Original subtitles

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, welcome to Top Gear.

Yes, we're still out on the runway with our Covid-compliant,

socially distanced classic driving show.

I've got to tell you, there's a white Transit van at the back

there with the windows steamed up - he's started early!

But as long as he's in the same bubble, why not? Go for it.

Have a bit of fun.

Knock yourself out.

Talking of steamed up, Chris Harris, look at this,

no wonder you're excited, this is a car spotter's paradise.

This is my happy place. Look at the tackle on offer here.

XTS Convertible. Fantastic.

Look at this here -

a Rosso Dino 308.

BMW Z1... Chris, Chris, we don't have time for this.

The 550's got a burgundy interior!

Quiet, because we've got a packed show, folks.

Later on we're going to be taking on a massive wall of death.

What were we even thinking?

Never mind that, cos also tonight, there's a massive crash.

The best news is - it's not me!

Get in! Get it!

CHEERING

We'll move on, because we need to talk about cars that do 200mph.

Isn't that right, Christopher? That's right, Patrick.

See, it wasn't so long ago that 200mph in a road car seemed

unreachable, beyond the limits of physics.

But then 30 years ago, a bunch of supercars rocked up that

not only smashed passed 200, but looked awesome doing it.

So to celebrate the coolest supercar era of them all,

the producers told us to pick our favourite 200mph pioneer

and head to the glorious north.

If you're talking 200mph pioneers, frankly,

there's only one choice.

The original, the greatest,

I give you the Ferrari F40.

Oh, I haven't driven one of these for a while.

Introduced in 1987,

the F40 was the final car to be overseen by the big man himself...

..Enzo Ferrari...

..who was, above all else, a man of ambition.

You see, the race to 200mph for a road-legal car in the '80s

was a bit like the space race in the '60s -

massive budgets, genius engineers,

all to be the first to make that claim.

And the F40 was the first road car to get there.

This is the Apollo 11 of supercars.

This is the giant leap for car-kind.

But the real genius behind the F40

is that in building his rocket ship,

Enzo kept things...

..beautifully simple.

Ferrari could have gone down a technology route,

but instead it just made a very light, tubular steel chassis,

added some Kevlar bodywork

and then added a huge amount of power -

478hp, from a twin turbo-charged V8.

It's just a massive go-kart.

It's light, it's immediate,

there's no power assistance to anything.

The pedals take a massive push,

the steering takes a heave,

the gear shift, well, you have to nudge it from your shoulder.

It's just brutal, but sublime!

This isn't just the greatest 200mph car,

this is the greatest road car ever.

For me, there's no debate.

No debate. It's the greatest.

It's a good effort, but wrong.

If you want THE classic 200mph supercar,

everyone knows you've got to buy British,

or at least borrow British.

ENGINE REVS

I give you the Jaguar XJ220.

Oh, my word!

It doesn't get much better than this.

The mightiest road-going Jag ever made

first landed as a concept in 1988.

And it was spectacular.

I remember seeing this car for the first time as a kid,

I'd have been, like, 11, 12 years of age.

It just looked like something I'd never seen before.

And now here I am driving one.

The first thing you need to know about the 220,

though, is that to a lot of people it's considered a bit of a failure.

That's because Jaguar, they promised a V12,

they promised scissor doors, they promised four-wheel drive.

But when they came to make it, they discovered that all that was,

well, a bit complicated,

and a bit expensive.

So it ended up two-wheel drive, normal doors,

and the engine from a V6 Metro.

But disappointing though that may sound,

the XJ220 still had a top speed of 217 mph.

Compared to the F40, it was in another league.

I think that is genius. I think that is the best of British ingenuity.

"We'll make do with what we've got. Stick it in there."

It still goes 217 mph - that is not a failure.

And besides, just have a look at it.

Just look at it!

Don't be fooled by that face, though...

..underneath it's a wild animal.

Oh!

The strangest thing about this car is you're driving it,

and nothing's happening. Nothing.

And then all at once, the turbos kick in.

It's like a Tarantino movie - everything just happens!

Oh, my word! I'm tense. I'm tense.

What is the...?

ON RADIO: Good morning, Chris.

What are you in, Fred? XJ220?

Congratulations, that is you in car form -

big, British, not as fast as claimed.

Chris, it did 217mph, this car.

You can't have a go at it.

And they called it the XJ220, and it only did 217?

They called the Ferrari the 812 Superfast,

it doesn't go 812mph.

But it's superfast.

Buongiorno!

ON RADIO: Dearie me, Fred. Dearie me.

How's about that, boys?

Where's your sense of patriotism?

HE CHUCKLES

Ignore those two squares.

I like my 200mph supercars a bit more unhinged.

Man, this car!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Lamborghini Diablo.

I mean, supercars are supposed to be a little bit mad, aren't they?

They're supposed to be bonkers.

And the Diablo is definitely bonkers.

I mean, look at it, the seat belts go the wrong way,

the dash looks like it's off a lorry.

The stalks are from a Morris Marina.

It's bonkers, but what it does have is that great big, stonking, lovely

V12 right behind you

that will get you to 70mph in first gear.

First gear.

Listen to her!

ENGINE ROARS

Come on!

Work your way up the gearbox,

and the 485hp Diablo would top out at 202mph.

Ohh!

It scares me, this car as well. I like that.

There's no power steering, no traction control, nothing.

Nothing that's in a modern car that makes you feel comfortable.

It's just pure driving ability. I love it.

Oh!

Now, we'd been told to head to a nearby airfield for the chance

to put our cars through their paces.

However, first, that did of course mean...

..reaching it.

Woohoo!

Oh-ho!

Hoo-hoo!

Whoa!

CAR SKIDS

BANG

So, while McGuinness had made an unscheduled stop,

we arrived at the airfield where all we could do was wait.

Do you know, on an F40 the paint is so thin

that you can see the Kevlar weave through it? It's amazing.

Yeah? All the way through here

you can just see the weave of the Kevlar.

In fact, one of the ways to spot...

APPROACHING LORRY

Oh, my God.

Paddy...

You all right? Neck all right? Head all right?

Gutted.

Talk us through what you did. What did you hit?

It must have been a little bit of oil on the road or something...

Yeah, yeah, cos I've been driving up and down that road all day and that oil really got me.

You hadn't been on that spot in the torrential rain, had you?

Did you hit that oil as well?

Yeah, I must admit, I just backed off a bit in that torrential rain. Yeah.

It was just on a little bit of a bend, that was it.

No more than 40.

But it really surprised me how quickly it just goes from...

.."Isn't this lovely?" to...

It is amazing how quickly you can run out of talent.

Tsch.

Ambition's a great thing, Chris.

But you've got to temper it.

Anyhoo, what can you do?

I'm having a butty.

The Diablo had shown just what a handful

a 30-year-old supercar can be.

And it had paid the price doing it.

However, two of our cars still had work to do.

Because the airfield we'd come to

was Elvington.

Boasting one of the longest runways in the UK,

it was time to see what our old pioneers still had in the tank.

It was time...for a good old-fashioned drag race.

The race is as follows.

A rolling start, we want to be kind on these old driveshafts.

So 40mph through the green flags,

the moment you go through the green flag, you give it the beans

and you stop at the chequered flag.

Can you just confirm you've heard that instruction?

We've had problems here with you before.

I can't stop!

Ha-ha-ha!

I'm running out of runway!

SIRENS WAIL

I'm not going to lie, Chris, I'm a bit apprehensive. I'll give it a go.

I mean, you should be quicker. That is a faster car, Fred.

HORN HONKS

Hello, boys!

Oh, my word.

What are you doing?

I thought you'd gone home.

You can't keep me out the race, pal.

HIGH—TEMPO MUSIC BUILDS

Green flags are coming, boys!

Here we go, here we go. I'm nervous, I'm nervous.

Go!

Oh, my word, look at that Ferrari!

They are gone!

Whoo!

130.

140.

MUSIC STOPS

There seems to be two dots in the distance.

MUSIC RESUMES

What a weapon!

Wow. She's still got it.

She has still got it.

Wow.

Whoo!

What did I do then? 170? 175?

That is speed like I've never experienced. That was different.

That was so different.

Oh...

..yes!

It's nice to get out. That's the main thing.

Fred? Chris.

They are a proper handful, aren't they?

This is moving all over the place.

I got over just 150,

but this car has got so much more, Chris.

So much more.

I would love to get to 200.

Yeah, I think you're on your own there, Fred.

If you want to go and seek 200,

I'll happily be an observer.

Yes, deciding fate hadn't been tempted enough for one day,

Flintoff now wanted to take a shot at the big one.

All right, how are we going, Fred? Are you OK?

I'm just turning round right at the end of the runway.

I'm trying to give myself so much room.

And make no mistake,

hitting 200mph in a Jag that's 30 years old

would be a big ask.

Best of luck, Andrew. Thank you very much. I'll see you in a minute.

I hope.

ENGINE REVS

He's off.

Come on.

He's building. He's building.

He's doing a tonne already!

I'm going. I am travelling.

Oh, he's missed a gear change there, he won't do 200 now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.

The foot is down. I don't know how fast I'm going.

I'm not even looking.

160. 170.

I'm trying to keep my hands loose.

But it's becoming increasingly difficult!

190.

Ohh!

Please stop.

Please stop! Please stop!

Oh, my word.

Oh-ho-ho!

Right, how quick do you reckon you went?

I think it's the fastest I've ever been in a car.

I had a glance down at one point, I was 180, and I was going faster.

I think you did 195, I don't think it was 200, though. 195?

I think it was 195. That was a warm up!

That was a warm up.

I think you get straight back in, get out there.

I've just got to let it cool down, Pad.

Oh, I tell you what... We've never seen him like this, ever.

Do you know what, I'll tell you how that felt, right?

You know when you go out to bat at cricket? No.

No, I don't. And I'm nervous, I'm going out, and the closer

I get to the wicket, everything's coming alive, and I love it.

That was like that times ten.

The faster I was going...

..oh, I was going, I was,

"Come on, come on, come on!" You feel every mile per hour in that one.

I tell you, if I trusted you, I'd give you a go, but I can't.

It's like... Oh, that burns. Do you know what? That burns!

This is the first time he's not crashed anything

and look at him, he's like all the time.

Whoa, whoa, he's still got another run to go. Oh, yeah, that's true.

I reckon, I think if I go again... Have a run round.

..I'm going to slingshot it, cos there's a bit of a run on.

Yeah, I think you'll do it. I reckon I can get on the runway at 70. Yeah.

So just 5mph short of the big 200,

Flintoff lined up for one more go.

This time, with an even bigger run up.

I'm still thinking about this cricket thing he said.

About going out to bat? Did you feel that? No.

The last time you had a bat you did an off-licence over. Here we go.

Coming round. Coming round.

Here we go, 70. As soon as I get straight I'm off.

Am I good to go, Chris?

In your own time.

Godspeed.

Come on.

Good Lord. Look what it just did 70 to 90 in.

Into fourth. Come on. Four, four, four.

That was a better gear change, that was a better gear change.

Yeah, yeah, here we go.

Just got my foot right on the floor.

Go on. He's doing 140, he's not even in sight and he's doing 140.

I'm a little bit all over the place. I'm feeling everything.

170. He's going quick.

The car's making noises.

As I'm going fast, I can't push my foot through any further.

I'm giving it beans.

190.

Going up! Going up!

195...

That was close.

That was so close. It must have been.

Did I, did I do it? How do you do a social distancing high five?

Don't wind me up. Did I do it? Yes!

FREDDIE LAUGHS

We did it! Yes!

Give me that one. Give me that one.

Oh, I never scored a double hundred as a batsman!

Can I have it in this though?

What was it like? It's like nothing else I've ever driven or done.

Do you know what got you over the 200? Brake late. You brake late.

I did, yeah. You took the mickey. You ignored the brake boards.

So we've got the health

and safety man over there about to have a chat with you. No, no, no. I'll chat to that lad.

Because see, the other thing I had in my favour...

I know what's at the end.

THEY LAUGH

It's fine. Well done, mate.

I can't believe how happy I am.

What a machine.

APPLAUSE

200mph in an old Jag.

You, my friend, have got some Scotch eggs on you. It was surreal.

It was the week they eased lockdown a bit,

so I went from sitting on me couch in me undies to driving this 200mph.

It was the best thing I think I've ever done in a car. Amazing.

But let's be honest, it's not about me, is it? I...

I feel there was something missing here.

What? Well... That beautiful Lamborghini that you crashed.

On a straight. Firstly, I didn't crash it. What did you do?

What's the definition of a crash, then? There's an hierarchy.

You can have a bump and a prang and a crash and a shunt.

Mine was in between a crash and a shunt. It were a crunt.

LAUGHTER

You, that's the first time you've not crashed a car.

Yeah, but I've never crashed a Lamborghini. And fair play to you.

If you're going to go, go big, Paddy lad. Go big!

Honestly, I was genuinely gutted. I am really sorry.

I'm sorry about the car, I'm sorry to the owner,

he's over there, I'm sorry to the insurance

company for telling them that you were driving, Fred.

I'm just sorry, so please, can we now move on from this?

No, I think we should carry on talking about you crashing

a Lamborghini and your little face when you went, "Oh, I crashed it!"

"Oh, it's got some power, this. Oh!"

When you put your foot down. Shut it.

What are we talking about next? You're not going to believe this.

Crashed cars is the next subject. Great. Great.

Because we reckoned we might have found a way to buy a fast,

interesting car for the price of a slow, boring car.

Insurance write-offs.

Cars that had been in a bit of a scrape and the insurers have decided

they won't pay for the repair.

But if you're happy with a doer upper,

there are some absolute steals out there.

So we convinced the producers to give us each six grand

and we went out to bag ourselves a bargain.

To show off our high-performance write-offs,

we've been told to meet up at the Top Gear track.

And let's just say, for less than six grand,

I'd picked up an absolute belter.

This is my insurance write-off, the Porsche Cayman S.

This car, this age, this mileage,

you're looking at around about £10,000.

I got it for five and a half grand.

And this is the trouble with insurance companies now,

they're quick to write things off. They can't be bothered with the paperwork.

But have a look round here.

Little bump on the front, bit of teacup, buff it out,

it'll be good to go.

Now, technically this car's a write-off,

so I can't drive it on the public roads,

but in the right hands with a bit of TLC, get an MOT on her,

you've got yourself a Porsche at a bargain price.

Oh!

Who's this?

Now, if you prefer something Italian...

Maserati?

Quattroporte. Very nice!

The next bargain out the blocks was Flintoff's.

Turning up backwards, for some reason.

Now, firstly, I've got to stop you, because this is a minter.

You have not got this for less than six grand. These, new, 80 grand.

Yeah.

A good 'un. Yeah. 15 second-hand.

This, my friend, £5,750 for a Maserati Quattroporte.

It is mint. Beautiful!

There is a little bit of damage at the front, but...

Little bit at the front. Let's have a look. Won't really notice it, Pad.

Oh! It's a scratch. Yeah.

Nothing that can't be buffed out. New bumper, a new bonnet.

A few hundred quid, max.

Got yourself an absolute bargain.

You see, mine's had a bit of a shunt at the back there, but, again...

You can live with that. You can live with it. You can, it's a Porsche.

It's a Porsche. Five and a half grand. For a Cayman S. Cayman S!

Oh! Here he comes.

HORN TOOTS

HE LAUGHS

Morning, boys.

Now, you know I love a Ford, but I've got to say, this particular

challenge, I think a Porsche and a Maserati is a much better choice.

Gen one Focus RS is one of the most special low-volume

sports cars ever made. Should be 15 grand. Yeah? Five grand.

And I've saved a classic from the scrapheap. But... It looks mint.

There's a couple of scratches on it. What's wrong with it? There.

Is that it? The front wing. A little bit of suspension. And that wheel.

That's it. That's it?! Yes.

Let's have a look at yours, boys. Yeah, look at that!

Look at this, special, Cayman S.

Little bit of a nick on the front there.

Oh, God.

A little bit of a nick? It's a graze. A rash, they call it. A rash.

Gravel rash. Gravel rash. You've had a go at this end as well?

Well, technically not me. I bought it in this condition.

So, how are you going to repair that? The parts are so expensive.

It's just unrepairable, that.

Let's have a look at this one. This looks mint. What's this, Fred?

Quattroporte? Quattroporte!

They are beautiful cars. One of the best-looking saloons

ever made. Where's the damage? It looks pretty good to me. You have to look hard to find it.

Oh!

Yeah, but... A few hundred quid, get a bumper, new grille.

How many Quattroportes did they sell in the UK, Fred?

Are you expecting an answer? I think you can count them on two hands.

What's with the negativity? I'm not being negative, I'm being pragmatic.

Yeah, you are. No... Mr Nasty Negative. You've gone out there...

We've got a Maserati and a Porsche for under ten grand!

Fill your glass up.

You've bought an absolutely shambolic Cayman,

and you've bought a car that you intend to fit with used parts,

of which there might be one other that you can strip from in the UK.

I've got to be honest, I think... Hello. Thank you.

"Time to test how confident you are in your so-called bargain fast cars.

"Using the whole runway, please find out how fast they'll go.

"If you go off the tarmac, you're out." Oh.

That Porsche is going to win hands down on this tarmac.

I don't understand what you're saying. Did you say hands down?

Hold that. Sorry. In the cars, here we go.

Yes, to test how mechanically sound our so-called write-offs were,

we've been given the entire length of the runway

and a fancy GPS speedo to find out which would go fastest.

Or, to put it another way, see what order the other two would lose.

Three...

two...

one...

Go!

The Maserati's away!

Oh! Look at the Maserati go!

But the Cayman's coming back!

Here we go!

Oh, here comes the Porsche.

Already up to 120.

Can't even see Harris, he's that far back.

Come on, the Ford!

We are living the dream now!

This is fast, and oh!

Going to crash!

HE LAUGHS

Stop, stop, stop, stop!

McGuinness is off! McGuinness is off!

HE LAUGHS

REVVING

All right, Pad?

I think I've overshot.

THEY LAUGH

So, 141.6.

Fast.

135.8. But died.

What did you get, about 62?

125 and I didn't do the decimal point,

cos there was no point, cos I was below you.

Wow. But I still won, because I didn't go on the grass. I mean...

What?

What are you on about? The challenge was top speed. No.

It was and it wasn't, wasn't it? Did you not remember the words?

Well, I read them. You had to stay on the runway.

This is not part of the runway, therefore I won.

Do you know what? What? You're right. I know. And I read it. Oh!

Thank you.

More than two thirds of UK cars have been damaged in car parks.

To see how your write-offs handle this dangerous environment,

time for a round of Parking Space Musical Chairs.

Yes, to test our car's low-speed agility...

..we'd now play a four-wheeled version of one of the all-time

great children's party games.

Parking Space Musical Chairs takes one busy car park,

one space fewer than the number of cars playing

and a big air horn to start and stop play.

KLAXON BLARES

As you'd expect, if you dash for a space and don't find one,

you're out of the game.

I'm not sure about this, boys.

I know this Focus RS has been written off,

but I get the feeling there might be some contact

and I don't want contact in this Focus RS.

Worryingly, though, to ramp up the competition,

it wouldn't just be us racing for the spaces - we'd be up against

a trio of Toyota Priuses, officially Britain's most crashed car.

Oh! There they are. Ho-ho! It's the Prius army.

All of them driven by Britain's most reckless drivers -

Stig's teenage cousins.

Chris, I've just thought of something.

If you get in the car with me, I can use the parent and child spot.

FREDDIE LAUGHS

See a gap, see a parking spot, get in it, that's it.

KLAXON BLARES

We're off. Come on!

Oh, he's banging me already, the Stig.

Oh! I don't know what to do, whether to go slow... Hey!

Get out the way, Paddy.

What's the strategy? What's the strategy here?

Chris!

Take your time, take your time.

Oh, I've got to get round quick now!

Take my time again, take my time again.

Where's the klaxon? Where's the klaxon? I'm getting tense!

KLAXON BLARES

I'm in!

Oh, I'm in! I'm in!

Get in here. Get in. I'm in. Yes! It's a better spot.

ON RADIO: Are we all in, gents? Never in doubt.

So, first round over and a Prius eliminated...

..one space would now be filled ready for round two.

Five cars, four spaces.

Don't know about you, but I'm nervous, I'm anxious.

Paddy, do you need someone to explain that math to you?

FREDDIE LAUGHS

KLAXON SOUNDS

Here we go again.

Hey!

You little BLEEP.

Get out my way. Where are you going?

You can go ahead, mate. Try and block me all you want.

Oh, Flintoff's here in that bloody Maserati. McGuinness.

Get out. What is he doing?!

KLAXON SOUNDS

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Ha-ha, McGuinness!

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Go on, go on, go on. Same spot. Get in!

Is there one there? Oh, BLEEP.

Oh, no! I'm out!

HE LAUGHS

To be honest, I'm glad. I'm glad.

I can keep the damage to a minimum.

Me and Harris were pretty pleased too. McGuinness was out...

KLAXON SOUNDS

Next up was round three...

Come on, come on.

..and let's just say we sailed through that...

Oh!

..without a hitch.

Bloody Prius!

What a dick.

KLAXON SOUNDS

Heading into round four... Where's Flintoff?

..there was now just one Prius left standing between us

and a showdown.

Oh, he's going to put me in the bollards here.

Flintoff's off again. Flintoff's off again.

KLAXON SOUNDS

Oh, there's... Harris has lucked out again here.

We're in. Ha-ha!

Where's the spot? Where is it?

Oh, I'm in! I'm bloody in.

Oh, Stig's out. Stig's out. There you are, Stig.

BBC One.

This was it, then.

Car Park Musical Chairs - The Final.

And then there was two...

..and one space.

You and me, Fred, it's you and me.

I'm willing to take this quite far,

but if it gets to a critical situation, I'm bailing.

ENGINE REVS

KLAXON SOUNDS

Here we go!

Where is he?

Ah, he's creeping. He's creeping.

Come on, Chris, where are you?

Come on, Chris.

Oh, no, it's a disaster!

FREDDIE LAUGHS

Oh, dear, that's not good.

See, Harris won't nudge Flintoff,

and he knows Flintoff will completely wipe him out.

Now come and get me, Flintoff.

Flintoff! No! Oh!

Sorry! It's not really worked out, that. Oh, he's round.

He's coming round, Fred, and he's angry.

KLAXON SOUNDS

It's on, boys! Come on, get round!

No! Oh, Flintoff's gone too wide! Harris is in!

No!

They're round again.

Oh, he's off! He's off!

Oh!

Where is it?

Ooft!

Where's Harris? Where's Harris?

That was yours, Chris.

If you'd have gone back round, it was yours.

I was just trying to breathe.

Oh, right, yeah, that's always a good thing.

It's kind of a win.

If the cars...

I just don't know what to say to you.

If these cars...

Fred, look at that. Yeah. Chris, I'm sorry.

It brings out the best in me, competition,

but it can bring out the worst. Yeah.

If these cars weren't write-offs before, they are now.

But they weren't dead yet,

because to see if our write-offs really were worth saving

from the scrapheap, the producers told us to use whatever we had left

from our six-grand budget to get them fixed up and back on the road.

So, a few months, a global pandemic

and one bottle of hair bleach later,

we were back in business.

Or at least two of us were.

This is the life.

Out on the open road

in my Porsche, living the dream.

I mean, this thing has cost me six grand all in - an absolute bargain.

Paddy, what exactly have you done?

Now, yes, I've had to beg, borrow and steal with the spares

because obviously I didn't have

the budget, but I quite like the different colours.

It's a patchwork quilt of a car and who doesn't like a patchwork quilt?

Why have you gone for pink at the rear?

It's better than brown!

That car looks good as new you're driving.

Mate, it is a honey and, of course, being a Ford, parts

prices are cheap as chips, which was necessary

because Flintoff dented every single panel apart from the roof.

So, I've got an absolutely mint-looking Ford Focus RS -

one of my favourite cars ever - for £6,000.

For once, we are onto something with these things.

We are definitely onto something.

Write-offs are actually right-on.

But, in the spirit of fairness, to fix up my battered Ford,

Flintoff had also given up the rest of his six-grand budget.

So, the question now was -

what had become of his Maserati?

Oh, my God.

Morning, boys!

May I introduce you to the Mad MAXERATI? Very nice!

I couldn't afford any new stuff,

so I thought, rather than have the new bits, get rid of the old ones.

I've taken everything out that's unnecessary

and created an absolute monster. Look at it.

Fred, I don't often say this,

but you have absolutely knocked it out of the park.

It looks fantastic. I love it.

I've got to say as well, Chris,

seeing your car back to its former glory has made me just as happy.

I apologise profusely. I really do.

And the other thing about it, Pad, now it's lighter it's faster.

See you later, son!

Ho-ho-ho! Yes!

Now, having proven once and for all the sheer

genius of the high-performance write-off, the sensible thing to do

would have been to take them for a nice, long, scenic drive.

Lovely stuff.

What we were actually told to do,

though, was head to North London's Alexandra Palace for a test.

Hay, lads, this is the old Ally Pally.

Please, please tell me, Paddy, you're taking us to the darts.

I love it.

But whatever it was the producers had in store,

it definitely wasn't darts.

Oh, oh, what is going on in here?

What the hell is that?

I don't know, but it looks like it could probably hurt.

Challenge. There's a challenge over there.

Right...

Let's see what they've got for us.

You've brought your insurance write-offs back from the dead.

Now it's time for them to face the ultimate test.

You must all hit 50mph around the Top Gear Wall Of Death.

So, that's what it is.

Yes, the Wall Of Death.

The legendary daredevil act that, for over a century, has seen

motorcycle riders pin themselves to a vertical wall,

relying on nothing but skill,

bravery and physics to keep them there.

The walls themselves are normally just a few metres wide,

but scaled up to cope with our cars

this one was an absolute monster.

Oh! Not on your nelly.

Not on your nelly.

What?!

160 tonnes of wood and steel built 100 feet wide

and as tall as a house.

And, just like any wall of death, at the top, still completely

and utterly vertical.

This is brilliantly stupid. The headlines are going to be brilliant.

This is just brilliant. I tell you what, Pad, this is...

They've gone all out for BBC One, haven't they? Yeah.

They've gone, "How can we get the ratings? We'll kill them all." Yeah.

To at least try and stop this from being the last thing

we'd ever do, the producers had been good enough to enlist some help.

Guiding us up the wall would be the world's leading wall of death

rider, Ken Fox.

Right...

you're going to start off round the bottom at what

we call the banking track and learning how the vehicle steers.

I know you're used to driving those vehicles

but they steer different there -

the steering changes a little bit and becomes a bit more lively.

Then we go a little bit higher and it will feel like you're

doing a million miles an hour and it will be 20mph

and then we just gradually keep building up and building up

until you're up there and you don't know how it happened -

you're just up there.

OK. So, Ken, what can possibly go wrong here? What are we looking at?

Well, the last crash I had I was airlifted to hospital.

I ripped my ear off, they had to glue my ear back on,

did some ribs in my chest,

bashed my brains about.

You know when it's in your blood, it's what you do and... Right, OK.

..you just do it. No, Ken, no, Ken.

No, Ken. No, Ken. Both my sons...

You don't have any blood. It's all on the thing.

It's what we do. We enjoy doing it.

When you've accomplished this, you will feel taller. Yeah?

I feel better with Ken.

You know, I know he's told us a few bad things there... He's calm,

isn't he? He's very calming. I think we need to do something, Ken.

Let's get something inside. Let's do it. Let's get on with it.

Our training will begin in this.

The can-am Maverick XRS.

With almost 200 horsepower

and weighing in at just 750 kilos, it's fair to say

getting up the wall in this would be much easier than in our cars.

All right, my mate? Yeah.

What it was, though, was the perfect vehicle for Ken to give

us our first taste of the vertical.

Here he goes.

What the BLEEP?

Oh! Whoa!

Oh, go on, Paddy, lad!

You all right, Paddy?

Jesus Christ! Is it good?

To keep our cars on the wall...

Hells bells! This is so good.

..we'd be pulling almost 4G.

Fred will be going now, "Faster!"

Every part of our write-offs would have to withstand

four times its normal load.

Wow. I'm getting dizzy again. You can't watch it round, can you?

Getting dizzy again.

And, at the risk of blacking out the longer we ran, we'd have to

fight to stay in control.

I tell you something,

if I'd have heard that noise first, I wouldn't have wanted to get in.

It's a bit unsettling, isn't it?

I've not said a word there.

I had to hold my breath and pump a bit cos I started to go.

Did you? Yeah. All good, Chris?

That's interesting. What?

How are we going to do that? No idea.

How are you going to drive a Porsche Cayman round there?

Not a clue.

We'd had our first taste of the wall

and the forces we'd have to endure to stay vertical.

Next, we'd do it again.

This time in the driver's seat.

You good? Good.

And as McGuinness got stuck into his training session... That's weird!

That's good. That's good, mate. That's excellent.

..it turned out that driving around in circles...

And faster, please.

..is not as straightforward as it looks.

Faster! Come on.

Keep going. Keep going!

Oh! Hold it there, hold it there, just hold it there.

Now he's got the wobble on. Hold it there.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Higher.

Higher.

Yes, stay there, stay there, stay there.

OK, come in.

Come in, come in.

Come in, come in.

Come in, come in.

Well, it wasn't pretty but he's done it. He got up. Well done, Paddy.

Well done, Pad.

I won't lie to you, I nearly blacked out, but it's all right.

With McGuinness just about getting it, next it was my turn.

Perfect, perfect, perfect. Very good.

And getting up and running, I soon discovered that the real

challenge of the wall is keeping your speed and line as smooth

as possible as you step up to the next level.

Stay there, stay there, stay there.

That's it, that's it.

Stay there. Brilliant, well done.

He's on it. He's on it. He's up.

He's on it. Come in, mate. Come in.

Get in there!

Absolutely spot-on, young man. Get in!

Fair play to Harris, he'd shown how it's done.

But it turns out there is another technique for tackling the wall.

I like to call it The Flintoff.

Where you place your right foot on the accelerator...

He's going very fast.

..and smash it into the floor.

How fast is he going?

That's it. Stay there. Stay there.

I'm on the wall!

OK, come in, come in, come in now.

How fast was he going? He put his foot down then.

How fast was he going? Jesus, Ken.

Did I get up?

Just. Just. We couldn't spin our heads round quick enough.

Come on, then, Ken, how have we done, the three of us?

All three of you, you've done good in the toy.

Now we go and get the real motors in.

So, who's going to go in the cars first?

Go on, then, I'll give the Porsche a whirl. All right, Paddy. Yeah.

Go and get the motor ready.

This was it, then.

Time to put our six grand back-from-the-dead write-offs

into the biggest test they'd ever face.

We'd each get one shot at the wall in our cars

and to succeed, we'd have to keep all four wheels on the vertical

whilst clocking at least 50mph.

Suffice to say, the pressure was on.

I have never felt as nervous and as scared about anything in my life.

This is... This is real.

OK, Paddy, my friend, let's get going.

Here we go, he's off. Come on, Pad.

OK, this is the weirdest thing ever, this. Come on, Pad. Come on, Paddy.

Faster.

Oh, God. Higher. I'm really sweating.

He's going up the wall.

Faster, faster.

Higher.

This does not feel good.

Wow! He's going faster.

Faster.

Faster.

He's up.

Higher.

Just up, just.

Look at the speed. Look at the speed.

Yes!

You're doing 55.

Bumper's off. He's done it.

Well done, Paddy!

55.

Totally happy with that.

Oh, my word. He's broken the suspension. Well done, Paddy!

Paddy, get out and have a look at your left rear wheel. Paddy!

Look at that wheel.

Dear me!

Yes! Did he really do that?

Oh! Who's up next, boys?

Chris Harris, come on down.

Come on, Chris!

McGuinness had done it. The Cayman had just held on.

And now it was over to Harris.

Here we go, driving a Focus up a wall.

OK, Chris, off you go.

I suddenly feel quite nervous.

Straight up. Straight away. Whoa, that is mad.

OK, I feel stable. And it feels bigger.

I haven't got as much margin between the boards. Faster.

Faster.

Higher.

Oh! Oh!

He's on! He's up! Come on, Chris! Go on, Harris!

The front's going to come off.

Go on. Oh, nearly there! Come on, come on!

Something's come off.

Go on, Chris! Yes!

Has the tyre gone? That's sketchy. What's happened?

What's the noise for? Something's come off.

There's a bit of car...

Nice and steady and stop, mate. Well done, 54.85.

That will do me perfectly.

Well done, Chris! Yes, Harris!

I know, we saw that come off. What's that? I don't know! Don't know!

Fantastic, pal.

Now, I will never, ever, ever do the Wall Of Death again.

Oh, you say that, you say that.

Right, Flintoff, come on.

Go on, Fred. Finish the job.

Two down,

one to go,

but the wall had already badly damaged the two smaller, lighter

cars and Flintoff's Maserati was

the biggest and heaviest of the lot.

I think he has the worst vehicle for this by a mile.

I'm worried about what it's going to do on the top

banking at sustained speed.

I mean, I've got everything crossed nothing goes wrong with it

but it's just not a good look.

Ready, Freddie? Good, mate. Right, OK, off you go, my man. Here we go.

We're off. Go on, Fred!

This is it. The final run of the day.

I tell you what, it's a completely different experience.

Already looks heavy.

It looks outrageous from here.

He's going for it.

Mate.

Faster.

I can feel the weight of the car.

It just wants to come down the wall.

It's completely different to the buggy.

Higher.

Faster. That's what we're asking for.

Higher.

Higher.

Higher.

Oh, my God.

Feel the wind!

Oh!

56.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Come in, come in.

Come in now.

Something's happened. Something's happened.

Something's happened. I'm on fire. What's happened? Just stop.

Just stop at that. What's happened? Just stop, just stop. What is it?

Don't know.

Oh! That was unbelievable.

Did I get up?

Fred, when the smoke came out,

me and him were up here and we were like, "Get off that wall."

That was properly dramatic.

Did I get up? Did I get up, though?

I'm sure he was on the wall.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I can't. No.

I've watched the footage back and yeah,

I got 50 but I didn't have all four wheels on the vertical. No.

I'm the last of a dying breed -

I'm an honest sportsman, so I've got to hold my hands up.

That is very, very honest. I give you that. I give you that.

I could make excuses -

I had the heaviest car by far, my suspension went

so I couldn't steer, you two had damaged the wall before we started -

but that's just not how I operate. I don't do that.

I don't make excuses.

No, and Pad, fair play to you, mate, fastest speed on the wall.

That takes some skill. It really does.

I don't like to talk about it, Chris. No, of course you don't.

It's a collective effort, lads. There's no "I" in "team"

but there is an "all" in "wall".

Oh, yes! Have some of that!

Hadrian, Berlin, hole-in-the, eat your heart out,

there's a new wall in town.

McGuinness's Wall Of Death, everybody!

CHEERING

No, don't encourage him.

It doesn't make up for the fact that you crashed a classic Lamborghini.

Oh, are you still going on about that?

Well, it just goes to show about life's ups and downs.

You know, I can drive an old Jag 200mph

but I couldn't get up the wall.

Paddy, you were the fastest on the wall but you destroyed

an iconic supercar. Chris, you don't do anything of note really, do you?

But that's important too. The world needs mediocrity.

You're a plodder. Wait there.

You crashed a Lamborghini,

you couldn't get it up. OK?

And that's all for tonight. We should definitely leave it there.

Join us next week

when we head off on a rental car road trip around Cyprus.

See you then! Goodnight!

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