All language subtitles for Bending.All.The.Rules.2002.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

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I'm privileged to bring you

the classic sounds of soul,
funk, rhythm and blues.

I'm your host Jeff McClain,

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

and I'd like to thank

the more than
10,000 listener sponsors

in the Tampa Bay area

who contribute
to community radio

and make it possible for us

to remain commercial free.

We're going to continue now

with this funky, obscure
little number.

It's time to kick some ass.

* Better watch your step

* 'Cause I been drinkin'
all day *

* Yeah, the pain
you gave me, child *

* The pain won't go away

* You left me all alone

* Oh, my golden ring

* Now I sleep all alone,
child *

* And have lonely dreams

Yeah.

* Left me sittin'
on the porch *

Okay, Z...

Next letter.

Ooh.
* And when we get drunk, girl

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
* Our love's mixed
with beers *

Ooh.
* When the sky turns morning

* Cold breathing for miles
Okay, Z.

Next letter.

Z?

Oh, yeah.

Ooh.

Oh, Z?

No, F?

B? Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Z-E?

Z?

* Better get me some snacks

Oh, lower-case L,
that's my favorite.

Ooh.

Z-E-L-I...

G?

Like "Zelig"?

Leonard Zelig?

Yeah. Well, yeah.

Where the hell did you come
up with that?

Well, it was a little trick
I use sometimes

when I'm making love to you

and I'm a little
over stimulated,

I think of characters
from Woody Allen films.

Woody Allen.

Mm-hmm.
How sexy.

Lot of guys think of things,
like, I don't know,

baseball players' batting
averages,

uh, the stock market,
their mother.

That's disgusting

Hey, a real man does
what he has to do

to please a woman.

Oh, is that so?
That's so, yes.

So who are you thinking
of now?

Annie Hall?

Actually, uh, Martin Landau

from Crimes And Misdemeanors.

And that was the talented
Al Green

with his Motown hit

"Sha La La" from 1974.

We heard from two of the great
women of soul before that--

Etta James
with "All I Could Do Is Cry"

of the Argo label,

and then the queen--

the queen, Aretha,

with "I Never Loved A Man."

We opened up the set today
with Albert Collins,

late, great Albert Collins,

with a hip version
of "But I Was Cool!"

You're listening to WMNF 88.5,

way, way,
way down on your dial.

See, it's 3:12,

which means we're
well into the second half

of our time together today,
folks.

You can call me with a request

at 555-WMNF.

So when can I
see you again?

Mmm... don't know.

Well, how about tonight
after you get off of work,
huh?

Come on, Martin.
You know the situation.
It's not going to work.

Oh, yeah, the situation.
Right.

Poor baby.
Are you upset?

Hey...

aren't there, like,
30 Woody Allen films?

Can you make this film
with a lot of syllables?

Not a problem, Kenna.

Not a problem.

And that was the Stylistics

with "I'm Stone In Love
With You,"

bringing in
that Philadelphia sound.

Gotta love
that Philadelphia sound.

We're going to continue now
with this funky female vein

with an obscure little number.

Look what I got.

Who gave you that?

Him.

Him?

Serving that clown drinks
for, like, two hours.

He gave me, like, 87 cents.

You give him one drink,

he gives you 20 bucks.

What did you do,
show him your, uh...

Oh, please,
I didn't show him anything.

What, he just gave you 20 bucks?

Let's just say he didn't
exactly give it to me.

No.
Yes.

No.
Yes.

You're unbelievable.

The guy's a jerk.

Okay, so run it for me.

All right, this one is as old
as the Stones.

I was probably
nine or ten at the time,

and I wanted some stupid doll
really bad.

Well, I've told you
about my dad before.

One thing was for certain--

there's cheap, there's tight,

and then there's my dad.

No.

Come on, Kenna,
I got a million plush dolls.

What the hell you need
with anything else?

But Daddy,
it's a Molly Doll.

I really, really want it.

Hey, take it on the arches,
kid.

Can't you see I'm busy here?

Damn.

Hey, look, folks,
it's one of the Lee sisters.

Which one of the Lee sisters
are you--

homely or ugly?

* If you're lookin'
for a show in a crowd *

* There ain't no job
in this town *

That's like that time when
we were coming out of, uh,

Ann Arbor, Ann Arbor--
You worked that spot, right?

So we're coming down--
We're going to Philly.

It's cold out, it's snowing--
snowing like a bastard,

I mean, look, it's cold.
So I got this broad with me,
right?

I'm taking her from Ann Arbor
down in Philly.

So I'm going
a little bit too fast up
around the lake there,

and I get pulled over, right?

So I look--
The cop was this broad's ex.

Oh, shit.

So anyway I'm pouting pretty
hard when Big Shelly K sees me.

What's the matter, baby, huh?

Come here.

Big Shelly K
was a flat store operator.

A flat store operator runs
an illegal gambling joint.

Generally they've got
a fat bankroll,

a fast mind,
and an ice-cold heart.

They'll take a mark's
entire paycheckwithout
a second thought,

and Big Shelly K
was as good as they come.

On the midway,
he was the man.

I want a Molly Doll,

but my dad won't give me
any money.

What, are you you surprised?

You know your old man's got
a lock on his wallet.

I know, Big Shelly,
but it's not fair.

"Shee-uz-elly.
Shee-uz-elly."

Then the Pilot jumped in.

The Pilot was Johnny O'Conner.

He's what they call a roughy.

It's kind of like
a jack of all trades.

Claims he was a decorated
Air Force pilot,

but everyone knew
it was complete bullshit.

Oh, yeah, and the guy always,
always spoke carny,

or "ciazarny,"
as he would say.

Mortie would go nuts

if I taught his kid that crap.

Nah, I can't do it.

You know, you're right.

Cheap bastard could use
some juice,

and not only are we
going to teach her,

but we're going to run it
on the old man for practice.

Yeah, yeah, I want to learn.

Oh, hi, Uncle Davey.

Hey, Davey, help us out
with this one.

We're gonna teach Kenna
the double-sawbuck takeaway.

Who the hell is Kenna?

Uncle Davey was there, too.

Uncle Davey was Davey Birnbaum,

a veteran
alibi joint operator.

An alibi joint
is one of those games

that seems easy to win,

where you toss a softball
into the big basket,

only no one ever wins.

That's why the operator
better have a good alibi

when the mark gets hot.

Uncle Davey forgot more alibis

than most guys knew,
not because he was that good,

but because
he forgot everything.

The guy was completely senile,

always forgot my name
and always forgot his teeth.

Every time we checked
out of a hotel,
there was this major beef

because Davey
would accuse the maid
of steeling his dentures.

Kenna's the kid-- the kid,
Davey, Mortie's kid.

Oh, yeah, Karen.

Good kid.
How are you?

I'm okay.

All right, Davey,
you play the mark.

I don't wanna be the mark.

Pilot, you be the mark.

Wait a minute.

Mark? Mark? Who's Mark?

I don't know any goddamn Mark.

Uncle Davey, that blonde lady
that runs the garage

right next to the skydiver
was asking about you.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah, all the time.
You should go talk to her.

Yeah, maybe I will.

She's over there now.
You better hurry.

Watch the master go to work.

Thanks for the tip, Kelly.

Come on, Big Shelly.
Teach me, teach me.

It's real easy, kid.

All you gotta do is keep
the mark confused.

You ready, Pilot?

All you gotta do is keep
the mark confused.

And 17 is your change.

Go ahead and keep a dollar
for yourself, honey.

Thanks.

I hope it's no trouble,
but can I give you, say,

ten ones for a ten?

These things are getting
out of hand.

Of course, beautiful,

anything for you.

Thanks. On second thought,

let me give you back this ten

plus the ten ones
I just gave you for the twenty.

These bills are confusing.

Sure, sure, I understand.

Don't mention it.

Thanks a lot.

You know,
it just warms my heart

to know you had so many
good influences as a child.

Remind me to keep my wallet
in my front pocket from now on.

Haven't I taught you anything?

Only a stiff keeps his money
in a wallet.

Right. You still coming over
to the party after work?

I wouldn't miss it.

What is the deal with shots?

And I'm not talking about,
you know, your classic whisky
and bourbon.

I'm talking about
all these Fuzzy Navels
and Sex on the Beach.

You name it, I can make it,
but I just--

I see it all the time.
It's strictly for amateurs.

A bunch of guys come
in a bar,

and they're all excited

because their wives
or their girlfriends

are letting them out,
and what do they do?

They start doing shots.

Next thing you know
it's an hour later,

and half of them
are wrestling on my bar,

and the other guys
are laying out comatose,

and there's always
that one guy

laying in a pool
of his own vomit,

albeit with a smile on his face,

but these guys
are 40 years old.

All right, so everyone know
the rules, right?

I don't think I do.

Oh, it's real simple.

We got kick-ass hot sauces

with Scoville levels
from 2,000 to 500,000.

Wait, wait, Scoville ratings?

Yeah, it's the heat index
by which all hot peppers
are rated.

Anyway, you get one point
per drop

for the lowest
on the Scoville scale,

up to five points
for the most potent.

First man to a hundred
wins the pot,

but if you kick out early,

you gotta kick in
an extra 20 bucks.

All right?
It's easy as that.

Who's first?
Ante up.

Give me three drops
of number three, my man.

* When all your troubles
wither away *

* Oh...

Hey, man,
I did have another one.

Good to see you, Carl.

Yeah, likewise, Jeff.
What's been happening, man?

Not much.
Trying to get laid
as much as possible.

I thought you were going out
with Rachel, man.

Yeah, two years now.

What are you,
fucking around on her?

No, man, I'm not greedy.

I just gotta get
as much as I can

while I still can.

What, are you dying
or something?

I don't understand.

Jeff, this will probably
sound nuts,

but I've got
this little theory.

Yeah?
Let me explain,
and just stay with me.

Okay.
You might thank me later.

All right.

Okay, look over there.
Yeah.

Aren't they just
incredible creatures?

Yeah. No argument here.

And look over here.

Aren't they just...
creatures?
Yep.

So why do they have
anything to do with us?

Uh, I've been asking myself
the same goddamn question,
Carl.

Of course you have, man,
because you're a thinker
like me.

Okay, now, keep following me.

Now that
the whole girl-on-girl thing

has become
so much more acceptable,

I figure it's just
a matter of time

before women will have
this mass epiphany,

and that will be it.

They'll have no use
for us anymore.

Hmm.
Think about it.

Say you're a girl in
a numerical situation.

Right. What?
Numerical situation?

Sixty-nine, man.
Sixty-nine.

Yeah.
Try to keep up, Jeff.

Okay, sorry.
I'm back.

I'm back, okay.

Okay, say you're the girl
on the bottom side

of this numerical situation.

When you hook up,
what do you want to see?

What do I want to see?
A beautiful round ass

with a trim little--

Yeah.
Ooh.

Or a big set of swinging,
sweaty, hairy, filthy--

Carl, Carl, I got it.
I got it.

Sorry, Jeff.
Okay.

Continue.

Anyway, that's why I'm
getting as much as I can

while she's gracious enough
to give it to me

because time is running out.

And I suggest you start doing
the same thing.

All right,
the eight-grade dance is simple.

Now, remember when you were
in the eighth grade,

and you're going to a dance,

and it's not enough
that you have to mix

with people of the other sex,

but you don't really know
how to dance,

so the first time you get
on the floor,

you kind of stick
to a basic step,

you know, going side to side.

You look around, make sure
nobody thinks you're uncool,

keep doing it,

and as the night goes on,

then you get
a little bit cocky

and you start throwing
your hands into it...

like this.

Yeah.

Everybody seems to accept that,
so you keep going,

and then maybe
by the end of the night,

you throw your head into it.

You think you're, like,
John Travolta,

the way you dance.

It's the eighth-grade dance.

* Don't think Ican't

* Won't really let you in

* All I hear is baby

* Don't you know
what's happening? *

* You see,
we're in a situation *

Hey, dude, you heard anything
about Dolly, that sheep?

No, man.

Oh. Want a chip?

Yeah, that would be all right.

Hey.
Hey.

Big night?

Yeah, you could say that.

Okay, let me guess.
Martin of Jeff?

Jeff.

Oh, you're half right.

What do you mean?
How can I be half right?
What happened?

Oh, my God, Kenna,
you doubled down.

Bingo.
You slut.
I am so jealous.

Yeah, right.

You've got to be careful
what you wish for.

Did I get any calls?

Oh, you know, just the usual--

American Express, MasterCard,

student loans, you know...

You can stop me anytime.

Glad to see I have some
consistency in my life, right?

Yeah, well--

Oh, your mother called.

What? My mother called?

I didn't really ask
any questions.

She just left a number.
The note's on the table.

Is everything okay?

Yeah.

Um, I've got to go.

I'll see you.

Okay, bye.

Oh, Kenna, come here,
baby girl.

Somebody I want you to meet.

This is, uh... your aunt,

your long lost aunt Sharlee.

Hi there, cutey.

Ain't she a cutie,
Mortie.

I don't really think
you're my aunt,

but if you were,
would that make you
my mom's sister?

Hey, hey, hey, hey,

I told you
a thousand times.

Don't bring up
that piece of shit.
She's scum.

Took money
for the goddamn kid.

Do you believe that shit?

Made me buy my own kid
for a lousy five Gs.

Surprise.

Hey, great to see you.

I was beginning to wonder.

So any winners in there?

God, I hope so.

Five days, Kenna,
it's your show.

I know, I know.

I'm actually getting
kind of nervous.

You should be.

I've seen, what,
eight or nine pieces,

and we agreed on over 30.

I don't want you to worry,
okay?

This is very important to me.

Plus I'm going to make you
look good.

Wait a second, I'm here
to take you to lunch.

Oh, I'm flattered.

I'm starved.

I don't know.
All my life it's been
so easy, you know?

I mean, women have always
responded very positively
to me,

and you know I like
to consider myself

a pretty modest guy,

but naturally
when something comes easily,

you tend to take advantage
of the situation.

You know, you start to take
things for granted.

Anyways--

Hey, guys, are we lifting
or are we talking?

Sorry, give me a sec.

By the way,
we're going to have to make
this kind of quick.

Lunch date?
I wish.

No, some client's got
a software problem.

Everyone misses, you, dear,

and they all wish
you would come back.

Mom, can we not start
that up again?

I'm sorry,

but I have just picked up
some clients

that I think you would
really be interested in.

Okay, let's just change
the subject.

I don't understand
this bartender thing.

I don't appreciate you
disparaging what I do.

There's nothing wrong
with the service industry.

It's real people doing
real work.

Jeffrey, please, couldn't you
just do your show at night?

Mom, you know I had to intern
two years to get that slot?

And you don't get paid.

Are we going to get some food?
Is there a waiter in this place?

Oh, thanks.

It looks great.
Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

So how are your boyfriends?

Now--

Now you? Wait, wait.

Why all of a sudden is this

everyone's favorite
subject matter here?

Because it's interesting,

and mainly it's not every day

you get to ask,
"How are your boyfriends?"

Okay, okay, I'll indulge you.

They're fine.

Actually they're starting
to be--

...a bit of a problem.

I mean, it's not that Kenna
abuses me or anything.

It's just that-- I mean, look.

I'm smart enough to know

she's kind of got
the upper hand here.

But you've got to admit

she's prettier than that last
chick I saw you with.

What was her name?

Kenna, Mom. Kenna?

Not my little barmaid friend.

I'm sorry, Jeffrey,

but you bring her around
so often.

Maybe if somebody wasn't
so condescending all the time.

Okay, okay.

But it's not like you intend
to marry this girl.

Now, I don't want you
to get upset,

but I have met
this darling girl

from Charlotte.

She just moved here--
Mom, stop.

Jeffrey, dear,

don't you ever intend
to get married?

No, not really.

Most of your friends
don't seem to feel that way.

Yeah, and you know
something?

No one ever says,
"Hey, Jeff, man,

you got to get married."

Come on, I'm kidding.

Actually I'm trying
to be smart here.

It sounds more like
you're being naive.
How so?

Because no matter how
you trivialize it,

you're dealing with a couple
of lethal male emotions.

I am?

You see, even if they assure you
they're okay with the situation,

the fact remains
they're guys.

I mean, this is very primal,
Kenna.

You can't just upset
five million years
of evolution

and not expect repercussions.

Wait, I'm not trying to change
any evolutionary axiom here,

Rebecca, come on.

But for lack of a better term,

this whole power dominance thing
is a complete joke.

Let's face it.

Men have been bending
the rules forever.

I'm just trying
to bend them back.

You ever tried one before?
Yes.

So is it fun being
in the circus?

It's not the circus, stupid.

It's a carnival.

So you travel around a lot.

Yep.

So you get to miss
a lot of school?

No. I wish.

My dad only takes me
with him over the summer.

After, I have to stay
here with my aunt.

I bet you've been to a bunch
of different states, though.

Tons.

Hey, have you been
to California?

Lots.

How about Texas?

Uh-huh.

Boston?

Boston's a city,
Einstein.

Oh, yeah, I knew that.

What's the name
of the state, then?

I don't have to tell you.

You don't know.

Michigan.

Boston, Michigan?

That's hilarious.
Shut up, Kenna.

You think you're so smart.

Boston, Michigan.
Boston, Michigan.

Shut up, Kenna.
At least I'm not a bastard.

God, Travis, you're so dumb.

I'm not a bastard,

because a bastard doesn't
know who her father is.

It's my mother
that I don't know.

Hey, can I have another smoke?

No.
Why not?

Because.
Because why?

You're mean and you laughed
at me.

Okay, I'm sorry
I laughed at you.

Now, can I please
have a smoke?

No. No.
Come on, Travis,
just give me one.

Come on!
No.

Come on.
No.

Give me 'em.

Now, give them to me.

No, never.

Now, give them to me!

No, never!

* Wait

* Don't rush me

* Wait

* Don't rush me

* Wait

* Don't rush me

* Wait

* Don't rush me

* Don't think I can't

* Won't really let you in

* All I hear is baby

* Don't you know

Hey!
* What's happening?

Hey, can you cut
the Kama Sutra crap,

and let's get back
to some good, old-fashioned
boning here?

My God, I'm getting dizzy

with all this spinning
and the flipping already.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, Jeff.

I just felt like
an unwitting partner

in some sort of sexual
Olympic competition
or something.

Oh, that's bullshit.

Look, I was just trying
to switch things up.

You know, I was--

Okay.
I was try to bring--

No, I was just trying
to do--
Yeah, I know.

What?
That's what this is about.

You're trying to compete
with Martin.

You know what?
Don't flatter yourself.

I don't have to compete
with anybody.

That's--

That's for jocks

and greedy assholes,

like Marvin.

Hmm. You're so fucking
transparent, it's laughable.

Yeah, well, you know what?
There's nothing wrong
with transparency

when it's shedding light
on the truth.

Oh, really?

And what truth
might that be?

Kenna, the g--

the guy is not like you and I.

He's conservative

right down the line.

Try moderate.
Yeah, well--

Well, he drives one of
those three-story Humvees.

It's called Tahoe, Jeff.

Look, the guy worships
Ricky Martin, Kenna.

More like Woody Allen, Jeff.

Well, he probably
shaves his ass.

Okay, he has
a nine-inch penis.

Oh, come on.

Don't clam up
now, Jeff, please.

Come on,
give it to me.
No, no.

No, really-- really, I--
I want to hear it.

He does not like
Woody Allen.

You know what I'm saying?

No, I don't.

What I do know
is that you love
to judge people.

It's so hypocritical.

Just because all you do
is sit around all day

and read your Nation magazine

and listen
to those ancient R&B guys...

You're dreaming, okay?

No, actually, I'm leaving.

What for?
God.

A guy tries to give a girl
a little sexual dynamics.

This is the thanks I get?

Look, we both know that's not
what this is about.

You told me before, you were
cool with this situation.

It's totally cool.

Totally lip service.

I mean, let me know, Jeff.

Hey.
What?

Look.

Impressive.

You know, I just love it
when you yell at me.

Looks like we're moving
into the pole vault
competition.

By the way, I would've
given you an overall 9.4.

I'll take that.

Kenna, hey, it's me.
Call me.

I'm trying to get
a crew together for tonight.

I'm really in the mood
for some cocktails.
Bye.

Hey, it's Martin.

I've got something
really exciting
to tell you about.

I'll be at home for a while.
Give me a call.

I'm trying to reach Kenna.

Kenna, this is your mother.

I'd really like--

Hey, it's me.

What's going on?

Yeah? What's up for tonight?

Let's just say I can be
easily persuaded.

Super who?

Oh, right, right, right,
Super K.

Yeah, I've heard of him.

This is crap.

This is shit.
This aspires to be shit.

God, what am I doing?

Gonna make a complete fool
out of myself.

Hey, Kenna, you down there?

It's me.
Kenna!

Wow.

Interesting.

Kenna, these are really awesome.

Awesome, Martin?
Come on.

No, seriously,
they're excellent.

I mean it.

You're not patronizing me,
are you?

No-- No, I'm not.

Wow, I can see I'm walking
a tightrope here.

No, these are really good,
Kenna.

I don't know why you're
so weird about showing
your work to people.

I think you shouldn't be
so sensitive.

I'm sorry, Martin.

I'm just, um--

I'm not that confident
as an artist, yet, you know?

Did I just call myself
an artist?

That is so pretentious.

I guess I'm just nervous,
you know?

Yeah, I know,

but I'm certainly no artist,

but from what I can see,
you have nothing to be
nervous about.

Yeah, famous last words.

So this is where you do
the developing, right?

I like it here.
Yeah, it's great, isn't it?

Mm-hmm.
This is a huge part
of photography.

A lot of the really
cool shit happens here.

A lot of the artistry.

Okay, the artistry.

The artistry because
you can manipulate images

and alter lighting,

and even the best eye

can be betrayed
by what it sees.

Voilà.

That's pretty disturbing,
Kenna.

Thanks.
You want to try one?

Uh, no, no.

I don't know the first thing
about photography.

Don't worry.
It's not that difficult.
Come on.

You sure?

Positive.
I don't want to blow up
your apartment.

You're not going to.
Okay.

I've been working on one.

It'll be good
for practice.
All right.

Oh.
Okay.

You take the photo paper.
Mm-hmm.

Place it into the enlarger.

The exposure.

Take the print
from the enlarger.

Mm-hmm.

Gently place it
into the developer.

Make sure it's
completely immersed.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

When you see the image coming,

that you like,

you quickly--
I stress quickly--

immerse it into the stop bath

Now, take the tongs.

Okay. Oh, yeah,
it's kind of like a barbecue.

Right, that's cute.
Just like a barbecue.

Okay, make sure it's
completely immersed
in the stop bath.

All the way through.
Okay.

Good. That's good.

All right.
Okay, now,
put the tongs down.

Okay.

Now, take the tray

and rock it back and forth
in a slow motion.

It requires a little rhythm.

I think you can handle it.

Good.

Yeah, it's working.

What?

It's working.
I think I feel
an enlargement coming on.

God, I'm not--
Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
Please continue.

Okay.

Into the fixer.

I'm going to buy you
the sexiest dress.

You're going to make
all the guys at the party
drool all over themselves--

Okay, that's it.
I'm kidding.

I'm calling Cro-Magnon on you.
No, that was a joke.

Did you get it?
Did you-- No?
No, no.

Well, okay,
I'll leave you alone.

Good luck, okay?

And I can't wait
for the opening.

Thank you.
And thanks for the frame.
That's beautiful.

Oh, my God, this guy
is a complete trip.

There's something
about a skinny geek

that just drives me crazy.

Okay. Okay.

Up next,

it's the DJ Super K
mystery trivia question.

Ooh, right.

Wait, wait, wait, wait,
that's not good enough.

I want to hear
some real enthusiasm.

You don't seem powerful.

Again!

But something's wrong.

They're awfully quiet
over here.

Don't forget,

this is DJ Super K's
highest accolade of the evening!

You gotta play to win.

Don't be afraid.

Come on, folks.
Easiest game
on the whole midway.

Don't be afraid.

Come on, cowboy, step up here
and win your little filly
a hefty prize.

Heck, a bet a little bitty girl
could knock over those bottles.

Where's the little bitty girl
to show Tex how it's done?

You. Let her up here, folks.
That's it.

Come on up here.

What's your name,
little bitty girl?

Betsy.

Hey, it's little bitty Betsy,
folks!

All right, little bitty Betsy,

I'm going to show you how
to knock over those bottles.

Are you ready?
I think so.

All right, now, watch me,
bitty Betsy.

See how simple that is?

Ready to give it a shot?

Yes, sir.

All right, fire away,
little lady.

Hey, look it there!

What did I tell you, folks!
What did I tell you?

So simple even
a little bitty girl can do it.

Now, step on up here

and win the biggest prize
on the midway.

How about a little dog
for you, little girl?

There you go.

Give it a shot.

You.

Yes, you, glamorous nymphet
of the night.

What's your name?

Kenna.

It's a tough question.
I know, Countess Kenna,

but they're going to get
a lot tougher.

Are you ready?

Give me three, not one,

not two, not four,

but three professional

wrestling submission holds.

Figure-Four Deathlock,
the Russian Sickle,

and the Sleeper.

Correct, absolutely correct.

I am impressed,
my vivacious vixen.

Come and get your DJ Super K

action mystery prize.

Super K is so impressed,

he's going to spin
the next song

just for her,

but first, Malachi,
oh-ho, Malachi,

I believe I've met
my super soul mate.

Where are you, Malachi?

* I feel the music

* Oh-oh

* I feel the music

Mmm.
Mmm.

Wow.

I'm telling you, Jason,

I am absolutely ready to go
to the next level with Kenna,

and I think this huge company
party's going to be the closer.

I'm pulling out
all the stops on this.

All right, man.
I was actually starting
to wonder about you.

I mean, how long has it been?
What, two, three months?

Yeah.
I mean,
Kenna's incredible.

Don't get me wrong.
She's incredible.

Yeah.
But--

What?
Listen, my man.

Sharing a chick
with some fucking bartender,
I mean, you know?

You need to close
the deal already, bro.

Jason, listen, look.
She laid out the ground rules.

She said no pressure,
no commitment,

and I've got
to respect that.

It's going to be
a hell of a night.

She's going to completely
blow people away.

She's so sharp,
and she's funny,

and she's creative,

not to mention the looks.

Wow, you are history, pal.

I'm going to miss you, man.
I really am.

It's that obvious?
Yeah, completely pathetic, man.

No, no, no, no, no, look,

cheers to you, my friend.

You deserve the best
of everything,

you lucky bastard.

Well, it's that clean living.
Pays off every time.

Mm-hmm.
Yeah, right.

Come on, man,
let's get out of here.

Come on, let's go to Jacks.
Let's go, come on.

Wish I could.
I can't, I can't, I can't.

I've got plans
with the family tonight.

Ah, la familia.

Familia, yes.
That's cool.

Con?

Bien, muy bien.

Muy bien, muy bien.

Okay, I'll have the trout,

but grilled, no butter,
all right?

You eat--

...with a bread crump,

with the--

...with the lemon.

Dad, I don't eat
like that anymore.

Could you please
just have it grilled?

Si, Papa,
make mine like that, too.

You see what you start?

Cuban food is no longer
any good for you, no?

No, no, no, for Mr. Big Shot,

soon you will be eating
those little fish eggs,

the "haviar."

Caviar, Dad.
Real funny.
It's funny.

Hector, stop bothering him.

He's an executive.

Executives have to look
nice and healthy.

Right, baby?

Oh, you look so good
in your suits,

but your brothers--

Why you not teach them
the nicer things?

Mom, they dress fine.
I dress like this
because I have to.

Yeah, right,
just because you have to.

Okay, everyone happy?
Good.

Two, three, four *

* Young Mary Alice

* Sweet Sister Jane

* Took off together

* Some promised land

* Met a handsome wheeler

* Along the way

* Now they're working
at some dance hall *

* Yeah, work
Check it *

* Night and day

* Night and day

Sorry, I feel like shit today.
You mind if we stop?

You all right?
I've got to stop.

I got cramps.

Here. Sometimes this helps.

Oh, no, it's not my ovaries,
sweetheart.

It's my stomach.

Oh, yeah, that's good.

Come here.

That's better.

Okay, what else do you need?

Huh?
What else do you need?

Hey, I know what.

Why don't you tell me one of
those carny stories of yours?

Seriously.
Yeah.

Tell me that one
about the sideshow freak--

Shrimp Boy?
Lobster Boy.

Yeah, Lobster Boy.
Oh, yeah.
I already told you that one.

So what?
Tell me another one.

Are you sure?
You really enjoy them?

Yes, I really enjoy them.
They're excellent.

Come on.
Please?

Okay, let me think.

All right, I got one.

Good.

This is one of my favorites,

so don't make fun of me.

There's this crazy
pig-iron worker with a--

Wait, hang on, wait.
I'm already lost.

Pig-iron worker--
What's that?

Sorry, a pig-iron worker

is a man who
operates the rides.
Oh.

Anyway, his name was Peggy Sue,

"Peggy" because he had
a wooden leg

and "Sue" because, well,

no one would ever tell me,

but they assured me
I didn't want to know.

This is going to sound
really cruel,

but people were always
stealing his leg.

It was always
the same old story.

He'd wake up
from a mean, nasty drunk,

and sure enough,
no leg.

Cocksucker!

I'll kill the motherfuckers!

Where is it, you assholes?

Part of the gag was to see

who could come up with
the most bizarre hiding places

for it.

Let me tell you,
there were some classics.

* Know you're right

* I'm gonna miss me
when I'm gone *

* I know you're right

* I'm gonna miss me
when I'm gone *

But the absolute number one

was the time they
didn't bother to hide the leg.

They just hid Peggy Sue.

Made sure he was good
and passed out

and loaded him on a semi
bound for Texas,

which was a pretty good ride

considering we were
in Delaware at the time.

And that's where
the famous saying comes from.

Oh, yeah?
What saying?

"I'd rather be dead in Delaware
than legless in West Texas."

Wait a minute.
That's a famous saying?

Of course not.
I just thought it sounded cool.

That's a great story, though.

Yeah, all right.
Obviously you're feeling better.

You should write
a book some day.

Okay.

So...

Friday is going to be
something special.

You excited?

Yeah, um,
a little nervous, though.

You, nervous?
About what?

I don't know.
It's not really my scene,
you know.

It's kind of formal.
Oh.

Do we have to go, Martin?

Yeah, what kind of question
is that?

Of course we have to go.

It's a big opportunity for me,

and all the senior partners
are going to be there and--

Okay, an opportunity.

I thought this was about us
having a good time.

Okay, relax--
hey, wait, wait, wait...

Relax, don't worry.
You are going to have a blast.

I promise you, okay?

Hey, so I've been banging
this 19-year-old bank teller.

I know, she's a little young,

but let me just say--

Don't tell me, George.
You recommend it?

I see how it is, panty waste.

What's up with you tonight?

"Keena" ain't giving it up?

It's Kenna, George. Kenna.

And let me ask you something.

How come every time
you come in here,

you just feel this need
to spout off about

all the girls
you're sleeping with,

all the talent
you're banging?

I mean, for a guy
doing so well, George,

how come you're in here
four nights a week?

Hey, you got a chip
on your shoulder or what?

No, it's just--

I don't know.
It's my experience,

guys that always talk
about getting laid--

they're not getting laid,

or they're repressing

some sort of deep-seated
homosexual fantasy.

Well, I ain't gay.
How do you know?

Fuck you, how do I know.

I love women.
That's why.

See how defensive
you just got?

Are you saying I'm
some kind of closet-case homo?

Are you?

Fuck you.

I told you I ain't no
lock-jaw Johnson lover.

Listen, I could throw the rap

with any chick in this bar
here tonight

and close her
by the end of the evening.

That's impressive, George.
Okay, congratulations.

Let me just ask you
something, George.

You ever have
a homoerotic dream?

A what?
Homoerotic dr--

No. No fucking way.

Why, have you?

Yeah, yeah.

It's normal, George.

Maybe you're the closet case.

Maybe, maybe,

but I'm not scared about it.

I mean I haven't fantasized
about too many men, George.

Well, okay, I wouldn't kick
Lenny Kravitz out of the sack.

I wouldn't kick--

I guess it's true what they
say about you male bartenders.

Well, maybe that's why you're
coming in here seven nights
a week, George.

Oh, suck my dick.

Whoa.
I mean, fuck you.

Oh, George.

I gotta take a piss.
Don't call me George.

Okay.

How you doing?

Yeah, I mean,
Super K's funny and shit,

but, I don't know,
calling him a DJ?

That's blasphemy.

He's more of, like,
a comedian.

You're so damn anal,
it's amazing.

Did you just call me
an asshole?

Maybe I did.
What are you going to do
about it, shrimp boy?

I'm considering coming
over this bar

and bitch slapping
your ass.

Oh, promises, promises.

You remember what
Friday night is?

No. What?

It's our anniversary,
that's what.

Remember Maceo Parker concert,
June 29th.

Oh, my God.
I feel terrible.

I just--
Well, we haven't exactly--

I never--

That's really sweet
that you remember that date.

Don't flatter yourself
too much.

Anyway, this is
what I had in mind.

A little fancy picnic,

copious amounts of wine.

Wait, wait, wait,
do I need to be there?

You're such a bitch.

It sounds great.

The rum and Coke,

Lemon Drop,

and PSOP.

Hey, sorry to keep you running,

but can you get us
two Belvedere martinis,

dry, bone dry
with three olives,

and can you make those shaken,
not stirred?

Fuck.

I'm sorry.

Fuck.

Shaken, not stirred?

What?

What do you mean,
you can't make it?

I just can't.
I have plans.

Yeah, Kenna, this is
kind of a big occasion.

Jeff, you don't understand.
Martin--

Marvin? You have a date
with Marvin.

Oh, oh, that's fine.

Come on, Jeff,
lighten up, okay?

This is a huge social event.
He bought me a beautiful gown.

No, it's fine.
It's fine.
Really it's fine.

You know what?
It's just perfect.

Is it one of those high-society
bullshit parties?

Why don't you just make sure
you fuck him

in that beautiful gown
of yours, okay, Cinderella?

I need two Belvedere martinis,
up, dry, bone dry,

with three olives,

and make those shaken,
not stirred.

Shake this.

Hi.
Hi.

What can I get you?

Well, actually,
I was wondering if it's legal

for the customer to buy
the cute bartender a shot.

Oh, yeah?

Uh, no problem.
That's great.

I love shots.

What can I--
I nailed your ass.

Thanks.

What do you mean,
you nailed my ass?

What do I mean?

I saw your head expand, like,
three sizes.

You're so cute.
All right, all right,

Funny. Very funny.
You got your laugh.

Guess who's forgiven you?

Forgiven me?

Jesus.

Okay, okay,
forget about all that.

Can we go to sunrise services
later?

I don't know.
We'll see.

Come on, Jeff, please?

Why not?

Yeah, well, I may not be able
to buy you fancy gifts...

I was just thinking--

God, this is great.

I never get tired of this.

Yeah...

classic rhythm and blues.

I'm talking about the scene,
Jeff, not the damn blues, okay,

speaking of which,

can we have something
with a little more kick here?

Wait, I like that song.

Touch it and you're dead.

* Baby, I ain't runnin'
with those friends no more *

* I've seen the clubs
and the drugs for sure *

* Baby, I'm really gonna make
it right this time *

* Yeah, it all makes sense

* Yeah, it all makes sense

* When you're tellin' lies

* Tellin' lies

* Tellin' lies

* Tellin' lies

* Hey, baby, I know it ain't
in the magazines, and I-- *

* I know it ain't at home on
my brand new color TV screen *

* Shit, I'm really gonna
make it right this time *

* Yeah, I promise you this

* Baby, promise me this

* When you're
all tellin' lies *

* Tellin' lies

Hello.

Hey.

Oh, you did, huh?

Okay.

Bye.

* On your mark,
get ready for this *

* Life will change

* You've got to get up
and do your work every day *

* Ah... ha

Oh, wow, you're amazing.

You like?
This is beautiful.

I-- I love.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe
you did this.

Thanks.

This might top
the Maceo Parker concert.

Cheers.

Mmm.

My God, it's so good.

It's good, right?

What's up?
You seem kind of pensive.

Well, Kenna,

as a matter of fact,

I've been doing
some thinking.

Oh, God.

Seriously, I've been--

I've been thinking about us.

Okay...

A lot--
I've been thinking
about us a lot,

and...

I know it's not
your favorite subject,

but I just think
that it's time that--

Oh, God, can we just talk?

God, I knew I shouldn't have
done this.

Yeah, yeah, I guess you'd
rather be making your debut.

Maybe.

Believe me, you're
no fucking debutante.

I mean...

why did you do all this,
Kenna?

What was it for?
Does it mean anything to you?

Yeah, just walk away.
That's--

Yeah, just walk away.
That's great.

God damn it.

Look, I'm sorry
about the debutante thing.

It's just,
you've got to understand

that I grew up with
all that bullshit.

That's what it is,

all bullshit.

That's easy for you to say.

Yeah, it is easy for me to say

because I know it.

Look, Kenna,

all those people,
they may have a lot of money,

but they're just as fucked up
as anybody else,

and their kids?

Their kids wind up spending
more time with their therapists

than they do
with their friends.

Yeah, that may be,

but I would love to be able
to afford to go to a therapist

and have her tell me
how fucked up I am.

That sounds really nice, Jeff.

Look, Kenna, listen
to what you're saying.
Spare me.

The high and mighty shit's
getting old, okay?

I mean, you have things
you can fall back on, right?

As much as we hate labels,

I'm a fucking
cocktail waitress,

and I'm getting sick and tired
of serving drunk assholes.

I want to try and be
a photographer.

Wait a second,
you are a photographer.

Just because right now
you happen to be--

Spare me the nobility lecture
on art and commerce, okay?

That may work for you,

but you have no idea
what it's like

to come from nothing
and to have nothing,

and if you get in trouble,
your family can bail you out.

That's a security I don't have.

Oh, you know,
I don't know about that.

I just know that
if you come be with me--

Come be there for me, right?

Is that what you mean, Jeff?

And right now I can't do that.

The whole relationship thing
is just...

Is what?

Is what?

I don't know.
It's--

Right now I am totally committed
to my photography, okay? And--

Yeah. No, I understand.
I understand.

That's no problem.

I'm going to--

I'm going to pack up.

Okay?

Yeah.

These are excellent, Kenna.

You've really got
something here.

You think?

Definitely. Your composition
is challenging,

and thematically
I'm really getting it.

Or at least I was, anyway.

Oh, sweetheart--

These just--

These don't really belong.

I know they don't exactly fit,

but they're very important
to me.

Um, it's--

It's still just not
really a good idea.

I mean, they just--

Frankly-- and please
don't take it personally--

they're just not
as accomplished
as all your other work.

Well, I shot most of them
when I was younger,

but I always promised
myself I'd put them
in my first real show.

Rebecca, this may sound corny,

but these are me.

This is where I come from.

Oh. Darn it.

Oh--
That was close, big guy,
real close.

Damn it.
Sorry, baby.

Baby, please, I have to have
that red bulldog.

I don't think I have any--

No, I don't have
anything left.

How about this
for 12 balls, man?

Sorry, pal, no barter.
Cash only.

Oh, come on,
for the lady, one time.

Like I said, pal...

Hey, all right, nine balls,
come on.

All right, nine balls.
Let them fly.

Step right up, folks.
You gotta play to win.

Whoo-hoo!

All right, get the lady
a red bulldog there.

All right. Hey.
All right.

Hey, kiddo, I got
a surprise for you.

What is it?

Uh-uh. Close your eyes
and hold open your hand.

All right, kid,
open them.

Wow.

You like?

Thank you, Daddy.
Thank you.

All right, baby,
all right.

Knock yourself out.
Daddy's got to make some money.

Okay, suit yourself.
I'll find a place for them.

Thanks, Rebecca.
You won't be sorry.

* Young girl, listen

* I've got something
to tell *

* Most importantly

* I see you on the floor

* Where your heart's ready

* Too many places

* To pick up now

* Something inside is broken

* Don't leave a love
not spoken *

* No-no, no-no, no-no

* Hear what I say

* 'Cause something inside
is broken *

* Believe in love not spoken

* Inside

* Oh, this darkest day

* Oh, no

* Ooh, young girl

* Found a love
to do you justice *

* Yeah

* And you'll never be
brighter now *

* Ooh, young girl

* Found a love to do you--
You came.

Hey.

I know you hate me.

I did a really shitty thing,
okay?

No argument here.

I'm glad to see one of us is
handling things like an adult.

I wouldn't give me
that much credit, Kenna.

I've had some not so nice
thoughts about you.

In fact I'm still
really pissed off.

Anyway, I'm here.

I'm here to support you,
as always.

You're amazing.
You know that?

You really are,

and I want to see you tomorrow.

I don't know.

Come on, Martin.
Give me a chance
to make it up to you.

Kenna, I said I don't know.
Okay?

Fine. You know where I'll be
if you want to see me.

Okay.

Oh, my God, you're a genius.

You know those carnival pieces?

Some woman just bought
all of them.

You're kidding.
No, I'm not.

And she paid full price
for the entire series,

and she insists on meeting
with you.

Come on.

* To pick up now

* Something inside is broken

* Don't leave a love
not spoken *

* No-no, no-no, no-no

* Hear what I say

You said, like, 20 times ago
this is the last time.

I'm not taking it anymore.

I mean, how bad do you want
to humiliate me?

I am not garbage.

Well, now, that's debatable.

We're leaving.

I'm through.

What the fuck you say?

"We're leaving"?

Who the fuck's we?

Kenna and me, we're leaving--
Uh-uh, big shot.
Uh-uh.

This is how it works.

You want to leave?

Leave.

I'll give you, say...

five grand to get you
started...

but you ain't taking
the kid.

You're not taking my child.

Fine, genius. Fine.

You want the kid,
take her.

I'll give you nothing,

no papers, no marriage.

Hell, I don't gotta
give you a dime.

I don't have anybody.

Why are you doing this to me?

Why are you doing this?

Here...

take the five grand...

and hit the fucking road.

Here's your check.

Oh, Kenna,
I'm so glad you came.

No, I just came here
to give you this.

I don't need your money.

No, that's for you.
No, I don't want it.

Please, I was sincere.

Please, just take it.

Okay, but would you sit
and talk with me for a minute?

Look, I don't want
to get angry.

I just want to get
out of here, okay?

Can I at least
buy you a drink?

All right, but at the bar.

Okay.

How you doing?
Can I have a blue margarita,
please?

I'm fine, thanks.

So of all the nights,
why did you pick this one?

This is not the way
that I had planned it.

Yeah, I know.

It was a coincidence
you just happened to show up

at my opening, right?

No, actually,
I was already in Tampa.

I knew that you lived here.

I just had to talk to you,

and when I called your roommate

and she asked me if I was
calling about your opening--

Okay, did you have any idea

how important
this evening is for me?

When I realized
that you were--

that you were my mother--

I apologize, Kenna.

It was wrong.

I just had to see you.

Hmm. Well, you see me.

You have every right
to be angry.

Oh, I can be angry, huh?

You know what?
Don't patronize me.

Look, if you just calm down.

Don't tell me
what to do either.

Kenna, some day
you may find out

that not everything
is so black and white.

You know what?
Spare me the motherly
dime-store philosophy, okay?

What is this here?
What do you want from me?

You want me to give you
a hug and a kiss
and say thank you,

and we can be mother
and daughter

and be really happy?

Why did--

What kind of mother
leaves their daughter?

A very young,
very confused one.

Okay, 'cause now
I'm confused.

What is it that
you're looking for here?

What do you want?

I don't know.
I was hoping that--

I thought maybe...

I appreciate this.
I really do,

but I should be getting back,
so thank you for the drink.

I've got to go now, okay?

Can we talk again?

I don't know.
Whatever.

How about I call you?

I don't know.
I should be getting back.

Look, Kenna, before you go,
take this check.

I can't.

But I was so serious.

I love those photographs,

and I know you could use
this money.

Frankly,
I really could use that,

but there are
more important things.

Okay, you made your point.

I'm sorry.

I really do appreciate
the offer,

but I can't accept it,
okay?

I should be getting back.

What about the photos?

Please keep them.
They're yours.

Yeah, that guy right there
is in that picture.

Hey, superstar,

how's it going?

It's all right.
All right?

You're blowing everybody away.
It's awesome.

That's really sweet, Jeff,

especially coming from you.

What's that supposed to mean?

I don't know.

Are you ever satisfied,
Kenna?

Not now, okay?

Hey, do you want to--

do you want to come
over to the station
tomorrow afternoon?

Maybe we can hang out,
huh?

I can't.

Oh, you have plans?
Is that it?

Yeah, never mind.
No problem.

I'm going to go grab
a drink, okay?

I'll see you in a bit.

Hey.
How's it going, Jeff?

Hey, you don't mind giving me
a vodka tonic, do you?

Some lime?
I'm just kidding you.

No, I get it.
I'm a bartender.

That's really funny.

That's really clever, man.

Good afternoon.
WMNF.

Hey, Jeff?

Yeah, this is Jeff.

In order to be a DJ over there,
is it a requirement

that you have to be
a total moron?

No, no, not totally.

Just have to sound like one.

Well, it sure sounds like
you've got your head up your--

MNF.

John Lee Hooker

with his first hit

from Modern Records,
"Boogie Chillen'".

Well, folks,
I don't mean to disparage--

What's the problem?

There's no problem.

Oh, shit.

I can't do it, Kenna.

Yeah, I kind of noticed.

No, I could do it.
It's not it that
I'm referring to.

It's this.
Well, folks,
I don't mean--

This fucked-up situation
you got me in.

Being with you while listening
to this asshole DJ of yours.

I'm your host Jeff McClain,

and I'd like to thank

the more than
10,000 listener sponsors

in Tampa Bay area

It's not cure anymore, Kenna.

Can't you see
what's going on here, huh?

I mean, fun and games
are fun and games.

That's great and everything,
but I'm 32.

I'm not a fucking kid
anymore.
Are you done yelling?

I hope you're done yelling
because I'm done listening.

No. No, you haven't.
Actually, you're going
to listen to someone for once.

You need to get over yourself,
Kenna.

And I know this is going to
strike the fear of God in you,

but I am completely crazy
about you,

and I don't want to share you
with some two-bit bartender.

Right, first of all,
don't ever tell me

what I want
and what I need, okay?

I've been nothing
but crystal clear with you

about the situation
from the beginning.

Oh, the situation.
That's right.

I'm so fucking tired
of the situation, Kenna.

Fuck you, fuck your situation,

and fuck this two-bit
philosophy-king bartender.

Okay, Martin,
if you want to blast me

because that makes you
feel better, go right ahead,

but just leave Jeff
out of this, okay?

You know nothing about him.

You know what?
Fuck, I do know
something about him.

He's a loser.

Loser.

Did you know that he has
a law degree from Georgetown?

What?

Okay, so he's
an overqualified bartender.
Big shit.

Maybe he has principles.

Principles?
He doesn't have principles.

He just couldn't cut it.

Bye.

We're getting slammed tonight.

Thank God.
I could sure use the scratch.

Great.

What?
T.G.I. Friday's
closed tonight?

That's enough, Jeff.

Before you jump all over me,

let me just start by saying

that I apologize
for coming here.

I know you have your rules.

I just wanted to tell you
that I'm really sorry

about this afternoon.

Thanks. I'm sorry as well.

So do you have a minute?
Can we talk?

Martin, I'm working.

I know, but, Kenna,
we need to--

I think we need to talk.
I mean, I'm--

Look, I'm not proud
to be here as it is.

Could you just give me
a few minutes, please?
Jesus.

Follow me.
Come on.

What's up?

Well, pretty much showed
my hand and my ass

earlier this afternoon,

so I won't rehash that,

but I did mean what I said
about--

Kenna, I'm nuts about you,

and I just want to make
this thing work between us.

That's all.
Martin--

No, just let me finish.
Hang on a second.

I make a good living,
I've got all my teeth,

and today, notwithstanding,

I think I'm pretty good
in the sack.

And I'm sure this guy Jeff,
I'm sure he's a great guy,

but, please, we've all
got to grow up some day,

and I know if you give
this thing a real shot,

I'm sure-- I'm positive

that you will never look back.

You don't have to sell
yourself to me,

okay, Martin?

Listen to me.
You have all the qualities
a woman would kill for.

Can you listen to me now?

Martin, I told you
from the beginning.

I'm not into this whole
big-deal thing, okay?

But if I was, I wouldn't have
to look any further than you.

Hmm.

It's just right now I have
to focus on other things, okay?

And it may sound selfish to you,

and it may not be
what you want to hear,

but if you want to hang out
casually, that's fine--

Hang-- Hang out.

Kenna, that is priceless.
"Hang out casually."

No, no, hey, casual's cool.
It's cool, yeah.

I mean, I stated my case.
You stated your case.

Yeah, I can hang out casually.

Let's hang out and have
some casual sex.

No, come on.
Martin, come on.

Please, no, come on.
I like casual.

We can have some casual sex.

I don't think this is
a good idea, okay?

Kenna, please.
Come on.

Hey, Marvin. Hey!

What, has all the bars
at Pleasure Island closed,
or what? Huh?

Fuck off, bar boy.

I just can't be all cool
and slick and perfect
like you are.

Jeff, please shut up.

Hey, fuck this guy.
You want a piece of me?

You got a problem with me?
You want a piece of me?

* Far side of the tracks

* He's gonna make
a million dollars *

* As a matter of fact

* So we're just
all from Hollywood *

* With all the hair
on the bass guitar *

These the assholes who cold
cocked Nick Cosper?

These are the ones.

They look pretty good,

considering they hit
an officer of the law.

Officer Cosper must've been
in a very forgiving mood.

Sir, clearly
any battery of the officer
was unintentional.

Now, who is
this F. Lee Bailey clown?

Do me a favor.
Send him my way.

I've got a little treat
for these two.

Take them off, boys.

Uh, I'm sorry.
Take them off?

Your clothes, dickhead.

Come on, strip down,
drawers and all.
Let's go.

You've got to be kidding me.

Sir, this is a violation
of our rights.

I want to talk to my lawyer.

You can see your lawyer

after you're deloused.

Officer Draper,

would you care to give
our little civil libertarian
here some assistance?

So you call your father
to bail you out yet?

My father?

Jeff, Jeff, Jeff,
you can stop posing.

I'm well aware that you come
from money.

Yeah, whatever, man.
I'm waiting on Kenna.

She's going to bail you out?
You called her?

No, I didn't call her.

I know she's going
to get me out.

She might, she might...

after she bails me out first.

Dream on, Marvin.

When are you going
to wake up, man?

Marvin--
I like that.

Marvin. That's funny.

We'll see, Mr. Smug.
We'll see.

Thanks for listening
this morning.

This is DJ Dan
sitting in for Jeff,

who is incarcerated--
I mean, incapacitated.

I'll be your host
for this afternoon's
rhythm and blues cruise.

Hope you stay tuned.

The request lines are open,

so give me a call at 555-WMNF.

Dropping the needle
on real vinyl

and spinning the blues.

Can you meet me somewhere?

That's 250 for Jeff McClain,

250 for Martin Lopez.

All right, so the cops came

and hauled them both
off to jail.

I don't know what happened.

I just freaked out.

Fuck. Then I left.

God, I can be such
a miserable bitch sometimes.

Anyway, I went home
with some strange, little DJ.

Okay, you can close
your mouth now.

I'm sorry.

That is, uh--

That's one hell of a story.

I thought I could
screw things up.

I am so sorry.

Don't apologize.

No, I have no right.

Mom, please,
no more apologies.

Anyway...

I can't seem to stop sabotaging

anything positive in my life,
you know?

Do you think I'm hopeless?

You're asking me?

Who else am I going to ask?
Hmm?

I've burned everyone else out.

Well, I could certainly talk
from experience.

Okay, wait a second.

I'm the queen
of fuckups here.

Well, listen, if you're
the queen of fuckups,

then that makes me
the queen mom,

and God knows your dad
was the king.

You poor kid, you got
the double whammy, huh?

It's no wonder
you're such a fuckup.

So what do you know about
that gene therapy stuff?

Well, I guess it's true
what they say--

you reap what you sow,

so I reaped a ton of shit.

See, the way I was raised,

you're taught to stay
three moves ahead of the mark.

That way when there's
a blowdown,

you've already sloughed up
and blown town.

It's solid logic I've tried
valiantly to live by,

only this isn't
the amusement business.

Trust me,
this shit just don't fly
in the civilian world.

When the stakes are high,
people play to win.

When they want to win
bad enough,

they get desperate.

I set up the game
so I handle the heat
the only way I know how,

which is, well, Christ,
you know the story.

Anyway, things actually
played out okay.

Jeff ended up going
into civil rights law,

something admirable,

so that helps mitigate

his distaste
for the profession.

He's still spouting opinions

and spinning soul,

and that's a good thing.

As for Martin,

let's just say
his involvement with me

made him a staunch advocate

of conventional relationships.

I'm very happy for him.

Let's face it.

We live in
a lightning-fast world

with a flexible rule book,

and everybody's
just flailing away blindly,

so I'll save you the speeches

and the second-rate
symbolism.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

And I'll just say this--

life is like a midway.

It could scare you
or it could seduce you.

It can elate you
or take everything you have.

But one thing is for sure--

If you don't play,

you'll never take home
the big prize.

* Come on, let's go

* Come on, let's go

* Come on, let's go

* We're waiting for the show

* In the meantime

* We'll drink sunshine

* In the meantime

* We'll drink sunshine

* Since the last time
we spoke *

* And the first time
we last touched *

* I've been dreaming of you

* When the sun goes down

* And the moon shines
overhead *

* I go dreaming for you

* You're in my head

* I'm not over you

* Cherry pick, my love

* I've grown them
just for you *

* It'll be any time now

* We're both waiting here
anyhow *

* It'll be any time now

* It'll be any time now

* Come on, let's go

* Come on, let's go

* Come on, let's go

* We're waiting for the show

* In the meantime

* We'll drink sunshine

* In the meantime

* We'll drink sunshine

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Burbank, CA Services, Inc.