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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Meet Alana Fitzgerald.
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How she got here is quite a tale.
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And I'm here to tell it to you.
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I'll tell you all about Alana.
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And who am I?
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I'm Stewie, the talking baby
from Family Guy.
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Do you really not know that?
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And now to our tale.
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It started innocently enough
late last month.
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Oh, Alana, this lesson has been a treat.
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You were always the best student.
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And you were always
the only teacher in town
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who didn't rest a hand
on my knee while I played.
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It's okay. I'm not a teacher.
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Chris, go to your room.
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Sure thing, Mom.
Just one more sniff of Finesse.
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As you were.
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Alana, it's been five years
since you graduated,
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and still no college plans?
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I still want to audition for Juilliard,
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but I still can't afford
the $1,200 application fee.
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Oh, you're not gonna tell me
you can't pay
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the seven dollars for today's lesson?
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'Cause that's our sandwich money.
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Will there be sandwiches then, miss?
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Peter, can I talk to you about Alana?
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I have an idea.
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You can talk about anything you want,
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as long as you shout it
over the Patriots game.
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Critical
third and seven for Mac Jones...
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I just feel really bad for her.
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You know, she's so talented,
but she doesn't
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have the money to apply to colleges.
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- And it's a fumble!
- Oh, no.
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I know, it's sad. And that's
where I think we can help.
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- Somehow Mac Jones fell on it.
- Come on, the clock is ticking.
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Well, I just think we could hire
her to help around the house.
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You know, with the laundry,
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driving the kids to school,
all that stuff.
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- ...for a touchdown!
- Yes!
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Thank you, Peter.
I knew you'd understand.
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Man, it just really sucks
when you're playing from behind.
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Exactly. That's why
I'm so happy to help her out.
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You know, I think we'll both
sleep better tonight.
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And the Patriots set up on defense.
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Go for the sack!
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Well, you did agree to the Alana thing.
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Mm, where's my clothespin?
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This gross encounter sealed the deal.
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And just like that, Alana was welcomed
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as a member of our family.
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Oh, that must be Alana.
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What are you, the Amazing Kreskin?
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Just open the damn door.
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Ah! Welcome, Alana.
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Oh, thank you, Lois.
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Are you sure this is okay?
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"Okay"? It's wonderful.
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Come on, meet the rest of the family.
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Now, of course, you know Chris.
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Hi, Chris. Good to see you again.
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And it will be good to see you again
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through the bathroom keyhole.
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That was not original to the house.
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Hi. I'm Peter.
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I enjoy middle-of-the-night
hallway cereal.
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I'm Meg. Don't touch my
drum set, or you're dead meat.
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No one had ever heard of
Meg's drum set before this moment.
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Oh, Lois, you're so lucky
to have such a beautiful family.
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I didn't grow up with any of this.
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Let me show you where you'll be staying,
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and you can get settled in.
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Oh, there's plenty of time for that.
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Let me get started on dinner.
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I was thinking tacos and nachos?
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Well, sounds good to me.
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What do you think, Peter?
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I just arrived in my pants.
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That night, we all ate tacos and nachos
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that were so good, we stood and cheered.
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We were the envy of the neighborhood.
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Here, Joe.
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Barely thawed trout and white rice.
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This trout's the lucky one.
It's over for him.
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- What's that, Joe?
- Thanks, Bon. Looks terrific.
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Did you guys know you have
a pool in the backyard?
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It was just overgrown
with grass and weeds.
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Cannonball!
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There's no water in it, though.
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Llabnonnac!
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Phew. That was a close one.
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You know, Alana, I confess I wasn't sure
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how this was going to work out,
but you've been terrific.
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Uh, you're just too good to be true.
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Too good to be true.
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Like a single Jewish doctor.
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Hello? Where are you?
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Doctors can be girls, too, so shut up.
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Yes, everything seemed perfect
in our household,
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00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,845
but sometimes things
aren't what they seem.
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We'd been so conditioned into
believing our mother's life was empty,
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we couldn't even fathom the idea
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that another person would want it.
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It was a real All About Eve moment.
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Or, if you're under 70, a real
Single White Female moment.
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Or, if you're under 50,
a real Swimfan moment.
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Or, if you're Black,
the Beyoncé movie Obsessed,
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which I haven't seen
but hear real good things about.
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Yes, Alana was a regular Lisa,
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which is the character from Obsessed,
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which I just looked up.
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Stewie, eat your vegetables.
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Okay,
that's pretty good, but I'm onto you.
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Oh, 8:15.
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Well, that's much later
than I usually wake up,
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but at least I won't react like
a character in an '80s mov...
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8:15?!
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I am so sorry.
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I didn't realize how late it was.
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You guys must be starving.
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Wha... What's all this?
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Oh, good morning, Lois.
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I thought I'd let you sleep in.
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Oh, that's nice.
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- Where's Peter?
- Oh, he's here.
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He's just in the kid phase
of the Mini-Wheats cycle.
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The shrinking process
was incredibly painful.
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Mom, she made us eggs with falafel.
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Or, as she calls it,
"falafel à la Alana."
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It's hard to say, but they're delicious.
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I take adult-sized poops,
but I have kid-sized parts.
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I could die from this.
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Yeah, that's-that's part of why
I don't let Peter do that.
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But you know what, I'm glad you guys
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are all enjoying Alana so much.
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Oh, she's the best.
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In fact, Alana and I stayed up
all night scissoring.
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Wow, Meg, you're really good at this.
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00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:06,967
Yeah, I had an older babysitter
who kind of showed me how.
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Hey, maybe after this,
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we can get out the cribbage board
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and work on our pegging.
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I'm Mayor Wild West,
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and my neighbor's kid
had to explain this to me.
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Guess, this week, it's church
on Sunday and Wednesday.
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But anyway, back to our tale.
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The dominoes were falling one by one.
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Especially Peter, who found
Alana to be a sheer delight.
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That will be more clear when you see
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how she's about to be dressed.
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Santa?
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I can almost see your bum
through your nightgown.
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Any time Peter
saw someone at 2:00 a. m.,
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he assumed it was Santa.
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Alana?
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What are you doing up so nipples?
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Sorry, I was just
cleaning out the freezer.
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Okay, any Popsicles that say
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"property of Peter Griffin" are mine.
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Got it. You see anything else you like?
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I can think of one or two things.
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Did you enjoy your five-course meal?
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I wouldn't consider an amuse-bouche
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a full course unto itself.
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I guess you're right.
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Hey, maybe we could split
a Popsicle for dessert.
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Yeah, sure, if any of them have
your name on 'em, help yourself.
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Hey, thanks for taking me
to the dog park, Lois.
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00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,457
Well, now that we have Alana,
I've got more time
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to do stuff like this.
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Can I be honest with you, Brian?
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Hmm. That's what a woman says
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before she trashes another woman.
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I'm a little worried about Alana.
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I mean, the kids seem to like her,
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and she's good at her job,
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but maybe a little too good, you know?
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00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,061
I don't know, she seems cool to me.
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00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:43,564
I mean, yes, I know, she's very sweet.
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00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:48,569
But sometimes I feel like
maybe she's after something.
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I just don't know what it is.
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Well, maybe you're right.
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I'll tell you what, I'll talk to Alana
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and try to sniff out
what's going on with her.
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00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,747
Oh, thanks, Brian.
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00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:01,248
I'd appreciate that.
197
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,333
I'll tell you, I'm starting
to wish I never...
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00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:04,669
Hired her!
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00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,381
Hey, sorry about that.
200
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,842
Well, looks like Lois
is plenty threatened
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00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:14,970
by that new girl who moved in,
I tell you what.
202
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:21,810
Wow. Dusting the den, huh?
203
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,188
You're really going
the whole 8.2 meters.
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00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:26,231
- What?
- Oh, sorry, nine yards.
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00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,150
I just read so many European authors,
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00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:29,902
I slip into metric sometimes.
207
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,654
Anyway, Alana, could you do me
a favour... with a "U"...
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00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,907
And maybe do a little less housework?
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00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,951
Less housework?
But that's why Lois hired me.
210
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,704
Well, I worry Lois might be
feeling a little displaced
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00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:43,248
since you've been doing
so much around the house lately.
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00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,167
Oh, I'm so sorry.
213
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:47,461
I would never want to make her
feel uncomfortable.
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00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:50,297
Hey, maybe we should discuss
this while I brush your fur.
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00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:52,174
Okay, I see what you're doing.
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00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,801
This kind of stuff may have
worked with the kids,
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00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,345
but I kind of look out for Lois
in a way that they don't.
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00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:59,348
And believe me, Alana, I can
get pretty mean if I want to.
219
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:02,184
Oh, Brian, that's adorable.
220
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:05,020
And I love that you're
so protective, but come on.
221
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,064
We all know you're just
a big sweetheart.
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00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,483
And even if you were able
to be mean to me,
223
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,235
I'd still be loving you.
224
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,362
Yeah, well... "Loving," you say?
225
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,908
- ♪ I'll be lovin' you ♪
- When?
226
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,827
♪ Cloudy days or sunny ♪
227
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,037
- ♪ Lovin' you ♪
- Are you sure?
228
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,997
♪ That's a promise, honey ♪
229
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:27,835
♪ When your kiss
can no longer pack a thrill ♪
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00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,753
Nothin'.
231
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:33,924
♪ I'll still be lovin' you ♪
232
00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:36,552
- ♪ I'll be huggin' you ♪
- How?
233
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,930
♪ Like a baby panda, kissin' you ♪
234
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:42,599
- Where?
- ♪ On your old veranda ♪
235
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:46,270
♪ When your charm, dear,
is absolutely nil ♪
236
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:49,190
♪ Yeah, I know,
you'll still be lovin' me ♪
237
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:53,026
♪ Billin', cooin' ♪
238
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,987
♪ You, I'll keep pursuin' ♪
239
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,156
♪ Always lovin' ♪
240
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,241
♪ Hotter than a baker's oven ♪
241
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:00,868
Get out of here!
242
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:03,245
♪ This is true ♪
243
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,122
♪ Let no one deny it ♪
244
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:07,332
♪ I'll want you ♪
245
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,418
♪ Till I'm still and quiet ♪
246
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:13,130
♪ When my friends carry me
across the hill ♪
247
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:15,591
♪ I'll still be lovin' ♪
248
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:17,843
♪ Turtledovin' ♪
249
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:21,972
♪ Still be lovin' you. ♪
250
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,224
Wow, you've got some pipes.
251
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:27,311
But about Lois...
I'm still worried she's unhappy.
252
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,897
Unhappy? What's there
to be unhappy about?
253
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:35,068
♪ Every morning, every evening ♪
254
00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:37,613
♪ Ain't we got fun? ♪
255
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:41,200
♪ Not much money, oh, but, honey ♪
256
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,410
♪ Ain't we got fun? ♪
257
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,662
Despite Brian's initial skepticism,
258
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:48,457
they sang 19 numbers
from the American songbook,
259
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,000
and he was sold.
260
00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:53,545
Alana's victory over our family
was complete,
261
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:58,383
and Lois realized she needed to
take matters into her own hands.
262
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,135
Oh, hey, Loni.
263
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,221
Uh-oh, she's trying to assert dominance
264
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,972
by creating a fake nickname.
265
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,016
I see you're giving a bath
to the Stew-Man.
266
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:07,476
She does it to me, too.
267
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:10,312
So, I was thinking,
since you're so close
268
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:13,190
to making the $1,200
you need for Juilliard,
269
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:15,442
why don't I just throw in
the difference for this week
270
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:18,612
and get you on your way, huh?
271
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:20,072
Thanks, Lois.
272
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,199
I'm so excited for you
to spread your wings
273
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,326
and pursue your dreams.
274
00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:25,619
She wants you out of here.
275
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:27,579
This is so generous, Lois.
276
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,291
I'll be on my way
first thing in the morning.
277
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:35,380
Okay, you're all done, little man.
278
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:38,173
All right, let's do backside first,
279
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:40,425
get the heavy lifting out of the way.
280
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:44,179
Lois thought the $1,200
281
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,847
had gotten Alana out of her life,
282
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,016
but it was the other way around.
283
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,851
Here's $1,200.
284
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,604
I want Lois Griffin dead by morning.
285
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:58,819
Whoa. I can finally send
my nephew to Juilliard.
286
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,153
He plays the melodica.
287
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,781
- Really? Is he any good?
- You tell me.
288
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,993
He did the opening fanfare
for 20th Century Fox.
289
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,401
Good morning, Chris. Good morning, Meg.
290
00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:41,611
Good morning, Loi... Lois?!
291
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,323
My clothes were in the wash,
292
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,575
so I borrowed your clothes
and Peter's bra.
293
00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,994
Boy, my morning jog was murder.
294
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,663
But, Alana, why is your hair red?
295
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,248
I decided to dye it.
296
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,083
I'm a huge Kathy Griffin fan.
297
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,501
Well, that doesn't add up.
298
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,587
No one is a huge Kathy Griffin fan.
299
00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:02,132
I beg to differ.
Sometimes comedy is just energy.
300
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:05,094
And who cut my head
out of these family photos?
301
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:07,763
Sorry, that was me.
302
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,182
Alana and I did
some scissoring last night.
303
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,642
Is that so?
304
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:15,479
Oh, we were just having a
little fun and got carried away.
305
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,689
Tell you what, I'll fix all the pictures
306
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,983
as soon as I get back
from doing the groceries.
307
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:24,071
I do the groceries, Alana.
308
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,573
You won't like me when I'm groceries.
309
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,202
When I get back from the market,
310
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,621
I think it's best if you're gone.
311
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:34,415
I understand.
312
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,877
And don't worry, Lois.
313
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:43,131
After today, I promise
you will never see me again.
314
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:52,182
All right, let's check the grocery list.
315
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:55,227
Dozen eggs, orange juice, bread,
316
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,396
and one Sara Lee cheesecake I will take
317
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,481
tiny finger pinches of all the way home
318
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,525
and then throw in the outside trash.
319
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:04,362
Oh, God, I love shopping!
320
00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:09,199
What's this?
321
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,535
"Newer"? "Fancier"?
322
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,582
What the hell?
323
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,876
All they sell here is rope
and body bags?
324
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:21,711
I... Uh-oh.
325
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,010
You guys, I just found
this note from Mom.
326
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,471
"Dear family,
I've decided to leave you all
327
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:33,140
and become a lesbian."
328
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:34,683
Wait, we can just do that?
329
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,685
Dad, how did this happen?
330
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,186
I blame myself.
331
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,605
Because of my fat, I can't be on top.
332
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,524
The whole family was so alarmed
333
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,526
that no one noticed Alana at the piano
334
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:46,695
practicing Lois's part
of the theme song.
335
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:50,532
♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
336
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:53,994
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
337
00:15:57,206 --> 00:16:00,375
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
338
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,844
Stop! Why are you doing this?!
339
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:13,013
Is this related to the virtual stranger
340
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:16,016
I let take over my life
and family this past week?
341
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,934
- Please!
- Shut up.
342
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,436
We're taking you to die.
343
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,980
- Well, are we there yet?
- No.
344
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,649
- Are we there yet?
- No! God.
345
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,610
- Just give her the iPad.
- No.
346
00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:28,445
The book says kidnap victims are getting
347
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,238
too much screen time these days.
348
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,074
They bond with the iPad, not with us.
349
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,918
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
350
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:44,503
- Yeah?
- Please.
351
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,254
Please don't let two white women
352
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,757
make a podcast about my disappearance.
353
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:57,599
Kids, now that your mother is gone,
354
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,060
I want you to be prepared
for a lot of pee
355
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:02,062
on the floor next to the toilet.
356
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:04,314
This is a speech no father should ever
357
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:06,024
have to give his children.
358
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,317
I don't think you guys understand
359
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:09,027
what a huge loss this is.
360
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,238
Oh, I fully understand, Brian.
361
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,865
Lois is an angel. She's my soul mate.
362
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:17,077
There's never been another Lois,
and there never will be.
363
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:18,870
Not for me.
364
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,789
She's irreplaceable.
365
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:24,042
Hey, Dad, what's for dinner tonight?
366
00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:29,548
And so we return to where we began:
367
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,551
with Alana and her rather
twisted path to the altar.
368
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:44,062
It's a very logistically kooky church.
369
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,815
We have gathered today
suspiciously quickly
370
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:49,693
to celebrate the union
of this man and this woman.
371
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:53,071
Now, before we begin,
let me just say that yes,
372
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:56,950
I am the priest from YouTube
who plays the guitar.
373
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,702
Pretty cool priest.
374
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:01,329
You can also catch me
playing Fortnite on Twitch.
375
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,915
Now, I understand Peter
has written his own vows.
376
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,585
- Oh, no!
- Yes, I have.
377
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,962
And I'm definitely not
just reusing the vows
378
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:12,048
I said to Lois when we got
married in the late '90s.
379
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,593
"Dear Lois: Whassup?
380
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,428
"You're the love of my life.
381
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,929
Yada yada yada, I'm hungry."
382
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,015
Unless anyone has a reason why these two
383
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:22,267
should not be married, I hereby...
384
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:27,856
Wait! Stop!
385
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,861
What is this?
386
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,571
In all my years as a cool priest,
387
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:36,031
I've never seen such a commotion
388
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,657
at Our Lady at the Bottom of the Hill.
389
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,243
This woman tried to take over my life
390
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,911
and murder me and...
391
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,205
Oh, my God, you're the guitar priest.
392
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:46,291
Oh, boy, not this.
393
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,585
This is the last thing I wanted.
394
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:51,379
Okay, now, who here knows "Jumper"?
395
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,673
This is a very serious accusation.
396
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:56,134
- Is it true, Alana?
- I...
397
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,761
I'm sorry, Lois.
398
00:18:57,762 --> 00:19:00,388
I just wanted your life so badly.
399
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:02,182
I've never seen a man love his wife
400
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:03,725
as much as Peter loves you.
401
00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:05,727
God, you need to get out more.
402
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:08,521
And your beautiful children
and your dog.
403
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,190
The baby, I never liked.
404
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,775
Well, I was onto you, so...
405
00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:13,443
That's not why.
406
00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,236
And you were gonna marry her?
407
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:16,613
I'm sorry, Lois.
408
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,573
The only things I liked about Alana
409
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,325
was the stuff she stole from you.
410
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:23,953
But who needs her when I got
the genuine article right here?
411
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:26,373
I guess what I'm trying to say is:
412
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,458
What's for dinner?
413
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:30,502
Oh, Peter.
414
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:34,464
♪ I wish you would step back
from that ledge, my friend ♪
415
00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:37,217
You're under arrest, Miss Fitzgerald.
416
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:39,886
Come on, you're coming with me.
417
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:44,141
♪ I would understand ♪
418
00:19:45,476 --> 00:19:48,687
♪ I would understand... ♪
419
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,899
This is probably, like,
my favorite arrest!
420
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,744
Thanks for agreeing to see me, Lois.
421
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,413
Mm-hmm. Get on with it.
422
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:08,915
What I did was unforgivable.
423
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,959
I've had a lot of time
to think about things.
424
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,836
You have nothing but time in prison.
425
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,921
- Really?
- I know it sounds crazy,
426
00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:17,132
but I miss the sound of those kids' feet
427
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,342
running to wake me up
at 6:00 in the morning.
428
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:20,927
Wh-When do you wake up?
429
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,012
I don't know,
whenever they serve breakfast.
430
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,848
"They"? "Serve"?
431
00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:27,809
I guess you don't have to cook
for yourself in here, huh?
432
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,602
You're not allowed to.
433
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:30,937
I want to switch.
434
00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:32,355
Wrap it up, ladies.
435
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:34,816
Inmate, you're gonna be late
for your knitting class.
436
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:37,026
Knitting class? What stitch?
437
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:38,611
All of them, I guess?
438
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:41,906
I want to switch. I want to switch.
439
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:44,367
I want to switch!
440
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,953
And here ends our tale of...
441
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:48,705
Chris, Chris, what are you doing?
442
00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:50,790
Dad said I can do voice-over, too.
443
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,751
Ugh, fine, you know what? You do it.
444
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,794
I'm Chris Griffin, and I once saw
445
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:56,880
a film called All About Beave,
446
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,882
and it was nothing like this.
447
00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:00,968
Good night, everybody.
33753
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