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00:00:03,980 --> 00:00:07,000
Explain to me again
why your Model UN tournament's
2
00:00:07,084 --> 00:00:08,602
being held at Shay What?!
3
00:00:08,686 --> 00:00:10,493
They double-booked
the school's auditorium,
4
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:13,080
and the debate team
quickly and concisely
5
00:00:13,172 --> 00:00:15,039
convinced them to bump us out.
6
00:00:16,041 --> 00:00:18,277
You'll never guess
what just happened.
7
00:00:18,376 --> 00:00:19,978
Your manager Paul
got you an audition
8
00:00:20,079 --> 00:00:21,920
for The Great Big Globetrot?
9
00:00:22,006 --> 00:00:24,000
Our walls are very thin.
10
00:00:24,655 --> 00:00:26,986
You mean, the reality show
where teams compete in a race
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00:00:27,085 --> 00:00:28,420
for a cash prize so large,
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00:00:28,512 --> 00:00:30,582
it could lift entire communities
out of poverty?
13
00:00:30,690 --> 00:00:32,256
Exactly!
14
00:00:32,356 --> 00:00:35,960
Paul said the producers love
my child Internet star angle.
15
00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:38,197
They know you're not
a child now, right?
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00:00:38,296 --> 00:00:41,299
Anyway, my partner and I just
have to make an intro video,
17
00:00:41,399 --> 00:00:43,768
and then go to
an audition challenge tomorrow.
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00:00:43,868 --> 00:00:46,438
Listen, I know
I'm the obvious choice.
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00:00:46,537 --> 00:00:47,840
For a race?
20
00:00:47,939 --> 00:00:49,384
I've seen you get car sick
in an elevator.
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00:00:49,408 --> 00:00:52,110
That elevator went faster
than normal elevators.
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00:00:52,210 --> 00:00:55,213
But tomorrow is Model UN,
and Millicent needs me.
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00:00:55,314 --> 00:00:57,149
I'm the Gayle to her Oprah.
24
00:00:57,249 --> 00:00:58,850
Oh yeah!
Millicent, aren't you gonna beat
25
00:00:58,951 --> 00:01:00,350
your nemesis,
Henry Von Biedermeyer?
26
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,954
He's won the Golden Gavel
four years running.
27
00:01:03,054 --> 00:01:05,424
But this year,
that gavel is mine.
28
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:09,293
I can taste it.
It's metallic, like blood.
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00:01:10,228 --> 00:01:12,798
Ooh, Millicent, I know
exactly what you mean.
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00:01:12,897 --> 00:01:15,400
I just landed
the most exciting job
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00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:17,135
of my career since Dutch.
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00:01:17,236 --> 00:01:19,337
I'm styling four fabulous
drag queens
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00:01:19,438 --> 00:01:22,174
for their club's annual
Hollywood Icon Night.
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00:01:22,274 --> 00:01:24,176
Wait, what does that
have to do with her thing?
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00:01:24,275 --> 00:01:26,078
Oh, I was just changing
the subject.
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00:01:26,177 --> 00:01:27,478
But if y'all wanna keep talking
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00:01:27,579 --> 00:01:29,123
about a boring
children's political event,
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00:01:29,147 --> 00:01:31,483
then sure, let's do that.
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00:01:31,582 --> 00:01:33,218
Wait, wait, wait.
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00:01:33,317 --> 00:01:35,153
So, if none of us
are gonna be your partner,
41
00:01:35,253 --> 00:01:37,823
- then that means...
- Spencer's gonna do it!
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00:01:38,823 --> 00:01:41,727
It's always been my dream
to be on a reality TV show.
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00:01:41,826 --> 00:01:45,530
My audition
for Naked and Afraid was choice!
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00:01:45,631 --> 00:01:46,632
What's in the pack, dude?
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00:01:46,731 --> 00:01:48,233
Rocks, to help me be strong.
46
00:01:48,332 --> 00:01:51,302
When we were kids, Spencer and I
crushed every game night.
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00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:53,371
We were the best team ever.
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00:01:53,472 --> 00:01:54,774
Ha! Oh!
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00:01:54,873 --> 00:01:58,277
Yeah.
I think y'all are gonna win.
50
00:01:59,844 --> 00:02:01,647
♪ I know you see ♪
51
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,248
♪ Somehow the world
will change for me ♪
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00:02:04,349 --> 00:02:07,486
♪ And be so wonderful ♪
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00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:11,856
♪ So wake up the members
of my nation ♪
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00:02:11,956 --> 00:02:13,525
♪ It's your time to be ♪
55
00:02:13,625 --> 00:02:16,295
♪ There's no chance
unless you take one ♪
56
00:02:16,395 --> 00:02:19,063
♪ And the time to see
the brighter side ♪
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00:02:19,163 --> 00:02:22,366
♪ Of every situation ♪
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00:02:22,466 --> 00:02:24,368
♪ Some things are meant to be ♪
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00:02:24,468 --> 00:02:28,240
♪ So give me your best
and leave the rest to me. ♪
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00:02:30,842 --> 00:02:33,878
Well, if Malaysia had better
garbage-sorting processes...
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00:02:33,978 --> 00:02:35,479
If Norway can't be bothered
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00:02:35,579 --> 00:02:37,581
to separate trash
from recyclables,
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00:02:37,682 --> 00:02:40,151
then Malaysia's gonna send
that trash back home.
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00:02:40,252 --> 00:02:43,587
'Cause that's what you are,
Henry Von Biedermeyer,
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00:02:43,688 --> 00:02:45,557
the king of garbage.
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00:02:45,656 --> 00:02:48,793
Geez, Millicent, I feel like
my race to win a million dollars
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00:02:48,894 --> 00:02:51,195
is less intense
than your Model UN tournament.
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00:02:51,295 --> 00:02:54,165
Yeah, you don't want it as bad.
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00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:57,468
Thanks for helping me, Dad.
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00:02:57,569 --> 00:02:59,938
I couldn't destroy
Von Biedermeyer without you.
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00:03:02,306 --> 00:03:04,009
Okay.
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00:03:04,109 --> 00:03:05,443
I'm in huge trouble.
73
00:03:05,544 --> 00:03:06,610
Why?
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00:03:06,711 --> 00:03:08,247
Millicent's teacher reached out
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00:03:08,347 --> 00:03:10,883
and asked me to get her
to tone it down.
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00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,418
Wait. Millicent, tone it down?
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00:03:13,518 --> 00:03:15,086
- Mm-hmm.
- That's like asking
78
00:03:15,187 --> 00:03:17,556
Ricky Martin to be less sexy.
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00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:19,959
Never gonna happen.
80
00:03:20,058 --> 00:03:22,127
Well, apparently
she is so competitive,
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00:03:22,227 --> 00:03:24,396
she already drove out
seven other participants.
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00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:27,598
There's no South America now.
It's just gone.
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00:03:27,699 --> 00:03:29,868
I'm worried
she's turning into Spencer.
84
00:03:29,968 --> 00:03:32,637
What?
But Spencer was never like that.
85
00:03:32,737 --> 00:03:34,438
Remember how much fun
86
00:03:34,538 --> 00:03:36,675
we had at game nights
when we were kids?
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00:03:39,944 --> 00:03:42,447
Way to go, Carly, it's like
you're not even trying.
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00:03:42,546 --> 00:03:44,348
Now, put the green piece here.
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00:03:44,449 --> 00:03:47,787
You destroy every game.
90
00:03:47,887 --> 00:03:51,122
I have to go.
My mom's having GI problems.
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00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:55,026
See? He can't take us.
92
00:03:55,127 --> 00:03:56,996
Mm-mm.
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00:03:57,096 --> 00:03:59,098
Oh, to be young.
94
00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:01,766
And bossed around
by your big brother.
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00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:05,937
Spencer never bossed me around.
He just loves to win.
96
00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:07,372
You know who he's like?
97
00:04:07,472 --> 00:04:09,407
- Sea biscuit.
- Kim Jong-un.
98
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:11,209
Sea biscuit?
99
00:04:11,276 --> 00:04:12,777
Yeah, 'cause he's determined,
100
00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:15,014
he never gives up,
and he's liable to poop
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00:04:15,114 --> 00:04:16,548
absolutely anywhere.
102
00:04:17,415 --> 00:04:20,119
Wait, did you say Kim Jong-un?
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00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,387
Did you say anywhere?
104
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:29,127
Ladies of substance...
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00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:32,497
Auntie Histamine,
Kimmy Kimmy Moore,
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00:04:32,596 --> 00:04:33,966
Cruella Tensions,
107
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:36,802
and the wickedly talented
Lana del Slay,
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00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:40,471
I am honored that you chose me
to style your drag night.
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00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:41,874
As you should be.
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00:04:41,973 --> 00:04:44,543
We are some choosy bitches.
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00:04:46,711 --> 00:04:49,713
First, a classic Audrey.
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00:04:49,814 --> 00:04:52,216
A woman waits her whole life
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00:04:52,317 --> 00:04:54,353
for a pearl necklace that thick.
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00:04:54,452 --> 00:04:58,189
You will always love this...
Whitney.
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00:04:59,457 --> 00:05:00,959
The one and only time
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00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:03,194
someone has ever improved
on Dolly Parton.
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00:05:03,295 --> 00:05:06,165
Third, we have Marilyn.
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00:05:07,499 --> 00:05:09,300
I even figured out a way
to install a fan
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00:05:09,401 --> 00:05:10,735
to make the wind blow.
120
00:05:10,836 --> 00:05:14,338
Oh, who is this wind,
and how do I meet him?
121
00:05:15,439 --> 00:05:18,009
And our final look,
little more modern,
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00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,079
but still iconic.
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00:05:20,178 --> 00:05:21,579
Reese.
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00:05:23,182 --> 00:05:26,285
I am, for lack
of a better word, agog.
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00:05:26,384 --> 00:05:28,420
Ooh, amazing!
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00:05:28,519 --> 00:05:30,654
Now, you all just have to choose
which look you want.
127
00:05:30,754 --> 00:05:33,391
- Any preferences?
- Reese!
128
00:05:33,492 --> 00:05:35,826
What? I already pulled wardrobe.
129
00:05:35,927 --> 00:05:37,228
You can't all be Reese.
130
00:05:37,329 --> 00:05:39,531
Well, with a good enough
stylist, we can.
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00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:43,002
Alexa, find us a better stylist.
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00:05:43,101 --> 00:05:48,206
♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh ♪
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00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:49,641
Wait! No, I can do it.
134
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,976
I can make all four of you
Reese Witherspoon.
135
00:05:52,076 --> 00:05:53,745
Yay, thank you, Harper.
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00:05:53,845 --> 00:05:55,613
Harper, you brought
the town together
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00:05:55,713 --> 00:05:56,981
and saved the day,
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00:05:57,081 --> 00:05:59,018
just like Reese Weather spoon
in Pleasantville,
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00:05:59,117 --> 00:06:00,485
Reese Witherspoon in Home Again,
140
00:06:00,584 --> 00:06:02,387
and Reese Witherspoon
in Legally Blonde 2:
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00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,423
Red, White and Blonde.
142
00:06:06,190 --> 00:06:08,026
Well, buckle up, bitches,
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00:06:08,127 --> 00:06:11,762
'cause it's gonna be
an embarrassment of Reeses.
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00:06:13,098 --> 00:06:15,199
Reese! Reese! Reese!
145
00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:19,137
Reese! Reese!
Reese! Reese! Reese!
146
00:06:20,872 --> 00:06:22,206
So, what were you thinking
147
00:06:22,307 --> 00:06:23,850
for your Great Big Globetrot
intro video?
148
00:06:23,875 --> 00:06:27,411
Well, I set up
a spaghetti taco station.
149
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,947
- Ooh.
- I thought we could talk
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00:06:29,048 --> 00:06:30,288
about how Spencer invented 'em.
151
00:06:30,382 --> 00:06:32,317
- Ah.
- That man could fly to the sun
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00:06:32,417 --> 00:06:33,851
if he put his mind to it.
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00:06:33,952 --> 00:06:36,887
These rich people need to stop
going into space.
154
00:06:38,057 --> 00:06:40,759
Hey, I came up with the most fun
idea for our video.
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00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:42,194
Already done.
156
00:06:42,293 --> 00:06:45,297
Some think artistic perfection
can't be achieved.
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00:06:45,396 --> 00:06:47,165
Uh, they haven't seen this.
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00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,803
♪ Do it, do it,
do it all night ♪
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00:06:52,903 --> 00:06:57,341
♪ Do it now,
make me feel right ♪
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00:07:02,346 --> 00:07:03,548
Whoo!
161
00:07:03,648 --> 00:07:05,649
But shouldn't I be
in our team video?
162
00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:07,952
Nah. See you guys later.
163
00:07:10,254 --> 00:07:11,656
Ah.
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00:07:11,755 --> 00:07:14,326
What? That wasn't so bad.
165
00:07:14,425 --> 00:07:15,927
Come on, Carly, this is exactly
166
00:07:16,028 --> 00:07:17,795
what he's been doing
since we were kids.
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00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,197
Oh, I don't think so.
168
00:07:19,298 --> 00:07:21,600
Oh, no? Think harder.
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00:07:25,603 --> 00:07:27,471
Oh, way to go, Carly.
170
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:29,440
It's like
you're not even trying.
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00:07:29,540 --> 00:07:30,942
Now, put the green piece there.
172
00:07:31,043 --> 00:07:33,278
You destroy every game.
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00:07:33,377 --> 00:07:36,715
I have to go.
My mom's having GI problems.
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00:07:37,649 --> 00:07:39,918
See? He can't take us.
175
00:07:41,185 --> 00:07:42,853
Was that a flick?
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00:07:46,057 --> 00:07:47,526
Hey!
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00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,629
Oh, my God. You're right!
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00:07:51,730 --> 00:07:55,000
Except for the thick shiny hair,
he's not like Sea biscuit at all.
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00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,300
- Mm.
- Wait.
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00:07:56,401 --> 00:07:58,536
So, your mom didn't have
GI problems?
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00:07:58,637 --> 00:08:00,139
No, she did, I just didn't need
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00:08:00,238 --> 00:08:01,581
to leave game night
because of them.
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00:08:01,605 --> 00:08:04,576
- You chose to.
- I'm a good boy.
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00:08:11,915 --> 00:08:14,052
Spencer, I know
you wanted to train
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00:08:14,153 --> 00:08:15,319
for the audition challenge,
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00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:17,488
but I want to talk to you
about our video.
187
00:08:17,588 --> 00:08:20,292
Well, I guess your video.
188
00:08:20,391 --> 00:08:21,492
What is that?!
189
00:08:21,593 --> 00:08:23,694
Precipitation.
Ever heard of it, Carly?
190
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,129
Dude, we live in Seattle.
191
00:08:25,230 --> 00:08:27,132
On The Globetrot,
you gotta be prepared
192
00:08:27,231 --> 00:08:29,733
to compete in any
and all conditions...
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00:08:29,834 --> 00:08:32,003
Rain, sleet, snow, sharknadoes.
194
00:08:32,104 --> 00:08:33,313
I need to talk to you
about the video...
195
00:08:33,337 --> 00:08:35,374
No! Stop flapping your gums
196
00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:38,210
and start working your guns.
Drop and give me 20.
197
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,350
Spencer, I am not gonna...
198
00:08:39,411 --> 00:08:41,145
- Go, go, go!
- What?
199
00:08:41,245 --> 00:08:43,081
Clap in between 'em.
200
00:08:44,948 --> 00:08:46,317
We really need to discuss the...
201
00:08:46,418 --> 00:08:48,419
Jumping jacks!
202
00:08:48,519 --> 00:08:50,121
- What?
- Twist.
203
00:08:50,221 --> 00:08:51,990
Now you're in the rain forest.
204
00:08:52,091 --> 00:08:54,259
But look out,
the wind is picking up.
205
00:08:57,928 --> 00:09:00,264
Get your vitamins.
Drink, don't think.
206
00:09:03,601 --> 00:09:04,769
What is in this?!
207
00:09:04,869 --> 00:09:06,870
Chilis, cayenne,
and some ghost jalapeños
208
00:09:06,971 --> 00:09:09,274
I got off a shaman
in Little Oaxaca.
209
00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:11,743
Food challenges are a huge part
of The Globetrot.
210
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:14,479
No, Spencer, I need to...
211
00:09:14,578 --> 00:09:16,014
Ah...
212
00:09:16,115 --> 00:09:17,981
Oh, my God, my mouth is on fire.
213
00:09:18,082 --> 00:09:20,884
I think I'm gonna...
214
00:09:20,985 --> 00:09:22,586
No, you can throw up
in the smoothie cup,
215
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:25,090
but you will have to drink
the vomit after.
216
00:09:29,327 --> 00:09:32,364
I stayed up all night,
I sewed until my fingers bled,
217
00:09:32,463 --> 00:09:34,566
I watched so many
Reese Witherspoon movies
218
00:09:34,665 --> 00:09:37,501
that when I tried to scream,
all that came out was sunshine.
219
00:09:38,802 --> 00:09:40,538
But I got it done.
220
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:45,110
Girl, you read us all wrong.
221
00:09:45,909 --> 00:09:46,909
Now, what now?
222
00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:49,413
You think I'm Elle Woods?
223
00:09:49,514 --> 00:09:52,384
I obviously emanate
the bubbly-yet-powerful charisma
224
00:09:52,484 --> 00:09:55,287
of Melanie Carmichael,
née Smooter,
225
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:58,256
from Sweet Home Alabama.
226
00:09:59,090 --> 00:10:00,368
Girl, she didn't even
make the costume
227
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,260
from Sweet Home Alabama.
228
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:05,764
39% on Rotten Tomatoes?
Now, that's homophobic.
229
00:10:05,864 --> 00:10:07,666
And I'm clearly
230
00:10:07,765 --> 00:10:10,302
Kate "Cootie" Kinkaid
from Four Christmases.
231
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:13,172
Wait, stop!
I worked really hard on this.
232
00:10:13,272 --> 00:10:14,405
You can't just do that.
233
00:10:14,505 --> 00:10:16,106
Girl! Move some paper
234
00:10:16,207 --> 00:10:19,311
with a piece of tape on it?
Henny, I just did.
235
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:21,679
Harper, you can't interfere
with fate.
236
00:10:21,779 --> 00:10:22,779
That's why it's fate.
237
00:10:22,846 --> 00:10:26,150
Well, well, well.
238
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,520
Look who just quoted
Tracy Flick.
239
00:10:29,620 --> 00:10:32,756
The very bitch
I picked to dress like her.
240
00:10:38,230 --> 00:10:39,630
If I could go back in time,
241
00:10:39,730 --> 00:10:41,932
I wouldn't do a damn thing
differently.
242
00:10:42,033 --> 00:10:44,503
Cheryl Strayed, Wild.
243
00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:50,209
Alexa, we found
a really good stylist.
244
00:10:55,213 --> 00:10:57,816
"So, that's why in the spirit
of world peace,
245
00:10:57,915 --> 00:11:01,519
we are pleased to compromise
with the Kingdom of Norway."
246
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:03,888
Do you mind if I make some edits
to the speech you wrote?
247
00:11:03,988 --> 00:11:05,490
Yeah.
248
00:11:08,259 --> 00:11:09,760
I just want you
249
00:11:09,860 --> 00:11:11,596
to get along better
with your classmates,
250
00:11:11,696 --> 00:11:13,264
and for your teacher
to stop calling me
251
00:11:13,365 --> 00:11:14,732
to say she's afraid of you.
252
00:11:14,832 --> 00:11:16,900
She carries a squirrel around
on the weekends
253
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,302
so people will talk to her.
254
00:11:18,403 --> 00:11:21,172
So, maybe we don't
take her advice.
255
00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:25,509
Can you just try? For me?
256
00:11:25,610 --> 00:11:29,614
Sure, I can try
to "dial down" my "intensity"
257
00:11:29,713 --> 00:11:32,451
because it's "intimidating"
to "losers."
258
00:11:32,551 --> 00:11:34,686
I'm not asking you to do that,
I am just asking you
259
00:11:34,786 --> 00:11:37,154
to make your Model UN speech
less hostile.
260
00:11:37,255 --> 00:11:39,457
That's literally
what I just said.
261
00:11:40,759 --> 00:11:44,296
Now we're in Antarctica!
It's raining ice!
262
00:11:44,395 --> 00:11:47,399
You just saw a penguin,
he looks like a little butler.
263
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:48,667
But you can't talk to him.
264
00:11:48,767 --> 00:11:50,869
Do I have time
to use the bathroom?
265
00:11:50,969 --> 00:11:53,004
None! Pee as you run, Carly!
266
00:11:53,104 --> 00:11:54,773
Pee as you run!
267
00:11:55,874 --> 00:11:58,076
Okay, my Reese's pieces.
268
00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,445
After four emergency alterations
269
00:12:00,544 --> 00:12:03,615
and several renditions
of a cappella "Respect,"
270
00:12:03,715 --> 00:12:05,683
are y'all finally ready?
271
00:12:05,783 --> 00:12:07,885
We are!
272
00:12:07,985 --> 00:12:11,221
Ow, and we look spectacular!
273
00:12:12,222 --> 00:12:15,259
Honey, you turned us out!
274
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:20,831
I am a Christmas bell. Jingle!
275
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,369
Whoever said Harper
couldn't pull this off
276
00:12:24,469 --> 00:12:27,205
was seriously misguided.
277
00:12:27,306 --> 00:12:29,640
Well, ladies,
we could go on and on
278
00:12:29,740 --> 00:12:32,376
about how I masterfully
wove you into the fabric
279
00:12:32,476 --> 00:12:34,379
of the Witherspoon
cinematic universe,
280
00:12:34,479 --> 00:12:36,423
but if you don't get going,
you'll miss drag night.
281
00:12:36,447 --> 00:12:39,116
Oh! Drag night!
282
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,053
Was canceled.
283
00:12:43,153 --> 00:12:44,822
Yeah, the emcee called
two hours ago.
284
00:12:44,923 --> 00:12:48,692
The club was sold.
It's becoming a Baby Gap.
285
00:12:50,260 --> 00:12:52,831
So, all this work
was for nothing?
286
00:12:52,931 --> 00:12:55,066
Wait, why did y'all
make that grand entrance?
287
00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:57,668
Why do Trader Joe's employees
look at one item in your cart
288
00:12:57,769 --> 00:13:01,038
and say, "Oh, I haven't
tried that yet"?
289
00:13:01,139 --> 00:13:02,841
It's in our nature.
290
00:13:02,941 --> 00:13:07,044
♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh ♪
291
00:13:11,549 --> 00:13:12,583
No.
292
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:15,320
You know who wouldn't
stand for this?
293
00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:17,456
Reese Witherspoon.
294
00:13:17,556 --> 00:13:19,289
You're going to have
that drag night,
295
00:13:19,390 --> 00:13:24,428
even if I have to bend
and snap somebody's neck.
296
00:13:24,528 --> 00:13:25,663
Ooh!
297
00:13:28,198 --> 00:13:30,100
We're going to the audition
in a limo?
298
00:13:30,201 --> 00:13:32,302
Yeah.
That way, we get there faster.
299
00:13:32,403 --> 00:13:34,138
It's a longer car.
The math works.
300
00:13:34,238 --> 00:13:36,640
Well, why are we sitting
in the front?
301
00:13:36,740 --> 00:13:39,210
So we get there sooner. Keep up!
302
00:13:39,309 --> 00:13:41,712
Hi, iCarly. I'm Raoul.
303
00:13:41,812 --> 00:13:43,481
Can you believe
it's my first day
304
00:13:43,581 --> 00:13:45,716
and I get to chauffeur
a celebrity?
305
00:13:45,817 --> 00:13:47,217
First day?
306
00:13:47,317 --> 00:13:49,354
- My wife made sandwiches.
- Oh.
307
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:50,688
If you like egg salad
308
00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:52,332
with the freaking perfect
amount of dill,
309
00:13:52,356 --> 00:13:53,524
you're in for a treat.
310
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,259
Raoul, I'm gonna
need you to drive
311
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:56,604
like you just realized
you forgot
312
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,261
your wife's sandwiches at home.
313
00:13:58,363 --> 00:14:00,230
Oh. This is too real.
314
00:14:00,331 --> 00:14:01,832
You can do this, Raoul.
315
00:14:01,932 --> 00:14:03,167
Okay.
316
00:14:03,267 --> 00:14:05,437
I can't believe
I'm really in a limo!
317
00:14:05,537 --> 00:14:07,905
Whee!
318
00:14:08,005 --> 00:14:10,073
You will arrive
at your destination
319
00:14:10,173 --> 00:14:11,442
in 17 minutes.
320
00:14:11,543 --> 00:14:13,244
In half a mile, turn right.
321
00:14:13,344 --> 00:14:14,479
You know what, Raoul?
322
00:14:14,578 --> 00:14:15,855
Hang a left up here,
it's a shortcut.
323
00:14:15,879 --> 00:14:18,417
What?
No, the GPS literally says...
324
00:14:18,517 --> 00:14:20,451
New route detected.
325
00:14:20,552 --> 00:14:22,486
You will arrive in 23 minutes.
326
00:14:22,586 --> 00:14:24,788
Ooh, more time in the limo!
327
00:14:24,889 --> 00:14:27,325
- Spencer!
- It's okay, it's okay.
328
00:14:27,426 --> 00:14:29,226
- Hey, turn right.
- Turning right.
329
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:31,730
You will arrive in 31 minutes.
330
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:33,565
Raoul, just stop
listening to Spencer.
331
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,232
- Take the freeway.
- No, Raoul,
332
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:37,268
stop listening to Carly,
she's always wrong.
333
00:14:37,368 --> 00:14:38,636
A little bit about me.
334
00:14:38,736 --> 00:14:41,172
Conflict really exacerbates
my eczema.
335
00:14:41,272 --> 00:14:43,106
Can one of you
pass me my skin ointment?
336
00:14:43,206 --> 00:14:44,576
It's right next
to the egg salad.
337
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,610
Look, can we please
just take the freeway?
338
00:14:46,711 --> 00:14:48,879
It's faster.
The on-ramp is on the right.
339
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:50,213
No, take Ballard Bridge.
340
00:14:50,313 --> 00:14:51,634
We can make up the time we lost.
Turn left.
341
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,951
Could you just
listen to me for once?
342
00:14:54,052 --> 00:14:55,052
Left or right?
343
00:14:55,086 --> 00:14:56,086
- Left!
- Right!
344
00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:57,288
Raoul, turn left right now!
345
00:15:01,392 --> 00:15:02,726
Why did we stop?
What's happening?
346
00:15:02,826 --> 00:15:04,404
Ballard Bridge
raised for ferry crossing.
347
00:15:04,428 --> 00:15:06,898
You will arrive in 57 minutes.
348
00:15:07,731 --> 00:15:10,701
Oh my God, the bridge
is gonna split in half!
349
00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:15,405
Raoul, here's your ointment.
350
00:15:22,447 --> 00:15:24,148
Spencer Shay. Carly Shay.
351
00:15:24,248 --> 00:15:25,683
We're here. We made it.
352
00:15:25,783 --> 00:15:27,885
- Yeah.
- Oh, the audition challenge
353
00:15:27,985 --> 00:15:29,253
started 20 minutes ago.
354
00:15:29,352 --> 00:15:31,755
I'm so sorry,
you've been disqualified.
355
00:15:31,855 --> 00:15:34,292
You are no longer hot to trot.
356
00:15:35,158 --> 00:15:38,062
After all I did to get here,
it's over just like that?
357
00:15:38,162 --> 00:15:42,900
You were actually able to skip
most of the audition process
358
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,602
because you're famous.
359
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,270
I acknowledge my privilege.
360
00:15:53,043 --> 00:15:54,187
I can't believe
we got disqualified.
361
00:15:54,211 --> 00:15:55,647
I hate to say it, Carly, but...
362
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,390
- Thank you for apologizing.
- It's all your fault.
363
00:15:57,414 --> 00:16:00,418
My fault? You ignored the GPS.
364
00:16:00,519 --> 00:16:02,653
Yeah, what does a GPS know
that I don't?
365
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:03,888
Everything.
366
00:16:03,988 --> 00:16:06,323
It knows everything.
367
00:16:10,028 --> 00:16:11,562
Was that a flick?
368
00:16:12,530 --> 00:16:14,131
Oh...
369
00:16:15,033 --> 00:16:17,168
No, you don't. No, you don't.
370
00:16:18,736 --> 00:16:21,038
Guys, guys, guys! Oh!
371
00:16:21,139 --> 00:16:23,908
We are loving
this sibling rivalry.
372
00:16:24,008 --> 00:16:26,144
We want you back
in the challenge.
373
00:16:26,244 --> 00:16:27,879
And I want you in my bed.
374
00:16:27,979 --> 00:16:29,813
Oh, whoa.
375
00:16:29,913 --> 00:16:32,783
That was highly inappropriate.
376
00:16:32,884 --> 00:16:34,317
But I meant it.
377
00:16:35,418 --> 00:16:36,721
You know what, you can take him.
378
00:16:36,821 --> 00:16:38,221
I can't deal with him anymore.
379
00:16:38,322 --> 00:16:41,459
Oh, I know this is raw,
I know this is painful.
380
00:16:41,559 --> 00:16:45,296
I do need you
to save it for the cameras.
381
00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:46,730
We're out.
382
00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:49,668
You're a content creator, right?
383
00:16:49,768 --> 00:16:52,003
Some contestants on our show
384
00:16:52,102 --> 00:16:56,106
get more than a million
new followers.
385
00:16:57,207 --> 00:16:58,942
Let's do a challenge, bro.
386
00:16:59,043 --> 00:17:00,979
So, it's pretty simple.
387
00:17:01,078 --> 00:17:03,682
Just slingshot a melon
to knock over a target
388
00:17:03,782 --> 00:17:06,084
and you qualify for the race.
389
00:17:06,183 --> 00:17:08,219
Is that target
a mom with a baby?
390
00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:12,490
Yeah, the fire department
uses these to practice rescues.
391
00:17:12,590 --> 00:17:15,826
So, which one of you
is flinging fruit?
392
00:17:15,926 --> 00:17:17,862
- I am!
- Fine.
393
00:17:17,961 --> 00:17:20,598
I'll save my melon skills
for later.
394
00:17:28,538 --> 00:17:30,540
Did I hit a target?
395
00:17:30,642 --> 00:17:33,845
No, you hit my coworker
Benjamin.
396
00:17:33,944 --> 00:17:36,615
Great job. He's insufferable.
397
00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:43,755
Millicent.
398
00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:46,089
Von Biedermeyer.
399
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,893
Actually, I go
by Von Gavelmeyer now,
400
00:17:48,992 --> 00:17:51,528
because I keep winning
all these gavels.
401
00:17:51,630 --> 00:17:53,897
I haven't heard
anyone call you that.
402
00:17:53,998 --> 00:17:57,401
Then I guess you haven't been
talking to my mother.
403
00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,569
Look, I know that it's tough
404
00:17:59,671 --> 00:18:01,772
to be nice, but it's really
important because...
405
00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:04,241
Oh, my Reese Witherspoon.
406
00:18:06,076 --> 00:18:08,646
Harper, what are you doing here?
407
00:18:08,747 --> 00:18:11,915
We needed a new venue
for drag night.
408
00:18:12,016 --> 00:18:13,250
Why are you here?
409
00:18:13,351 --> 00:18:15,553
Model UN.
I told you all about it.
410
00:18:15,653 --> 00:18:19,390
Oh, this is that boring
children's political event?
411
00:18:20,523 --> 00:18:24,461
Harper, we cannot have
drag night and Model UN.
412
00:18:25,262 --> 00:18:27,431
Unless...
413
00:18:29,232 --> 00:18:31,836
So, I guess Malaysia
will compromise on garbage
414
00:18:31,935 --> 00:18:34,337
and everything else,
until every last drop of joy
415
00:18:34,438 --> 00:18:37,441
has been sapped from the thing
they used to love most.
416
00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:41,612
Yay!
417
00:18:42,546 --> 00:18:44,682
Thank you,
delegate from Malaysia.
418
00:18:44,782 --> 00:18:47,652
It's not too often
you see such a young spark
419
00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,319
flicker out so quickly.
420
00:18:50,621 --> 00:18:52,757
Next, the chair
recognizes the delegate
421
00:18:52,856 --> 00:18:56,728
from Four Christmases,
Reese Witherspoon!
422
00:18:58,663 --> 00:19:02,333
♪ God rest ye merry, gentlemen,
let nothing you dismay ♪
423
00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:06,470
♪ Remember Christ our Savior
was born on Christmas Day ♪
424
00:19:06,569 --> 00:19:08,571
♪ To save us all
from Satan's power ♪
425
00:19:08,673 --> 00:19:10,508
♪ When we were gone astray ♪
426
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:14,377
♪ Oh, tidings of comfort
and joy, comfort and joy ♪
427
00:19:14,478 --> 00:19:17,115
♪ Oh, tidings
of comfort and joy ♪
428
00:19:17,214 --> 00:19:18,214
♪ Joy ♪
429
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:23,653
I feel terrible that I made
Millicent tone it down.
430
00:19:23,755 --> 00:19:26,490
Baby, why would you
ask her to tone it down
431
00:19:26,589 --> 00:19:29,393
when she was clearly born
to turn it up?
432
00:19:30,394 --> 00:19:33,832
Millicent, that speech
was deliciously asinine.
433
00:19:33,932 --> 00:19:37,300
Glad Ms. Cox passed along
the message from my mother
434
00:19:37,401 --> 00:19:40,438
that you should tone it down.
435
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:49,012
- Dad?
- ♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh ♪
436
00:19:49,113 --> 00:19:50,749
Destroy Gavelmeyer.
437
00:19:52,516 --> 00:19:54,652
Oh, Henry?
438
00:19:57,087 --> 00:19:58,823
Quick FYI.
439
00:19:58,923 --> 00:20:00,357
I'm out on your resolution,
440
00:20:00,458 --> 00:20:03,626
and I'm introducing one
to censure Norway instead.
441
00:20:03,728 --> 00:20:05,063
You can't do that.
442
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:08,266
What are you gonna do,
throw smoked salmon on me?
443
00:20:08,365 --> 00:20:10,667
Dump a bottle of Voss water
on my head?
444
00:20:10,769 --> 00:20:12,002
Yeah, that's right.
445
00:20:12,103 --> 00:20:15,239
My dad researched
all of Norway's top exports,
446
00:20:15,338 --> 00:20:19,844
and they're pathetic,
just like you.
447
00:20:19,943 --> 00:20:24,281
Yes! Drag him, mama!
448
00:20:24,382 --> 00:20:27,885
Now, sashay, Norway.
449
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,855
Mommy!
450
00:20:32,790 --> 00:20:36,259
Yeah, there's no way
she's getting that gavel.
451
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:38,496
I love my little tyrant so much.
452
00:20:46,737 --> 00:20:48,940
Pretend the target
is someone you hate.
453
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:50,307
I am.
454
00:20:54,377 --> 00:20:56,413
Uh, did the medic go home?
455
00:20:56,513 --> 00:20:59,616
Just listen to me,
I'm always right.
456
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,586
No, you're not.
And you won't listen to me.
457
00:21:02,685 --> 00:21:05,288
When we play games,
you never have.
458
00:21:05,388 --> 00:21:07,525
I just wanted to win.
459
00:21:07,625 --> 00:21:08,992
I didn't know
it made you feel bad.
460
00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:10,770
- Why didn't you say anything?
- I don't know.
461
00:21:10,795 --> 00:21:12,395
Probably because
when we were kids
462
00:21:12,496 --> 00:21:14,097
you were like my hero.
463
00:21:14,198 --> 00:21:17,067
And I still am. I understand.
464
00:21:17,167 --> 00:21:18,803
No, doofus.
465
00:21:19,369 --> 00:21:21,605
I've been trying
to talk to you all day.
466
00:21:21,704 --> 00:21:24,474
I love you, but when we play
games together now,
467
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:26,576
I wanna be treated
like an equal.
468
00:21:26,676 --> 00:21:29,012
Guys, I'm sorry,
they're setting up
469
00:21:29,113 --> 00:21:31,582
for a kids' soccer game,
and we learned the hard way
470
00:21:31,682 --> 00:21:33,550
that you can't do that
and melon catapulting
471
00:21:33,651 --> 00:21:35,886
at the same time.
You need to quit.
472
00:21:36,855 --> 00:21:38,056
No.
473
00:21:38,155 --> 00:21:39,589
My sister's doing a great job,
474
00:21:39,690 --> 00:21:41,234
and we're not leaving
until she hits that target,
475
00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:42,861
which she can do,
and she's gonna do.
476
00:21:44,095 --> 00:21:45,930
'Cause she is my equal.
477
00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:53,671
You got this.
478
00:21:59,042 --> 00:22:01,311
- Aah!
- Spencer!
479
00:22:05,148 --> 00:22:06,317
Are you there?
480
00:22:06,416 --> 00:22:07,617
What is it?
481
00:22:07,718 --> 00:22:11,855
Tell my story.
But make it sound cooler.
482
00:22:12,690 --> 00:22:15,292
It'd be hard to make it
sound dumber.
483
00:22:20,097 --> 00:22:22,532
So, I didn't make it
on The Great Big Globetrot,
484
00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:24,634
and you didn't win
the Golden Gavel.
485
00:22:24,734 --> 00:22:26,769
But there's always next year.
486
00:22:26,871 --> 00:22:30,107
Hopefully, there won't be
a Von Biedermeyer next year.
487
00:22:33,411 --> 00:22:35,980
We're gonna talk about
what you just said later.
488
00:22:38,215 --> 00:22:39,349
What are you doing?
489
00:22:39,450 --> 00:22:42,220
Ah. I keep finding more melon.
490
00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:44,555
I gotta use the restroom.
491
00:22:45,923 --> 00:22:47,691
Uh...
492
00:22:50,545 --> 00:22:52,747
Who is your stylist?
493
00:23:22,061 --> 00:23:23,094
Ooh!
494
00:23:23,194 --> 00:23:24,851
He hates these cans.
35909
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