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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:10,678 OH, MY GOD! 2 00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:12,346 LAST NIGHT'S GAME WAS BRUTAL! 3 00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:13,614 OH, WHAT HAPPENED? 4 00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:16,750 "WHITE QUEEN'S BISHOP 3 TAKES BLACK ROOK'S PAWN 4 IN 12 MOVES! 5 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:19,253 AAH! IN YOUR FACE, ANDREI PERSHNEKOV! 6 00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:20,554 OH! OH! 7 00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:21,355 ALL RIGHT, FELLAS, SET UP IN HERE. 8 00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:22,790 MOVE ALL THIS FURNITURE OUT. 9 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,358 HI, DONNY! 10 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:25,359 YOU WANT AN OMELETTE? 11 00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:28,229 I CAN'T, SALLY. I'M HERE ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS. 12 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,764 AND, YES, I WOULD LIKE THAT OMELETTE. 13 00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,733 WHAT KIND OF OFFICIAL BUSINESS? 14 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,268 MUSHROOM AND CHEESE. 15 00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:37,205 OH! AND WE SUSPECT THAT YOUR NEIGHBOR 16 00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:40,108 ACROSS THE STREET IS A VIDEO PIRATE. 17 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:44,178 OHH, YOU MEAN THE GUY WITH THE PEG LEG AND THE EYE PATCH? 18 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,347 NO, THE GUY RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO HIM. 19 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,382 I'M TALKING ABOUT THE KIND OF SCUM 20 00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:49,617 THAT PUTS NEW MOVIES ON TAPE 21 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:53,087 AND THEN RESELLS THEM ILLEGALLY FOR A PROFIT. 22 00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:55,589 DON, WHEN YOU NAB THIS CRIMINAL, 23 00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:57,425 AS I KNOW YOU WILL, 24 00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,493 CAN YOU GET US A COPY OF PRINCE'S MUCH-MALIGNED 25 00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:01,061 AND MISUNDERSTOOD FILM CLASSIC 26 00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:02,830 UNDER A CHERRY MOON? 27 00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:04,798 DICK, YOU CAN GET THAT AT ANY VIDEO STORE. 28 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,500 YOU'D THINK SO, WOULDN'T YOU? 29 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,369 Both: BUT NO. 30 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:09,203 JIMMY! 31 00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:10,571 GET THOSE 22 POWER BINOCULARS. 32 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:11,805 PUT THEM ON THE TRIPOD. 33 00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:14,074 BOB, GET THE NIGHT GOGGLES FOR BACKUP. 34 00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:15,609 AND, PHIL! 35 00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:19,780 SURPRISE ME. 36 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:23,951 MAN, I LOVE IT WHEN YOU ORDER PEOPLE AROUND. 37 00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:26,154 ORDER ME AROUND. 38 00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,955 WELL, THERE'S REALLY NOTHING LEFT TO DO. 39 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:29,990 I WAS SORT OF RUNNING OUT OF GAS WITH PHIL. 40 00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,425 ORDER 41 00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:32,860 ME 42 00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:35,229 AROUND. 43 00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:36,797 WELL, I, UH... 44 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:39,667 I GUESS YOU COULD MAKE ME THAT OMELETTE. 45 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,635 ARE YOU ASKING ME OR TELLING ME? 46 00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:43,571 AND MAKE IT FLUFFY! WAAH! 47 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,912 SINCE VOLUME IS PROPORTIONAL 48 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:26,180 TO THE CUBE OF THE RADIUS, 49 00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:31,319 THEN THE ATOM IS ACTUALLY 10 TO THE 15th POWER-- 50 00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,986 MMM! 51 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,089 WHAT DID I JUST SAY, LEON? 52 00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:39,993 UH, "WHAT DID I JUST SAY, LEON." 53 00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:42,430 STUDENTS, WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE ORBITAL TRAJECTORIES 54 00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:44,265 OF SUBATOMIC NUCLEI. 55 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:47,401 THIS IS THE FUN STUFF I PROMISED YOU! 56 00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:49,770 DR. SOLOMON, HOW CAN YOU EXPECT US TO CONCENTRATE? 57 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:52,573 YEAH, THIS IS THE LAST CLASS BEFORE SPRING BREAK. 58 00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,375 AHH, YES, SPRING BREAK. 59 00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:56,510 THE TIME WHEN YOUNG PEOPLE GIVE THEIR MINDS A REST 60 00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:59,613 FROM GIVING THEIR MINDS A REST. 61 00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:00,514 IT'S SO GREAT! 62 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,182 IT'S A WHOLE WEEK OF DRINKING AND PARTYING 63 00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:06,153 AND WATER-SKIING NAKED AT MIDNIGHT WITH A LIVE GOAT! 64 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,455 IT'S GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN! 65 00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:09,490 IT SOUNDS UTTERLY INFANTILE! 66 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:12,926 NOT TO MENTION A WASTE OF A VERY TALENTED GOAT. 67 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:16,397 COME ON, DR. SOLOMON. YOU WERE YOUNG ONCE. 68 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,766 WHY, NO. 69 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,302 NO, I WASN'T. 70 00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,537 WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 71 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,339 NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! 72 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,145 NINA... 73 00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:35,015 YOU STILL PASS FOR YOUNG. 74 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:39,052 WHAT DO YOU DO DURING SPRING BREAK? 75 00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:40,688 I LIKE TO USE THE TIME TO RELAX 76 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:41,855 AND FIND MY CENTER AGAIN. 77 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,591 AND HOW DO YOU DO THAT? 78 00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:46,694 WELL, I PICTURE A 50-MILE RADIUS AROUND YOU, 79 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:51,231 AND I GO OUTSIDE OF THAT. 80 00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:54,268 AH, THAT DOES SOUND RELAXING. 81 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:56,470 OH, DICK, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 82 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:57,571 I WANTED YOU TO SEE THIS. 83 00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,573 "THE BED AND BREAKFAST ON STERLING LAKE"? 84 00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,642 STERLING LAKE IS REALLY SPECIAL TO ME, DICK. 85 00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:05,313 I SPENT SO MANY HAPPY SUMMERS THERE WITH MY FAMILY WHEN I WAS YOUNG. 86 00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:09,283 WAIT A SECOND. YOU HAD A YOUTH, TOO? 87 00:04:09,317 --> 00:04:09,850 YES, DICK. 88 00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:10,818 WELL, WHAT WAS IT LIKE, 89 00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:14,187 OR CAN YOU STILL REMEMBER? 90 00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:15,856 IT WAS WONDERFUL. 91 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:18,759 WE LIVED IN LOG CABINS WE BUILT OURSELVES. 92 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,128 OH! AND WHEN MR. LINCOLN CAME TO TOWN, 93 00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:23,297 WE WERE ALL A-FLUTTER. 94 00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:25,666 WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WAS LIKE, DICK? 95 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,134 I'M SORRY, MARY. 96 00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:29,870 I JUST FEEL LIKE... 97 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,739 LIKE I NEVER HAD A YOUTH. 98 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:32,873 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 99 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,408 WHILE YOU WERE GROWING UP, 100 00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:37,878 I--I WAS WORKING AS A COLOR SPECTRUM PARTICLE SEPARATOR 101 00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:40,948 AT THE ASSEMBLAGE DOME. 102 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:44,184 BOY, AND I BITCHED ABOUT WORKING AT THE DAIRY QUEEN. 103 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,321 LET'S GO TO THIS BED AND BREAKFAST, MARY. 104 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:49,056 LET'S RECAPTURE YOUR YOUTH. 105 00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:50,358 LET'S HAVE A THREESOME. 106 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:55,062 YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD NEVER ASK ME THAT AGAIN, DICK. 107 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,330 UH, OK. 108 00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:58,265 LET'S JUST RECAPTURE YOUR YOUTH. 109 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,905 PHIL? 110 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,640 WHAT IS THIS? 111 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:10,177 I ORDERED A PASTRAMI ON RYE WITHOUT MUSTARD. 112 00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:13,447 THIS HAS MUSTARD! 113 00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:16,016 YOU CALL YOURSELF A COP? 114 00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:24,057 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT! 115 00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:26,494 ARE THOSE COPS GOING TO BE UP HERE ALL NIGHT? 116 00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:27,395 'CAUSE I'D REALLY RATHER 117 00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:30,197 HAVE THEM COME DOWN TO MY PLACE. 118 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,232 UH, THEY'RE STAKING OUT THIS GUY ACROSS THE STREET 119 00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:34,134 WHO ILLEGALLY PIRATES VIDEOS. 120 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,770 DOES HE HAVE ANY FILMS STARRING... 121 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:40,073 CHESTY DOUBLOONS? 122 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:42,042 UH, I'M NOT SURE. WHY? 123 00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:44,277 NO REASON. 124 00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:45,879 OK, BOYS, I'M OUT OF HERE. 125 00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,180 NOW, LISTEN UP. 126 00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:48,449 WITH THE POLICE HERE DAY AND NIGHT, 127 00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:49,650 I WANT YOU ALL TO BE ON YOUR GUARD. 128 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,720 DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT MIGHT EXPOSE OUR TRUE IDENTITIES. 129 00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,655 COME ON, DICK. WHAT DO YOU THINK WE'RE GOING TO DO, 130 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,624 WALK AROUND IN T-SHIRTS THAT SAY, 131 00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:59,960 "HUG ME. I'M AN ALIEN"? 132 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,532 I'M NEVER GOING TO LIVE THAT DOWN, AM I? 133 00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:08,101 YOUR HEAD LOOKS FUNNY. 134 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:10,003 WATCH THIS. 135 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,406 I'M LOOKING FOR AN OFFICER DON ORVILLE. 136 00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:17,110 I AM HE. 137 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,713 JACK McMANNUS. STATE CRIME DIVISION. 138 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:21,982 WELL, WHAT, LIKE THE FEDS? 139 00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,116 NO. 140 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,819 FEDS ARE FEDERAL. I'M WITH THE STATE. 141 00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:27,320 IT'S FEDS... 142 00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:29,089 STATE... 143 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:32,192 YOU. 144 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,127 DON, IS HE SERIOUS? 145 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,295 LISTEN UP, PEOPLE! 146 00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:37,364 WE'VE BEEN CHASING THIS VIDEO PIRATE FOR A LONG TIME, 147 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,700 SO I HEREBY COMMANDEER THIS OBSERVATION POST. 148 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,302 DON, THIS IS YOUR CASE. TELL HIM! 149 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,838 YEAH, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? 150 00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:47,107 GET ME A SANDWICH. 151 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,710 HEY, WHO'S THIS GUY? 152 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,812 JACK McMANNUS. I'M WITH THE STATE. 153 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:54,648 OOH! A FED. 154 00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,423 AND THIS IS YOUR ROOM. 155 00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:07,828 OH, MY GOD. MARY, COME LOOK AT THE ROOM! 156 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,903 OH, IT'S JUST AS IT WAS WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL. 157 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,871 AND I REMEMBER YOU! 158 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:19,106 MY FAMILY, THE ALBRIGHTS, 159 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,674 BROUGHT ME HERE EVERY SUMMER. 160 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:23,443 I'M SORRY, DEAR. I DON'T RECALL. 161 00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,112 OH, YOU MUST REMEMBER! 162 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,715 I LOVED YOUR BLUEBERRY BELGIAN WAFFLES. 163 00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:29,650 I HAVE SO MANY GUESTS HERE. 164 00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:32,753 YOU PEOPLE ALL BLEND TOGETHER. 165 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,524 OH! I HAVE A WONDERFUL IDEA! 166 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,692 WE USED TO GO TO THIS WOODSY LITTLE PLACE 167 00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:39,793 CALLED DER BURGERPLATZ. 168 00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:42,229 THE JUICIEST HAMBURGERS IN THE WORLD. 169 00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,397 IT SOUNDS DER WONDERFUL. 170 00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:45,933 SHALL WE GO NOW? 171 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,768 OR LATER. 172 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:48,902 AFTER YOU'VE EARNED IT. 173 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:51,238 OH. YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO-- 174 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,973 BUT, MARY, IT'S STILL DAYLIGHT. 175 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:56,243 SURE! THAT'S THE CHARM OF A PLACE LIKE THIS. 176 00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,579 OH, THEY SHOULD PUT THAT IN THE BROCHURE. 177 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,452 WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RIDE DON LIKE THAT? 178 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,854 HE'S A GOOD GUY. 179 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:09,623 WELL, I'M SURE HE IS, BUT I HAVE A JOB TO DO. 180 00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:12,125 I DIDN'T MAKE LIEUTENANT BY BEING A SOFTIE. 181 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:16,697 WAIT A SECOND. YOU'RE A LIEUTENANT? SO AM I! 182 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:19,399 SALVATION ARMY. 183 00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:23,604 YEAH, YEAH. I GET TO RING YOUR BIGGER BELLS. 184 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:25,873 SO DOES THE TARGET HAVE A BACK DOOR PERIMETER? 185 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:28,075 YEAH. I'LL HAVE A UNIT STANDING BY WITH A RESERVE BLOCKADE. 186 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:32,112 HOW YOU GOING IN, "V" FORMATION OR 2 BY 2? 187 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,047 WOW, YOU REALLY KNOW YOUR MILITARY TACTICS. 188 00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:36,584 OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, CHRISTMAS CROWDS, 189 00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:39,452 THEY'RE BASICALLY ANIMALS. 190 00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:41,221 2 BY 2, BUT IF THINGS GET DICEY, 191 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,290 I'M GOING TO HAVE TO FALL BACK ON SPRINT AND COVER. 192 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,659 THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD DO. 193 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:48,228 SHALL WE TALK WEAPONS? 194 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,930 SURE. 195 00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,465 WANT TO SEE MY PIECE? 196 00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,234 YOWSER! 197 00:08:57,705 --> 00:09:00,207 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 198 00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,144 OH, THIS IS HORRIBLE! 199 00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:07,147 SPRING BREAK HAS INVADED MY LITTLE BURGERPLATZ. 200 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:10,250 SO THIS IS WHAT YOUNG PEOPLE DO ON SPRING BREAK? 201 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,085 THESE KIDS HAVE RUINED THIS PLACE. 202 00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,086 OH, I DON'T KNOW. 203 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,255 IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE HAVING A PRETTY GOOD TIME, 204 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:18,058 ESPECIALLY THOSE PEOPLE OVER THERE WITH THE-- 205 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,893 IS THAT A GOAT? 206 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:21,094 OH, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. 207 00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,329 THERE ARE OTHER PLACES TO EAT. 208 00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:23,363 TELL YOU WHAT, MARY, 209 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,332 WHY DON'T YOU GO AND I'LL STAY? 210 00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:26,266 WHAT? 211 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,868 WELL, UH, THE BURGERS. YOU LOVE THE BURGERS, 212 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,672 AND YOU SHOULD HAVE THEM, SO I'LL STAY AND GET IN LINE 213 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,441 IN THIS FUN AWFUL PLACE, AND BRING THEM BACK TO THE ROOM 214 00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:35,909 EVENTUALLY--RIGHT AWAY! 215 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,511 REALLY, DICK? YOU'RE THE BEST! 216 00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,080 NO, YOU'RE THE BEST. 217 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,214 NO, WAIT. 218 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,617 I'M THE BEST. 219 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,854 IT'S SO GREAT! 220 00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,556 HEY, BUDDY! 221 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,624 DR. BUDDY! 222 00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:51,591 HEY! HEY! 223 00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:53,894 CARYN, PITMAN, LEON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 224 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,295 A PHYSICS EXPERIMENT. 225 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,764 EVERY TIME I POUR BEER DOWN MY THROAT, 226 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:59,833 IT OBEYS THE LAWS OF GRAVITY. EVERY TIME. 227 00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:01,168 [BELCHES LOUDLY] 228 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,003 I'M PITMAN! 229 00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:04,371 I'M PITMAN, TOO! 230 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:05,739 [BELCHES] 231 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:06,907 YEAH! 232 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:07,875 CAN I JOIN YOU? 233 00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:11,211 UM, WELL, HERE'S THE THING: 234 00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:13,113 NO. 235 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,682 THIS LOOKS LIKE SO MUCH FUN! 236 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:17,818 PLEASE, UH, TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU SAY. 237 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:18,986 WHAT? 238 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,553 I WANT TO BE YOUR STUDENT, 239 00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:23,323 AND YOU CAN BE MY ESTEEMED PROFESSORS. 240 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,525 I'M SO TOTALLY ESTEEMED. 241 00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,194 HA HA HA! 242 00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,329 OK, OK. LESSON ONE. 243 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:34,434 THIS IS BEER. GET TO KNOW IT. 244 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,403 NO, NO, NO, NO. 245 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:39,840 REALLY GET TO KNOW IT. 246 00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,675 All chanting: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! 247 00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:44,978 [CHANTING] 248 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,414 SOLOMON, CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! 249 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:48,415 SOLOMON! 250 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:52,452 SOLOMON, SOLOMON, CHUG, CHUG, CHUG! 251 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,988 [BELCHES] 252 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,423 I'M PITMAN, TOO! 253 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,458 [ALL CHEERING] 254 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:06,199 SO, JACK, WHAT'S THE PERP DOING? 255 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:09,369 SITTING ON THE COUCH. 256 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:12,205 WHAT'S HE DOING NOW? 257 00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:12,840 SITTING ON THE COUCH. 258 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:13,373 THAT BASTARD! 259 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,275 HE'S TOYING WITH US! 260 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,576 IT'S ALL RIGHT, BOYS. 261 00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:19,079 WE'RE GOING TO TAIL THIS FREAK UNTIL HE MAKES A MOVE, 262 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,748 AND I KNOW GUYS LIKE THIS. 263 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:21,581 THEY ALWAYS MAKE A MOVE. 264 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,316 OH, YEAH, THEY MOVE, ALL RIGHT. 265 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:26,086 THEY MOVE ALL OVER THE PLACE! 266 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:29,589 AND IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I GOT TO TAKE CARE OF A 514. 267 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,325 WHAT'S THAT? 268 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,194 PEE-PEE. 269 00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:36,296 HEY, LIEUTENANT. 270 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:39,532 HEY, LIEU--YOU. 271 00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:41,501 WHAT IS IT WITH THAT GUY? 272 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,003 HE MAKES ME FEEL SO... 273 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,404 TINGLY? ALIVE? 274 00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:47,640 YEAH! HEY. 275 00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:48,942 WOULD IT BE WEIRD 276 00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:51,211 IF I WENT AND SMELLED HIS JACKET? 277 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,045 OH, WE HAVE. 278 00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:53,747 GO AHEAD. 279 00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:57,117 THAT'S THE LAST TIME I GET COFFEE 280 00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,318 FOR JACK McMANNUS. 281 00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:01,521 UH, HEY, DON, YOU GOT TO SIGN IN. 282 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,123 SINCE WHEN DO WE HAVE TO SIGN IN? 283 00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:03,957 JACK'S RULES. 284 00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:09,362 YEAH? WELL, I AM NOT SIGNING IN! 285 00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,031 OH, WHY DID THEY HAVE TO BRING IN THE FEDS? 286 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,465 THIS SHOULD'VE BEEN MY COLLAR. 287 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,034 WHY DON'T YOU BREAK THE CASE YOURSELF? 288 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,936 YEAH! GET THE GUY TO INCRIMINATE HIMSELF. 289 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,605 YEAH. GET IT ON TAPE TO MAKE IT STICK. 290 00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:20,140 WHAT, YOU MEAN LIKE A WIRE? 291 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:23,911 WELL, LOOK WHO JUST WOKE UP! 292 00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,513 WEARING A WIRE. 293 00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:27,647 NICE. 294 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:28,916 BUT WHO'S GOING TO DO IT? 295 00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,050 I'LL DO IT. COULD BE DANGEROUS. 296 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,819 HARRY'LL DO IT. 297 00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:41,795 [SOFT ROCK PLAYING] 298 00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:43,330 Solomon: OH. HERE WE GO AGAIN... 299 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,165 [VOMITING] 300 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:48,001 [RETCHING] 301 00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:49,469 OOF! 302 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,071 OK. 303 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,073 I THINK I'M REALLY DONE THROWING UP NOW. 304 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,342 YOU'RE A WILD MAN, DR. SOLOMON. 305 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:58,078 OH, I LOVE THIS! LIVING IN THE MOMENT, 306 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,780 ALCOHOL WREAKING HAVOC ON MY LIVER, 307 00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:03,483 MY-- MY BODY DESTROYING ITSELF FROM THE INSIDE-- 308 00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,954 I JUST FEEL SO ALIVE! 309 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,688 LOOK AT ALL THOSE STARS. 310 00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,690 THE UNIVERSE IS SO BIG. 311 00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:14,194 THERE HAS JUST GOT TO BE INTELLIGENT LIFE OUT THERE. 312 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:17,030 OH, BUT THEY'D NEVER COME HERE. 313 00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:21,969 I MEAN, WHAT CAN WE OFFER BEINGS OF SUCH SUPREME INTELLIGENCE? 314 00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,971 BEER ME! 315 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,172 WOW. YOU'VE TURNED INTO, LIKE, 316 00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,941 THIS WHOLE OTHER PERSON, DR. SOLOMON. 317 00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,177 YOU CAN CALL ME DICK. 318 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:33,746 THAT'S SO COOL, DICK. 319 00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:37,184 YOU CAN CALL ME DR. SOLOMON. 320 00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:40,520 UH-OH. 321 00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:45,525 [VOMITING] 322 00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:50,898 WELL, HE PUT THE FIRE OUT. 323 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,866 I THINK I'M REALLY DONE THROWING UP NOW. 324 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,911 HI, JACK. 325 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:06,613 HI. 326 00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:09,883 OUCHY, THIS DRESS IS TOO TIGHT. 327 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:14,587 OH, YEAH? 328 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:17,490 AND TOO SHORT. OHH! 329 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,559 YEAH. 330 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:31,038 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. PRESIDENT. 331 00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,974 YOWSER. 332 00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:35,442 LISTEN, JACK, 333 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,777 I'M NOT GOING TO LIE TO YOU. 334 00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:39,346 I FIND YOU VERY ATTRACTIVE, 335 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,514 AND I KNOW YOU MUST FIND ME ATTRACTIVE, 336 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,650 BECAUSE... 337 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:46,753 WELL, YOU HAVE EYESIGHT. 338 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,288 BUT I'M ON DUTY. 339 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,322 I'M WEARING A THONG. 340 00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,291 I'LL SIGN OUT. 341 00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:54,061 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 342 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,363 OHH. 343 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,899 McMANNUS. 344 00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:02,335 YEAH, CAPTAIN, I UNDERSTAND. I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. 345 00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:04,404 I'M SORRY, DOLL. 346 00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:06,139 I GOT TO GO. 347 00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:07,407 THERE'S SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO BE TAKEN CARE OF, 348 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,775 AND I'M THE ONLY GUY WHO CAN DO IT. 349 00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:11,644 OHH! 350 00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:14,847 YOU AIN'T KIDDIN', BABY. 351 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:22,422 [SNORING] 352 00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:30,063 ISN'T SHE HOT? 353 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:33,200 SHE IS SO HOT. CAN I MAKE OUT WITH HER? 354 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:35,068 NO YOU CANNOT. SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND. 355 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:38,738 BUT I LET MY FRIENDS MAKE OUT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND ALL THE TIME. 356 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,174 GET OVER IT, DUDE. THE GIRL IS MINE. 357 00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:55,022 AAH! 358 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:57,057 HELLO, LIGHT SLEEPER. 359 00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,158 WHAT'S GOING ON? 360 00:15:58,191 --> 00:15:59,426 AH, THERE WAS NOWHERE ELSE TO GO. 361 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,960 THE BARS WERE ALL CLOSED. 362 00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:02,295 SO YOU BROUGHT THEM HERE? 363 00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:05,132 WELL, YEAH! 364 00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,733 WELL, THAT'S IT! THE PARTY'S OVER! 365 00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,435 OH, COME ON, MARY, WEREN'T YOU EVER YOUNG? 366 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,969 HEY, LEON! 367 00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:11,738 DANCE BREAK! 368 00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,473 COME ON! WHOO! YAY! 369 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:14,641 [LOUD MUSIC PLAYING] 370 00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,676 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD RUIN THIS PLACE FOR ME, DICK, 371 00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:19,212 A PLACE THAT MEANT SO MUCH TO ME. 372 00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:23,083 GRIND IT, MARY! GRIND ALL YOUR PROBLEMS AWAY! 373 00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:28,821 STOP! STOP THIS RUCKUS THIS MINUTE! 374 00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,257 I AM SO SORRY! 375 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:31,791 I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED. 376 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,560 OH, YOU SHOULD BE. 377 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,128 AND I DO REMEMBER YOU. 378 00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:37,830 YOU'RE THAT FAT LITTLE GIRL 379 00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:40,833 WHO ATE EVERYBODY'S BELGIAN WAFFLES. 380 00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:41,734 WELL, I NE-- 381 00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:45,838 AND THIS IS THE KIND OF WILD PARTIES 382 00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:47,540 AND DRUNKENNESS 383 00:16:47,574 --> 00:16:50,443 THAT YOUR FAMILY BROUGHT WHEN THEY CAME HERE. 384 00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:51,378 WHAT? 385 00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:54,981 I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE BY TONIGHT! 386 00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:57,984 [DOOR CLOSES] 387 00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,819 DANCE BREAK! 388 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,854 [LOUD MUSIC PLAYS] 389 00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:08,395 [CHIMING] 390 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:13,100 TESTING 1, 2. TESTING 1, 2. 391 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,068 * I'VE GOT YOU 392 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:16,769 * UNDER MY SKIN 393 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:19,772 * I'VE GOT YOU-- 394 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,542 PIZZA DELIVERY. 395 00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,244 I DIDN'T ORDER A PIZZA. 396 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:27,580 YEAH, WELL, IT'S PART OF A SPECIAL PROMOTIONAL PLAN. 397 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,519 THERE'S NOTHIN' BUT CRUSTS. 398 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,287 [STATIC] 399 00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:35,488 Tommy: DON, DON, SOMETHING'S WRONG. 400 00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:38,858 I CAN'T HEAR HARRY AT ALL. 401 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,059 WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? 402 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,128 Don: OH, CRAP. 403 00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:44,131 I THINK WE'VE GOT THE MIC, AND HE'S GOT THE SPEAKER. 404 00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,865 Tommy: WHAT? 405 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,968 BUT--BUT THEN THAT MEANS THAT THE VIDEO PIRATE 406 00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:52,305 CAN HEAR EVERYTHING WE'RE SAYING! 407 00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:54,141 Don: RUN, HARRY. 408 00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:55,708 RUN! 409 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,911 RUN, YOU IDIOT! RUN! 410 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,514 I GOTTA RUN. 411 00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:04,484 AAH! 412 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,455 LOOK AT THIS PLACE. 413 00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:11,224 YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO TRASH A HOTEL ROOM, DICK. 414 00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:13,460 I'M SORRY, MARY. 415 00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:14,761 WHAT ARE THESE? 416 00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:18,231 OH, THOSE ARE CANTALOUPE BALLS INJECTED WITH VODKA. 417 00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:21,501 STUPID. 418 00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:27,274 I'M JUST SO SORRY. 419 00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:28,275 I'VE RUINED THIS PLACE 420 00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:31,911 THAT HOLDS SO MANY HAPPY MEMORIES FOR YOU. 421 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,746 MEMORIES? 422 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:37,016 NO, THAT OLD WOMAN WAS RIGHT. 423 00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:40,687 MY PARENTS ONLY BROUGHT DRUNKENNESS AND CHAOS TO THIS PLACE. 424 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,556 I GUESS I ROMANTICIZED IT BECAUSE I WAS FAT AND UNHAPPY 425 00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:45,292 AND I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO REMEMBER IT THAT WAY. 426 00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:47,093 THAT'S SO SAD. 427 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,196 HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT SELLING YOUR STORY 428 00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,231 TO LIFETIME? 429 00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:52,532 YOU COULD CALL IT 430 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:56,703 FAT, FAT LITTLE GIRL, THE MARY ALBRIGHT STORY. 431 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,909 WHY DOES YOUR YOUTH ALWAYS SEEM BETTER WHEN YOU LOOK BACK ON IT? 432 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:05,445 MARY, HOWEVER UNPLEASANT YOUR YOUTH WAS, 433 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,314 IT'S MADE YOU WHO YOU ARE TODAY, 434 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:10,650 A BRIGHT, ACCOMPLISHED, MATURE WOMAN, 435 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,519 THE WOMAN I LOVE. 436 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,887 OHH, DICK. 437 00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:22,195 OHH-HH-HH! 438 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,101 JACK, ARE YOU LEAVING? 439 00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:30,570 THIS CASE IS A BUST. 440 00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:32,539 BARNEY FIFE HERE ALERTED THE PERP TO OUR PRESENCE, 441 00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:33,806 AND NOW HE'S FLED. 442 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,242 BOY, GIVE US SOME CREDIT. 443 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:38,077 YEAH. WE SCREWED UP THE CASE, TOO. 444 00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:40,447 YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THAT UNIFORM, 445 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,882 AND NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THAT HAIRCUT. 446 00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,684 HEY, HEY, HEY! 447 00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:46,753 AT LEAST DON TOOK SOME ACTION. 448 00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,256 YEAH. HE BLEW ALL MY HARD WORK. 449 00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:52,359 I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE I WAS EVER ATTRACTED TO YOU. 450 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:53,092 HUH? 451 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:53,926 YOU KNOW SOMETHING? 452 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,028 YOU MAY BE A BIG TIME STATE COP, 453 00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:58,698 AND YOU MAY BE GORGEOUS AND GET HIGH-PROFILE CASES 454 00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:04,637 AND MAKE A LOT OF MONEY, BUT YOU GOT NOTHING ON MY DONNY! 455 00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:07,073 THANKS, SALLY. THAT WASN'T EMASCULATING AT ALL. 456 00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:08,074 YOU'RE WELCOME. 457 00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:10,243 BUNCH OF YOKELS. 458 00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:12,111 I'M OUT OF HERE. 459 00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:12,912 WHAT'S A YOKEL? 460 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:14,514 I DON'T KNOW. SOME KIND OF COP TALK. 461 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:15,415 PROBABLY MEANS BRAVE. 462 00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:18,285 YEAH. 463 00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:21,153 WERE YOU REALLY ATTRACTED TO HIM? 464 00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:23,222 I THOUGHT I WAS. 465 00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:25,758 BUT, DON... 466 00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:27,627 YOU-- 467 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:32,599 YOU HAD THE GUTS TO RISK HARRY'S LIFE. 468 00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:36,303 NOTHING MAKES ME HOTTER THAN A MAN OF ACTION. 469 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,904 I'LL SHOW YOU SOME ACTION. 470 00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:40,940 OH, YEAH. ORDER ME AROUND, YOU FUNKY SMALL TOWN COP. 471 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:41,541 GET IN THERE! 472 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:44,043 WAAH! NO! AAH! 473 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,749 IT'S FUNNY. WHEN YOUNG PEOPLE GET ROWDY 474 00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:50,583 AND DANCE IN A BAR, 475 00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:52,552 EVERYBODY SAYS THEY'RE JUST HAVING FUN. 476 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:56,756 BUT WHEN AN ADULT DOES IT, THEY SAY, AND I QUOTE, 477 00:20:56,789 --> 00:21:00,660 "QUICK, CALL AN AMBULANCE! SOME CREEPY OLD MAN IS HAVING A SEIZURE IN HERE!" 478 00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:03,463 I DON'T KNOW. I THINK YOUTH IS OVERRATED. 479 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,332 GREASY HAIR AND PIMPLES, 480 00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:07,934 CONSTANTLY HAVING TO COVER YOUR LAP WITH A 3-RING BINDER. 481 00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,636 YEAH, BUT WITHOUT YOUNG PEOPLE, 482 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,771 WE WOULDN'T HAVE THE YOUNG GUNS MOVIE FRANCHISES. 483 00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,606 OR THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS! 484 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,409 OR THE NOTED PSYCHOLOGIST CARL JUNG. 485 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:17,877 NO, THAT'S WITH A "J." IT DOESN'T COUNT. 486 00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:18,945 IT HAS TO. IT'S A HOMONYM. 487 00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:21,981 HOMONYMS DON'T COUNT! 32879

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