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1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:04,671
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:10,886
Hey.
Have you ever gotten
a mani‐pedi?
3
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:13,679
Uh, I've gotten
a manicure.
4
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,891
- Really?
- Uh, but I've never
got a pedicure.
5
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,185
The toes rank
second on the body
6
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:21,979
only to the testicles
in terms of how
repulsive they are.
7
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:24,941
- Hey. You know Hobe Turner?
- He was a writer on Seinfeld.
8
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:27,568
- Yeah. Of course. Yeah.
- Okay. Doing a movie
9
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,571
starring Jon Hamm,
and Jon Hamm
10
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:33,866
is playing
a Larry David‐type writer.
11
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:37,453
They're going against type,
and he wants to, uh,
12
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:39,747
follow you around,
spend a day with you.
13
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,040
Yeah, let's do it.
14
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,917
I'm gonna try and make
it happen for tomorrow.
15
00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:44,418
- That'll be fun.
- Yeah, it will be fun.
16
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,419
Susie:
We're back!
17
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,754
All right, listen.
18
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:49,048
We are not getting along
at all.
19
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,800
Susie and I are at odds.
20
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,593
Oh, my God.
I, I don't even know‐‐
21
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:53,928
- Susie: Saw your car!
- Hi!
22
00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:55,680
- Hi, ladies. Hi.
- Oh.
23
00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,306
- Well, well, well.
- Hi.
24
00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:58,432
- Hey, look who's here?
- Hey.
25
00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,893
- I'm glad you're here.
- Are you?
26
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,104
I never thought
I'd hear those words
come out of your mouth.
27
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:05,523
Okay.
So, Becky, my sister...
28
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:07,525
- Larry: Uh‐huh.
- ...is selling that house
we bought her.
29
00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:10,069
- Really?
- And what's really
interesting is,
30
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,237
it's appreciated,
31
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:12,780
because that section
of town is, like‐‐
32
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:15,074
Fantastic!
Make a little dough!
33
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,701
Becky's gonna make some money.
34
00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,911
What do you mean
she'll make some money?
35
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,579
I bought the house.
36
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:22,456
- We bought the house.
- Larry: Okay, yeah, okay.
37
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,125
- And we gave it...
- Larry: We bought the house.
38
00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:25,126
- ...as a gift.
- Okay.
39
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:26,961
A gift‐‐ It wasn't a gift
40
00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,796
for her to sell
and make money.
41
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:30,298
It was a gift for her
to live in.
42
00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:32,133
- You gave it to her.
It was a gift.
- Cheryl: Yeah. You‐‐
43
00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:34,093
I didn't give her the house
so she could sell it.
44
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,511
What if she sold it
in three days?
45
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:37,096
Would she be allowed
to keep the money?
46
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,390
- She's flipping houses now?
- She's been there for 15 years.
47
00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:40,808
That's not exactly a flip.
48
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,769
So she's gonna sell it
and make this tremendous
profit?
49
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,272
- And get everything?
- That's, that's crazy talk.
50
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,940
- Larry: That's insane.
- Why are you siding with him?
51
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,400
- What do you mean,
why am I siding with him?
- No!
52
00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,776
Jeff:
That's the right thing!
53
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,695
Listen, I don't wanna be
54
00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:53,696
in the middle of this.
55
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,364
I don't really
talk to Becky.
56
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:56,449
Why?
57
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,659
We've grown apart
through the years.
58
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,703
She calls me
Queen Elizabeth.
59
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,705
She calls herself
Princess Margaret‐‐
60
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:04,248
- Queen Elizabeth?
- Yeah.
61
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,083
Oh, yeah.
'Cause you got everything.
62
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,836
- That's what she says.
- And she's jealous.
63
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:10,588
So if you're comfortable...
64
00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:13,174
- going to her and asking
her for money‐‐
- Oh, you better believe it.
65
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:14,967
Oh, you better believe it.
I feel comfortable.
66
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,969
All right, well, you do it,
because Cheryl doesn't
feel comfortable.
67
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,763
- Is that a character?
- Larry: Yeah. Kramer.
68
00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:20,264
- Jeff: Oh.
- Oh, I feel comfortable.
69
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,976
- Cheryl: Okay.
- Oh, you better believe it.
70
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:27,897
This Hobe Turner movie
is, like, one of the‐‐
is a big thing for me.
71
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,857
‐Yeah.
‐And I'm excited to do it.
And, you know,
72
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,525
the guy is kind of
based on you.
73
00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:34,570
So the best way
I can figure it
is to just hang out.
74
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:37,031
‐You know. I ask‐‐
‐It's not gonna be easy, Jon.
75
00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,658
I'm a very complex man.
76
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,576
- Very complicated.
- (laughs) I get it.
77
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,495
But I just wanna say
I'd really appreciate it.
78
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,246
- You'd appreciate it.
- Yes, I would.
79
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:48,334
Really. This‐‐
this word "appreciate,"
it's very, very odd.
80
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,544
People seem to think
that if they use
the word "appreciate,"
81
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,546
all of a sudden,
the seas part for them.
82
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:55,383
"Oh, hey, I'm so sorry
that I...
83
00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:57,134
"I robbed your house
and burned it down.
84
00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:59,345
I'd really appreciate it if
you wouldn't tell the cops."
85
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:03,058
- You know?
- (laughing): This is exactly
what I'm talking about.
86
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:07,103
- This is perfect.
- All right. Let's order
the main course.
87
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:08,729
Yes, we should.
88
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:11,190
- There's so many
things on this.
- I can't look at these menus.
89
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,776
There's so much.
Oh, you know what?
90
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:16,737
We should just ask them.
They got‐‐ They know
what they're doing.
91
00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:17,988
Ho‐bo‐bo. Ho‐ho‐ho‐ho.
92
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,824
Why are you‐‐
Why are you doing this?
93
00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:23,411
Excuse me. What, uh‐‐
What'd you guys get?
94
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:24,995
Why do you want to know?
95
00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:26,956
Because we're about to order.
96
00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:28,666
But, uh, you have a menu.
97
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,626
Yeah, but I figured,
you know,
98
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:33,087
you're the experts,
why not copy you.
99
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,339
Why would you think
we're the experts?
100
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,841
Chinese.
101
00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:39,844
- Ai‐yah!
- That doesn't make us
an expert on food.
102
00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,053
Yeah. Yeah, I think it does.
103
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,930
I mean, if there was
a table of fat people,
104
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,348
and a table of skinny people,
105
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,392
I'd ask the fat people
what they were getting.
106
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:49,353
'Cause they're a little
more expert at eating
than the skinny people.
107
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,563
Anyway...
108
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,650
- Return to your meal.
- All: Thank you.
109
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,280
- What?
- This is gold.
110
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,408
- Schmo‐hawk.
- Yeah, schmo‐hawk.
111
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,576
- I thought I heard that.
- Yeah.
112
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,161
But I wasn't sure
I heard it right.
113
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,787
- S‐C‐H?
- S‐C‐H.
114
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:07,955
You know,
you got the "schmo."
115
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,250
- (laughing)
- It's a schmo. Yeah.
116
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:13,252
It's the browsing, right?
You can't stand it.
117
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,712
- You hate it.
- No browsing.
118
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,464
- No browsing. Yeah.
- No browsing.
119
00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:19,633
- You own this stand?
- No. I work for the owner.
120
00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:22,219
What do you do
if you have to go
to the bathroom?
121
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,472
I don't go.
122
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,806
You don't go.
123
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,183
The whole shift,
you don't go?
124
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:29,518
I can't go.
I have to watch.
125
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,020
All right. You know what?
126
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,981
Do you have to go
to the bathroom now?
127
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,150
- Go. I'll watch it.
- You'll watch it?
128
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:38,360
- I'll watch the stand. Go.
- Okay. Put this on.
129
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,154
‐Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
‐Thank you.
Thank you so‐‐
130
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,614
Yeah. You're, you're,
you're welcome.
131
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,948
I really have to go.
132
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,408
- No browsing, okay?
- No browsing.
133
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,076
- You browse, you buy.
- You browse, you buy.
134
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:48,662
‐Thank you.
‐Take your time.
Take your time.
135
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,915
Get your papers here.
Papers!
136
00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:52,876
Magazines. Newspapers!
137
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,377
Sir.
138
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:56,837
- Oh.
- Sir.
139
00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:59,173
- Sorry, no browsing.
- I'm not browsing.
140
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:02,718
The rule here is,
you buy, then browse.
141
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,845
Customer:
I browse to buy.
142
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,472
I know, but that's‐‐
I'm sorry.
143
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:07,932
That's, that's just
not gonna work.
144
00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:09,391
What the fuck?
145
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:10,976
- Hey!
- Hey.
146
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,187
Yeah, sorry. Yeah.
147
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:15,898
L.D. What the‐‐
What are you, nuts?
148
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:17,650
- No.
- Are you having
a breakdown?
149
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,235
- Richard: Hey, Jon.
- Hey, how are you?
150
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,945
‐Jon Hamm.
‐Yeah, it's nice to meet you.
Big fan.
151
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,780
What is‐‐ What the f‐‐
What, are you guys...
152
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,323
- ...escaped from
a mental institution?
- No.
153
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,908
The guy had to go
to the bathroom,
so I took over.
154
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,785
‐So get this‐‐
‐What, what are
you guys doing?
155
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,578
Jon's starring in a movie.
156
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,580
- Well, what else is new?
- And the character...
157
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,207
The character's based on me.
158
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:34,708
So he's kind of shadowing me.
159
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:36,877
What's the name of the movie?
The Biggest Asshole...
160
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,754
- ... That EverRoamed the Earth?
- Larry: Oh, I like that.
161
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:40,464
- (laughing)
- Yeah, that's, that's good.
162
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,383
- I'll tell Hobe.
- That's good.
163
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:45,261
You're a great actor,
but this could be the end.
164
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:46,554
So what are you doing?
165
00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,305
You know Michelle,
the CEO...
166
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,015
- ...I'm dating?
- Yeah, I know she's a CEO.
167
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,393
Well, I gotta go
furniture shopping
with her today.
168
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,186
Furniture shopping?
169
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,437
Yeah, but I gotta
really get going.
170
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:57,398
- Larry: Okay.
- Why don't we have a meal?
171
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,732
We haven't had dinner
in a while.
172
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,234
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's have dinner.
173
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,695
- Can, uh, Michelle come?
- No.
174
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,864
Listen, I‐‐
I really want her
to come. I‐‐
175
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,407
I really would appreciate it.
176
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:08,742
See? See what I'm saying
with the "appreciate"?
177
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,786
- I'm finally starting to get it.
I see what you're saying. Yes.
- Huh? You see it?
178
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,204
Richard:
What are you
talking about?
179
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,915
I don't succumb
to "appreciate."
180
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,251
I'm not gonna bring her.
For you, okay?
181
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,752
- Larry: Yeah.
- To honor our friendship.
182
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:21,005
- But she's gonna give me
shit for it.
- Larry: So what?
183
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:22,798
You're gonna pay
down the line for this.
184
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:25,427
- You text me where you
want to meet, asshole.
- Okay.
185
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,180
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
186
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,432
- Oh, sure.
- That was quick.
187
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:33,934
- I feel so much better.
- I'm sure you do.
188
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,603
- Get this off me.
- Okay.
189
00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:38,022
- What do I owe you?
- You owe me nothing.
190
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,899
- Nothing. Oh, boy.
- Larry: No. I insist.
191
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,819
- Yeah.
- Thank you. That piss
was worth $10, easy.
192
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,739
Well, see ya, man.
I mean, look what you did.
193
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,574
Yeah.
194
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,493
A $10 piss.
195
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:55,789
- Mm. Mm.
- And he offered me $10
to take a piss.
196
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:58,208
- Wow.
- And I'm thinking...
197
00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,377
what a great idea
for a business.
198
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:03,005
You relieve people
who have jobs
199
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,965
where they can't
use a bathroom.
200
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,593
Toll booth collectors,
shoe shine stands,
201
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,178
parking garage attendants.
202
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,764
They contact you
on your phone,
it's an app,
203
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,600
and then you go down
and man the store,
204
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:15,851
when they go to the bathroom.
205
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:17,436
Do you know how many times
I've peed
206
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,854
in a fuckin'
Gatorade bottle
207
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,439
when I couldn't find
a fuckin' bathroom?
208
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,024
Plenty of fuckin' times.
209
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:23,150
Mm‐hmm.
210
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,818
And know how
many times I forgot
211
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,278
I peed in that
Gatorade bottle
212
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,490
and drank that shit?
Once.
213
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,574
That's a fuckin'
good idea.
214
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:31,825
Thanks for sharing
that story.
215
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,243
This could be
the pee Amazon.
216
00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:35,412
- You know? This, this is big.
- This could be big.
217
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,580
- This could be very big.
- Every fuckin' where.
218
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:37,998
- Yeah.
- Very big. We need a name.
219
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,833
- Poober.
- Poober!
220
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,002
- Meh. It's too close to Uber.
- Meh.
221
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:43,671
I got something.
222
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:45,047
"Gotta Go."
223
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,174
- Like that.
That's catchy as hell.
- You like that?
224
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:50,303
♪ ♪
225
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,687
(police siren in distance)
226
00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,690
(doorbell rings)
227
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,151
- Oh. Hey!
- Hey, Becky.
228
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,530
Can I talk to you
for a minute?
229
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,366
Yeah. Okay. Come on.
230
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,784
Larry: (scoffs)
Wow.
231
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:15,786
What, did you have
a party in here?
232
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:18,247
Nope. Nope. Just me.
233
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:20,000
Can I make you
something to drink?
234
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,292
Uh, no, thanks.
235
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:24,044
Okay.
236
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,505
You know, you're trying
to sell a house.
237
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:27,965
- It's‐‐ (laughs)
- Oh.
238
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,009
It's gonna be hard
to sell a house like,
like this.
239
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,969
I gotta tidy up a bit,
I know.
240
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:34,430
You know, it's all based
on first impressions.
241
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,765
- People come over,
they're gonna see this...
- Yeah.
242
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:38,100
...and then no one's
gonna buy it.
243
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,144
All right.
I'll take care of it, Dad.
244
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,146
- (laughs) Oh. Yeah.
- Hey.
245
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:45,024
Heard about the whole
Cheryl‐Ted blowup in Mexico.
246
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,859
‐Oh.
‐(laughs)
Oh, boy.
247
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,111
- Little bit of ash. Sorry.
- Yeah, that was...
248
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,238
- That was wild.
- Yeah, that made me happy.
249
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:53,073
‐Oh, you‐‐ Really?
‐Little Miss Perfect.
Yeah.
250
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,909
It made me feel better
about myself.
251
00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:57,703
Boy, you two used
to get along so well.
252
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,663
Yeah, well, not anymore.
253
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,999
You sure I can't get you
something to drink?
254
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,001
No. What are you drinking
in the daytime for?
255
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,420
- Who drinks in the daytime?
- People who go to brunch.
256
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:07,921
Well, we're not at brunch.
257
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,799
Okay.
So I am not having
a mimosa.
258
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:13,343
- All right.
- What, what, what do you‐‐
What do you want?
259
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:15,054
- What, what's going on?
- Okay. Well,
260
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,764
obviously, I heard
you're selling the house.
261
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,390
Yeah.
(clears throat)
262
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,809
You know,
the thing is, Becky,
263
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,896
you know, I did buy you
the house, so...
264
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,939
- I know.
- It's kind of my house.
265
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,817
‐No. No, you‐‐
‐I paid for the house.
266
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,945
- And I thought it was only
fair and reasonable‐‐
- Okay.
267
00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:35,074
I'm gonna let you
keep the profits
268
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,492
to, to the house.
269
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:39,453
But of course,
I'll get my investment back.
270
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:42,790
No, no, no. No.
271
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:46,586
- Hey.
Say I gave you $700,000‐‐
- It's my house.
272
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,464
Please don't do
this to me, okay?
273
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,466
Please don't do this.
This is my house.
274
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:53,967
It's all I have left.
275
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:57,846
(sobbing): Oh, my God.
Please don't do this to me.
276
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:00,057
I, I lost my job.
277
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,809
And my boyfriend
broke up with me.
278
00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:03,685
‐Geez. Don't cry‐‐
‐He was from Poland,
279
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:06,939
and it turns out
all he wanted was a visa.
280
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,983
- (sobbing)
- Okay, you...
281
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:13,028
Forget, forget it.
You, you, you can keep
the house.
282
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,155
You can keep all the money,
keep, keep the profits.
283
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:17,116
- Keep, keep it all.
- (Becky panting)
284
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:20,619
- Is this a joke?
- No. No. No.
285
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,954
- You mean it?
- Keep it all.
286
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,915
- Thank you, Larry.
- Keep it. You can have it.
287
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:27,001
Yeah. It's okay.
288
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,840
♪
289
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,175
- Really?
- Yeah.
290
00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:36,677
- Wow.
- I know.
291
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:39,012
I think I always had a secret
little crush on her.
292
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,389
- Me too.
- Yeah.
293
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,307
It was in the daytime.
294
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,059
I love daytime sex.
295
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,644
You're filled with energy.
296
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,438
- Yes! I mean, nighttime,
you're so close to going to bed.
- Filled!
297
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,357
- Right!
- Why are you doing that
before you go to bed?
298
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:52,192
- The whole thing should be
all flipped around.
- I know.
299
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,777
- It should never happen
at night.
- The daytime.
300
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:54,945
- Always during the day.
- Yes.
301
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,488
Ah. It's Jon.
302
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,699
- What's going on?
- Nothing. We're just
going out to dinner.
303
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:01,201
- Is that working out okay?
- Yeah. Yeah.
304
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,163
Cheryl:
Where is he?
305
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:08,417
Did you have sex
with my sister Becky?
306
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,003
Who said that?
307
00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:11,753
Becky!
308
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,005
What did she say?
309
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,257
She said,
"Guess who I fucked?"
310
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:18,051
- Huh...
- Oh, my God.
311
00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:20,929
- He did.
- Oh, my God!
312
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,890
- What, what are you thinking?
- I was there,
313
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:26,560
and she was,
she‐she was upset,
she was sobbing,
314
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:28,562
and I consoled her, and...
315
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,397
And, you know, it just,
it happened.
316
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,149
- Larry: That's why.
- Yeah, what about the money?
317
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,525
I told her, uh,
318
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,402
she didn't have to, uh,
share the money with me.
319
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,738
- Oh, my God.
- That's, that's
like prostitution.
320
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,282
- It was consensual sex
between two adults!
- Oh, my God.
321
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:43,076
- There's nothing wrong
with that, as far as I know!
- Susie: She was vulnerable.
322
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:45,204
We were all in the
living room over there
323
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,705
when you gave a big speech,
324
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,415
and you were gonna
march over there
325
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,500
- and get your money back
for that house.
- I did march over there,
326
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:51,960
and then I felt sorry for her.
327
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,420
‐Oh, my‐‐
‐Yeah, you marched over there,
328
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:54,796
you got
a fuckin' blow job,
329
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:56,256
and then you gave
the house away.
330
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,217
There's a million
fuckin' women
in the world.
331
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:01,261
- You have to have sex
with Cheryl's sister?
- What?
332
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:02,888
- Oh. Hey, Jonny.
- (Jon laughs)
333
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,723
Uh, yeah.
The door was ajar.
334
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:05,891
The fuck are you
doing in my house?
335
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,434
What is Jon Hamm
doing in my house?
336
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,519
- He's, he's, um...
- Hold on. Yeah,
I should get this down.
337
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,729
He's starring in a movie,
338
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,272
and he's kind of,
you know, shadowing me.
339
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:13,899
He's bas‐‐
The character's based on me.
340
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,276
So, the character
is a disgusting pervert?
341
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,111
That's good.
(laughs)
342
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,280
It's actually not funny,
Jon Hamm.
343
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:22,115
Oh, no, no. I'm not here.
Act like I'm not here.
344
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,951
- I'm just a fly
on the wall. Just, uh‐‐
- Larry: Hey.
345
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,452
- New sneaks?
- Oh, yeah.
346
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,079
- Good, right?
How comfortable?
- Love 'em.
347
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,623
‐Yeah.
‐Cheryl: Hey, guys?
This is not the time, okay?
348
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,250
It's my house,
you're in my house.
349
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,043
- Jon: I'm terribly sorry.
- You crossed a line...
350
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,628
- ...this time.
- You crossed a line!
351
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,171
- Oh, my God.
- Larry: I didn't cross a line.
352
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,298
I went over the line
that you already crossed.
353
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:39,633
- What?
- Larry: He's a friend.
354
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,927
Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry.
Ted and Larry,
355
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,513
it's just like
you and your sister.
It's the same thing.
356
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,974
- It's nowhere close.
- It is not close.
357
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:49,977
It is close! She slept
with my friend, Ted Danson.
358
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,812
‐Okay?
‐Larry: Okay.
That's fine.
359
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:54,314
- But I can't sleep
with her sister?
- It feels like the same thing.
360
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:57,484
- Because Ted is like
a sister to Larry.
- Larry: Yeah!
361
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,486
No. It's a relationship
with Ted.
362
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,446
- It's not,
I didn't just go have s‐‐
- Larry: Oh, it's a relationship?
363
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,240
Who's to say that I'm not
gonna have a relationship
364
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:04,741
- with Becky,
what do you mean?
- Cheryl: Oh, my God.
365
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:07,202
Susie:
You know how jealous
Becky is of Cheryl.
366
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:10,831
You know that Becky thinks
of herself as Princess Margaret,
367
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,791
and that Cheryl
is Queen Elizabeth.
368
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,960
- Yeah. Right.
- Yeah. Oh, and you think
you're Prince Philip?
369
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,169
Is that what you're saying?
370
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:17,671
- Yeah.
- Cheryl: Oh, my God.
371
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:20,674
Prince Philip would put
a fucking gun to his head
372
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:22,968
before he had you
representing him.
373
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,012
Again, real quick,
are we talking about
The Crown now?
374
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,638
- Yeah.
- How good is that show?
375
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:29,016
You know what, Jon Hamm,
it was nice meeting you.
376
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,684
But, really,
this is between us.
377
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:33,478
You know what,
I've heard enough.
Come on, Jonny. Let's go eat.
378
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,147
- I'll call you.
- You've had enough...
379
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,606
- ...you petty piece of shit.
- Thank you so much,
by the way.
380
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,650
Susie:
Yeah, it's great.
It's great.
381
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,154
- Go, go be him, asshole.
- Thank you.
382
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,534
- Aw, man.
- Larry: What are you doing?
383
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:50,620
You just plopped
that into your,
into your water?
384
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:53,206
Yeah, I plopped it in
because I like lime
with my water.
385
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:55,709
I know but they,
they don't wash
these rinds.
386
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,502
You gotta have
some trust in people.
387
00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:00,213
You ever see
signs in bathrooms,
"Wash before leaving"?
388
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,923
It doesn't matter
if their hands are clean.
389
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,550
‐Richard: They don't have to‐‐
‐The rind's dirty.
390
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:06,094
- You get a disease.
- Aah, please.
391
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,721
It's bullshit.
392
00:14:07,722 --> 00:14:10,057
And I'm really irked
about something, man.
393
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,476
Did you say "irked"?
394
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,561
- Yeah, irked.
- I never heard you use
that word before, but go ahead.
395
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:17,731
I'm irked because‐‐
with all due respect‐‐
396
00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:19,357
Jon is here, and Michelle is‐‐
397
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:20,942
you wouldn't let Michelle
come to dinner.
398
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,903
I have to watch
my Ps and Qs.
399
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,696
I don't wanna watch
Ps and Qs.
400
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,114
Do you wanna watch
Ps and Qs?
401
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:27,991
What are you, Shari Lewis?
Where's Lamb Chop?
402
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:29,701
- In your pants?
- (laughing)
403
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:33,038
- Look, she's irked.
- She's irked.
404
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,539
So you're both irked?
405
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:38,210
She's so angry at me
that I had to, you know,
make an excuse.
406
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:39,586
Oh. What did you say?
407
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,379
I said you had
a bleeding rectum,
408
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,131
and that you were
worried and scared,
409
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,883
and you needed
to talk to me alone,
410
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,219
and you'd be embarrassed
if she heard it.
411
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,763
Are you out of
your fucking mind?
412
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:51,640
- Well...
- You couldn't think of
a better excuse than that?
413
00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,558
You should have called me.
I got thousands of 'em.
414
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,977
- I can't even face her now.
- Why not?
415
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,105
Nobody respects a person
with a bleeding rectum.
416
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,273
You think Lincoln
could have prosecuted a war
417
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:02,067
if people knew he had
a bleeding rectum?
418
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,944
And by the way, when you
come to the dinner party
419
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,612
in a few days,
I would not mention it.
420
00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:07,405
Who mentions that
at a dinner party?
421
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,950
Do I still have it
or‐or am I over it?
422
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:12,035
No, I left it open.
423
00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:14,329
Sorry to hear that.
424
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,997
Jon:
I also‐‐ Can I say,
425
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,624
we ordered this
kind of for the table,
426
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,793
and I feel like you've
gone way over your
427
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,336
appetizer allotment
at this point.
428
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,588
- My allotment?
- Jon: Well,
there's three of us.
429
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,466
- We each get a third.
- Who makes up
that fuckin' rule?
430
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,176
Both:
It's an unwritten rule.
431
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,678
Oh, my God.
432
00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:31,429
There's two Larry Davids.
433
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,306
Holy shit.
434
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:34,724
Pretty good.
435
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:37,270
Pretty, pretty good.
436
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,858
Both:
Aah.
437
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:44,944
(knocking on door)
438
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,948
- She threw me out.
- She threw you out?
439
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,242
- Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yep.
- Why?
440
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:55,745
Well, she doesn't like
the way I defended you
being with Becky.
441
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:58,582
- Come on in.
Make yourself at home.
- I will.
442
00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,833
I, I gotta go.
443
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:01,334
- Where are you going?
- I'm going to Becky's.
444
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:04,337
Oh. If you keep going
to Becky's,
445
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:06,214
I can't go home.
446
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,674
Keep going to Becky's.
447
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:09,593
- I'll see you later.
- Bedroom's upstairs.
448
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:11,344
- Second one.
- Got it.
449
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:13,221
Okay.
450
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:15,474
(clattering)
451
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:22,148
♪ ♪
452
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:30,363
(whistling)
453
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,867
(clattering)
454
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,330
No.
455
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:42,543
♪ ♪
456
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,381
You're welcome.
457
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,891
(both laughing)
458
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:01,437
We did it.
We did it!
459
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,899
You didn't expect
an airport drop‐off,
did you?
460
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:08,485
- Nope. Nobody expects
an airport drop‐off anymore.
- Ah? Airport drop‐off.
461
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,987
- All right, well,
have fun skiing.
- I will.
462
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,572
I'll text you when I land.
463
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:14,074
- Eh, not necessary.
- I didn't really want to.
464
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,659
- Yeah.
- It's like an extra,
unnecessary step.
465
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:18,203
- I'll find out if you're dead.
- Yeah, yeah. You'll know.
466
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,746
- Yeah.
- You got big plans
for when I'm gone?
467
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,373
I'm gonna help
a friend out
468
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,083
with his, uh,
with his new business.
469
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,292
- Cool.
- Yeah.
470
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,128
- Thank you.
- Bye.
471
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:30,131
Leon:
He told her you had
a bleeding rectum?
472
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,259
Yeah. Now I gotta
walk around
473
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,594
knowing this woman thinks
I have a bleeding rectum.
474
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:35,720
I can't live like that.
475
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,264
'Cause once that
starts to spread,
476
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:38,431
she's gonna tell everybody.
477
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,808
And the worst part is,
478
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,768
no one's ever gonna know
that the bleeding stopped.
479
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:44,312
People are thinkin',
how does he stop
the bleedin'?
480
00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:45,605
Is he wearin' a pad?
481
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,399
Is he, is he a little boy,
a little Dutch boy
482
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,650
with his finger in his ass,
483
00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:50,694
with wooden shoes on,
with socks to his knee,
484
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,946
little shorts on, little vest,
little top hat on,
485
00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:54,781
with his finger
in your damn rectum?
486
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,449
Right. Right.
487
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,451
Hey.
There's a parking lot.
488
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,120
- Woo, let's go.
- Yeah, let's do it.
489
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:03,499
(laughing)
Get to work, baby.
"Gotta Go"!
490
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,126
Can I help you guys?
491
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:08,461
We got, uh, we got a little
business proposition for you.
492
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:09,629
My name's Larry.
493
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,047
- Hey, Larry.
- This is Leon.
494
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,799
- I'm Bill.
- Here. Here you go, Bill.
495
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,092
- "Gotta Go"?
- That's right.
496
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,136
You ever sit in that booth
at this time of day
497
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,929
and gotta go to the bathroom,
what do you do?
498
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,180
I just stay in the booth.
499
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,016
I can't go anywhere,
just gotta hold it in.
500
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:23,018
Until now.
For a dollar a minute,
501
00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:24,894
five dollar minimum,
I will sit in that booth
502
00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:26,479
while you go
and use the bathroom.
503
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,189
- You're serious?
- Very serious.
504
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,317
- Right now,
I really have to go.
- Larry: Go!
505
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:31,484
Leon:
Go ahead, brother.
506
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:33,111
- I'll be right back.
- My man.
507
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,821
- Thank you.
- My man, I got you!
508
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:36,406
My man, you gotta go!
509
00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:37,699
Ha‐ha!
510
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,492
- Look at this shit,
Larry. Woo!
- Huh? Told ya.
511
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:42,455
- Did I tell ya? Huh? I told ya!
- You fuckin' told me, Larry.
512
00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:46,916
- You order a "Gotta Go"?
- Yes, I gotta go.
513
00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:48,501
- Okay. You go.
- Thank you.
514
00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:50,795
- Before I gotta go.
Get on out of here.
- Okay.
515
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,466
- Gino! Go handle
your business.
- Bye.
516
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,304
- (spits)
- Hey. Excuse me.
517
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:02,015
- You just spat on my shoe.
- It's a fuckin' spit shine.
518
00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:03,350
- It's a‐‐ Stop!
- (spits)
519
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:04,893
Stop!
Stop spitting on my shoe.
520
00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,269
I'm not, I'm not paying
for this.
521
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,896
- Okay?
- Your tips are appreciated.
522
00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:10,815
Give me a fuckin' break.
I'm not giving you a cent.
523
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,985
Fuck it, then.
I don't give a fuck.
I don't work here.
524
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,237
Woo!
525
00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:18,573
Ha‐ha! Woo!
526
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,701
♪ ♪
527
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:24,996
Thank you.
528
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,247
- Thank you for having me.
- Thank you.
529
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,874
- Yes, indeed.
- My pleasure to have you.
530
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,376
- And by the way,
your home is lovely.
- You're welcome.
531
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,044
I should be complimenting
you, too, because‐‐
532
00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:32,629
Richard:
Well, I did pick out,
533
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,172
I would say,
a majority of the stuff.
534
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,174
Jon:
Well, I can tell.
Great taste.
535
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,759
Michelle (muttering):
He's sitting down, Richard.
536
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:38,927
Richard, he's sitting down.
I can't‐‐
537
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,595
He's gotta sit somewhere.
538
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,222
- I can't‐‐
I don't want‐‐
- You know what?
539
00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:44,391
You can't sit on the arm.
It's too thin.
540
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:46,935
- No, I like a thick, cushy arm.
- I agree with you.
541
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:50,063
Excuse me, everyone,
but dinner is ready.
542
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,232
- Please follow me
into the dining room.
- Okay.
543
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,650
This way.
544
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:57,153
We have assigned seating,
so everyone find your name.
545
00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:59,698
- Jon: Here we are.
- Welcome. Here we are.
546
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,241
Richard, darling, this way.
547
00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,992
- Richard: Thank you, babe.
- Michelle: Next to me.
548
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,411
- Thank you.
- Michelle.
549
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:07,038
Wh‐what's with the, uh,
wooden chair here?
550
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,790
Oh, you know,
I'm so sorry.
551
00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:10,917
I‐I‐‐ This set only
comes with seven chairs.
552
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,711
- Seven chairs.
- Richard:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
553
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,421
- How unusual.
- Richard:
I was with her.
554
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,840
‐I never heard of that before.
‐Yeah. You know what?
It was odd.
555
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:19,384
It was weird,
but I, I loved them,
so, I went with it.
556
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:21,094
- Ah.
- Richard: Hey,
we're having a dinner.
557
00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:23,471
- Come on.
Let's enjoy ourselves.
- Okay, sure. You're right.
558
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:25,473
- Let's all enjoy.
Let's enjoy.
- Yes!
559
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,058
- Michelle: Let's enjoy.
- Let's enjoy.
560
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,852
- That's the spirit.
That's the spirit.
- There we go.
561
00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:30,353
- Yes, let's enjoy.
- Bless the new table.
562
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:32,772
- About time.
- Can I, uh, talk to you
in the kitchen...
563
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:33,898
- ...for a second?
- Who, me?
564
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,066
- Yeah.
- What now?
565
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,860
You got me sitting
in that wooden chair?
566
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:39,154
- It's embarrassing.
- It's new furniture.
567
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:41,614
She's afraid if you sit on it,
you're gonna ruin it.
568
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:43,324
I don't have
a bleeding rectum. Okay?
569
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:44,826
And even if I did,
570
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,453
it's not gonna bleed
onto the chair.
571
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:49,164
How stupid!
You could have said
a million different things.
572
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,790
A rectum came
to my mind first.
573
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:53,293
You could have at least
said I was better,
that I was over it.
574
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:54,961
- I forgot.
- All right.
575
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:56,129
The chair's in the house.
576
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,548
You tell the CEO
that I want that chair.
577
00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:00,049
You can't get one.
578
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,468
If I don't get
a normal chair,
579
00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:04,304
I'm gonna blow this
bullshit bleeding rectum story
580
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:06,222
sky high. Okay?
581
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:07,891
So get me a normal chair.
582
00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:09,517
I'd really appreciate it.
583
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:11,311
All right,
you'll get the chair.
584
00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:12,812
- Okay?
- Michelle: That's great.
585
00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:14,898
Let's get
the salads, and...
586
00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:17,442
egg rolls out.
We'll wait about
15 minutes for dinner?
587
00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:19,110
Hey, Michelle.
Hi, honey.
588
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,654
- Hi. What's going on?
- Listen, I spoke to Larry,
589
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,782
and he's really embarrassed,
and, uh...
590
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,325
you gotta get him the chair.
591
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:27,535
- Oh, no. Absolutely not.
- You have to get him
a regular chair.
592
00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:29,245
No, he's not‐‐
he's not sitting
in the chair.
593
00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:32,665
- No.
- He said he'd really
appreciate it.
594
00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:35,418
Really? He said that?
He said he would appreciate it?
595
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:37,504
Yeah,
I wouldn't lie to you.
596
00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:39,172
Okay. Okay, fine.
Fine, fine.
597
00:21:39,173 --> 00:21:41,257
Let him, let him sit
in the chair, but...
598
00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:43,676
if he bleeds in my new chair,
599
00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:45,679
you're in big fuckin' trouble.
600
00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:48,681
(sighs)
601
00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:50,099
- All: Ooh.
- Mm.
602
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,643
Cassie:
Okay. So, Jon.
603
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:54,979
- you're playing
a Larry‐type character...
- Yes.
604
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,481
...in this movie.
So, uh,
605
00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:57,941
what does
the character even do?
606
00:21:57,942 --> 00:21:59,859
- He's a sitcom writer.
- Cassie: Of course.
607
00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:01,694
Uh, but the whole‐‐
Very successful.
The whole thing is,
608
00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:04,531
it turns out that
the thing he's most known for,
609
00:22:04,532 --> 00:22:07,075
his big sitcom
that he created,
610
00:22:07,076 --> 00:22:09,536
he stole it from
an Australian sitcom.
611
00:22:09,537 --> 00:22:11,120
- Larry: What?
- The guy's a total fraud.
612
00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:12,247
He stole the idea.
613
00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:13,331
‐He stole‐‐
‐What?
614
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,707
What do you mean?
Stole it?
615
00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:15,792
I didn't steal anything.
616
00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:17,043
No, in the movie,
not you.
617
00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:18,753
- It sort of implies that...
- Larry: Yeah!
618
00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:20,296
- ...their show is stolen.
- Larry: Yes!
619
00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:22,048
The character's name
is Lawrence Dean.
620
00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:23,716
- Lawrence Dean? What?
- It isn't the same
as Larry David.
621
00:22:23,717 --> 00:22:27,178
Hey, hey, hey.
Guess what I found?
I found a chair!
622
00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:28,555
All:
Oh!
623
00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:30,265
Yes! Hey!
624
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:32,934
- What a miracle.
- Richard:
It was in the garage.
625
00:22:32,935 --> 00:22:34,227
Michelle: How come
you didn't tell me?
626
00:22:34,228 --> 00:22:35,645
Richard:
I didn't know it was a chair.
627
00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:36,896
- It was all wrapped up.
- Ooh.
628
00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:38,231
It was wrapped up
in plastic.
629
00:22:38,232 --> 00:22:40,400
I thought it was, uh,
my dead grandmother's ghost.
630
00:22:40,401 --> 00:22:43,069
- I didn't know
what the fuck it was.
- How could you not tell me?
631
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:45,029
- What a lucky thing.
- Richard: Yeah.
632
00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:47,490
Because they didn't know,
and they just found it
633
00:22:47,491 --> 00:22:49,909
‐in the garage.
‐It all worked out.
Look at that!
634
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:52,245
- They're very comfortable,
very pretty.
- Larry: Yeah.
635
00:22:52,246 --> 00:22:54,664
It's very bouncy.
It's, it's kind of bouncy.
636
00:22:54,665 --> 00:22:55,874
Larry:
Yeah. I love this chair.
637
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:57,250
Jon:
Now we can eat.
638
00:22:57,251 --> 00:22:59,377
- Want more of these?
- Larry: Ah. Love Chinese.
639
00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,213
Thank you.
640
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:05,967
You guys, do you pick up
the rice bowl and eat it
like this?
641
00:23:05,968 --> 00:23:08,678
Or do you start
on the table,
642
00:23:08,679 --> 00:23:10,889
and then pick it up,
pick the rice up?
643
00:23:10,890 --> 00:23:12,432
You pick up
the bowl first.
644
00:23:12,433 --> 00:23:13,892
Oh, you pick it right‐‐
eat it right out
of the bowl.
645
00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:15,143
Yeah, eat right out
of the bowl.
646
00:23:15,144 --> 00:23:17,061
It's just like eating it
over the garbage can.
647
00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:18,938
‐Alex: Huh?
‐Larry: Yeah, yeah.
In a way.
648
00:23:18,939 --> 00:23:20,607
Oh, Michelle.
649
00:23:20,608 --> 00:23:23,568
- The walnut shrimp
is scrumptious.
- Mm.
650
00:23:23,569 --> 00:23:24,819
Scrumptious?
651
00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:26,864
- You think so?
- It's really good.
652
00:23:27,531 --> 00:23:29,909
- What are we waiting for?
- I mean, come on. Come on.
653
00:23:30,659 --> 00:23:32,493
- Larry: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- What are you doing?
654
00:23:32,494 --> 00:23:34,746
- What are you doing?
I want the walnut shrimp?
- What are you doing?
655
00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:37,957
Andy:
I'm turning the Lazy Susan
the way it should be turned.
656
00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:39,834
- In order.
- Larry: No, no,
no, no, no.
657
00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:42,587
A Lazy Susan is like
a roundabout, okay?
658
00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:44,839
I'm sorry,
I don't think
you're right.
659
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,633
‐Cassie: Okay, can I‐‐
‐I don't think you know
how a roundabout works.
660
00:23:46,634 --> 00:23:48,301
It's first come, first serve.
That's a roundabout.
661
00:23:48,302 --> 00:23:50,803
- I do know how
a roundabout works.
- I don't think you do.
662
00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:53,097
- It works like a Lazy Susan.
- Larry: No!
663
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:54,891
‐The cars‐‐
‐That's now how
a lazy Susan works.
664
00:23:54,892 --> 00:23:56,517
- Can I ask you a favor, please?
- It's how a lazy Susan‐‐
665
00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:58,269
Can I ask you both a favor?
666
00:23:58,270 --> 00:24:01,189
Can you please not use
that term "Lazy Susan"?
667
00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:03,983
It's got racist and sexist
connotations,
668
00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:05,443
and I'd really prefer
669
00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:07,820
- you just not call it that.
- Whoa.
670
00:24:07,821 --> 00:24:09,197
- Larry: Lazy Susan?
- Yes.
671
00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:10,865
Who's that racist towards?
Susans?
672
00:24:10,866 --> 00:24:12,909
- Larry: That's crazy.
Where'd you get that?
- Cassie: Okay.
673
00:24:12,910 --> 00:24:14,953
I would just like you
to not use the term.
674
00:24:14,954 --> 00:24:16,746
You're right.
You know what?
It should be‐‐
675
00:24:16,747 --> 00:24:18,748
We should definitely
start using
the Ambitious Susan.
676
00:24:18,749 --> 00:24:21,125
Yes, yes. Please spin
the Indefatigable Susan.
677
00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:25,004
Oh, can we have
the Multifaceted Susan
my way, please?
678
00:24:25,005 --> 00:24:26,839
Yeah, spin
the Industrious Susan.
679
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:29,008
Ooh, can you spin
Ambidextrous Susan,
please.
680
00:24:29,009 --> 00:24:30,510
- Oh, the Ambidextrous Susan.
- Yes, both ways.
681
00:24:30,511 --> 00:24:32,303
- Both: Both ways.
- So funny. You want it?
682
00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:35,390
- You want it?
You want your stuff?
- Whoa!
683
00:24:35,391 --> 00:24:37,350
♪ ♪
684
00:24:37,351 --> 00:24:39,144
- (gasps)
- Whoa!
685
00:24:45,234 --> 00:24:46,902
Richard:
Oh, man.
686
00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:50,363
- Andy: Oh, boy.
- What did you do?
687
00:24:50,364 --> 00:24:52,198
‐Larry: What? I, I didn't‐‐
‐What did you do?
688
00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:55,034
- She spun the thing
around like that.
- The thing, it was too fast.
689
00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:58,371
- You wouldn't shut up!
- (all arguing)
690
00:24:58,372 --> 00:25:00,873
I don't give a shit!
I want you out!
691
00:25:00,874 --> 00:25:03,793
- You're kicking me out?
- Michelle: Yeah. And you,
692
00:25:03,794 --> 00:25:05,712
Larry David Junior,
you can go, too.
693
00:25:05,713 --> 00:25:07,547
- You're kicking me out.
- Yes, Jon Hamm.
694
00:25:07,548 --> 00:25:10,216
- Hey, you're getting kicked out.
Look at that, beautiful.
- What's up, huh? Hey.
695
00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:12,427
Out!
696
00:25:12,428 --> 00:25:14,804
- All right.
- All right.
697
00:25:14,805 --> 00:25:17,056
- Okay. (grunts)
- We should, uh...
698
00:25:17,057 --> 00:25:18,726
- Eh.
- Eh.
699
00:25:25,482 --> 00:25:27,233
(cell phone rings)
700
00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:28,651
Larry:
Hey.
701
00:25:28,652 --> 00:25:30,903
Becky: Larry.
Oh, thank God
you answered.
702
00:25:30,904 --> 00:25:33,156
I just got in a huge accident
on Mount‐‐
703
00:25:33,157 --> 00:25:34,615
- (screams)
- Wha?
704
00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:36,701
Becky (over phone):
It was a ski schoolof children.
705
00:25:36,702 --> 00:25:38,953
They just flew
right in front of me. Ow!
706
00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:41,622
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
707
00:25:41,623 --> 00:25:43,124
They're taking me
to a hospital,
708
00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:44,751
and I don't‐‐
I just don't know
where it is or...
709
00:25:44,752 --> 00:25:47,003
- I don't know this town.
- Okay, don't worry
about a thing.
710
00:25:47,004 --> 00:25:48,504
I'll be on the next flight
to Denver.
711
00:25:48,505 --> 00:25:50,423
- You would do that for me?
- Of course.
712
00:25:50,424 --> 00:25:53,259
Oh, my God, Larry.
You really are a prince.
713
00:25:53,260 --> 00:25:55,428
Don't worry. I'm calling
my travel agent right now.
714
00:25:55,429 --> 00:25:58,181
Thank you so, so much.
Ow!
715
00:25:58,182 --> 00:25:59,974
- (phone rings)
- Westside Travel and Tour.
716
00:25:59,975 --> 00:26:02,769
‐Eliza speaking.
‐Oh, hi. It's Larry David.
I have an emergency.
717
00:26:02,770 --> 00:26:04,937
I need to get
on the next flight
to Denver, please.
718
00:26:04,938 --> 00:26:07,106
I've got one leaving
in an hour and 40 minutes.
719
00:26:07,107 --> 00:26:09,067
Perfect. Fantastic.
Book it.
720
00:26:09,068 --> 00:26:11,110
Eliza:
Oh, you're lucky.There's only one seat left.
721
00:26:11,111 --> 00:26:13,322
19E.
722
00:26:14,948 --> 00:26:16,449
19E.
723
00:26:16,450 --> 00:26:19,495
It's a coach seat.
Oh, it's a middle seat.
724
00:26:21,330 --> 00:26:23,081
Shall I book it?
725
00:26:23,082 --> 00:26:25,166
Any other flights
going to Denver?
726
00:26:25,167 --> 00:26:27,210
We've got a two,
a four,
727
00:26:27,211 --> 00:26:28,628
and a six.
728
00:26:28,629 --> 00:26:32,799
Anything in rows...
one through four?
729
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,260
The only thing left
is coach.
730
00:26:36,386 --> 00:26:37,513
Okay.
731
00:26:38,639 --> 00:26:40,807
Give me the next
first‐class flight to Denver.
732
00:26:40,808 --> 00:26:43,309
It's not until 9:00 p. m.
733
00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:45,561
9:00 p. m. Perfect.
I'll take it. Book it.
734
00:26:45,562 --> 00:26:46,939
Eliza:
Very well.
735
00:26:50,317 --> 00:26:52,444
(cell phone rings)
736
00:26:55,531 --> 00:26:56,447
Hey.
737
00:26:56,448 --> 00:26:57,365
Hey, Larry.
738
00:26:57,366 --> 00:26:58,616
I got a "Gotta Go"
emergency.
739
00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,284
I'm at the shoe shine shop,
right?
740
00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:02,078
And the guy must have
food poisoning.
741
00:27:02,079 --> 00:27:03,830
He's stuck on the fuckin'
toilet right now.
742
00:27:03,831 --> 00:27:05,164
So? What do you want
me to do?
743
00:27:05,165 --> 00:27:06,749
I need you to cover for me
at the newsstand.
744
00:27:06,750 --> 00:27:08,584
The guy relies on me
for his six o'clock piss.
745
00:27:08,585 --> 00:27:11,420
- I'll call you back.
- Leon (over phone):
Okay. Okay.
746
00:27:11,421 --> 00:27:13,422
- Larry: (claps) Hey.
- Yeah.
747
00:27:13,423 --> 00:27:15,842
I need you to do me a favor.
Actually, do Leon a favor.
748
00:27:15,843 --> 00:27:18,094
He needs somebody
to fill in for him
at the newsstand.
749
00:27:18,095 --> 00:27:19,846
- For the "Gotta Go" app?
- Yeah.
750
00:27:19,847 --> 00:27:20,930
I can't do it.
751
00:27:20,931 --> 00:27:22,557
No, no. You gotta do it.
I can't do it,
752
00:27:22,558 --> 00:27:23,850
because I have
to fly to Denver.
753
00:27:23,851 --> 00:27:26,352
- I already got
my sweats on.
- So what?
754
00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:27,854
Yeah, well, once I got
my sweats on,
755
00:27:27,855 --> 00:27:30,189
there's no going back.
I got my sweats on.
756
00:27:30,190 --> 00:27:32,108
What is it, an immutable
law of physics?
757
00:27:32,109 --> 00:27:33,526
Once you're in sweats,
you can't get out?
758
00:27:33,527 --> 00:27:34,569
Newton's Law of Sweats?
759
00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:37,822
It's Jeff Greene's Law
of Day Over.
760
00:27:37,823 --> 00:27:39,740
Listen, I'd really
appreciate it.
761
00:27:39,741 --> 00:27:42,368
- I'm in my sweats!
- (phone rings)
762
00:27:42,369 --> 00:27:44,453
- Hello?
- Larry, what the fuck
you doin', man?
763
00:27:44,454 --> 00:27:46,080
- Goddamn!
- Larry (over phone):
All right, okay!
764
00:27:46,081 --> 00:27:48,207
Shut the fuck up!
I'll come!
765
00:27:48,208 --> 00:27:50,084
Thank you.
Thank you, by the way.
766
00:27:50,085 --> 00:27:52,880
- (sneezes) Wow.
- Larry: God bless you.
767
00:27:57,968 --> 00:27:59,093
Hey.
768
00:27:59,094 --> 00:28:00,970
- Hey. I'm from "Gotta Go."
- Larry?
769
00:28:00,971 --> 00:28:03,055
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Oh.
770
00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:05,892
- I really gotta go.
- Okay. Okay. Hurry up.
771
00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:07,226
- Okay. I'll be quick.
- Okay.
772
00:28:07,227 --> 00:28:08,853
- Okay. Thank you.
- Yeah. Hurry up.
773
00:28:08,854 --> 00:28:10,271
Okay.
774
00:28:10,272 --> 00:28:13,107
(distant siren wailing)
775
00:28:13,108 --> 00:28:14,443
Fuck.
776
00:28:17,029 --> 00:28:18,237
Oh, my God.
777
00:28:18,238 --> 00:28:19,947
- (phone rings)
- Hello?
778
00:28:19,948 --> 00:28:21,741
Larry (over phone):
The newsstand guyleft 15 minutes ago.
779
00:28:21,742 --> 00:28:22,700
Hasn't come back.
780
00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:24,577
I gotta catch a plane to Denver.
781
00:28:24,578 --> 00:28:26,120
Hey, no browsing.
782
00:28:26,121 --> 00:28:27,747
Hey, do you carry
Vegan Living?
783
00:28:27,748 --> 00:28:29,707
Who gives a shit?
Get the hell out of here.
784
00:28:29,708 --> 00:28:31,083
You gotta come
and relieve me.
785
00:28:31,084 --> 00:28:32,960
I can't, Larry.
I'm at the shoe shine stand.
786
00:28:32,961 --> 00:28:34,670
This guy's taking
a $40 shit.
787
00:28:34,671 --> 00:28:36,757
Larry (over phone):
Aw! All right,I'll get somebody else.
788
00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:41,761
Thanks very much.
Hey.
789
00:28:41,762 --> 00:28:42,845
Larry:
Hey!
790
00:28:42,846 --> 00:28:44,680
- I got your back.
- Oh, my God.
791
00:28:44,681 --> 00:28:46,599
- You are a lifesaver.
- No worries, no worries.
792
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:49,101
- Thank you so much.
- Not at all.
793
00:28:49,102 --> 00:28:50,436
Jonny.
794
00:28:50,437 --> 00:28:52,146
Really appreciate this.
795
00:28:52,147 --> 00:28:53,898
Hey, no prob‐‐
796
00:28:53,899 --> 00:28:55,775
- Ah? (laughing)
- Larry: Ah?
797
00:28:55,776 --> 00:28:57,486
I get it.
(laughs)
798
00:29:02,449 --> 00:29:03,951
Larry:
Oh, my God.
799
00:29:06,495 --> 00:29:07,954
Excuse me, I'm so sorry.
800
00:29:07,955 --> 00:29:09,538
I got seven minutes
to catch the plane.
801
00:29:09,539 --> 00:29:11,332
It sounds like a lie,
but it's not.
802
00:29:11,333 --> 00:29:12,667
I'm not a cutter by nature.
803
00:29:12,668 --> 00:29:14,961
Um, my, my girlfriend
got in a skiing accident.
804
00:29:14,962 --> 00:29:16,712
You know,
she's my ex‐wife's sister.
805
00:29:16,713 --> 00:29:18,631
We don't have to get
into that, but,
806
00:29:18,632 --> 00:29:20,216
nevertheless,
thank you so much.
807
00:29:20,217 --> 00:29:22,343
- I really appreciate it.
- Next.
808
00:29:22,344 --> 00:29:23,637
Are you together?
809
00:29:25,681 --> 00:29:26,932
No.
810
00:29:27,474 --> 00:29:28,850
Man:
No.
811
00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:31,560
Why would you think
we were together?
812
00:29:31,561 --> 00:29:32,853
No reason.
813
00:29:32,854 --> 00:29:34,939
- No, no reason at all?
- No reason?
814
00:29:34,940 --> 00:29:36,524
I just assumed
you were a couple‐‐
815
00:29:36,525 --> 00:29:37,984
- Woman: You assumed?
- Man: You assumed‐‐
816
00:29:37,985 --> 00:29:39,944
- Oh, really?
- You assumed
we're a couple. We‐‐
817
00:29:39,945 --> 00:29:41,654
I mean, I've never‐‐
I mean, nice to meet you.
818
00:29:41,655 --> 00:29:44,156
- Nice to meet you, too.
- Yeah, see, look,
we just met.
819
00:29:44,157 --> 00:29:45,616
Honest mistake.
820
00:29:45,617 --> 00:29:47,702
But why did you
make the mistake?
821
00:29:47,703 --> 00:29:51,455
- That's what I'm wondering.
- Any two people standing
together could be a couple.
822
00:29:51,456 --> 00:29:53,040
Two men, two women.
823
00:29:53,041 --> 00:29:55,334
If I saw a man
wearing a yarmulke,
824
00:29:55,335 --> 00:29:57,545
standing next to a woman
wearing a kerchief
825
00:29:57,546 --> 00:29:59,380
and carrying a mahjong set,
826
00:29:59,381 --> 00:30:00,756
I would think
they were a couple.
827
00:30:00,757 --> 00:30:03,092
- What?
- It's just
a natural assumption.
828
00:30:03,093 --> 00:30:05,011
Anyway, I'd love to continue
our discussion.
829
00:30:05,012 --> 00:30:07,138
It's been very interesting.
I have to catch a flight
to Denver.
830
00:30:07,139 --> 00:30:10,016
- Eh, there's a lot of
black people in Denver.
- Yeah. Tell 'em we said hi.
831
00:30:10,017 --> 00:30:11,475
Hello, sir. Boarding pass?
832
00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:13,185
(beeps)
833
00:30:13,186 --> 00:30:15,646
You've been randomly selected
for a security search, sir.
834
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:18,357
What? What? Secure‐‐
What are you talking about?
835
00:30:18,358 --> 00:30:20,526
- Can someone get my spot?
Thank you.
- Larry: Oh, please.
836
00:30:20,527 --> 00:30:23,070
Are you kidding me?
Oh, they couldn't be
a couple.
837
00:30:23,071 --> 00:30:24,155
Oh, it's crazy.
838
00:30:24,156 --> 00:30:25,406
It has nothing to do
with that, sir.
839
00:30:25,407 --> 00:30:27,658
Oh, it has nothing to do
with that?
840
00:30:27,659 --> 00:30:29,702
- No.
- Come on, I'm gonna miss
my flight to Denver.
841
00:30:29,703 --> 00:30:31,871
- Enjoy that search. Yeah.
- Enjoy it.
842
00:30:31,872 --> 00:30:33,080
Honestly,
if you're looking‐‐
843
00:30:33,081 --> 00:30:34,540
I wouldn't look in
the food and wine section.
844
00:30:34,541 --> 00:30:36,709
I would look...
Los Angeles magazine.
845
00:30:36,710 --> 00:30:37,710
Right down there.
846
00:30:37,711 --> 00:30:39,170
You don't find what you need,
847
00:30:39,171 --> 00:30:41,005
- look online.
Everything's online.
- Thanks.
848
00:30:41,006 --> 00:30:42,798
Excuse me, ma'am.
No browsing.
849
00:30:42,799 --> 00:30:45,051
No, I'm just looking
for an article that
Jay Inslee‐‐
850
00:30:45,052 --> 00:30:46,260
Both:
Oh.
851
00:30:46,261 --> 00:30:48,054
- Oh, hi.
- Cheryl.
852
00:30:48,055 --> 00:30:49,388
- Jon.
- That's me.
853
00:30:49,389 --> 00:30:50,514
- Hamm. Hi.
- Yes.
854
00:30:50,515 --> 00:30:51,682
What are you doing here?
855
00:30:51,683 --> 00:30:53,309
I'm just watching
the newsstand for Larry.
856
00:30:53,310 --> 00:30:55,519
He had to‐‐
He had to jump out
and run to the airport.
857
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,773
I'm sorry.
Does Larry own
a newsstand now?
858
00:30:58,774 --> 00:31:00,399
Great question.
859
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,318
- I don't have an answer.
- Okay.
860
00:31:02,319 --> 00:31:05,279
- So you are Larry's
ex‐wife. Wow.
- Yeah. I know.
861
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,032
- I find that fascinating.
- Do you?
862
00:31:08,033 --> 00:31:10,618
Oh, my gosh.
Spending the last few days
with him?
863
00:31:10,619 --> 00:31:13,454
- I gotta know everything.
- It's a lot.
864
00:31:13,455 --> 00:31:15,748
Well, do you wanna
just go get some coffee?
865
00:31:15,749 --> 00:31:17,917
Sit down and talk?
866
00:31:17,918 --> 00:31:20,211
- Now?
- Well, yeah. Why not?
867
00:31:20,212 --> 00:31:22,089
- Okay. Uh...
- Let's go.
868
00:31:23,006 --> 00:31:24,924
I mean, do you really
wanna hear...
869
00:31:24,925 --> 00:31:27,093
Are you kidding me?
I wanna hear everything.
870
00:31:27,094 --> 00:31:29,428
Cheryl:
You might be bored.
Ah, 17 years...
871
00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:30,931
Jon:
Wow.
872
00:31:39,439 --> 00:31:41,232
Do you recognize
that signature?
873
00:31:41,233 --> 00:31:42,733
Leon:
He killed the motherfucker
'cause the waffles
874
00:31:42,734 --> 00:31:43,984
had expired and shit.
875
00:31:43,985 --> 00:31:46,695
Gonna sit in that room
and get interrogated‐‐
876
00:31:46,696 --> 00:31:48,823
Hey. Okay? You happy?
You happy?
877
00:31:48,824 --> 00:31:50,616
- I hope you're happy.
- What the fuck, man?
878
00:31:50,617 --> 00:31:52,535
- I missed my flight to Denver.
- Jeff: Sorry.
879
00:31:52,536 --> 00:31:54,578
Larry:
Oh, because you wouldn't
get out of your sweat pants.
880
00:31:54,579 --> 00:31:56,372
Suppose there was an emergency?
Then what?
881
00:31:56,373 --> 00:31:57,540
You take the sweat pants off?
882
00:31:57,541 --> 00:31:58,916
Well, what kind of
an emergency?
883
00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:01,418
Suppose, uh, your friend
was in a car accident.
884
00:32:01,419 --> 00:32:04,296
- Which friend?
- Me. I got hit by a car.
885
00:32:04,297 --> 00:32:05,798
How did you get hit by a car?
886
00:32:05,799 --> 00:32:07,383
I, I got a piece of pizza, and,
887
00:32:07,384 --> 00:32:08,884
and I was crossing the street,
888
00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:10,302
and the, the cheese fell off,
889
00:32:10,303 --> 00:32:11,804
and I bent down
to pick up the cheese,
890
00:32:11,805 --> 00:32:13,180
and I got hit by a car.
891
00:32:13,181 --> 00:32:15,432
Who the hell picks up cheese
in the middle of the street?
892
00:32:15,433 --> 00:32:17,101
I don't want to litter
so I picked up the cheese
893
00:32:17,102 --> 00:32:18,644
and I put it
in the garbage can.
894
00:32:18,645 --> 00:32:20,980
No. You were gonna
pick up the cheese,
895
00:32:20,981 --> 00:32:22,565
and put it on your pizza
and eat it.
896
00:32:22,566 --> 00:32:24,692
Bullshit. I was not.
I was gonna throw it
in the garbage.
897
00:32:24,693 --> 00:32:25,985
- You don't know.
- I know.
898
00:32:25,986 --> 00:32:27,278
- What do you know?
No, you don't!
- I know.
899
00:32:27,279 --> 00:32:28,988
And you, fuckstick,
don't ever ask me
900
00:32:28,989 --> 00:32:31,157
to man any post for you again,
'cause I'm not doin' it!
901
00:32:31,158 --> 00:32:33,367
Just consider me
in sweatpants all the time.
902
00:32:33,368 --> 00:32:35,786
Fuck that job.
I quit that shit already.
903
00:32:35,787 --> 00:32:38,831
- Wow. That was fast.
- Fuck, yeah. I'm in and out.
904
00:32:38,832 --> 00:32:40,749
All right, I gotta go
text Becky now
905
00:32:40,750 --> 00:32:42,543
and tell her I missed my flight
'cause of you two assholes,
906
00:32:42,544 --> 00:32:44,003
and tell her I'll be on
the first flight out to Denver
907
00:32:44,004 --> 00:32:45,546
tomorrow morning.
Actually, second flight.
908
00:32:45,547 --> 00:32:47,047
Why second flight?
909
00:32:47,048 --> 00:32:48,674
First class.
910
00:32:48,675 --> 00:32:50,177
Yeah.
911
00:32:50,802 --> 00:32:53,846
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
912
00:32:53,847 --> 00:32:56,182
Oh, my God. What?
913
00:32:56,183 --> 00:32:58,100
Oh, my‐‐ Larry!
914
00:32:58,101 --> 00:32:59,519
Larry!
915
00:33:00,937 --> 00:33:02,688
Larry!
916
00:33:02,689 --> 00:33:04,398
Cheryl:
Oh, look.
917
00:33:04,399 --> 00:33:05,524
Latte Larry's.
918
00:33:05,525 --> 00:33:07,026
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Spite store.
919
00:33:07,027 --> 00:33:08,152
- I heard about this.
- Yeah.
920
00:33:08,153 --> 00:33:09,820
- This must be, uh...
- Mocha Joe's.
921
00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:10,863
There we go.
922
00:33:10,864 --> 00:33:12,031
Okay, don't tell Larry
we did this.
923
00:33:12,032 --> 00:33:13,991
You got it.
924
00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:17,119
I've never been
in this shop. I just‐‐
925
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,705
It's kind of a wobbly table,
you know?
926
00:33:19,706 --> 00:33:21,540
It's like
my least favorite thing.
927
00:33:21,541 --> 00:33:22,875
- It's all right.
- Mocha Joe:
Here we go.
928
00:33:22,876 --> 00:33:24,752
- Two cups of coffee.
- Hey. Thank you very much.
929
00:33:24,753 --> 00:33:27,046
Thank you so much
for coming in, Mr. Hamm.
How's that scone?
930
00:33:27,047 --> 00:33:29,131
Uh, not so much a scone.
931
00:33:29,132 --> 00:33:31,759
- No, it's a scone.
- Nah, this is like a muffin.
932
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:34,220
I mean, I'm just saying,
like, there's kind of a specific
933
00:33:34,221 --> 00:33:36,347
quality that a scone has
that's sort of dry and crumbly.
934
00:33:36,348 --> 00:33:38,849
This is sweet.
It's a little more like
a muffin than a scone.
935
00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:40,809
What you are describing
is a stale scone.
936
00:33:40,810 --> 00:33:43,729
- That's a, that's fresh one.
- I'm not sure you know
what a...
937
00:33:43,730 --> 00:33:45,064
definition of a scone is.
938
00:33:45,065 --> 00:33:47,107
It looks good.
I think, um...
939
00:33:47,108 --> 00:33:48,901
- I'm just saying,
I'm saying it's a muffin.
- Let's not worry about it.
940
00:33:48,902 --> 00:33:50,152
You want me to take it away?
941
00:33:50,153 --> 00:33:51,445
No, I'm gonna keep the muffin.
942
00:33:51,446 --> 00:33:52,905
- Thank you very much.
- You enjoy the scone.
943
00:33:52,906 --> 00:33:54,573
- Yeah, I'll enjoy the muffin.
- Cheryl: I'm good.
944
00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:56,700
- Thank you, that's great.
Thank you.
- Okay. Awesome.
945
00:33:56,701 --> 00:33:58,160
It doesn't matter.
946
00:33:58,161 --> 00:33:59,955
- Yeah. I'm just having
a good time.
- Hmm? Doesn't it?
947
00:34:01,039 --> 00:34:02,665
Um...
948
00:34:02,666 --> 00:34:04,833
Oh! So when
I first met Mocha Joe‐‐
949
00:34:04,834 --> 00:34:07,086
Ugh. Oh, hold on.
950
00:34:07,087 --> 00:34:08,879
- No. No. No.
- What's wrong?
951
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:09,922
Mocha Joe!
952
00:34:09,923 --> 00:34:12,092
- Mocha Joe!
- Mocha Joe: Yeah.
953
00:34:13,718 --> 00:34:16,262
This coffee's...
it's not hot.
954
00:34:16,263 --> 00:34:18,764
- It's plenty hot.
- No, it's, it's plenty not.
955
00:34:18,765 --> 00:34:21,642
- It's, it's, it is,
it is at best luke.
- It's hot.
956
00:34:21,643 --> 00:34:23,519
- Oh, God.
- Jon: I don't know
what to tell you.
957
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:25,104
This is not, this is
not a hot cup of coffee.
958
00:34:25,105 --> 00:34:26,730
- It's a hot cup of coffee.
- Coffee should be served hot.
959
00:34:26,731 --> 00:34:27,773
- This is not hot.
- It's hot.
960
00:34:27,774 --> 00:34:29,275
I beg to differ.
This is not hot.
961
00:34:29,276 --> 00:34:30,901
And I tell you what.
Here's how I'll prove it
to you.
962
00:34:30,902 --> 00:34:32,111
‐No, no, no, I don't know‐‐
‐Would I be able to do this?
963
00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:33,779
Would I be able to do this
964
00:34:33,780 --> 00:34:35,490
if this was a hot cup
of coffee?
965
00:34:36,116 --> 00:34:37,993
- Oh. Oh.
- Okay.
966
00:34:38,785 --> 00:34:40,953
- Doesn't even hurt.
Doesn't even hurt.
- I can't do this.
967
00:34:40,954 --> 00:34:42,246
- This coffee's not hot.
- Jon Hamm...
968
00:34:42,247 --> 00:34:43,998
- ...you have
turned into Larry.
- What‐‐
969
00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:46,083
- I'm done. I can't do this.
- Cheryl‐‐
970
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:47,084
Cheryl:
God.
971
00:34:47,085 --> 00:34:48,711
- Cheryl!
- No.
972
00:34:48,712 --> 00:34:50,463
- Come on.
- Nope.
973
00:34:51,423 --> 00:34:53,924
See, now look.
The table. Look at this.
All over the place.
974
00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:55,467
- All right,
you know what, Jon Hamm?
- All over the place.
975
00:34:55,468 --> 00:34:57,303
- Unbelievable.
- Get out.
976
00:34:57,304 --> 00:34:58,638
Happy to.
977
00:35:00,682 --> 00:35:02,600
And you're banned, Jon Hamm!
978
00:35:02,601 --> 00:35:04,603
Jon:
I don't care!
979
00:35:10,650 --> 00:35:11,984
Hey!
980
00:35:11,985 --> 00:35:14,153
I'm here!
981
00:35:14,154 --> 00:35:16,947
Look. Look! Flowers, balloons.
982
00:35:16,948 --> 00:35:19,700
Larry David.
What could be better?
983
00:35:19,701 --> 00:35:22,411
- Take a smell of that.
Yeah? Pretty good.
- Yep. Smells like flowers.
984
00:35:22,412 --> 00:35:24,413
- Right? Where do
you want 'em? Here?
- Yeah.
985
00:35:24,414 --> 00:35:27,041
Ugh.
I came as soon as I could.
986
00:35:27,042 --> 00:35:28,334
Did you?
987
00:35:28,335 --> 00:35:29,501
Yes, I did.
988
00:35:29,502 --> 00:35:32,254
'Cause it's, uh, been
a little over 24 hours
989
00:35:32,255 --> 00:35:34,006
since I called you
and you were gonna
990
00:35:34,007 --> 00:35:36,800
hop on the next flight.
So I just, I've been
a little confused.
991
00:35:36,801 --> 00:35:39,219
Big issue with the TSA
last night.
992
00:35:39,220 --> 00:35:42,014
- Ugh. I'm not even gonna
bore you with it.
- Why would book a night flight?
993
00:35:42,015 --> 00:35:44,183
I called you at 10:00 o'clock
yesterday morning.
994
00:35:44,184 --> 00:35:47,019
Um, you know, the‐‐
I couldn't get a seat.
There were no seats.
995
00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:49,897
There were no seats
on any of the planes?
996
00:35:49,898 --> 00:35:52,316
There were...
997
00:35:52,317 --> 00:35:54,026
no seats...
998
00:35:54,027 --> 00:35:55,277
for me?
999
00:35:55,278 --> 00:35:59,114
Are you talking about
first class seats?
1000
00:35:59,115 --> 00:36:02,035
Uh...
1001
00:36:04,037 --> 00:36:05,704
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Becky: Yeah?
1002
00:36:05,705 --> 00:36:07,039
I broke my leg!
1003
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:08,499
- I called you scared.
- Yeah.
1004
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:09,667
- And hurt.
- Yeah. I know.
1005
00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:12,211
I'm not worth two hours
in a coach seat?
1006
00:36:12,212 --> 00:36:14,546
- You know. All right,
I'm gonna be...
- What?
1007
00:36:14,547 --> 00:36:16,799
- I'll just be straight
with you, okay?
- Yeah. That'd be great.
1008
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:19,093
- I've been honest
with you up until now.
- Yes.
1009
00:36:19,094 --> 00:36:21,554
- So I'm gonna be honest
with you again.
- Go for it.
1010
00:36:23,098 --> 00:36:25,392
I have a bleeding rectum.
1011
00:36:26,685 --> 00:36:28,310
They're okay
with you bleeding
1012
00:36:28,311 --> 00:36:30,145
out of your rectum
in first class?
1013
00:36:30,146 --> 00:36:33,399
It's a more comfortable
place to bleed.
1014
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,859
I think it's probably best
that you go.
1015
00:36:35,860 --> 00:36:37,820
- What?
- Yeah. Leave the flowers,
1016
00:36:37,821 --> 00:36:40,073
but take the ugly balloon,
and just go.
1017
00:36:41,032 --> 00:36:42,242
Okay.
1018
00:36:44,369 --> 00:36:47,414
- Hey. You gonna eat that Jell‐O?
- I'm not gonna eat the Jell‐O.
1019
00:36:48,289 --> 00:36:49,541
Hmm.
1020
00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:53,211
(theme music playing)
1021
00:37:09,728 --> 00:37:11,813
♪ ♪
1022
00:37:41,426 --> 00:37:43,511
♪ ♪
1023
00:38:04,741 --> 00:38:07,284
Ah! Mr. Takahashi!
How you hitting 'em, Mr. T?
1024
00:38:07,285 --> 00:38:09,536
- Not your concern.
- Ah.
1025
00:38:09,537 --> 00:38:11,663
♪ ("EL DESEO"
BY JANET SHERBOURNE PLAYS) ♪
1026
00:38:11,664 --> 00:38:14,208
LARRY DAVID: The color of a car
doesn't really matter to me,
1027
00:38:14,209 --> 00:38:17,085
because I don't really see it
when I'm inside the car.
1028
00:38:17,086 --> 00:38:18,504
It's like being inside
your face.
1029
00:38:18,505 --> 00:38:19,671
I don't know what my face
looks like.
1030
00:38:19,672 --> 00:38:21,673
- Who forgets their face?
- I'm in a capsule.
1031
00:38:21,674 --> 00:38:23,801
Everything's coming
from inside the capsule.
1032
00:38:23,802 --> 00:38:26,011
I haven't seen you take
one piece of red licorice yet.
1033
00:38:26,012 --> 00:38:26,846
Only black for you?
1034
00:38:27,347 --> 00:38:29,848
Something wrong with a person
supporting black and shit?
1035
00:38:29,849 --> 00:38:32,226
Black licorice,
black jellybeans...
1036
00:38:32,227 --> 00:38:34,353
- You feel me?
- No, I feel you.
1037
00:38:34,354 --> 00:38:36,523
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
80260
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