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1
00:00:09,157 --> 00:00:12,049
- Yo, what's up?
- Hey, man, how's it goin'?
2
00:00:12,650 --> 00:00:14,483
You're... you're evicting me?
3
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,200
Come on, man. I'm just doing my job.
4
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:17,425
No one wanted it to go down like this.
5
00:00:17,577 --> 00:00:18,891
Hold on a second, man.
6
00:00:18,916 --> 00:00:20,358
I'm about to get my check, okay?
7
00:00:20,383 --> 00:00:21,803
It's just a little bit late.
Maybe try not being
8
00:00:21,827 --> 00:00:23,363
such a massive tool right now.
9
00:00:23,388 --> 00:00:25,030
I'm not being a tool. Dude, I like you.
10
00:00:25,055 --> 00:00:27,339
- Yeah, well, I hate you.
- Really, you hate me? You mean that?
11
00:00:27,364 --> 00:00:28,922
I got your blinds replaced, all right?
12
00:00:28,947 --> 00:00:31,175
- I had to fight for you.
- Oh, my blinds?
13
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,233
Wow. Then I owe you a thank-you.
14
00:00:33,258 --> 00:00:35,124
Thank you very much. Come on, man.
15
00:00:35,246 --> 00:00:37,349
You know something, I got
your brother backstage passes
16
00:00:37,374 --> 00:00:38,917
to every single one of my shows.
17
00:00:38,942 --> 00:00:40,785
Did he ever tell you how
he hooked up with Paula Abdul?
18
00:00:40,837 --> 00:00:42,212
- Who do you think made the intro?
- I mean,
19
00:00:42,237 --> 00:00:43,949
I don't know what to tell you.
That was 15 years ago.
20
00:00:43,974 --> 00:00:45,445
Today he's making me
tape this on your door.
21
00:00:45,470 --> 00:00:47,732
Oh, okay, so you're just
your brother's bitch.
22
00:00:47,792 --> 00:00:49,302
And you just sit around all day hoping
23
00:00:49,327 --> 00:00:51,359
your bandmates will take
you back, but they won't, 'cause...
24
00:00:51,383 --> 00:00:53,646
- 'cause you're a bitch, bitch.
- Yeah?
25
00:00:54,205 --> 00:00:56,439
- Oh, my... ow!
- You just got chopped, bitch.
26
00:00:56,734 --> 00:00:59,064
You say that again, I'm gonna
chop that little dick off.
27
00:00:59,123 --> 00:01:00,393
My dick is normal size.
28
00:01:00,418 --> 00:01:01,825
Oh, yeah, right.
29
00:01:01,893 --> 00:01:03,552
Maybe for an eight-year-old.
30
00:01:05,223 --> 00:01:07,423
Hey, man, that's my mailbox.
31
00:01:07,479 --> 00:01:09,279
That was customized.
32
00:01:09,374 --> 00:01:11,861
It's gonna come out of
your deposit anyway, dude.
33
00:01:12,015 --> 00:01:14,035
You know that stuff just
makes everything look cheap...
34
00:01:14,060 --> 00:01:15,788
You musicians with your devil horns
35
00:01:15,813 --> 00:01:17,175
and your flames and stuff.
36
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,254
That hasn't been badass since the '70s.
37
00:01:19,416 --> 00:01:20,869
Makes everything look uglier.
38
00:01:20,894 --> 00:01:22,182
Tell everyone at Guitar Center
39
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:23,576
to run from their design instincts.
40
00:01:23,601 --> 00:01:26,435
All your friends... tacky idiots.
41
00:01:27,865 --> 00:01:29,439
Hi. My name is Esther,
42
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:32,925
and I am here to audition
for the role of waitress
43
00:01:33,003 --> 00:01:36,440
with pep in her step
and a twinkle in her eye.
44
00:01:37,033 --> 00:01:39,166
Uh... what are you...
45
00:01:41,952 --> 00:01:45,084
Five, six, seven, eight.
46
00:01:59,337 --> 00:02:00,857
I'm sorry.
47
00:02:01,365 --> 00:02:03,865
Nope, leave it, leave it. Just...
48
00:02:04,007 --> 00:02:05,680
- Sorry.
- No, you're fine.
49
00:02:05,705 --> 00:02:07,058
I-I honestly,
50
00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:08,484
I think there was some
kind of misunderstanding,
51
00:02:08,508 --> 00:02:11,374
because we're actually interviewing
52
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:12,840
for a hostessing job,
53
00:02:12,865 --> 00:02:15,434
so only our waitresses
are permitted to dance.
54
00:02:15,459 --> 00:02:16,625
Okay, um...
55
00:02:16,650 --> 00:02:18,390
You didn't need to do any of that.
56
00:02:18,523 --> 00:02:21,157
Here's the thing.
I eat here all the time.
57
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:22,528
I love your guys' curly fries.
58
00:02:22,553 --> 00:02:24,453
- They're the best in town.
- Thank you.
59
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,472
I know these routines by heart, okay?
60
00:02:26,497 --> 00:02:27,939
And trust me when I say this.
61
00:02:27,964 --> 00:02:30,369
You are gonna want me dancing out there
62
00:02:30,394 --> 00:02:31,828
on those countertops.
63
00:02:31,915 --> 00:02:34,272
Yeah, see, that's just
not how this works here.
64
00:02:34,297 --> 00:02:36,364
I mean, it takes years for those girls
65
00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:38,804
to work their way
up to waitress. Years.
66
00:02:38,829 --> 00:02:41,988
Well, um, can I... can I understudy,
67
00:02:42,013 --> 00:02:43,694
- or do you guys have, like...
- Thank you so much
68
00:02:43,719 --> 00:02:44,836
for coming in.
69
00:02:44,861 --> 00:02:46,928
Oh, okay. Um...
70
00:02:48,673 --> 00:02:53,277
Can I at least leave you
one of my headshots? Um...
71
00:02:53,490 --> 00:02:55,363
my parents said that
I have to get rid of all of them
72
00:02:55,388 --> 00:02:56,664
before they'll pay for new ones, so...
73
00:02:56,688 --> 00:02:58,655
Yeah, I wouldn't. I just... I don't...
74
00:02:59,035 --> 00:03:01,957
Okay. It's fine.
75
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,916
We'll see you again as a customer.
76
00:03:04,941 --> 00:03:06,458
Do you guys validate?
77
00:03:06,678 --> 00:03:08,178
Parking's free.
78
00:03:08,232 --> 00:03:10,932
I think that's for
the hospital across the street.
79
00:03:11,075 --> 00:03:13,542
Yeah, that's, like, $17 an hour.
80
00:03:13,711 --> 00:03:15,302
Do you guys validate for the hospital?
81
00:03:15,327 --> 00:03:16,673
- No. No.
- Okay.
82
00:03:16,698 --> 00:03:18,385
I don't know why we'd do that.
83
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:21,732
synced & corrected by PopcornAWH
www.addic7ed.com
84
00:03:26,317 --> 00:03:27,483
Oh, man.
85
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,657
You go out there, you give it your all,
86
00:03:29,682 --> 00:03:32,449
and they laugh in your face.
87
00:03:32,517 --> 00:03:34,847
- You didn't get the job, huh?
- No.
88
00:03:35,059 --> 00:03:37,266
I feel you, man. I got
karate-chopped at work today.
89
00:03:37,369 --> 00:03:39,436
God, this job market!
90
00:03:39,717 --> 00:03:41,814
- Should we eat our feelings?
- No, we shouldn't.
91
00:03:41,887 --> 00:03:43,638
I mean, yes, of course we should.
92
00:03:43,734 --> 00:03:45,868
Come on, man, what kind
of question is that?
93
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:49,782
You wouldn't happen to like
a bold but traditional vanilla
94
00:03:49,807 --> 00:03:52,708
with toppings spanning from
crunchy to wet, would you?
95
00:03:52,850 --> 00:03:54,082
Who, me?
96
00:03:54,165 --> 00:03:57,490
Oh, God, it's my brother.
97
00:03:58,077 --> 00:04:00,404
Hey, Dean, what's up?
Just wrapping up for the day.
98
00:04:00,429 --> 00:04:03,230
Yeah, not anymore. Eduardo's sick,
99
00:04:03,255 --> 00:04:05,347
so you gotta handle
the building on Sweetzer.
100
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,866
Uhh, don't forget, the
old lady died, so...
101
00:04:07,891 --> 00:04:09,690
you also gotta catalog
all of her stuff.
102
00:04:09,715 --> 00:04:11,415
It's gonna be super gross, and,
103
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:12,651
it'll probably be very sad.
104
00:04:12,676 --> 00:04:14,202
Why can't her family do it?
105
00:04:14,227 --> 00:04:15,994
She had no family.
It's all going to Goodwill.
106
00:04:16,019 --> 00:04:17,157
So pathetic, honestly.
107
00:04:17,182 --> 00:04:19,529
Dude, I'm just stretched
really thin right now.
108
00:04:19,584 --> 00:04:21,942
I haven't been so pleased
with your work ethic lately.
109
00:04:21,967 --> 00:04:23,437
Step it up, or I'm gonna make
110
00:04:23,462 --> 00:04:25,034
you sleep in the yard again.
111
00:04:34,598 --> 00:04:35,864
It's for parking.
112
00:04:35,893 --> 00:04:37,560
Sure.
113
00:04:38,174 --> 00:04:41,409
Benji, perfect match.
114
00:04:55,975 --> 00:04:58,359
Yeah. Yeah, dance in that trash water.
115
00:05:01,144 --> 00:05:03,075
Okay, one more stop, and then...
116
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,692
Ice cream.
117
00:05:04,848 --> 00:05:08,059
No. Then we gotta inventory
the old lady's stuff.
118
00:05:09,119 --> 00:05:11,058
She lived there for, like, 50 years,
119
00:05:11,083 --> 00:05:12,718
and nobody ever saw her.
120
00:05:12,797 --> 00:05:14,397
Whoa. Okay, and I don't
121
00:05:14,422 --> 00:05:15,849
wanna keep bringing this up, but, like,
122
00:05:15,874 --> 00:05:17,931
then we'll go get ice cream?
123
00:05:22,802 --> 00:05:27,269
Oh, ho, Baby Benji, Baby Benji, waah.
124
00:05:27,444 --> 00:05:30,908
Who's this, your sister,
your baby, your baby sister?
125
00:05:30,995 --> 00:05:33,620
Pauly, this is Esther. Esther, Pauly.
126
00:05:33,704 --> 00:05:35,420
Hi. I'm Esther.
127
00:05:35,493 --> 00:05:37,208
So you want me to get you the stuff?
128
00:05:37,233 --> 00:05:38,870
Oh, yeah, strongest stuff you got,
129
00:05:38,895 --> 00:05:40,200
like NBA-grade level.
130
00:05:40,225 --> 00:05:41,781
I got karate chopped today at work.
131
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:44,275
Oh, poor Baby Benji.
132
00:05:44,342 --> 00:05:47,090
Been gettin' worked over by his
brother with the long hair.
133
00:05:47,136 --> 00:05:48,576
Oooh!
134
00:05:48,635 --> 00:05:51,469
Oh, look, it's Baby Butterz,
Baby Butterz.
135
00:05:54,732 --> 00:05:56,947
What is going on?
136
00:05:57,035 --> 00:05:59,936
- Isn't he awesome?
- I don't understand.
137
00:05:59,961 --> 00:06:03,569
I thought your family had a
zero-tolerance policy for animals.
138
00:06:03,707 --> 00:06:07,031
The tattle potential right
here is off the charts.
139
00:06:07,056 --> 00:06:08,390
I'm not gonna tattle on him.
140
00:06:08,415 --> 00:06:10,730
He's the only tenant in this
building who doesn't bother me
141
00:06:10,755 --> 00:06:13,456
all the time with nonsense
complaints, so I'm chill with him.
142
00:06:14,171 --> 00:06:16,846
Yeah, he's super chill with me, babe.
143
00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:18,294
He gets free weed from his fans,
144
00:06:18,319 --> 00:06:19,429
he doesn't even smoke it.
145
00:06:19,454 --> 00:06:21,244
Wait, you don't smoke?
146
00:06:21,365 --> 00:06:23,177
Zero. The reason why I'm like this
147
00:06:23,202 --> 00:06:24,702
is because my mom, she
smoked a lot of weed
148
00:06:24,727 --> 00:06:25,991
when she was pregnant with me.
149
00:06:26,016 --> 00:06:27,389
When her water broke,
150
00:06:27,414 --> 00:06:29,230
bong water pretty much
dripped out of her.
151
00:06:29,387 --> 00:06:31,924
I was the first baby born
with the munchies, bro.
152
00:06:31,949 --> 00:06:33,982
Ohh!
153
00:06:34,859 --> 00:06:36,326
If you guys are gonna do drugs,
154
00:06:36,351 --> 00:06:37,484
I'm gonna step outside,
155
00:06:37,509 --> 00:06:39,958
just 'cause, like,
I have asthma and vertigo
156
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,667
and stress-induced shingles, and...
157
00:06:41,699 --> 00:06:43,696
I signed an oath in ninth
grade that I wouldn't be involved
158
00:06:43,721 --> 00:06:46,141
in this kind of behavior,
so I'm gonna stick to it.
159
00:06:46,709 --> 00:06:48,237
I mean, okay.
160
00:06:48,284 --> 00:06:50,082
Why don't you just
go to the old lady's apartment
161
00:06:50,107 --> 00:06:51,526
and take inventory of her stuff?
162
00:06:51,563 --> 00:06:53,628
By myself? What if there's a ghost?
163
00:06:53,653 --> 00:06:54,952
I don't know. Befriend it
164
00:06:54,977 --> 00:06:56,441
and write a sequel to Ghost Dad, dude.
165
00:06:56,466 --> 00:06:58,077
I haven't seen the first one.
166
00:06:58,102 --> 00:06:59,216
You don't have to.
167
00:06:59,241 --> 00:07:01,108
It was very nice
to meet you, Mr. Pauly.
168
00:07:01,133 --> 00:07:02,299
I wish you all the luck.
169
00:07:02,324 --> 00:07:04,114
I'll be there in ten minutes.
170
00:07:06,171 --> 00:07:08,134
All right, I'm just playing.
Come back here anytime.
171
00:07:08,159 --> 00:07:09,837
- Okay, nice to meet you.
- But I like you,
172
00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:12,189
I like you, I like you!
173
00:07:13,751 --> 00:07:16,029
So what's her story, man? She's wild.
174
00:07:16,139 --> 00:07:18,469
She's kind of upset, 'cause
she went to interview
175
00:07:18,494 --> 00:07:20,408
for her dream job, and
she didn't get it.
176
00:07:20,678 --> 00:07:22,262
You know, that's the problem
with you millennials.
177
00:07:22,287 --> 00:07:23,823
You work too hard.
178
00:07:24,382 --> 00:07:27,023
You should just retire like SBW.
179
00:07:27,444 --> 00:07:28,631
SBW?
180
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,450
Sweet Baby Wheeze, bro.
You know how it is.
181
00:07:30,475 --> 00:07:32,103
- Oh, wheeze.
- Yeah.
182
00:07:34,031 --> 00:07:35,519
Hello?
183
00:07:35,726 --> 00:07:38,627
Any decomposing corpses?
184
00:07:41,266 --> 00:07:42,756
Oh, my God.
185
00:07:53,031 --> 00:07:54,330
Oh, my God.
186
00:08:00,190 --> 00:08:01,989
Those are my initials.
187
00:08:03,797 --> 00:08:05,910
Dude, you smoked way too much.
188
00:08:05,935 --> 00:08:07,589
You look super stonesy, dude.
189
00:08:07,614 --> 00:08:09,235
No, bro, I'm, like, medium stonesy.
190
00:08:09,260 --> 00:08:11,094
I'm just super allergic to Butterz.
191
00:08:11,119 --> 00:08:13,681
Oh, I gotta go get Esther.
192
00:08:13,778 --> 00:08:16,394
She's been in that old lady's
apartment for, like,
193
00:08:17,601 --> 00:08:19,224
two hours.
194
00:08:19,722 --> 00:08:21,739
She's probably writing
"redrum" on the walls.
195
00:08:21,764 --> 00:08:23,664
All right, I'll see ya.
196
00:08:23,689 --> 00:08:25,817
- Don't let Butterz out.
- I know.
197
00:08:25,842 --> 00:08:27,809
Ah! Oh.
198
00:08:27,892 --> 00:08:31,376
Oh, God, the... the pressure release.
199
00:08:41,819 --> 00:08:43,853
- Dude.
- I found my ice cream.
200
00:08:44,154 --> 00:08:46,608
It tastes just like vanilla
when you eat around the rum,
201
00:08:46,691 --> 00:08:48,590
the raisins, and the freezer burn.
202
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:54,891
You're welcome.
203
00:08:54,936 --> 00:08:56,490
Stop going through
this dead lady's stuff.
204
00:08:56,515 --> 00:08:57,797
You're gonna get me in trouble.
205
00:08:57,822 --> 00:09:00,439
Come on. You bend the rules for Pauly.
206
00:09:00,464 --> 00:09:02,824
Why can't you
bend them for me, too, okay?
207
00:09:02,944 --> 00:09:04,952
Pauly Shore might get me famous.
208
00:09:05,052 --> 00:09:06,636
You're being delusional, all right?
209
00:09:06,885 --> 00:09:08,958
- You don't even know this woman.
- We have the same initials,
210
00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:10,203
we wear the same size.
211
00:09:10,228 --> 00:09:11,704
You don't understand.
212
00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:13,669
Ethel and I have a special connection.
213
00:09:13,743 --> 00:09:16,644
Okay, look, she has pictures
of her favorite celebrities
214
00:09:16,669 --> 00:09:18,824
up on her wall just like I do.
215
00:09:19,010 --> 00:09:21,110
That right there is Clark Gable,
216
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:24,487
AKA the Sacha Baron Cohen
of her generation.
217
00:09:24,542 --> 00:09:28,044
Just out of curiosity, what
do you think AKA stands for?
218
00:09:28,406 --> 00:09:30,422
Also kinda alike.
219
00:09:30,847 --> 00:09:32,074
Okay, not bad.
220
00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:35,361
She even organized
her vanity the same way I do,
221
00:09:35,386 --> 00:09:36,719
by stream of consciousness.
222
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,107
I bet if I just reached my hand in...
223
00:09:40,939 --> 00:09:42,404
Oh, my God, gummy bears.
224
00:09:42,429 --> 00:09:44,396
It's like I was meant to be here.
225
00:09:44,475 --> 00:09:47,020
Don't eat those, don't eat those.
Oh, God.
226
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,455
Mmm.
227
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,346
It's gonna take you, like,
20 years to crap those out.
228
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:53,681
Oh, my God, a top hat... Ah!
229
00:09:54,246 --> 00:09:55,829
I've always wanted to do burlesque,
230
00:09:55,854 --> 00:09:58,690
ever since I saw the "Lady
Marmalade" music video.
231
00:09:58,729 --> 00:10:00,596
As a friend, I'm letting you know
232
00:10:00,658 --> 00:10:03,493
that burlesque is the lowest
form of art possible.
233
00:10:03,568 --> 00:10:06,027
Literally, it's the last
failure a woman can have
234
00:10:06,052 --> 00:10:07,897
is burlesque, after acting, then yoga,
235
00:10:07,932 --> 00:10:09,380
then burlesque. That's it.
236
00:10:09,413 --> 00:10:11,945
Why does everyone keep telling
me the things I can't do?
237
00:10:12,057 --> 00:10:14,187
I might as well just stay here
and live like I'm Ethel
238
00:10:14,212 --> 00:10:15,500
for the rest of my days.
239
00:10:15,525 --> 00:10:17,253
Dude, my allergies are killing me.
240
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:19,018
It's from that Baby Butterz cat.
241
00:10:19,043 --> 00:10:20,710
I feel like I'm being suffocated
242
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,425
by a super bloom right now.
243
00:10:22,483 --> 00:10:25,042
I'm just like a purebred
Yorkie with my runny eyes.
244
00:10:25,074 --> 00:10:26,786
- It's just terrible.
- Ew.
245
00:10:26,811 --> 00:10:29,299
You do sound like you're
drowning from the inside.
246
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,533
I'm gonna go sit down.
I'm, like, dying right now.
247
00:10:33,064 --> 00:10:35,033
Okay, well, if I know old people,
248
00:10:35,058 --> 00:10:38,359
they've got notions and
potions everywhere you look.
249
00:10:39,353 --> 00:10:40,660
There we go.
250
00:10:40,685 --> 00:10:42,462
You hear that squeaking?
251
00:10:42,487 --> 00:10:44,149
You're gonna hear that
a lot when you're older,
252
00:10:44,174 --> 00:10:46,994
because you treat your body
like it's a Starbucks bathroom.
253
00:10:55,914 --> 00:10:57,980
I feel so nestled. This is great.
254
00:10:58,016 --> 00:11:00,264
It's like I'm in a virgin
beluga's birth canal.
255
00:11:00,804 --> 00:11:02,852
One day, your kids will be sick,
256
00:11:03,377 --> 00:11:05,310
'cause of your genetic make-up.
257
00:11:05,335 --> 00:11:07,410
You're gonna do a great job
taking care of them.
258
00:11:07,435 --> 00:11:09,362
You know, it wouldn't be the
worst thing in the world
259
00:11:09,387 --> 00:11:11,587
if you called to postpone
the Goodwill pick-up.
260
00:11:11,823 --> 00:11:13,689
There's an armoire back there.
261
00:11:13,758 --> 00:11:15,083
I haven't peeked behind it yet,
262
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:17,782
but my fingers are crossed
for a Narnia situation.
263
00:11:17,836 --> 00:11:19,181
Yeah, I'll just say I made a mistake.
264
00:11:19,206 --> 00:11:20,279
Everyone thinks I'm stupid.
265
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:22,137
I can get away with anything.
It's awesome.
266
00:11:22,334 --> 00:11:24,234
Yay! Okay.
267
00:11:31,389 --> 00:11:33,456
"Did you email the photos?" Yes.
268
00:11:33,498 --> 00:11:35,919
"Did you fix the microwave?" Yes. Ugh.
269
00:11:36,865 --> 00:11:38,984
I'm only using landlines from now on.
270
00:11:39,270 --> 00:11:41,203
I found lead-based makeup.
271
00:11:41,228 --> 00:11:43,065
They do not make it like this anymore.
272
00:11:43,090 --> 00:11:44,720
It's so amazing.
273
00:11:44,769 --> 00:11:45,993
I'm telling you, Benji,
274
00:11:46,018 --> 00:11:48,126
the universe brought me
here for a reason.
275
00:11:48,227 --> 00:11:50,193
Tell me about it, man. It's so nice
276
00:11:50,218 --> 00:11:51,428
to get away from Dean for a little bit.
277
00:11:51,453 --> 00:11:54,221
- This is great.
- I love it here.
278
00:11:56,875 --> 00:11:58,338
Oh, my God.
279
00:11:58,588 --> 00:12:01,456
These shoes are so normcore.
280
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,579
These are great.
281
00:12:03,959 --> 00:12:05,325
This is support.
282
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:06,685
Tight hammies no more.
283
00:12:06,710 --> 00:12:08,799
Ethel hoarded two-for-one coupons
284
00:12:08,824 --> 00:12:10,520
to the diner down the street.
285
00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:13,589
We even have the same hobbies.
286
00:12:16,561 --> 00:12:18,794
Eating dinner early is the best.
287
00:12:19,052 --> 00:12:20,689
Especially 'cause
when I eat too late at night,
288
00:12:20,714 --> 00:12:23,648
I get meat sweats and gotta
sleep on a beach towel.
289
00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:25,479
I know. I love this schedule,
290
00:12:25,504 --> 00:12:27,268
and if I stick to it, I could be eating
291
00:12:27,293 --> 00:12:29,694
tomorrow's breakfast
by midnight tonight.
292
00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:32,699
Why does society insist on
making you wait so long
293
00:12:32,724 --> 00:12:33,916
to become an old person?
294
00:12:34,025 --> 00:12:36,102
I know. I feel like
I've always been an old person.
295
00:12:36,127 --> 00:12:37,754
You know, like in junior high,
296
00:12:37,779 --> 00:12:39,017
I was the first one to get ear hair.
297
00:12:39,042 --> 00:12:40,955
Oh, my God, you're so lucky.
298
00:12:41,241 --> 00:12:42,638
Pauly was right.
299
00:12:42,673 --> 00:12:44,807
We gotta start thinking
about early retirement.
300
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:47,610
Absolutely.
I mean, Ethel had it figured out.
301
00:12:47,772 --> 00:12:51,674
She just sat around all day
collecting cool junk.
302
00:12:52,082 --> 00:12:53,963
Look at these travel-size toiletries.
303
00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:57,025
This little shampoo could
be for a human or a doll.
304
00:12:59,633 --> 00:13:01,060
Oh, yeah, right.
305
00:13:01,112 --> 00:13:03,913
You are going straight to voicemail.
306
00:13:08,386 --> 00:13:10,453
Oh, my God. This may sound crazy,
307
00:13:10,478 --> 00:13:12,787
but I have a legit chance
at the senior tour.
308
00:13:12,907 --> 00:13:14,294
I've been saving my body.
309
00:13:14,319 --> 00:13:15,651
I'm confused.
310
00:13:15,907 --> 00:13:18,221
I'm normally a really
good judge of dead people,
311
00:13:18,246 --> 00:13:19,732
but something's not adding up.
312
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,207
How does a happy recluse end up with
313
00:13:22,232 --> 00:13:25,544
a limited-edition spoon from
every single state capital?
314
00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:26,789
Try reading her diary.
315
00:13:26,870 --> 00:13:28,925
Benji, I'm not gonna read her diary.
316
00:13:28,950 --> 00:13:30,362
That is so invasive.
317
00:13:30,387 --> 00:13:32,282
- You can't find it.
- I can't find it.
318
00:13:32,307 --> 00:13:33,855
I've searched everywhere,
every hiding spot.
319
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,681
It's all gummi bears.
Ethel had a problem...
320
00:13:36,905 --> 00:13:39,008
that I very much relate to
and I'm not judging at all.
321
00:13:39,043 --> 00:13:40,776
Oh, my God, Benji, Benji, Benji.
322
00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:42,450
The diary, it's in the candy drawer.
323
00:13:42,475 --> 00:13:43,813
I gotta go find it.
324
00:13:46,851 --> 00:13:49,122
This is why Tiger
needs a little something extra
325
00:13:49,147 --> 00:13:50,692
to just tune out these distractions.
326
00:13:50,768 --> 00:13:52,567
It's like,
"Hello! I'm in my backswing!"
327
00:13:53,144 --> 00:13:54,329
Oh, my God.
328
00:13:54,354 --> 00:13:56,354
Benji, I was all wrong about Ethel.
329
00:13:56,807 --> 00:13:58,102
Pardon my French,
330
00:13:58,127 --> 00:14:00,273
but she was living la vida loca.
331
00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:02,648
She once spent three days
on a riverboat casino
332
00:14:02,673 --> 00:14:04,499
eating nothing but
lobsters and champagne
333
00:14:04,524 --> 00:14:07,124
before people found out
she wasn't really a magician.
334
00:14:07,398 --> 00:14:09,455
I mean, she was unstoppable.
335
00:14:09,487 --> 00:14:11,687
Nice. Sounds like a real Ronda Rousey.
336
00:14:16,346 --> 00:14:19,020
Yo. - Oh, okay, so now you pick up?
337
00:14:19,056 --> 00:14:20,207
Are you done yet?
338
00:14:20,232 --> 00:14:22,639
No, I'm not done yet, but I am done
339
00:14:22,664 --> 00:14:24,039
helping you do everything,
340
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,345
and I'm done with property
management. Boom!
341
00:14:26,410 --> 00:14:29,377
Sure, you are. Okay. Hey, what's
the status of my crossbow?
342
00:14:29,687 --> 00:14:31,753
I think you have emotional problems.
343
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,757
You know, I recently read this thing
344
00:14:33,782 --> 00:14:35,058
about emotional intelligence,
345
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,330
and I don't think you got it.
346
00:14:36,355 --> 00:14:37,763
Peace out, bro.
347
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,495
- Oh, my God.
- You know what?
348
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,559
I'm gonna cancel that Goodwill
appointment for good.
349
00:14:41,651 --> 00:14:44,552
We can live like this forevah!
350
00:14:44,815 --> 00:14:46,172
I can't.
351
00:14:47,081 --> 00:14:49,292
Ethel wasn't some shut-in, okay?
352
00:14:49,333 --> 00:14:51,617
She was living her life to the fullest.
353
00:14:51,642 --> 00:14:53,026
A week before she died,
354
00:14:53,051 --> 00:14:54,915
she was out running with the Bulls
355
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,019
in Chicago at basketball fantasy camp.
356
00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:58,603
I mean, I don't know what your rush is
357
00:14:58,628 --> 00:14:59,760
to re-enter the real world.
358
00:14:59,785 --> 00:15:01,585
We got a good thing going here, man.
359
00:15:01,752 --> 00:15:04,553
I mean, look at me.
My lower back feels great,
360
00:15:04,578 --> 00:15:05,877
I just got rid of my brother,
361
00:15:05,997 --> 00:15:07,849
I'm peeing laying down, it's great.
362
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:10,149
Well, I'm done.
Nothing is gonna stop me
363
00:15:10,174 --> 00:15:11,477
from going back to that restaurant
364
00:15:11,502 --> 00:15:14,236
and dancing on tables
for ungrateful tourists.
365
00:15:15,167 --> 00:15:18,645
Man, millennials are just
ruining everyone's retirement.
366
00:15:19,089 --> 00:15:21,229
Ugh, you gotta fix it man.
367
00:15:21,276 --> 00:15:23,163
Just put your hand in there.
368
00:15:24,343 --> 00:15:26,010
- Oh, my God.
- What?
369
00:15:27,479 --> 00:15:29,203
Oh, yeah.
370
00:15:29,248 --> 00:15:31,349
Oh, yeah.
371
00:15:31,824 --> 00:15:34,625
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
372
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,181
I can't...
373
00:15:36,389 --> 00:15:38,222
See, that wasn't that bad.
374
00:15:38,410 --> 00:15:40,275
You got to first base.
375
00:15:40,593 --> 00:15:42,345
Stop teasing me. I get chicks.
376
00:15:42,461 --> 00:15:44,358
Yeah, and I got good
reviews on all my films.
377
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:46,376
Look, I feel gross. I'm gonna
go shower and take a nap.
378
00:15:46,485 --> 00:15:49,288
'Cause that's what retired people do.
We shower, we take naps,
379
00:15:49,428 --> 00:15:51,629
we put some ointment
on our lower backs.
380
00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:55,724
Sit, smoke, shower,
Willie Nelson-style.
381
00:15:59,270 --> 00:16:01,178
Whaa!
382
00:16:06,885 --> 00:16:07,985
Help!
383
00:16:08,086 --> 00:16:09,787
Pauly!
384
00:16:34,113 --> 00:16:36,679
That was good. That was good.
385
00:16:36,916 --> 00:16:38,972
But, um, I told you before,
386
00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:40,964
we aren't hiring waitresses right now.
387
00:16:40,989 --> 00:16:42,324
Well, I was not listening,
388
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,077
and I will not take no for an answer.
389
00:16:44,110 --> 00:16:45,464
I'm sorry, um,
390
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,298
are we gonna have a problem here?
391
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:49,206
The only problem we are gonna have here
392
00:16:49,231 --> 00:16:51,226
is if you don't hire me,
because I will show up here
393
00:16:51,251 --> 00:16:53,317
every single day, and I
will dance on this desk
394
00:16:53,342 --> 00:16:55,823
in shoes that I may
or may not have stolen
395
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,276
from a dead lady's apartment.
396
00:16:57,324 --> 00:17:00,684
Okay, um, you're not
tall enough to be a hostess.
397
00:17:00,717 --> 00:17:02,343
I don't wanna be a hostess, okay?
398
00:17:02,368 --> 00:17:05,427
I am an entertainer,
and I wanna be out there
399
00:17:05,457 --> 00:17:08,558
pushing tater tots and
dancing in jazz squares.
400
00:17:08,868 --> 00:17:11,404
Okay, well, if you promise
to wear underwear next time,
401
00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:14,531
I can give you Mondays and
Tuesdays, late afternoon shifts.
402
00:17:14,647 --> 00:17:16,849
It's mostly when we're
just marrying the ketchups.
403
00:17:16,874 --> 00:17:18,206
Thank you so much.
404
00:17:18,244 --> 00:17:20,844
I've always wanted
to dance at a wedding.
405
00:17:22,548 --> 00:17:24,348
Somebody help! Help!
406
00:17:24,373 --> 00:17:27,374
Baby Benji?
407
00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:32,303
This is how I die.
408
00:17:32,463 --> 00:17:34,324
In a bathtub like Jim Morrison.
409
00:17:34,349 --> 00:17:35,971
- Baby Benji?
- Pauly!
410
00:17:35,996 --> 00:17:37,564
I'm in here in the bathroom!
411
00:17:38,189 --> 00:17:40,653
Whoa, whoa!
412
00:17:40,967 --> 00:17:42,553
I've been stuck in here for five hours.
413
00:17:42,578 --> 00:17:44,808
I had to eat body wash
with shea butter in it.
414
00:17:44,833 --> 00:17:46,374
That's not the thing
I'm whoa-ing about.
415
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,333
It's your penis.
It's very weird-looking.
416
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:49,893
It's totally normal. Come on.
417
00:17:49,918 --> 00:17:52,339
Okay, let me help
your little Jewish body.
418
00:17:52,464 --> 00:17:54,284
It's like you're having
another bat mitzvah
419
00:17:54,317 --> 00:17:55,329
Hold on, hold on.
420
00:17:55,354 --> 00:17:57,396
Here, sit here. I saved you though.
421
00:17:57,421 --> 00:17:58,763
You have to admit, when you scream,
422
00:17:58,788 --> 00:18:00,401
- who shows up?
- Thanks, dude.
423
00:18:00,426 --> 00:18:02,217
You're a good guy. You saved my life.
424
00:18:02,769 --> 00:18:04,546
I don't think this retirement
thing is gonna work out, dude.
425
00:18:04,571 --> 00:18:06,337
I probably gotta move
back in with my brother.
426
00:18:06,362 --> 00:18:07,594
No, no, don't move in with him.
427
00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:09,291
I gotta get my old job back, dude.
428
00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:11,118
I just... I hate your brother.
429
00:18:11,143 --> 00:18:13,726
This retirement is just a level
of loneliness I can't handle.
430
00:18:13,839 --> 00:18:15,863
I mean, retirement makes
you soft and squishy.
431
00:18:15,888 --> 00:18:17,522
I forgot to tell you about that.
432
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:21,093
It's, like, feel my meat.
It's disgusting, right?
433
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:22,920
You got other things going for you.
434
00:18:22,945 --> 00:18:25,318
- Don't worry about your squishiness.
- Like what?
435
00:18:25,978 --> 00:18:27,410
Exactly. Awkward pause.
436
00:18:27,435 --> 00:18:28,877
I love you, son, I love you, son.
437
00:18:28,902 --> 00:18:31,520
- All right? Take care.
- Thanks. I appreciate it.
438
00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:32,873
- Later.
- Later, bud. Thank you.
439
00:18:32,898 --> 00:18:33,997
All right.
440
00:18:35,139 --> 00:18:38,056
I did it. I'm a dancing waitress.
441
00:18:38,203 --> 00:18:41,197
Congrats! You really gotta
have game to work there.
442
00:18:41,222 --> 00:18:42,623
I know, and you know what?
443
00:18:42,648 --> 00:18:44,682
It takes people years
to get to where I am,
444
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:47,741
and all I had to do was show
that manager that I was serious,
445
00:18:47,780 --> 00:18:49,737
laser-focused,
and that she could never,
446
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:51,597
ever, ever escape me.
447
00:18:51,622 --> 00:18:52,684
Okay, so you're, like,
448
00:18:52,709 --> 00:18:54,478
the lower-back tattoo of
the service industry.
449
00:18:54,503 --> 00:18:56,111
I'm whatever it takes, dude.
450
00:18:56,183 --> 00:18:57,546
All thanks to Ethel.
451
00:18:57,930 --> 00:18:59,797
Will you say hi to Tupac for me?
452
00:19:00,498 --> 00:19:01,978
Oh, no.
453
00:19:02,068 --> 00:19:04,015
Ethel's stuff. You called the movers?
454
00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:05,502
I mean, it's time.
455
00:19:05,571 --> 00:19:06,695
I can't retire.
456
00:19:06,739 --> 00:19:08,021
I'm young, I'm beautiful,
457
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:10,046
I have my whole life
ahead of me, you know.
458
00:19:10,071 --> 00:19:12,166
Also, I didn't tell you this,
but I almost died alone
459
00:19:12,191 --> 00:19:14,151
in the bathtub - What?!
460
00:19:14,215 --> 00:19:15,607
Are you okay?
461
00:19:15,862 --> 00:19:17,795
Ah, just tell me later.
462
00:19:17,830 --> 00:19:19,046
Hi there.
463
00:19:19,130 --> 00:19:20,512
Actually, this is mine.
464
00:19:20,579 --> 00:19:23,629
Oh, that's so cute.
So you can remember her.
465
00:19:23,682 --> 00:19:25,448
Yeah, Ethel and I
have a deep connection,
466
00:19:25,473 --> 00:19:27,042
and I know she'd want me to have this.
467
00:19:27,067 --> 00:19:28,483
That reminds me. I'm gonna grab
468
00:19:28,508 --> 00:19:29,891
those vintage sanitary pads.
469
00:19:29,916 --> 00:19:31,268
I mean, why not be the coolest girl
470
00:19:31,293 --> 00:19:33,081
in the Silver Lake gym locker room?
471
00:19:33,178 --> 00:19:35,287
I'm just glad you're working out.
472
00:19:38,479 --> 00:19:40,399
Ah ha ha!
473
00:19:40,424 --> 00:19:42,664
Baby Benji, Baby Benji waah!
474
00:19:42,689 --> 00:19:45,743
Dude! Dude! Dude, look,
you know I love you,
475
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:47,747
but if you wanna keep living
in my parents' building,
476
00:19:47,772 --> 00:19:49,365
you're gonna have to
get rid of the cat.
477
00:19:49,403 --> 00:19:52,106
Dude, the cat's gone, bro.
I listened to you.
478
00:19:52,131 --> 00:19:55,130
Butterz went spatch.
Sayonara. Super spatch, bro.
479
00:19:55,155 --> 00:19:56,352
- Really?
- Yeah, dude.
480
00:19:56,377 --> 00:19:58,177
Because you had the hay fever, dude.
481
00:19:58,202 --> 00:19:59,962
My punim, I'm trying
to take care of you.
482
00:19:59,987 --> 00:20:01,562
- You're my boy.
- Thanks, bud.
483
00:20:01,587 --> 00:20:03,750
It's cool. You guys have
your own special connection,
484
00:20:03,775 --> 00:20:05,301
kinda like me and Ethel.
485
00:20:05,326 --> 00:20:07,126
We're gonna get some gelato.
You wanna come?
486
00:20:07,151 --> 00:20:09,185
No, I'm staying here
doing some workload.
487
00:20:09,210 --> 00:20:10,668
All right, just around the corner.
488
00:20:10,693 --> 00:20:12,074
- Later, dudes.
- Later.
489
00:20:12,114 --> 00:20:14,824
Bye.
490
00:20:16,828 --> 00:20:19,729
Oh, Baby Butterz.
491
00:20:19,764 --> 00:20:22,798
I would never get rid of my puddycat.
492
00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:24,873
My puddy.
36641
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