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1
00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:15,107
Shit.
2
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:17,743
Is this the...
Is this the right site?
3
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:21,313
Yes, honey.
It's site 16, like always.
4
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,782
Yo, Tommy, what's going on?
5
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:24,917
Will you call me "Dad"?
6
00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:26,585
Franklin?
Yeah?
7
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,221
Are you sure you booked this for us?
Absolutely.
8
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:31,523
I booked
the last available site.
9
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,392
I got the permit right here.
10
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,327
Site 16, July 4th weekend.
11
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:38,030
Felipa.
12
00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:41,400
I just think that there's been a
little bit of a mix-up, Papi, so...
13
00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:44,403
Buenas tardes, amigos!
Word, bitches.
14
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:46,138
Who you calling a bitch?
15
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,940
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
16
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:50,676
Just trying to break up the
racial tension here, that's all.
17
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:52,411
Might've hit
"bitch" a little hard.
18
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:54,346
A little bit.
Yeah.
19
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:55,914
So, what's going on?
20
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:58,383
Pretty sure we booked this
site for the weekend.
21
00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:00,886
No, no. We're the Jones family.
Yeah.
22
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:02,788
We booked site 16.
23
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:07,159
Well, now, we're the Jonas
family and this is our site.
24
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,895
Son, we're site 16.
No.
25
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,463
We're site 16.
26
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,533
You guys might be 116,
but we're definitely 16.
27
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,034
It's right here
on the paper, okay?
28
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,505
Uno, dos, tres, quatro...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
29
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,673
Spanish level two, sweetheart,
that's nice. This is 16.
30
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,709
I don't know how that is.
We're 16.
31
00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,444
Yeah, I know, but we're site 16.
32
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,513
Sixteen, man. Come on.
Hold on.
33
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:30,916
So, Jones, Jonas, and our
last name is Jones, too.
34
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,684
Well, there's the mix-up.
35
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,686
What y'all trying to say, y'all
our masters or something?
36
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:37,689
No, no, not saying that.
I barely even own a cat.
37
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,858
Site 16!
38
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:40,926
Wait a minute!
39
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,261
Hold up!
40
00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:44,062
Hey, guys,
maybe you're 2,000 and 3,000.
41
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,331
But we're definitely 16.
It says here on the paper.
42
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,133
We're also site 16!
43
00:02:57,577 --> 00:03:01,413
Okay, so, it looks like
the name Jones
44
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,749
kind of mixed up the computers.
45
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:06,652
And, unfortunately,
that's a big problem,
46
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:09,087
because the park is
completely sold out.
47
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:12,457
I mean, this is, like, our
biggest weekend of the year.
48
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:15,027
Hey, maybe it's because
it's the Fourth of July.
49
00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:17,462
Yeah, well, you know,
we think that that's a factor.
50
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:21,600
Come on, you guys. Please, please,
please, let's not escalate this.
51
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:24,069
How about sharing the site?
52
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:29,808
Everyone stop!
53
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,310
Ron Ron,
you just gonna stand there
54
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,611
and let them push
us around like that?
55
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,313
No, no, I won't let
that happen, okay?
56
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:35,781
Let me tell you something.
57
00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:37,716
I will have Jesse Jackson
down here on a moped,
58
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,484
with Al Sharpton in the sidecar.
59
00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:40,919
Okay? 'Cause they
love that type of shit.
60
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:43,121
It just escalated.
61
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,389
Yeah.
62
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,225
That definitely escalated,
63
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:49,895
which was the exact opposite of
what he was hoping you would do.
64
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:56,001
Sir, if sharing the site
is the only option, then...
65
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:59,271
This weekend is important. I say
we all just share the site.
66
00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:00,906
Son, are you out
of your damn mind?
67
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,741
Come on, Pop. I'm just
saying, there's kids here...
68
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,876
Yeah, but we're not gonna
share the site with you.
69
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:12,451
There's not...
There's not enough space!
70
00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:16,288
Papi,
are we gonna have to go home?
71
00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:22,961
Okay. Okay, so...
72
00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:26,665
So, maybe we can share.
73
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:27,599
Yes!
74
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,901
All right,
so, we're all gonna share.
75
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,937
And it's gonna be great!
76
00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:41,313
All right.
Little bit of a rough start,
77
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,515
but this
weekend's gonna be great.
78
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,984
Yeah, I hope so.
79
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:48,420
You know, this is the first
time we've all been together
80
00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:50,255
since you and I got married.
81
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:54,192
I just want your kids to like my
kids, and my kids to like you.
82
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:56,795
There's no reason we can't be
one big, happy family.
83
00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:58,730
That speech sucked.
84
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,299
Sucked balls.
85
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:02,034
Wow.
Yeah, yeah, he's right.
86
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,635
It came off really whiny.
87
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,204
I can't believe
that we're brothers.
88
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:09,574
Hey, Gravy, why don't you take
these over to the campsite?
89
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:12,744
No, my hands are full.
I gotta go, I gotta...
90
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,213
Hey, Thomas, did you
unpack my turtle shells?
91
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:16,782
Yeah, here.
92
00:05:19,118 --> 00:05:20,952
Can you call me "Dad"?
93
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:22,187
Not right now.
94
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,555
Thanks, Tommy.
95
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:25,624
Hey, guys, check out
my new turtle shells!
96
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,126
Give it time, honey.
97
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:31,229
Do you think you can get Sharni
to stop calling me "Fake Mom"?
98
00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:32,531
She doesn't call
you "Fake Mom."
99
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:33,632
Are you doing that?
You're doing that?
100
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:35,534
Yeah, no, no. I'll try.
101
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:38,437
Thank you.
Okay.
102
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:41,573
Man! Sharing this site
was a crap idea, Felipa.
103
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,508
We're doing this
for Papi's birthday.
104
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,544
Just try to hold
it together for him.
105
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,647
You think maybe we'll see Papi
smile for once in his damn life?
106
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:52,050
He works hard,
and he worries about us.
107
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:54,219
What, he can't worry and
smile at the same time?
108
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:57,756
Hey, I bet you if Papi ever did
smile, his face would creak.
109
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,358
Sound like a nail
being pulled from wood.
110
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:04,930
We'd probably hear his face
go, "Oil can! Oil can!"
111
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,966
Maybe he would smile more
112
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,936
if you stopped goofing around
and went to work for Rolando.
113
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,472
As a plumber?
114
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:16,174
No, Felipa.
That's a living nightmare.
115
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,542
It's honest work.
116
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,044
Anyways, look,
it doesn't even matter.
117
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,813
Wachale, one day,
I'm gonna be a millionaire.
118
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:24,316
You gonna win the lottery?
119
00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:25,717
Won't win if I don't scratch.
120
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,819
Plus, I'm gonna get
my ass on Shark Tank,
121
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,955
make Mark Cuban
my new best friend.
122
00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:31,590
Well, when you
become a millionaire,
123
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:34,025
maybe you could pay me back
the 75 bucks I loaned you.
124
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,628
Yeah, you're gonna
have to fill out
125
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,230
all kinds of paperwork
and taxes and stuff.
126
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:41,566
Might not be worth it,
bro, so, probably not.
127
00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:45,303
Hey, did you leave the car open?
128
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,038
I did.
129
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,875
Did you see Fake Mom
telling me how to unpack,
130
00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:52,444
like she's the boss
of me or something?
131
00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:55,414
Sharni, you shouldn't
call her "Fake Mom."
132
00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:57,149
I am glad that Dad remarried.
133
00:06:57,151 --> 00:06:59,718
He's much happier,
which keeps him off of my ass.
134
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,953
I think she's great for him.
135
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,923
Yeah, well, Fake Mom says
you drink too much, too.
136
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,459
Fake Mom can blow my balls.
She said that?
137
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:08,660
Yeah.
138
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,929
That's bullshit.
139
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:14,466
Is that a 24-hour
Popeyes Chicken?
140
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:17,969
No. That's a porta potty.
141
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,573
I love chickens.
142
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:22,874
More than you.
143
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:24,876
Screw off.
144
00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:30,916
Y'all kids keep
it down over there
145
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:33,051
with your Pokemon
GO- playing selves!
146
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,619
Girl, you so crazy.
147
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:38,557
Girl, I am so tired
of running around after kids.
148
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,392
I need this vacation.
149
00:07:40,394 --> 00:07:42,427
It's beautiful here.
150
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,763
It is, ain't it?
151
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:47,065
Honey, you gonna like
my brother Franklin.
152
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,366
All I got to say is,
153
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:51,236
is hold off on having kids
for as long as you can.
154
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:53,305
'Cause they will suck
the life out of you.
155
00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:56,975
I mean, it's like sticking a vacuum
cleaner in a pumpkin, just...
156
00:07:58,479 --> 00:07:59,678
What'd you say, Mama?
157
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,112
Just suck it all...
158
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:04,916
Baby, nothing. Mama loves you.
Go on. Go play.
159
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,685
Wait. Hold up.
160
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:09,588
Are you saying you invited me as some
kind of blind date for Franklin?
161
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,790
Girl, no, no, no!
162
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,391
We enjoy your company.
163
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:14,593
Girl, 'cause I was about to...
164
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,194
But it is a blind date.
165
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,797
Hey, Jose,
can you get those oranges?
166
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,465
Are you kidding, Felipa?
167
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:22,334
No, I can't give the other
families the satisfaction
168
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:24,302
of watching a Mexican carry
a bag of oranges.
169
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:26,338
Like I'm selling them
on the side of the street.
170
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,340
Okay, are you serious?
171
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:29,941
God, you sound crazy.
172
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,112
Hey, excuse me!
173
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:36,781
How much do you
want for those oranges?
174
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,750
Beat it, pendejo!
175
00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:40,819
Crap. Angry.
176
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:45,357
Hey, Paco,
you got any roses over there?
177
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:46,958
Who asked you, Oprah?
178
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,663
Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'll take that one.
179
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,966
Hey, what is that?
180
00:08:58,437 --> 00:09:00,205
In your bag.
181
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:04,776
Yup, that. What's...
182
00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:23,929
Recycled glass sculpture.
183
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:26,231
My exhibit. It's next week.
184
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,899
What? You have an exhibit?
185
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,301
It's called
186
00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:31,937
"The Exhibit."
187
00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:39,611
At least there's some chicas
calientes to stare at.
188
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:43,615
Jose! What if Francesca
heard you say that?
189
00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:44,716
She ain't here.
190
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,651
And we ain't married.
191
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:48,587
Besides,
just 'cause I'm on a diet
192
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:50,455
doesn't mean I
can't look at the menu.
193
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,090
You mean stare at the menu.
194
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,192
Tuck dollar
bills into that menu.
195
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,360
I mean, come on!
196
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:57,062
Man, she's got so
much wiggle in her walk,
197
00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:59,297
she could butt
dial a rotary phone.
198
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:00,999
I heard them talking.
199
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:04,369
I guess she came as a blind
date for that Franklin guy.
200
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:05,837
Word?
Word.
201
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,672
What? What'd you just say?
202
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:09,474
Are you all right?
No!
203
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,543
No, no, I'm not all right.
204
00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:15,046
Listening to you two talk
would make anybody sick.
205
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,583
Men are idiots.
206
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,418
Blind date, bullshit.
207
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:21,820
Don't let her call you that.
208
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,922
She's talking to you,
too, pendejo.
209
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:26,524
Is our sister on
her menopause or what?
210
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:27,926
The Jones family!
211
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,160
To Jones!
Whoa!
212
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,296
Kids are everywhere.
213
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,798
Hey, I really hope you guys
like the park, man.
214
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,734
I don't know what happened
with this mix-up.
215
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:38,136
I know I booked
the last available site.
216
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:41,673
What changed your mind about
coming with us this year, son?
217
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:42,741
What?
218
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:44,743
I love camping.
219
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,611
All this is me, Pops.
220
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:49,447
Come on, Franklin. Come on, brother.
That's bullshit, okay?
221
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:51,383
Now, I hope you know
this is not online camping.
222
00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:53,218
It's actually the real thing.
223
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:55,820
And I hope you know this won't
be an online fist in your face.
224
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,355
It'll be the real thing.
225
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:58,857
You know something? I'm tired
of your shit. Ron Ron!
226
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:01,159
Stop it.
You leave your brother alone.
227
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,262
Sorry, Daddy.
228
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,431
He's gotta dress correct.
He's a district attorney now.
229
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,633
And he's working his way up.
230
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:09,934
He might be mayor one day.
231
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:11,603
I don't know about mayor, Pop.
232
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:15,807
And this weekend, we have a
fine young woman with us.
233
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,809
Shantaysia.
234
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:19,778
Who's Shantaysia?
Listen, son.
235
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:23,948
Beautiful woman like that on your
side, no telling how far you can go.
236
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:26,985
From DA to mayor.
Commander-in-chief.
237
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,021
You smell that?
238
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,656
There's romance in the air.
239
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:33,725
Y'all smell these potties?
Damn! I smell something.
240
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,593
But I didn't wanna say nothing,
241
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,429
'cause I kinda thought it was...
242
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,465
Sorry, Daddy.
243
00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,943
Is that Justin Bieber?
244
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:55,714
Is that guy naked?
245
00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:57,015
You wish.
246
00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:01,252
Is that dumpster on fire?
247
00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:06,491
My gosh.
Is that Charles Bronson?
248
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,196
What's in the bottle?
249
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:14,165
Communion.
Right.
250
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,034
So, you're some
creepy drunk priest?
251
00:12:16,535 --> 00:12:18,770
I am not a priest.
252
00:12:22,808 --> 00:12:24,642
Listen. Why don't
you help Franklin...
253
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:26,444
No!
254
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,079
Set some things up?
255
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:31,382
I've gotta go till some soil.
Pop!
256
00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:34,319
Shantay... Sharon?
257
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:35,487
Shantaysia.
258
00:12:35,489 --> 00:12:36,988
Damn, they still doing that?
259
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:39,491
That's fucked up. Here.
260
00:12:41,193 --> 00:12:42,527
"Shantaysia."
261
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:45,764
Come on, what the hell
kind of disease is Shantaysia?
262
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,800
Hey, bro, what are you doing?
You sleeping in your car?
263
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,535
Until Denali makes a tent.
264
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:53,671
Bro, you know it's not a real camper.
You can't fool me.
265
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:55,240
You might be able to fool Pops.
266
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:57,108
But you can't fool me, brother.
You're right.
267
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,710
You can never fool me, brother.
I don't wanna fool you.
268
00:12:58,712 --> 00:13:00,512
Since I've known you...
Snake!
269
00:13:00,514 --> 00:13:03,414
Whoa! Snake! Snake on your shoulder!
Snake on your shoulder!
270
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,950
Is it invisible?
I don't see nothing!
271
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,919
Where is it?
Ron Ron, I'm just...
272
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,420
Ron Ron,
I'm just messing with you.
273
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,089
I'm just messing with you!
274
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:12,457
I'm just messing with you, dawg.
275
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:15,927
I just, what?
I just, what, fooled you?
276
00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:21,332
Hit those flying bastards!
277
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:23,067
Chuckie,
don't say "bastard."
278
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:24,369
What about "bitch"?
279
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:25,770
Yeah, that's not...
280
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:26,971
"Ass slurpee"?
281
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,173
No. That... No.
282
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,108
"Ass waffle"!
Not great.
283
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,709
"Bitch taco"?
Don't love it.
284
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:33,111
"Shit slurpee"?
No.
285
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,979
"Craptalker."
I don't... No.
286
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,915
"Assbutch"?
I don't... Not a fan.
287
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,983
You love "tit chicken." Tell me that.
No, I don't love that.
288
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,451
I kinda like that.
I don't love the word "tit."
289
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:41,820
Come on now.
"Dick dog"?
290
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:42,921
Definitely not "dick."
291
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,122
"Ass lick"?
No.
292
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:45,657
"Slurpee"?
No.
293
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:47,992
"Shit slurpee"!
No.
294
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,594
- What else you got?
- Bastards!
295
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,064
You know what,
"bastard" is fine.
296
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,399
It's... It's passable.
297
00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:55,900
Yeah.
298
00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,302
Hey, everybody, look!
299
00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,604
I made Ocho into a turtle dog!
300
00:14:01,273 --> 00:14:03,908
It's the fifth Ninja Turtle,
Taco Bello.
301
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:06,878
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's totally funny, man.
Now take it off.
302
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:07,946
I can't.
303
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,614
It's superglued.
304
00:14:20,826 --> 00:14:22,894
Is that Tejano?
305
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,166
Now this is what
I'm talking about.
306
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:31,836
Jazz on the stereo, cozy fire.
307
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:33,805
Dad, look, no offense,
308
00:14:33,807 --> 00:14:37,242
but this old-ass music make me wanna
put a gun to my head and shoot it!
309
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:38,543
Give me a sec.
310
00:14:39,778 --> 00:14:41,446
I'm gonna go get a gun.
311
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,514
Good one, Pop.
312
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:45,016
When?
313
00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:47,485
When?
When?
314
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:48,987
When? When what?
315
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,722
I don't even know.
What?
316
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,523
No, no, no.
317
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,926
You said someday someone's gonna
have an intervention on you.
318
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:56,861
I'm curious. When?
319
00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:58,763
She wasn't... I mean...
320
00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:00,398
When?
What is she talking about?
321
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,833
Wait, what?
322
00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:03,935
I love that show Intervention.What is she talking about?
323
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:07,505
I'm camping with my son and my
daughter, we're having a good time.
324
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:08,706
The wieners, you know.
325
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:09,941
I don't know where
this is even coming from.
326
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:12,076
My brother's coherent, and...
327
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,945
I love it here.
328
00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:15,546
- It's great.
- This is fabulous.
329
00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:16,681
Yeah, it...
330
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:19,284
Until I hear things
about interventions.
331
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:22,220
When might this
intervention be happening?
332
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:24,689
What's she talking about, Dad?
333
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,658
Son......
334
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:28,493
When this wiener is done.
335
00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:29,961
When will it be done?
336
00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:31,729
Yeah, when will it be done?
337
00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:33,531
Well, let me just tell you that
interventions are not cool.
338
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,500
They sprung one on
a buddy of mine once
339
00:15:35,502 --> 00:15:38,036
and I'm pretty sure he stabbed
a bunch of his mom's cats.
340
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,471
The vet probably had a really
good night that night,
341
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:42,674
when all those cats got stabbed.
342
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,413
One of these days,
I'm gonna be so rich,
343
00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,515
I'll be able to rent
this whole damn park out.
344
00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:52,984
Maybe then Papi will smile.
345
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:55,987
Hey.
346
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,855
I just had my best
million-dollar idea yet.
347
00:15:57,857 --> 00:16:00,858
It's a soft drink, but for dogs.
348
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,260
It's called Pupsi.
349
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:03,461
What?
350
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,696
Pupsi!
351
00:16:04,698 --> 00:16:07,098
Pepsi's not gonna let
you get away with that.
352
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,733
What are they gonna do, sue me?
353
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,568
Yeah. Out your ass.
354
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:18,543
But you know what?
I like your horn idea.
355
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,278
Andale, right? Hey, Pops.
Yeah.
356
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,779
Did I tell you
about my horn idea?
357
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:24,015
Yeah, yeah, yeah?
Esperame.
358
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,783
What stupid horn idea?
359
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:30,488
Pops, I'm gonna make these
horns that say stuff.
360
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,457
Okay, so, like, let's
say the car in front of you
361
00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:34,459
doesn't go when
the light turns green, right?
362
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:38,997
You tap it and the horn goes...
"Umm..."
363
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:43,067
You know, like instead of just a
honk, "Hey, move it, fucker!"
364
00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:45,003
It's more like,
365
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:47,505
"So,
the light is kind of green."
366
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,107
And then of course, you can get
367
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,441
a second one that says,
"Fuck you, cabron."
368
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,176
Like, if somebody cuts you off,
369
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,711
or say you don't like somebody.
370
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:57,281
My horn's gonna go,
"I'm a rich bastard!"
371
00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:59,050
What do you think, Pops?
372
00:17:02,888 --> 00:17:04,655
Man.
373
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,724
You fools have no vision.
374
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,196
Hey, what about that?
375
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,332
What? It's just hot
dogs on a rake, fool.
376
00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:16,734
That's your million-dollar
idea right there.
377
00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:18,403
Yeah?
378
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:19,470
Nope.
379
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:27,145
Who made y'all
the DJ of site 16?
380
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,080
Turn that shit down, okay?
381
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:31,582
We're trying to hear
old-ass jazz over here.
382
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:34,919
Look at they fire.
383
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:37,155
We got this little fire right here.
This doesn't make any sense.
384
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:41,059
What does it matter if their
fire is bigger than our fire?
385
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,827
It don't matter...
Thank you.
386
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,729
If it ain't true.
387
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:50,635
Hey, are their
fires bigger than ours?
388
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:53,171
You know, we need a bigger fire.
389
00:17:56,608 --> 00:17:58,242
Get that lighter fluid.
390
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:04,615
Let's do it. Do it more, baby!
391
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:06,651
Show 'em, Pop!
392
00:18:12,324 --> 00:18:13,658
Want some of this?
393
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,394
You guys suck!
394
00:18:27,072 --> 00:18:28,706
Hey, what you doing?
395
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,311
What the hell is
wrong with y'all?
396
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,715
What the hell is
wrong with you men?
397
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,318
Y'all trying to burn my babies?
398
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,519
Tell 'em, baby.
My God!
399
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:42,854
What is wrong with you guys?
400
00:18:42,856 --> 00:18:44,722
Yell at them.
Yell at them a little bit.
401
00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:47,558
What the hell?
Felipa!
402
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,360
Cool off!
Tell them.
403
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:52,063
My babies in there asleep, you
know you got that from Vietnam!
404
00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:53,431
Why would you burn that shit?
405
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:54,432
Hey!
406
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:55,833
The fire's still burning.
407
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:56,934
They started it.
408
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:58,402
Okay, come on, really?
409
00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:01,539
We had it under control.
Ours was under control.
410
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,573
Baby...
411
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,375
Yeah, you can't kill this fire!
412
00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:14,185
What are you doing?
413
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:16,387
Go to bed!
Everybody go to bed!
414
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:17,655
I was actually sleepy.
Go to bed!
415
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,457
I was sleepy.
I was gonna go to bed.
416
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:21,425
I was thinking it
was time to go to bed.
417
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,338
This is bullshit!
418
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:36,040
Getting eaten alive!
419
00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:39,177
Damn ants or mosquitoes
or whatever the hell you are.
420
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:40,878
Leave me alone!
421
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:49,787
There's gotta be
a 24-hour place in town.
422
00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:53,491
My God.
423
00:19:55,294 --> 00:19:57,495
What a fricking beating.
424
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:05,570
Let's hope Benadryl or cortisone
or fricking Benical...
425
00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:10,942
What the hell was that?
426
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:13,211
Fricking pinata.
427
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:15,947
My God.
My God. My God!
428
00:20:17,649 --> 00:20:19,450
What did you do?
Jesus Christ!
429
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:20,851
You scared the crap out of me!
430
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:21,919
My goodness.
431
00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:24,789
Okay, okay, this is
not what it looks like.
432
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,057
You killed them both?
433
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,792
No, no, no!
434
00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:30,962
This piece of shit dumbass
hybrid makes no noise, and...
435
00:20:30,964 --> 00:20:33,864
All right. You gotta
help me get them to a vet.
436
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:36,500
You drive and I'll
give them mouth-to-mouth.
437
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:37,935
I mean, mouth-to-snout.
438
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:58,589
What the hell did
they do to Ocho?
439
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,692
Who would do such a thing?
440
00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:06,564
Them.
441
00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:07,999
Come on.
442
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:11,836
Hey, man.
Hey! What?
443
00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:13,771
What the heck did you do to our dog?
Look.
444
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,906
Nobody do nothin' to your dog.
What are you talking about?
445
00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:17,208
What do you mean,
didn't do nothin'?
446
00:21:17,210 --> 00:21:19,343
Shit. Chaka!
447
00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:20,811
What did they do to you?
448
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,446
What happened to my baby?
449
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:23,714
What y'all did to my baby?
450
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:24,949
Hey, man,
we didn't touch your dog.
451
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:26,350
You're the ones
that busted ours!
452
00:21:26,352 --> 00:21:28,319
Yeah, we love dogs, man.
Look at our dog.
453
00:21:28,321 --> 00:21:32,056
If y'all didn't touch our dog
and we didn't touch your dog...
454
00:21:34,192 --> 00:21:36,027
Wake up, white people!
455
00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:40,931
Okay, all right.
Just hear me out.
456
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:43,567
I am so sorry.
457
00:21:43,569 --> 00:21:45,603
It was an accident.
458
00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:48,306
I swear. I... I just
wanted some Benadryl...
459
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:55,813
Crazy white man.
What, man?
460
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:58,215
I have no idea!
461
00:22:03,355 --> 00:22:04,689
Come on,
man, what are you doing?
462
00:22:04,691 --> 00:22:06,090
I want a freakin'
refund or something!
463
00:22:06,092 --> 00:22:07,525
They seem pretty worked up.
464
00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:09,860
Yeah, if this
turns into a race war,
465
00:22:09,862 --> 00:22:12,496
we'll be pulling out
paperwork for a decade.
466
00:22:25,977 --> 00:22:28,279
You people.
467
00:22:28,281 --> 00:22:30,147
This is the Fourth of July.
468
00:22:30,149 --> 00:22:31,816
This is the day we honor
469
00:22:31,818 --> 00:22:35,052
how our great nation declared
its independence
470
00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:36,587
from the king of England.
471
00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:43,194
Do you happen to even know how
George Washington celebrated
472
00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:46,297
his final victory over
the British at Yorktown
473
00:22:46,299 --> 00:22:48,065
that great day?
474
00:22:48,067 --> 00:22:52,870
He issued his troops
a double ration of rum.
475
00:22:55,474 --> 00:22:57,641
Here we are.
476
00:22:57,643 --> 00:23:01,846
We had fought this bitter war
against a tyrannical foe.
477
00:23:03,081 --> 00:23:06,484
And all we did to celebrate
it, is that we drank
478
00:23:06,486 --> 00:23:10,221
four fingers of
booze instead of two.
479
00:23:33,512 --> 00:23:35,880
That's about
a martini and a half.
480
00:23:35,882 --> 00:23:39,350
In case you were wondering
what four fingers was.
481
00:23:39,352 --> 00:23:44,155
Today, if a kid happens to throw
his poopy diaper into the hamper,
482
00:23:44,157 --> 00:23:45,923
these parents, they go apeshit,
483
00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:48,626
and they throw the kid a party,
and give him a PlayStation.
484
00:23:52,330 --> 00:23:54,732
Gosh, he drinks like me.
485
00:24:00,005 --> 00:24:01,071
Aah!
486
00:24:05,010 --> 00:24:09,947
I don't really see this issue
between you people as a problem.
487
00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:12,483
I see it as
an opportunity to get away
488
00:24:12,485 --> 00:24:14,752
from what the Fourth
of July has become.
489
00:24:14,754 --> 00:24:17,388
Which, let's face it,
is just a couple of days
490
00:24:17,390 --> 00:24:19,790
off work for all
the lazy people.
491
00:24:19,792 --> 00:24:25,296
We have become a nation
of soft, puffy, pussy people.
492
00:24:25,298 --> 00:24:29,200
We have forgotten the sacrifice
of those who have come before us.
493
00:24:29,202 --> 00:24:34,905
And, so, in my opinion,
whoever wants camping site 16,
494
00:24:34,907 --> 00:24:36,807
you're gonna have to
fuckin' fight for it.
495
00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:40,845
Wait a minute, you're talking about
cannons and muskets and shit.
496
00:24:40,847 --> 00:24:42,813
You're crazy.
497
00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:45,282
Hey, I am retiring
in a week and a half,
498
00:24:45,284 --> 00:24:47,918
and I don't give a shit,
all right?
499
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,955
You don't have to
use guns and knives.
500
00:24:51,590 --> 00:24:53,324
Just have a contest.
501
00:24:53,326 --> 00:24:54,892
Have a contest.
502
00:24:54,894 --> 00:24:56,727
Whatever family
wins the contest,
503
00:24:56,729 --> 00:25:00,431
they get to kick the other two
families' asses out of the park.
504
00:25:00,433 --> 00:25:01,866
How about that?
505
00:25:01,868 --> 00:25:04,101
You get no cheese
with your wine around here.
506
00:25:04,103 --> 00:25:09,139
So, if I were you, I would be
dedicated to gettin' it on.
507
00:25:09,141 --> 00:25:11,275
'Cause it's on.
508
00:25:11,277 --> 00:25:14,278
This whole thing is a mess,
and we're sorry about it.
509
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:19,083
We were told to help out with the
contest, since it was the park's fault.
510
00:25:19,085 --> 00:25:20,451
Well, great.
511
00:25:20,453 --> 00:25:23,687
Wow. It's really nice that
the pigs are being helpful.
512
00:25:23,689 --> 00:25:25,222
- Pardon?
- No, nothing.
513
00:25:25,224 --> 00:25:28,792
He just said that that cloud
up there looks like a pig.
514
00:25:28,794 --> 00:25:30,494
No, I didn't. I said...
515
00:25:32,198 --> 00:25:34,298
He had a spider on
his zipper there.
516
00:25:35,500 --> 00:25:36,967
Thanks!
517
00:25:37,569 --> 00:25:38,903
Thanks, guys.
518
00:25:39,504 --> 00:25:40,738
Hey, Gravy.
519
00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:43,407
He deserved that.
Yeah, seriously.
520
00:25:43,409 --> 00:25:46,577
So, we're doing
this contest thing?
521
00:25:46,579 --> 00:25:47,845
Yeah, we're doing this.
522
00:25:47,847 --> 00:25:50,714
What's the matter, old man?
You scared?
523
00:25:50,716 --> 00:25:52,983
Scared? No.
524
00:25:52,985 --> 00:25:54,151
Just sad.
525
00:25:54,153 --> 00:25:57,054
Sad for you and all
these other losers.
526
00:25:57,056 --> 00:25:58,289
Kids.
527
00:25:58,291 --> 00:26:00,291
We're marking off
an area for you to play in.
528
00:26:00,293 --> 00:26:02,826
Do not leave this
area for any reason.
529
00:26:02,828 --> 00:26:04,495
What if we get hit by lightning?
530
00:26:04,497 --> 00:26:05,596
Try not to.
531
00:26:05,598 --> 00:26:07,064
What if we see
an ice cream truck?
532
00:26:07,066 --> 00:26:08,165
Try not to.
533
00:26:08,167 --> 00:26:11,001
Dad? How long do we
have to stay here?
534
00:26:11,003 --> 00:26:13,037
Just while the adults are off
doing adult things.
535
00:26:13,039 --> 00:26:15,940
Yes, I'm getting
a new baby brother.
536
00:26:18,110 --> 00:26:20,010
Not those kind of adult things.
537
00:26:22,381 --> 00:26:23,948
Okay, kids, have fun.
538
00:26:23,950 --> 00:26:25,950
Hey, don't poke your eyes out.
Peace out.
539
00:26:31,623 --> 00:26:32,923
Hi.
540
00:26:40,231 --> 00:26:41,899
I don't know what to say.
541
00:26:41,901 --> 00:26:44,868
Well, you can usually find all the
right words in the courtroom.
542
00:26:44,870 --> 00:26:48,672
Look, I thought bringing our
families together up here, would be
543
00:26:48,674 --> 00:26:51,442
our chance to,
you know, break the news.
544
00:26:51,444 --> 00:26:54,345
Wait. You did this on purpose?
545
00:26:55,246 --> 00:26:57,414
Yeah, kinda, a little bit.
546
00:26:57,416 --> 00:27:00,351
I mean, it was easy 'cause
our names are so similar.
547
00:27:00,353 --> 00:27:01,952
Jones. Jonas.
548
00:27:01,954 --> 00:27:04,922
I didn't expect a white
Jones family to show up.
549
00:27:04,924 --> 00:27:06,423
Man, I screwed up everything.
550
00:27:06,425 --> 00:27:08,659
It's my fault, I'm sorry.
551
00:27:08,661 --> 00:27:10,194
So, who is she?
552
00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:12,029
Who is who?
553
00:27:12,031 --> 00:27:14,698
You know who I'm talking about.
554
00:27:14,700 --> 00:27:16,667
Who, Fantasia?
I don't know that girl.
555
00:27:16,669 --> 00:27:18,602
Shantaysia, why is she here?
556
00:27:18,604 --> 00:27:19,903
I don't know her.
557
00:27:19,905 --> 00:27:21,939
She's my dad's idea.
558
00:27:21,941 --> 00:27:24,408
I don't... It's my
first time ever seeing her.
559
00:27:24,410 --> 00:27:26,610
Stop. Come on.
560
00:27:26,612 --> 00:27:28,812
You know I love you. Stop.
561
00:27:31,616 --> 00:27:33,984
Anyway, look, I have a plan.
562
00:27:36,054 --> 00:27:38,222
I'll make sure we win the race.
563
00:27:38,224 --> 00:27:41,959
And then, I'll convince my dad
to let you... Your family stay,
564
00:27:41,961 --> 00:27:44,128
and we'll get rid
of the white family.
565
00:27:44,130 --> 00:27:46,664
They'll kick rocks.
566
00:27:46,666 --> 00:27:48,832
What if your family doesn't win?
567
00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:50,834
Felipa.
568
00:27:50,836 --> 00:27:53,170
Stop smoking crack.
569
00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:54,571
Okay.
570
00:27:54,573 --> 00:27:57,574
We're black, we're gonna win.
571
00:27:57,576 --> 00:27:59,043
Mexicans are
pretty athletic, too.
572
00:27:59,045 --> 00:28:01,278
What about like Big Papi?
573
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:02,513
He's Dominican.
574
00:28:02,515 --> 00:28:05,883
Y'all gonna lose bad.
Y'all gonna lose so bad.
575
00:28:15,260 --> 00:28:18,829
Hey, guys, I think I
hear an ice cream truck.
576
00:28:19,998 --> 00:28:22,599
Wait, but we can't
leave this area.
577
00:28:22,601 --> 00:28:24,868
Well, screw that,
it's ice cream.
578
00:28:33,578 --> 00:28:35,646
Look at these people.
579
00:28:35,648 --> 00:28:37,414
They're like vultures.
580
00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:40,551
They're standing around watching
us fight among ourselves.
581
00:28:40,553 --> 00:28:42,986
Don't think they're
just out here having fun?
582
00:28:43,455 --> 00:28:45,055
No.
583
00:28:45,057 --> 00:28:47,758
This has gotten much bigger
than three mad-ass families.
584
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:49,393
Bigger how?
585
00:28:49,395 --> 00:28:50,861
You think about it, bud.
586
00:28:50,863 --> 00:28:53,363
International sports,
you root for your country.
587
00:28:53,365 --> 00:28:54,498
Yeah.
588
00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:55,666
School sports,
you root for your school.
589
00:28:55,668 --> 00:28:57,000
Yeah.
590
00:28:57,002 --> 00:28:59,503
These people are
rooting for their race.
591
00:28:59,505 --> 00:29:01,739
You don't know that.
Okay.
592
00:29:01,741 --> 00:29:03,307
Truth or dare?
593
00:29:03,309 --> 00:29:06,076
I'll answer a question
if you answer a question.
594
00:29:06,078 --> 00:29:07,144
Okay.
Truthfully.
595
00:29:07,146 --> 00:29:08,378
All right.
All right.
596
00:29:08,380 --> 00:29:10,047
Now,
when you first drove up here,
597
00:29:10,049 --> 00:29:12,616
and you saw that
there were two families here.
598
00:29:12,618 --> 00:29:15,185
Now, were you mad 'cause
there were two families here?
599
00:29:15,187 --> 00:29:18,822
Or were you mad
because we weren't white?
600
00:29:18,824 --> 00:29:20,758
Yeah, well, you know,
601
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,293
truth be told, when I drove up
here, I was a little nervous.
602
00:29:23,295 --> 00:29:25,763
But that's because
I didn't know what to expect.
603
00:29:25,765 --> 00:29:27,531
Well, I felt the same way.
604
00:29:27,533 --> 00:29:29,433
And that's textbook racism.
605
00:29:29,435 --> 00:29:32,136
You can't say I'm racist just because
I didn't know what to expect.
606
00:29:32,138 --> 00:29:34,338
I've had a lot of
great experiences with
607
00:29:34,340 --> 00:29:36,473
other races,
and some not so great.
608
00:29:36,475 --> 00:29:39,409
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I couldn't help but overhear.
609
00:29:39,411 --> 00:29:44,715
You should know that our family
isn't anything like that at all.
610
00:29:44,717 --> 00:29:48,051
In fact, I was a total wigger
back in high school.
611
00:29:48,053 --> 00:29:49,353
I had my hair
braided and everything.
612
00:29:49,355 --> 00:29:51,288
You remember that?
Yeah, that was so cute.
613
00:29:51,956 --> 00:29:53,390
What is a wigger?
614
00:29:57,862 --> 00:30:00,330
It's just a term
for a kid that's
615
00:30:00,332 --> 00:30:03,000
trying to act
tough and sound cool.
616
00:30:03,002 --> 00:30:05,669
Well, now, that's what it means.
617
00:30:05,671 --> 00:30:08,238
But what is it an acronym for?
618
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:09,439
An acronym?
619
00:30:09,441 --> 00:30:11,108
Yeah, like the word "smog."
620
00:30:11,110 --> 00:30:13,977
It's a combination of the
words "smoke" and "fog."
621
00:30:13,979 --> 00:30:15,913
That's an acronym.
622
00:30:15,915 --> 00:30:20,217
What are the words that
"wigger" is an acronym for?
623
00:30:21,719 --> 00:30:23,287
Well, that's easy.
624
00:30:23,289 --> 00:30:27,858
It's a... It's a combination,
a mash-up, if you will,
625
00:30:27,860 --> 00:30:30,494
of the words...
626
00:30:33,231 --> 00:30:34,364
White...
627
00:30:34,366 --> 00:30:35,432
White.
628
00:30:35,434 --> 00:30:36,500
And...
629
00:30:39,871 --> 00:30:41,138
Er.
630
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,274
Okay.
631
00:30:44,276 --> 00:30:47,845
I mean, you know,
you guys get hit with honky...
632
00:30:47,847 --> 00:30:48,979
Hey.
Crackers...
633
00:30:48,981 --> 00:30:50,214
Hey!
Peckerwood...
634
00:30:50,216 --> 00:30:51,682
Hey!
Redneck,
635
00:30:51,684 --> 00:30:53,350
white bastards, white devils.
636
00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:54,785
Hey!
637
00:30:54,787 --> 00:30:58,856
But the "N" word, that cuts
straight through the clutter.
638
00:30:58,858 --> 00:31:01,458
Yeah, well, once you say that,
it's pretty much game over.
639
00:31:01,460 --> 00:31:03,126
You're right.
640
00:31:03,128 --> 00:31:04,695
Good going, son. Well done.
641
00:31:04,697 --> 00:31:06,530
Happy to help.
642
00:31:06,532 --> 00:31:08,065
But I still don't agree with you
that these people are out here
643
00:31:08,067 --> 00:31:09,933
- rooting for their own races.
- Hey!
644
00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:16,573
We got this, baby.
645
00:31:16,575 --> 00:31:19,610
Black and white going down
like a knocked out zebra.
646
00:31:19,612 --> 00:31:21,378
Yeah, maybe you're right.
647
00:31:22,648 --> 00:31:24,548
Here, here!
Ice cream!
648
00:31:30,388 --> 00:31:31,688
Ice cream!
649
00:31:31,690 --> 00:31:32,956
Come on.
Sorry I'm late.
650
00:31:32,958 --> 00:31:34,524
Hey, Franklin!
651
00:31:34,526 --> 00:31:35,926
All right.
652
00:31:36,594 --> 00:31:38,362
You know, I love that look,
653
00:31:38,364 --> 00:31:40,297
that gleam of
victory in your eyes.
654
00:31:40,299 --> 00:31:41,665
Yeah, we about to win, Pop.
655
00:31:41,667 --> 00:31:44,034
And we gonna kick
a family up out of here.
656
00:31:44,036 --> 00:31:46,069
Yes. That's right.
You know...
657
00:31:46,071 --> 00:31:47,604
Where's Shantaysia?
658
00:31:47,606 --> 00:31:48,805
No...
Shantaysia!
659
00:31:48,807 --> 00:31:50,507
You know that old Franklin here
660
00:31:50,509 --> 00:31:52,509
was a track star in high school.
661
00:31:52,511 --> 00:31:54,811
Shantaysia, come on!
Dad, look.
662
00:31:54,813 --> 00:31:59,116
One time, I ate 37 eggs
in six minutes, come on.
663
00:31:59,118 --> 00:32:00,717
I mean,
that's impossible, you know.
664
00:32:00,719 --> 00:32:02,819
You proud of me, Daddy?
You gonna brag about that?
665
00:32:02,821 --> 00:32:04,121
I'm proud of you, son.
666
00:32:04,123 --> 00:32:06,890
Not as proud as I
am of Franklin here.
667
00:32:06,892 --> 00:32:07,958
What?
668
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:09,927
That was a joke.
669
00:32:09,929 --> 00:32:11,695
He's messing with you.
That's all.
670
00:32:11,697 --> 00:32:13,096
Shitty joke.
What?
671
00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:15,399
I said Keko's titty is broke.
672
00:32:15,401 --> 00:32:17,100
Yeah, I thought you said that.
673
00:32:17,102 --> 00:32:18,402
Let's do this.
674
00:32:18,404 --> 00:32:19,670
You know what?
675
00:32:19,672 --> 00:32:22,572
Y'all enjoy your pissing
contest but I'm outta here.
676
00:32:22,574 --> 00:32:23,607
You wanna go?
677
00:32:23,609 --> 00:32:24,741
Yeah,
I wanna go find Shantaysia.
678
00:32:24,743 --> 00:32:26,376
Keko.
Felipa.
679
00:32:26,378 --> 00:32:30,047
This is our contest pick and
it's called the Potty Carry.
680
00:32:30,049 --> 00:32:31,848
That's right.
681
00:32:31,850 --> 00:32:35,852
One person goes inside of each
one and the rest of us carry.
682
00:32:35,854 --> 00:32:40,123
And the winner is the one who gets
across that finish line first.
683
00:32:40,125 --> 00:32:41,959
That finish line
is pretty far, man.
684
00:32:41,961 --> 00:32:43,760
Dude, don't sweat it, man.
685
00:32:43,762 --> 00:32:46,730
We totally got this. Mexicans
are gonna take this hands down.
686
00:32:46,732 --> 00:32:48,532
Hey, Papi!
687
00:32:48,534 --> 00:32:51,054
Papi, we're about to start the
race, you gonna come cheer us on?
688
00:32:52,337 --> 00:32:53,870
Does your dad ever smile?
689
00:32:53,872 --> 00:32:54,972
No.
690
00:32:54,974 --> 00:32:56,873
You mean, Darth Valdez?
691
00:32:56,875 --> 00:32:58,742
Does he even know
what a smile is?
692
00:32:58,744 --> 00:33:01,278
I bet you he can't say
the word "Chuck E. Cheese."
693
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:04,314
I bet you his face
makes him stop at "Chuck."
694
00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:07,150
He'd probably need a fake ID
just to buy a Happy Meal.
695
00:33:07,152 --> 00:33:08,919
That's good.
696
00:33:08,921 --> 00:33:11,054
All right. All right. That's pretty
funny, that's pretty funny, but...
697
00:33:11,056 --> 00:33:13,957
You know, he's still my dad, so
could you cut it out, please?
698
00:33:13,959 --> 00:33:16,460
Well, you know, come on,
let's space these potties out,
699
00:33:16,462 --> 00:33:18,962
and get the race started. I mean,
we're standing around here.
700
00:33:18,964 --> 00:33:21,331
Let me just drag this one.
Get out of the way, would ya?
701
00:33:21,333 --> 00:33:22,833
Okay.
So, I'll just take this one.
702
00:33:22,835 --> 00:33:25,335
Are you sure, Dad?
These things are kinda heavy.
703
00:33:25,337 --> 00:33:27,871
Charlie, I've been a fireman
for years, you know.
704
00:33:27,873 --> 00:33:31,308
I've rescued babies from windows
and fiery buildings, you know.
705
00:33:31,310 --> 00:33:33,276
Come on.
Come on, put this on my back.
706
00:33:33,278 --> 00:33:35,145
I guess.
Come on, let's go.
707
00:33:35,147 --> 00:33:37,347
This is...
I can just... I got this.
708
00:33:40,251 --> 00:33:42,119
Help, please! Come on!
709
00:33:42,121 --> 00:33:43,720
Charlie, get it off of me!
710
00:33:43,722 --> 00:33:45,756
Get it off of me!
711
00:33:45,758 --> 00:33:47,991
We got this. We got this, Dad.
712
00:33:47,993 --> 00:33:49,459
Okay, up.
713
00:33:55,299 --> 00:33:58,068
Yeah, maybe we should slide it.
714
00:34:10,915 --> 00:34:12,082
I don't like this!
715
00:34:12,084 --> 00:34:14,451
I'm having a bad day!
716
00:34:15,186 --> 00:34:16,787
I hate kids.
717
00:34:16,789 --> 00:34:18,755
You've ruined my life!
718
00:34:22,794 --> 00:34:25,028
I got it!
719
00:34:25,030 --> 00:34:28,398
The main problem is, is getting
this potty over the ravine.
720
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:30,901
But, luckily,
Ron Ron got an idea.
721
00:34:30,903 --> 00:34:32,569
What?
722
00:34:32,571 --> 00:34:35,138
All we need to do is swing
this potty by using rope.
723
00:34:35,140 --> 00:34:38,308
We need to put the rope through
a hitch on top of the potty,
724
00:34:38,310 --> 00:34:39,876
and then toss
the rope on branches.
725
00:34:39,878 --> 00:34:42,446
And then we swing
the potty over the ravine.
726
00:34:42,448 --> 00:34:43,313
Come on.
727
00:34:43,315 --> 00:34:44,948
That's a good idea!
728
00:34:44,950 --> 00:34:46,383
We gotta get some rope.
729
00:34:46,385 --> 00:34:47,717
Daddy, look at this.
730
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:49,219
I already got it.
Taken care of.
731
00:34:49,221 --> 00:34:50,620
Look at that.
Crap.
732
00:34:50,622 --> 00:34:52,489
Guess I'm smarter
than Franklin now, right?
733
00:34:52,491 --> 00:34:53,890
No.
734
00:34:53,892 --> 00:34:55,258
He's right, man. The rope's
gonna make it easier.
735
00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:57,227
Sharni, get a rope.
Okay, got it.
736
00:34:57,229 --> 00:34:58,762
We're ready to go.
737
00:34:58,764 --> 00:35:00,397
We can't wait.
No, no, don't start!
738
00:35:00,399 --> 00:35:01,665
Come on, let's get started!
Wait, wait, wait!
739
00:35:01,667 --> 00:35:02,999
Wait, wait, wait.
Get on your marks,
740
00:35:03,001 --> 00:35:04,134
get set...
Wait, wait!
741
00:35:04,136 --> 00:35:05,402
Go!
742
00:35:05,404 --> 00:35:06,503
Come on.
743
00:35:08,372 --> 00:35:10,107
Keep dreamin', blondie.
That rope is mine.
744
00:35:10,109 --> 00:35:11,675
No, I saw it first!
745
00:35:11,677 --> 00:35:13,310
Hello, open up!
746
00:35:13,312 --> 00:35:15,245
We wanna borrow
your clothesline!
747
00:35:15,247 --> 00:35:16,746
This is kinda cute.
748
00:35:16,748 --> 00:35:19,349
Open up. We wanna borrow
your clothesline!
749
00:35:19,351 --> 00:35:20,617
Yeah, you know, keep knocking.
750
00:35:20,619 --> 00:35:22,686
People love
Mexicans at their door.
751
00:35:22,688 --> 00:35:26,656
Really funny, Blow White.
Hello?
752
00:35:26,658 --> 00:35:29,426
Yeah, we'll see how much you're
laughing when that rope is mine.
753
00:35:29,428 --> 00:35:31,294
Hey,
what are you doing up there?
754
00:35:31,296 --> 00:35:33,029
I'm getting this
damn clothes line.
755
00:35:33,031 --> 00:35:34,431
Shit.
756
00:35:44,275 --> 00:35:45,709
I don't know.
757
00:35:49,281 --> 00:35:50,747
It pierced my love handle!
758
00:35:50,749 --> 00:35:51,915
Come this way.
759
00:35:51,917 --> 00:35:53,183
- My God.
- What the hell was that?
760
00:35:53,185 --> 00:35:54,985
Help me!
761
00:35:54,987 --> 00:35:57,854
Okay, puta!Come on!
762
00:35:57,856 --> 00:36:00,690
Hey, where did everybody go?
763
00:36:01,192 --> 00:36:02,526
Pop?
764
00:36:03,261 --> 00:36:05,195
Ron Ron?
765
00:36:05,197 --> 00:36:07,030
Did we win?
766
00:36:07,032 --> 00:36:09,199
- Come on, come on, come on.
767
00:36:09,201 --> 00:36:11,234
- Come on.
- What happened?
768
00:36:11,236 --> 00:36:13,637
He has a TV
antenna stuck in him.
769
00:36:13,639 --> 00:36:15,172
- Where?
- No, no, no!
770
00:36:15,174 --> 00:36:16,540
We need to take
him to a hospital.
771
00:36:16,542 --> 00:36:18,475
All right, let's use my car.
Okay.
772
00:36:18,477 --> 00:36:20,977
Wait, wait,
we're gonna get him in that?
773
00:36:20,979 --> 00:36:22,679
Yeah.
774
00:36:22,681 --> 00:36:23,914
Here.
775
00:36:25,217 --> 00:36:26,750
What the hell are you doing?
776
00:36:26,752 --> 00:36:28,718
Bactine. It stings
like a bitch, but...
777
00:36:31,056 --> 00:36:33,857
No!
No more, you fucking idiot!
778
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:37,260
- Wait, what?
- Everybody stop!
779
00:36:38,963 --> 00:36:40,430
Do you get the NFL package?
780
00:36:42,935 --> 00:36:45,035
We're not gonna get
him in the pussy car.
781
00:36:45,037 --> 00:36:46,336
Let's get him in Franklin's car.
782
00:36:46,338 --> 00:36:47,871
Okay, all right. Come on.
783
00:36:47,873 --> 00:36:49,472
- I'm right here.
- Come on.
784
00:36:49,474 --> 00:36:50,941
Right here. There you go.
785
00:36:50,943 --> 00:36:52,108
You got it. You got it.
786
00:36:52,110 --> 00:36:53,243
Put him inside.
787
00:36:53,245 --> 00:36:54,444
There you go. There you go.
788
00:36:54,446 --> 00:36:56,246
Let's give him a push.
All right.
789
00:36:56,248 --> 00:36:57,647
One, two...
790
00:36:57,649 --> 00:36:58,782
No. No!
791
00:36:58,784 --> 00:37:00,684
Three!
No!
792
00:37:04,021 --> 00:37:05,422
That went horribly wrong.
793
00:37:05,424 --> 00:37:06,790
Stop right there.
794
00:37:06,792 --> 00:37:07,791
Okay, man. Good luck!
795
00:37:07,793 --> 00:37:09,526
Okay, okay.
Let's go. Come on. Vamonos.
796
00:37:09,528 --> 00:37:12,729
Don't worry. You'll get
a call from Telemundo.
797
00:37:18,636 --> 00:37:20,937
So, are you doing
number one or number two?
798
00:37:20,939 --> 00:37:23,006
What? Go get an adult.
799
00:37:23,008 --> 00:37:24,507
You look like a pinata.
800
00:37:24,509 --> 00:37:26,243
And you look the first
person's ass I'm gonna beat
801
00:37:26,245 --> 00:37:27,677
if you don't go
and get an adult.
802
00:37:27,679 --> 00:37:30,547
I didn't say you were one,
I said you looked like one.
803
00:37:30,549 --> 00:37:34,084
I'ma beat you so bad
and you're not even my kid.
804
00:37:34,086 --> 00:37:35,352
Take it easy, perv.
805
00:37:35,354 --> 00:37:37,354
I thought you kids
were on lockdown.
806
00:37:37,356 --> 00:37:39,022
How did you get
out of your area?
807
00:37:39,024 --> 00:37:41,491
You didn't answer me.
Number one or number two?
808
00:37:41,493 --> 00:37:44,027
Why you wanna know?
Chuckie, that's nasty!
809
00:37:44,029 --> 00:37:46,129
Get an adult, I could die!
810
00:37:46,131 --> 00:37:47,564
No, no.
Okay, yeah.
811
00:37:47,566 --> 00:37:50,767
Please. This is not a drill.
812
00:37:50,769 --> 00:37:52,936
This is code red.
You know a code red...
813
00:37:52,938 --> 00:37:54,771
Y'all went to public school.
Y'all know nothing.
814
00:37:54,773 --> 00:37:56,740
My God!
815
00:37:56,742 --> 00:37:59,909
I hate kids, and I hate camping!
816
00:38:08,853 --> 00:38:11,521
Hey, guys, quick.
Come say hi to Mom. Come on.
817
00:38:12,490 --> 00:38:13,957
Hi, Mom!
Hey, Mom!
818
00:38:13,959 --> 00:38:15,091
Cheese.
819
00:38:15,093 --> 00:38:17,427
Yep. Yo, I'm good!
820
00:38:20,798 --> 00:38:22,999
Yup, I got lucky!
821
00:38:23,001 --> 00:38:24,768
It was tough, but I'm good!
822
00:38:28,739 --> 00:38:30,473
Hey!
823
00:38:30,475 --> 00:38:33,677
Doctor said my love handles
are like a teenager's!
824
00:38:39,216 --> 00:38:40,784
Yeah, don't worry about it.
825
00:38:40,786 --> 00:38:42,719
Just gonna be here
by myself, you know.
826
00:38:43,254 --> 00:38:44,354
Yeah.
827
00:38:44,356 --> 00:38:46,489
No family to talk to.
828
00:38:49,794 --> 00:38:52,495
Something to think about, mijo.
829
00:39:00,705 --> 00:39:01,538
Okay.
830
00:39:01,540 --> 00:39:03,973
Aunt Felipa, I can't move.
831
00:39:03,975 --> 00:39:05,875
Yes, but you're safe.
832
00:39:05,877 --> 00:39:07,377
Have fun.
833
00:39:07,912 --> 00:39:09,379
Mind if I sit?
834
00:39:09,381 --> 00:39:10,747
Sure.
835
00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:13,450
It's a pretty mantis.
836
00:39:13,452 --> 00:39:16,419
He's right there.
I'm gonna kill him.
837
00:39:16,421 --> 00:39:18,655
You know,
the kids don't see race.
838
00:39:19,190 --> 00:39:20,323
It's true.
839
00:39:20,325 --> 00:39:22,726
Seems they learn
it from the adults.
840
00:39:22,728 --> 00:39:24,961
Kids can be a handful, man.
841
00:39:24,963 --> 00:39:26,796
I used to think that I
wanted a bunch of them,
842
00:39:26,798 --> 00:39:29,733
but after this weekend, I think
I'm just gonna get another cat.
843
00:39:30,534 --> 00:39:32,135
Wait, where is it?
844
00:39:32,137 --> 00:39:33,670
Where is it? It's right
there, it's just moving.
845
00:39:33,672 --> 00:39:35,572
No, that's a...
It's a praying...
846
00:39:35,574 --> 00:39:38,641
It's just a gross bug.
Just put it down.
847
00:39:38,643 --> 00:39:40,677
You know, I've actually
been meaning to tell you
848
00:39:40,679 --> 00:39:42,379
that I really like your hair.
849
00:39:42,381 --> 00:39:44,748
Thanks, I do it myself.
850
00:39:44,750 --> 00:39:45,982
Really?
851
00:39:45,984 --> 00:39:47,150
I have my own salon.
852
00:39:47,152 --> 00:39:48,952
That's super cool.
853
00:39:48,954 --> 00:39:52,322
Didn't I hear Charlie saying
that he has his own salon, too?
854
00:39:52,324 --> 00:39:54,724
Not a salon, a saloon.
855
00:39:54,726 --> 00:39:55,925
Okay.
856
00:39:55,927 --> 00:39:57,927
I drove with him to
the vet the other night.
857
00:39:57,929 --> 00:40:00,764
He had a dog under each arm,
giving them both mouth-to-mouth.
858
00:40:00,766 --> 00:40:02,799
He's got a lot of heart.
859
00:40:02,801 --> 00:40:05,568
Yeah,
and dog breath, sounds like.
860
00:40:05,570 --> 00:40:07,504
Did any of the dogs
get a contact drunk?
861
00:40:07,506 --> 00:40:11,474
Yeah, I think the dogs were wondering
why I kept checking their IDs.
862
00:40:16,347 --> 00:40:18,281
You know, he's a good guy.
863
00:40:18,283 --> 00:40:20,316
Yeah, and cute, too, right?
864
00:40:20,318 --> 00:40:21,951
Yeah, he is kinda cute.
865
00:40:21,953 --> 00:40:23,720
Yeah.
Super cute. Like I would.
866
00:40:23,722 --> 00:40:25,488
I think I would, too.
867
00:40:25,490 --> 00:40:28,725
Seriously, he's a bit of a
charmer and girls love bad boys.
868
00:40:28,727 --> 00:40:30,994
I think he knows
he has a problem.
869
00:40:30,996 --> 00:40:35,064
I don't drink. I never have,
but my dad was an alcoholic,
870
00:40:35,066 --> 00:40:36,866
so, I know the signs.
871
00:40:36,868 --> 00:40:38,568
I really wanna kill it.
I really wanna kill it.
872
00:40:38,570 --> 00:40:40,203
Just kill it!
873
00:40:40,205 --> 00:40:42,338
No, it's one of God's
creatures, don't kill it.
874
00:40:42,340 --> 00:40:44,040
Right? Don't kill it.
875
00:40:44,042 --> 00:40:46,342
Help me, I need...
876
00:40:46,344 --> 00:40:47,811
So, how about you?
877
00:40:47,813 --> 00:40:49,712
Do you work at the courthouse
back in the city?
878
00:40:49,714 --> 00:40:51,514
Yeah, I'm a stenographer.
879
00:40:51,516 --> 00:40:53,483
Franklin works in
the DA's office.
880
00:40:53,485 --> 00:40:54,717
Does he?
Yeah.
881
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:56,686
Do you ever see
him around there?
882
00:40:56,688 --> 00:40:59,189
Yeah, now that...
Yeah. I think I have.
883
00:41:00,858 --> 00:41:02,425
Not that often.
884
00:41:02,427 --> 00:41:06,496
You know, I've been meaning to
tell you, I'm not here to...
885
00:41:06,498 --> 00:41:07,897
My God!
886
00:41:08,466 --> 00:41:10,967
Get away from me!
887
00:41:10,969 --> 00:41:12,902
My God.
888
00:41:12,904 --> 00:41:15,104
Should I buy
a tabby or a Siamese cat?
889
00:41:16,740 --> 00:41:18,608
Okay, cabrons.
890
00:41:18,610 --> 00:41:20,877
Our pick. The eating contest.
891
00:41:20,879 --> 00:41:23,046
Yeah, but not food, huevones.
892
00:41:23,048 --> 00:41:24,514
Habaneros, baby.
893
00:41:24,516 --> 00:41:26,316
Hot peppers, bro.
894
00:41:26,318 --> 00:41:28,551
You gotta eat as many as
you can in three minutes.
895
00:41:28,553 --> 00:41:30,687
And habaneros...
896
00:41:30,689 --> 00:41:33,323
Habaneros are the Devil's food.
Yup.
897
00:41:33,325 --> 00:41:34,791
They can't be that bad.
898
00:41:34,793 --> 00:41:36,759
You're about to find out.
899
00:41:36,761 --> 00:41:38,228
Can I eat for the family?
900
00:41:38,230 --> 00:41:40,663
Yeah, Gravy, you can eat
for the family for sure.
901
00:41:40,665 --> 00:41:43,032
'Cause habaneros are organic,
902
00:41:43,034 --> 00:41:45,034
and I do non-pharmaceuticals
really well.
903
00:41:45,036 --> 00:41:46,536
Yeah.
904
00:41:46,538 --> 00:41:49,539
Yeah. Like, one time I got
lost in the desert. Yeah.
905
00:41:49,541 --> 00:41:52,609
I had to eat 67
mushrooms to survive.
906
00:41:52,611 --> 00:41:54,010
Caps and stems?
907
00:41:54,012 --> 00:41:55,245
The whole thing.
908
00:41:55,247 --> 00:41:57,714
I hallucinated for 15 days.
909
00:41:57,716 --> 00:42:00,083
My diarrhea tasted like honey.
910
00:42:00,085 --> 00:42:02,085
That's beautiful, Gravy.
911
00:42:02,087 --> 00:42:04,053
That's your son-in-law?
912
00:42:04,055 --> 00:42:05,221
Your brother-in-law?
913
00:42:05,223 --> 00:42:06,356
Yes, my brother-in-law.
914
00:42:06,358 --> 00:42:08,191
That's your brother.
In-law.
915
00:42:08,193 --> 00:42:11,294
You said that like you might have
seen him naked or something.
916
00:42:12,864 --> 00:42:14,430
All right, fool, I got this.
917
00:42:14,432 --> 00:42:16,432
No, clown, I love habaneros.
918
00:42:16,434 --> 00:42:18,368
What are you talking about?
Who you calling a clown, man?
919
00:42:18,370 --> 00:42:20,403
I can eat so many more habaneros
than you, I always have.
920
00:42:20,405 --> 00:42:22,238
No.
921
00:42:23,608 --> 00:42:24,841
You, Papi?
922
00:42:24,843 --> 00:42:27,877
What, he's resurrected.
923
00:42:27,879 --> 00:42:31,147
It's like it's
Easter or something.
924
00:42:31,149 --> 00:42:33,683
I've been eating
habaneros for 65 years.
925
00:42:33,685 --> 00:42:35,385
I will win for the familia.
926
00:42:35,387 --> 00:42:38,721
Mira. This is what I
have been whittling?
927
00:42:38,723 --> 00:42:41,758
Ocho!
928
00:42:42,426 --> 00:42:43,893
For cervezas.
929
00:42:43,895 --> 00:42:48,698
Ocho is now an
official St. Bernardo.
930
00:42:48,700 --> 00:42:49,766
Whoo!
931
00:42:49,768 --> 00:42:51,534
Papi made a joke.
Yeah.
932
00:42:51,536 --> 00:42:53,903
Habaneros are
nothing to Mexicans.
933
00:42:53,905 --> 00:42:57,340
We put hot sauce
on our hot sauce.
934
00:42:58,610 --> 00:42:59,976
He made another joke.
935
00:42:59,978 --> 00:43:00,877
That's awesome.
936
00:43:00,879 --> 00:43:02,879
I'm ready. Let's do this.
937
00:43:02,881 --> 00:43:05,882
All right,
pendejos, the timer is set.
938
00:43:05,884 --> 00:43:09,018
Three, two, one, go!
939
00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:39,649
There's something
going on in my fucking mouth!
940
00:43:42,286 --> 00:43:44,187
Look at that.
941
00:43:44,189 --> 00:43:46,255
Do men... Do you
think men ever get like
942
00:43:46,257 --> 00:43:49,659
a POV of themselves and just go,
943
00:43:49,661 --> 00:43:51,661
"We're really stupid"?
944
00:44:13,618 --> 00:44:19,922
"May the Devil use your backbone as
a trellis to pick apples in hell."
945
00:44:19,924 --> 00:44:23,092
To you, Mr. DiMaggio,
and to you, Dr. Freud.
946
00:44:23,094 --> 00:44:26,329
"If you don't know where you're
going, there are plenty of roads."
947
00:44:31,402 --> 00:44:34,704
Okay. So, she's not
just crazy beautiful,
948
00:44:34,706 --> 00:44:36,973
she's actually smart enough
949
00:44:36,975 --> 00:44:38,808
to see right through me.
950
00:44:38,810 --> 00:44:40,677
She needed to look
past the train wreck he is
951
00:44:40,679 --> 00:44:42,211
and see the man
that was crying when he
952
00:44:42,213 --> 00:44:43,880
thought the doggies
wouldn't make it.
953
00:44:43,882 --> 00:44:45,481
Okay, that's a...
That's a turnoff.
954
00:44:45,483 --> 00:44:48,584
May I just say I'm not
usually the crying type.
955
00:44:48,586 --> 00:44:50,453
I thought it was sweet,
you know,
956
00:44:50,455 --> 00:44:52,655
you crying like a little sissy.
957
00:44:52,657 --> 00:44:56,959
I cried because when I was
giving them mouth-to-snout,
958
00:44:56,961 --> 00:44:59,062
Ocho slipped me some tongue.
959
00:44:59,064 --> 00:45:04,267
I can still taste
the lamb and carrots.
960
00:45:04,269 --> 00:45:06,636
Okay, okay.
Let's... Let's recap.
961
00:45:06,638 --> 00:45:10,073
I know I come off like a...
Like a bit of a tough guy,
962
00:45:10,075 --> 00:45:15,812
but I do cry when I see that doggies
are hurt, and you're half naked...
963
00:45:15,814 --> 00:45:17,480
I'm sorry about that.
964
00:45:17,482 --> 00:45:19,082
Are you?
965
00:45:20,918 --> 00:45:23,052
Shit.
966
00:45:23,054 --> 00:45:25,421
Don't move.
That's a coral snake.
967
00:45:25,423 --> 00:45:26,823
You'll be totally safe
968
00:45:26,825 --> 00:45:29,258
if you stand there,
just like that,
969
00:45:29,260 --> 00:45:32,061
backlit by the sun,
looking perfect.
970
00:45:33,831 --> 00:45:35,832
Damn it! You moved!
971
00:45:35,834 --> 00:45:37,166
Now you look awful.
972
00:45:37,168 --> 00:45:39,368
You went from
looking like a goddess,
973
00:45:39,370 --> 00:45:42,038
to a favela in a bikini.
974
00:45:43,140 --> 00:45:45,575
What are we gonna do?
975
00:45:45,577 --> 00:45:48,444
If we meld as one,
976
00:45:48,446 --> 00:45:51,681
it'll see us as a much
larger and greater threat,
977
00:45:51,683 --> 00:45:55,118
and then slither
away sheepishly.
978
00:45:56,453 --> 00:45:59,722
So, this is us melding.
979
00:45:59,724 --> 00:46:02,325
Here we go.
Whoa, whoa.
980
00:46:02,327 --> 00:46:05,461
In Chapter 7 in one of the most
brilliant novels I've ever read,
981
00:46:05,463 --> 00:46:08,498
the main character finds
a coral snake in their barn.
982
00:46:08,500 --> 00:46:10,967
Roger tells her, "Red over
yellow kills a fellow.
983
00:46:10,969 --> 00:46:12,602
"Red over black, venom lack."
984
00:46:12,604 --> 00:46:14,871
So, our little friend over
there isn't poisonous.
985
00:46:15,272 --> 00:46:16,506
Wow.
986
00:46:16,508 --> 00:46:18,941
You read my novel?
Twice.
987
00:46:18,943 --> 00:46:20,543
So, I guess you know what a...
988
00:46:20,545 --> 00:46:21,944
What a cliche I am.
989
00:46:21,946 --> 00:46:23,279
A writer who drinks.
990
00:46:23,281 --> 00:46:25,381
You forgot to
mention "tortured."
991
00:46:25,383 --> 00:46:28,117
And I left out
"scared and insecure."
992
00:46:29,154 --> 00:46:31,821
Well, perhaps
that is why I drink.
993
00:46:31,823 --> 00:46:33,156
But we never see you drink,
994
00:46:33,158 --> 00:46:34,924
because we're
always distracted by
995
00:46:34,926 --> 00:46:36,626
the things you're
pointing to, you know?
996
00:46:36,628 --> 00:46:38,694
Justin Bieber, dumpster fires,
997
00:46:38,696 --> 00:46:40,630
24-hour Popeyes Chicken...
998
00:46:40,632 --> 00:46:44,400
The really tall midget,
enlightened trucker.
999
00:46:45,035 --> 00:46:46,569
Silent bagpipes,
1000
00:46:46,571 --> 00:46:48,938
Pete Best, Blockbuster Video.
1001
00:46:48,940 --> 00:46:50,573
The cast of Breakfast Club,
1002
00:46:50,575 --> 00:46:52,408
and one of my favorites,
1003
00:46:52,410 --> 00:46:54,777
"That cloud looks
like a drag queen."
1004
00:46:54,779 --> 00:46:56,245
Let me see if I
got this straight.
1005
00:46:56,247 --> 00:46:58,981
You wrote one novel,
got lots of critical praise,
1006
00:46:58,983 --> 00:47:01,417
then you finished?
What happened?
1007
00:47:04,521 --> 00:47:06,088
Wait a second.
1008
00:47:06,090 --> 00:47:09,225
Is that Charlie
Jones over there?
1009
00:47:10,127 --> 00:47:12,528
Behind an empty typewriter?
1010
00:47:12,530 --> 00:47:16,966
Frozen, hammered, alone?
1011
00:47:16,968 --> 00:47:18,534
No, it isn't.
1012
00:47:18,536 --> 00:47:20,803
I guess if my head was filled
with that kind of crap,
1013
00:47:20,805 --> 00:47:22,471
I'd probably drink, too.
1014
00:47:22,473 --> 00:47:23,940
But I don't.
1015
00:47:23,942 --> 00:47:25,908
So, good luck with your travels.
1016
00:47:27,578 --> 00:47:30,479
Wait. What if I...
1017
00:47:30,481 --> 00:47:33,616
What if I didn't drink?
1018
00:47:33,618 --> 00:47:35,918
I guess we'll never know.
1019
00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:38,521
But I do know you
are a brilliant writer.
1020
00:47:54,171 --> 00:47:57,573
I swear, that was not me peeing.
1021
00:48:08,185 --> 00:48:11,120
Last one to drop their
hand off the car wins.
1022
00:48:11,122 --> 00:48:12,521
Ocho.
1023
00:48:16,894 --> 00:48:18,160
Gracias.
1024
00:48:19,429 --> 00:48:24,066
Uncle Gravy saw some bad boys
right over there.
1025
00:48:24,068 --> 00:48:27,536
Yeah. Yeah,
you gotta be real careful.
1026
00:48:27,538 --> 00:48:30,706
They got 10,000 eyes.
1027
00:48:30,708 --> 00:48:32,608
Kind of like my ex-wife.
1028
00:48:32,610 --> 00:48:34,076
Are you gonna do it?
1029
00:48:34,078 --> 00:48:37,146
It's been a long time.
I'm scared.
1030
00:48:37,148 --> 00:48:38,948
Do it. You won't.
No balls.
1031
00:48:40,417 --> 00:48:42,385
"No balls"?
1032
00:48:47,692 --> 00:48:49,558
I got him! I got him!
1033
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,460
I gotcha! You're gonna...
1034
00:48:51,828 --> 00:48:53,329
Ahem!
1035
00:48:53,331 --> 00:48:57,033
Yeah.
I need one of your hairs.
1036
00:48:57,035 --> 00:48:59,535
You're ready for
your little leash?
1037
00:49:02,373 --> 00:49:05,041
Que paso, little flower? Yes?
1038
00:49:05,043 --> 00:49:06,842
Dad, what's sex?
1039
00:49:08,980 --> 00:49:11,080
Have fun with that one, Dad.
1040
00:49:11,082 --> 00:49:13,082
Listen up. He's got
a lot of good advice.
1041
00:49:13,084 --> 00:49:16,118
Yeah, Felipa.
Thank you very much.
1042
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:17,620
What's sex? Tell her, Dad.
1043
00:49:17,622 --> 00:49:18,854
Let's hear it.
1044
00:49:18,856 --> 00:49:21,991
Excuse me. Thank you.
1045
00:49:24,128 --> 00:49:25,995
Sex is like, like... It's...
1046
00:49:25,997 --> 00:49:27,096
It's when you hug someone.
1047
00:49:27,098 --> 00:49:28,431
Come on, brother, that's it?
1048
00:49:28,433 --> 00:49:29,632
Hug real tight.
1049
00:49:29,634 --> 00:49:33,069
So, wait. So,
I've had sex with my grandpa.
1050
00:49:33,071 --> 00:49:34,470
I wouldn't be surprised.
1051
00:49:36,974 --> 00:49:38,541
Okay.
1052
00:49:38,543 --> 00:49:41,210
Well, I...
I guess you're old enough.
1053
00:49:42,312 --> 00:49:48,884
Sex is when Mommy and Daddy hug.
1054
00:49:48,886 --> 00:49:52,588
And we don't
have any clothes on.
1055
00:49:52,590 --> 00:49:54,924
Well, you better get
naked and start hugging,
1056
00:49:54,926 --> 00:49:58,661
'cause they said dinner
will be ready in two secs.
1057
00:50:02,532 --> 00:50:04,633
Yes! Yes!
1058
00:50:04,635 --> 00:50:07,436
Dinner will be
ready in two secs!
1059
00:50:07,438 --> 00:50:09,705
He's my son and I love him,
1060
00:50:09,707 --> 00:50:12,575
but, you know, you hate
to see 'em struggle.
1061
00:50:12,577 --> 00:50:16,779
This thing that he's
struggling with, has this...
1062
00:50:16,781 --> 00:50:18,914
Has this got anything to do
with why he's not married
1063
00:50:18,916 --> 00:50:20,716
and not settled down?
1064
00:50:21,451 --> 00:50:22,618
Yeah.
1065
00:50:22,620 --> 00:50:24,920
Well, hopefully
he'll figure it out.
1066
00:50:24,922 --> 00:50:27,523
We got a guy coming up
that's gonna help with that.
1067
00:50:32,062 --> 00:50:33,796
I get it.
1068
00:50:33,798 --> 00:50:35,598
You do?
Yeah.
1069
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:37,066
Hey, it's fine.
1070
00:50:37,068 --> 00:50:41,670
I mean, every family
has got someone who is
1071
00:50:41,672 --> 00:50:42,738
different.
1072
00:50:42,740 --> 00:50:44,440
I mean, and you're
a fireman, right?
1073
00:50:44,442 --> 00:50:47,076
I mean, you've probably seen
a whole lot of stuff.
1074
00:50:47,078 --> 00:50:49,345
I used to be a fireman.
1075
00:50:49,347 --> 00:50:51,247
Drinking got the best of me.
1076
00:50:51,249 --> 00:50:54,350
I couldn't control it,
so, they fired me.
1077
00:50:55,685 --> 00:50:57,053
Tried the Bible.
1078
00:50:57,055 --> 00:50:59,688
Jim Beam vs. John 3:10.
1079
00:50:59,690 --> 00:51:01,090
That didn't work out.
1080
00:51:01,092 --> 00:51:02,124
Jim Beam won?
1081
00:51:02,126 --> 00:51:03,492
Yeah.
1082
00:51:03,494 --> 00:51:07,963
Then I went to AA.
Let go and let God...
1083
00:51:07,965 --> 00:51:11,567
And I'm keeping my side of
the street clean, you know?
1084
00:51:11,569 --> 00:51:15,404
You know, as a parent,
I've made mistakes, too.
1085
00:51:15,406 --> 00:51:17,773
I mean, I know it
really bothers Ron Ron
1086
00:51:17,775 --> 00:51:20,643
the way I focus in on
Franklin's potential.
1087
00:51:20,645 --> 00:51:24,080
But Ron Ron, he's...
1088
00:51:24,082 --> 00:51:25,181
He's special.
1089
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:31,854
"Special."
1090
00:51:31,856 --> 00:51:36,325
You know, a couple of old
school guys like you and me...
1091
00:51:37,661 --> 00:51:39,962
Gotta learn it's a new
world out there, man.
1092
00:51:39,964 --> 00:51:41,964
New rules.
1093
00:51:41,966 --> 00:51:43,432
Charlie's gonna be all right.
1094
00:51:43,434 --> 00:51:44,433
Yeah.
1095
00:51:44,435 --> 00:51:46,068
And I mean, things...
1096
00:51:46,070 --> 00:51:49,205
Things are a lot easier
nowadays for guys like him.
1097
00:51:50,273 --> 00:51:52,575
I'll be right back.
1098
00:51:53,444 --> 00:51:55,811
It's like a little fly kite.
1099
00:51:55,813 --> 00:51:57,947
He looks like a real goer.
1100
00:51:57,949 --> 00:52:00,149
Watch what I do next here.
1101
00:52:01,251 --> 00:52:03,152
Okay, big guy.
1102
00:52:03,154 --> 00:52:05,387
Time to go to work.
1103
00:52:08,692 --> 00:52:12,094
Going somewhere with all
those bells and smells on?
1104
00:52:13,264 --> 00:52:14,797
I was just about to...
1105
00:52:14,799 --> 00:52:16,332
I know where you're going.
1106
00:52:16,334 --> 00:52:18,100
You do?
Yep.
1107
00:52:18,102 --> 00:52:21,003
And I think you two
make a great pair.
1108
00:52:21,005 --> 00:52:22,304
You do?
Yes!
1109
00:52:22,306 --> 00:52:24,173
I even like
the ring of her name.
1110
00:52:24,175 --> 00:52:25,908
Shantaysia.
1111
00:52:27,310 --> 00:52:29,178
Shantaysia..
1112
00:52:29,180 --> 00:52:30,513
Yeah.
Shantaysia.
1113
00:52:30,515 --> 00:52:32,448
Now, look,
I know what you're gonna say.
1114
00:52:32,450 --> 00:52:34,783
I know I push a little hard.
1115
00:52:34,785 --> 00:52:36,619
But it's because you
got so much promise,
1116
00:52:36,621 --> 00:52:39,054
and I want you to deliver on it.
1117
00:52:39,056 --> 00:52:40,356
See, back in the day,
1118
00:52:40,358 --> 00:52:42,658
when I was coming up your age...
1119
00:52:42,660 --> 00:52:44,393
And the time...
1120
00:52:44,395 --> 00:52:45,928
I never would
have dreamed I'd have
1121
00:52:45,930 --> 00:52:48,464
a son that's on
the verge of running a city.
1122
00:52:48,466 --> 00:52:51,033
I just want to say to you, son,
1123
00:52:51,035 --> 00:52:52,902
I'm proud of you.
Pop.
1124
00:52:52,904 --> 00:52:54,837
Real proud.
1125
00:52:54,839 --> 00:52:56,372
Pop. Thanks, man.
1126
00:52:58,775 --> 00:53:01,577
Now, you go ahead
on for your walk.
1127
00:53:02,312 --> 00:53:04,146
And don't make it late.
1128
00:53:04,148 --> 00:53:07,883
No son of mine is gonna take
longer than a woman to get ready.
1129
00:53:07,885 --> 00:53:09,351
Come on, man.
1130
00:53:10,620 --> 00:53:13,389
You sound like an episode
of Sanford and Son.
1131
00:53:16,527 --> 00:53:19,295
Romance is in the hizzouse.
1132
00:53:20,063 --> 00:53:21,597
Hey, hey.
1133
00:53:21,599 --> 00:53:23,766
Hey, Shay-Shay.
Hey. Have a nice walk.
1134
00:53:23,768 --> 00:53:24,867
All right.
1135
00:53:26,303 --> 00:53:28,637
Well, where is he
going all dressed up?
1136
00:53:29,339 --> 00:53:30,606
Who isn't here?
1137
00:53:30,608 --> 00:53:32,908
Hey, Charlie, where are you?
1138
00:53:33,843 --> 00:53:35,477
Charlie?
1139
00:53:38,448 --> 00:53:40,649
Charlie and Franklin?
1140
00:53:43,353 --> 00:53:44,820
Lord.
1141
00:53:50,427 --> 00:53:52,928
Hey.
You're here. How you doing?
1142
00:53:53,597 --> 00:53:54,530
I'm good.
1143
00:53:54,532 --> 00:53:56,365
Funny seeing you here.
1144
00:53:56,367 --> 00:53:57,600
Not really.
1145
00:53:57,602 --> 00:53:58,834
Just...
1146
00:53:58,836 --> 00:54:00,402
Well, being that
I'm here, you're here,
1147
00:54:00,404 --> 00:54:02,538
I thought we could
talk about this whole...
1148
00:54:03,907 --> 00:54:05,441
Fake Mom thing.
1149
00:54:05,443 --> 00:54:06,742
What about it?
1150
00:54:06,744 --> 00:54:08,077
Maybe, well...
1151
00:54:08,079 --> 00:54:11,080
Not that I thought
about it a lot, but I did
1152
00:54:11,082 --> 00:54:14,283
jot down some alts,
as you kids like to say.
1153
00:54:14,285 --> 00:54:15,684
I've never said that.
1154
00:54:15,686 --> 00:54:17,219
You don't say "alts" for...
Okay.
1155
00:54:17,221 --> 00:54:18,520
You wrote all of that?
1156
00:54:18,522 --> 00:54:19,955
Yeah, just a few...
1157
00:54:19,957 --> 00:54:23,425
Just a few
alternatives to "Fake Mom."
1158
00:54:23,427 --> 00:54:24,793
Not that I don't love it.
1159
00:54:24,795 --> 00:54:27,796
But I just thought,
why not "Trophy Mom"?
1160
00:54:27,798 --> 00:54:30,432
I could be like
a Trophy Mom, you know?
1161
00:54:30,434 --> 00:54:31,900
No. No.
I always wanted...
1162
00:54:31,902 --> 00:54:36,372
No? Okay, not great. Okay.
How about "Mom Again"?
1163
00:54:36,374 --> 00:54:38,040
Mom Again.
You know what I mean?
1164
00:54:38,042 --> 00:54:39,875
Like, when you call me,
you'll be like, "Mom Again!"
1165
00:54:39,877 --> 00:54:41,410
No.
People might think that's...
1166
00:54:41,412 --> 00:54:42,544
Fake Mom.
Okay.
1167
00:54:42,546 --> 00:54:44,580
How about "This Mom"?
1168
00:54:44,582 --> 00:54:47,616
This Mom. This Mom.
You know what I mean?
1169
00:54:47,618 --> 00:54:49,118
Who would say any of this?
1170
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:50,352
Probably nobody.
1171
00:54:50,354 --> 00:54:52,454
How about "Other Mom"?
"Cute Mom"?
1172
00:54:52,456 --> 00:54:54,356
"Mom Mom"?
Cute? "Cute Mom"?
1173
00:54:54,358 --> 00:54:56,592
Okay, "Mom Mom."
"Mom Mom" is cute. Right?
1174
00:54:56,594 --> 00:54:58,627
You'll be like, "Mom Mom!"
What am I, two years old?
1175
00:54:58,629 --> 00:55:00,329
'Cause it wouldn't be
like your first mom...
1176
00:55:00,331 --> 00:55:03,866
I have my real mom,
and then I have you.
1177
00:55:03,868 --> 00:55:05,267
Right,
and I would never wanna...
1178
00:55:05,269 --> 00:55:06,435
And you are my fake mom.
1179
00:55:06,437 --> 00:55:09,004
And you need to
stop trying to act...
1180
00:55:09,006 --> 00:55:10,572
Take the place of her.
Yeah, exactly.
1181
00:55:10,574 --> 00:55:11,640
Yeah, I would never.
1182
00:55:11,642 --> 00:55:13,242
Well, you're trying to.
1183
00:55:13,244 --> 00:55:14,777
No, I don't. I wouldn't...
1184
00:55:15,879 --> 00:55:17,913
I think this has
been a productive talk.
1185
00:55:18,815 --> 00:55:20,449
All right, well...
1186
00:55:20,451 --> 00:55:21,784
Do you want me to
button up your shirt?
1187
00:55:21,786 --> 00:55:23,552
No. Okay. It's
supposed to be like that.
1188
00:55:23,554 --> 00:55:25,020
Yeah.
Okay. All right.
1189
00:55:25,022 --> 00:55:26,355
All right.
1190
00:55:32,228 --> 00:55:34,430
My family may not win this.
1191
00:55:34,432 --> 00:55:38,300
Which means my
plans get flushed.
1192
00:55:38,302 --> 00:55:40,102
You've got to tell your dad.
1193
00:55:40,104 --> 00:55:42,371
We both do.
I can't keep lying.
1194
00:55:44,774 --> 00:55:46,608
I know,
it's just my dad is crazy.
1195
00:55:46,610 --> 00:55:50,946
It's like he wants me to be mayor
someday, so it's... You know?
1196
00:55:50,948 --> 00:55:55,150
Yeah. And you can't do that with
a Mexican woman by your side.
1197
00:55:55,152 --> 00:55:56,885
What? I didn't say that.
1198
00:55:56,887 --> 00:55:59,088
What... I mean, why did you...
Look, Franklin,
1199
00:55:59,090 --> 00:56:01,357
I'm glad that you
worry about your father.
1200
00:56:01,359 --> 00:56:03,258
I worry about my father, too.
1201
00:56:03,260 --> 00:56:08,163
They want so much for us, even
though sometimes it's misguided.
1202
00:56:08,165 --> 00:56:13,635
But I think that we've been fooling
ourselves hoping that this will work.
1203
00:56:13,637 --> 00:56:15,571
What are you talking about?
1204
00:56:15,573 --> 00:56:19,608
We were going to lean on each
other, but maybe we can't.
1205
00:56:19,610 --> 00:56:21,777
And it's better
that we learn it now,
1206
00:56:21,779 --> 00:56:24,680
before we commit to something
that isn't gonna work.
1207
00:56:24,682 --> 00:56:26,115
Felipa, what are you saying?
1208
00:56:27,250 --> 00:56:29,118
Making it easier on both of us.
1209
00:56:30,987 --> 00:56:32,121
What?
1210
00:56:33,590 --> 00:56:34,957
Felipa, what are you doing?
1211
00:56:35,392 --> 00:56:36,825
Felipa.
1212
00:56:40,430 --> 00:56:41,764
Fuck!
1213
00:56:48,104 --> 00:56:50,406
Ron Ron,
I told you to knock that off.
1214
00:56:50,408 --> 00:56:53,409
You're gonna mess around and put
a hole in the back of your neck.
1215
00:56:53,411 --> 00:56:55,444
So, you're just
telling me stuff?
1216
00:56:55,446 --> 00:56:56,545
You told me?
1217
00:56:56,547 --> 00:56:57,579
Yeah, I told you.
1218
00:56:57,581 --> 00:56:58,847
You told me?
1219
00:56:58,849 --> 00:56:59,715
Yes.
1220
00:56:59,717 --> 00:57:01,049
- Okay.
- Okay.
1221
00:57:01,051 --> 00:57:02,251
Okay.
1222
00:57:02,253 --> 00:57:03,719
That's it, Ron Ron.
1223
00:57:03,721 --> 00:57:05,120
Wear those pants, brother.
1224
00:57:05,122 --> 00:57:07,556
That way you tell your wife
who's the boss, brother.
1225
00:57:08,958 --> 00:57:10,759
You know something?
Watch this.
1226
00:57:11,394 --> 00:57:13,395
Keko, check this out.
1227
00:57:13,397 --> 00:57:16,865
I'm in this contest where I
keep my hand on this damn car,
1228
00:57:16,867 --> 00:57:18,467
so I can win for the family.
1229
00:57:18,469 --> 00:57:19,968
I'm a little thirsty now.
1230
00:57:19,970 --> 00:57:22,337
I want you to go get
me one of those beers,
1231
00:57:22,339 --> 00:57:23,639
open the top,
1232
00:57:23,641 --> 00:57:25,441
and put the beer on my lips,
1233
00:57:25,443 --> 00:57:26,942
and pour it in my mouth.
1234
00:57:26,944 --> 00:57:28,310
Now!
1235
00:57:28,312 --> 00:57:29,778
Bullshit!
1236
00:57:29,780 --> 00:57:32,714
Do I look like somebody
who's gonna pop a beer,
1237
00:57:32,716 --> 00:57:35,884
put it on your lips
and pour it down your throat?
1238
00:57:36,486 --> 00:57:37,753
Never mind, baby.
1239
00:57:37,755 --> 00:57:39,755
- He trippin'.
- Shantaysia!
1240
00:57:39,757 --> 00:57:43,959
I need you to snap
a cap for me right now!
1241
00:57:43,961 --> 00:57:45,027
I don't think so.
1242
00:57:46,362 --> 00:57:48,063
God damn!
1243
00:57:48,065 --> 00:57:51,400
Wow! What a beautiful thing.
I mean, look.
1244
00:57:51,402 --> 00:57:55,237
Every creed, race, and creed
1245
00:57:55,239 --> 00:57:58,240
just hanging loose. It's...
1246
00:57:59,742 --> 00:58:01,577
I wanna give a speech.
1247
00:58:08,219 --> 00:58:11,220
So, you gonna make that
speech, hopper, or what?
1248
00:58:11,222 --> 00:58:13,689
Well, I gotta write
something down first.
1249
00:58:14,991 --> 00:58:16,592
That man is out of his mind.
1250
00:58:16,594 --> 00:58:17,960
He's a lunatic, man.
1251
00:58:19,864 --> 00:58:21,730
What's up, guys?
Yeah.
1252
00:58:21,732 --> 00:58:23,398
What's up, Charlie?
1253
00:58:23,400 --> 00:58:24,933
You smell what I'm stepping in?
1254
00:58:24,935 --> 00:58:26,668
Smell something, brother.
1255
00:58:26,670 --> 00:58:28,537
Yeah, the kids used to say that.
1256
00:58:28,539 --> 00:58:30,405
What kids used to say that?
I don't...
1257
00:58:30,407 --> 00:58:32,708
I heard a couple of kids say it.
1258
00:58:32,710 --> 00:58:34,710
Hey, Charlie, man.
1259
00:58:34,712 --> 00:58:36,712
I see your hybrid's got all the latest
gadgets, man, that's pretty cool.
1260
00:58:36,714 --> 00:58:39,281
It's like Star Trek.
1261
00:58:39,283 --> 00:58:41,149
What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1262
00:58:41,151 --> 00:58:44,453
You got one of those special force fields.
What do they call it?
1263
00:58:44,455 --> 00:58:45,554
Pussy deflector.
1264
00:58:46,657 --> 00:58:48,457
Charlie, where were you?
1265
00:58:48,459 --> 00:58:49,958
I was in the lake, washing up.
1266
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:52,160
Yeah? Did you wash
behind your ears, fool?
1267
00:59:04,942 --> 00:59:06,975
You know, Jose,
maybe you should try washing.
1268
00:59:06,977 --> 00:59:09,578
I mean, even your
tent has skid marks.
1269
00:59:09,580 --> 00:59:12,214
And don't be too
stingy with the Lever 2000.
1270
00:59:12,216 --> 00:59:15,717
Maybe you should call them and see
if they've got a Lever 10000.
1271
00:59:15,719 --> 00:59:17,085
Dude, what are you
talking about, man?
1272
00:59:17,087 --> 00:59:18,620
That's pheromones.
The chicks dig that.
1273
00:59:18,622 --> 00:59:20,122
Jose does smell.
1274
00:59:21,124 --> 00:59:22,457
You got that right.
1275
00:59:22,459 --> 00:59:24,192
Hey, pass me that bullhorn.
1276
00:59:24,961 --> 00:59:26,161
What?
1277
00:59:26,163 --> 00:59:28,997
Thank you.
Wait. There's the switch.
1278
00:59:28,999 --> 00:59:30,966
Hey, y'all.
1279
00:59:30,968 --> 00:59:33,702
Jose's BO smell so bad,
1280
00:59:33,704 --> 00:59:35,704
he need the Right
and the Left Guard.
1281
00:59:38,108 --> 00:59:40,409
You get it? 'Cause it's the Right
Guard, that's what it's called.
1282
00:59:40,411 --> 00:59:43,579
And he smells, so he needs both sides
of it, 'cause there's the left...
1283
00:59:43,581 --> 00:59:45,380
Yeah, they got it.
They got it.
1284
00:59:45,382 --> 00:59:47,616
Y'all didn't like that one? Okay,
I got another one for you.
1285
00:59:47,618 --> 00:59:52,955
What is the flattest surface
that you could iron anything on?
1286
00:59:54,357 --> 00:59:56,058
A white girl's ass.
1287
00:59:57,093 --> 00:59:58,794
See, that's true.
1288
00:59:58,796 --> 01:00:01,163
Hey! Bullshit! Bullshit!
1289
01:00:01,165 --> 01:00:04,666
Check out this
masterpiece of assery.
1290
01:00:05,068 --> 01:00:06,201
Yeah.
1291
01:00:06,203 --> 01:00:07,302
Yeah, yeah.
1292
01:00:07,304 --> 01:00:08,904
Mind if I do a little tucking?
1293
01:00:08,906 --> 01:00:11,239
I don't know.
It looks pretty flat to me.
1294
01:00:11,241 --> 01:00:13,075
Hold on, wait a minute.
Maybe this is a bad angle.
1295
01:00:13,077 --> 01:00:14,810
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You check it out.
1296
01:00:14,812 --> 01:00:16,645
We got a challenge on the
play, ladies and gentlemen.
1297
01:00:16,647 --> 01:00:18,313
Yeah.
1298
01:00:18,315 --> 01:00:19,915
Yeah, my bad.
1299
01:00:19,917 --> 01:00:21,717
I was wrong. You're right.
Okay, I'll concede the point.
1300
01:00:21,719 --> 01:00:23,518
I got one, I got one.
1301
01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:24,953
All right...
1302
01:00:24,955 --> 01:00:28,056
Okay, y'all. What's 9
inches long and white?
1303
01:00:29,192 --> 01:00:31,526
Anybody? Anybody?
1304
01:00:31,528 --> 01:00:33,195
Not a damn thing!
1305
01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:38,000
Really?
1306
01:00:38,002 --> 01:00:39,368
Really? I call bullshit.
1307
01:00:39,370 --> 01:00:40,535
Yeah?
1308
01:00:40,537 --> 01:00:44,072
Check out this
masterpiece of dickery.
1309
01:00:44,641 --> 01:00:46,408
No. No.
1310
01:00:46,410 --> 01:00:48,477
All right, all right. Fine, fine, fine.
Give me that horn.
1311
01:00:48,479 --> 01:00:50,512
See? That's how it starts.
Give me the horn.
1312
01:00:50,514 --> 01:00:53,248
And now Charlie has taken the
bullhorn, ladies and gentlemen.
1313
01:00:53,250 --> 01:00:54,883
This competition is heating up.
1314
01:00:54,885 --> 01:00:56,785
Let's see what he's got.
1315
01:00:56,787 --> 01:00:58,720
Did you hear about the black
guy and the Mexican guy
1316
01:00:58,722 --> 01:01:00,656
that opened
a restaurant together?
1317
01:01:00,658 --> 01:01:02,724
No.
It's called Nacho Mama.
1318
01:01:04,027 --> 01:01:05,961
Wait.
1319
01:01:05,963 --> 01:01:07,763
Hey,
what happens when a white guy
1320
01:01:07,765 --> 01:01:09,531
with a boner walks into a wall?
1321
01:01:09,533 --> 01:01:11,700
What?
He breaks his nose.
1322
01:01:16,606 --> 01:01:17,806
Franklin.
1323
01:01:17,808 --> 01:01:18,707
Franklin, he takes the bullhorn.
1324
01:01:18,709 --> 01:01:20,609
All right.
1325
01:01:20,611 --> 01:01:23,679
Why do white people love hockey?
1326
01:01:23,681 --> 01:01:24,946
Why?
Why is that?
1327
01:01:24,948 --> 01:01:26,782
Because if they can't be a cop,
1328
01:01:26,784 --> 01:01:28,984
that's the only chance they
get to beat something black.
1329
01:01:32,555 --> 01:01:35,023
In your face!
1330
01:01:35,025 --> 01:01:36,591
What do you call
a black man in a suit?
1331
01:01:36,593 --> 01:01:38,126
What?
1332
01:01:38,128 --> 01:01:39,428
The defendant.
1333
01:01:42,765 --> 01:01:46,301
I got one, I got one, you
guys, wait for this. Ready?
1334
01:01:46,303 --> 01:01:48,637
Ladies and gentlemen,
looks like the pole dancer
1335
01:01:48,639 --> 01:01:50,138
wants to enter the competition.
1336
01:01:50,140 --> 01:01:52,674
She's teeing it up,
let's see what she's got.
1337
01:01:52,676 --> 01:01:57,145
What do you call a black...
Wait...
1338
01:01:58,114 --> 01:02:00,749
And Daisy Duke's got nothing.
1339
01:02:00,751 --> 01:02:03,051
You know, fuck this shit.
1340
01:02:03,053 --> 01:02:05,387
All right. Well, there's some
good news and bad news.
1341
01:02:05,389 --> 01:02:07,989
While she had the bullhorn,
ratings spiked,
1342
01:02:07,991 --> 01:02:11,359
but the bad news is
everybody's IQ went down.
1343
01:02:16,466 --> 01:02:19,735
Okay, all right,
all right. I got one for you.
1344
01:02:19,737 --> 01:02:22,437
Hey! What do white
women make for dinner?
1345
01:02:22,439 --> 01:02:23,505
What?
1346
01:02:23,507 --> 01:02:24,873
Reservations.
1347
01:02:28,378 --> 01:02:30,378
No, and ladies and gentlemen,
1348
01:02:30,380 --> 01:02:33,215
the park rangers are getting
involved in the competition.
1349
01:02:33,217 --> 01:02:35,183
And either this
brother is colorblind
1350
01:02:35,185 --> 01:02:38,019
or he is just flat out helping
the wrong family.
1351
01:02:39,756 --> 01:02:40,856
You sure about that?
1352
01:02:40,858 --> 01:02:42,657
They'll love it.
1353
01:02:42,659 --> 01:02:45,861
When a black and a Mexican
are in a car, who's driving?
1354
01:02:46,930 --> 01:02:49,131
Who?
The cop.
1355
01:02:52,869 --> 01:02:56,505
Yeah, okay, brother, go on, check on out.
Okay, thank you.
1356
01:02:56,507 --> 01:02:59,741
Yeah, you can go on and clock out.
Thank you.
1357
01:02:59,743 --> 01:03:02,277
And now,
Franklin takes the bullhorn.
1358
01:03:02,279 --> 01:03:05,013
Let's see if he can
pull one out for his team.
1359
01:03:05,015 --> 01:03:08,550
All right. Why do white
folks have so many pets?
1360
01:03:08,552 --> 01:03:09,918
Why?
1361
01:03:09,920 --> 01:03:11,360
'Cause they can't
own people anymore.
1362
01:03:13,122 --> 01:03:15,957
Boom! Drops the bullhorn.
That's right.
1363
01:03:17,527 --> 01:03:19,761
Hey! Ya, ya, ya!
1364
01:03:19,763 --> 01:03:21,429
Ya!
1365
01:03:21,431 --> 01:03:22,931
Hey, hey, hey!
1366
01:03:24,066 --> 01:03:26,434
What's going on, everybody?
1367
01:03:26,436 --> 01:03:27,836
My name is Johnny Jon-John.
1368
01:03:27,838 --> 01:03:29,037
I'll be running
the intervention.
1369
01:03:29,039 --> 01:03:31,039
And it is for Charlie Jones.
1370
01:03:31,041 --> 01:03:32,474
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Is there a Charlie Jones...
1371
01:03:32,476 --> 01:03:33,642
No, no, not now.
1372
01:03:33,644 --> 01:03:35,644
An intervention for me?
1373
01:03:35,646 --> 01:03:39,948
No, no, no. You can go now.
We don't need you. We're fine.
1374
01:03:39,950 --> 01:03:41,449
I should have
seen you a mile away.
1375
01:03:41,451 --> 01:03:43,118
Yes, sir, let's get right to it.
1376
01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:46,021
Anybody want to speak
up about this joker?
1377
01:03:47,557 --> 01:03:49,424
Okay. I'll go.
1378
01:03:49,426 --> 01:03:52,294
All right.
This is an intervention.
1379
01:03:52,296 --> 01:03:54,429
Tenth one's free.
Another joke we do.
1380
01:03:54,431 --> 01:03:56,064
I like to lighten
the mood a little bit
1381
01:03:56,066 --> 01:03:57,966
when someone's
heading to the grave.
1382
01:03:57,968 --> 01:04:01,469
Your family put together a list of
things you've done while drunk.
1383
01:04:01,471 --> 01:04:03,572
They've put together a list?
Yeah.
1384
01:04:03,574 --> 01:04:04,840
That's how it works.
1385
01:04:04,842 --> 01:04:06,074
Give us the short list.
1386
01:04:06,076 --> 01:04:09,845
Let's see.
You burned down a farm,
1387
01:04:09,847 --> 01:04:13,014
with a barn and three cows?
1388
01:04:13,016 --> 01:04:15,150
They were goats.
They were goats.
1389
01:04:15,718 --> 01:04:17,452
Only goats.
1390
01:04:17,454 --> 01:04:19,821
Well, that's cool.
He's a great guy.
1391
01:04:21,124 --> 01:04:23,458
No, you're horrible.
I'm kidding again.
1392
01:04:23,460 --> 01:04:27,495
It keeps going. You got drunk at a
carnival and you shot a fireman?
1393
01:04:27,497 --> 01:04:28,897
He was off-duty.
1394
01:04:28,899 --> 01:04:31,099
And a bit shifty.
1395
01:04:31,101 --> 01:04:33,001
Okay,
"off-duty and shifty."
1396
01:04:33,003 --> 01:04:34,236
He was shifty.
1397
01:04:34,238 --> 01:04:36,104
Sounds to me like
you're enabling.
1398
01:04:36,106 --> 01:04:39,808
That's a pretty big word for
something that I'm not really doing.
1399
01:04:39,810 --> 01:04:41,376
You unbolted
the Ferris wheel, too?
1400
01:04:41,378 --> 01:04:45,180
Yeah, it's a wheel,
so it could roll away.
1401
01:04:45,182 --> 01:04:47,449
To give it a head
start for the next town.
1402
01:04:47,451 --> 01:04:48,316
Hello?
1403
01:04:48,318 --> 01:04:49,584
You shaved a librarian's head?
1404
01:04:49,586 --> 01:04:51,419
She may have had lice.
1405
01:04:51,421 --> 01:04:54,689
All right, and you pushed your
cousin Bobby down some stairs.
1406
01:04:54,691 --> 01:04:56,091
He had lice.
He had lice.
1407
01:04:56,093 --> 01:04:58,193
Right. He's got
the RID and the comb.
1408
01:04:58,195 --> 01:04:59,928
All right, you did him a favor.
1409
01:04:59,930 --> 01:05:04,332
Did you shoot 72 bottle rockets
at your old high school?
1410
01:05:04,334 --> 01:05:06,735
Let's just say that I
enhanced its curb appeal.
1411
01:05:06,737 --> 01:05:08,570
And most of them were duds.
1412
01:05:08,572 --> 01:05:10,171
Over 50%?
Duh!
1413
01:05:10,173 --> 01:05:12,507
Holy shit, what am I doing here?
1414
01:05:12,509 --> 01:05:14,009
What a waste of my time.
1415
01:05:14,011 --> 01:05:15,944
This guy seems fine to me.
You single?
1416
01:05:16,779 --> 01:05:19,481
I...
1417
01:05:19,483 --> 01:05:22,250
I am,
but now that you mention it,
1418
01:05:22,652 --> 01:05:24,219
I was,
1419
01:05:24,221 --> 01:05:28,957
but a few hours ago, I'm...
Now I'm not... Not... No.
1420
01:05:28,959 --> 01:05:30,125
Final answer?
1421
01:05:30,127 --> 01:05:31,660
Final answer.
1422
01:05:31,662 --> 01:05:33,995
I wasn't even talking to you.
I was talking to her.
1423
01:05:33,997 --> 01:05:36,031
Me? Holy God.
1424
01:05:36,033 --> 01:05:38,166
- Sounds like a no.
- You know what?
1425
01:05:38,168 --> 01:05:40,635
This, this, this...
This whole "event"
1426
01:05:40,637 --> 01:05:43,104
can mange my taint.
1427
01:05:43,106 --> 01:05:45,507
I don't need this intervention.
1428
01:05:45,509 --> 01:05:47,309
Well, I fucking
don't need it either.
1429
01:05:47,311 --> 01:05:49,277
All right,
I'm Audi like five thouty.
1430
01:05:49,279 --> 01:05:51,846
Anybody need weed,
holler at your boy.
1431
01:05:51,848 --> 01:05:54,582
It's nice out here.
I'm joking!
1432
01:05:54,584 --> 01:05:57,752
This place is fun if
I was the Zika virus.
1433
01:05:57,754 --> 01:05:59,621
Uber!
1434
01:05:59,623 --> 01:06:01,389
What the hell
was that all about?
1435
01:06:01,391 --> 01:06:03,725
Look, son, we didn't mean to.
1436
01:06:03,727 --> 01:06:05,360
Shit.
1437
01:06:05,362 --> 01:06:07,295
Took my hand off the car.
1438
01:06:07,297 --> 01:06:11,066
Yeah. So, now it's
just me and Mr. Jonas.
1439
01:06:11,068 --> 01:06:12,600
No,
Papi's going to swat the fly.
1440
01:06:12,602 --> 01:06:13,902
No, no, no.
1441
01:06:13,904 --> 01:06:15,737
Papi, Papi, Papi, wake up!
What are you doing?
1442
01:06:15,739 --> 01:06:17,405
Pop!
What?
1443
01:06:17,407 --> 01:06:19,407
Dad.
You let go of the door, Pops.
1444
01:06:20,142 --> 01:06:22,310
I won! I won! I won, I won!
1445
01:06:22,312 --> 01:06:25,447
We won! My gosh! I've never
won anything before!
1446
01:06:27,350 --> 01:06:29,284
We won?
1447
01:06:29,286 --> 01:06:32,053
Hey, I'm gonna
give that speech now!
1448
01:06:32,055 --> 01:06:35,123
We are the champions!
1449
01:06:35,891 --> 01:06:39,260
You cannot deny a Jones!
1450
01:06:39,262 --> 01:06:42,163
With a family-first attitude,
1451
01:06:42,165 --> 01:06:44,599
we fought for victory,
1452
01:06:44,601 --> 01:06:46,835
and we girded our loins,
1453
01:06:46,837 --> 01:06:48,370
and marched to infamy.
1454
01:06:48,372 --> 01:06:49,804
Yes!
1455
01:06:49,806 --> 01:06:53,041
We are number one!
1456
01:06:54,944 --> 01:06:56,044
Is it raining?
1457
01:06:56,046 --> 01:06:58,380
Well, we won.
1458
01:06:58,382 --> 01:07:01,082
But it was kind of fun the way it
turned out. Why doesn't everybody stay?
1459
01:07:01,084 --> 01:07:04,919
I agree! Let's just everybody
stay and enjoy the weekend.
1460
01:07:04,921 --> 01:07:06,654
All right, we'll stay.
1461
01:07:06,656 --> 01:07:09,257
But you gotta be able to keep
a leash on your son Charlie.
1462
01:07:09,259 --> 01:07:11,593
What?
Wait, wait, wait.
1463
01:07:11,595 --> 01:07:13,428
What the hell
did that just mean?
1464
01:07:13,430 --> 01:07:18,333
Madonna, some pendejo tied
a pinche mosca on my shirt.
1465
01:07:19,001 --> 01:07:20,969
With a blonde hair.
1466
01:07:20,971 --> 01:07:22,170
The whites cheated.
1467
01:07:22,172 --> 01:07:23,938
Hey, I mean, come on, now.
1468
01:07:23,940 --> 01:07:28,076
The whites cheated and now Charlie
is after my son Franklin.
1469
01:07:28,078 --> 01:07:29,711
What?
What?
1470
01:07:29,713 --> 01:07:31,212
Pops,
what are you talking about?
1471
01:07:31,214 --> 01:07:32,647
Come on, now, Franklin.
1472
01:07:32,649 --> 01:07:34,749
I mean, you should have
told me that you were gay.
1473
01:07:34,751 --> 01:07:38,586
I mean, is that why you don't
want to run for mayor?
1474
01:07:38,588 --> 01:07:40,488
Are you kidding?
I'm not gay.
1475
01:07:40,490 --> 01:07:42,490
And if I was gay, I could get
way better than Charlie.
1476
01:07:42,492 --> 01:07:44,225
You think I'm after Franklin?
1477
01:07:44,227 --> 01:07:45,627
And a drunk!
1478
01:07:45,629 --> 01:07:46,728
Okay, okay.
1479
01:07:46,730 --> 01:07:48,730
You might have me
on the drunk thing.
1480
01:07:48,732 --> 01:07:50,398
But you're out of your mind.
1481
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:52,700
Everybody knows that Franklin's
in love with Felipa.
1482
01:07:52,702 --> 01:07:54,702
What?
What?
1483
01:07:54,704 --> 01:07:56,337
Charlie.
1484
01:07:56,339 --> 01:07:59,774
Even me, the huge drunk, could
tell 14 seconds after I got here.
1485
01:07:59,776 --> 01:08:02,844
And you still don't see it?
Felipa.
1486
01:08:05,548 --> 01:08:07,882
Papi, I've been
meaning to tell you.
1487
01:08:07,884 --> 01:08:09,317
Yes, okay?
1488
01:08:09,319 --> 01:08:12,053
Franklin and I have been
dating for over a year.
1489
01:08:12,055 --> 01:08:13,521
What?
What?
1490
01:08:13,523 --> 01:08:15,356
You need to keep your son away
from my daughter.
1491
01:08:15,358 --> 01:08:19,160
Hey, no, no. You ain't calling
no shots in my family, El Chapo.
1492
01:08:19,162 --> 01:08:20,595
Well, Pop, calm down.
1493
01:08:20,597 --> 01:08:23,631
No, no, no, and you.
I can't believe this, son.
1494
01:08:23,633 --> 01:08:28,303
You've been sneaking around with
her behind my back, and lying,
1495
01:08:28,305 --> 01:08:32,140
and standing up Shantaysia,
who is hot to trot.
1496
01:08:32,142 --> 01:08:33,675
Wow. "Hot to trot"
isn't accurate.
1497
01:08:33,677 --> 01:08:35,677
Okay, fine.
1498
01:08:35,679 --> 01:08:39,247
I came up here because
we all needed to get together.
1499
01:08:39,249 --> 01:08:42,250
I love Felipa.
That is my girl.
1500
01:08:42,252 --> 01:08:43,685
That is why we are all here.
1501
01:08:43,687 --> 01:08:45,520
I don't know where
the white family came from,
1502
01:08:45,522 --> 01:08:48,189
but that's why our families are here.
We planned it.
1503
01:08:48,191 --> 01:08:49,491
But you know what I hate?
1504
01:08:49,493 --> 01:08:50,825
Camping is what I hate.
1505
01:08:50,827 --> 01:08:53,828
I knew it,
I knew it, I fucking knew it!
1506
01:08:53,830 --> 01:08:56,297
You are not perfect, brother.
You don't want to be a camper.
1507
01:09:04,574 --> 01:09:06,875
This camping can jump up my ass.
1508
01:09:06,877 --> 01:09:10,245
These Jurassic Park mosquitoes
can jump up my ass.
1509
01:09:10,247 --> 01:09:11,613
Sleeping in my car at night,
1510
01:09:11,615 --> 01:09:13,047
waiting for somebody
to come and kill me...
1511
01:09:13,049 --> 01:09:14,315
Can jump up your ass.
1512
01:09:14,317 --> 01:09:15,450
Exactly.
Right.
1513
01:09:15,452 --> 01:09:16,751
All this can jump up my ass.
1514
01:09:16,753 --> 01:09:18,419
Well, if you're
going to act that way,
1515
01:09:18,421 --> 01:09:20,288
then why did we say
we'd let you stay?
1516
01:09:20,290 --> 01:09:21,456
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1517
01:09:21,458 --> 01:09:23,158
Let us stay?
Let us stay?
1518
01:09:24,093 --> 01:09:25,793
Those whites cheated.
1519
01:09:25,795 --> 01:09:28,296
And we're going to win this
contest and kick you out.
1520
01:09:28,298 --> 01:09:30,231
Yeah, man,
the hell with all you guys.
1521
01:09:30,233 --> 01:09:31,533
Final contest.
1522
01:09:31,535 --> 01:09:33,067
Winner or go home.
Yeah.
1523
01:09:33,069 --> 01:09:34,936
Let's get it on.
Let's get it on.
1524
01:09:34,938 --> 01:09:36,004
Come on.
1525
01:09:36,006 --> 01:09:37,105
Pues, vamos.
1526
01:09:37,107 --> 01:09:38,706
Let's do this.
1527
01:09:38,708 --> 01:09:40,108
Go this way.
1528
01:09:40,110 --> 01:09:41,709
It's game over,
tacos and Schlitz.
1529
01:09:44,046 --> 01:09:45,580
Hey, hey, gather around here.
1530
01:09:45,582 --> 01:09:49,450
I'm Peter Gaulke, and I'm one
of the original spectators,
1531
01:09:49,452 --> 01:09:51,486
so I think I'm
probably most qualified to
1532
01:09:51,488 --> 01:09:54,022
describe what we're
about to witness here.
1533
01:09:54,024 --> 01:09:58,893
This obstacle course race is 2 miles
total, give or take a mile or two.
1534
01:09:58,895 --> 01:10:01,429
And it's through the woods,
1535
01:10:01,431 --> 01:10:03,231
and then you gotta
get past that lake,
1536
01:10:03,233 --> 01:10:06,334
and then make it up to that
clearing way up there,
1537
01:10:06,336 --> 01:10:08,236
'cause that's where
the finish line's at.
1538
01:10:08,238 --> 01:10:10,471
So, what do you say we
all just sit back here,
1539
01:10:10,473 --> 01:10:12,774
and let's enjoy the show.
1540
01:10:12,776 --> 01:10:14,242
Y'all ready for this?
Let's do this!
1541
01:10:14,244 --> 01:10:16,578
Let's do this.
1542
01:10:16,580 --> 01:10:18,947
Let's... Okay, everybody,
here are the rules.
1543
01:10:18,949 --> 01:10:20,148
Rules?
Yeah.
1544
01:10:20,150 --> 01:10:21,950
No rules! Ready, set, go!
1545
01:10:23,352 --> 01:10:25,553
Hey! You got dirt on my shoes!
1546
01:10:25,555 --> 01:10:27,255
Yeah!
1547
01:10:29,992 --> 01:10:32,460
Move, move.
Move, move!
1548
01:10:32,462 --> 01:10:34,262
I'm comin' after you!
1549
01:10:40,069 --> 01:10:41,569
I want to stay.
1550
01:10:41,571 --> 01:10:43,771
Yeah, why do parents always
have to ruin everything?
1551
01:10:43,773 --> 01:10:44,872
I don't want to go.
1552
01:10:44,874 --> 01:10:45,907
Me either.
1553
01:10:45,909 --> 01:10:48,209
Wait, I have an idea.
1554
01:10:48,211 --> 01:10:49,577
Rolie, you still have that map?
1555
01:10:49,579 --> 01:10:51,246
Does a bear shit in the woods?
1556
01:10:52,314 --> 01:10:54,282
Yes, young man, it does.
1557
01:10:54,284 --> 01:10:56,417
Ew!
1558
01:10:56,419 --> 01:10:57,619
He's gross.
1559
01:10:57,621 --> 01:10:59,587
He smokes too much weed.
1560
01:10:59,589 --> 01:11:02,023
One time he got so baked, he tried
to take his pants off over his head.
1561
01:11:02,025 --> 01:11:03,258
What?
1562
01:11:03,260 --> 01:11:04,492
It's an old Woody Allen joke.
1563
01:11:04,494 --> 01:11:06,427
Okay,
so, you see this ridge here.
1564
01:11:06,429 --> 01:11:08,062
It horseshoes
around this mountain.
1565
01:11:08,064 --> 01:11:10,498
And if we cut across here,
then we're there.
1566
01:11:10,500 --> 01:11:13,468
The plan only works if we can
get to the finish line first.
1567
01:11:13,470 --> 01:11:14,836
Think we can get there first?
1568
01:11:14,838 --> 01:11:16,571
Hell, yeah,
first is my middle name.
1569
01:11:16,573 --> 01:11:18,606
It is?
No, sweetie, it's Olivia.
1570
01:11:18,608 --> 01:11:20,775
All right, let's do this.
On three.
1571
01:11:20,777 --> 01:11:21,643
One, two, three.
1572
01:11:21,645 --> 01:11:24,479
Break!
Let's go!
1573
01:11:24,481 --> 01:11:27,649
And the black Jones
family is in the lead.
1574
01:11:27,651 --> 01:11:28,983
Hurry up!
1575
01:11:31,120 --> 01:11:32,420
You're killing it, Dad.
1576
01:11:32,422 --> 01:11:33,855
Get your arms down there.
1577
01:11:33,857 --> 01:11:35,390
Get away from me!
1578
01:11:39,595 --> 01:11:41,229
Look, Pop,
I just want to say I'm sorry.
1579
01:11:41,231 --> 01:11:43,731
No talking, just winning.
1580
01:11:43,733 --> 01:11:46,067
I'm not sorry-sorry,
but I'm sorry.
1581
01:11:52,108 --> 01:11:53,708
You can't keep up, can ya?
1582
01:11:53,710 --> 01:11:55,443
Look,
you're the one out of shape.
1583
01:11:55,445 --> 01:11:57,612
I'm not out of shape,
I could go for hours.
1584
01:11:57,614 --> 01:11:59,681
With your old-ass self.
1585
01:11:59,683 --> 01:12:01,749
Hey. Wait.
1586
01:12:03,452 --> 01:12:04,686
Is that a snake?
1587
01:12:04,688 --> 01:12:05,753
Where?
1588
01:12:05,755 --> 01:12:06,888
Right there.
1589
01:12:20,804 --> 01:12:23,604
Shit, that ain't no damn snake.
1590
01:12:24,606 --> 01:12:26,708
You know,
your scream was kind of
1591
01:12:28,077 --> 01:12:29,477
"hoo-hoo," you know.
1592
01:12:30,346 --> 01:12:32,447
You need to man up, you know.
1593
01:12:32,449 --> 01:12:33,915
Man up on this!
1594
01:12:35,784 --> 01:12:37,719
I should have told my family.
1595
01:12:37,721 --> 01:12:40,288
I don't know what happened.
We just fell in love.
1596
01:12:40,290 --> 01:12:41,556
Yeah.
1597
01:12:41,558 --> 01:12:43,291
My dad's so furious, though.
1598
01:12:43,293 --> 01:12:46,227
Well, girl, your dad be
overreacting, okay, if you ask me.
1599
01:12:46,229 --> 01:12:47,795
Yep.
I mean,
1600
01:12:47,797 --> 01:12:49,897
it's not a bad thing,
it's kind of a good thing.
1601
01:12:49,899 --> 01:12:50,965
Really?
1602
01:12:50,967 --> 01:12:52,266
I mean, I was in shock.
1603
01:12:52,268 --> 01:12:53,668
I was like, "What?"
1604
01:12:53,670 --> 01:12:55,436
I was clutching my
pearls like I was watching
1605
01:12:55,438 --> 01:12:56,938
Days of Our Lives or something.
1606
01:12:56,940 --> 01:12:59,540
Like,
"I did not see that coming!"
1607
01:12:59,542 --> 01:13:02,610
But it's a good thing.
Yeah.
1608
01:13:02,612 --> 01:13:04,679
Y'all might make
some little Obamas,
1609
01:13:04,681 --> 01:13:07,281
or something,
little Baracks up in here.
1610
01:13:07,283 --> 01:13:10,651
Girl, all I can say is, I think your
dad's acting like a big old kid.
1611
01:13:10,653 --> 01:13:14,722
Right. Surprise, surprise, all the
men are acting like children.
1612
01:13:14,724 --> 01:13:16,491
And speaking of children,
1613
01:13:16,493 --> 01:13:17,658
I cannot hear mine.
It's like...
1614
01:13:17,660 --> 01:13:18,860
Yeah, that is weird.
1615
01:13:18,862 --> 01:13:20,495
They real quiet, like when I put
1616
01:13:20,497 --> 01:13:22,096
a little bit of Benadryl
in their Cap'n Crunch.
1617
01:13:22,098 --> 01:13:25,933
You know,
they get real quiet then.
1618
01:13:25,935 --> 01:13:28,669
What? I wouldn't really drug
my babies, that's a joke.
1619
01:13:28,671 --> 01:13:30,872
Okay, okay, I was like...
1620
01:13:32,108 --> 01:13:34,108
Just a little bit, for a minute.
Okay.
1621
01:13:34,110 --> 01:13:35,910
Kids!
Chuckie!
1622
01:13:35,912 --> 01:13:37,712
Ron Ron!
1623
01:13:37,714 --> 01:13:39,313
Chuckie! They're not there.
We should go.
1624
01:13:39,315 --> 01:13:40,381
Let's go see.
1625
01:13:40,383 --> 01:13:41,516
Let's try to parent.
1626
01:13:41,518 --> 01:13:42,784
Hey!
1627
01:13:46,588 --> 01:13:48,089
My God!
1628
01:13:55,297 --> 01:13:56,330
Really?
1629
01:13:56,332 --> 01:13:57,598
Seriously?
1630
01:13:57,933 --> 01:13:59,734
What?
1631
01:13:59,736 --> 01:14:01,669
You think they're going to shoot dollar
bills at you with a T-shirt gun?
1632
01:14:01,671 --> 01:14:04,238
No, this is a public service.
1633
01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:09,076
I do this for charity, not
dollar bills, you drunk.
1634
01:14:10,847 --> 01:14:12,113
All right, nothing to see here.
1635
01:14:12,115 --> 01:14:13,648
Head down the trail,
down the trail.
1636
01:14:13,650 --> 01:14:15,016
Nothing to see here,
nothing to see here.
1637
01:14:15,018 --> 01:14:16,751
We've got a race to run.
Come on, sweetie.
1638
01:14:16,753 --> 01:14:19,053
Okay, I'm up.
Come on, let's go.
1639
01:14:20,355 --> 01:14:22,857
Come on!
Wait for me.
1640
01:14:37,639 --> 01:14:39,540
Hey, little buddy!
1641
01:14:39,542 --> 01:14:41,576
You want to sing the chorus?
1642
01:14:52,654 --> 01:14:54,388
I'm gonna get you!
1643
01:14:54,390 --> 01:14:57,124
You slimy little bastard!
1644
01:15:06,768 --> 01:15:08,169
Do you see them yet?
1645
01:15:08,171 --> 01:15:10,671
Don't see them,
but I think I hear them.
1646
01:15:13,142 --> 01:15:14,942
Hold on! Hold on!
1647
01:15:15,644 --> 01:15:17,278
Wait, wait, wait, stop!
1648
01:15:17,280 --> 01:15:18,946
What?
1649
01:15:18,948 --> 01:15:20,381
What?
1650
01:15:20,383 --> 01:15:21,849
Do you hear that?
1651
01:15:21,851 --> 01:15:23,284
Hear what?
1652
01:15:23,286 --> 01:15:24,886
What is that sound?
1653
01:15:24,888 --> 01:15:26,254
Shit!
1654
01:15:26,256 --> 01:15:30,858
Well, maybe it's a bear
or even worse, a monster!
1655
01:15:30,860 --> 01:15:32,894
Damn,
what's behind those bushes?
1656
01:15:32,896 --> 01:15:35,329
What beast is coming towards us?
1657
01:15:35,331 --> 01:15:36,764
Who are you? What are you?
1658
01:15:36,766 --> 01:15:39,400
Show yourself!
Ron Ron!
1659
01:15:39,402 --> 01:15:40,968
Shit, worse than I thought.
1660
01:15:41,670 --> 01:15:43,037
Just kidding, baby.
1661
01:15:43,039 --> 01:15:44,772
We're looking for the kids,
they ran off.
1662
01:15:44,774 --> 01:15:47,141
Is this some kind of joke,
'cause we're going to win?
1663
01:15:47,143 --> 01:15:50,978
Really, I'm just curious, on
what planet might that be true?
1664
01:15:50,980 --> 01:15:52,580
I don't even know
how you got in the lead.
1665
01:15:52,582 --> 01:15:54,048
No, really...
1666
01:15:54,050 --> 01:15:55,550
San...
1667
01:15:55,552 --> 01:15:57,018
What?
Shantaysia.
1668
01:15:57,020 --> 01:15:58,719
It's "Shantaysia"?
Can't get it right?
1669
01:15:58,721 --> 01:16:01,022
No, I thought it was "Shantaysia."
What did you think?
1670
01:16:01,024 --> 01:16:02,123
I said that...
1671
01:16:02,125 --> 01:16:04,091
He said it the way
I said it because...
1672
01:16:04,093 --> 01:16:08,896
Anyway, she said something about
the kids and a finish line.
1673
01:16:09,231 --> 01:16:10,331
Wow.
1674
01:16:10,333 --> 01:16:12,233
Is that a bat?
Really?
1675
01:16:12,935 --> 01:16:14,168
Charlie.
1676
01:16:14,170 --> 01:16:15,870
Is that another bat?
Here we go again.
1677
01:16:15,872 --> 01:16:17,471
I thought you
were going to quit.
1678
01:16:17,473 --> 01:16:19,440
No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
1679
01:16:19,442 --> 01:16:21,876
Is that... Is that three bats?
1680
01:16:21,878 --> 01:16:23,744
I guess we'll never know
what we could've been.
1681
01:16:23,746 --> 01:16:26,781
No, no, no.
No booze, no bottle.
1682
01:16:28,016 --> 01:16:30,318
Five. Five bats.
1683
01:16:30,320 --> 01:16:31,919
My God. Seriously?
1684
01:16:31,921 --> 01:16:33,888
No, no, no, I'm serious...
1685
01:16:35,958 --> 01:16:37,558
Bats!
1686
01:16:51,340 --> 01:16:53,007
What?
We can't stop.
1687
01:16:53,009 --> 01:16:54,642
They say bats get
stuck in your hair.
1688
01:16:54,644 --> 01:16:56,711
No, no, no. That's a myth.
1689
01:16:56,713 --> 01:16:58,346
Total urban legend.
1690
01:16:58,348 --> 01:16:59,614
Holy shit.
1691
01:17:00,482 --> 01:17:01,749
Charlie, there's a...
What?
1692
01:17:01,751 --> 01:17:03,784
There is a bat on your head.
1693
01:17:03,786 --> 01:17:07,054
Okay, guys, guys, guys.
Come on, I'm not a moron.
1694
01:17:07,056 --> 01:17:08,356
Clearly there's
no bat on my head.
1695
01:17:08,358 --> 01:17:09,457
My God.
1696
01:17:09,459 --> 01:17:10,925
How drunk are you?
Irrelevant.
1697
01:17:10,927 --> 01:17:12,827
I promise you, son,
there's a bat in your hair.
1698
01:17:12,829 --> 01:17:15,730
Up in your hair, man. Come on, Charlie!
You don't feel that?
1699
01:17:19,134 --> 01:17:22,103
Get it off! Get it off!
Someone get it off!
1700
01:17:22,105 --> 01:17:23,938
Throw rocks at it, everybody.
Throw rocks.
1701
01:17:23,940 --> 01:17:26,741
No, no, no.
Bad idea. Bad idea.
1702
01:17:29,845 --> 01:17:31,412
Enough with the damn rocks.
1703
01:17:31,414 --> 01:17:32,546
Hit it with the bug racket!
1704
01:17:32,548 --> 01:17:33,814
Yeah!
1705
01:17:36,685 --> 01:17:38,285
Get it, girls!
Get it!
1706
01:17:38,287 --> 01:17:39,353
Get it!
1707
01:17:41,356 --> 01:17:43,257
Not my head, not my head!
1708
01:17:43,259 --> 01:17:44,358
Look, the kids!
1709
01:17:44,360 --> 01:17:45,993
The finish line!
1710
01:17:48,898 --> 01:17:50,197
Hey, thanks, everybody!
1711
01:17:50,199 --> 01:17:51,065
Later, Charlie!
1712
01:17:51,067 --> 01:17:53,434
No, I'm fine. It's all good.
1713
01:17:55,470 --> 01:18:00,041
There was nothing
about that that I liked!
1714
01:18:27,903 --> 01:18:29,737
What the hell?
My God!
1715
01:18:29,739 --> 01:18:31,872
You kids did this?
1716
01:18:31,874 --> 01:18:33,808
Yeah!
We don't want to go home.
1717
01:18:33,810 --> 01:18:36,911
Us kids get along, how come
you adults can't get along?
1718
01:18:36,913 --> 01:18:38,279
What?
What?
1719
01:18:39,247 --> 01:18:41,015
Well... Wow.
1720
01:18:41,017 --> 01:18:43,050
This is some muddy bullshit.
Yeah.
1721
01:18:43,052 --> 01:18:44,618
But I'm damn impressed.
1722
01:18:44,620 --> 01:18:45,853
Yeah, but who's going
to get a whooping first?
1723
01:18:45,855 --> 01:18:47,321
Kids! Not bad.
1724
01:18:47,323 --> 01:18:50,024
You dug a hole,
you filled it with mud
1725
01:18:50,026 --> 01:18:52,593
and made it look like the trail.
1726
01:18:52,595 --> 01:18:56,797
And you caught yourselves
a bunch of dumbass men.
1727
01:18:56,799 --> 01:18:58,232
You know what's funny?
1728
01:18:58,234 --> 01:19:00,768
Everybody covered
in mud like this,
1729
01:19:00,770 --> 01:19:03,571
you just can't
tell anybody apart.
1730
01:19:03,573 --> 01:19:04,638
There's a lesson in that.
1731
01:19:04,640 --> 01:19:05,673
What?
1732
01:19:05,675 --> 01:19:09,744
A big obvious, fricking lesson.
1733
01:19:09,746 --> 01:19:12,079
Tell it, girl.
Preach!
1734
01:19:12,081 --> 01:19:15,416
So, being that you
can't tell anybody apart,
1735
01:19:16,585 --> 01:19:18,919
the bottom line is this.
1736
01:19:18,921 --> 01:19:21,188
Are you an asshole or not?
1737
01:19:25,761 --> 01:19:27,061
Choose wisely.
1738
01:19:27,063 --> 01:19:28,529
So, let's not be assholes.
1739
01:19:28,531 --> 01:19:30,898
And let's all just
1740
01:19:30,900 --> 01:19:32,466
get along.
Okay.
1741
01:19:32,468 --> 01:19:33,768
In the words of
Rodney King, girl.
1742
01:19:33,770 --> 01:19:34,802
All right.
1743
01:19:37,038 --> 01:19:38,706
What does that mean, baby?
1744
01:19:38,708 --> 01:19:40,374
It was just a Latin bonding.
1745
01:19:40,376 --> 01:19:41,742
Got it.
1746
01:19:41,744 --> 01:19:45,112
Hey, that was a really,
really nice speech, Fake Mom.
1747
01:19:46,515 --> 01:19:47,982
Well, that's...
1748
01:19:47,984 --> 01:19:50,384
Still doing the Fake Mom stuff
right after the...
1749
01:19:50,386 --> 01:19:51,952
Cheyenne.
1750
01:19:52,888 --> 01:19:55,422
You called me by my name!
1751
01:19:55,424 --> 01:19:57,558
Sweetheart!
1752
01:19:57,560 --> 01:19:59,093
I'm so touched by the...
1753
01:19:59,095 --> 01:20:00,528
You know, I've
always felt that we had...
1754
01:20:00,530 --> 01:20:01,962
Yeah, that's a bit too much.
1755
01:20:01,964 --> 01:20:02,830
Okay, don't hit on 16, got it.
Don't hit on 16.
1756
01:20:02,832 --> 01:20:03,864
Let's back it up.
1757
01:20:03,866 --> 01:20:06,667
Ew!
1758
01:20:06,669 --> 01:20:08,269
- Gravy!
- Gross.
1759
01:20:08,271 --> 01:20:10,838
They said that tomato juice
can get rid of skunk stink.
1760
01:20:12,108 --> 01:20:13,908
I hear the ice cream truck!
1761
01:20:13,910 --> 01:20:15,009
That's beautiful, Gravy.
1762
01:20:15,011 --> 01:20:17,578
Hold up. Hey, hey, hey.
1763
01:20:17,580 --> 01:20:19,246
Something's wrong with my knee.
1764
01:20:19,248 --> 01:20:20,848
Look, you're my brother, okay?
1765
01:20:20,850 --> 01:20:22,249
Yeah, yeah.
1766
01:20:22,251 --> 01:20:23,684
No, listen to me,
I'm talking to you.
1767
01:20:23,686 --> 01:20:24,985
Yes!
1768
01:20:24,987 --> 01:20:26,420
Okay, and I love you, man.
1769
01:20:26,422 --> 01:20:28,522
And someday you are going
to be married, bro.
1770
01:20:28,524 --> 01:20:30,357
'Cause if anybody
can do it, you can.
1771
01:20:30,359 --> 01:20:31,625
You think so?
1772
01:20:31,627 --> 01:20:34,495
I think what he's trying
to say, Pop, is that...
1773
01:20:34,497 --> 01:20:37,031
It's time to propose.
You know, to Charlie.
1774
01:20:43,906 --> 01:20:45,973
You're next!
You're next! You're next!
1775
01:20:45,975 --> 01:20:48,976
Well, Franklin,
you're down on one knee,
1776
01:20:48,978 --> 01:20:50,678
I think you'd better
handle your business.
1777
01:20:50,680 --> 01:20:53,881
Felipa, just follow your heart.
1778
01:20:53,883 --> 01:20:55,616
What? Is this...
Are y'all for real?
1779
01:20:56,751 --> 01:20:58,686
Is he... Franklin?
1780
01:20:58,688 --> 01:21:00,187
Do it, Franklin.
1781
01:21:00,856 --> 01:21:02,356
Do it, Franklin.
1782
01:21:08,697 --> 01:21:09,964
Will you marry me?
1783
01:21:10,532 --> 01:21:11,866
Yes.
1784
01:21:11,868 --> 01:21:14,001
You will?
Yes, yes, yes!
1785
01:21:16,805 --> 01:21:18,339
They're gonna get married!
1786
01:21:19,908 --> 01:21:21,175
Yes!
1787
01:21:21,177 --> 01:21:22,276
Yeah!
1788
01:21:26,514 --> 01:21:28,015
Down he goes!
1789
01:21:29,251 --> 01:21:30,384
Felipa!
1790
01:21:45,100 --> 01:21:48,669
Felipa! I also need help!
1791
01:21:48,671 --> 01:21:50,905
I got you! I got you!
1792
01:21:51,806 --> 01:21:53,407
We're getting married!
1793
01:21:58,346 --> 01:21:59,346
Hey, hey, hey.
1794
01:21:59,348 --> 01:22:00,547
What's with the potato salad?
1795
01:22:00,549 --> 01:22:02,950
What?
I'm sorry. Are you hungry?
1796
01:22:02,952 --> 01:22:04,351
Yeah, we're trying to whenever.
1797
01:22:04,353 --> 01:22:05,653
We talked about first
base and second base.
1798
01:22:05,655 --> 01:22:07,154
Yeah, I knew that.
1799
01:22:07,956 --> 01:22:09,423
Excuse me. Hello.
1800
01:22:09,425 --> 01:22:10,591
Hi. Hi. Hi.
1801
01:22:10,593 --> 01:22:11,659
Everybody.
1802
01:22:11,661 --> 01:22:13,294
I just want to say,
1803
01:22:13,296 --> 01:22:15,396
another Fourth of July.
1804
01:22:15,398 --> 01:22:18,465
Here we are again. I'm just so
happy that we can all make it.
1805
01:22:18,467 --> 01:22:20,434
Yes. Yeah, right.
1806
01:22:20,436 --> 01:22:21,568
Yeah!
1807
01:22:21,570 --> 01:22:23,103
Yay!
1808
01:22:23,105 --> 01:22:24,638
Too bad Gravy couldn't make it.
1809
01:22:25,941 --> 01:22:27,341
What? Am I
supposed to be somewhere?
1810
01:22:27,343 --> 01:22:30,544
No, just kidding, bro.
You're here. It's now.
1811
01:22:30,546 --> 01:22:32,246
We're joking, Gravy.
1812
01:22:32,248 --> 01:22:34,815
Hi, I'm Charlie
and I'm an alcoholic.
1813
01:22:34,817 --> 01:22:36,817
Hi, Charlie.
Hey, Charlie.
1814
01:22:36,819 --> 01:22:38,285
I'm sorry, wrong group.
1815
01:22:40,155 --> 01:22:42,089
Check out this bad boy.
1816
01:22:42,091 --> 01:22:43,757
Six months sober.
1817
01:22:45,261 --> 01:22:48,529
Look who the good
influence is over here.
1818
01:22:48,531 --> 01:22:51,365
It just looks like
a poker chip painted green.
1819
01:22:51,367 --> 01:22:53,267
Looks like a blue condom.
1820
01:22:53,269 --> 01:22:56,470
No. That is an IUD.
That's what that is.
1821
01:22:56,472 --> 01:22:58,105
Gosh,
I hope you washed that, man.
1822
01:22:58,107 --> 01:22:59,907
Baby, no, no, no.
It's just an onion ring.
1823
01:22:59,909 --> 01:23:01,608
An onion ring?
1824
01:23:01,610 --> 01:23:03,677
Yeah. You know, like from Mars.
You know, Mars has...
1825
01:23:03,679 --> 01:23:05,012
Mars?
1826
01:23:05,014 --> 01:23:06,480
Did you hear about
the restaurant on Mars?
1827
01:23:06,482 --> 01:23:07,314
What?
1828
01:23:07,316 --> 01:23:08,716
Good food, no atmosphere.
1829
01:23:10,219 --> 01:23:12,319
Hey, you're getting the hang
of these jokes, Gravy.
1830
01:23:12,321 --> 01:23:14,788
I have a sobriety chip, too.
1831
01:23:14,790 --> 01:23:17,324
There we go. See this? Yup.
1832
01:23:17,326 --> 01:23:22,262
Lord, grant me the serenity
to accept what I cannot change
1833
01:23:22,264 --> 01:23:24,465
and the courage to
change what I can,
1834
01:23:24,467 --> 01:23:26,867
and the wisdom to
know the difference.
1835
01:23:26,869 --> 01:23:29,536
Hear, hear.
Cheers.
1836
01:23:29,538 --> 01:23:31,271
Maybe he could
grant you the ability to
1837
01:23:31,273 --> 01:23:33,140
change a light bulb
in the house, right?
1838
01:23:33,142 --> 01:23:34,742
Or put the toilet seat down?
1839
01:23:34,744 --> 01:23:37,311
Go, Trophy Mom.
1840
01:23:37,313 --> 01:23:39,413
I know exactly what
you talking about.
1841
01:23:39,415 --> 01:23:41,582
You wake up at 3:00
in the morning to go to pee
1842
01:23:41,584 --> 01:23:43,450
and then it's like
you've fallen into a hammock.
1843
01:23:43,452 --> 01:23:45,953
Booty and everything, all wet.
1844
01:23:45,955 --> 01:23:50,024
Ladies and gentlemen, and it looks
like the attitudes are heating up.
1845
01:23:50,026 --> 01:23:54,428
Bring out the bullhorns, it is
time to go at it one more time.
1846
01:23:54,430 --> 01:23:57,064
Round two, one year later.
1847
01:23:58,600 --> 01:24:02,636
Felipa, go ahead
and show us that ring.
1848
01:24:02,638 --> 01:24:05,239
Yes, it's so heavy.
1849
01:24:06,941 --> 01:24:08,308
Damn!
1850
01:24:08,977 --> 01:24:10,210
Sorry.
1851
01:24:10,212 --> 01:24:11,745
Well, you know. Thank you.
1852
01:24:11,747 --> 01:24:13,380
Very nice. Hey.
1853
01:24:13,382 --> 01:24:16,250
Francesca's got a ring, too.
She got engaged with this guy.
1854
01:24:16,252 --> 01:24:17,551
Go ahead, Franny, show 'em.
1855
01:24:18,620 --> 01:24:19,620
Very nice.
1856
01:24:19,622 --> 01:24:21,021
Hey,
when I become a millionaire,
1857
01:24:21,023 --> 01:24:22,723
that thing's gonna
be huge, all right?
1858
01:24:22,725 --> 01:24:25,826
A millionaire? I'd be happy
if you were a hundredaire.
1859
01:24:25,828 --> 01:24:30,364
This idiot brother puts an air foil
on the back of my plumbing van.
1860
01:24:30,366 --> 01:24:32,266
Business has been kicking
ever since we did that.
1861
01:24:32,268 --> 01:24:35,803
Hey, Jose, could you shove that
antenna back into your love handle.
1862
01:24:35,805 --> 01:24:38,705
I think the Giants
are playing the Dodgers.
1863
01:24:38,707 --> 01:24:40,541
Yeah, yeah. I can do that.
1864
01:24:40,543 --> 01:24:43,377
You know, but I charge 14 bucks
for the premium channels, fool.
1865
01:24:43,379 --> 01:24:46,780
Hey, y'all kids,
keep it down over there! Okay?
1866
01:24:46,782 --> 01:24:48,082
This is not a library!
1867
01:24:48,084 --> 01:24:49,283
Chuckie!
1868
01:24:49,285 --> 01:24:50,484
Quit it.
1869
01:24:50,486 --> 01:24:51,819
Quit hitting your sister Sara!
1870
01:24:51,821 --> 01:24:53,287
Don't! Stop!
1871
01:24:53,289 --> 01:24:54,721
Can I hit you, Dad?
Can I hit the dogs?
1872
01:24:54,723 --> 01:24:56,223
Can I hit a cupcake?
1873
01:24:56,225 --> 01:24:58,025
Me, too!
I want to hit one of those...
1874
01:25:00,396 --> 01:25:04,398
All right. It's cool.
Just hit her, it's fine.
1875
01:25:04,400 --> 01:25:06,667
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Yes?
1876
01:25:06,669 --> 01:25:07,801
I have a toast.
1877
01:25:10,004 --> 01:25:12,206
All that I've ever wanted to be
1878
01:25:13,141 --> 01:25:14,441
is who I'm becoming.
1879
01:25:14,443 --> 01:25:17,144
- Nice.
- Hear, hear.
1880
01:25:17,146 --> 01:25:18,812
Cheers.
Hear, hear.
1881
01:25:30,159 --> 01:25:32,860
Hey! Hey, Gunga Din.
1882
01:25:32,862 --> 01:25:35,762
What are you doing here?
This is our site. Site 16.
1883
01:25:35,764 --> 01:25:37,531
No way! We have site 16.
1884
01:25:37,533 --> 01:25:39,466
Are you going to
build a 7-Eleven here?
1885
01:25:39,468 --> 01:25:40,767
Yeah, right next
to your nail salon.
1886
01:25:40,769 --> 01:25:42,302
Yeah.
1887
01:25:42,304 --> 01:25:43,604
Snap!
Y'all hear that?
1888
01:25:43,606 --> 01:25:45,472
What are you people doing here?
1889
01:25:45,474 --> 01:25:48,108
Finish up the gardening and go.
1890
01:25:48,110 --> 01:25:52,279
Hey, things are heating up down there.
I got one. I got one.
1891
01:25:52,281 --> 01:25:54,948
How do you know a Chinese guy
broke into your house?
1892
01:25:54,950 --> 01:25:56,717
How?
How?
1893
01:25:56,719 --> 01:25:58,285
Your homework's
all done and he takes
1894
01:25:58,287 --> 01:25:59,727
an hour to pull
out of your driveway.
1895
01:26:00,822 --> 01:26:02,122
Get it?
1896
01:26:02,124 --> 01:26:03,824
Come on, man. It's funny.
1897
01:26:03,826 --> 01:26:04,925
Did he just say that?
1898
01:26:04,927 --> 01:26:06,126
Yeah, he did.
1899
01:26:06,128 --> 01:26:08,762
Let me see that.
Let me see that.
1900
01:26:08,764 --> 01:26:11,265
What did St. Peter say
when he saw the Indian guy?
1901
01:26:11,267 --> 01:26:12,432
What?
1902
01:26:12,434 --> 01:26:14,401
"Hey, Jesus, your cab's here."
1903
01:26:15,737 --> 01:26:17,204
Mine was funnier than that.
1904
01:26:17,206 --> 01:26:18,705
Okay, that's messed up.
Yeah.
1905
01:26:18,707 --> 01:26:22,176
Hey, you guys
still want campsite 16?
1906
01:26:22,178 --> 01:26:24,211
I think we need to
have a little contest.
1907
01:26:24,213 --> 01:26:25,913
Yeah!
1908
01:26:26,548 --> 01:26:27,648
Contest?
1909
01:26:27,650 --> 01:26:28,715
Contest.
1910
01:26:29,417 --> 01:26:31,185
It's over now!
1911
01:26:31,187 --> 01:26:33,654
No math contest and no
computer technology contest.
1912
01:26:33,656 --> 01:26:35,222
Yeah, no math and
no science questions.
1913
01:26:35,224 --> 01:26:36,790
Yeah.
136693
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