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1
00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:04,004
"LAST MAN STANDING" IS RECORDED
2
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:05,806
IN FRONT OF A LIVE
STUDIO AUDIENCE.
3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,808
ISN'T THIS GREAT --
4
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,711
FOUR OF US GIRLS
ALL STUDYING TOGETHER?
5
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:12,046
YEAH,
IT'S ESPECIALLY GREAT
6
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,215
HOW YOU KEEP INTERRUPTING
TO POINT THAT OUT.
7
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:17,218
WELL, I CAN'T LOOK AT
THESE TEACHER-TRAINING MANUALS
8
00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:18,652
ONE MORE MINUTE.
9
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,389
I HAVE AN IDEA --
COFFEE RUN!
10
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:24,392
MOM, IT'S AFTER 9:00.
WE'D BE UP ALL NIGHT.
11
00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:26,060
WELL, WHO'S UP
FOR SOME FRO-YO, THEN?
12
00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:27,495
WE HAVE SOME
IN THE FREEZER.
13
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,263
OKAY, FINE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
14
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:31,232
YOU GUYS, YOU'RE THE LAMEST
ROOMMATES EVER.
15
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:36,570
I REALLY HOPE MY COLLEGE
EXPERIENCE ISN'T THIS SAD.
16
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:37,571
ME TOO.
17
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:41,175
UH, THIS IS
YOUR COLLEGE EXPERIENCE.
18
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:43,411
OKAY. NOW I'M SAD.
19
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,579
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]
20
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:46,580
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
HEY!
21
00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,349
HEY, GUYS.
HI!
22
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,351
HOW WAS
THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE DINNER,
23
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,586
MR. PHILANTHROPIST
OF THE YEAR?
24
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:53,587
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
25
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:57,125
IT WAS HUMBLING AND...
LONG OVERDUE.
26
00:00:57,158 --> 00:01:00,094
I ACTUALLY TEARED UP
DURING THE ACCEPTANCE SPEECH.
27
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,895
I DO THAT
WHEN I'M YAWNING.
28
00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:04,098
WELL, ED, YOU REALLY
DESERVE THIS HONOR.
29
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,366
YOU HAVE DONE SO MUCH
FOR DENVER.
30
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,601
OH, COME ON.
YOU KNOW,
THE ED ALZATE TRAUMA CENTER...
31
00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:10,938
WELL...IT'S TRUE.
...THE ED ALZATE SCHOLARSHIP,
THE ED ALZATE PARK.
32
00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,140
KIDS GET HURT
AT THE PARK,
33
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,807
THEY GO RIGHT TO
THE TRAUMA CENTER.
34
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:17,645
WELL,
IT'S CALLED "SYNERGY."
35
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,079
IF THERE'S ONE THING
I'VE LEARNED IN LIFE --
36
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:20,881
IF YOU WANT TO BE RECOGNIZED
FOR SOMETHING,
37
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,250
JUST SLAP
YOUR NAME ON IT.
38
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:26,086
BUT DOESN'T TAKING CREDIT
FOR GOOD DEEDS MAKE THEM...
39
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,054
LESS GOOD?
40
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,789
SAYS WHO?
41
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:31,892
OH -- MAIMONIDES,
THE MEDIEVAL PHILOSOPHER.
42
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,128
DAD, TIME TO BREAK OUT
THAT YAWN AGAIN.
43
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:38,132
ACCORDING TO MAIMONIDES,
THE HIGHEST FORM OF CHARITY
44
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,301
IS GIVING
WITHOUT TAKING ANY CREDIT.
45
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:41,735
I'M SORRY,
I COULDN'T HEAR YOU
46
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:44,472
OVER THE MEMORY OF HUNDREDS
OF PEOPLE APPLAUDING ME.
47
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,474
ON THE OTHER HAND,
WHEN PEOPLE SEE YOU GIVE,
48
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:48,142
IT ENCOURAGES OTHERS
TO BE GENEROUS.
49
00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:51,345
THAT'S WHY GOD INVENTED
THE COLLECTION PLATE.
50
00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:52,980
YOU KNOW, MIKE,
THIS COULD BE GOOD PUBLICITY
51
00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:54,047
FOR THE STORE.
52
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,116
WELL, WE COULD TAKE A PICTURE
OF YOU IN THE MEDAL
53
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,618
AND PUT IT
IN THE NEWSPAPER.
54
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,987
ALL RIGHT, WELL, LAST YEAR,
WHEN PETE CUTLER WON THE AWARD,
55
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:02,256
HIS COMPANY PUT UP
A 30-FOOT BILLBOARD.
56
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:05,793
PETE CUTLER OWNS
A BILLBOARD COMPANY.
57
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:08,296
OH, FORGET IT. THEN I'LL --
I'LL JUST, UH, TACK UP A FLYER
58
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:10,598
IN THE BREAK ROOM,
AND I'LL SPRING FOR THE TACK.
59
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:13,767
BOSS, IF YOU WANT A BILLBOARD,
I'LL GET YOU A BILLBOARD.
60
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,336
OKAY. GOOD.
[ CHUCKLES ] GOOD.
61
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:16,804
YOU KNOW,
I JUST HAPPENED TO BE
62
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:21,175
DOODLING SOME BILLBOARD DESIGNS
HERE WHILE...
63
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:24,945
WHILE THE CHILDREN'S CHOIR
WAS DRONING ON, HEY.
64
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,981
"ED ALZATE --
40 YEARS OF SERVICE TO DENVER."
65
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:30,351
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
WHOSE PICTURE'S THAT?
66
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:31,519
THAT'S ME.
67
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:34,154
OH.
YOU ARE A PHILANTHROPIST.
68
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:35,923
VERY GENEROUS
WITH THE HAIR.
69
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:45,933
[ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ]
70
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:50,070
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
71
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,540
HEY, KYLE,
WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?
72
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:55,743
ACCORDING TO THE BILLBOARD,
IT'S BEEN GOING ON FOR 40 YEARS.
73
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:03,984
I GUESS THAT'S ONE WAY
TO GIVE BACK TO THE COMMUNITY.
74
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:07,921
-- Captions by VITAC --
75
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,358
DID YOU SEE IT?
YEAH.
76
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,593
YOU'RE REALLY CLEANING UP
THIS AWARD SEASON.
77
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,395
YOU GOT
THAT SERVICE AWARD.
78
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,997
NOW YOU GET A MEDAL
FOR SPREADING STDs.
79
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,566
YES, YES, FUNNY --
VERY FUNNY.
80
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,901
I WANT WHOEVER DID THIS
DRAWN AND QUARTERED --
81
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,169
NO, MAKE IT EIGHTHS.
82
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,337
I WANT TO GIVE HIM
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.
83
00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:25,773
ED, ED. CALM DOWN.
YOU KNOW WHAT DOCTORS SAY.
84
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,841
STRESS WILL BRING ON
ANOTHER OUTBREAK.
85
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,210
I'M AN AWARD-WINNING
PHILANTHROPIST.
86
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:32,079
I THOUGHT
PEOPLE LIKED ME.
87
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,681
IF PEOPLE
DIDN'T LIKE YOU,
88
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:37,050
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE CAUGHT
SO MANY DISEASES.
89
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:38,886
DON'T TAKE IT
PERSONALLY.
90
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,621
IT'S JUST SOME PUNKS
HAVING FUN.
91
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,055
I'M GONNA FIRE
THE WHOLE SECURITY STAFF.
92
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:43,857
OUR SECURITY STAFF
DOES A GREAT JOB.
93
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,793
WHAT WE NEED IS A LITTLE HELP
OUTSIDE AT NIGHT.
94
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,127
WE NEED SOMEONE TO DEFEND
THE PERIMETER, I GUESS --
95
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,562
A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND.
96
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,298
YEAH, OR A 13-YEAR-OLD
WITH A SPRAY CAN
97
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:53,166
AND A VERY FLEXIBLE
CURFEW.
98
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:58,872
THANKS FOR LETTING ME
SHADOW YOUR CLASS, CAROL.
99
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:01,742
I JUST FEEL LIKE
I'M ONE STEP CLOSER TO...
100
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:04,144
[ Funky accent ]
...GETTIN' MY TEACH ON.
101
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:05,245
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
102
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:06,980
WELL, THERE'S STILL
SOME THINGS YOU HAVE TO LEARN...
103
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,249
[ Normal voice ] YEAH.
...LIKE NEVER USING
THAT EXPRESSION AGAIN.
104
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,251
I GUESS I SHOULD ALSO
STOP CALLING MYSELF
105
00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:13,053
YOUR "WHITE SHADOW."
106
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,122
THAT I DON'T MIND.
107
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:17,958
OH. HEY, MRS. LARABEE.
108
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,092
HEY, HONEY.
HELLO, MANDY.
109
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:20,394
YOU KNOW WHAT?
110
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:21,995
I WOULD LOVE TO COMPLIMENT YOU
ON THAT OUTFIT,
111
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,797
BUT I'M GONNA WAIT
TILL AFTER YOU LEAVE,
112
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,299
'CAUSE THAT WAY
IT'LL MEAN MORE.
113
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,937
PHILOSOPHY.
114
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,863
HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN STANDING THERE?
115
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:59,266
LONG ENOUGH TO SEE SOMETHING
RARE AND WEIRD.
116
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,535
LIKE A UNICORN...
117
00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:02,970
DOING DISHES.
118
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:05,005
OR MAYBE I'M JUST GOING OUT
OF MY WAY
119
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,641
TO DO SOMETHING NICE
WITHOUT TAKING CREDIT.
120
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:10,544
SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY'S TOOTING
THEIR OWN HORN RIGHT NOW.
121
00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:14,047
IT MUST BE KYLE.
I GOT TO RUN.
122
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:18,352
[ Chuckling ] WOW.
123
00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:21,689
EVIE, SOMEONE DID SOMETHING
VERY THOUGHTFUL IN HERE.
124
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:25,359
AND I'D LOVE TO TAKE CREDIT,
BUT AS WE KNOW,
125
00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:28,996
DOING GOOD WITHOUT CREDIT
IS ITS OWN REWARD.
126
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,230
[ INHALES DEEPLY ]
127
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:32,165
THAT SAID, IF SOME NACHOS
FOUND THE WAY TO MY ROOM,
128
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:33,801
I WOULDN'T COMPLAIN.
129
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,136
[ DOOR OPENS ]
130
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,171
HEY, HONEY.
HEY. YOU KNOW WHAT?
131
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:40,974
OUR GIRLS ARE TURNING INTO
SOME VERY FINE YOUNG WOMEN.
132
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,910
YEAH. IT'S ALL ME.
133
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,078
YOU KNOW THAT BILLBOARD
WE PUT UP FOR ED?
134
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:46,079
YEAH, YEAH.
135
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:47,581
SOMEBODY SPRAYED GRAFFITI
ALL OVER IT.
136
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:51,552
IT'S SUGGESTING
ED IS RIDDLED WITH STDs.
137
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:54,021
[ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHS ]
138
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:57,324
HE'S BEEN FIELDING CALLS
FROM EX-GIRLFRIENDS ALL DAY.
139
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,726
THOSE MUST BE
UNCOMFORTABLE.
140
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,862
NAH, JUST THE ONE
THAT CALLED TO APOLOGIZE.
141
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:04,832
WE'RE GONNA GET
A NEW BILLBOARD,
142
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:05,999
AND I'M GONNA BEEF UP
SECURITY,
143
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,001
SO I'M THINKING
OF ASKING CHUCK LARABEE
144
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,202
IF HE WANTS THE JOB.
145
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:11,038
UH, WELL -- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
NO, HONEY.
146
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:14,274
UM...THE...
CAROL'S OUT THERE.
147
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:15,543
WELL,
TELL HER THE GOOD NEWS.
148
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:16,610
SHE'LL BE SPENDING A LOT
LESS TIME WITH HER HUSBAND.
149
00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:18,612
YEAH, BUT IF YOU HIRE HIM
AT WORK,
150
00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:21,882
THAT PUTS YOU IN THE AWKWARD
POSITION OF BEING CHUCK'S BOSS.
151
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,451
NOT AWKWARD FOR ME.
Y-Y-YEAH, NO.
152
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:26,086
BUT YOU'D BE MIXING FRIENDSHIP
WITH WORK AND JUST --
153
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,688
I-I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, BUT IT'S
NOT LIKE THAT WITH GUYS.
154
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,089
REALLY, IT ISN'T.
WE SEPARATE THAT.
NO?
155
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,458
WELL, YOU REMEMBER THE SCENE
IN "THE GODFATHER"
156
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,426
WHEN TOM HAGEN
WENT TO TESSIO...
OKAY.
157
00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:33,627
...SAID HE HAD
TO GET WHACKED...
UH-HUH.
158
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:34,628
...AND TESSIO SAID,
"WHAT?"
159
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:35,863
HE GOES,
"IT'S JUST BUSINESS."
160
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,631
AND EVEN TESSIO WENT,
"OH, OKAY. I GET IT."
161
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,567
AND THEN
HE GOT WHACKED.
162
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,802
SO IF THINGS GO BADLY
AT WORK,
163
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:44,638
YOU CAN WHACK CHUCK,
AND HE'LL UNDERSTAND?
164
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:45,739
[ CHUCKLES ]
165
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:48,241
HOPE IT DOESN'T COME TO THAT,
BUT YEAH.
166
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:51,044
HONEY, IF THERE ARE ANY PROBLEMS
BETWEEN YOU AND CHUCK,
167
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,046
THAT'LL CAUSE PROBLEMS
BETWEEN ME AND CAROL,
168
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,116
AND [SIGHS]
SHE'S MY SPECIAL FRIEND.
169
00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:00,387
YEAH.
Y-YOUR SPECIAL FRIEND.
170
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,123
I THINK FEBRUARY IS
SPECIAL-FRIEND HISTORY MONTH.
171
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,325
ISN'T IT?
WHAT? OH, STOP!
172
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,560
LOOK, COME ON.
173
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,161
CAN'T YOU JUST HIRE
ANOTHER SECURITY COMPANY?
174
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:09,797
SERIOUSLY?
YES!
175
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:10,931
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
ALL RIGHT.
176
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,100
I GUESS EVERY BARBARA
NEEDS THEIR WHOOPI.
177
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:17,004
HEY, CAROL.
HEY, THAT'S CHUCK.
178
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,438
YOU WANT ME
TO GET THE DOOR, MIKE?
179
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,474
NO, NO.
YOU'RE SPECIAL.
180
00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:22,109
[ DOOR OPENS ]
181
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,344
COME ON IN, CHUCK.
HEY, BAXTER.
182
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,746
HEY. HI, CHUCK.
HEY.
183
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,648
HEY, CAROL, YOU --
YOU ALMOST READY?
YEAH. YEP.
184
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:29,016
HEY, BAXTER, YOU KNOW,
185
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:31,985
I HEARD ABOUT THE VANDALISM
AT YOUR STORE.
186
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,253
HOW ARE YOU HANDLING IT?
Mike: IT WAS --
187
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,955
IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF.
THANKS FOR ASKING.
188
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:36,524
HOW ARE YOU
FOR SECURITY CAMERAS?
189
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,492
CHUCK, WE --
WE ARE REALLY LOOKING FORWARD
190
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,127
TO THAT CONCERT
FRIDAY NIGHT.
191
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,930
YEAH.
NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU LADIES
PICKED JAMES TAYLOR?
192
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,965
I DID.
WHAT?
193
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:47,000
I'M ALLOWED
TO LIKE JAMES TAYLOR.
194
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:47,968
YOU'RE ALLOWED
TO LIKE A LOT OF THINGS.
195
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,503
THAT DOESN'T MEAN
YOU ACT ON IT.
196
00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:51,138
NO, BUT -- BUT THANK YOU
FOR INVITING US.
197
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,340
YEAH,
WE'LL PAY YOU BACK...
198
00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:55,108
NEXT TIME GEORGE CLINTON
AND THE PARLIAMENT/FUNKADELIC
199
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,209
ROLL IN.
200
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:58,178
SO THERE IS A CLINTON
YOU LIKE.
201
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:00,948
LISTEN,
ABOUT YOUR TAGGER --
202
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,382
I TOLD YOU
WE TOOK CARE OF IT.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
203
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:04,017
YOU NEED TO
NIP THIS IN THE BUD,
204
00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:06,019
OR, BEFORE LONG,
THE SIDE OF YOUR BUILDING
205
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:07,521
IS THE UGLIEST THING
YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
206
00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:10,323
OH, I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
I'VE SEEN A LOT OF THINGS.
207
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:14,528
I'VE SEEN FIRE.
I'VE -- I'VE SEEN RAIN.
208
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,129
BUT I HAVE NEVER SEEN
A BLACK MAN
209
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,397
AT A JAMES TAYLOR CONCERT.
210
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,232
[ LAUGHTER ]
211
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,474
HEY, KYLE,
WHAT'S ED UP TO?
212
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,376
OH, HE'S IN A MEETING
WITH A SPECIALIST
213
00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:30,911
ABOUT
OUR GRAFFITI PROBLEM.
214
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,345
YOU KNOW,
HE WAS REALLY HAPPY
215
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:34,181
YOU GOT THAT NEW BILLBOARD
UP SO FAST.
216
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,349
ALL RIGHT.
DIDN'T LIKE PEOPLE
LOOKING AT HIM
217
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:38,218
AND THINKING
OF VENEREAL DISEASE.
218
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,854
BILLBOARD
DIDN'T START THAT.
219
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:43,423
LET'S JUST HOPE THESE VANDALS
DON'T GET CUTE WITH THE NEW ONE.
220
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:46,093
THAT IS A GREAT ATTITUDE,
MR. B.
221
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,662
SOMETIMES I GET SO MAD
AT VANDALS,
222
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:50,097
I FORGET HOW CUTE
THEY CAN BE.
223
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:56,169
MIKE, GUESS WHO I HIRED
TO GUARD OUR PARKING LOT.
224
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,938
HEY, BAXTER.
225
00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,874
CHUCK LARABEE.
226
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:03,110
YEAH, WELL, HE'S A FRIEND.
I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T MIND.
227
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,078
SO, NOW,
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
228
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:09,516
I HAVE TO RETURN SOME
VERY UNCOMFORTABLE PHONE CALLS.
229
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,519
YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH THIS, DO YOU, MIKE?
230
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,622
NO, I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH THIS.
231
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:17,024
OH, GOOD,
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW...
232
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,959
[ CHUCKLES ]
IT'S JUST CURIOUS.
233
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:23,597
SEE, I SAW YOU LAST NIGHT,
AND WE DISCUSSED THE VANDALISM,
234
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:26,934
BUT AT NO POINT DID YOU MENTION
THERE WAS A JOB AVAILABLE.
235
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,102
VANESSA THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE AWKWARD
236
00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:32,105
FOR US TO WORK TOGETHER,
SINCE THE FOUR OF US HANG OUT.
237
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:34,942
SHE DOESN'T THINK
THAT MEN CAN SEPARATE STUFF.
238
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:35,943
[ SCOFFS ] WELL, SEE,
239
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,811
THAT'S BECAUSE WOMEN
CAN'T LET THINGS GO.
240
00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:39,813
EXACTLY. YEAH. YEAH.
I MEAN,
I'VE ALREADY FORGOTTEN
241
00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,982
THAT YOU COMPLETELY DISSED ME
LAST NIGHT.
242
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,817
I'VE ALMOST FORGOTTEN
243
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:46,486
THAT YOU'RE A BIG FAN
OF SWEET BABY JAMES.
244
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:47,821
[ CHUCKLES ]
245
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:50,057
AND BESIDES, TECHNICALLY,
I DON'T WORK FOR YOU.
246
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,491
I'M AN
INDEPENDENT CONTRACTOR.
247
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,093
YEAH, BUT YOU WORK
FOR OUTDOOR MAN,
248
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,162
SO YOU TECHNICALLY
DO WORK FOR --
249
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:58,498
ED -- HE'S THE ONE
THAT HIRED ME.
250
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,067
HE DOESN'T HAVE TO CHECK
WITH HIS WIFE
251
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,670
FOR PERSONNEL DECISIONS.
252
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:06,273
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
253
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:10,143
CAN'T BELIEVE MY WIFE
THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE AWKWARD.
254
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,311
MM, NO.
255
00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:20,821
OH, CRAP.
256
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:28,128
Ed:
THIS BILLBOARD IS A NIGHTMARE.
257
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:31,031
I FEEL LIKE MY MOTHER'S
STARING DOWN AT ME, MIKE.
258
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,200
JUST RELAX. DON'T GET
YOUR PANTIES ALL TWISTED UP.
259
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,102
I ASSUME YOU'RE WEARING
A MATCHING SET.
260
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,938
YEAH, BUT CHUCK WAS SUPPOSED TO
BE GUARDING THAT THING,
261
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,007
SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY
FOR YOUR BUDDY NOW?
262
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,541
MY "BUDDY"?
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT HIRED HIM.
263
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,310
WELL, I'M ABOUT READY
TO FIRE HIM.
264
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,946
AND WOULD YOU PLEASE
GET MY CHI-CHIS
265
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,681
OFF THE SIDE
OF THE STORE?
266
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:49,683
I CAN GET THEM
OFF THE SIDE OF THE STORE,
267
00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,451
BUT I'LL NEVER
GET THEM OUT OF HERE.
268
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,020
OF COURSE.
269
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,988
IS ED IN?
270
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:57,390
UH, YEAH, BUT I'D LET HIM
CALM DOWN FIRST.
271
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,392
MR. ALZATE IS
PRETTY STEAMED.
272
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:01,194
YEAH.
I WONDER WHY.
273
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,195
IT'S BECAUSE
YOU MESSED UP
274
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,530
AND THEY PAINTED
THE BILLBOARD AGAIN.
275
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:09,036
WELL, LOOK WHO SHOWED UP
TO HELP SOLVE THE CAPER --
276
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:11,038
SHERLOCK HOMEY.
277
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,841
[ Chuckling ] OH, I GET IT.
IT'S BECAUSE I'M BLACK.
278
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:15,208
YEAH. I'M SORRY.
279
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:17,410
THE -- THE TAGGERS
FOOLED MY GUARD LAST NIGHT
280
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,046
WITH A DECOY.
281
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,648
WHILE HE WAS CHASING ONE GUY,
THE OTHER ONE TAGGED THE STORE.
282
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,183
RIGHT, RIGHT, SOUNDS LIKE
A REAL "OCEAN'S ELEVEN"
283
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,117
GOING ON DOWN THERE.
[ SIGHS ]
284
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,486
I TOLD ED WE NEEDED
AT LEAST TWO GUARDS
285
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:27,888
TO DO THIS THING RIGHT,
286
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:30,090
BUT, UH, HE WENT WITH
THE CHEAPER SECURITY PACKAGE.
287
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,058
LISTEN,
IF YOU COULDN'T DO THE JOB,
288
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,192
YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE SAID YES,
289
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:34,261
BUT YOU DID, AND NOW
I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS.
290
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:36,596
OKAY, FINE, BAXTER.
I'LL HANDLE IT.
291
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:37,931
RIGHT.
292
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,099
WELL, THERE'S A 40-FOOT
BALD GUY ON THE WALL DOWN THERE
293
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:40,934
IN D-CUPS
THAT BEGS TO DIFFER.
294
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:44,137
YOU DON'T DO THIS RIGHT,
YOU'RE GONNA GET FIRED.
295
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,714
OH, HONEY,
YOU KNOW WHAT?
296
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,283
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE
YOUR DIRTY DISHES EVERYWHERE.
297
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:57,584
WE'LL GET RATS,
298
00:11:57,617 --> 00:12:00,754
AND NOT THE CUTE KIND
THAT DRESS YOU FOR THE BALL.
299
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,522
I WAS GOING TO GET THOSE.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
300
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,124
I HAVE HEARD THAT BEFORE,
301
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,593
AND THEN SOMEONE LIKE ME OR EVE
HAS TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOU.
302
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,395
YOU KNOW SHE CLEANED
THE WHOLE KITCHEN THE OTHER DAY?
303
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:09,596
SORRY, WHAT?
YOU DID WHAT?
304
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,031
YEAH.
MOM, PLEASE.
305
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,132
I DID NOT TAKE CREDIT
FOR THAT.
306
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:13,400
GOOD, BECAUSE --
307
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,202
BECAUSE TAKING CREDIT
IS SELFISH.
308
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,770
ISN'T THAT RIGHT,
MAIMONIDES?
309
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:18,638
OH.
310
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:22,075
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.
311
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,878
YOU'RE GONNA BE REALLY SORRY
NEXT SEMESTER
312
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:29,082
WHEN I'M DONE TAKING PHILOSOPHY
AND I START TAKING JUDO.
313
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:31,251
HEY, MY LOVE.
HEY.
314
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,652
HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?
315
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:35,989
ANYBODY PUT GUM IN YOUR HAIR
OR BULLY YOU OR ANYTHING?
316
00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:38,591
SHADOWING CAROL IS GREAT,
AND I AM REALLY
317
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,727
MAKING A GOOD CONNECTION
WITH THESE AMAZING KIDS.
318
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,295
THAT'S GREAT.
LOOK AT THIS.
319
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:43,730
THEY DID
OUR BILLBOARD AGAIN.
320
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,098
[ SCOFFS ]
321
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,100
ANY OF THOSE AMAZING KIDS
HAVE SPRAY PAINT ON THEIR HANDS?
322
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:49,669
I THOUGHT YOU HIRED CHUCK
TO GUARD THE PARKING LOT.
323
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,839
HE NAILED IT.
PARKING LOT'S STILL THERE.
324
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:52,973
[ SIGHS ]
325
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:54,908
BUT SEE THAT THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT I WAS WORRIED ABOUT?
326
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,476
NOW YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH CHUCK,
327
00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:58,846
AND IT'S GONNA MAKE THINGS TENSE
WITH ME AND CAROL.
328
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,447
NEIGHBOR CHUCK AND I
DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.
329
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,615
WORK CHUCK AND I
HAVE A PROBLEM.
330
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:04,117
YEAH, BUT BOTH CHUCKS
ARE MARRIED
331
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:05,085
TO ONE OF
MY VERY-BEST FRIENDS.
332
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,353
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY
333
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:07,454
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO HIRE HIM
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
334
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:08,655
I DIDN'T HIRE HIM.
HONEY...
335
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:09,957
TAKE THIS UP
WITH WORK ED.
336
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:11,859
[ SIGHS ]
NOT NOW. STOP.
337
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,160
HEY.
HI. HI.
338
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,327
HOW ARE YOU?
339
00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:15,829
HI, CAROL. HI, CHUCK.
HELLO.
340
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,364
NICE TO SEE YOU.
HEY, BAXTER.
HI. SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.
341
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,166
UH, SO WE, UH, HAVE SOME TIME
FOR A DRINK BEFORE THE SHOW.
342
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,533
OH, OKAY.
343
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,602
I WOULD LOVE
A GLASS OF WINE.
YEAH? OKAY. CHUCK?
344
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,137
MAYBE, UH,
JUST A SODA.
345
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:25,172
SODA?
346
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,040
YOU WOULDN'T WANT ANYTHING
TO INTERFERE
347
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,341
WITH YOUR ABILITY TO ROCK OUT
TO JAMES TAYLOR, HUH?
348
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:29,709
[ CHUCKLES ]
349
00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:33,113
YOU LAUGH, BUT LAST YEAR,
WHEN HE WENT INTO "MOCKINGBIRD,"
350
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,048
THAT PLACE WENT NUTS.
351
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,216
THAT WAS YOU, CHUCK.
352
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,385
YOU WENT NUTS.
353
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,053
FOLKS BEHIND US
ASKED YOU TO SIT DOWN.
354
00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:43,056
UH, THIS WINE IS, UH --
IS FROM ED'S VINEYARD.
355
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:45,725
IT IS DELICIOUS AND, UH,
SURPRISINGLY CHEAP.
356
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,961
HMM. CHEAP.
SOUNDS LIKE ED.
357
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:49,096
[ WINE POURING ]
358
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:51,131
IF YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY IT?
359
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,265
I THINK I SAID IT.
360
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,969
UH, I AM SURE LOOKING FORWARD
TO THAT CONCERT, YOU KNOW?
361
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,204
[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]
OH, YEAH.
362
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:58,906
UH, MAYBE WE SHOULD
WATCH THE TIME, THOUGH.
363
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,073
YEAH, THINK YOU CAN
DO THAT, CHUCK --
364
00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:01,808
KEEP AN EYE ON SOMETHING
FOR ME?
365
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,144
HA HA.
SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM.
366
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,079
SURE IT'S NOT
A TWO-MAN JOB?
367
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:08,181
WHAT'S GOING ON?
NOTHING.
368
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:09,349
NAH, WE'RE FINE.
369
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,018
[ Sighing ] ANYWAY...
370
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,185
[ Normal voice ] I WOULD LIKE
TO PROPOSE A TOAST...
371
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:13,586
MM-HMM.
...TO MY GOOD FRIEND CAROL.
372
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,388
OH.
373
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,825
UH, CAROL, I AM HAVING
SO MUCH FUN IN YOUR CLASSROOM.
374
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,393
OH. WELL,
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HAVING FUN.
375
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:22,395
YEAH, WELL, NOT JUST FUN.
I-I'M LEARNING A LOT.
376
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,364
AND, UH -- AND THE KIDS,
THEY'RE LEARNING, TOO.
377
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:26,166
YES, BUT THEY REALLY DO
LEARN BETTER
378
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,435
WHEN WE DON'T
DO THEIR WORK FOR THEM.
379
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:32,239
[ CHUCKLES ]
OH. WE DON'T
DO THEIR WORK FOR THEM.
380
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:34,741
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE I GIVE THEM
A HINT OR TWO, BUT JUST...
381
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:37,177
YEAH. "X EQUALS 6"
IS NOT A HINT
382
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,112
WHEN THE QUESTION IS
"WHAT DOES X EQUAL?"
383
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:44,117
IS THIS STILL PART
OF THE TOAST?
384
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:48,555
MAYBE WE SHOULD GO
TO THE CONCERT EARLY.
385
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:51,558
THERE'LL BE, UH, METAL DETECTORS
AND A LOT OF ARTIFICIAL HIPS.
386
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:52,926
LET'S GO.
I'M SORRY, CAROL.
387
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,428
BUT IT JUST SEEMED LIKE YOU WERE
LOSING SOME OF THE KIDS.
388
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:57,030
[ Chuckling ] OH, YOU WANT TO
TALK ABOUT LOSING KIDS?
389
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:59,032
I LEAVE YOU FOR TWO MINUTES,
COME BACK,
390
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,734
AND FOUND MY STUDENTS
WANDERING THE HALL.
391
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,603
ALL RIGHT, DOMINIQUE NEEDED
TO GO TO HER LOCKER...
392
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:04,972
OH.
...AND WHEN
SHE DIDN'T COME BACK,
393
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,974
TROY VOLUNTEERED
TO GO LOOK FOR HER.
394
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:09,042
UH-HUH.
AND HE FOUND HER.
395
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:11,211
AND I FOUND THEM MAKING OUT
BY THE TROPHY CASE.
396
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,046
NEW TOAST! TO TROY!
397
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,047
OH.
TO TROY!
398
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,715
[ GLASSES CLINK ]
399
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,317
ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
SO I JUST MADE ONE MISTAKE.
400
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:18,551
NO, IF YOU ONLY
COUNTED ONE,
401
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,753
THEN YOU SHOULDN'T BE
TEACHING MATH.
402
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,122
YOU GOT A WAYS TO GO
403
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,824
BEFORE YOU'RE READY
TO RUN YOUR OWN CLASS.
404
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:26,159
WELL...
[ GLASS THUDS ]
405
00:15:26,193 --> 00:15:27,995
...DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE NOT
GONNA GIVE ME A RECOMMENDATION?
406
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:30,263
I MEAN, COME ON.
CAROL, WE'RE FRIENDS.
407
00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:31,631
YOU SEE
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE, CHUCK,
408
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,434
IS TWO GREAT PEOPLE
LETTING WORK INTERFERE
409
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,003
WITH THEIR FRIENDSHIP.
410
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:39,006
YEAH. IT'S SAD,
IS WHAT IT IS.
411
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,141
I THINK I AM READY
TO RUN A CLASS
412
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,942
AND MAYBE
YOU ARE JUST BOTHERED
413
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:45,945
BECAUSE YOUR STUDENTS LIKE ME
MORE THAN YOU.
414
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:47,814
[ CHUCKLES ]
OF COURSE THEY LIKE YOU MORE.
415
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:48,815
YOU GIVE THEM
THE ANSWERS
416
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:50,150
AND YOU LET THEM MAKE OUT
IN THE HALLS.
417
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,118
WHY DON'T YOU BUY THEM
SOME BEER?
418
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,185
THEY'LL MAKE YOU
PROM QUEEN.
419
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:54,521
YOU KNOW
WHAT WE NEED HERE?
420
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:55,955
THE SOOTHING SOUNDS
OF JAMES TAYLOR.
421
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:56,956
HOW ABOUT THAT CONCERT?
OKAY.
422
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:57,957
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]
Carol: LET'S GO.
423
00:15:57,991 --> 00:16:00,160
[ SIGHS ]
424
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:02,462
AW, MAN.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
425
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:03,963
MY GUARD SAW
SOMEBODY SUSPICIOUS
426
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,598
IN YOUR STORE PARKING LOT.
I'M GONNA GO CHECK IT OUT.
427
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:07,167
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
WHAT?
428
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,635
YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE ME
WITH THOSE TWO?
429
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:11,204
WELL [SIGHS]
I SAID I WAS GONNA HANDLE IT,
430
00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:12,205
SO I'M HANDLING IT.
431
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:13,273
I KNOW, BUT --
NO, NO, NO.
432
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,042
YOU GO TO
THE JAMES TAYLOR CONCERT.
433
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,343
ENJOY YOURSELF.
434
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:18,378
I ACTUALLY CAN'T DO
BOTH OF THOSE THINGS.
435
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,512
[ SHOUTING CONTINUES ]
436
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:37,397
[ BANGING ON WINDOW ]
WHAT THE...?!
437
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,569
I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
438
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:44,371
THAT SHOULD BE
YOUR COMPANY MOTTO.
439
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:47,174
[ SIGHS ]
440
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:48,375
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
MIKE?
441
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,377
I JUST STOPPED BY...
442
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:51,378
[ CAR DOOR CLOSES ]
443
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:52,812
...TO SEE
IF EVERYTHING WAS OKAY.
444
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,382
[ SIGHS ] EVERYTHING'S FINE.
IT WAS A FALSE ALARM.
445
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:58,518
DECIDED TO RELIEVE MY GUY
FOR A FEW HOURS.
446
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:01,888
LET HIM GO HOME
AND FEED HIS SEEING-EYE DOG?
447
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:04,491
MM.
HOW WAS JAMES TAYLOR?
448
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:07,494
IT WAS A GREAT CONCERT, AND
I'M SORRY THAT YOU MISSED IT.
449
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:08,661
YOU KNOW, HE SANG
"YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND" AND...
450
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:09,696
OH, GREAT SONG.
451
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:11,098
...VANESSA AND CAROL
BURST INTO TEARS,
452
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,332
STARTED
HUGGING EACH OTHER.
HMM.
453
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,901
IT WAS --
IT WAS HARD TO WATCH.
454
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,703
THAT'S ALL IT TOOK
TO PATCH THINGS UP?
455
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:20,507
WELL, A LITTLE CONTACT HIGH
FROM THE HIPPIES IN FRONT OF US.
456
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:24,077
THEY DECIDED THAT IT WAS A BAD
IDEA FOR THEM TO WORK TOGETHER.
457
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:26,613
YOU KNOW, WOMEN JUST HAVE
A TOUGH TIME COMPARTMENTALIZING.
458
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,848
YEAH...WELL, MAYBE
IT'S NOT JUST WOMEN.
459
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,450
YOU KNOW,
I'VE BEEN HAVING A HARD TIME
460
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,619
WORKING WITH
MY GOOD FRIEND...
461
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:33,820
ED.
462
00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:39,092
AND, UH, WORKING WITH YOU HASN'T
BEEN ALL THAT EASY, EITHER.
463
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:43,563
YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT.
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T DO THIS.
464
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:45,198
WHAT?!
YOU'RE GONNA FIRE A BROTHER
465
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,400
AFTER HE MISSED JAMES TAYLOR
FOR YOU?
466
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,769
NO, I'M NOT GONNA FIRE YOU.
I'M NOT A MONSTER.
467
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,804
LET'S JUST STOP
BEING FRIENDS.
468
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,609
OH,
THAT'S A BETTER IDEA.
469
00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:57,777
YEAH, WE'RE --
WE'RE STILL NEIGHBORS.
470
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,612
YEAH, THAT'S MUCH BETTER.
OF COURSE.
YEAH, YEAH.
471
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,781
WE'LL STILL DO THINGS TOGETHER
WHEN THE WOMEN FORCE US TO.
472
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:04,651
YEAH. OKAY.
UM, JUST FOR THEIR SAKE.
473
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:05,652
EXACTLY.
474
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,154
AND I SUPPOSE
IT WOULD BE OKAY
475
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:08,788
IF YOU CAME OVER TOMORROW
AND WATCHED THE NUGGETS GAME.
476
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:11,491
ALREADY ON THE BOOKS.
YEAH.
477
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,493
OKAY, FROM NOW ON,
WE'RE JUST A COUPLE OF GUYS
478
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:16,496
WHO WORK TOGETHER,
LIVE IN CLOSE PROXIMITY,
479
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:20,267
AND, UM,
SOMETIMES DO STUFF TOGETHER.
480
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,269
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T TRY
TO LABEL IT.
481
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,036
MM.
482
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:30,177
HI, THERE. MIKE BAXTER HERE
FOR OUTDOOR MAN.
483
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,612
YOU KNOW, A GROUP OF LIONS
IS CALLED A "PRIDE,"
484
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:35,582
BUT IS A LION ACTUALLY PROUD?
IT HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE.
485
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,617
IT'S THE TOP
OF THE AFRICAN FOOD CHAIN.
486
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,186
BUT WHEN A LION MAKES A KILL,
487
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:41,188
DOES IT DO
AN OBNOXIOUS VICTORY DANCE
488
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:43,990
AND THEN SPIKE THE ANTELOPE?
NO.
489
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:46,193
LIONS KEEP IT CLASSY.
490
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:48,595
THEY EAT, LICK THEIR PAWS,
DO A FEW CIRCLES,
491
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,798
AND GO DO THEIR BUSINESS
IN THE TALL GRASS.
492
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:54,601
NOW, THE ANCIENT GREEKS
HAD A WORD FOR SHOWBOATING.
493
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:55,768
IT'S CALLED "HUBRIS."
494
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,938
IT MEANS EXCESSIVE PRIDE
LEADING TO ONE'S OWN DOWNFALL.
495
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,773
THE WORD IS SO ANCIENT,
IT COMES FROM WHEN
496
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,542
THE GREEKS ACTUALLY
HAD A LOT TO BE PROUD OF,
497
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:05,645
BACK WHEN THEY CREATED
DEMOCRACY, THE OLYMPICS.
498
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:10,717
NOW THEY LIGHT CHEESE ON FIRE
AND OWE THE GERMANS BILLIONS.
499
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:14,153
HERE'S ANOTHER EXAMPLE
OF THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR HUBRIS.
500
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:16,155
[ Chuckling ]
AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT
THE HANDSOME DUDE IN THE D-CUPS.
501
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,024
I'M TALKING ABOUT
THE LITTLE VICTORY DANCE
502
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:22,229
DOWN IN THE CORNER --
"ZUGGZ."
503
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:23,463
THE DUMBASS TAGGERS
COULDN'T RESIST
504
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,031
TAKING CREDIT
FOR THEIR HANDIWORK,
505
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,467
WHICH ALLOWED OUR SECURITY GUY,
CHUCK LARABEE,
506
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,035
TO TRACK DOWN
THESE MASTER CRIMINALS
507
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:31,638
TO THEIR MOM'S BASEMENT
IN THORNTON.
508
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,674
THOSE TWO ZUGGZ WILL BE SPENDING
THE REST OF THE EIGHTH GRADE
509
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,676
PICKING UP TRASH ALONG I-25.
510
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:37,677
WAVE AT THEM.
511
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,479
AND LIKE THE LIONS,
THEY'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO
512
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:43,550
DO THEIR BUSINESS...
IN THE TALL GRASS.
513
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,761
OH, WASHING
YOUR CLOTHES, HUH?
514
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:57,397
BETTER HOPE NONE OF
YOUR DESIGNER LABELS CAME OFF,
515
00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,732
OR YOU'RE HOLDING A BASKET
OF CHEAP CHINESE RAGS.
516
00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:04,103
ACTUALLY, I'VE DONE LAUNDRY
FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY,
517
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,705
AND I WON'T BE TAKING
ANY CREDIT.
518
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:09,376
I WILL, HOWEVER, BE TAKING
THE 85 CENTS THAT I FOUND.
519
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:11,010
HEY, GIRLS.
520
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,412
HI.
HEY, MOM.
521
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:16,916
OH, WOW. EVIE, LOOK --
YOU DID ALL THE LAUNDRY, TOO?
522
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,785
[ CHUCKLES ]
523
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,052
[ SIGHS ]
524
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,889
THANKS, MOM, BUT I'M REALLY
NOT LOOKING FOR CREDIT.
525
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,757
IT -- IT JUST
WOULDN'T BE RIGHT.
526
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,926
NO, IT WOULDN'T.
IT JUST WOULDN'T.
527
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:27,927
[ CHUCKLES ]
528
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,929
YEAH, BUT WE ALL KNOW
WHO DID IT --
529
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:32,732
THE SAME ANGEL WHO CLEANED
THE WHOLE KITCHEN THE OTHER DAY.
YEAH.
530
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:35,302
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE NOT
ONLY YOUR DAD'S FAVORITE.
531
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,936
WHAT I MEAN IS...
532
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:38,538
you're also mine.
Yeah.
533
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,039
[ SMOOCHES ]
534
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,309
Got to work
on your whispering, Mom.
535
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:45,144
OH. [ Chuckling ] SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
536
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:46,379
OKAY.
[ SMOOCHES ]
537
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:47,314
I really did.
538
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,115
Yeah. Okay. Bye.
539
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:50,550
WOW.
540
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,119
"MAIMONIDES" MUST BE
THE GREEK WORD FOR "SUCKER."
541
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:54,921
HEH.
542
00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:56,222
OH, MY GOD.
543
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,258
[ Chuckling ] YOU SHRUNK MOM'S
NEW JAMES TAYLOR SHIRT.
544
00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:02,395
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS IN THERE.
SHE LOVES THAT THING.
545
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:03,830
YEAH,
SHE'S GONNA BE SO PISSED!
546
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:05,432
YEAH...
547
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:06,599
AT YOU!
548
00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:11,404
BUT I DIDN'T
DO THE LAUNDRY, SO --
549
00:21:11,438 --> 00:21:13,440
OH. OKAY.
GO TRY TELLING MOM THAT.
550
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,442
YOU KNOW, THIS REMINDS ME
OF SOMETHING ELSE, ACTUALLY,
551
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,444
THAT WE'RE STUDYING
IN PHILOSOPHY --
552
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:18,678
UH, KARMA.
553
00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:23,383
AND APPARENTLY,
IT'S A BITCH.
554
00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:27,820
OH, MOM!
41789
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