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1
00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:05,638
Oh, my God. It is such a beautiful day.
2
00:00:05,763 --> 00:00:08,726
Oh, I didn't realize you
could see the river from here.
3
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:11,746
[SIGHS] What's that up in the sky?
4
00:00:12,966 --> 00:00:14,514
Is it a bird?
5
00:00:16,736 --> 00:00:18,771
Is it a plane?
6
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,970
Oh, it's a little man.
7
00:00:23,999 --> 00:00:27,773
Land dwellers, feel the
wrath of the Sea Troll!
8
00:00:28,437 --> 00:00:30,420
[EXPLOSION BOOMS]
9
00:00:32,843 --> 00:00:35,692
You seriously can't tell the
difference between a bird and a plane?
10
00:00:37,474 --> 00:00:40,360
[HEROIC MUSIC]
11
00:01:04,941 --> 00:01:08,200
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
12
00:01:09,921 --> 00:01:14,903
As many of you know, Alma is
retiring after 40 years here.
13
00:01:14,940 --> 00:01:17,267
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- Yeah, Alma!
14
00:01:18,490 --> 00:01:21,763
There is no shortage to the anecdotes...
15
00:01:21,785 --> 00:01:24,048
the wonderful anecdotes
from that time...
16
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,597
Ahh! [LAUGHS]
17
00:01:30,645 --> 00:01:35,447
Anyway, here is a $25 gift
card to Burrito Gigante.
18
00:01:35,501 --> 00:01:37,619
- Ohh.
- That's about one burrito
19
00:01:37,643 --> 00:01:39,427
for every seven years you worked here.
20
00:01:39,498 --> 00:01:41,663
One Gigante burrito.
21
00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:43,770
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
22
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,087
¡Olé!
23
00:01:45,796 --> 00:01:49,279
She's been here that long
and that was her sendoff?
24
00:01:49,321 --> 00:01:52,573
- What, no dinner? No party?
- If it helps, I stole a bunch of pills
25
00:01:52,621 --> 00:01:54,702
from her desk, but I
could put them back.
26
00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:56,080
That's a good start,
Wendy, but this is...
27
00:01:56,110 --> 00:01:57,836
- Unacceptable?
- Yeah!
28
00:01:57,864 --> 00:01:59,921
And you're gonna do something about it?
29
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,417
We've been working together
for such a short time,
30
00:02:03,435 --> 00:02:05,526
and yet, you know me so well.
31
00:02:07,503 --> 00:02:10,073
Van, I wanna talk to you
about this whole Alma thing.
32
00:02:10,139 --> 00:02:11,464
Oh, come on.
33
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:14,141
It was 20 years ago. We were snowed in.
34
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:16,163
She taught me things.
35
00:02:16,426 --> 00:02:17,762
BOTH: What?
36
00:02:18,651 --> 00:02:22,444
No, we need to give her
a proper retirement party.
37
00:02:22,516 --> 00:02:24,329
Just have Corporate throw
down a little cash and we...
38
00:02:24,335 --> 00:02:25,736
Let me stop you there.
You know what happens
39
00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:27,281
when you ask Corporate for money?
40
00:02:27,329 --> 00:02:29,315
They ask you, "What
happened to the other money?"
41
00:02:29,351 --> 00:02:31,392
And then suddenly, all of
your lavish sushi lunches
42
00:02:31,410 --> 00:02:33,223
turn into regular sushi lunches.
43
00:02:33,241 --> 00:02:37,065
Have you ever had regular
sushi? It's just okay.
44
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:38,306
Okay, come on.
45
00:02:38,330 --> 00:02:40,227
We're supposed to be a family.
46
00:02:40,292 --> 00:02:41,849
And we should look out for each other.
47
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,859
Which is it? We're a family
or we look out for each other?
48
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:46,981
So you're saying you don't
wanna do something extra
49
00:02:47,010 --> 00:02:49,205
- for your oldest employee?
- No.
50
00:02:49,259 --> 00:02:51,629
- Oh.
- Look, I am trying to climb the corporate ladder.
51
00:02:51,677 --> 00:02:53,246
I've already stepped on those rungs.
52
00:02:53,264 --> 00:02:56,576
You do not get to Gotham
by helping people below you.
53
00:02:56,701 --> 00:02:58,358
That's why you suck up.
54
00:02:58,704 --> 00:03:01,633
- This is...
- Unacceptable, I know. Get out.
55
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:04,851
Jackie.
56
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,043
I wanna eat at Lavish Sushi today.
57
00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:09,996
Jackie, what is wrong with Van?
58
00:03:10,025 --> 00:03:12,447
Raised by his nanny, doesn't read books,
59
00:03:12,572 --> 00:03:14,064
still quotes "Borat."
60
00:03:14,123 --> 00:03:17,225
Okay, a boss is supposed
to care about his employees.
61
00:03:17,255 --> 00:03:18,697
At my father's flower shop,
62
00:03:18,715 --> 00:03:20,940
any time someone
celebrated an anniversary,
63
00:03:20,976 --> 00:03:22,794
he would give them a
big gift and a cake.
64
00:03:22,861 --> 00:03:25,266
Wow, I wish someone
would give me a prize
65
00:03:25,299 --> 00:03:27,137
- for not killing myself.
- [SIGHS]
66
00:03:27,194 --> 00:03:29,528
Where I grew up, there
was a sense of community,
67
00:03:29,571 --> 00:03:30,830
of the greater good.
68
00:03:30,859 --> 00:03:32,820
Oh, my God. You grew up in a cult.
69
00:03:32,858 --> 00:03:35,382
- No, Kansas.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
70
00:03:35,430 --> 00:03:37,453
At least the sex is good in a cult.
71
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,295
Let me do you a favor.
72
00:03:39,580 --> 00:03:41,541
You're never gonna get far in life
73
00:03:41,565 --> 00:03:43,368
unless you look out for yourself.
74
00:03:43,493 --> 00:03:45,091
No, that's not true.
75
00:03:45,124 --> 00:03:47,894
My dream is to be the
next Archibald Stylus.
76
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:51,072
He runs the Wayne Foundation and
all they ever do is help people.
77
00:03:51,102 --> 00:03:54,260
Yeah, he's also the dick who turned
my corporate Christmas present
78
00:03:54,282 --> 00:03:56,310
into a donation in my name.
79
00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:59,471
Your gift gave an impoverished
woman a cell phone and a goat.
80
00:03:59,501 --> 00:04:01,129
Screw her. I want a bathrobe.
81
00:04:01,254 --> 00:04:03,557
Hey, you know who wants a bathrobe?
82
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,378
My wife! [LAUGHS]
83
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,526
It is so forced.
84
00:04:12,248 --> 00:04:13,820
He's not even married.
85
00:04:14,145 --> 00:04:16,805
Ugh, I can't believe I have to
retest these motion detectors.
86
00:04:16,817 --> 00:04:18,931
When did Chinese orphans getting
paid less than a dollar a day
87
00:04:18,935 --> 00:04:20,661
stop taking pride in their work?
88
00:04:22,577 --> 00:04:23,863
What the hell is that?
89
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,236
Oh, it's for my grandma.
90
00:04:25,274 --> 00:04:27,717
She met a guy online
that lives in Metropolis.
91
00:04:27,770 --> 00:04:29,558
Oh, you better watch out. She
might be getting catfished.
92
00:04:29,596 --> 00:04:32,045
Oh, she's definitely getting
catfished, because it's me.
93
00:04:32,809 --> 00:04:34,779
What? It makes her happy.
94
00:04:34,789 --> 00:04:36,989
Plus, I always avoid the sex questions.
95
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,255
Anyway, I mean, she has arthritis.
96
00:04:39,264 --> 00:04:41,221
So it's hard for her to take selfies.
97
00:04:41,408 --> 00:04:44,745
I control it with my brain. It
senses when I'm at my most confident
98
00:04:44,793 --> 00:04:46,844
so it always takes the perfect selfie.
99
00:04:46,886 --> 00:04:48,054
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
100
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,622
See? Like that.
101
00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:52,088
Holy crap. Ron, this is amazing.
102
00:04:52,130 --> 00:04:53,871
You could do something
really special with this.
103
00:04:53,937 --> 00:04:55,989
I am. I'm giving it to my grandma.
104
00:04:56,007 --> 00:04:57,597
No, no, no. You can't be serious.
105
00:04:57,722 --> 00:04:59,432
Don't I look serious?
106
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,534
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
107
00:05:01,659 --> 00:05:05,044
[LAUGHS] Well, I hope the
surprise is that someone
108
00:05:05,068 --> 00:05:07,233
found my blood pressure pills.
109
00:05:07,532 --> 00:05:09,416
ALL: Happy retirement!
110
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,345
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
111
00:05:12,536 --> 00:05:14,069
Oh, is this for me?
112
00:05:14,111 --> 00:05:16,683
Of course. It's the least we could do.
113
00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:18,711
You are part of the family, Alma.
114
00:05:18,728 --> 00:05:21,269
That's why we all chipped
in and got you a gift.
115
00:05:21,335 --> 00:05:22,469
- Did you?
- I don't remember that.
116
00:05:22,505 --> 00:05:23,841
- I don't have any money.
- I didn't put in no money.
117
00:05:23,877 --> 00:05:25,297
It's heavier than it looks.
118
00:05:25,362 --> 00:05:27,527
- Is it a retirement diamond?
- [LAUGHS]
119
00:05:27,563 --> 00:05:30,694
I don't know what it is,
but it's definitely not that.
120
00:05:30,718 --> 00:05:32,231
Oh, yeah, well.
121
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,624
It's not, right?
122
00:05:34,017 --> 00:05:37,185
They are olives from the town
in Italy that you grew up in.
123
00:05:37,197 --> 00:05:40,280
Oh, I haven't had
these since I was a kid.
124
00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:41,855
Thank you, Emily.
125
00:05:41,873 --> 00:05:43,817
Of course. But it wasn't just me.
126
00:05:43,824 --> 00:05:45,978
It was a group effort.
We all helped out.
127
00:05:46,103 --> 00:05:49,943
I don't understand. Why did
you do this and not take credit?
128
00:05:49,961 --> 00:05:52,061
It's called caring for other people.
129
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:54,828
Fine. Don't tell me.
130
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:57,333
Is this stupid thing still happening?
131
00:05:57,650 --> 00:05:59,875
Oh, ha, there's that Van wit.
132
00:05:59,923 --> 00:06:01,844
Looks like we're moving
on to the roasting part
133
00:06:01,868 --> 00:06:03,362
of the retirement party.
134
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,106
- Get back to work!
- Sorry.
135
00:06:05,112 --> 00:06:07,164
Well, thank you everyone.
And I'll think of you all
136
00:06:07,212 --> 00:06:10,349
working away here when I'm
holding my new grandbaby.
137
00:06:11,142 --> 00:06:16,427
Land dwellers, prepare to
taste the wrath of the sea!
138
00:06:17,728 --> 00:06:19,913
[SCREAMING]
139
00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:22,613
Oh.
140
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:24,892
Don't worry, everybody. I'm...
141
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:26,609
I'm fine.
142
00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:28,256
- Oh, whoa!
- Aah!
143
00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:29,689
- Oh!
- Oh, ah!
144
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,399
- Ohh.
- Oh!
145
00:06:38,182 --> 00:06:41,877
Due to the Sea Troll's
transmorphic beam,
146
00:06:42,223 --> 00:06:47,346
mm... Alma's right arm was
turned into a squid tentacle.
147
00:06:47,405 --> 00:06:49,687
Now, because we care for her very much,
148
00:06:49,812 --> 00:06:52,730
the cafeteria has taken
calamari off of the menu.
149
00:06:53,020 --> 00:06:55,637
And we are passing around a card.
150
00:06:55,660 --> 00:06:59,639
Evil spells, buried under
rubble... ah, sea monsters.
151
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,320
"Get Whale Soon."
152
00:07:01,445 --> 00:07:03,546
- Mm.
- Okay, this is BS.
153
00:07:03,570 --> 00:07:05,258
Van used her as a human shield,
154
00:07:05,282 --> 00:07:06,469
and he's just giving her a card.
155
00:07:06,499 --> 00:07:08,444
I hear Alama's gonna have
to spend eight hours a day
156
00:07:08,473 --> 00:07:10,425
with her arm in a salt water aquarium.
157
00:07:10,455 --> 00:07:12,310
We need to do something for her.
158
00:07:12,375 --> 00:07:13,684
Like get her a castle?
159
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,669
No. I was thinking maybe
something a little more.
160
00:07:15,711 --> 00:07:17,685
Oh, like one of those little
divers that makes bubbles?
161
00:07:17,697 --> 00:07:20,336
No, I was thinking of something
a little less aquarium related.
162
00:07:20,341 --> 00:07:22,670
I actually think she
looks sexier with that arm.
163
00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:25,833
She'd be huge in Japan. [CLICKS TONGUE]
164
00:07:26,134 --> 00:07:29,851
Van, I am not leaving this
room until you do right by Alma.
165
00:07:29,889 --> 00:07:31,111
Absolutely!
166
00:07:31,158 --> 00:07:33,686
I want to give her a ton of money.
167
00:07:33,811 --> 00:07:35,725
She's a hero. Did you see
168
00:07:35,753 --> 00:07:38,115
how she flung herself in front of me
169
00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:40,468
to stop the Sea Troll's blast?
170
00:07:40,492 --> 00:07:43,145
Wow, I'm so glad you feel that way.
171
00:07:43,188 --> 00:07:44,666
I'm gonna need verbal confirmation
172
00:07:44,690 --> 00:07:45,984
that that is what you saw.
173
00:07:46,237 --> 00:07:47,277
What?
174
00:07:47,311 --> 00:07:49,110
You do not get to the top
of the corporate ladder
175
00:07:49,124 --> 00:07:50,627
- by getting sued.
- Oh, my God.
176
00:07:50,646 --> 00:07:53,048
So this is just you
protecting your own ass?
177
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,626
Are you wearing a wire?
Legally, you have to tell me.
178
00:07:55,664 --> 00:07:57,096
Okay, you know what?
179
00:07:57,131 --> 00:07:58,611
Just write me a check.
180
00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,227
Then you'll keep quiet?
181
00:08:00,597 --> 00:08:04,130
- No, it's for Alma.
- Then she'll keep quiet?
182
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:07,143
- Sure.
- Well played.
183
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:08,864
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
184
00:08:08,926 --> 00:08:11,513
There have been attacks across the city,
185
00:08:11,543 --> 00:08:14,497
as the Sea Troll continues
his destructive search
186
00:08:14,503 --> 00:08:16,195
for Blackbeard's sword.
187
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,204
In unrelated news, the
Natural History Museum
188
00:08:19,234 --> 00:08:22,711
is opening a special exhibit
of pirate treasure this week.
189
00:08:23,064 --> 00:08:25,742
Okay. I was up all night working.
190
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:29,732
And I turned this into this.
191
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:33,187
Tada! Streamlined it. Made a
few tweaks. What do you think?
192
00:08:33,193 --> 00:08:36,847
Uh, I think Grandma's gonna lose
this controller in the couch cushions.
193
00:08:36,877 --> 00:08:39,083
That's not for Grandma. I made
you a market-ready prototype
194
00:08:39,089 --> 00:08:42,154
- so you can sell this.
- Hey, hold up. I told you I wasn't interested.
195
00:08:42,346 --> 00:08:44,905
But you could make a fortune. You
can finally get out of this place.
196
00:08:44,923 --> 00:08:46,229
Why would I wanna do that?
197
00:08:46,241 --> 00:08:48,233
Oh, I don't know. So you're
not stuck here for 40 years
198
00:08:48,257 --> 00:08:50,429
with nothing to show for
it but a jar of olives?
199
00:08:50,490 --> 00:08:51,998
Hey, I love olives.
200
00:08:52,212 --> 00:08:55,832
And Teddy, I think you might be
projecting your fears onto me.
201
00:08:55,856 --> 00:08:56,906
There's no projection.
202
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,349
- I've been here the next longest after Alma.
- Really?
203
00:08:59,378 --> 00:09:00,876
Man, you are very well preserved.
204
00:09:00,895 --> 00:09:03,028
- You don't even look like you hit puberty.
- Thank you.
205
00:09:03,071 --> 00:09:05,581
Wait... Ron, I want you to become
rich and famous so you can come back
206
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:07,724
and get me out of here and
save me from the death olives.
207
00:09:07,771 --> 00:09:09,558
I don't know what that means.
208
00:09:09,742 --> 00:09:11,150
Look, Ron, has it ever occurred to you
209
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,463
that this relentless
contentment that you feel
210
00:09:12,496 --> 00:09:14,921
is really just deep, deep,
deep denial of your dream?
211
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,661
No, I'm gonna have to deny that.
212
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,059
- Whoa.
- See?
213
00:09:20,131 --> 00:09:21,539
Everyone wants something.
214
00:09:21,611 --> 00:09:24,182
I mean, I guess I've always
wanted to climb Everest.
215
00:09:24,212 --> 00:09:26,210
[BEEPING, WHIRRING]
216
00:09:26,258 --> 00:09:28,233
And with this invention,
you can make enough money
217
00:09:28,286 --> 00:09:30,803
to pay for a bunch of people that
look like me to drag you to the top.
218
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:33,706
Okay. Well, maybe I
have gotten complacent.
219
00:09:33,831 --> 00:09:36,165
You know what? I'm in.
220
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:38,177
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
221
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,178
[LAUGHS]
222
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,136
Whoo! Look at those handsome men.
223
00:09:41,155 --> 00:09:43,195
- I can see why your grandma's into you.
- Oh, yeah.
224
00:09:45,145 --> 00:09:48,389
Ooh, where did this treasure
trove of treats come from?
225
00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:51,387
Well, Van wrote a check because
he didn't wanna get sued.
226
00:09:51,441 --> 00:09:54,466
Then I got Wayne Security
to provide matching funds.
227
00:09:54,483 --> 00:09:57,363
I wish I'd been in an emotionally
scarring and horrific accident.
228
00:09:57,382 --> 00:09:58,485
- I know, right?
- Yeah.
229
00:09:58,509 --> 00:10:01,915
Oh, my God! You guys,
you shouldn't have!
230
00:10:01,953 --> 00:10:04,735
Yes, they got you a
"Get Well Alma" banner.
231
00:10:04,764 --> 00:10:06,773
- Oh.
- Oh!
232
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:10,438
Poor, old, sweet, heroic Alma.
233
00:10:10,481 --> 00:10:12,285
You know, she threw herself
right in front of me.
234
00:10:12,294 --> 00:10:15,558
Yes, you have firmly
established your alibi, sir.
235
00:10:15,587 --> 00:10:18,550
Good. Wow, this is a impressive,
236
00:10:18,588 --> 00:10:19,848
glittering pile of crap.
237
00:10:19,877 --> 00:10:23,143
- Well done, Emily.
- Well, it wasn't just me. It was a team effort.
238
00:10:23,167 --> 00:10:24,590
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
239
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:26,793
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
240
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:27,994
Oh, my God, there she is.
241
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:30,152
She smells like day-old fish sticks.
242
00:10:30,181 --> 00:10:32,944
Hey, Alma! Looking good.
243
00:10:32,967 --> 00:10:35,372
Oh I don't know how to thank you guys.
244
00:10:35,497 --> 00:10:37,615
We'd love to get a quick photo.
245
00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:39,777
The Gotham office was very impressed
246
00:10:39,796 --> 00:10:41,662
with this display of generosity.
247
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,584
You're with the Gotham
office. Which floor?
248
00:10:43,670 --> 00:10:45,574
- 96.
- Oh!
249
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,891
That's where the fruit
is cut fresh every day.
250
00:10:47,924 --> 00:10:50,096
Yep, so who's responsible for this?
251
00:10:50,158 --> 00:10:51,752
Well, really, it was team effort.
252
00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:54,949
Yeah, and I am the leader of that team.
253
00:10:54,968 --> 00:10:57,375
I'm Vanderveer Wayne. Nice to meet you.
254
00:10:57,402 --> 00:11:00,824
Generous fella and fruit lover.
255
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:03,788
- Well, let's get a photo.
- Yes, great!
256
00:11:03,807 --> 00:11:06,052
Let's get it with you.
Now, don't crowd Alma!
257
00:11:06,088 --> 00:11:08,804
For... get out of the...
Please, look at her.
258
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,573
She's malformed. Let's do a handshake.
259
00:11:11,584 --> 00:11:13,756
- Oh, okay.
- [GAGS]
260
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,745
- There we go.
- He just took all the credit
261
00:11:16,769 --> 00:11:18,428
for everything you did.
262
00:11:18,493 --> 00:11:21,100
Even with your "Sound
of Music" upbringing,
263
00:11:21,118 --> 00:11:22,746
that has to bother you.
264
00:11:22,788 --> 00:11:24,488
Look, I didn't do it for the credit.
265
00:11:24,613 --> 00:11:26,963
Look how happy Alma is.
That's why I did this.
266
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,412
- There we are.
- Excuse me.
267
00:11:28,484 --> 00:11:30,166
Is this Wayne Security?
268
00:11:30,237 --> 00:11:32,563
Oh, my God. You're Archibald Stylus.
269
00:11:32,688 --> 00:11:35,003
You owe me a bathrobe.
270
00:11:35,230 --> 00:11:36,882
- Archibald.
- Whoa.
271
00:11:36,924 --> 00:11:38,128
Ah.
272
00:11:38,253 --> 00:11:40,133
This is Vanderveer Wayne.
273
00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:41,803
He's responsible for all of this.
274
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:44,928
Ah, I was so touched by your amazing
275
00:11:44,940 --> 00:11:47,959
outpouring of generosity
that the Wayne Foundation
276
00:11:48,084 --> 00:11:50,676
is honoring you with
the key to the city.
277
00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:53,333
Well. Do I have to do anything?
278
00:11:53,375 --> 00:11:55,749
[CHUCKLES] Just come to our awards gala.
279
00:11:55,779 --> 00:11:57,706
Ah, maybe let me take you out to lunch.
280
00:11:57,735 --> 00:11:59,221
Yes for the first one.
281
00:11:59,263 --> 00:12:00,920
- No to the second one.
- [LAUGHS]
282
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,050
Generous and a great sense of humor.
283
00:12:03,051 --> 00:12:05,311
I can see why that woman
took a bullet for you.
284
00:12:05,317 --> 00:12:07,417
And she did so quite willingly.
285
00:12:07,452 --> 00:12:09,892
- BOTH: Mm.
- Quite willingly.
286
00:12:09,940 --> 00:12:11,377
Yes, of course.
287
00:12:11,419 --> 00:12:13,477
Emily, isn't that your personal hero?
288
00:12:13,536 --> 00:12:16,179
- Yep.
- The man you dream of working for?
289
00:12:16,191 --> 00:12:17,498
- Yes.
- Right here,
290
00:12:17,533 --> 00:12:21,059
showering Van with praise
for something you did?
291
00:12:21,119 --> 00:12:22,556
- Yes.
- Well...
292
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:24,781
it's a good thing that you
don't care about credit,
293
00:12:24,799 --> 00:12:27,907
because otherwise this
would really bother you.
294
00:12:30,341 --> 00:12:33,055
Hey, did everybody see the newsletter?
295
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,410
I mean, it's silly,
really. It's just a pamphlet
296
00:12:35,434 --> 00:12:38,693
with my face on it that every
person in the company sees.
297
00:12:38,715 --> 00:12:40,585
Yeah, right before they
spit out their gum in it.
298
00:12:40,632 --> 00:12:43,477
Yeah, a lot of very important
people chew gum, Emily.
299
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,004
And they're the key to the fruit floor.
300
00:12:45,022 --> 00:12:46,985
Jackie, I want it framed
and put in the lobby.
301
00:12:47,019 --> 00:12:48,655
I will hang it right next to the picture
302
00:12:48,674 --> 00:12:51,676
of you meeting Vin Diesel
in the Dallas airport, sir.
303
00:12:51,728 --> 00:12:53,828
I'm still surprised that
our similarity of names
304
00:12:53,842 --> 00:12:55,555
didn't lead to more of a conversation.
305
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,149
Ooh, did you see?
306
00:12:57,178 --> 00:12:59,946
I even made the crossword.
Look, ten down, ten down.
307
00:13:00,027 --> 00:13:03,554
"Large multi-person
vehicle." Three letters.
308
00:13:03,587 --> 00:13:06,837
It's bus. "Vanana" is not a fruit.
309
00:13:06,846 --> 00:13:09,585
Oh, Emily, I think you might
have a blood sugar problem.
310
00:13:09,618 --> 00:13:13,355
Jackie, could you get us both
a couple of "vanana" smoothies?
311
00:13:13,379 --> 00:13:16,433
Did it ever occur to you that
a lot of people in this office
312
00:13:16,447 --> 00:13:19,201
chipped in for Alma and maybe
they'd like Corporate to know?
313
00:13:19,263 --> 00:13:21,630
- She's talking about herself.
- Mm.
314
00:13:21,654 --> 00:13:22,896
No, I am not.
315
00:13:22,911 --> 00:13:26,361
I have always said the only
applause a truly good person needs
316
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:27,983
is the beating of their own heart.
317
00:13:28,012 --> 00:13:30,994
Wow, what an odd thing for
someone to have always said.
318
00:13:31,009 --> 00:13:33,228
Everyone in this office
chipped in. I mean,
319
00:13:33,275 --> 00:13:35,198
Wendy made a basket.
320
00:13:35,255 --> 00:13:36,816
Okay, I think I know
what you little piggies
321
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:38,253
are rooting around for.
322
00:13:38,286 --> 00:13:41,015
Yes, I can get you a table to the gala.
323
00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:42,991
No, Van. That is not good enough.
324
00:13:43,001 --> 00:13:44,190
Is there free food and booze?
325
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:47,271
God, I sometimes forget
how poor you people are.
326
00:13:47,295 --> 00:13:49,471
- Yes, there will be.
- Uh!
327
00:13:49,486 --> 00:13:51,273
Okay, I think we have
a little more respect
328
00:13:51,299 --> 00:13:52,263
- for ourselves...
- We're in!
329
00:13:52,272 --> 00:13:55,331
- Oink, oink, oink, oink.
- [IMITATING ROBOT]
330
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,973
[LIGHT STRING MUSIC]
331
00:14:01,224 --> 00:14:04,264
Open bar? Sounds like a challenge, mmm.
332
00:14:04,951 --> 00:14:07,008
Who are all the squares
in the VIP section?
333
00:14:07,027 --> 00:14:09,871
Oh, just the greatest
philanthropists in the world.
334
00:14:09,914 --> 00:14:12,713
- More like philathro-stiffs.
- [SIGHS]
335
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:16,985
- Admit it, this is killing you.
- Not at all.
336
00:14:17,008 --> 00:14:19,137
The important thing is, we
helped what's-her-face with the
337
00:14:19,171 --> 00:14:20,893
squid thing. [CRUNCHING, CRACKING]
338
00:14:20,965 --> 00:14:23,130
You just ate a toothpick.
339
00:14:25,483 --> 00:14:28,234
This room is full of the most
successful businessmen in Charm City.
340
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:29,523
We're gonna pitch them your drone.
341
00:14:29,559 --> 00:14:32,154
Or we can figure out which
door these tiny burgers
342
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,247
are coming from and cut
them off at the pass.
343
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:37,248
Ron, okay, I know you're nervous.
344
00:14:37,278 --> 00:14:39,460
But I had this dream that
one day I come to work
345
00:14:39,472 --> 00:14:42,057
- and you're not in your cubical.
- Am I in the bathroom?
346
00:14:42,305 --> 00:14:45,230
- No, you just got up and left.
- Oh, no, that seems out of character for me.
347
00:14:45,248 --> 00:14:46,817
Okay, fine. You gave two weeks notice,
348
00:14:46,859 --> 00:14:48,439
we had a cake, it was
emotional, I cried.
349
00:14:48,445 --> 00:14:50,699
Now stop stalling. I
have a perfect opener.
350
00:14:50,729 --> 00:14:51,729
Huh?
351
00:14:53,091 --> 00:14:54,693
[CLICKS TONGUE]
352
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:55,835
Ah.
353
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:56,943
Excuse me?
354
00:14:56,948 --> 00:15:00,866
Could we have a moment of
your time to pitch you an idea?
355
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:02,904
- Sure.
- Eh?
356
00:15:03,648 --> 00:15:08,107
So, this drone, it reads your
brain's electrical impulses
357
00:15:08,126 --> 00:15:11,147
so it can sense both
your mood and attitude
358
00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:13,247
uh, to take the perfect selfie,
359
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,838
as it will read my confidence.
360
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,360
Wow. That's amazing.
361
00:15:18,687 --> 00:15:21,946
If that really works, I will
write you a check right now
362
00:15:21,961 --> 00:15:24,179
that will change your entire life.
363
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,236
My entire life? Uh,
364
00:15:26,361 --> 00:15:28,565
that's a lot of my
life to change. I mean,
365
00:15:28,604 --> 00:15:30,546
that must be a very big check.
366
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:35,036
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
367
00:15:35,923 --> 00:15:38,553
I'ma just head over to
the tiny burger door.
368
00:15:38,934 --> 00:15:40,820
[LAUGHS SHEEPISHLY]
369
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:44,622
And now, the Wayne
Foundation's unsung hero,
370
00:15:44,647 --> 00:15:47,385
- Mr. Vanderveer Wayne.
- [APPLAUSE]
371
00:15:48,845 --> 00:15:50,616
Friends and colleagues,
372
00:15:50,888 --> 00:15:54,662
I believe co-workers
should stick together
373
00:15:54,672 --> 00:15:58,198
harder than Alma's
disgusting calamari arm
374
00:15:58,199 --> 00:16:00,546
would wrap around the neck of a seal,
375
00:16:00,575 --> 00:16:02,975
dragging it to the depths to drown it.
376
00:16:03,233 --> 00:16:05,340
- Because I care about people.
- [APPLAUSE]
377
00:16:05,566 --> 00:16:08,867
Can you believe people
are buying this crap?
378
00:16:09,151 --> 00:16:12,553
Now, there's someone who deserves
to share this key with me,
379
00:16:12,601 --> 00:16:16,337
and not just because I found out
it really doesn't open anything.
380
00:16:16,371 --> 00:16:18,161
I mean, nothing! Nothing.
381
00:16:18,695 --> 00:16:19,827
But without her,
382
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,027
none of this would be possible.
383
00:16:22,218 --> 00:16:24,683
Now, she thinks I've
forgotten her, but I haven't.
384
00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:26,526
[LAUGHS]
385
00:16:26,651 --> 00:16:29,013
Why don't you just
come up on stage, here?
386
00:16:29,061 --> 00:16:30,732
[LAUGHS] Van, that is so sweet,
387
00:16:30,751 --> 00:16:32,549
but I didn't do it for the recognition.
388
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,691
That's great... because
389
00:16:34,763 --> 00:16:36,619
I wasn't talking about you.
390
00:16:36,653 --> 00:16:40,460
Ehh! I was talking about Alma,
the one who saved my life.
391
00:16:40,470 --> 00:16:42,260
- Oh, my.
- [APPLAUSE]
392
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:43,902
Oh.
393
00:16:43,954 --> 00:16:46,793
- Oh, my life!
- [LAUGHS]
394
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,916
Whoo! Oh! Oh, sorry sweetie.
395
00:16:48,939 --> 00:16:51,019
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, my.
396
00:16:51,216 --> 00:16:53,186
Some people, huh? Am I right?
397
00:16:54,107 --> 00:16:56,088
Don't, you know... listen,
398
00:16:56,365 --> 00:16:59,943
I know you can't clap anymore 'cause
of that disgusting calamari arm,
399
00:16:59,991 --> 00:17:01,804
but I have always said
400
00:17:02,038 --> 00:17:07,187
that the only applause a good person
needs is the sound of the beating
401
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,295
of one's own heart.
402
00:17:09,740 --> 00:17:13,058
Van, that is the most beautiful and
403
00:17:13,064 --> 00:17:15,956
personal description of
giving I've ever heard.
404
00:17:15,957 --> 00:17:18,636
Hey, that is my line! Me!
405
00:17:18,658 --> 00:17:20,573
I did all of this! It was all me!
406
00:17:20,615 --> 00:17:23,251
Okay, that [BLEEP] piece of
[BLEEP] only got off his ass
407
00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:24,639
when he was afraid he'd get sued!
408
00:17:24,653 --> 00:17:27,678
I mean, he used her as
a human [BLEEP] shield!
409
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:30,549
[CROWD MURMURING]
410
00:17:30,723 --> 00:17:33,685
But really, it's all about Alma, right?
411
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,254
[CRASHING]
412
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,822
[ALL EXCLAIM]
413
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:38,162
Everyone, take cover!
414
00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:41,193
- It's the Sea Troll!
- Oh, thank God.
415
00:17:41,387 --> 00:17:43,502
- Unbelievable!
- A super villain
416
00:17:43,526 --> 00:17:45,823
attacking the gala at a
natural history museum?
417
00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:48,597
- [EVIL LAUGHING]
- [MACHINERY POWERING UP]
418
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:50,769
- Ah!
- [ELECTRICITY SURGING]
419
00:17:51,854 --> 00:17:53,905
- Oh... how nice.
- [PEOPLE SCREAMING]
420
00:17:54,079 --> 00:17:56,900
Everybody surrender to the Sea Troll.
421
00:17:56,972 --> 00:17:58,345
[SCREAMS]
422
00:17:58,941 --> 00:18:01,118
Come on, hide!
423
00:18:02,705 --> 00:18:05,288
All we want is ***.
424
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,220
And your valuables.
425
00:18:11,443 --> 00:18:15,769
I don't think by valuables they
mean your BFF necklace from Claire's.
426
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:18,297
[SIGHS] I feel really
ashamed of my behavior.
427
00:18:18,573 --> 00:18:21,883
I've done far worse. I
once bet my dentist $20
428
00:18:21,884 --> 00:18:24,668
that he didn't have the balls
to shoot a lion on safari.
429
00:18:24,698 --> 00:18:26,517
He did. He did.
430
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,622
Look, if you wanted credit,
you should've just taken it.
431
00:18:28,646 --> 00:18:29,964
No, but that's wrong.
432
00:18:30,011 --> 00:18:32,049
A good person shouldn't need credit.
433
00:18:32,073 --> 00:18:33,361
Oh, my God. Are you serious?
434
00:18:33,389 --> 00:18:35,384
Why do you think that Superman
has that big S on his chest?
435
00:18:35,422 --> 00:18:39,796
Do you think that Batman puts
that bat logo on his boomerangs
436
00:18:39,825 --> 00:18:41,454
'cause it helps them fly? No.
437
00:18:41,455 --> 00:18:43,261
They wanna brand themselves
438
00:18:43,273 --> 00:18:46,381
so that people know who it
is to advance their careers.
439
00:18:46,447 --> 00:18:48,613
Crimson Fox is here to save you.
440
00:18:48,643 --> 00:18:50,540
#Outfoxed.
441
00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:52,364
Case in point.
442
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,071
Look, if you wanna run
the Wayne Foundation,
443
00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:55,427
you had better step into the spotlight.
444
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:57,698
Do you think that Beyoncé
would be selling our arenas
445
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,933
if she had remained one
of Destiny's Children?
446
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,312
Maybe you're right.
447
00:19:02,703 --> 00:19:05,595
And I don't wanna end up like
what's-her-face or the other one.
448
00:19:05,643 --> 00:19:07,465
Exactly. There you go.
449
00:19:07,489 --> 00:19:11,226
You want credit for the
things you do and that's okay.
450
00:19:11,488 --> 00:19:14,307
I took credit for something
I had nothing to do with.
451
00:19:14,345 --> 00:19:16,488
- That's okay, too.
- No, actually, it's not.
452
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:19,709
- Oh, yeah.
- [GRUNTING]
453
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:22,194
So it has a few glitches, all
right? We'll work on it together
454
00:19:22,224 --> 00:19:23,960
- and we'll get them next time.
- Will you stop it?
455
00:19:23,990 --> 00:19:26,144
Just stop it, Teddy. I lied to you.
456
00:19:26,185 --> 00:19:28,344
I don't wanna climb Everest,
and the drone knew it.
457
00:19:28,416 --> 00:19:29,848
Well, why didn't you just tell me that?
458
00:19:29,973 --> 00:19:32,920
Well, it seemed to make you so
unhappy to think I was happy.
459
00:19:32,950 --> 00:19:35,272
So I pretended to be
unhappy to make you happy
460
00:19:35,296 --> 00:19:38,063
because seeing you happy makes me happy.
461
00:19:38,099 --> 00:19:41,377
Oh, my God. I can't take
it. I'm over here, Sea Troll.
462
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:44,056
I have your sword. Take me!
463
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,739
I mean, sure,
464
00:19:45,757 --> 00:19:48,411
there's times at work where
I'm frustrated or bored.
465
00:19:48,435 --> 00:19:50,845
I mean, I'm not a
robot. HR tests for that.
466
00:19:50,881 --> 00:19:53,147
- Yeah.
- But I don't mind.
467
00:19:53,499 --> 00:19:55,420
'Cause I get to work with you.
468
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:57,860
Wow, Ron.
469
00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:01,230
You are such a weirdo. Bring it in.
470
00:20:01,468 --> 00:20:05,305
[POIGNANT MUSIC]
471
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,975
Kathy, I heard about your hysterectomy.
472
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,871
Congratulations!
473
00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:13,445
Wow.
474
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:15,693
Van, what was that?
475
00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:17,449
You inspired me.
476
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,946
I realized that they
threw an entire gala for me
477
00:20:19,970 --> 00:20:21,563
because they thought that
I cared about someone.
478
00:20:21,586 --> 00:20:23,292
Can you imagine what I could get
479
00:20:23,328 --> 00:20:25,853
if I pretended to care
about a lot of these people?
480
00:20:25,854 --> 00:20:28,218
- That's... that's not exactly...
- Just take the win.
481
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:31,522
Hey, Ryan! I love the new perm.
482
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:35,095
So it seems all that press you
embarrassed yourself in front of
483
00:20:35,125 --> 00:20:37,290
actually caught something else.
484
00:20:38,017 --> 00:20:41,673
"Unsung Hero Saves
Philanthropist Vanderveer Wayne."
485
00:20:41,798 --> 00:20:43,595
Are you gonna tell the paper it was you?
486
00:20:43,631 --> 00:20:44,901
Well, maybe I will.
487
00:20:44,961 --> 00:20:46,929
Doesn't make me a bad
person to want credit.
488
00:20:46,935 --> 00:20:48,410
Oh, hey, Jackie.
489
00:20:48,438 --> 00:20:51,741
Thanks so much for driving me to
the doctor every day last week.
490
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,328
Don't mention it.
491
00:20:53,521 --> 00:20:55,249
Okay, I know you can't hear it,
492
00:20:55,263 --> 00:20:56,857
but my heart is applauding you.
493
00:20:56,914 --> 00:20:58,523
Stop it, or I'll cut it out of you.
494
00:20:58,566 --> 00:21:00,641
- Gimme a hug!
- No.
495
00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:02,904
Oh, come...
496
00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:04,796
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
497
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:06,187
Ah.
498
00:21:06,397 --> 00:21:08,110
Ha. That's funny.
499
00:21:08,453 --> 00:21:13,453
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -38283
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