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1
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,017
Oh.
2
00:00:25,177 --> 00:00:26,138
Ohh!
3
00:00:27,322 --> 00:00:28,378
Whoo!
4
00:00:28,393 --> 00:00:30,165
. Whoo.
5
00:00:32,332 --> 00:00:34,999
_
6
00:00:38,096 --> 00:00:41,960
_
7
00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:46,115
Mm-hmm.
8
00:01:24,868 --> 00:01:26,303
The Morristown Frackers
9
00:01:26,339 --> 00:01:29,009
would like to thank you
all for attending today.
10
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:36,056
All... oh, let's call it a dozen of you.
11
00:01:36,079 --> 00:01:37,815
Guess you lucky fans
12
00:01:37,887 --> 00:01:40,015
can just feel free to
stretch your legs right out
13
00:01:40,083 --> 00:01:42,091
and enjoy your own section
14
00:01:42,166 --> 00:01:44,402
all to yourself.
15
00:01:51,046 --> 00:01:52,596
Hey.
16
00:01:52,825 --> 00:01:55,128
What, um... What are
you... What are you wearing?
17
00:01:55,194 --> 00:01:56,863
Yeah, all right. I
know I look ridiculous,
18
00:01:56,929 --> 00:01:59,551
but my dad wore it when they
went on a winning streak in '86,
19
00:01:59,627 --> 00:02:02,664
so I figured, can't hurt.
20
00:02:02,801 --> 00:02:06,939
Is dressing badly, like,
just a thing for baseball?
21
00:02:07,006 --> 00:02:08,707
'Cause that would explain his jacket.
22
00:02:08,774 --> 00:02:11,910
Superstition is a thing in baseball.
23
00:02:11,977 --> 00:02:13,746
It's a tradition that if
you're on a losing streak,
24
00:02:13,813 --> 00:02:15,348
you change everything that you're doing.
25
00:02:15,415 --> 00:02:16,416
And if you're on a winning streak,
26
00:02:16,482 --> 00:02:17,983
you don't change anything.
27
00:02:18,051 --> 00:02:19,652
Well said. Now, can you say
some of that into the mic?
28
00:02:19,719 --> 00:02:21,220
I ain't paying you to talk to Charles.
29
00:02:21,286 --> 00:02:22,288
Uribe's at the plate.
30
00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:25,518
I don't need a microphone
31
00:02:25,582 --> 00:02:28,994
to chat with a dozen
people at the ballpark.
32
00:02:29,062 --> 00:02:32,130
Hey, Uribe! You look
slimmer! Did you lose weight?
33
00:02:32,197 --> 00:02:35,802
Oh, yes, I did, Jim.
Thank you for noticing.
34
00:02:36,635 --> 00:02:39,105
As long as it's into the mic.
35
00:02:42,509 --> 00:02:45,878
Pedro Uribe has lost weight.
36
00:02:45,945 --> 00:02:48,147
That is all.
37
00:02:48,213 --> 00:02:50,749
You know what's not helping
my suicidal depression?
38
00:02:50,816 --> 00:02:52,986
Calling baseball games
into an empty stadium
39
00:02:53,052 --> 00:02:55,220
and having my own words
bounce back into my face
40
00:02:55,288 --> 00:02:58,491
like some kind of haunting
metaphor for life's futility.
41
00:02:58,558 --> 00:03:01,160
Listen, my plan is gonna take time.
42
00:03:01,226 --> 00:03:03,396
Morristown has been drowning
in apathy for so long,
43
00:03:03,463 --> 00:03:04,764
they... they don't even recognize
44
00:03:04,831 --> 00:03:06,599
that I'm throwing them a life preserver.
45
00:03:06,665 --> 00:03:08,820
Plus, I'm competing with
dirt-cheap entertainment
46
00:03:08,890 --> 00:03:10,057
that's in every home here.
47
00:03:10,403 --> 00:03:11,638
Cable?
48
00:03:12,671 --> 00:03:14,740
- Meth.
- Ah.
49
00:03:14,808 --> 00:03:16,743
But they'll all come around soon enough
50
00:03:16,809 --> 00:03:19,344
'cause I'm offering the
only drug more powerful.
51
00:03:19,411 --> 00:03:20,813
Heroin.
52
00:03:20,879 --> 00:03:22,581
Nostalgia.
53
00:03:22,648 --> 00:03:25,350
I think you're wildly
underestimating heroin.
54
00:03:25,417 --> 00:03:26,845
When the team starts winning again,
55
00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:30,923
everyone's gonna come back so
they can relive the glory days.
56
00:03:30,989 --> 00:03:31,957
What makes you think
57
00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:34,027
that that team is gonna
win any ball games?
58
00:03:34,094 --> 00:03:38,164
Our luck is gonna change. We're due!
59
00:03:38,231 --> 00:03:40,466
The team, me, even you.
60
00:03:52,278 --> 00:03:55,581
Oh, yeah, laugh at my hope.
61
00:03:55,647 --> 00:03:59,419
I'm sorry, it's just...
You actually believe that?
62
00:03:59,602 --> 00:04:02,521
Yeah, and I put my money where
my mouth is when I got my loan.
63
00:04:04,690 --> 00:04:06,358
You know what? Let me
take a look at this.
64
00:04:06,426 --> 00:04:08,027
- No, wait, 'cause it's...
- No, no! Come on.
65
00:04:08,094 --> 00:04:09,996
No! It's turtle racing starting soon.
66
00:04:10,063 --> 00:04:11,764
- Stacy.
- Come on, hey, let me see it.
67
00:04:11,831 --> 00:04:13,199
I know a thing or two about loans.
68
00:04:13,266 --> 00:04:15,700
I did a bunch of commercials
for reverse mortgages
69
00:04:15,767 --> 00:04:17,137
back in the Philippines.
70
00:04:18,137 --> 00:04:20,138
Is it big enough?
71
00:04:20,205 --> 00:04:22,641
Uh, I'm gonna need you to
top me off, though, first.
72
00:04:22,709 --> 00:04:26,112
Jesus, you're blowing
through all my good whiskey.
73
00:04:27,580 --> 00:04:28,880
Care for some...
74
00:04:30,015 --> 00:04:31,516
... Sambuca?
75
00:04:42,262 --> 00:04:44,497
You have a balloon payment due
76
00:04:44,563 --> 00:04:46,665
after the first month of the season?
77
00:04:46,725 --> 00:04:49,394
Yep. Hey! No nudging the turtles!
78
00:04:51,404 --> 00:04:53,272
Yeah, wait till you get to page 47.
79
00:04:53,339 --> 00:04:54,740
No, I saw that.
80
00:04:54,806 --> 00:04:57,476
The team has to finish above .500.
81
00:05:01,346 --> 00:05:04,616
Why in the world would
you agree to all this crap?
82
00:05:04,683 --> 00:05:06,486
I couldn't just let the team die.
83
00:05:06,553 --> 00:05:09,021
It would be like losing a limb.
84
00:05:09,087 --> 00:05:12,963
My dad played first base for
Morristown from '81 to '87.
85
00:05:13,926 --> 00:05:18,096
Shit, I lost my virginity in
the visitors' bullpen in '88.
86
00:05:18,164 --> 00:05:20,666
I did what I had to do.
87
00:05:20,733 --> 00:05:23,336
Here's to giant, life-altering mistakes.
88
00:05:23,402 --> 00:05:26,338
We both know them well.
89
00:05:26,406 --> 00:05:28,608
We surely do.
90
00:05:30,842 --> 00:05:33,411
Ugh! This shit is disgusting.
91
00:05:33,479 --> 00:05:35,080
- It does the trick.
- Mm-hmm.
92
00:05:35,147 --> 00:05:37,616
Christ's sakes, you're
starting to look good to me,
93
00:05:37,683 --> 00:05:39,351
and you're a goddamned disaster.
94
00:05:39,419 --> 00:05:41,587
Well, thank you for the half-compliment.
95
00:05:41,654 --> 00:05:43,022
And for the record,
96
00:05:43,089 --> 00:05:45,758
you looked good to me when
that bottle was still full.
97
00:05:45,825 --> 00:05:48,361
I'll give you one shot.
98
00:05:48,428 --> 00:05:49,962
Woo me.
99
00:05:50,029 --> 00:05:52,665
I may not be the best in any room,
100
00:05:52,731 --> 00:05:55,534
but I am definitely
the best in this room.
101
00:06:02,075 --> 00:06:04,043
- Get it off!
- I'm getting it off!
102
00:06:04,109 --> 00:06:06,275
Aah!
103
00:06:06,378 --> 00:06:07,813
All right, for those
of you just joining us,
104
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,582
I got a good one going here.
105
00:06:09,649 --> 00:06:11,017
Brockmire taking no chances,
106
00:06:11,084 --> 00:06:12,485
starting right off in the missionary.
107
00:06:12,551 --> 00:06:13,852
Okay, shh.
108
00:06:13,919 --> 00:06:15,287
- He's trying to find his rhythm.
- Okay, okay, shh.
109
00:06:15,354 --> 00:06:16,789
Ho!
110
00:06:16,856 --> 00:06:20,058
Julia James with a surprise
finger in the keister!
111
00:06:20,125 --> 00:06:21,993
And Brockmire is into it.
112
00:06:23,296 --> 00:06:24,796
Oh, man!
113
00:06:24,863 --> 00:06:27,566
The old fastball sign makes
for a real snug butt plug.
114
00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:29,334
Okay, folks.
115
00:06:29,402 --> 00:06:31,971
Bott...
116
00:06:32,037 --> 00:06:33,471
Bottom of the 9th.
117
00:06:35,674 --> 00:06:37,242
Frackers have runners on the corners,
118
00:06:37,310 --> 00:06:38,644
and I'm just gonna...
119
00:06:38,710 --> 00:06:41,846
I'm gonna rest my eyes
for just a little bit.
120
00:06:41,914 --> 00:06:44,483
Sambuca.
121
00:06:47,185 --> 00:06:51,489
Hey, am I wrong? Is the
winning point at bat?
122
00:06:51,556 --> 00:06:54,292
The winning run is up, yes,
123
00:06:54,359 --> 00:06:55,694
but he hits the ball
124
00:06:55,762 --> 00:06:57,964
like he's trying to wake
it up from a little nap,
125
00:06:58,031 --> 00:07:01,133
so I'm just gonna take it easy
until he makes the final out.
126
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:02,401
Okay, whatever,
127
00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:03,902
as long as you stop talking about...
128
00:07:03,969 --> 00:07:06,705
Oh, my God, last night was
some of the best sex I ever had.
129
00:07:06,772 --> 00:07:09,575
No. No, you didn't
stop talking about it.
130
00:07:09,642 --> 00:07:11,810
There was an improvisational
quality to it.
131
00:07:11,878 --> 00:07:14,546
It... It was like every
surface in her apartment
132
00:07:14,604 --> 00:07:16,739
- was a workbench upon which...
- No.
133
00:07:16,797 --> 00:07:17,979
Yeah, upon which
134
00:07:18,008 --> 00:07:19,292
- we constructed our sexual art.
- Please.
135
00:07:19,551 --> 00:07:22,587
Hey, Jim? Please stop, okay?
136
00:07:22,654 --> 00:07:24,089
Jules is like my mom,
137
00:07:24,157 --> 00:07:26,491
and you've been talking
about having sex with her
138
00:07:26,558 --> 00:07:27,626
for the past three hours.
139
00:07:27,693 --> 00:07:29,160
- I just...
- It's messed up!
140
00:07:29,228 --> 00:07:31,330
I just... I have to end things with her
141
00:07:31,397 --> 00:07:33,633
before everything gets messy,
142
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:35,735
metaphorically and literally.
143
00:07:35,801 --> 00:07:38,069
We went through half a
tube of lube last night.
144
00:07:38,137 --> 00:07:39,305
Aaaah!
145
00:07:39,387 --> 00:07:40,621
Stop it! Stop, shh!
146
00:07:40,673 --> 00:07:42,475
This wasn't about vaginal moisture.
147
00:07:42,541 --> 00:07:44,010
She has that in spades.
148
00:07:44,077 --> 00:07:46,178
It was strictly a friction issue.
149
00:07:46,245 --> 00:07:47,813
Shut up!
150
00:07:50,015 --> 00:07:51,650
Lazy fly ball to left field.
151
00:07:51,717 --> 00:07:54,119
This should do it, folks.
152
00:07:54,354 --> 00:07:55,354
Whoa!
153
00:07:55,421 --> 00:07:56,856
No! It falls!
154
00:07:56,923 --> 00:08:00,026
And now Maldonado kicks
it like it owes him money.
155
00:08:00,092 --> 00:08:02,994
And now they're sprinting
around the bases.
156
00:08:03,061 --> 00:08:05,597
- Go, go, go!
- It's a Little League home run!
157
00:08:05,664 --> 00:08:07,332
The Frackers win!
158
00:08:08,534 --> 00:08:11,036
The Frackers win!
159
00:08:13,005 --> 00:08:15,341
Yeah! Whoo!
160
00:08:22,748 --> 00:08:24,516
Uh...
161
00:08:26,551 --> 00:08:29,020
Uh... for the record,
162
00:08:29,087 --> 00:08:31,356
Sambuca tastes better
on the way out, folks.
163
00:08:33,893 --> 00:08:35,361
Ohh.
164
00:08:35,428 --> 00:08:38,164
Look, I'm disaster on about
17 different levels, all right,
165
00:08:38,231 --> 00:08:40,732
so I just think any more
hanky panky between us
166
00:08:40,799 --> 00:08:43,001
would, well, probably be a mistake.
167
00:08:43,068 --> 00:08:44,303
Huge mistake.
168
00:08:44,370 --> 00:08:46,871
For Christ's sakes, you say
things like "hanky panky."
169
00:08:46,938 --> 00:08:48,373
Trust me, sleeping with you
170
00:08:48,441 --> 00:08:49,842
was one of the biggest
regrets of my life,
171
00:08:49,909 --> 00:08:52,311
and I have a tattoo of a
dream catcher on my ankle.
172
00:08:52,377 --> 00:08:54,026
To be clear, okay, I...
173
00:08:54,089 --> 00:08:56,057
Hey, I do not think that I am capable
174
00:08:56,137 --> 00:08:58,621
of having a successful
adult relationship anymore.
175
00:08:58,685 --> 00:09:01,253
Yeah, no. That's... abundantly clear.
176
00:09:01,319 --> 00:09:04,622
Well, getting emasculated
in front of America
177
00:09:04,689 --> 00:09:06,058
caused me to chase ass like a Kennedy,
178
00:09:06,158 --> 00:09:09,573
but, you know, you're not
just some fling in a bar.
179
00:09:09,579 --> 00:09:10,696
You happen to be my boss.
180
00:09:10,763 --> 00:09:13,119
So... What... What...
What are you doing?
181
00:09:13,252 --> 00:09:14,799
Are you serious?
182
00:09:14,866 --> 00:09:16,953
They won.
183
00:09:17,054 --> 00:09:19,704
So... unfortunately for both of us,
184
00:09:19,771 --> 00:09:23,308
we're gonna have to repeat
everything we did last night.
185
00:09:26,610 --> 00:09:28,459
Ho, what the hell. All right.
186
00:09:28,498 --> 00:09:30,907
Uh, just keep that dream
catcher tattoo covered up,
187
00:09:30,992 --> 00:09:33,219
because I have to maintain
an erection over here.
188
00:09:33,255 --> 00:09:35,023
I actually don't think
that's gonna be a problem.
189
00:09:35,102 --> 00:09:36,489
I call bottom this time!
190
00:09:38,683 --> 00:09:40,617
I can believe you went
down on me three times.
191
00:09:40,684 --> 00:09:42,169
Oh, I can do it again.
192
00:09:42,217 --> 00:09:43,187
You still haven't experienced
193
00:09:43,262 --> 00:09:46,585
what I like to call the
conference on the mound.
194
00:09:46,594 --> 00:09:47,888
- Okay, shh.
- You know, it's kind of a...
195
00:09:47,983 --> 00:09:49,792
Shut up.
196
00:09:49,933 --> 00:09:52,262
Is that the finger
that you put in my ass?
197
00:09:52,854 --> 00:09:53,888
Shh.
198
00:09:55,174 --> 00:09:56,729
Hope you folks are all enjoying
199
00:09:56,774 --> 00:09:59,077
"Free Cold Medicine Day"
here at the ballpark.
200
00:09:59,154 --> 00:10:02,155
Quick reminder... Go ahead
and have another gel pack.
201
00:10:02,206 --> 00:10:03,674
The Frackers won't judge you
202
00:10:03,742 --> 00:10:06,265
like those snooty pharmacy assholes.
203
00:10:06,344 --> 00:10:08,180
All right, now, listen up.
204
00:10:08,247 --> 00:10:09,548
We got a good one going here.
205
00:10:09,614 --> 00:10:10,950
Look at the field now,
206
00:10:11,016 --> 00:10:12,384
because the Frackers are threatening
207
00:10:12,450 --> 00:10:13,618
here in the bottom of the 8th
208
00:10:13,685 --> 00:10:15,253
with runners on the corners.
209
00:10:17,089 --> 00:10:18,890
And here comes the pitch.
210
00:10:20,359 --> 00:10:21,520
Whoo!
211
00:10:21,592 --> 00:10:25,996
Some might call that Istanbul,
but I call it Constantinople!
212
00:10:26,064 --> 00:10:27,869
The Frackers take the lead!
213
00:10:27,925 --> 00:10:29,667
My gosh, what a comeback.
214
00:10:29,734 --> 00:10:35,005
So, a Sambuca-fueled Brockmire
is still struggling mightily
215
00:10:35,072 --> 00:10:36,273
with the button-fly jeans.
216
00:10:36,340 --> 00:10:38,042
Come on, now!
217
00:10:38,109 --> 00:10:39,878
All right. Here comes the
payoff pitch from Grant.
218
00:10:41,046 --> 00:10:43,248
Deep fly ball to center field.
219
00:10:43,315 --> 00:10:44,683
Back at the warning track.
220
00:10:44,749 --> 00:10:46,684
He makes the grab,
221
00:10:46,752 --> 00:10:51,423
and the Frackers miraculously
escape a bases-loaded jam.
222
00:10:51,489 --> 00:10:53,392
My goodness!
223
00:10:54,792 --> 00:10:55,626
Proceed.
224
00:10:57,329 --> 00:10:59,131
Oh, my God. Just shoot me.
225
00:10:59,197 --> 00:11:00,264
Frickin' shoot me.
226
00:11:00,331 --> 00:11:01,799
Oh, my goodness.
227
00:11:01,867 --> 00:11:04,202
He dropped the ball. That's a balk!
228
00:11:04,268 --> 00:11:05,672
A walk-off balk
229
00:11:05,696 --> 00:11:08,139
gives the Frackers
their fifth win in a row.
230
00:11:08,206 --> 00:11:10,408
Now I have seen everything.
231
00:11:10,475 --> 00:11:11,542
Cheers.
232
00:11:15,446 --> 00:11:17,114
Oh, it's happening.
233
00:11:17,181 --> 00:11:19,084
- No, he's not!
- It's happening.
234
00:11:19,151 --> 00:11:21,353
No! Oh, yes!
235
00:11:21,420 --> 00:11:24,423
All right! Go, Brockmire!
236
00:11:24,489 --> 00:11:26,424
Oh, my God!
237
00:11:26,492 --> 00:11:27,692
Ladies and gentlemen,
238
00:11:27,756 --> 00:11:32,731
Brockmire showing the crowd
why naked men should never run.
239
00:11:34,298 --> 00:11:38,936
Your dick and balls look like
they're having a fistfight!
240
00:11:39,971 --> 00:11:41,405
Home run... Frackers!
241
00:11:41,473 --> 00:11:43,608
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
242
00:11:43,675 --> 00:11:46,344
That's their sixth win in a row.
243
00:11:46,411 --> 00:11:51,416
♪ And the rockets' red glare ♪
244
00:11:51,483 --> 00:11:56,615
♪ The bombs bursting in air ♪
245
00:11:56,695 --> 00:11:58,814
♪ Gave proof through the... ♪
246
00:11:58,845 --> 00:12:00,091
Where have you been?!
247
00:12:00,135 --> 00:12:01,274
Charles got T-boned by
248
00:12:01,362 --> 00:12:03,056
an ambulance on the way here.
249
00:12:03,061 --> 00:12:06,431
I-I... It was full of
blood for a blood drive.
250
00:12:06,498 --> 00:12:07,799
I kept slipping in it.
251
00:12:07,832 --> 00:12:09,449
- Wait, so that's not your blood?
- No.
252
00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:11,101
- Get out. Get out.
- I don't know whose blood this is.
253
00:12:11,168 --> 00:12:13,471
- I don't know whose blood this is!
- Close the door.
254
00:12:13,538 --> 00:12:16,006
She's already singing.
We don't have any time.
255
00:12:16,074 --> 00:12:18,176
Shit, shit, shit.
256
00:12:18,243 --> 00:12:20,145
♪ ... wave ♪
257
00:12:20,211 --> 00:12:21,580
Come on, Brockmire!
258
00:12:21,647 --> 00:12:22,982
All right. I'm hurrying.
I'm hurrying I am. I am.
259
00:12:23,047 --> 00:12:27,018
♪ ... land of the free ♪
260
00:12:27,093 --> 00:12:29,174
♪ Oh ♪
261
00:12:29,214 --> 00:12:32,117
♪ And the home ♪
262
00:12:32,153 --> 00:12:37,359
♪ Of the brave ♪
263
00:12:37,863 --> 00:12:40,465
Lay it down.
264
00:12:48,825 --> 00:12:49,905
My goodness. You were right.
265
00:12:49,933 --> 00:12:52,135
These people... They
are high on nostalgia.
266
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,507
Jules!
267
00:12:53,574 --> 00:12:54,875
- Jules.
- Hey!
268
00:12:54,926 --> 00:12:57,729
Who's that haircut with teeth?
269
00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,145
Um, that's Gary.
270
00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:00,948
- Gary.
- He's the point person around here
271
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,082
for Pennsylvania Shale Oil and Gas.
272
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:04,784
We kind of had a thing for a bit.
273
00:13:04,851 --> 00:13:05,818
Did you now?
274
00:13:07,021 --> 00:13:08,322
Look at this crowd.
275
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:11,258
I'm so proud of you.
Your dream's coming true.
276
00:13:11,325 --> 00:13:12,660
Mm.
277
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,193
Thank you.
278
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:15,930
Um, Gary, I want you to meet...
279
00:13:15,997 --> 00:13:17,731
Jim Brockmire.
280
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,332
Wow. I'll tell you what.
281
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:22,344
I am a big fan of your
work in Kansas City.
282
00:13:22,407 --> 00:13:24,337
- I don't like you.
- What?
283
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,639
Something about your essence is
just rubbing me the wrong way,
284
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:27,675
so I'd appreciate it if you'd just...
285
00:13:27,742 --> 00:13:28,809
just keep your distance from me.
286
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:30,944
Uh, Jim...
287
00:13:31,026 --> 00:13:33,997
Gary is a friend.
288
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,242
He's the one who helped me get my loan
289
00:13:36,336 --> 00:13:37,169
so I could buy the team.
290
00:13:37,263 --> 00:13:38,025
- Really?
- Yes.
291
00:13:38,043 --> 00:13:38,938
'Cause I read that loan,
292
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,554
and no true friend would
ever let you sign it.
293
00:13:41,175 --> 00:13:43,043
Come on. The guy is
obviously up to something.
294
00:13:43,109 --> 00:13:45,613
The man works for a gas
company, for crying out loud.
295
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:48,649
Never trust a man who sucks
Satan's dick for a living.
296
00:13:48,715 --> 00:13:50,017
All right.
297
00:13:50,084 --> 00:13:52,051
Nice to meet you. Stay
the hell away from me.
298
00:13:52,118 --> 00:13:55,455
Don't be sorry. Everybody gets jealous.
299
00:13:55,522 --> 00:13:58,325
Jea... Uh, whoa. Excuse...
300
00:13:58,392 --> 00:14:00,594
Now, why would I be jealous, sweetheart?
301
00:14:00,661 --> 00:14:01,896
Well, it's only natural.
302
00:14:01,963 --> 00:14:03,764
When two people spend
this much time together,
303
00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:05,099
feelings bubble up.
304
00:14:05,166 --> 00:14:07,233
Darlin', I don't have feelings for you.
305
00:14:07,301 --> 00:14:09,403
I don't have feelings for anybody.
306
00:14:12,073 --> 00:14:14,141
Just out of curiosity, though,
307
00:14:14,208 --> 00:14:17,511
um, how long did you and
Gary date for, anyway?
308
00:14:17,578 --> 00:14:20,113
We went out two or three times.
309
00:14:20,180 --> 00:14:22,115
Did you, uh, have sex with him?
310
00:14:22,182 --> 00:14:24,217
Seven and a half...
311
00:14:24,285 --> 00:14:27,588
Depends how you... I mean,
eight times, probably.
312
00:14:27,670 --> 00:14:29,338
Wow. Seven and a half.
313
00:14:29,389 --> 00:14:30,105
Half a time?
314
00:14:30,141 --> 00:14:31,576
That should have been
interesting. All right.
315
00:14:32,193 --> 00:14:33,894
Just... I'm sorry. I
can't... I... Really?
316
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,796
'Cause I can't believe you
actually had sex with that guy.
317
00:14:36,863 --> 00:14:38,298
Why? He's very nice
318
00:14:38,366 --> 00:14:39,645
and knows a lot about wine
319
00:14:39,654 --> 00:14:40,683
- and isn't diabetic.
- Oh.
320
00:14:40,746 --> 00:14:42,536
And around here, that makes him
the catch of the frickin' century.
321
00:14:42,603 --> 00:14:44,305
And you know what? You
have no right to judge me.
322
00:14:44,372 --> 00:14:47,141
You've admitted to having
sex with prostitutes
323
00:14:47,208 --> 00:14:48,608
all over the world.
324
00:14:48,676 --> 00:14:50,844
Hey, I was helping those
ladies find a new life
325
00:14:50,911 --> 00:14:51,945
20 bucks at a time.
326
00:14:52,012 --> 00:14:53,180
20 bucks?
327
00:14:53,247 --> 00:14:55,449
Oh, the dollar's very strong right now.
328
00:14:55,516 --> 00:14:57,218
You know what? You're an asshole.
329
00:14:57,285 --> 00:14:59,386
I can't even look at
you. Tonight, blindfolds.
330
00:14:59,453 --> 00:15:00,853
No, we're not. You know why?
331
00:15:00,921 --> 00:15:02,388
'Cause I'm tired of treating my dick
332
00:15:02,455 --> 00:15:03,756
like some kind of a lucky
333
00:15:03,829 --> 00:15:04,598
- rabbit's foot.
- Oh.
334
00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:05,725
No, the idea that our sex
335
00:15:05,792 --> 00:15:08,494
is actually helping the
Frackers win ball games is...
336
00:15:08,561 --> 00:15:09,529
It's ludicrous.
337
00:15:09,595 --> 00:15:11,831
So, if you don't believe in the streak
338
00:15:11,898 --> 00:15:14,100
and you don't have any feelings for me,
339
00:15:14,167 --> 00:15:15,335
why have we been having sex
340
00:15:15,402 --> 00:15:17,003
every night for the last two weeks?
341
00:15:17,070 --> 00:15:18,906
Because I thought my only other option
342
00:15:18,980 --> 00:15:21,224
was talking to that asshole all night.
343
00:15:21,272 --> 00:15:21,978
But you know?
344
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,049
- No, maybe I made a mistake.
- Oh.
345
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,511
Hey, friend? Excuse me.
346
00:15:24,578 --> 00:15:25,646
What's your story?
347
00:15:25,713 --> 00:15:27,248
Oh. Well...
348
00:15:27,315 --> 00:15:29,849
I was born two days prematurely.
349
00:15:29,916 --> 00:15:31,285
No, no.
350
00:15:31,352 --> 00:15:33,187
Clearly, I was right to
have sex with you instead.
351
00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:34,921
So, all right. How about this...
352
00:15:35,022 --> 00:15:36,390
Ehh...
353
00:15:36,456 --> 00:15:38,524
I don't really feel like it anymore.
354
00:15:38,592 --> 00:15:40,961
I mean, I didn't feel like
it half the times we did it.
355
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:43,596
Your personal grooming is...
356
00:15:45,065 --> 00:15:46,700
It's atrocious, and you
smell like weird herbs.
357
00:15:46,767 --> 00:15:48,368
Oh, that's the Sambuca.
358
00:15:48,435 --> 00:15:52,205
Only reason I did it was because
it was my civic frickin' duty.
359
00:15:52,272 --> 00:15:55,142
But I would rather lose
every game from here on in
360
00:15:55,209 --> 00:15:57,878
than have sex with you again.
361
00:15:57,945 --> 00:16:00,647
Fi-Fine. Okay.
362
00:16:00,714 --> 00:16:04,317
I'll bet we win tomorrow's game by...
363
00:16:04,384 --> 00:16:07,252
And with the score 18-0,
364
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,223
looks like the fairy tale is over
365
00:16:09,290 --> 00:16:11,325
and the Frackers have
turned back into a pumpkin
366
00:16:11,392 --> 00:16:12,693
through no fault of anyone's
367
00:16:12,759 --> 00:16:15,728
other than the players
on the field, of course.
368
00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:25,675
All right. Frackers are
down to their final out.
369
00:16:25,742 --> 00:16:27,377
Here comes the pitch.
370
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:29,146
Good slider there,
371
00:16:29,213 --> 00:16:32,549
and the count goes to 0-2 now to Uribe.
372
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:33,918
Hey, Brockmire!
373
00:16:33,985 --> 00:16:36,855
You want to party with Uribe tonight?
374
00:16:39,223 --> 00:16:41,291
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm free.
375
00:16:41,358 --> 00:16:42,592
Strike!
376
00:16:42,660 --> 00:16:44,694
I guess I'm free now.
377
00:16:47,164 --> 00:16:49,866
So, is you dating anyone?
378
00:16:49,934 --> 00:16:52,435
No. Why do you ask that?
379
00:16:52,502 --> 00:16:55,272
Oh, I think maybe you and Miss Jules.
380
00:16:55,339 --> 00:16:57,073
No, no. Hey, no.
381
00:16:57,140 --> 00:17:00,110
Nothing going on between
me and Miss "Hools."
382
00:17:00,177 --> 00:17:02,746
What about you? You...
You got anybody special?
383
00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:05,216
Ha. Uribe never marry.
384
00:17:05,282 --> 00:17:08,652
No one ties me down,
not even my 13 kids.
385
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:10,688
13 kids?
386
00:17:10,754 --> 00:17:12,022
I'm Catholic.
387
00:17:12,089 --> 00:17:14,324
Condoms are sin, and I hate to pull out.
388
00:17:14,392 --> 00:17:16,661
I hear you. Very difficult
to leave the party
389
00:17:16,728 --> 00:17:18,095
when it is just getting good.
390
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,290
Child support is why I still play,
391
00:17:20,394 --> 00:17:22,232
even though I only 29.
392
00:17:22,299 --> 00:17:25,302
American kids are so expensive.
393
00:17:25,369 --> 00:17:27,237
The Dominican ones, not so much.
394
00:17:27,305 --> 00:17:28,739
The dollar is very strong right now.
395
00:17:28,806 --> 00:17:30,674
Oh, hey. You... You
don't have to tell me.
396
00:17:32,609 --> 00:17:34,511
Ooh-ha!
397
00:17:34,578 --> 00:17:36,547
Ah.
398
00:17:36,614 --> 00:17:39,684
And as my guest...
399
00:17:39,751 --> 00:17:42,220
you can pick.
400
00:17:42,287 --> 00:17:43,454
Oh. Well, uh...
401
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:45,689
Well, let's just...
We'll let the girls pick.
402
00:17:45,757 --> 00:17:46,924
You're cute.
403
00:17:46,991 --> 00:17:49,492
You remind me of my favorite stepdad.
404
00:17:49,559 --> 00:17:52,363
I... Oh... Well, you
know, I get that a lot.
405
00:17:52,369 --> 00:17:55,135
- Um, Uribe.
- Hmm?
406
00:17:55,206 --> 00:17:56,667
Pedro?
407
00:17:56,733 --> 00:17:58,235
Um...
408
00:17:58,302 --> 00:18:01,238
How likely is this to
become a group-sex situation?
409
00:18:01,306 --> 00:18:02,840
No, because, in the fog of war,
410
00:18:02,906 --> 00:18:04,442
sometimes things get a little chaotic,
411
00:18:04,509 --> 00:18:06,644
so I think we should
set some ground rules.
412
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:07,912
Oye.
413
00:18:07,979 --> 00:18:09,947
I am no cigua, okay?
414
00:18:10,013 --> 00:18:12,916
If my dick is inside of a woman,
415
00:18:12,983 --> 00:18:15,819
whatever you do to me is not gay,
416
00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,221
so do a lot of it.
417
00:18:19,691 --> 00:18:21,158
A lot!
418
00:18:21,224 --> 00:18:22,394
A lot.
419
00:18:24,295 --> 00:18:25,196
Hey.
420
00:18:25,262 --> 00:18:27,365
Let's make things interesting.
421
00:18:27,432 --> 00:18:28,566
Oh.
422
00:18:30,367 --> 00:18:31,836
Mmm.
423
00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,904
They're already pretty fascinating.
424
00:18:36,707 --> 00:18:38,441
- Who is it?
- Brockmire.
425
00:18:41,279 --> 00:18:43,180
I thought you were with Uribe.
426
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:46,702
I was, I was, but I think I realized
427
00:18:46,741 --> 00:18:48,084
that I don't want to
be that guy anymore.
428
00:18:48,152 --> 00:18:50,054
Maybe I never was
that guy, but I just...
429
00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:51,755
I wanted to be because
then that would mean
430
00:18:51,822 --> 00:18:54,324
I couldn't be hurt again or something.
431
00:18:54,392 --> 00:18:55,760
I just...
432
00:18:55,827 --> 00:18:57,295
I know that I like you.
433
00:18:57,361 --> 00:19:00,263
I like that you see the world
for the shit pile that it is,
434
00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:02,299
but that just makes you shovel faster.
435
00:19:02,927 --> 00:19:04,934
Most of all, I like that we seem to have
436
00:19:05,001 --> 00:19:07,805
the same exact level of
functional alcoholism.
437
00:19:07,872 --> 00:19:09,774
I don't want to be
getting gross and high
438
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,074
with a bunch of strangers.
439
00:19:11,142 --> 00:19:14,078
I want to... I want to be here with you.
440
00:19:14,145 --> 00:19:15,713
Are you high right now?
441
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,682
A little bit, yes. I-I'm not prude.
442
00:19:17,749 --> 00:19:19,350
I had a couple toots. Come on.
443
00:19:19,416 --> 00:19:22,724
You know, the thing is, is you and me...
444
00:19:22,764 --> 00:19:23,688
It's just not a good idea.
445
00:19:23,754 --> 00:19:26,122
This is a terrible idea, but...
446
00:19:27,524 --> 00:19:30,794
I looked into your eyes for
a long time the other night.
447
00:19:30,861 --> 00:19:33,330
I know that you're feeling
the same things I am.
448
00:19:33,397 --> 00:19:34,398
I know it.
449
00:19:34,997 --> 00:19:36,900
Baseball makes me want to exist.
450
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:41,195
You... You make me want to live.
451
00:19:42,039 --> 00:19:45,876
God... damn it.
452
00:20:09,817 --> 00:20:10,759
As many of you know,
453
00:20:10,871 --> 00:20:13,006
it was our plan to
encourage a bankruptcy
454
00:20:13,073 --> 00:20:14,675
of the Morristown baseball team
455
00:20:14,742 --> 00:20:16,476
so that we could demolish the stadium
456
00:20:16,543 --> 00:20:18,745
and build a long-needed wastewater pit.
457
00:20:18,812 --> 00:20:21,047
Well, unfortunately,
attendance is much higher
458
00:20:21,115 --> 00:20:22,503
than, uh, our models predicted,
459
00:20:22,558 --> 00:20:24,550
so, uh, it is my position
460
00:20:24,630 --> 00:20:27,970
that we take a much
more... aggressive stance.
461
00:20:28,010 --> 00:20:30,390
Um, all in favor?
462
00:20:30,457 --> 00:20:31,993
Okay, good.
463
00:20:32,051 --> 00:20:36,254
Last but certainly not least.
464
00:20:39,734 --> 00:20:42,003
Sweet, sweet Deb.
465
00:20:42,070 --> 00:20:43,937
My favorite memories
of you will always be
466
00:20:43,996 --> 00:20:46,351
from the 2013 retreat in Mazatlán.
467
00:20:46,406 --> 00:20:47,808
You were a diamond
468
00:20:47,875 --> 00:20:49,810
that glittered for us all that weekend,
469
00:20:49,877 --> 00:20:51,378
and call me sentimental,
470
00:20:51,445 --> 00:20:53,893
but I'd like to see you
glitter one more time.
471
00:20:53,964 --> 00:20:57,618
So, Deb, do you remember...
472
00:20:57,685 --> 00:20:59,253
the Margarita Men?
473
00:21:02,290 --> 00:21:04,859
Look at her face! We
love you, Deborah Gortley!
474
00:21:04,926 --> 00:21:06,394
Whoo!
475
00:21:06,461 --> 00:21:08,128
Mazatlán! Mazatlán!
476
00:21:08,195 --> 00:21:09,297
Mazatlán! Mazatlán!
477
00:21:09,364 --> 00:21:10,865
This is Pennsylvania Shale right here!
478
00:21:10,932 --> 00:21:12,633
This is why we do what we do!
479
00:21:14,068 --> 00:21:15,336
Look at her! Look at here!
480
00:21:17,785 --> 00:21:21,852
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