All language subtitles for American_Housewife_S05E08.Encourage, Discourage.eng

Notice anything different?

Well...

someone unplugged my cellphone

so they could charge theirs.

And someone used
my students' test papers

as their coffee coaster,

so, no, everything seems about the same.

The house is empty, Greg!

The kids are gone.

- You spared the dog, though, right?
- Oh, please.

If I would've snapped,
you'd be the first to go.

Anna-Kat's on her
Wildflower Girls retreat,

Oliver and Cooper are in
their basement apartment,

and Taylor is at Trip's
while his parents are away.

I still can't believe
you let her do that.

Taylor and I had a
civilized conversation,

and I decided that it was fine
for her to stay at Trip's.

I'll do what I want when I want!

I'm an adult now,
and I'm staying at Trip's!

I am still your mother!

I have an opinion,
and you're gonna hear it!

I don't need your opinion!

Well, then don't come crying to me

when you get a raging UTI!

Actually, do, because it could
turn into a kidney infection!

It's so quiet in here.

I can hear a raccoon in the attic.

I love you and your
Southern expressions.

It's not an expression.

Last night,
I could literally hear the raccoon

that's been living in our attic.

- Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
- That's my man.

- By calling animal control.
- Oh.

That's my man.

You know, this is a preview
of how it's going to be

when the kids are
really out of the house.

We're free!

I can finally have a cold one
and watch the game in peace.

You're going to do sports and beer?

No. Gazpacho and "Jeopardy!"

How'd you get beer
and sports out of that?

Beer and sports?

I know. I'm an idiot.

Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com

I am so glad

that I have the house
to myself for a while.

Oh, I'm so jealous.

What I wouldn't give to
kick back with some wine

and watch a "Real Housewives
of New York" marathon.

No way. I don't watch that anymore

since Dorinda turned into such a bully.

- Oh, I know. I hate her.
- How can you hate Dorinda?

She had such a tough year.

She broke up with John,
her manor house flooded,

and then she broke a rib!

- I'm just kidding.
- I hate her, too.

Sorry for eavesdropping.
I know it's rude,

but you're the only
two worth listening to.

That one's talking about green juice,

this one over here just bought
one of those spin bikes,

and that one is suing
her plastic surgeon.

I didn't actually overhear her.
I'm just... I'm just guessing.

I've never seen you in here before.

Oh, I just moved here after
my husband and I got divorced.

Nobody's fault,
we just had different interests.

I liked dogs, and
he liked to tell his parents

I was his roommate of five years.

I'm J.D.

I'm Katie. This is my friend Tami.

Why don't you join us?

I guarantee we will not be
talking about green juices

or overpriced spin bikes.

Okay, sure.

I just bought one of those bikes.

Of course you did.

Why in the world

would you move to Westport?

I'm a manager at the Four Seasons

that just opened up near here,

so if you're looking for pool cabanas,

complimentary cocktails,

and all the mini sewing kits
you want, I'm your guy.

I don't believe in love at first sight

because my husband just
kind of kept asking me out

and wore me down, but I love you.

Seriously, if you want to fly us

to one of those Four Seasons
and never come back, I'm ready.

I've got everything I need in my purse.

Can't believe we get to
spend the week together.

Nine whole days.

It's so quiet at your house.

My sweater's been on the floor all day

and my mom isn't screaming,
"Pick that up!

What do I look like, your maid?

Do I have to do everything
around here? Greg!"

Ooh, lunch.

Mm-hmm.

Your Hot Pocket, my lady.

Ooh, thank you, my dude.

Wonder why they call it a pocket.

A pocket has a hole on one end,
and these are all closed.

It's more like a sealed envelope.

Yeah, that makes a lot more sense.

And "Hot Envelope" rolls off
the tongue much better anyway.

So why call it a pocket?

Makes you think, right?

It really does.

See, that's why we work so well, babe.

We challenge each other.

Mm.

Did the Eucalyptus Foot
Scrub of the Week come?

Oh, since I'm trying to learn
how to be "Otto poor,"

I canceled all of
my "Of the Week" delivery clubs.

My Gucci Loafers of the Week,

my Seafood Tower of the Week,

and the Foot Scrub of the Week.

Damn, I'm gonna miss our soft,
uncalloused feet.

The only good news is,

my special French hair
pomade is on its way.

It made it under the wire
before I canceled my credit cards.

At least I'll have one thing
that'll make me feel normal.

Mm.

I know what will cheer you up.

All right. Here we go.

Let's eat the last of your
Caviar of the Week shipment.

- This is Royal Ossetra.
- Yeah.

A proper caviar spoon
is mother of pearl.

My dad would've sent me
back to finishing school

- for a mistake like this.
- Man.

My dad hasn't taught me anything
about the finer things in life.

To think I was gonna leave this house

without so much as a
cursory spoon education.

Ridiculous.

Grace!

We do not jump on the couch.

Sure feels like I do.

Grace!

Look at J.D.'s Instagram.

His home is straight out
of those fancy magazines

I read at the checkout line,

then leave in the candy rack
when it's time to pay.

You know, it would be good to have
a young person in our lives.

Shoot, I thought TikTok was just
a breath mint taking over the nation.

And it'll be good to have a friend
that keeps us from constantly talking

about kids and being a mom.

I need some masculine energy in my life.

Something to spice it up,

someone adventurous, a risk taker.

Grace, the pages stay in the books.

Maybe we should ask him to have
Second Breakfast with us tomorrow.

Well, he gave us his card.

Should we call him?

Do you think he'll say yes?

Of course. We're awesome.

Let's be cool.

I'm always cool.

- Hello?
- Hi, J.D.! It's Katie.

And your girl, T-bone.

- What are you doing?
- When I'm nervous, I push.

We were just wondering

if you would like to join us

for Second Breakfast tomorrow.

You know, no big thang.

I'd love to. See you
guys tomorrow at 9:00.

- Bye!
- He said yes!

Oh, my God!

What are you two gonna wear tomorrow?

Oh, I don't know. I mean, probably my...

Oh. She's making fun of us, isn't she?

That child hasn't said
anything with sincerity

since she was in Pull-Ups.

I know we just met,
but I feel like we're family.

Definitely, but like the family members

you want to hang out with.

Not the siblings you see on holidays

that remind you you're the one
that's gonna be taking care of Mom.

So, what is it like
working at a fancy resort?

Can you just travel anywhere you want

- in the world for free?
- Sure can.

Oh, how would you guys
like to tag along with me

to Costa Rica?

- When?
- Any time you want.

How's 3:00 today? Too soon? 5:00?

I need a minute.

I'm having a feeling
I'm not familiar with.

I think it's joy.

Hey, guys, I wanted to tell you
something kind of personal,

and since you've already eaten

two of the three Belgian
waffles off my plate,

here it goes.

I've been thinking of having a baby.

A baby?

Wow.

That is a big decision.

How are you going to be
able to go to Costa Rica

any time you want?

Oh, I'm not worried.
I'll figure something out.

You're the
first people I've told.

We have to celebrate.
Where's the waiter?

Let's get some Aperol Spritzes, huh?

You know what,
they'll never make 'em right.

I'll just go and make
'em myself.

This is like watching
teenagers in a shark movie

heading into the ocean
on an inflatable raft.

And doing it on his own?

He clearly hasn't thought this through.

Yeah. We owe it to him to help

since he's taking us to Costa Rica.

Well, yes,
it's a little about Costa Rica,

but we're helping mainly
because we are good people.

Yeah, good people who
deserve to go to Costa Rica.

He needs to know how hard it is
to be a parent.

Give him Grace for an afternoon.

She's gonna scare anybody
out of having kids.

Hell, I'll give him Grace forever.

Solve two people's problems.

Study hard.

This will be on the exam next week.

Uh, Andre?

I have a question.
But, I mean, I can just...

- Just come back another time.
- Oh, no, no, no.

I always have time for you.

Um, I'm having a hard time

understanding
the concept of Plato's Cave.

Well, you see, it's not a real cave.

It's a metaphor to explore if we know

what we're actually
experiencing is real.

Let me ask you something.

Um, how do you know that
you're not dreaming right now?

Because if I were dreaming,
I'd be in a Starbucks.

- You ever been?
- Uh, yeah.

I've, uh, been there a latte.

That was so dumb.

Not as dumb as me asking if you've been

to the world's largest coffee chain.

You know, I hate to admit it,

but ever since I lived in Europe,

I've been a bit of a coffee snob.

You lived in Europe? That's so cool.

Oh, yeah.

Um, I've lived in a bunch of places...

Cambodia, Paris, and a brief stint
at Tomorrowland at Disney World.

Sully from "Monsters, Inc."

- Were you good at scaring?
- Uh...

Aah!

- That was so good.
- What can I say?

I haven't done that much traveling

- except on laptop screensavers.
- Mm.

Well, you know,
there's a whole big world out there,

and I guess I just
want to experience it.

- Don't you?
- Yeah.

I guess I just never thought about it.

I'm surprised.

I mean, you're so curious and outgoing.

- I am?
- I think so.

I mean, you strike me as
someone who's gonna

get out there and explore the world.

Who knows? Maybe I will.

I've always wanted to try Coffee Bean.

Well, do it now before
it gets ruined by tourists.

So, the raccoon crawls in there,

and then it snaps shut,

and your mom will know what
kind of man she married.

Thanks for the trapping tips.

This will come in handy
when I'm trying to find

a Merlot to pair with a steak.

It's these father-son chats
that makes our connection so strong.

Hey, good news.

My pomade made it from
Provence to Westport.

The only problem is,
they delivered it to my old address,

but since I don't have
my chauffeur anymore

on account of me trying
to be like peasant folk,

I need you to go get it for me.

I'm not your servant, dude.

Just take my bike and get it yourself.

I am not riding that old bike.

Look, part of being in this family

is having to ride an old bike.

Everything we have is old.

Our clothes, we take expired medicine,

and my dad calls inspecting
sidewalk furniture

"panning for gold."

You know what, uh, forget it.

I'll figure something else out.

Suit yourself.

Oh, here's another one.

My mom puts stale
potato chips in the oven

to freshen them up.

Let me guess... you're the ghost

of all sports you've never played.

No, I'm gonna get that raccoon
out of the attic myself.

What is with you?
Just call animal control.

I don't need to call them. I got this.

I'm a man. I drink whiskey.

You drink half a teaspoon
when you have a cold.

Still counts!

Ooh, thanks for helping me sample

the hotel's new luxury picnic basket.

I don't recognize any of these foods,

so I know it's gonna be good.

What else do we have?

- Oh, chocolate-covered blueberries.
- Mm-hmm.

Paté. A mozzarella ball?

Oh, that cheese is so good,
I'm gonna save it for myself.

I'm kidding,
but I'll just put it over here.

He's trying to eat my jelly doughnut!

Oh, who do we have here?

That's my daughter Grace.

Hi, Grace.

I'm so sorry. I couldn't find a sitter.

But don't worry,
she'll just sit here quietly.

Cool.

- Oh.
- Or she'll just do that.

Oh, no, I think that's great.

This is my future,
so I'd better get used to it.

Hey. Hi, cutie.

You look like you could use a napkin.

Ohhh!

- Guess that works, too.
- Grace!

Ugh, kids.

I'm so sorry.

They ruin all your clothes.

I had to wear sweatpants
to a wedding last month.

- Luthor, catch!
- Oh!

Ah, look at your adorable daughter

giving the dog a super,
super expensive snack.

Ugh, that is the problem with kids.

You can't have nice things.

The only cheese that I have
has "whiz" or "its" at the end.

Maybe we should do this
another time at my place.

We could sit in the backyard
by the koi pond.

Oh, you're gonna have to drain that.

- Mm-hmm.
- What, why?

Childproofing.

Same reason why you fence your pool,

cover your fire pit, gate your stairs,

and pee in the bathtub
because you can't figure out

how to unlock the toilet seat.

But kids are great.

I mean, besides having to
change your entire backyard

and also your whole life...

- Mm-hmm.
- They're totally worth it.

Okay, ladies, I...

I think I'm realizing something.

You two are trying to
scare me out of having kids

by coaching Grace to terrorize me.

Oh, I didn't coach her.

She's a misbehaving prodigy,

like the Mozart of
raising my blood pressure.

We felt like we wouldn't
be good friends to you

if we didn't show you
what a life-changing decision

it is to have a child.

Well, I know it's gonna change,
and I'm fine with that.

I-I opened up to you,
hoping you'd be supportive,

but I was wrong.

You guys are worse than Dorinda.

- You take that back.
- Mnh-mnh.

I'm gonna go wait out front for my Uber.

See ya around.

- I feel horrible.
- Me too.

We don't deserve these
chocolate-covered blueberries.

No. But we should eat them sadly

to remind us of our shame.

Mm.

And maybe a little bit of that

- shame paté.
- Mm-hmm.

We're glad you're still here.

We brought you what's left
of the mozzarella ball.

We rinsed it off with a hose.

- It still has to be worth like $85.
- Mm-hmm.

We're sorry that we
weren't being supportive.

But honestly, we're still worried

that you don't know what
you're getting into.

We just want to make sure

- you're thinking this through.
- Mm-hmm.

Of course I am.

You never see a gay couple
getting drunk one night

and filling out 50 pounds of legal work

and, oopsie, ending up with a child.

You have to really want it, and I do.

You think you want it, but...

Oh, and I've watched your mommy vlog.

For all your complaining about kids,

you sure seem to enjoy them.

Just because I complain about them

doesn't mean I don't
love them or miss them.

Oh, man.

I love and miss them.

Who taught you how to shoot like that?

My dad.

He was incredible.

You know he never missed
any of my basketball games?

Even the away ones.

He would skip work
and follow the team bus

to wherever I was going.

I always hoped I'd be a dad like him.

That was one of the hardest things
about coming out.

I thought I wouldn't be
able to have my own family.

But things changed,

and now I get to have that chance.

We're the worst.

We're gonna do everything we can

- to help you get a baby.
- Mm-hmm.

That is, if you forgive us.

Of course, girls.

Let's hug it out.

Yay! I've always wanted to
have a fabulous gay friend

since the movie
"My Best Friend's Wedding."

Oh, every time a straight woman
I know watches that movie,

they're on me like avocado on toast.

Not in my friend's house!

All right, you've been reading
for over an hour.

I'm worried about you.

I'm just studying for philosophy class.

Plato says we're all
stuck inside this cave

looking at shadows on the wall,

and we think that's
the whole world, but it's not.

It's just interesting to think about.

Yeah, I was up all night
thinking about something, too.

- And I've solved it.
- Solved what?

Just the biggest question of all.

Why do they call a Hot Pocket a pocket?

And I finally get it now.

When you bite into it,

there's a hole in the top,
like a pocket.

You're still thinking about that?

Yeah. Aren't you?

I don't know.

I've been thinking more
about you and me together.

Y-You know,
we could go anywhere we want,

even another country.

Wouldn't that be so cool?

Why would I want to live
anywhere other than Westport?

My parents live here, my brothers.

I know where all the best houses
are for trick or treating.

What could be better than this?

I don't know, maybe living in Greece.

- The movie?
- No, Greece, the place.

No, babe, "grease" is the word.

Dude.
Where is your body?

Where's your shine?
Pull it together, man.

Just take my bike and
go get your pomade.

I said I'm not riding it, and that's it.

Oh, what, you think
you're too good for me?

- No, I don't.
- Yeah, you do.

What other reason is there?

You're too good for our spoons...

I don't know how! Okay?

I don't know how to ride a bike.

What?

How is that possible?

Because at my house,
if you wanted to go somewhere,

there was always an
employee to drive you, fly you,

sail you on a yacht, or
take you in a Ducati sidecar.

That sounds pretty baller to me.

But it's not.

I would've loved for my father
to have taught me how to ride a bike,

but he never had the time.

He never drove me to school.

He never helped me with my homework.

He was never there for anything.

It wasn't until junior
high that I realized

you weren't supposed
to pee sitting down.

Dude.

If you want to learn how to ride a bike,

I know the perfect guy to teach you.

Oh, my God, you know Lance Armstrong?

Thanks.

- Hello?
- Hi, Anna-Kat, it's Mommy.

Why are you calling me?

I'm just seeing if you're missing me

just as much as I'm missing you.

No one else's mom is calling them.

It's embarrassing!

It's on its hind legs!
That's a killing pose!

Aah!

I'm good.

Oh, my God! Are you okay?

Merely giving the raccoon
a false sense of security.

Just call animal control!

I got this.

Mom, I need your opinion on something.

Oh, now you want my opinion?

Forget it.

I'm sorry. Please don't leave me.

I'm so confused.

I had a conversation at college

about philosophy and Plato,
and it was so cool,

but when I tried to share it with Trip,

all he wanted to do was talk about

why Hot Pockets are called Hot Pockets.

Yeah, why are they called pockets?

There's no opening.

I was so sure I wanted
a future with Trip,

and I think I still do. It...

But there's a whole world out there,
and I want to see it.

Maybe even live in another country.

But I don't see Trip doing that.

I love him so much, but...

Things change when you go to college.

And they should.

- It means you're growing.
- It's scary to grow.

And it's scary to watch you grow,

but we both have to do it.

And as for who's right for you,

you'll just know.

Maybe it's Trip, and maybe it's not.

And that's okay.

I found the most perfect guy.

And you will, too.

No!

We're gonna stay in this hug
until it's time to bury me.

I'm telling you, you're in luck, dude.

We happen to have an expert

right here in front of you.

Let's do this.

Okay, don't let go.

I'm not letting go.

I'm not letting go.

I let go.

I'm doing it.

I'm doing it!

Yeah!

What was that for?

For being my perfect guy.

But I heard you tell Tami
that you wanted someone

with more masculine energy,
someone to spice it up.

Oh, my God!

I was talking about what's missing
in my friend group,

not what's missing in my marriage.

In a partner,
I want someone dependable, smart,

a little dorky.

And I hit the jackpot.

Thanks, but that doesn't
sound very sexy.

Oh, please.

You teaching Cooper how to ride a bike

is way sexier than Ramone

pulling up to my dorm on a motorcycle.

- Who's Ramone?
- Whoo-hoo!

Look at Cooper go!

This is the most bueno day ever!

I love my poor mom
and dad! Yeah!

Hey, I, uh... I just want to thank you

for taking the time to teach me

how to ride a bike,
so I brought you this.

I'm gonna stop you right there.

Champagne makes me giggly.

You don't drink the champagne.

That's so gauche.

I'm gonna teach you how to open up

a champagne bottle with...

a saber.

Uh, are you sure that's a good idea?

Oh, yeah, totally!

You want to follow through
like a golf swing.

Like this.

Oh, my God!

That is so cool!

Oh, this would kill at
our French Revolution meeting...

And if you're not careful, literally.

Oh, it's so easy.
I've been doing it since I was 8.

Our live-in sommelier taught me.

- Here, I'll show you.
- Okay.

Hold the saber.

Deep breaths, nice and easy.

Let's relax, let's relax.

- Okay.
- Ease the arm.

- I'm a little scared.
- Hey, you don't have to be.

I got you. I got you.

Okay.

Angle it, and follow the seam.

- I did it!
- Yeah!