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Previously on Crazy
Ex-Girlfriend...
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00:00:05,087 --> 00:00:08,841
REBECCA: Oh, I'm so embarrassed
that I caused such a scene.
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00:00:08,841 --> 00:00:10,926
And I didn't, I didn't
even want to die.
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00:00:10,926 --> 00:00:14,013
I just wanted the pain to stop.
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00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,851
You don't want to
have a baby, do you?
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00:00:18,851 --> 00:00:19,852
No.
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00:00:19,852 --> 00:00:20,853
What are we gonna do?
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I don't know.
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Are you sure you don't
need to go be at home?
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00:00:23,856 --> 00:00:25,274
What about your kids?
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00:00:25,274 --> 00:00:27,735
PAULA: I am where I should be.
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00:00:27,735 --> 00:00:28,736
Which is...
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00:00:28,736 --> 00:00:29,987
right by your side.
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00:00:29,987 --> 00:00:32,614
DR. SHIN: It is my opinion
that you exhibit many of the
15
00:00:32,614 --> 00:00:37,578
characteristics of borderline
personality disorder.
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00:00:37,578 --> 00:00:39,288
I'm here for you.
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00:00:39,288 --> 00:00:40,289
That really means a lot.
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00:00:40,289 --> 00:00:46,462
(sighs happily) Hey, Heather.
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00:00:46,462 --> 00:00:51,049
(door closes) What up,
what up, what up, what up?
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00:00:51,049 --> 00:00:53,886
You're in a good mood.
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00:00:53,886 --> 00:00:54,887
Yeah.
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00:00:54,887 --> 00:00:55,888
Wow.
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00:00:55,888 --> 00:00:56,889
Someone did some shopping.
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00:00:56,889 --> 00:00:59,308
Yes, I'm very excited.
25
00:00:59,308 --> 00:01:01,477
Can't believe your doctor
gave you so much homework.
26
00:01:01,477 --> 00:01:03,687
Oh, no, you know, he only
assigned me one of those books,
27
00:01:03,687 --> 00:01:05,689
but I just figured, if
filling out one book is good,
28
00:01:05,689 --> 00:01:07,691
filling out all of them
must be even better.
29
00:01:07,691 --> 00:01:09,276
You're such an A student.
30
00:01:09,276 --> 00:01:10,861
God, I miss being a student.
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00:01:10,861 --> 00:01:13,280
Is there something you can
fill out when you used to be a
32
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,866
student, but now
you're not a student?
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00:01:15,866 --> 00:01:17,868
I think it's called
a job application.
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00:01:17,868 --> 00:01:18,869
Oh.
35
00:01:18,869 --> 00:01:19,828
Ah.
36
00:01:19,828 --> 00:01:20,871
Mm, okay.
37
00:01:20,871 --> 00:01:21,872
Okay.
38
00:01:21,872 --> 00:01:22,873
Okay.
39
00:01:22,873 --> 00:01:23,874
Okay.
40
00:01:23,874 --> 00:01:25,834
Oh-- let's see.
41
00:01:25,834 --> 00:01:29,171
"Exercise One: Scan your body
for any signs of distress."
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00:01:29,171 --> 00:01:31,340
(robot voice):
Initiating body scan.
43
00:01:31,340 --> 00:01:32,758
Oh, these pants feel tight.
44
00:01:32,758 --> 00:01:33,759
They are tight in the crotch.
45
00:01:33,759 --> 00:01:34,802
These are terrible pants.
46
00:01:34,802 --> 00:01:36,804
I should get rid of these pants.
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00:01:36,804 --> 00:01:38,806
Please don't take your
pants off in front of me,
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00:01:38,806 --> 00:01:40,808
I know you haven't
done laundry lately.
49
00:01:40,808 --> 00:01:42,810
I'm actually wearing
your bikini bottoms.
50
00:01:42,810 --> 00:01:44,436
You can keep 'em.
51
00:01:44,436 --> 00:01:45,437
Thank you.
52
00:01:45,437 --> 00:01:51,693
(Rebecca scat singing)
Did all the books.
53
00:01:51,693 --> 00:01:54,029
Are you proud of me?
54
00:01:54,029 --> 00:01:56,031
I don't know if you keep
stickers around, but if you do,
55
00:01:56,031 --> 00:01:57,282
I prefer scratch-n-sniff, so...
56
00:01:57,282 --> 00:01:59,409
Rebecca, I applaud
your work ethic,
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00:01:59,409 --> 00:02:02,120
but recovery is not about
assigning yourself homework and
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00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,372
doing it in record time.
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00:02:03,372 --> 00:02:05,374
So you're saying I set a record.
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00:02:05,374 --> 00:02:09,545
I know you want an A-plus, but
I need to challenge you to get a
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00:02:09,545 --> 00:02:11,046
different type of grade.
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00:02:11,046 --> 00:02:12,548
What's better than an A-plus?
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00:02:12,548 --> 00:02:13,549
A C-plus.
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00:02:13,549 --> 00:02:15,551
(gasps) I know by
doing this work,
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00:02:15,551 --> 00:02:18,095
you want to get better quickly,
but for someone like you,
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00:02:18,095 --> 00:02:20,097
the overachieving is
part of the issue.
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00:02:20,097 --> 00:02:21,557
You need to relax.
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00:02:21,557 --> 00:02:22,558
Relax?
69
00:02:22,558 --> 00:02:24,561
Okay, is that what they
told you to do at Syracuse?
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00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,732
I'm sor-- I'm sorry, Syracuse
is a lovely school for
71
00:02:30,732 --> 00:02:32,234
communications or something.
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00:02:32,234 --> 00:02:34,236
Hey, you need to
put the pencil down.
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00:02:34,236 --> 00:02:36,238
You have been in
a therapy bubble.
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00:02:36,238 --> 00:02:37,239
All right?
75
00:02:37,239 --> 00:02:39,241
It is time to take steps
into the real world.
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00:02:39,241 --> 00:02:40,242
The real world?
77
00:02:40,242 --> 00:02:42,244
No, no, I don't want that,
'cause what if I mess things up?
78
00:02:42,244 --> 00:02:43,328
Then that's okay.
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00:02:43,328 --> 00:02:45,956
Go out there and make some
messes, have some adventures.
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00:02:45,956 --> 00:02:47,958
And stop being so
hard on yourself.
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00:02:47,958 --> 00:02:49,251
I mean, you're right.
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00:02:49,251 --> 00:02:50,252
I am hard on myself.
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00:02:50,252 --> 00:02:52,254
God, it's one of
my worst qualities.
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00:02:52,254 --> 00:02:54,256
God, I'm such a dumb,
loser, hard-on-myself bitch.
85
00:02:54,256 --> 00:02:56,216
That.
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00:02:56,216 --> 00:02:57,509
Stop doing that.
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00:02:57,509 --> 00:03:02,097
(sighs) I just
don't want to fail.
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00:03:02,097 --> 00:03:04,349
You need to redefine failure.
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00:03:04,349 --> 00:03:06,977
As I did, when I only got
into my safety school.
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00:03:11,977 --> 00:03:13,937
(laughs): Oh, ho...
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00:03:13,937 --> 00:03:16,356
That's a beauty!
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00:03:16,356 --> 00:03:17,884
(giggles) Hey!
93
00:03:17,884 --> 00:03:20,073
Look, I made special
pancakes with a sports theme.
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00:03:20,073 --> 00:03:23,118
Basketball, soccer ball,
baseball, golf ball.
95
00:03:23,118 --> 00:03:24,202
Those are just circles, Mom.
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00:03:24,202 --> 00:03:26,455
Oh, wait till you hear
what happened this morning.
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00:03:26,455 --> 00:03:29,708
Okay, so Grandma calls and
she said she's got this church
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00:03:29,708 --> 00:03:31,793
retreat in Minnesota
that she has to go to,
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00:03:31,793 --> 00:03:34,755
and she wants me to
stay with Grampa.
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00:03:34,755 --> 00:03:38,342
(laughs) 'Cause he fell down
'cause he's old or-- cough,
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00:03:38,342 --> 00:03:39,551
cough-- alcoholic.
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00:03:39,551 --> 00:03:40,969
What is she thinking?
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00:03:40,969 --> 00:03:42,971
Like I would ever
go and do that.
104
00:03:42,971 --> 00:03:44,973
You guys know how
much my dad annoys me.
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00:03:44,973 --> 00:03:46,019
Who's ready for an
egg-n-cheese sammy?
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00:03:46,019 --> 00:03:46,897
- I am.
- Me, too
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SCOTT: (chuckles) So hungry.
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00:03:48,112 --> 00:03:49,645
You're going out to breakfast?
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00:03:49,645 --> 00:03:51,275
I mean, what are
you talking about?
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00:03:51,275 --> 00:03:53,838
While you were busy with
Rebecca, we got a new routine.
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00:03:53,838 --> 00:03:55,477
We do drive-through
for breakfast now.
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00:03:55,477 --> 00:03:56,617
BRENDAN: Yeah.
Let's get going. Starving.
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- Mmm.
- Yeah, same.
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(chuckles): Mm-hmm.
- So hungry.
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00:03:59,995 --> 00:04:01,291
- Craving those sandwiches.
-Hey, Scott,
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TOMMY: Yeah, it's the best.
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00:04:02,746 --> 00:04:05,245
Look, I know I was AWOL
with Rebecca, but I'm back.
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I'm here.
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00:04:06,070 --> 00:04:08,501
I am doing laundry, I
am flushing toilets,
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00:04:08,501 --> 00:04:09,923
I am helping with homework.
121
00:04:09,923 --> 00:04:11,866
Okay, let's face it,
I am doing homework.
122
00:04:12,195 --> 00:04:14,822
Yeah, but we don't know how
long this is gonna last.
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00:04:16,659 --> 00:04:17,886
You go through phases.
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00:04:17,886 --> 00:04:20,162
Before Rebecca, there
were those vampire novels.
125
00:04:20,488 --> 00:04:23,466
Sudoku, and then there was the
obsession with Amal Clooney's outfits.
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00:04:23,746 --> 00:04:26,634
She is a style icon
and a barrister.
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00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,073
There's always something you're
obsessed with and, uh, eh,
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00:04:29,073 --> 00:04:30,194
it's kind of never us.
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00:04:30,442 --> 00:04:32,714
We're like a, I don't
know, a chore or something.
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00:04:32,714 --> 00:04:34,094
You're not a chore.
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00:04:35,368 --> 00:04:38,192
This is my life and
I have accepted it.
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00:04:38,547 --> 00:04:44,193
My life is chores and working
and studying and never having
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00:04:44,193 --> 00:04:46,646
enough time to finish the last
season of Outlander, it's fine.
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00:04:48,568 --> 00:04:49,933
I wasn't trying to
start something.
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00:04:50,215 --> 00:04:51,179
You do your best.
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00:04:51,584 --> 00:04:54,498
But it always feels like there's
some part of you that's not
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00:04:54,498 --> 00:04:55,746
really here.
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00:04:55,746 --> 00:04:57,836
Why is that?
Hmm. Don't know.
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00:05:02,975 --> 00:05:05,371
I'm in just such a transitional
time right now, you know?
140
00:05:05,718 --> 00:05:06,352
Tell me about it.
141
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:10,350
My voice is cracking, hair
is appearing in very strange
142
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places, and my armpits are
starting to smell like...
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00:05:13,645 --> 00:05:15,981
like armpits.
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00:05:15,981 --> 00:05:18,150
But I'm supposed
to be past that.
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00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:19,151
I'm a big boy.
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00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:21,145
What's the word for that?
147
00:05:21,573 --> 00:05:22,353
Man.
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00:05:22,353 --> 00:05:22,975
Yeah.
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00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:25,529
Man, what is the word for that?
150
00:05:26,802 --> 00:05:29,895
Josh, I couldn't help but
overhear as I was trying to
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00:05:29,895 --> 00:05:30,866
overhear.
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00:05:30,866 --> 00:05:32,057
You're looking for a job, huh?
153
00:05:32,397 --> 00:05:33,770
(scoffs) I really need a job.
154
00:05:34,693 --> 00:05:37,318
I'm on indefinite suspension
from Aloha so I'm broke.
155
00:05:37,581 --> 00:05:38,879
We've been looking
for a bartender.
156
00:05:39,429 --> 00:05:40,025
You interested?
157
00:05:40,025 --> 00:05:41,081
Bartending?
158
00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:42,129
Huh.
159
00:05:42,670 --> 00:05:44,283
I thought it was kind of
lame when Greg did it,
160
00:05:44,283 --> 00:05:45,555
but I bet I could make it cool.
161
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:48,841
I am really coordinated because
of my martial arts and my magic.
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00:05:49,672 --> 00:05:52,498
I bet I could pick up some dope
Cocktail tricks pretty fast.
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00:05:52,967 --> 00:05:55,327
We mostly serve beer, so we
don't need anything fancy.
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00:06:01,324 --> 00:06:03,063
Thanks for not cheering
too loud at my game today.
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00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,447
I know it was hard.
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00:06:04,824 --> 00:06:08,607
Yeah, I tried to reign it in,
but it is hard because Madison
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00:06:08,607 --> 00:06:10,591
is rad-ison. (chuckles)
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00:06:12,385 --> 00:06:14,087
I'll excuse it
because you're going through a
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00:06:14,087 --> 00:06:14,841
tough time.
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00:06:15,088 --> 00:06:16,920
I mean, you just broke
up with your boyfriend.
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00:06:20,230 --> 00:06:21,660
You did break up
with him, right?
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00:06:21,997 --> 00:06:23,343
(clears throat) What?
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00:06:23,343 --> 00:06:24,043
Come on!
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00:06:24,043 --> 00:06:25,559
You want to have a baby.
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00:06:25,841 --> 00:06:26,668
He doesn't.
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00:06:26,872 --> 00:06:28,016
I know, but it's so hard.
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00:06:28,016 --> 00:06:29,155
I still care about him.
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00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:29,949
I love him.
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00:06:29,949 --> 00:06:31,167
You got to rip off the Band-Aid.
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00:06:31,747 --> 00:06:32,839
That's how I broke
up with Jimmy.
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00:06:37,181 --> 00:06:38,053
Here he is.
182
00:06:38,321 --> 00:06:39,006
Do it.
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00:06:39,429 --> 00:06:40,165
Joshua!
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00:06:40,165 --> 00:06:41,695
My dad has something
to tell you.
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00:06:41,961 --> 00:06:42,576
Oh, yeah?
186
00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:43,697
Um...
187
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:45,350
What's up?
188
00:06:45,590 --> 00:06:47,709
(sighs) Um...
189
00:06:49,171 --> 00:06:50,246
Madison won her game.
190
00:06:50,803 --> 00:06:52,946
WHITE JOSH: Oh, nice, Madison.
191
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:53,851
Way to go.
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00:06:57,415 --> 00:06:59,417
So, you're really thinking
about going back to Buffalo?
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00:06:59,417 --> 00:07:01,419
Nobody appreciates me
at my house right now.
194
00:07:01,419 --> 00:07:02,754
I mean, I might as well.
195
00:07:02,754 --> 00:07:05,298
Scott has been so pissy lately.
196
00:07:05,298 --> 00:07:08,468
Oh, sometimes I wish I could
just touch a stone wall and go
197
00:07:08,468 --> 00:07:11,721
back to 1743 to be with my other
husband, the Scottish warrior,
198
00:07:11,721 --> 00:07:13,974
and you don't watch
Outlander, do you?
199
00:07:13,974 --> 00:07:14,975
Mm, sorry.
200
00:07:14,975 --> 00:07:16,977
Like, none of this
makes any sense to you.
201
00:07:16,977 --> 00:07:18,395
(inhales sharply) Okay.
202
00:07:18,395 --> 00:07:20,397
Anyway, Paula, are you sure you
want to go back and hang out
203
00:07:20,397 --> 00:07:21,398
with your dad?
204
00:07:21,398 --> 00:07:23,358
I mean, you hate him; he
makes you feel horrible about
205
00:07:23,358 --> 00:07:24,359
yourself.
206
00:07:24,359 --> 00:07:29,156
Yeah, no, I wasn't gonna go,
but, you know, he needs me and,
207
00:07:29,156 --> 00:07:32,159
I mean, Buffalo's
gonna be messy, but...
208
00:07:32,159 --> 00:07:35,328
at least it's kind
of an adventure.
209
00:07:35,328 --> 00:07:36,621
A messy adventure, you say?
210
00:07:36,621 --> 00:07:37,873
That sounds fun.
211
00:07:37,873 --> 00:07:39,875
You know, I've always
wanted to go to Buffalo.
212
00:07:39,875 --> 00:07:40,876
You have?
213
00:07:40,876 --> 00:07:41,877
Yes, yes.
214
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:43,158
Ever since I saw Bruce Almighty.
215
00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:43,847
(laughs): Oh, my...
216
00:07:43,847 --> 00:07:44,688
Paula.
217
00:07:44,688 --> 00:07:45,502
Paula, no, this is perfect.
218
00:07:45,502 --> 00:07:47,577
This is exactly the kind of
adventure that Dr. Shin was
219
00:07:47,577 --> 00:07:49,050
talking about.
220
00:07:49,327 --> 00:07:50,033
Let me come with you.
221
00:07:50,033 --> 00:07:50,570
Really?
222
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:51,144
Yeah.
223
00:07:59,829 --> 00:08:00,937
(knocking on door)
Yeah, come in, Paula.
224
00:08:00,937 --> 00:08:01,937
Hey.
225
00:08:01,937 --> 00:08:02,687
Oh.
226
00:08:02,687 --> 00:08:05,859
I just, uh, wanted
to come check on you.
227
00:08:05,859 --> 00:08:09,654
You know, like men do.
228
00:08:09,654 --> 00:08:10,655
Haven't seen you in a while.
229
00:08:10,655 --> 00:08:11,656
Everything good?
230
00:08:11,656 --> 00:08:13,658
You're not running
away again, are you?
231
00:08:13,658 --> 00:08:16,369
No, no, no, I'm just, I'm going
on a quick trip with Paula.
232
00:08:16,369 --> 00:08:18,622
I'm trying to get out of my
bubble, my therapy bubble.
233
00:08:18,622 --> 00:08:21,333
It's why I've been kind of MIA
from everything, so, sorry.
234
00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:22,375
Oh, no, don't be sorry.
235
00:08:22,375 --> 00:08:23,627
It's, it's good to see you.
236
00:08:23,627 --> 00:08:24,961
Yeah.
237
00:08:24,961 --> 00:08:26,963
Might have missed
you a little bit.
238
00:08:26,963 --> 00:08:27,964
I don't know.
239
00:08:27,964 --> 00:08:28,965
Prob-Probably not.
240
00:08:28,965 --> 00:08:30,967
I'm probably just feeling
a little weird because
241
00:08:30,967 --> 00:08:32,969
I accidentally had
dairy yesterday.
242
00:08:32,969 --> 00:08:35,180
I asked for a grilled cheese
sandwich, but I said "no cheese,
243
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:37,766
no bread, I just want a hot,
salty tomato." But, you know,
244
00:08:37,766 --> 00:08:39,309
they don't listen.
245
00:08:39,309 --> 00:08:40,310
Cool.
246
00:08:40,310 --> 00:08:42,312
What a roundabout explanation
for wanting to come see a friend
247
00:08:43,313 --> 00:08:44,513
Come here.
248
00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:57,281
I don't know if I can have sex.
249
00:08:57,281 --> 00:08:58,205
Huh?
250
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:01,330
I don't know if the books
say that I can have sex yet.
251
00:09:01,330 --> 00:09:02,987
I mean, and I definitely am
not ready for a relationship.
252
00:09:02,987 --> 00:09:04,332
Not that that's what
you're trying to do.
253
00:09:04,332 --> 00:09:05,217
I don't know what I'm saying.
254
00:09:05,217 --> 00:09:05,985
You're a really good hugger.
255
00:09:05,985 --> 00:09:07,012
Oh, thank you.
256
00:09:07,012 --> 00:09:10,783
The thing is, I would love
to have sex with you again.
257
00:09:11,186 --> 00:09:12,658
Like, I'm talking to
you here right now,
258
00:09:12,658 --> 00:09:14,356
but there's another
version of me-- like,
259
00:09:14,356 --> 00:09:16,250
an alternate version in a
parallel universe-- that's just
260
00:09:16,250 --> 00:09:19,223
ripping your clothes off right
now and climbing you like the
261
00:09:19,223 --> 00:09:20,562
sequoia you are, you
know what I'm sayin'?
262
00:09:21,113 --> 00:09:21,712
Sequoia?
263
00:09:21,712 --> 00:09:22,279
Yeah.
264
00:09:22,279 --> 00:09:25,035
'Cause you're, like, tall and
hard, and wooden, and sexy,
265
00:09:25,035 --> 00:09:27,286
and native to California, so
just get out of here, please.
266
00:09:27,286 --> 00:09:28,321
Please just get out of here.
267
00:09:28,321 --> 00:09:29,571
Okay.
268
00:09:29,571 --> 00:09:30,378
I'm-a go.
269
00:09:30,875 --> 00:09:31,623
But...
270
00:09:33,562 --> 00:09:34,610
I'm-a go sexy.
271
00:09:34,610 --> 00:09:38,079
(yelps) No!
(laughing)
272
00:09:44,345 --> 00:09:45,783
Why is Nathaniel
leaving so sexy?
273
00:09:46,296 --> 00:09:46,860
It's a whole thing.
274
00:09:46,860 --> 00:09:47,438
- Let's just go.
- Okay.
275
00:09:48,878 --> 00:09:49,879
No. Hm, no.
276
00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:56,886
Hey, Dad.
277
00:09:56,886 --> 00:09:58,263
Look who's home from Hollywood.
278
00:09:58,263 --> 00:09:59,764
(laughs) It's West Covina.
279
00:09:59,764 --> 00:10:01,766
It's not even
close to Hollywood.
280
00:10:01,766 --> 00:10:02,767
This is my friend, Rebecca.
281
00:10:02,767 --> 00:10:04,769
Look, enough with
the pleasantries.
282
00:10:04,769 --> 00:10:06,771
Your mother told you
come and babysit me.
283
00:10:06,771 --> 00:10:07,772
I don't need it.
284
00:10:07,772 --> 00:10:10,483
I fell, I got a giant
bruise on my ass cheek.
285
00:10:10,483 --> 00:10:12,360
Other than that, I'm perfect.
286
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:15,530
Hey, isn't that the girl
your mother told me about?
287
00:10:15,530 --> 00:10:18,575
She, uh, kind of sucks
at killing herself?
288
00:10:18,575 --> 00:10:19,576
Dad!
289
00:10:19,576 --> 00:10:23,580
(laughs) Hey, I know this
guy from my old precinct in
290
00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:26,624
Brooklyn, he tried to shoot
himself in his foot to get
291
00:10:26,624 --> 00:10:27,667
workers' comp.
292
00:10:27,667 --> 00:10:29,294
Blew off his willie.
293
00:10:29,294 --> 00:10:30,545
You're like that guy.
294
00:10:30,545 --> 00:10:32,547
Oh, my God, Rebecca,
I am so sorry.
295
00:10:32,547 --> 00:10:33,548
No, no, no.
296
00:10:33,548 --> 00:10:34,549
It-It's okay.
297
00:10:34,549 --> 00:10:36,551
Wait, wait, so the guy
just blew off the willie?
298
00:10:36,551 --> 00:10:37,635
Not the entire package?
299
00:10:37,635 --> 00:10:39,888
So that means he just missed
out on becoming, like,
300
00:10:39,888 --> 00:10:40,889
a great soprano?
301
00:10:40,889 --> 00:10:41,890
By a hair.
302
00:10:41,890 --> 00:10:45,935
(Rebecca and Bob
laughing) He's funny.
303
00:10:45,935 --> 00:10:47,395
He's really not.
304
00:10:47,395 --> 00:10:49,397
Paula doesn't have
a sense of humor.
305
00:10:49,397 --> 00:10:50,398
Never has.
306
00:10:50,398 --> 00:10:52,859
That's why she's not likable.
307
00:10:52,859 --> 00:10:55,612
Hey, I'm not saying
anything you don't know.
308
00:10:55,612 --> 00:10:57,238
You have other qualities.
309
00:10:57,238 --> 00:10:58,239
You're sturdy.
310
00:10:58,239 --> 00:11:00,241
Would've made a great
defensive tackle.
311
00:11:00,241 --> 00:11:01,409
Well, see, Paula?
312
00:11:01,409 --> 00:11:03,411
That's-that's a
genderless compliment.
313
00:11:03,411 --> 00:11:05,997
Yeah, you know, I always
actually wondered if maybe Paula
314
00:11:05,997 --> 00:11:08,124
had a pecker, a little one,
you know what I'm saying?
315
00:11:08,124 --> 00:11:09,167
Okay, never mind.
316
00:11:09,167 --> 00:11:10,168
I'm sorry.
317
00:11:10,168 --> 00:11:12,462
You know what?
318
00:11:12,462 --> 00:11:13,963
I'm gonna go to the market.
319
00:11:13,963 --> 00:11:15,965
'Cause I'll bet all you got
in the fridge is artillery and
320
00:11:15,965 --> 00:11:16,966
vodka.
321
00:11:16,966 --> 00:11:19,094
Oh, I'm almost out of vodka.
322
00:11:19,094 --> 00:11:20,095
Go ahead.
323
00:11:20,095 --> 00:11:21,096
I'll stay with him.
324
00:11:21,096 --> 00:11:22,097
Bye.
325
00:11:22,097 --> 00:11:27,811
(door opens, closes) Hey, would
you like to see a big turd
326
00:11:27,811 --> 00:11:28,812
I left in the toilet?
327
00:11:28,812 --> 00:11:29,813
No.
328
00:11:29,813 --> 00:11:30,814
Kinda.
329
00:11:44,322 --> 00:11:47,932
(sighs) PAULA (echoing): Jeff.
330
00:11:48,190 --> 00:11:49,454
Can I help you, ma'am?
331
00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:55,154
Who is that?
332
00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:57,481
That's...
333
00:11:58,670 --> 00:12:00,402
That's my Josh Chan.
334
00:12:07,112 --> 00:12:08,111
Is that your ex or something?
335
00:12:09,712 --> 00:12:11,011
Oh, he's not just any ex.
336
00:12:11,011 --> 00:12:11,823
He's...
337
00:12:12,751 --> 00:12:14,111
he's the one I never got over.
338
00:12:14,891 --> 00:12:16,418
I thought if I saw
him again, I'd...
339
00:12:16,418 --> 00:12:17,948
I'd want to punch
him in the face,
340
00:12:17,948 --> 00:12:21,234
but instead I feel all
warm and tingly inside,
341
00:12:21,234 --> 00:12:23,291
like glitter is
exploding inside of me.
342
00:12:23,765 --> 00:12:25,088
CLERK: So he was
your first love?
343
00:12:25,689 --> 00:12:30,544
Oh, baby, he was my
first everything.
344
00:12:37,778 --> 00:12:41,509
♪ I've thought about him for so long.
345
00:12:42,138 --> 00:12:44,635
♪ Those memories are crystal clear.
346
00:12:44,635 --> 00:12:48,635
♪ I was so young,
He was so big and strong
347
00:12:49,139 --> 00:12:51,859
♪ I can't believe that he's right here.
348
00:12:51,859 --> 00:12:57,636
♪ I was such an innocent girl
When we first met
349
00:12:58,172 --> 00:13:01,291
♪ He opened up my eyes,
Showed me a whole new world
350
00:13:01,291 --> 00:13:05,275
♪ So how could I ever forget?
351
00:13:05,533 --> 00:13:07,292
♪ The first penis I saw
352
00:13:07,292 --> 00:13:10,091
♪ First penis, very first penis
353
00:13:10,091 --> 00:13:14,279
♪ First penis, very first penis I saw
354
00:13:14,279 --> 00:13:17,684
♪ First penis, very first penis, penis
355
00:13:17,684 --> 00:13:21,105
♪ First penis, very first penis I saw
356
00:13:21,105 --> 00:13:24,122
♪ And of all the penises I've seen
357
00:13:24,122 --> 00:13:25,688
♪ His had the biggest impact
358
00:13:25,688 --> 00:13:27,621
♪ And by that what I mean is
359
00:13:27,621 --> 00:13:30,812
♪ It really made me drop my jaw
360
00:13:30,812 --> 00:13:33,754
♪ 'Cause it was the
Very first penis I saw
361
00:13:40,433 --> 00:13:44,244
♪ A few times before
I felt it through his pants
362
00:13:44,746 --> 00:13:47,029
♪ And just generally kinda rubbed it
363
00:13:47,029 --> 00:13:50,931
♪ But that night
I decided to take a chance
364
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:53,905
♪ I took it out and
He really seemed to love it.
365
00:13:53,905 --> 00:13:57,015
♪ I didn't know what to do next
366
00:13:57,015 --> 00:14:00,775
♪ I didn't have that part planned
He said,
367
00:14:00,775 --> 00:14:03,917
♪ "Let me show you some basic moves"
368
00:14:03,917 --> 00:14:07,937
♪ And then he took my hand
369
00:14:07,937 --> 00:14:09,823
♪ And taught me all about the
370
00:14:09,823 --> 00:14:13,137
♪ First penis, very first penis,
371
00:14:13,137 --> 00:14:16,779
♪ First penis, very first penis I saw
372
00:14:16,779 --> 00:14:20,323
♪ First penis, very first penis, penis
373
00:14:20,323 --> 00:14:23,652
♪ First penis, very first penis I saw
374
00:14:23,652 --> 00:14:26,697
♪ Not the dirtiest,
Also not the cleanest
375
00:14:26,697 --> 00:14:30,119
♪ In terms of penis,
I really was the greenest
376
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:33,730
♪ I was in total Aw
377
00:14:33,730 --> 00:14:36,306
♪ Of the very first penis I saw
378
00:14:48,025 --> 00:14:49,479
He's coming!
Bail on the turntable!
379
00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:54,608
♪ I was so eager,
I couldn't hide my keenness
380
00:14:54,608 --> 00:14:57,934
♪ Everything about it
Seemed quite ingenious
381
00:14:57,934 --> 00:15:00,775
♪ I couldn't find a single flaw
382
00:15:01,549 --> 00:15:04,994
♪ In the... first penis, very first penis
383
00:15:04,994 --> 00:15:07,924
♪ Very first penis I saw!
384
00:15:13,018 --> 00:15:14,546
Paula O'Brien?
385
00:15:15,109 --> 00:15:16,957
Jeff Channington.
386
00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:23,212
Heather, you're gonna
have to step it up.
387
00:15:23,212 --> 00:15:25,214
I've been rocking the
YouTube tutorials,
388
00:15:25,214 --> 00:15:27,800
and a simple pour ain't
gonna win you this rodeo.
389
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,093
I'm not in a rodeo.
390
00:15:29,093 --> 00:15:30,637
Hey, check this out.
391
00:15:30,637 --> 00:15:33,139
I call this the Big Boy.
392
00:15:33,139 --> 00:15:34,140
Who's thirsty?
393
00:15:34,140 --> 00:15:35,141
Who's thirsty?
394
00:15:35,141 --> 00:15:36,517
I'm a Big Boy!
395
00:15:36,517 --> 00:15:38,019
I'm a Big Boy!
396
00:15:38,019 --> 00:15:40,647
Oh, man, this is a barf.
397
00:15:42,698 --> 00:15:43,450
You like that?
398
00:15:44,092 --> 00:15:44,870
Yeah.
399
00:15:47,066 --> 00:15:48,406
(laughing) All right!
400
00:15:50,279 --> 00:15:51,701
Hey, I'm Teresa.
401
00:15:52,169 --> 00:15:52,839
I'm Josh.
402
00:15:53,166 --> 00:15:53,918
I'm a big boy.
403
00:15:54,357 --> 00:15:55,450
I can see that.
404
00:15:56,702 --> 00:15:57,935
(chuckles) I love
your Cocktail moves.
405
00:15:58,244 --> 00:15:58,837
Thanks.
406
00:15:59,473 --> 00:16:00,181
It's called flair.
407
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:01,074
Cool.
408
00:16:02,188 --> 00:16:04,182
Hey, so you busy after
work tomorrow night?
409
00:16:05,668 --> 00:16:07,838
Oh, I always get busy
after work tomorrow night.
410
00:16:10,727 --> 00:16:12,711
(laughs) That's good!
411
00:16:16,233 --> 00:16:16,863
(laughs) I mean...
412
00:16:17,765 --> 00:16:18,749
this is unbelievable.
413
00:16:19,769 --> 00:16:22,647
So you...
414
00:16:22,647 --> 00:16:23,648
back in town?
415
00:16:23,648 --> 00:16:25,650
I mean, I thought you were
off living in Hollywood.
416
00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:26,818
Well, actually, uh, yes.
417
00:16:26,818 --> 00:16:27,819
Yes.
418
00:16:27,819 --> 00:16:28,820
Yes, I am.
419
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:30,822
Yes, I'm back for a
couple of days, yes.
420
00:16:30,822 --> 00:16:31,823
Wow.
421
00:16:31,823 --> 00:16:33,825
I mean, you're just here for a
couple of days and we ran into
422
00:16:33,825 --> 00:16:34,826
each other?
423
00:16:34,826 --> 00:16:35,827
That is crazy.
424
00:16:35,827 --> 00:16:36,828
Yeah.
425
00:16:36,828 --> 00:16:37,829
So weird, right?
426
00:16:37,829 --> 00:16:39,789
I mean, we haven't seen
each other since...
427
00:16:39,789 --> 00:16:43,084
You dumped me in the parking lot
of the mall after we saw
428
00:16:43,084 --> 00:16:44,085
"Fried Green Tomatoes".
429
00:16:44,085 --> 00:16:46,087
(sighs) I'm sorry.
430
00:16:46,087 --> 00:16:47,547
What a jerk I was.
431
00:16:47,547 --> 00:16:50,174
Yeah, so ever since then, I
hear Kathy Bates do a Southern
432
00:16:50,174 --> 00:16:52,176
accent, and I have
to leave the room.
433
00:16:52,176 --> 00:16:55,763
You know, Paula, you were so
cool and so funny and so smart.
434
00:16:55,763 --> 00:16:57,807
And you were the only girl in
town who knew anything about
435
00:16:57,807 --> 00:16:59,767
Camaros.
436
00:16:59,767 --> 00:17:00,935
By the way, I'm restoring one.
437
00:17:00,935 --> 00:17:02,520
Yeah, I bought it on eBay.
438
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,690
It's stupid, but it's my hobby.
439
00:17:05,690 --> 00:17:08,443
Always makes me think of you.
440
00:17:08,443 --> 00:17:09,485
Me?
441
00:17:09,485 --> 00:17:11,488
Yeah.
442
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,031
Do you want to come and see it?
443
00:17:14,031 --> 00:17:18,661
(sighs, groans)
Look, here's my card.
444
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:22,008
In case you change your mind.
445
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:38,890
I've never watched
conservative news before.
446
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:41,309
All the women look exactly
the same, like they're old,
447
00:17:41,309 --> 00:17:42,685
blonde Miss USAs.
448
00:17:43,434 --> 00:17:44,406
Why is that?
449
00:17:44,716 --> 00:17:47,981
Well, if we put 'em on the news,
then we don't have to send 'em
450
00:17:47,981 --> 00:17:49,605
out to the glue factory.
451
00:17:49,605 --> 00:17:52,545
(both laugh) Bob,
that's terrible.
452
00:17:53,041 --> 00:17:53,731
Bob, be real.
453
00:17:53,731 --> 00:17:55,276
You don't agree with
all this stuff, right?
454
00:17:55,276 --> 00:17:57,027
I mean, you don't think
everyone should own a gun?
455
00:17:57,401 --> 00:17:58,244
Oh, no.
456
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:01,969
They should own two guns: one
for animals, one for people.
457
00:18:01,969 --> 00:18:03,450
Bob!
458
00:18:05,403 --> 00:18:06,163
Here you go.
459
00:18:07,259 --> 00:18:08,400
Oh, ah...
460
00:18:09,447 --> 00:18:10,606
I don't know if I can.
461
00:18:10,993 --> 00:18:11,383
Sorry.
462
00:18:11,664 --> 00:18:14,055
I honestly don't know what
my book says about alcohol.
463
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:15,011
Your book?
464
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:16,043
You mean like a Bible?
465
00:18:16,043 --> 00:18:17,557
Uh, kinda, but less sci-fi.
466
00:18:17,789 --> 00:18:18,384
Um...
467
00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:19,523
Oh...
468
00:18:19,962 --> 00:18:22,479
Okay, but alcohol's
not really my trigger.
469
00:18:22,914 --> 00:18:24,516
"Trigger." Now you're
speaking my language.
470
00:18:24,516 --> 00:18:25,820
Let's get sauced.
471
00:18:25,820 --> 00:18:27,959
Let's do some shots.
472
00:18:28,364 --> 00:18:29,395
- Come on.
- Okay.
473
00:18:29,686 --> 00:18:31,469
The news is great on shots.
474
00:18:31,469 --> 00:18:32,813
- Here we go.
- (laughs) All right.
475
00:18:33,316 --> 00:18:34,317
All right, cheers.
476
00:18:36,001 --> 00:18:37,252
Mmm. Mmm.
477
00:18:37,252 --> 00:18:38,659
Whoo!
478
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,938
Ooh, it burns like
a spicy salsa party!
479
00:18:41,938 --> 00:18:43,517
Yes, yes.
(laughs): It feels so good.
480
00:18:43,517 --> 00:18:45,065
- Hey.
- Hey!
481
00:18:45,532 --> 00:18:46,395
Oh.
482
00:18:46,656 --> 00:18:47,906
This looks like a fun time.
483
00:18:47,906 --> 00:18:48,696
Uh-huh, yeah.
484
00:18:48,696 --> 00:18:50,126
Hey, Rebecca, do you
have a second to come
485
00:18:50,126 --> 00:18:50,630
talk to me in the kitchen?
486
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:51,531
Yeah, I'll be right there.
487
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:55,125
I'm just busy getting a
C-plus in getting D-runk!
488
00:18:55,125 --> 00:18:55,863
(laughs): Yeah.
489
00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:59,520
(laughs) (sighs, laughs)
Oh, there you go.
490
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:00,333
You're doing very well.
491
00:19:00,333 --> 00:19:01,408
She's doing very well.
492
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:02,220
Oh, thank you.
493
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:02,969
Very well.
494
00:19:03,272 --> 00:19:05,509
(Rebecca and Bob continue
chattering) (snorts) I'm gonna
495
00:19:23,688 --> 00:19:26,550
I'm gonna whiz and, uh, hit the hay.
496
00:19:26,550 --> 00:19:27,455
Okay.
497
00:19:28,798 --> 00:19:29,392
Good night, Bob.
498
00:19:29,738 --> 00:19:30,377
That was fun.
499
00:19:31,475 --> 00:19:32,318
Oh, is Paula back yet?
500
00:19:33,143 --> 00:19:33,974
I wonder if she's in bed.
501
00:19:36,722 --> 00:19:37,849
(phone chimes) Oh.
502
00:19:44,836 --> 00:19:46,230
(sighs) (chuckles) Sequoia.
503
00:20:35,887 --> 00:20:37,025
(chuckles) (laughs)
JEFF: You came!
504
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:43,953
(chuckles softly) You're here.
505
00:20:44,484 --> 00:20:46,790
Well, I wanted to see the Z/28.
506
00:20:47,494 --> 00:20:49,744
And that is the only
reason I'm here.
507
00:20:51,414 --> 00:20:51,933
(chuckles) Well...
508
00:20:52,601 --> 00:20:53,701
I don't care why you're here.
509
00:20:54,965 --> 00:20:55,929
I'm just happy to see you.
510
00:21:00,853 --> 00:21:02,260
(chuckles) You're throwing
wrenches at me now?
511
00:21:05,493 --> 00:21:06,041
Hmm.
512
00:21:08,258 --> 00:21:08,700
Oh.
513
00:21:09,170 --> 00:21:09,946
Ooh.
514
00:21:10,463 --> 00:21:11,430
Ooh.
515
00:21:13,508 --> 00:21:14,511
(chuckles) Let's see.
516
00:21:19,856 --> 00:21:21,056
(Josh humming) Big
boy's back in the game.
517
00:21:22,493 --> 00:21:23,213
Who's got it?
518
00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:25,509
Got it...
519
00:21:28,342 --> 00:21:29,157
Oh, my God.
520
00:21:30,086 --> 00:21:30,788
What is that?
521
00:21:32,867 --> 00:21:33,383
No...
522
00:21:34,733 --> 00:21:35,467
Not today.
523
00:21:35,467 --> 00:21:36,524
I have a date.
524
00:21:37,742 --> 00:21:38,617
Ow.
525
00:21:39,211 --> 00:21:40,118
Ow!
526
00:21:43,147 --> 00:21:46,805
(shouts) (coughs, snorts)
(moans) (moaning) (gasps)
527
00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:48,445
Good morning.
528
00:21:49,872 --> 00:21:50,460
(snorts) Mm.
529
00:21:50,460 --> 00:21:51,212
Did you sleep well?
530
00:21:51,212 --> 00:21:51,793
Yeah.
531
00:21:51,793 --> 00:21:52,367
Hi.
532
00:21:53,087 --> 00:21:54,070
Where were you last night?
533
00:21:54,446 --> 00:21:56,508
I got up to pee at some point,
and I went to check on you,
534
00:21:56,508 --> 00:21:57,416
and you weren't in your bed.
535
00:21:59,178 --> 00:22:00,606
I may have number one'd
in one of your drawers.
536
00:22:01,368 --> 00:22:01,992
No, I did.
537
00:22:01,992 --> 00:22:02,710
I definitely did.
538
00:22:02,710 --> 00:22:03,606
I'm sorry, I was drunk.
539
00:22:04,759 --> 00:22:05,306
I went out.
540
00:22:05,635 --> 00:22:06,399
I, uh...
541
00:22:06,664 --> 00:22:08,634
saw an old friend who was fixing
up an old Camaro downtown,
542
00:22:08,634 --> 00:22:11,213
and I happen to
love those, so...
543
00:22:11,213 --> 00:22:12,761
Oh, right, you love cars.
544
00:22:12,761 --> 00:22:14,808
I always forget that because
it doesn't interest me.
545
00:22:15,203 --> 00:22:16,300
(chuckles) Well, I'm
glad you did that.
546
00:22:16,503 --> 00:22:17,002
Good for you.
547
00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:19,328
You deserve to have a
little late-night party fun.
548
00:22:19,577 --> 00:22:20,767
You never do anything
for yourself.
549
00:22:21,249 --> 00:22:21,813
Well, you know.
550
00:22:22,113 --> 00:22:22,734
Sometimes I do.
551
00:22:23,110 --> 00:22:24,017
You really don't, though.
552
00:22:24,999 --> 00:22:28,610
You're always too busy being a
good wife and mom and friend and
553
00:22:28,610 --> 00:22:29,390
co-worker.
554
00:22:29,734 --> 00:22:31,093
You're like
everyone's big spoon.
555
00:22:31,093 --> 00:22:32,020
You're so reliable.
556
00:22:35,264 --> 00:22:35,894
(clicks tongue)
You look so pretty.
557
00:22:35,894 --> 00:22:36,392
Where you going?
558
00:22:36,392 --> 00:22:37,254
Oh, um...
559
00:22:37,655 --> 00:22:38,801
I'm going to see the friend.
560
00:22:39,671 --> 00:22:40,367
Who's your friend?
561
00:22:41,051 --> 00:22:41,562
My friend?
562
00:22:41,562 --> 00:22:42,223
Um...
563
00:22:42,223 --> 00:22:43,266
He-- she...
564
00:22:43,266 --> 00:22:44,426
She's a she.
565
00:22:44,426 --> 00:22:46,328
Sheila Girlface.
566
00:22:48,421 --> 00:22:49,407
"Sheila Girlface"?
567
00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:53,469
Yeah, well, it's
Girlfacce, but, you know,
568
00:22:53,469 --> 00:22:55,139
they had to change
it at Ellis Island.
569
00:22:55,796 --> 00:22:57,172
Assimilation is a rape.
570
00:22:57,172 --> 00:22:59,847
Anyway, uh, my friend invited me
to Saturday Mass this morning.
571
00:23:00,711 --> 00:23:01,750
You want to come?
572
00:23:01,750 --> 00:23:02,520
Uh...
573
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:03,738
Oh, it sounds awesome.
574
00:23:04,264 --> 00:23:04,672
Um...
575
00:23:05,032 --> 00:23:06,568
but Bob and I got
to check his traps.
576
00:23:07,001 --> 00:23:09,201
For raccoons, and people's
stupid small dogs.
577
00:23:09,719 --> 00:23:10,844
Both make cool hats, apparently.
578
00:23:11,299 --> 00:23:13,722
Wow, you two really get along.
579
00:23:13,722 --> 00:23:14,266
I'm sorry.
580
00:23:14,266 --> 00:23:15,062
Is it annoying?
581
00:23:15,344 --> 00:23:15,719
Should I stop?
582
00:23:15,719 --> 00:23:16,376
I can stop.
583
00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:18,343
It's a little
annoying, but, listen,
584
00:23:18,343 --> 00:23:20,145
you're really doing me a favor.
585
00:23:20,145 --> 00:23:21,626
You're taking care of him, and
so I'm free to do what I want to
586
00:23:21,971 --> 00:23:24,720
do, which is go to church.
587
00:23:26,453 --> 00:23:26,708
Okay, bye.
588
00:23:27,266 --> 00:23:28,423
Okay.
589
00:23:28,423 --> 00:23:29,360
Tell God I say...
590
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:31,187
well, he knows how I feel.
591
00:23:34,281 --> 00:23:34,796
Thank God.
592
00:23:35,660 --> 00:23:36,608
I was waiting for her to leave.
593
00:23:37,171 --> 00:23:40,126
Was so wasted last night, I
went in one of her drawers.
594
00:23:40,535 --> 00:23:41,484
So did I.
595
00:23:41,895 --> 00:23:42,953
I thought that was you!
596
00:23:57,152 --> 00:23:57,743
(both laughing) Hey.
597
00:23:57,743 --> 00:23:59,102
Hey!
598
00:24:00,060 --> 00:24:00,978
This is a nice surprise.
599
00:24:01,433 --> 00:24:02,405
I have baseball practice.
600
00:24:02,405 --> 00:24:03,387
What are you doing here?
601
00:24:03,387 --> 00:24:04,962
Well, Madison said to meet her.
602
00:24:04,962 --> 00:24:06,247
She wanted to
practice her slider.
603
00:24:06,463 --> 00:24:06,790
Ah.
604
00:24:07,086 --> 00:24:08,323
(women chattering) Ooh.
605
00:24:08,323 --> 00:24:08,538
Oh, look.
606
00:24:08,757 --> 00:24:09,938
She's like the sweetest...
607
00:24:11,699 --> 00:24:14,210
Sliders are not really a
thing in softball, are they?
608
00:24:14,444 --> 00:24:14,888
Uh...
609
00:24:15,429 --> 00:24:17,522
Oh, look at that
little sleep sack.
610
00:24:17,522 --> 00:24:18,309
Isn't that cute?
611
00:24:18,964 --> 00:24:21,415
What a clever solution
for transitioning
612
00:24:21,415 --> 00:24:22,213
out of the swaddle.
613
00:24:23,210 --> 00:24:23,678
Wait a second.
614
00:24:24,884 --> 00:24:25,711
Did you set this up?
615
00:24:25,915 --> 00:24:27,544
Are you trying to force
the baby issue again?
616
00:24:27,774 --> 00:24:28,057
What?
617
00:24:28,057 --> 00:24:28,508
No!
618
00:24:28,508 --> 00:24:28,764
Me?
619
00:24:28,764 --> 00:24:29,652
No.
620
00:24:29,652 --> 00:24:30,961
I mean, I'm not even
here to meet you.
621
00:24:30,961 --> 00:24:32,165
I'm here to meet Madis-- oh.
622
00:24:33,803 --> 00:24:34,619
Oh, my God.
623
00:24:35,421 --> 00:24:35,774
Oh, man.
624
00:24:37,529 --> 00:24:38,279
No.
625
00:24:38,279 --> 00:24:38,841
This must have been Madison.
626
00:24:39,241 --> 00:24:40,107
No, she does stuff like this.
627
00:24:40,530 --> 00:24:41,446
Oh, she is so clever.
628
00:24:41,839 --> 00:24:44,258
What she did was she knew that
there was a baby shower today,
629
00:24:44,258 --> 00:24:47,039
and she had both of us come here
so we could have
630
00:24:47,039 --> 00:24:47,570
our little baby fight.
631
00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,586
(laughs) Why would
she want that?
632
00:24:50,305 --> 00:24:52,870
Well, because she wants to
break us up because
633
00:24:52,870 --> 00:24:53,945
she wants a sibling.
634
00:24:53,945 --> 00:24:54,694
Oh.
635
00:24:54,694 --> 00:24:55,352
(laughing): Oh.
636
00:24:55,352 --> 00:24:55,929
Wow.
637
00:24:55,929 --> 00:24:58,463
Yeah, I mean, she's really
trying to push the issue
638
00:24:58,463 --> 00:25:00,701
because, you know,
you and I have been at
639
00:25:00,701 --> 00:25:01,874
this impasse so long.
640
00:25:02,586 --> 00:25:03,121
Yeah.
641
00:25:03,820 --> 00:25:04,412
Yeah, we have.
642
00:25:12,570 --> 00:25:13,382
Joshua.
643
00:25:16,977 --> 00:25:18,101
The truth is...
644
00:25:20,382 --> 00:25:21,965
...oh, this is so hard
to do, because I...
645
00:25:22,962 --> 00:25:23,990
I love you a lot, but...
646
00:25:25,569 --> 00:25:27,335
I'm not happy anymore
because of this.
647
00:25:31,975 --> 00:25:34,695
Maybe having a baby
started out as a whim,
648
00:25:34,695 --> 00:25:36,617
but it's what I want
for my life now.
649
00:25:37,391 --> 00:25:39,094
And you don't want a
baby, maybe not ever.
650
00:25:39,923 --> 00:25:41,985
I mean, you made that clear,
and, t-that's not gonna change.
651
00:25:42,266 --> 00:25:42,988
Yeah. Yeah.
652
00:25:42,988 --> 00:25:43,718
No, I know.
653
00:25:45,099 --> 00:25:47,113
I mean, I am always
gonna care about you.
654
00:25:47,954 --> 00:25:48,673
I really am.
655
00:25:52,172 --> 00:25:52,895
'Cause I love you.
656
00:25:54,408 --> 00:25:55,516
I...
657
00:25:56,423 --> 00:25:57,376
I love you, too.
658
00:25:58,693 --> 00:25:59,611
But...
659
00:26:01,626 --> 00:26:03,830
(sighs) Yeah.
660
00:26:07,110 --> 00:26:07,438
Oh.
661
00:26:10,094 --> 00:26:10,696
Oh, wait.
662
00:26:10,696 --> 00:26:11,704
So this is...
663
00:26:13,845 --> 00:26:15,003
Yeah, I guess it is.
664
00:26:21,536 --> 00:26:22,392
God, this sucks.
665
00:26:26,226 --> 00:26:27,407
I don't know what
to do-- can we...
666
00:26:28,173 --> 00:26:31,000
Can we still be friends,
or...? I don't know.
667
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,236
I mean, I would love that.
668
00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:35,534
But that just sounds
so hard right now.
669
00:26:38,001 --> 00:26:40,110
Did a nine-year-old just trick
us into doing something we
670
00:26:40,110 --> 00:26:41,674
weren't brave enough
to do ourselves?
671
00:26:42,207 --> 00:26:45,375
(laughs softly) I think so.
672
00:26:48,728 --> 00:26:49,234
Huh.
673
00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:55,988
I don't understand what
you feel so bad about.
674
00:26:55,988 --> 00:26:58,115
So you had a little phone
action with some guy.
675
00:26:58,115 --> 00:27:00,200
Where's the harm in that?
676
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:01,410
I mean, I do it, too.
677
00:27:01,410 --> 00:27:05,414
For $9.95 an hour, you
get a real French girl.
678
00:27:05,414 --> 00:27:06,582
They're not French, Bob.
679
00:27:06,582 --> 00:27:07,666
They're French enough.
680
00:27:07,666 --> 00:27:08,959
Go ahead.
681
00:27:08,959 --> 00:27:10,085
Give it another try.
682
00:27:10,085 --> 00:27:11,086
Are you sure?
683
00:27:11,086 --> 00:27:13,088
I don't want to
break more stuff.
684
00:27:13,088 --> 00:27:14,423
BOB: Oh, come on.
685
00:27:14,423 --> 00:27:17,092
Live a little.
686
00:27:17,092 --> 00:27:21,263
Have a vodka, dingle yourself
while you're texting a guy,
687
00:27:21,263 --> 00:27:22,931
throw a dart out the window.
688
00:27:22,931 --> 00:27:24,058
Go ahead.
689
00:27:24,058 --> 00:27:26,477
(dart clattering) Or behind you.
690
00:27:26,477 --> 00:27:27,478
Throw it behind you.
691
00:27:27,478 --> 00:27:28,562
How does that feel?
692
00:27:28,562 --> 00:27:29,772
Feels good, right?
693
00:27:29,772 --> 00:27:30,773
Yeah, you know what?
694
00:27:30,773 --> 00:27:33,734
It does feel good to
be outside the bubble.
695
00:27:33,734 --> 00:27:34,735
You're right.
696
00:27:34,735 --> 00:27:36,987
I'm having the best
time right now.
697
00:27:36,987 --> 00:27:39,323
You're like the dad I never had.
698
00:27:39,323 --> 00:27:40,324
You didn't have a dad?
699
00:27:40,324 --> 00:27:41,825
I do, but he sucks.
700
00:27:41,825 --> 00:27:43,619
I'll get it.
701
00:27:54,104 --> 00:27:56,354
(glass shatters)
♪ I just made a new buddy.
702
00:27:56,995 --> 00:27:59,541
♪ He and I bonded right away.
703
00:27:59,541 --> 00:28:01,978
♪ It was a piece of cake,
With no emotional stakes.
704
00:28:01,978 --> 00:28:05,760
♪ I got only good things to say,
About my friend's dad.
705
00:28:07,605 --> 00:28:08,682
♪ My friend's dad.
706
00:28:10,416 --> 00:28:15,134
♪ It's all the fun of having a dad,
Without the painful history.
707
00:28:15,841 --> 00:28:18,356
♪ She has spunk.
♪ And he's a literal drunk.
708
00:28:18,356 --> 00:28:20,515
♪ But that don't bother me.
709
00:28:20,515 --> 00:28:25,275
♪ 'Cause he's not my dad,
He's my friend's dad.
710
00:28:26,869 --> 00:28:29,107
♪ It's the healthiest relationship,
I've had with a man.
711
00:28:29,107 --> 00:28:31,462
♪ That fact I must confess.
712
00:28:32,084 --> 00:28:34,288
♪ He doesn't push my buttons.
713
00:28:34,288 --> 00:28:36,417
♪ 'Cept the buttons on this cute dress...
714
00:28:36,417 --> 00:28:37,682
♪ Doot, doot, doot!
715
00:28:39,374 --> 00:28:41,732
(laughs) ♪ It's nothing but platonic,
His bigotry's ironic...
716
00:28:43,051 --> 00:28:44,107
I like you.
717
00:28:44,107 --> 00:28:46,001
You barely complain for a Jewish.
718
00:28:46,263 --> 00:28:47,738
Oh, you.
719
00:28:49,034 --> 00:28:53,742
♪ If we were related,
We'd probably fight a lot.
720
00:28:53,742 --> 00:28:54,894
♪ Wait, what about Jews?
721
00:28:55,098 --> 00:28:57,273
♪ Here, have some more booze.
♪ What was I saying?
722
00:28:57,273 --> 00:28:59,956
♪ Oh, well I forgot - glug, glug.
My friend's dad.
723
00:29:01,690 --> 00:29:02,852
♪ My friend's dad.
724
00:29:05,533 --> 00:29:09,555
♪ And when she's not around,
I think about her naked...
725
00:29:09,555 --> 00:29:10,439
Huh?
726
00:29:10,439 --> 00:29:11,457
Nothing, kiddo.
727
00:29:11,457 --> 00:29:13,127
♪ My friend's dad.
728
00:29:19,173 --> 00:29:24,219
The V8 engine is man's
greatest artistic achievement.
729
00:29:24,219 --> 00:29:26,638
Yeah, it's like the Sistine
Chapel of car stuff.
730
00:29:27,871 --> 00:29:32,042
(laughs)
(music volume
increases)
731
00:29:32,852 --> 00:29:35,010
♪ Do you believe...
732
00:29:35,059 --> 00:29:35,913
You want to dance?
733
00:29:37,050 --> 00:29:37,971
Me?
734
00:29:38,644 --> 00:29:40,769
Do you see any other
beautiful women in here?
735
00:29:41,737 --> 00:29:42,460
Uh...
♪ Do you believe...
736
00:29:44,487 --> 00:29:47,489
♪ In letting me hold...
737
00:29:47,769 --> 00:29:49,002
(laughing): Oh.
738
00:29:49,002 --> 00:29:50,114
♪ You tight...
739
00:29:50,552 --> 00:29:52,494
What?
(gasps)
740
00:29:54,788 --> 00:30:00,581
♪ Kissed you good night
I want to know
741
00:30:00,581 --> 00:30:02,177
♪ Please tell me so...
742
00:30:02,177 --> 00:30:03,348
What are we doing?
743
00:30:03,348 --> 00:30:06,150
We're just two old
friends, catching up.
744
00:30:06,150 --> 00:30:08,223
Do you believe...
745
00:30:08,803 --> 00:30:10,569
Going back in time.
746
00:30:10,819 --> 00:30:11,802
Like Outlander.
747
00:30:13,039 --> 00:30:14,821
What?
(laughs)
748
00:30:17,286 --> 00:30:22,100
Oh, God, you make me feel
like I am 17 again,
749
00:30:22,427 --> 00:30:24,832
and all my worries
are just gone.
750
00:30:26,412 --> 00:30:28,724
In my real life, I'm
always someone's mom,
751
00:30:28,724 --> 00:30:31,489
someone's best friend,
someone's errand girl, but...
752
00:30:32,649 --> 00:30:35,443
you make me feel...
753
00:30:37,069 --> 00:30:38,662
...special.
754
00:30:43,677 --> 00:30:46,088
(laughs) And you make me
feel like a terrible dancer.
755
00:30:46,088 --> 00:30:46,948
You got moves.
756
00:30:46,948 --> 00:30:47,910
Wha-- oh, ooh!
757
00:30:48,505 --> 00:30:54,755
(laughs)
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa Oo Yeah...
758
00:31:00,779 --> 00:31:02,044
So...
759
00:31:02,913 --> 00:31:04,094
Uh, I'll call you?
760
00:31:05,093 --> 00:31:05,795
I guess.
761
00:31:06,846 --> 00:31:07,294
Is that...
762
00:31:07,294 --> 00:31:07,875
Yes, no.
763
00:31:07,875 --> 00:31:08,763
I...
764
00:31:10,294 --> 00:31:11,357
I'll just see you around.
765
00:31:11,576 --> 00:31:12,124
Maybe?
766
00:31:12,124 --> 00:31:14,499
Well, we've been saying
good-bye for about two hours.
767
00:31:14,499 --> 00:31:16,329
(laughs): So, guess we should...
768
00:31:17,325 --> 00:31:17,874
probably go.
769
00:31:17,874 --> 00:31:18,861
Yeah, you're right.
770
00:31:20,607 --> 00:31:21,348
Who should go first?
771
00:31:21,912 --> 00:31:22,504
Uh...
772
00:31:22,504 --> 00:31:23,658
JOSH: Here comes the big boy.
773
00:31:27,705 --> 00:31:28,521
(dance music playing)
Hey, there.
774
00:31:28,521 --> 00:31:29,706
Can I make you a Joshtini?
775
00:31:30,022 --> 00:31:31,110
(laughing): Oh, my God.
776
00:31:31,110 --> 00:31:32,021
Oh, my God.
777
00:31:32,021 --> 00:31:32,580
Sit down, sit down.
778
00:31:32,580 --> 00:31:33,475
Look at this.
779
00:31:33,475 --> 00:31:34,037
Oh, no.
780
00:31:34,037 --> 00:31:34,928
Actually, we're on our way out.
781
00:31:34,928 --> 00:31:35,783
What?
782
00:31:35,783 --> 00:31:36,362
No.
783
00:31:36,362 --> 00:31:37,173
No, you can't leave.
784
00:31:37,173 --> 00:31:38,391
What are you-- look at Josh.
785
00:31:38,772 --> 00:31:39,630
You guys can't miss this.
786
00:31:41,443 --> 00:31:43,112
He thinks he's Tom
Cruise in Cocktail.
787
00:31:43,112 --> 00:31:44,173
It-it's amazing.
788
00:31:44,173 --> 00:31:44,845
JOSH: Yeah.
789
00:31:44,845 --> 00:31:45,674
Cannot be missed.
790
00:31:47,095 --> 00:31:47,751
Okay.
791
00:31:47,751 --> 00:31:48,350
I'm staying.
792
00:31:48,736 --> 00:31:49,036
Yes.
793
00:31:49,036 --> 00:31:49,928
You're making the right call.
794
00:31:52,224 --> 00:31:52,834
Ah...
795
00:31:55,701 --> 00:31:57,011
I'm starting to
worry about Paula.
796
00:31:57,355 --> 00:31:59,169
She's not answering her phone,
she's been at church
797
00:31:59,435 --> 00:32:00,823
for, like, nine hours.
798
00:32:01,042 --> 00:32:01,667
Church?
799
00:32:01,979 --> 00:32:03,513
Nine hours on a Saturday?
800
00:32:03,513 --> 00:32:04,136
Well, yeah.
801
00:32:04,136 --> 00:32:05,950
I mean, she said she ran
into a friend with, like,
802
00:32:05,950 --> 00:32:07,298
a cool Camaro or something?
803
00:32:07,298 --> 00:32:09,558
Um, oh, right, her name
is Sheila Girlfacce.
804
00:32:10,794 --> 00:32:12,324
You probably know her
as Sheila Girlface.
805
00:32:12,969 --> 00:32:13,880
So, that's a fake name.
806
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:14,564
I fell for that.
807
00:32:14,889 --> 00:32:15,561
Camaro?
808
00:32:15,561 --> 00:32:16,715
I know what this is about.
809
00:32:17,167 --> 00:32:18,338
Come on, let's go.
810
00:32:21,823 --> 00:32:23,937
♪ You told me...
811
00:32:23,937 --> 00:32:25,123
Can I ask you something?
812
00:32:25,512 --> 00:32:26,355
Anything.
813
00:32:28,736 --> 00:32:30,081
Do you ever think about us?
814
00:32:32,027 --> 00:32:34,417
Do you ever regret our breakup?
815
00:32:35,046 --> 00:32:37,467
♪ But there is one thing...
816
00:32:37,467 --> 00:32:38,356
You want the truth?
817
00:32:38,636 --> 00:32:39,218
I really do.
818
00:32:41,047 --> 00:32:41,667
Yeah.
819
00:32:42,715 --> 00:32:43,417
I regret it.
820
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:44,841
Big-time.
821
00:32:45,199 --> 00:32:46,579
♪ Before you...
822
00:32:48,093 --> 00:32:48,996
(whispering): Really?
823
00:32:48,996 --> 00:32:49,596
Yeah.
824
00:32:50,843 --> 00:32:51,997
I never should've let you go.
825
00:32:53,342 --> 00:32:54,668
It was a big mistake.
826
00:32:55,698 --> 00:32:58,105
♪ When you leave me, no...
827
00:32:59,944 --> 00:33:00,639
Ooh!
828
00:33:00,639 --> 00:33:01,355
Well...
829
00:33:02,854 --> 00:33:05,562
that was all I needed.
830
00:33:06,466 --> 00:33:06,898
What?
831
00:33:08,277 --> 00:33:08,868
Yeah.
832
00:33:09,684 --> 00:33:12,732
(shotgun cocks) Take one step
closer to her and I'll turn you
833
00:33:12,732 --> 00:33:14,257
into a great soprano.
834
00:33:18,537 --> 00:33:20,163
Paula, what's going on?
835
00:33:20,163 --> 00:33:21,164
Who is that?
836
00:33:21,164 --> 00:33:24,668
BOB: This is Jeff, the guy
that broke Paula's heart.
837
00:33:24,668 --> 00:33:29,381
She drew pictures of his johnson
with hearts around it for years
838
00:33:29,381 --> 00:33:30,382
after that.
839
00:33:30,382 --> 00:33:32,384
Dad, why do you know that?
840
00:33:32,384 --> 00:33:34,845
Because you left your diary
on that shelf in the bathroom.
841
00:33:34,845 --> 00:33:36,888
Dad, would you put the gun down?
842
00:33:36,888 --> 00:33:37,973
I was leaving, anyway.
843
00:33:37,973 --> 00:33:42,979
(sighs) It was so good to see
you again and it was so good to
844
00:33:47,024 --> 00:33:49,443
hear you say what you said.
845
00:33:52,583 --> 00:33:53,171
Thank you.
846
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:57,220
All right, let's go.
847
00:33:57,531 --> 00:33:58,360
Give me the keys.
848
00:33:58,360 --> 00:33:59,033
I'm driving.
849
00:33:58,994 --> 00:33:59,995
No, no, no, it's okay.
850
00:33:59,995 --> 00:34:00,996
Bob can drive.
851
00:34:00,996 --> 00:34:02,998
He drives really
well when he's drunk.
852
00:34:03,569 --> 00:34:04,769
(sighs)
853
00:34:08,980 --> 00:34:09,964
(chuckles softly)
854
00:34:11,550 --> 00:34:13,535
Ah, yeah.
855
00:34:14,347 --> 00:34:15,224
Damn.
856
00:34:14,896 --> 00:34:17,280
♪ Like a curtain...
857
00:34:18,665 --> 00:34:21,479
(scat singing)
♪ She's a beauty, I'm the beast...
858
00:34:21,479 --> 00:34:22,557
(cheering, applause)
Oh, my gosh.
859
00:34:22,557 --> 00:34:24,586
Yeah, he's really going for it.
860
00:34:26,616 --> 00:34:26,981
Oh.
861
00:34:27,771 --> 00:34:28,555
Oh!
862
00:34:28,978 --> 00:34:30,052
What is that thing on his face?
863
00:34:30,382 --> 00:34:31,601
WHITE JOSH: I don't
know, but it's alive.
864
00:34:31,601 --> 00:34:32,585
HECTOR: I can't look away.
865
00:34:32,585 --> 00:34:33,551
I should, but I can't.
866
00:34:38,022 --> 00:34:38,586
(scat singing) Whoa.
867
00:34:40,583 --> 00:34:41,422
Oh, my God.
868
00:34:44,727 --> 00:34:45,363
Whoa.
869
00:34:45,363 --> 00:34:47,275
Josh, um, your face is infected.
870
00:34:48,881 --> 00:34:51,506
You didn't, like, touch some
dirty glasses and then try to
871
00:34:51,506 --> 00:34:53,458
pop a pimple on
your face, did you?
872
00:34:54,365 --> 00:34:56,335
(laughing): No,
I'm not an idiot.
873
00:34:56,335 --> 00:34:58,115
You're just afraid to compete.
874
00:34:58,835 --> 00:34:59,709
HEATHER: No.
875
00:34:59,709 --> 00:35:00,450
I'm serious.
876
00:35:00,450 --> 00:35:01,716
I think that's a
staph infection.
877
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:08,167
(scat singing) JOSH: Oh,
oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
878
00:35:08,167 --> 00:35:09,007
Here we go.
879
00:35:09,507 --> 00:35:11,538
♪ Light shining
through the window...
880
00:35:11,538 --> 00:35:12,992
Huh?
881
00:35:12,992 --> 00:35:13,621
You like that?
882
00:35:13,621 --> 00:35:16,490
(laughs) (grunts, hums) - Window
Like light through a window...
883
00:35:21,477 --> 00:35:22,381
For you, my lady.
884
00:35:23,614 --> 00:35:24,834
Hey, Josh.
885
00:35:25,068 --> 00:35:28,671
So, um, I'm a nurse and that
looks like a staph infection.
886
00:35:29,568 --> 00:35:30,365
JOSH: Guys, I'm fine.
887
00:35:30,707 --> 00:35:31,677
Check this out.
888
00:35:32,156 --> 00:35:38,124
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
An we'll be on...
889
00:35:38,678 --> 00:35:45,058
(gasps) (all gasping,
groaning) (gags)
890
00:35:43,606 --> 00:35:44,432
I'm gonna go.
891
00:35:46,151 --> 00:35:46,963
Bye.
892
00:35:47,963 --> 00:35:48,870
(gasps) REBECCA:
So, you didn't kiss?
893
00:35:49,074 --> 00:35:49,494
PAULA: No, thank God.
894
00:35:50,525 --> 00:35:51,389
Scott was right.
895
00:35:51,898 --> 00:35:54,442
I have always treated him like
the consolation prize and it's
896
00:35:54,442 --> 00:35:56,903
because Jeff rejected me.
897
00:35:56,903 --> 00:35:59,322
He was always this ideal
thing that I couldn't have,
898
00:35:59,322 --> 00:36:05,579
but I got to reject him, so now
he's no longer on
899
00:36:05,579 --> 00:36:06,580
some kind of pedestal.
900
00:36:06,580 --> 00:36:08,915
I can finally move on from
wondering what could've been
901
00:36:08,915 --> 00:36:13,879
with Jeff Channington because
this time I got to
902
00:36:13,879 --> 00:36:14,838
make the choice.
903
00:36:15,613 --> 00:36:16,163
Wow.
904
00:36:16,460 --> 00:36:19,023
Paula, I just, it blows my mind
that I didn't know any of this.
905
00:36:19,023 --> 00:36:21,036
You know that I want you to
tell me this stuff, right?
906
00:36:21,036 --> 00:36:22,149
Babe...
907
00:36:23,646 --> 00:36:26,649
you are trying to get better
after something really huge and
908
00:36:26,649 --> 00:36:27,614
traumatic.
909
00:36:27,614 --> 00:36:29,316
I do not want to burden you.
910
00:36:29,316 --> 00:36:30,887
I want to take care of you.
911
00:36:31,055 --> 00:36:33,006
No, no, no, that's what you've
always done, Paula, and...
912
00:36:33,477 --> 00:36:34,147
(sighs)
913
00:36:34,569 --> 00:36:37,851
I love that ever since
we met you have tried to be like
914
00:36:37,851 --> 00:36:43,335
my mom, but from now on, how
about we just be best friends?
915
00:36:43,934 --> 00:36:47,101
But you're the little spoon and
I'm the big spoon and that's how
916
00:36:47,101 --> 00:36:47,951
it works.
917
00:36:47,951 --> 00:36:48,866
I mean, you said so yourself.
918
00:36:48,672 --> 00:36:49,546
I shouldn't have said that.
919
00:36:49,546 --> 00:36:50,642
That's not what we should be.
920
00:36:52,169 --> 00:36:53,388
I mean, 'cause you know what
size spoons
921
00:36:53,388 --> 00:36:54,453
fit together the best?
922
00:36:54,953 --> 00:36:55,637
No.
923
00:36:56,528 --> 00:36:57,607
Same-size spoons.
924
00:36:58,687 --> 00:36:59,153
Aw.
925
00:37:00,624 --> 00:37:01,654
Hey.
926
00:37:02,951 --> 00:37:03,608
They do.
927
00:37:03,608 --> 00:37:04,638
That's perfect.
928
00:37:05,004 --> 00:37:06,157
(laughing): Yeah, I
just thought of that.
929
00:37:06,653 --> 00:37:07,190
I like that.
930
00:37:07,190 --> 00:37:08,130
Same-size spoons.
931
00:37:08,780 --> 00:37:09,269
Okay.
932
00:37:10,140 --> 00:37:10,626
I like it.
933
00:37:20,500 --> 00:37:22,967
(both laugh) How you feeling,
flair champ of West Covina?
934
00:37:24,013 --> 00:37:25,497
I have ten more
days of antibiotics.
935
00:37:26,242 --> 00:37:27,243
You were right.
936
00:37:27,243 --> 00:37:28,870
It was a staph infection.
937
00:37:28,870 --> 00:37:30,121
Heather, I could've died.
938
00:37:30,121 --> 00:37:33,416
I took people's germs and
smeared them into my face.
939
00:37:33,416 --> 00:37:34,417
Mm-hmm.
940
00:37:34,417 --> 00:37:36,086
Feel so stupid.
941
00:37:36,086 --> 00:37:38,129
I was so wrong.
942
00:37:38,129 --> 00:37:40,131
I'm not a big boy,
I'm a small boy.
943
00:37:40,131 --> 00:37:41,132
Oh.
944
00:37:41,132 --> 00:37:44,094
Look, dumb stuff happens
to all of us, Josh.
945
00:37:44,094 --> 00:37:45,387
Don't, like, beat yourself up.
946
00:37:45,387 --> 00:37:47,514
And also, you're a man.
947
00:37:47,514 --> 00:37:49,808
Oh, that was the word.
948
00:37:49,808 --> 00:37:52,936
(scoffs) Mm-hmm.
949
00:37:52,936 --> 00:37:56,106
(sighs) Heather...
950
00:37:56,106 --> 00:37:57,107
I'm spiraling.
951
00:37:57,107 --> 00:38:02,070
I have no apartment, no
relationship, no career goals.
952
00:38:02,070 --> 00:38:05,907
I just feel like there's no
ground under me, you know?
953
00:38:05,907 --> 00:38:07,242
Yeah.
954
00:38:07,242 --> 00:38:09,077
Well, you'll figure it out.
955
00:38:09,077 --> 00:38:11,079
I'm still figuring
things out and I'm, like,
956
00:38:11,079 --> 00:38:13,081
way smarter and
cooler than you are.
957
00:38:13,081 --> 00:38:15,375
(scoffs) Are you?
958
00:38:15,375 --> 00:38:16,376
Yeah.
959
00:38:16,376 --> 00:38:17,377
I am.
960
00:38:17,377 --> 00:38:18,378
You do magic.
961
00:38:18,378 --> 00:38:20,255
Exactly.
962
00:38:20,255 --> 00:38:21,256
Exactly.
963
00:38:24,528 --> 00:38:24,951
PAULA: All right.
964
00:38:24,951 --> 00:38:25,934
We got to get to the airport.
965
00:38:30,064 --> 00:38:33,110
So, um, thanks for trying
to shoot Jeff, Dad.
966
00:38:33,517 --> 00:38:34,017
Meant a lot.
967
00:38:34,329 --> 00:38:35,636
Yeah, well, thanks for
coming and visiting me.
968
00:38:35,894 --> 00:38:39,110
I mean, I know I'm just an old
pain who reads your diaries and
969
00:38:39,110 --> 00:38:40,487
number-twos in your drawers.
970
00:38:40,316 --> 00:38:41,317
What?
971
00:38:41,317 --> 00:38:43,319
(laughing): Bob,
you're the worst.
972
00:38:43,319 --> 00:38:44,863
(laughs) Okay, let's go.
973
00:38:44,863 --> 00:38:47,240
Hey, wait a minute, Paula.
974
00:38:47,240 --> 00:38:48,241
Uh...
975
00:38:48,241 --> 00:38:51,411
Rebecca tells me
that you're, uh,
976
00:38:51,411 --> 00:38:53,413
first in your class
in law school.
977
00:38:53,413 --> 00:38:54,414
Um...
978
00:38:54,414 --> 00:38:56,583
I didn't know you
were smart like that.
979
00:38:56,583 --> 00:38:57,959
Yeah, I am.
980
00:38:57,959 --> 00:38:58,918
I'm really smart.
981
00:38:58,918 --> 00:39:01,212
All right, you don't have to
hit me over the head with it.
982
00:39:01,212 --> 00:39:04,049
But, uh, it would be nice if
you guys came back
983
00:39:04,049 --> 00:39:05,008
and visited again.
984
00:39:05,008 --> 00:39:06,009
Thanks, my friend's dad.
985
00:39:06,009 --> 00:39:07,010
Oh.
986
00:39:07,010 --> 00:39:08,803
Okay, I'll be in the car.
987
00:39:09,549 --> 00:39:10,438
Okay.
988
00:39:10,907 --> 00:39:11,892
(chuckles)
989
00:39:16,565 --> 00:39:17,500
(knocking on the door)
990
00:39:21,439 --> 00:39:23,062
- Hi.
- Hi.
991
00:39:23,907 --> 00:39:24,736
How was your trip?
992
00:39:25,815 --> 00:39:29,095
So, remember the day I chased
you around the conference room
993
00:39:29,485 --> 00:39:32,251
and then jumped on you like
a flying squirrel move?
994
00:39:32,077 --> 00:39:33,703
(laughs) I do.
995
00:39:33,703 --> 00:39:34,704
Yes.
996
00:39:34,704 --> 00:39:40,001
(laughs) Okay, stand back.
997
00:39:40,001 --> 00:39:41,001
Mmm.
998
00:39:56,192 --> 00:39:58,349
Are you sure this is okay
with your therapy thing?
999
00:39:59,866 --> 00:40:00,711
Just shut up.
1000
00:40:07,822 --> 00:40:08,696
What?
1001
00:40:08,946 --> 00:40:10,243
We shouldn't keep pie in here.
1002
00:40:11,384 --> 00:40:12,042
Hey, honey.
1003
00:40:13,382 --> 00:40:14,200
How's your dad?
1004
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:15,367
Same.
1005
00:40:17,351 --> 00:40:18,069
Mm, want some?
1006
00:40:19,056 --> 00:40:19,757
Sure.
1007
00:40:27,398 --> 00:40:29,150
So, I want to talk to
you about something.
1008
00:40:29,714 --> 00:40:30,384
It's important.
1009
00:40:31,291 --> 00:40:32,179
If I could...
1010
00:40:33,258 --> 00:40:37,072
go through a magical stone wall
and pick any man in any time
1011
00:40:37,072 --> 00:40:39,163
period in any universe...
1012
00:40:40,944 --> 00:40:43,165
I would pick Brad Pitt
in Thelma & Louise.
1013
00:40:43,423 --> 00:40:44,432
Strong choice.
1014
00:40:44,929 --> 00:40:45,804
Me same.
1015
00:40:46,025 --> 00:40:47,899
And when he turned me down...
1016
00:40:50,695 --> 00:40:51,773
(laughs) ...I'd pick you.
1017
00:40:52,711 --> 00:40:53,543
Really?
1018
00:40:54,085 --> 00:40:54,512
Yeah.
1019
00:40:55,070 --> 00:40:55,897
Every day of the week.
1020
00:40:57,085 --> 00:40:58,147
Right back at you.
1021
00:41:01,927 --> 00:41:04,393
REBECCA: So, I went to
Buffalo, drank a ton of vodka,
1022
00:41:04,393 --> 00:41:08,004
sexted with a guy, damaged a
house with darts and urine,
1023
00:41:08,329 --> 00:41:11,235
got in a car with a drunk guy--
oops-- watched that guy threaten
1024
00:41:11,235 --> 00:41:13,798
another guy with a gun, and I
farted a ton on the plane on the
1025
00:41:13,798 --> 00:41:14,940
way back because no
one could hear it,
1026
00:41:14,940 --> 00:41:16,878
and I just had a ton
of sex with my ex-boss.
1027
00:41:17,957 --> 00:41:21,517
So, how's that for getting
out of the therapy bubble?
1028
00:41:22,382 --> 00:41:24,923
Wow, that is not in
any workbook I know of.
1029
00:41:25,288 --> 00:41:28,772
You know, my whole life, I've
only known how to be, like,
1030
00:41:28,772 --> 00:41:30,790
really good or really bad.
1031
00:41:31,866 --> 00:41:33,975
But being a human...
1032
00:41:37,147 --> 00:41:39,385
...is living in that
kind of in-between space,
1033
00:41:39,385 --> 00:41:41,355
it's making mistakes, and
that's very scary, but...
1034
00:41:42,743 --> 00:41:43,615
also very cool.
1035
00:41:44,011 --> 00:41:44,897
Great work.
1036
00:41:45,604 --> 00:41:47,975
You, my friend, get an
A-plus on your C-plus.
1037
00:41:48,647 --> 00:41:49,320
Yes!
1038
00:41:49,585 --> 00:41:51,961
And I got this just for you.
1039
00:41:52,398 --> 00:41:52,990
Pick one.
1040
00:41:53,851 --> 00:41:54,623
Oh.
1041
00:41:55,772 --> 00:41:56,921
(sniffs) Oh, yeah.
1042
00:41:56,921 --> 00:41:58,756
It smells like grape.
70482
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