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♪ ♪
2
00:00:10,220 --> 00:00:13,126
Second grade
is a turbulent time.
3
00:00:13,226 --> 00:00:15,532
In gym, I was given a "C"
4
00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:19,205
when I refused to play
with the non-vegan football.
5
00:00:19,272 --> 00:00:22,011
And so, I was searching
for meaning.
6
00:00:22,111 --> 00:00:23,748
And extra credit.
7
00:00:23,814 --> 00:00:28,591
I found it in the Future Nature
Documentarian Day Camp.
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00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:30,494
I knew two things going in.
9
00:00:30,562 --> 00:00:33,968
I would produce
a three-minute documentary
10
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:37,208
and lunch would not be provided.
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00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:40,380
What I didn't know
was that I would become friends
12
00:00:40,447 --> 00:00:43,286
with an eight-armed miracle.
13
00:00:43,386 --> 00:00:44,890
♪ ♪
14
00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:49,265
At first, she was shy, like me.
15
00:00:49,332 --> 00:00:51,704
Unlike me,
most of her brain cells
16
00:00:51,770 --> 00:00:53,841
are located in her tentacles.
17
00:00:53,975 --> 00:00:57,816
Which can smell, taste
and even think.
18
00:00:58,784 --> 00:01:00,521
I named her Molly.
19
00:01:00,588 --> 00:01:03,928
She was the most
fascinating creature.
20
00:01:04,028 --> 00:01:06,332
A master of camouflage.
21
00:01:08,804 --> 00:01:12,646
Her liquid body could slip
into the tiniest spaces.
22
00:01:12,746 --> 00:01:14,415
MARGE:
(gasps) A shark!
23
00:01:14,482 --> 00:01:17,421
Mom! I'm recording
my voice-over.
24
00:01:17,488 --> 00:01:19,826
I wasn't expecting
to see a shark.
25
00:01:19,860 --> 00:01:21,129
What if it bit you?
26
00:01:21,195 --> 00:01:23,033
Quick, let me do a finger count.
27
00:01:23,133 --> 00:01:26,039
It's a tiny shark.
It's not dangerous to people.
28
00:01:26,172 --> 00:01:28,343
I don't like you hanging out
with sharks.
29
00:01:28,443 --> 00:01:30,314
You should have land friends.
30
00:01:30,380 --> 00:01:31,550
Noted.
31
00:01:31,617 --> 00:01:36,225
Though Molly and I
are both solitary creatures,
32
00:01:36,326 --> 00:01:39,098
- we forged a bond.
- (camera shutter clicks)
33
00:01:39,198 --> 00:01:41,971
- Mom.
- It's so cute.
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00:01:42,037 --> 00:01:44,408
SKINNER:
Your résumé is impressive.
35
00:01:44,475 --> 00:01:45,410
Very impressive.
36
00:01:45,578 --> 00:01:48,116
You won the Tishman Prize
for Classroom Excellence
37
00:01:48,183 --> 00:01:51,155
and the Fallberg Prize
for Cloakroom Excellence.
38
00:01:51,255 --> 00:01:53,995
I invented a new coat hook.
39
00:01:54,028 --> 00:01:56,466
So, what brings you
to Springfield?
40
00:01:56,567 --> 00:01:59,973
Oh, my husband was hired by the
Springfield Symphony Orchestra.
41
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:03,113
He's an oboist. He's not great.
42
00:02:03,179 --> 00:02:05,050
But that-that was unsupportive.
43
00:02:05,150 --> 00:02:07,287
He's good. Oboe is hard.
44
00:02:07,354 --> 00:02:10,528
See, for two years
I taught in Ghana,
45
00:02:10,595 --> 00:02:14,168
which was so rewarding,
but not so much for him.
46
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,705
Ghana doesn't have an orchestra?
47
00:02:15,838 --> 00:02:18,511
Well, they do, but you have to
be really good to play in it...
48
00:02:18,577 --> 00:02:21,182
Ooh, n-not that Springfield
isn't good.
49
00:02:21,249 --> 00:02:26,192
It is a fine regional orchestra,
and-and my husband
50
00:02:26,259 --> 00:02:28,430
fits right in.
(laughs)
51
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:30,635
Anyway, that's why we're here.
52
00:02:30,735 --> 00:02:33,941
Uh, uh, would you, uh,
excuse us for one moment?
53
00:02:34,008 --> 00:02:36,279
Oh, uh, c-certainly.
54
00:02:38,049 --> 00:02:40,755
CHALMERS: Yes. An actual
qualified teacher.
55
00:02:40,855 --> 00:02:43,994
SKINNER:
And she's stuck here because
her husband sucks at oboe.
56
00:02:44,095 --> 00:02:45,163
- CHALMERS: Ha!
- SKINNER: Booyah!
57
00:02:45,263 --> 00:02:46,667
(clears throat)
Um...
58
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,506
obviously, we're meeting
with other applicants...
59
00:02:49,573 --> 00:02:52,444
Of course, and I'm meeting
with other schools.
60
00:02:52,478 --> 00:02:53,814
No! You're hired, you're hired.
61
00:02:53,914 --> 00:02:56,954
Here's a ninety, uh, three
dollar signing bonus.
62
00:02:57,054 --> 00:02:58,557
And you can have
his parking spot.
63
00:02:58,624 --> 00:03:01,663
I'll park at the yogurt place.
They-they know me there.
64
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:05,605
(gasps)
65
00:03:05,705 --> 00:03:07,441
Are-are you okay?
66
00:03:09,245 --> 00:03:11,149
Boys, meet your new teacher,
Ms. Peyton.
67
00:03:11,215 --> 00:03:13,253
This is Nelson, Milhouse and...
68
00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:15,625
w-who is that
behind that locker?
69
00:03:15,758 --> 00:03:16,994
Just me. Bart.
70
00:03:17,027 --> 00:03:19,165
Bart. Bart.
(laughs)
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00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:21,135
You know, like a seal?
72
00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:23,874
You look familiar. Have we met?
73
00:03:23,974 --> 00:03:25,812
(robotic):
No! You are a stranger.
74
00:03:25,912 --> 00:03:30,454
Stranger, stranger,
overheating alert, alert, alert.
75
00:03:30,555 --> 00:03:32,157
(high-pitched):
Shutting down. Self-destruct.
76
00:03:32,224 --> 00:03:34,328
(imitates explosion, whistling)
77
00:03:38,671 --> 00:03:41,476
Bart had Skittles
with milk for breakfast.
78
00:03:41,543 --> 00:03:44,816
I told him he couldn't
handle the rainbow.
79
00:03:51,062 --> 00:03:53,199
I wanted to chase
the shark away,
80
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:57,207
but the documentarian oath
is "never interfere."
81
00:03:57,274 --> 00:03:59,846
It's printed on the T-shirt.
82
00:04:01,082 --> 00:04:04,790
Molly tried to armor herself
against the predator.
83
00:04:04,856 --> 00:04:06,459
But it wasn't enough.
84
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:11,269
As a filmmaker, all I could do
was watch in horror
85
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,406
and rack focus on the shark.
86
00:04:13,473 --> 00:04:16,847
I hope I made a difference
in Molly's short life,
87
00:04:16,914 --> 00:04:19,218
because she will forever be
88
00:04:19,318 --> 00:04:23,293
My Cephalopod Soulmate.
89
00:04:23,359 --> 00:04:25,665
(cheering, applause)
90
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:32,010
Oh, Lisa, your movie
was so sad and beautiful.
91
00:04:32,077 --> 00:04:34,315
That poor octomapus.
92
00:04:34,415 --> 00:04:35,852
Your movie really makes you
think about
93
00:04:35,918 --> 00:04:38,289
the wondrous creature
beneath the batter
94
00:04:38,356 --> 00:04:41,262
and the marinara sauce
and the...
95
00:04:41,329 --> 00:04:43,333
(drools)
96
00:04:43,466 --> 00:04:46,139
Mmm, Lisa's friend.
97
00:04:46,205 --> 00:04:48,376
I think I need some time alone.
98
00:04:48,443 --> 00:04:51,950
- Of course.
- Oh, sweetie, whatever you need.
99
00:04:55,758 --> 00:04:56,760
(giggling)
100
00:04:56,827 --> 00:04:58,363
I won an award!
101
00:04:58,429 --> 00:05:02,404
Well, actually,
we won an award. (laughs)
102
00:05:04,241 --> 00:05:06,445
You want to watch it again?
103
00:05:10,822 --> 00:05:12,324
(Lisa grunts)
104
00:05:16,465 --> 00:05:20,140
I know, I broke the code
and interfered.
105
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,848
Maybe I should give back
the trophy.
106
00:05:24,816 --> 00:05:28,389
Or we could do that.
Problem solved.
107
00:05:28,456 --> 00:05:30,595
You're so smart.
108
00:05:31,429 --> 00:05:33,433
(sighs)
Be patient.
109
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:36,105
They may test you at first,
but it's only because
110
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:39,144
of their terribly sad
home lives.
111
00:05:39,245 --> 00:05:42,619
Hello, teachers.
My name is Rayshelle Peyton.
112
00:05:42,685 --> 00:05:44,823
This is my first day,
so you'll have to tell me
113
00:05:44,890 --> 00:05:46,827
all the inside jokes.
114
00:05:46,927 --> 00:05:51,603
(grunts) I have a ruptured disk,
but I can't afford to stay home.
115
00:05:51,703 --> 00:05:56,112
(laughs) I can't wait to hear
the story behind that.
116
00:05:56,178 --> 00:05:58,116
- Huh?
- Show of hands,
117
00:05:58,182 --> 00:05:59,318
who here is familiar
118
00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:01,122
with project-based learning?
119
00:06:04,428 --> 00:06:06,533
The reason I ask:
my last school did a project
120
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,969
where each grade built a model
121
00:06:08,036 --> 00:06:09,806
of one of the New Seven Wonders
of the World,
122
00:06:09,873 --> 00:06:12,110
and for the next month,
all subjects--
123
00:06:12,177 --> 00:06:14,348
math, art, history and science--
124
00:06:14,448 --> 00:06:18,724
were taught by designing
and building the project.
125
00:06:19,659 --> 00:06:23,032
If you're undecided, I've got
a much longer presentation.
126
00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:24,836
Let me grab my puppets.
127
00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:27,508
Look, whatever is making
all this happen,
128
00:06:27,575 --> 00:06:30,447
either adjust
the dosage or share.
129
00:06:30,548 --> 00:06:32,251
Oh, I get it.
130
00:06:32,317 --> 00:06:34,421
You don't want
to abandon the lessons
131
00:06:34,488 --> 00:06:36,893
you've already
carefully prepared
132
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:41,870
to follow these
step-by-step plans.
133
00:06:41,937 --> 00:06:44,441
The lessons
are already written out?
134
00:06:44,576 --> 00:06:46,379
This is like the HelloFresh
of teaching.
135
00:06:46,479 --> 00:06:49,184
I can be on cruise control
for a month.
136
00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:51,088
I'm second grade.
What are we making?
137
00:06:51,188 --> 00:06:52,859
- Chichen Itza.
- Great.
138
00:06:52,959 --> 00:06:55,564
I'll start by finding out
what that is.
139
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,471
These self-portraits are gonna
help me get to know you better.
140
00:06:59,539 --> 00:07:03,514
This way, I get to see you
the way you see you.
141
00:07:04,816 --> 00:07:06,553
Wow.
142
00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:08,557
Classic compulsive overachiever.
143
00:07:08,624 --> 00:07:10,962
Relax, this isn't being graded.
144
00:07:11,062 --> 00:07:12,799
I mean, A+.
145
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,168
(sighs)
146
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:17,875
Uh, this is me beating up
Santa until he's my dad.
147
00:07:17,976 --> 00:07:19,044
Ah.
148
00:07:19,111 --> 00:07:20,982
Okay, violent,
149
00:07:21,048 --> 00:07:23,419
but he cares about
holidays and family.
150
00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:25,123
I can work with this.
151
00:07:25,190 --> 00:07:27,729
That's a lot of glue.
152
00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:30,200
How is that part
of your self-portrait?
153
00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:32,905
Uh, um, uh--
because, you know, uh...
154
00:07:32,972 --> 00:07:36,813
m-my-my face always has,
u-uh, glue on it.
155
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,118
Oh. Really?
156
00:07:39,218 --> 00:07:40,621
Yeah, see?
(grunts)
157
00:07:40,655 --> 00:07:42,491
(low-pitched):
I am glue-face.
158
00:07:42,558 --> 00:07:45,598
I have slept
for a thousand years.
159
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,835
- (grunts) Ow.
- PEYTON: Oh!
160
00:07:47,969 --> 00:07:50,340
(low-pitched voice):
That did not hurt.
161
00:07:50,407 --> 00:07:53,514
Take me to
your principal, I-- Oh!
162
00:07:53,614 --> 00:07:56,152
Glue-face want door.
163
00:07:56,252 --> 00:07:58,189
Glue-face need restroom.
164
00:07:58,289 --> 00:08:01,062
PEYTON:
What the hell
is wrong with this kid?
165
00:08:05,705 --> 00:08:08,076
- (school bell rings)
- Dude, what are you
166
00:08:08,176 --> 00:08:09,879
- doing in there?
- I know it's not a sidekick's place
167
00:08:09,946 --> 00:08:12,451
to give notes,
but for the past few weeks,
168
00:08:12,518 --> 00:08:14,088
nothing's landing.
169
00:08:14,221 --> 00:08:17,194
Really? I thought milk-nose
glitter sneeze landed.
170
00:08:17,294 --> 00:08:19,498
No. It did not land.
171
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:22,839
- Really hard to look at.
- You don't seem in control.
172
00:08:22,939 --> 00:08:26,713
We can't laugh at your clowning
if we're concerned about you.
173
00:08:26,813 --> 00:08:30,253
Why are you messing
with Ms. Peyton? She's nice.
174
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,592
I don't know
why I do stuff, okay?
175
00:08:32,692 --> 00:08:35,430
I don't know
why I'm yelling now!
176
00:08:35,497 --> 00:08:37,100
I'm not gonna noogie you,
177
00:08:37,134 --> 00:08:40,306
but when you think
about your actions today,
178
00:08:40,373 --> 00:08:43,046
I hope you noogie yourself.
179
00:08:43,112 --> 00:08:44,181
(Bart groans)
180
00:08:46,285 --> 00:08:48,322
(gasps)
How'd you do that?
181
00:08:48,389 --> 00:08:50,126
Wait, no. What are you do--
182
00:08:50,193 --> 00:08:51,763
No. No, no. Don't do that.
183
00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:54,201
No, no, no.
(screams)
184
00:09:01,148 --> 00:09:05,991
(moans) There's supposed to be
a Krazy Krusty Ball in here.
185
00:09:07,060 --> 00:09:08,564
- (gasps)
- Huh.
186
00:09:08,597 --> 00:09:10,500
That is a crazy ball.
187
00:09:10,568 --> 00:09:12,237
Uh, can I have it?
188
00:09:12,337 --> 00:09:15,243
- Sure. Think fast.
- No, don't.
189
00:09:16,345 --> 00:09:18,751
Oh, you inked.
190
00:09:18,817 --> 00:09:19,953
Oh.
191
00:09:20,053 --> 00:09:23,292
Uh, you might not want
to eat that cereal.
192
00:09:23,359 --> 00:09:24,996
Hmm? Why not?
193
00:09:25,096 --> 00:09:26,933
Uh, no reason. No.
194
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,741
I'm just gonna go google
some toxicology stuff.
195
00:09:30,808 --> 00:09:33,947
(chuckles)
Kids love Google.
196
00:09:34,014 --> 00:09:35,718
BART:
Huh, using an X-Acto knife
197
00:09:35,785 --> 00:09:38,991
to make the Styrofoam look
like stone was a cool idea.
198
00:09:39,057 --> 00:09:42,164
Wait, did I just use "cool"
to describe homework?
199
00:09:42,230 --> 00:09:43,901
What is happening to me?
200
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:45,704
(gasps)
Huh?
201
00:09:48,409 --> 00:09:50,113
(shouts)
202
00:09:53,319 --> 00:09:56,593
This Friday, there's an assembly
to present the Seven Wonders.
203
00:09:56,660 --> 00:09:57,962
Your parents will be there,
204
00:09:58,029 --> 00:10:01,235
and they'll judge me
based on what you do.
205
00:10:01,302 --> 00:10:02,972
But no pressure.
206
00:10:03,072 --> 00:10:05,276
Well, a little pressure.
(chuckles)
207
00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:06,847
Pressure makes diamonds.
208
00:10:06,947 --> 00:10:10,120
Anyway, take your projects out
and get to work, please.
209
00:10:10,186 --> 00:10:13,727
Milhouse, I love how
you carved the Styrofoam
210
00:10:13,827 --> 00:10:16,432
to make it look like stones.
211
00:10:16,566 --> 00:10:19,071
I used an X-Acto knife.
212
00:10:20,774 --> 00:10:23,146
Bart. What's wrong?
213
00:10:23,212 --> 00:10:24,716
I didn't mean to do that.
214
00:10:24,816 --> 00:10:26,686
Great work, Milhouse.
215
00:10:26,753 --> 00:10:28,757
I meant to do this.
216
00:10:29,926 --> 00:10:33,700
- Bart.
- I lost my fingerprints gluing that.
217
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,172
We had to go to urgent care.
218
00:10:36,238 --> 00:10:38,710
I saw a drug addict!
219
00:10:39,612 --> 00:10:41,048
(Bart whimpers)
220
00:10:43,386 --> 00:10:46,158
Now I've got
an octopus-proof tank
221
00:10:46,225 --> 00:10:49,464
with safety latch,
escape alarm, and... (gasps)
222
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,870
Where did-- where did you go?
223
00:10:51,970 --> 00:10:55,143
♪ I'm a sucker for you, yeah ♪
224
00:10:55,243 --> 00:10:59,384
♪ You say the word
and I'll go anywhere blindly ♪
225
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:01,756
♪ I'm a sucker for you, yeah ♪
226
00:11:01,823 --> 00:11:05,698
♪ Any road you take,
you know that you'll find me ♪
227
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:09,304
♪ I'm a sucker for all
the subliminal things ♪
228
00:11:09,371 --> 00:11:11,510
♪ No one knows about you ♪
229
00:11:11,610 --> 00:11:12,845
♪ About you, about you ♪
230
00:11:12,912 --> 00:11:15,985
♪ I'm a sucker for you. ♪
231
00:11:19,157 --> 00:11:24,067
First of all,
I am enjoying Bart's energy.
232
00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:27,040
Uh, uh, you don't have to say
nice stuff about Bart.
233
00:11:27,107 --> 00:11:29,478
- We know the drill.
- Okay, good.
234
00:11:29,546 --> 00:11:31,248
Just tell us
what's wrong with him.
235
00:11:31,348 --> 00:11:33,921
To be honest, I'm not sure.
236
00:11:33,987 --> 00:11:36,158
I have tried
every intervention I know.
237
00:11:36,258 --> 00:11:39,264
Letting him be the teacher,
scaring him straight,
238
00:11:39,364 --> 00:11:42,905
dunce caps, genius pants,
negging, Breakfast Clubbing,
239
00:11:43,005 --> 00:11:46,178
no recess, nothing but recess,
puppy stickers.
240
00:11:46,245 --> 00:11:48,784
Oh. Bart's always
had his problems,
241
00:11:48,884 --> 00:11:51,623
but now it sounds like
they're turning into...
242
00:11:51,656 --> 00:11:53,794
(cries)
...issues.
243
00:11:53,894 --> 00:11:57,234
Don't worry, I am going to get
to the bottom
244
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,204
of why he's acting out.
245
00:11:59,271 --> 00:12:02,077
Could each of you fill out this
child development questionnaire?
246
00:12:02,143 --> 00:12:04,716
You need to know how long
I was in labor?
247
00:12:04,782 --> 00:12:07,588
Oh, does that question
bother you?
248
00:12:07,655 --> 00:12:10,594
No. No, not at all. I love it.
249
00:12:10,661 --> 00:12:14,569
Hey, Buddy, I think
I know why you've been
250
00:12:14,702 --> 00:12:16,606
such an unlikeable jerk lately.
251
00:12:16,673 --> 00:12:19,144
Someone has a little crush
on their teacher.
252
00:12:19,211 --> 00:12:22,417
Someone has a big crush
on being wrong.
253
00:12:22,551 --> 00:12:24,822
Come on, boy, open up to me.
I get it.
254
00:12:24,923 --> 00:12:27,127
I was in love
with my school nurse.
255
00:12:27,227 --> 00:12:29,933
I would hurt myself on purpose
just to see her.
256
00:12:30,033 --> 00:12:33,439
I'd fall off the monkey bars,
bash my head into a wall,
257
00:12:33,472 --> 00:12:38,316
and sometimes I'd even
fall off the monkey bars.
258
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:41,055
Actually, there is something
I'm dealing with right now.
259
00:12:41,121 --> 00:12:43,459
- My dad's an idiot.
- Listen, you little...
260
00:12:43,527 --> 00:12:47,133
I had brilliant advice
for how to handle a crush.
261
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,173
But now,
I'm keeping it to myself.
262
00:12:50,273 --> 00:12:51,776
I've met her before.
263
00:12:51,843 --> 00:12:53,714
So? I've met people.
264
00:12:53,780 --> 00:12:57,020
Lisa, Maggie. Uh... you!
265
00:12:57,087 --> 00:12:59,892
No, I've met the teacher before.
266
00:12:59,959 --> 00:13:01,863
I'm opening up to you.
267
00:13:01,930 --> 00:13:05,103
Oh, okay. Well, go on, son.
268
00:13:05,203 --> 00:13:06,806
When Lisa was doing
her fish movie,
269
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,944
Mom and I would
wait on the beach.
270
00:13:09,011 --> 00:13:12,350
Some rich kid left a sand pail
from the fancy hotel.
271
00:13:14,287 --> 00:13:19,064
That bucket was my ticket
to the guests-only pool area.
272
00:13:19,164 --> 00:13:21,368
At first, it was pretty sweet.
273
00:13:21,402 --> 00:13:25,009
Then I tried a fancy dive
off the Tarzan swing.
274
00:13:25,109 --> 00:13:27,080
A belly flop will knock
the wind out of you.
275
00:13:27,147 --> 00:13:29,719
Especially a belly
full of hot fudge.
276
00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:32,257
- (gasping) - I panicked, and suddenly,
277
00:13:32,357 --> 00:13:35,531
I couldn't tread water,
no matter how hard I flailed.
278
00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:37,802
And no one was noticing.
279
00:13:39,639 --> 00:13:41,175
But then...
280
00:13:49,458 --> 00:13:51,863
(panting)
Oh, God.
281
00:13:51,930 --> 00:13:53,934
Are-are you okay?
282
00:13:57,508 --> 00:13:59,411
WOMAN:
What happened?
283
00:13:59,512 --> 00:14:00,781
(whispering):
He can't swim.
284
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:02,083
That poor boy.
285
00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:05,624
Why did you do that? I was fine.
286
00:14:05,691 --> 00:14:07,293
I'm an amazing swimmer.
287
00:14:07,394 --> 00:14:10,567
I-I'm, I'm sorry,
I-I thought that...
288
00:14:10,634 --> 00:14:12,070
I feel awful.
289
00:14:12,137 --> 00:14:14,709
She ruined her dress
and I yelled at her.
290
00:14:14,809 --> 00:14:17,748
And my hand went in her mouth
for a second.
291
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:20,053
She doesn't recognize me, yet.
292
00:14:20,086 --> 00:14:23,426
But when she does,
she's gonna hate me.
293
00:14:23,492 --> 00:14:25,998
Every day I tell myself
to be invisible.
294
00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:28,469
Next thing I know,
I'm standing on my desk,
295
00:14:28,537 --> 00:14:31,175
pretending to poop out
the class hamster.
296
00:14:31,241 --> 00:14:32,243
HOMER:
Hmm.
297
00:14:32,343 --> 00:14:36,085
What if you told her the...
whatchamacallit?
298
00:14:36,218 --> 00:14:38,289
- The truth?
- Yeah, that thing.
299
00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:40,894
You're right.
If it were out in the open,
300
00:14:40,961 --> 00:14:43,099
she'd have nothing on me.
301
00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:45,637
Wow, you actually helped.
302
00:14:45,704 --> 00:14:47,073
I did. You know what?
303
00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:49,779
I think I'm finally ready
to be a dad.
304
00:14:49,846 --> 00:14:51,983
I'm gonna tell my wife!
305
00:14:54,321 --> 00:14:55,256
(growls)
306
00:14:55,323 --> 00:14:56,425
(Lisa shouts)
307
00:14:56,492 --> 00:14:59,364
That's it. Ugh, you are not
safe in this house.
308
00:14:59,431 --> 00:15:02,437
Whew, you're coming
to school with me.
309
00:15:03,406 --> 00:15:06,011
(growls, yelps)
310
00:15:06,078 --> 00:15:07,848
Oh, this is great.
311
00:15:07,915 --> 00:15:09,852
I'll come clean,
no more weirdness.
312
00:15:09,886 --> 00:15:12,223
(exhales)
I feel better already.
313
00:15:12,290 --> 00:15:13,727
Hello.
314
00:15:13,827 --> 00:15:15,296
- (Peyton chuckles)
- (gasps)
315
00:15:16,699 --> 00:15:18,269
Hmm, isn't that interesting?
316
00:15:18,369 --> 00:15:20,173
She's married.
317
00:15:20,974 --> 00:15:23,847
(screams)
318
00:15:23,947 --> 00:15:25,851
(grunts)
319
00:15:25,951 --> 00:15:32,063
Okay, I might be a teensy bit
in love with her.
320
00:15:38,710 --> 00:15:41,148
♪ ♪
321
00:15:49,565 --> 00:15:51,536
Dad, you were right.
322
00:15:51,603 --> 00:15:52,838
I do have a crush on her.
323
00:15:52,905 --> 00:15:54,341
I saw Ms. Peyton
kiss her husband
324
00:15:54,407 --> 00:15:57,247
and I Hulked out
on the water fountain.
325
00:15:57,347 --> 00:15:59,752
Yeah, jealousy will
make you do crazy things.
326
00:15:59,819 --> 00:16:03,960
Once, a guy opened the door
for Marge, so I keyed his car.
327
00:16:04,094 --> 00:16:05,463
Which was the school bus.
328
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,568
Turned out he opened
the door for everybody.
329
00:16:07,601 --> 00:16:09,037
Except for me, after that.
330
00:16:09,104 --> 00:16:11,308
Well, jealousy is gonna
make me ruin this assembly.
331
00:16:11,341 --> 00:16:13,379
- I can't stop myself.
- Ooh.
332
00:16:13,479 --> 00:16:16,251
You said you had great advice
on crushes. What is it?
333
00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:18,857
Here's what you need to know.
334
00:16:18,924 --> 00:16:20,894
You're a kid, she's a grown-up.
Get over it.
335
00:16:20,994 --> 00:16:23,432
That's your amazing advice?
336
00:16:23,533 --> 00:16:26,405
That's not advice,
that's just... (scoffs)
337
00:16:26,471 --> 00:16:27,675
...the truth.
338
00:16:27,741 --> 00:16:30,581
Look, sometimes there are
awesome things in this world
339
00:16:30,681 --> 00:16:33,653
that aren't meant
to be your awesome thing.
340
00:16:33,753 --> 00:16:35,056
You got to let it go.
341
00:16:35,122 --> 00:16:37,895
Trust me,
there's other fish in the sea.
342
00:16:37,995 --> 00:16:40,734
He's right. And you
should also be in the sea.
343
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:43,105
Hunting and killing those fish.
344
00:16:45,276 --> 00:16:47,013
After school... (sniffles)
345
00:16:47,146 --> 00:16:50,286
...I'll take you
back to your home.
346
00:16:50,353 --> 00:16:53,860
Dad, what if I snap and totally
mess up the assembly?
347
00:16:53,994 --> 00:16:55,731
Vent on inanimate objects.
348
00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:57,500
Punch a pillow, tear up Kleenex.
349
00:16:57,568 --> 00:17:00,874
I like to scream
into Pringles canisters.
350
00:17:00,941 --> 00:17:02,711
You can do this.
351
00:17:02,811 --> 00:17:05,483
Boom. Parenting is easy.
352
00:17:07,755 --> 00:17:09,792
- Mwah.
- Oh.
353
00:17:09,892 --> 00:17:11,529
(groans, pants)
354
00:17:11,596 --> 00:17:14,067
Okay, Homer said
to punch something soft.
355
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,004
There's nothing soft here.
356
00:17:16,104 --> 00:17:19,579
We are so excited to share
our school-wide project:
357
00:17:19,612 --> 00:17:23,419
the New Seven Wonders
Of the World.
358
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:24,522
(cheering, applause)
359
00:17:24,589 --> 00:17:27,962
I want to thank
my wonderful husband Darryl,
360
00:17:28,028 --> 00:17:30,667
who insisted
on providing the music.
361
00:17:30,767 --> 00:17:32,771
♪ ♪
362
00:17:35,443 --> 00:17:39,785
Yeah, I get to hear that
all the time. (forced chuckle)
363
00:17:39,919 --> 00:17:42,123
Oh, man, he's in a band?
364
00:17:42,223 --> 00:17:45,096
Oh, I can't compete with that.
365
00:17:45,162 --> 00:17:47,433
I need something to scream in.
366
00:17:49,371 --> 00:17:51,576
(yells)
367
00:17:51,676 --> 00:17:54,147
(muffled screaming)
368
00:17:58,556 --> 00:18:00,727
(people screaming)
369
00:18:00,827 --> 00:18:02,965
Simpson!
370
00:18:03,065 --> 00:18:04,669
(yelping)
371
00:18:05,704 --> 00:18:07,808
(screaming, shouting)
372
00:18:11,315 --> 00:18:14,522
CHALMERS: Good lord.
The Redeemer's on a rampage!
373
00:18:15,524 --> 00:18:18,362
(grunting)
Styrofoam specks.
374
00:18:18,462 --> 00:18:20,600
Brushing just attracts
more of them.
375
00:18:20,701 --> 00:18:22,437
(muffled shouts)
376
00:18:22,538 --> 00:18:24,742
Oh... Molly!
377
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,779
(grunting)
378
00:18:26,846 --> 00:18:28,917
(yells)
My lids.
379
00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:30,119
(shouts)
380
00:18:30,219 --> 00:18:31,856
(exhales, grunts)
381
00:18:33,425 --> 00:18:35,129
(gasps)
382
00:18:35,229 --> 00:18:36,532
(sniffling)
383
00:18:36,633 --> 00:18:39,104
Ms. Peyton, please don't
give up on this school
384
00:18:39,204 --> 00:18:41,609
because of one apex disrupter.
385
00:18:41,676 --> 00:18:43,647
Look, you can,
you can switch classes.
386
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:45,349
Ms. Hoover will teach Bart.
387
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,286
No way. I had him two years ago.
388
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,792
My hair fell out in clumps.
389
00:18:49,859 --> 00:18:51,495
- I'm not taking him.
- No way.
390
00:18:51,529 --> 00:18:53,633
I'd rather go back to prison.
391
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,570
(Bart whimpers softly)
392
00:19:00,146 --> 00:19:02,216
Ms. Peyton?
393
00:19:02,283 --> 00:19:04,722
I'm sorry I ruined everything.
394
00:19:04,855 --> 00:19:06,325
You probably won't believe this,
395
00:19:06,391 --> 00:19:10,901
but I had an octopus
stuck to my face.
396
00:19:10,967 --> 00:19:13,606
- I believe you.
- You do?
397
00:19:13,707 --> 00:19:16,144
Yes, because I know,
398
00:19:16,244 --> 00:19:20,119
deep down, you want to be good.
399
00:19:20,186 --> 00:19:22,591
Also, your face is covered
in tentacle hickeys.
400
00:19:22,691 --> 00:19:26,298
There's something
I need to tell you.
401
00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:30,507
Really? You didn't get
your fill of destruction today?
402
00:19:30,540 --> 00:19:33,680
(gasps)
You're angry drowning boy.
403
00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:36,619
Oh, I-I'm so sorry. That's what
I call you in my head.
404
00:19:36,686 --> 00:19:39,090
I hope I didn't
embarrass you that day.
405
00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:40,794
I thought you needed help.
406
00:19:40,894 --> 00:19:43,132
I did, actually.
407
00:19:43,198 --> 00:19:45,403
I had two sundaes
and some curly fries.
408
00:19:45,469 --> 00:19:47,440
It made me forget how to swim.
409
00:19:47,541 --> 00:19:50,179
Anyway, thank you for seeing me.
410
00:19:50,279 --> 00:19:51,448
You're welcome.
411
00:19:51,582 --> 00:19:53,586
That's why I've been weird
around you.
412
00:19:53,653 --> 00:19:56,091
Also...
(moans)
413
00:19:56,191 --> 00:19:57,694
I kind of like you.
414
00:19:57,761 --> 00:19:59,899
I did homework,
and I didn't mind it.
415
00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:01,636
(sighs)
Barf emoji.
416
00:20:01,703 --> 00:20:05,142
You know, a crush
on a teacher just means
417
00:20:05,209 --> 00:20:07,548
you're coming to love
a new part of yourself
418
00:20:07,614 --> 00:20:09,552
that I'm bringing out in you.
419
00:20:09,585 --> 00:20:14,494
So I actually have
a crush on myself?
420
00:20:14,562 --> 00:20:18,469
And now that you told me,
that'll be less weird, too.
421
00:20:18,536 --> 00:20:22,310
So, do you need help packing up?
422
00:20:22,376 --> 00:20:23,980
- I'm staying.
- (gasps)
423
00:20:24,047 --> 00:20:26,552
A teacher teaches the good kids
and the nightmares.
424
00:20:26,619 --> 00:20:30,927
Not that you're a nightmare,
but I-I-- Y-You know.
425
00:20:30,994 --> 00:20:32,430
I know. My last teacher
426
00:20:32,497 --> 00:20:34,000
had a little trick
that seemed to work.
427
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,871
Oh, really?
428
00:20:35,971 --> 00:20:37,407
Oops.
429
00:20:40,346 --> 00:20:42,183
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
430
00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:44,087
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
431
00:20:44,187 --> 00:20:45,791
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
432
00:20:45,891 --> 00:20:47,594
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
433
00:20:53,540 --> 00:20:55,276
♪ ♪
434
00:21:14,247 --> 00:21:15,917
(grunts)
435
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:17,253
Hmph.
436
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,159
What? I'm part of nature, too.
437
00:21:20,226 --> 00:21:21,461
(Database groans)
438
00:21:32,718 --> 00:21:33,686
Shh!
30294
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