All language subtitles for Heaven Can Wait (1978).eng

Break!
Let's move it. Let's go!

Wait! 29!

All right. You take the inside.

On this one,
you take the inside. 54...

- Set...
- Here we go.

2-85! 2-85!

Hut! Hut!

Back! Throw! Throw! Throw the ball!

Touchdown, Joe.

- Looking good, isn't he?
- What?

Pendleton. He's looking awful good.

Fall into it.

All right. Come on, baby.

Set...

Hike! Good movement.

Let's try it again.
Let's try it again.

- Try it again.
- 18.

Hike! Hike!

Go deep.

1-83!

1-83!

Hut!

He's looking awful good.

Go. Here we go.

Hut, hut!

Okay, way to go, big guy!

Hustle back, hustle back.
Come on, guys. Come on.

Opposite left, play pass 35.
X-curl on 1.

Ready? Break.

4-3, set!

- Play pass 29...
- 2-81!

- Left on 2. Ready? Break.
- 2-81!

Hut! Hut!

Pass! Pass! Pass!

Ball! Ball! Ball!

Once again, we had a foul-up
on that scrimmage.

The fullback has been slow,
getting up for his block in defense.

The guard almost ran
into the fullback.

We got to keep doing it
till we get it right.

Formation left. Screen right on 2.

- Ready?
- Break!

Right, left! Right, left!

4-3...

Set!

2-85! 2-85!

Hut! Hut!

Looking awful good.

I'm thinking of starting him
on Sunday.

- What about Jarrett?
- Pendleton's looking better.

2-81!

Hut! Hut!

Pass! Pass! Pass!

- Ball! Ball! Ball!
- Throw the ball. Spread out.

- Is he still on cortisone?
- No.

Darvon? Xylocaine?
Any kind of painkiller?

Nothing.

He's looking awful good.

2-84)

Hut! Hut! Hut!

Ball! Ball! Ball!

I never saw a knee like that
heal without surgery, Coach.

- He's looking awful good.
- Looking good.

- Thanks a lot.
- Thank you.

- Hi, Joe.
- Hi. How you doing?

- Pretty good. How's the knee?
- Good.

What do you think
of the Rams' chances?

Well, I think
we're going to the Super Bowl.

I think we're going to win.

No, off the record.
Do you think you got a chance?

Off the record?

I think we're going to the Super Bowl.
I think we're going to win.

- Sure. What about your competition?
- My competition?

- Yeah, Jarrett.
- Jarrett's not my competition.

He's our starting quarterback.
My competition's 25 other teams.

Max?

- Yeah!
- How you doing?

What's in this brown stuff?

That's mainly whipped liver.

- Liver?
- Yep.

I put a little whey in it, then I mix
it up with a little alfalfa sprouts,

and some bean curd,
and spinach mold in too.

It's nice, isn't it?

It's a liver and whey shake.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Joe

Happy birthday to you

I didn't think anybody knew.
Thanks for coming over, Max.

- Here. Put it here.
- I hope you have a lot more, kid.

That's...

What's this?

Yay!

You wanna know something? At my age,
in any other business, I'd be young.

Well, look at it this way...

Pretty soon, you can
get into another business

and have a real life, you know?

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I don't know what that means.

This is the only business I know
that's real.

- I'm stuck.
- What do you mean, "stuck"?

I don't know. It just seems like

I've been working my whole life,
you know,

to try to get a chance
to do something, and...

I don't know if I'm gonna ever
get a chance to do it.

Hey.

- No, it's all right.
- I'll fix your neck.

- Come on. Don't do that, Joe!
- Wait a minute.

- How's that?
- Boy. Yeah.

It scares the hell out of me
every time you do that.

If you don't watch how your trapezius
goes into your deltoids,

you're going to throw off your entire
cervical and your lumbar areas.

Since I'm the only guy who knows
how to fix that thing for you,

- you oughta start listening to me.
- Maybe you oughta trade places.

You be the trainer,
and I'll start on Sunday.

Yeah... What?

- I'm starting against Dallas?
- Yeah.

They don't wanna go with Jarrett.
They wanna go with you.

Happy birthday, Joe.

Hey, my watch stopped. Look at that.
It keeps flashing the same time.

I'm dreaming.

Hey...

This is an airplane dream.

I forget
what they're supposed to mean.

I think they're a good sign,
aren't they?

Mr. Pendleton.

Mr. Pendleton, you must wait for me.
I'm your escort.

Wait for me, please, Mr. Pendleton.

The end of the line,
Mr. Pendleton, please.

Hi. How you doing?
Hey, you want to hear a little music?

You have to wait in line,
Mr. Pendleton.

What? This is my dream, isn't it?

You mustn't get out of line. Really.

- Chamberlain, Paul R.
- All right.

I've escorted the final passenger.
This manifest is complete.

- Hi.
- Mr. Pendleton,

you cannot board before your turn.

Yeah. Well, I don't need a turn,

'cause I'm not gonna
get on that plane.

No, I don't think you understand.
This is not your ultimate destination.

This is a way station.

That will take you
to your ultimate destination.

Well, I'm not going
to my ultimate destination.

So, I'm just going to do a little run
around here till I wake up.

Mr. Pendleton, I'm afraid
I haven't fully explained

the basis on which this system
is organized.

The rules of this way station
derive from your own.

They are a product of your image

and the image of those
who share your image.

And if you violate the rules,
if you question

the unifying principles,
you violate...

You want to see a trick?
Let me show you.

I just do this to keep
my abductor pollicis limber,

so I don't have
a lot of patter with it,

but it's called a thumb palm.

You wanna feel that. That's
a perfectly solid 50-cent piece.

What I do is, I just throw that
into that hand, you see,

and I say the magic words,
"Abracadabra. Abracadabra,"

and then presto, it's gone.

Now, you probably think
I still have it, don't you?

You're wrong, 'cause I can see it
coming right out of your ear.

Right there. You see that?

That's the only trick I know.

- Mr. Pendleton!
- Gentlemen.

Gentlemen. What's the delay?

Sir, we've received a new arrival
who refuses to board.

But that's impossible.
Have you explained the rules to him?

- Yes, sir.
- Quite clearly?

- Yes, sir.
- And what was his rebuttal?

He took a coin out of my ear.

Did he? Perhaps I should
have a word with him.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Pendleton!

He's right over there, sir.

- Mr. Pendleton!
- Yeah. Hey, you can call me Joe.

How you doing?

Mr. Pendleton, you know where you are,
don't you?

Yeah. I'm in the middle
of a really weird dream.

- You see the problem?
- Joe, come here.

I want you to look at me and listen
very carefully to what I'm saying.

Yeah?

This is not a dream.

Yeah.

Life has a certain quality
all its own,

a certain feeling, and so do dreams.

You know that this is not life,

and you know now
that this is not a dream.

This is a place that comes
after life and after dreams.

I'm sure that you're aware of that,

and that you will take your place
with the others.

Are you trying to tell me...

I'm not supposed to be here.

But you are here.

Well, you guys made a mistake.

This is insupportable.
You're talking to Mr. Jordan.

Anybody can make a mistake.

Mr. Jordan, we're due to take off
pretty soon.

Yes. I have the situation in hand.

Joe, if you don't take your place,

the others won't be able
to complete their journey.

- Do you think that's fair?
- I'm not supposed to be fair.

If this is really heaven,
you're supposed to be fair.

I didn't make any mistake.

This is not heaven.
This is a way station,

and there is no mistake.

I want a check out
on Joseph Pendleton.

When is he due to arrive
at this way station?

Sir, I don't understand.
A check out? Why?

The likelihood
of one individual being right

increases in direct proportion

to the intensity with which others
are trying to prove him wrong.

Pendleton, Joseph. Due to arrive

10:17 a.m., March 20th,
of the year 2025.

Sir, I really can't believe it. ll...

I took him out...

I took him out
just before the accident.

- There's no way that car could've...
- You did what?

You're not supposed
to take him out before.

You're supposed to wait
for the outcome.

Yes, sir. I know. But I was so sure,

and besides, it looked
like it was gonna be so painful.

Wait a minute. Are you saying...

Is this your first assignment
as an escort?

Yes, sir.

Haven't you learned the rules
of probability and outcome?

Aren't you aware that
every question of life and death

remains a probability
until the outcome?

Hey, so he jumped the gun.
Anybody could've done that.

Just put me back where you found me,
and we'll forget the whole thing.

This man must be put back
into his body at once.

Yeah.

Thanks, Mr. Jordan.

Hey, I'll see you in about 50 years.

Hey, hey, Max.

- Max, I'm back, I'm back.
- He can't hear you, Mr. Pendleton.

I hope they...

Joe, I hope they got the best football
team in America in heaven,

and I hope God makes you first-string.

Max, I'm going to get my body back.

Where's my body?
Where did they keep...

Oh, dear.

Cremated. I see.

Yeah. Well, I'm starting
against Dallas on Sunday.

Joe, the body that you occupied
on Earth has been cremated. Destroyed.

Well, un-cremate me, that's all!

You guys must be able
to do something right.

Mr. Pendleton, do the words
"You're not being a good sport"

mean anything to you?

Joe, we can put you
into another man's body,

provided that his death
has not yet been discovered.

Are you kidding? You're gonna put me
into the body of another man?

I just got my body back in shape.

Joe, the only way that you can return
to life is in the body of another man.

I shall have to take charge
of this case personally.

Incredibly graceful. He's about
your age and in perfect condition.

He's too short.
He'd never see over the line.

You know what kind of shape

you got to be in
to get to the Super Bowl?

Yes, Joe. I understand.

- Hey, he's not talking English.
- I told you he was German.

Hey, you talk any English?

We can't be seen or heard, Joe.

Well, I don't want to talk German.

I got to be able to
call the plays in English.

Joe, if you could just,

not so much lower
but broaden your standards?

We've seen a great many bodies,
and the choices are becoming limited.

Julia, I beg of you.

- We have to behave normally.
- I want a drink.

Dearest, please.

- Everything depends on our being calm.
- I've got to have a drink.

No, no, no. Mr. Farnsworth loathes
cold cucumber soup.

Hey, this is some house.
Who lives here?

Leo Farnsworth,
a man of enormous power.

...vacation arrangement
later this afternoon.

Thank you, Sisk.

Just leave the door open
as you leave, Sisk.

Thank you.

The more servants who see us,
the better it is.

- This guy? Are you kidding me?
- That's not Farnsworth.

- Give me a drink.
- Don't drink.

Who are they?

Farnsworth's wife
and his confidential secretary.

You hate me.

Don't be ridiculous, darling.
I don't hate you. I love you.

I want a drink.
I want a drink now! Tony...

It would be better if you
didn't drink. Really, really, darling.

How long do you think it will be
before they find him?

I don't know, darling.
It shouldn't be long, my dearest.

- I'm glad we did it.
- We couldn't help it.

Julia, I really think
it would be better

if you'd try not to unravel now.

Thank you, Julia.

- Is this guy Farnsworth dead yet?
- Not yet.

What's the matter with him?
He can't keep his eyes open.

He's been drugged by those two
downstairs. This is a murder.

You see how he's slowly
sliding into the water?

Hey, somebody get...

Hey, get a doctor. There's a guy...

Hey, get a doctor. You got a guy
drowning in the bathtub here.

You know, you left a bad pot
on the carpet.

I can't hold everything at once.

Mrs. Farnsworth would kill you
if she saw that.

Hey, somebody! You got...

- Give me a drink. I'd like a drink!
- Please.

Try not to go overboard, dear.

Look, he was a lecherous,
sadistic son of a bitch.

Everyone wanted him dead.

I should be canonized!

Perhaps one drink.

- Where can a man be?
- I'm sorry, Ms. Logan...

I mean, what harm can that do him?

- I mean, I realize...
- Please, my dear, that's enough.

I did it because that man
deserves to be dead.

They did it? No kidding?
They're murderers.

- Sisk, what's going on out there?
- I'm sorry, sir.

It is that Ms. Logan here again, sir,

- to see Mr. Farnsworth.
- Show her in.

- Yes, sir.
- Oh, my God...

No. It's the perfect alibi.
She insists on seeing him.

Let's look for another body.

One of the servants will go up
and find the body.

Excuse yourself and keep Sisk
with you at all times

to establish your whereabouts,
while I stay here...

Let's get out of here, Mr. Jordan.

Ms. Logan, sir.

Ms. Logan. I'm Tony Abbott.

This is the library.

That's Mrs. Farnsworth.

Hello. I'm going into the living room.

- Want to come, Sisk?
- Oh, yes. Certainly, madam.

I'm Mr. Farnsworth's personal
and private executive secretary.

I didn't know whether you knew that.

I'm sorry,
Mr. Farnsworth's not down yet.

Well, that's all right. I'll wait.

- Would you care to take a seat?
- No, thank you.

Perhaps you'd like to tell me
what it's about.

Mr. Farnsworth has been sent
hundreds of letters

from a town in England
called Paglesham.

The people who live in that town,
1,600, including my father,

are about to be forcibly evicted
from their homes

in order to make way
for the proposed Exo-Grey refinery.

Not only will hundreds of families
who've lived there for generations

be forced to find other homes,

but the few who remain
will have their health endangered

by the inevitable poisoning
of their air and their water,

the documented evidence
for which I have here,

along with a petition signed
by the 1,673 citizens of that area.

This is what I'm here
to see Mr. Farnsworth about.

I'm sure you're aware
that Mr. Farnsworth

usually conducts business
at his office.

Yes, I've been to his office.
He refused to see me.

Well, I seriously doubt that
he'd see you here.

He'll have to,
because I'm not leaving.

I'm sorry?

I'm not leaving.
I've come 8,000 miles, Mr. Abbott,

in order to do something
about a terrible injustice

that this man, Leo Farnsworth,
has perpetrated,

on hundreds of innocent,
defenseless people.

- Somebody ought to help her.
- You can help her, Joe.

You can be Farnsworth.

If Mr. Farnsworth doesn't see me,
I don't know what I'll do.

Is that some sort of a threat,
Ms. Logan?

- Yes.
- I'd like to help,

but I don't wanna be Farnsworth.

The decision is yours.

Ms. Logan, you give me no choice.

- Sisk!
- Let me ask you something.

If I had to be Farnsworth,
could we do it temporary?

Yes.

We could arrange that, if you wish it.

Sisk!

Sisk, please tell Mr. Farnsworth

Ms. Logan is here
and refuses to leave.

Yes, sir.

But if you really want to help her,
Joe, you'd better hurry.

- Well, it's only temporary, right?
- That's correct.

Only Farnsworth can help her.

The moment the body's discovered,
it'll be too late.

Hey.

That's me.

I haven't changed.

It's just me.

Mr. Farnsworth?

Now what do we do?

Mr. Farnsworth. Are you there, sir?

I'll never get away with this.
What're we going to do now?

Are you all right, Mr. Farnsworth?

Answer him, Joe.

What do you mean?
People can hear me now?

- Of course.
- But he knows the other guy's voice.

Mr. Farnsworth,
is everything all right in there?

Joe, answer him.

Will you take it easy?
I'll be out in a minute.

Very good, sir.

It works.

Of course.
Inwardly, you haven't changed.

You're still Joe Pendleton.
That's what you and I see.

But outwardly, you're Leo Farnsworth,

and that's what
everyone else will see.

Ms. Betty Logan is downstairs, sir.

She insists upon seeing you.
Do you wish to dress, sir?

- Sure, sure.
- Very good, sir.

You mean I'm gonna sound like
this guy, no matter what I talk like?

I beg your pardon, Mr. Farnsworth?

You see?

Well...

Julia, Julia, please, please, dear.

- Please, dear. Not now. Not now.
- I want a sip.

You're sorry you have me, aren't you?
You wish he were alive, don't you?

- Julia, please.
- Why don't you say it's not true?

- You didn't say it's not true.
- It's not true.

Say it again.

Darling, darling, it's not true.

I don't hate you. I love you.

- There, sir.
- Thank you. Thank you.

Your helmet, sir.

Your polo helmet, sir.

Thanks. Thanks. Do I play polo?

- Not really, sir.
- Sir?

Thank you. Thank you.

Don't you understand?
This Logan girl is a godsend.

What's taking so long?

Pick up The Fountainhead
and pretend you're reading.

- All right.
- You go on up, okay?

Ms. Logan, sir.

Hi. How are you doing?

I'm not leaving until
you've heard what I have to say.

Yeah. Well, good.

Mr. Farnsworth, you've been sent
hundreds of letters

from a town in England
called Paglesham.

- Yeah. I know about that situation.
- Have you read the letters?

Well...

- Well, no.
- No, you haven't. I suspected as much.

That's why I've flown over here.

Mr. Farnsworth, I and the 1,673 people
whom I represent,

and whose names are on this petition,

are not going to allow their futures

to be determined
by a pack of mindless bureaucrats

at the beck and call of certain

so-called industrialists
like yourself,

for whom elderly men and women,
and, I might add, children,

are just so many figures to be added

in the profit-and-loss column
of your accountant's ledgers.

- Do I make myself clear?
- Yeah, you do, but...

There are no buts, Mr. Farnsworth.

Of course, you can call
your armed guards

and have me dragged out.

I think it would be very bad publicity
for Exo-Grey Industries.

I don't think...

- Why don't just sit down for a minute?
- I prefer to stand.

- Well, we can stand if you want.
- Mr. Farnsworth.

I've made it my business to find out
all I can about Exo-Grey Industries.

A lot of facts have turned up
that would

make very interesting newspaper copy.

Your tea, Mr. Farnsworth.

Right. Yeah. My tea...

Will there be anything else,
Mr. Farnsworth?

No. I think that's about it.

Thanks a lot. Thank you.

You want some tea?

I want to know what you're going to do
about Paglesham.

Paglesham! Paglesham!
It's what we're talking about!

Mr. Farnsworth,
these people care very much

that their community
doesn't become yet another one

destroyed in the name
of free enterprise.

They care,
because they are a community.

A community where hundreds of families
have lived for generations...

I know about Paglesham.

Mr. Farnsworth, these people
are not going to allow you

to intimidate and frighten them.

Ms. Logan, I don't frighten anybody.

Oh, my God!

What in God's name was that?

Well, that... That was...

My Mrs. Farnsworth.

Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Farnsworth.

Mrs. Farnsworth saw a mouse,
but she's better now.

She just saw a mouse?

No. Before. Outside.
But she relives it.

I'll be in the other room
if you need me, sir. Excuse me.

- What's the matter with her?
- Well, listen.

I don't know.
It's really none of my business.

- Your wife's none of your business?
- You don't understand.

I understand one thing.

We will never, never allow you
to build that refinery.

All right, all right. Look, I'll build
my refinery in some other place.

Very funny, Mr. Farnsworth.

If you think I'm going turn around

and go back to Paglesham,
you're wrong.

I know you're not afraid of me.

I know you think a schoolteacher
from a small town

is no challenge
for a world-famous industrialist.

- But, believe me, Mr. Farnsworth...
- Hey, listen.

- Will you please listen?
- ...by the time I'm finished...

- Just be quiet a minute.
- ...Leo Farnsworth...

Just let me say one thing.

- What is it?
- Sit down.

- Why?
- If you'd just sit down,

I think I can explain something to you
that'll clear this whole thing up.

I'm not really Leo Farnsworth.

- What?
- My name is Joe.

Very funny, Mr. Farnsworth.
Very funny.

I'm sure you enjoy playing
these insulting little games.

However, I happen to know about
your board meeting on Thursday,

which may mean nothing to you,

but if you think you can treat women
with the same manipulative contempt

that your company treats the citizens
and communities of the world,

you've a lot to learn
about the strength

and persistence of people like myself.

So, don't think you're gonna get away
with this, because you're not!

Well. I guess you got till
that board meeting on Thursday

to find me a body
that can play quarterback.

Darling, darling! No, no!

Please, darling.
I'm going to let you go now.

Stop screaming. I'm going to
let you go now. Please stop screaming.

Darling, listen.
There is nothing to be frightened of.

There's plenty to be worried about,

but there's nothing
to be frightened of.

Dearest, are you all right?
Can I trust you?

Can I trust you? Yes, dearest?

- You locked me in a closet.
- Only for a moment.

- What did you say to him?
- I told him you saw a mouse.

- Oh, my God!
- Darling, look, look,

I'm not very good
at spur-of-the-moment alibis.

I'm very calm,
but I'm not very good at it.

What's the difference?
He knows anyway.

He's probably got enough evidence

to lock us away
for the rest of our lives.

Darling, I don't understand this.
I saw him inhale the nose spray.

Two full squirts in each nostril.

He never really inhaled it.
He overheard us somehow.

That must've been what happened.

Maybe he's got us bugged right now.
Maybe everything is recorded.

No, no. We're not being recorded.

An electronics expert
sweeps the place every day.

He's afraid of being bugged too,
darling.

He's playing with us.

He's playing with us,
that's what it is. This is a game.

My, God. He's playing a game with us.
That's what it is.

You locked me in a closet. Why...

Hello.

Mr. Farnsworth
would like to see you now.

Yes, indeed. Yes.
Would you excuse me, Mrs. Farnsworth?

Yes, of course, Mr. Abbott.

We can take it up at the board meeting
on Thursday, sir,

but I'm sure it's all perfectly legal.

But don't you think
you can do something

that's legal and still be wrong?

- Wrong in what sense?
- You know. Just bad for somebody else.

I'm not sure I know
what you're referring to, sir.

Well, like this refinery
we're putting up in Paglesham.

Was that the living room?

No, sir. I believe that was my office.

- My coordination is shot.
- Yes, sir.

- Just not my day.
- No, sir.

Sir, I wanted to discuss
the Haitian arrangement.

- The Haitian arrangement?
- Yes, sir. The 2.5 million acres.

- What 2.5 million acres?
- The sugar deal.

Yeah, it's no good.

- The deal?
- No, the sugar. It's bad for the body.

Do you want me to speak
to the Haitian ambassador?

No, I want you to check on
that Paglesham thing

and see if we're hurting anybody.

- If we're hurting anybody?
- Yeah.

Is the wicket bugged?

We certainly wouldn't want
to hurt anybody, would we, sir?

That's the last thing
Exo-Grey would ever want to do.

Isn't that right, sir?

Yeah. Yeah.
We don't want to hurt anybody.

Thank you. Thank you.

Paglesham.

He pretended for an hour
not to know what a stockholder was.

I can't tell
whether he's toying with me

or actually precipitating a crisis
for the company.

Of course he's toying with you.

You don't think he's gonna forget
about being drugged, do you?

Why would he pretend like this?

For the same reason
he pretend to inhale the nose spray.

To bait us.
He's waiting for us to crack.

Do you actually think that
he's playing that saxophone?

There's a tape inside.

That's why we keep hearing
the same song over and over.

It's like those
idiot costumes of his...

You are dumb, aren't you?

Thanks. Thank you.

Their magic number is now just one,

meaning a Ram victory Sunday
or next week against the Falcons,

or a 49er loss, and the Rams
clinch the NFL Western Division title.

And the way they've been playing,

the team feels this is the Rams' year
to go to the Super Bowl.

Jarrett has completed an astounding
62% of his passes for 18 touchdowns.

The defense has given up
but 10 points a game,

while the of fence
scores 21 points a game.

The Rams' record is the best...

What you're saying is that
nobody should have that information,

because if two big companies
get together,

then they're worth more money, yeah?

Yes, sir.

That's why the rumor of a merger
makes the price of the stock rise.

Wait a minute.

If it's supposed to be a secret,
how does the rumor start?

Well, sir, wrong as it seems,
they leak it.

No, but that's dishonest, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Well,

if I got a board meeting tomorrow,

I got to do a lot of studying tonight.

Yes, sir.

How you doing down there?

I'm just doing fine. Thank you
very much. Just very well.

Yeah? Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

Say, thanks for dinner.

I think we should do it right away.

Sisk, may we have
some more coffee, please?

And now for your hat, sir.

Do you wish the homburg
or the bowler, sir?

Or perhaps something that makes
a bit more of a statement?

Whatever you say.

Sisk, why do you think
I got so many of these sailor outfits?

Sir, you have always fancied the sea.

Do I sail?

Not really, sir.

Okay, okay.

So, Mr. Farnsworth,
I'm Helen Rich from The Times.

I have this petition
from the citizens of Paglesham.

- Do you plan to do anything about it?
- Hey, where'd you get that?

We're taking it into consideration.

We really have to be going.

- Mr. Farnsworth...
- Excuse us.

Excuse us.

Mr. Farnsworth, is it true

the three newly proposed
Exo-Grey factories

will displace 11 communities?

Eleven... Is it that many? Eleven?
I thought...

Well, they granted the permits
to build, didn't they?

I guess so, if we got 'em.

How do you suppose Exo-Grey
got those permits, Mr. Farnsworth?

Beats me. I guess we bribed somebody.

- He's joking.
- Funny.

Mr. Farnsworth, really,
we must be going.

Excuse us.

- What about Acrylonitrile?
- What about what?

Acrylonitrile.

The toxic substance released
by the new plastic soda bottles

- your company is marketing...
- Mr. Farnsworth, please.

...despite
the Consumer Protection League's

lawsuit force you to delay
until the effects are tested.

We really must go.

I've been making a study of this
whole thing for the last few days,

and I think
I've got it pretty well figured out,

so why don't all of you come inside
and see what's going on yourselves.

Mr. Farnsworth,
you can't have outsiders...

Sure we can. Come on in, everybody.
Come on in. Come on.

Is he kidding?

This can be taken care of.

Hi.

Hi. How you doing, everybody?

...These people are reporters
from some of the newspapers.

I thought it would be good idea

if they came in and see
how we did things.

Leo, this is a very
dangerous precedent.

Mr. Farnsworth, we have
a very full agenda today already.

Mr. Farnsworth, I don't see
that we have time for a press...

Mr. Farnsworth, is it true that
an accident in your nuclear plant

could stimulate seismic activity
in the San Andreas Fault,

which could destroy
most of southern California?

I think you'd have to
define "destroy."

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,

I would like to
make something perfectly clear.

And that's that the Exo-Grey
nuclear facility has a foolproof,

built-in safety system
that guarantees no danger of any kind.

- That's rubbish.
- Well said, Harry.

- Your response is to keep a...
- No danger?

If there's no danger, how come
we're in the middle of a lawsuit?

We're not.
It's a protest, not a lawsuit.

Yeah, well, that's not the point.

The point is that
we're doing something wrong.

Everybody's suing us.

Look, we got a lawsuit
from a refinery,

we got a nuclear lawsuit,
we've got a guy here...

We've got a guy named Porpoise
IS suing us.

Mr. Farnsworth,
that's an ecological suit

brought against our canning factory
for destroying porpoises.

For God's sake, he knows that.

We can porpoises?

- Our San Diego fleet...
- As everybody knows,

we can tuna,

and in netting the tuna, we are forced
to kill a number of porpoises,

and since they are mammals
of alleged high intelligence,

there's been an outcry.

Yeah, well... Yeah.

Yeah.

I would just like
to ask you a question.

Yes.

What the hell does he think he's doing
bringing the press in here?

- You know Leo Farnsworth.
- Maybe I don't know Leo Farnsworth.

Exactly.

- Leo...
- We have responsibility

which extends to thousands
of shareholders of moderate means,

people who, in many cases,
are less well off

than the ecological groups
fighting us.

If we were a football team,

would you say
we had a winning season so far?

Leo, I haven't the faintest idea...

Just generally. Would you say
we got a winning season?

I would say, on balance,
we have had an extremely good year.

All right. Okay.
We've got a winning season.

Now, what do you do
when you're ahead in the game?

What do you do?

- Leo, I don't know what you want.
- I'll tell you what you do.

You don't make mistakes,
that's what you do.

You don't make mistakes,

you don't gamble unnecessarily.
You got to protect your lead.

You don't go passing
from deep in your own end zone.

You protect your players,
you make sure nobody gets hurt.

You got to use these guys
in the next game.

And this is not just one game.

We won this game, didn't we?

We got to stay in shape
for the rest of the game.

That's the responsible thing to do,
all right?

Look. It's like when everybody
was supposed to stop eating grapes.

Well, some guys did, but I didn't,

'cause I didn't know anything
about it, and I like grapes.

A lot of guys like tuna, and they're
just gonna keep eating it anyway,

but I was thinking,
what if we had a good-guy tuna company

that was on the porpoise team?

A lot of guys would buy that,

so their kids wouldn't
get mad at 'em, right?

I don't think they're taking
into account the expense.

Yeah, but we don't care
how much it costs, do we?

We just care how much it makes.

And if it costs too much,
we charge a penny more.

We make it part of the game plan.

Would you pay more
to save a fish who thinks?

Yeah, and we handle
all lawsuits that way.

Let other teams build power plants
in all the wrong places.

Let the other quarterback
throw a girdle out

so newspapers get hold of it,
and the stockholders don't like it.

We don't want any of that.

Let's be the team
that makes the rules.

Let us be the team that plays fair.
Gets the best contract.

Let's be the popular players.

We're just gonna have to forget about
all these nuclear power plants

until we find out if they're safe.

And that refinery in Paglesham,
we're just gonna have to relocate it.

Sure, it'll cost us $35 million,
but we don't care,

because we'll come out ahead
in the long run.

And whatever that stuff is
we're making

those containers out of, that plastic,

we're gonna have to stop
till we find out what it is.

We're not here for just one game,
are we, fellows?

We're in here to all the way.
Now, let's go to the Super Bowl, guys!

And when we get there,
let's already have won! Okay?

Hi. How you doing?

Fine, thank you.
Very well. I'm just...

What is happening?

...and give the Rams home field
advantage on through the playoffs

and the Super Bowl. Remember,

this year's Super Bowl is
set for the Coliseum.

If he weren't going to be dead soon,
he'd need years of psychiatric help.

Let's do it tonight.

Looking ahead,
the Rams will probably face Dallas

in the opening round of the playoffs,
and if they win...

- Mr. Pendleton.
- Hey!

Am I glad to see you.

Did you guys
line up any bodies for me yet?

We haven't got a lot of time.
We got to go fast. If...

The...

...and only four measly field goals...

Hi. I'm just...

What'd you come up with?

We have a number of very interesting
probabilities now, Joe.

Look, I kept my word
to Betty Logan like I said.

Now, did you find me a body
that's in good shape?

I want to see some bodies.

I want to see some good legs,
good arms,

somebody who can roll out
to the right well.

We've got the Super Bowl coming up.

You guys must have checked out
a lot of bodies by now. We got to...

- Who is it?
- It's Sisk, sir.

Come in, Sisk.

Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Farnsworth,
but Ms. Betty Logan is downstairs

and asks if she might have
a moment of your time.

Betty...

Tell her I'll be right down.

Very good, sir.

Do you...
Do you wish the door closed, sir?

Closed is fine. Thank you.

You guys do the best you can do,
will you?

I got to find out what she wants.

Hi.

Mr. Farnsworth.

I don't know what you must think of me

after my behavior
at our first meeting,

but I feel I must tell you what
an extraordinary thing you did today.

I mean, really,
a quite extraordinary thing.

- You don't have to say...
- No.

- Because I...
- It's...

You know what? You look a little pale.
You want something to eat?

- Well...
- I'll be right back.

Bentley. Everett.

Ms. Logan's going to
have dinner with us

so put on another plate, will you?

Whip up a liver and whey shake.

Where you going?

I thought...

You thought I meant to go out and eat?
Okay. All right.

Sisk, we're going out.

Come on.

Bentley! Everett!
We're gonna go out and eat!

That's a very good idea.

- I...
- Which hat would you prefer, sir?

Look, I don't want to wear a hat.
I'm sick of hats.

Don't show me any more hats.
Understand?

Yes, sir. No more hats.

It's...

Do you eat here often?

Are you... No, look.

I just didn't think you'd want people
to see you out with a guy like me.

I see.

Pick up 24. Pick up 28.

I'm sorry.
I just can't stop staring at you.

I seem to be staring at you, too.

Even when I was
really trying to hate you,

I couldn't help see something else.

- Something...
- What?

...in your eyes.
Does that sound silly?

When you see something like that,

it doesn't matter
what a person looks like,

or who they are, or anything.

What is it?

This isn't what I thought
was going to happen to me.

Listen, I got to talk to somebody
right away.

Would you mind if I took you home?

- I... Good night.
- Good night.

Hey, by the way,
I'm getting a divorce.

But you and your wife
aren't even separated.

Oh, sure we are. It's a big house.

- Hey! How you doing, Bentley?
- Fine, sir.

- Mr. Pendleton?
- Oh. Hi.

Listen, I'm not gonna be wanting
that body we've been talking about.

I'm not gonna be needing it.

Something happened tonight.

Mr. Pendleton, this is an outrage.

We've gone to enormous difficulty
to find you an athlete.

I know I said I wanted it,
but that was before.

Something happened tonight
with Betty Logan,

and I just changed my mind,
that's all.

I'm gonna get Farnsworth's body
into shape.

I'll get Corkle to help me.
I'm gonna call Corkle.

Do you understand?

- Back in there?
- Oh, yes.

I can do it.

I know more about getting into shape

than anybody in the world.
Do you understand me?

So, if you just hold up
on that body...

- Hold up on the body?
- Don't worry about it.

Tell Mr. Jordan not to worry about it.
Thank him.

I'm very sorry,
but I just want to get into shape

with this body, with Farnsworth's...

You leave me absolutely speechless.

I have nothing whatsoever
to say to something like that.

I can't even think how to retort

to something as ridiculous
as you turning down a body

that we've gone to
such extreme lengths to find for you,

and an athlete at that.
A man in the prime of condition.

I simply don't know what to say.

What will I do with his cocoa?

I don't want to disturb him,
but dare I let the cocoa get cold?

I notice there are two cups.

Well, Sisk felt
that since Mr. Farnsworth

was pretending to talk to somebody,

he might want to pretend
to give him cocoa too.

Yes.

Hey, how you doing, Everett?
How you doing, Bentley?

Hurry up.

Wait a minute. Just a minute, please.

All right.

Hi, look, I'm sorry
to bother you so late,

but I don't love you
and you don't love me.

So let's get a divorce, all right?

Leo, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Come on. Yes, you do.

And, Abbott, there's a trainer
for the Rams named Max Corkle.

Could you call him tomorrow
and ask him to come over and see me?

Yes, Mr. Farnsworth.

Thank you. Good night.

You idiot. You idiot!
Why did you answer him?

I couldn't resist.
His will is too strong.

That's our weekend forecast.

Now here's Bryant Gumbel
with tonight's sports.

Leach and Shaw will have to...

He's dead. It's over with.

...left for Philadelphia this morning
hoping to play their last road...

At last.

- At last, my dearest.
- It's incredible.

Yes! Just a minute. Yes! Yes, Sisk.

And, Abbott,
Corkle's number's 654-1654. All right?

- Yes, Mr. Farnsworth.
- Okay.

Oh, my God.

Right this way.

Mr. Farnsworth is waiting for you
in the ballroom.

Follow me, please.

Mr. Corkle, sir.

Max. How you doing?

Fine.

Hey. Lost a little weight?

- Have we met?
- Sort of. Yeah.

Thanks, Sisk.

Hey.

I hear you got all Joe Pendleton's
athletic equipment.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Yeah. How'd you know that?

Well, I'd like to buy it.
I'd like to bring it in here.

No, I'm sorry, Mr. Farnsworth.
That's not for sale.

- No?
- What do you want it for?

I've got to get in shape.

I'd like you to help me train.
I'll pay you.

- Train?
- Yeah. And as soon as I'm ready...

I want you to get me
a tryout with the Rams.

I don't understand.
What are you trying out for?

Quarterback.

Quarterback?

Yeah, the point is, Mr. Farnsworth,

we already got a quarterback
working with the team.

We got
a couple of pretty good backups.

You call Hodges good?

The point is,
we don't need a quarterback.

Look, why don't you try
one of the other teams?

The Oakland Raiders
are pretty close to LA,.

Give them a call
and see what they say.

I want to play quarterback,

and I wanna get in shape
in time for the Super Bowl.

How much do you think it would cost
to get me a tryout?

Look, Mr. Farnsworth,
no team wants a crazy trainer,

and only a crazy trainer would arrange
a tryout for you as quarterback,

So, look, you keep your money,
I'll keep my job,

and we'll keep this little
misunderstanding to ourselves.

Hey, listen...

Hey, that's all right, you guys.
I'll finish that up.

What would you say if I told you
I was a professional football player?

Boy, hey, these are nice.

Max, you know how people die?

Yeah. Why?

And after they die, they go to heaven?

I guess, if they're good.
I mean, why not?

You know how it works in heaven?

- Not exactly.
- It's probability and outcome.

Probability and outcome...

Probability and outcome.

- I never knew that.
- Yeah, well...

Let's say there's a probability
that some guy's going to die.

What happens is an escort from
the guy's way station gets a signal,

and he goes down,
and he has to wait for the outcome.

You see, now, if the guy lives,
the escort wasted a trip,

but if the guy dies, he picks him up,

and he takes him
right back up to his way station,

and he puts him in line for his
final destination. You follow me?

Yeah. You mind if I smoke?

No. Go ahead.

Now, let's say
there's a new escort, see?

He's really raw, he gets a signal,

he takes off, and he sees a guy, say,

riding a bicycle into a tunnel,
all right?

The car's coming the other way,

and the escort,
he's supposed to wait for the outcome,

but this guy's new and he figures,
"Well, the guy's a goner."

He's sure that that's gonna happen.

So, he figures,
"Why should I just make him sit there

"and have the car hit him?

"Why don't I just take him
out of there a few seconds early

"and take him up to his way station?"

Listen, I...need a match.

That clock over there,
that's a lighter.

So, the thing is, the guy
he takes up to the way station,

he's not just some ordinary guy.

He's an athlete
with fantastic reflexes.

And it turns out, he wouldn't have
hit the car at all, you see?

- How do you light this?
- There.

Now, the guy wasn't really dead.
You understand?

His number wasn't up for years.
He would have missed the car.

- No kidding?
- Yeah.

Hey, look at the time.
Is this lighter right?

I don't think so.
Max! Do you see what I'm saying?

They're supposed to
put him back in his body,

but they can't
because he's been cremated.

So what they have to do is
find another body to put him in.

Look, Mr. Farnsworth,

I'm just a trainer. What you need
is like a really good doctor.

Max, don't you understand
what I'm trying to tell you?

Sure! That's a hell of a story.

Max, you... Mr. Jordan.
I'm so glad to see you.

I'm trying to get Farnsworth
into shape for the Super Bow!.

- I want Corkle to help me.
- Somebody with us?

- Who are you talking to?
- Yeah, that's Mr. Jordan.

He's the guy that runs the way station
I was telling you about.

Don't worry. You can't see him.
You're still alive.

You two probably got a lot
to talk about. I'll just be on my way.

- Wait a second, Max.
- Tell him who you are, Joe.

He's never gonna believe me,
Mr. Jordan.

Can't you tell him what happened?

He's the only person I know
who can get me a tryout with the Rams.

You can make him believe you, Joe.
Tell him.

But there's nothing...

- Max, look at me.
- Look, Mr. Farnsworth...

Max! I'm not Farnsworth.
I'm Joe Pendleton.

Farnsworth was murdered by his wife
and his private secretary.

This is just a body they found for me.
Don't you understand?

They drugged him, they stuck him
in a bathtub, and then I stepped in.

It's not bad material,
but I can get it into shape.

I got to start training...

- Where are you going, Max?
- I don't want to hear any more.

- Max, please.
- I really want to get out of here.

- Max...
- I won't tell a word to anybody.

I promise. It'll be our little secret.

Our little secret? Like your sister
and the Coca-Cola salesman?

What about that... Hey!

What about the scar you got
on the bottom of your tongue?

- Or...
- How the hell did you...

What did you do
at your uncle's wedding?

What about the first time
I fixed your neck in Pittsburgh?

Now, do you believe me, Max?
Please say you believe me, please.

Max, they don't have a football team
in heaven,

so God couldn't make me first-string.

He doesn't believe me, Mr. Jordan.

Try a little music, Joe.
That's a great persuader.

Joe, you never could play that thing.

Joe...

You all right, Max?
Max... You all right?

Sisk! Everett! Bentley!

Whip up a liver and whey shake
right away!

I'm gonna play quarterback
in the Super Bowl,

and nothing can change that

if I got it coming to me,
right, Mr. Jordan?

If, as you say, this is
what you've got coming to you.

- He's still here?
- He's right there.

Max, listen to me. This guy Farnsworth
isn't in bad shape.

I still know the moves.
You just help me with the body.

You don't look so hot.

Thanks, Mr. Jordan.

Sisk! Bentley!

How about that liver and whey shake?

- Hurry up. I need it for Mr. Corkle.
- Yes, sir. Right away.

I want the whole staff to suit up.
We're going into training right away.

Listen, Mr. Jordan, is it?

You still there?

Any time you want to chime in,
why, just feel free.

Feel free.
I'm telling you to feel free.

You got to help me
talk Joe out of this.

If I do get him a tryout...

Listen, that team will put him
out of commission like that.

Jesus Christ, I can't even snap
my fingers anymore. Oh, sorry.

He's not there, Max.

Now, look, don't get crazy on me.
I'm counting on you.

This isn't going to work.

These are the Los Angeles Rams
we're fooling with.

It's just... Well, all right.

I'm still figuring out
what I'm gonna say. ll...

Joe, don't you understand?

You're playing football
with a bunch of butlers.

We're in the Super Bowl.
This isn't gonna work!

Don't worry about it.
I fixed all that.

- How?
- I bought the Rams.

Leo Farnsworth has bought this team,

and he wants to play quarterback.

- Shit!
- Crazy son of a bitch.

We're not gonna take
this kind of bullshit, Coach.

Wait a minute.
Listen, fellas, this is the way it is.

Mr. Farnsworth will be playing
quarterback in Wednesday's scrimmage.

At which time,
he and the coach will decide

whether he's qualified
for the job or not.

And Mr. Farnsworth says,
"Tell no one to hold back."

These were his words, I quote.

Let's play that scrimmage
like the Super Bowl.

- Now, take him at his word, fellas.
- Let's Kill him.

My team.
That son of a bitch got my team.

What kind of pressure
did he use, Milt?

Well, I asked for 67 million,
and he said, "Okay."

Ruthless bastard.

Well, very, very nice.
Very, very impressive.

I'm Tony Abbott, Mr. Farnsworth's
personal private executive secretary.

Very nice. Very... Very nice.

Don't let any of Mr. Farnsworth's

racial statements offend you,
for God sakes.

Nice talking to you.

Come on, fellas.

Get rid of that ball fast, all right?

Good luck, Mr. Farnsworth.

All right. Don't worry about
the plays, boys. I think

- I got them all down last night.
- Yes, sir.

All right.
Now, this is what I wanna do.

I want to run a split right,

X-go, Z-curl, a Y-straight.

Like the Super Bowl. Break.

Ready? Break.

Okay. Tighten it up.

Look at Gorman and Kowalsky.

That's how they look when they eat.

Look out!

4-3, set!

2-85! 2-85!

Hut! Hut!

Sorry, Mr. Farnsworth.

- Nice.
- Let's try it again, Mr. Farnsworth.

Okay, get him back in there.
Let's go! Let's go!

Try it with the ball!

- Come on, positions!
- Playing football is so much fun.

Okay. Try this time. Come on.

- Set!
- Come on now!

2-81! 2-81!

Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!

I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Farnsworth.
This is really embarrassing.

- Come on. Help him up.
- All right. Come on.

I guess you went offside.

Come on, guys,
get him, get him, get him.

Give me a little more room, Billy.

Set!

Let's all try and stay onside.

2-85! 2-85!

Hut! Hut!

- Better get a stretcher.
- Jesus.

He's an eccentric. We've always known
that about Leo Farnsworth.

You call that eccentric? To buy
a football team for 67 million

- that has a book value of 19?
- Now, Harry.

Frank, three weeks ago,
the stock was selling at 56.

This morning it opened at 14.

Go, go, go.

- You want a rest, Mr. Farnsworth?
- No, no, it's okay.

Mr. Leo Farnsworth intends to
take the Los Angeles Rams

to the Super Bowl this season
as their quarterback.

No sign of aberration in his behavior?

Nothing in his personal life?
Anything bothering him?

That statement speaks for itself.

All right, I'm going to save
you guys some trouble.

You want me to quit?
You just give me the ball one time.

If 1 don't hit Evans, I'll quit.

- Ready?
- Break!

Look out!

Hey, now!

On three! Set!

Hut!

Beautiful!

There's a potential there. He's...

- Okay, okay.
- Take it easy, Mr. Farnsworth.

I know, I know.

- Shit, man, what you doing?
- What's he doing?

Ready? Break.

Red right, red right. Watch the pass.

4-3. Set! 3!

Hut!

Not bad.

1-81! Hut!

Jesus.

I think we got us a rich quarterback.

He's looking awful good.

Boy, you pulled it off,
you really pulled it off.

Yeah? I don't know.
I think I can do it.

Hey, Mr. Farnsworth,
play any college ball?

No. I played a little polo.

Look, look.

He brought the whole goddamn team
home, and he's posing with them.

That's not a football team.

See all these older men? Look how
skinny some of the younger men.

Look at all the women.

That's not a football team.

That's the ecology group
that Exo-Grey is funding.

He's getting ready to spring a trap.
This whole thing.

The football team gag,
the ecology crap,

the divorce bit,
it's all part of some plot.

The only thing he has not announced
to the newspapers

is our divorce,
and the minute he does that,

you know I'm going to be
the first person

they suspect when we kill him.

Darling, perhaps I'm just being silly,
but I'd be more comfortable...

Am I upsetting you?
Have I offended you in some way?

Don't put your hand
over my mouth again.

I'm sorry, darling,
you used to like it.

Listen to me, if we don't do
something right away,

we are going to lose it all.

I should have my head examined
for signing a prenuptial agreement.

I'll wind up with my wardrobe
and some allowance.

And you'll be fired
without references.

We'll still have each other.

Not after he brings charges against us

for the last two murders...
Don't you try it.

Is it?

Want to make a wish?

- Yes.
- All right. There.

Go ahead.

Very good.

Hey.

Tell me, do you think it's silly,
me trying to be a football player?

What? Of course not.
That's what you want to do.

You think I can do it?

I think you could do
anything you wanted to do.

Anything you committed yourself
to do, I think you could do.

Yeah?

Because I'm a big wheel at Exo-Grey?

"Cause you're not afraid of things.

Afraid of things?
Why would I be afraid?

Well, you know, most people are
afraid of something, aren't they?

You want to know
the only thing I'm afraid of?

How I'd feel
if I couldn't be with you.

Then there's nothing
to be afraid of, is there?

Got to go.

Wait a minute.

How would you feel about marrying me?

It's crazy?

No, it doesn't sound crazy.

You know, if I...

What is it? What is it?

Could you wait here for a minute?

I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.

What do you want?

I'm sorry, Mr. Pendleton,

I'm afraid you won't be able to use
Mr. Farnsworth's body any longer.

What are you talking about?

Just what I said.
Your time is up. You don't fit.

Hey, didn't you tell me
I was going to get to the Super Bowl.

All I know is,
whatever you are going to do,

you won't be able to do it
with Mr. Farnsworth's body.

- Why not?
- Because it wasn't meant to be.

- Why not?
- Don't say "why not?"

What are you trying to pull?

You think I'm just going to
keep paying for your mistake?

Look, Mr. Pendleton...

Wait, wait.
I don't want to talk to you.

You tell Mr. Jordan
I'd like to talk to him.

We'll just settle this whole thing
once and for all.

Get out of here. You're bad news.

- Is something wrong?
- No, it's...

I just got to
straighten something out.

Maybe I better walk you to the car.

Something is wrong, isn't it?

- I was just thinking, Betty.
- What?

You know, we got a great life ahead,
you and me,

and nobody's going
to take that away from us.

Why are you looking at me like that?

I'm just memorizing your face.

I want to memorize
everything about you,

So no matter what happens,
I won't forget you.

- What's going to happen?
- Nothing's going to happen.

You'd never forget me either,
would you?

- No.
- That thing you said you saw in me.

It was something in my eyes. Remember?

If someday somebody came up to you,
he might even be a football player,

and he acted
like he'd seen you before,

you'd notice that same thing, right?

Even if you though you did,
you'd give him a chance?

He might be a good guy.
He could be anybody.

He could even be a quarterback.

I don't understand what you're saying.

I'm just acting crazy.

Betty...

It's all right.
There's nothing to be afraid of.

You must abide by what is written.

Why? I don't understand?

There's a reason for everything.
There's always a plan.

How can you expect me
to give up Farnsworth now?

I'm sorry, Joe.

You said we were going to
get to the Super Bowl.

Yes, that's true. If it's meant to be.

- I'm not leaving.
- Sorry.

- I'm not leaving, Mr. Jordan.
- Joe?

You yourself asked
for a temporary arrangement.

I never went back
on a deal in my life.

But I am doing it now, Mr. Jordan.
I'm not going.

Your destiny is not in my hands.
Please don't make it more difficult.

Well, I'm not going to
make it more difficult,

I'm just not going to do it.

Joe, you must abide
by what is written.

- She loves me, Mr. Jordan.
- Joe,

you must abide by what is written.

Don't be afraid, Joe. There is a plan.
There's always a plan.

Mr. Farnsworth?

Hello, Bentley,
have you seen Mr. Farnsworth?

No, sir, I haven't.

- Guess I'll just have to keep looking.
- Yes, sir.

Joe?

Joe, you in here?

Are you in there, Mr. Farnsworth?

Yes.

Yes! Yes.

Listen, Your Highness, I'm telling you
what I told the mayor last week.

By the end of the week,
I'll crack this case.

Right. Another Arab.

Son of a bitch Farnsworth
was into everything,

and now he's vanished, disappeared.

This is the craziest nut
I've ever had to deal with.

He wasn't fooling around.
If he was alive, he'd be here.

Are you asking me to believe
Leo Farnsworth asked you to marry him?

Yes. He was going to get a divorce.

When I left, he said he'd call me,
but something happened.

How do you know?

Because he didn't call me,
he said he would.

And he would have kept his word.

With less than 24 hours to go
before the big game,

the whereabouts of Leo Farnsworth,

the new owner of the Los Angeles Rams,
remains a mystery.

Before he disappeared,
Farnsworth told me that

his wife and Tony Abbott tried to
kill him, and he told me how.

Now you bring Abbott down here.
Let me spring it on him.

I swear I can make him crack.

Okay. Conway, take Corkle
to the Farnsworth house.

The game!

And if you win this one,

you're going to be
champions of the world.

And they can take away the money,
they can take away cheers, they can...

take away the good looks,

but nobody will ever
take that away from you.

Let's go.

Now just let me get this straight
in my head, Mr. Bentley.

Are you trying to tell me
that you saw no specific

changes in Mr. Farnsworth's behavior?

No, sir. Perhaps a bit more talkative,

but other than that, he seemed normal.

And that's your opinion, too,
Mr. Sisk?

Yes. I did notice he seemed
to take a dislike to his hats,

but it was never violent.

Why don't you ask me
whatever it is you want...

Mr. Corkle, please. Mr. Everett?

Oh, yes?

You had cocoa with him
every night at 9:00.

- Yes.
- What did you and he talk about?

Well, he'd say something like,

"This cocoa is good, isn't it?"
And I'd say, "Yes, it is."

And then he'd say something like,

"I wish the marshmallow
would last a little longer."

And I'd say, "So do I."

Sometimes he talked about cookies.

Thank you, Mr. Everett.

Did he ever say anything to you
about disliking his hats?

What the hell is this?

What difference
does it make whether...

Corkle, I'm following a line
of questioning here. Please.

Mr. Everett, did he ever
say anything to you about his hats?

- Never, sir.
- Thank you, Mr. Everett.

Mr. Abbott, what did you
and Mr. Farnsworth

talk about the last time you saw him?

He was considering buying Haiti.

- The country?
- Yes, sir.

Thank you, Mr. Abbott.
Nothing about hats?

No.

Thank you, Mr. Abbott.

Mrs. Farnsworth,
what was the relationship

between you and your husband?

Very, very close. Very, very special.

Do you know that Ms. Logan claims
he told her he was getting a divorce,

and he asked her to marry him?

Marry him?

No, I don't doubt that, Lieutenant.

You see, although my husband
loved me very, very much,

he was a man.

He would say anything,
he would do anything

to make a conquest,

but, Lieutenant,
it never touched our marriage.

That's what made it
SO very, very special.

They're pinning it on Betty.

Ms. Logan, I am sorry
if I've said anything that's hurt you.

That's all right, I don't know you
well enough for you to hurt me.

I hope you don't doubt my word.

I don't, I'm absolutely sure
that you're lying.

I assume, Ms. Logan,
if Mr. Farnsworth told you

anything about disliking his hats,
you'd let us know.

Wait a minute,

you want to know about his hats?
I'll tell you about his hats.

He didn't mind about his hats,

but he wouldn't wear socks
with a suit!

He put on a pinstripe
with black Oxford shoes.

Every time he crossed his legs,
you could see his ankles were bare.

That's when he stopped wearing hats,

because he thought
they looked funny without socks!

I see, but he never actually told you
he disliked them.

- What?
- His hats.

Are you crazy?
This is an investigation,

what kind of questions are you asking?

All right. Sit down, Corkle.
Conway, turn that thing on.

Let him watch the game.

Betty, everything's
going to be all right.

We're getting a clearer picture
of Mr. Farnsworth's patterns.

There's a reason for everything.
There's got to be.

It's a demanding defense.

You don't need to worry about her.

Tom Jarrett, the Rams' quarterback,
back to pass.

Looking, scrambling. He's in trouble.

And he's hit hard! Down he goes!

What you're telling me, Mr. Abbott,

is that Mr. Farnsworth
never carried any money

or credit cards with him, right?

And no identification papers?

- Right, sir. Yes.
- Then what we have here...

The score, 24-24. Overtime.

The way he was hit,
Tom Jarrett is hurt.

We can see
the Ram players are concerned,

and they're calling for the stretcher.

Jarrett has not moved.

It'll be a miracle, frankly,
and I hope he's well.

It doesn't look good at all.

Now they quickly order Jerry Hodges
to start warming up on the sidelines.

And now, the Pittsburgh defense
has been brilliant.

They've stopped the Rams
with only 45 yards...

The Haitian ambassador's here.

Oh, yes. Yes, thank you, Sisk.

Give him a Coke and tell him to wait.

Who do you think you are?

You have a nerve to call this
an investigation!

- I can't believe it. Look at you.
- Now, Corkle!

A bunch of men doing nothing
but standing around...

How'd you do it this time?

Did you drug him and stick to him
in the bath, like you did before?

This one has seesawed back and forth,
and these fans in the Coliseum...

Lieutenant, I will not be spoken to
in this way in my house.

- Why did it have to be Jarrett?
- Because it's his time, Joe.

It's his destiny.

Look at the pupils!

Bill! Get that ambulance!

And Jarrett's coming back
into the game.

I've never seen

- anything like this, Al.
- Joe!

Oh, my God! It's his jacket!

So it's you, Mr. Abbott!

After all these years, I should have
known I couldn't trust you.

- Here's your murderer!
- She did it!

I'll sign a confession
that she did it!

- She's been planning it for years!
- Okay, book 'em!

- Corkle, where are you going?
- I'm going to the Coliseum.

I'm conducting an investigation here.

Look, I'm going to the game.
You want me to stay? Arrest me.

Otherwise, take this investigation
and shove it up your ass!

3-23. Hut! Hut!

It's sudden death overtime! Jarrett's
sending this crowd into delirium.

The crowd's watching Jarrett.
He was sacked hard.

He's getting up to his feet.
He's okay.

2-85! 2-85!

Hut! Hut!

A remarkable comeback by Jarrett.

The first team
that scores wins the ball.

Jarrett trying to
get into field goal position.

Set!

Two.

All right!

We're number one! We're number one!

We did it!

Hey, Max.

I am right, it is you, isn't it?

Yeah.

I knew it! I knew it!

I was watching the TV,
and I said, "That's him!"

The Rams are Super Bowl champions!

Here's the star, number 16,
Tom Jarrett's running and passing.

Leading his team to victory.

- How do you feel?
- Good.

I mean, can you
describe your feelings?

- World champions!
- I feel good.

Please, please.

I have to go now, Joe. It's time.

I can't stay here any longer.

- What do you mean?
- How does it feel to be Tom Jarrett?

And when I've gone,
you won't remember me.

You'll be Thomas Jarrett
with no memory of Joe Pendleton

or Leo Farnsworth
or anything that's happened.

This is your destiny, Joe.
You're back on your own road now.

What do you mean, I won't remember?

Goodbye, Joe.

There's a lot of confusion.
Perhaps if we showed you...

Wait. I got to talk to you. Wait.

Goodbye.

Congratulations. Here he is. Coach...

You okay, Tom? You okay?

Here's Lamar Crawford, the man
who caught one of those key passes.

I'm just happy that we won.

In September, I told you
the beginning of this season!

Hey, Benny! Hey, Joe! Tom!

- Hey, Doc. Did Tom leave?
- He's putting some ice on his eye.

He'll be all right.
He'll be out in a minute.

That's something about Farnsworth,
isn't it?

- Poor son of a bitch.
- Yeah.

Hey. Corkle. What are you doing,
closing up the joint?

I didn't know you played that thing.

- What are you talking about?
- Is that yours?

What are you talking about?

- What do you mean?
- You know what I mean.

I mean, what are you
talking about, Joe?

Am I missing something?

Come on. What are you
trying to do to me?

Hey, I'm the guy
that got hit in the head.

You sure you're all right, Corkle?

Hey, play something
for me on this thing.

That's the way it is with champagne?

You just keep swallowing it
'cause it doesn't taste like anything,

and all of a sudden, you're drunk.

You going to the party, Corkle?
I'll give you a ride.

Hey, you...

A little fresh air wouldn't hurt.

Hey, look. Just do me one favor.
Look at me.

Just look at me.

What?

What?

Joe...

Joe.

You want to tell me
why you're calling me Joe?

I guess it has something to do with

Joe Pendleton.

I'm sorry. I didn't think, Corkle.

You sure you don't want a ride?

No, I'll just, I'm going
to sit here for a minute.

Okay.

Hey, son, you played a hell of a game.

Thanks, Corkle. You all right?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Excuse me. I wonder if you can tell me
where might I find Max Corkle?

- I believe he's along here somewhere.
- He's in the locker room.

Go back up there,
around the way you came,

or go back here and take a right,
and then a left.

And then it's the second door
on the right.

I see. Thank you.

Thank you.

He's not expecting me.
Is it all right if I just walk in?

Sure. He's the only guy in there.

Have we met?

No. I don't think so.

No, I guess we haven't. I'm sorry.

What did you think of the game?

I didn't see it.

Does your eye hurt?

No, no, I...
Listen, my name's Tom Jarrett.

- Hello. I'm Betty Logan.
- Yeah. It's nice to meet you.

- You must play for the Rams.
- Yeah. You interested in football?

A friend of mine was.

Was?

Leo Farnsworth.

I'm sorry. Was he a close friend?

Yes, he was very close.

- That's too bad. I'm sorry.
- Have you put some ice on that?

- What's that?
- They're just closing up the place.

Here, give me your hand.

It's all right.
There's nothing to be afraid of.

- You can...
- What did you say?

What?

Just then, when you said
there's nothing to be afraid of.

Your voice sounded so familiar.

Yeah?

Well, like I said,
I thought I knew you too.

But, look, people are always thinking
they knew somebody before.

Yes, they are.

I was going to meet a bunch of people.

We're having a big party
and everything,

- and I'm a little late.
- I'm sorry.

No, no, no.

What I mean is, all of a sudden,

I don't feel like going to a big party,

and I thought maybe if...

I mean...

You want to have a cup
of coffee or something?

Well, I guess not.

You're the quarterback.

Yeah.
How'd you know that?

Yes, I'd love to have
a cup of coffee with you.