All language subtitles for Woman 19

WITH THE SUPPORT OF

PRODUCTION
HOPE PRODUCTION

DIRECTORS
ANASTASIA MIKOVA AND JAN ARTHUS-BERTRAND

DEDICATED TO OUR MOTHERS

We thank 2000 women
from over 50 countries,

who bravely shared
with us with their stories.

We made this movie
so that their words are finally heard.

the most daring
deed in my life

became the moment when I publicly

said:

"I was a victim
sexual abuse
and human trafficking."

I conquered mountains

ran through the desert

broke the Guinness record
triathlon,

having overcome 193 km by swimming,

4719 - by bike

and 1183 running.

But I never had
so scary,

like when i first
said it out loud.

I had so many doubts!

Barely saying
these words,
I regretted them.

Because I was dying of fear.

But I did it.

Thereby
I got stronger, better.

I wanted to break
vicious
circle of silence.

Today I know
just because of the silence

all this became possible.

When everyone is silent
violence blooms
lush color.

When they are silent about it.

They say:
"silent victims".
But we are not silent.

We are speaking -
But you don't listen to us.

You shut us up.

WOMAN/S

I enjoy it
that I am a woman.

And so it has always been.

As a child I was
so pretty!

I loved to wear beautiful dresses.

to put on secretly
mother's shoes
high heels

and carry her makeup.

I like tenderness

sensitivity,

the uniqueness of this feeling ...

To be a woman.

I am a woman,

although I was not born a woman.

For many
to be a woman
it is a gift of nature.

In my case -
this is my gift
to herself.

Though I'm chained
to the wheelchair

it didn't bother me
implement
desire to dance

feel like
happy and free.

I am happy,
strong,
crazy woman.

I think I'm a real woman.

I think I deserve this title.

And I feel good.

It would take me all day

to list
at least half
their merits.

Women are not weak at all.

They are very strong.

They are considered weak
because they -
women,

but no, they are not weak.

We are strong because of our biology.

We are strong because...

every month we bleed!

because
we can
bear children,

and it's not easy.

We are strong,
because we endure
a lot of things.

When I have
problems arise
I think:

"Be I a man
I could solve them."

women work
hands down.

Sometimes you get so tired in a day
what do you look at men
and you think:

"It's good to be a man
you can't stress."

A typical day for a woman

filled with things
not less,
than the minister.

I have to think
about 20,000 little things,

without even realizing it,

it has become so habitual.

"How long have I been doing
hair removal?
Date today.

Do tonight?
But then they will remain
red spots.

Should have done it last night.

And hair too
should have been yesterday
wash."

Opening the closet:
"What do I need today
put on?

Need to look good

and that at the same time I was
this is convenient

to feel confident.

Is it suitable
bra with panties?"

And at least once approached!

Then - in the subway:
"What is this guy
staring at me?

It seems to me,
or am I being stalked?
No, it seemed."

It's the same on the street.
Is always
same.

At work
colleagues let go
sexist jokes...

Date in the evening.
You need to make up.
Run home.

To pretend:
"No, no, I don't
didn't get exhausted in a day.

I just got out of the bath."

And this is not so at all.

And all this takes strength!

When I have
first time
started menstruation

I rejoiced.

All my girlfriends
two years already
were monthly.

And they started for me.
very late.

I was already 15 years old.

And that's when...

I saw how the water
stained in the toilet
bright scarlet,

I'm crazy with joy
and shouted to my mother:

"Mother! Mother!

I'm on my period!"

I remember,
one evening
I was bleeding.

I didn't say anything.

And the next morning
awoke…

Everything is in the blood!

I remember my dad said:

"What are you,
slaughtered a cow?

Like, where does all this blood come from?

Because everything was in the blood.

It was considered taboo back then.

They didn't talk about it.

Feminine pads
called "biscuits".

For my father
it was a great honor

give me a package of "biscuits".

My breasts suddenly started to grow.

It was some kind of nightmare.

My body became
sexually
attractive,

but to me it was
terribly unpleasant.

In myself

sexuality
still really
didn't wake up

so I felt

some kind of imbalance.

But for other people

my body looked sexy.

And I wasn't ready for it.

I still think

what was it
enough
traumatic experience.

At 10
my body started
change,

and it was terrible.

My father started looking at me.

I noticed
that the more I grow,

the more interested he is.

I tried to hide my chest.

I cut off my long hair

got a Madonna haircut.

I was 10 years old.

When they cut me
mom broke down.

And I wanted them to disappear.

Now it seems to me
what i tried

get rid of
from all signs
that I am a woman.

But my chest
continued to grow
body is changing.

At my age of 13
father treated me
like I'm his girlfriend.

From 13 to 18 years old

did not pass
and a day without...

so he doesn't rape me.

At least once a day.

He constantly
took me with him
in car.

Wherever he goes
I should have
go with him.

When my mom
worked, he forbade
me to walk.

My friends were wondering why.

Any suggestion would do.
to lock me up
at home.

I'm short
she cut her hair
up to…

30 plus years.

I did everything
to
him to dislike.

I was 5 years old.

I was a cheerful girl.

My parents are against circumcision.

My parents
always were
against circumcision.

Therefore this woman
came for me

without asking my parents.

We entered the room.

There were other girls on the floor.

They were screaming.

There were older women there.

Three elderly women.

I did not have time
understand,
what's happening,

how they got me

and threw me to the ground

next to other girls.

And I didn't understand what was happening.

They pressed me to the hole

not more than a cup deep.

Pulled up my dress

with all my might
pin me down
to the ground

and spread my legs.

I told this woman

"Please,
don't do me
painfully".

"Please,
don't do me
painfully".

But they didn't listen to me.

No, they didn't.

I remember,
how they shouted
the rest of the girls.

And I also remember

the smell of blood.

The smell of earth wet with blood.

And then
one of the women
took the blade

and cut me.

Never
I didn't have
it hurts so much.

I didn't understand what was happening.

Then it was all over.

There was a lot of blood.

Everyone was silent.

It was taboo.

And everyone didn't care.

They didn't leave me.

They went
to end.
They took from me

what should have been taken.

This…

This piece

my flesh.

And when through
several days
I asked

at uncle's - with him
the only
could speak

frankly -
"Why?",
he told me:

"Because you're a girl."

Girls
everything is different
than boys.

Girls…

Don't know.

Maybe the thing is
what I myself
two daughters.

But…

Girls need to be given
everything you need,

so they can
deal with it
what awaits them.

Yes.
To be a woman
this is…

I think girls have to

pass the
more stages
than boys.

Like a woman

I sometimes felt

your vulnerability,

your weakness
in the physical sense

compared
with men…

A man can...

can attack
maybe…

follow me on the subway

can speak
with me as if
I am nobody and nothing.

This physical
weakness
sometimes scares me.

When I get into a taxi

I see how many women are in it,

are we enough?

If women
at least as much
how many men

it means I'm safe.

If there are more men than women

I may be in danger.

If I walk down the street

I have to think as I go:

if my walk
will be
too sexy

it might attract someone

who will try to take over
my sexuality.

The hardest

for me now...

It is that I have the body of a woman.

I can only give one piece of advice

to all women

as well as their daughters:

understand that you can

take care of yourself physically.

I remember how I brought

their granddaughters and daughter

take it to boxing.

I put them in front of the pear
and said:

“Come on, run.

Imagine,
what you need
stand up for oneself".

And they reacted
like this…

And I said:
"Not!

Beat!"

Men are often judged incorrectly.

They are condemned
for what
what they became

without thinking about

why did they become like this?

Forgetting about
what is behind this man

a woman is standing
who raised him

telling him that he is the navel of the earth,

and women should
serve him.

Children to this day
bring up
exactly.

Often forgotten
what's behind it
a man

father is standing
who raised him

who did not rebuke him,

when he yelled at his mother,

rude to her, insulted her.

For him
such behavior -
norm.

I am not judging only women.

I condemn the masculine society

which is constantly
reminds me,
that I am a woman

and won't let me forget it

and which is constantly
reminds a man
that he is a man

and what does he have to prove
it's for everyone
who surrounds him.

If I were a man
I would do like this:

would write the bible

forbid you to work

would forbid you to read books,

vote.

have an abortion

or have a baby
without my permission.

Take care of the baby after childbirth.

Everything would be banned.

That's what I would do
be me a man

to control
what is stronger than me

and that I fail to understand.

I am Anita.
In our family
had eight children.

I am the sixth.

My father always said

that he has nothing
leave me
into an inheritance.

He said:
"Studies -
here is your legacy.

You won't study
Nothing will help you."

I thought he was joking

but if i got something
to date

and now I'm standing in front of the microphone,

addressing you

it's all thanks to education.

without study
I would be
completely different.

When I learned
write your name

I was so happy.

I rolled on the ground
from happiness,
danced and laughed.

She screamed with joy.

"God!
I can write
own name!"

I was so happy that day.

I couldn't even eat

was so
Out of my mind from happiness.

I sat at my place and wrote:
"Jeanne".

And again, and again:
Jeanne, Jeanne,
"Jeanne"...

She didn't stop writing.

second word,
which I have learned
write,

was "mom".

I was so happy

that she wanted to die of joy.

All she knew was that she wrote:
Jeanne, mother.

I was so happy.

In the villages
there were no kindergartens.

So I started
study only at 6-7 years old.

I really enjoyed studying.

When I was 10,
we lived in poverty

and high school then
hasn't been free yet

and it was hard for the parents
pay for my education.

One day my mother said

what if my brother
enter 10th grade

I can't study further.

And then…

If I cried
or screamed

what I want to study

maybe my mom
would agree...

I have several times
told
this story,

but every time
I can't hold back my tears
from sadness.

The happiest day
in my life...

The day I graduated
from Harvard.

My God!
They gave me a diploma.

I asked,
so that the husband and relatives go out
with me on stage

and the dean gave me permission.

And when I got my diploma

Kennedy School of Government

it was amazing!

To me,

African American!

In all our stream
there were only five
black women.

Including our sister from Kenya!

Only five.

Each of us had children.

And we all got our degree.

Great moment.

And when they gave me the word
I said:
"I don't type."

Because when I found
first job
at 14 years old

and then when I was working
to help her husband
while he was studying

I've always been asked:

"You are typing
on a typewriter?

And when I received
diploma from Harvard

I said:

No, we do not print
on the machine."

When I first
got a credit card
with your name

I was overjoyed.

When I first withdrew money,

I couldn't believe
to your eyes.

I took everything off
looked
for banknotes

and then back to the bank

and put them back
at your own expense!

May I tell
about your first
working day?

We were still living
in the same house with her husband,
he had nowhere to go.

But we were no longer together.

The day I went to work

he got up at the same time as me.

saw me
and says:
"Where are you going?"

“First of all, none of your business.

I go to work".

So I told him.

My husband was in shock.

"Who gave you
job?

Not 'where are you
Found a job?"

No.
"Who gave you
job?

He thought,
that no one
won't take me.

I said:
"I will work
with Mrs Sarah.

Decorate cakes.

You should have seen his face!

That alone was worth it.

I'm glad,
what did he know about it
while living in my house.

Yes.

When I left
work
to Spain,

away from family...

Incredible:

a month goes by...

From relatives
almost none
news.

And at the end of the month, the phone rings.

Husband calls.
He needs
money.

Even though he says:
"The entire salary
don't send...

You send everything anyway.

Want,
so that the children are nothing
did not need.

Compensate for your guilt with money

for being far away.

Here you send everything.

My daughters ask me
do not buy them sneakers,
and yoghurts.

yogurts,
of bread…

It is not simple.

I was very touched by one moment

two or three months ago.

We were driving
in car
with my eldest.

And she saw
that I have tears.

"Mother,
what's happened?"

I say:
"I can not do it anymore.

I fight with all my might.

I have always taken
for any job.

She worked tirelessly.

And now I'm fighting
with illness,
to buy us food.

I can not do it anymore".

She hugged me tightly.
"I believe in you,
you'll be fine."

If not for her -
I would not have survived.

I have sacrificed a lot

for work
on Wall Street,
for your book

their seminars.
Very many.

I refused
from school
performances,

from family picnics,

from lessons with sons,

from visiting them on campus.

Refused to
to find out
who am I.

I gave up what I wanted

for the sake of the desires of others.

Refused
from men
dreaming of a family

not about sex at night.

Refused

from relaxing in the garden,

refused to get a dog
even though I dreamed
about it.

Refused
from long hours
in the bathroom.

And also…

I refused
from shared memories

with many people
and now
I regret it.

I love everything about sex.

I love kisses

and caresses

and penetration.
I like,

what is possible

every time so different

merge with another.

I like

this creative freedom.

And sex makes me alive.

When a man enters me

I feel
that's all for me
subject to.

Awakens in me
animal origin.

I feel like

wolf or lioness.

I feel omnipotent.

Most
I like,
when during sex

fluid from his penis

pouring into my body.

It's like a vitamin of life.

From his movement inside
I feel
complete satisfaction.

It's like I'm in paradise.

There are no barriers
because
we love each other.

And I'm full of love.

I really am in paradise.

Together
with colleagues…

Of course, women.

I do not speak
with men
about your sexuality.

And I talk to them.

I talk about my feelings.

“It's easy for you.

Your husband is waiting for you at home!

Do not misunderstand me!

I'm not some nymphomaniac!

Not in this case!

It's just important to me

feel like a woman

feel loved.

I'll tell you honestly:

the older I get

the more I miss it.

Here before...
I do not even know…

Must be
all mothers
go through it.

We think
only about education
our children

preparing them for life.

And then
they start
get up on your feet

and here
we understand,
that were left alone.

And then the desire returns.

When we make love

he starts.

Is always.

kisses me

caresses

kisses on the forehead...

Sometimes he kisses me here.

Sometimes
he starts me
bite lightly,

but I tell him:
"Let's take it easy
I'm too old

to walk
with a hickey around your neck!"

I will not say.

My God…

Oh my God!

OK.
My first time…

I don't remember what his name was.

I know it's wrong!
But I don't remember.

We were 16 years old.

He was terribly awkward.

Now would
I live with him
did not fuck!

But then I thought:

"Sometimes you must
lose your virginity!

He is such a:
"Maybe porn
let's see?"

Opened a bottle of beer
and I to him:
"Somehow I don't want to."

He drank half a bottle.
And me too.

He got drunk

and climbed to kiss.

I was disgusted.
Like: “What, this is sex?”

Well, we slept.

And I couldn't understand

why
everyone says
that it hurts terribly.

I only realized later
what he had
very small penis.

We are told...

Explain what sex is.

But when you see
huge…

member of a man...

perpendicular
his body
becomes uncomfortable.

Do you think:
"And how is it

fit in me?"

I think pornography ruins everything.

Because of this, men are sure

what does it cost them to touch you

or lick
clitoris…

and you are right there
cum.
And this is not so!

Sex is important
act gradually

only then will it be pleasant.

And they are like this:

"Well, do you like it?"

And I them...

"Can i
Slow down?"

But they feel
porn movie characters

they want fast, intense.

Only me this
well, absolutely
not interested.

I like,
when it all starts
smoothly,

and then gradually accelerates

then it slows down
and then again...

And not like this:
"I'll make you so hot!
You'll like it!"

Think,
many people,
having sex,

imagine porn videos.

But they are actresses!

It's not real!

In fact,

I could
really reveal
your sensuality

only with women.

It can be done

and with men

but they have to explain everything.

They are different
everyone feel,
and they are not interested.

Only a few men

interesting,
how it works
female body.

When I'm with a woman

my body is like an open book.

Only a woman
knows
how to read it.

I am at first

surprised that women

can deliver
each other's pleasure.

I learned a lot.

Examined my clitoris.

found out
how it is arranged
what turns him on.

I didn't always have an orgasm

during penetration.

But besides the member, there is more

and fingers

both tongue and vagina.

Everything is possible.

I got better

understand your body

when I started doing

love with women.

Once, on a wonderful day
we made love

and he touched
up to my clit
its member.

And I screamed.

I said:
"It's happening to me
Something strange.

It's like I'm in another world."

And he told me:
"No,
it's your orgasm."

And I was so happy.

And in the following days
when we were doing
sex

he did so
for me to reach
orgasm.

And even today
when we are doing
love...

He won't breathe
until I reach
orgasm.

I do not know what it is.

One day
I heard about it
on TV.

But I didn't understand.
They talked
about orgasm.

The woman said:

"I have children,
but I do not know,
what it is".

She never experienced it.

She did not receive
pleasure from sex.

I understood that.

If they asked me

which one was the most
happy moment
in my life…

There were many.

But the most important was then

when i experienced
first ever orgasm.

It seemed to me,

that my head
will separate now
from my body.

I didn't understand what was happening.

I ran to the bathroom

and sat on the edge of the bathroom,

I thought I was having a stroke

it was so "Wow!"

Now I understand

And then it wasn't funny at all.

I didn't even know

what did you miss

all these years!

Do you understand?
Here's how it happens.

A terrible thing is ignorance.

But it was wonderful!

We got engaged last night.

I'm very happy.

After all…

I am 58 years old.

And a couple of years ago
I made a decision:
“No more men!

I don't need men.

Not needed.

Don't want to be with them
nothing in common.

I've had enough.

To hell with love.
This is not for me.

I will live on a ranch
one all my life.
And let.

And now, everything has changed.

Just gotta meet
the same person

fall in love

and everything happens by itself

without any effort

everything works out, everything works out.

Even work!
Everything adds up
by itself.

He proposed to me.

First
asked for blessings
at my father's

and then asked for my hand.

And I said yes.

They say it happens
love at first sight.

I don't know if it was her

but when i first
I saw Rachel

I felt,
that is ready to live
with her all my life.

Never before
I didn't experience
nothing like this.

I fell in love with her without memory.

Before me was

human,

passionate, loving,

sometimes a little crazy

beautiful…

We understood
each other without a word.

I could talk to her about
what I could never
with no one else.

I'm like

became one with her

And at the same time, she remained herself.

Out of the world
feelings are better
than this.

It took me 48 years
to test it.

On the wedding day
I had a dress...

At…
In such…

Called before...

In such an assembly, all around.

There was a blouse to the waist,

and a skirt was sewn on.
All were assembled.

I stood in it
as rendered:

was full
beautiful…

Not so beautiful

but it was enough for me.

And everyone went and said:
"This is a beauty
Found Gene!

And I'm happy
didn't know where I was
in the other world or in this,

what kind of guy
stands next to me
handsome man,

black-haired,
black eyebrows.

So beautiful,

what besides him
I didn't want to see anyone

even their parents.

How I loved him

so loved -
no words to explain to me
how I loved him.

And then he died 13 years old,
and I still love him.

I just remember
and I live by it.

So I loved him. Yes.

Don't know,
is it possible to love like that
or not. Don't know.

Can't tell you
how I loved him.

I loved it very much.

Family men...

Family men think
that they are allowed.

Usually
they bring money
into the family

and therefore consider
what they deserve
small dessert

on the side. So,
so that the wife does not know.

And they buy it for themselves.

And what's behind it
have to pay
serves as their justification.

To me...

I think that…

these expenses on other women

compensate them

feeling of guilt towards his wife.

They cheat on them
but they lack the spirit
confess.

One married man
me recently
explained:

“I could tell her.
Think,
she would even understand.

But she can
go away with a half
our state.

I don't want to lose half.

Like a sex worker
it suits me.

If you respect me
and we're having a good time -
no problem.

But now I don't feed
no illusions

about marriage.

I don't want to participate in this.

I will never marry.

Never!

I have learned that…

Or rather, I suspected...

that my boyfriend
went
to prostitutes.

I found a business card in his wallet

prostitutes!

I didn't even know
what they have
business cards.

That alone was something!

And when I became
to ask him

he replied,
that he took it for a friend.

Yes of course.

No, seriously!

What nonsense!

Everything became clear.

And it was a hard blow.
I remember...

All my world
collapsed overnight...

It's like my legs gave out.

I knew,
what's in thailand
prostitution

common...

that she is not condemned.

But why am I here?

Why did this happen
with me?
How so?

But.
I'm not some
special.

An ordinary person, like everyone else.

And so it was my turn.

My mom is worried

what if i don't go out
married,
I won't have kids

there will be no one about me
take care.

If my parents die
I will be completely alone.

She is afraid that no one

won't take care of me.

But in the future

in this country…

To be honest,
I especially
don't worry.

I think they will appear
new technologies,
artificial intelligence.

Maybe,
in old age about me
the robot will take care of.

Nonnie was a year and 8 months old

when I started taking care of her.

I understand,

that she is a child

which I never had.

I cherished her, cherished,
auntie with her.

I gave her all my love

everything that was in me

because the Lord
gave me a child

that I could take care of.

I can live without a man.

But I can't live without these kids.

I so wanted

become a mother
but I didn't succeed.

But now
I have two kids.

I will always take care of them.

Even if it's not easy.

When you lie with your legs up

terribly scary.

And the doctor stands in front

and sees all your organs.

So disgusting!

And they tell you:
“Spread your legs.
And come on, come on!"

And you are like this:
"What to give?"

How do you feel contractions?
Scream and push."

When was born
my eldest
Emily,

I thought:
"My God!

I gave birth
the whole person
Yes, I'm just a superwoman!

After such
I am now
I can do anything!

But this did not last long.

Apparently it was
surge
oxytocin

immediately after childbirth.

I would like
feel like
so invincible

all my life, but alas,

this feeling
gone
along with hormones.

But I swear to you
when
she was born,

I was ready to conquer the whole world.

After I gave birth

husband and his parents have changed.

It was our firstborn
first grandson
from our side.

all attention
focused
on my son.

And they became me
call
"dummy"

and urge:
"Well, feed the baby."

And I began to doubt
Why do I even live?

Why did I study
if my role is
bear children?

I felt
DNA incubator.

And although I was very happy
to joy
sadness mingled.

When I was born
disabled child,
I understood,

how limitless
mother's love.

I understand,

How motherly love...

Something…

the present.

Usually,
when we love
someone

we are reciprocated.

And it's nice, we need it.

I wholeheartedly
love my son.
From the very beginning.

Though he rarely looks at me

don't kiss me
doesn't talk to me

does not hug, does not caress.

But I love him.

All day long,
wherever you are
whatever you do...

constantly thinking:
"How are the kids?"

Trying
keep in touch with them

stay in their lives.

Sometimes they don't want

so that we
participated
in their lives.

And then you have to
fight
for your right

be close to them.

A mother's work has no end.

This is a lifetime position.

Need to fulfill
functions
ATM,

social worker, lawyer

and sometimes a punching bag.

Being a mother means playing

an infinite number of roles.

And besides,
gotta be strong
and reliable leader

keep the brand.

In a word, it has to
be multitasking!

I have girlfriends

who are just
longing to have a child

since childhood.

One of them once told me:

"I'd rather die
than stay
without children.

If I can't be a mother

I probably never
I won't be happy."

I never felt like this.

Such a strong desire.

So I'm pretty early
accepted
such a decision.

When…

my expiration date
started to leak

somewhere after 35, after 40 years,

I kept thinking about it.

And when I got married

I, of course, also thought.

And today I'm still
can not decide:

“To have a child or not?

How will it change
thereafter
my life?"

My husband said he would like

maybe have a baby.

How to know.

At the age of 15 I got married.

Or, more accurately...

I got married.

At 16 I have
the first daughter was born.

At 17 - the second.

At 18, another one.

At 18 or 19...

No, at 20
fourth child,
boy.

And at the age of 23 - the fifth, a girl.

Why are there so many children
in such a short time?

Because the parents
never spoke to me
about contraception.

Mom told me

what if i will
sleep with a man
then I'll get pregnant.

And my husband
forbade me
use contraception.

He said he would decide

when should I get pregnant.

Did I do
ever have an abortion?
No.

Actually, yes.
I had an abortion
at 24 years old.

I went to have an abortion

to Manchester

because it was forbidden.

In Ireland, abortion was illegal.

The government refused
legalize abortion

for religious reasons.

8th amendment
defended the rights
embryos

and supposedly women's rights,

but deprived us of the right to choose.

Because of this law

I had to leave the country

and go abroad
to have an abortion.

I don't regret it.

In that situation
it was the right choice.

Make a different decision

my life would have gone very differently.

I got pregnant
for the fourth time
in 1995

While
there were very strict laws
about family planning.

I had to have an abortion.

I was hurt and sad.

I had no choice.
Only abortion.

My husband went with me.

I was in the hospital

whole month.

Not because of health issues.

My soul hurt.

It's very hard to have an abortion.

in the eighth month of pregnancy.

Local authorities and their bosses

forced me to have an abortion.

So strange to lose it...

The status of mother, family woman.

Crap!
It's really hard.

Who am I?

Who am I now?

That is the question.

If you don't have children

no family

then who are you anyway
like a woman?

Do you understand?
In terms of...

This is what I need to understand now.

I left
on the first decree
joyfully and naively.

I didn't worry at all

About,
What will happen
with my career.

I was
great employee.
Everything was going great.

What should I worry about?

But when I returned
to work,
my illusions were shattered.

One of my boss
told me
clear text:

"You are a good employee,
but you can't imagine

how child
will change your life.
You'll see".

As if he knows
what will happen in the future.
And added:

"Prove to us
what we can
count on you."

And instead of

to fight him back

I seemed to be frozen.

I was shackled
hand and foot
from amazement.

I didn't know what to say.

I thought to myself:

"So that's how
women find out
that it's all over."

Got me out of this
one colleague.

He saw that there was no face on me,

and I told him everything.

He was in shock.
I froze
and he was shocked.

And he told me about it.
He said:

“What nonsense!
Outrageous!"

This man,
my colleague
in fact

gave me the strength to be angry

and understand what it is
not fair.
If not for him...

I would accept my verdict.

In my youth I was
hard to accept

with the fact that very often at work

men with lower
qualified than me

move faster
up the career ladder.

At first
it made me sad...

and outraged.

But then I decided

that I will go forward -
And watch them.

What helped them succeed?

And I didn't become
behave,
like men

but something has changed.

I became different
behave
with the boss

with colleagues, etc.

I've learned to be more persistent

speak out publicly
your opinion
propose ideas

so that they listen

to be assigned to me
important projects.

Finally, so
so that they forget
that I am a woman...

And that means me
may be,
something is missing.

Often
women have to
put in 200%

To obtain
good position.

I'm very proud of

that when I left
from Vice President

largest
Canadian company
in the field of forensic science,

financial director -
he left at the same time
when i...

Mentioned my salary
at a board meeting.
I don't know why.

The funniest thing

what turned out
what did they pay me
most.

Terrible scandal!

Of course always
there is someone who gets paid
more than others!

But then suddenly
this someone
was a woman.

Turns out I'm crazy
disposed of those cards
what I had.

And I was glad
find out about it
when she quit.

I lived in Casablanca
this is a big city,
3.5 million inhabitants.

And I decided
participate
in parliamentary elections.

It was something.

When I walked
in poor neighborhoods

people looked at me
bulging eyes.

They ran to see
on me.
"Live, come here!

This is a woman!
She's running for Parliament!"

I broke a real taboo.

And I continued
participate in elections.

At first I was not chosen.
in parliament
there was not a single woman.

But I took part
in elections for the third time,

on the fourth
in the fifth
in the sixth...

And only for the seventh time
in 1997,

21 years later

I won the local elections.

in municipal councils
it was all then
0.34% women.

You can't win without stubbornness.
But I'm stubborn.

When I was appointed
minister...

Most of the meetings
which accept
important decisions

pass at night.

For the mother of the family

married woman,

not easy

stay up late
to participate

in the meeting and contribute

in governing the country.

But I wanted to prove to everyone

and especially women
to inspire them

that it is possible.

We women can do it.

Together with men.

And men along with women.

We are all capable of it.

And so I did.
We came.
Me and other women.

Four women ministers.

And we came, all four,

even if the meeting
took place
at one o'clock in the night

we stayed.

And for more effect

I acted as press secretary.

That is, after the meeting

I should have jotted down

everything that was said

highlight the main

and make an appeal
on the radio
and television

on behalf of the entire government.

I loved politics

because I feel
what like a woman

i can do something

to change the world.

When I turned 18

my parents married me
for a 52 year old man.

Of course I didn't want
marry him.

That's why they threatened me:

either I get married or I die.

Or my parents will kill me
or should I
end your life.

Mom said so:

"Drink bleach and you'll die."

In a few days

I agreed,
because in any case

I didn't have much choice.

They didn't leave it to me.

So…

On the first night
I refused
sleep with him.

On the second night

I had to sleep with him

because mom

came and looked through the blinds.

In fact…

I obeyed.

Covering your face with a pillow.

It's like I was raped.

No. Not "as if".
I felt,
that I'm being raped.

I felt…

It seemed to me,
that not only
this man…

penetrated me...

against my will

but my whole family
took me
at the same time.

Because I felt -
And I was right...

That they are all together.

All were…

Everyone knew everything.

That's why I felt

that they all rape me.

Some girls
commit suicide

or throw themselves into the river.

I wanted to drown myself in the river.

She was so deep.

People rushed after me into the water

and pulled me out of the river.

I wanted to change this.

I wanted to get married
at will.

I wanted to find a replacement
forced marriage.

I got married
when I was 2 years old.

And that's where my life ended.

You look at my husband.

I didn't choose him.
I didn't love him.

I didn't know anything about marriage.

I didn't have fun at the wedding.

I didn't know the rituals.

I didn't know anything.

So why
is it important to get married?

I could stay here
live your life.

Can someone give me
explain:
why are we getting married?

Husband who pours
wife with acid?

In what country is this customary?

What are these laws?

What are these customs?

Burn with acid...

While she sleeps!

Burn a woman with acid
because of the dowry

you can not do it this way!

And it's happening here
every hour,
everyday.

why nobody
put an end to this?

Is it possible to
burn someone
because of the size of the dowry?

Really
men
so limited?

Absolutely nothing could

foretell that

what happened next:

hard blow to the face.

He stopped the car

and hit me
with all my might
on the face.

I was shocked!

This has never happened to me!

I was so amazed

that turned to him
and said, "What?"

And at that moment
when I turned
to him…

"Did you hit me?"

I only managed
scream "What?"

And then he hit me
second time,

right in the right eye.

And my eyes darkened.

First he gave me a slap in the face.

First time.

Of course,
I hit him back
because…

Yes, he beat me for eight years

but I am indebted
did not stay.
I defended myself.

First one slap
then two
after…

slap and kick,

then a punch.

Think,
after the first hit
fist

he crossed the line.

At some point
I decided:
"Enough.

Further so
continue
can not".

It happened then
when he started
strangle my daughter.

Then I said to myself:
"Enough!

I wasn't born for this.

I can't let this happen.

I can't let him
destroy life
my children."

He has already ruined my life.

My dream of becoming a mother

wife,

have a family.

He destroyed everything
what I dreamed about.

I couldn't take it anymore.

When I went to the police

they believed my husband's lies,

I supposedly cheated on him.

They checked my cell phone.

The policeman told me:

"How many lovers you have."

I answered:
"Like this? Where is it?

He pointed me to the numbers of the men.

A carpenter,
plumber,
electrician, painter,

architects...
Who else?

I am an interior designer.

Entrepreneur.

They are not my lovers.

The policeman asked
How long have we been married?

I say: "21 years old".

He says:

“Please make an effort.

In life you have to
donate something."

I answered:
"I can't do anything
donate.

My life
and the lives of my children
in danger".

I've never had
no bruises, no fractures.

He acted differently.
For example, for the first time

he slammed his fist against the wall.

He could break glass
break something

throw something at me

push.

In car
he always
got behind the wheel.

Accelerated to 170 km / h,

and then hit the brakes,
and I was thrown forward.

I lived in fear.

I was sure,
that sooner or later
he will kill me.

Unfortunately,

when i asked for help

to relatives, to rabbis, to the community...

We are Orthodox Jews...

They didn't see it
no violence.
They asked me:

"He beat you?

Didn't beat?
For what
are you complaining?

What's wrong with you?"

Knew me until yesterday

only the man who attacked me,

but today the whole world knows me.

It's hard to believe

but living in society

giving
so much attention
facial beauty,

I succeeded
change
attitude towards yourself.

Because I was able
love your face.

And I realized

that it's not that important.

Otherwise I would
could not be
here today.

I was able to love myself.

She was able to come back to life.

I've learned to live with that face.

This is what my mother explained to me.

I did it
to be prettier.

Lips pierced.

We do so
because we are women.

Men do not need to adorn themselves.

And we women

pierce the corners of the lips

to become more beautiful.

I am the way I am.
And I don't want to be different.

Everyone has their own beliefs.

Some like it
appear beautiful.

I love naturalness.

That's why I don't use
lipstick.
You noticed?

I don't wear makeup.
Only eyes
let me down a little.

IM proud of myself.
I look at myself and think:
"Here's a beauty!

Where do all these doubts come from?

When I dress up
I feel like a woman.

I make myself attractive.

I like,
when they look at me.

Like when on me
look and when they say
that I'm beautiful.

It calms me down.

I have, for example,
made chest.

I've got threads in my face

in order to be
beautiful facial contour.

He's changed a bit now.

Fillers in the cheekbones, pumped up lips

and Botox in the forehead.

Here. I'm fine
feel

and I'm proud of

what is all this
I was able to achieve

and make money with your work.

And now I can
create yourself any

and look like this
as I like
not the surroundings.

Because I believe
that when there is harmony
inner with oneself

then it's probably done.

Sometimes
i go into the room
and feel

confident like a pro

but at the same time I think

that everyone is looking at me

and think:
"This is a freak."

Or “Well, fat woman!
Also a tight dress
got it on."

I constantly
compare
your appearance

with other women

and constantly think
about what might be
I would have more respect

and would listen
with great interest

if I looked different.

This is the dark side

my relationship with myself.

Now my husband is dead.

And he loved my body so much

and myself, as I am,

and always wanted me...

All 25 years
that we lived together

he constantly proved
as he wants

and loves me.
And my body...

And myself...
In all manifestations.

Absolutely in everyone.

And now
he is no more
and it's really hard for me...

Although I'm sure
not the first in this sense ...

Understand,
how can i now
love yourself.

Yes exactly.
How to love yourself

if no one admires you?

It is very difficult.

Since he died
I seem to myself
ugly.

Incredible!

It's like I instructed this man,

because she loved him
and we were happy together

instructed him...

The right to look at me

and evaluate.

I even looked
to myself
his eyes.

And I didn't realize it.

I got it
only after his death.

I didn't understand before.

When last year
I got cancer

For two weeks
I fully
bald.

As the doctors promised
On the 16th day.

My hair fell out.
Everywhere.

Then - eyebrows and eyelashes.

And when you're in the bathroom

and though you've been warned
that it will be so
but you do it...

and suddenly…

all hair

stay in your hands!

And on the head remains
three hairs.

Nightmare!

I immediately went to the hairdresser

for them to shave
all that's left.

And here's what's amazing:

thereby
I was able to acquire
your femininity.

Because of cancer, I became
look after yourself.

Apply cream.

Soak in the bathroom.

apply cream,
put on makeup.

Previously, I was not up to it.

Forever work

transport, children,

one thing, then another, deeds, deeds.

I did not have time
make up in the morning

think about yourself.

I have nothing
there was no time!

And now
I could all day
pamper yourself.

measure wigs,
under the blonde
under the brunette

such a scarf, such
color your eyes...

While I had my eyelashes...

Well, or overhead

draw eyebrows,
apply cream,
lift lips.

Beauty - do not take your eyes off!

Old age is a bad thing.
She crept up so unnoticed.

Looks like he's still young
jump and run

but it turns out
legs walk
with a different speed.

And one morning
wake up
raise your hand and see

what do you have
skin is...

No longer what sags

and some all in an accordion.

And this is not the music
what you wanted to hear

not that harmonica.

And so once it was a shame
in the morning - raised your hand
and see this skin.

To tears.

The old one has become.

I don't want to get old.

Do not want.
Do you want
to be beautiful.

Here I doubted
Am I beautiful?

All young people are beautiful.

My cheeks are wrinkled

cloudy before the eyes

the skin is completely sagging.

There is nothing in it.

The hair is gray.

The teeth fell out.

No teeth left.

Lost all beauty.

But everyone calls me
"beautiful grandmother"

God let me

live to old age
and see old age

see how it manifests itself.

And good.

I was beautiful at 15

and at 30 there was a beauty,

And now at 60 she's beautiful too.

Everything is fine.

I don't feel old.

Life has shaken me
certainly,
but I'm not old.

When I remember

how I was a prisoner of ISIS,

it hurts me a lot
and can't believe
what happened to me.

I tell myself it was
just a bad dream

he is in the past.

I can not understand,
as in our time

in the 21st century, this could
happen to me:

trafficking in women and girls,

executions of men.

Nowadays, very recently,

in 2014,

How could this happen?

How could we be sold?

I can not believe it.

What happened to people

so that they treat
with women,

so that they treat
with me?

When I was being sold
for the first time,

I had no idea
what does it mean.

They got us together
in one room

and selected from among us
virgins.

Who wanted a woman
took her by the hand
and led away.

We did not know,
How much were we sold for?

We stood outside.

We were exchanged for 5 dollars,

pack of cigarettes

or given away for free.

It was difficult to understand.

I did not know,
where will they take me
what will they do to me.

Didn't know anything.

I have never before
didn't hear about it

what a girl can
sell, buy,
give.

One day

guards came to us.

One of the ISIS overseers.

He chose a 9-year-old girl.

took her away

up.

And he began to rape.

And she screamed.

And what could we do?

30 women

heard the screams of a 9-year-old child

and they couldn't even say a word.

I was 19.

One day I was walking home from the market

at five o'clock in the evening,

and towards me -
Armed rebels

from Raya Mutomboki.

They got us
and dragged
in the forest.

They killed those

who refused to sleep with them.

I was scared.

They raped me

but this was not enough for them.

They took a knife

and inserted it into my vagina.

From all over.

And in the anus
planted grass.

How bad I felt.

I was afraid
tell,
that I was raped.

And a month later she got pregnant.

I was able to have an abortion.

But unfortunately

consequences of this abortion

I feel to this day
4 years later.

We are decent women

and they slandered us.

Now nobody
will not marry us.

Who needs a raped wife?

Here we are alone.

Nobody wants to marry us.

Everyone says:
"They were raped
military".

We're like trash now

and that hurts me the most.

Should I

activate
your empathic sensors,

to make you realize

What nightmare am I living in?

Do I need to cry

or commit suicide
what did you understand

what madness is torturing me?

Should I…

save your tender ears,

because you will
shocked,
if you know

what have I been through?

What are we living in

and in what do we continue to live?

I have to be direct.

I'm not the only one.

Millions of women live in it.

Around the world.

And should we be careful?

"What a disgrace!

Don't tell anyone."

I want to tell you all

that I won't be anymore
wrap yourself in a shroud of shame.

I won't be silent
because of,
what a shame

or dangerous.

No.

Unconditional respect
to all women.

Regardless of race
skin color,
origin,

women
with curly hair
and straight hair...

All of them are worthy of respect.

Women.

Strong.

Is always.

I am proud to be a woman.

I am a strong woman.

I am a tenacious woman.

resolute

and extremely charming.

I am a strong-willed woman.

I am a woman,
which makes
male work.

Optimist.

Ordinary woman.

I am a persistent woman.

I am a brave woman.

I'm a crazy grandma!

I am a strong woman.

I am a warrior.

Avant-garde.

Feminist.

Active.

Combat.

Fearless.

Demanding.

Cheerful.

Dynamic.

Cheerful.

Heroic.

Free.

Sometimes I ask
awkward questions:
What if God...

Woman?

Women need to stop
sit in one's hands
and take your place.

Why
they have to wait
that they will give him up?

They are always asking:
"Give us a place!"

And I say:
“Why are you asking?

Why are you waiting
to give you
seats in parliament?

"Give it, give it!"
Better take it yourself!

I took my place

and no one can
take it from me.

All proceeds from the show
will be donated to the WOMAN organization.

We train women all over the world
media professions.

Screenwriters and directors
ANASTASIA MIKOVA AND JAN ARTHUS-BERTRAND

Composer ARMAN AMAR

Associate Producers
JAN ARTHUS-BERTRAND
JEAN YV ROBIN

Executive producer
FABIEN KALYMAS

Picture director
TANGI APEL-MULLER

Editors
FRANCOISE BERNARD
BRIGITTE DELAE

Editorial assistants: ANNE-CLAIR DECO,
TOMA LAVERGNE, PHILIPPINE MEROL

Color correction
STEPHAN AZUZ-CARDEN

Sound engineer EMERIC DUPA

Translation by Irina Solntseva