All language subtitles for Pot.o.Gold.1941.WEBRip.x264-ION10_English

(bold orchestral music)

(upbeat swing music)

(triumphant orchestral music)

- Hello, Miss Simmons.

- Hello.
- Hi, Mary.

- Hello, Mr. Haskell.

- Here's your shirts, Jimmy.

I turned the cuffs.

- Oh, thanks very much.

- It's little enough for
letting Mary come here

and practice every day.

- Ah, it's all right.

- How's she doing?

- Ah, just don't you discourage her.

She keeps up this practice

and she'll be able to play real good.

- I'll be back in an hour.

- Okay, I'll take good care of her.

All right, hop to it, Mary.

(complex classical piano music)

Mary uh, gimme an A, will ya.

(single piano keys striking)
(banjo string syncs)

That's it. Okay, thanks.

(complex classical piano music)

- Hey, Jimmy, when you going
to get some new records?

- Well, you kids haven't quite
worn out the old ones, yet.

- [Boy] Won't be long, now.

- Hi, Tommy.

- Here's some eggs for
my last lesson, Jimmy.

Tomorrow, I'll bring the bacon.

- Okay, here's your horn.

I think you left your music
over there some place.

(complex classical piano music)

(rousing horn music)

(big band music)

(lively harmonica music)

(random harmonica blasts)

Well, Uncle Charlie,
hello. Glad to see you.

- Hello, Jimmy, I'm glad to see you, too.

- Well, this is quite a surprise.

What brings you up in
this neck of the woods?

- Well, I came up to see you,

since you didn't take the
trouble to answer my letter.

- Letter? Oh, well, I wanted a
little time to think it over.

Well, come on in, Uncle Charlie.

(chaotic music)

- I, I, I wrote you.

I wrote you three months ago.

- Oh, is it that long?

I don't know, you know how it is,

a fellow gets busy and everything.

Now these, these things in dry weather,

you have to change the oil
every thousand miles on it.

(chaotic music)

Now that does it.

(jaunty harmonica music)

- Jimmy? Jimmy!

I came up to have an
important talk with you.

- Go ahead, go ahead, I'm listening.

Go ahead.

- Can't we go some place
without this infernal racket?

- Oh, oh, yeah. We'll go
right in my room, there.

- Where?

- Right, right over there.

- Oh!

(lively orchestral music)

- Here we are.

Oh, not that chair, Uncle Charlie.

That needs a little fixin'

I took it in on a trade
for a second-hand clarinet.

- Jimmy, I'm not gonna
beat around the bush.

As you know, you and I
have not been very close.

After all, we are the
last of the Haskells.

- Oh, is that very serious?

- It is to me.

I want to keep the name of Haskell

in the health-food business.

- Yeah, well, I understand
how you feel, Uncle Charlie.

I wanna keep the name of
Haskell in the music business.

- I'm talking about big business.

Can't you understand?

I need you, Jimmy.

Someday, you're going to
get everything I've got.

But you're not going to
get it if you persist

in frittering your life away in this town,

this whistle stop.

- I like it here.

My dad was happy here.

- Oh, I could never understand my brother.

And I told him when he opened this place

he'd never make a go of it.

- Well, he kept it fairly
successfully for 25 years,

that's not bad.

- If he'd listened to
me, he'd been a rich man.

But, no. So what did he have when he died?

- The biggest funeral this town ever saw.

Everybody was there.

- Why not? Everybody owed him money.

- Maybe so.

Dad just had a wonderful
time living. He liked things.

He liked to hunt and fish. He liked music.

- [Charlie] Music!

- Yeah he, he talked a
great deal about you.

- He did?
- Mm-hmm.

Always seemed to feel so sorry for you.

- Sorry for me?

- You didn't get anything out
of life, just making money.

- Is that so?

Since when has making money been a crime?

Since when?

Oh, I'm not going to argue with you.

And I'm not going to let myself be upset!

No sir!

(wood crumbles)

Jimmy! Jimmy!

- Uncle, I'm sorry.

- Oh, don't hit him,
Jimmy, he's an old man.

- Oh, no, it was just the chair, you see?

Are you hurt, Uncle Charlie?

- Oh, don't mind me.

- [Jimmy] Oh, hello, Bud.

- Can I talk to you for a minute?

- Oh, yeah, well, outside here.

Will you excuse me a
minute, Uncle Charlie?

- Afraid I've got some
bad news for you, Jimmy.

- Well, what's the trouble, Bud?

- I'm suppose to tack up this attachment

unless you can dig up some money.

- Oh. Well, I guess
you have to tack it up.

Unless you think eggs are
gonna go up to $500 a dozen

all of a sudden.

- Well, see what you can do.

I'll hold this off as long as I can.

- Okay, thanks, Buddy.

Oh, that was uh,

uh, he was just tellin'
me about some people

that wanted some musical instruments.

- He's the sheriff, isn't he?

- How'd you know?

- I knew his father.

He was serving a paper on your father

the first time I came up here.

- That's right.

- Well, Jimmy, what's it gonna be?

You can stay here chasing
rainbows or you can come with me.

I can show you a real pot o' gold

that's yours for the taking.

- Well, I, I. .

- Wait a minute.

That's a good idea for my
radio program tomorrow night.

You've heard my "Happiness
Hour," of course?

- Oh, yes, everybody's heard that. Once.

- Listen to this.

The clouds that make the day so gray

must sooner or later pass away.

There's always a pot o' gold
at the end of the rainbow.

Good ol' homespun philosophy.

- Oh, boy.

- Well, I've got to be going.

What are you going to do?

- Well, I'll tell ya, Uncle Charlie, I,

unless a miracle happens
in the next few days,

looks like I'll slide down that rainbow.

- Fine.

- Land right in the pot.

(horns honking)

- Uh, what, what was I saying?

- And furthermore. .

- And furthermore, I see no
reason to change the old. .

(loud boom)

What was I saying?

- And furthermore. .

- And furthermore, I see no
reason for changing the air guns

we are now using to puff
our rice and other cereals.

(loud boom)

Our present air guns are
exceptionally quiet in operation.

I therefore would suggest that. .

(big band music)

There goes that band again.

Oh, I'll fix this.

(big band music)

How can a man transact any business

with that going on day after day?

Tom-toms, jungle screeches,
they're a menace to sanity.

(loud boom)

What did I say?

- Tom-toms and jungle screeches.

- No, no, but that's what I mean.

The McCorkles took that
band in their house

just to annoy me.

That's why they've ignored
all of my protests.

- Well, I understand it's
a new band just organized.

- Who wants a new band?

Let 'em organize in a cave somewhere.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

(imitates Indian war whoops)

(loud boom)

I'll settle this once and for all.

(big band music)

Hey!

Hey, you!

Hey!

(Charlie clapping)

Hey, you!

Hey, somebody, hey!

Hey, hey!

- What's the matter?

- Stop that, that blasted
bedlam or I'll have it stopped!

- Oh, you will, eh?

Ha, you and who else?

- The police.

I'll have that gang of
noisy loafers thrown in jail

for disturbing the peace!

- Disturbin' the peace, are we?

(loud boom)

What about that air gun of
yours, boomin' all day and night?

I suppose that's a baby's lullaby,

you white-headed old baboon.

(loud boom)
(crowd laughs)

- That boomin' is business.

And besides, we're all used to it.

- The band is business.

And you'll get used to it too
or it's your own hard luck.

- I'll get out an injunction.

- Oh, you will, 'eh?

Well, listen, you
black-hearted old skinflint.

For years, you've tried every trick

to make me sell my house here,

so you could enlarge your factory.

Well, I'm not sellin'
Haskell, not at your price.

So go ahead, call the cops if you think

you can have this band thrown outta here.

- You just wait, you'll find out.

(descending notes trombone)
(crowd laughs)

- Go ahead, boys, go to
it, but loud. (laughs)

(big band music)

- Jasper!

Go get Jasper.

Jasper! Jasper!

Go get him, find him, don't
stand there like a dummy.

Do I have to do everything
myself around here?

Jasper! Jasper!

- Do you want me, CJ?

- Do I want you? Why aren't
you here when I need you?

Go get the police.

- The police, CJ?

- The militia, if necessary.

That McCorkle woman has
insulted me for the last time.

- But you've said that before, CJ.

- I know, but this time I mean it.

That band is driving me insane.

- It certainly is.

- Well, have 'em arrested.

- I will.

- Good!

(big band music)

♪ Hi, Cy ♪

♪ What's a cookin' ♪

♪ Hi, Cy ♪

♪ How's she lookin' ♪

♪ Life will be as sweet as can be ♪

♪ If I can find a cookie
that's a-lookin' for me ♪

♪ Hi Cy ♪

(woman scatting)

♪ All day long I washy and dry ♪

♪ To bring my little cookie,
I'd walk from Shanghai ♪

♪ Shine for you ♪

♪ Ten cents supplies the revenue ♪

♪ Your dogs will get a real shampoo ♪

♪ The real McGoo. ♪

(horn honking)

- Fresh fish!

(big band music)

♪ Dum dee dum doo, diddle dee dum ♪

♪ The fortune teller told
me I was gonna clean up ♪

(big band music)

- Are the apples good?

- Just like I sell the Ritz-Carlton.

- Well, then, the oughta
do for the McCorkles.

I'll take a half a dozen.

Here, Willie.

- What am I, a pack horse?

- There be anything else, Miss Molly?

- No, that'll be all, thank you.

Here, stupid.

Well, take it.

Thank you.

Come on.

Too bad you can't carry a few
bundles without complaining.

- Oh, I don't mind carrying them.

- Well, who are you?

- I'm the guy carrying the bundles.

- (chuckles) Well, thanks.

I thought my brother Willie was behind me.

- Oh, no, no he went ahead of you.

- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

(laughing) You must've been surprised.

- No, no, I guess life in the big city's

just one big surprise after the other.

- For instance?

- Well, for instance, band
music comin' down outta the sky

in broad daylight.

- Oh, that. That's up on our roof.

- On your roof, is it?

- The band is strictly on the
house. Until we get a job.

- Oh, well, you with the band?

- Well, my sister Donna
and I sing with it.

My brother plays in it
but Mother feeds it.

- Oh, well it certainly
is a swell band all right.

- There's a slight difference
of opinion around here

about that.

- Oh, you mean the neighbors object?

- Oh, no, the neighbors are all. .

Uh-oh, here comes trouble.

- Well, Miss McCorkle, as you can see,

I'm here with the law.

- For protection, huh?

- Certainly not. We are here
to give you the last warning.

That music must cease,
definitely once and for all.

- I'm comin' Molly.

What does this weasel want
this time? As if I didn't know.

- No violence, now. Speak to her, officer.

- Hello, Mom.

(crowd chuckles)

- You've been in bad company, Mac.

- Well, I've been sent
to deliver an ultimatum.

- Oh, ye have, have ye?

- Yes, and this band must go.

They're disturbing the peace
of the entire neighborhood.

- Oh, the entire neighborhood?

Does it disturb you, Mrs. Poppadolis?

- Not-a me, it-a keeps me young.

- Disturbin' the peace.

What about you, Mrs. Sweeney?

- It's a big advantage to me.

My old man can't fight
when he hears music.

(crowd laughs)

- They will, will they?

The hoodlums, they're ruffians.

- Now, go back to your kennel

and tell Old Man Haskell
what you've heard.

Go on now.

(crowd grumbling)
- Hey! Hey!

- Hey, what's goin' on here?

- You've heard about the
feud between the Hatfields

and the McCoys, haven't you?

- Yeah.

- Well, this is the one

between the McCorkles and the Haskells.

- What'd you say? Who?

- Come on.

- [Jasper] Officer, do something!

- Hey, what are you doing?

- I'm looking for a nice soft one.

(crowd grumbling)

- [Jasper] Oh, quit kicking
me, quit kicking me!

- Look out.

- Now, just a minute, just a minute.

You might miss him.
- Ow! Ow!

- Down.

- Oh, you hoodlums, you'll
pay for this, you hoodlums.

- Now!

- Stand aside, Jasper.

(crowd laughter)

- Gosh, I hit the wrong man.

- Oh, no you didn't. You
hit the right man. Run!

- Well, wait, the. .

- Come on!

(crowd laughing)

- Oh, my gosh. Oh, it's blood.

I've been shot, I've been stabbed!

- You're all right, CJ, take it easy.

- No, I'm not all right. Call
a doctor, call an ambulance.

- But that isn't blood, CJ.

- It isn't blood?

Well, what is it, what is it?

- Tomato juice.
(crowd laughing)

Somebody hit you with a tomato.

- All's clear, come on in.

- Whew. Boy, you sure do know
your backyards and fences.

- Oh, I'd have made better time yet

if I hadn't had to wait for you.

- Well, I didn't wanna ask
you to carry my suitcase.

- Have a doughnut, hero,
the best I can offer.

- Well, thanks. Hero? Me?

- You certainly are.

You know, I wouldn't be
surprised if they put up a statue

of you throwing that tomato.

You know, like the discus fellow?

- Oh, well, that was an accident.

Hitting my, uh, that man.

- Accident? That was a stroke of genius.

If you only knew how everybody
hates Old Man Haskell.

- They do, why?

- Why?

I could give you a reason
for every dollar he's got

in the bank.

Do you know that he tried
to drive us out of our home

because he doesn't like music?

- He's sort of a stinker, isn't he?

- And how.

Believe me, the name of Haskell's
pure poison around here.

- It is?

Well.

Guess I better be going.

- Oh, what's your hurry?

- Well, I have to find a place to live.

I sort of expected to live
with a relative of mine,

but it doesn't seem like
a very good idea now.

- Well, if you'd like a place

where there's never a dull moment,

what's the matter with this?

- Well, I didn't know. .
- Molly, are ye going?

What's goin' on here?

Who are you and what do you want?

- Mom, he's looking for a place to live.

- Oh, are you a new member of the band

or will you be livin'
here on a cash basis?

- Mom, this is the fellow
that hit Old Man Haskell

with a tomato.

- Oh, glory be.

(laughing) Oh, you darlin'
Why didn't you tell me?

So, you're the fellow? (laughs)

Now, listen young man.

You're not lookin' any further.

You're gonna live right here with us.

Here, give me the bag.

- Well, that's very nice of you but. .

- There'll be no buts now.

Why the best room in the house
is none too good for you,

whether you can pay for it or not.

Come on now, gimme the bag.
- Well, well here, I'll. .

- You're not leavin'

this house.
- I'll take the bag.

- [Mary] Willie! Willie, where are you?

- Hey, Molly, been lookin' for you.

I have that arrangement finished.

- [Molly] Oh, fine.

Can we try it?
- Right now.

- I want you to take this
bag up to the big room.

- Can't anybody besides
me ever carry anything?

- Go on with ye, now,
you're always grumblin'

- [Willie] I'm not grumbling.

- Lemme see it, Horace.

- Gee, these changes are swell.

Slide over, Frankie.

All right boys, let's go.

(lively piano music)

♪ Say, when he starts to play ♪

♪ The kids begin to trail him ♪

♪ And they all say hooray
for Pete the Piper ♪

♪ When he plays a song ♪

♪ All the kids'll never fail him ♪

♪ They sing a song along
with Pete the Piper ♪

♪ People gather round
when they hear the sound ♪

♪ The Campbells are
comin', hooray hooray ♪

♪ When their lively feet
catch the Piper's beat ♪

♪ They start to sway ♪

♪ And then it isn't long ♪

♪ 'Til all the folks are dancin' ♪

♪ Their hearts are gay when
he will play them a song ♪

♪ When he's done all
that, they pass the hat ♪

♪ For fascinatin' Pete the Piper man ♪

(lively orchestral music)

(lively harmonica music)

(harmonica solo)

(single tentative note)

- Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to butt in.

- Get him boys.

- Say, I didn't mean to bust things up.

- Quiet, please.

Can you read music?

- Sure.

- Play it like this.
- Me?

- Stand over there.

Okay, Frankie, pick it up.

(upbeat piano music)

(lively harmonica music)

♪ People gather 'round
when they hear the sound ♪

(energetic music)

- The Campbells are coming.

- [Group] Hooray, hooray!

♪ Now it won't be long ♪

♪ Do do do do do ♪

♪ 'Til all the folks are dancing ♪

♪ Do do do do do ♪

♪ Their hearts are gay when
he will play them a song ♪

♪ Do do do do do ♪

♪ When he's done all
that, they pass the hat ♪

♪ For fascinatin' Pete the Piper man ♪

(energetic music)

♪ For fascinatin' Pete the Piper man ♪

(group cheering)

- Boys, look who's here. Grady!

(crowd talking excitedly)

- Oh, Molly, darling.

- Grady's been pounding the
beat out by the garbage dumps.

A little argument with Old Man Haskell.

(group chattering)

- Grady, you should have
been here a little while ago,

you'd have been even for life.

- Yeah, what happened?

- Oh, boy, plenty.

(group laughs)

- [Horace] It's what they
call it poetic justice.

- It must have been good.

- Good? It was perfect.

(crowd laughs)

- Well, come on, come on, out with it.

- Well, Old Man Haskell
came steaming over here.

- Yeah?

- And he got hit with a tomato.

(group laughs heartedly)

- [Horace] Right in the kisser.

(group laughs heartedly)

- It was a soft one, naturally.

(group laughs)

- The hit and run kind.

(group laughs)
- Oh, boy.

- Nobody knows who did it, I hope.

- No, nobody but me.

But I'm big-hearted.

Boys, meet the sharp-shooter.

- [Man In Crowd] Lemme
shake the hand of the man

(drown out by group talking excitedly)

- Molly McCorkle, will you never learn

to keep your big mouth shut?

- What did I say?

- Too much.

Open up, boys, open up, open up.

Open up.

My boy, you should have a medal.

Yes, sir, I'm sorry I
can't be giving you one

instead of this.

- Oh, thanks very much.

What is it?

- It's a warrant for assault and battery.

Old Man Haskell swore it out.

- [Jimmy] Mm-hmm.

- Come on, son.
- Hm?

- Wait. Wait a minute.

Grady.

Wouldn't you like to
give me a good swift kick

before you go?

- Oh, no, that's all right.

This has been fun, here.

And I enjoyed jumpin' over
those fences with you.

If I ever get this thing straightened out,

I hope you'll let me come back some time.

And uh, oh, thanks for that
doughnut. That was all right.

Eh, well, come on Grady.

- Oh, yes, yes.
- Yeah.

(gavel banging)

- The next case.

- Hold everything, judge,
we'll be right there.

Molly, where are you?
(gavel banging)

Come on, hurry up, the case has started.

- Order, order in the courtroom.

Mary McCorkle, sit down.

- Now listen, Mike,

don't you be gettin' on
your high horse with me.

- Sit down.

(man chuckles)

Now what's this case all about?

Young man, what's your name?

- My name?

- [Judge] I'd prefer your real name.

- Uh-huh.

Uh, oh, my name is James Hamilton.

- James Hamilton?

Yeah, put that down.

And where do you live, James Hamilton?

- He lives with us at my house.

- 419 63rd Street.

Now, tell me, James,
how did you get enmeshed

in the coils of the law?

- I threw a tomato.

(gallery laughs and claps)

- He's too modest, Mike. (laughs)

He made a bulls-eye right
in Old Man Haskell's face.

- He did? (laughs)

(gallery laughs)
(gavel banging)

Uh, where were we?

- I'd just thrown the tomato, your honor.

- Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And now tell me, Jimmy, my boy,

did you with premeditation and intent,

deliberately aim at the
aforesaid Haskell's face?

- Well. .

- And the defendant refuses
to answer on the grounds

that he might incriminate himself.

- Glory be, Mike, you
certainly know the law.

- Having weighed the evidence,

the court rules that the case be postponed

and the defendant release on bail.

Provided anybody has any money.

- We have $200. Is that enough?

- That was the exact sum
that the court had in mind.

Who has it?

- I have it, your honor.

- The clerk will accept it.

(gavel bangs)

Next case.

- Thank you, Mike.

- Stand aside, please.

Will you move over?

- All right, who ya pushin'?

- [Charlie] I'm not pushing you.

- Take it easy, will ya?
- Hey, wait a minute.

- Don't you push me.

- Here comes double pneumonia.

Open the windows, boys,
I smell stale tomatoes.

(crowd laughs)

- Very funny, Mrs. McCorkle, very funny.

I only wish it had been
you that threw that tomato.

- So do I, only I'd-a put a rock in it.

- Oh, you would?

Well let me tell. .
(gavel bangs)

Proceed with the case, judge. I'm here.

Where's the man that assaulted me?

- [Judge] If you don't
mind, I'll conduct this case

without any advice from you.

- [Mrs. McCorkle] That's
tellin' him, Mike.

(crowd laughs)
(gavel bangs)

(car engine rumbling)

- Move along, in you go.

All right, take it away, Eddie.

- I bring a legitimate
charge against a hoodlum.

And before I can give my evidence,

the thug is permitted to walk
out right under your nose.

- In the first place,
he wasn't under my nose.

And in the second place, the
defendant was released on bail.

And the third place, you're
in contempt of court,

and I sentence you to 25 days or $25.

- [Mrs. McCorkle] Oh,
that ain't enough, Mike.

(gavel bangs)
- Quiet, quiet.

- This is an outrage.

It's, it's a travesty on justice.

- $50 or 50 days.

- What?
- Make up your mind.

- It's worth 50 to tell you what I think.

- Is it worth a hundred?

- All right, but you wait
until the next election.

You wait until. .

- I'm waiting.

- Until the uh,

your honor, it appears that
I haven't any money with me.

- Take him away, bailiff.

- You can't do this to me!

- Court declares a recess.
(gavel banging)

- You can't do this to me!
- Come on. Come on.

(relaxed harmonica music)

♪ And he sang Lily ♪

♪ By the moonlight ♪

(men cheer and applaud)

(all talking at once)

- Hold on, hold on.

We don't want that stuff, we want some. .

- Hey boss.
- This, this kinda stuff.

- Yeah, I like that.

- Yeah, what about "When
Johnny Toots His Horn?"

- What'd you say?

- "When Johnny Toots His Horn. "

- "When Johnny Toots His Horn. "

(all talking at once)

You know the key?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Oh, that's good, let's
see where we're at.

(upbeat harmonica music)

♪ You gotta get up, you gotta get up ♪

♪ You're in the Army now (lip popping) ♪

♪ Johnny blows the bugle ♪

♪ Knows the calls from A to Z ♪

♪ But he's always at his best ♪

♪ When blowing Reveille ♪

(humming)
(gentle harmonica music)

♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪

♪ Disturbing the peace
at break of the dawn ♪

♪ You gotta get up ♪

♪ You're in the Army now ♪

♪ Before your eyes are open ♪

♪ You're dressing on the run ♪

♪ Then standing at attention ♪

♪ With the sergeant's hat
and the corporal's gun ♪

♪ Oh, Johnny blows and blows ♪

♪ He tootle-ee-toots
you into your clothes ♪

♪ And makes you rue the
day that you were born ♪

♪ Day you were born ♪

♪ There's nothing anyone can do ♪

♪ The captain has to make it toot ♪

♪ You gotta get up ♪

♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪

(feet clicking)

♪ Do, do, do do do ♪

♪ Do, do, do do do ♪

♪ Do, do, do do do ♪
(lively harmonica music)

♪ Do, do, do do do ♪

♪ Da da da da da ♪

♪ Da da da da da da, da da ♪

(man whistling)

♪ La la la la la ♪

♪ Da da da da da da ♪

♪ He toots you out of slumber ♪

♪ He toots you out of bed ♪

♪ He toots you into line ♪

♪ And then he goes somewhere
and he hangs his head ♪

♪ But still he blows and blows and blows ♪

♪ Blows and blows, blows and blows ♪

♪ Blows and blows and blows and
blows and blows, yeah, yeah ♪

(mouth pops)

♪ He wakes you with his crazy tune ♪

♪ Then goes to bed and sleeps till noon ♪

(imitates trombone)

♪ You gotta get up ♪

♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪

♪ He stands behind the barricade ♪

♪ And plays his morning serenade ♪

♪ The private gets up ♪

♪ The corporal gets up ♪

♪ The sergeant gets up ♪

♪ Lieutenant gets up ♪

♪ The captain gets up ♪

♪ The major gets up ♪

♪ The colonel gets up ♪

♪ The general gets up ♪

♪ The Army gets up ♪

♪ 'Cause you gotta get up ♪

♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪

♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪

♪ Do, do, do do do ♪

♪ Do, do, do do do ♪

♪ Do, do, do do do ♪

♪ Do, do, do do do ♪

- Music? Music, even in jail I hear music.

- You'll get used to it.

♪ Do, do, do do do ♪

- Stop. Let me down, take
your hands off of me,

and stop this nonsense.

You're nothing but a lot of hoodlums!

Jimmy, my boy.

- Uncle Charlie, well
fancy meeting you here.

- It's a gross miscarriage of justice.

Ah, but they can't do this to me.

On the other hand, what
are you doing here?

- Oh, well, just another
country boy got mixed up

with a lot of evil companions.

(men laugh and jeer)

- What's wrong, sheriff?

- We have more prisoners in
here than we have commitments.

- Someone sneaked into our jail.

- What?
- Yeah.

Defraudin' the tax
payers, that's what it is.

All right, gangway, boys.

Come on, come on, line
up over there. Line up.

You, what's your name?

- Haskell.
- Haskell.

- Okay, we got a Haskell.

- All right, stand over there.

What's your name?

- Haskell.

- Oh, wise guy, huh?

I suppose you're all named Haskell.

- [Prisoners] Yeah.

- What's your initials?

- Uh, James H.

- I got no James H, nothin'

- So you're the stowaway.

Come on, get outta here.

You oughta be locked up for
pullin' a stunt like this.

- James, my wallet is on
my desk in the office.

Get it and pay my fine, will you?

- Okay, Uncle Charlie, be
right back. So long, fellas.

- So long, Jimmy.
- Bye-bye, Jimmy.

- So long.
- So long, Jimmy.

- Hey, fella?

- Hey, can you sing?

- No, I hate music.

- We gotta do somethin' about this, boys.

(prisoners murmur in agreement)

- [Prisoner] Now, say ah.

♪ Ah ♪

- Hey, Jimmy, where have you been?

- [Boys] Yeah.

- Oh, hello. Uh, me?

Oh, I've, I've had to, what's the matter?

- Well, we've, we've been
lookin' all over town for you.

- Yeah.

- You have? What for?

- What for? Oh boy.

- [All] Come on.

- Hey, here's Jim.

Molly, Jimmy's here.

- What? What did I tell
you, I knew he'd come back.

What happened and where have you been?

- Oh, I got locked up again by mistake.

- Oh, you certainly had the boys worried.

They've been sitting here
chewing their fingernails,

thinking you'd run out on them.

- Well, why am I so
popular all of a sudden?

- Well, they pawned their
instruments to bail you out.

- Molly's idea.

- Oh, well, thanks.

Very nice to know that I'm
worth $200 on the hoof.

- First call for dinner!

Jimmy you're back.

Oh, you'll be eatin' at the first table.

Take care of him, Molly.

(excited chatter)

Don't touch a thing.

Get up from the table, all of ya.

- Why, what's the matter, Ma?

- Have you forgotten, you've a new member

to initiate into the clan?

- Here, you sit next to Horace.

- What?
- Come on, Willie, get up.

- Come on now,

and stop your grumblin'
- Oh, Mom, I'm not grumblin'

- Hurry up, now.

- Yeah what. .
- Sh!

(gentle guitar music)

♪ Hail McCorkle ♪

♪ Hail McCorkle ♪

♪ We'll proudly sing thy praise ♪

(men humming)

♪ Hail McCorkle ♪

♪ Hail McCorkle ♪

♪ Where no one ever pays ♪

♪ Welcome to this university ♪

♪ For the fraternity ♪

♪ So full of knowledge, rah rah ♪

♪ Welcome to our little college ♪

♪ Hooray ♪

♪ And as we march along ♪

♪ We'll sing our college song ♪

♪ A knife, a fork, and a spoon ♪

(silverware clinks)

♪ We'll beat out a happy tune ♪

(silverware clinks)

♪ You'll all feel chummy
as you fill your tummy ♪

♪ With a knife, a fork and a spoon ♪

(silverware clinks)

♪ Start tap-tap-tappin' a dish ♪

(dishes clink)

♪ You'll get your favorite wish ♪

(dishes clink)

♪ Send troubles dashin' ♪

♪ While your corned beef's hashin' ♪

♪ With a knife, a fork and a spoon ♪

(silverware clinks)

♪ At Ma McCorkles's table ♪

♪ That's where we play each night ♪

(silverware clinks)

♪ We eat all that we're able ♪

♪ Though we may fuss, it's home to us ♪

♪ So, come on, lift up your cup ♪

♪ Let's drink it down, bottoms up ♪

♪ Through stormy weather,
we'll all stick together ♪

♪ With a knife, a fork and a spoon ♪

(crystal ringing)

♪ We're gathered 'round the table ♪

♪ We're real friends through and through ♪

♪ We're gathered 'round the table ♪

♪ To eat Ma's Irish stew ♪

♪ Ma's Irish stew ♪

(glassware clinking melodiously)

(men humming)

♪ Boarding house, dear boarding house ♪

♪ From thee we'll never roam ♪

♪ Oh boarding house, dear boarding house ♪

♪ To us, you're home sweet home ♪

(excited babbling)

- Say, that was all right.

- You can now consider
yourself a full-fledged member

of the McCorkle clan.

- Oh, well, do I make a speech?

- If you do, you'll starve to death.

- Hey, look at this Irish stew.

There you are.

- [Horace] Tomatoes?

- Thank you.

- [Man] Well, help yourself.

- No tomatoes.

(men murmuring quietly)

- Thank you.

(silverware clinking)

- What's the matter?

- Oh, nothing, nothing.

Would you excuse me, I
don't feel very well.

- Oh, it's probably too much excitement.

- Yeah, maybe you're right.

The jail and everything,

Well, I think I'll be all right

if I could go out and get some fresh air.

- Willie, you'd better go with him.

- Sure.

- Oh, well, you don't.

Well, maybe I'd be better off
if I just went up to my room

for a while.

- Willie, show him his room.

- Come on, Willie does everything
around here except eat.

- If you want anything, just holler.

- Home sweet home.

- Oh, thanks

Uh-huh.

♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪

♪ Disturbing the peace
and breaking the law ♪

♪ You gotta get up ♪

♪ Toot toot toot tootle ♪

- [Prisoners] No, no, no.

- Oh, it's outrageous, outrageous.

- [Prisoner] I know it,
but you're getting better.

- I don't wanna be better.
And I still hate music.

- You're so unreasonable.

- All right, all right.
All right, all right.

- Now try it again and
put in some gestures.

♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪

♪ Disturbing the peace
and breakin' the law ♪

♪ You gotta get up ♪

♪ Toot toot toot toot toot ♪

♪ You're in the Army now ♪

♪ Before your eyes are open ♪

♪ You're dressing on the run ♪

♪ The corporal's got the sergeant ♪

♪ At attention with his gun ♪

♪ And Johnny blows and blows ♪

♪ He tootle-tee-toots you ♪

♪ Into your clothes ♪
- Come on, break it up.

Break it up.

(prisoners shouting)

- [Charlie] Where have you been?

- [Jimmy] Uncle Charlie, I'm. .

- You'll be sorry for this.

Look what they've done to my voice.

How am I going to broadcast

the "Haskell Happiness Hour" tonight?

- Well, would there be any complaints

if you just called the whole thing off?

- What?

- Tell 'em you lost your
voice singing in a jail.

- Don't be ridiculous!

- Ladies and gentlemen,
due to circumstances

beyond our control. .

- Oh, oh-oh.

- We again bring you the
"Haskell Hour of Happiness,"

with CJ Haskell, makers
of Haskell's patty cakes,

the health food supreme.

- Ladies and gentlemen. (coughs)

I can't do it, I'm sick, I'm croaking.

- You're all right,
you're all right. Come on.

- Jimmy, you do it for me.

- Oh no, oh no.
- Oh, yes, oh, yes.

- Oh, none of that, no.

- Mr. Haskell will be
with you in just a moment.

- Sh, bring the microphone here.

- Ladies and gentlemen!

- Sh!
- Sh! Sh-sh.

- Tonight, I want to share
a little poem with you.

(clears throat) We, we
all should be grateful

and happy as kings.

The world is so full of
such wonderful things.

The rain and the sun help
the earth to grow wheat.

Perhaps its the most healthful. .

- Hey, Willie.
- of any cereal we eat.

- What do you want?

- Listen to this, will ya?

- [Jimmy] The sun on the
ocean, sparkling and bright.

- Why do you wanna
listen to that stuff for?

- Just listen for a moment.
- The breeze in the trees

and the planets at night.

The pansies, the pansies and lilies,

the primrose so fickle,
they're ours to enjoy

without spending a nickel.

The pra. .
(Jimmy crashes)

- [Parks] Good evening, sir.

- Good evening, Parks.

Parks?

Is the guest room in order?

- Certainly, sir.

- This is my nephew, Mr. James Haskell.

- Oh. How do you do, sir?

- Same to you.

- Pardon me, is your
luggage in the car, sir?

- Luggage?

Oh, I just had one suitcase
and I left that at. .

- What are you whispering about?

- I don't know, you started it, sir.

- I lost my voice singing.

- Singing? You, sir?

- Yes, I was. .

- I think I better go and get my suitcase.

- You won't need it, we
have everything here.

Come on.

Well, here you are, my boy.

This is all yours from now on.

I'm so happy to have you with me at last.

- [Jimmy] Well, thank you, sir.

- In case you need
anything, it's right there.

- Well, that's fine.

- We'll have breakfast at 7:30,

then I'll take you over to the factory

and introduce you around.

- Uh-huh.

- Best of all, I'm going to put
you on the payroll (laughs)

I don't imagine you've got much money.

- Well, your cashier
cashed a check for me.

- Your personal check?

How much?

- Oh, it was certified.

$214, that's what was left
when I closed up shop.

- Oh, well, that dismal episode

is behind you forever, my boy.

Tomorrow is another day.

With more music by the
McCorkles, probably.

Jimmy, that old lady is deliberately

trying to wreck my health.

- But why?

- Just because I want her property.

- Oh, that's very unreasonable.

- Yeah, it's getting on my nerves,

I can't stand it any longer.

- Well, Uncle Charlie, why
don't you go on a vacation?

- And let the McCorkles
think that they're chasing me

out of town?

That's just what they want.

Nothing is going to stand in the way

of my getting the man who
hit me with that tomato.

This is my room if you want me.

I'm going to take a hot bath
and a hot toddy and go to bed.

Goodnight, Jim.

- Goodbye, Uncle Charlie.

(meandering string melody)

(man whistling)

♪ Do you believe in fairy tales ♪

♪ I do ♪

♪ I know a place where fairy tales ♪

♪ Come true ♪

(man whistling)

♪ Just close your drowsy eyes, my dear ♪

♪ And a genie will appear ♪

♪ He'll take you by the hand ♪

♪ And through a star-embroidered sky ♪

♪ On a carpet you will fly ♪

♪ And you'll awake in Fairyland ♪

♪ A prince will ride upon the sea ♪

♪ La la la la la ♪

♪ Loo loo loo loo loo loo loo ♪

♪ He'll say, fair lady, be my queen ♪

♪ La la la la la ♪

♪ Loo loo loo loo loo loo loo ♪

♪ In this beautiful land of laughter ♪

♪ You'll live happily ever after ♪

♪ If you believe that
fairy tales come true ♪

(dreamy music)

(lively harmonica music)

(whimsical orchestral melody)

♪ Do you believe in fairy tales ♪

♪ I do ♪

♪ La da da, da da da ♪

♪ I know a place where
fairy tales come true ♪

♪ La da da, da da da ♪

♪ Just close your drowsy eyes, my dear ♪

♪ And a genie will appear ♪

♪ He'll take you by the hand ♪

♪ And through a star-embroidered sky ♪

♪ On a carpet you will fly ♪

♪ And you'll awake in Fairyland ♪

♪ Do you believe in fairy tales ♪

- Gadzooks, stop that infernal music.

- You white-headed old
baboon, this is just. .

- Quiet, wench!

Jasper, Jasper where are you?

- Yes, CJ?

- Go and get them, Jasper.

- Okay, CJ.

- Run, Jimmy, run for your life.

(all shouting at once)

♪ A prince will ride upon the sea ♪

- Run, Jimmy. Run for your life!

Look out! look out, he's got an ax!

- What are you talking about?
- Don't you touch him!

- What's the matter?
- Look out!

- Hey, wait a minute, wait
a minute, what's the matter?

♪ Fair lady, won't you be my queen ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh ♪

- (sighs deeply) What
a dream I was having.

♪ In this beautiful land of laughter ♪

- Well, you just keep right on dreaming.

♪ You'll live happily ♪

♪ Ever after ♪
- It's okay with me.

(man whistling)

♪ If you believe that fairy tales ♪

- Oh.

♪ Come true ♪

- Goodnight.

- Goodnight.

(gentle choral music)

Oh, hello, hello.

Is there anything wrong?

- We, uh, heard you on the radio.

- You did, huh?

Wasn't I terrible?

Yeah.

Molly hear it?
- No.

- Oh, she didn't, well, that's good.

- Look, just what goes on
between you and CJ Haskell?

- Oh, well, I might as well
tell ya, he's my uncle.

- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.

Well, here, I'll prove it to you.

Here's a letter he sent me.

To James Hamilton Haskell, that's me.

Here, you wanna read it?

- No, I'd rather not.

- Say, what is this?
What are you doing here?

- Oh, well I almost
forget what I came for.

In the first place, there's $200.

Now you can get your
instruments outta hock.

- Did you get that from your uncle?

- You don't know my uncle.

- Thanks, Jim.

- That's all right, that's all right.

I like the people in this house.

'Specially, well, I like everybody.

I'd sorta like to live here all the time.

But, soon as Molly finds out who I am,

she'll kick me out in the alley, so I. .

- Well, suppose she doesn't find out.

- Well, that'd be very nice but. .

- Now, look, you've been regular.

You didn't have to come
across with that dough.

I'm for you, Jimmy.

How 'bout you, Horace?

- Sure thing, I'm for you.

- Well, thanks very much, I just.

No, I, I still got troubles.

Don't you see, sooner or later,

Molly's gonna find out who I am.

Just like sooner or later Old
Man Haskell's gonna find out

who threw that tomato.

And it, it just won't work.

Either way, I'm a dead duck.

- Look, how's your uncle gonna find out?

- Well, he'll see me
at the trial, won't he?

- What would happen if
Uncle Charlie didn't show up

for the trial?

- They'd throw the case outta court.

- Well, there's your answer.
We get rid of Uncle Charlie.

- How?

- Well, we'll let Red run
over him with the ice wagon.

- Oh, do you think he'd do it?

Oh, you couldn't do that.

- What do you mean we couldn't do that?

Red'd love it, I'll go get him.

- Oh, wait a minute, now hold on here.

Couldn't you do somethin'
not quite so drastic?

- Any ideas?

- Yeah, I think I better
go back to Point Jervis.

Uncle Charlie's a pretty
tough guy to deal with.

And from the way he talked tonight,

you better find some place
else to rehearse your band.

Well, so long Horace.

- Well, so long, Jimmy.

- Sorry about this.

And Willie, thanks for everything.

- So long, Jimmy.
- It's been very nice.

- Jim, wait a minute.
- What?

- That's it. The band, he doesn't like it.

- No, he certainly does not.

What?

- [Horace] Come on.

- Come on, what're we doing?
- Come on.

(Charlie snoring and mumbling)
(loud big band music)

- Toot toot tee tee toot.

(Charlie snoring)

(drum beats loudly)

(loud big band music)

(drum beats loudly)

(music increases in intensity)

(radio clicks on)

(woman screams)

- [Woman On Radio] Don't shoot, Bill!

- [Man On Radio] You get
what's coming, you slut.

(gunshots blast)

(big band music)

- Jimmy?

Jimmy.

- Here he comes, do you
think it'll work, Horace?

- If these whiskers don't fall off.

- Yeah.

Yes, Uncle Charlie?

- Jimmy.

What are you doin' down here?

And who is this man?

- Well, I'll tell you, Uncle Charlie,

I got worried about you, I couldn't sleep,

so I called in a specialist.

Now, this is Professor Heidt,
this is my Uncle Charlie.

- Oh nonsense, I don't need a doctor,

I eat my own health foods.

It's my nerves that are cracking.

- That's why I'm here, Mr.
Haskell, to work on your nerves.

Relax, please.

- Relax? How can anybody relax
with that music going on?

- Music?

- Music?

- [Both] What music?

- That creepy music. Don't you hear it?

- You see what I mean, Professor?

(doctor hums thoughtfully)

- I tell you, I hear music.

Maybe it's the radio in the library.

It's not the radio.

- Do you still hear it, Uncle Charlie?

- Yes, it's still playing.

- Mr. Haskell, tell me,
where does this music

seem to be coming from?

- I don't know, but just
a moment, I'll tell you.

It's here, it's plainer down here.

Da do dee da dum, da do dee da dum.

- Uncle Charlie, don't you
think you better go back to bed?

- I tell you, Jimmy, I hear it.

(grunting) Here.

Here, here it is.

Da da da da.

It, it's coming from the furnace.

- Music in furnace.

- Well, listen yourself.

Jimmy, please tell him that you hear it.

I'll get Parks, he'll get me out of this.

Parks, he'll back me
up, you see if he don't.

- What's the matter?
(horse-racing trumpet call)

- There.

Don't tell me you don't hear anything.

- Oh, yes.

- It's about time, I was
beginning to get nervous.

- Beautiful string quartet.

- String quartet? It's bugles.

(trumpets blasting)

- Hears bugles on phone.

- I tell you, I hear bugles.

- It's bugles.

- Don't try to humor me.

- All right, now let's
go and get some air.

You've nothing to worry about

until you start seeing things.

There you go.
- There's nothing wrong

with me.

(orchestral fanfare music)

(Charlie gasping)

Jimmy, look. Doctor,
look. What do you see?

- [Jimmy] What do you
want us to see, Uncle?

- [Charlie] Girls, dancing on the lawn.

- Where?

- There.

(wind whipping)

(Charlie gasping)

- Sees paper dolls dancing on lawn.

- Paper dolls?

You're right, Jimmy,
I'm in terrible shape.

My nerves are all gone.

Doctor, what do you think I better do?

- Mr. Haskell, give your
nerves a good, long rest.

Get outta town.

- I'll do it.

I'll go up in the woods.

- Fine, we'll help you pack.

- No. Not until I find the
man who threw that tomato.

- Now, Uncle Charlie, your
health is much more important

than that silly tomato.

- Yes, Mr. Haskell, that's right.

- Sure, now let me handle this.

I'll put the finger on that fella,

he's as good as in jail right now. Almost.

And while you're up there resting,

he'll be well taken care
of, don't worry about that.

And I'm the guy that can do it.

- Good.

I'll take the first
train out in the morning.

Oh!

- What's the matter now?

- The music stopped.

(bass string music)

All but the bull fiddle.

- Now you see, you're improving already.

(happy orchestral music)

- Yes.

(chipper violin music)

(door clicks shut)

- Hiya, Mr. Haskell,
what can I do for you?

- Hello, Mr. Louderman.

Well, I just dropped in
to see if we couldn't make

the "Haskell Happiness
Hour" a little bit happier.

- Welcome, stranger, sit right down.

What'll ya have to drink?

- Well, I. .

- Hello, Mr. Baccus.

- What's the purpose of this meeting?

- Well, we were about
to discuss the program.

- You know very well that I have charge

of the "Happiness Hour"
during Mr. Haskell's absence.

He trusts me implicitly.

- Well, not a hundred percent.

- I beg your pardon?

- Look, I have a note from my uncle

giving me complete charge
of the program, hm?

- Well, it didn't take
you long to undermine me

with your uncle, did it?

- Hm-mm.

- How do I know you didn't
write that yourself?

Now listen, Mr. Louderman,
they'll be no change. .

- Would you excuse us a minute?

- Certainly.
- I wanna talk to you.

- Yes. We had better talk this over.

- Yeah, yeah, right.

Be right back.

(fist punches)
(Jasper cries out)

(objects crashing)

- I'd like to make some
other improvements, too.

- Go right ahead.

- Well, I'd like to use a band.

- Oh, no, no, please, no.
We're overloaded with bands.

- No, but this is ideal,
because my uncle hates it.

- What?

- Yeah, it drove him clear up to Canada.

- Well, then what do you wanna
put it on his program, for?

- Well, it's pretty hard to explain,

but you see it'll give the band a break.

And then they'll have
to thank my uncle for it

and that'll make him feel pretty good.

- Up in Canada?

- Up in Canada
- Yeah, yeah.

- And there's sort of a feud going on.

- A feud?

- Uh-huh. And uh, then there's a girl.

- Oh, a girl.

- Yeah.

- Hm.

- Sounds pretty confusing, doesn't it?

- Well, no, it sounds pretty good.

- It does?

Well, that's it, you play Thursday night

over a coast-to-coast
hookup at the opening

of the Eastchester Country Club.

- That's great, Jim,
how did you ever do it?

- Well, I don't know.

I just started to talk,
the fellow listened.

I'm just as surprised about it as you are.

- How much do we get for it?

- Uh, nothing.

- Nothing?

- No, you don't get anything.

- Oh.

- Well, what of it?

Is it any different than
playing for the neighbors

and Old Man Haskell?

What do we get out of that?

At least this way, there's a chance.

- [Band Member] I'm
sold, what can we lose?

- That's all right for me.

(wind gusting)

- [Charlie] Hey, gimme a push.

- Bonsoir, monsieur.

- What did he say?

- Bonsoir, monsieur.

- And you made me drag
this pack through the woods

for four hours to get to a place

where nobody can talk English.

What kind of a guide are you, anyway?

Hey, Pierre, have-ay-voo
a machine, talkie-talkie?

- Uh, no, I don't think so.

I've got a good one right there.

- I'm not a peddler, this one is busted.

I want to hear a program in America

that goes on at eight o'clock.

- Oh, help yourself.

- Here, get this avalanche off my back.

- Oui, monsieur.

(Charlie growls)

- Oui, monsieur.

(swing music)

(audience applauding)

- Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

That's all right now.

We're about to start our broadcast.

(audience applauding)

Well, boys, here we go. Good luck.

- What, are you scared?

Well, just take deep breath.

(Molly breathes deeply)

- Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

The "Haskell Happiness
Hour" comes to you tonight

from the dining patio

of the exclusive Eastchester Country Club.

- Country Club? What the. .

- This marks the first
appearance on the air

of a new band. .

- Music?
- Horace Heidt

and His Musical Knights.
- On my program?

- Thank you and good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

This is Horace Heidt, and the
first number on our program

is "Broadway Caballero,"
featuring Miss Molly McCorkle.

- McCorkle!

- And here she is, the charming Molly.

(bright orchestral music)

♪ He's disarming, alarming,
charming and gay ♪

♪ First he steals your heart,
then he throws it away ♪

♪ He will tell you of tropical nights ♪

♪ Make you dream of a thousand delights ♪

♪ First he'll hold your hand,
say you're simply grand ♪

♪ Soon you're thinkin' his way ♪

(samba music)

(singers harmonizing)

♪ The caballero ♪

♪ He's never been south of the border ♪

♪ He's never been Argentine way ♪

♪ But when he starts to pet,
the chances are you'll forget ♪

♪ That he's a caballero from Broadway ♪

♪ South on Broadway ♪

♪ He'll hold you and say, senorita ♪

♪ Right here in my arms you must stay ♪

♪ And from his dialect ♪

♪ I know you'd never suspect ♪

♪ That he's a caballero from Broadway ♪

♪ South on Broadway ♪

♪ His daytime ♪

♪ He spends parading on the avenue ♪

♪ Then later ♪

♪ You'll always find
him with a girl or two ♪

♪ And a bird in view ♪

♪ He'll take you to all the gay places ♪

♪ You'll make every Latin cafe ♪

♪ He'll give you such a thrill ♪

♪ And then he'll hand you the bill ♪

♪ This charming caballero from Broadway ♪

♪ South on Broadway ♪

(bright orchestral music)

♪ When Madame La Sanga
learned the conga, I swear ♪

♪ I gave her the lesson,
then I gave her the air ♪

♪ It seemed to be love
in bloom, suddenly boom ♪

♪ Another girl took over from there ♪

♪ I know if you meet him,
you are likely to fall ♪

♪ His method's a cinch
because it catches them all ♪

♪ He'll sing you a serenade ♪

♪ Tenderly played upon an
old mail order guitar ♪

(bold horns music)

♪ He'll bring up the subject of dancing ♪

♪ And all of his pupils will say ♪

♪ He's such an awful crumb,
but no one dances the rumba ♪

♪ Like the caballero from Broadway ♪

♪ South on Broadway ♪

(singers harmonizing)
(bright orchestral music)

♪ He'll tell you ♪

♪ He lives in Argentina's biggest house ♪

♪ But we know ♪

♪ His hacienda is a boarding
house, run by Senor Krauss ♪

♪ He's such an impetuous fellow ♪

♪ He's like a dog having his day ♪

♪ This phony Don Amigo
really comes from Las Vigo ♪

♪ For a caballero from Broadway ♪

♪ He does okay ♪

(rousing full band interlude)

(tango music)

♪ You better lock your heart,
or he will tear it apart ♪

♪ And that is just the
start of your problem ♪

♪ You feel you're all fantastic ♪

♪ But you are due for a panic ♪

♪ Because your dream
will pop like a bubble ♪

♪ He'll leave you glad you met him ♪

♪ You will never forget ♪

♪ This handsome caballero from Broadway ♪

♪ Meet him, south on Broadway ♪

♪ Ah-Ah, ah-ah ♪

(audience applauding)

- Molly, Molly, you were wonderful.

Here, you better put this
on before you catch cold.

And you know what Louderman said?

Louderman said the band was
worth $1,500 a week, right now.

- 1,500 a week?
- Yeah!

- Jimmy, that means we're a success.

- (grumbling) I've been
double-crossed. Get me a drink.

Bands! Country clubs! The McCorkles!

Get me a drink, do you hear?

- And now, I want to tell you something.

- Well, it certainly took you long enough

to get around to it.

- Eh, no, this is just something
that's been worrying me.

You don't know anything
about me, who I am.

- Oh, as if that made any
difference. You're you and I'm me.

- Well, I think I'd better tell you

about this.
- Oh, there you are.

- Oh, go away.
- Looks like you made

quite an impression.

Well, it'll be a different story

when I tell your uncle about it.

Believe me, CJ won't pay
for your philandering.

- Is Haskell your uncle?

- Yes, now that's what I've
been trying to tell you.

If you'll just let me explain.

- I don't need any explanation,
it's all perfectly obvious.

Sneaking into our home,
pretending that you wanted

to help us and then
making me feel for you so.

- Now wait a minute, will
you please let me explain?

- What a cheap trick, you are a Haskell.

- Hey now, Molly, quiet,
they can hear you out here.

- Yeah, how 'bout that?
- That's fine!

(audience applauding)

Hello everybody. I have
some good news for you.

Every week beginning next
Thursday, Mr. Haskell,

the sponsor of our program,
is going to give away $1,000

in cash to somebody.

- A thousand dollars a week! That's a lie!

- Isn't that generous, folks?

(audience applauding)
(audience chatter excitedly)

Now, Mr. Haskell, trick
your way out of that.

(peppy big band music)

- I've gotta get back home.

How long is it gonna take
me to get outta here?

- Well, first portage take two days.

- How long it take it to get here?

- A week!

- With luck, you can
make it back in a week.

- A week and, huh!

Let's get started.

- Jimmy! Jimmy!

Jimmy, my boy, congratulations.

That was a marvelous idea.

How did you come to think of it?

- Just came out of a clear sky.

(chuckles)

- The "Haskell Happiness Hour"
created nationwide interest

in his program last night by
announcing that $1,000 a week

would be given away in cash.

- I know, I read all the papers.

- [Parks] Here's Mr. Haskell.

- [Jimmy] Morning.

- This is your uncle's
attorney, Mr. Chalmers.

- Good morning.

- How you do, sir?

- I won't take much of your time.

Just sign this paper, please.

- What is it?

- A statement that you did
not authorize Miss McCorkle

to make that announcement last night.

That she did it out of spite

with intent to damage your uncle.

Now sign here, please.

- Oh, now, wait a minute.

- There's nothing to worry about.

I'll guarantee we can get
judgment against the McCorkles.

They won't be able to pay,
so we take their property.

- And that's what your uncle's
been trying to do for years.

- Now sign here, please.

- It's a funny thing, I don't
like to get pushed around.

I also don't sign anything
until I read it first.

Now, how'd you like to get
out of here, both of you.

- Don't you hit me
again, I have my glasses.

(crashing) Oh, oh!

- Mr. Haskell, your uncle. .

- Good day, sir, good day.

Beautiful, Parks.

- Thank you, sir.
- Yeah.

(phone ringing)

- Why don't you answer the phone?

Hello.

Oh, Jimmy me boy, how are ye?

Oh, you want to talk to Molly?

Well, I don't think it's
a very good time to.

Just a moment.

You go and fight your own
battles, I'm not doin' it for you.

- I don't wanna talk to him.

Well?

- Look, I hate to annoy
you, but this is important.

Now that $1,000 offer you made last night,

it was my idea, do you understand?

Now, just don't argue.

Anybody asks you anything about it,

just follow Grady's advice.

- Don't you tell me to keep my mouth shut.

Why should I?

- Well, if you don't, they'll
take your home away from you.

- What is this another one of your tricks?

I don't need any help from you. What?

- I said don't be stupid.

I'm not doin' it for you,
this is for mom and the boys.

(phone receiver slams)

- Oh!

- Excuse me, sir, Mr.
Louderman and Mr. Sampson

are calling.

- [Jimmy] Oh, have them come in.

- Yes, sir.

Come in, please.

- Hello.

- Hello, Jimmy. Congratulations.

Your program was a knockout.

Telegrams, phone calls
from all over the country.

People, oh, I beg your
pardon, this is Mr. Sampson.

- How do you do, Mr. Sampson.

- Yes, sir.

- Won't you sit down?

- Yes, thank you.

- Mr. Sampson is an investigator

for the federal government.

- Oh, I see, the,

well, what's the government
got to do with it?

- We're only concerned with one detail,

the method by which you
will give away the money.

- Oh, I see. Well, that
oughtn't to be very hard.

I never heard of anybody
having any trouble

giving away a thousand dollars.

Well, let's see. .

- You understand that
it cannon be a lottery.

The government wouldn't
permit raffles or drawings

of any description.

- Oh, oh, yes, I understand that.

No, that would be. .

Well, how 'bout a quiz contest?

- Well, no, I'm afraid not.

It was announced that the
money would be given away

over the air, not to a studio audience.

- Oh, well that sort of
complicates it, doesn't it?

Let's see, well, uh.

Well, how 'bout taking a city directory

and sticking a pin in it and
then give the thousand dollars

to the fella that gets stuck?

- Oh, no, a city directory is local.

This has become a national affair.

- Oh, well, let's call the whole thing off

and not give away my uncle's money at all.

- No, no, that money was
promised and must be given away.

- Yes, if it isn't, why my
company loses its franchise.

And your uncle's business is ruined.

- And you'll be liable to
a fine and imprisonment.

- Well, that's great.

Now, I have quite a choice, don't I?

Either I give the money
away and go to jail

or I don't give the money
away and go to jail.

- Hand me the salt.

Still moonin' about Jimmy, huh?

Well, believe me, you've
seen the last of him.

And he's probably glad he found out

just what kind of a girl you really are.

- All right, Mom, all right.

- But it's not all right.

A fine lad like Jimmy deserves
a girl who really loves him.

Whether his name be Hamilton
or Haskell or Hasenpfeffer.

- Well, I hope you're satisfied.

- What's the matter now?

- Well, nobody can figure
out how to give away

that thousand dollars.

It looks like Jimmy's going
to jail on account of it.

- Oh, this is awful.

- But Jimmy isn't responsible.

He didn't make the offer, I did.

- Well, he says it's his program

and he's gonna take the rap for it.

- Well, are you going to stand by

and see that boy go to jail?

- But Jimmy told me. .

- I know what he told you and why.

To keep a roof over our heads.

Well, I'd rather we'd lose
our house than lose our pride.

- Oh, mom. (sniffles)

I've been feeling the same way all week.

(phone ringing)

- [Parks] Yes?

No, not yet.

- Well, gentlemen, someone's
got to think of something,

somehow, and soon.

It's tonight, you know, the
program goes on the air.

Not next month.

And we're no closer to the
answer than we were a week ago.

(phone rings)

- Yes?

- I've got it.

I got it this time, boy, it
came to me just like that.

- What is it?
- Now look.

We'll get that bowl.

You know that great big
glass bowl they used

for the draft numbers?

- Great, that's it.
- Yeah.

- My boy, I'm proud of you.

- That'll do it.

- No, no, gentlemen, no, no.

- What's a matter?

- It would be a lottery,

and the government forbids lotteries.

- No, no, not yet.
(Jimmy groans)

- Okay, I'll go back to see

if I can't dream up something else.

- You're not sleeping up there, are you?

- Sleeping, I haven't slept for days.

I'm eating aspirin tablets like peanuts.

- Gentlemen, I've got it.

- [All] What?

- The first time ever I've
been able to beat this game.

(all grumbling)
(phone ringing)

- Yes?
- Look.

- No.
- Why don't you all go down

to the broadcasting station.

Maybe if I was alone, I
could think of something.

- Okay, Jimmy, we'll get out.

Sampson, come on.

(phone rings)

- Yes?

No, not yet.
- Listen.

Would ya put that thing off
the hook and leave it off?

- Thank you, sir.

- Yeah.

- Are ya all right, Jimmy?

- Oh, yes, yeah, I'm just
beginning to get my second wind.

- Well, you better think of something.

- [Jimmy] Yeah.

- It's 7:30, you heard from Jimmy, yet?

- No, nobody answers the phone.

- How are we go to on the air?

- Brother, when the chimes
indicate eight o'clock,

you're on the air.

- From coast to coast.

(banging at door)
(doorbell buzzes)

- Oh. Coming, Mr. Haskell, coming.

(banging at door)

- Well, it's about time.

Why didn't you answer the telephone?

- Well, madam, you see. .

- I want to talk to the,

well, how do you like that?

(pocketbook thuds)
- Oh!

- (clapping) Come on, wake up.

Come on, get up, get up, will you?

- I can't do it, I can't do
it, it's against the law.

- Come on, it's Molly. Oh, get up.

- Oh, yeah. It's you.

- Yes, it's me, now come on.

- I suppose you wanna know
how I'm gonna give away

that thousand dollars.

Well, I haven't the slightest idea.

Now go home, go home.

- "Go home," he says.

You come down outta
there as fast as you can.

On your feet, big boy.

If you think the McCorkles
are gonna let any Haskell

fight their battles for
them, you're cuckoo.

- Now, if you think the
Haskells are gonna let

the McCorkles kick them
around, you're cuckoo too.

No go on, go away, go away.

- Still gonna sleep, huh?

- Uh oh, now just a second.

Don't you dare.

- Madam, you can't do that.

- Where's the telephone?

(Parks sputtering)

- Now what do you think you're doin'?

- I'm going to tell the government man

exactly what happened.

- Oh, no you're not.
- Oh, yes I am.

- Here, gimme that!

- Come on, Jimmy, I've made up my mind.

- Let me have that phone.
Give me that phone.

- Now, let go of that phone. No, I won't.

All right!

(clock chimes erratically)
Millions of other telephones.

- That's it!

- [Molly] That's what?

- Hands spinning around,
millions of telephones,

millions of telephone books.

Parks!

And it's not a lottery.

- You are cuckoo.
- Get my coat.

Goodbye.

(Molly yells)

- Oh!

(vibrant big band music)

- The "Haskell Happiness Hour"
presents the radio sensation

of the nation, the Pot o' Gold,

featuring Horace Heidt
and his Musical Knights.

(triumphant orchestral music)

- And don't forget, ladies and gentlemen,

before this program is over,

we will give away $1,000 in cash.

The method of giving it
will be announced later.

(triumphant orchestral music)

♪ Here we come ♪

♪ Coming through night and day ♪

♪ It's the charge of the hunt ♪

♪ We come ♪

(audience applauding)

- [Jasper] Here I am, CJ.

- Jasper, did you stop the program?

- I couldn't, it's on the air now.

- I'll stop it if I have
to tear down the studio.

- Why did I ever go in the
radio business to begin with?

Jimmy, where have you
been? Have you got an idea?

- Yeah, this is it, take 'em.

- Uh, what are they?

- Telephone books from
all over the country.

Give 'em here, Parks. Oh dear.

- Now you go and get the rest of 'em.

- Yes sir.

(relaxed orchestral music)

- Gangway.

(relaxed orchestral music)

Now, listen.

We're gonna give the
money away by telephone,

you understand?

- You cut the books into
sections of 500 pages each.

- Put numbers on each one of 'em.

- Okay.

Give us a hand here, boys.

(men chattering excitedly)

- After you.
- Thank you.

- Oh, that's nice goin'

Come on, Parks, we have to go.

- Ha ha ha. Same to you, fine work.

- Ladies and gentlemen of
the listening audience,

here's the news you've been waiting for.

The thousand dollars we
promised you will be given away

by telephone, so stand by.

- Hey, that's my money you're giving away,

and I won't stand for it.

I'll cancel my contract at Alderman.

I'll telephone ya!

Get me to a telephone.

(carnival barkers shouting)
(carnival music)

- All right, there's a wheel.

Now how are we gonna borrow it?

- [Barker] A prize in
every spin of the wheel.

Come on, boys, take home
the bacon, no play. .

- (snaps) You two go around the back.

When I yell snookie, you borrow it.

- Snookie, what's with the snookie?

- Get going.

- All right, no time to (indistinct)

It's ten cents a game.

Who wouldn't give a
dime for a sensational. .

- Snookie! Oh, where have
you been, my sugarplum?

- Madam. .

- Why did you leave me
in Battle Creek, Michigan

the way you did?

- Madam.

- Oh, snook.
(harmonica trills)

- Madam, I. .

- Why, you're not my snookie at all.

(light laughter)

- Huh, a character.

How do you like that?

Where are we going?

I've been robbed.

Police! Get a policeman. Uh, later.

Police, I've been robbed.

- [Jimmy] Gangway!

(carnival music)

(big band music)

- Hello, my little man,
may I use your telephone?

- Hey Ma, Daniel Boone wants
to borrow our telephone.

- Go away, you tramp.

No one uses this phone 'til they give away

that thousand dollars.

(door slams)

- Tramp? Daniel Boone?

- Look out.

Look out.

(big band music)

- Hey fellas, help out over here.

- All right, sir.

- Put it over there,
put it right over there.

- [Horace] Quiet, we're on the air.

- [Jimmy] Yeah, I know.

(big band music)

- Hold on there.

Say, you can't go in there.

This ain't no hillbilly program.

- Back off. .
- Quiet, stop this!

- I ain't no hillbilly.

I'm CJ Haskell.
- CJ!

When did you get in town?

- Louderman!
- Sh, sh.

- I wanna talk to you.

- Come on, come on. Come on.

- All right, Horace, go on.

- And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the wheel's all ready,

all ready for the first spin,

the spin to determine the volume number.

Larry Cotton, take it away.

- And there she goes,
ladies and gentlemen,

this time after that
first big volume number.

Yes sir, and we want that
volume to have your name in it,

ladies and gentlemen.

- And furthermore, I'm not
going to give away one penny!

- Okay, well I've got three
men in the sponsor's room

right now, who are begging
to buy this program.

- Buy it, they must be crazy.

- Oh, is that so?

Well, they represent the
biggest advertising agencies

in this country.

- Ah. What?

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

- We want you to be the one
that Horace is going to call

a little bit later.

She's going down to
get this volume number.

Coming back just a little bit
further and on and on and on,

and it's 124.

- 124.
- 124, 124.

124.

Here, I've got it.

(celebratory band music)

- Now, we're all ready
for the second spin,

the spin to determine the page number.

Larry, let 'er go!

- And there we go, ladies and gentlemen,

on that second big spin

the one to find the page
in that volume we chose

just a moment ago.

The one page that will have that $1,000

pot o' golden name on it.

- Gentlemen, this is Mr. Haskell.

- [Charlie] How do you do, gentlemen?

- The surest fire advertising
stunt I've ever seen.

- Do you want to sell it?

- Is it good?

- I'll give you 20,000 for it, right now.

- Is it that good?

- I'll make it 30.

- Trying to steal it, huh?

- And she's going down already,

just to find this right page.

And there she's stopping.
And it's page 66.

- Page 66.

- 66.

- I got it!

(celebratory band music)

- And now, the third and last spin

to determine the name of
the person on that page

who will receive the actual
golden telephone call.

Larry, take it away.

- Here we go, ladies and gentlemen.

This time, through all of
the names on our chosen page

in our chosen volume, to
find just the one right name

that we can send this
$1,000 pot o' gold to.

She's down at the bottom and
coming back a little bit,

slowing down more and
more and more and more.

And there it is, our listing is 38.

- Listing number 38.

- 10.

15, 20.

25, 30.

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

It's, it's. .

- Yeah, what?

- It's. .
- Oh, the name is

Mr. Olaf Svensen, 3RJ, ring seven.

Ring seven? Uh, uh. .

- Plunkett. Plunkett, Minnesota.

- Plunkett, Plunkett, Minnesota.

- Operator, kindly give
me Mr. Olaf Svensen

3RJ, ring seven, Plunkett, Minnesota.

- That's right.

(triumphant fanfare music)

(clock ticking)

(phone ringing)

- Yeah, yeah, I'm comin'
Keep your jacket on.

Yeah, hello?

- Stop the clock, boys, stop the clock.

(excited chatter)
Hello?

Hello, is this Mr. Olaf Svensen speaking?

- Ya, ya that's me, Olaf.

A pot of what?

A thou, you give,

say ain't got no time for monkey business.

What?

You give me a thousand dollar?

Helga!

(Olaf thuds)

- Look, why you make my Ollie faint?

What?

A, a thou

Oh!

(Helga thuds)

- Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Folks, they're speechless.

(band laughs)

- It's a million dollar idea
and it's all mine, all. .

- Oh, so they brought
you back alive, did they?

- What are you doing here?

- I'm enjoying our program.

- Your program, what are you
trying to put over on me now?

It belongs to me, you understand?

- It does, does it?

Why the whole thing was Molly's idea.

- Molly's idea?
- And don't you try

to tell me anything. .

- Who is Molly?

I wanna tell you.
- CJ, CJ!

- Huh?

- It's all right.

We got you outta the whole mess.

- You're not liable for anything
connected with the program.

We fixed it so Miss
McCorkle is responsible

for the whole thing.

(laughs hysterically)

- You nitwits!

You numskulls! Get outta here.

(men mumbling protests)

Leave from here, I say!

- CJ!
(objects crashing)

- Get outta here!

- That's swingin' them, Charlie. (laughs)

- Charlie!

(both laugh heartedly)

- And Molly is responsible
for the whole thing.

- Yeah.

- Hey, where you goin'?

- [Molly] Out.

- Oh.

Um, Horace got the call
through on the telephone.

So, I guess everything's fine.

- Yes, everything's fine.

- Yeah.

Well, I guess it's just
one of those things, huh?

The McCorkles are allergic
to the Haskells, huh?

- [Molly] Vice versa.

- Yeah, vice versa, yeah.

Well, goodbye, Molly.

- Bye.

- Well, Jimmy.

- Uncle Charlie.

- Aw, you come with me.

- Come on, you were in on this too.

- Mom!

(tender big band music)

- Ladies and gentlemen,
I want to introduce

the two young people who
originated this program,

and which will be a permanent feature

of the "Haskell Happiness Hour. "

Miss Molly McCorkle and my
nephew, Mr. James Haskell.

(audience applauding)
- Yay!

- Say something, tell
'em how happy you are.

- Hello, everybody.

I just want to tell you how happy I am

that everything turned
out so well for everybody.

(Molly sobbing)

- Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
the reason she's so happy

is that we're gonna be
married any second now.

(audience laughing)

All right, Miss McCorkle,
trick your way outta that one.

(band members vocalizing)

(Charlie vocalizing)

(all vocalizing)

♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪

♪ The band will play ♪

♪ Your blues away ♪

♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪