All language subtitles for s06e06

And you know, I never gave
Maxwell a wedding gift,

and since the days of me sleeping
in my own room are over...

Thank God!

So I was thinking, why not turn it
into his very own home gym, huh?

That's good.
Keep him strong and healthy.

Men who marry the Fine
women tend to die young.

Why is that?

'Cause they want to.

Anyway, I got this
amazing contractor.

Wait until you girls see
what's being done in here!

Oh, my God!

What are you doing here?

Well, I thought you were going
to be out shopping all day.

Well, I finished early.
I'm good at it.

What... you said you were
going to be in bed all day!

Sylvia, Yetta,
do you have to stand there?

No.

I can't believe you're doing this.
What must you have been thinking?

That we wouldn't get caught?

Fran, I just turned 21.
I'm an adult.

Well as an adult I should
advise you that

you better get your tushie
out of bed

before your daddy
comes home and kills you!

Hi, I'm nana.

And you know whose fault this is going
to turn out to be, don't you? Mine.

Why?

Because I'm the one that
said you were an adult.

I'm the one that said you were responsible.
I'm the one that told him to trust you.

Fran, I was... oh, my God!

And this is why men that
marry Fine women die young.

♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Till her boyfriend kicked her out
in one of those crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do, where was she
to go, she was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell makeup
but the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had flair, she was
there, that's how she became the Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly
what the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father
finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids are actually
smiling such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl from Flushing,
the Nanny named Fran ♪

What the heck did you
think you were doing?

Well, I think it's
pretty obvious...

Well, I know what
they were doing!

I want to know why
they were doing it.

- Well I think they were...
- I know why they were doing it.

Hey, what's all the noise up?
Whoa.

Great.

All right, how much have I missed?
Have any trust funds been cut off yet?

Would you just get out of here?

- Everybody out!
- Oh, but, Dad! This...

Now! Out. Out. Out!

- I'll be in the kitchen.
- Well, there's a shocker.

Honey, honey,
let's just calm down.

Maybe we should go sit around the table,
have a little coffee, a little cake...

Not now!

I think I know what
you're going to say.

- I want you out of my house.
- Yep, that's what I thought.

Care to explain yourself,
young lady?

Well, Fran said that whatever we do in
our own apartment, we could do here.

Why don't you just feed me
to the sharks, why don't you?

Miss Fine, in my office.
Right now.

Great. Now I'm back
to Miss Fine.

Thank you very much, young lady.

Oh, yes, good afternoon. I'm calling
about your add for the '93 BMW?

Yes, well, the car
sounds wonderful.

Oh, you think I sound sexy, eh?

Well, I've got wavy black hair,

hazel eyes, oh, I'm about 6'2".

What about you?

I'm a petite strawberry blonde.

Oh, I like moonlight,

Burt Bacharach and leather.

Yes, I'm alone.

Are you serious?

That'll really turn you on?

♪ I'm Popeye the sailor man ♪

♪ I'm Popeye the sailor man ♪

♪ I'm strong to the finich,
'cause I eats me spinach ♪

♪ I'm Popeye the sailor man ♪

♪ Toot toot ♪

You are a pathetic little...

into a screaming match
with the kids.

Listen, I don't agree or approve
of what she did either,

but she is 21 years old,

and she does love the guy.

If she loves him, she can wait.
We waited five years.

You know, that's a little
bit of a sore spot with me.

I cannot believe you gave them
permission to do that. And in our house!

I did not. You know, you're just
upset because you saw them.

Yes, well, you're right.
Didn't care for that.

Sweetie, you must have
assumed that they would...

Assuming isn't knowing! Assuming
means you could be wrong!

People were assuming
we were having sex

when you were my nanny
and they were wrong.

Again, a sore spot.

Look, I want you to talk to Margaret
and forbid her from having any more.

Oh, okay, honey.
And while I'm doing that,

why don't you schlep
Opie to Floyd's for a haircut?

Please, would you just
go and talk to her?

Oh, okay. Okay, but I'll tell you, it's
going to be pretty difficult for me

to tell her she can't do
something

that I recently
discovered is just so amazing.

I don't care. Thank you.
I don't care!

Oh, come on, it was just a joke.

What do I have to do to get
you to sell me your car.

Well, it's a little
embarrassing,

but would you consider
being a workout partner

for someone who's trying
to get back to a size four?

Back to implies
she was there once.

What would I have to do?

Well, all you'd have to do is hold
her legs while she does sit-ups,

support her when she does
squats, block the perspiration

from her cleavage.

I could handle that.
It's a deal.

I hope it'll be as much fun
for you as it is for me.

First thing, could you
help me get into this?

Oh, there you are.
Where have you been?

Michael's.

Your father wants us
to talk about what happened

between you and
Michael yesterday.

And I just want you to know,
honey, that, as your mother,

you can share with me
anything and everything.

Well, that wasn't the first
time that Michael and I...

Don't over communicate, sweetie.

Now come on, the important thing is
that you have to talk to your father.

But before that happens, we're going
to give you a little makeover,

and turn you into the Maggie
that he wants to see.

The sweet, young,

sexually non-active Maggie.

Fran, I really don't think
that this is a good time.

Oh, honey, don't be scared.

You'll just march yourself
right in there and open with,

"Daddy, your last
play was so funny."

Then,

you're going to apologize
and as you skip out,

it wouldn't be a bad
idea to hold onto that.

Fran,
I really need to talk to you.

Okay, sweetie. But just... do you think
that you can squeeze into this?

Fran, I think I'm pregnant.

Oh, well then this
definitely won't...

Fran? Fran! Fran!

Nice rug.

Fran, please, I need you,
you have to get up!

Oh. Oh! Oh, honey, you know,

next time you tell me that you think you're
pregnant, could you do it on carpeting?

- Fran, what am I going to do?
- Well, are you sure, sweetie?

- I all I know is that I'm late.
- Well, how late?

About a week.

Now when you say, "about a week",
how many days do you mean? 5? 6?

- Eleven.
- Oh, my God!

- Didn't you use protection?
- Well, of course I did.

Well, you obviously
didn't buy quality.

Don't you know
that is the one thing

you pay retail for?

Fran, what am I going to do?

I mean, who would have thought
that daddy would be right?

Oh. You know what, honey, let's not go
there unless we absolutely have to.

Oh, Dad, I'm so sorry.

Thank you so much.
I'm never going to do it again.

- Excellent work, sweetheart.
- Thanks.

- Hi, Mom.
- What do you mean by that?

Oh, you meant me.
Oh, he meant me.

Good to see you, son.

Okay, now, the first thing that we've
got to do is buy a pregnancy test.

Who's pregnant?

Oh, um, oh, Yetta,

you've got to promise me you're going
to forget everything you just heard.

Don't worry.
It goes in one ear and...

I think we're safe.

Did you get the test?

Okay, so let's see here. It says if
you're not pregnant, it'll turn pink.

If you are pregnant, it will
turn blue. As will we all.

Oh, honey, this wouldn't have happened
if you had just listened to me.

Fran, you said I could do whatever
I wanted in our own house.

Whatever, not whoever.

Fran, I'm so nervous.

Oh, sweetie, listen,
whatever happens, don't worry.

You're not going to have to
go through this by yourself.

- I'm so glad that I have you.
- I love you.

But you know, I don't want to
put pressure on you or anything,

but, if for some reason you are pregnant,
life is going to change forever.

No husband, no house, no money.

And it ain't going to be
a picnic for you either.

( Knock on door )

I'm putting on my makeup.

God, that'll take a month.

I want my money back.

Your car is a piece of junk and it smells
like some animal died in the trunk.

Ooh! Oh, no, he's at the vet,
he's at the vet.

Sorry, buster, the check
is cashed, the car is yours.

That was my life's savings.

Oh, Niles, I had no idea.

( laughs )

It looks kind of mauve.

Well, we still have
a minute left.

( Knock on door )

Um, you know what,
I'm still freshening up.

Darling, I had to come back

and finish what you started.

So why don't you open the door
and we can freshen up together?

Not now,

sweetie.

- What is going on in there?
- Nothing, nothing.

( Dings )

- What was that?
- Um, a ding?

Fran, would you
open the door now?

Oh, what do I have to do to get
a little privacy around here?

Lock the door?

Why is my daughter
holding a pregnancy test?

You know, there could be so
many reasons. Let me see here.

Well, suppose you give me
one of those reasons right now!

( Shouting )

Sweetheart.

Your father thinks that we
should go to the gynecologist

and find out for sure.

Oh, and, sweetie.

Next time, lock the door.

Fran, Maggie, welcome to my new
examining room. Ribbons and Lace.

Wow, this place is gorgeous.

I'll tell you, it's a lot different
from my old gyno's office,

but then again, how do you
give a former car wash glamour?

May I offer you gals a cookie?

Uh, no, thanks, Doctor.

Oh, look at this. They're shaped
like giant Midol's. How clever!

I bake like a banshee
during my time of the month.

Well, Maggie, here you go.

Ooh, is that stunning!

I paint on silk on the weekends.

- Here you go, honey.
- Thanks.

Uh, Fran? You're gonna
stay in here with me, right?

Of course, baby, I'm not going anywhere.
I'll be here the whole time.

Go change. Oh,
the poor kid is so nervous.

Doc, do you have any idea when you're going
to find out the results of the tests?

It'll be under 20 minutes.

And while you wait, I have
videos of the Lilith Fair.

They're pretty.

Oh, look at this, you keep your
instruments in a bun warmer.

How considerate!

Oh, boy, I'll tell you, I'm so happy
that Maggie is in such good care,

because I'll tell you I
am like a nervous wreck.

Now what can we do
to make Fran feel better?

I'll tell you,
I could use a glass of wine.

Well, I have a dry merlot
or an open chardonnay.

Maggie's test result should be
ready in just a few minutes.

Oh, good. Oh, Doc,
is that you with Hillary?

Oh yes, she comes
to see me once a week.

Isn't that a little bit often?

Well, wouldn't you,
if he was your husband?

Oh, dear.

Now while we're waiting, I'd
like to ask you a few questions.

Have you been feeling
fatigued at all?

Who wouldn't be exhausted
after what I've been through?

Oh, you meant her.
Go ahead, sweetie.

I don't feel tired.

Have you felt a little
light-headed or nauseous?

Oh, well, if you are, you might
have gotten that from me.

Ever since I came
back from the island,

I have had a low-grade
nauseousness.

You know what I'd like to do?

I'd like to focus
on Maggie for just a moment.

Now, Maggie,
have you had any cravings?

Uh, no, not really.

Okay, no cravings.

I have Miss Sheffield's
results, Doctor.

Just as I suspected. Your tiny little
figure is going to remain intact.

- I'm not pregnant?
- You're not pregnant.

Oh, my God!

Oh, sweetie,
you're not pregnant.

Oh, my God, are you lucky.

Oh, honey, I beg of you,
remember how this felt.

I know that you're old enough
to make your own decisions,

but, sweetie, there
are just some

consequences I don't
think you're ready for.

- I love you, Fran.
- I love you too, angel.

Very nice.

- I'm going to go call Michael.
- Okay. I'll meet you out there.

Oh, God, Doc,

I am so relieved
I can't tell you.

Before you go, come back to me.

I'd like to focus on Fran
for just a little bit.

Oh, why?

Well, fatigue,

light-headedness,
nauseousness.

Oh, my God, doc,
are you thinking that

I might be pregnant?

Oh, my God!

- Excuse me.
- Yeah?

Would you happen to know who owns
that BMW with the 'For Sale' sign?

What's it to you?

Oh, well, I am a collector.
I will pay top dollar.

What if I were to tell you that I
sold it to a dear friend of mine

who needs the car desperately?

Well, what if I were to tell you
I'll double what he paid for it?

Money talks, butler walks.

- Niles.
- Mm?

You know, I have been thinking,

and I feel so guilty about
taking your life savings

that I want to buy the car back.

Why are you being so nice?

Can't I act like
a compassionate human being?

Uh, no.

There's got to be
something up your sleeve,

although I don't know how anything else
would fit with that big wide arm in there.

- All right, just forget it then.
- No, wait, wait, I'm sorry.

I do want my money back,
it's just that I'm not used

to you being compassionate
and nice to me.

Well, don't get used to it.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

- Where's Maxwell?
- He's in the study.

- Oh!
- Oh, Fran, my darling!

Oh, I've got the most
amazing news for you. For us.

I already know. Margaret called me from
the doctor's to give me the good news.

- No, no, something else.
- And I have to say:

thank God.

Well, Margaret's much too young,
and frankly I'm far too old.

Why, what does it
have to do with you?

Well, I'd insist on
Margaret finishing college,

and that means you know
who'd be bringing up baby.

And we've only just got married.

I'm not ready to share you yet.

Oh no, the last thing we need right now
is a baby running around the house.

Anyway, come on, tell me,
what's your good news?

Bloomingdale's is
having a big shoe sale.

Oh, come here.

Yetta, why does everybody around
here treat me like a baby?

They won't tell me anything.

Yeah, what about me? People tell me
everything and in two minutes I forget.

I'm sorry, Yetta.
It must be hard for you.

Oh, sometimes.
But sometimes it's a pleasure.

See, for instance,
if I hear news that upsets me,

ten minutes later I'm
on top of the world again.

Thanks, Yetta.

For what?

Giving me something
to look forward to.

Aw.

I wish you were
my great-granddaughter.

I am your great-granddaughter.

You are?

You see?
I'm on top of the world again!

( Jazz music playing )