All language subtitles for Dirk.Gentlys.Holistic.Detective.Agency.S02E06

Previously on

"Dirk Gently's Holistic
Detective Agency"...

Do you think there's a chance

that he could be the boy
you're looking for?

I don't want this situation
to get abruptly monster-y,

or scissor-y, or any of the other things

situations have been getting lately.

- Do you know what this is?
- Wendimoor.

You can't exist!

He's having a heart attack.

These people are more powerful
than I imagined.

You are in way over your head.

Underneath your pain, there is a power.

I found them.

Oh, yeah!

This is your test, Suzanne.

It's time you showed the world
your real power.

- Scott Boreton.
- What?

We'd like to have a word with you.

That's Suzie Boreton.

Wenefria! No!

I'm one of the freaks!

I want to everybody here!

I'm just saying

that this could be a big thing for us.

Money, a new start.

You always say,

"I'll think about it.
I'll think about it."

'Cause I'm thinking about it.

Oh, you... you'd rather a man
who didn't think?

Maybe just one
who thought a little quicker.

What was that?

It sounded like...

a ship?

We should go find a phone,

call for help.

Were there any reports of tornados?

How did it get here?

There's no water for miles!

Hello?

Mom? Is that you?

Oh, I'm so happy you're here.

We can go home together.

Something happened last night, Mom.

Something incredible!

I finally figured out

why I've been such a jerk to you.

I've always just felt
like you didn't want me,

and that just made me
so angry all the time!

But... all that's all gonna change now.

Because I... I totally support you.

And I love you.

And I'm...

Gravta bazan.

Is this... a joke?

No, sir.

Same situation as Project Icarus.

Some sort of electrical pulse,

a brief break in the surveillance,

water all over the place.

This is the second subject
that we have lost this week,

and there's three of them!

How come every time
I leave you in charge,

subjects disappear?

I'm not in charge, sir.

I'm... I'm just a lieutenant.

A lieutenant?

I thought you were my assistant.

No, sir.

I'm Lieutenant Assistent.

You mean, like,

your last name is "Assistent"?

Like, with an "E" or something?

Yes.

Gah! Why is everything so stupid?!

I've been going about this all wrong.

There's only one smart person
in this whole stupid building!

Is that necessary?

Nice!

Oh ho ho ho ho ho...

sweet!

Oh, yes! Yes!

Okay.

Ugh.

Oh, ho, ho, man.

I am so screwed.

Ahem.

Okay. So...

Y'all gotta go.

Just ripped my underwear.

'Cause this is a police station.

Huh.

Let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go, let's go!

What...

So...

Good first concert?

I feel... renewed.

And...

incredibly dirty.

Yeah.

That sounds about right.

Where's Dirk?

Mm.

- Hi!
- Yaah!

Ohh...

Last night, you and all your friends,

you were out there yelling and kissing

and just grabbing each other's butts

and giving each other compliments.

It was a mess.

Mm. I-It was a mistake... coming in here.

I-I-I was in quite a state last night.

Are you back to being scared of me?

- Mm-hmm.
- Why?

- You tried to kill me.
- This again?

Yeah, sorry. This forever.

Ugh!

You know, I don't get you.

You're going through
the same thing as me,

I can tell.

Do you even know how it works?

I mean, you talk about
the interconnectedness

with all those big, fancy words,

but do you even know what you are?

Do you?

Do you have an answer, Bart?

You're not exactly a bastion
of eloquent, articulate thought,

but do you have some kind
of insight to offer me,

or are you just
going to indolently scowl at me

while I'm trapped in your cage?

I'm just an assassin.

But I'll tell you what.

I'm starting to get a feeling
this will all end badly.

I'm sorry.

I failed.

It went wrong. I, um...

I dropped the wand,

but I'm gonna make it right.

I just... I dropped the wand,

but I just need another shot,

another chance,

and I swear I will get Dirk Gently.

I'll get the boy.

It doesn't matter.

Are you all right?

See for yourself.

Wait, is that supposed to be you?

I suppose I always suspected

there was something wrong with my world.

Even as I took it over,

it felt off somehow, you know?

Um, I don't...

This is just a picture.

Just a picture?

Look there.

This is the Battle of Star Rock.

This is the first kingdom
that I conquered.

And here, there's the war
for Knick-Knack Highlands!

And this is the ambush
at Marshmallow Mountains.

So?

All of these are battles
that I won easily.

There's no way anyone
could know all these details!

I've killed everyone in my world
who could tell these stories.

And yet, these drawings show them all,

with one difference -

I lose.

Every time.

Don't you see?

This is how it was meant to be.

I'm just a...

just a puppet.

Just a bad guy.

The person who did this

must be the boy of the prophecy,

and Dirk Gently's already found him!

If I return...

to Wendimoor...

I'll be defeated.

All this time, I was built to lose...

by a child.

Do you know where the boy is?

And... what?

You're just giving up?

You're just gonna, what...

let him live?

All because of some stupid kid's drawing

in a weird old crack house,

you're all sulky and depressed.

No! Unh-unh.

You told me

I was gonna be a queen.

A queen!

I'm sorry, Mr. Mage, but this isn't over.

Not by a long shot.

I'm gonna finish this myself!

You watch your tongue, you impudent...

Or what? Hmm?

Do you see me in your stupid drawing?

You may think

that you're some kind of fantasy...

but I'm real!

I am real!

No. I'm sorry, I've never
seen this woman before.

You said she had a wand?

Or something, yes.

It was a wand. It was
definitely a magic wand.

Let's bite that bullet.

Perhaps she was there to help.

You said she cast a love spell?

She did not look like
she wanted to help, okay?

She was headed right for Dirk.

Dirk, do you think Suzie Boreton
got it from Wendimoor?

Maybe she's been to Wendimoor.

Maybe that's how Amanda got there.

Bit of a logical leap there, Todd.

Look, we should be
just trying to finish this,

before anything else happens,

not getting hung up on details.

- Details?
- Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Maybe Wendimoor's
always existed, somehow,

and Arnold Cardenas
is the guy who found it,

and then his parents...
murdered each other,

and the government locked it down?

Then why is this all happening now?

The prophecy was spoken ages ago.

What could've set it into motion?

Ooh! Ooh! That's one of those...

That is a good question, man.

Why have we not been
talking to this guy sooner?

I am pro-this guy now. I am Team Poncho!

"Panto."

I don't understand how
Suzie Boreton's involved.

Is she under some kind
of spell, too, or...

Wait...

The prophecy. The prophecy!

- What?
- What?

In the prophecy, didn't you say

the dark wizard would find an apprentice?

Isn't that how it all started?

Look, isn't it probable, possible,

indeed very likely,

and, in fact, almost certain

that Suzie Boreton met this Mage person,

and is, for some reason,
in league with him?

You're saying Suzie Boreton
is, what, some kind of witch?

Yeah, like a crappy junior witch, right?

I don't think the "love spell"
or whatever

was an intentional move.
I think it was a mistake.

She looked like she wanted to hurt us.

I-I think Bob Boreton was enchanted, too.

I think that's why he attacked us.

This man, The Mage,
must've got here first,

before Panto.

I-If he knows the prophecy you told us

about saving Wendimoor,
he'd know my name,

that I'd "bring the boy"
who would stop him...

He'd want to kill me.

The Mage is a cruel, sadistic monster.

He's destroyed most of my world

just for the sake of his own amusement.

If you're correct,

and The Mage is here,

or has an agent in your world...

then I'm afraid you're
all in grave danger.

There's a way to find out.

Farah, if you find the clothes
you were wearing last night,

you'll find Scott Boreton's phone.

Hello?

Suzie Boreton?
This is Deputy Tina Tevetino.

I'm afraid to tell you

Scott's gotten himself
into some trouble again.

You don't say.

It's not a class-one felony,
uh, but I have had to hold him.

He's saying a lot of stuff
about a "mage" or something,

I don't know, was hoping
you could clear some things up.

Why are you lying to me, Tina?

Uh...

You don't understand
who you're antagonizing.

You have no idea what I could do to you.

Well, Suzie...

I feel like you're threatening
me right now, so that's...

You people embarrassed me!

You laughed at me. You were

dancing and having fun

while I was crawling on the ground...

Uh, we didn't...

I was just trying
to do something for myself,

just kill one person,

and now I have mud in my hair!

You think I'm going to let
people make me feel small again?

I am done feeling small.

Nuh-uh.

You know how much bullshit
I've had to deal with?

Well, not anymore.

No, I won't let your negative attitude

drag me down.

I will cover myself

in your blood!

I have high self-esteem.

I am...

magnificent.

And I'm going...

...to kill all of you!

I think it's time
you gave me my gun back.

Well...

your first error

was letting Priest use his own guys.

Right. I-I see that.

And your second error...

Can we not... list my errors?

- There are a lot.
- I know.

There are, like, a lot of errors.

I know!

Like, there are errors, and then,

nothing else... only errors.

Ugh! Can you get the Rowdy Three back?

Our priority should be
what's happening in Bergsberg.

But it doesn't make any sense

that there wasn't any police response

to what happened at the motel.

Priest is still there, right?

Have him ping the GPS trackers

in the Bergsberg Sheriff
Department vehicles.

Let's find out where they are.

What would be the point of that?

Well, everything is connect...

You really still don't get
how this works, do you?

Like, no!

Could I talk to Mr. Priest?

Well, I mean, he just ignores
everything I say,

so, like... sure.

You know I'm gonna need
a higher clearance for that.

Of course.

I want that square head!

They're all squares. Cubes.

These things are so dumb, and I love it!

It's "The Bad Cube Gang"!

Mm. Canadian-made.

That's a nice hat there, Drummer.

I just don't trust cubes.

There's too many dimensions.
It's confusing!

Are you gonna tell us
how you did that trick?

How you sucked us through
the floor like that?

I don't know, Martin. I'm...

I'm still learning.

Mm.

But I'm happy to see you.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I been around a long time.

I seen a lot of wild-style bamboo,

but those furry monsters,

it's new to me.

You have truly upped my limit.

I'm just going with the flow right now.

Trying to not ask too many questions.

Hey, Drummer, one of the
Martians is touching me again!

Vogel, we've been through this!

This is not Mars.

But it might be Canada.

- It's not Canada, Cross.
- That guy's Canadian!

- We are in the woods right now!
- That's Canada!

Like I said... you've upped my limit.

I'm gonna figure out how to get us home.

Is that the plan?

I mean, we just got here, right?

I thought she was teaching you stuff.

She is, yeah.

But...

don't you guys...

I thought you would want to leave.

No, Drummer.

You're in charge.

I'm in charge?

Where you go, we go.

Hell, you dragged us out of that pit.

And you think we would
just want to walk away?

If you want to learn magic,
learn that weird crap.

We ain't got no place to be
but here for you.

Guys, this is a mess.

I just checked the station voicemail,

and there are nine messages saying

that the motel's all shot up
like the Wild West,

government trucks coming through,

and drones in the sky,

and weird encrypted messages
using secure channels?

- Blackwing.
- This is bad.

And Hobbs isn't picking up his phone,

and he always picks up his phone,

and I checked my stupid voicemail, and...

It was on silent,

and I got a message from him last night.

He was over at the Cardenas',

and something was happening,
and... and he was amped.

You know, nervous?

Hobbs is never nervous.

And I...

Farah, uh, uh, wh-what's...
what's our next move?

Do we... Do we wait for him here, or...

We can't stay here, Tina.

We should go to the Cardenas house.

That's where the portal
is hidden, that's how

we get to Wendimoor, and that's
where Hobbs said he was!

No! That's where Hobbs said he was.

We've got no guarantee
where, or even if, he is.

You are all now actively in danger,

and that's my fault, so...

You know what?

Actually... I've finished the case.

I've done as Mona asked.

I've found the boy.

But Wendimoor...

Mona didn't say anything about Wendimoor.

May not even be real.

According to you,
Mona barely said anything.

We've seen Panto, Amanda, magic wands...

Then we go to the hospital.

If anyone can put all this to rest

and stop any more of this nonsense

leading to anyone else getting hurt,

it's Arnold Cardenas.

Finishing the case
is our way out of this.

The hospital is our only
useful destination.

Arnold is the only one
who knows what actually happened

in that house all those years ago

that caused all this.

He is male,
he, at one point, was a child,

and he damn near shat himself
when he saw Panto.

Good enough for me.

Clap-clap!

He is the boy! He has to be the boy!

He's a boy who went
into a magical painting

or opened a door to another universe

where, I guess,
the Purple People Eater lived,

or some stupid thing,
and, yes, that makes no sense,

and I don't know
how to connect it to Mona

or anything else, but who cares?

Me? No! 'Cause guess what?

Snap-snap. I'm calling it!

Case over.

We get him, he shows us to Wendimoor,

prophecy fulfilled!

Mona is involved in some way, I'm sure,

and mystery solved,
solved all over the place.

Done. Done!

I'll find the boy, what,
six times in a row if I have to!

Done! Did it!

I'll point at him. "Did it!"

That's my new thing. "Did it!"

Is he okay?

Honestly? No clue.

But the sooner we get to
the hospital, the better.

I'm gonna get the air gun.

Oh, no. No, no, Todd.

Are you sure that you need that?

Todd?

Hello, Icarus.

Whosever idea
it was to track the cop cars,

buy that guy a donut.

I can't.

I can't. It's too much.

Could we take a break?

Could we just take, like,
I don't know, five?

The pool is just
a stepping stone, a tool.

If you can learn to control your visions,

you can learn to control your reality.

You've already used it before.

Yeah. You helped me.

If I try to do it again,
I'll have an attack.

Then have one!

What?

How can you say that?
You know that it hurts!

How do you feel?

Angry.

- Why are you angry?
- 'Cause I'm afraid!

Fear is just a thing...
like anything else.

A feeling that exists inside of you.

I thought you were punk.

I am punk.

Screw you!

Aah!

Oh! I'm having an attack!

There's a knife in my hand!

I see it. You are in control.

Stay calm.

Separate from reality.
Go to the place within.

The physical world

is just something you
experience with your body.

Your body is a collection
of meat and blood and bone.

Your awareness can separate.

Separate!

The knife is just
an illusion, your illusion.

Own it! Control it!

Make it your reality!

Oh, shit!

The attack's over...
but the knife is real!

I created the knife.

I am a freakin' witchakookoo!

Hey, Tina.

"Wacky T"!

I've never seen you this far east.

I heard you became a cop.

And working with Hobbs, no less.

I, uh...

Oh, hiya... Rizzio!

Marnie!

Marnie Fee from over
there in Great Falls.

Oh. Uh, yeah. Hi.

Hiya. Did you conversate
with Hobbs recently?

I've been trying to reach him.

Yeah. Me, too, actually.

A shipment of guns from
Great Falls was stolen.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Ya don't say?

Suspects went poof,
into thin air, but get this...

we found out whoever paid them

used gold bars with big "Ks" on them,

like something out of a fairy tale.

- The Mage.
- We have to go. Now.

Sure...

Sure. Bye, Tina!

Uh, good to see you...

Marnie.

Whoever you are, get out of here.

Oh, no... I-I'm Dirk Gently.

Remember?

I was told to find you

by a woman named Mona Wilder.

Do you know who that is?

No. Leave me alone.

Yes. You said

the house within a house

and the air gun were made for you.

By whom? Who made them?

Someone in Wendimoor?

Do you know how to get there?

Wendimoor can't be real.

If it is... I'll never be forgiven.

Forgiven by who?

My parents were always fighting...

over money...

the motel, the farm.

A company called "Kellum"
wanted to buy our land.

My mother wanted to sell...

...but my papi, he wanted to stay.

The fighting got worse and worse.

And then, one night...

my mother came home in a shiny new car...

Kellum had bought her.

The scissors...

I lost both my parents in one night.

Is that why you called the government?

Because your mother killed your father?

What does that have to do with Wendimoor?

I thought I was going to be taken there.

It was a promise.

Wendimoor would be a safe haven...

but it can't exist.

Well, if it does, can you take us there?

Maybe...

Yes.

Then put your shoes on.

We're going to another dimension.

Priest.

Update.

This is not Supervisor Friedkin.

To whom am I speaking?

Uh, no, it's cool. I'm still in charge,

but my friend Ken here knows Dirk...

Update, please?

Interesting.

The subject and accomplices
have entered the hospital.

There's no sign of any activity yet.

Let us know if anything changes.

Otherwise, hold back.
Your team is en route.

Things appear to be getting
a bit more interesting here.

I have an unknown female

approaching the premises

looking... sort of...

nuts.

What is up with her?

Excuse me?

Arnold... Can I help you?

Toros!

Drop your weapon!

Aah!

Things are getting distinctly
supernatural around here.

Bursts of light coming from inside.

It might be time...

for me to move in.

Find Project Icarus!

But stay back unless
the subjects are in danger.

I don't want any subjects hurt,

you hear me?

Yeah, I got that.

What about the civilians and accomplices?

Project Icarus is the priority.

Oh.

I like you, Ken.

Attention, all staff.

This is not a drill.

A controlled hospital lockdown
is now in effect.

Please enter the nearest room

and lock the doors.

Hey! Freeze!

Shit's going down.

It's Suzie Boreton. It has to be.

This is all my fault.

We need to get Arnold out of here.

I betrayed him.

We need to go, now!

Go, go, go, go.

Where the hell is she coming from?

I don't know.

Whoa!

Give me the boy!

Tina, cover!

Oh...

Oh, that's so bad!

Tina!

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!

Yaah!

No. No!

What about Tina?

She's not after her! She's after us!

Argh!

Oh, uh, this way!

We need to find another way.

No, Arnold, just trust us.

Stand back!

Ah!

Arnold?

Arnold!

Well, hello there.

Who are you?

- No!
- Come on, let's go!

Wouldn't you like to know?

Toros!

Aah!

Priest! Status!

Things got a little zany.

Goddamn it, baby.

I miss Blackwing.

It's gonna be okay, Dirk.

It most certainly is not.

We'll... We'll figure it out.

We... We have to get out of here.

We'll regroup. We'll...

There's nowhere to go.

And the boy is dead.

So there's no regrouping.

Let's go!

Now!

Whose car is this?

They won't miss it.

I can't believe that finally worked.

What did you see?

People I know.

People I don't know.

I saw Dirk, I saw my brother's guitar.

I saw, um...

Could you see this stuff?

No.

I can't see into your realm on my own.

I made a friend.

I use her eyes.

What else did you see?

I saw something bad coming.

There was an army.

Like those box-head...
the Kellum knight guys.

And there was thousands of them,

and they were coming here.

So what happens when this army gets here?

If the army is as close as you've seen,

that is very bad indeed.

Evil will win.

Everyone will die.

Hey, you're not talking anymore.

Don't you understand?

They left us food

because they know they might not be back.

They are facing grave peril.

You have to let me out of here.

We can take my weapons

and disguise ourselves
in garb of this world.

I told you that we can't...

No! You have to let me out.

If The Mage is here,
it changes everything.

I have to go back to Wendimoor.

If my family's fate is to die,

then I shall die fighting as
hard as I can by their sides.

Wait. You know how to get back?

You known the whole time?

Yes.

Then why didn't you tell Dirk?

Because he didn't have the boy.

I didn't know who to trust.

And now I can see

you're the only person who can help me.

Yeah, but if your cell don't unlock,

that means the universe
don't want you to get out,

so I can't...

Forget fate! Forget the universe!

Forget magic and mystery
and prophecies and all of it!

You said you wanted control!

You can retrieve my scissor sword

and break this lock.

Yeah, but...

I'm not supposed to...

I am fighting for a happily ever after.

Do you want to help me
save the people I love?

Do you want to come with me to Wendimoor?

Or would you rather stay here
and let fate play out for you?

What is it that you want?

Dirk, I know that was bad,
but are you gonna be okay?

Come on, Dirk. We need you, okay?

Um, I-I've never seen him like...

I know.

Well, where we going?

Out of Bergsberg.

Screw this. Everything's imploding.

Go to the Cardenas house.
I'm going to get my sister.

You don't know where she is.

Amanda's in Wendimoor! I saw her!

Todd, you had a hallucination, okay?

You don't know that that was real.

It's the only place left!

What's shaking?

Yeah, why are you so twisted up?

I think something...
really bad is coming.

The visions are weird.

But I need you to see

if it's, like, literal, or a metaphor.

I need you to go south.

Use your magic smell thing

to see if there's a giant army coming.

Look, I know this world is weird

and dangerous,

and there's no telling
what you might run into...

Stop.

It's done.

This is gonna be fun.

Let's go, boys.

Dirk! With me!

Dirk. Come on. Get up.

Fine. Guess it's just you and me, Farah.

Wendimoor, here we come.

Oh, that can't be good.

I'm out of ammunition.

Get Dirk inside.

What... What about you?

Farah!

Dirk, stand up!

We don't have the boy.

We failed the case.

There's nowhere to go.
It's all pointless, isn't it?

Maybe I'm the boy. Right?

Come on. At least we got to try.

Okay, Panto arrived on this bed,

so it must somehow turn into a portal.

Could really use your help here.

This is kind of your specialty...

finding strange handles

and switches that do weird stuff.

Right, so, Panto described it

almost like he fell onto the bed, so...

Oh! Yes!

Of course! I have to fall onto the bed!

Farah Black!

It's so lovely to make your acquaintance.

Sorry to hear about your father.

I'm with an agency called Blackwing...

I know who you are.

Good. Then you know

there's no reason
for any kind of fisticuffs

with all that fancy training
that your file bored me with.

Oh, I think there's a need
for violence here, actually.

Oh. Blow my mind.

Maybe next time.

Maybe the portal is actually the ceiling!

Svlad Cjelli...

it's time to come home!

A lot of people died
today because of you.

Who the hell is that?

That's Priest.

Farah's dead.

I'm sorry, Todd,
but now you're dead, too.

There's no way.

Farah can take anybody out.

She's probably planning
a sneak attack or something.

We just need to portal
to Wendimoor, save Amanda,

figure out all "the boy" stuff,

and come right back,
and everything's gonna be fine!

Wait. Um... I-I-If... If... If... If...

If the portal to Wendimoor
is in here somewhere,

then wouldn't it make sense
for it to literally

be through the mural?

Ugh!

Poor confused,
dangerous little Svlad Cjelli.

Dirk Gently. Project Icarus.

Always in trouble.

Come back to Blackwing

before anyone else dies because of you.

I deserve to go back.

The water stain. Remember?

It's right where the bed closes.

Wait. You were wet in the trunk,

and Panto arrived all wet, too.

Oh, my God, wait.

Panto said that he fell onto a bed,

but when he stood up, it was gone.

The force of him traveling
between the two worlds

opened and closed the bed when he got up!

The bed has to be closed!

Oh, no, the door is closed.

However will I get inside?

Oh, no...

Come on!

- Aah!
- Yeah!

Mr. Priest? Report.

I'm gonna need a lockdown team.

Ever since I can remember,

I've always just wanted to hurt people.

It's honestly

the most interesting way
to spend your time.

I used to think I was
the most powerful person

in my stupid little world.

Turns out, I'm nothing.

Even my first little plan,

just basic cruelty, really...

take weapons from your world,
give them to people in mine,

and sit back and watch the violence.

Classic sort of fun.

But I was thinking small, wasn't I?

There's a whole world out there.

Your world.

Maybe it's time
I left Wendimoor behind me.

There's plenty of people
in your world to torture.

Maybe Wendimoor doesn't matter.

Why should it?

Maybe it's time I closed those doors

once and for all.

Of course, that still leaves
your deranged wife to deal with.

Dirk Gently is defeated.

The boy is dead.

Send me to Wendimoor.