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She has a weak heart.

- Who are you calling? - My brothers.

Shit!

Calm down. Look after your mom, I'll call.

Hold on.

Christian?

It's the ch�teau.

Yes?

Call me from the hospital.

Shit! What are they doing outside?

Why are they here? You buy expensive toys,

and they leave'em outside.

They get stolen, so they cry.

We'll feel sorry and buy new ones.

Who's going to steal them?

Thieves!

Calm down, the cops broke up the ring of scooter thieves.

It's a matter of principle. You don't... Forget it.

Goddammit!

Fucking shit!

Do you know what time it is? Pipe down!

- I forgot the combination. - What?

I forgot the combination of my lock.

Why are you giving me that look?

It's my birthday.

Oh yeah.

Darn it!

Which hospital do you want?

You're the medics.

- Where'd she go last time? - St-Luc.

- No, Maisonneuve. - Perfect.

THE 3 LITTLE PIGS

Mom always faints when she's too emotional.

She conks out, falls and gets a concussion.

This is her 9th. Incredible she's still alive.

Alive and kicking, too.

The doctors say she's out of danger.

- She's out of danger. - She'll make it.

She'll make it.

Since Dad's death in 85,

we were scared of being orphans.

It was in 86.

You're sure?

That's the past. The story starts now,

here, with Mom's accident.

It set off lots of stuff that changed our lives,

like a screwy domino effect.

Let me introduce my brothers.

This is R�mi, the oldest,

most reasonable, and richest.

Next is Christian, the baby.

He never found his place.

Not that he looked.

He preferred to have fun, play around. Look at him.

He's dying to pop the question.

So, did you sleep with her?

Not that again!

- Not here! - What?

Not yet, but it won't be long.

You risk losing

everything, just for a fling?

Do you realize what it entails?

The lies, complications, double life.

You don't have what it takes.

You talk too much.

You'll get caught.

Stop now, you've merely dipped your toe in the water.

It's not just my toe I want to dip.

You think I'm a bastard? Me too.

But lots of people stray, they're all over.

There are thousands of us.

Young, old, attractive, poor.

BASTARD

Believe me, they're everywhere.

In the bus,

the corner store.

In every culture, every family.

They're all over.

Even in the movies.

Wash yourselves now.

Mathieu, you answer. I can't take it.

Hello? Just a sec.

Mr Quintal? This is the bank.

It's about your card. It's been some time...

Like I tell you every night,

I'll pay you Thursday when I get paid.

- Think I like having to call? - No.

- I understand. - Thursday for sure?

- Thursday. - Fine.

Thanks.

Genevi�ve, I've had it.

Me, a debt collector, being hounded by a debt collector.

We can't pay last winter's heating bill

cause your goddamn boutique eats up our money.

My what boutique?

Goddamn boutique.

You bragged when I opened a business.

The first hitch and you see red.

Not me, the store's in the red.

I'm fixing that.

Lynn's working less.

The creditors can wait.

I'll work more hours.

Work more hours?

You're that desperate to avoid me?

And the girls?

The girls need a mother.

Not some stranger who drops in occasionally.

She hurt me!

It's not true! Not true!

Will you two stop fighting? Behave for once!

She started it!

Quiet down and finish your bath!

Mathieu!

- Finish up! - That's enough.

- What now? - Take a walk.

I need cigarettes.

If you didn't smoke we could pay the oil bill.

Who starts to smoke at 36 anyway?

It's me.

How are you?

I'm so glad you called.

What a pleasure to hear her warm, sensual voice.

I pictured Josiane as

a wildcat, begging to be tamed.

But in reality

it wasn't so simple.

At work, I know everyone sleeps with everyone.

But I don't want that.

I want more. I'm not just anyone.

Mom's hospital is near your place so I thought

it would be a great opportunity to see each other.

What for?

To be together.

You're my best friend at work.

I like your point of view, your way of seeing things.

I had an affair once with a married man.

It was the pits.

I understand.

We're playing a dangerous game.

But a fun game.

I'm warning you,

I'm high maintenance.

I'm a hands-on guy.

How is she?

Hard to say.

Weird.

It's a good sign.

She's not in pain.

Guess I'll be off.

So, anything new?

I kissed her.

Gimme a week.

What's your plan?

Well, I'll take my penis and...

No, I stick to my game plan. I'm nice, I listen...

He's good. I couldn't do that.

It's the only way.

I'm broke, with two kids, hitched.

So I listen and act nice.

Big ears mean more than a big dick.

I can't believe you're still considering it.

Stop. Now, while there's still time.

I won't get caught.

The trick is not to fall in love.

You should do like Christian.

Get a few porn flicks, some Redi-Wipes.

Let out the beast.

And say no to temptation.

You use Redi-Wipes?

Not Kleenex?

No, he finds they're more absorbent.

They clean better.

What are you talking about?

Can she hear us?

No.

Though some specialists disagree.

I'll come back later.

Let's test her.

Mom?

Perry Como.

- What are you doing? - Why?

They're her favorite singers.

Peepee, caca, weewee...

That's much better.

Fellatio,

orgy,

peeping, window.

Feeling ok?

You're right.

No more ambiguous kisses for us.

We can still be friends.

Sure.

Sure, of course.

But I'll always be attracted to you, you know.

Me too.

I feel attracted to you too.

But it doesn't make sense.

If you were free, it would be different.

There are so many things I like about you.

The way you talk.

The way you walk.

The way you listen to me.

Even your ears are sexy!

Mom says married men are like library books.

You have to return them.

Your mom's right. Did she borrow often?

I'm having doubts.

Look, Josiane. I know, I'm married.

I understand. Maybe we should leave things as they are.

You gotta lay down the law if you want to get laid.

Two days later

Josiane invited me over. I was going crazy.

But I needed someone to cover for me.

- Is H�l�ne home? - Talk louder.

Is H�l�ne home?

Can I come in?

Yeah.

Josiane invited me over.

I need an alibi. We spent the evening at the hospital.

- What is this? - An alibi.

No, what's that?

Josiane says I have sexy ears.

So is it ok?

Doctor Sex?

What's that?

You're not alone?

Yes, I am.

No, it's not... Ok, come see.

- You're sick. - Cut it out.

You caught me with my pants down.

I'm having a cybersex session. Wanna see?

My virtual mistress.

She's completely naked. Take a peek.

Hold on.

Show me your face, you bastardl

Enough of this filthl

You won't ruin my lifel

I'll smash your facel

I'll find you, you pigl

- It's not me! - Where are you?

I have a wife. It's him!

I'll find you, you scumbagl

Can he trace me?

I dunno, but he's filthy.

He cleans chimneys.

How do you know?

Talking gets her in the mood.

I never heard of cyber-foreplay.

Were you two fighting?

Well there are signs of violence.

What happened?

- Where's my watch? - How should I know?

- Where's my watch? - How should I know?

I had to go.

I had two hours to f... go and come back.

I have to go.

Wow, you're so chic.

Mom likes it when...

She's comatose.

She might wake up.

- Can I go to the hospital, Daddy? - No.

Take her along.

Seeing Mom will traumatize her.

- She looks like she's sleeping. - No, her face goes all...

Bye, girls!

Sorry!

I tried to focus on the coming bliss, but I was too wired.

Shit! Oh no!

I was so close to my goal,

but something wasn't right.

This was a sign from heaven.

I should've understood.

Instead, I just told the cop to make it quick.

But I was lucky.

What's the rush?

Why, was I going that fast?

Didn't you see the stop?

Sure, it's you guys I didn't see.

- Slow down, ok? - Yeah, sure.

Did you hurt your ear?

No, it's an allergy. Thanks, bye!

- Fasten your seatbelt. - I will!

No ticket?

He's my brother-in-law.

Strange, he didn't turn into the hospital.

So what?

They're visiting their mom. She's sick.

Sorry to hear that.

His mom.

Like I give a shit?

Hi.

You can't stay?

Robert Cadorette?

Mathieu Quintal, Global Bank.

- Hello. - Where's my cheque?

- Didn't you get my message? - Hold on.

You said you'd send it, agreed?

- You see... - This the second time, agreed?

- Second? - So you're in deep shit, agreed?

You understand me, agreed?

- Pardon? - Do we agree you understand me?

So we understand each other?

Now, you, you scum!

Christian, so impressionable, was copying me.

His internet adventure had whetted his appetite.

A combination.

Nice combination, great.

Good, that's how you attack.

Stay focused.

From here, throwdown, immobilization.

Everyone get that?

Excellent, good work, Karine.

Great, that's beautiful. Bravo!

Perfect.

Anyone want the gloves?

Yeah, me.

H�l�ne didn't say she stopped me?

No, I told her we were both there.

- I covered for you. - She knows you lied, shit!

Not necessarily.

You could've come later.

That's true, that holds up.

So we're clear.

Clear?

You stuck your arm in the grinder.

How'd you feel when you got home?

Cheap.

You see?

But it was worth it! She was a panther!

A panther?

Are panthers sexy?

They're like pussycats, but more so.

- Sure, a panther. - Go on!

At first I couldn't get it up.

I was too nervous.

Then I calmed down and up it went.

90 minutes just flew by.

You didn't last 90 minutes!

It was easy. She was beautiful, the lox and candles...

It was amazing!

How far will you go with this panther?

Intend to leave your family?

Forget those stupid details. So, the lox and candles...?

Mr Quintal?

Mr R�mi Quintal?

Are you family?

- We're three brothers. - Me too.

The news isn't good.

We think it's a coma.

But we'll do more tests.

Thank you.

My big brother R�mi

had such huge problems, ours seemed puny in comparison.

It's been two weeks

since the dog died.

It's time to move on

and get another one.

No.

It's too soon. We're still mourning.

Exactly.

A cute puppy will help us over the loss,

which I also feel, only faster.

What's the rush?

Look how sad she is.

The bowls and ball...

throw them out!

The ball just lies there. It's not fair to the ball!

The ball?

Enough's enough!

A dog... A dog brings life.

It makes you laugh. It brings life!

Right.

It's been 3 months.

- He never says hello. - You don't either.

It's different. This is my home.

When'd he last wash his hair?

Eight weeks ago.

Don't start, you know it's a bet.

Doesn't it bug you?

Something here bugs me, but it's not my hair.

They boiled up the wolf and ate him.

The three little pigs lived happily ever after.

And the two little girls went to sleep.

Ok, bedtime, girls!

Let's go beddy-bye.

Or I'm going to turn into a wolf!

No, Daddy, you're a little pig!

I'm a little pig, am I?

So who are the other two little pigs?

Who's the piggy?

Good night.

G'night, sweetheart!

BASTARD

What's wrong?

It's the weekend, and I'm going to spend it alone again.

Try to drop by tomorrow afternoon.

The weekend's for family.

I'll call you.

I'm tired of waiting for my master to call.

Hi, how are you?

I'm fine.

You sure?

Yeah yeah.

What are you doing?

I'm admiring your bum.

I'm admiring your cute little bum.

You didn't film us?

Are you crazy?

Stop it!

- Hi Mr Quintal! - Hello.

- I wanted to see you. - I guess.

Christ, this is my street!

Five minutes, who cares?

Stop it! Stop!

- You're nuts. - No, she is.

It's getting out of hand.

Your mistress waits on your street?

What's next? She comes to the house?

- You've lost control. - Losing control's fun.

You can't go on like this.

You have to choose.

You're at a crossroads.

Genevi�ve.

Josiane, with her little oils and battery-powered toys...

No, it's Genevi�ve.

Act accordingly.

A pal had a technique to break up with a mistress.

What's the technique?

What was it?

I know one:

Progressive desensitization.

That's it, the same thing!

You gradually become less available, less attentive and sweet.

You touch her less too.

We screw but don't touch?

No! Look, it won't be easy at first.

You win yourself off.

Does it work?

It was invented by a woman.

Yeah, sure.

Sure it works.

It can't be!

- What's wrong? - I have to get the girls.

Why don't you get a sitter when your wife's working?

We could see each other more.

Why do you always babysit?

I don't sit. They're my kids!

Wait!

Is this fun?

I'm so sorry.

My husband said he'd get them.

Thank you.

You ok?

I'm screwed.

Dammit!

This isn't easy to tell you.

It hurts.

R�mi was right, my life was out of control.

But at work the juices were flowing.

You've bullshitted me for months.

How can you live with your lies?

How do you feel?

I'll tell you how you feel.

Like an asshole!

The elastic just snapped in your face.

Not so funny, is it?

- Who is it, dear? - Not now.

So your little boat,

your big Ski-Doo, your fucking 4x4,

your house, cottage, pier,

paddle boat,

your firewood, dentures,

your goddamn tonsils! I'm gonna take'em all! Everything!

Wait a minute.

You don't have a minute!

Time's run out!

I want a certified check tomorrow!

Is that clear?

- Is that clear? - I think so.

Is that clear?

Mr Quintal?

Is it serious?

Her pulse has been irregular for an hour.

It's not good.

Hi.

Mathieu's not here?

Did you reach him?

I left a message.

Call him back.

Darn it!

What is it?

No, that's ok.

It's alright, I'll call him.

It's because it's an analogue model.

It's yours.

It's my brother.

Where are you?

I'm at the hospital.

Where at the hospital?

You like it, don't you?

The hospital.

I'm at the hospital.

- Where? - With the others.

And you?

In the cafeteria.

What are you doing?

Having a coffee.

- Alone? - No, with a donut.

Get up here. Your mom's about...

It's urgent, ok?

- Yes, dear? - I have to go.

Come with me.

She knows, fuck!

She knows.

She'll kill me.

Help me, Christ!

Where's my sock?

Piece of shit.

It won't stay.

Coffee, anyone?

I'll take one.

Her pulse is fine. Hold on.

The waitress was slow.

Everything's fine.

What do you mean?

Five hours ago she was dying.

I don't know who said that, it was a false alarm.

A false alarm, dammit!

Aren't you glad?

When you say you're going to hospital,

leaving me with the dishes and kids,

you're going to the cafeteria?

What do you mean?

You spent an hour and a half in the cafeteria?

You didn't see your mom, didn't know she was dying.

You really want me to believe you were at the cafeteria?

Don't call me a liar!

I like the cafeteria.

It's relaxing.

I have a coffee, read the paper.

It's the only place I can unwind.

I have a tough job.

It's tough with the girls and...

our life is tough.

It's my only time for me.

After that, I go see Mom.

Haven't you noticed I'm nicer when I get back from hospital?

I gave Camille some syrup for her throat.

Let's get a babysitter Saturday,

go out to a restaurant.

Or the cafeteria?

Stop it.

- Who is it? - What?

Who is it?

Who's what?

Who is it?

Let's stop playing this game. There's no one else.

Is it someone at work?

Who is it?

Who is it?

I'm not angry, I just want to know who it is.

Her name's Josiane.

How old is she?

It's you I love, not her.

How old is she?

It's the first time, give me a chance.

How old is she?

26.

I was heartbroken for him.

He was my inspiration. But at the same time

I felt guilty for encouraging him.

Sure, remember in her room?

I was obsessed.

I'm working on it.

You'll get caught.

Stop, you've only dipped your toe in.

It's not my toe I want to dip.

I was jealous.

I didn't have his guts.

I was living vicariously.

Even though I had good reasons of my own.

Your casual look is perfect. Move over, we'll be late.

Your dress is wide as a tent.

Don't you have something slinkier?

Hello? I've put on weight!

- So no more G-strings? - Mind your own business.

It is my business.

You think you own me?

Course not.

Having sex with me,

does that still interest you?

Come lie down.

Now?

Sick bastard!

Think I can do it in an atmosphere like this?

There's always something.

Yup, and we'll have to talk about it.

I agree.

Come sit down.

We'll talk about it.

Think I can talk

in an atmosphere like this?

Truth is, we always put off discussions till later.

Why?

Lack of energy, or courage, dunno.

Meanwhile, for sex,

Meanwhile, for sex,

I could always count on my trusty right hand.

When I got tired of porn, I turned

to the Internet.

Get undressed.

It's amazingl What an incredible inventionl

I hadn't realized how fantastic it is.

Now?

Now.

With the world online, I found someone in Ottawa

who was as frustrated as me.

We'd connect, one hand on our mice,

one on our wine,

one hand on our... mice.

Such a clean little body.

Why do you say that?

My husband's a chimney sweep. He's never 100% clean.

And you?

What do you do?

I'm a psychiatrist.

It's not my mind I want you to explore.

I'm not a shrink at all.

I run a Tae Kwon Do school and sub

as a grade-school gym teacher.

Still not on staff.

God knows why.

I always go all out.

Go on,

get undressed.

Since when do shrinks give physicals?

Like they say,

shrinks look deep into people's breasts.

So show me.

Can you hold on a min... a second?

I'll be right back.

You can go on getting undressed.

I'll continue my examination

real soon.

It won't be long.

Dr Sex?

- Is H�l�ne home? - Talk louder.

- Is H�l�ne home? - Are you there?

This wire's useless. I can't hear a thing.

They're outside the house and the mike's inside.

Dr Sex?

Sick fuck!

I'm sorry.

I never thought it'd turn out this bad.

Shit!

Look, my virtual mistress.

She's naked.

- That bastard! - The jerk-off!

Show me your face!

Enough of this filthl

- What's he doing? - I dunno.

I'll smash your face!

I'll find you, you pig.

Wait here, I'll be back.

What happened?

What happened?

The goddamn computer's all fucked up.

At one point I just lost it.

You know me.

I'll clean it up.

He's not really cheating on me. He jerks off.

Yes, he is cheating, H�l�ne.

Christian always masturbated.

Even at first, when we screwed like crazy.

His whole life's jerking off.

He has another woman.

It's like watching porn.

Porn doesn't call you Dr Sex.

45-23, code 018, corner Hochelaga

and Poupart.

Get up!

Go on, get up!

Against the car!

Against the car, I said!

You can remain silent.

You have...

Shut your mouth!

Spread your legs!

If I'd read books instead of watching fuck films,

I'd be fucking smart.

Me, after 3 days, it starts throbbing.

What does?

Down there.

They get heavy, take up too much room.

I could never go three days.

- No? - No way.

It's like losing control.

Say I'm at the store and see a pretty babe.

I start to follow her. I keep following...

Then at one point,

I don't know what to do.

Y'know, after two or three aisles I think,

I don't know what to do.

It's because you need to screw.

Yeah, exactly.

To screw.

The difference between men and women is, women want to make love.

But guys, we need to screw too.

Just to screw.

You should see me with Josiane.

You wouldn't mind?

You really are twisted.

I was joking.

Fooled you! You should've seen your face.

Lucky you can't see yours.

Aren't women beautiful?

There's nothing more beautiful on earth.

Bastard!

Bastard!

Goddamn pig!

Pervert!

You like it, huh?

You wanton woman!

What a goddamn pig!

I can't believe he did that to me!

What's wrong?

C'mon, you've wanted it for two years!

Want to talk?

Want to do something?

We could watch tv. We could watch a movie.

Shall I bring two Redi-Wipes?

I started to lose interest. I had no one encouraging me.

I still need you, Mom.

Come on, you're a big boy now.

I never found a woman like you, I'm too shy.

Yes, but women go for shy guys too.

You're handsome, intelligent.

Focus on your strengths, not weaknesses.

You drew it today?

Will you show me?

Daddy misses you too.

Yes, honey.

Camille?

Not easy, is it?

I'm such an idiot.

Will Genevi�ve forgive me?

Not easy.

I don't know how to talk to them.

Sometimes they talk such crap.

I know, that's why it's hard to listen sometimes.

Find a woman your type, one you like.

One who's got real life.

See you Monday!

Nice work!

- I don't mind, I can walk. - No, I'll wait.

You're very mature for your age.

Everybody tells me that.

Cause, y'know, at school,

I, like, just can't stand kids my own age.

Guys my age are so shallow.

No, I mean, really!

I like talking to you.

Just too bad you're married.

Yeah.

But we have a very open relationship.

Got you!

What are you doing?

It's not fair.

Undo your kimono.

I've dreamed of seeing your bod for so long.

Now?

Come on...

Thanks.

Do I have to text you?

I'm not 15, like.

I'm not either.

When I got out of there, my head was spinning.

I had three thoughts:

One, I'd had the best evening in far too long.

Two, I reeked of sex,

so I had to wash up, cause, three,

I wasn't getting caught like my brother Mathieu.

Jesus Christ!

What are you doing?

What happened?

Another sad case of police brutality.

Stop, this isn't the time.

You can stay in Mom's room.

If she could see you...

It's pitiful!

Sometimes I wonder

if they're really my brothers.

Two nincompoops,

losers who can't control themselves.

So, did you sleep with her?

Every day, shareholders, CEOs,

actuaries hang on every syllable I say.

But nothing I tell them makes a dent on those idiots.

Stop now, you've only dipped your toe in the water.

It's not just my toe I want to dip!

I also have to fight against my demons.

It's hard enough

for a handsome charmer.

Just imagine if he's intelligent and has money too.

Hello.

Val�rie Nadeau.

- How are you? - Fine.

Talk about beautifull

- I'm glad to see you. - Really?

Really.

I'm glad too.

I'd like to see more.

Excuse me.

No, really?

I'll be right there.

A problem?

My dog died.

What do you mean?

What I said. My dog's dead.

It got run over.

I'm sorry. I thought you were joking.

And Mother had a stroke.

I'm so sorry.

Excuse me, I have to go.

- Nice seeing you. - Me too.

She said, Me too.

Take care.

You won't believe it,

but two weeks later...

- We really were destined to meet. - Val�rie!

Are you alone?

Have a seat.

Thanks.

I hadn't stopped thinking of her, and there she was.

I had so much to tell her.

I'm in a strange phase.

It's weird.

I feel like I'm ready to reshuffle my life

like a deck of cards.

Hitting the 40s. Midlife crisis, anyone?

Maybe.

I don't know.

But I really feel I'm ready for something new.

I never heard that before.

End of round two, stop sparring.

Try a new strategy.

And topic of conversation.

You look fantastic.

Yeah, right. I haven't worked out in months.

I hate treadmills.

Why not try my brother Christian's martial arts school?

Martial arts?

I'm not sure.

No, really,

you'll love it.

I know what you're thinking.

I'm just trying to get her to...

Resisting is more exciting

than succumbing.

Delivery for

Laurence Quintal.

You could've asked first.

He's too cute!

You're lucky she's reacting like this.

It doesn't matter who's right.

All that matters is that we're happy.

Thanks!

Everything was perfect again,

like before.

Are you asleep?

No, you're not asleep.

Victor must've forgotten his key again.

It must be in his hair, unless it melted in his pocket.

- I'll go. - No you won't.

- I'll go. - No.

It's alright.

I'll go.

He'll have to say hello to me.

Don't be long.

When Mathieu was caught, Christian,

it should've been a lesson.

In two years I've slept with H�l�ne maybe three times.

I couldn't take it.

You can't control that, R�mi.

A guy who doesn't fuck goes crazy.

That's a bit facile.

You've been married 15 years?

18.

Are you getting enough?

My needs may not be the same as yours.

In 18 years you never thought of having an affair?

Sure.

You see.

I can't allow myself.

My work, my reputation.

You think it's funny, don't you?

You've no idea how things are in the spheres I frequent.

For sure.

Absolutely.

May I speak to Christian Quintal?

He doesn't live here anymore.

Where can I reach him?

- What's it about? - Are you his wife?

I used to be.

He did dirty things with my wife on the Internet.

He's a goddamned asshole.

Where can I find him?

It's weird, but I don't feel down.

I feel liberated.

Are you sure you'll be ok?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

That's good.

Oops, sorry!

Am I interrupting?

I was just leaving.

Mom, can you hear me?

Genevi�ve and I are having problems.

It's tough.

I screwed up.

I don't know how to fix it.

What should I do, Mom?

He's crazy, shit.

Your porn tapes.

Sperminator.

Pinocchio Gets a Woody. Horny Potter.

I have a box full.

That's ok, I don't need'em now.

- Your partner on the force? - Yeah.

Is he your boyfriend now?

Yeah.

You don't waste time.

We've been sleeping together for a while.

Got your gun with you?

No.

Then stay in the car.

Keep out of this.

- That's why you never wanted sex. - Sex?

Mr Speedy Gonzalez!

Five minutes and it was over.

Hugo knows what a woman wants in bed.

You didn't have to come here.

You're leaving the guys alone?

They'll have fun.

Like the Three Little Pigs.

I'm not worried.

I'm in the house of pig number 3. The solid one.

Yes, but you're leaving.

R�mi's no different from his brothers.

That's where you're wrong.

You've no idea how different he is.

It's incredible.

It feels so good.

Why'd I wait so long to separate?

Because you never make decisions.

She separated from you.

You can say what you want,

but lots of girls dream

of seducing their teacher in a kimono.

So believe me,

I'm going to milk it good.

That girl you sent me, Val�rie,

she's pretty hot.

Who's Val�rie?

Someone I know.

Dominique's in the country. Have fun.

I will have fun.

With Pinocchio Gets a Woody.

Pinocchio Gets a Woody?

It's about a guy who, when he lies,

his dick gets longer.

The longer it is, the more he fucks. The more he lies.

It's a vicious circle.

It sounds dumb, but it's really good.

Sperminator 's different. It's about...

- 3 girls who... - I get the picture.

But really, it's...

Tell me, you don't...

masturbate every day?

Sure, I do too.

You don't get bored?

I have a trick. You sit on your left hand.

You wait till it's numb, then jerk off.

It feels like a girl's doing it, it's amazing.

How come?

You don't feel your hand, and the beat's wrong.

I'll be right there.

Mom woke up.

An 11-year-old boy did that to you

with a ball?

Kids are a lot bigger today, Mom.

And you, Mathieu?

How are things?

They're ok.

Genevi�ve? The girls?

Just fine.

You, R�mi?

You know, the routine. School's out.

Everyone's at the cottage.

It's summer already.

I missed out on a lot.

Not really.

Same old, same old.

The daily grind.

Did you undo your seatbelt?

Come to Daddy, sweetheart.

Do you have your backpack?

Hold on.

Hi there.

I couldn't have gotten them on time.

No problem. Call anytime.

Your hair's pretty.

Thanks.

Things ok?

Not really.

I miss you.

You asked for it.

I know.

Bye, sweetheart.

Mommy, can Daddy eat supper with us?

Thanks.

How's work going?

It's fine.

At least something's fine.

Not a case I can't settle.

Can we play downstairs?

Sure, you'll have dessert later.

- Are you done? - Yes, thanks.

It's hard.

Want me to feel sorry?

How could you do that to me?

I feel so betrayed.

I don't know, I was fed up. Something had to change.

We could've talked.

You can't say I didn't try.

I told you 1000 times I was tired of being broke.

Of seeing you slaving away in that money pit of a store.

Never making love because you were always tired.

We never had time alone for the two of us.

And your solution was to cheat on me.

You really are heartless.

You've no respect for what we built all these years.

I get it.

Everything that happened is all my fault.

It's all me.

You're perfect.

The perfect successful businesswoman.

A great mom, who looks after her kids.

A wife overflowing with libido.

You're perfect. I'm the problem here.

It's just me.

You're a real bastard.

The life you want doesn't exist.

No one has everything you want.

Not all at once, it's impossible.

Here we are, fighting again.

We never solve anything.

I can't breathe here.

Think I can, living with a guy who's freaking out

because he has a house, two kids and a wife?

Is it so complicated?

I may want too much, but you don't want enough.

We always do that.

We always do that.

Use what the other person says against them.

Can't we just...

just try to watch out?

Watch out for each other.

To watch what we say.

Just love one another.

Just try.

You know, go to a movie,

go out for a meal,

screw, maybe.

Or just make love.

I don't know.

Can we have dessert?

- Later. - Please!

I said later.

Go on now.

I'm so angry.

I don't want the girls to see.

Why not?

I don't want to raise their hopes.

- Can I stay here? - Not a chance.

But when the girls are asleep we can go upstairs.

You have to go.

What's with you? She's been waiting 3 hours.

I've been waiting 3 hours!

I met an old friend.

Yeah, who?

We had a date, or did you forget?

Forgive me. I'm sorry.

You prick!

Watch it, I gave up everything for you.

You didn't give up anything, you got caught.

Fine, good riddance!

You're right, we can't end it like this.

It's ok if you want to see your friends.

I'm only this jealous because...

Coming for supper?

Look,

I don't know what to say or do.

You don't talk, you don't wash.

You're really making me pay.

You're exaggerating.

I don't deserve this.

- I love you, Sophie. - Then go wash.

What are you doing?

Gaston!

- Where you going? - A job in Montreal.

Montreal?

Have you gone crazy?

Come on, Gaston!

Here he is! It's my bro'!

What's all this?

I invited my class for a dip.

It was so hot, it was ridiculous.

You might've asked.

We're giving your pool a workout. Is that how you thank me?

Go change, we'll have fun.

Is there a R�mi here?

Yeah, that's me.

Bring the chips.

What's that music?

Christian invited his martial arts class without asking.

Really, he has some nerve.

I said, really, he has some nerve.

What can I say?

What'll you do?

For now, nothing.

They're in the pool. I can't just kick them out.

What can you do?

My beige sandals...

Can you bring them tomorrow?

Sandals, sure.

Good night.

Funny seeing you here.

It's funny being here.

You surprised me.

Here to see me?

I wanted to see your house.

Yes, I wanted to see you.

If I could...

What's stopping you?

What?

We were going to spend a romantic weekend!

- Well we can't. - Why not?

- Let's talk about it inside. - Tell me now.

I'm going back to Genevi�ve.

What do you mean you're going back?

I love her.

I don't love you.

You don't love me either.

Fuck you, don't tell me how I feel.

I love you desperately.

I can't deal with this.

I have a family.

I have a wife I love...

That's who I am.

That's who I am.

I knew this would happen.

You lousy suburban loser!

It's over, ok?

Dispatch to 4523.

A woman just called in a panic.

Says she was abused by a psychiatrist on the Net.

Her husband's mad, she's worried he'll turn violent.

Better check it out.

It's at 1196 Forgette on Nun's Island.

Copy that.

Maybe I went too far.

I know it's a clich�,

but it feels like nothing else exists.

It's like we're

all alone.

Your dog got loose.

Thanks, Gilles.

Val�rie, this is Gilles, a neighbor.

- Hello. - Hi.

Dominique, what are you doing here?

I have a meeting tomorrow so I'll sleep here.

Hi Gilles, things ok?

- Yeah, and you? - Great, thanks.

Good party?

Yeah, Christian...

Dominique, meet Val�rie.

She's studying martial arts with Christian.

Gilles, that's Christian my brother.

Gilles, Val�rie. Val�rie, Gilles, neighbor and friend.

Jesus!

Why do jerk off on the Net with my wife?

What's your goddamn problem?

No, we were just...

we were just chatting.

Sure.

To you it means nothing.

For me,

she's the only pretty woman who'd have me.

There's lots of pretty girls here.

You could have'em all.

You're good-looking.

I'm talking to you! Are you handsome?

I'm not too bad,

I guess.

Why do you steal other people's women?

I can never leave her alone now.

I'll go crazy.

Now I have to watch her.

I'll end up stifling her.

Eventually she'll leave me.

Excuse me.

Let's go, sir.

Sorry, everybody.

Stop staring at me,

I'm not the only one on porn sites.

Like you.

Don't tell me that...

Anyway,

you sure flipped him into the pool.

Something wrong?

The party here...

your two brothers who strayed...

I ask myself, why not you?

I'm different.

Okay, okay.

But don't think about taking a mistress.

Come here.

Come on.

I love you.

I love you.

R�mi, telephone.

What?

Hang up.

Can't this wait?

Hang up!

Ok, fine.

I'm going to walk the dog.

What's going on?

- Who's that slut? - She's not a slut!

She's a very nice lady, a student of Christian's.

You're a real bastard.

I don't even know her!

Who's he?

- There's just Dominique and you. - You're lying.

I know that dirty look of yours. I saw you ogling her!

Don't take it that way.

Stop looking at your damn watch!

Yeah, that bugs me too.

I agree.

When you say you love me,

is it just to sleep with me?

Come off it!

You know I love you.

It was the first time I saw her and the last.

It better be, or the whole town

will know you've had a gay lover for five years.

Are they going to do it?

I love you.

I care about you.

I don't want to ruin that for anything.

I'm so scared of losing you, R�mi.

What would make you feel better?

A nice blowjob?

- It's crazy. - Stop! Just drop it!

- Our brother... - I can't hear you!

- Getting sucked off! - Jesus!

- Who else can I discuss it with? - Well...

- Do he and Dominique still do it? - Sure, I saw them.

No, I wasn't... It was an accident, I swear.

Yeah, sure.

Do you think Dominique knows he swings both ways?

What do we do?

- Do we ask him about it? - No, we zip it.

Anyway, he'd never talk about it with us.

You're right.

I don't want to talk about it either.

Besides,

how do you bring it up?

R�mi, feel like a beer?

No, never this early.

You guys drink too much. Better watch it.

Even a martial arts teacher can get a beer belly.

Like they say, a healthy mind in a healthy body.

I have no choice.

With all the stress at work...

The machine has to keep up.

Excuse me.

God, he's good.

He doesn't let on at all.

On top of it, he even lectures us.

The guy's a samurai.

I couldn't have chosen a nicer day.

Amidst my loved ones.

I'm so proud of my three boys.

Don't think I don't know them. I know them by heart.

C'mon, Tarzan.

Me, Tarzan!

Hold these, Jane.

My little Christian.

Nothing can keep him from having fun.

Not everyone's made for a house, a wife and kids.

Still, it is sad.

He'd have made such a great father.

Mathieu.

I think he and Genevi�ve will make it.

It won't be easy,

but they just might, they're so in love.

R�mi, my oldest.

His life's complicated.

Just like his dad.

One person's not enough.

He needs everyone to love him.

Want to eat, Mom?

Translation: Robert Gray, Kinograph Subtitles: CNST, Montreal

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