All language subtitles for Everything I Know About Love 1x01 - Episdoe 1_ Destiny (English)

This programme contains
very strong language

Destiny.

The thing that I believed

predetermined all great love stories.

The idea that the romantic events

of our lives were scripted
in stardust, long, long ago.

I just had to follow
the signs to find them.

This particular tale of
destiny begins on a train.

The year is 2012. According
to the Mayan calendar,

the world is about to end.

Which would have been a real
bummer, because I was 24,

and my adult life had
just finally begun.

Please, can I get a
mini bottle of red wine,

and a mini bottle of white wine,
and a mini bottle of Jameson's?

Yeah, that card's been declined.

Definitely not.

Definitely has.

I checked my online
banking at the station.

There was loads of money in my account,

and by loads I mean �32.74.

It says you have insufficient funds.

I'll get it.

No, no. Don't worry.

So that same order, again,

for Shane MacGowan. And
just a beer for me, please.

I was doing market research.

And you sit in a room with, like,

30 other people and
you answer questions for

the car company about
whether you'd drive the car.

- And where was today's?
- Bristol.

And would you drive the car?

Dunno. Can't drive!

This obviously isn't my
long-term plan. I want to write.

So what do you want to write?

Really, really good
stories. And comments.

Comments?

Yeah, I want to be amazing
at comments and witticisms.

I want all my comments
to be published in one

of those cheap books
you pick up by the till.

Until then, I'll basically
do anything other than murder

- for 40 quid, cash in hand.
- Is that bad?

How old are you?

24.

I'd say you've got two more years
left of getting away with it.

How old are you?

27. Just out of the middle.

How was it?

Well, I think Larkin got it right.

What did he say?

I feared these present
years. The middle twenties.

When deftness disappears.

And each event is freighted with

a source-encrusting doubt
and turned to drought.

Fit.

What's your favourite band?

- Come on. You're better than this.
- What?

Asking me what my favourite things are.

Like you're a teenage girl
filling out a Myspace profile.

That is incredibly patronising.

I think you like being
patronised by men.

Gives you something to push against,

like you're a shrew to
be tamed, or something.

I don't want to be tamed.

You just want our attention.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we will shortly be arriving
into London Paddington,

that's our final stop.

It was really lovely to meet you.

- Street.
- "Street?"

I know. It's where I was conceived.

No way.

It's true.

God. I'm just trying

to think what my parents would have
called me if I was named after where

I was conceived. Pocket-sprung mattress.

I've always wondered,

with people who are
named after places, like,

whether they ever
actually live in the...

I've been waiting to
do that since Slough.

"Pocket-sprung mattress?"

Are you getting the Tube?

Nah. I'll walk home.

Really committed to this
troubadour shit, aren't you?

Fucking works, though, doesn't it?

Let's not give each other our numbers.

Why?

Because I think if we're
meant to meet again,

we'll meet again. Leave
it to kismet. Destiny.

You must be so, so bored.

I'm Maggie.

That boy, that kiss,

that train journey would begin

a series of events that
would change my life.

I don't know what my
20s would've been like if

I hadn't got on that exact train

and sat in that exact carriage.

I can only tell you everything
that happened after I did.

This is a story of great love.

But it's not the one you think it is.

- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com

Maggs? Yeah.

You ready? Yeah.

But first I need to ask you
a really serious question.

What is it?

Is it hard,

being the prettiest
girl in the entire world?

Seriously, we're
leaving in five minutes.

OK, well, that's exactly how
long it takes me to get ready.

Don't even try that, I've
known you your whole life.

Nell, Amara. Wine.

Why is no-one ready?

Just sorted out the feng
shui in my room. Had a nap.

Wrote my will.

- Oh, what's it say?
- Just "will", at the moment.

OK, can we stop writing
wills and having naps?

It's meant to be ladies' night.

- I didn't agree to ladies' night.
- Yeah, it's ladies' night!

Yes, mate!

- I propose a toast.
- Ooh, Maggs, in your will,

can I have your fake Prada sunglasses?

Nell.

To the first Friday night
in our first London house!

And to many more Friday nights.

Look at all those Friday
nights piled up just for us.

How are we going to
get through them all?

OK, I really do think that
we should leave by eight.

- Oh, Birdy, you need to relax.
- You're just...

You are so rushed off your feet.

Aww... Rushed off your feet!

I've told you before, I don't like
it. I've told you I don't like it!

I've said a thousand
times, I don't like it!

Well, then, stop being
the littlest one, then!

OK, so I think if we
start at the Chalk Farm end

and make our way up to the
Mornington Crescent end.

I think we don't make a plan.

All the best nights happen
when we just follow our noses.

Agreed.

Oh, have you heard from
that guy on the train?

No. But I didn't think I would.

We didn't exchange surnames or numbers.

Thought it would be romantic.

Definitely your idea, not his.

If I met a man I fancied,
who fancied me back,

I'd make him write his number on
my face with a permanent marker.

Oh, don't be so dramatic, Birdy. Anyway,

there we are, met the boy of my dreams,

probably the only boy I could
see myself ever truly loving

and now he's gone.

Oh, come on, babe. This isn't like you.

We've just arrived in
London. City of possibilities!

There will be others.

Not like this one.

I've put a winning lottery
ticket in the washing machine.

Well done for not being dramatic
about it, though. Thanks.

- Thank you.
- And cheers.

Cheers!

- Let's play Never Have I Ever. Yes.
- No.

This game is only enjoyable
for half of the group.

And it's not the half who
have had two sexual partners.

Or have never taken drugs.

So whatever you want
to say, just say it.

Amara, you had a threesome in Malaga.

Maggie, you wanked at the back of

the coach on a school trip to
Stonehenge. Yeah, game done.

Ta-da!

- Do you think that's enough?
- Yeah.

Oh, God, the Feds. Hide it in
your pocket. No. I'm a teacher.

- Guys?
- Oh, for God's sake.

Birdy, get in.

- OK. If I took it...
- YES!

If I took it, are you sure I won't die?

You are so suburban, Birdy,
you're not going to die.

No-one has ever died from
taking cocaine. Not true.

It is completely harmless,

it's a very sort of
two point four children,

L-shaped sofa type of drug.
You just dip in and out of it,

- like, erm, like...
- Hummus?

Genius girl. Hummus. Exactly.

- I don't think I will.
- Why?

I don't want to get dizzy.

Do you want to die with
some stories or do you

want to sleepwalk into your own grave?

Feel like I'm in Trainspotting.

You're literally wearing
a dress from Karen Millen.

Bottle of your cheapest white,
please. And four glasses.

Cheers, mate.

Hey!

Hey.

Do you recognise me?

Yeah. Were you on one

of those early series of Big Brother?

No... No. I'm Maggie.

We met on a train? A
couple of weeks ago?

Oh, yeah. Sorry. My
brain's fried. How are you?

I'm good.

Who are you here with?

Oh, my friends. My housemates.

We've just moved in
together down the road.

- Interesting.
- What?

Moving to Camden in 2012.

Whoever you're looking
for has already left.

What are you doing here, then?

Gig.

How did it go?

Fine. I mean, everyone
talked through the whole set,

all the white people
clapped on the on-beat,

just another Friday night in
a completely forgettable band.

We're, er, we're
actually heading off now.

OK. It was really nice to see you again.

Yeah, you too.

I could give you my number this time?

Do I not have your number?

No, we decided...

I don't think we exchanged numbers.

What is this?

Oh, yeah. I hate smartphones.

You know, I read recently that our
brains are actually changing shape

because of how much time
we're spending online.

Yeah, soon, we won't be able
to concentrate on anything.

Reading a novel will be as niche
an activity as, like, bell-ringing.

Dark.

Who was that?!

I am literally going to shit myself.

I'm hoping this is another
example of your misuse of

the word literally.

That... was the fucking... train guy.

No.

Yes. See, Nell? Destiny.

Oh, my God, he's even more
beautiful than I remembered.

- What's his name?
- Street.

He was named after where he was
conceived. Oh, have a day off.

Sorry, Nell. I'm here for
it. I am backing our girl,

this is fate. It is too weird not to be.

And, and he uses an old Nokia

because he believes smartphones
are bad for our brains.

- It's like he's some kind of...
- Cunt?

..philosopher?

I can't believe I saw
him. Can you believe it?

I cannot believe it. Where's Birdy?

Oh, God knows.

I now get why she doesn't take drugs.

It's been like watching Elmo get high.

Maggs, Maggs,

come here, I want you
to meet these guys.

This is my best friend,
Maggie, she's literally amazing,

we've known each other since school.

The other two are
great and we love them,

but this girl is my
childhood sweetheart.

Do you ever have it where, like,

you want to invent a
new version of marriage,

it's just for two people who
promise to love each other forever,

they don't have sex or anything,
they just hang out loads?

Yes. But there's still,
like, a formal commitment.

I totally agree. Like,
shouldn't there be a word for it?

Erm... Friendship?

Yes!

Down With The Trumpets by Rizzle Kicks

? Yes

Four beers, please.

I want to roll down the hill!

YES!

Come on!

No, I don't want to get dizzy.

Come on, come on!

Can I sit here?

Yeah.

I like your key-rings.

Thanks.

How many are on there?

13. I like your braces.
What colour are they?

Glitter magenta.

I'm Maggie.

I'm Birdy.

You know, it shows how much I love you,

that I don't mind you
doing this every morning.

I barely like doing this with
someone I'm sleeping with.

I know.

I spent all my money again
last night, buying drinks for

a load of people I'll
never, ever see again.

Why did you buy them drinks?

To make them like me
without having to talk.

I'll lend you.

You can't lend me any more money.

I'll just go back to the bank

and see if they'll let
me extend my overdraft.

I thought you already went
last week and they said no.

I'll try again.

I don't think it works like a tombola.

I'm such an idiot.

No you're not. You're so fun.

I'm a tragic drunk who
buys all the rounds.

You think being fun is easy

because it comes so naturally to you.

But being fun is not easy.

You're someone who actually
likes skinny dipping

and wearing bandannas and
playing snooker at the pub

and putting hot sauce on everything.

You know, that's special.

Maybe the cost of being that
special is always being overdrawn.

I just don't think that's right at all.

It is. I've spent years trying
to learn how to be fun, from you.

You are fun.

Like when?

Like when you bought those...

..pink, neon, flared
combat trousers with

the strings hanging off!

Or when you went on that

Thorpe Park roller-coaster four times.

You'd come off, sip of water,
straight back in the queue.

It was incredible.

So I've been fun,
like, twice in my life.

But that's OK.

I'm much better at things
like judging how long

a car journey is going to take.

Hmm. You are really good at that.

I love you.

Oh, I love you. Oh, I
wish you'd wear pants.

How are you feeling?

Bad.

I cannot believe you guys
did poppers last night.

We live in Camden now.

Doing poppers in Camden is like
eating a croissant in Paris.

I'll get it.

That'll be your boyfriend, Nell.

Hi, Neil. Don't eat that
straight from the jar.

Hi, guys.

Oh, my gosh.

YES! We've got a telly.

My sister had a spare one in her attic.

Thanks, babe.

Right, there is going to
be a zero-tolerance policy

for anyone taking those batteries out of

the remote for their personal devices.

Unless it's an emergency.

What personal devices?

Vibrators and dillies.

Anyway, thanks, man.

Yeah. No worries.

How's finance going?

Law.

- And Man U?
- Arsenal.

We've got to go to work.

See you tonight.

Bye. Bye.

Thanks again for the telly, Neil.

Hello. Hi.

I wonder if our degrees
are ever going to come good.

I just don't think a 2:1 in English

and Drama says anything to
an employer other than...

.."I'm completely average.

"I have got a Breakfast At Tiffany's
poster on my wall and I can't think

for myself."

I found my degree certificate
while I was unpacking.

Used it as a coaster.

Oh, my God, it's Street.

What did he say?

"Hey, sugar,

"come round mine tonight
to listen to some albums."

Hmm. I wonder how many "albums"
you're going to "listen to".

I think I shouldn't have sex
with him. What do you think?

I've never even had a boyfriend,
don't look to me for advice.

That'll do, pig, that'll do.

Kids eat for half-price today.

Look, you have to get over this
never-having-a-boyfriend stuff.

You have to admit, it's weird.
I'm a quarter of a century old.

Look, we're in this grubby,

golden phase of life
that is so short-lived.

We should just enjoy it

- for what it is.
- We need experiences.

Having a relationship is
an experience. Isn't it?

What are you going to wear?

I don't know, something
quite understated, I think.

He's so cool and I'm so not

and he needs to not know
what a try-hard I am.

Femme Fatale by the Velvet Underground

? Here she comes

? You better watch your step

? She's going to break your heart in two

That is a good Nico impression.

I told you.

You were really lame
at school, weren't you?

You were, weren't you?

You were a loser who wore
rockabilly dresses and ate

Toffee Crisps in the school toilets.

How insightful.

Do the Nico voice again.

No.

Do it, Big Bird.

Hello. Oh, God, that's
my flatmate, Nathan.

He's not actually my mate.
He works in insurance.

I found him on Gumtree.

All right?

All right? Nathan, this is Maggie.

Hi. Hi!

Er, don't worry, I'll
be out of your way soon,

I'm just getting changed,
then going to the gym.

Nathan's marathon training.

Wow, amazing. How's it going?

Er, pretty bad, to be honest.
Yeah, painful and boring.

Why are you doing it?

I don't know. Something to do.

Nathan needs to have sex.
And then he'll stop...

What's that word you

and your mates use at the gym? Grating.

- Shredding.
- Have you got any single friends?

Er, that isn't necessary.

Yeah, loads. Maybe I'll
give you Birdy's number.

Was she there the other night?

Yeah, she's the little
one with dark hair.

She's the best person in the world.

Who were those other two?

Nell and Amara. We met them at uni.

Nell's got a boyfriend, though,

and Amara only ever seems

to date spoken-word performers
or Southern Europeans.

That doesn't seem to
be your immediate vibe,

if you don't mind me saying.

Birdy it is. Thanks, mate.

I'll give you her number.

Cheers.

Er, well, you guys have a good evening.

Yo, Tank?

Tank?

Yeah, yeah, I know, mate,
I'll be there shortly.

Well, just try to grab

the dumbbells before anyone else does.

- Do you see what I mean?
- Yeah. But he's nice, though.

Yeah, but just the kind of guy who's

a bit too into barbecued food,
you know? Hmm. Or who says...

"Brazilian women are THE
sexiest women on Earth."

Exactly.

I'm having people over on Friday night.

You know, play some
music. Get fucked up.

Do you want to come?
You could do your Nico.

Maybe.

We're out of wine. Whisky?

Erm, I think I'm actually
going to head off.

Oh.

Yeah, just... work and
stuff to do tomorrow.

Bye, Street.

One more time, one more time.

No... No. I can't rap.

Stop calling it a "rap".

You're really good. Come on.

? I woke up today

? With this feelin' that
better things are comin' my way

? And if the sunshine
has meaning Telling me not

? To let things get in my way

? When the rainy days are dyin'
Got to keep on, keep on tryin'

? All the bees and birds are flyin'

? Aaaaah

? Never let go, got to hold on and

? Nonstop till the break of dawn
and keep movin', don't stop rockin'

? Aaaaah

Hi!

Thank God.

Shoes off. How'd it go?

Yeah. Good, I think.
Playing the long game.

- Kiss?
- Yeah. Nothing else, though.

I'm, erm, eking it out.

Don't want to use up all of his
attention too quickly, you know?

- When's his birthday?
- Dunno.

I can find out. What's his name?

Baxter. Street Baxter.

Wait, what do you mean,
"use up his attention"?

He's either into you or he isn't.

Hmm. I think he probably has
loads of other girls on the go.

So there's an allotted amount
of attention for each of us.

That is so rank.

Gemini. Knew it.

I'm the one in control, though. I left.

So now I'm going to go upstairs,
watch videos of his band on YouTube,

and wank furiously.

It's all very feminist-y, don't worry.

OK, we need to talk
about that word again.

I've got your star sign
compatibility trial here.

- Do you want me to email it to you?
- Yeah, obviously.

Done.

Oh, what if he thinks I'm frigid?

I wish someone thought I was frigid.

Things can only get batter
at Amy Lou's Pancake House.

Oh, unknown number.

Oh, I got that one.

Chicken dippers free
with every large pizza.

Weird, it's from some guy called Nathan.

No way! What?

That's Street's flatmate.

He asked me if I had any single friends,

- so I gave him your number.
- That is so random he text you.

Such a 30-year-old thing to do.

Well, it's not "random" at
all if you gave him my number.

What's he like?

Fine. I only chatted to him briefly,

but he seems completely
average and normal.

- Surely that's good?
- Not really.

You know when you need
to buy something practical

but you don't want to
spend too much money on it?

He's like that. He's like a
light bulb or a plug adaptor.

So, is he tall? Is he short?
I don't know, what does he do?

He is tall. Plain of face,

sort of a potato-smiley-shaped face.

I think Street said he
worked in recruitment.

Or energy. Some sort
of boring abstract noun.

He sounds nice.

Yeah, but you could do loads better.

- I don't think I'm as fussy as you.
- I'm not fussy.

Maybe I'll end up with a plug adaptor.

I hate when you say stuff like that.

You're not going to end
up with a plug adaptor,

you're going to end up
with someone dazzling.

I don't want to end up
with someone "dazzling",

I feel tired even saying that word.

You make it sound like we all
need to go out with Elton John.

Fine, go for it.

Seems like a really unstressful shag.

Shall I reply now?

Or is that too soon? Oh, I'm schwitzing.

And what will you say?

Erm... "Dinner sounds lovely."

- He asked you for dinner?
- That's mental.

You're not going to agree to
that, are you? What are you saying?

Stop being so nosy.

Let me see what you're going to say.

Give it back. Give it back, Maggs.

No, no. Give it back!

Ah!

Oh, Birdy.

Maggs. Can you help me? Quickly.

Grab my arm. Please. Can
you grab my both my arms?

How long has she been getting ready?

Three and a half hours.

Birdy?

I'm fine.

I'm coming in.

I'm not fine, I'm freaking out.

OK. Talk to me.

I'm just so nervous about
what we're going to talk about

and whether I hug him hello.

And what... what do I wear?

- OK, you need to chill out.
- I know.

- First things first.
- I know you're stressed.

But what is the one thing
you and I have always sworn

to each other? Always, no matter what?

That we would never wear
a waist belt with a dress.

Why?

Because it doesn't nip in
your waist, that's a lie.

OK. Already much better.

- What's this?
- It's a list of things

to talk about in case there
are any awkward silences.

Council tax? Yeah.

Russell Brand? Maggie!

OK. Listen to me. Listen to me.

You don't know this, and
perhaps you'll never know this

and that is why you're so
adorable. You are the sweetest,

funniest person in any room.

You on bad form is

a level of charm that most people
don't get to in their entire life.

OK... OK. Thanks.

You look lush. Where's he taking you?

Oh. Italian restaurant.

Can you believe this is the
first date I've ever been on?

Happy date-mitzvah.

Oh, thanks, Nell.

Do you know, I've got a
belt that would look great

with that dress, if
you want to borrow it?

You know, I'm just...
I'm just going to go.

Don't overthink it. Have fun.

Oh, erm, I've washed your whites,

they're hanging on the rack with mine.

Do you still not know how
to do your own laundry?

Oh, leave her.

She does a loads for
me. And I like doing it.

She likes doing it. You
two are so co-dependent.

Bye.

I'm sorry, but I think
it's very creepy for him

to take her to a restaurant
on their first date.

And I don't think we should
be going on first dates in

the first month we move in together.

This is meant to be cordoned off
as sacred housemate bonding time.

Erm, you went on a first date last week.

Oh, Nell's in one of her
rational Scottish moods.

What are your plans tonight?

Erm, don't know. What
are you doing, date night?

Yeah. Looking forward to it?

I'm looking forward to
tomorrow morning when it's done.

You know? When you don't have
to think about it for a while.

- Like putting out the bins.
- Where's Amara?

She's out with some of
her work lot, I think.

Ah. See you in the morning.

Have fun!

Nathan?

Birdy.

Hello.

Hey. Oh...!

Sorry, I never know
whether to do one or two.

No, neither do I. I
think I messed that up so,

anyway, sit down. I'll get
that for you. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

Hi, this is Street, I'm
not here. Leave a message.

Fuck it!

? Oh, ee-oh, am I just
about to lose my mind?

? It was fun for five minutes

? But I preferred
it when I had less time

- Hey.
- Hi. How are you?

All good, what's up?

Hmm, I just thought I'd drop in.
I'm on a night out in East London.

Oh, yeah, don't worry about that.

What do you mean?

I'm just kind of tied up,
so don't worry about coming.

Oh. I mean, you could
come when everyone's gone.

But I don't know when they'll be gone.

Like, sometime after midnight, maybe?

So... I'm your dial-a-pussy, now.

Maggie, you called me.

I don't know what kind of
girl you think I am, Street.

But I'm not

going to feel grateful
that some musician wants

to booty-call me once his
cool friends have left.

Who, I can already tell,

have some very dumb
ideas about Neil Young.

Who sings like an old...
feeble... nan! Maggie...

I'm not that kind of girl.
So goodbye and fuck you!

OK, baby.

Oh, erm...

Oh, no, no. Please, I'd
love to. If you don't mind.

No, no, I don't mind.

Erm, that's really
nice of you, thank you.

You are welcome. It's
my pleasure. Thank you.

We could, erm, go to
a bar if you fancy it,

or... we could go back
to mine for a drink.

If that... If that's not too forward.

Yeah. I... I've got
leg day at 6am tomorrow.

Oh. Yeah.

- Fuck it.
- Yeah, fuck it! Who needs legs?!

Yeah, let's get legless!

Don't worry about that.

Leave me a message and
I'll get back to you. Bye.

Hey, Bird. Terrible evening. Erm, I

got to the point where I'm telling

a man what "kind of
girl" I may or may not be,

which, as we know, is a bad sign.

Erm, if on the off-chance
your date isn't going well,

please come drink with
me when you're done.

Don't care how late it is. Love you.

Hi, you're through to Birdy's phone.

DRESS RIPS Oh, fuck's sake!

Birdy? Oh, fuck. Jesus Christ.

Hi.

- What are you doing?
- I came in to say...

Why do you have so many tiny towels?!

They're not tiny towels,
they're face cloths.

I'm so sorry, I didn't realise.

It's OK, it's OK.

Date went well?

Yeah.

Sex? Sh.

Finger bang? Blowie?
I'll tell you tomorrow.

Breakfast?

We're actually going for brunch
tomorrow, I think. OK, wow.

Yeah. Yeah, this place by the
canal he wants to take me to.

Apparently, they do a really,
really good Bloody Mary.

No worries. Movie night tomorrow night?

Yeah, yeah. Sure. Yeah. Are you OK?

Do you guys want a drink?

I think I should probably...

Of course. Of course.

Night. Night.

? I got brass in pocket

? I got bottle, I'm gonna use it

? Intention, I feel inventive

? Gonna make you,
make you, make you notice

? Got motion, restrained emotion

? Been driving, Detroit leaning

? No reason, just seems so pleasing

? Gonna make you,
make you, make you notice

? Gonna use my arms

? Gonna use my legs

? Gonna use my style

? Gonna use my sidestep

All right, I'm coming.

? Cos I'm gonna make you see

? There's nobody
else here No-one like me

- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com

? I'm special, so special

? I got have some of your attention