All language subtitles for S02E01 - Texas

Now on Top Gear...

With gas prices rising,
we head to Texas

to prove that 2-door cars can
do everything trucks can do.

What could possibly go wrong?

This is our signal!

Sync by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

14% of all trucks
in this country

are sold
in the lone star state,

but with gas prices
rising daily,

driving a pickup
is getting expensive.

So "Top Gear" decided to find
an economical replacement

for the truck.

The catch was
we could only spend $2,000.

We met in Lubbock.

This is the perfect small car
for pickup duty--

A 1975 Ford Maverick.

It's rear-wheel drive, simple,
truck-like rear suspension,

and it was built
on the Ford Falcon platform,

which Ford also used
for their Ranchero,

their version
of the Chevy El Camino,

which was half-truck.

So, technically,
this car is half-truck.

Oh, my God.
You're kidding me.

♪ To break my heart ♪

Of course.

[Bleep] Adam,
how old are you, really?

Is there some sort
of geriatrics' craigslist

that I don't know about?

How do you find
all these mid-'70s piles?

What do you have, a trust fund?

I mean, this is one of the
most famous cars in the world,

the BMW 3 series.
Uh-huh.

This is the 325e,
the "e" meaning "efficiency,"

but it's German engineering
-- Or "effeminate."

No, this is the ultimate
driving machine.

Stop it. Every rich girl
got this car

when their parents got divorced
and daddy felt guilty.

Yes, but it also has a lot
of sophisticated engineering.

There's probably
more technology in this car

than any new pickup truck sold.

Yes, which is more things
to go wrong.

That is simple, my friend.

I'm pretty sure you missed
the whole point

of what we're trying
to do here.

Out of $2,000,

you could have bought any car
in the world for that money,

and you chose
a mid-'70s Maverick.

I can't imagine
that you thought

this would replace
a pickup truck.

What were you thinking
with that?

It's German.
It's utilitarian.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my goodness.

That is exactly the opposite

of what I would have
seen Rutledge in.

What's wrong with him?

[ Laughs ]

Did you not un--
[ Horn honks ]

Wood: Sorry.

Did you not understand
what the challenge was?

This is the ultimate
pickup replacement.

It's rear-wheel drive,
just like a truck.

It's a lot roomier
than people would think.

Sighted people?

And it's a convertible.

It converts
into a beautiful sports coupe

when I put the top down.

Look at this.
This is all my truck bed.

I could stack sheets
of plywood on here.

I could do anything I want.
It's just like a truck.

But it gets great
miles per gallon.

I mean, it's peppy.

"Peppy"? I'm amazed you can
actually pile in this thing

with the roof on.

You guys,
if gas is $4 a gallon,

this is the best choice
you could make.

I'm just gonna go out
on a guess here.

I'm guessing old man's river's
Maverick is yours.

Correct.

[ Formally ]
Let me guess--

Is that your country-club
special there, the BMW?

Yes, it is.

[ Normal voice ]
Did it come with

a white-wine-spritzer dispenser?
No, no.

Maybe like a package
of Bartles & Jaymes?

You remember. You used to hang
out with those guys, didn't you?

Moving on--
"Welcome to Texas, gentlemen,

"which, as you know,
is the truck capital of America.

"Now, to find out
if your compact cars

"can stand up
against pickup trucks,

"you've been entered
in one of Texas's

"favorite truck-based
sporting events

"500 miles from here.

"Before you get there, you will
need to prove your car's worth

"by competing in tasks
that are part of daily life

"here in Texas.

Your first challenge
is 250 miles away."

How many times will you need
to stop for gas in that?

I'll make it.
Don't you worry.

Why do they never
put a back window?

Don't they know that
that's dangerous

to not have that protection
back there?

Okay, let's mount up, boys.

You'll be fine.

That's a cow Patty.

That's how we're
gonna start this?

Let's go!
It is Texas.

[ Engine turns over ]

Oh, it smells bad, too.

Oh [Bleep]

I got screws falling out.
That can't be good.

Wood: We didn't get far
before we were met

by the local
welcoming committee.

Oh, sh--

[ Cows mooing ]

Oh, my gosh,
that is a big, mean bull.

The Miata taking on the bulls--
Unbelievable.

The car is
a little bit snug on me.

It's a little bit bumpy in here.

[ Laughs ] Oh, this is fun.

Foust: [ Laughs ]

I'm impressed
with my little 3 series.

$2,000-- Slides around so well.

I can't see a thing.

Foust: It's just balanced.
It's torque-y.

The engine's almost
like a little truck motor.

[ Metal rattling ]

Ah. This is where
I lose my windshield.

[ Laughs ]

Ohh!
There it goes.

The Maverick just looks like it's gotten
kicked in the balls the whole time.

Foust: Luckily for Adam,
we finally made it to asphalt.

Our road trip across Texas
would take us 500 miles,

from Lubbock to Skidmore.

The first leg would take us
250 miles, to running-r ranch.

Wood:
So, why a '91 Miata?

Well, I wanted something that
was gonna get good gas mileage,

be fun to drive,
and haul plenty of stuff.

Some people would see that lack
of back window as a problem.

I see it as a loading point,
you know?

Just put stuff right--
Right through here.

It's hard to get that kind of
freedom with a back window.

Now, the Miata did catch
kind of a bad rap

for being a girl's car.

If there was a girl's car here
among us, it'd be Tanner's car.

I assume she's probably
a cheerleader.

She has a boyfriend
who's a star football player.

She wants to go to school
and study abroad,

but she'll stay in state.

The '25e is the perfect
replacement for a pickup truck

because it's over-engineered,
it's robust.

It can handle a beating.

You can just throw stuff in it and
on it and not even worry about it.

You could easily do most of the things
you could do with a pickup truck

and get 28 miles to the gallon.

That's 70 miles an hour.

Pretty good.

Ferrara:
This is a 36-year-old car.

This is in pretty good shape.

It's comfortable.
It's got bucket seats.

The rear tire
also a nice option--

It's in the back seat.

This car is gonna make
the best pickup truck.

Rear-wheel drive.

It's got a v8 in it,
pretty good ground clearance.

I'm gonna kill these idiots.

[ Engine hissing ]

Wood: I think I'm gonna take
a guess at your problem.

Go ahead.

You need a belt
to run your water pump.

We can tie some shoelaces
together.

Yeah.
You know that trick?

No, I do not.
That's kind of fun.

So, what, do you just tie them together,
and that's gonna be long enough?

Well, no, you're gonna
have to tie one

that goes off the crank
that runs the alternator

and then one that goes off the
crank that runs the water pump,

and we should be good.

They're so happy.
Listen to them.

My God, look how old this is.

You know what I like about
the car? It's fun to drive.

Fun to drive is what I like.

I look good in it.
Not now, but I will.

Really?

You just keep working.
You're doing excellent.

You look good in it, and that's
why you like this car?

It fits your age demographic,
is what you mean.

Okay. Keep working.

If you're good,
we'll get ice cream.

Wood: Actually,
when you think about it,

these cars are perfect
to label the three of us.

The Maverick is old and
out of style, much like Adam.

The BMW is pretentious,
but not that fast, like Tanner.

And the Miata is sporty
and affordable, like me.

Welcome to Bandera, fellas.

Ferrara:
250 miles later,

we pull into
the running-r ranch.

I wasn't sure,
but it looked like our cars

would be doing something...
Rural.

Here I have the challenge.

"Cattle drives have been
a Texas tradition

"since the 18th century.

"Though some still use horses,

"most cowboys now use
pickup trucks

to drive over 13 million cattle
around the lone star state."

We got to put cows in these cars
and drive them 20 miles?

Yeah, that's what we got to do.

"To see if your cars are capable
replacements for the truck,

"you will now herd 100 cattle

20 miles
across the hill country."

[ Laughs ]
In-- In these cars?

There's no way.
I can do it in the Maverick, baby.

Why?
Unbranded steer-- Maverick.

How many cattle you think
are named "Miata"?

[ Cows mooing ]

Foust:
It was time to mount up.

Herding cattle over some of
the toughest terrain in Texas

would test the durability
and ruggedness of our cars,

but before
we could get started,

we were wrangled
by some cowhands

for some final instructions.

Wood: Howdy.

You guys are
the real deal here.

Tips-- How are we gonna--
I mean, the cows are everywhere.

Woman: Got to move them
like we do.

How do you move them?

What we do
is we use a "V"--

People on the sides
and then a car in the back.

And that "V" is what drives them
all over the property.

If we lose one or two,
it's okay, or--

No, sir.
These are expensive cows.

You're looking
at $500, $600 apiece.

You do not want to
run these cows.

They'll lose weight. They're not
gonna weigh as much as they should.

"Run them"--
You mean physically,

like you don't
want to scare them.

Right, you want
these cows to walk.

Rolling fat cows.

Yes. The fatter,
the better.

Is there anything
that you can think of

that cows just hate?

Cars.

That's not good.
Okay.

Wood: These cows weigh
an average of 1,600 pounds,

and the bulls--
They can reach up to 2,800.

That's 700 pounds more
than my Miata.

The last thing I wanted
was to get them angry

and start a stampede,

so we tried
to reason with them.

Hey, you guys,
let's go the other way.

Hey, we're gonna try
to go the other way, okay?

Mother[Bleep]

Let's go.
You with the horns, let-- No!

[ Whistles ]

That may not be working
very well. [ Laughs ]

Hey! Hey-oh!
Hey! Hup! Hyah!

Hyah! Get! Hoo! Hoo!

Hee-eh!

Wha-- I'm just
making up noises now.

Why am I just screaming things?

Wood: Dare I say, I think
they're following the Maverick

'cause they saw the horns.

Ferrara:
Yes, they are.

They're just mesmerized
by your car, Adam.

Freaking me out a little bit.

That's it.
They're following me.

It's working.
This is working.

Apparently they just
like the Maverick.

Just keep on leading them
out there, Adam.

Of course you're following the
Maverick-- 'Cause you're cows.

If you followed the BMW,
you'd be wasps.

All right, well, someone come up
and take the right flank.

Yeah, I'll come up there.
I got the right flank here.

Remember-- Don't spook them.
Just get around them.

You guys heard the cowboys
tell us a "V," right?

Tanner, are you spelling
a "Q" right now?

What are you doing?

You want to just kind of
gently turn them.

Yes, papa bear.

The high-plains
drifter got bored

and wanted things
to move faster,

so he turned herding
into a race.

Don't make them run.
Don't make them run.

[ Laughing ] Yeah!

[ Cows mooing ]

Are you kidding?

Tanner!

Whoo!

[ Mooing continues ]

Oh, geez.
Oh, geez.

That's it, Tanner.

I'm coming after you
to make you slow down.

Well, I'm stuck.

Tanner, where are you?

[ Engine revving ]

That is a huge,
steaming pile of crap.

Ferrara:
...Our cars go hauling.

This is our signal!

That's all right!
You're doing great!

When we went to Texas, I knew
we'd see some really cool stuff,

but the coolest thing I saw was
a giant man stuck in a big hole,

driving a tiny Miata.

[ Laughter ]

It's not funny.
It wasn't my fault.

I followed you in there,

trying to stop you
from the stampede you created.

So, that was my fault? Yes.

First of all,
it wasn't a stampede.

They were jogging.
It was morning.

It's what they do.
[ Laughter ]

Second of all, you didn't
have to follow me in there.

All right, you done?
Yes.

Good. Let's get back
to the cows.

I was stuck.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughing ] Oh, gosh.

Wood: Can you guys give me
a little push?

All right, here,
I'll give you a push.

One, two, three, push. Go! Ohh!

What the hell, man?

You just ripped my top.
You'll be fine.

You should just get rid of
the rest of this, probably.

Wait. I asked you to push.
I'm gonna go get a rope.

Tanner wanted to prove
that his Beemer

was as capable as a truck
and tried to tow me out.

Perhaps I should have
chosen something

with just a hair more
ground clearance.

I'm gonna start off
with some just gentle tugs.

Okay.

You've said that before,
haven't you?

You guys let me know
when you're done!

Why don't you go find the cows?

Why don't you go
yank your friend?

[ Engine turns over ]

There you go.

Ha!

All right, how about
you just back up?

We'll try it one more time.

Okay.

There you go.

Oh, it's very impressive.

Keep going.
So close.

Yeah! Oh! Oh!
Oh, that was almost it!

Go! Go!

Yes!

Ferrara:
Somehow Tanner's girl car

was able to pull Rutledge's
girl car out of the mud.

Yes!

But now we had a bigger issue.

It was getting late,

and our cattle had escaped
into the trees.

Okay,
I got them cornered here--

Gonna need some help,
though, okay?

I'm on my way.

Tanner, push them right!

Come on! Cut! Cut!

Come on, cows!
Let's go! Come on!

Hup! Hup! Hup!

Go on! Go on!
Go on! Go on!

Come on, boys! Hyah!

Moo!

Wood: We managed to wrangle them
back into the open,

and our cars were proving
to be as tough as trucks...

Until someone got
what they deserved.

Holy crap.

Okay, I cut a gas line.
I'm shutting my car off.

[ Cows mooing ]

I mean, I think this thing
is under pressure,

so I'm not sure how well
tape is gonna work.

It's just how well
it will stick to it.

It's really kind of a joke

to even try to put tape
on a fuel line.

Come on.

You got to be kidding.

Foust: I was able
to bandage up my Beemer,

but it was getting dark,

and we were only halfway into
our 20-mile herding challenge.

Luckily,
the real cowboys had a plan.

Hi.
What's this?

This is home for the night.

This is home?
This is it.

I love what you've done
with the place.

What do you guys got,
tents and stuff?

There's your tent.

Woman: Here's a flashlight,
and here's your dinner.

Really? I'm gonna use this
to go find my way to the hotel.

Man:
You got to remember,

we're gonna have cattle
out here all night,

and you guys got to kind of
keep one ear on these cattle.

How are we gonna
watch the cattle

while we're sleeping
and looking for scorpions?

This has all been fun.

I've really had a good time.

But if you could
just point me--

Foust: Adam, you're not
going anywhere.

Yeah, if we got to sleep here,
you got to sleep here.

Woman: You know what it's
called? It's called cowboy up.

Cowboy up, damn it.

Just a little something
for working so hard today.

Now we're talking.

Oh.

I think it's open.
A little whiskey.

We're gonna need to drink
all this to sleep out here.

Wood: Apparently, we needed to
stay with the cattle all night

to make sure
that they were safe.

Is it true that dogs
and bees smell fear?

Woman:
Every animal smells fear.

You got monkeys?
Are there monkeys here? No.

Another staple of the range
diet was chewing tobacco,

and, weak stomach or not,
I was determined to cowboy up.

Can I try some of that dip?

Oh, you're gonna love it.
It's wintergreen.

It's very minty. Put a plug in there.
Everybody's doing it.

How much do you put in?
That's good.

No, a little more than that.
Don't be a wuss.

[ Spits ]

Aw! That's where
you're sleeping.

It's like coffee grounds.

You'll be fine.
Put it in.

[ Spits ] That's terrible.

That's my foot.
Ugh.

Man: Little bit better
understanding for the old cowboys

that pushed cattle
from Texas to dodge city.

They pushed these cows
from Texas to dodge city?

Back in the
cattle-drive days.

That's when cattle driving
was invented.

My gosh.

Kansas to Texas, they pushed?

About 2,000 miles,
from Texas to Kansas.

Why do people do this?

'Cause it was right after
the civil war--

Not the horses--
The dip.

Gah.
Oh, it's so bad.

[ Gags ]

[ Burps ]

Don't throw up on me, please.

[ Gags, burps ]

I'm done.
I threw most of it up.

That's [Bleep]

Woman: We will see you
in the morning.

Man: Really hope to see you
in the morning.

Thank you.
Good night.

Good night.

Ferrara: The next morning, we got
back to wrangling the cattle.

Our cars had barely made it
through the first challenge,

and there was still
more to come.

Come on!
Almost there, cows!

[ Cows mooing ]

I am the master of the beasts!

There you go--
Nice and easy, big fellas.

Ferrara: Everybody in!
Everybody in!

Here we go.

Isn't this neat?

Hello, friend.

[ Smooches ]

[ Laughs ]

I will take a tall black coffee,
please...

Yes, sir-- Eggs and bacon.
...And a hot tub.

How you boys think you did?

Excellent. I think we
got them all for you, sir.

Think you got them all?
Job well done there, yeah?

We'll run them through,
get a count,

and then I'll tell you
how you did.

Okay.
Fair enough.

Don't look like 100 head to me
standing over there,

but we'll see.

We gotta get out of there
as fast as we could

before the cowboys had a chance
to recount the cattle.

Our next challenge
was 50 miles east,

near San Antonio.

Every time we stop somewhere.
Why is that funny?

Sorry! My bad.

Well, what are we doing here?

Let's see.

"Hauling is big business
in Texas.

"The lone star state produces
more than 7 billion pounds

"of beef and cattle products
every year,

"which is all hauled
to the customer using trucks.

"To find out if your cars
are up to the challenge,

"you'll each haul as much
crop food as you can carry.

Most product moved wins."

Crop food?

Crop food--
Like fertilizer?

Oh, my gosh.

Oh!

That smells a little bit
like [Bleep]

That is--
That is crap.

That is a huge,
steaming pile of crap.

I'm gonna throw up.

It is hot.
It's still warm.

It's hot?
Oh, good.

Yeah, it's warm just from
coming right out of the animal.

This came out of one animal?
[ Coughs ]

[ Laughing ] Oh, God!

Smell my finger.
No.

[ Gags ] Why would you do that?

[ Coughs ]

Oh, God, that's gonna be awful.

Oh, you poor,
dry-heaving fool.

So, we got to put this
in the cars without bags?

I know one thing--
You're screwed.

Foust: We had to haul as much hot,
steaming manure as we could

to a depot 10 miles away,

on the other side
of San Antonio.

Clearly, we needed
to modify our cars

to optimize
our cow-dung capacity.

Wood: All right,
all this has got to go.

Here we go.

Ferrara: That's it.

Wood: Come on, Miata.
We can beat these guys together.

[ Laughs ]

What?
Perfect!

That's your modification?

What did you do?

What did I do?
I brought out my inner truck.

This is the inner ranchero
that lives within the beast.

This is your idea
of efficiency?

It's buckets.

There is absolutely no need
to put poop in with me.

Did you put the kidneys
on the front?

Well, it's an identifier.
It's an iconic symbol of--

yeah, 'cause you have to show everyone
you're pretentious. Still snooty.

There's no way these things
are gonna hold on there.

You look like a donkey
going up a mountain.

Oh, my God.
Is that carbon fiber?

That is some cardboard
I found on the ground.

It's cardboard fiber.

Yeah, and this used to be
some carpet here.

Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You plan on putting stuff here?

Yeah, yeah, it's kind of
like an "l" here.

So, I'll pile it up
all the way up there.

That kind of "l"?
Is this your design?

This will be a big--

What keeps the manure
from going, like, in here?

Well, I'll be going
fast enough.

The wind will just
keep it pinned down.

Are we ready?
Yeah.

There's some machinery right
over there, coming this way.

Wood: To see if our cars had the
same payload capacity as a truck,

each would be filled up
with 2,000 pounds of crap.

Adam was up first.

The Maverick had already
broken down once already,

so it was really gonna struggle

with a ton of number two
weighing it down.

Go time.
Oh, my God.

Yeah, just right on in there.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, it's hot!

Oh!

[ Laughing ] Oh, my God.

Oh, it smells so bad.

He's got no accuracy
with that thing.

You see? It just
sort of falls everywhere.

I think that's enough
to beat them, my friend.

Thank you!

One more, maybe? Yeah?
Don't listen to him.

Probably fit
another one in there.

It's holding it.

Look at-- The back
is completely flat.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughing ] Oh, my God!

Oh, it's in my eyes.

There's no way
that car can take that.

Oh, yeah?

It smells.
Keep going.

Oh, that's so bad.

[ Both coughing ]

He's gonna have to get
a lot in there

to beat what your car did.

How can such a smart guy
have such a dumb idea?

I don't know. This is gonna be
the best part. Watch this.

Oh, yes. There you go.
It's a [Bleep] Storm.

Just crush the roof.

[ Laughing ]

[ Bulldozer beeping ]

He's putting on chapstick.

That's it.

[ Laughs ]

Perfect.

He's never gonna
get out of there.

That's it.
Keep coming.

You got it. There you go.
Rock it.

You're, uh, kidney's dragging
just a little bit.

There you go.
That's it.

Tanner's barrel concept
may have kept him comfortable,

but his BMW looked like
a weird albino pack mule.

I was up next.

We'll use this as "good,"
this as "bad."

[ Laughing ] Okay. Okay?

All right,
"good," "bad."

Let's do it, Mike!

Foust: Oh, my gosh,
he's getting a full scoop.

My glasses are fogging up
a little from the goggles.

Right.

Oh, sweet [Bleep]

Oh, oh, God.

Oh! Oh!

We've managed to make it
halfway across Texas,

and nobody was in the lead.

So, now we are on the middle
of our next challenge,

which is hauling manure.

Yeah, that's something you want
to finish once you start it.

[ Laughter ]

Did you like that challenge,
my friend?

I did not care for that.

Really?
I can't imagine why.

Yeah, I just-- I don't think
fun is throwing up all day long.

So, no, I did not have fun.

He's not kidding.
Watch this.

Wood:
Oh, sweet [Bleep]

Oh, oh, God.
Oh! Oh!

[ Laughter ]

Oh, this is awful! That's all right.
You're doing great.

Oh, this is a bad idea!
This is such a bad idea.

Foust: That bucket
holds so much.

It's over his head. Look at that.
It's still coming.

It's raining.

Well, the cardboard's holding.

You're golden from here on in.

Oh! Oh, the trunk!

The trunk is in the back!

The worst part's the whining.
[Bleep]

[ Laughs ]

This was our signal!

Mike:
Oh, we're good?

That's--
That's good there!

I'll just--

It's in my shoes!

That counts.

It's everywhere.
It's inside me.

That's all right.
You might need that.

That could be your reserve thing
that makes you win.

How versatile is this thing?

Look at that.
Look at all the room you got.

I mean, if you can let him just
put a little bit more in here--

You can fit all up in there.
Yeah, that's it.

You know what?
Load it up again, Mike!

There you go.
Load it up again!

Attaboy.

But, hey, why don't you try
to not, um--

Not cover me as much
as the open parts of the car?

Try that this time.

Mike, you're doing awesome.

There he goes.
That's gonna be good.

Oh. Oh [Bleep]

Oh, that's scary.
Okay, okay! Yeah!

That's good!

It's good?

All right,
let's get on the road!

All right, pal, good luck!

Hold your breath
if it gets bad!

That went pretty well.

Now, I was prepared
for what was gonna happen.

So, now I just
have to figure out

how to hang these
appropriately.

Oh, that is delicious.

But there was a design flaw
I didn't plan on.

I can't see

anything beyond just
immediately in front of me.

This was a bad idea.

I can't see to the right.

[ Thud ]

What are you doing?!

I sai-- I can't see
anything from--

Come on! That's-- That's--
You know what?

Now you lose this--
Knock all that stuff off.

That's just about as much
as you knocked off of mine.

Well, can you do
the rest of the windshield?

'Cause I can't see a thing.

With 10 miles of open road
and a truckload of cargo,

what could possibly go wrong?

This is such a bad idea.

It is a really,
really nice day out.

We couldn't have asked
for better weather.

It is like
a tornado of crap in here.

Over in the Maverick,

Adam was starting
to second-guess his design.

Ugh! Ohh!
Ohh, that's terrible.

I can't see!

[ Spits, coughs ]

That's not better.
That's not better.

Wood:
Please stop doing that.

It feels like you're
sand-blasting my face.

[ Laughs ]

I doubt there are
many pickup trucks

that can afford
the kind of luxury

I'm experiencing right now.

[ Coughs, spits ]

Oh [Bleep]

Ugh [Bleep] Me.

Foust: You don't have
any lotion, do you?

My left hand, for some reason,

is really drying up
in this heat.

What's the golf report, Buffy?

Tanner, do you want to
stop and get a pedicure

before we have to
unload this stuff?

Adam's car is officially smoking
and steaming back there.

Oh, it's fine!
Keep going!

Ugh.
Down my shirt!

We decided to take a shortcut
through downtown San Antonio.

How much further we got?

Wow, that's the alamo.

Holy cow.
You're not--

Sorry.

Seriously?

Uh-oh.
Oh [Bleep]

Come on, honey, don't do this.

Ferrara: The Maverick
overheated...Again.

Damn it.
Come on. Not now.

And it couldn't have happened
in a worse place.

Ferrara:
I know it's hot.

If you wouldn't mind stepping
out of the air-conditioning,

I'd appreciate it.

It is kind of warm out here.

What's up?

Doesn't look too good.

All the manure in your engine?

No, the smoke.
[ Horns honking ]

Whew!

It smells funny in there.

Yeah, that's the manure.

You know what?
It's made it this far.

I'd just say throttle down.

All right.

[ Honking continues ]

Isn't the alamo nice?

It is nice. Look,
we're blocking traffic.

Let's go.

Leave that alone. Get in the car
and leave that alone.

Wood: Aw, really?

Wow.

It's like I keep thinking,
"how could my day get worse?"

Ohh!

[ Honking continues ]

Really? Come on!
Sorry!

Let's go!

We left calling cards
at the alamo

and got out of the city before
we started another battle.

Tanner may have been
comfortable,

but he wasn't making it very
pleasant for anyone around him.

That's your bucket.
You caught my bucket.

It was in the middle
of the road.

Don't let it go.

So, in our journey
across Texas,

we have lost cattle,
we've slept with scorpions,

we've had to haul crap around.

I mean, this is has got to be
one of the most hard-core,

difficult challenges
we've ever done.

For who?
For all of us.

You sat in the air-conditioning
the entire time,

putting on makeup.

[ Laughter ]

Putting on makeup?
It was chapstick.

It looked a lot like lip gloss.

Medicated chapstick.

Well, it doesn't really matter

'cause we're about
to see what happens

when you take that posh little
3 series to the weigh-in.

Can you guys get that out?

Yeah.

[ Horn honks ]

It's not funny!

That was my leg.

You want me to help or not?

That was the manure.

I didn't do that.
Bunch of [Bleep]

I didn't do that.
Rutledge, drive up on this curb.

Get ready to jump onto the wall
if he can't stop.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Good! Good!

Almost.

Go ahead!

Keep going.
Keep pushing.

"Keep going," did you say?
All right, we got it.

There's still mulch in it.
I'm gonna take it.

I'm taking it. No!
No, no, no, no, I'm taking it.

This is valuable.
Now there's not.

Now you can take it.

[ Horn honks ]

Finally, after a long
and stinky drive,

we neared the weigh station

to see who had hauled
the biggest load.

[ Tires screech ]

[ Engine shuts off ]

[ Metal scrapes ]

Really?

Okay, so,
how is this gonna work?

All right, we take
the manufacturer's weight,

subtract it from the actual
weight of what we have here.

Okay, go.

Stop. 1,420 pounds of crap. Yes.

1,400 pounds was a lot
of weight for my Maverick.

Mr. country club's car
weighed in next.

270 pounds.

There's no way.
[ Laughs ]

That weighs less than him.
You know, that's--

I'm just gonna
leave that one alone.

It does.
You have a big frame.

I'll drop your calculator.

If my Miata wasn't carrying

more than 1,400 pounds
of crop food,

I would lose, making Adam
the one most full of crap.

570 pounds.
[ Laughs ]

Children, children,
will you never learn?

My truck is the champion.

Despite that it's barely
running, you're correct.

What's next?

I'll tell you what's next.

[ Sighs ]

"Your final challenge
will be the ultimate test

of your vehicle's
brawn."

Like we haven't
done that already.

"You have 12 hours to prepare
your vehicles to compete

"in one of Texas's
most cherished motor sports--

Monster-truck racing"?

Monster-truck racing?
[ Laughs ]

With that?

"Last truck standing
wins double points."

Double poin--
Let me see.

It said--
That's what it said.

It doesn't say that. Let me see.
That's what it said.

Wood: Adam's Maverick
may have won the challenge,

but it was falling apart.

And with one challenge left,

I knew that my monster-truck
Miata would beat them both.

But first we had to unload
our precious cargo.

What's he doing?
What's he doing?

Real mature.

[ Grunts ]

Oh, you want to ride with me?

Here, let me just
dig out your seat.

This is ridiculous.

Foust:
We modified our cars overnight.

It's standard for somebody
to put on bigger tires

and add on aftermarket parts
to a truck.

Racing the modified cars would
test the integrity of our cars

and squeeze out whatever power
the engines still had left.

I don't know how you made
that thing look so menacing.

That brush guard is--
It's awesome.

Did you see the wings?
See the side of the door?

Yeah, I saw
your "Maverick" doors.

Wood:
I decided to go for a mean,

"stay out of my way,
I'm a Miata" look,

something menacing.

Have you ever seen
a bigger Miata?

I can honestly say that is the
biggest Miata I have ever seen.

Foust: That exhaust pipe is
compensating for something,

I think.
What?

Foust: My design was
classic and practical.

This was a race,
not a beauty pageant.

You guys decorated
your stuff up.

I mean, the Beemer was perfect
the way she was, right?

You could probably go
over all the speed bumps

at the Beverly center
in this thing.

It's a design specification.

We should have done this
days ago, obviously,

but we're out here.

We got to race them.

Ferrara:
We would race six times

around this obstacle-filled
dirt track.

The winning car
would be crowned

the best 2-door car/truck.

[ Ferrara laughing ]

And the race was on.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughing ]

Why did we not
think of this sooner?

I know. What are we messing
around with cow manure for?

I was focused
and took an early lead.

So, naturally,
Tanner began to cheat.

But neither of them
could catch me.

[ Laughs ]

I was in the lead--
Two laps down,

and my 36-year-old Maverick
was bound for victory.

Boys, I'm on fire.

Might want to get away
from this. It's burning.

Our 2-door cars had made it
500 miles through Texas,

and my Maverick was proving to
be the best truck replacement.

It was the king of the ranch...

They're just mesmerized
by your car, Adam.

Ferrara:
Yes, they are.

Had the most
hauling capacity...

Ugh! Ohh!

And was in the lead
in our final challenge.

And then this happened.

Boys, I'm on fire.

Might want to get away
from this. It's burning.

Wood:
What happened?

I think it's on fire.
I'm not sure.

[ Siren wailing ]

Did you think, when he said,
"I'm on fire"--

Didn't you think he meant, like,
he was going really fast?

Like, "I'm on fire!"

"I'm the king
of the world!"

You meant,
"I'm ablaze."

Yeah.
Burning. Embers.

When did you first realize
it was on fire?

Flames--
When I saw the flames,

that was an indication
that something might be amiss.

Are you watching this?

Ohh.

I just want you to know that,

of all the times Tanner and I
wanted your truck to blow up--

Er, sorry,
your Maverick truck...

This was not one of them.
...This was not it.

Ferrara: 12 hours
for 12 minutes--

Hardly seems fair, doesn't it?

That's racing.

Foust: The Maverick--
Well, it was dead.

Straight back.

But we didn't want Adam
to feel left out.

Why do we have to do this?

I mean, you can't just be
completely out of the race

just because
you caught on fire.

The Maverick needs to be
part of the race.

It's the only American car
in the lineup.

And now it's going to be
a part of the race.

It looks like it's you and me.

Hey, all right.
Double or nothing, right?

It never said
"double or nothing."

All right, rut, let's do this.

Hold on!
No fire-- I'm good.

Wood: The best replacement
for a truck

would come down
to the mighty Miata

or Tanner's yuppie-mobile.

[ Engine revving ]

We lined up for the restart
with four laps to go.

[ Engine revving ]

Oh. Oh.

Whoa!

Tanner may be
a professional racer,

but my Miata was lighter
and faster than his BMW.

Only two laps to go,
and we were in a heated battle.

[ Laughing ]

Oh, no!

Tanner!

Ohh!

Whoa. Whoa!

[ Engine revving ]

I lost a wheel!

I lost a wheel!
[ Laughs ]

[ Laughing ] Oh!

No!

No, Miata!

No!

Foust: The only thing standing
between me and victory

was one more lap.

Second lap in, and I wrecked!

I blew a t-- Oh, no.

Foust: Oh, my God.

Come on! Tanner!

Foust:
He's out of it.

Rutledge is done.

That is some kind
of sportsmanship.

Oh, my God!

[ Laughing ] Whoa!

Go, baby.

Almost home, almost home.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Oh!

[ Laughs ]

Yeah!

BMW wins!

Whoo!

[ Cheers and applause ]

No. You don't win.
You don't win.

First of all,
I won the hauling competition,

and I won the cattle drive.

You didn't win the cattle drive.
There was no winner for that.

They followed the Maverick.

[ Laughter ]

You caught on fire.
So what?

You can't win,
catching on fire.

No. He Ferrara'd another car.
That one's on fire.

You bent the Cadillac in half.

Because I drove it like a man.

[ Laughter ]

A stupid man.

You broke every drive shaft
in the state on that F-250.

That was gravity.
I came down on the rocks.

[ Laughter ]

You drove on three wheels.

Yeah, that's pretty awesome.
It's hard to do.

You were in a monster tricycle.

[ Laughter ]

Mine was the only car
running at the end. I win.

That's all we've got
for you tonight!

Thanks for watching!
You don't win.

See? They're
not even clapping.

They know
you're full of [Bleep]

That's all we've got!
Thanks for watching!

[ Cheers and applause ]

It's a lot harder
to drive with three wheels

than with four.

Ferrara: Next week on "Top Gear
," we test our first cars...

I'm starting to turn!
Aah!

[ Both laugh ]

And our dream cars.

I can't get enough of this car!

The "pawn stars"
race around our track...

Slow down. Slow down.
Slow down.

And we find out which one of us

had the best first car
as a teammate.

Ohh!
Ohh! Ohh!

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