Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,617 --> 00:00:07,150
We did it!
2
00:00:07,185 --> 00:00:08,685
A year ago,
3
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:11,955
we said we were gonna tackle
L.A's traffic problems.
4
00:00:11,989 --> 00:00:14,524
And today we now have completed
5
00:00:14,559 --> 00:00:17,361
citywide, dedicated bus lanes.
6
00:00:17,395 --> 00:00:18,695
What do we want? Bus lanes!
7
00:00:18,730 --> 00:00:20,597
When do we want them? We got 'em.
8
00:00:20,631 --> 00:00:23,066
Now I could rest on my laurels,
9
00:00:23,101 --> 00:00:26,436
but I'm not a rest-on-my-laurels guy.
10
00:00:26,471 --> 00:00:28,705
And I know that like this bus lane
11
00:00:28,740 --> 00:00:32,008
that currently ends in
Burbank, we can go further.
12
00:00:32,043 --> 00:00:35,812
California is the innovation
capital of the world...
13
00:00:37,648 --> 00:00:40,217
the Ryan Murphy Cinematic Universe.
14
00:00:40,251 --> 00:00:42,686
These are all homegrown ideas.
15
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,821
So I have hand-picked a new team
16
00:00:44,856 --> 00:00:47,057
of California's sharpest minds
17
00:00:47,091 --> 00:00:50,093
to form the Mayor's
Office of Innovation.
18
00:00:52,450 --> 00:00:55,552
Housing, jobs, health, tourism...
19
00:00:55,586 --> 00:00:58,488
let's get innovative, L.A.
20
00:01:00,725 --> 00:01:04,561
Get out of my dreams and onto that bus.
21
00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:11,468
Those passengers are
gonna be on the beach
22
00:01:11,502 --> 00:01:12,602
in seven minutes.
23
00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:13,937
That's too fast!
24
00:01:24,598 --> 00:01:27,500
Have you sussed out these
innovation consultants yet?
25
00:01:27,535 --> 00:01:30,036
Some of these guys have necks and chins.
26
00:01:30,070 --> 00:01:32,071
Oh, God. Is that how low my bar is?
27
00:01:32,106 --> 00:01:34,207
Yes, and none of them
have any old tweets
28
00:01:34,241 --> 00:01:36,242
with the words [BLEEP],
[BLEEP], or [BLEEP] in them,
29
00:01:36,277 --> 00:01:37,577
which is how low my bar is.
30
00:01:37,611 --> 00:01:39,479
Finally, some Gen Z
energy in this place.
31
00:01:39,513 --> 00:01:40,580
For real.
32
00:01:40,614 --> 00:01:42,148
You know how I had to beg
Neil to stop setting up
33
00:01:42,183 --> 00:01:43,817
conference calls and use Slack.
34
00:01:43,851 --> 00:01:45,652
He still calls it "Slacks."
35
00:01:45,686 --> 00:01:48,254
And he calls pants "trousers,"
and what are "dungarees"?
36
00:01:48,289 --> 00:01:49,322
I mean, after a certain age,
37
00:01:49,356 --> 00:01:50,690
the human brain just can't learn.
38
00:01:50,724 --> 00:01:52,325
- No offense, Arpi.
- I just can't believe
39
00:01:52,359 --> 00:01:54,360
you're excited that these
people are gonna come in
40
00:01:54,395 --> 00:01:55,995
and tell us how to innovate.
41
00:01:56,030 --> 00:01:57,530
We innovate.
42
00:01:57,565 --> 00:02:00,200
This was like bringing in
a poop-throwing consultant
43
00:02:00,234 --> 00:02:01,501
to teach the chimps.
44
00:02:01,535 --> 00:02:03,036
This expert comes in for a month
45
00:02:03,070 --> 00:02:04,671
and he's gonna be like,
46
00:02:04,705 --> 00:02:06,439
"What if you threw some
so it sticks to the glass?"
47
00:02:06,473 --> 00:02:08,608
Oh, thanks. We never thought of that.
48
00:02:08,642 --> 00:02:10,310
You know, I was recruited
by some consulting firms
49
00:02:10,344 --> 00:02:12,579
out of law school, but I was like, no.
50
00:02:12,613 --> 00:02:15,048
I want to be a part of
American democracy... ending.
51
00:02:15,082 --> 00:02:17,550
Ah, this guy is wearing
an MIT sweatshirt
52
00:02:17,585 --> 00:02:20,286
with the arms cut off
and he's pulling it off.
53
00:02:20,321 --> 00:02:22,088
New best friends!
54
00:02:22,122 --> 00:02:23,289
- New boyfriend!
- New best friends!
55
00:02:23,324 --> 00:02:25,225
- New boyfriend!
- New best friends!
56
00:02:25,259 --> 00:02:26,292
- New boyfriend!
- New best friends!
57
00:02:26,327 --> 00:02:28,895
Oh!
58
00:02:28,929 --> 00:02:31,998
Now this is a presentation.
59
00:02:32,032 --> 00:02:33,900
Put these on.
60
00:02:37,404 --> 00:02:39,606
At Impactium Consulting,
61
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:41,941
we believe in dreaming
bigger, living larger...
62
00:02:41,976 --> 00:02:44,978
- What is that?
- And soaring higher.
63
00:02:45,012 --> 00:02:46,846
No! Ah!
64
00:02:46,881 --> 00:02:47,881
He's got me in his beak!
65
00:02:51,986 --> 00:02:54,988
Welcome, everyone. You
can take your headsets off.
66
00:02:55,022 --> 00:02:56,422
Look at...
67
00:02:56,457 --> 00:02:58,858
oh, that's amazing!
68
00:02:58,893 --> 00:03:01,194
What are you doing, man?
Get up off the floor.
69
00:03:01,228 --> 00:03:03,396
- I didn't...
- Hi, I'm James.
70
00:03:03,430 --> 00:03:05,598
And this is the I-Team.
71
00:03:05,633 --> 00:03:09,602
And we're so excited to get started.
72
00:03:09,637 --> 00:03:11,671
I hope you all enjoyed hang
gliding over Los Angeles.
73
00:03:11,705 --> 00:03:14,407
Now did any of you
notice Ellen DeGeneres
74
00:03:14,441 --> 00:03:16,075
smiling at the top of Runyon?
75
00:03:16,110 --> 00:03:18,845
That was added digitally...
the smile, I mean.
76
00:03:18,879 --> 00:03:20,647
My video was a velociraptor.
77
00:03:20,681 --> 00:03:22,148
You must've pressed the wrong button.
78
00:03:22,182 --> 00:03:24,250
James, James, what are
we gonna start with?
79
00:03:24,285 --> 00:03:26,185
Driverless cars? Tacos that travel?
80
00:03:26,220 --> 00:03:27,620
Come on, let's disrupt.
81
00:03:27,655 --> 00:03:29,055
Absolutely, Mr. Mayor,
82
00:03:29,089 --> 00:03:32,025
but we've learned that
innovation starts from within.
83
00:03:32,059 --> 00:03:34,727
So the first thing we'll
do is just spend the day
84
00:03:34,762 --> 00:03:37,096
shadowing the staff,
watching how you do things.
85
00:03:37,131 --> 00:03:38,865
Right 'cause you've
been here for an hour,
86
00:03:38,899 --> 00:03:40,366
so you'd know what we're doing wrong.
87
00:03:40,401 --> 00:03:41,401
Well, you know, we really just want
88
00:03:41,402 --> 00:03:43,069
to get a feel for the place.
89
00:03:43,103 --> 00:03:46,806
Hey, man, would you mind
just standing back over there?
90
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,841
For example, I would love to know
91
00:03:48,876 --> 00:03:50,910
who's got you guys using Slack,
92
00:03:50,945 --> 00:03:53,780
'cause that application is garbage.
93
00:03:53,814 --> 00:03:55,882
I mean, we were all just
laughing about it earlier.
94
00:03:55,916 --> 00:03:58,751
Thank you. I hate Slacks.
95
00:03:58,786 --> 00:04:00,687
Could we watch the video again,
96
00:04:00,721 --> 00:04:03,156
so I can see the nice
one as a palate cleanser?
97
00:04:03,190 --> 00:04:05,692
Would that be the best use of your time?
98
00:04:07,628 --> 00:04:08,995
Yes.
99
00:04:09,029 --> 00:04:11,831
- They're gonna evaluate us?
- I warned you.
100
00:04:11,865 --> 00:04:14,434
These guys are just
greasy corporate vampires.
101
00:04:14,468 --> 00:04:15,601
Which in a book would be sexy.
102
00:04:15,636 --> 00:04:18,938
I for one will not be
participating in this brain suckery.
103
00:04:18,973 --> 00:04:20,473
And why wouldn't they
let me stand with them?
104
00:04:20,507 --> 00:04:22,141
Who do they think they are?
My college a cappella group?
105
00:04:22,176 --> 00:04:24,110
You folks ready to get started?
106
00:04:24,144 --> 00:04:26,379
Ms. Meskimen, this is Noah.
He'll be shadowing you.
107
00:04:26,413 --> 00:04:28,548
Okay.
108
00:04:28,582 --> 00:04:30,249
Let's go, Jokeshow.
109
00:04:33,220 --> 00:04:36,055
My body's teeming with creative juices.
110
00:04:36,090 --> 00:04:37,724
What are we gonna do today, James?
111
00:04:37,758 --> 00:04:39,425
We are gonna move fast
and break things, sir.
112
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:41,327
Ha! I like that.
113
00:04:41,362 --> 00:04:42,829
Yeah, that's catchy.
114
00:04:42,863 --> 00:04:45,098
I'm gonna text that to
myself before I forget it.
115
00:04:45,132 --> 00:04:46,599
Now we've got some special things
116
00:04:46,633 --> 00:04:48,001
set up for you, Mr. Mayor,
117
00:04:48,035 --> 00:04:50,136
we are going to evaluate
your leadership style
118
00:04:50,170 --> 00:04:53,172
by having you virtually sail a
yacht around Tierra del Fuego.
119
00:04:53,207 --> 00:04:54,240
Hot damn.
120
00:04:54,274 --> 00:04:56,376
And then in the afternoon,
we're gonna set up
121
00:04:56,410 --> 00:04:58,978
one of those military glass
tables that shows a map of L.A.
122
00:04:59,013 --> 00:05:00,813
And will that be interactive?
123
00:05:00,848 --> 00:05:01,981
You will get to draw on it. Yes.
124
00:05:02,016 --> 00:05:04,984
So cool. I call green.
125
00:05:05,019 --> 00:05:08,521
Oh, hey. James... wait a minute.
126
00:05:08,555 --> 00:05:11,424
Is this my daughter or
one of your holograms?
127
00:05:11,458 --> 00:05:13,192
Dad, ow.
128
00:05:13,227 --> 00:05:14,861
I'm sorry.
129
00:05:14,895 --> 00:05:16,896
Are you ready? We're
kind of already late.
130
00:05:16,930 --> 00:05:17,930
For what, honey?
131
00:05:17,965 --> 00:05:20,233
You're taking me to the DMV today
132
00:05:20,267 --> 00:05:21,768
- for my permit test.
- Is that today?
133
00:05:21,802 --> 00:05:24,404
Dad, I literally reminded
you about it this morning.
134
00:05:24,438 --> 00:05:26,005
Can't you do it on
your phone or something?
135
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:27,573
No, you have to go in person.
136
00:05:27,608 --> 00:05:29,575
All right, I see there's
a government office
137
00:05:29,610 --> 00:05:31,411
that could use some
innovating, am I right?
138
00:05:31,445 --> 00:05:33,379
Oh, I wouldn't know, sir.
I hoverboard everywhere.
139
00:05:33,414 --> 00:05:36,215
Of course you do.
140
00:05:36,250 --> 00:05:37,517
Does this absolutely
have to be done today?
141
00:05:37,551 --> 00:05:39,485
I made this appointment months ago.
142
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:43,189
And their website is black
text on a blue screen, okay?
143
00:05:43,223 --> 00:05:44,557
I can't go through that again.
144
00:05:44,671 --> 00:05:46,005
- I have people...
- Don't bail on me.
145
00:05:46,039 --> 00:05:48,508
I went with you to your
emergency colonoscopy
146
00:05:48,542 --> 00:05:49,575
after you slipped on the Peloton.
147
00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:53,412
Hey, you know, James
doesn't need to know that.
148
00:05:55,415 --> 00:05:57,917
Oh, shoot. Sorry about this, James.
149
00:05:57,951 --> 00:06:01,187
I, um... I will be back ASAP Rocky.
150
00:06:01,221 --> 00:06:02,555
Dad, that is a person.
151
00:06:02,589 --> 00:06:05,224
I know that. I was trying something out.
152
00:06:05,259 --> 00:06:06,859
How would you describe your job?
153
00:06:06,894 --> 00:06:09,228
I wouldn't, Noah. I'm too busy doing it.
154
00:06:09,263 --> 00:06:10,930
Now try to keep up with me.
155
00:06:10,964 --> 00:06:12,932
'Cause if there's one thing
you need to know about me
156
00:06:12,966 --> 00:06:14,934
and how I operate, it's...
157
00:06:18,305 --> 00:06:20,173
Ms. Meskimen?
158
00:06:20,207 --> 00:06:22,074
There's no door back here.
159
00:06:23,744 --> 00:06:26,679
Okay, so low beams in fog.
160
00:06:26,713 --> 00:06:29,182
Oh, jeez. Where did you come from?
161
00:06:29,216 --> 00:06:31,617
A vent. I'm like a mouse.
162
00:06:31,652 --> 00:06:34,654
If my skull fits, the
rest of my body fits.
163
00:06:34,688 --> 00:06:36,222
Are you evading your observer too?
164
00:06:36,256 --> 00:06:37,356
No, no.
165
00:06:37,391 --> 00:06:40,159
- I'm taking Orly to the DMV.
- Huh.
166
00:06:40,194 --> 00:06:42,662
Dad, it says here you
can't drive on the beach
167
00:06:42,696 --> 00:06:44,797
just because you're late for golf.
168
00:06:44,831 --> 00:06:46,632
Well, they've changed that then.
169
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,367
You know, it wouldn't kill you, Arpi,
170
00:06:48,402 --> 00:06:49,936
to engage with that I-Team kid.
171
00:06:49,970 --> 00:06:51,304
It's costing us a lot of money.
172
00:06:51,338 --> 00:06:54,307
That argument didn't get me
to try lobster mac and cheese.
173
00:06:54,341 --> 00:06:55,575
It's not gonna work here.
174
00:06:55,609 --> 00:06:56,776
What floor are you getting off on?
175
00:06:56,810 --> 00:06:59,145
I think I'll tag along with you.
176
00:06:59,179 --> 00:07:02,615
You'll never find me, Noah!
177
00:07:02,649 --> 00:07:04,550
Hey, do you mind if I observe you?
178
00:07:04,585 --> 00:07:07,019
That works for me,
since as chief of staff,
179
00:07:07,054 --> 00:07:08,955
I technically need to be observing you
180
00:07:08,989 --> 00:07:10,590
because your work is my purview.
181
00:07:10,624 --> 00:07:12,925
So yes, this is convenient for me.
182
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,827
I would like you to sit, please.
183
00:07:14,861 --> 00:07:16,101
Yeah, just pretend I'm not here.
184
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,997
Okay, and you pretend like I'm not here.
185
00:07:18,031 --> 00:07:19,699
I have a lot of work to do, you know,
186
00:07:19,733 --> 00:07:21,500
running America's largest city.
187
00:07:21,535 --> 00:07:23,236
New York is America's largest city.
188
00:07:23,270 --> 00:07:25,238
Not if I do my job right.
189
00:07:25,272 --> 00:07:27,206
Okay.
190
00:07:27,241 --> 00:07:30,409
Is that a puffy Pusheen cat
sticker on a government laptop?
191
00:07:30,444 --> 00:07:32,645
I feel like you should be
able to use context clues
192
00:07:32,679 --> 00:07:33,813
to answer that yourself.
193
00:07:33,847 --> 00:07:35,715
Next you'll be asking me,
194
00:07:35,749 --> 00:07:37,083
"Is she sitting on a hamburger?"
195
00:07:37,117 --> 00:07:38,885
Yes, James. Pusheen is
sitting on a hamburger.
196
00:07:38,885 --> 00:07:41,454
I'm a busy professional, okay?
197
00:07:41,488 --> 00:07:43,856
I don't have time to
spoon-feed you these answers.
198
00:07:47,294 --> 00:07:51,364
I'm not used to people
watching me while I work.
199
00:07:51,398 --> 00:07:52,765
Oh.
200
00:07:52,799 --> 00:07:54,467
Crumbs in the keyboard?
201
00:07:54,501 --> 00:07:57,470
Nodda so good.
202
00:07:57,504 --> 00:08:01,107
Wow, that was actually a
really cool new voice, Jayden.
203
00:08:01,141 --> 00:08:04,410
Okay, that's just
making the crumbs go in.
204
00:08:10,651 --> 00:08:12,952
Mouth vacuum is working.
205
00:08:15,656 --> 00:08:17,256
Innovation.
206
00:08:17,291 --> 00:08:18,291
Wink.
207
00:08:18,325 --> 00:08:20,660
Yeah, I thought about
going into consulting,
208
00:08:20,694 --> 00:08:22,361
but ultimately went another way.
209
00:08:22,396 --> 00:08:24,497
God bless the broken road, you know?
210
00:08:24,531 --> 00:08:25,698
Rascal Flatts.
211
00:08:25,732 --> 00:08:26,899
What is your exact title?
212
00:08:26,933 --> 00:08:29,435
Oh, I am the mayor's chief strategist.
213
00:08:29,469 --> 00:08:32,038
Before this, I was doing
social media for the RNC.
214
00:08:32,072 --> 00:08:33,606
I was the one who got them on Pinterest.
215
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,242
Before that, I worked to
put myself through Georgetown
216
00:08:36,276 --> 00:08:38,778
while maintaining a 3.8 "virginity."
217
00:08:38,812 --> 00:08:41,514
Next.
218
00:08:41,548 --> 00:08:44,317
- Ugh, this is taking forever.
- Yeah, tell me about it.
219
00:08:44,351 --> 00:08:46,719
I'm missing my first
lunch with the I-Team.
220
00:08:46,753 --> 00:08:49,255
They were gonna make a toast
with a bottle of champagne
221
00:08:49,289 --> 00:08:51,290
that went up to space and back.
222
00:08:51,325 --> 00:08:52,325
Why?
223
00:08:52,359 --> 00:08:54,960
Oh, that's it. Yeah.
I'm gonna find a manager.
224
00:08:54,995 --> 00:08:57,530
Sir, I know you're not
going to cut the line.
225
00:08:57,564 --> 00:08:58,564
Arpi, I'm the mayor.
226
00:08:58,565 --> 00:09:01,200
My time needs to be
used efficiently, right?
227
00:09:01,234 --> 00:09:04,870
So you're saying you're
more important than this man?
228
00:09:04,905 --> 00:09:06,172
What do you do, sir?
229
00:09:06,457 --> 00:09:07,623
I do lighting for pornos.
230
00:09:07,658 --> 00:09:08,991
Thank you for your service.
231
00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:11,794
Arpi, I am sure that my fellow Angelenos
232
00:09:11,829 --> 00:09:14,163
want to see their mayor
get back to work, right?
233
00:09:14,198 --> 00:09:16,032
- Boo!
- Absolutely not!
234
00:09:16,066 --> 00:09:17,934
- Okay, all right. Relax.
- Oh, my God, Dad. Stop.
235
00:09:17,968 --> 00:09:19,402
Get back in the line, Slenderman!
236
00:09:19,436 --> 00:09:20,970
Okay, okay.
237
00:09:21,004 --> 00:09:22,939
Hey, and when is your
administration gonna do
238
00:09:22,973 --> 00:09:25,675
something about non-union
hidden toilet cams?
239
00:09:25,709 --> 00:09:27,276
That's taking money out of my pocket.
240
00:09:33,395 --> 00:09:35,596
God, this guy in the
front is taking forever.
241
00:09:35,631 --> 00:09:38,199
Why is everything in
my life always so hard?
242
00:09:38,233 --> 00:09:42,236
Okay, BTS performed at your
birthday, but yeah, sure.
243
00:09:42,271 --> 00:09:44,071
- Next.
- Yes, it's my turn.
244
00:09:44,106 --> 00:09:46,107
- Go get 'em. We'll be right here.
- Oh, thank God.
245
00:09:46,141 --> 00:09:48,509
Knock 'em dead, sweetheart.
246
00:09:55,384 --> 00:09:57,051
Is there something
you need from me, Arpi?
247
00:09:57,085 --> 00:09:58,519
I need you to explain to me
248
00:09:58,554 --> 00:10:00,187
why you think our administration
249
00:10:00,222 --> 00:10:03,190
needs outside help from
a bunch of Boss Babies.
250
00:10:03,225 --> 00:10:05,192
Because if there's anything I've learned
251
00:10:05,227 --> 00:10:06,627
after a year in government,
252
00:10:06,662 --> 00:10:08,996
it's that we should do
everything differently.
253
00:10:09,031 --> 00:10:11,899
Hey, man, I'm your most
progressive progressive.
254
00:10:11,934 --> 00:10:15,770
America Ferrera told me to
settle down at the Women's March.
255
00:10:15,804 --> 00:10:16,837
Give me a break.
256
00:10:16,872 --> 00:10:18,739
What does that mean? Give me a break?
257
00:10:18,774 --> 00:10:20,241
You say you're progressive,
258
00:10:20,275 --> 00:10:22,777
but what do you do every
time I have a cool idea?
259
00:10:22,811 --> 00:10:24,445
"We tried that in '86, sir."
260
00:10:24,479 --> 00:10:26,514
"They're not fiscally sound, sir."
261
00:10:26,548 --> 00:10:29,216
"How about instead of sushi drones,
262
00:10:29,251 --> 00:10:32,253
you know, we get pregnant
women healthcare?"
263
00:10:32,287 --> 00:10:35,222
You are as rigid as any Republican
264
00:10:35,257 --> 00:10:36,524
I have ever yachted with.
265
00:10:36,558 --> 00:10:39,427
How dare you use yacht as a verb.
266
00:10:39,461 --> 00:10:41,829
Do you think that I'm actually proud
267
00:10:41,863 --> 00:10:43,497
of that stupid bus lane?
268
00:10:43,532 --> 00:10:45,600
You think I want that as my legacy?
269
00:10:45,634 --> 00:10:48,836
I'm 73 years old, Arpi. I
don't have time to waste.
270
00:10:48,870 --> 00:10:50,671
Then let me help you.
271
00:10:50,706 --> 00:10:52,440
I've been doing this for 30 years.
272
00:10:52,474 --> 00:10:54,542
You think these guys can
figure it out in a month?
273
00:10:54,576 --> 00:10:56,644
You see, let those kids go,
274
00:10:56,678 --> 00:10:57,878
and you, me,
275
00:10:57,913 --> 00:11:00,982
City Council President
Kawachi, and Comptroller Pedrad
276
00:11:01,016 --> 00:11:04,652
sit down and have a long,
less than $8 per person lunch
277
00:11:04,686 --> 00:11:08,022
where we explain to you again
how a bill becomes a law.
278
00:11:08,056 --> 00:11:10,925
Arpi, move fast and break things.
279
00:11:10,959 --> 00:11:12,526
That's how we're doing it now.
280
00:11:12,561 --> 00:11:15,329
No. No, no, no! This
cannot be happening.
281
00:11:15,344 --> 00:11:17,144
- What?
- I failed my test.
282
00:11:17,179 --> 00:11:18,913
But you were so well-prepared.
283
00:11:18,947 --> 00:11:20,281
It's so unfair.
284
00:11:20,315 --> 00:11:21,516
I mean, the question was true or false,
285
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,284
you should pump your
brakes in an ice storm,
286
00:11:23,318 --> 00:11:26,087
but the manual says
you do pump for regular,
287
00:11:26,121 --> 00:11:28,256
but you don't pump for antilock brakes,
288
00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:30,224
which means it's true and false.
289
00:11:30,259 --> 00:11:31,792
Well, how about that? Yeah.
290
00:11:31,827 --> 00:11:34,962
Yeah, the test doesn't line
up with the manual, Arpi.
291
00:11:34,997 --> 00:11:37,331
Yeah, and I can't
retake it for seven days.
292
00:11:37,366 --> 00:11:39,800
Of course you can't. Hey,
way to go, government.
293
00:11:39,835 --> 00:11:42,837
Yeah, nice use of all of our time.
294
00:11:42,871 --> 00:11:45,006
Am I right? Yeah.
295
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:48,242
Yeah, instead of being able
to onboard our new coworkers,
296
00:11:48,277 --> 00:11:49,710
we all got to sit around
297
00:11:49,745 --> 00:11:52,046
and watch that guy eat
yogurt with only his tongue.
298
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,948
I'm not sure about spoons.
299
00:11:53,982 --> 00:11:56,717
- The science isn't there yet.
- Perfect!
300
00:11:56,752 --> 00:12:00,054
I hope we all flashback to
this day on our deathbed.
301
00:12:00,088 --> 00:12:01,656
How many miles of dental floss
302
00:12:01,690 --> 00:12:03,524
do you think Americans use in a year?
303
00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:05,393
Okay.
304
00:12:05,427 --> 00:12:06,861
This is one of those
consultant questions
305
00:12:06,895 --> 00:12:09,497
that you ask to see my thought process.
306
00:12:09,531 --> 00:12:12,033
Love this. Thank you
for the opportunity.
307
00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:13,401
Let's find out.
308
00:12:13,906 --> 00:12:15,773
328 million Americans,
309
00:12:15,808 --> 00:12:18,343
and not counting babies,
the elderly, methheads,
310
00:12:18,377 --> 00:12:20,445
and celebrities who haven't
had their veneers attached yet
311
00:12:20,479 --> 00:12:22,447
so they still just have those
weird little vampire nubs.
312
00:12:22,481 --> 00:12:24,916
About 40% of us have contiguous teeth.
313
00:12:24,950 --> 00:12:27,852
That's 131 million mouths.
314
00:12:27,886 --> 00:12:30,254
Each container of floss
holds 12 to 18 yards.
315
00:12:30,289 --> 00:12:31,389
You know I could have been you, right?
316
00:12:31,423 --> 00:12:34,692
- You're not better than me.
- Take me with you.
317
00:12:34,727 --> 00:12:36,928
Look, I know this process is annoying,
318
00:12:36,962 --> 00:12:38,363
and obviously you're gonna be fine.
319
00:12:38,397 --> 00:12:40,798
Oh, I know. But also
what does that mean?
320
00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:43,234
Well, part of what we do
when we start at a new place
321
00:12:43,268 --> 00:12:44,802
is we look for dead weight.
322
00:12:44,837 --> 00:12:46,404
You fire people?
323
00:12:46,438 --> 00:12:48,973
We make recommendations to, usually.
324
00:12:49,007 --> 00:12:51,008
You know, it makes the
remaining staff feel chosen,
325
00:12:51,043 --> 00:12:52,310
but also a little off-balance
326
00:12:52,344 --> 00:12:54,011
in a way that increases productivity.
327
00:12:54,046 --> 00:12:55,913
That's disgusting.
328
00:12:55,948 --> 00:12:59,884
Yeah, but you have
nothing to worry about.
329
00:12:59,918 --> 00:13:01,185
If anyone should be nervous,
330
00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:02,754
it's the guy who failed
the welcome video.
331
00:13:02,788 --> 00:13:03,988
Beep, boop, beep.
332
00:13:04,022 --> 00:13:07,492
I am a government-powered robot.
333
00:13:07,526 --> 00:13:10,495
Oh, no, my beard is stuck.
334
00:13:10,529 --> 00:13:12,663
Please help the robot.
335
00:13:12,698 --> 00:13:13,715
Of course they want to fire Jayden.
336
00:13:13,716 --> 00:13:15,933
I mean, we wanted to
fire Jayden until he...
337
00:13:15,968 --> 00:13:17,568
wait, what made us not want to fire him?
338
00:13:17,603 --> 00:13:19,103
I think he Mrs. Doubtfire-d us.
339
00:13:19,138 --> 00:13:20,304
I can't remember.
340
00:13:20,339 --> 00:13:21,906
It doesn't matter. I run this place.
341
00:13:21,940 --> 00:13:23,107
We do. We totally do.
342
00:13:23,142 --> 00:13:25,343
And these B-school Scott Disicks,
343
00:13:25,377 --> 00:13:26,511
they don't get to just come in here
344
00:13:26,545 --> 00:13:28,513
and tell us how to do our jobs.
345
00:13:28,547 --> 00:13:29,781
Hey, how's it going, buddy?
346
00:13:29,815 --> 00:13:33,184
Those consultant guys can
be a little scary, right?
347
00:13:33,218 --> 00:13:34,919
No. I'm not scared of them at all.
348
00:13:34,953 --> 00:13:36,421
In fact, I think Milo and I
349
00:13:36,455 --> 00:13:39,424
are gonna be friends with benefits
350
00:13:39,458 --> 00:13:41,159
'cause his complex has a pool.
351
00:13:41,313 --> 00:13:42,347
Okay, well,
352
00:13:42,381 --> 00:13:44,982
something that I'm doing
to make friends with them
353
00:13:45,017 --> 00:13:46,818
is I tell them every important thing
354
00:13:46,852 --> 00:13:48,086
that I do around the office.
355
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,054
Sometimes I even stretch
the truth a little bit
356
00:13:50,089 --> 00:13:51,856
to make myself sound more important.
357
00:13:51,890 --> 00:13:54,892
Is that why you always do that?
358
00:13:54,927 --> 00:13:58,796
Uh, Jayden, how many
miles of dental floss
359
00:13:58,831 --> 00:14:00,064
do you think that
Americans use in a year?
360
00:14:00,099 --> 00:14:02,233
- Eight.
- Don't blurt it out so fast!
361
00:14:02,267 --> 00:14:04,001
Just think for a hot sec.
362
00:14:04,036 --> 00:14:06,337
And maybe don't have a
blue tongue this afternoon.
363
00:14:06,372 --> 00:14:10,174
It just might be too
cool for a work meeting.
364
00:14:10,209 --> 00:14:12,043
No, it's always better to be yourself.
365
00:14:12,077 --> 00:14:13,745
It's like earlier when I
couldn't get the printer
366
00:14:13,779 --> 00:14:15,780
to work, I let Milo see me cry
367
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:19,117
because my emotions
are most of who I am.
368
00:14:20,219 --> 00:14:24,021
He'll find a new job, right?
Maybe Disneyland needs a LeFou.
369
00:14:24,056 --> 00:14:25,523
No, we have to help him.
370
00:14:25,557 --> 00:14:28,025
No, it's the velociraptors again!
371
00:14:28,059 --> 00:14:30,161
Oh, no... oh, I stepped
on one of their eggs!
372
00:14:33,256 --> 00:14:35,156
So there's nothing you can do as mayor
373
00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:36,391
to get me another test?
374
00:14:36,425 --> 00:14:38,493
I told everyone I could do
the driving shots for the movie
375
00:14:38,527 --> 00:14:40,295
we're making in Spanish class.
376
00:14:40,329 --> 00:14:42,864
It's a modern "Don Quixote"
where horses are cars.
377
00:14:42,898 --> 00:14:45,366
Honey, the DMV is run by the state,
378
00:14:45,401 --> 00:14:47,669
or believe me, I would have
my new guys all over it.
379
00:14:47,703 --> 00:14:50,171
"My new guys. I love them so much!"
380
00:14:50,206 --> 00:14:51,706
That's a cool new voice, Arpi.
381
00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:55,143
I seriously can't retake
the test for seven days?
382
00:14:55,177 --> 00:14:57,112
- Why?
- Who knows?
383
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,379
You know, there's
probably some archaic rule
384
00:14:58,414 --> 00:15:01,516
from when children had to
stay home and help on the farm.
385
00:15:01,550 --> 00:15:03,818
Actually, its origins
are in voter suppression,
386
00:15:03,853 --> 00:15:08,623
but I know there's a complainulate.org
petition to change it.
387
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:10,225
Oh, honey, just please
let Dan take you home.
388
00:15:10,259 --> 00:15:11,759
I gotta get back in there.
389
00:15:11,794 --> 00:15:13,928
The guys are gonna show
me how to make a soap dish
390
00:15:13,963 --> 00:15:15,430
with a 3D printer.
391
00:15:15,464 --> 00:15:17,132
Anyone can make a soap dish.
392
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,833
All you need is a Leatherman Rebar
393
00:15:18,868 --> 00:15:19,968
and a chunk of olive wood.
394
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:21,970
What's your point?
395
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:26,374
Anything the I-Team
can do, I can do better.
396
00:15:26,408 --> 00:15:28,009
Well then, do it, Arpi.
397
00:15:28,043 --> 00:15:30,512
I'm so glad these kids
have lit a fire under you.
398
00:15:30,546 --> 00:15:33,948
I can't wait to see all
your sparkling achievements.
399
00:15:35,951 --> 00:15:39,954
You wanna move fast
and break some things?
400
00:15:39,989 --> 00:15:42,680
I'm Jayden Kwapis. I'm the
mayor's director of communications
401
00:15:42,681 --> 00:15:44,465
or "comms director," if you nasty.
402
00:15:44,466 --> 00:15:47,160
Oof, that's his second
Janet Jackson reference.
403
00:15:47,161 --> 00:15:48,270
Third. You were on the phone
404
00:15:48,271 --> 00:15:49,330
when he tried to do the
"Rhythm Nation" countdown
405
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:51,666
and accidentally gave the bird.
406
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,234
Oh, no. I can't let this happen.
407
00:15:53,269 --> 00:15:56,905
Okay, Operation "Jayden Rescue" is a go.
408
00:15:56,939 --> 00:15:58,706
Oh, no. Mikaela choked on her Midol.
409
00:15:58,741 --> 00:16:00,408
Jayden, you're the
office Safety Marshal.
410
00:16:00,442 --> 00:16:02,777
- Save her.
- Oh, okay, the Heimlich.
411
00:16:02,811 --> 00:16:04,312
No, I am not allowed to touch her.
412
00:16:04,346 --> 00:16:06,714
She made that very clear.
413
00:16:06,889 --> 00:16:07,989
Stop staring!
414
00:16:08,057 --> 00:16:11,426
Do something, Leslie! Please!
415
00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:13,494
I got it.
416
00:16:13,529 --> 00:16:15,096
Oh! Oh, okay, I'm...
417
00:16:15,130 --> 00:16:16,297
Okay, I'm good. I swallowed it.
418
00:16:16,332 --> 00:16:17,899
Okay, we did it.
419
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:19,334
Teamwork makes the dream work.
420
00:16:19,368 --> 00:16:20,501
Broom-five!
421
00:16:20,536 --> 00:16:21,969
Okay, uh, James,
422
00:16:22,004 --> 00:16:24,772
I need to see you in
my office right now.
423
00:16:24,807 --> 00:16:26,774
I don't normally hit women.
424
00:16:26,809 --> 00:16:28,643
Okay.
425
00:16:28,677 --> 00:16:29,911
You can go ahead and tell the mayor
426
00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:31,179
that we should fire Jayden,
427
00:16:31,213 --> 00:16:33,281
but I'm not gonna let that happen.
428
00:16:33,315 --> 00:16:36,017
Fine, you can keep Jayden,
but are you also gonna fight me
429
00:16:36,051 --> 00:16:38,152
on the dude with a
sugar glider in his desk?
430
00:16:38,187 --> 00:16:40,822
If you mean Leslie and Deputy Zoomer,
431
00:16:40,856 --> 00:16:42,457
it's a service sugar glider.
432
00:16:42,491 --> 00:16:44,692
Because it's the only thing
keeping him from killing us.
433
00:16:44,727 --> 00:16:47,662
So yeah, I'm gonna fight
you on all your proposals.
434
00:16:47,786 --> 00:16:49,787
Okay, well, we can't
really affect change
435
00:16:49,822 --> 00:16:52,256
in a place that refuses to change.
436
00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:54,292
So what do you suggest we do here?
437
00:16:54,326 --> 00:16:55,493
I don't know, James.
438
00:16:55,527 --> 00:16:57,795
Maybe do like my last Bumble date.
439
00:16:57,830 --> 00:17:00,731
I go to the bathroom. You
leave while I'm in there.
440
00:17:04,403 --> 00:17:08,339
You know I was the first
guy in Bel Air to have Wi-Fi.
441
00:17:08,373 --> 00:17:11,209
You'd get a disc from AOL,
442
00:17:11,243 --> 00:17:13,644
and then if somebody else
wanted to use the phone,
443
00:17:13,679 --> 00:17:15,246
they could not.
444
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,782
Arpi got me my permit.
445
00:17:17,816 --> 00:17:19,484
I'm sorry. She what?
446
00:17:19,518 --> 00:17:21,352
I took your request to heart, sir.
447
00:17:21,386 --> 00:17:23,187
We gotta start getting
things done around here...
448
00:17:23,222 --> 00:17:25,723
not let the bureaucracy stop us.
449
00:17:25,757 --> 00:17:27,391
So I found a loophole.
450
00:17:27,426 --> 00:17:30,394
You cannot take the same
permit test twice in one day,
451
00:17:30,429 --> 00:17:33,130
but you can test for
another class of license.
452
00:17:33,165 --> 00:17:34,599
At 16?
453
00:17:34,633 --> 00:17:37,602
There's an age waiver
for agricultural families,
454
00:17:37,636 --> 00:17:38,636
and technically your Bel Air yard
455
00:17:38,637 --> 00:17:41,372
is large enough to be
considered a sod farm.
456
00:17:41,406 --> 00:17:43,007
I got a class A permit.
457
00:17:43,041 --> 00:17:44,642
Now I can drive a tractor trailer.
458
00:17:44,676 --> 00:17:47,144
Move fast and break things, literally.
459
00:17:47,179 --> 00:17:48,713
Should I get an ice cream truck?
460
00:17:48,747 --> 00:17:49,975
I love that for me!
461
00:17:49,976 --> 00:17:51,883
Why don't we talk about that at home?
462
00:17:51,917 --> 00:17:55,286
Arpi, a word, please.
463
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,822
If this is you showing
off, it backfired.
464
00:17:57,856 --> 00:18:00,191
Your boys could never
have done what I just did.
465
00:18:00,225 --> 00:18:01,526
They don't know the laws,
466
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,461
the region's agricultural history,
467
00:18:03,495 --> 00:18:06,097
or even the vents we took to get there.
468
00:18:06,131 --> 00:18:08,032
This is still about the I-Team.
469
00:18:08,066 --> 00:18:11,769
"Move fast and break things"
is a dumb T-shirt philosophy.
470
00:18:11,803 --> 00:18:14,438
Experience and caution have value.
471
00:18:14,473 --> 00:18:17,241
Give them a minute to
show what they can do.
472
00:18:17,276 --> 00:18:18,609
Oh, come on, Arpi.
473
00:18:18,644 --> 00:18:20,878
I bet you they're working on some stuff
474
00:18:20,913 --> 00:18:22,547
you're gonna love.
475
00:18:22,581 --> 00:18:25,983
Um, sir, uh, the I -Team quit.
476
00:18:26,018 --> 00:18:27,485
I do love it.
477
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:34,476
Sir, I just felt as chief of staff
478
00:18:34,510 --> 00:18:35,977
that we did not need their
services like zoo chimps...
479
00:18:36,011 --> 00:18:37,479
Absolutely not.
480
00:18:37,513 --> 00:18:39,380
I already announced
it to the L.A. press.
481
00:18:39,415 --> 00:18:41,516
Do you have any idea how savagely
482
00:18:41,550 --> 00:18:44,052
"Americana at Brand
Memes" will come for me?
483
00:18:44,086 --> 00:18:45,353
Oh.
484
00:18:45,387 --> 00:18:47,322
- Get them back.
- Yeah, okay.
485
00:18:49,325 --> 00:18:51,392
Dad, I'm in a multiple bidder situation
486
00:18:51,427 --> 00:18:52,761
on a repossessed horse van.
487
00:18:52,795 --> 00:18:53,795
What's our best offer?
488
00:18:53,829 --> 00:18:56,798
- Zero, $0.
- What? Why?
489
00:18:56,832 --> 00:18:58,233
Because you can't do this.
490
00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:00,235
Just because you found a quick fix
491
00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:02,937
doesn't mean it's the right fix.
492
00:19:02,972 --> 00:19:04,372
Oh.
493
00:19:04,406 --> 00:19:05,874
Is Arpi smiling right now?
494
00:19:05,908 --> 00:19:07,308
I think so.
495
00:19:07,343 --> 00:19:09,944
It's like a drunk Grinch
trying to look sober.
496
00:19:09,979 --> 00:19:11,246
All right, don't look at her.
497
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:12,680
And hand over that permit, please.
498
00:19:12,715 --> 00:19:14,517
What? But I just watched
a long video about
499
00:19:14,517 --> 00:19:16,818
how to empty the toilet of a Winnebago.
500
00:19:16,852 --> 00:19:18,553
And someday you will. Hand it over.
501
00:19:18,587 --> 00:19:22,190
Fine, but I'm still signing
up to be an organ donor.
502
00:19:22,224 --> 00:19:24,893
Whatever.
503
00:19:24,927 --> 00:19:26,261
Goodbye, Arpi.
504
00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:28,630
Already in the vent, sir.
505
00:19:32,368 --> 00:19:34,202
So one thing that you'll
learn about this office
506
00:19:34,236 --> 00:19:35,703
is we really love pranks,
507
00:19:35,738 --> 00:19:38,606
and that thing before
where I told you to leave?
508
00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:39,874
Ya burnt.
509
00:19:39,909 --> 00:19:42,610
You told the mayor I quit
and you got in trouble?
510
00:19:42,645 --> 00:19:44,612
Yeah, 100%. He's,
like, in love with you.
511
00:19:44,647 --> 00:19:47,081
I mean, can you blame him?
512
00:19:47,116 --> 00:19:51,085
Look, we're not not open
to change, but it's day one.
513
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:52,253
You're not firing Jayden.
514
00:19:52,288 --> 00:19:54,088
Okay, I asked him where he
sees himself in five years,
515
00:19:54,123 --> 00:19:57,058
and he said, "In a mirror,
unless I've become a vampire."
516
00:19:57,092 --> 00:19:59,828
Okay, but not everything
that matters can be measured,
517
00:19:59,862 --> 00:20:02,564
and not everything that
can be measured matters.
518
00:20:02,598 --> 00:20:04,432
Okay, that sounded like
consultant nonsense,
519
00:20:04,466 --> 00:20:08,670
so obviously I agree,
and I guess I can stay
520
00:20:08,704 --> 00:20:11,506
because by defending
your weakest team member,
521
00:20:11,540 --> 00:20:14,509
you have passed the manager test.
522
00:20:14,543 --> 00:20:16,010
Yeah.
523
00:20:16,045 --> 00:20:18,012
Okay, you're making that up.
524
00:20:18,047 --> 00:20:21,149
Am I? Guess we'll never know.
525
00:20:23,652 --> 00:20:25,186
Can you believe that eight hours ago,
526
00:20:25,221 --> 00:20:27,222
we were excited about
the I-Team being here?
527
00:20:27,256 --> 00:20:30,158
No, those guys are the worst.
528
00:20:33,796 --> 00:20:35,263
Hey, Jayden, you seen my daughter?
529
00:20:35,297 --> 00:20:36,698
Yes. She's beautiful, sir.
530
00:20:36,732 --> 00:20:38,466
What? No, no.
531
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:39,934
I meant... never mind.
532
00:20:39,969 --> 00:20:41,536
Oh, there you go.
533
00:20:41,570 --> 00:20:43,504
Okay, so I've decided to forgive you
534
00:20:43,539 --> 00:20:45,707
if we can get Matsuhisa tonight.
535
00:20:45,741 --> 00:20:47,141
Also don't get mad at me,
536
00:20:47,176 --> 00:20:49,611
but our $0 bid won that horse van.
537
00:20:49,645 --> 00:20:51,246
Ugh, fine.
538
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,315
But you can only drive it
up and down our driveway.
539
00:20:54,350 --> 00:20:57,518
Oh, hey.
540
00:20:57,553 --> 00:21:00,755
Arpi, thought a lot about what you said.
541
00:21:00,789 --> 00:21:02,357
I want you to know you were right.
542
00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:07,028
I always am. Conciliatory egg?
543
00:21:07,062 --> 00:21:09,030
Yeah, why not?
544
00:21:09,064 --> 00:21:11,232
There's no way the I-Team could learn
545
00:21:11,267 --> 00:21:15,069
everything you know in six weeks,
546
00:21:15,104 --> 00:21:17,605
which is why I extended
their contract to a year.
547
00:21:19,108 --> 00:21:21,576
Look forward to seeing
what you guys do together.
548
00:21:26,312 --> 00:21:28,400
Got a little egg on your face.
549
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:35,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
41114
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.