All language subtitles for American_Housewife_S05E12.How Oliver Got His Groove Back.eng

I figured out
Franklin's anniversary gift.

Have you guys been together
two years already?

No. It's the anniversary
of the first time

we shared the same piece of gum.

I hope you got to go first.

- And third.
- Mm.

What are you getting Franklin?

I'm gonna make him a licorice cake.

Nothing excites the kid more

than a pre-World War II era dessert.

Oh, stop wasting your time.

Anniversaries are
just lame creations by Hallmark

to make you think love is real.

Mom, can boys have a time of the month?

Absolutely.

The symptom to watch for in your father

is complaining about the water bill.

- What's up?
- Nothing.

Really? Because you seem like someone

who just saw the girl
he took to the prom,

who he thought he was kind of dating,

and found out that she was back in town

and didn't call him.

That's just the vibe I'm getting.

Oh, Taylor told you.

Yes, I have a Lindsey-shaped
hole in my heart.

But the pain has become my companion.

Moping around the house is not
going to help you feel better.

Why don't you come to
Stewart and Kingston's with me

and we can pick up a few things?

No thanks.

Oh, I see.

There's been a misunderstanding.

I used a friendly tone.

My mistake.

Get your [bleep] ass in the [bleep] car.

That felt right.

- Subs by kinglouisxx -
for www.addic7ed.com

According to
the City Council election polls,

- you're in fourth place.
- How is that possible

when there are
only three people running?

A lot of people are planning
to write in Kanye.

And the main reason you're in last place

is that slimy frontrunner, Steve Hobert.

I know. He's dumping tons of money

into negative ads against me.

Well, you're my campaign manager.

There must be some way to stop him.

How about we take him
out of the race entirely?

- How?
- I did some recon.

I followed him around.
I got something good.

What? Hookers? Drugs?

Nah, dude, "Grand Theft Auto"
made those cool.

That would get him elected.

No, I found out that Hobert
gets his feet massaged

at the same place in Norwalk
every Wednesday.

How does that help me?

Because I slipped a masseuse there $5

and then $25, and then a Mazda Miata,

and she told me that Hobert
gets super relaxed,

starts talking all this smack
about Westport.

Apparently, he thinks
this is a dinky little town

and just a stepping stone
to him becoming a congressman.

So, all we have to do is record him

bad-mouthing Westport
and put it on the Internet.

Exactly!

I will throw on one of these disguises

that I use for my prank videos.

I will go down to the massage parlor

and I will record the Hobert scandal

with a hidden camera.

Then I'm gonna go to my buddy's house,

trick him into making out with me.

Boom! Three million views.

No, you will not spy on Hobert.

I'll do it.

It's my political victory on the line,

and my honor the man has besmirched.

Look whose plums just dropped.

I love the new Greg.

Fun fact, did you know that plums

were a sign of courtship
in feudal Japan?

Old Greg clawing his ass back.

So, it's kind of weird
we haven't talked,

you know, about what happened
at Stewart and Kingston's.

You mean when I was with Andre

and you were with that girl from work?

- Stella and I are just friends.
- It's fine.

And, uh, Andre and I aren't...

No, I know. I know.

But we need to talk.

Um...

this is really hard.

Uh, I love you so much,

but I feel like...

Like you need some space?

Or were you gonna say a snack?

'Cause I have some gummy worms
in the car.

- Trip.
- You need some space.

- I get it.
- You do?

I was kind of thinking the same thing.

How can we be sure that
we're meant to be together

if we've never been with anyone else?

You're not just saying that
to make me feel better?

No, I even wrote it in Sharpie
on my hand.

I ran out of space
'cause I always write too big

in the beginning. You know?

I can't believe
we're having this conversation.

Babe, it's okay.

If we're supposed
to be together forever,

then we'll find our way back someday.

So what do we do now?

I guess, uh...

I'll see ya.

Yeah, see ya.

Oh, wait, there's something else
I have to tell you.

Fuji apples, only if firm.

Oh, oh.

Forget it. That was for my mom.

See?

Isn't it good getting out of the house?

My house is my pain
and I can never truly leave.

I'm seconds away from slapping you.

Oliver, right?

You're in my econ class.

I should really deny you service

for always acing those tests
and messing up the curve.

Audra.

Right. Hey.

It's nice to see you outside of school.

Thanks.

Do you want a free sample?

Choose anything you want.

If I stick my thumb in it,
it becomes a sample.

Nah.

Thank you.

What the hell is wrong with you?

She was into you!
Why did you ignore her?

I'm just not in the right place

to start something with another girl.

Well, you better get in the right place,

because I'm tired of this mopey Oliver.

I miss my terrible,
overconfident, douchebag Oliver.

For now, I'm just gonna focus on school

and getting into Harvard.

That's your dad in you talking.

You need to harness
your inner me and sack up.

I don't need your help.
Just stay out of it.

You can't just have a work life.
You need a social life!

A social life with boobs!

Happy anniversary!

I made you this licorice cake
from scratch.

No way. A pre-World War II era dessert!

Mmm.

The frosting has the decadence
of the Roaring Twenties.

The cake is moist and somber
like the Great Depression.

That's exactly what I was going for.

Now, for your gift, please sit back

and enjoy the show.

♪ My mom's minivan warms me to my core ♪

♪ I have a special secret
handshake with every door ♪

♪ Chariot of my mother,
I could never choose another ♪

♪ Your six cupholders make
my little heart flutter ♪

♪ Minivan, minivan,
you taught me to love ♪

♪ Wrapped in your seatbelt
is my favorite hug ♪

♪ On a hot day your AC never misses ♪

♪ The air in my face is like
you're blowing me kisses ♪

What was that?

I wrote you a song.

About your mother's car?

My gift was super thoughtful,
and you give me this?

It had nothing to do with us.

The worst part is your flow is so fire,

it's gonna be in my head
for the rest of the day!

Thanks again for taking me out.

That was my first time
seeing a foreign film.

Yeah, yeah, I gathered that
when you started

singing the subtitles instead
of reading them to yourself.

I thought it was a sing-a-long.

Well, I mean, the good news is

that you have a really beautiful voice.

Thanks.

Sorry, I-I-I thought
you wanted to kiss me.

Oh, I-I did!
Um, I don't know what happened.

Uh, let's try that again.

Oh, okay.

Forehead, cheek.

- I'm starting to feel like your grandma.
- I'm so sorry.

I-I really don't know what's happening.

Taylor, you're getting out
of a serious relationship.

It's just bad timing,
which is unfortunate for me,

because... well, I really like you.

I guess call me, you know,

if you, uh, ever regain control
of your body, that is.

And ever since that, Oliver's
confidence has been shattered.

He even blew off Audra
who works the register.

Oh, why? Audra is so cute.

He just needs a little help
getting back in the saddle.

Maybe we can help him make
the first move.

Ooh, that sounds good. What's your plan?

I'm an idea person.

I don't really have a follow-through.

- I'm in.
- Ugh, damn it.

I keep forgetting to move
that fourth chair.

You need me. Hear me out.

I know Audra's last name
from the employee roster.

So, we can find her on Instagram

and message her as Oliver.

I hate to admit it,
but I love that idea.

All we need is Oliver's password.

Well, I've got access to his Instagram.

He logged in on my phone once
when he misplaced his

and thought I logged out
because "I promised."

Promises to kids
are non-binding and hilarious.

First thing we do is
turn off his notifications

so he doesn't get any alerts
on his phone.

This is not my first stalking rodeo.

Tami, you've got intelligence.

J.D., you got style,

and I've got confidence
bordering on cockiness.

And I'm the guy who doesn't know
or respect personal boundaries.

So I've been told in court.

Together we make
one kick-ass 17-year-old boy!

I'm just gonna start things off
by saying "sup?"

Oh, my God, she sent me
a smiley-face emoji.

She likes me. Us.

- Oliver.
- Oh. Right.

I forgot what we were doing
for a second.

What are you doing
with Franklin's present?

You worked so hard on it.

Yeah, that's the point.

I worked so hard on his

and he didn't work hard on mine at all.

He wrote me a rap song
about his mother's car.

I didn't like it, so he just took off.

Honey, sometimes in relationships

you got to fake it a little bit.

Let me show you something.

These are all gifts
that your father gave me

that I cannot stand.

Some sonnets written in
calligraphy all titled "Katie,"

26 journals that I will never use,

coasters with my kids' faces on them.

We gave you those.

The point is,
he's a horrible gift giver.

But also a great guy

who might be the most genuine
man I have ever met.

Hey.

I, Randall Stocktin, mail carrier,

am off to ruin a man's life!

Anyway...

Nothing like getting
your toesees pampered

after a long day of delivering the mail.

I still have to take this last
one all the way to Westport.

Boy, is that town boring
and full of idiots, eh?

Sorry, I'm here to enjoy
my massage in peace,

not chit chat with a stranger.

Well, let's get
to know each other better

so we're not strangers.

My favorite fast track to
friendship is admitting secrets.

I'll go first.

I open Christmas cards
before I deliver them.

Makes me feel like I have a family.

- Now you go.
- Not interested.

Come on, it could be anything.

Maybe you enjoy littering.

Or, I don't know, totally random,

maybe you hate Westport as much as I do.

What did you say your name was?

Randall Stocktin.

Well, you know what, Randall?

You kind of remind me of somebody.

Uh, uh, really?

Who?

My mother.

She also thinks I care
about her thoughts

and talks too much.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
you've ruined my massage.

Mmm!

I love the smell of fresh mail.

Mail.

You know what? Tack on
an extra fifty for yourself.

That's my work card, so I won't feel it.

Lonnie, that's a city credit
card for town use only.

Bruh, he's paying for these
massages with taxpayer dollars!

And we got it all on tape!
He's so busted!

Yeah, he is!

All right, I got to bail.
I got a 4:30 mammogram.

I really thought I wanted to be
with Andre,

but when we went to kiss,
something felt off,

and I-I couldn't go through with it.

Well, you've been in a relationship

- since the beginning of high school.
- That's true.

Maybe you want a chance
to be independent.

Do a little self-discovery.
Hang out with some girlfriends.

Find a hobby. Take in a sunset.

Wow. That's actually great advice.

Yeah.

I got it from "Eat, Pray, Love."

The movie, obviously.

Mama don't read.

I'm still thinking about
that cute checkout girl

from Stewart and Kingston's.

That's weird. Do I need to tell Dad?

I think you two would hit it off.

Mom, stop meddling.
I'm not gonna ask her out.

You don't have to,

'cause I did
and she's coming over to hang.

Tell me you did not call a girl
from my school

and ask her out for me.

Of course not, that would be crazy.

I just used your Instagram account

and had Tami, J.D., and Walker
help me impersonate you.

You've done some messed up stuff
in your time,

but this is borderline psychotic!

You think?

I literally said
I do not need your help!

Which is a classic cry for help!

All I did was invite
a beautiful girl to come over

and possibly make out with you
on the couch.

I am sorry that I am the
greatest wing-woman of all time.

When will you stop meddling in my life?!

Never.

I'm gonna message Audra
right now and call it off.

You can't, 'cause she's already here.

Oh, and just a heads up
in case she mentions it,

in the Nicki-Cardi B fight,
you're team Nicki!

Okay, now you go.

I'd marry Pikachu, kiss Lucario,
and kill Greninja.

That is such a good answer.

So, what should we do next?

Want to watch a movie?

Uh, yeah, sounds good.

I actually haven't seen
your favorite movie,

so do you want to watch that?

Right. My favorite movie.

I'd love to show you my favorite movie.

Okay, what did we say
his favorite movie was?

That was me.

I'm trying to remember where
we can stream my favorite movie.

Which is obviously...

..."Little Women."

See, we got this!

Why "Little Women"?

J.D. is a big Timothée Chalamet-head.

Ah, it's pronounced Timo-tay,

and he's on his way to an Oscar,

so let's try to be better, okay?

And how funny is it that
we have the same favorite snack?

- So funny.
- Yeah.

Let me get our favorite snack
for us to eat

while we watch my favorite movie.

That would be my favorite, Hot Cheetos.

But now he's gonna eat my Cheetos.

Ugh, I didn't think this through.

Oh, he's so cute.

Did you get him before or after
the loss of Mr. Slytherin?

Mr. Slytherin?

- Not it!
- Not it!

- Walker!
- Yeah, that was me.

Mr. Slytherin is his pet snake
that died.

It's good to play the sympathy card.

That was taken from my own life
by the way, so it's personal.

You're welcome.

Ugh.

Why not get French fries?

The loss of any living thing is tough.

I bet. And he died
in such an unusual way.

Oh, yeah. It was crazy.

- Yeah.
- I'm still waiting to process it!

Why did I just get a DM
from you that said,

"The snake died on a roller coaster"?

What did you do?!

I popped into the wrong window

and texted her Instagram
instead of Oliver.

Oh, this is why the youngest
person should handle the phone.

You're DMing me right now,

but you're sitting in front of me.

What... What is going on?

I'm gonna be honest.

My mom's the one who's been DMing you.

I've been DMing your mother?!

Well, yes.

And also her best friend
and this new guy she just met.

And some creepy weirdo
at Stewart and Kingston's.

Walker?!

That is seriously messed up!

I-I am out of here!

Audra, wait!

I can explain! I think.

This is where Keith Morrison
is gonna stand

when he discusses me
murdering you on "Dateline."

Mm.

Audra, I'm so sorry.

I-I swear this was not my idea.

I was getting over someone

and my mom gets too involved in my life,

even when I tell her not to.

But in this case, I'm glad she did,

because if she didn't,

I wouldn't have gotten to know you.

Believe it or not, I can totally relate.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Um...

See that, uh, parked car over there

with the woman hiding behind
the steering wheel?

That's my mother.

Yeah.

Sounds like we already have
so much in common.

Uh, your mom just texted me,

"Make the first move because he won't."

I'm not wrong!

When are you leaking the Hobert dirt?

- Soon.
- This is gonna be big.

Like lose your marriage,
live in your car big.

Destroyyyyedd!

Yeah, that sounds fantastic.

Are you thinking of backing out?

No, no, I'm not.

Yeah, yeah, I am.

You're just a good guy.

That's just who you are.

It's not my favorite thing about you,

but it's not my least favorite.
Guess what is.

- My pants?
- Yeah, dawg!

Franklin?

Your mom just told me
you were in the hospital.

Yeah. Sorry for missing your calls.

I had an allergic reaction
to the licorice cake.

Oh, my God!

How did you not know
you were allergic to licorice?

Oh, I knew, but you worked
so hard on the cake.

Obviously I'd roll the dice
on a near-death experience

over hurting your feelings.

That is so sweet.

Is that why you left
without saying anything?

Yeah, my tongue
started swelling pretty quickly.

Once it feels like a sweet
potato, I know it's time to jet.

I wish you'd said something.

All this whole time,
I thought you were mad at me

because I didn't like your rap.

I mean, I liked it.

I just thought for an anniversary gift,

it was... confusing.

The worst part
about choking on my tongue

was that I didn't get a chance
to explain.

The minivan is where we shared
that piece of gum, boo.

I love that car
because it reminds me of you.

Oh, man! More bars!

I've got to get back in the studio.

One cheeseburger taco, please.

Trip?

Taylor?

What are you doing here?

I-I don't know.

This is kind of our happy place.

I mean, remember how psyched you were

the first time you had
your first cheeseburger taco?

If the cheeseburger taco could happen,

then anything is possible.

I really missed you,

and through our time apart, I realized

the only person
I ever want to be with is you.

Break over?

I'm sorry, I actually need
a little more time.

Okay, that's enough time.

Break over.

I have to admit,
I did enjoy my time alone.

I really dug down deep and found myself.

Yeah, it was a long afternoon
for me too.

Look at that.

We made our way back.

This is the best day ever!

I'm sorry for hacking into your account.

You should be, because
you created a huge mess.

But I know you were just
giving me the nudge I needed

to get my confidence back.

What I'm hearing is, it all worked out

because I got involved.

No, it worked out because she realized

what an awesome guy I am.

There's my arrogant douchebag.

Hobert decided to drop out of the race.

- Look at that!
- Huh.

Justice prevailed and you didn't even

have to use that dirt on him.

Yeah, he just decided to...

Lonnie, what did you do?

How dare you, sir?

Okay, I just showed Hobert the video

and he decided, all on his own,
that it was best

for him to drop out of the race.

Which is good for Westport
and good for you.

And we got to play dress up.

There ya go!

How about we dress up
like a couple of 80-year-olds

and go take
a water aerobics class at the Y?

I'm not gonna do that.

Well, you know where I'll be.