectful or something.
194
00:07:52,377 --> 00:07:53,551
She's just having fun.
195
00:07:53,552 --> 00:07:57,699
OMG. How cute is Cheyenne's hula outfit?
196
00:07:57,700 --> 00:08:01,351
Hawaiians are like "Laki-maki
laki-maki laki-maki."
197
00:08:01,352 --> 00:08:03,784
Actually, hula is a sacred...
198
00:08:03,785 --> 00:08:05,940
It's adorable.
199
00:08:05,941 --> 00:08:08,842
Oh, you guys, you're just such a cute,
200
00:08:09,533 --> 00:08:11,414
funny little people.
201
00:08:12,269 --> 00:08:12,884
Thanks.
202
00:08:15,226 --> 00:08:16,805
Oh. Oh, yeah.
203
00:08:17,761 --> 00:08:20,111
Oh! Ohh.
204
00:08:20,112 --> 00:08:22,883
Jonah! Jonah. Come here. Come here.
205
00:08:22,884 --> 00:08:23,931
Look. Okay, look.
206
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:27,187
You're not going to believe
this but just watch.
207
00:08:36,936 --> 00:08:39,270
So fast. Good job, buddy.
208
00:08:39,304 --> 00:08:41,238
No, no, before...
209
00:08:41,272 --> 00:08:43,774
Now, I want it to be
spicy but not too spicy,
210
00:08:43,808 --> 00:08:47,244
like a step past ketchup
but not quite to mustard.
211
00:08:47,980 --> 00:08:49,416
Now I've had a "quesadillo"
212
00:08:49,417 --> 00:08:52,115
and I've had a "chimi-Chang-a,"
and I like them,
213
00:08:52,150 --> 00:08:54,751
but Gary, now, he likes
a cream tuna on noodles.
214
00:08:54,786 --> 00:08:57,154
I always say to him,
"live a little, Gary."
215
00:08:57,188 --> 00:08:58,524
God, I can't take it!
216
00:08:58,957 --> 00:08:59,988
Oh, sorry.
217
00:09:01,159 --> 00:09:03,293
Excuse me, I'm looking for a "salza."
218
00:09:03,328 --> 00:09:04,825
What the hell was that?
219
00:09:05,856 --> 00:09:07,969
This same song keeps
playing over and over again,
220
00:09:07,970 --> 00:09:10,234
and it's starting to drive me crazy.
221
00:09:10,268 --> 00:09:11,768
Oh, I like hearing the same song.
222
00:09:11,803 --> 00:09:13,770
You always know what you're
getting, no surprises.
223
00:09:13,805 --> 00:09:16,081
My workout mix is just
12 tracks of Billy Joel's
224
00:09:16,081 --> 00:09:17,195
"For the Longest Time."
225
00:09:17,196 --> 00:09:18,123
Well, that's on leg days.
226
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:20,984
On arm days it's "Scenes
From an Italian Restaurant."
227
00:09:21,815 --> 00:09:24,253
She can't even be in the contest now.
228
00:09:24,254 --> 00:09:24,996
I feel bad.
229
00:09:25,594 --> 00:09:27,359
Well, you had to say something.
230
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,140
It was obviously bothering you.
231
00:09:29,141 --> 00:09:32,509
Yeah, I love Cheyenne but
she needed to be called out.
232
00:09:32,974 --> 00:09:34,773
Maybe I'm being too sensitive.
233
00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:36,636
I mean, Janet's half-Jamaican,
234
00:09:36,637 --> 00:09:38,890
and she's okay with Marcus' Rasta cap.
235
00:09:40,353 --> 00:09:43,242
Yeah, I don't love it, but
I figured it's just a costume.
236
00:09:43,243 --> 00:09:45,158
Just a costume?
237
00:09:46,192 --> 00:09:48,420
Your culture is not some costume
238
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,494
that Marcus can wear for laughs.
239
00:09:51,006 --> 00:09:51,898
Janet.
240
00:09:51,899 --> 00:09:54,449
- It doesn't end until we make it end.
- Yeah.
241
00:09:54,875 --> 00:09:57,278
We are the ones that
we've been waiting for.
242
00:09:57,962 --> 00:09:59,553
You know what? You're right.
243
00:09:59,554 --> 00:10:02,172
[bleep] that guy. Hey, Marcus!
244
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,598
You'll find the sexy nurse
costumes in aisle nine
245
00:10:06,599 --> 00:10:09,596
between the sexy Minions
and the sexy sandwiches.
246
00:10:09,597 --> 00:10:12,795
Hey, Glenn, I think you left
that in the parking lot.
247
00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:15,284
Thank you.
248
00:10:15,976 --> 00:10:17,814
Good thing I'm not a real mailman.
249
00:10:17,821 --> 00:10:19,420
Leaving the mail in the parking lot?
250
00:10:19,421 --> 00:10:21,557
I would have been fired for sure.
251
00:10:21,558 --> 00:10:23,981
Ah, I think they would have let it slide
252
00:10:24,015 --> 00:10:25,123
since it's your first day.
253
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:26,605
Jonah, no offense, but you know
254
00:10:26,606 --> 00:10:29,866
absolutely nothing about
the U.S. Postal Service.
255
00:10:39,065 --> 00:10:41,633
Hey, Sayid, I just wanted
to check in and see
256
00:10:41,702 --> 00:10:44,459
you're feeling about
Chris' Aladdin costume.
257
00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:46,607
How ya holding up with the racism?
258
00:10:46,608 --> 00:10:49,230
I mean, it just seems
to me like her costume
259
00:10:49,264 --> 00:10:52,233
is a slap in the face
to your Latino culture.
260
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,468
Sayid should know better.
261
00:10:54,503 --> 00:10:56,804
I'm sure as a person of German heritage
262
00:10:56,838 --> 00:10:58,272
this is very offensive.
263
00:10:58,306 --> 00:11:00,441
Well, I'm not German.
I'm French-Canadian.
264
00:11:00,475 --> 00:11:03,344
Well, did you see Teddy is
dressed as a hockey player?
265
00:11:03,378 --> 00:11:05,763
Can you believe
that banjo he's carrying?
266
00:11:05,763 --> 00:11:08,991
As if all southerners are just
toothless backwater rednecks.
267
00:11:08,992 --> 00:11:09,683
That offend you?
268
00:11:09,684 --> 00:11:11,519
I think he's supposed
to be Steve Martin.
269
00:11:12,251 --> 00:11:15,035
"I think he's
supposed to be Steve Martin."
270
00:11:15,064 --> 00:11:16,998
That's what you sound like.
271
00:11:17,307 --> 00:11:19,290
Okay, the problem is the same song
272
00:11:19,325 --> 00:11:20,689
keeps playing every ten minutes.
273
00:11:20,690 --> 00:11:21,980
Same song, all day long.
274
00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:24,549
Well, I doubt any customers
are sticking around all day.
275
00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:26,887
Yeah, but I am. I'm here all day long.
276
00:11:26,888 --> 00:11:28,341
All day long, same song.
277
00:11:28,342 --> 00:11:29,891
It's starting to become a little much.
278
00:11:29,892 --> 00:11:31,950
Oh, if this is about
employee satisfaction,
279
00:11:31,951 --> 00:11:33,134
I can transfer you over to...
280
00:11:33,135 --> 00:11:35,838
No, do not transfer me.
281
00:11:35,839 --> 00:11:38,209
I have been transferred
to six different departments
282
00:11:38,244 --> 00:11:39,607
in four different countries.
283
00:11:39,609 --> 00:11:42,101
I don't understand why it takes
an international coalition
284
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:43,454
to control a playlist.
285
00:11:43,455 --> 00:11:44,739
Which is something
that I have been doing
286
00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:46,634
for ten years with no problems.
287
00:11:46,635 --> 00:11:48,902
Nobody got hurt, then all of
a sudden you guys takeover
288
00:11:48,903 --> 00:11:51,185
and it's "Halloween Surfboard."
289
00:11:51,186 --> 00:11:54,570
"Halloween Surfboard." It's just stupid!
290
00:11:56,405 --> 00:11:57,319
Please hold.
291
00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:05,152
The expiration date said July 2023,
292
00:12:05,153 --> 00:12:07,675
and I was like,
"I might expire by then."
293
00:12:09,516 --> 00:12:12,836
That's what's so great about,
you know, canned goods,
294
00:12:12,837 --> 00:12:14,662
'cause, you know, they're in cans.
295
00:12:14,663 --> 00:12:15,435
Stop.
296
00:12:17,150 --> 00:12:18,502
Okay, keep... keep walking.
297
00:12:18,503 --> 00:12:20,589
Again, I'm just looking
for water chestnuts.
298
00:12:20,590 --> 00:12:21,120
Um huh.
299
00:12:21,121 --> 00:12:22,559
You can just tell me
what aisle they're in.
300
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:23,490
Not right now!
301
00:12:30,963 --> 00:12:33,785
Now, do we think that
Freddy is just a pirate
302
00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:35,342
or is he a Somali pirate?
303
00:12:35,343 --> 00:12:37,094
Because that would be messed up.
304
00:12:37,095 --> 00:12:38,903
You are a real hero, you know that?
305
00:12:38,904 --> 00:12:40,778
You're like a voice for the voiceless.
306
00:12:40,779 --> 00:12:41,915
Hey, we have a problem.
307
00:12:41,916 --> 00:12:43,158
You need to take that costume off.
308
00:12:43,159 --> 00:12:43,838
What? Why?
309
00:12:43,839 --> 00:12:45,733
We've had a complaint about this whole
310
00:12:45,734 --> 00:12:48,079
Italian minstrel show
you've got going on.
311
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,154
No, I'm no... I'm Mario.
312
00:12:51,260 --> 00:12:54,389
You know. It's a me, Mario!
313
00:12:55,082 --> 00:12:57,288
My brother is a' Luigi!
314
00:12:57,323 --> 00:12:58,997
Hey, you need to stop right now.
315
00:12:58,998 --> 00:13:01,067
Why? I mean, who would even...
316
00:13:02,306 --> 00:13:04,467
I can't believe you
complained about my costume
317
00:13:04,468 --> 00:13:05,683
just to win the contest.
318
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:07,256
It had nothing to do with the contest.
319
00:13:07,258 --> 00:13:08,904
I was legitimately offended.
320
00:13:08,905 --> 00:13:11,333
Oh, please. Marcus, you're Italian.
321
00:13:11,334 --> 00:13:12,688
Mario's okay, right?
322
00:13:12,973 --> 00:13:14,464
I've actually thought a lot about this.
323
00:13:14,465 --> 00:13:16,981
I mean, for me personally,
"Super Mario Brothers"
324
00:13:16,982 --> 00:13:19,610
is a classic. "Mario Kart," also solid.
325
00:13:19,611 --> 00:13:22,242
But "Mario Party?"
It's like, what happened?
326
00:13:23,089 --> 00:13:24,988
See? Marcus is fine with it.
327
00:13:24,989 --> 00:13:26,393
Oh, that makes sense.
328
00:13:26,394 --> 00:13:28,573
Yeah, I guess we can all
start telling racist jokes
329
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,604
as long as one person
from that race signs off.
330
00:13:30,605 --> 00:13:31,606
Is that true?
331
00:13:31,607 --> 00:13:33,416
My Jewish bird joke is so good,
332
00:13:33,417 --> 00:13:35,749
and I think you'll feel like
we're laughing with you.
333
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:36,663
Still no.
334
00:13:36,664 --> 00:13:38,329
Ugh, it's so good.
335
00:13:38,364 --> 00:13:40,170
All Amy is saying is people need to stop
336
00:13:40,171 --> 00:13:41,933
looking for a reason to be offended.
337
00:13:41,967 --> 00:13:42,729
Exactly.
338
00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:45,060
I mean, you can't even sing NWA anymore
339
00:13:45,061 --> 00:13:47,122
without being asked to leave a cookout.
340
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:48,836
That is...
341
00:13:48,837 --> 00:13:50,805
not what I was saying.
342
00:14:02,636 --> 00:14:04,916
I don't understand why Amy's
allowed to wear a mustache
343
00:14:04,917 --> 00:14:06,412
but I can't wear my dreadlocks.
344
00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:08,975
And I can't wear a grass
skirt and coconut boobs.
345
00:14:08,976 --> 00:14:12,397
Let her wear the coconut
boobs, you monsters.
346
00:14:12,398 --> 00:14:15,745
It's because those costumes
objectify a whole culture.
347
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:18,332
I am not dressed as an Italian.
348
00:14:18,333 --> 00:14:22,139
I am dressed as a character
who happens to be Italian.
349
00:14:22,140 --> 00:14:25,709
So I'm not allowed to
dress up as a Jamaican,
350
00:14:25,710 --> 00:14:28,166
but if I'm dressing up as Bob Marley,
351
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:30,032
who happens to be Jamaican,
352
00:14:30,622 --> 00:14:32,584
Then everything be irie, Mon.
353
00:14:32,585 --> 00:14:34,174
- No.
- What's the difference?
354
00:14:34,175 --> 00:14:36,085
It's just... it's different.
355
00:14:36,086 --> 00:14:37,755
Jonah, I feel like you
can explain this better.
356
00:14:37,790 --> 00:14:38,818
Well, I know it's different,
357
00:14:38,819 --> 00:14:41,772
I'm just having trouble
putting into words why, uh...
358
00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:44,133
Janet, could you explain it to them?
359
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:44,986
Why me?
360
00:14:44,987 --> 00:14:47,849
No reason, just, you know stuff.
361
00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:49,306
It's no different.
362
00:14:49,307 --> 00:14:51,285
If we let Amy wear that costume,
363
00:14:51,286 --> 00:14:53,636
then we might as well let
Marcus wear blackface.
364
00:14:53,637 --> 00:14:55,463
- That's offense.
- That would be awesome.
365
00:14:55,470 --> 00:14:56,735
No, it is not the same thing.
366
00:14:56,736 --> 00:14:57,866
Wait, hold on, wait.
367
00:14:57,867 --> 00:15:00,678
Why can't I paint my face
to look like Bob Marley
368
00:15:00,713 --> 00:15:03,094
but Elias can paint his
to look like a Smurf.
369
00:15:03,095 --> 00:15:06,463
You can't just... there's
a whole history...
370
00:15:07,581 --> 00:15:09,215
- Janet?
- Yeah?
371
00:15:09,649 --> 00:15:10,823
Nothing, I'm just checking in.
372
00:15:10,824 --> 00:15:11,960
How you doing? Are you good?
373
00:15:11,961 --> 00:15:13,178
Okay, you know what?
374
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:15,447
This is getting too complicated.
375
00:15:15,794 --> 00:15:17,438
Let's just cancel the contest.
376
00:15:17,439 --> 00:15:18,510
- What?
- No!
377
00:15:18,511 --> 00:15:21,588
It's not worth upsetting
everybody over one day off work.
378
00:15:23,867 --> 00:15:28,422
We can't just live our lives
afraid to offend someone.
379
00:15:28,423 --> 00:15:31,489
I think that we, you know, as a society,
380
00:15:31,490 --> 00:15:33,437
we need to just lighten up a little bit.
381
00:15:33,438 --> 00:15:35,638
Yeah, I mean really, if I think about it
382
00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:40,066
Mario is a hardworking plumber
that rescues princesses.
383
00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:43,321
If anything, that costume
honors Italians.
384
00:15:43,355 --> 00:15:45,647
- Yes.
- So I can wear
385
00:15:45,648 --> 00:15:48,984
my hula outfit
if I'm honoring Hawaiians.
386
00:15:50,035 --> 00:15:52,731
Yea... I mean I guess if you feel like
387
00:15:52,732 --> 00:15:56,021
it's about honoring the culture
and not just to look sexy.
388
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:57,544
Yup, I'm honoring the culture.
389
00:15:57,545 --> 00:15:59,283
And I can wear my Rasta hat
390
00:15:59,284 --> 00:16:01,063
if it's about honoring Jamaicans.
391
00:16:01,655 --> 00:16:04,336
Well, I mean, I guess if we're saying
392
00:16:04,337 --> 00:16:05,714
that it's all or nothing,
393
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:08,768
then I can't really think
of a reason to say no.
394
00:16:08,769 --> 00:16:10,425
Bumbaclot!
395
00:16:10,426 --> 00:16:12,512
Okay then, contest back on.
396
00:16:13,066 --> 00:16:14,599
- Yes.
- Great.
397
00:16:14,823 --> 00:16:17,658
Have you been wearing that
under your shirt all day?
398
00:16:17,692 --> 00:16:19,907
Yeah, I don't know how you do it.
399
00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:25,904
Hello, St. Louis!
400
00:16:25,905 --> 00:16:29,354
Welcome to Cloud 9 store 1217's
2018 Halloween
401
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:33,058
official employee costume
competition royale.
402
00:16:33,092 --> 00:16:34,660
Yeah!
403
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,061
All right.
404
00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:40,732
Let's meet our first
contestant, Marcus White!
405
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:48,207
One love! Everything irie.
406
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,509
But I'll tell you what isn't Irie.
407
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:54,246
Nearly 700,000 Africans
brought to Jamaica as slaves.
408
00:16:54,812 --> 00:16:58,884
The Rastafari movement isn't
about ganja and bobsleds.
409
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,987
It's about resisting the
tyranny of white oppressors.
410
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,690
Perhaps just like you.
411
00:17:05,235 --> 00:17:07,659
Thanks, and happy Halloween.
412
00:17:14,857 --> 00:17:17,201
Oh, good. I thought you were...
413
00:17:17,683 --> 00:17:18,911
What's this?
414
00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,906
I gotta cover up the ceiling speakers.
415
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,507
The key is to get sweaters thick enough
416
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,209
to block out the sound.
The tighter the knit,
417
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,044
the less "Halloween
Surfboard" gets through.
418
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,013
Yeah, okay, good. Hey, listen.
419
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,681
You know technology, right?
420
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,216
Like you're plugged in, so, um,
421
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:34,052
where are we on the timeline
of robots having feelings,
422
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:36,688
like, you know, anger or vengeance?
423
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,523
I mean, is that happening yet?
424
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,759
Yeah, I don't know, maybe.
You know, could be.
425
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:43,012
Oh. Good. Good to know.
426
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:47,432
One up!
427
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,768
It's a me, a Mario!
428
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,970
I eatsa the pasta.
429
00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:54,072
But Italians are so much more
430
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,241
than just spaghetti and meatballs.
431
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,910
From the beginning of time,
white women have honored us
432
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:01,480
with their contributions
to science and the arts.
433
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:04,449
A bell rang out through
the city of Dolores.
434
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:07,286
Gong! Gong!
435
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,588
Known as the land beyond the forest,
436
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:13,158
Transylvania is rich in natural splendor
437
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:15,294
and mineral resources.
438
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,096
Eleanor Roosevelt. Joy Behar.
439
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:19,631
Marie Curie. Madonna.
440
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:23,001
Brainy Smurf's special
talent is his brain.
441
00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:27,005
There is the Sistine Chapel,
penne arrabbiata.
442
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,242
You pour the vinegar in...
443
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:32,277
And the lava comes out.
444
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:38,016
Viva Morelos! Viva Allende!
445
00:18:38,051 --> 00:18:40,252
Viva Josefa Ortiz de Dominguez!
446
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,988
Jokey Smurf, he tells jokes.
447
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:45,157
He's funny. He's the funny one.
448
00:18:45,191 --> 00:18:46,992
Gerrymandering may present
449
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:49,828
the most grave threat to our democracy.
450
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:56,034
The Venice canals and,
uh, mozzarella sticks.
451
00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:57,469
If you look back
452
00:18:57,503 --> 00:19:00,372
to the midterm election
results of 2006...
453
00:19:00,406 --> 00:19:01,073
Shoot your web.
454
00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:04,675
Oh, no, I'm not Spider-Man.
455
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:05,767
Shoot it anyway.
456
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,114
Thwip.
457
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,483
Nice.
458
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:17,055
Attention Cloud 9 shoppers,
I do not have an announcement,
459
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:19,624
but as long as I am talking
I am not listening,
460
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,626
so just gotta keep talking.
461
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:24,329
Uh, save 30% off roach gel.
462
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,198
Stop roaches in their tracks.
463
00:19:26,232 --> 00:19:28,300
Except you can never really
stop them, can you?
464
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,168
They'll just keep coming and coming,
465
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:32,170
invading your mind in an endless loop.
466
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,805
Are we there yet, Daddy?
467
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:37,442
Sorry, son, the hell
ride, it lasts forever.
468
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:41,346
It's buy one, get one free on peas.
469
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:50,088
I just want you to know that I actually
470
00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:51,757
really do like your costume.
471
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,425
Thanks. I like yours, too.
472
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:55,727
Do you wanna hold hands
like in Miss America?
473
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:56,900
Not really.
474
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,777
I actually don't like your costume.
475
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,631
And the winner of one day
off work with pay
476
00:20:03,706 --> 00:20:06,973
and this small bowling trophy
because it's all we had...
477
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,505
Amy Sosa!
478
00:20:09,506 --> 00:20:11,712
Yes!
479
00:20:11,713 --> 00:20:13,779
Yes!
480
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,915
In! Yo! Face! In yo face!
481
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,884
Yes,
482
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,852
I would like to accept this award
483
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,622
on behalf of the Italian people.
484
00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:32,097
Jerusha, I want you to go pack a go-bag,
485
00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:34,699
and go outside, wait by the mailbox,
486
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,802
and when you see my car,
get a running start
487
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,570
and then jump through the window, okay?
488
00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:40,439
Because I am not
going to be able to stop.
489
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:42,107
Oh, and see if any of our neighbors
490
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:43,742
have a shotgun you can borrow.
491
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:44,914
I'll see you soon.
492
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:48,079
So how much did I win by?
493
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:50,449
Was it, like, a landslide?
You can tell me.
494
00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:53,269
Oh, it was a total landslide,
for Cheyenne.
495
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:54,352
What?
496
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:56,621
I mean, her boob
accidentally popped out.
497
00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:57,789
You can't compete with that.
498
00:20:57,824 --> 00:21:00,675
Wait, did you cheat for me?
499
00:21:02,528 --> 00:21:03,762
Mm-hmm.
500
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:04,732
Nice.
501
00:21:05,631 --> 00:21:07,265
It's kinda fitting, don't you think,
502
00:21:08,148 --> 00:21:11,470
that I actually ended
up suppressing votes?
503
00:21:12,338 --> 00:21:14,439
'Cause it, uh, 'cause I'm Gerry Mander.
504
00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:15,789
- Mm-hmm.
- You get it.
505
00:21:16,126 --> 00:21:19,281
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
37154
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