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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:19,220 --> 00:01:21,680 The big question is, how aggressive do you want to be? 2 00:01:22,310 --> 00:01:24,930 Very aggressive. We don't want to lose any more time. 3 00:01:25,020 --> 00:01:27,810 You've been trying for... two years? 4 00:01:28,190 --> 00:01:29,190 And four months. 5 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,400 I have the app monitoring ovulation, 6 00:01:33,820 --> 00:01:35,530 taking temperature and mucus levels, 7 00:01:35,610 --> 00:01:38,450 we've been planning and pacing intercourse. 8 00:01:38,610 --> 00:01:40,200 It's been very romantic. 9 00:01:41,620 --> 00:01:43,620 So we're looking at IUI or IVF. 10 00:01:43,910 --> 00:01:46,540 - IUI is the least invasive. - And outpatient. 11 00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:47,620 IUI...? 12 00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:50,670 Didn't you read the thing? I told you to read it. 13 00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:54,000 Intrauterine insemination. The sperm are injected directly into the uterus. 14 00:01:54,090 --> 00:01:56,420 - And yes, it's outpatient - Let's start there. 15 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,680 - You're 39, Steven? - Uh-huh. 16 00:01:58,970 --> 00:02:02,010 Okay, we'll test your sperm for count and motility percentage. 17 00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:04,970 And how far away are we from your period, Leigh? 18 00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:07,350 It's unpredictable. A week, maybe ten days. 19 00:02:07,690 --> 00:02:09,150 Your cycle's unpredictable? 20 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:11,600 Is that a problem? 21 00:02:12,310 --> 00:02:13,820 Possibly, possibly not. 22 00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:16,030 That and your age are all factors. 23 00:02:16,110 --> 00:02:18,900 Over 35, the situation becomes more difficult. 24 00:02:19,410 --> 00:02:21,030 But very often it's manageable. 25 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,530 But it might be likely that based on your test results, 26 00:02:23,620 --> 00:02:25,040 we go straight to in vitro. 27 00:02:25,540 --> 00:02:28,790 - Will Insurance help with that? - Most companies won't cover IVF, 28 00:02:28,870 --> 00:02:32,170 but very often the genetic testing for the man will be covered. 29 00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:33,630 Oh, that sounds fair. 30 00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:37,010 All right, so, Steven, when can we schedule your tests? 31 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,260 Which tests? 32 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:41,640 A blood panel for chromosomal diagnosis, 33 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:42,850 a sample of your semen. 34 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:44,510 When did you last ejaculate? 35 00:02:45,350 --> 00:02:46,350 A week. 36 00:02:47,020 --> 00:02:48,020 Maybe less. 37 00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:49,140 No, it's two weeks. 38 00:02:49,690 --> 00:02:50,690 When... 39 00:02:53,190 --> 00:02:55,230 We'll need to reschedule it for another time. 40 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,280 We need you within three to five days after. 41 00:03:01,950 --> 00:03:03,070 Homework, honey. 42 00:03:08,870 --> 00:03:10,000 We gotta talk. 43 00:03:11,710 --> 00:03:12,710 About what? 44 00:03:14,210 --> 00:03:15,210 Steve? 45 00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:18,670 Steve! 46 00:03:19,630 --> 00:03:20,630 Steve. 47 00:03:21,970 --> 00:03:23,140 Steve! 48 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,310 Oh. I'm sorry. 49 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,690 - I'll just... - I can fix this. 50 00:03:32,770 --> 00:03:35,940 No, I don't want to cancel it, I just wanted a usage alert. 51 00:03:36,820 --> 00:03:39,030 So you'll text me next time it's used? 52 00:03:40,530 --> 00:03:41,610 Okay. Thanks. 53 00:03:42,820 --> 00:03:44,320 He hasn't used the credit card yet. 54 00:03:44,410 --> 00:03:46,280 They're going to send me an alert when he does. 55 00:03:46,370 --> 00:03:48,040 We can get a location from that. 56 00:03:48,620 --> 00:03:50,370 God, I hope he... 57 00:03:50,790 --> 00:03:53,960 just tries an ATM and doesn't trade the card for dope. 58 00:03:54,290 --> 00:03:55,290 Does he have your PIN? 59 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:56,790 Are you kidding? 60 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:58,250 Why would he try an ATM? 61 00:03:58,550 --> 00:04:01,220 I'm sorry, Steve. Do you have a better suggestion? 62 00:04:01,470 --> 00:04:03,510 He took the card to use the card, 63 00:04:03,590 --> 00:04:05,090 and now we'll know if he does. 64 00:04:07,850 --> 00:04:09,720 He didn't have to break the house. 65 00:04:10,060 --> 00:04:11,980 No, I don't think he did. 66 00:04:12,270 --> 00:04:13,310 Me neither. 67 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,520 Someone ask you what you think, Theodora? 68 00:04:15,980 --> 00:04:17,020 Sorry. 69 00:04:17,610 --> 00:04:19,360 If it wasn't Luke, who was it? 70 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:20,730 Maybe one of your kids. 71 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:22,610 Yeah, that makes sense. 72 00:04:22,820 --> 00:04:23,950 It's probably my kids. 73 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:27,160 Or maybe it was the guy who just stole a car 74 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,410 to put a needle in his arm. 75 00:04:28,490 --> 00:04:30,290 I'm worried about a lot more than that. 76 00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:31,500 What do you mean? 77 00:04:31,580 --> 00:04:35,250 I mean, that suicides can cluster in families, 78 00:04:35,580 --> 00:04:36,750 especially twins. 79 00:04:37,670 --> 00:04:39,210 If they lose a twin, 80 00:04:39,590 --> 00:04:40,840 the odds go up. 81 00:04:41,590 --> 00:04:45,010 He may not be planning to come home. 82 00:04:46,340 --> 00:04:48,180 Where... Where would he go? 83 00:04:48,260 --> 00:04:49,390 He could be anywhere. 84 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:54,140 He was picked up off Mass Ave a few times when he was living here. 85 00:04:54,730 --> 00:04:56,060 Methadone Mile. 86 00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:59,270 - What's that? - Mass Ave, south of downtown. 87 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,980 It's basically an open-air drug market. 88 00:05:02,530 --> 00:05:03,530 I remember it. 89 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,530 - I'll go look for him. - It's a waste of gas. 90 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,820 - He could be anywhere. - Yeah, I'll go with you. 91 00:05:08,910 --> 00:05:09,910 I got this. 92 00:05:09,990 --> 00:05:11,080 Just wait a bit. 93 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,306 - We'll see if he's using the card. - Call me if he does. 94 00:05:13,330 --> 00:05:15,010 Are you gonna drive in circles? 95 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,960 - Hope he's standing on some corner? - Maybe, I don't know. 96 00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:20,960 We're really not going to tell them what we saw? 97 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:26,800 Damn it, Luke. 98 00:05:35,390 --> 00:05:36,440 We going or what? 99 00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:38,900 I just want to help. 100 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:42,680 I just want to help. 101 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:45,860 Look, bud, I know you do, 102 00:05:46,030 --> 00:05:48,670 but I'm gonna start using some really strong chemicals down here... 103 00:05:49,660 --> 00:05:50,820 ...and it just isn't safe. 104 00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:52,890 I can help with something else, then. 105 00:05:52,950 --> 00:05:54,370 Look, pal, 106 00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:57,540 I've already hired all the help I can afford 107 00:05:57,620 --> 00:05:59,901 just to get everything else finished by the end of summer. 108 00:06:02,590 --> 00:06:04,920 I could use your help with something, though. 109 00:06:05,010 --> 00:06:06,090 - Yeah? - Yeah. 110 00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:10,800 See, your mom's going to go to your Aunt Janet's in a few days 111 00:06:11,350 --> 00:06:12,350 and stay a bit. 112 00:06:12,430 --> 00:06:13,430 Maybe a week. 113 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:15,520 How come? 114 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,850 Well, you know, she's been cooped up in this house all summer and... 115 00:06:20,650 --> 00:06:22,610 Anyway, I know it's not the most exciting thing, 116 00:06:22,690 --> 00:06:25,030 but I could really use your help 117 00:06:25,110 --> 00:06:27,650 watching your brother and your sisters while she's away. 118 00:06:28,610 --> 00:06:29,610 Yeah. 119 00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:30,660 Yeah, I got you. 120 00:06:31,070 --> 00:06:32,070 Okay. 121 00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:03,900 Mom? 122 00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:05,770 What do you mean, sweetheart? 123 00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:08,530 Of course you're safe with me. 124 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:10,450 Mom. 125 00:07:12,660 --> 00:07:13,660 Are you okay? 126 00:07:15,740 --> 00:07:16,580 Where... 127 00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:17,830 Where are the twins? 128 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:19,160 Downstairs. 129 00:07:22,170 --> 00:07:23,170 Of course. 130 00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:25,880 - Are you sure...? - I'm fine, sweetie. I'm fine. 131 00:07:52,530 --> 00:07:53,530 Okay, thanks. 132 00:07:55,030 --> 00:07:57,280 Well, he's... he's not at Holy Family. 133 00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,950 We'll, he's probably not going to instantly OD. 134 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,170 You're going to call every hospital in Boston? That the plan? 135 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:06,540 What, you're going to just drive around, hope we spot him in a city of 700,000...? 136 00:08:06,630 --> 00:08:09,960 I'm not looking for him. I'm looking for a beat-up green Jeep 137 00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:12,670 with not one, but two Ani DiFranco bumper stickers, 138 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,840 and I'm looking for it where I know he used to score. 139 00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:16,850 Gotta do something. 140 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:18,600 Yeah, we do. 141 00:08:21,810 --> 00:08:22,810 So, um... 142 00:08:24,690 --> 00:08:25,770 What's going on? 143 00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:28,190 - Hmm? - What's going on with you and Leigh? 144 00:08:28,270 --> 00:08:29,320 What do you mean? 145 00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:30,900 Well, I mean... 146 00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:32,900 how's your marriage? 147 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,280 You're kidding, right? 148 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:36,490 You're not living at home, 149 00:08:36,570 --> 00:08:38,426 and I couldn't help but notice at the funeral... 150 00:08:38,450 --> 00:08:41,370 - You aren't seriously doing this. - Well, yeah, I am. I... 151 00:08:41,450 --> 00:08:43,830 Jesus Christ, Dad, you're out of line. 152 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:47,380 We might be in the car for a while, and so I thought to myself, 153 00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:50,020 "I'm going to ask my son about his life." What's wrong with that? 154 00:08:50,050 --> 00:08:51,420 Doesn't work that way, Dad. 155 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,930 Your mom and I were married 15 years. 156 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:01,390 Together five before that. 157 00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:06,730 She used to say she was the kite and I was the line. 158 00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:09,980 She was a... creature of the clouds 159 00:09:10,070 --> 00:09:13,150 and... and I was a creature of the earth. 160 00:09:14,490 --> 00:09:17,410 And she'd say that without me she'd become untethered 161 00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,450 and she would float away up into the... 162 00:09:20,370 --> 00:09:22,580 And then without her, I would just, you know, 163 00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:25,210 crash, just drop right down to the ground, 164 00:09:25,290 --> 00:09:26,670 and, you know. 165 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,170 But... together... 166 00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:32,250 we... 167 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:38,970 You know, we separated. 168 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,510 You... You didn't know that, probably. 169 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,270 Briefly, we separated. You were one year old. 170 00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:47,600 Stupidest thing I ever did. 171 00:09:47,690 --> 00:09:50,270 You know, I made some stupid proclamation and that was it. 172 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:51,360 Two weeks. 173 00:09:52,690 --> 00:09:56,190 Two weeks. I don't even know how we got there. I just know we fought. 174 00:09:56,280 --> 00:10:00,160 I don't know what we fought about, but I finally came to my senses, and... 175 00:10:02,910 --> 00:10:05,870 I thought, "What the hell, you stupid asshole. What are you, insane?" 176 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,460 So, you know, I came back and knocked on the door, 177 00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:10,750 she answered it, she put her arms around me, 178 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,380 she kissed me, she forgave me with her eyes, and... 179 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:15,710 She handed you to me. 180 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,720 I had you in one arm and her in the other and that was it. 181 00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,100 We were back at it. 182 00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:27,480 And Shirley came along and... 183 00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:30,980 from that moment on, we were on the same team. 184 00:10:31,060 --> 00:10:32,940 You know, we still fought sometimes, 185 00:10:33,690 --> 00:10:34,690 but it was... 186 00:10:34,980 --> 00:10:37,740 it was different. We fought with love. She taught me that. 187 00:10:38,610 --> 00:10:39,740 You fight with love. 188 00:10:40,070 --> 00:10:41,160 Yeah, when you're... 189 00:10:43,530 --> 00:10:46,330 You're on the same team even in the middle of a fight. 190 00:10:46,790 --> 00:10:47,790 During the fight, 191 00:10:48,410 --> 00:10:49,960 you're... you're forgiven. 192 00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:52,540 There's no fear. There's no danger. You're safe. 193 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,800 I hope, really, you get to experience that sometime. 194 00:10:57,050 --> 00:10:58,050 It's a... 195 00:10:58,510 --> 00:10:59,880 It's a beautiful way to be. 196 00:11:03,260 --> 00:11:05,140 You know, look, we weren't perfect... 197 00:11:07,310 --> 00:11:08,890 but we were always kind. 198 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:11,980 And we loved each other hard. 199 00:11:13,860 --> 00:11:17,030 And I love her today just as much as I did in the beginning. 200 00:11:20,650 --> 00:11:21,820 The kite and the line. 201 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:29,040 So whatever you need to fix between you and Leigh... 202 00:11:31,250 --> 00:11:32,750 I really hope you do. 203 00:11:36,590 --> 00:11:37,590 And... 204 00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:41,550 That's all I... That's all I really wanted to say. 205 00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:47,010 Candy, candy, candy, candy! 206 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,270 Sure you won't come with us? 207 00:11:49,350 --> 00:11:50,350 You guys have fun. 208 00:11:50,390 --> 00:11:52,190 Come on, Mom, candy! 209 00:11:52,270 --> 00:11:54,690 We'll bring her back some. Mom's had a very hard day. 210 00:11:55,110 --> 00:11:56,520 Would you stop that? 211 00:11:57,190 --> 00:11:59,530 I'm still disappointed you're not going as Captain Lame. 212 00:11:59,650 --> 00:12:01,530 I swear to God, Dad. 213 00:12:01,610 --> 00:12:03,070 Candy, candy, candy! 214 00:12:03,740 --> 00:12:04,740 Hey. 215 00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:06,910 Can we talk when I get back? 216 00:12:07,990 --> 00:12:10,120 How? You'll be back at the hotel. 217 00:12:11,410 --> 00:12:12,410 Okay. 218 00:12:13,620 --> 00:12:14,620 Okay, Shirl. 219 00:12:16,420 --> 00:12:17,420 Stop. 220 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:19,590 - Let's go. - Turn off the porch light. 221 00:12:19,670 --> 00:12:21,670 I can't handle trick-or-treaters tonight. 222 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:25,680 I love you. 223 00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:28,260 You guys have fun. 224 00:12:59,090 --> 00:13:00,170 What the hell? 225 00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:14,560 Sorry, no candy here. 226 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:23,740 Goddamn light's off. 227 00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:47,220 I'm gonna call the hospitals again. 228 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,720 - Maybe he just forgot his ID. - And ask them what? 229 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,600 If they've seen a junkie in a funeral suit? 230 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,970 He's 90 days clean and he's your brother. 231 00:13:54,060 --> 00:13:55,270 He's a good man, Steve. 232 00:13:55,350 --> 00:13:56,850 They're not mutually exclusive. 233 00:13:56,940 --> 00:13:59,440 He's my brother, but he's a junkie. 234 00:14:02,110 --> 00:14:04,030 We're not going to find him like this. 235 00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:05,790 - You didn't have to come. - Yeah, I did. 236 00:14:05,820 --> 00:14:07,990 - No, you really didn't. - Yeah, I did, Steve. 237 00:14:10,410 --> 00:14:12,200 He's my son. You know? My... 238 00:14:12,530 --> 00:14:15,370 I don't know what I'd do if I lost him, any of you. 239 00:14:18,460 --> 00:14:19,790 Yeah, I had to come. 240 00:14:21,130 --> 00:14:22,960 I can't... I can't lose... 241 00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:25,460 I can't lose anyone else. 242 00:14:28,260 --> 00:14:30,406 One day when you have children, you'll understand that. 243 00:14:30,430 --> 00:14:32,350 I'm never having children. 244 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,770 Well, that's... that's a shame. 245 00:14:36,850 --> 00:14:39,310 'Cause you kids are the best thing in my life. 246 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,060 You mean Aunt Janet's life? 247 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,280 She's the one who raised your kids, didn't she? 248 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,506 - You don't know what it was like. - You never told me. 249 00:14:45,530 --> 00:14:47,190 Everything I did, I did to protect you. 250 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,070 To protect us, I know, yeah. 251 00:14:49,150 --> 00:14:50,610 Just like you protected Mom. 252 00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:53,780 Here we go. 253 00:14:53,910 --> 00:14:55,450 I saw the police reports. 254 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:01,830 - Her skull cracked like a melon... - All right, Steve, why don't you just...? 255 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,670 There was blood all over the library carpet. 256 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,380 There were bruises on her upper arms 257 00:15:07,460 --> 00:15:09,880 because someone grabbed her pretty hard. 258 00:15:09,970 --> 00:15:10,880 Okay, Steve... 259 00:15:10,970 --> 00:15:14,640 And a contusion on the back of her head from being shoved into a wall? 260 00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:18,270 Her ankle was twisted, so she was limping, 261 00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:20,690 she was bruised to hell, depressed out of her mind, 262 00:15:20,770 --> 00:15:23,900 unmedicated, untreated, and abandoned. 263 00:15:23,980 --> 00:15:25,480 It wasn't like that. 264 00:15:25,570 --> 00:15:27,690 I did my best. You have no idea... 265 00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:29,990 You threw us in car, you left her there alone, 266 00:15:30,070 --> 00:15:32,610 and she threw herself off the goddamn staircase, 267 00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:33,740 and that was your best? 268 00:15:33,820 --> 00:15:36,466 All right, well, she should not have been left alone in the house... 269 00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:39,200 Fuck the house. It wasn't the house. She was sick. 270 00:15:39,790 --> 00:15:42,330 She was sick in her mind, and the one person, 271 00:15:42,420 --> 00:15:44,790 the one person that was supposed to take care of her 272 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:47,750 didn't do a goddamn thing to get her help. 273 00:15:53,590 --> 00:15:54,590 I miss her. 274 00:15:57,350 --> 00:15:58,600 I miss my mom. 275 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:03,810 I miss her too. 276 00:16:07,690 --> 00:16:09,730 It's certainly beautiful. Where did you find it? 277 00:16:11,110 --> 00:16:12,110 The game room. 278 00:16:12,820 --> 00:16:14,360 - The what room? - Upstairs. 279 00:16:14,450 --> 00:16:17,200 You know, I think a little paint, maybe fix those doors, 280 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,790 - and she might really love it. - I'm sure she will. 281 00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:22,830 So do you know where the paint and stuff is? 282 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,040 - Why don't you ask your father? - I did. He's busy. 283 00:16:26,170 --> 00:16:29,000 He said if it wasn't tagged for sale, I could do whatever I wanted. 284 00:16:29,090 --> 00:16:30,590 And it's not tagged for sale. 285 00:16:31,510 --> 00:16:33,760 Well, I do know where some paint is. 286 00:16:38,390 --> 00:16:39,640 I thought so. 287 00:16:40,310 --> 00:16:42,140 This must have been Poppy's. 288 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:43,640 Poppy? 289 00:16:44,890 --> 00:16:45,940 Poppy Hill. 290 00:16:47,190 --> 00:16:48,610 She was William's wife. 291 00:16:49,570 --> 00:16:50,570 She was insane. 292 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,070 Yeah, she looks kind of wild. 293 00:16:53,530 --> 00:16:54,820 No, I mean clinically. 294 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:56,320 So was he. 295 00:16:57,410 --> 00:17:00,370 William's parents sent him to an institution when he was a kid. 296 00:17:00,450 --> 00:17:03,460 They called it private school, but it wasn't a school, though. 297 00:17:03,540 --> 00:17:06,670 It was just a place where rich parents hid their embarrassments. 298 00:17:08,210 --> 00:17:10,420 They met in the mental institution. 299 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,550 They fell in love in an asylum. 300 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,300 She was insane. 301 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:16,800 Did you know her? 302 00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:19,220 Oh, yes. 303 00:17:19,890 --> 00:17:21,850 She was just as crazy, just older. 304 00:17:23,850 --> 00:17:27,770 She was a beautiful young woman in her time, though. 305 00:17:29,110 --> 00:17:30,360 No doubt about that. 306 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,870 If you really want this to be a surprise for your mom, 307 00:17:42,620 --> 00:17:44,790 I'd suggest you don't work on it in your room. 308 00:18:43,140 --> 00:18:45,930 Just take the fucking candy and go. 309 00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:08,580 You're very clever. 310 00:19:09,620 --> 00:19:11,250 How about you try another house? 311 00:19:11,330 --> 00:19:12,960 I'm not in the fucking mood! 312 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,120 What the fuck do you want? 313 00:19:48,330 --> 00:19:49,700 Oh... Oh. 314 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,540 I was just coming to apologize. 315 00:19:54,420 --> 00:19:55,670 Who are you yelling at? 316 00:19:57,590 --> 00:19:58,960 Some fucking kids are... 317 00:20:00,420 --> 00:20:01,420 Forget it. 318 00:20:08,930 --> 00:20:10,270 - Wait. - Not now. 319 00:20:10,390 --> 00:20:11,940 - I can explain. - I doubt that. 320 00:20:12,190 --> 00:20:14,746 - Shouldn't you be packing? - I know what it looked like last night. 321 00:20:14,770 --> 00:20:18,070 - You were making out with my husband. - No. No, there was no actual... 322 00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:21,320 Okay, so from what I can remember, which isn't a lot actually, 323 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:22,320 he pushed me away. 324 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,920 - Is that supposed to make this better? - If it wasn't even him. 325 00:20:25,110 --> 00:20:28,030 It wasn't... I didn't see him. It wasn't about him. 326 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,250 It's about you getting out of my guest house 327 00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:31,580 and off my fucking property. 328 00:20:31,660 --> 00:20:34,830 - If you would just let me talk. - I don't care what you have to say. 329 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,210 Don't you understand? Get out! 330 00:20:37,290 --> 00:20:38,750 You are impossible. Do you know that? 331 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,210 I'm sorry, have I offended you? 332 00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:43,061 You are always throwing it in my face that I live in your guest house. 333 00:20:43,090 --> 00:20:44,010 Won't happen again. 334 00:20:44,090 --> 00:20:45,970 I choose to live there, Shirley. 335 00:20:46,050 --> 00:20:48,970 - With you, for you. - Oh, I can't thank you enough. 336 00:20:49,060 --> 00:20:50,220 You ice people out. 337 00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:51,220 You always have. 338 00:20:51,310 --> 00:20:52,560 I ice people out? 339 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,020 Have you met yourself? 340 00:20:54,100 --> 00:20:56,730 And so I chose to live there to help try and keep you warm. 341 00:20:56,810 --> 00:20:58,480 You fucking suck at apologies. 342 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:02,070 I don't have to live in your guest house. I'm not some bohemian weirdo. 343 00:21:02,150 --> 00:21:03,240 I'm an adult. 344 00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:04,860 I am a fucking doctor. 345 00:21:04,950 --> 00:21:06,410 You're a fucking slut. 346 00:21:08,030 --> 00:21:09,240 I just need you to know 347 00:21:09,740 --> 00:21:11,926 that it wasn't Kevin's fault and he didn't do anything... 348 00:21:11,950 --> 00:21:14,250 Don't you fucking dare defend my husband. 349 00:21:14,330 --> 00:21:16,960 All of us, all of us are just always helping you 350 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:19,840 keep up this idea in your head that you're perfect Shirley, 351 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,880 and we're just a bunch of fuck-ups fucking up. 352 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,300 - Perfect Shirley's perfect fucking... - Out! 353 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:25,760 No! 354 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,090 You do not just get to shut me out of your... 355 00:21:32,930 --> 00:21:34,640 Did you just punch me in the boob? 356 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:37,520 Yeah. 357 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:39,560 Yeah! 358 00:21:40,190 --> 00:21:42,230 If you kiss my husband, that's what you get. 359 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,400 You get punched in the fucking boob. 360 00:21:45,030 --> 00:21:45,950 And you get evicted 361 00:21:46,030 --> 00:21:47,790 from my fucking house. 362 00:22:57,390 --> 00:22:58,390 Shirl? 363 00:22:59,020 --> 00:23:00,060 What's up? 364 00:23:00,900 --> 00:23:01,900 They... 365 00:23:04,270 --> 00:23:05,270 Sorry, they... 366 00:23:06,900 --> 00:23:07,940 They got a hit. 367 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,780 He used the card at a gas station. 368 00:23:12,870 --> 00:23:14,660 202, just east of Amherst. 369 00:23:15,950 --> 00:23:16,950 Amherst? 370 00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:17,950 Um... 371 00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:19,830 Can you text me the address? 372 00:23:23,250 --> 00:23:24,630 - Shirl? - Yeah. 373 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:25,960 I'm here. Sorry. 374 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,050 Yeah, I'll... I'll text you the address. 375 00:23:31,130 --> 00:23:33,850 - Amherst is on the way... - Yeah, I know where it is. 376 00:23:33,930 --> 00:23:36,260 You guys are gonna stay there, we're gonna go to Amherst. 377 00:23:36,350 --> 00:23:39,680 I'm saying, if he's stopping in Amherst, he's heading... 378 00:23:39,770 --> 00:23:41,850 Shirley, listen to me, you're gonna stay put. 379 00:23:41,940 --> 00:23:43,770 - You hear me? - Tell them what happened. 380 00:23:44,810 --> 00:23:46,360 Tell them what just happened. 381 00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:49,030 I'll text you. 382 00:23:50,860 --> 00:23:53,450 Some fucking kids playing a prank is what happened. 383 00:23:53,530 --> 00:23:54,530 You know it wasn't. 384 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:56,200 You know that. 385 00:23:57,540 --> 00:24:00,750 That's not the only thing like that that's happened here tonight. 386 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,460 I think Luke is going to the house. 387 00:24:08,420 --> 00:24:09,760 Of course he is. 388 00:24:10,470 --> 00:24:12,430 The goddamn house. 389 00:24:13,010 --> 00:24:16,140 It was a good enough spot for Nell, it's a good enough spot for Luke. 390 00:24:16,220 --> 00:24:18,600 He always wanted to do what she did his whole life. 391 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:19,930 - You think you know. - Uh-huh. 392 00:24:20,020 --> 00:24:21,930 And you just don't, you don't understand. 393 00:24:22,020 --> 00:24:23,850 Last time I saw Mom, 394 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:25,900 the look in her eye, 395 00:24:26,310 --> 00:24:27,400 I've seen that look. 396 00:24:27,820 --> 00:24:30,940 And Nell over the years, and Luke, from the start, 397 00:24:31,030 --> 00:24:34,530 from when he'd sit there drawing crazy ghouls in his treehouse, 398 00:24:34,610 --> 00:24:37,030 and, hell, I've seen that look in the mirror. 399 00:24:39,370 --> 00:24:41,870 Our family has a disease that's never been treated, 400 00:24:41,950 --> 00:24:44,500 because it was easier to listen to your crazy stories 401 00:24:44,580 --> 00:24:45,630 about an evil house. 402 00:24:48,130 --> 00:24:51,276 You think you saw it in the mirror? That's why you think you'll never have kids? 403 00:24:51,300 --> 00:24:52,840 Oh, I know I'm never having children. 404 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,090 Because you think that they'll just have the same imaginary sickness? 405 00:24:56,180 --> 00:24:58,220 They would. We all do. 406 00:24:58,300 --> 00:25:00,680 Nell was delusional, depressed, 407 00:25:00,770 --> 00:25:03,680 Luke's an addict, Shirley is a control freak, 408 00:25:03,770 --> 00:25:06,650 and Theo's basically a clenched fist with hair. 409 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,270 The whole fucking family is on the brink of a breakdown 410 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:13,530 and seeing things that aren't there, hearing things that aren't there, 411 00:25:13,610 --> 00:25:16,070 and that shit happened after the house. 412 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:17,320 It's not the house. 413 00:25:17,410 --> 00:25:20,030 There's something wrong with our goddamn brains. 414 00:25:20,410 --> 00:25:22,160 So yeah, I'm never having children. 415 00:25:23,620 --> 00:25:24,660 I made sure. 416 00:25:28,380 --> 00:25:29,380 A vasectomy. 417 00:25:31,750 --> 00:25:32,760 Right out of college. 418 00:25:34,220 --> 00:25:37,300 And it was the right call, believe me, because if I ever doubted it, 419 00:25:37,390 --> 00:25:40,470 some of the bullshit I've been hallucinating this week... 420 00:25:43,060 --> 00:25:44,060 You really did? 421 00:25:45,100 --> 00:25:46,100 Yeah. 422 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:49,810 Before you met Leigh? 423 00:25:53,990 --> 00:25:54,990 Boy. 424 00:25:56,820 --> 00:25:57,820 You didn't tell her? 425 00:25:59,620 --> 00:26:00,700 You didn't tell her. 426 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:03,240 No. 427 00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:07,040 She wanted kids, I knew that. 428 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,960 I kept thinking, "I'll tell her later, now's not the time." 429 00:26:13,630 --> 00:26:16,170 But then we were engaged, and then we were married, 430 00:26:16,260 --> 00:26:19,470 and then we were trying and she was so upset it wasn't working. 431 00:26:22,850 --> 00:26:24,140 I couldn't say. 432 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,560 I can't. My genes. 433 00:26:27,390 --> 00:26:30,060 "My... My genes are rotten, Leigh." 434 00:26:30,900 --> 00:26:31,900 So I... I... 435 00:26:34,650 --> 00:26:35,900 I didn't tell her. 436 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,530 And I thought I was being kind, I really thought that. 437 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:44,870 See, we're all fucking crazy. 438 00:26:46,410 --> 00:26:47,660 The crazy Crains. 439 00:26:49,620 --> 00:26:53,210 This sickness already killed two of us, might kill a third tonight. 440 00:26:53,630 --> 00:26:54,630 That's... 441 00:26:55,630 --> 00:26:56,710 almost half. 442 00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:00,260 Be almost half of us. 443 00:27:03,930 --> 00:27:06,890 So, you want to tell me more about the kite and the line? 444 00:27:09,190 --> 00:27:10,190 Or just... 445 00:27:11,190 --> 00:27:13,310 Just tell me what a shitty husband I was. 446 00:27:13,980 --> 00:27:14,980 Go ahead. 447 00:27:18,030 --> 00:27:19,110 I'm so sorry. 448 00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:21,360 I'm just... 449 00:27:24,830 --> 00:27:26,080 I'm just so sorry, son. 450 00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:29,160 You did this? 451 00:27:29,750 --> 00:27:31,870 This is beautiful. You did this by yourself? 452 00:27:32,330 --> 00:27:33,960 Thought it might cheer you up. 453 00:27:34,420 --> 00:27:35,750 Dad said you've been... 454 00:27:36,710 --> 00:27:38,590 What? What did he say? 455 00:27:38,710 --> 00:27:40,260 I'm... I just... 456 00:27:40,340 --> 00:27:42,430 I know you're taking a little vacation. 457 00:27:42,510 --> 00:27:44,050 I wanted to cheer you up. 458 00:27:46,100 --> 00:27:47,100 Oh, sweetie. 459 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,520 How long are you going to be gone? 460 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:51,850 Oh, not long. 461 00:27:52,140 --> 00:27:53,190 Not long, honey. 462 00:27:53,810 --> 00:27:56,770 I just need a little time away. It's nothing more than that, okay? 463 00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:58,320 Okay. 464 00:27:59,900 --> 00:28:01,070 This is perfect. 465 00:28:02,820 --> 00:28:04,910 Thank you. Thank you! I love it. 466 00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:13,040 Mom? 467 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:22,050 Oh, baby. 468 00:28:24,180 --> 00:28:25,300 Oh, I'm so sorry. 469 00:28:26,300 --> 00:28:29,100 This is an older picture. He would have been wearing a suit. 470 00:28:29,180 --> 00:28:31,770 - About an hour ago. Did he come in? - Yeah, I think so. 471 00:28:31,850 --> 00:28:32,690 Yeah? 472 00:28:32,770 --> 00:28:34,940 Did he say anything weird or do anything...? 473 00:28:35,020 --> 00:28:36,270 He filled up his Jeep. 474 00:28:36,650 --> 00:28:38,110 - Green Jeep? - That's right. 475 00:28:38,190 --> 00:28:40,860 And then he filled up some cans, like, five cans. 476 00:28:41,610 --> 00:28:43,150 Five cans, you say? 477 00:28:55,540 --> 00:28:56,830 - Was it him? - Yeah. 478 00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,090 What are you doing? 479 00:28:59,420 --> 00:29:01,380 - I'm driving. - No, this... 480 00:29:01,460 --> 00:29:02,590 This is my rental. 481 00:29:08,890 --> 00:29:10,600 Jesus, Dad, slow down. 482 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,200 He bought five cans of gasoline. He's not going to kill himself, 483 00:29:13,270 --> 00:29:15,430 - he's going to burn the house down. - That's a relief. 484 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,770 He's in more danger now than he's ever been, 485 00:29:17,860 --> 00:29:20,230 and if he tries to burn it, it will defend itself. 486 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:23,440 - You really didn't hear a word I said. - I did. Now you're gonna listen to me. 487 00:29:24,740 --> 00:29:26,240 There's a lot you don't know. 488 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,660 I thought I could keep you kids safe if you didn't know, but for 20 years 489 00:29:30,740 --> 00:29:33,386 I've been holding the door closed, 'cause I knew there were monsters 490 00:29:33,410 --> 00:29:35,080 on the other side, do you understand me? 491 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:36,420 Not even a little. 492 00:29:36,500 --> 00:29:39,880 Our family is like an unfinished meal to that house, 493 00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,510 and your brother is walking right back into... 494 00:29:44,010 --> 00:29:48,340 That house is the most dangerous place in the world for all of us, 495 00:29:49,220 --> 00:29:50,760 but especially for you. 496 00:29:51,220 --> 00:29:52,560 - For me? - Yeah, you. 497 00:29:53,220 --> 00:29:54,140 What? Why? 498 00:29:54,230 --> 00:29:55,890 Because I read your book, 499 00:29:55,980 --> 00:29:59,690 and you are the last person that should ever step foot in that house 500 00:29:59,770 --> 00:30:02,270 because of what you wrote and how you wrote it. 501 00:30:02,610 --> 00:30:05,030 You think you know what you saw? 502 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:08,280 - You think you know what you wrote? - What? 503 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:10,700 I know you saw a ghost. 504 00:30:11,490 --> 00:30:13,370 Yeah, chapter 19. 505 00:30:13,580 --> 00:30:14,410 Yeah. 506 00:30:14,500 --> 00:30:17,460 That little story about the vanity you painted for your mother. 507 00:30:17,540 --> 00:30:19,960 That's a story about a schizophrenic woman 508 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:21,960 having a manic episode in front of a mirror. 509 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:23,630 You don't understand what you wrote... 510 00:30:23,710 --> 00:30:26,420 No, I saw Mom smash that glass 511 00:30:26,510 --> 00:30:28,050 - for no reason. - Before that. 512 00:30:28,130 --> 00:30:30,010 Go to the beginning, that little bit, 513 00:30:30,220 --> 00:30:32,010 about the vanity and why you did it. 514 00:30:32,100 --> 00:30:34,310 - You found the vanity in the game room. - Uh-huh. 515 00:30:34,390 --> 00:30:36,600 And you walked by the man repairing the clock, 516 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:38,980 and then you saw your mother looking into the twins' room, 517 00:30:39,060 --> 00:30:40,310 staring at their empty beds. 518 00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,070 Textbook dissociative episode. She was not well. 519 00:30:43,150 --> 00:30:44,440 No, no, not her. 520 00:30:44,530 --> 00:30:46,320 The man repairing the clock. 521 00:30:47,610 --> 00:30:48,610 What about him? 522 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,530 Do you know what "witness marks" are? 523 00:30:52,830 --> 00:30:53,870 They're scars. 524 00:30:54,580 --> 00:30:56,450 Little marks inside the clock, 525 00:30:56,540 --> 00:30:58,460 scrapes, lines, divots, 526 00:30:58,540 --> 00:31:00,290 from tools, gears, 527 00:31:00,670 --> 00:31:02,590 pieces removed from the clock. 528 00:31:02,670 --> 00:31:05,880 They're basically evidence of repairs that have been done to the clock 529 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:07,260 and what the clock was. 530 00:31:07,970 --> 00:31:09,840 And with antique clocks, 531 00:31:09,930 --> 00:31:11,640 you almost never have a repair record, 532 00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:14,220 so you have to learn how to read the witness marks, 533 00:31:14,310 --> 00:31:16,310 so you can understand what was done to the machine 534 00:31:16,390 --> 00:31:18,180 and how it's meant to function. 535 00:31:19,140 --> 00:31:21,600 Witness marks tell the story of the piece, 536 00:31:21,850 --> 00:31:23,480 if you know how to read them. 537 00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:25,150 What are you trying to say? 538 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,820 I had that clock evaluated by a professional 539 00:31:27,900 --> 00:31:29,740 before we even moved into the house. 540 00:31:30,110 --> 00:31:34,070 I just wanted to know its history, know its value. 541 00:31:34,660 --> 00:31:36,830 That clock hadn't been touched since the '60s. 542 00:31:37,290 --> 00:31:39,830 You hired a slew of workers toward the end... 543 00:31:39,910 --> 00:31:41,870 Not for that clock, I didn't. Uh-uh. 544 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,050 No, and if I had, it would have taken a specialist. 545 00:31:46,130 --> 00:31:48,646 There's only a handful in the world who know how to do it right, 546 00:31:48,670 --> 00:31:49,720 and they take it off-site. 547 00:31:50,220 --> 00:31:52,470 No. No one touched that clock. There was no man there, 548 00:31:52,550 --> 00:31:56,180 and certainly not one in old overalls with a handlebar mustache. 549 00:31:56,260 --> 00:31:58,100 That man wasn't there. 550 00:31:59,310 --> 00:32:00,480 You probably just forgot. 551 00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,060 You know, you think you're writing about your crazy mom, 552 00:32:03,150 --> 00:32:05,770 your crazy brother making scary faces in the treehouse. 553 00:32:05,860 --> 00:32:08,480 You see the marks, but you don't know how to read them. 554 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,200 I never built you kids a treehouse. 555 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:14,950 What? Luke was in there all the time. 556 00:32:15,030 --> 00:32:18,120 - I used to go fetch him for dinner... - We were there flipping a house. 557 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,500 We were gonna be there maybe eight weeks. 558 00:32:20,580 --> 00:32:24,120 How would I even have the time to build you kids a goddamn treehouse? 559 00:32:24,210 --> 00:32:26,960 - Maybe it was already there. - There was no treehouse. 560 00:32:29,090 --> 00:32:30,810 Now, when we get there, you can have a look, 561 00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,680 but I have to tell you something: your mother, she was not sick. 562 00:32:34,300 --> 00:32:36,760 She wasn't crazy, and neither was your sister, 563 00:32:36,850 --> 00:32:38,970 neither is your brother, neither are you. 564 00:32:39,060 --> 00:32:40,810 Whatever you saw this week, 565 00:32:40,890 --> 00:32:43,810 and I'm very sorry you have to be taking all this in right now, 566 00:32:43,890 --> 00:32:44,770 but you have to. 567 00:32:44,850 --> 00:32:46,310 Do you understand me? You have to, 568 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:49,360 because your brother's life depends on it. 569 00:32:50,070 --> 00:32:53,400 That house is the most dangerous place in the world for all of us, 570 00:32:53,700 --> 00:32:56,410 and that's why I told your sisters to stay put. 571 00:32:58,450 --> 00:32:59,830 You really think they will? 572 00:33:05,370 --> 00:33:06,500 Do you think he's...? 573 00:33:08,340 --> 00:33:09,340 You know... 574 00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:13,130 going there like Nell went there? 575 00:33:13,550 --> 00:33:14,930 Like going to kill himself? 576 00:33:16,260 --> 00:33:17,260 I don't know. 577 00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:20,720 No. 578 00:33:20,890 --> 00:33:21,970 I guess I don't. 579 00:33:24,230 --> 00:33:26,100 I'm not perfect, you know. 580 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:28,600 I know. 581 00:33:29,690 --> 00:33:30,690 I'm really not. 582 00:33:32,030 --> 00:33:33,610 So go ahead, tell me. 583 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:36,200 Try again. 584 00:33:39,410 --> 00:33:41,240 Dad and I were in your office, 585 00:33:41,330 --> 00:33:44,200 and the forever house was on the floor, 586 00:33:44,790 --> 00:33:46,500 and we heard a noise under the desk... 587 00:33:46,580 --> 00:33:48,420 Not that. You already told me that. 588 00:33:50,290 --> 00:33:51,590 I was really drunk. 589 00:33:52,380 --> 00:33:54,800 - Swear to God, Theo... - And the lights went out 590 00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:57,760 while we were down there, and I... 591 00:33:59,180 --> 00:34:01,640 couldn't see. I was in the dark. 592 00:34:02,930 --> 00:34:05,060 I mean, like I was in the dark 593 00:34:05,730 --> 00:34:08,190 that whole night, and I just needed... 594 00:34:08,270 --> 00:34:09,770 I... I needed... 595 00:34:12,190 --> 00:34:13,530 I couldn't see 596 00:34:14,070 --> 00:34:15,070 him, 597 00:34:15,190 --> 00:34:16,570 if that makes any sense. 598 00:34:16,700 --> 00:34:18,410 You know what? Never mind. 599 00:34:18,910 --> 00:34:21,530 - I'm trying to tell you... - Forget I asked. 600 00:34:21,620 --> 00:34:23,950 You just don't know what I'm dealing with. 601 00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:25,330 We've all been dealing, 602 00:34:25,410 --> 00:34:28,330 and we somehow managed not to try to fuck each other's spouses... 603 00:34:28,420 --> 00:34:30,830 Hey, that's not what this was about. It just isn't. 604 00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:33,210 So, you were drunk, 605 00:34:33,300 --> 00:34:35,590 - and that's supposed to be okay? - I'm telling you. 606 00:34:36,420 --> 00:34:38,760 I don't even know why I let you come with me. 607 00:34:39,930 --> 00:34:42,810 I touched Nell's body the night before. 608 00:34:43,430 --> 00:34:44,850 The fuck is wrong with you? 609 00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:47,980 Why don't you listen? 610 00:34:48,060 --> 00:34:49,770 - I don't... - I'm telling you. 611 00:34:49,850 --> 00:34:52,940 - I'm trying to tell you. - I don't need to hear your excuses... 612 00:34:53,020 --> 00:34:54,876 - I'm not making excuses. - ...or your bullshit. 613 00:34:54,900 --> 00:34:55,900 I saw... 614 00:35:16,590 --> 00:35:17,590 Are you okay? 615 00:35:17,630 --> 00:35:18,760 That was her! 616 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,760 That was her! That was her! 617 00:35:22,180 --> 00:35:24,050 Did you see that, Shirley? 618 00:35:24,140 --> 00:35:26,140 Do you fucking believe that? 619 00:35:30,390 --> 00:35:32,020 You ought to know why I did it. 620 00:35:33,190 --> 00:35:35,400 I touched Nell because I had to know. 621 00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:37,940 You know what I'm talking about. 622 00:35:38,030 --> 00:35:39,490 Don't pretend that you don't. 623 00:35:40,490 --> 00:35:42,660 You know what happens when I touch people. 624 00:35:42,740 --> 00:35:44,740 A part of you knows, it always has. 625 00:35:46,870 --> 00:35:48,370 I had to know and I... 626 00:35:49,580 --> 00:35:50,580 I touched her. 627 00:35:51,620 --> 00:35:52,620 And I felt... 628 00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:54,960 nothing. 629 00:35:56,590 --> 00:35:58,090 Just nothing. 630 00:35:59,590 --> 00:36:02,300 And it spread, it spread everywhere in me, 631 00:36:02,380 --> 00:36:05,510 this nothing, until I couldn't feel anything anymore. 632 00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:07,140 I was just this dark, 633 00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:09,350 empty black hole. 634 00:36:09,850 --> 00:36:12,140 And I tried to fill it up, I tried to fill me back up, 635 00:36:12,230 --> 00:36:15,440 and I called Trish and she came right away and I felt nothing. 636 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,480 And then I tried to mourn at the wake and I felt nothing, 637 00:36:18,570 --> 00:36:21,950 and so I drank and I drank, and nothing worked. 638 00:36:22,030 --> 00:36:24,160 I couldn't feel anything, Shirley. 639 00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:27,580 After I touched her skin, I couldn't feel... 640 00:36:28,740 --> 00:36:29,910 anything. 641 00:36:30,660 --> 00:36:33,750 And then we're in the basement and the lights go out. 642 00:36:35,170 --> 00:36:36,460 And I can't see. 643 00:36:37,130 --> 00:36:38,460 And I can't feel. 644 00:36:39,500 --> 00:36:43,680 And I'm just... I'm just floating in this ocean of nothing, 645 00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,390 and I wonder if this is it, if this is what death is, 646 00:36:46,470 --> 00:36:50,430 just out there in the darkness, just darkness and numbness and alone, 647 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:54,390 and I wondered if that's what she felt and that's what Mom feels, 648 00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:58,360 and it's just numb and nothing and alone. 649 00:37:02,110 --> 00:37:04,860 What if that's what it is for all of us 650 00:37:05,910 --> 00:37:07,120 when the time comes? 651 00:37:09,830 --> 00:37:12,660 And then the lights came on and there he was, and I... 652 00:37:13,250 --> 00:37:15,290 I didn't see him. I didn't see him. 653 00:37:15,370 --> 00:37:17,210 He was the light in the darkness. 654 00:37:17,290 --> 00:37:19,920 He was a life preserver in the ocean. 655 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:23,340 I just... I reached for him because I had to feel something. 656 00:37:23,420 --> 00:37:24,680 I had to feel anything. 657 00:37:26,010 --> 00:37:27,760 And I didn't see him. 658 00:37:28,180 --> 00:37:30,430 I didn't... I didn't see him. I didn't see him. 659 00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:31,640 I didn't see him! 660 00:37:31,720 --> 00:37:33,230 And he stopped me. He stopped me. 661 00:37:33,310 --> 00:37:35,100 He took my hands, and he said no, 662 00:37:35,190 --> 00:37:37,560 and then I saw him, and then you walked in. 663 00:37:39,020 --> 00:37:41,230 God, I'm so glad I did it, though. 664 00:37:42,690 --> 00:37:43,940 Because it worked. 665 00:37:44,860 --> 00:37:46,410 Oh, God, it worked. 666 00:37:46,910 --> 00:37:48,450 I started feeling things again, 667 00:37:48,530 --> 00:37:51,620 and I felt... I felt shame, and I felt grief, 668 00:37:51,700 --> 00:37:53,910 and I felt... scared. 669 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:55,660 I felt so fucking scared 670 00:37:55,750 --> 00:37:58,580 that I was gonna lose the only sister that I had left. 671 00:38:00,630 --> 00:38:01,630 And I... 672 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:05,420 Honestly, I had to do it, because it felt better than nothing. 673 00:38:05,550 --> 00:38:08,640 That thorough fucking shame 674 00:38:09,010 --> 00:38:13,020 was so much better than that horrible, empty nothing. 675 00:38:13,100 --> 00:38:15,770 I can't... Shirley, please. 676 00:38:18,230 --> 00:38:20,400 I am... I am so... 677 00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,110 I am so, so, so sorry. 678 00:38:22,900 --> 00:38:24,150 I'm so sorry. 679 00:38:25,070 --> 00:38:27,070 Please, just please. 680 00:40:04,330 --> 00:40:06,670 One, two, three, four, 681 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:08,420 five, six, seven. 682 00:40:14,850 --> 00:40:15,850 One, 683 00:40:16,050 --> 00:40:17,850 two, three, 684 00:40:18,390 --> 00:40:20,060 four, five, 685 00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:21,560 six... 686 00:40:57,260 --> 00:40:58,260 Mom. 50353

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