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[upbeat theme playing]
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00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:08,300
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
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00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:12,262
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
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00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:14,853
Ripped and corrected by
- YoungJedi -
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Being in a new relationship is great,
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00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,229
but everyone has a past.
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And back when I was young,
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00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:25,567
technology had a way of bringing
that past into the present.
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So, after I took the kid's phone,
I turn around and said,
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00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:32,031
"Not on my school bus."
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[loud, forced laughter]
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That is so funny! [laughs]
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Big laugh for a boring story,
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followed with a little arm squeeze.
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You guys are, like,
really into each other, huh?
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00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,675
- Hello. Hello. Hello.
- [cheering]
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00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:50,592
Drushi!
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00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,886
Oh, that's what
we called Drew in college
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because his dorm room
always smelled like fish.
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00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:56,932
I didn't know you were coming to town.
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00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:58,559
Yeah, I convinced my attending
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00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,762
to clear my surgeries for the weekend,
so we could check out
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00:01:00,762 --> 00:01:02,006
- some wedding venues.
- Mm-hmm!
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00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,606
Guys, I think we found
the perfect venue.
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00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,108
Creation at Wicker Farm.
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00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:08,402
- [impressed oohing]
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
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00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:09,987
It's this gorgeous hotel
restaurant upstate.
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We're gonna spend the weekend there,
do a tasting,
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and they told us we can invite
two extra people. So--
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Yes! In! I am creating
a road trip playlist as we speak.
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Text me the route because
I want Life Is a Highway
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to kick in the moment we pull onto...
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an actual highway? Huh?
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We were gonna ask Sophie and Drew.
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Sophie and Drew just started dating.
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I'm not sure they're ready
for a weekend getaway.
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They've been dating for a month.
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No, I know, I know.
It's just that, you know, uh,
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a weekend getaway's a big step,
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and I'm sure these two don't want that
just sprung on them like that.
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We're in!
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- Oh great!
- Good. Fantastic.
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Oh... good...
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SID:
Jesse,
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this is like a couple's thing,
you know? You're a lone wolf.
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Cool euphemism
for pathetically single.
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But, actually, you're way off, okay?
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I just started seeing this
totally awesome girl named Mia.
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And I like her so much, I've even come up
with one of those cute little...
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punny... couple names for us.
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Mia and Jesse. We're Messy.
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Hello, customers!
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00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:10,714
- [overlapping greetings]
- I hope you all like beer...
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because I forgot
what you actually ordered.
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Hey, Charlie, here's a copy of
your start papers and your passport.
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No idea why I photocopied it
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because you working here is,
like, completely illegal.
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Man! You've been everywhere.
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You were in Brazil six months ago?
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Yes. On a family trip.
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00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,485
I dated a Brazilian once.
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I didn't speak Portuguese,
he didn't speak English,
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so we had to speak with our bodies,
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and those conversations went deep.
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- Hoo-yeah!
- [nervous laugh] Another charming tale.
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I do love it when you casually work
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your previous sexual exploits
into conversation. It's such fun!
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Oh, Charlie!
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First paycheck.
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New job. New apartment.
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I'm going to throw a lavish
housewarming dinner party this weekend
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to celebrate my many accomplishments.
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Ellen.
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You can invite that lucky lady who swiped
your post-divorce V-card last week.
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- What?
- [impressed oohing]
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00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,183
No, no, no. I-I'm not inviting her.
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Alright, fine. Just us then.
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Sorry to miss it. Sid and I
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00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,481
are actually taking a weekend trip
with Drew and Stacey.
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Sophie.
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- Sorry.
- Oh. [scoffs]
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It's okay.
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Who is Stacey?
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My ex was named Stacey.
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Uh, we hung out with Sid and Hannah a lot
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when we were together,
hence the, uh, mix-up.
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Oh.
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Sorry. Won't happen again.
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Already forgotten about it.
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I can't stop thinking about it!
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Like, I need to know
who this Stacey girl is,
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but I have no idea how to find her!
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And I found her.
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What? How?
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Simple. Sid is friends with Hannah,
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00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,597
so I found her account,
went to her tagged photos,
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scrolled back until I found a pic of
Hannah with a Staceycakes92
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where both S's are dollar signs.
But Staceycakes is obvi gay,
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00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:49,104
so I started looking for girls who comment
on Hannah's posts a lot,
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00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,397
and found a Stacey Fletcher,
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who always says Hannah's outfits are fire.
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So, I clicked on her IG,
scrolled back a couple of years,
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00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,320
and boomshakalakaboom.
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Sophie meet Stacey,
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or Stacey circa two years ago
when she was dating Drew.
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00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:04,203
How many boardwalks
did they eat ice cream on?
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00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,497
This is not what I needed
to see right before Drew and I
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00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:08,790
have sex for the first time.
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You haven't had sex yet?
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So, that's why you nerds were so giggly
about your romantic weekend.
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00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,216
Yeah. And I like that we waited.
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00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:20,802
Plus, doing it for the first time
in a bougie-ass hotel
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is romantic as balls.
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Now, I'm just gonna be comparing
myself to Stacey the whole time
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and thinking about how she can
roller skate backwards in a sun dress.
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Soph, everyone has exes.
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Do not get in your head about this.
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Repeat after me.
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I... am...
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sex.
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[quietly]: I... am... sex.
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Louder.
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I! Am! Sex!
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I! Am! Sex!
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NEIGHBOR:
We get it! You're sex! Shut the hell up!
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♪
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Voilà! A dining table.
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00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:10,269
[clattering]
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00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:14,606
Ellen, are we eating on Amazon boxes
covered in your unicorn bed sheets?
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00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:17,693
Pottery Barn Kids is way cheaper
than Pottery Barn regular.
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00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,155
Is that all the food?
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00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,407
Unfortunately, yes.
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00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:26,702
I may have overestimated how far
a bartender's paycheck would go.
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00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,037
Why didn't you just buy cheaper stuff?
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00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,455
Cheaper stuff?
What do you want me to do,
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00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:33,000
serve chunks of pepper jack
and pigs in a blanket?
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00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,669
This is the first dinner
we're hosting, Ellen.
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00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,672
Tonight will set the tenor
for our entire social lives.
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00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:42,134
Dude, we're eating dinner
with my brother and your girlfriend
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00:05:42,134 --> 00:05:43,969
on a table made of boxes.
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00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,138
- [knocking]
- Oh my god, they're here already!
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Alright, Ellen.
Remember, we are the hosts.
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If we're having fun,
they're having fun.
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Ready?
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00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:56,481
[forced laughter] Hello!
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00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,026
Ellen was just telling me
the most winning of anecdotes.
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00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,319
Come in! Come in!
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00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:02,529
Uh, guys, this is Mia.
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00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:05,532
Mia, this is Charlie,
and this is my sister Ellen.
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00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,911
Mia. Hi.
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00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:13,081
It is so nice to meet you.
For the first time.
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00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,460
Oh, is that real leopard?
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00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,213
No, this is a shirt
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00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:21,215
with a design on it.
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00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:25,010
Still, how would you feel
if I had your skin printed on a shirt?
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00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:26,970
Mia is an activist.
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00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,764
She's really passionate about her causes,
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00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,849
which I find to be really inspiring.
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Mia! I would like to give you the tour.
[laughs] Uh...
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This is the living-dining-kitchen-
guest-bed-breakfast-nook-foyer-room,
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00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,984
and over here is...
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[whispers]:
Hello, Mia.
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00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:46,615
Hello, woman who never responded
to my many voice texts
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after using me for sex.
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00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,660
- Shh...
- Oh, it is you!
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00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:51,203
I was drinking an iced coffee,
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00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:53,997
and you shouted at me for using a straw
even though it actually was made of paper.
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00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:55,874
Shh! Look,
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00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:59,127
I think it would be best
if Jesse doesn't find out...
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00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,630
- we...
- Oh, I'm not comfortable lying.
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00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,590
I leave that to the politicians.
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00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:06,885
Please. He's coming off
a really bad breakup.
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00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:09,763
If he finds out that the first girl
he's been into since his ex
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00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,515
slept with his sister...
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[whispers]:
it'll scar him for life.
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00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:15,227
Plus, this is our first
social event together,
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00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:18,480
and a brother and sister
having shared a lover is a bit unseemly.
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00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,650
Fine. I'll keep your secret,
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00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:24,319
but only because I would
never want to hurt Jesse.
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00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,612
You are lucky I'm an empath.
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00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,740
Disaster averted. Now,
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shall we give everyone their one oyster?
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♪
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Welcome to Creation at Wicker Farm.
185
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,292
I'm Grant Rose.
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00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,376
[classical music]
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00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:40,169
The owner.
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00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:43,297
Uh, yeah, no, I could tell.
Um, I own a bar in Manhattan.
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00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,424
We both have BOE--
Big owner energy.
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00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:47,176
[laughs] Creation
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00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:49,970
is the world's first
hyper-local restaurant.
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00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,806
All of our food is sourced from the farm,
193
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,683
but everything else you see here
194
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:58,270
was also made from materials
found on the property.
195
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:01,315
Wow! So, the-the entire building?
196
00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:03,942
Built from cedar trees
from the forest behind us.
197
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,236
- What about the host?
- [Drew laughs]
198
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,905
You didn't make him? [laughs]
199
00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:09,990
Actually, I did. He's my son!
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00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,867
ALL: Oh!
201
00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:14,328
Conceived in the room
you're actually staying in.
202
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,705
Kinda gross.
203
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,544
[restaurant chatter]
204
00:08:23,212 --> 00:08:25,005
This place is super romantic.
205
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,465
Hope our room has the same vibe.
206
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:29,718
I know it will
'cause we're staying in it.
207
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:30,761
[both click tongues]
208
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,472
[inhales]
209
00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:34,973
I am sex...
210
00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:37,476
[sighs]
211
00:08:38,644 --> 00:08:40,312
Wait a sec.
212
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:43,398
♪
213
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:45,025
He took Stacey here.
214
00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:49,863
What nerd created this devil app?
215
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:52,324
[sighs]
216
00:08:56,078 --> 00:08:59,164
- [pouring]
- I am very excited for this risotto.
217
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:00,332
[soft music]
218
00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:01,959
Why? You had it before?
219
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:05,462
- No, just hungry.
- Oh.
220
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:10,592
I only ask because
I-I saw you walk to the... bathroom,
221
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,636
and it seemed like you
really knew your way around.
222
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,888
Hm. Well, I've never been here,
223
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,975
but I'm glad to know you like
to watch me walk away.
224
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,144
I like cute butts, and I cannot lie.
225
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:27,860
Sid, I am definitely
picking up on your BOE.
226
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:30,362
Oh my god, BOE is happening...
227
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,032
What made you decide
to open your own place?
228
00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:36,785
Well, I grew up in India,
and like all good Indians,
229
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:38,537
my dad and I spent
our afternoons watching
230
00:09:38,537 --> 00:09:39,830
movies about New York City.
231
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,498
♪ In springtime in New York... ♪
232
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:55,304
♪
233
00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:57,097
SID:
So, my family moved to New York,
234
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,640
I studied hard, got into med school.
235
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,143
That's where Hannah and I met.
236
00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:02,519
She was born to be a doctor.
237
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,521
Me?
238
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,106
Not so much.
239
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:10,694
But, I did love the bar where
I spent hours and hours studying,
240
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,654
and I loved the man who owned it.
241
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,615
Archie.
242
00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:16,158
And then one day...
243
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,618
♪
244
00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:19,203
Archie passed away,
245
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:22,206
and suddenly, what I had to do
was crystal clear.
246
00:10:22,206 --> 00:10:24,917
So, I took out a loan and bought the bar.
247
00:10:24,917 --> 00:10:27,377
It was a big swing,
but felt like the right decision
248
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:28,587
And, uh,
249
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:30,506
Hannah supported me the entire time.
250
00:10:30,506 --> 00:10:32,007
Hm. Of course I did.
251
00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:34,259
GRANT:
Wow, what an incredible story.
252
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,636
And equally incredible,
253
00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,513
our lobster risotto...
254
00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:39,973
with an edible fork...
255
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,683
made of focaccia.
256
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,353
[whispers]: Wait a second.
257
00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:49,191
♪
258
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,905
- Everything okay?
- Mm-hmm!
259
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:55,864
BRB.
260
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:01,370
- I remember those sheets...
- Shut up, shut up, shut up.
261
00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:02,871
[nervous laugh]
262
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,749
Everyone, please pluck one leaf
263
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,876
and pass it to the left.
264
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:11,255
So, a pluck... [grunts]
265
00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:13,006
and pass. Give it a go.
266
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:16,343
I tell you, I do feel sorry
for Sophie and Sid.
267
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,303
They are missing
the party of the century.
268
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:20,389
- [plucking]
- I said one leaf, Mia.
269
00:11:21,557 --> 00:11:23,016
I hope Sophie's doing okay.
270
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:26,103
She was really in her head
about Drew's ex before she left.
271
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:28,355
I wish she was more... Zen.
272
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,607
Like Charlie. He doesn't care
at all when I talk about my exes.
273
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:33,110
No, not at all. [nervous laugh]
274
00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:36,113
Now, is anyone following
the Polo Premier League?
275
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:38,365
My relationship history is an open book.
276
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,200
Books, actually.
277
00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:42,744
And it's a long one. [laughs]
278
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:44,621
Actually, Valentina, I hate it, alright?
279
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:45,706
VALENTINA:
Really? Why?
280
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:48,166
I wouldn't care if you talked
about your exes at all.
281
00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:49,835
Alright, fine.
282
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,546
Remember when you were
looking through my passport,
283
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,548
and I said I went to Brazil
on a family trip?
284
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,759
Well, I lied. I went there for a girl.
285
00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,511
ELLEN/JESSE:
Ooh...
286
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:02,514
So, you had a fling
with a woman in Brazil.
287
00:12:03,182 --> 00:12:04,892
Good for you.
288
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,436
Actually, it was a bit more than that.
289
00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:11,064
I moved to Brazil... to be with her.
290
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,066
ELLEN/MIA/JESSE:
Ooh...
291
00:12:13,984 --> 00:12:15,235
Oh.
292
00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:19,698
So, I'm not the only woman
you've moved to another country for.
293
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,201
- Cool.
- [thud]
294
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,286
Fun.
295
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,002
[voice cracking]:
More wine, anyone?
296
00:12:32,878 --> 00:12:35,714
♪
297
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:38,509
Let's prove you're lying,
you lying liar.
298
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:45,057
Ha! I knew it.
299
00:12:45,057 --> 00:12:48,519
Of course, Stacey's handwriting's
[mocking]: in cursive.
300
00:12:48,519 --> 00:12:50,437
We get it. You're smart.
301
00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:53,982
[shutter snaps]
302
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,985
♪
303
00:12:57,945 --> 00:13:01,198
And that is the entire
Wikipedia entry on colonialism.
304
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,116
[sighs] Wow.
305
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,618
Wow.
306
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:08,038
Hey, just a few of super-chill
follow-up questions
307
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,707
to that fun story you told
about the Brazilian girl...
308
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,836
Valentina, I was just proving a point
that nobody likes to hear about exes.
309
00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:16,004
Okay? No need to dwell on it.
310
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,131
I don't care that you have exes.
311
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:21,426
I care that, apparently,
you moved across the world
312
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,387
- for another girl.
- Girls, okay?
313
00:13:23,387 --> 00:13:24,763
It's happened more than once.
314
00:13:25,764 --> 00:13:26,765
What?!
315
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:29,059
Jesse?
316
00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:31,603
I don't want our relationship
to start on a lie like theirs did.
317
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,438
I slept with your sister.
318
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:34,982
- What?!
- Damn it!
319
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:35,983
[gags]
320
00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:38,151
That dinner was amazing.
321
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,487
I mean, I think we found our venue, huh?
322
00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:44,658
Did you just rent a movie
without asking me which one?
323
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:48,370
What? I got the Eternals because your
celebrity crush is buff Kumail Nanjiani.
324
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:50,956
Hold up.
325
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,750
- You definitely have a type.
- [Hannah sighs]
326
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:58,714
I cannot believe you just made another
decision without consulting me!
327
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:01,175
Okay, this is not
about the movie, is it?
328
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,051
No, Sid.
329
00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:06,263
This is about you quitting medical school,
330
00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:08,557
so you could upend our lives
and buy a bar.
331
00:14:10,142 --> 00:14:12,603
I thought I was past it, but
hearing you tell that story tonight,
332
00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:14,605
it just brought up
all these old feelings in me.
333
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:18,775
I never would have made a decision
like that without talking to you.
334
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,862
Hannah, I'm sorry
if I hurt your feelings, but,
335
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:24,239
like, what's done is done.
336
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:26,241
"What's done is done"?
337
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,535
That's what you have to say?
338
00:14:30,329 --> 00:14:31,830
What's done is done...
339
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,791
please?
340
00:14:38,337 --> 00:14:39,338
[door shuts]
341
00:14:39,338 --> 00:14:42,299
I am gonna freshen up real quick,
so our night...
342
00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:44,301
[snap]
can begin.
343
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:50,182
- That was so lame. Can I take that back?
- Uh-huh.
344
00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:53,060
Great. See you soon.
345
00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:56,355
[muttering]:
You're an idiot! Be sexier.
346
00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:04,780
[quietly]: Well, Drew definitely
brought Stacey here,
347
00:15:04,780 --> 00:15:06,156
and he's lying to me about it.
348
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:07,449
Are you drunk?
349
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:11,161
The only thing
I'm drunk on is hard truth.
350
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:12,663
I'm sending you proof.
351
00:15:13,664 --> 00:15:15,457
[notification whooshes]
Did you get it?
352
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,125
Not yet.
353
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,044
Oh, no.
354
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:23,924
I meant to DM you, but instead,
I DM-ed Stacey.
355
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,093
Oh god, oh god, oh god, she's definitely
gonna reach out to Drew
356
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:27,135
and tell him I'm crazy!
357
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:29,429
Almost as crazy as someone who follows
358
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:33,141
[loudly]: women around the world,
like a horny Carmen San Diego!
359
00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:36,812
So, what are you going to do about Drew?
360
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,439
♪
361
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,941
Something stupid.
362
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:42,943
[inhales]
363
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:50,617
Hey, there...
364
00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:54,496
- [Sophie whimpering]
- [vending machine banging]
365
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:56,164
[sighs]
366
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,833
Sophie? What are you doing out here?
367
00:15:57,833 --> 00:15:59,626
I screwed up.
368
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,836
What are you doing out here?
369
00:16:00,836 --> 00:16:02,379
I screwed up, too.
370
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:03,881
- [phone beeping]
- [sighs]
371
00:16:04,882 --> 00:16:05,883
Oh!
372
00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:08,927
Ooh, seems like you screwed up more.
373
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:10,971
[mocking]:
Oh, you screwed up more! Ha, ha!
374
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:16,643
Sorry, I'm just trying to... [scoffs]
375
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,228
wrap my head around this. Uh...
376
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:21,106
when exactly did the two
of you sleep together?
377
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:24,193
Monday night. When did you guys meet?
378
00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:27,321
Tuesday morning.
379
00:16:29,323 --> 00:16:31,825
I met her at a coffee shop
on my way to your place.
380
00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:34,036
♪
381
00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:35,078
Hi.
382
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:37,289
Hi.
383
00:16:37,289 --> 00:16:39,541
Okay, that timeline is, uh...
384
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:41,710
chill.
385
00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:45,547
You know what, I'm not gonna
let a... quirky coincidence
386
00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:47,591
stand in the way of
me and my relationship.
387
00:16:48,217 --> 00:16:49,593
Wow, you must be amazing in bed.
388
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:51,512
- She's just okay.
- I haven't actually slept with her yet.
389
00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:52,554
Oh my god!
390
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,265
VALENTINA:
So...
391
00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:58,185
let's do a deep dive here
on the old passport.
392
00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,896
I say a country,
you say why you went there.
393
00:17:00,896 --> 00:17:02,439
- Portugal.
- Girl.
394
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,107
- Spain.
- Tapas.
395
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,360
It was a girl.
396
00:17:07,528 --> 00:17:08,987
Hey, what's your Wi-Fi?
397
00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:11,698
I need to tweet a bomb threat
to Panera Bread
398
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:14,368
for their appropriation of poppy seeds.
399
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:16,870
How do you appropriate a seed?
400
00:17:17,246 --> 00:17:19,331
Oh, if you don't know,
you're part of the problem.
401
00:17:19,331 --> 00:17:22,334
I can't do this anymore.
Mia, you are the worst.
402
00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,921
Finally! How did you not see it earlier?
403
00:17:25,921 --> 00:17:28,048
I saw it! I'm just trying
to power through
404
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:29,758
'cause I'm so sick of being single!
405
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,719
It should be me at that dinner tonight.
406
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:37,057
Because you miss hanging out
with Sid and Hannah,
407
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:39,518
or because you wanna be with Sophie?
408
00:17:39,935 --> 00:17:41,395
What?
409
00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:43,480
The first one, obviously.
410
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:47,276
I don't know who any
of those people are. I'm outtie.
411
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,946
- I'm gonna go, too, Charlie.
- Look, please don't leave like this.
412
00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:54,241
Look, I-I swear you're not
just part of some pattern.
413
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:57,619
- Alright, this time, it really is diff--
- I don't believe you.
414
00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:00,664
♪
415
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,794
[notification chimes]
416
00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:06,795
What am I gonna do?
417
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:09,840
I need to get into Drew's phone
to delete Stacey's texts
418
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,259
before he sees them
and realizes I did something crazy!
419
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,343
- [texting stops]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
420
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:15,095
- what just happened?
- Hm.
421
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:17,181
Why did the texts disappear?
422
00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:19,683
Yeah, Drew probably read them
on his laptop.
423
00:18:21,310 --> 00:18:22,352
[whimpers]
424
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:23,937
This is so unfair!
425
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,689
He's the one who lied about being here,
426
00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:28,775
and now, I look like the psycho. [sighs]
427
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,319
Okay, Sophie...
428
00:18:30,903 --> 00:18:33,113
I don't know exactly what's going on
with you and Drew,
429
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,365
but you don't need to worry about Stacey.
430
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:38,243
Stacey's just an ex.
Everyone has an ex.
431
00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:39,661
Not me.
432
00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:44,541
I mean, I've dated a ton of guys,
433
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:46,752
but I've never...
434
00:18:46,752 --> 00:18:49,254
actually been in a serious relationship.
435
00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:52,424
It always fizzles out
before it gets to that point.
436
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,719
Well, at least you don't
steamroll your partner
437
00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:58,555
by making major life decisions
without consulting her.
438
00:19:00,641 --> 00:19:03,977
Is that why you're out here, buying an
apology Kit-Kat from the vending machine?
439
00:19:04,895 --> 00:19:05,896
Guilty.
440
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,774
Yeah, apparently Hannah hasn't forgiven me
441
00:19:08,774 --> 00:19:12,069
for derailing our life plan by
buying a bar without asking her.
442
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,992
Why didn't you? Ask her?
443
00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:21,537
I don't know.
444
00:19:22,246 --> 00:19:25,374
I spent the first 27 years of my life
trying to make my parents happy.
445
00:19:25,374 --> 00:19:27,334
Then I met Hannah,
I wanted to make her happy, too.
446
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:29,127
And with the bar, I just finally
wanted to do something
447
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:30,712
that would make me happy.
448
00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:34,216
And I knew if I didn't just, like,
propel my body to that bank
449
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:36,677
and apply for that loan,
I'd end up chickening out.
450
00:19:36,677 --> 00:19:38,053
You know?
451
00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:41,056
♪
452
00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:44,601
Do you think if you had
asked Hannah first,
453
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:46,478
that she wouldn't have supported you?
454
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:47,980
Ah, she would have.
455
00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:52,401
Definitely would have.
[laughs] Messed up.
456
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:58,115
Hey, I know it's super scary to go
all-in on a relationship.
457
00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:00,826
And, from what I know
about your childhood,
458
00:20:00,826 --> 00:20:04,079
you probably feel like the rug could be
ripped out from under you at any second.
459
00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:06,540
Yeah.
460
00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:08,876
I do.
461
00:20:10,294 --> 00:20:12,838
But, if it's the right person...
462
00:20:16,008 --> 00:20:17,509
things can work out.
463
00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:21,180
I promise.
464
00:20:21,847 --> 00:20:22,848
[Sophie sighs]
465
00:20:23,891 --> 00:20:26,310
- Let's go talk to our people.
- Mm-hmm.
466
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:30,397
Hey! Hey, now!
467
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:33,066
You're seriously gonna go back there
without a peace offering Kit-Kat?
468
00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:34,067
[laughs]
469
00:20:35,903 --> 00:20:37,905
You really haven't been in a relationship.
470
00:20:44,328 --> 00:20:45,579
Listen.
471
00:20:45,579 --> 00:20:48,040
I have known for a very long time
472
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,918
that I've had to escape
from my petty, stifling family.
473
00:20:50,918 --> 00:20:53,754
And, yes, I have often
followed women across the world
474
00:20:53,754 --> 00:20:55,005
as a way of doing that.
475
00:20:56,340 --> 00:20:58,258
But it's never felt right.
476
00:20:59,051 --> 00:21:00,052
Until now.
477
00:21:01,220 --> 00:21:03,222
And I've figured out how
I'm gonna prove it to you.
478
00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:05,974
- [sighs]
- What are you doing?!
479
00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:09,228
I'm proving to you that you
are not just part of some pattern.
480
00:21:10,145 --> 00:21:11,897
I'm not going anywhere, Valentina.
481
00:21:11,897 --> 00:21:14,066
Oh my god, this is really hot!
482
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:17,444
[both scream]
483
00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:19,279
What the hell is your
passport made out of?!
484
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:21,657
I soaked it in lighter fluid
on the way over.
485
00:21:21,657 --> 00:21:23,283
I was going for high drama!
486
00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:30,290
That was... sweet.
487
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:34,127
Look, just so you know,
488
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:37,005
I wouldn't usually spiral
in such a lame basic way
489
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:39,424
about you having exes. There were...
490
00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:41,635
extenuating circumstances.
491
00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:44,763
What were they?
492
00:21:48,934 --> 00:21:50,435
I...
493
00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:52,771
♪
494
00:21:52,771 --> 00:21:54,773
...love you.
495
00:21:58,777 --> 00:21:59,820
I love you, too.
496
00:22:01,655 --> 00:22:04,700
♪
497
00:22:10,831 --> 00:22:13,834
♪
498
00:22:13,834 --> 00:22:15,377
From now on,
499
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:17,754
I want you to be a part of
every big life decision I make
500
00:22:17,754 --> 00:22:20,215
until we die together at 98.
501
00:22:20,215 --> 00:22:21,717
Mid-penetrayshe.
502
00:22:23,260 --> 00:22:24,261
Thank you.
503
00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:28,307
But you know, I don't
wanna die mid-penetrayshe.
504
00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:32,728
I want us to die drinking
Cadillac margaritas
505
00:22:32,728 --> 00:22:36,648
on safari because our IRAs
are so well-funded. [laughs]
506
00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:39,526
♪
507
00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:41,278
Well,
508
00:22:41,278 --> 00:22:43,280
both of those things can be true.
509
00:22:44,323 --> 00:22:47,034
Man, we are gonna ruin
so many people's safari.
510
00:22:47,034 --> 00:22:49,286
[laughs]
511
00:22:50,746 --> 00:22:53,790
♪
512
00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:58,462
BOTH:
I'm sorry.
513
00:23:00,589 --> 00:23:02,090
Me first.
514
00:23:04,426 --> 00:23:06,345
I'm sorry I stole your phone
515
00:23:07,888 --> 00:23:09,973
and called your ex a bitch.
516
00:23:10,974 --> 00:23:13,143
And I'm sorry for lying
to you about having been here.
517
00:23:14,228 --> 00:23:16,438
I just didn't want to explain
how I got into, like,
518
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:19,775
a huge blowout fight
with Stacey at the same place
519
00:23:19,775 --> 00:23:21,735
we're having a romantic weekend.
520
00:23:22,486 --> 00:23:24,488
[scoffs] According to the Gram,
521
00:23:24,488 --> 00:23:26,323
and the guest book,
522
00:23:26,323 --> 00:23:28,575
you guys had the best night of your lives.
523
00:23:28,575 --> 00:23:31,787
You even did that thing where you touch
index fingers with your thumb,
524
00:23:31,787 --> 00:23:33,497
so you can make a heart.
525
00:23:34,081 --> 00:23:37,376
That's hard to do. My god,
do I have early-onset arthritis?
526
00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:41,088
Can I show you something?
527
00:23:45,801 --> 00:23:47,594
Zoom in on her sunglasses.
528
00:23:55,644 --> 00:23:58,480
Yeah, we got into a huge fight at dinner
529
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,440
about how 90% of our relationship
530
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,484
was spent posing for photos.
531
00:24:02,985 --> 00:24:04,528
It was the worst trip ever,
532
00:24:04,528 --> 00:24:06,864
and I went to Fyre Festival.
533
00:24:06,864 --> 00:24:08,282
Stupid Ja Rule.
534
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:15,914
Well, I know how we can turn this place
535
00:24:15,914 --> 00:24:18,333
from a bad memory into a good one.
536
00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:21,795
♪ I never felt this way ♪
537
00:24:22,421 --> 00:24:25,424
♪ So in love, whoa... ♪
538
00:24:25,883 --> 00:24:28,468
FUTURE SOPHIE:
And right there, in that hotel room, he--
539
00:24:28,468 --> 00:24:29,845
- SOPHIE'S SON [on video]: Mom!
- What?
540
00:24:29,845 --> 00:24:33,265
SOPHIE'S SON: Can you please not
graphically describe your sex life to me?
541
00:24:33,265 --> 00:24:34,474
Prude!
542
00:24:34,474 --> 00:24:36,351
♪ So in love ♪
543
00:24:36,351 --> 00:24:38,896
♪ Whoa ♪
544
00:24:38,896 --> 00:24:40,939
♪ So in love ♪
545
00:24:40,939 --> 00:24:44,484
♪ Whoa ♪
546
00:24:44,484 --> 00:24:47,736
♪ One heart, let it beat ♪
547
00:24:47,736 --> 00:24:48,864
Ripped and corrected by
- YoungJedi -
548
00:24:48,864 --> 00:24:50,949
♪ One voice ♪
549
00:24:50,949 --> 00:24:53,410
♪ Mm, let it sing ♪
550
00:24:53,410 --> 00:24:54,661
♪ Whoa ♪
551
00:24:55,537 --> 00:24:57,539
♪ Whoa ♪
552
00:24:57,956 --> 00:24:59,041
♪ Whoa ♪
553
00:24:59,833 --> 00:25:01,627
♪ Whoa ♪
554
00:25:02,252 --> 00:25:05,506
♪ Do it for one... ♪
40404
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