Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,060 --> 00:00:07,360
The adventure begins.
2
00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:09,160
Last season on "You Me Her"...
3
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:11,360
Carmen: You do remember
we're having everybody over
4
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:12,730
for the game tomorrow,
right?
5
00:00:12,730 --> 00:00:15,160
The point is...
are you bringing Izzy?
6
00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,570
This is our choice,
and this is what we want.
7
00:00:17,570 --> 00:00:20,070
Let's do it.
Emma: We have some
very exciting news.
8
00:00:20,070 --> 00:00:22,140
We're together!
We're a throuple.
9
00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:23,870
So, you quit escorting.
10
00:00:23,870 --> 00:00:25,210
For Andy.
11
00:00:25,210 --> 00:00:27,440
So, you're seriously
falling for him?
12
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,350
I'm scared shitless.
I can't sleep.
13
00:00:29,350 --> 00:00:31,010
Jack: Think they even noticed
that we left?
14
00:00:31,010 --> 00:00:33,320
Y-You don't think Emma's bi?
You think she's just, like, gay?
15
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,820
Are you mad?
Who doesn't love
a spirited public cuckolding?
16
00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:39,490
Shaun: You start work in 47
minutes. That's at noon.
17
00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:41,790
You can't fulfill the duties
of a skilled bartender
18
00:00:41,790 --> 00:00:43,490
highly inebriated.
when you're
[ Stifles laugh ]
19
00:00:43,490 --> 00:00:44,830
I'm closing.
One more.
20
00:00:44,830 --> 00:00:46,530
Wait,
so this is about a job?
21
00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:48,460
Coolest firm in Seattle.
Thanks so much, Kylie.
22
00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:49,900
I don't -- I don't
even know what to say.
23
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:52,000
Everyone at Pinnacle
is "buzzing" about me.
24
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,640
Have you crossed into
seriously considering this?
25
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,040
So, scary Nina?
26
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,770
Andy: I know it's fast,
but yeah.
27
00:00:57,770 --> 00:00:59,340
[ As Andy ]
I see you, Nina Martone.
28
00:00:59,340 --> 00:01:00,480
He's a love junkie.
29
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:01,680
That --
That's his shit?
30
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:02,980
That's his shit.
31
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:05,080
Uh, how about we start
with a conversation?
32
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:06,280
What are you guys
talking about?
33
00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:07,580
We want you
to have our baby.
34
00:01:08,450 --> 00:01:10,050
Like, our baby.
All three of us.
35
00:01:10,050 --> 00:01:11,350
I feel like I've just been
36
00:01:11,350 --> 00:01:12,920
drifting along
and playing along.
37
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,890
And I woke up
in the middle of my life,
38
00:01:14,890 --> 00:01:17,530
no fucking clue
who I am or what I want.
39
00:01:17,530 --> 00:01:19,100
Jack: The house
at Hawthorne Heights
40
00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:21,360
is always gonna just be
Jack and Emma's.
41
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,400
It's ours if we want it.
No shit?
42
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,600
Nobody can make this place look
cooler than Emma, right?
43
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,940
I'm a romantic.
44
00:01:28,940 --> 00:01:31,110
I see you, Andy Cutler.
45
00:01:31,110 --> 00:01:32,880
Wait.
46
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:34,380
We have an appointment
to discuss
47
00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:36,380
other options
today at 4:00.
48
00:01:36,380 --> 00:01:37,910
Do you remember
what you said to me?
49
00:01:37,910 --> 00:01:39,880
How you're not sure about
anything in your life
50
00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,380
sexually,
professionally, or...
51
00:01:41,380 --> 00:01:43,350
Jack wants a baby.
reproductively?
52
00:01:43,350 --> 00:01:45,560
Jack wants a baby.
53
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,090
Jack: I need you guys
to want it, too.
54
00:01:47,090 --> 00:01:49,930
'Cause if you don't,
Jack.
there's no reason --
55
00:01:49,930 --> 00:01:51,730
I do.
♪ There is a light ♪
56
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,900
♪ Down through the sky ♪
57
00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:03,410
♪ See the dream
as it goes by ♪
58
00:02:03,410 --> 00:02:05,810
[ Cellphone chimes ]
59
00:02:05,810 --> 00:02:10,010
♪ Past our eyes ♪
60
00:02:10,010 --> 00:02:14,350
♪ There is a cold ♪
61
00:02:14,350 --> 00:02:18,320
♪ Wind that will blow ♪
62
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:23,460
♪ Through all the memories ♪
63
00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:26,300
♪ That we know ♪
64
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:35,840
♪♪
65
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:41,440
♪♪
66
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:45,280
Woman: Good morning.
[ Telephones ringing ]
67
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:46,650
Hi.
Man: Hi, Emma.
68
00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:48,420
Woman 2: Good morning.
Woman: Hi, Emma.
69
00:02:48,420 --> 00:02:50,750
♪ It's you, girl ♪
70
00:02:50,750 --> 00:02:53,090
♪ It's you ♪
71
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,090
Man 2: Hey, Em.
♪ It's you, girl ♪
72
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,360
Hi.
Good morning.
73
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:56,190
Hello.
74
00:02:56,190 --> 00:02:58,090
♪♪
75
00:02:58,090 --> 00:02:59,430
[ Applause ]
76
00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:01,960
It's really happening.
You did this, Em.
77
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,200
Mm-hmm.
78
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:12,510
♪♪
79
00:03:12,510 --> 00:03:15,210
[ Sighs ]
80
00:03:15,210 --> 00:03:20,080
♪♪
81
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,850
It was a bright and cheery
spring morning in Portland,
82
00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:26,390
the perfect day
for fresh starts.
83
00:03:26,390 --> 00:03:28,260
Or was it?
84
00:03:28,260 --> 00:03:30,530
For brilliant
and obscenely handsome
85
00:03:30,530 --> 00:03:32,700
psychologist
Jack Trakarsky,
86
00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:35,670
nothing would ever
be bright and cheery again.
87
00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:37,230
That's the worst
"Dateline" impression ever.
88
00:03:37,230 --> 00:03:38,530
That was really
bad, right?
Yeah.
89
00:03:38,530 --> 00:03:40,040
Okay, no peeking.
[ Laughs ]
90
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,300
Okay.
Okay.
91
00:03:46,910 --> 00:03:49,010
Okay, voÃlà .
92
00:03:49,010 --> 00:03:51,680
The piece de resistance.
93
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,020
Wow.
94
00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:55,220
I know it's not what
she would've done,
95
00:03:55,220 --> 00:03:58,750
but, uh,
I was inspired.
96
00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:00,190
I love it.
97
00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:02,730
You hate it.
98
00:04:02,730 --> 00:04:04,560
You totally hate,
and I-I get it.
99
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,000
I went -- I went far with
the -- with the birds...
Babe.
100
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,670
...and the -- and the yellow and
Babe.
the ahh, and the -- I get it.
101
00:04:09,670 --> 00:04:11,300
I said I love it.
102
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:12,970
And I love you.
103
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,070
Mm.
104
00:04:17,070 --> 00:04:19,880
Good, 'cause I couldn't
take one more day
105
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,380
in her house, surrounded by
her shit and her friends
106
00:04:22,380 --> 00:04:25,210
with their catty little
home-wrecker glares.
107
00:04:25,210 --> 00:04:27,720
Maybe there's a little
paranoia in play here?
108
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,690
Mm, I'm acutely
self-aware, so hold on...
109
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,620
Nope, I'm good.
110
00:04:41,260 --> 00:04:43,270
Monday's the divorce signing,
right?
111
00:04:43,270 --> 00:04:45,330
Yep.
112
00:04:45,330 --> 00:04:48,300
Want to actually talk about it,
or is that still too radical?
113
00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:50,640
For the millionth time,
I'm fine, okay?
114
00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:52,610
It's water
under the bridge.
115
00:04:52,610 --> 00:04:55,410
It's water off
a duck's back.
116
00:04:55,410 --> 00:04:57,810
It's water --
Oh, my God, stop.
117
00:04:57,810 --> 00:04:59,150
I get it.
Yep.
118
00:04:59,150 --> 00:05:02,050
You're a rolling river
of fineness.
119
00:05:02,050 --> 00:05:03,650
But you have postponed
the signing twice,
120
00:05:03,650 --> 00:05:05,190
so it's fair of me
to wonder
121
00:05:05,190 --> 00:05:06,560
if there's something else
going on...
122
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:09,290
Iz, can we literally talk
about anything else?
123
00:05:09,290 --> 00:05:10,490
Please?
124
00:05:10,490 --> 00:05:12,060
Fine.
125
00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:17,070
What if, um...
126
00:05:24,110 --> 00:05:25,840
[ Exhales ]
127
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:28,810
[ British accent ] What if you
have a substantial estate
128
00:05:28,810 --> 00:05:30,850
and we were
newly married?
129
00:05:30,850 --> 00:05:32,880
But I have a secret past
130
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:36,520
littered with rich,
dead husbands?
131
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,290
[ Normal voice ] Which, by the
way, I've never once denied.
132
00:05:39,290 --> 00:05:43,660
We're playing "Dateline"
with an accent.
133
00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:45,860
[ British accent ]
First...
134
00:05:45,860 --> 00:05:51,570
I'd lull you into complacency
with my insidious sexuality.
135
00:05:51,570 --> 00:05:55,470
Mm-hmm.
136
00:05:55,470 --> 00:05:57,040
Oh.
137
00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,880
Cause of death --
phallic hypothermia.
Oh, dear.
138
00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:04,710
Was the adoring doctoral
candidate with the cold hands
139
00:06:04,710 --> 00:06:07,950
hiding an even
colder heart?
140
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,450
Seriously, you should
see a doctor about these.
141
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:10,750
One more word
about my hands,
142
00:06:10,750 --> 00:06:12,920
and I will seriously
"Dateline" you.
143
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:20,360
♪♪
144
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:21,560
Do you like
the wallpaper?
145
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,370
Yeah.
Okay, good.
146
00:06:23,370 --> 00:06:26,040
There was wallpaper?
It was really
expensive.
147
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,440
I used your credit card.
I hope that's okay.
148
00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:29,570
[ Baby crying ]
149
00:06:29,570 --> 00:06:31,370
-Honey?
-Yeah?
150
00:06:31,370 --> 00:06:33,080
Dave: Please tell me
you hid my shirts
151
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,410
like it's some sort of
a fun joke to play on Dave.
152
00:06:35,410 --> 00:06:38,710
Otherwise, this is the only
shirt that I have left to wear.
153
00:06:38,710 --> 00:06:40,680
Uh, crazy day yesterday.
154
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,180
Honey, I need you to
look at me for a second.
155
00:06:42,180 --> 00:06:43,850
Well, can I just assume
that you're wearing
156
00:06:43,850 --> 00:06:46,090
a ridiculously wrinkled shirt
to hammer home a point
157
00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:47,720
with your trademark
subtlety?
158
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,090
Okay, I cannot wear
a T-shirt and blazer
159
00:06:50,090 --> 00:06:51,560
for the fourth straight day,
all right?
160
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,260
I don't want to be the T-shirt
and blazer guy.
161
00:06:53,260 --> 00:06:55,460
W-What,
Say, here's an idea --
do I manage a band?
162
00:06:55,460 --> 00:06:58,070
how about this evening, when
you're driving directly past
163
00:06:58,070 --> 00:07:00,040
the dry cleaners with zero
screaming children in the car,
164
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,900
you hang a Louie and pick up
your own shirts, cool?
165
00:07:01,900 --> 00:07:04,240
Okay, the smile that launched
a thousand nightmares.
166
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,980
Okay, so, do it myself,
167
00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:07,940
hang a Louie, dry cleaning,
got it, okay. Great.
168
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:09,980
Sorry, I'm just
a little overwhelmed.
169
00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:12,280
That's fine. That's fine.
It's just, uh, you know,
170
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,750
is it possible that the amount
of whelm that you're feeling
171
00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:17,520
is due in part to
the magazine thing?
172
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,120
You think you can
call it the magazine
173
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:21,660
and not "the magazine thing"
174
00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:23,930
like it's super cute
and not at all real?
175
00:07:23,930 --> 00:07:25,360
Are we fighting,
'cause I don't what's...
176
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:26,760
Okay, well,
let's review.
177
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,430
I was feeding our
two young children
178
00:07:28,430 --> 00:07:30,600
when you entered, complaining
about the dry cleaning
179
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,370
while wearing a shirt I've been
using to clean the windows
180
00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:35,810
for the past five years.
That explains why
my chest is itchy.
181
00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:36,970
What?
182
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,780
Dave, this matters
to me, okay?
183
00:07:42,780 --> 00:07:45,680
It's not a full-time job,
but it's not a hobby, either.
184
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:47,850
Okay. I know.
185
00:07:47,850 --> 00:07:49,920
And I support you 100%.
186
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,950
[ Child giggling ]
Thank you.
Okay?
187
00:07:51,950 --> 00:07:53,460
Just that while you're
188
00:07:53,460 --> 00:07:56,030
doing those amazing things
out in the world,
189
00:07:56,030 --> 00:07:59,700
you know, you got to also be
here, you know what I mean?
190
00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:02,260
Be here?
191
00:08:02,260 --> 00:08:05,600
Yeah, metaphorically speaking.
I didn't -- I don't mean --
192
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,200
Like, I'm not forbidding you
from leaving the house.
193
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,070
Not that
I would do that,
Oh, no.
194
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:11,370
if I -- if given the option.
Not that I would take the --
195
00:08:11,370 --> 00:08:14,140
Okay. This is going downhill
faster than an Olympic luger.
196
00:08:14,140 --> 00:08:15,580
Lugist?
197
00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:17,650
Here's what I mean. Look.
198
00:08:17,650 --> 00:08:20,250
Be here. Nope, it still
sounds douchey?
Mm, mm.
199
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,020
Okay, it sounded wise
in my head, but...
200
00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:24,420
Can't imagine why.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
201
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:26,560
Okay, I'm gonna go
202
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,590
pick out a T-shirt
and blazer combination.
203
00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:31,060
I think that might
be fun to try.
204
00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:32,730
Great.
There you go.
205
00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:35,730
Nina: Okay,
so far I've got
206
00:08:35,730 --> 00:08:38,500
"True Crime: Is Serial Killer
The New Rock Star?"
207
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:41,900
or "Fake News Therapy:
Lie Me to Sleep."
208
00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:44,870
Iz?
Hm?
209
00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:46,880
Hello?
210
00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,380
Oh. Thesis titles.
211
00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:50,710
Yeah.
Right.
212
00:08:50,710 --> 00:08:52,150
Lay 'em on me.
213
00:08:52,150 --> 00:08:53,380
I just did.
214
00:08:53,380 --> 00:08:56,150
Then I love
the middle one.
215
00:08:56,150 --> 00:08:57,850
Of...two.
216
00:08:57,850 --> 00:08:59,220
I'm sorry.
217
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:01,560
I'm having trouble
getting Jack
218
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,930
to talk about Emma without
using the word "fine."
219
00:09:04,930 --> 00:09:07,800
What he's really feeling
is gonna fester,
220
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:11,130
and, you know, then it's gonna
turn into whatever happens
221
00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:13,340
when feelings fester.
222
00:09:13,340 --> 00:09:17,540
It's like emotional pus.
223
00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:19,610
Thanks for that.
Sorry.
224
00:09:19,610 --> 00:09:21,410
Okay, look, dudes
deal differently.
225
00:09:21,410 --> 00:09:24,410
Eventually, he's gonna
get drunk and cry ugly
226
00:09:24,410 --> 00:09:26,380
and punch a wall
or whatever.
227
00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:29,150
You seriously need to stop
worrying about the Trakarskys
228
00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:31,890
and start sorting your own shit,
specifically your thesis
229
00:09:31,890 --> 00:09:35,220
and rapidly approaching
grown-up career.
230
00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:38,230
I need a plan.
Yeah, no shit.
231
00:09:38,230 --> 00:09:43,830
Some way to get the two of them
alone in an enclosed space.
232
00:09:43,830 --> 00:09:46,640
Okay. You know what?
233
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,540
Think I'm just gonna...
234
00:09:48,540 --> 00:09:52,480
just get up real slow,
235
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:56,150
walk away,
see if you notice
236
00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:59,080
or care at all...
237
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:02,180
I'm just gonna go...
238
00:10:06,290 --> 00:10:08,290
O-Oww!
Same spot, every day
239
00:10:08,290 --> 00:10:12,290
until you pitch me
your thesis! Ow!
Ow!
240
00:10:12,290 --> 00:10:15,160
Your therapy techniques
are fucking weird.
241
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,400
Jack: Hm, this
is a nice surprise.
242
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,240
I wish the weather
would've cooperated.
243
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,810
What's with the '80s
Michael J. Fox ensemble?
244
00:10:24,810 --> 00:10:27,710
Yeah, that is a story about
dry cleaning, my friend.
245
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,250
You want to hear
about that?
No.
246
00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:30,580
Actually, I'll pass.
247
00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:32,550
I got to tell you,
Lori moving out
248
00:10:32,550 --> 00:10:34,720
and this Hannah person moving in
has turned out to be
249
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,320
the worst possible sequence
of events. I mean --
250
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,420
Oh, I'm sorry,
am I boring you?
251
00:10:39,420 --> 00:10:41,060
No, just look how
cute she is.
252
00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:43,330
No, don't throw
She's not that cute.
it again!
253
00:10:43,330 --> 00:10:44,490
Just a regular child.
254
00:10:44,490 --> 00:10:45,960
Oh.
[ Laughs ]
255
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,900
Look at that.
What an arm you have on you.
256
00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:50,800
Good throw.
Here you go.
257
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,970
Oh, you got to make sure she
doesn't throw a curveball
258
00:10:52,970 --> 00:10:54,940
before high school, otherwise
the tendons in the elbow
259
00:10:54,940 --> 00:10:56,570
will get all --
all screwed up.
260
00:10:56,570 --> 00:10:59,780
And this one,
I just want to eat her up.
261
00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:01,540
Okay, then,
we're just gonna go.
262
00:11:01,540 --> 00:11:03,710
You can never be too careful,
right? Stranger danger?
263
00:11:03,710 --> 00:11:05,880
[ Chuckles ]
I sound a little too creepy,
264
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,150
Yeah. Bye.
but I'm not.
265
00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:09,720
Make sure you clean
that binky.
266
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,560
I have some wipes if
Okay, okay.
All right, they're gone.
you want them --
267
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,390
They're gone.
See how she's fleeing
268
00:11:14,390 --> 00:11:17,190
from your biological clock?
269
00:11:17,190 --> 00:11:19,230
They were -- just
had someplace to go.
270
00:11:19,230 --> 00:11:21,500
You just -- You don't say,
"I'm not creepy," by the way.
271
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,300
That makes you
sound creepy.
272
00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:25,070
Hey, speaking of
fleeing from things,
273
00:11:25,070 --> 00:11:26,400
you got your divorce
signing on Monday.
274
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,870
You want
to talk about that?
275
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,540
Did Izzy get
to you, too?
276
00:11:30,540 --> 00:11:31,740
No.
277
00:11:32,610 --> 00:11:34,280
Yes.
Mm.
278
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:35,950
But I mean, I happen to think
she has a valid point
279
00:11:35,950 --> 00:11:37,150
in this situation.
280
00:11:37,150 --> 00:11:38,480
[ Sighs ]
281
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,820
Okay, you know what?
J-- Tell her you tried.
282
00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:45,120
Nice try, but,
uh...I'm good.
283
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,690
Whatever, okay?
284
00:11:46,690 --> 00:11:48,290
Okay.
285
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:51,460
We still on for Game 1
on Saturday...
Yes.
286
00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:53,530
...at your place
with the yard
287
00:11:53,530 --> 00:11:56,030
and the sidewalk that
Slight change of plans.
doesn't smell like urine?
288
00:11:56,030 --> 00:11:58,570
I would actually like
to be away from kids
289
00:11:58,570 --> 00:12:00,600
for the day, and you're the only
one that doesn't have any,
290
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,270
[ Cellphone chiming ]
so...sorry.
291
00:12:02,270 --> 00:12:04,010
Gabe's coming,
by the way.
292
00:12:04,010 --> 00:12:05,240
Oh, I love Gabe.
Yeah.
293
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,110
Love Gabe.
Said no one ever.
294
00:12:07,110 --> 00:12:09,010
Yeah.
295
00:12:09,010 --> 00:12:10,880
Does your biological clock
have an alarm?
296
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,250
No, but...
[ Laughs ]
297
00:12:12,250 --> 00:12:14,680
I set this for
every 15 minutes,
298
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,090
you know, just in case
299
00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:17,950
I need to get out of
a particularly
300
00:12:17,950 --> 00:12:20,290
annoying conversation,
like, you know.
301
00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:22,260
So then I can be like, "Hey,
sorry, I got a place to be.
302
00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:24,360
Got an appointment."
Yeah.
303
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,960
So I do actually
have something to do.
304
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,230
I have an appointment.
305
00:12:27,230 --> 00:12:29,230
Oh, bravo, yeah,
I get it, okay.
306
00:12:29,230 --> 00:12:30,600
Okay.
Yeah.
307
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,400
Stop conspiring with
my girlfriend, okay?
308
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,070
You're heading
for a fall...
Yep.
309
00:12:34,070 --> 00:12:35,900
...Trakarsky, that's
I can't hear you.
all I'm saying.
310
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:38,940
My biological clock
is deafening.
311
00:12:38,940 --> 00:12:41,880
[ Sighs ]
312
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,110
[ Door opens ]
313
00:12:44,110 --> 00:12:46,080
I'm sorry, Hannah.
314
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,180
Sorry.
Rough morning.
315
00:12:48,180 --> 00:12:49,920
[ Laughs ]
316
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,390
This is still
weird for me.
317
00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:53,590
How's that?
318
00:12:53,590 --> 00:12:55,360
Oh, it's, uh,
Lori's house.
319
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,390
It's cool now, but effortlessly
cool, kind of like you.
320
00:12:58,390 --> 00:12:59,800
Ha, please.
321
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,300
If you'd seen me
eight hours ago,
322
00:13:01,300 --> 00:13:03,930
Swiffering,
bingeing Adult Swim
323
00:13:03,930 --> 00:13:07,000
with nothing but a tumbler
of micro batch bourbon
324
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,570
to keep me company?
325
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,470
It's like you
can't even help it.
326
00:13:10,470 --> 00:13:12,140
[ Chuckles ]
Okay, Cal.
327
00:13:12,140 --> 00:13:14,680
Pitch me
your best idea.
328
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:15,980
Poo!
329
00:13:15,980 --> 00:13:17,580
Awesome.
330
00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:19,350
Liking it.
331
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:21,920
A lot of poop stories out there.
What about poop?
[ Laughs ]
332
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,290
How's this one gonna
[ Laughs ]
be different?
333
00:13:23,290 --> 00:13:25,250
Just want to flush it out,
get back to me?
334
00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:28,860
Yeah? Awesome.
335
00:13:28,860 --> 00:13:31,660
Okay, now about
your rough morning...
336
00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:33,430
Oh, yeah, Dave
was being a bit of a --
337
00:13:33,430 --> 00:13:35,330
Oh...
338
00:13:35,330 --> 00:13:36,470
Mm.
Damn.
339
00:13:36,470 --> 00:13:38,500
Damn. [ Laughs ]
340
00:13:38,500 --> 00:13:40,500
So committed.
341
00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:43,270
Oh, I think every part of you
is touching every part of me.
342
00:13:43,270 --> 00:13:46,080
Mm. You know, I used to
be a toe dipper.
343
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:47,910
Now I'm a high diver.
344
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,750
It's in my book.
345
00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:51,680
Jesus, you're
writing a book, too?
346
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:54,620
Mm. It's ostensibly
a women's travel guide,
347
00:13:54,620 --> 00:13:56,290
but it's basically
about the journey
348
00:13:56,290 --> 00:13:57,790
back to the essential you.
349
00:13:59,290 --> 00:14:02,690
Is it weird that I want
to be you when I grow up?
350
00:14:02,690 --> 00:14:04,660
No, not at all.
351
00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:07,360
So, uh, who
watches the boys
352
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:10,430
when you and Rob are jetting
all over the world?
353
00:14:10,430 --> 00:14:12,770
Uh, well,
we have a nanny,
354
00:14:12,770 --> 00:14:15,840
like any reasonable
two-career couple.
355
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,370
Anyway, almost finished
my review on that
356
00:14:18,370 --> 00:14:20,140
Hawthorne repertory
shit show,
357
00:14:20,140 --> 00:14:22,880
an apt description, since it's
at least allegedly a play.
358
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,050
Um, you're shredding it?
359
00:14:25,050 --> 00:14:28,580
"Five white suburban women
just discovered xenophobia
360
00:14:28,580 --> 00:14:31,320
and now they're nobly
educating the rest of us."
361
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,820
So, I am not saying that
we have to wantonly blow
362
00:14:33,820 --> 00:14:35,420
every potential
advertiser --
363
00:14:35,420 --> 00:14:37,190
Because the Heights
is different, right?
364
00:14:37,190 --> 00:14:39,700
We're not just another
bougie-pandering community rag.
365
00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:41,260
Fuckin' A, sister.
366
00:14:42,230 --> 00:14:43,770
However, the theater
is launching
367
00:14:43,770 --> 00:14:45,730
a huge
season-pass campaign,
368
00:14:45,730 --> 00:14:48,700
so we got to go full
deep throat on this one.
369
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:51,810
There must be something positive
about that play, right?
370
00:14:51,810 --> 00:14:53,810
There were seats.
Yeah.
371
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:56,010
And a stage?
Ooh.
372
00:14:56,010 --> 00:14:57,480
None of the actors
peed herself?
373
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,080
Ah! See? That's right off
the top of your head.
374
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,390
You know, like Rob
always says, "We --"
375
00:15:04,750 --> 00:15:08,120
What? What is that face?
376
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,160
Dave bet me 50 bucks
Rob's not real.
377
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,100
But were we?
Speaking of Dave...
378
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:16,730
...have you guys talked about
some version of child care?
379
00:15:16,730 --> 00:15:20,940
I'd say we're more talking
about talking about it.
380
00:15:20,940 --> 00:15:23,110
Look, Carm, I sure as hell
am not going to tell you
381
00:15:23,110 --> 00:15:25,210
how to run your family,
but I am gonna tell you
382
00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:28,940
that we can't publish
almost-finished theater reviews.
383
00:15:28,940 --> 00:15:30,450
You know what I'm saying,
partner?
384
00:15:30,450 --> 00:15:32,650
Yeah.
385
00:15:32,650 --> 00:15:34,650
[ Chuckles ]
386
00:15:34,650 --> 00:15:37,420
[ Babbles ]
387
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:46,130
♪♪
388
00:15:46,130 --> 00:15:49,200
[ Gags ]
389
00:15:52,730 --> 00:15:56,710
May I ask why you're pretending
to vomit onto your computer?
390
00:15:56,710 --> 00:15:59,910
Andy is relentlessly posting
photos of him and his dad
391
00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:02,740
having a smile-off
somewhere in the woods.
392
00:16:02,740 --> 00:16:04,450
Sickos.
393
00:16:04,450 --> 00:16:06,650
Say, has anyone ever
written a thesis
394
00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:09,350
about excessive cyberstalking
of ex-boyfriends?
395
00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:11,220
You think there's
a clinical name for that or...?
396
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:14,160
No, but there is a clinical name
for co-workers
397
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,120
who habitually say
the stupidest shit
398
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,890
at the worst
possible moments.
399
00:16:17,890 --> 00:16:20,500
It's called missing.
400
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:22,900
You deal realize you don't
scare me anymore,
401
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:25,500
right, 'cause our relationship
has moved way past that.
402
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:27,270
Oh, do tell.
403
00:16:27,270 --> 00:16:30,240
Well, uh,
we're best buds.
404
00:16:32,010 --> 00:16:34,140
Mejores amigos.
405
00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:35,640
Or is it mejores amigas?
406
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:37,210
What's it when --
when one bestie's female,
407
00:16:37,210 --> 00:16:39,050
Dude, get over it, okay?
the other one's male...
408
00:16:39,050 --> 00:16:41,180
We're two humans frequently
in the same structure
409
00:16:41,180 --> 00:16:43,290
at the same time
who feel compelled
410
00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:45,020
to speak to each other.
411
00:16:45,020 --> 00:16:48,060
Well, methink
the lady doth --
Men suck.
412
00:16:48,060 --> 00:16:49,960
That's my thesis.
413
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,530
Oh...
414
00:16:51,530 --> 00:16:54,460
Okay, well, I recommend
something a little more
415
00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:56,870
smarty-pants, and then --
and then how 'bout some --
416
00:16:56,870 --> 00:16:59,840
"The State of
the Millennial Man."
some therapy?
417
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,110
Hm? 20-something dates
in 20-something days,
418
00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:05,510
the whole aimless,
emotionally-stunted
419
00:17:05,510 --> 00:17:06,840
man-child thing?
420
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,950
I want to know the hows,
whys, and what nows.
421
00:17:09,950 --> 00:17:11,850
Mm-hmm. Okay.
Jot this one down.
422
00:17:11,850 --> 00:17:15,780
Uh, we're confused.
423
00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:18,120
Thesis written.
424
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,290
Huh?
425
00:17:19,290 --> 00:17:21,120
You're welcome.
Next.
426
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,560
So what, you're saying
it's our fault?
427
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,730
Is that what
you're saying?
No. T-The --
428
00:17:25,730 --> 00:17:27,630
No, how did you get that --
Fuck no.
429
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:29,930
Hell no. All the nos.
Boom! Right there.
I saw it in your eyes.
430
00:17:29,930 --> 00:17:31,730
You are definitely
still scared of me.
431
00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:36,410
Could you please just...
432
00:17:36,410 --> 00:17:41,880
just clean a glass
or something, you know?
433
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:45,550
[ Exhales ]
434
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,150
[ Glass squeaks ]
435
00:17:52,350 --> 00:17:53,860
All right, I'm gonna
leave you with this
436
00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:57,460
before I do both
of our jobs, as usual --
437
00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,960
You think men have
spontaneously devolved,
438
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,700
but a lot has changed in
the dating and mating front,
439
00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:04,370
like in leap time.
440
00:18:04,370 --> 00:18:06,070
Lines have blurred,
gender roles are smeared --
441
00:18:06,070 --> 00:18:07,300
Shh. Zip it, okay?
442
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:09,270
I've got wheels turning,
big things.
443
00:18:09,270 --> 00:18:12,140
"The Vexing Plight of
the Millennial Male."
444
00:18:13,980 --> 00:18:15,780
That's perfect.
445
00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:17,850
That's definitely not a
rephrasing of what I just said.
446
00:18:17,850 --> 00:18:19,950
It's my break time.
447
00:18:19,950 --> 00:18:23,190
Sure, why not?
I mean, you just got here.
448
00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:24,950
But when you come back,
you and I,
449
00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:26,250
we're gonna have
a little sit down
450
00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:29,290
and talk about
professional boundaries.
451
00:18:29,290 --> 00:18:35,860
♪♪
452
00:18:35,860 --> 00:18:39,230
Emma: Kylie?
Kylie: Up here!
453
00:18:39,230 --> 00:18:44,140
♪ Battle lines, battle scars,
tables are turned ♪
454
00:18:44,140 --> 00:18:48,940
♪ On the floor,
nothing left... ♪
455
00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:50,580
What are we
celebrating?
456
00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:51,850
I mean,
aside from the fact
457
00:18:51,850 --> 00:18:53,280
that we can't seem
to go a week
458
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,780
without closing
a new project?
459
00:18:55,780 --> 00:18:57,590
Not to sound like
a teenage girl,
460
00:18:57,590 --> 00:18:59,420
but it is our two-month
anniversary.
461
00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:02,490
Seriously? Two months.
How is that even possible?
462
00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:03,790
One month in college,
one month now.
463
00:19:03,790 --> 00:19:05,490
Sue me. I'm a romantic.
464
00:19:05,490 --> 00:19:09,000
Aww, Kylie.
465
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,730
Mm, how awesome
are you?
466
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:14,400
More than your mortal mind
can comprehend.
467
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,000
I got us into Delilah's.
468
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,810
Yeah, what?
Next Christmas?
469
00:19:17,810 --> 00:19:20,580
[ Laughs ] In 20 minutes
by the window.
470
00:19:20,580 --> 00:19:22,740
Ain't no thing.
I know a guy.
471
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:24,750
Well, that
is so fucking hot.
472
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:26,850
The things I'm gonna do to you
when we get home...
473
00:19:26,850 --> 00:19:28,320
Oh, what a shame.
474
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,020
I don't sleep with
married women.
475
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:32,690
Yeah?
Strict policy.
476
00:19:32,690 --> 00:19:34,520
Oh, you sure about that?
477
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,830
Oh, well, maybe it's not
so much a strict policy
478
00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:39,330
as a loose guideline.
479
00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:42,030
And you're single
as of Monday, so...
480
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,500
Sorry, sorry, I...
481
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,900
That was weird, I just --
I just got weird.
482
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:53,640
We're both in
uncharted waters, Em.
483
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,680
You've never been in
a committed relationship
484
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,510
with a woman before, and
I've never been with someone
485
00:19:58,510 --> 00:20:01,080
who was married to a dude
for a million years.
486
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,250
We're good, you're good,
they're good.
487
00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:05,750
And you have nothing
to feel guilty about.
488
00:20:11,230 --> 00:20:14,860
[ Sighs ]
489
00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:16,200
Uh...
490
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,500
Actually, technically,
it's your slice,
491
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:19,170
so you're welcome to it.
492
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:20,540
Okay.
493
00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:21,700
Wait.
494
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:24,470
First...
495
00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:27,510
Take another look at how cute I
look in my boyfriend's jersey.
496
00:20:27,510 --> 00:20:29,010
Mm-hmm.
497
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:30,550
Look at the pizza.
498
00:20:30,550 --> 00:20:32,150
Now back up here.
499
00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:33,380
Hello.
500
00:20:33,380 --> 00:20:35,380
Now back at the pizza.
Okay.
501
00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:37,990
Now know that you can only have
one of these two things.
502
00:20:37,990 --> 00:20:41,360
Oof.
Hmm.
503
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:44,490
Are you sexually manipulating me
over the last slice of pizza?
504
00:20:44,490 --> 00:20:47,000
Please, I have
chloroformed people
505
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,100
over the last
piece of pizza.
506
00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:51,330
Fine, it's yours.
[ Giggles ]
507
00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:54,470
You're the best.
508
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:55,900
[ Cellphone ringing ]
509
00:20:55,900 --> 00:20:57,570
Mm.
510
00:20:59,140 --> 00:21:02,410
Jack, are you gonna
answer it?
511
00:21:02,410 --> 00:21:05,150
What do you think
she wants?
512
00:21:05,150 --> 00:21:07,450
Only one way to find out.
513
00:21:07,450 --> 00:21:09,720
Hey, you!
514
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,450
Emma:
Well, someone's perky.
515
00:21:11,450 --> 00:21:12,620
Are you high?
516
00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:15,260
Yeah, we
are super high.
517
00:21:15,260 --> 00:21:18,160
Just dancing,
feeding each other pizza,
518
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,460
generally frolicking.
519
00:21:20,460 --> 00:21:21,960
The usge.
520
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,330
Just talk like
a normal person.
521
00:21:24,330 --> 00:21:25,900
Well, that's --
that's awesome.
522
00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:28,570
Yeah, things are -- things
are great here, too.
523
00:21:28,570 --> 00:21:32,070
Um, just scored another
big project.
524
00:21:32,070 --> 00:21:34,740
Got back from celebrating
with Kylie at the --
525
00:21:34,740 --> 00:21:38,780
the fanciest restaurant in
the Pacific Northwest, so...
526
00:21:38,780 --> 00:21:41,280
Wow, you go, girl.
527
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,590
[ Coughs ]
I will actually
528
00:21:43,590 --> 00:21:45,650
barf pizza
all over your face.
529
00:21:45,650 --> 00:21:47,890
Uh, so, this is a bit
awkward, but you
530
00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:49,720
postponed the last two
scheduled signings,
531
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,990
and I just want to make sure
that we're still on for Monday.
532
00:21:51,990 --> 00:21:53,930
Yep, on for Monday.
533
00:21:53,930 --> 00:21:57,630
Tell Kylie
and pop some corks.
534
00:21:57,630 --> 00:21:59,570
Um, well,
I will see you then.
535
00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:01,970
Yep, see you then.
536
00:22:01,970 --> 00:22:03,810
Bye, Jack.
537
00:22:03,810 --> 00:22:05,610
Bye, Em.
538
00:22:05,610 --> 00:22:08,840
♪♪
539
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,010
[ Sighs ]
540
00:22:11,010 --> 00:22:16,890
♪♪
541
00:22:16,890 --> 00:22:19,150
What?
Are you serious?
542
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:26,230
Jack, you need to stop
whatever the fuck that was
543
00:22:26,230 --> 00:22:29,400
and express some actual,
genuine emotions
544
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,370
about how things went down.
545
00:22:31,370 --> 00:22:34,600
[ Sighs ]
Emma realized she's gay.
546
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,810
End of story.
547
00:22:36,810 --> 00:22:38,870
We want different things,
548
00:22:38,870 --> 00:22:40,540
and it's good that
we figured that out
549
00:22:40,540 --> 00:22:42,440
before a baby came
into the mix.
550
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,050
And that makes
you feel...?
551
00:22:45,050 --> 00:22:46,680
Why is this only
about me?
552
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,180
You're --
You got left, too.
553
00:22:49,180 --> 00:22:51,150
We were together
for, like, a month.
554
00:22:51,150 --> 00:22:52,890
It's hardly the same thing.
555
00:22:52,890 --> 00:22:54,560
[ Cellphone rings ]
556
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,160
[ Ringing stops ]
557
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,690
Okay, if you were counseling us,
what would you say?
558
00:22:58,690 --> 00:23:00,660
"Assface?"
What?
559
00:23:00,660 --> 00:23:03,400
Is that your dad?
Oh, yeah.
That's your da--
560
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,270
Why is he suddenly
calling you so much?
561
00:23:05,270 --> 00:23:07,870
Well, not really
that sudden.
562
00:23:07,870 --> 00:23:09,340
Meaning?
563
00:23:09,340 --> 00:23:11,340
Meaning he started calling
a year ago,
564
00:23:11,340 --> 00:23:12,610
ramped it up
the last few weeks,
565
00:23:12,610 --> 00:23:13,780
and I don't want
to talk about it.
566
00:23:13,780 --> 00:23:15,040
[ Scoffs ]
567
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:16,610
You don't want
to talk about it.
568
00:23:16,610 --> 00:23:18,080
You don't see the parallels
to the conversation
569
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,380
we were just having?
570
00:23:19,380 --> 00:23:21,080
No.
571
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,390
You're gonna get changed.
572
00:23:23,390 --> 00:23:26,720
Ben Silva's call has just
shaken me in a way
573
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,960
that can only remedied
by sweating out vodka
574
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,090
in a place that's just,
like, uh, uh.
575
00:23:31,090 --> 00:23:33,060
You know, like,
too loud to think.
576
00:23:33,060 --> 00:23:35,230
Your favorite.
All right.
577
00:23:35,230 --> 00:23:37,200
Awesome, I am in.
578
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,770
Let's do it.
579
00:23:39,770 --> 00:23:41,240
Again.
580
00:23:42,770 --> 00:23:50,410
♪♪
581
00:23:50,410 --> 00:23:51,950
Bless you.
582
00:23:51,950 --> 00:23:53,520
Gabe: You look plagued,
and not with concern.
583
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,950
You look like you literally
have the plague.
584
00:23:55,950 --> 00:23:59,090
Hey, enjoy.
The fuck ran into you?
585
00:23:59,090 --> 00:24:01,690
There's zero chance he's
successfully eating that.
586
00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:03,860
Can't you just tell Izzy
that you're too old now
587
00:24:03,860 --> 00:24:05,190
and you can't hang anymore.
588
00:24:05,190 --> 00:24:06,360
And there's
no shame in that.
589
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:08,030
I mean,
we already know it.
590
00:24:08,030 --> 00:24:09,830
I can't take much more
of this, you guys.
591
00:24:09,830 --> 00:24:11,770
I'm way closer
to 40 than 35.
592
00:24:11,770 --> 00:24:13,500
Or 39,
for that matter.
593
00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:16,340
I did shots last night that
were called "Death by Dawn."
594
00:24:16,340 --> 00:24:19,440
The title itself
More like a prophecy.
is its own warning.
595
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,510
She wants to have sex,
like, all the time,
596
00:24:21,510 --> 00:24:24,280
sometimes fucking every day,
twice a day...
597
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:28,120
Wow, you poor man.
I would slap your face if
you didn't look contagious.
598
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:34,820
[ Loud gulping ]
599
00:24:34,820 --> 00:24:36,460
Really going for it.
600
00:24:38,430 --> 00:24:41,160
[ Exhales ]
So does this mean we're not
coming over to watch the game?
601
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:42,960
What? No. No.
No bailing.
602
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,630
We're going to your loft
to watch the fucking game.
603
00:24:44,630 --> 00:24:46,170
Take it easy there,
Superfan.
604
00:24:46,170 --> 00:24:47,500
It's the first game
of the first round.
605
00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:48,940
You know how many butts
I had to wipe
606
00:24:48,940 --> 00:24:50,240
to make this happen?
607
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,240
Seriously hoping
it's just the two.
608
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,480
We're watching the game, okay?
I need the distraction.
609
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,140
Divorce signing thing
still on for Monday?
610
00:24:56,140 --> 00:24:58,180
Oh, buddy, is that what
this is about?
Are you okay?
611
00:24:58,180 --> 00:24:59,810
Do you want to
talk about it?
Need a suit?
612
00:24:59,810 --> 00:25:02,250
You two are literally
the last people in the world
613
00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:03,450
I would want to talk to
about it, okay?
614
00:25:03,450 --> 00:25:04,920
Excuse me?
What?
615
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,390
I think Izzy must be
hung over, too, right?
616
00:25:07,390 --> 00:25:09,690
I mean, she's young,
but she's still human.
617
00:25:09,690 --> 00:25:13,030
All better?
Like it never happened.
618
00:25:13,030 --> 00:25:16,000
One more, we can accidentally
slide into a day rage.
619
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,300
Whoo!
620
00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,670
Uh, no can do, sister.
621
00:25:19,670 --> 00:25:22,670
I'm enacting
a devious plan.
622
00:25:22,670 --> 00:25:26,240
Um, I love devious plans
even more than day raging.
623
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,910
Tell me.
I know. Okay.
624
00:25:27,910 --> 00:25:30,310
So, last night,
I texted Emma
625
00:25:30,310 --> 00:25:32,380
that Jack and I would be
out of the loft all day
626
00:25:32,380 --> 00:25:34,380
so she could come deal
with all the shit that
we've been storing.
627
00:25:34,380 --> 00:25:36,550
I left her a key.
I'm starting to think
628
00:25:36,550 --> 00:25:38,350
you don't actually know
what the word "devious" means.
629
00:25:38,350 --> 00:25:40,390
I'm not done.
And then I recruited Dave --
630
00:25:40,390 --> 00:25:43,160
you know, Jack's weird friend
with all the kids --
631
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,990
to make sure that
they would be in the loft
632
00:25:45,990 --> 00:25:48,230
watching the game.
633
00:25:48,230 --> 00:25:50,030
Get it?
634
00:25:50,030 --> 00:25:51,630
I'm getting super fucking
bored over here.
635
00:25:51,630 --> 00:25:53,970
Okay, point is,
is that you know Jack.
636
00:25:53,970 --> 00:25:55,670
He gets so weird.
He's like all chill
637
00:25:55,670 --> 00:25:57,710
and philosophical, but it's,
like, come the fuck on, okay?
638
00:25:57,710 --> 00:25:59,540
If he doesn't let it out,
he's gonna detonate.
639
00:25:59,540 --> 00:26:01,140
Like, I can hear
him ticking.
640
00:26:01,140 --> 00:26:02,540
Are you sure that's
the real reason
641
00:26:02,540 --> 00:26:04,380
behind your "devious plan?"
642
00:26:04,380 --> 00:26:06,380
Nyeh.
What other motive
would there be?
643
00:26:06,380 --> 00:26:07,820
[ Laughs ]
644
00:26:07,820 --> 00:26:09,650
Seriously?
Oh, come on.
645
00:26:09,650 --> 00:26:11,790
Iz, it's me.
646
00:26:11,790 --> 00:26:14,220
Oh, you think I want to get
the band back together?
647
00:26:14,220 --> 00:26:15,890
After what she did?
Mm-hmm.
648
00:26:15,890 --> 00:26:17,390
How does that
even make sense?
649
00:26:17,390 --> 00:26:19,430
Oh, it -- it doesn't.
And, um,
650
00:26:19,430 --> 00:26:21,400
while we're discussing
the pervasive senselessness
651
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,070
of your entire life,
have you talked to your dad,
652
00:26:24,070 --> 00:26:26,200
who's been calling on
the hour for several weeks,
653
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,400
or is closure only
for other people?
654
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,610
You wrecked my buzz.
655
00:26:31,610 --> 00:26:34,540
Let me guess --
headed to the loft?
656
00:26:34,540 --> 00:26:37,710
Oh, you're so cute when you
think you know things and...
[ Baby voice ]
657
00:26:37,710 --> 00:26:40,550
Do not go to the loft.
658
00:26:40,550 --> 00:26:43,420
Bye.
Nina: Bye.
659
00:26:43,420 --> 00:26:44,820
[ Door closes ]
660
00:26:47,490 --> 00:26:49,290
Dave:
Oh, come on, Goldsby!
661
00:26:49,290 --> 00:26:51,460
[ Chuckles ] I think it's time
we cut you off, man.
662
00:26:51,460 --> 00:26:53,130
You're yelling at the TV
like they can hear you.
663
00:26:53,130 --> 00:26:54,660
He heard me.
664
00:26:54,660 --> 00:26:56,400
Look, I managed to go
an entire Saturday
665
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,570
without seeing or touching
a child's puke,
666
00:26:58,570 --> 00:27:00,740
so it's still a win
in my books.
667
00:27:00,740 --> 00:27:02,270
So, is this
ridiculously small TV
668
00:27:02,270 --> 00:27:04,740
the only thing left to you
in this giant brick box?
669
00:27:04,740 --> 00:27:06,140
Okay, you know what?
Unlike you,
670
00:27:06,140 --> 00:27:07,610
I have a normal,
adult-sized penis,
671
00:27:07,610 --> 00:27:09,980
so I don't need a TV
the size of a billboard.
672
00:27:09,980 --> 00:27:11,480
Did you steal it from
the back seat of an Escalade
673
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:12,880
from the headrest?
You just [ pops ]
674
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,980
He's saying it's small.
and right there?
675
00:27:14,980 --> 00:27:17,490
It is very small.
It is.
676
00:27:17,490 --> 00:27:19,890
Hey, Frank.
Yeah, extra large for pick-up.
677
00:27:19,890 --> 00:27:21,660
Thanks.
678
00:27:25,290 --> 00:27:27,030
[ Sighs ]
679
00:27:27,030 --> 00:27:29,460
♪♪
680
00:27:29,460 --> 00:27:32,100
Hey, there, Peanut.
681
00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:35,600
You don't get to call me that
anymore, Ben.
682
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,810
Come on, let's not --
Go the fuck away.
683
00:27:38,810 --> 00:27:43,010
♪♪
684
00:27:43,010 --> 00:27:45,150
The sad thing is,
you're right.
685
00:27:45,150 --> 00:27:49,350
Now I know how Izzy felt when
she was in Hawthorne Heights.
686
00:27:49,350 --> 00:27:51,020
It's just -- I fucking
miss the suburbs.
687
00:27:51,020 --> 00:27:53,350
It's pathetic, I know.
688
00:27:53,350 --> 00:27:55,120
It takes me, like, an hour
to find a parking space
689
00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:56,820
when I'm driving around.
690
00:27:56,820 --> 00:27:58,460
That's the worst.
[ Door slams ]
You poor baby.
691
00:27:58,460 --> 00:28:01,030
Guys, we were not having this
conversation, okay?
692
00:28:01,030 --> 00:28:02,460
W-What?
Does she beat you?
693
00:28:02,460 --> 00:28:05,330
[ Footsteps approaching ]
694
00:28:05,330 --> 00:28:08,840
[ Basketball game plays on TV ]
695
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:15,280
♪♪
696
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:21,780
♪♪
697
00:28:21,780 --> 00:28:23,720
Hey.
698
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:25,890
Hey.
699
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:29,020
♪ It's you, girl ♪
700
00:28:29,020 --> 00:28:31,560
♪ It's you, girl ♪
701
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:36,260
♪ It's you ♪
702
00:28:36,260 --> 00:28:38,730
♪ It's you, girl ♪
703
00:28:38,730 --> 00:28:41,200
♪ It's you, girl ♪
704
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,370
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh,
705
00:28:44,370 --> 00:28:47,040
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh,
706
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,710
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh,
707
00:28:49,710 --> 00:28:52,680
oh, o-oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh,
708
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:58,820
♪♪
51704
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
