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1
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Last season on Faking It...
2
00:00:01,327 --> 00:00:02,921
You know how I've always
wanted lesbian friends?
3
00:00:02,923 --> 00:00:04,341
They're perfect.
4
00:00:04,343 --> 00:00:06,590
Let's elect them Homecoming Queens.
5
00:00:06,592 --> 00:00:07,705
All hail the Queens!
6
00:00:07,707 --> 00:00:09,374
Since we came out, everyone loves us.
7
00:00:09,376 --> 00:00:11,543
Small problem, we're not gay.
8
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,263
Way to sell it.
9
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:16,714
I am overflowing with joy.
10
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:18,349
How did your mother take the news?
11
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,684
Lesbians?
12
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,636
Karma and I are faking being lesbians.
13
00:00:21,638 --> 00:00:23,721
Karma is. I'm not so sure.
14
00:00:23,723 --> 00:00:25,223
Guess who's having a sexy
secret affair with Liam Booker.
15
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,225
- Here's a clue, it's me.
- Are you kidding?
16
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:29,611
- Amy is okay with this?
- 100%.
17
00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:31,613
Karma is in denial.
18
00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:33,615
From now on, nothing but the truth.
19
00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:34,866
- Deal?
- I've got nothing to hide.
20
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,401
Then tell me about the pills you take
21
00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:38,319
all the time that you
don't want anyone to see.
22
00:00:38,321 --> 00:00:39,988
You've fallen in love
with your best friend.
23
00:00:39,990 --> 00:00:42,073
Why don't you just tell her how you feel?
24
00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:44,576
- I love you.
- I slept with Liam.
25
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:47,495
I shared a secret with
Tommy, and he dumped me.
26
00:00:47,497 --> 00:00:49,047
I should've told you a long time ago.
27
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,748
I never thought it would get this far.
28
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,134
Well, I told Amy about us, didn't go well.
29
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:56,921
It must be hard to break up
with your fake girlfriend.
30
00:01:16,258 --> 00:01:18,343
Please be dirty clothes.
31
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,063
Oh, [Bleep].
32
00:01:22,065 --> 00:01:23,264
Oh, [Bleep].
33
00:01:23,266 --> 00:01:25,099
That's what I said.
34
00:01:25,101 --> 00:01:28,019
- We...
- Yeah, we did.
35
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,237
[Bleep].
36
00:01:29,239 --> 00:01:32,273
Amy?
37
00:01:32,275 --> 00:01:34,359
Are you up yet? Can I come in?
38
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I'd really like to talk.
39
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:45,453
- Go, go!
- My clothes!
40
00:01:45,455 --> 00:01:47,038
I'm not going to let you shut me out.
41
00:01:48,592 --> 00:01:51,793
Amy, I'm coming in.
42
00:01:51,795 --> 00:01:54,545
I have been the worst best friend ever.
43
00:01:54,547 --> 00:01:55,880
I had no idea this whole time
44
00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:58,049
that you've been having these feelings.
45
00:01:58,051 --> 00:01:59,550
Must have been torture.
46
00:01:59,552 --> 00:02:01,769
Yeah, wasn't fun.
47
00:02:01,771 --> 00:02:03,187
Um, can we talk about this later?
48
00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:05,139
I am so deeply sorry.
49
00:02:05,141 --> 00:02:07,942
I made it all about me and
my crush on some silly boy,
50
00:02:07,944 --> 00:02:10,311
who by the way, now hates me
for not being a real lesbian,
51
00:02:10,313 --> 00:02:12,146
so you two have that in common.
52
00:02:12,148 --> 00:02:13,481
I don't hate you.
53
00:02:13,483 --> 00:02:15,950
You should. I'm a terrible person.
54
00:02:15,952 --> 00:02:19,404
Oh, I really am not in a place to judge.
55
00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:20,872
- There I go again.
- What?
56
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:23,157
Making it all about me. See?
57
00:02:23,159 --> 00:02:24,659
Worst best friend ever.
58
00:02:24,661 --> 00:02:27,745
But I promise from now
on, I'm all about you.
59
00:02:27,747 --> 00:02:29,380
Tell me about the rest of your night.
60
00:02:29,382 --> 00:02:32,667
Did you cry yourself to sleep like I did?
61
00:02:32,669 --> 00:02:34,836
I just... I had so much to drink,
62
00:02:34,838 --> 00:02:37,588
and I have this crushing hangover.
63
00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:39,924
- Can we talk about this later?
- W...
64
00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:41,759
Well, here, why don't you throw this on,
65
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:44,762
and we'll get a greasy
breakfast in you, stat?
66
00:02:44,764 --> 00:02:46,180
I can't.
67
00:02:46,182 --> 00:02:48,516
Amy, I'm not letting you pull away.
68
00:02:48,518 --> 00:02:49,984
We're spending the rest
of our lives together,
69
00:02:49,986 --> 00:02:52,153
so we just... We have to work this out.
70
00:02:52,155 --> 00:02:53,655
Okay? Talk it out.
71
00:02:53,657 --> 00:02:57,025
Okay, and we will. We
will, just not right now.
72
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,949
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
73
00:03:05,951 --> 00:03:07,118
Is Amy up?
74
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,336
I have to drive Nana home,
75
00:03:08,338 --> 00:03:10,004
and she promised to run interference.
76
00:03:10,006 --> 00:03:13,591
I am not in the mood for my
mother's constructive criticism.
77
00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,293
I could go if you want. Old people love me.
78
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:16,711
I share their values.
79
00:03:16,713 --> 00:03:18,546
Oh, you are just too kind,
80
00:03:18,548 --> 00:03:22,767
but I could never ask you to...
81
00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:26,137
Oh, my God.
82
00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,138
What is it?
83
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,691
Uh...
84
00:03:29,693 --> 00:03:33,061
Uh, just saw the time. Gotta run.
85
00:03:33,063 --> 00:03:35,863
So much to do before we
fly to Cancun tonight.
86
00:03:35,865 --> 00:03:38,399
- I'll go get Amy.
- Oh, let her sleep.
87
00:03:38,401 --> 00:03:39,867
She had a late night.
88
00:03:39,869 --> 00:03:43,571
I can handle Nana.
89
00:03:43,573 --> 00:03:45,990
Is everything okay?
90
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:50,795
Oh, everything is perfect. This is perfect.
91
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,514
Oh!
92
00:04:01,507 --> 00:04:05,143
Hey, we missed the sunrise.
93
00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:08,513
Good thing there's another one tomorrow.
94
00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:18,689
I see a lot of cold showers in my future.
95
00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:21,109
Ugh!
96
00:04:22,961 --> 00:04:28,298
This is not happening. I won't allow it.
97
00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:30,801
Like she can do that.
98
00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:32,769
- What?
- You need to apologize.
99
00:04:32,771 --> 00:04:35,889
But I don't wanna.
100
00:04:35,891 --> 00:04:37,808
See, this is one of those
times where you can choose
101
00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:40,644
to feed the good wolf or the bad wolf.
102
00:04:40,646 --> 00:04:42,362
Fine, I'll do it,
103
00:04:42,364 --> 00:04:46,283
but only because you're so
cute when you talk about wolves.
104
00:04:46,285 --> 00:04:48,652
Millions of women have
used the morning-after pill
105
00:04:48,654 --> 00:04:52,205
with no reports of serious complications.
106
00:04:52,207 --> 00:04:53,907
Do you have a pill for my guilt?
107
00:04:53,909 --> 00:04:56,043
I just made the biggest mistake of my life.
108
00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:58,912
- We're not here to judge.
- I deserve to be judged.
109
00:04:58,914 --> 00:05:00,797
Last night, I told my
best friend, "I love you,"
110
00:05:00,799 --> 00:05:02,466
and when she rejected me, I got drunk
111
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:03,667
and slept with her boyfriend.
112
00:05:03,669 --> 00:05:06,136
Do you think I should tell her?
113
00:05:06,138 --> 00:05:09,389
- You're judging me.
- No, no judgment, I promise.
114
00:05:09,391 --> 00:05:11,258
I just want to remind you
that these won't protect you
115
00:05:11,260 --> 00:05:12,426
against sexually transmitted infections.
116
00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:15,679
Just when I thought my
day couldn't get any worse.
117
00:05:15,681 --> 00:05:18,148
Hey, you.
118
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:21,518
Hey. Um, this is my best friend.
119
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:22,986
What are you doing here?
120
00:05:22,988 --> 00:05:25,856
Don't be creeped out,
but I followed you here.
121
00:05:25,858 --> 00:05:30,110
I just... I really think we
should talk about last night.
122
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:32,746
- What's that?
- It's for my mom.
123
00:05:32,748 --> 00:05:34,464
They're going to Mexico on their honeymoon,
124
00:05:34,466 --> 00:05:36,700
and she doesn't want to
spend it on the toilet.
125
00:05:36,702 --> 00:05:38,986
Well, do you want to walk back together?
126
00:05:38,988 --> 00:05:40,938
We could talk.
127
00:05:42,707 --> 00:05:45,258
Now really isn't a good time.
128
00:05:45,260 --> 00:05:47,210
Amy, wait.
129
00:05:58,306 --> 00:06:01,058
Bad hangover?
130
00:06:02,894 --> 00:06:05,896
Last night was a blur.
131
00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:07,898
I know you hate me.
132
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:12,069
And I don't blame you.
I just want to explain.
133
00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:15,288
Yes, I lied about being a
lesbian, but in my defense,
134
00:06:15,290 --> 00:06:18,659
the only reason that you
noticed me was because I was one.
135
00:06:18,661 --> 00:06:20,544
Why didn't you tell me?
136
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,713
I told you I hate lying,
137
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,915
like, over and over and over.
138
00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:26,583
I was worried that if
you found out the truth
139
00:06:26,585 --> 00:06:28,885
you'd lose interest in me.
140
00:06:28,887 --> 00:06:31,421
So instead, I lied, and...
141
00:06:31,423 --> 00:06:34,057
Now you've lost interest
in me... How ironic.
142
00:06:36,761 --> 00:06:39,563
Okay, um...
143
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:44,768
Well, don't worry, from now
on, I'll stay out of your life.
144
00:06:44,770 --> 00:06:48,689
Maybe that's for the best.
145
00:06:57,783 --> 00:06:59,700
♪ I've been up all night ♪
146
00:07:00,836 --> 00:07:02,285
Come in.
147
00:07:02,287 --> 00:07:04,087
Did someone here order an
apology with extra cheese?
148
00:07:04,089 --> 00:07:05,505
I don't need the empty calories.
149
00:07:05,507 --> 00:07:07,174
You're only doing this because of Pablo.
150
00:07:07,176 --> 00:07:10,093
He has nothing to do with this.
151
00:07:10,095 --> 00:07:11,461
Okay, maybe he nudged me a little.
152
00:07:11,463 --> 00:07:14,681
But I went too far, and I do feel bad.
153
00:07:14,683 --> 00:07:16,349
And I'm turning over a new leaf.
154
00:07:16,351 --> 00:07:20,137
No more outing people's
secrets. Forgive me?
155
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:22,105
Nope.
156
00:07:22,107 --> 00:07:25,025
But I could... If you
can do something for me.
157
00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:26,226
Is it a makeover?
158
00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:28,478
Because I have lots of ideas.
159
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,147
Hilarious.
160
00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:32,649
No, keep Tommy from spilling
my secret at school tomorrow
161
00:07:32,651 --> 00:07:35,285
and forever.
162
00:07:35,287 --> 00:07:36,620
Then I will forgive you.
163
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,488
How do you know he hasn't
texted everyone already?
164
00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:41,374
Because I stole his phone and
melted it with my flat iron.
165
00:07:43,828 --> 00:07:46,079
Oh, deal. I got this.
166
00:07:46,081 --> 00:07:48,131
Just need to borrow my mom's car.
167
00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:49,883
But after you forgive me, will you tell me
168
00:07:49,885 --> 00:07:53,136
what those pills are for?
169
00:07:53,138 --> 00:07:56,807
You okay, sugar bear?
170
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,141
You were crying so hard last night,
171
00:07:58,143 --> 00:07:59,476
I never heard what happened.
172
00:07:59,478 --> 00:08:02,229
Why did you two break up?
173
00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:03,930
You should probably sit down.
174
00:08:03,932 --> 00:08:06,733
Oh, dear, breakups between teenage lesbians
175
00:08:06,735 --> 00:08:07,984
can be especially brutal.
176
00:08:07,986 --> 00:08:10,654
We talk about it all the time in PFLAG.
177
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:11,938
Oh, speaking of, did I tell you?
178
00:08:11,940 --> 00:08:15,742
They elected me president. Such an honor.
179
00:08:15,744 --> 00:08:17,277
Mom, that's great.
180
00:08:17,279 --> 00:08:21,531
So this safe space just got a little safer.
181
00:08:21,533 --> 00:08:23,700
You know, it doesn't even
matter why we broke up.
182
00:08:23,702 --> 00:08:26,036
I just... I want to get her
back, and I can't figure out
183
00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:30,207
how to do that, and even
the Internet's stumped.
184
00:08:30,209 --> 00:08:33,293
I can feel her pulling
away, and it scares me.
185
00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:35,378
Oh, sweetie, why don't you just
186
00:08:35,380 --> 00:08:37,430
show her how much she means to you?
187
00:08:37,432 --> 00:08:38,849
You're an Ashcroft.
188
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:42,686
We're experts at big,
dramatic gestures of affection.
189
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:43,637
We are?
190
00:08:43,639 --> 00:08:45,388
Once, after a nasty fight,
191
00:08:45,390 --> 00:08:47,774
your dad drove me out into
the middle of the desert.
192
00:08:47,776 --> 00:08:50,527
Now, at first I was a
little scared, I'll admit,
193
00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:53,446
but he built this huge fire to show me
194
00:08:53,448 --> 00:08:54,898
the passion in his heart.
195
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,199
He did?
196
00:08:56,201 --> 00:08:58,118
Yeah, not only was I deeply touched,
197
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,904
but that's how burning man started.
198
00:09:00,906 --> 00:09:05,075
So what have you got to lose?
Go big or go home, right?
199
00:09:06,294 --> 00:09:07,994
Huh.
200
00:09:07,996 --> 00:09:09,830
I ran into Karma.
201
00:09:09,832 --> 00:09:12,883
I'm guessing from your
broodiness it didn't go well.
202
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,918
We're done.
203
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,586
Finito.
204
00:09:16,588 --> 00:09:18,471
After what happened last
night, there's zero chance
205
00:09:18,473 --> 00:09:20,173
we're ever going to get back together,
206
00:09:20,175 --> 00:09:22,142
and it's all my fault.
207
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,894
Yowzer, here we go again.
208
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,979
Liam, enough with the guilt.
You didn't do anything wrong.
209
00:09:25,981 --> 00:09:28,849
- No, I did.
- No, Karma is the one who lied,
210
00:09:28,851 --> 00:09:31,651
over and over again to get what she wanted.
211
00:09:31,653 --> 00:09:34,271
Even I think that's selfish.
212
00:09:34,273 --> 00:09:36,439
Other than her hair, I
don't get what you and Amy
213
00:09:36,441 --> 00:09:38,775
are so gaga about.
214
00:09:38,777 --> 00:09:41,161
Amy?
215
00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:43,029
Did I say Amy? I meant Jamie.
216
00:09:43,031 --> 00:09:45,031
Buckner, the kid with the stutter?
217
00:09:45,033 --> 00:09:48,251
He thinks Karma is ad-adorable.
218
00:09:48,253 --> 00:09:52,289
You said they were faking being lesbians.
219
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:54,257
Karma is.
220
00:09:54,259 --> 00:09:57,761
Amy's so tied up in Karma,
she's practically a pretzel.
221
00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,963
Apparently she told Karma
she loved her last night,
222
00:09:59,965 --> 00:10:02,766
and Karma rejected her.
223
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:04,134
She did?
224
00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:06,686
You have to promise me
you won't say anything
225
00:10:06,688 --> 00:10:10,223
about that or about this.
226
00:10:13,528 --> 00:10:14,945
This is what you need help with?
227
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,229
I got him in there,
228
00:10:16,231 --> 00:10:19,482
but there's no way I can get him out.
229
00:10:19,484 --> 00:10:22,319
Be right there, baby.
230
00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:25,288
Oh, where the hell are my sunglasses?
231
00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:28,124
- They're on your head.
- Oh.
232
00:10:28,126 --> 00:10:30,877
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
233
00:10:30,879 --> 00:10:34,080
Can't conquer Cancun without these.
234
00:10:34,082 --> 00:10:38,134
- I can't breathe, Mom. Come here.
- Oh!
235
00:10:38,136 --> 00:10:40,053
Are you going to be okay
home alone for a week?
236
00:10:40,055 --> 00:10:41,805
I won't be alone. Lauren's here.
237
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,307
We're not going to come home
to a crime scene, are we?
238
00:10:44,309 --> 00:10:46,343
That is not the way I
want to get on dateline.
239
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:48,645
Well, I'm grounded. I have nothing to lose.
240
00:10:48,647 --> 00:10:51,348
Oh, honey, forget about
that. I overreacted.
241
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:53,266
It's okay. I deserve to be grounded.
242
00:10:53,268 --> 00:10:54,851
For the rest of my life.
243
00:10:54,853 --> 00:10:57,988
It was just a silly dance
between two best friends.
244
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,323
Now, you have fun while we're gone.
245
00:11:00,325 --> 00:11:05,412
Just use protection.
246
00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:08,257
I have a softball bat under my bed.
247
00:11:08,259 --> 00:11:09,709
Oh.
248
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:12,211
Oh, well, we'll talk when I get back.
249
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,630
Love you! Mwah.
250
00:11:28,119 --> 00:11:30,536
- This is kidnapping.
- It's really more blackmail.
251
00:11:30,538 --> 00:11:32,338
We're going to take
photos of this ass[Bleep]
252
00:11:32,340 --> 00:11:33,756
that are so shocking and deviant,
253
00:11:33,758 --> 00:11:35,341
he'll never tell anyone my secret.
254
00:11:35,343 --> 00:11:36,709
Conveniently, my mom
255
00:11:36,711 --> 00:11:39,845
sells sex toys out of the trunk of her car.
256
00:11:39,847 --> 00:11:43,716
Guys, guys, this is illegal
and highly disturbing.
257
00:11:43,718 --> 00:11:45,468
Lauren, how bad could this secret be?
258
00:11:45,470 --> 00:11:47,219
Ugh, I'm not telling you my [Bleep] secret.
259
00:11:47,221 --> 00:11:48,804
She's not. Trust me, I tried.
260
00:11:49,857 --> 00:11:51,357
Guys, I'm with Amy.
261
00:11:51,359 --> 00:11:52,775
Maybe it's a good thing
this thing gets out.
262
00:11:52,777 --> 00:11:54,643
They say you're only
as sick as your secrets.
263
00:11:56,064 --> 00:11:59,315
What? No, who says that?
Who, the voices in your head?
264
00:11:59,317 --> 00:12:00,399
Tell 'em to shut up.
265
00:12:00,401 --> 00:12:02,034
I changed my mind. I'm on board.
266
00:12:02,036 --> 00:12:03,202
This is America.
267
00:12:03,204 --> 00:12:04,403
We are all entitled to our secrets.
268
00:12:04,405 --> 00:12:06,806
Will you excuse us for a second?
269
00:12:11,212 --> 00:12:12,578
What the hell was that?
270
00:12:12,580 --> 00:12:14,547
"You're only as sick as your secrets"?
271
00:12:14,549 --> 00:12:16,165
I'm sorry, but the guilt is killing me.
272
00:12:16,167 --> 00:12:18,918
Oh, this little piggy went
boo-hoo-hoo all the way home.
273
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,753
Man up.
274
00:12:20,755 --> 00:12:22,722
Look, it's killing me too,
but what would it do to Karma
275
00:12:22,724 --> 00:12:28,260
if she found out that her
soul mate slept with you?
276
00:12:28,262 --> 00:12:30,730
So what, we just pretend it never happened?
277
00:12:30,732 --> 00:12:31,931
What happened?
278
00:12:31,933 --> 00:12:33,482
See how easy that was?
279
00:12:33,484 --> 00:12:37,186
And before we never speak of
this again, do I need to add
280
00:12:37,188 --> 00:12:40,072
contracting syphilis to last
night's list of tragic events?
281
00:12:40,074 --> 00:12:42,608
- No, I'm clean.
- Do you have any documentation?
282
00:12:42,610 --> 00:12:43,776
The only girl I've had sex with
283
00:12:43,778 --> 00:12:47,113
since I last got tested was Karma.
284
00:12:47,115 --> 00:12:49,865
- And now...
- Yeah, okay.
285
00:12:49,867 --> 00:12:52,451
Well, you're Liam Booker,
Hester's own Hugh Hefner.
286
00:12:52,453 --> 00:12:54,086
- Karma changed all of that.
- Oh, really?
287
00:12:54,088 --> 00:12:55,755
If that's the case, then
why did you sleep with me?
288
00:12:55,757 --> 00:12:58,507
Because I was hurt and
angry and way too drunk.
289
00:12:58,509 --> 00:13:00,159
What was your excuse?
290
00:13:03,296 --> 00:13:05,765
Same.
291
00:13:05,767 --> 00:13:07,266
There's someone lurking in the yard
292
00:13:07,268 --> 00:13:08,467
right below your window.
293
00:13:08,469 --> 00:13:10,052
Should I go unlock my gun?
294
00:13:10,054 --> 00:13:11,720
We live in Texas, people.
295
00:13:16,109 --> 00:13:18,227
It's Karma.
296
00:13:26,654 --> 00:13:29,822
♪ I wrote this really nice song ♪
297
00:13:29,824 --> 00:13:33,325
♪ To see if I can make things right ♪
298
00:13:33,327 --> 00:13:36,712
♪ I know you've been avoiding me ♪
299
00:13:36,714 --> 00:13:39,381
♪ But I just want to end this fight ♪
300
00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:41,167
♪ 'Cause you're the salt to my pepper ♪
301
00:13:41,169 --> 00:13:43,002
♪ You're the moon to my sun ♪
302
00:13:43,004 --> 00:13:46,005
♪ We're like Batman and Robin
when we're out having fun ♪
303
00:13:46,007 --> 00:13:49,175
♪ And we're gonna be together
till we're old and gray ♪
304
00:13:49,177 --> 00:13:55,347
♪ So all I ask of you is
please don't pull away ♪
305
00:13:55,349 --> 00:13:58,684
♪ Please don't pull away ♪
306
00:13:58,686 --> 00:14:01,353
♪ Please don't pull awa... ♪
307
00:14:06,326 --> 00:14:08,360
- This is insane.
- Calm down.
308
00:14:08,362 --> 00:14:09,862
It's just a few pictures
309
00:14:09,864 --> 00:14:12,698
that will haunt him for
the rest of his life.
310
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:15,334
Besides, we've gone way
too far to turn back now.
311
00:14:15,336 --> 00:14:18,204
And you two are in on this?
312
00:14:20,006 --> 00:14:21,790
I was just washing my sheets.
313
00:14:21,792 --> 00:14:26,345
For no particular reason.
It's just been a few weeks.
314
00:14:26,347 --> 00:14:28,047
Karma, I think we should talk.
315
00:14:28,049 --> 00:14:29,632
Oh, I think he's choking.
316
00:14:29,634 --> 00:14:31,383
You people are animals!
317
00:14:31,385 --> 00:14:32,551
Nobody listen to anything he says.
318
00:14:32,553 --> 00:14:34,136
Go like this.
319
00:14:34,138 --> 00:14:35,554
Lauren, I'm not... I'm
not gonna say anything.
320
00:14:35,556 --> 00:14:37,139
Yeah, not if I rip out your tongue.
321
00:14:37,141 --> 00:14:40,025
Why would I tell anyone
my girlfriend's a dude?
322
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:44,864
Ex-girlfriend.
323
00:14:44,866 --> 00:14:47,449
♪ You you ♪
324
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:50,569
And I'm not a dude.
325
00:14:50,571 --> 00:14:53,489
I was born intersex.
326
00:14:53,491 --> 00:14:55,574
The pills I take are hormone replacements.
327
00:14:55,576 --> 00:14:59,295
♪ You you ♪
328
00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:01,497
♪ You ♪
329
00:15:01,499 --> 00:15:04,083
What exactly does intersex mean?
330
00:15:04,085 --> 00:15:05,584
Hmm?
331
00:15:05,586 --> 00:15:08,304
It means it's none of
your [Bleep] business.
332
00:15:08,306 --> 00:15:09,755
♪ Open my heart and fill it with dirt ♪
333
00:15:09,757 --> 00:15:11,390
♪ 'Cause the filth from this forest ♪
334
00:15:11,392 --> 00:15:13,676
♪ Is better than you you you you you ♪
335
00:15:13,678 --> 00:15:15,511
I did not see that coming.
336
00:15:23,020 --> 00:15:24,820
♪ Open my heart and fill it with dirt ♪
337
00:15:24,822 --> 00:15:26,405
♪ 'Cause the filth from
this forest is better ♪
338
00:15:26,407 --> 00:15:29,508
♪ Than you you you you you you you ♪
339
00:15:30,947 --> 00:15:33,515
- Hey, Mom, Mom, I can explain.
- No time.
340
00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:35,934
I need to grab our tickets
before we miss our flight.
341
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:37,936
And I can't have Bruce
thinking I'm a dumb blonde
342
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,821
this early in our marriage.
343
00:15:39,823 --> 00:15:41,022
Seriously?
344
00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:43,241
I have a guy bound and
gagged in the garage,
345
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:44,909
and you have no further questions?
346
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:46,211
I trust you.
347
00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:48,663
Just make sure you've
agreed on a safe word,
348
00:15:48,665 --> 00:15:52,000
something short and specific, like taco.
349
00:15:52,002 --> 00:15:54,369
Oh, thank you, Jesus.
350
00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:56,904
And make sure no one sees him leave.
351
00:15:56,906 --> 00:16:00,291
To some people, two guys in
one day might seem a bit...
352
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,927
- trashy.
- Hold it right there.
353
00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:05,046
You saw him leave my room this morning?
354
00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:08,716
Don't worry. It'll be our little secret.
355
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,686
Oh, I've always dreamed
of us sharing secrets.
356
00:16:11,688 --> 00:16:16,808
They weren't quite like
this, but I can roll with it.
357
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:19,894
So I can have an S&M dungeon in our garage,
358
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:20,779
but I can't fall in love
359
00:16:20,781 --> 00:16:22,313
with my best friend because she's female?
360
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,798
We don't need to rehash all that.
361
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:24,783
You're done with that phase.
362
00:16:24,785 --> 00:16:26,568
It wasn't a phase, Mother.
363
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:28,369
But that boy in the garage...
364
00:16:28,371 --> 00:16:30,321
That's a whole other story,
and it's not what it looks like.
365
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,374
And that boy this morning?
366
00:16:33,376 --> 00:16:36,244
- That was what it looked like.
- See?
367
00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:38,413
You slept with a boy.
That means you're straight.
368
00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:40,415
No, it means I'm confused.
369
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:42,467
That makes two of us.
370
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,919
If you could be with a
boy, why wouldn't you?
371
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,005
It'd be so much easier.
372
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:49,808
For me or for you?
373
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,895
Let's focus on the positive here.
374
00:16:53,897 --> 00:16:55,763
You're not sure you're lesbian,
375
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:58,099
and I'm late for my flight to the Yucatan.
376
00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:00,268
Andale, andale.
377
00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:05,573
What do we do now?
378
00:17:05,575 --> 00:17:07,826
Guess we wait till her mom's car leaves.
379
00:17:07,828 --> 00:17:13,281
♪ There's no escaping it ♪
380
00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:16,417
♪ Come on out, come on out,
come on out, don't hide ♪
381
00:17:16,419 --> 00:17:20,371
Look, I meant it when I said
I'd stay out of your life.
382
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,508
Last place I ever thought I'd
find you was Amy's bedroom.
383
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,460
♪ You can tell me once ♪
384
00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:29,264
And to repeat, I am so sorry.
385
00:17:29,266 --> 00:17:30,265
What I did was unforgivable.
386
00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:32,233
Please stop.
387
00:17:32,235 --> 00:17:34,269
It's okay. I forgive you.
388
00:17:34,271 --> 00:17:35,637
Really?
389
00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:38,773
Yeah, we both did [Bleep] up things.
390
00:17:38,775 --> 00:17:42,393
We did? What did you do?
391
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:46,698
I...
392
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:50,285
I only noticed you
because you were a lesbian.
393
00:17:50,287 --> 00:17:52,403
But then...
394
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:57,375
Then I saw so much more.
395
00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,377
I may have lied about being gay,
396
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:04,298
but I never lied about my feelings for you.
397
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:07,719
Yeah, I know.
398
00:18:07,721 --> 00:18:10,672
♪ Come on out, don't hide ♪
399
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,310
You can come out now. She's gone.
400
00:18:15,312 --> 00:18:18,846
Thank God, it reeks of
rotting Thai food back there.
401
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:22,734
Okay, now who wants to help
me arrange these dildos?
402
00:18:22,736 --> 00:18:25,353
Now we're talking. Let's
go bigger to smaller.
403
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:27,272
It's more shocking.
404
00:18:34,521 --> 00:18:35,937
Just dropped Tommy off.
405
00:18:35,939 --> 00:18:38,056
Trust me, he'll be keeping his mouth shut.
406
00:18:38,058 --> 00:18:39,608
Now am I forgiven?
407
00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:42,361
Do I have a choice? Now
you have blackmail on me.
408
00:18:42,363 --> 00:18:45,480
I'm gonna take that as a yes.
409
00:18:45,482 --> 00:18:48,700
You know, I'm not going
to tell anyone, Lauren.
410
00:18:48,702 --> 00:18:49,735
None of us will.
411
00:18:49,737 --> 00:18:52,371
I promise.
412
00:18:52,373 --> 00:18:54,239
I told you, no more outing people.
413
00:18:54,241 --> 00:18:57,492
You say that now, but someday
you'll want to humiliate me.
414
00:18:57,494 --> 00:19:00,629
And I will, but not about this,
415
00:19:00,631 --> 00:19:02,748
because I don't think
there's anything humiliating
416
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:04,666
about what you told us.
417
00:19:04,668 --> 00:19:06,251
But clearly, you do.
418
00:19:06,253 --> 00:19:11,590
You gotta work on that
if you want to be happy.
419
00:19:11,592 --> 00:19:13,008
What, are we friends now?
420
00:19:13,010 --> 00:19:14,176
Oh, dear God, no.
421
00:19:14,178 --> 00:19:16,762
Thank God. Tender moment over.
422
00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:21,066
You're welcome. Bye.
423
00:19:25,856 --> 00:19:28,106
I didn't get to finish my song.
424
00:19:28,108 --> 00:19:29,825
♪ 'Cause you're the salt to my pepper ♪
425
00:19:29,827 --> 00:19:31,493
♪ You're the moon to my sun ♪
426
00:19:31,495 --> 00:19:33,195
♪ We're like Batman and
Robin when we're out ♪
427
00:19:33,197 --> 00:19:34,946
You gotta stop doing this.
428
00:19:34,948 --> 00:19:37,032
What? It wasn't that bad.
429
00:19:37,034 --> 00:19:39,117
- The chorus is really catchy.
- No, I mean,
430
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:42,504
with the touching speeches
and romantic serenades.
431
00:19:42,506 --> 00:19:44,790
It's like you're waterboarding my heart.
432
00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:46,625
Oh.
433
00:19:46,627 --> 00:19:47,709
Okay.
434
00:19:47,711 --> 00:19:50,545
Uh, no more of that.
435
00:19:50,547 --> 00:19:52,931
Got it.
436
00:19:52,933 --> 00:19:54,549
I just don't want to lose you.
437
00:19:54,551 --> 00:19:56,551
We're gonna grow old together, remember?
438
00:19:56,553 --> 00:20:00,772
We're gonna sit on the porch and
drink iced tea and talk about...
439
00:20:00,774 --> 00:20:02,023
How you're doing it again?
440
00:20:02,025 --> 00:20:04,476
Damn it.
441
00:20:06,530 --> 00:20:10,832
I just never thought that
anything could come between us.
442
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:14,102
And then last night I rejected you,
443
00:20:14,104 --> 00:20:17,456
and now you're pulling away.
444
00:20:17,458 --> 00:20:20,325
And I'm worried you'll wind up hating me.
445
00:20:20,327 --> 00:20:23,378
It's not your fault you
don't feel the same way,
446
00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:25,413
even though I-I wish you did.
447
00:20:25,415 --> 00:20:29,251
You still don't? Just checking.
448
00:20:31,254 --> 00:20:34,005
And I could never hate you.
449
00:20:37,477 --> 00:20:40,228
I could never hate you either.
450
00:20:42,298 --> 00:20:45,801
♪ Everything you do to
me is making me a victim ♪
451
00:20:45,803 --> 00:20:49,221
♪ Of your love, your life ♪
452
00:21:01,199 --> 00:21:08,050
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
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