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1
00:00:01,784 --> 00:00:04,178
Previously
onUnited States of Al...We are such idiots.
2
00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:05,527
Hey, it's gonna be okay.
3
00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:07,572
Hazel can never find out
about this.
4
00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:09,574
You and I
are not gonna tell anybody.
5
00:00:09,618 --> 00:00:11,054
Not Freddy?
Just because
6
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:12,751
I sleep in your old
bed with your ex-wife
7
00:00:12,795 --> 00:00:14,797
doesn't mean that you can't call
me up in the middle of the night
8
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:18,018
and say "Freddy,
let's go take a walk."
9
00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:20,324
Do you feel guilty about this?
10
00:00:20,368 --> 00:00:21,325
Riley.
11
00:00:21,369 --> 00:00:23,414
Focus.
12
00:00:23,458 --> 00:00:24,676
You're right. I'm sorry.
13
00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:27,201
This player
14
00:00:27,244 --> 00:00:28,854
is making out with a girl
15
00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:30,073
he just met.
16
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,683
Is he a virgin?Oh, yeah.
17
00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:34,295
Oh, no...
18
00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:38,908
Mr. Art,
19
00:00:38,951 --> 00:00:40,605
when you were a
handsome young man
20
00:00:40,649 --> 00:00:42,259
with long hair
and skinny jeans
21
00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:45,349
and you were about to
get intimate with women,
22
00:00:45,393 --> 00:00:47,221
who taught you how?
23
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,832
A stack of magazines I found
in my dad's underwear drawer.
24
00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:50,833
Oh.
25
00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:52,052
Why do you ask?
26
00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:54,097
Cindy has invited me
for dinner tomorrow,
27
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:55,794
and, um...
28
00:00:55,838 --> 00:00:58,884
I think I'm ready to take our
relationship to the next level.
29
00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:01,104
Oh, Al!
30
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:03,237
My baby bird is
jumping out of the nest!
31
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,934
Ah.What do you
need to know?
32
00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:05,891
Ask me anything.
33
00:01:05,935 --> 00:01:07,241
Well, I'm-I'm asking
your father.
34
00:01:07,284 --> 00:01:08,590
Why not me?Hey,
35
00:01:08,633 --> 00:01:10,157
when he needs advice
on sit-ups, he'll ask you.
36
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,158
Yeah.
37
00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:13,116
The most important
thing is
38
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,249
not to be too drunk.Mm.
39
00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:18,991
Which has no bearing on you, but
it is the most important thing.
40
00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:20,776
Eat a banana on the way there.
You don't want to cramp up.
41
00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:22,560
And if you feel like
you're having a heart attack...
42
00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:23,779
...play through.
43
00:01:23,822 --> 00:01:25,607
'Cause what a way
to go, right?
44
00:01:26,477 --> 00:01:29,045
And, no matter
what happens,
45
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,003
it... gets better.
46
00:01:31,047 --> 00:01:33,789
Isn't it always great?
Well,
you'd think that.
47
00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:35,312
It's like pancakes.
48
00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:38,098
The first pancake on the griddle
never turns out real good.
49
00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:40,230
Mm. But it's still a pancake,
so it's tasty.
50
00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:42,580
Oh, yeah.
You're glad you had it.
51
00:01:42,624 --> 00:01:45,017
It just-- You might like
the next one more.
52
00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:47,019
You think
I'm gonna be disappointed?
53
00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:47,890
Oh, you,
54
00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:50,284
uh, someone other
than you.
55
00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:53,200
Once you get started,
anything can happen.
56
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:55,027
Are you saying
I'm gonna be bad at sex?
57
00:01:55,071 --> 00:01:57,247
I'm saying you're gonna
get better and better.
58
00:01:57,291 --> 00:01:58,292
Yeah, it's only
59
00:01:58,335 --> 00:02:00,163
your first bite of the apple.
60
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:01,599
Why do you keep
talking about food?
61
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,775
Well, he just means,
your first time,
62
00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:06,561
you might be more of a sprinter
than a long-distance runner.
63
00:02:06,604 --> 00:02:10,434
No judgment. You can end up on
a Wheaties box for doing both.
64
00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:11,435
And they're both fun.
65
00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:12,828
Very fun.
66
00:02:12,871 --> 00:02:13,829
I-I don't want to be a sprinter.
67
00:02:13,872 --> 00:02:15,004
Well, you might not be.
68
00:02:15,047 --> 00:02:16,136
But you might be.Which is fine.
69
00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:17,137
Mm-hmm.
70
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:19,400
Listen to the elder.
71
00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:20,792
He knows.
72
00:02:20,836 --> 00:02:22,925
Knows what?
Sex is pancakes and apples?
73
00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:25,188
If you're lucky.
74
00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:44,425
You know, if we bump this up
to three times a week,
75
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:45,817
I can quit the gym.
76
00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:47,471
If I'm
gonna keep up with you,
77
00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:49,125
I may have to join a gym.
78
00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,955
How do you keep getting out of
work in the middle of the day?
79
00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:55,087
I mix up the excuses.
80
00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:56,959
Last week, I was
at traffic court.
81
00:02:57,002 --> 00:02:59,004
Mm-hmm.Today, I'm at the dentist.
82
00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:01,964
Which I can sell, 'cause
my jaw is a little sore.
83
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:07,926
You know, this reminds me
of when we were 19
84
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:10,625
and you used to sneak me into
the barracks at Camp Pendleton.
85
00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:13,845
Do you remember the night
they did the bed check?
86
00:03:13,889 --> 00:03:16,283
I still can't believe
you fit in my foot locker.
87
00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:22,724
I should get going.
88
00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:27,119
What time is Hazel's
science fair thing tonight?
89
00:03:27,163 --> 00:03:29,905
Um, it's at00.
90
00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:32,342
And then I promised to take her
to get pizza after.
91
00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:34,605
But you
don't know that
92
00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,172
because you didn't see me today.
93
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,784
Ooh. Smart, beautiful and
fits into small spaces.
94
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,351
You're the
total package.
95
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:44,224
Hold on.
96
00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,530
Gimme something.
97
00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:51,535
Thanks.
98
00:03:56,671 --> 00:03:59,239
Hello! $20 on
pump three.
99
00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:00,240
Oh.
100
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:02,154
And this banana.
101
00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:09,118
"Last All Nite Lady Pleaser."
102
00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:12,556
Do you recommend this product?
103
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,079
Sure.
104
00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:15,733
You don't seem very
excited about it.
105
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,605
Does it in fact
last all night
106
00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:20,216
and please ladies?
107
00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:22,436
Sure.
108
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,264
Oh. Hey.
109
00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:28,485
I think this would be
a very nice gift for my uncle.
110
00:04:33,316 --> 00:04:35,275
I have three uncles.
111
00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:38,321
Dad, what are you doing?
112
00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:39,496
Science fair.
We're late.
113
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:41,193
Oh, shoot.
I'm sorry, baby.
114
00:04:41,237 --> 00:04:43,283
I have to do
my presentation before Sanjay.
115
00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:46,416
He built a laser. I'm just
dropping crap in a fish tank.
116
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,200
All right, hang on.
117
00:04:48,244 --> 00:04:51,116
I'd say "good luck,"
but... what do you care?
118
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,640
You get me.
119
00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:55,120
Come on.
Let's go.
120
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,774
Dad, am I wearing
121
00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:58,385
one of your socks?
122
00:04:58,428 --> 00:04:59,777
With a gold toe? Ha!
123
00:04:59,821 --> 00:05:01,823
Who am I, Elton John?
124
00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:03,825
Dad.Yeah.
125
00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:05,174
Uh, go wait in the truck.
126
00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:07,350
Fine. But if you're not out
in three minutes,
127
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:08,612
I'm leaving.
128
00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:12,703
This is not my sock.
129
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:15,880
Should we call
the police?
130
00:05:15,924 --> 00:05:16,664
Oh, God,
131
00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:18,361
this is not my sock.
132
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,107
Hello.Hey, uh, where are you?
133
00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:27,631
I'm at the school. Some kid
just burned a hole into a brick
134
00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:29,459
with a laser.
135
00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:31,722
Terrific.
Does Freddy wear gold-toe socks?
136
00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:33,550
I think so. Why?
137
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:36,640
I put on one of his, which means
I must've left one of mine
138
00:05:36,684 --> 00:05:38,642
in the bedroom.What?
139
00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:42,864
You didn't pick it up,
by chance, did you?No.
140
00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:47,216
Okay, I'm gonna take care of it.
Uh, got to go.
141
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:50,915
Uh, hey, guys, um, I, uh...
142
00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:52,917
F-- and Freddy
and Vanessa are gonna be
143
00:05:52,961 --> 00:05:54,745
at the science fair
until00-ish.
144
00:05:54,789 --> 00:05:58,227
Um, before then, I need
someone to go to Vanessa's house
145
00:05:58,270 --> 00:06:01,665
and look in the bedroom
for a sock that looks...
146
00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:03,580
just like this one.
147
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:05,669
In her bedroom?
148
00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:07,105
Yeah, or the couch.
149
00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:08,368
Or the...
150
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:09,891
island in the kitchen.
151
00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:12,850
Judas Priest!
152
00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:14,112
Are you sleeping
with Vanessa?
153
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,679
I don't have
time for this!
154
00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:18,160
You just got divorced!
155
00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:19,204
Judas Priest!
156
00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:21,206
Please just find it!
157
00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:22,730
Ah!
158
00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:24,688
I can't believe those two.
159
00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:26,821
I just hope they're
not using protection.
160
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:29,606
Dad.What? I want more grandkids.
161
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:34,829
Cindy, this is delicious.
162
00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:36,439
Oh. Can I get you
some more?
163
00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:38,615
No, no. I don't
want to fill up,
164
00:06:38,659 --> 00:06:40,617
in case I need to be nimble.
165
00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:42,619
Nimble?You know,
166
00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:44,055
ready for anything.
167
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:46,057
You zig, I zag.
168
00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,232
Oh.
169
00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:48,408
I like the sound of that.
170
00:06:56,677 --> 00:06:58,418
Would you mind if I
used your washroom?
171
00:06:58,461 --> 00:07:00,550
Sure.
172
00:07:02,204 --> 00:07:03,858
Oh, I'm dyeing a shirt
in the bathtub--
173
00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:05,729
it's not a crime scene.
174
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,429
Gas-n-go.
175
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:11,431
Yes. Hi. I was in earlier.
176
00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:14,651
I bought a banana and three
Last All Nite Lady Pleasers.
177
00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:16,479
For my uncles.
178
00:07:17,306 --> 00:07:18,873
One of my uncles is wondering
179
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:21,092
how many of these pills
he should take,
180
00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:22,529
and my other uncle said,
181
00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:25,488
"Why don't you call the nice man
at the gas station?"
182
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:27,229
What's it say on the bag?
183
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:29,971
Uh, "Take as needed."
184
00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:32,800
Then there's a picture
of what I think is a jackhammer.
185
00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:35,106
There you go.
186
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:38,806
Great. Thanks for everything.
187
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,286
Mm...
188
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,944
Ooh.
189
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:22,197
Ugh, this has more of a crime-y
vibe than I'm comfortable with.
190
00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:26,593
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Careful!
191
00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:28,943
I gave 'em that
for their anniversary.
192
00:08:32,424 --> 00:08:34,209
This is so wrong.
193
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:41,825
Sorry.
194
00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,087
Bedroom.
195
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:46,656
So, so wrong.
196
00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:48,615
I'll check the drawers.
197
00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,268
You check under the bed.
198
00:08:50,312 --> 00:08:52,619
Sounds like you've
done this before.
199
00:08:53,489 --> 00:08:55,012
No comment.
200
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:59,364
I can't believe I'm looking
for my brother's sex sock.
201
00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:00,365
Good ole Riley--
202
00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:01,715
gettin' the job done.
203
00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:05,196
Ew, are you proud of him?
204
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:06,589
Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?
205
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,635
He's getting his marriage
back on track.
206
00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:09,810
Hold on.
207
00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:12,160
You think this is a love story?
208
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,553
What, you don't?
209
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:15,598
Vanessa and Riley
are high school sweethearts.
210
00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,034
Sure, they had their ups
and downs,
211
00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:19,471
but, clearly,
they can't quit each other.
212
00:09:19,515 --> 00:09:21,604
They make each
other miserable.
213
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,084
Like lovers do.
214
00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:26,217
We've seen this movie already.
215
00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:27,436
It didn't end well.
216
00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:29,003
Or it wasn't over.
217
00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:31,483
Just
please promise me
218
00:09:31,527 --> 00:09:33,573
you won't get your hopes up
too high.
219
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:36,576
Are yougonna give me
grandbabies?
220
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,056
Let's find that sex sock.
221
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,797
Now you're talkin'.
222
00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:48,283
So now your dad
and sister know?
223
00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:49,763
I didn't have time
to get it myself.
224
00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:51,025
Where is it?
225
00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:52,679
I don't know.
Probably in the...
226
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:54,724
bed somewhere.
227
00:09:54,768 --> 00:09:55,986
You think he saw it?
228
00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:00,469
No.
229
00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:03,254
Maybe we're making
too big a deal of this.
230
00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:05,387
I mean, if Freddy did find
a man's sock in the bed,
231
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:07,389
would he really be suspicious?
232
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:08,825
He sleeps naked.
233
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:09,957
Didn't want to know.
234
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,263
Didn't want to say.
235
00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:13,656
Hey, babe.
236
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,310
A bee!
237
00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:23,579
Was that you?
238
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,320
Oh, you heard that?
239
00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,931
I hope dinner is sitting okay.Oh!
240
00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:29,150
Dinner was wonderful.
241
00:10:32,153 --> 00:10:34,285
That was my stomach
saying thank you.
242
00:10:35,199 --> 00:10:37,549
Oh,
you're burning up.
243
00:10:37,593 --> 00:10:41,118
That is my
forehead saying I want you.
244
00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:43,730
Oh, and, Al,
your heart is racing.
245
00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:45,079
Uh, okay, that-that?
246
00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:46,646
I don't know. I'm
worried about that.
247
00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:49,126
Are you on drugs?
It's okay if you are.
248
00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:51,651
I just want to know
where the evening is headed.
249
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:54,479
I took a vitamin. I mu-- I
must be having a bad reaction.
250
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,351
What kind of a vitamin?
251
00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:00,660
The kind that gives
a man energy.
252
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:02,662
Al.
253
00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:11,322
"Last All Nite
Lady Pleaser."
254
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,369
Aw, for me?
255
00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:23,421
We all know that metal sinks,
256
00:11:23,465 --> 00:11:25,032
but sometimes boats
are made of metal,
257
00:11:25,075 --> 00:11:26,555
so what's up with that?
258
00:11:27,425 --> 00:11:29,819
The answer to this riddle
is density.
259
00:11:29,863 --> 00:11:31,821
No, it's water displacement.
260
00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:33,214
Hey, that's your science.
261
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:35,216
This is my science.
262
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:38,480
First, measure the mass
of the object...
263
00:11:38,523 --> 00:11:39,829
Any word?No.
264
00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:41,309
Tell 'em to look harder.
265
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:42,876
You can't look harder.
There's looking and not looking.
266
00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:44,529
There's no extra looking.
267
00:11:44,573 --> 00:11:46,488
How do you put on two
different socks? Are you blind?
268
00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:49,534
I was gonna leave 'em on,
but you said it looks dorky.
269
00:11:51,188 --> 00:11:52,363
Where were you?
270
00:11:52,407 --> 00:11:53,582
Bathroom.
271
00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:54,975
You forget, but the urinals
are so low here.
272
00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:57,151
Had to wipe off
my shoes.Mm.
273
00:12:00,502 --> 00:12:02,547
Wh-Who are you calling?
274
00:12:02,591 --> 00:12:05,725
Poison control. I have to see
if I need to make you throw up.
275
00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:08,858
Oh, hi. Yes,
my date Al...
276
00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:10,817
Don't tell them my name.
277
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:13,558
My date Alonzo...
278
00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:15,691
took a pill
279
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:20,348
called Last All
Nite Lady Pleaser.
280
00:12:22,872 --> 00:12:25,092
Oh, yes, the
ingredients are
281
00:12:25,135 --> 00:12:27,137
caffeine, gingko biloba,
282
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:29,574
wood pulp, horny goat weed...
283
00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:31,054
Oh, just let me die.
284
00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:34,144
Okay.
285
00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:35,711
Okay. Good news--
286
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,800
I don't have
to make you throw up.
287
00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:39,715
But you might anyway.
288
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,369
Oh, hey,
289
00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:44,285
would it help
if I milked his prostate?
290
00:12:45,677 --> 00:12:48,245
Okay, but would it hurt?
291
00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:50,421
All right,
well, thank you.
292
00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:52,380
You've been
very helpful.
293
00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:55,818
Okay. So we don't have
to go to the hospital
294
00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:59,039
unless you have a seizure
or your eyes start to bleed.
295
00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:01,606
Wait here, I'm gonna
get you a Gatorade.
296
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:11,051
I'm the bad pancake.
297
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:14,576
Ooh!Anything?
298
00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:18,014
Yeah! A sweater I loaned her
two years ago.
299
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,409
Hey, what's this?
300
00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:22,627
What?
301
00:13:23,454 --> 00:13:24,934
It's their divorce papers.
302
00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:26,936
She sent those in weeks ago.
303
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:28,503
Doesn't look like it.
304
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:29,896
These are original.
305
00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:32,507
Why wouldn't she
have sent them in?
306
00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:34,422
Because I was right.
307
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:37,425
She's still hot for him.
308
00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:39,862
Or she didn't have any stamps.
309
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:42,082
No, this proves that she
doesn't want to be divorced.
310
00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,866
This doesn't prove anything.
311
00:13:44,693 --> 00:13:46,956
It doesn't matter.
We came here to find a sock.
312
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,088
Let's find a sock.
313
00:13:48,131 --> 00:13:50,481
We've looked everywhere.
314
00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:51,526
It's hopeless.
315
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,093
Oh, there it is.
316
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:57,749
Great. Let's make this bed
and skedaddle.
317
00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:59,360
"Skedaddle"? Who are you?
318
00:14:04,713 --> 00:14:06,976
I am so sorry.
319
00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:11,154
I wanted to be the best man
you've ever been with,
320
00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:12,677
and I ruined it.
321
00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:14,331
No, you didn't.
322
00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:17,552
Just maybe, next time, don't buy
boner pills at a gas station.
323
00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:19,423
That salesman misled me.
324
00:14:21,382 --> 00:14:24,211
I get that you were
nervous about tonight.
325
00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:26,474
Just so you know,
I was, too.
326
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:30,521
Why? It wasn't gonna be
your first time.
327
00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:31,783
With you it was.
328
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:33,829
Yeah, but you've been with,
like...
329
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,962
I don't know,
five or six people?
330
00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:38,486
Yes.
331
00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:41,706
And I've never done it.
332
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:44,144
And the only people
I've even talked to about it
333
00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:46,624
are my cousin Zubair,
who probably also...
334
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,191
has never done it,
and a whole bunch of Marines
335
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,150
who even I could tell
were lying.
336
00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:55,155
I can't believe I'm-I'm saying
any of this t-to you.
337
00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:58,027
I'm just making it worse.No, you're telling me
how you're feeling.
338
00:14:58,071 --> 00:15:00,595
That's, like, unheard
of with most guys.
339
00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:01,596
Really?
340
00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:02,814
Really.
341
00:15:02,858 --> 00:15:05,730
And honesty is sexy.
342
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:08,168
Here's some honesty--
343
00:15:08,211 --> 00:15:10,953
I am so afraid
I'm going to disappoint you.
344
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:12,259
How sexy is that?
345
00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:14,696
I think it's sweet
you care so much.
346
00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:16,480
Great.
347
00:15:16,524 --> 00:15:20,006
Look, don't think of it like
a show you're putting on.
348
00:15:20,049 --> 00:15:21,181
Think of it as a...
349
00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:24,706
a conversation we're
having together.
350
00:15:26,838 --> 00:15:28,797
A naked conversation?
351
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,278
Well, now you're talkin'.
352
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:38,111
Is that good?
353
00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:40,722
Oh, yeah.
It's very good.
354
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,990
And you'll keep telling me
what you like?
355
00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:50,558
Trust me, you'll know.
356
00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:52,299
The neighbors will know.
357
00:15:58,740 --> 00:15:59,784
They found the sock.
358
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:01,395
Oh, thank God.
359
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:04,224
They also found our divorce
papers that you never sent in.
360
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:05,616
Oh.
361
00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:08,663
Where was the sock?
362
00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:10,708
Why didn't you send them?
363
00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:13,929
I don't know. I got busy.
364
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,844
Too busy to go to a mailbox?
365
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:20,544
Maybe I had this dumb idea
that, if we were still married,
366
00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:21,981
it wasn't cheating.
367
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:25,027
Because you can't have
an affair with your husband?
368
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,768
Can we not talk
about this here?
369
00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:28,944
I'm not judging.
I think it's smart.
370
00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:34,341
So are you
gonna send the papers in?
371
00:16:34,384 --> 00:16:36,299
Can you give me
some space?
372
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:37,909
Why?
373
00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:39,433
Because.
374
00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:42,392
Because I haven't had a single
moment to think about myself
375
00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,177
since you got back
from Afghanistan.
376
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:46,048
You needed help.
377
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:47,223
You were a little bit scary,
378
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:48,746
and I had a kid
to take care of.
379
00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,922
And then you cheated
on me, you split
380
00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:52,750
and I still had a kid
to take care of.
381
00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:54,187
And a new boyfriend.Yeah.
382
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:56,276
Who was always nice to me
and who I could count on.
383
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:57,407
Then why are you
cheating on him?
384
00:16:57,451 --> 00:16:58,930
I don't know.I think you do.
385
00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:00,758
I think you're trying
to blow up your life
386
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:02,934
so you don't have
to make a decision.
387
00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:06,590
You would know a lot about that.
388
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:14,337
Riley, they left the gym open.
389
00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:15,860
Come on.
390
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,525
Riley.
391
00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:29,787
Yeah. What?
392
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:32,442
I found another thing
I'm good at.
393
00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:35,315
No way.
394
00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:37,012
Any problems?
395
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,187
Well...
396
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:39,710
the neighbor banged
on the wall a bit.
397
00:17:39,754 --> 00:17:42,452
You stud.
398
00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:44,367
I really am.
399
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,283
So when are
you gonna see her again?
400
00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:48,415
Ah, the question is,
401
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:49,894
when will I see youagain?
402
00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:52,201
I just came for some clothes
and my toothbrush.
403
00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:53,724
And a banana.
404
00:17:54,551 --> 00:17:56,292
Remember to pace yourself.
405
00:17:56,336 --> 00:17:57,467
I will.
406
00:17:57,511 --> 00:17:58,599
And drink
lots of water.
407
00:17:58,642 --> 00:18:00,557
Copy that.Hey, Al.
408
00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:03,038
It's been an honor
serving with you.
409
00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:04,735
And with you, sir.
26191
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