Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:03,525
Previously
onUnited States of Al...
2
00:00:03,568 --> 00:00:06,180
So we just sign these
and we're divorced?
3
00:00:06,223 --> 00:00:07,181
Yep.
4
00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:08,443
Goodbye, ex-wife.
5
00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:10,575
Goodbye, first husband.
6
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,362
Hazel can never find out
about this.
7
00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:16,886
Oh, my God. Hazel!
8
00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:18,583
She's never
gonna find out
9
00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:20,498
because we are not
going to tell anybody.
10
00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:21,934
Not Freddy,
11
00:00:21,978 --> 00:00:23,849
not Holly.Oh, God! Holly!
12
00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:25,155
I slept with someone.
13
00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:27,157
It was Sourpuss
Barbie, wasn't it?
14
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:28,158
Where were you this morning?
15
00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,290
I was out.
16
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:30,813
Riley.
17
00:00:30,856 --> 00:00:32,510
I was at Vanessa's.
18
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:34,469
You didn't!
19
00:00:34,512 --> 00:00:36,384
Lower your voice.
20
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,650
Aw, you did...
21
00:00:51,268 --> 00:00:52,748
Rah...
22
00:00:58,145 --> 00:00:59,276
Hey.
23
00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:02,801
I don't know why
you're working so hard.
24
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,977
You know you're gonna get lucky.
25
00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:06,675
Well, where were ya?
I've been waiting.
26
00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:11,810
Mmm.I stopped to get
myself an alibi.
27
00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:14,726
This is the ticket to the
movie I'm currently watching.
28
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,250
It's three hours long.
29
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,382
Ooh. Is that a challenge?
30
00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:20,384
More like a demand.
31
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:27,304
Oh. You smell just like
you did in high school.
32
00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,176
'Cause I still live
with my dad.
33
00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:31,265
He bought a pallet
of Irish Spring 20 years ago.
34
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:33,136
We're about halfway through it.
35
00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,401
I love it.
36
00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:40,796
We also have 80 jars of French's
mustard, if you need any.
37
00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:42,319
Bring one next time.
38
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:43,625
We'll see what we
can do with it.
39
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,430
Why are you sketching
me all the time?
40
00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:08,171
You're the perfect subject.
41
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,304
You haven't moved in an hour.
42
00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:12,262
I move.
43
00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:16,048
You're like a bowl of fruit
with a remote.
44
00:02:17,746 --> 00:02:19,617
Hi!30?
45
00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:21,228
You crazy bastard.
46
00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:22,272
How was your date?
'
47
00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:23,839
Oh, it was awesome.
48
00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:25,362
Cindy took me
to an amusement park.
49
00:02:25,406 --> 00:02:27,712
And we had cotton candy,
she got her face painted
50
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:28,800
and we went on a roller coaster.
51
00:02:28,844 --> 00:02:29,801
My first time.
52
00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:30,933
That sounds like fun.
53
00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:32,195
It was fun
when we were going up
54
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:34,328
and terrible
when we were going down.
55
00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:36,808
She put a really cute picture
of you guys on Instagram.
56
00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:37,809
What?
57
00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:39,637
Yeah, here.
58
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:42,684
Oh, no. Oh, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
59
00:02:42,727 --> 00:02:44,251
My life is destroyed.
60
00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:45,861
What?I can't have
a picture
61
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:47,471
of a woman kissing me
on the Internet.
62
00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:50,344
Oh, yeah. Your family
is gonna lose their minds.
63
00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:51,562
This picture?
64
00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:53,390
Of you on a
roller coaster?
65
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:55,262
Trust me, in Afghanistan, that
might as well be a sex tape.
66
00:02:55,305 --> 00:02:56,263
Let me see that.
67
00:02:56,306 --> 00:02:57,699
I have to call Cindy.
68
00:02:57,742 --> 00:02:59,266
Sex tape?
69
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:02,182
I have a ballpoint pen dirtier
than this.
70
00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:06,403
Oh, hi, Al.
71
00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:08,188
How's your tummy?
72
00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:10,146
Better now, thank you.
73
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,713
You have to take that photo
of us down.
74
00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:14,063
Mm. 'Cause you cried a little?
75
00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:15,456
'Cause people will think
76
00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:16,239
there is something
going on between us.
77
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:18,154
Well, there is.
78
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,243
Unless you broke up with me
and I didn't hear it.
79
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:21,810
That's happened.
80
00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:24,204
My mother cannot see this.
81
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:25,683
She will never forgive me.
82
00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,381
Oh, well, who cares
what your mom thinks?
83
00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:28,512
I don't have time
to explain this.
84
00:03:28,556 --> 00:03:29,861
The sun is rising in Kabul.
85
00:03:29,905 --> 00:03:30,949
Please take down the picture.
86
00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:32,429
Okay, okay.Thank you.
87
00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:33,561
Goodbye.
88
00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:37,652
Eh.
89
00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:43,397
Oh, I can't look.
90
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,746
It's your cousin, Zubair.
91
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:47,009
Oh, no.
92
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:49,707
Hello.
93
00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:52,144
How is my playboy cousin?
94
00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:53,929
How bad is it?
95
00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:56,497
So bad. I mean,
only nine people have texted me,
96
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,238
but it's still early.
97
00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,543
Has my mother
seen it?
98
00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:00,936
God, I hope so.
99
00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:02,154
If I were you,
100
00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:03,199
I would fake my own death.
101
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,462
Yeah, I'm thinking about it.
102
00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:09,423
You were always the good cousin,
and I was the handsome cousin.
103
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:12,426
Well, now I am both.
104
00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:15,211
Did you call to help
or just gloat?
105
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,734
Gloat. No one can help you.
106
00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:18,649
Okay.
Bye, Zubair.
107
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,434
Nothing like
family, huh?
108
00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:21,783
In Pashto,
109
00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,132
the word for "cousin"
is the same
110
00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:24,351
as the word for "enemy."
111
00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:28,355
If you're serious about faking
your own death, I know a guy.
112
00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,662
It's not cheap.
113
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:37,189
Hey. Uh, Hazel ready?
114
00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:39,017
I can't believe you did it.
115
00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:40,845
Did what?
116
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:41,890
The divorce.
117
00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,544
Oh. Yeah, sure.Ah.
118
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:44,545
Bring it in, amigo!
119
00:04:44,588 --> 00:04:46,155
Ah.Oh!
120
00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:48,331
Gosh! I got to be honest--
121
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:49,811
I did not know
if it was gonna happen.
122
00:04:49,854 --> 00:04:51,421
Thanks. I'm just gonna
grab Hazel and go.
123
00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:52,944
Oh, before you do,
124
00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:54,555
I got a couple questions
about how to turn off
125
00:04:54,598 --> 00:04:55,773
the water and fix a leak.
126
00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:57,384
Specifically, like...
127
00:04:57,427 --> 00:05:00,038
how do you turn off the
water and fix a leak?
128
00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:02,476
What's going on?There's a...
129
00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:04,565
pool of water underneath
the bathroom sink.
130
00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,349
Probably shouldn't
be there.
131
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:07,568
I can take a look.
132
00:05:07,611 --> 00:05:08,569
There you go again,
133
00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:10,353
being a stand-up dude.
134
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:11,615
Ah. No problem.
135
00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:12,616
You got any tools?
136
00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:13,835
Just these.
137
00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:14,966
And this.
138
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,664
I got some tools in my truck.
139
00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:18,753
You're the best!Stop saying that!
140
00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:28,153
Wild guess-- Al's mom found out.
141
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:32,288
Maybe we should give
'em a little space?
142
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,681
It's not like
we're eavesdropping.
143
00:05:33,724 --> 00:05:35,030
We don't speak
the language.
144
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:37,598
Angry,
disappointed parent?
145
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:38,860
I am fluent.
146
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,299
"I thought I taught you
better than this."
147
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:48,260
"I sacrificed so much."
148
00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:53,091
"Why don't you just
stab me in the heart?"
149
00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:55,180
You're talking about Riley,
right?
150
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:56,573
Oh, sweetie,
151
00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:58,096
I'm talking about
the both of you.
152
00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:03,014
Hey! What's going on?
153
00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:06,235
I just spoke
with my mother.
154
00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:08,063
Really? How is she?
155
00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:11,153
I am afraid my freewheeling
lifestyle has come to a close.
156
00:06:11,196 --> 00:06:12,502
No need
to lock up
157
00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,069
your daughters, America.
158
00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:15,418
They're safe now.
159
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,334
What happened?
160
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,467
She says the only way to
restore honor to our name
161
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:22,991
is if she finds me a wife
from a good family.
162
00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:23,948
A wife?
163
00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:25,297
Can't you just do a bunch
164
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:26,298
of Muslim Hail Marys
or something?
165
00:06:26,342 --> 00:06:27,822
No, no, no, no.
166
00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:29,867
If your parents
are not happy with you, Mr. Art,
167
00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:31,434
God is not happy with you.
168
00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,131
Are you listening to this?
169
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:36,091
She already has someone in mind.
170
00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:37,266
Her name is Nasim.
171
00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:38,746
Oh.That's a pretty name.
172
00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:40,182
She was the neighborhood bully.
173
00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:42,271
When we were kids,
she used to hold me down
174
00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:44,491
and spit on my face
till I cried.
175
00:06:46,623 --> 00:06:47,885
Ooh.
176
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,022
Maybe I should arrange
a marriage for you.
177
00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:55,371
Go for it.
178
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,808
Ooh. Called my bluff.
179
00:06:57,852 --> 00:07:00,028
Did not see that coming.
180
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,425
Vanessa's doing
really good, too.
181
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:06,817
Ever since you guys
signed those papers,
182
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:09,690
she's so happy
and relaxed.
183
00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:12,649
You don't say.
184
00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:15,435
She got
all this new sexy underwear,
185
00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,871
but, uh,
you didn't hear it from me.
186
00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:18,873
No, I didn't.
187
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,483
It's a good thing
for you, too, dude.
188
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,180
How you figure?I know it's been hard
189
00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:23,660
since you got out
of the Marines.
190
00:07:23,704 --> 00:07:25,140
But now you're divorced.
191
00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:26,794
Maybe it'll help unstick you.
192
00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:28,535
Didn't know I was stuck.
193
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:29,927
Aw, yeah, you did.
194
00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:31,363
The Marines wasn't just a job
for you--
195
00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:32,887
it was your
whole identity.
196
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:34,628
I know what that's like, man.
197
00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:37,239
How would you know
what that's like?
198
00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:39,981
I was lost
when the Maple Leafs cut me.
199
00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:42,244
The Toronto Maple Leafs?
200
00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:43,463
Yeah.
201
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,465
The hockey team?
202
00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:46,640
Yeah.
203
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,816
The professional hockey team
204
00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,731
that you played for?
205
00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:53,124
No, they cut me
in training camp.
206
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:55,953
I was great but,
uh, not super great.
207
00:07:55,997 --> 00:07:59,174
Mm. It was a real puck
in the jockstrap.
208
00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:02,264
How did I not know this?
209
00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:04,571
I don't like to talk about it.
210
00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:08,139
And you've never really, like,
asked me a question before.
211
00:08:09,184 --> 00:08:12,535
The NHL that's on TV?
212
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:14,972
Uh-huh. And for
the next four years,
213
00:08:15,016 --> 00:08:16,670
I lived out of my car,
214
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:20,978
trying to drink myself to
death because I was, uh...
215
00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:22,153
Stuck?
216
00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,373
Now we're communicating.
217
00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:26,984
But I picked
myself up,
218
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,551
and now I'm on
another team.
219
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:31,859
A team that finds bugs
in hospital software.
220
00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:35,689
So, what's your thing?
221
00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:37,212
What's your next team?
222
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:40,824
I don't know.
223
00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:42,391
It's okay!
224
00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:43,653
You're gonna find it,
225
00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:45,002
and I'm here for you.
226
00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:47,875
Thanks.
227
00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:50,051
Just because I sleep in your
old bed with your ex-wife
228
00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,357
doesn't mean that you can't call
me up in the middle of the night
229
00:08:52,401 --> 00:08:55,491
and say "Freddy,
let's go take a walk."
230
00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,320
Good to know.
231
00:08:58,363 --> 00:08:59,974
Ah, bring it
in. Come on.
232
00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:01,932
I'm a guy who says "you're
welcome" with his arms.
233
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:04,152
Yeah.
234
00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:12,160
What are you doing?
235
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,465
Making a birdhouse
for Freddy.
236
00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:14,554
Oh. Why?
237
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:15,642
He's into birdwatching.
238
00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:17,252
Just trying to do a nice thing.
239
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:19,341
Huh. You feel guilty.
240
00:09:19,384 --> 00:09:21,778
What, a man can't make
another man a birdhouse?
241
00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:25,434
You and Vanessa made
one mistake.
242
00:09:27,131 --> 00:09:28,829
We made a couple of mistakes.
243
00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:30,918
And we're gonna make
another one tomorrow.
244
00:09:30,961 --> 00:09:32,180
Seriously, Riley?
245
00:09:32,223 --> 00:09:34,356
I know!Guilt is your heart
246
00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:36,619
and your brain
rejecting bad behavior.
247
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,229
Trust me, I know.
I'm the king of guilt.
248
00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:40,928
What do you have to
feel guilty about?
249
00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:42,756
Disappointing my mother.
250
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,627
But there is an answer
for both of us.
251
00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,934
You stop sleeping with Vanessa,
252
00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:48,979
and I will marry Nasim.
253
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,329
Who the hell is Nasim?
254
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,855
She is the woman my mother
has decided I will marry.
255
00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:56,857
Do your girlfriends
know about this?
256
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,641
I have to let them go.
257
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:00,687
I have to let everything go.
258
00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:03,515
I had my fun.
Going on six dates.
259
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:04,778
Three at night.
260
00:10:05,779 --> 00:10:07,955
And those memories
will comfort me in a way
261
00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:10,914
my wife will never be able to.
262
00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:12,742
I really don't want to stop
sleeping with Vanessa.
263
00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,570
I really don't want to marry
the neighborhood bully.
264
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:17,399
I like your problem
better than mine.
265
00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:30,151
Would you think I'm weird if I
got chocolate cake as my entrée?
266
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:33,415
No. You should eat
whatever you want.
267
00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:36,113
It's nice you have the
freedom to choose like that.
268
00:10:36,157 --> 00:10:37,375
It's just cake, Al.
269
00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:38,681
We can share.
270
00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:40,944
I wish we could.
271
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:42,293
Something wrong?
272
00:10:42,337 --> 00:10:44,469
Ariana jaan, I
brought you here
273
00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,515
because this is where you
first fell in love with me,
274
00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:49,692
and this is where you must
fall out of love with me.
275
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,302
Since when am I
in love with you?
276
00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:53,609
Ah. Thank you for making
this so easy for me.
277
00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:57,004
Wait, are you
breaking up with me?
278
00:10:57,047 --> 00:10:59,006
I am afraid so.
279
00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:01,922
My mother has decided that I
must marry a girl back home.
280
00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:04,707
What happened?
281
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:07,014
Another woman I am dating
posted a picture of us together
282
00:11:07,057 --> 00:11:08,015
on Instagram.
283
00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:10,147
Oh, Al.
284
00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:11,583
If you're gonna date
a white girl,
285
00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,716
you have to tell them
not to do that up front.
286
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,631
I should have known. She was
constantly posting pictures
287
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,415
of what she ate. Eh.
288
00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:20,418
In college, my girlfriend posted
a picture of us at a frat party.
289
00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:22,072
I didn't know my aunt
was on Facebook.
290
00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,074
My dad drove
to campus that night
291
00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:25,554
and tried to make me
move back home.
292
00:11:25,597 --> 00:11:26,555
Ah. What happened?
293
00:11:26,598 --> 00:11:27,861
I said
I wasn't going home.
294
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:28,992
He said I was cut off.
295
00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,167
We didn't talk for a week.
296
00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:31,342
And then I got lucky.
297
00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:33,388
My cousin pierced
her belly button
298
00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:35,607
and the news cycle
had moved on.
299
00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:38,088
Oh, that is lucky.
300
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:39,655
I wonder if I could
get my cousin Zubair
301
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,091
to get a face tattoo.
302
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:42,310
Hmm.
303
00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:44,704
I'd really hate
to lose you.
304
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:51,058
What if you didn't
have to lose me?
305
00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:53,364
How would that work?
306
00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:54,975
I tell my mother
307
00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:57,238
that there is a beautiful
Afghan American woman
308
00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:59,544
with a face like the
moon on the 14th day
309
00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:00,894
who comes from an
excellent family,
310
00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:02,286
who can't bear
to live without me
311
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:04,245
and she's already
shaking her head.
312
00:12:04,288 --> 00:12:05,594
That is not an option.
313
00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:07,204
Aw, come on.
Nasim is the worst.
314
00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:08,945
She used to sit on me
until I couldn't breathe.
315
00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:11,774
I understand
the pressure you're under,
316
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:14,211
but you're a grown man
living halfway across the world
317
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,256
from his family.
318
00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:17,911
You can chart
your own path.
319
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:19,651
Our path?Stop it.
320
00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:23,481
It took my father a while
to understand
321
00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:25,788
why I was making
certain choices,
322
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:28,269
but he came around
eventually.
323
00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:31,881
Maybe your mother will, too.
324
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,190
With your beautiful eyes
and my beautiful nose,
325
00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:38,453
our children could
be movie stars.
326
00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:39,497
But we won't let them.
327
00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:41,456
They'll be doctors.
328
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:42,892
No.
329
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:45,721
Let's get you that cake
and then we'll talk.
330
00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:51,074
I've been waiting
for this all day.
331
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:53,816
Yeah. Me, too.
332
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,122
Mmm.
333
00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:57,951
But, um, maybe we
don't go right to it.
334
00:12:57,994 --> 00:12:58,952
Why?
335
00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:01,476
I was thinking we could...
336
00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,173
cuddle a little.
337
00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:06,002
Watch TV.
338
00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:09,092
I did not get waxed to watch TV.
339
00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:14,358
I'm-I'm so sorry.
340
00:13:14,402 --> 00:13:15,751
I-I need to slow down.
341
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,535
Um, I just--
I got a lot of stuff
342
00:13:17,579 --> 00:13:19,015
bouncing around in my head.
343
00:13:19,059 --> 00:13:20,321
Well, let me help you relax.
344
00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:21,888
Yeah.
345
00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:26,718
Do you feel guilty about this?
346
00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:29,678
Stop it.Yeah, okay, okay.
347
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,768
It's just...
348
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,204
I talked to Freddy.
349
00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:36,163
What did you say?
350
00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:38,078
I didn't tell him about us.
351
00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:40,515
We talked about me, mostly.
352
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:43,083
He's kind of insightful.
353
00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,172
Okay, but he doesn't know?
354
00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:46,913
No.'Kay.
355
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:56,226
I made him a birdhouse.
356
00:13:57,532 --> 00:14:00,622
Please do anything with
your mouth but talk.
357
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,844
Sorry for trying
to tell you how I feel.
358
00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:07,063
Riley.
359
00:14:07,107 --> 00:14:08,369
Focus.
360
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:10,458
You're right. I'm sorry.
361
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:19,684
My mother wants to talk to me
about the wedding.
362
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:21,556
How's this even gonna happen
when you're here
363
00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:23,297
and Nasim's in Afghanistan?
364
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:24,951
I will not be at the wedding.
365
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:27,431
The tradition is they will use
a sword to represent me.
366
00:14:27,475 --> 00:14:29,042
A sword?Yes.
367
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:31,131
It is a symbol of masculinity.
368
00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:33,046
A little on the nose, but okay.
369
00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:36,658
Does your mother know
how unhappy this is making you?
370
00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:37,702
It doesn't matter.
371
00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:39,922
She thinks I am on a sinful path
372
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:42,925
and marriage is the only way she
knows to turn my life around.
373
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:44,927
How are you on a sinful path?
374
00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:47,799
You cover your eyes
at shampoo commercials.
375
00:14:47,843 --> 00:14:50,063
I've already broken
my mother's heart.
376
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:51,891
I can't do it a second time.
377
00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:53,631
Now, excuse me.
378
00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:56,112
I need to go pick out what kind
of sword I'm going to be.
379
00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:00,856
Uh, you know my friend,
Dave Flanagan?
380
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,075
Yeah. What about him?
381
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:04,077
He's got this son,
uh, Toby.
382
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,688
Now, not the tallest guy
in the world, but...
383
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:08,255
Stop.
384
00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:09,256
It's a very nice family.
385
00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:10,344
Stop!
386
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,050
Hey, you two!
387
00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:22,269
What's going on?
388
00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:25,663
Mother, Mr. Art is here.
389
00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:27,622
Hi!
390
00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:29,145
Nice to see you!
391
00:15:29,189 --> 00:15:31,713
I think you have
a good kid here!
392
00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:33,454
No good kid. Bad kid.
393
00:15:33,497 --> 00:15:35,021
Bad kid!
394
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:40,069
She is so embarrassed
395
00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:42,376
she let such a bad influence
into your home.
396
00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:44,247
She would like to slap me
through the Internet.
397
00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:45,683
But since she can't,
398
00:15:45,727 --> 00:15:47,511
she is wondering
if you would please do it.
399
00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:49,122
Slide over.
400
00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:01,743
Being a parent's
the toughest job.
401
00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:02,744
My son
402
00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:04,050
far from me.
403
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:05,442
I not help.
404
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:08,532
Well, my son spent some time
far away from me
405
00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:10,099
in your country,
406
00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:14,016
so I know
about feeling helpless.
407
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:20,283
Let me tell you something
about this kid.
408
00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:22,024
You taught him well.
409
00:16:22,068 --> 00:16:24,984
He's honest and kind.
410
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:29,162
Everyone in this house
is better because of him.
411
00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:31,947
You should be so proud.
412
00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:37,866
What are you staring at?
Tell her.
413
00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:53,055
I know it's none
of my business,
414
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:54,317
but he doesn't need
to get married
415
00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:56,058
to stay on the straight
and narrow.
416
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:57,233
He's on it.
417
00:16:57,277 --> 00:16:58,713
And if he ever messes up,
418
00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:00,193
I'll straighten him out.
419
00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:02,064
I promise.
420
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:20,256
Thank you, Riley father.
421
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:22,998
You're welcome, Al's mom.
422
00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:37,621
Wow. I had no idea
you could do this.
423
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:39,101
I'm
glad you like it.
424
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:41,364
There are so many things
I don't know about you.
425
00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:42,974
Uh, not a lot to know.
426
00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:44,628
I'm an open book.
427
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:47,414
Well, that's a book I'd like
to take out of the library.
428
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:48,893
Maybe never bring it back.
429
00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:53,463
Cool.
430
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:56,031
Well, thanks again
for this birdhouse.
431
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:59,861
Sure. Yeah, I hope it attracts
many birds that you...
432
00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:01,515
enjoy looking at.
433
00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:02,690
Speaking of which,
434
00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:05,171
you know what
my favorite bird is?
435
00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:07,129
The owl.
436
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:09,523
'Cause they see everything.
437
00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:15,616
When I was a kid,
we had a barn owl.
438
00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:17,357
Used to eat rats.
439
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,402
They never saw him coming.
440
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,318
Boy, I love this thing.
441
00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:25,365
Someday I'll give you a gift.
28122
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof