Original subtitles

Wood: Now on "Top Gear"...

Whoa!

We've all heard about vehicle recalls,

but what makes a car truly dangerous?

You're about to find out

when we take three of America's most dangerous cars

on a road trip and put them to the ultimate safety test.

Tanner!

[Engine revs]

Sync and corrections by bellows www.addic7ed.com

These are the most notorious cars in the country.

Each has a design flaw

that could turn a simple drive to the mall

into a game of automotive Russian roulette.

The Ford Pinto, whose hideous styling

concealed a tendency to explode when rear-ended.

The Suzuki Samurai, which disliked cornering so much

that it was prone to roll over

at anything more than 40 Miles per hour.

And the Chevy Corvair,

so lethal that it played a major role

in the creation of a government department

dedicated to improving car safety.

But are they really that dangerous?

We decided to find out.

Feast your eyes

on one of the most revolutionary cars ever made,

the Chevrolet Corvair.

The engine is in the back.

It's an all-alloy, six-cylinder.

There was even a turbo-charged option.

This was our big jump into the sportscar world.

This was really the American Porsche.

The Corvair was really fine

until a busybody lawyer named Ralph Nader

decided to go after it in a book he called "unsafe at any speed."

And the first chapter was called, "the sporty Corvair..."

The one-car accident."

That's not entirely untrue,

but there's a lot of things out there that are unsafe...

Hang gliding, motorcycle riding,

eating at a buffet at the airport.

Oh, wow.

A Pinto.

Huh?

1974 Ford Pinto...

The most misunderstood car in history.

You know people sometimes

would put on, like, a bumper sticker and just...

[Imitates explosion] And what about this?

I'm gonna go to the store to get some... wait a minute.

Wait minute. I got to get some groceries.

Tree! [Imitates crash]

The Corvair is a car that rewards good driving.

This one, you used to have to hope everyone behind you

uses good brakes.

I heard sometimes when it would blow,

it was so strong, it would buckle the car

and then the people couldn't get out

and they're all screaming,

"oh, God, this piece of [Bleep] is on fire!"

Yeah. Now, would you want to tailgate a car like that?

No one ever wants to say, "oh, did you hear about Pete?"

"Yep, died in a Pinto." "What happened?"

"Oh, a shopping cart rolled into him."

♪ Dun-dun du-u-u-un!

Oh, he almost hit it!

We almost died!

We didn't die.

Behold.

Behold?

The '88 Suzuki Samurai.

You know you're jealous of this thing.

The most dangerous S.U.V. ever to be produced.

Consumer reports did that.

They did the whole roll-over thing at 54 miles an hour,

and Suzuki sued their asses off.

And they won.

Listen, consumer reports didn't do it.

Suzuki did it. They rolled over.

That's a driver thing.

You just don't get into that scenario.

This is something you can...

When you said they told people, "just don't do that,"

are you talking about turning?

Yeah, driving? Left or right?

You've got to be kidding me.

So, what are we gonna do with these?

I'm glad you asked.

"In two days' time,

you and your cars will compete in a demolition derby..."

[Laughs] Oh, my gosh.

"...The ultimate test of vehicle safety."

You're a dead man.

I am not.

"Before the demolition derby,

"you will learn your car's strengths and weaknesses

when you compete in a race at willow Springs raceway."

That means we need to turn.

That means I've got it in the bag

since I am, in fact, in the American Porsche.

Ohh, God.

Say it again. Say it again.

American Porsche. Aah!

Come on. It's not a Porsche.

Foust: Our journey to discover

just how dangerous our cars really were

would take us through the Southern California desert

to a town 60 miles outside of Los Angeles.

And the desert heat was clearly getting to Rutledge.

Wood: I'll tell you what.

The Corvair feels very planted, very sporty.

I'm getting a lot of looks. People are checking it out.

What was up with that girl?

She's waiting to see it hit a tree.

That is not what she's doing.

I think it would have been really cool to be around

when this car was new and see what people thought

because it does stand out.

I don't feel like

there's a huge amount of inherent danger in the car.

It's not like driving a Pinto.

Ferrara: Okay, so, the Pinto

tended to occasionally burst into flames.

The reason for all the explosions was the design.

The gas tank sits between the rear axle and the bumper.

And on impact, the bolts from the differential

would rupture the tank, and gas would leak out that way,

finding an ignition source and boom!

There's good and bad in everything in life.

It got great gas mileage.

Foust: I feel so comfortable tailgating Adam.

[Tires screech]

Oh, geez. Be careful.

You don't scare me.

You know what's a good slogan for the Suzuki Samurai, Tanner,

is, "Suzuki Samurai... Who wants to live forever?"

You guys know they shortened the name of that, right?

What was it?

It was, "Suzuki Samur... aah! I'm falling over!"

The truck is rolling! We're all gonna die!"

[Laughs]

[Laughs sarcastically]

The fact is this is an off-road machine.

Lots of off-road vehicles have some propensity to roll over,

especially when you put road tires on them.

So, I think it was kind of given a little bit of a bad rap.

The fact is if you stay away from aggressive lane change

or slalom courses in this machine,

I think you're all right.

Wood: Unfortunately for Tanner,

our first challenge was to race around a track

with a lot of turns.

[Tires screech]

Ferrara: This is unfortunate. I do not need this.

Foust: All right. Lap belt is tight.

Helmet... I mean,

that I'm really gonna need any of this,

you know, with a very stable Samurai.

I don't need a helmet in a Pinto.

I might need a fire extinguisher, but not a helmet.

The race was two laps of a 1.5-mile track.

Whoever crossed the finish line first

still living and breathing would win.

Ready?

[Engines rev]

3...2... 1...

Go!

The Samurai swings it short out into the lead!

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa!

It might just spin after all. Wow.

Now I'm behind the Pinto.

Totally gonna hit it.

[Bumpers crunch]

That man is trying to blow me up!

You're not gonna blow me up!

[Tires squeal]

Foust: A little tricky trying to find the center,

balance it a little bit.

This thing has no grip whatsoever.

Wood: Come on, Corvair. Get it together.

Get it together.

Ohh!

[Tires squeal]

Oh, geez Louise!

Come on!

This thing is dangerous.

Foust: With one lap down,

Rutledge was struggling to control his spinning tea cup.

The Pinto and my Suzuki were way out front,

and Adam was catching up.

[Tires squealing]

I've got you, Samurai!

You know I got more horsepower than you!

It's really a matter of time.

[Tires squealing]

It wants to go over a little. That's a little scary.

Adam is trying to catch up.

[Tires squealing]

[Laughs]

Oh, no! He's got more power!

Driving on two wheels was fun, but this is a race.

There is no way I was getting beaten by a Pinto.

[Tires screech]

Whoa! Getting up on two there.

It's kind of fun to try to balance when you turn into it.

[Rattling]

Whoa!

Ferrara: We are finding out what happens

when you take three of America's most dangerous cars

on a road trip.

Go!

Our first challenge was a race.

Rut's notoriously untamable Corvair

was in trouble right from the start.

[Tires squeal] Oh, geez!

My Pinto had just overtaken Tanner's Samurai.

[Laughs]

Which lived up to its reputation in the thorns.

Foust: Whoa!

Holy [Bleep] Tanner flipped!

Wood: Ooh, I'm in front of Adam!

I got him! I got him! I got him!

Oh, you sneaky, little... There it is!

[Tires screech]

Oh, great. Oh come on!

Yes!

Crap! Crap! Crap!

I win! And I didn't blow up!

With a victory for my Pinto complete,

it was time to check on race boy.

Holy [Bleep]

- Need a hand? - No, I'm good.

You want me to just...

That was completely my fault.

Yeah, you're right. You flipped all the Samurais.

It was you all along.

Let's try to get it up.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

I just want to make sure I'm hearing this wrong.

Tanner Foust...

Best guy behind the wheel that I know...

Yep, gold-medal winner. ...Did something wrong?

It certainly wasn't the Suzuki Samurai's fault.

[Chuckling] What?

I tell you that 'cause it's not dangerous.

No, it's not dangerous.

We should get these for the kids.

Whatever. Let's push this thing over.

You ready?

Rock it.

1...2... 3!

Go, go, go! We got him!

[Grunts]

Good as new.

Let's go.

What's next? This is awesome!

[Laughs]

Yes!

It lives!

[Bumpers crunch]

Ohh! Will you knock it off?!

Sorry.

I know what you're trying to do!

Sorry.

Yeah, you're trying to blow me up.

And it didn't happen.

Foust: Hey, Adam, buddy?

You seem to be smoking there, pal.

You got a little problem.

It's not a fire! Trust me.

I played a fireman on tv.

I know what fire is, and I'll be fine.

Well, Adam, I'm gonna be a stickler here.

I am pretty sure your car is on fire.

[Cheers and applause]

Today we're looking at cars

that have been called the most dangerous ones in America.

And clearly the Pinto does not deserve that title.

[Laughter]

- Really? - Really.

Look, you flippe the Samurai.

They said it was gonna happen, and it did.

What did they say about the Corvair?

It was gonna spin out? And it did.

I won the challenge.

And your car caught on fire.

[Laughter]

Not a lot of fire.

But it did.

Even without you behind the wheel.

Yeah. Let's just admit

all these cars are a little bit dangerous.

A little bit.

So, overnight we made modifications to try to make them safer.

Ferrara: Gentlemen, have you seen what I've done?

Wood: Really, Adam?

Is that guard rail from a highway?

Yeah. I'm a taxpayer.

This is just a precaution... Just in case.

For what?

In case there's a fire.

Rumor has it these "may" burst into flames.

I don't know. Is it the bubbling paint and the black soot?

This was just an exhaust leak.

Oh, like an exhaust leak for a jet fighter, maybe.

You haven't pulled the pins. That's not very...

Well, it's... I'm not out on the road yet.

We'll pull the pins,

and then here's my activation switch in here.

T-handle just in case.

Wow.

Perfect.

Where you have basically been trying to protect yourself

from the natural danger of the Pinto,

I have made my Suzuki even more fun.

Ferrara: Go! Go! Foust: Gently.

Wood: It's on the wheel, I think.

Wait. Wait. Gently pull it back now.

Gently. Right there.

[Sighs] A thing of beauty!

This is a thing of beauty.

[Laughs]

This is terrible.

Get me my helmet.

Okay, walk away, people.

Walk away. Get out of there.

Okay. Okay, he's in.

- You ready? - You got it, dude.

Look at that. He is driving on two wheels.

Wood: Tanner's Samurai resembled an amusement-park ride

from a third-world country.

Whereas my design was genius.

Now, here's the thing.

I'm a man that can admit when he is wrong.

And you know what? I was wrong.

Ralph Nader's right.

This car was unsafe at any speed.

So, I had to make some changes.

You've heard of dualies. This has triples.

And what's that called? A truly.

It's truly awful. Triples.

Excuse me. Yeah?

I know you're the expert,

but I think this might rub a little.

That's... I just need to bend that in a touch.

Now, these six tires back here

are gonna help keep it planted, but that's not all.

See, I needed a little weight in the front,

which is why I went straight to the horse's mouth.

[Laughs]

I have 200 copies

of Ralph Nader's "unsafe at any speed."

They weigh about a pound,

so that's 200 pounds up front to really keep it planted.

This is poetically beautiful.

Hats off to you, Mr. wood.

Listen, I've made the safety modifications.

Now what are we gonna do?

Foust: To find out if our new safety modifications worked,

we each had to complete an obstacle course.

This meant slaloming

to avoid hitting any of the boxes on the one-mile course,

all while having everything from yoga balls

to eggs pelting us.

Whoever knocked down the fewest boxes would win.

Adam was up first.

No firing until the game starts.

When does it start?

- Right now? - It feels like.

- Did it just start? - It feels like it, yeah.

These two are like chimps in the space program.

3...

2...

1...Go!

Balls!

Ohh. Ohh!

Take out his visibility!

He can't see! Ohh!

Ooh, I hit one.

I can't see [Bleep] Okay, fine.

Aah!

This is the best thing ever!

Return fire!

[Laughs] Wow, he just threw one back!

I can't see anything!

Put it up here.

What the hell was on your hand?

Ferrara: My new and improved Pinto

only knocked over eight boxes.

Rut was up next.

You ready, Rut?

Both: Go!

Wood: Oh. Oh, wow! That is so loud!

[Laughter]

Wood: I realize that in solving the Corvair's love of spinning out,

I created another problem.

I think I might be hitting them. [Laughs]

Now that I had six rear wheels,

it wasn't quite as easy to fit through the narrow gaps.

Oh, come on. Really?

Hey, one last tray.

Eggs! Oh, I can't see anything!

Crap! Oh, that was a big one!

[Laughs, sighs]

Coming up, Tanner hits the obstacle course.

[Tires squeal]

And later, we go head-to-head in a demolition derby.

Is that all you got?!

Ferrara: We each picked

one of the most dangerous cars in the country

and hit the open road

to find out which was the most lethal.

[Tires squeal] Whoa.

Our racing challenge turned out to be pretty sketchy,

so we decided to make modifications before the next test.

Oh. Ohh!

My Pinto had won the race and done better

than Rut's Corvair on the obstacle course.

Now it was up to Tanner

to try and stop my Pinto's clean sweep.

[Engine turns over]

Ready, pal?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Foust: Adam knocked over 8 boxes and Rutledge took out 14.

This was a challenge made for my modified Samurai.

It was light, maneuverable, and narrow gaps would be no problem.

I'd just go up on two wheels.

3, 2, 1, go!

What?! He starts with the eggs?

Are you kidding me?

Adam's down.

[Laughs]

Ohh!

Oh, the tires are too big!

This isn't working! [Laughs]

Oh [Bleep]

Maybe it was about the fourth box I realized my design sucked.

[Tires squeal]

[Bleep]

I'm just gonna go two wheels on this.

Oh [Bleep]

Oh, I'm slimed! Completely slimed!

Ohh [Bleep]

[Laughing] Too fast.

Well, that there is actual egg in my ear.

There are chunks of egg.

You can kiss my ass.

[Ferrara laughs]

Five, six.

Ooh, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,

18, 19, 20.

20 boxes.

What? No way!

[Laughs] Yeah!

[Chuckling] What happened to you?

[Mockingly] Oh, what happened to me?

[Laughs]

Freaking toilet paper roll in my ear.

What the hell was on that thing?

It was green.

[Laughs] I'm so sorry.

Don't slip on the eggs.

Yeah, I'll try not to.

There are eggs everywhere.

Ferrara: Tanner's Suzuki Samurai'd almost every box,

giving my Pinto its second win.

But it would all come down to the final challenge.

So, we headed out on the open road,

but have any of us made our cars safe enough

to survive a demolition derby?

This is great.

We're going to a demolition derby...

Where you back into everybody...

And I have a guard rail to use as a battering ram.

I'm gonna kill these idiots.

[Bumpers thump]

You can hit it all you want, Tanner.

Nothing's gonna happen.

Handling like a dream.

What is Adam doing?

If Tanner did this, he'd flip over.

Ohh! [Bleep]

This is starting to get sketchy.

[Groans]

[Chuckles]

How long are we gonna keep doing this?

[Laughs]

[Cheers and applause]

You two idiots realize

you've made these cars even more dangerous, right?

Oh, and you would know since you are, like,

Mr. Dangerous behind the wheel, right?

What are you talking about?

Uh, how can I say this? You...

Wreck a lot of cars.

Yes, that's it.

Let's see, you bent the Cadillac in half,

you killed the Bronco, then you set the Maverick on fire.

- That was a wiring harness... - Not my fault.

I don't think it's the car.

I think you're either really, really brave...

Or just ignorant.

That's, uh... Brignorant.

[Laughter]

A walk's as good as a hit.

I'll take it.

See, and that's dangerous.

So, to help teach Adam some fear,

we set up a challenge out in the desert.

Wood: I put a lot of thought into finding the vehicle

that would be a good fit for someone to learn in.

[Engine revving]

Holy [Bleep]

Something slow.

Holy [Bleep] That's fast.

Something easy to control.

[Revving continues]

Something that any driver would feel right at home in...

...An Ariel Atom.

It's capable of going zero to 60 in under 3 seconds.

It has a 475-horsepower engine, and it only weighs 1,300 pounds,

making it about as easy to handle as a jet.

Imagine an erector set with a big engine.

[Horn honks]

What the hell is this?

It's a car.

It's car-like.

This, my friend, is the Ariel Atom.

Where's the rest of it?

This is it.

This is it?

It's truly your back to basics.

Fundamentals of driving, you want me to learn in this.

Two seats, a steering wheel, and a motor.

I mean, it's the perfect car

for you to really get in touch with car control.

Look, you're not bad behind the wheel.

You just, um... you've wrecked a lot of stuff.

So, I thought this is the perfect thing

'cause if you wreck this, you'll die.

Yeah. Why don't you try it?

Get in there. Run some laps.

All right. This thing's amazing.

Wood: You've got insurance, right?

Yeah.

Life insurance?

That's your helmet right there on the floor.

All right.

How's that fit?

That looks nice. Thank you.

You look really good in that.

Remember... don't die.

Got it.

[Engine revving]

[Tires squeal]

[Laughs] Damn, this is the perfect car for this.

As I expected, Adam was having a difficult time

figuring out the Atom.

[Tires screech]

My fault.

[Laughs]

This wasn't just an opportunity for me to laugh at Adam.

I also wanted him to learn his limits behind the wheel

so he wouldn't keep wrecking the cars he drives.

So, I invited a racing buddy of mine

to help him refine his driving technique...

Boris said.

Boris said is one of the best road racers in the business.

He has over 20 years of driving experience.

How would you say his lap times are?

They told me a good lap time was in the 1:55s.

But he's at six minutes now.

[Laughs]

I timed you on your laps.

You looked consistent,

but I think we got to go back to the basics.

So, put it in neutral and get out.

Ferrara: Apparently, a genesis coupe

is the best way to learn some fundamentals,

not the rocket-powered paper clip Rut chose for me.

What was my time in the Atom?

You did a 2 minute, 43 second lap.

What exactly should I be doing different

to get a better time?

Here's what we're gonna do.

In this car, the Hyundai Genesis...

With a street car, we could really go out there

and learn the limits of the car.

Because it's not a racecar, so it's gonna roll over,

the tires are gonna squeal,

we can get it loose, get it tight.

So, hopefully we're gonna shave some time off

what you did in the Atom in the first run.

That's great.

Adam's crazy to think

he can shave 20 seconds off of his track time.

Turn, turn. Then gas.

Boris is good, but he's no miracle worker.

Tight, tight, tight, tight.

Ferrara: Whoops. Oh, and there's a spin!

[Bleep]

That's a spin right there.

If you get into a skid, you correct,

wait for the pause, recover.

And you can get out of any skid.

Just keep it tight. Set up your clutch hand.

Again, it's not that Adam can't drive,

it's just he can't seem to drive without hurting something.

This is your best one yet.

He is getting a lot faster, though. That's for sure.

Wood: The real question is, Boris,

do you think you knocked 20 seconds off?

Oh, no doubt.

Let's find out.

Thanks to Boris,

I went from car crasher to car controller.

Now I was gonna prove it to Rut.

I've learned that smoother is better,

slower is faster when you need to be slower...

It's perfectly fine.

So, I'm not gonna wreck any cars anymore.

All right. I don't know if I'm gonna wreck any cars anymore.

I'm not gonna wreck any cars today.

[Engine revs]

My original lap time in the Atom was 2 minutes, 43 seconds.

And I was ready to shave 20 seconds off.

Oh, he's ready.

Ready? 3, 2, 1.

[Engine revving]

[Laughs]

Well, it started off bad.

Wood: Well, that's my Adam, all right.

[Engine revving]

Look how smooth he is.

Now, you taught him to go fast,

you have to go slower, right?

In some spots.

It seems like he's going slower to go slower.

No, this is fast.

Now he's on it.

Come on!

After two laps, he shaved 10 seconds off his original time.

But I attributed that to his instructor.

Boris was so good,

he could help a monkey take 10 seconds off it.

I'm feeling good about it.

Okay.

Hang on, baby!

He's smooth.

He's on it.

Don't you spin!

Get it. Come on.

[Engine revving]

And there's the rev limiter.

2:24.8!

Shut up.

[Laughs]

Come on!

Adam took 19 seconds off his time.

Maybe there was still hope for him.

Come on! Come on!

Come on. Oh, he's going fast.

[Tires squeal] Oh!

[Bleep] [Bleep]

[Bleep]

[Laughs] No way!

I know. I know. I know.

I was so close, but I was losing daylight.

Boris gave me a few tips

to help shave one more second off my time

and shut Rutledge up.

[Engine revving]

- Think he can do it? - I hope so.

I gave him just a little extra t.

- What's your secret? - I can't tell you.

Come on! Come on! Come on!

Wow. That's the first time

he's pegged the rev limiter that hard. Yeah.

There we go! There we go!

Get up and go, honey!

- Gas, gas, gas! - He's a little tentative.

Hang on, baby.

Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on!

He's gonna make it through this lap.

There you go!

Oh, he did it!

Shut up!

No, he did it!

[Cheers and applause]

Uh-huh. Yes.

23 seconds off my time. Victory!

[Cheering]

Now you're just encouraging him.

All that really matters

is how the Atom stacks up on our leader board,

and that is a job for the stig.

Victory! [Laughter]

[Engine revving]

Good gosh, he's quick off the line.

Only about 1,400 pounds,

and already up into the triple digits before turn 1.

Well, the grip of this little Atom...

The acceleration is just incredible.

A "G" of acceleration as 575 horsepower goes to the ground.

A rare opportunity to see stig's footwork there

putting Fred Astaire to shame

as he taps away on those pedals.

Into the tear drop... Slowest part of the track.

Will he get a wheelspin here? Not at all.

This is gonna be fast.

Wow. Our highest speed on the back straightaway.

Basically in a scaffolding car going 160 Miles an hour...

Like strapping yourself to the wing of the plane.

There's that footwork again.

Dancers around the country are getting just jealous.

The stig masterfully making his way out of cameraman's corner

into the final corner.

Will he keep it together for one more turn?

Yes! And he's across the line.

[Cheers and applause]

That was an insane lap.

That looked like a lot of fun.

The question is where does it end up on the board?

I mean, the Ferrari 458, 1:23 range.

The Lexus LFA, 1:22.

You guys ready to see where the Atom falls?

[Cheering]

The Ariel Atom comes in at a 1:18.6!

Wood: No way!

A new leader on the board.

Wow.

And that is faster than your rallycross car.

I mean, the rallycross car weighs twice as much, though.

I mean, so, that's not really... come on.

It shouldn't even be there. It's a racecar.

I'm just glad there's no longer

a $400,000 Ford Fiesta on the top of the board.

[Cheering]

Coming up, it's demolition derby time

in the most dangerous cars in the country.

Wood: We Americans love cars,

but not every car is perfect.

Some are in fact dangerous.

Oh, geez!

We were driving three of the biggest offenders...

The Pinto, the Samurai, and the Corvair.

Foust: Whoa!

And they were living up to their reputation.

The race challenge proved to be so dangerous

that we had to make safety modifications

before taking to the obstacle course.

Oh!

Somehow Adam's Ford Pinto had won both.

Now it was time to see if our new, improved cars

could stand up to the ultimate safety test...

A demolition derby.

To prepare, we'd reinforce them overnight.

Ferrara: This is great. Look at this.

[Laughs] Pbht.

[Laughs]

Yee-haw!

I'll be right there, though.

You just get comfortable.

Need a hand?

No, I'm fine.

Wow.

I mean, you guys realize this is it.

It's all or nothing right here.

Let's do this.

Let's do it.

I did not think of that.

These are huge cars.

We're gonna be [Bleep]

This is a death lap.

[Engines revving]

Oh, my God.

We don't even have numbers.

That's what you're worried about?

You've got fire extinguishers on your roof.

That make you feel better?

See? Huh? Who's laughing now.

When I say this, I mean it.

Good luck.

Yeah. [Sighs]

I hope that six-wheel drive works for you.

Oh, we're dead.

It is. It's gonna work great.

How you doing?

That guy said your car's ugly.

I'm just saying. The guy in the Corvair.

[Engines revving]

Holy [Bleep]

Oh, my God.

I am peeing my pants.

The ground is actually shaking from these cars.

[Engines revving]

We are in big trouble.

We're [Bleep]

Ladies and gentlemen, now it is time

for something we call "Big Star, Small Car."

And our star doesn't get much bigger than this.

You know him from "Criminal Minds,"

and the man played Dean Martin.

Mr. Joe Mantegna!

Whoa!

[Cheering]

Thanks for coming out, pal. I appreciate it.

All right.

So, how do you think you're gonna do on the track?

Oh, well, you know, Mario Andretti was Italian.

I'm Italian. Figure it out.

I like your thinking, my friend.

Why don't you mount up this beast

and we'll see how you do?

All right, let's go.

Ferrara: Mass has ended. Go in peace.

He's off.

Mantegna: Ohh.

Time to beat... Patrick Warburton, 1:41.8.

Let's see how Joe does.

Nice arc. Nice and smooth.

Take it easy.

All right, he's heading into the first corner.

And he takes it... Gently.

That's right.

Stay on the track, Joe.

He's coming out of the chicane... Gently.

Get ready for the next downshift.

[Tires squeal]

Okay, now I'm headed for the tear drop.

Okay, he knows where he's going.

He just doesn't appear to be in a hurry to get there.

All right, here's the straight.

Here's where he can make up some time.

At the halfway point, Joe is on the bottom part of our board...

The Steve Schirripa neighborhood.

Try not to kill the cameraman.

He's coming into cameraman's corner.

This turn can be very dangerous.

[Tires squeal]

Not today.

Accelerate. Take it to third.

Heading into the final section of track.

Take it wide, come in close to the tires.

Here's the last turn.

He just crossed the line!

Whoo!

[Cheering]

Joe Mantegna! Come on up, Joe!

Thanks for being here.

So, how was it, my friend? Did you have fun?

I did have fun.

- Yeah? - I did have fun.

My stomach is just starting to settle now.

Right.

One thing I learned...

Don't eat right before you do this. - No.

You are a criminal profiler on "Criminal Minds."

- Right. - Right.

And one of the best things about that show

is your daily driver on that show is a G4 jet.

Yeah! Wherever you guys show up, someone's dead.

Oh, yeah.

So, if you see Joe getting off a plane, somebody died.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

What is your daily driver?

Right now I drive an Audi TT.

Nice.

Yeah, but I've had a little of this blacked out

and this powder coated.

You murdered out a TT?

Yeah.

I know, it's... Look, you know.

I'm not as young as I used to be.

No, that's cool.

And you're a musician, as well, I just found out.

Well, I was. I mean, back in the '60s.

I was actually in a band for about five years.

We used to tour with a group called...

At that time they were called The Missing Links.

Mm-hmm.

And we were called TheApocryphals.

And we would tour with them quite a bit.

And I remember them telling us...

Oh, there we are. There's The Apocryphals.

And I remember, they decided...

They said, "we're gonna change our name."

We're gonna add a couple guys to our band."

I'm talking about The Missing Links.

They said, "we're gonna change our name."

We're gonna call ourselves Chicago Transit Authority."

We're thinking, "yeah, that's cute.

It'll never go."

You know, they became the group Chicago.

We became nothing.

And so, the writing was on the wall.

I thought, "maybe I should try acting."

So, I kind of went another direction with my career.

And is that your band car?

That was the band car.

It's a 1947 Buick.

- Straight-8? - That is... a straight-8.

That's me on the left

with the, you know, the George Harrison look.

That was probably about 1966, and I bought that car for $225.

And then what happened is I got it cast in the play "Hair."

I did the play for two years.

Then when the play closed, I decided I had to get the car.

I was in Chicago, snow, the weather. I'm gonna put the car in storage.

So, my dear friend says, "why don't you stick it in my barn?"

He's got a barn in Indiana. Okay.

He says, "stick it in the barn."

"You crack it out in a year or two when you've got a little money."

Little did he know,

I wouldn't have money for 30 more years.

[Laughter]

But literally 30 years later,

I get a call from this friend of mine saying,

"you know, I'm moving. I'm moving from the farm.

What do you want to do with the car?"

And I'm going, "the car? You still have the car?"

And he goes, "yeah, the car's in the barn."

I think mice live in it."

[Laughter]

I felt bad.

I said, "this guy kept this car for 30 years."

I said, "why don't you stick it on a flatbed?"

Send it out to California."

You know, that car... That was my first car.

I bought it, you know, when I was 19.

Sure. Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna fix it up

and, you know, bring it back to this original glory.

Well, I think you have a photo of what the car looked like when it arrived.

Mm-hmm.

That's what the car looked like.

I remember I was doing the Leno show the day after the car arrived.

And knowing what a car buff he is, I brought that picture.

And I said, "Jay, you're a car buff.

"I just want to show you... Here's a picture of the car.

I just got my car back from 30 years ago."

You know he looks at it and said, "alert the Navy."

We found their anchor."

[Laughter]

But I said to myself actually on that day,

I said, "Jay, you're gonna eat those words."

"However long it takes, I'm gonna bring this car

back somewhat to those glory days."

10 years later, this car became...

[Snaps fingers] That car.

Ha ha!

[Cheers and applause]

All right, so how do you think you did?

Boy, you know, I'm looking at this thing...

Steve Schirripa's a good friend.

I wouldn't be embarrassed

if I was, like, right around Steve.

Chumlee... I worry about a person

with a name like Chumlee.

[Laughter]

Was that a person?

- Yeah, it's a person. - Okay, it's a person.

I didn't want to get beaten by, like, a monkey

or something, you know?

All right, you guys want to see Joe's time?

[Cheering]

Yes! I'm ready.

You did it...

In 1:51.1.

[Cheering]

Yes! Just what I hoped for!

[Laughs] That's great.

Thank you for being here, pal.

Thank you. Joe mantegna!

[Cheering]

Foust: Coming up, we put our lives on the line

as we hit the demolition derby...

Get that piece of crap off my hood!

...In our dangerous cars.

Foust: We'd each bought a car

that had gotten a bad rap for being dangerous.

Whoa!

And we set out on a road trip to try to salvage their reputations.

That was completely my fault.

Adam's Pinto had won the racing and obstacle course challenges,

but we were about to put them through the ultimate automotive safety test...

A demolition derby.

We'd need to survive three minutes

against each other and four real demo derby cars.

[Engines revving]

The first car to drive out of the arena at the end

would be crowned the safest most dangerous car.

[Timer beeping]

[Timer chimes]

I'm out of here! Oh, no!

Oh, you've got to be kidding me!

Go, Pinto! Get away!

[Coughs]

Is that all you got?!

Ohh! Oh [Bleep]

Two wheel motion! That's how it works!

That's how we do it here!

Oh [Bleep] Tanner!

Watch it! Get that piece of crap off my hood!

Yeah! That's right!

Ohh! [Laughing] Oh!

Whoa! Whoa! This is it!

Ohh!

Are you kidding me?!

Oh, no! Here it comes!

[Extinguishers hiss]

What the hell?!

Oh, he hit the extinguisher on me!

You jackass!

[Laughs]

Come on, Rut. Come around, baby.

Come on! [Laughing] I'm gonna get you!

Okay, I'm gonna throw up.

Ohh!

I'm up on his car!

Kick butt!

Samurai strike!

Oh [Bleep]

Yeah!

That is so satisfying, and I don't know why.

Oh, Adam's going in the ditch.

Get in there.

Rut!

Ohh!

Aw.

[Air horn blows]

And that's the horn! Yeah!

It's the last Samurai.

You're gonna have to back up so I can get out, jerk.

Ferrara: The race is done. I didn't blow up.

And with just a few simple modifications,

the Pinto is a perfectly safe car.

My gosh.

That is the most insane thing I have ever done.

Why won't you die?!

Wood: Hey! Why won't you die?!

[Laughs]

God, this thing will live forever!

You've got a lot of aggression problems, my friend.

That was the longest three minutes...

I know.

In history.

But I clearly won.

What do you mean you "clearly won"?

Look at your cars. They're a mess.

Yeah, but it wasn't about how it...

But it's when you leave that the damage counts.

The least damage in the car to drive out of the arena.

That looks stuck from here.

So, is it the first one out of the arena?

It could be. I guess it... all right.

[Foust grunts]

Damn you, metal crate!

Oh, come on!

[Starter clicking]

Come on, baby! Start!

Start, start!

Oh, it's gonna do it! It's gonna do it!

Yeah, yeah!

That's it!

[Tires squeal]

Foust: I can't turn!

Wood: I did it! I got out first!

I did it!

A little rock.

[Sighs]

[Engine revs]

I couldn't turn! I've got like nine flat tires.

[Wood laughs]

This is gonna suck.

Safe at any speed.

Foust: Look at him. Ohh, he's depressed.

You're just gonna abandon that thing, huh?

Let me just say one thing.

It went through the whole race...

No fire, no explosions.

So, I may not have been able to drive out

because I was in a rut, but the car is perfectly safe.

[Explosion]

[Laughs]

Holy [Bleep]

Let's get marshmallows!

[Laughs]

Who feels like a s'more?

Don't say anything.

Come on! It's a great pick me up!

Don't say anything.

Come on, look at that.

Foust: That's a good flame right there.

[Cheers and applause]

That's right. That's right.

The Corvair wins!

- Its reputation has been restored. - No, it hasn't!

Yeah! And you know what?

The only thing better than winning

was watching your Pinto... [Imitates explosion]

Blow up.

It didn't blow up.

That was a controlled burn, okay?

How did you restore the reputation?

You made it worse.

You put six wheels on the rear axle.

It's an eight-wheeled death trap is what you made it.

What are you laugh...

You put scaffolding on the side of that car.

Yes, I did.

And you can drive down the road in comfort

and then blow up.

[Laughter]

Hey, I made my car fun.

I mean, that's what these cars are about, right?

I made the only rolling weeble wobble ever.

Once you knock it down, it comes right back up.

Yeah, that's fun to drive like this going,

"hey, we're making good time."

"We're good now."

It was kind of fun.

These are nice points except the only one that counts

is the fact that my Corvair got out the fastest.

The Corvair wins! That's all we got time for!

[Cheering]

Sync and corrections by bellows www.addic7ed.com