All language subtitles for call.me.kat.s02e18.720p.web.h264-cakes

I hope Kat's okay.

I don't understand why

they can't tell us
what's going on.

Oh, I think we all know why.

They are not harvesting
her organs for rich old people.

-It happened to my Uncle Joe.
-It did not.

Then why does he have
a glass eye?

Because he's a man
who loves whiskey and fireworks.

What'd they say?

How's Kat?

She's gonna be okay.

We can go see her.

Apparently, she had
a panic attack.

Yeah, because they were about
to take her organs.

Don't be ridiculous.

Who would want
her expired ovaries?

Oh, look.

Aw, it's all the people
who love me.

And my mother.

How you feeling?

Never better.

Let me tell you something--
if you get a chance,

get yourself
one of these bad boys.

The nurse said they gave her
something to calm her down.

Well, can we give it to her
all the time?

I'm so glad
you're feeling better.

I could not live without
my bestie for the rest-y.

Oh, Maxi Pad.

Yeah, let's hope
that doesn't stick.

Oh, it's gonna stick.

The nurse said they just have to
finish up some paperwork,

then we can take you home.

Oh, good. That's great.

Oh, hang on. I'm not sure
you should be getting up.

Pshaw, I'm fine. I'm fine.

And I'm taking this with me.

♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪

♪ Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ♪

"I'm Nick.
I'm raising your rent.

I'm in my 30s, and I still wear
Axe body spray."

"Well, I'm a well-read,

"intelligent, confident woman,

and you are a douche-burger
with cheese."

Take that, Nick.

Anyway, to answer your question,
Dr. Green,

I grew up here in Louisville.

The dolls were here
because my last client is eight.

What do you want me to say?
Don't put dolls on the table

if you don't want me to put
my hand up their butt.

Okay.

So, to recap,

in the last few weeks,
you've kissed your best friend.

He wanted to kiss me first.

Broke off your engagement.

Engaged for like 12 minutes.

Moved in with your mother.

Back at my place now.

And slept with Nick.

Once on a cheese wheel.

And now he's your landlord?

Exactly, and he raised my rent,

which is why I had
a panic attack.

Let me show you
how it went down.

Leave the dolls.

And we don't know
what caused your panic attack.

Um, I think we do.

You're not
the only doctor here.

Oh. What's your specialty?

Math.

Interesting.

Perhaps you read my paper
on the characterization

of operators in non-Gaussian
infinite dimensional analysis?

I think I missed that one.

Interesting.

So, how did you wind up
running a cat café?

I quit my career as a professor
and opened the café

after my father died.

I'm sorry to hear
about your father.

Were you close?

Very.

He was the best.

He's actually the reason
that I rescue cats.

It all started when I was ten.

I was at the park,

and I found this really cute
little kitten.

And I wanted to keep it,

but my dad said we had to look
for the owners first.

So we made all these posters,

and then like a week later,

after I was already
completely attached,

this woman called.

It was her kitten.

So how did that make you feel?

Wow, they actually do ask that.

Heartbroken.

But my father told me

that the important thing was
how happy this woman was

that she had her kitten back.

He always taught me to,
you know, think of other people.

So, was opening the cat café
a way to feel close to him?

Um, I guess.

And maybe you feel,

if the café fails,

you're failing him, too.

All right, Doc, I'm just gonna
be honest with you.

I was really just hoping
you could give me

some of that happy juice
from the ER.

Maybe it comes in pill form?

It does.

That's why
my husband goes to meetings

and I have to drink alone
in the garage.

So, is that a yay or nay
on the pills?

♪ ♪

Shooter! In your face!

Okay, okay.

You come at me,
you're gonna unleash the beast.

-Still in last place, beast.
-Mm-hmm.

Sorry, I'm very competitive.

I even view sex
as a race to finish.

Can't beat Max, though.

Who's blowing up your phone?

Is that Kat with
her math problem of the day?

I mean, who cares what time
the train gets to Toledo?

Also, stop sending me math.

It's just Daniel.

As in your ex, Daniel?

As in the only other guy
to see you naked?

Well, he's not the o...

Yes, that Daniel.

What's he texting you for?

Well, his mom is having surgery,

and he just needs
someone to talk to.

Well, tell him to buy
a damn parrot.

You feel me, right?

It's not that big a deal.

You feel me, right?

Can't I feel both of you?

Randi, that's your call,
but I'm down.

You are not gonna believe this.

I just got off the phone
with a producer from Nashville.

The song I sold Robin Thicke
has been

"causing quite a stir"--
his words, not mine--

and he invited me to collaborate
with his other artists,

who are in need
of my musical genius.

My words, not his.

Oh, that's great, buddy.

That's amazing. For how long?

A month at first,
but if it goes well, who knows?

Wait, hold up.

No, don't worry.
I'll still cover the rent.

Okay. Well, then
congratulations, Maxi Pad.

Maxi Pad?

Changing your contact name
in my phone right now.

Oh, ha ha.

Oh, you're actually doing it.

Look, I know
long-distance isn't ideal,

but I think
we can really make it work.

I know we can.

It's just,
I'm gonna miss you, man.

-I was talking to Nicole.
-Oh, yeah. I...

Yeah, I knew that. I knew that.

♪ ♪

How excited are you
for Nashville?

-Well, I...
-Here's how excited I am.

I'm gonna bedazzle
my cowboy boots

when I come visit you.

I'm excited
and also a little nervous.

Mostly that you're gonna
come to visit

dressed like cowboy Elton John.

♪ Hold me closer,
tiny line dancer. ♪

I mean...

Merry Monday, beautiful barista.

Phil, are you having
a senior moment?

You do remember you don't
work here anymore, right?

Well, it doesn't mean
that this isn't still

my favorite coffee shop.

Plus, I got to get
my cup of morning joe.

Trains are piling up
in the tunnel,

if you know what I mean.

He's talking about poop.

Yep, got it.

Oh, hey, Phil.

Hey, sugar.
Where you going with that?

Oh, I'm just giving it to Max.

Yeah, like hell you are.

You can't just come in here
and slap my muffin.

Oh, grow up. There was an actual
muffin there that got slapped.

I cannot sit idly by

while you serve subpar pastries.

Now, this here, Max,
is some home cooking.

Wait, is that bag
full of muffins?

Muffins, scones,
couple of bear claws.

Dancer's gotta dance,
baker's gotta bake.

Well, since you're all here,
I think I may have found

a way to keep the café open
for a little while longer.

Fire Randi.

We were all thinking it.

I'm gonna throw
a "Save the Cat Café" night.

Try and raise enough money
to buy me a little time

until I find
a more permanent solution.

Like a fancy charity soiree?

Shall I dust off my tuxedo?

Well, it's gonna be
at the Middle C.

So shirt, jeans, maybe a belt?

We can take donations,
maybe do a live auction.

Ooh, I have
a for-sure moneymaker.

Sell pictures of our feet.

Don't look at me like that.
These babies bought my car.

Oh, we could also
play some music.

Yes, it'll be fun.

I can bust out
some math riddles.

Math riddles are dumb.

Oh, the things I can say
since I no longer work here.

That's pretty.

Is it a love song?

No, it's garbage.

It's all garbage.

What a waste of a morning.

You know what you should write
a song about?

Damn dirty Daniel
and his devious texts.

Come on, man.

Randi's just helping him
through a tough time.

Oh, Max.

So handsome, so stupid.

Well, that's what
he wants her to think,

but he's got other motives.

-You know how I know that?
-Huh?

'Cause I'm a dude.

But you trust Randi, right?

I'll trust her a lot more
when I figure out

-her phone passcode.
-You can't do that.

Well, I can't unlock it
with her face

while she's sleeping,
'cause it doesn't work.

So I've heard.

Maybe you can get her code.
You live with her.

Mm, forget that.

Oh, what, you scared of her?

Yeah, and so are you.

Please.

No, that's true.

But if she gets mad at you,
at least you're leaving town.

Yeah, well, maybe I'm not.

Maybe I haven't been able
to write a note

since I got this gig.

Maybe I'm better off
just being a bartender.

Stop that.

Look, I believe in you.

-Thanks, man.
-Course.

And also, you're fired.

What?

No more safety net.

You're going to Nashville.

And you're gonna kill it
'cause you're good.

Really, really good.

-That means a lot.
-Mm-hmm.

And you suck as a bartender.

Really, really suck.

Hey, cuz. Heard you're looking
for a new bartender.

How the hell did you...

You know what? You're hired.

I won't let you down.

Oh, Darren,
we both know you will.

Oh, yeah, you know what it is.

♪ ♪

All right, the next item
up for bid

is a mystery box from...

Uh, the Tyrannosaurus
Sex Shoppe.

"We put the 'ass'
in Jur-ass-ic."

Ooh, what could it be?

Apparently,
batteries are included.

And we'll start the bidding
at a hundred dollars.

-Do I hear a hundred dollars?
-One hundred.

$100 from my mother, and another
therapy session for me.

125! Y'all are gonna find out
why they kicked me off eBay.

125 from the little man
with the big heart.

Do I hear 150? 150? 150?

-150.
-150 from anyone who didn't
give birth to me?

-175!
-What?

You're going to Nashville.
I need a friend.

175. Do I hear 180?

175 going once, 175 going twice.

Sold to the cute little
piano teacher!

It's always the quiet ones.

I guess it's true--
robots are taking over our jobs.

♪ ♪

Um, y'all are not
gonna believe this.

Between the auction
and the online donations,

we've raised over $4,000.

Four grand? That's great.

So many people want
to support us.

Even Daniel sent in $200.

Say what, now? Oh.

Then I'm donating $201.

And I will send you a check
for the 200.

I mean, this is
really incredible.

$4,000-- that gives me
plenty of time to figure out

how to keep the café open
for another few months.

And then another few months
after that,

and then another few months,
and then another few months.

I'm just staying open.

Not going anywhere. Just here.

All right, everybody,
Kat's freaking out again.

Y'all know the drill.
Bring it on in.

♪ ♪

Looking for this?

Dad?

Hey, Kitten.

How d... What...

What are you doing here?

Been worried about you.

And I miss this stuff.
They don't have it in heaven.

Ironic, right?

How can they not have
ice cream in heaven?

Ice cream is heaven.

I don't know, some crap about
God being lactose intolerant.

Seriously?

Now, don't get me started
on that guy.

He's so full of himself.

Pull up a spoon.

I-I can't believe you're just

sitting here
right in front of me.

Do you visit Mom like this?

I did once.

She was shtupping
my buddy Preston.

I never liked looking
at his golf swing.

I wasn't gonna watch that.

Yeah, Mom's grief kind of
came out sideways.

That night, it came out
sideways, backwards...

Okay, you can stop. Please stop.

Sorry, sweetie.

So you had another panic attack.

Yeah.

Which is weird 'cause I got
exactly what I wanted.

I can keep the café open.

So I just... don't know
why I'm freaking out still.

Maybe it's not
what you really want.

Of course it is.

Okay.

I mean, I have so many people
depending on me.

Phil, Randi, the cats,
the customers.

And what about
the health inspector?

I mean, if the café
doesn't make it,

they'll get laid off,
and then other restaurants

may not be as careful
about their food,

and then some of their customers
might get salmonella and die,

and there you have it,
I've offed someone's nana.

Oh, my Kitten's beautiful mind.

A lot of people's lives will
be affected if there's no café.

What about your life?

My life?

Does the café make you happy?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, like,
right now it's not

making me feel so good, but...

but it should make me happy.

I want it to.

Sweetheart, I know I always
told you to think of others,

but you can't set yourself on
fire to keep other people warm.

I just don't know
what else to do.

As an inconsiderate shrimp
once told me, sometimes...

you need to be shellfish.

I miss you so much, Dad.

I miss you, too, kiddo.

Can I hug you?

I thought you'd never ask.

♪ ♪

Oh, hey, boo.

Uh, can I help you?

Who you texting?

A friend.

Cool. Cool.

Friend.

A friend like Daniel?

-Really?
-Yeah, I want to know.

Are you seriously that insecure?

Yes, and I'm secure enough
to admit it.

Well, if you must know,
it's Phil.

He's asking if it's pronounced

"Megan The Stallion"
or "Megan Thee Stallion."

Are you happy?

I'll be happier when you block
Daniel Thee Weasel's number.

Stop telling me who I can
and can't talk to.

Well, stop telling me
who I can tell you

who you can and can't talk to.

-What?
-Well, just stop texting Daniel.

Oh, my God,
what is wrong with you?

I don't know.
I don't want to lose you, okay?

Why do you think
you're gonna lose me?

Because you're out of my league
in every way possible.

Well, that's the first
smart thing

you've said all night.

But you're not gonna lose me.

Well, how do I know that?

Because I love you, dumbass.

You love me?

Yes.

So stop it.
I'm not going anywhere.

Wow.

You love me.

That's crazy.

Tell me about it.

I love you, too, baby.

I can't believe
you said it first.

So thirsty.

Thank you all for coming.

I have kind of
a big announcement.

I've decided to close the café.

-What?
-Oh, my God.
-Why?

That actually was
a big announcement.

Usually, you hype things up
for nothing.

I love this place,

and I don't regret a thing
that I gave up to open it,

but if I keep going like this,

I'm gonna be on
a first-name basis

with every nurse at the ER.

I need a break.

Whoa, Kat Silver
putting herself first.

I like it.

Yeah.

I know how hard it is
to admit that you're suffering.

I've been there,
so I'm proud of you.

Yeah, we just want
our Little Miss Sunshine back.

So, what, she just keeps
all that fundraiser money?

We got you, Kat, no matter what.

I completely support you,
darling.

Thank you, Mother.

I mean, closing the café and
torching everything you built

is not what I would do,
but attagirl.

♪ ♪

So, what time
do you leave tomorrow?

10:00.
I get to Nashville by 1:00,

meet with the producer at 4:00,

and then at 6:00
a nervous breakdown.

Max, don't be ridiculous.

Have the breakdown
before the meeting.

What about you?

Now that you won't have the
café, what are you gonna do?

I don't know.

Maybe I'll go to France.

I've always wanted
to visit the birthplace

of my favorite mathematician,
Marie Crous.

She invented the decimal point.

Well, I'm 99.9% sure
it'll be awesome.

It's funny, I feel like

you're usually
the one with the plan

and I'm the one
going with the flow.

And now I'm going with the flow

and you're the one
with the plan.

Yeah, for two people
who are so in sync,

we never seem to be in
the same place at the same time.

I wonder if we'll
match up someday.

I bet we will.

To being happy
with whatever comes next.

And to new adventures.

With new friends.

Oh, y'all are having a moment.

All love, all love.

Hey, Kat, can we talk to you
for a second?

-Sure.
-Oh, I actually have

a little surprise
I got to get ready for.

You guys take the table.

So, Phil and I
have been talking, and...

And we want to keep the café
open while you're gone.

You said I could tell her.

I'm sorry, I get so excited

when I got a bee
in my butter bin.

You really want to do that?

Yeah. I mean,
it's our home, too.

Plus, if I'm my own boss,
I can make my own hours.

Ooh, I'm gonna need Sundays off.

I guess Mama will just
have to roll herself to church.

Well, I don't know where I'll be

or what I'll be doing, but...

I'm really happy to know that

Kat's Cat Café
will still be here.

Randi's Cat Café.

Phil's Bakery with Cats.

Excuse me, everybody.

I've been trying to write a song
for a couple days now,

and I had nothing.

And then I got inspiration from
the strongest person I know.

- You didn't have to...
- Kat, will you come up here?

It's fine. I don't need a song.

This one's for you.

♪ When the days are long ♪

♪ You're out of focus,
in between ♪

♪ You're feeling out,
and oh, what does it mean? ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ You're okay ♪

♪ So you had another breakdown ♪

♪ And you're walking
with your head down ♪

♪ And you don't know
what to do now ♪

♪ You can turn it around ♪

♪ Celebrate your face ♪

♪ See all the colors
around you ♪

♪ See all the beauty
that I do, I do ♪

♪ Celebrate your face ♪

♪ Celebrate your face ♪

♪ Don't you let the dark
define you ♪

♪ Let the world see
what I do, I do ♪

♪ Celebrate your face ♪

♪ Celebrate your face. ♪

♪ ♪

Are you coming back to bed?

Okay, that part didn't happen,

but I am in Paris, so who knows?

Anything can happen.

See you in a few months.

♪ Celebrate your face ♪

♪ See all the colors
around you ♪

♪ See all the beauty
that I do, I do ♪

♪ Celebrate your face ♪

-♪ Celebrate your face ♪
-♪ Celebrate ♪

♪ Don't you let the dark
define you ♪

♪ Let the world see
what I do, I do ♪

♪ Celebrate your face ♪

-♪ Celebrate your face ♪
-♪ Celebrate ♪

♪ Don't you let the dark
define you ♪

♪ Let the world see
what I do, I do ♪

-♪ Celebrate your face ♪
-♪ Celebrate, celebrate ♪

♪ Celebrate ♪

♪ See all the colors
around you ♪

♪ See all the beauty
that I do. ♪

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